Jump to content
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×

Journals

My Journey

Thinking About my Ex

Just some random thoughts going through my head these days.  One of my recent losses was my ex-fiancée one year and one day ago today (10-15-2020) due to suicide, but I am sure cocaine and heroin were involved and exacerbated his inner demons lying just below the surface. I hope we all find peace here and do not allow the what-ifs to tear us down.  We are all trying to survive this experience called life the best we can and try to live it the best we can. I just wish we could all
Mianko471

Mianko471 in Thoughts

0
My Journey

Feeling reticent but I need to change

Hello there. I have been actively avoiding feeling and reflecting out of wanting to avoid the unbearable pain that such activities lead to. However, I cannot continue this behavior, I know this. Not only is it not helping me heal and causing me to simply wallow and grow stagnant, I am burdening and hurting the ones I love, and I need to stop this selfish behavior.  Before we continue, I wish to get this out of the way. **TRIGGER  WARNINGS BELOW** Some background on me - I am naturally
Mianko471

Mianko471 in My Introduction

0
From my, all too busy, mind

Spider Tattoo

Of all of the ridiculous things that keeps going through my head, it's the nagging thought that I should get a black widow spider tattoo.  I have two loves.  The first died 7 years ago.  We had been together over 3.5 years. And, of course, I thought I would never love anyone again. We were still in the teen-aged years of our relationship.  We still had stories that surprised each other.  How I grieved the loss of the years we would never have.  Then, quite by accident, I fell in love again.  And
LesleyE

LesleyE in Stuff and Things

0
CatL

Don't date until you're ready

I tried the world of online dating. Really, I'm just not ready. I'd like to say I am ready, but the fact is I'm not. Its like I can't relax, I compare them to my husband, I try to force being nice or pleasant. I've tried the idea of meeting guys that that are "new" or at least different from what I would usually be interested in. Out of all the guys I've talked to or met (and that's not many I've met) only one is actually interesting. I don't want to force myself to do this. If I'm not read
CatL

CatL in Musings

0
CatL

16 months

Its been 16 months since my husband passed. For some reason, okay there are a few good ones, today its just hitting me. Yes, my father passed away recently so maybe that's adding to my feelings. But today its just one of those days. I don't know why I feel like crying. Its sunny outside, the weather has been nice, even the dogs have been fairly good today. But I just feel like crying. Its like this pall of grief, of mourning, of loss that is just enveloping me. I've had no appetite. I've sn
CatL

CatL in Musings

0
CatL

Here we go again

My dear love passed April 2020. Its been 15 months since he passed. Now my father has passed away. Is this the start of another 15 months of grieving? My mother was hospitalized with COVID last night, before my father died. She wasn't told about his passing until today. Will she survive? Will she get out of the hospital? Will we have a double funeral? Or a single funeral? I don't know. But once again I begin a slow process of mourning. What else can I do? Today someone told me God doesn't g
CatL

CatL in Musings

0
CatL

Knife's edge

Sometimes you just don't really realize how much of a knife's edge you're sitting on until something dumb and little happens. This morning I got up, did my normal routine, had my tea, and even did dishes by hand. I had a couple of pans from last night that needed to be washed. And then I noticed it. I had water on the floor. Not too much, but enough to take about 3-4 towels to dry it up. I'm talking towels, not little paper towels. The pipe under the kitchen sink came undone, actually it looks l
CatL

CatL in Musings

1
He Was Here, Today

Honestly

I'm going to post something that could be misconstrued in many different ways. HOWEVER, there's no malice towards anyone at all. I'm posting this for those of us who are grieving, and could use a tall glass of refreshing honesty.   Since April 9, 2019, I have encountered objects (things) that have stopped my heart, and then I've sobbed relentlessly. I get it that this is part of the grieving process, but holy CRAP!! I had no idea that these inanimate objects could
Clever Pennywyze43

Clever Pennywyze43 in Welcome

1
He Was Here, Today

I Never Had a Clue

I never had a clue as to how deeply I would be affected by the sight of a screwdriver, until somewhere around 20 to 30 minutes ago.  The craziest thing occurred over the last couple of years that I wasn't aware of, as well. And as well as that comes the blindsiding reality that I had not even been around anyone that had a screwdriver (for whatever reason) in the last 2 years.  When Steven picked up a screwdriver about 30 to 35 minutes ago, I said, "Don't f*ing show that to me. Babe that's not fa
Clever Pennywyze43

Clever Pennywyze43 in Who Knew????

0
He Was Here, Today

Alright, y'all

Alright, y'all.  I don't know how to create things y'all are interested in reading AND responding to.  I'm going to talk to the owner of this circle and see if she has any tips on this topic. later this morning.  I'd really enjoy seeing more content than what I've posted, but like I said, 'I don't know how to create things y'all are interested in reading AND responding to', therefore, I'm going to get some feedback.  Maybe, hopefully, I can get some ideas.
Clever Pennywyze43

Clever Pennywyze43 in Welcome

0
He Was Here, Today

Hey, Y'all

Hey, guys and dolls.  I'm doing a check-in, and seeing how things are going, today.  Just so that everyone knows, if there comes a day you need to reach out, I'm always around.  If you don't want to share within the circle, you can send me a personal message.  I'm no counselor, however, I have been told (my entire life) that I am a great listener.
Clever Pennywyze43

Clever Pennywyze43 in Welcome

0
CatL

Movies

Its sad, maybe even scary. I had some work to do on my laptop, so I turned the TV on. One of my favorite movies came up, Four Weddings and a Funeral. Unfortunately I tuned at at Carrie's wedding, the one where Gareth passes away. So I turned in just in time to watch Gareth die, and watch the funeral. I used to always feel for the poem that is read at the funeral - W.H. Auden, Funeral Blues. If you don't know it, or haven't heard it, find it online and read it. Now I understand the pain of i
CatL

CatL in Musings

0
CatL

Nights

There I was, lying in bed reading a book. I turn to DH to tell him about a passage. Then BAM, I'm just crying my eyes out because he's not there, and never will be again. All I could do was just cry and call out his name. I'm sitting here crying as I write this. There a part of me that goes "suck it up buttercup", but that's not working. Its been over a year now, and there's things I'm getting better at. My garden is doing better. I'm better at cooking for myself and making sure I eat. I've even
CatL

CatL in Musings

3
Clever Pennywyze

Mother's Day

Although I have not lost my mother, it is extremely difficult for me to exist on Mother's Day due to the strain on the relationship I used to have with my mother and the fact that I didn't raise my kids.  However, Happy Mother's Day to ALL mom's.
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in Welcome

1
BrilliantPennywyze43

Meeting Our Soulmate

As time went on, I gave birth to a baby girl I named Winter Rain on August 31, 1999. It wasn't until the middle part of January before I heard anything about the youngster who woke Brandon up, and took him to work. A girl named Ashley came by to visit for a while, and we say in the bedroom Margaret let the ex and I use. As we were talking, she kept bragging about her boyfriend, but I wasn't connecting the name. So, I asked her for the 15th time, "So, what's your boyfriend's name?"  She
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in MEETING OUR SOULMATE

0
Clever Pennywyze

Meeting Our Soulmate

So, I finally got a name from the young man who was standing behind my front door, which lead to his quickly saying, "I'm here to get Brandon and take him to work with me, today".  I said, frankly, " Good. Somebody needs to help him with work because I talked to Leonard last night, and he said that if Brandon's going to stay with us, he's got to have a job or he's got to go".  At this point, I have allowed the young man follow me inside, and gestured to the couch Brandon was sleeping o
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in Meeting Our Soulmate

0
Hello

Hello

I just thought I'd check in with everyone and say hello. Going to school for a little bit. TTYL
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in Welcome

0
Clever Pennywyze

Jeremy Pt. 1

So, I finally got a name from the young man who was standing behind my front door, which lead to his quickly saying, "I'm here to get Brandon and take him to work with me, today".  I said, frankly, " Good. Somebody needs to help him with work because I talked to Leonard last night, and he said that if Brandon's going to stay with us, he's got to have a job or he's got to go".  At this point, I have allowed the young man follow me inside, and gestured to the couch Brandon was sleeping o
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in MEETING OUR SOULMATE

0
Clever Pennywyze

Caught up

This is the first week of school, I'm caught up until next week, except a a couple more responses to my classmates, and I have decided to share some of mine and Jeremy's story.  I'm gonna start a new Journal entry. This is for my OCD. BRB with the story.
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in BrilliantPennywyze43

0
BrilliantPennywyze43

Hello and welcome

@Diana TFirst, let me say, "Hello and welcome". This circle was put together with the idea of allowing those of us who have been blessed to know, love, make a life with and have, unfortunately, lost our soulmates.  It's not a requirement, but I have been asking everyone who joined the circle to please, whenever you are ready, share your stories about you and your soulmate.  
Pennywyze43

Pennywyze43 in Welcome

0
Baby's Heart

Mayday Anniversary: Year Three

Today is the day; the third anniversary of my Father's death. It was about this time in the morning on that terrible day that his heart gave way to death. What do I find myself doing on this sleepless morning in May? Just thinking. About Father. About God. About family. Just thinking with a bit of restored hope that, though it has seemed to me these last three years that God, Himself, was dead; I have restored hope this anniversary that indeed He is alive. Maybe I am conquering those demons of d
TLN

TLN in God

1
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.

  I accept