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Thoughts About Mom

A blog by ahurtingheart in General

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Mom

Hold Tight To the Memories

The fear of forgetting who she is scares me. Her voice greeting me with a pet name when I return home. The way she smells. How she fits in my arms for a hug. The little things that she would do to care for me. The words of encouragement and advice; sometimes unsolicited.  It would be an understatement to say that I am so incredibly scared that I am losing the small pieces of her with each day being the longest that I have lived without her.  Now that she is gone, th
ahurtingheart

ahurtingheart in Mom

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Mom

Birthdays

Her birthday is next week. My body knows.  My grief knows.   Another year without her.  It is another year that she would not have aged.  Forever 60 years old. Even the birthdays that are not hers are milestones where her presence is missed.  A gaping hole left by the one who would have made / picked up the cake, wrote the birthday cake, decorated the room and carefully picked up and wrapped the gifts with care.  She made the celebrations happen.  She made the celebration happy.
ahurtingheart

ahurtingheart in Mom

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Mom

Small things

My mom was the giver of small things.  Small things that meant a lot as they demonstrated her care, though and love for me.  Small things that often included self-care or little indulgences.   My apartment is littered with these small things.  Some of it is sentimental and others, if consumed or used, would be garbage. But I cannot bring myself to consume or use these small things because although I don't have her anymore, I have these small things that she would do or has given me.
ahurtingheart

ahurtingheart in Mom

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Mom

The grief catches up with me

It's been more than a year since my mother passed away. I have more hope for the future, more good days than bad, more smiles than tears but the grief is still there.  Although I think of my mom often every day and miss her so much, I don't grieve every day.  I am grateful that I am no longer just surviving and finally at a point where I can thrive or try to thrive again.  But the grief still catches up with me.  Often in unexpected ways in surprising moments, I feel the wave of grief wash
ahurtingheart

ahurtingheart in Mom

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Mom

This time of year

This time of year reminds me of her, of home. The warm glow of the sun, the changing colours of the leaves, the cooling evening weather.  September is the time of starting school, of transitions, of holidays to come; Thanksigving, Halloween, so much of her.  The fall for me is coming home for roast turkey, pie and all the fixings.  It is about lounging on the couch after a big meal usually prepared by her.   It is about family and togetherness.  It is the feeling of being warm, cared for, l
ahurtingheart

ahurtingheart in Mom

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