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Lost my dad but feel I’ve lost my mum too 💔


Weepy willow

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The day I lost my dad, I feel like I lost a part of my mum too .

my mum and dad had been together since the age of 15 !! 45 years together and had just celebrated their ruby wedding anniversary 6 weeks before my dad passed away ! They spent pretty much all of their lives together . In my mums words “she doesn’t know how to do life without him “ 

so the day my dad died , I feel like I lost my mum too .

In the midst of trying to navigate my way through the grief of loosing my dad, I am also coming to terms with the fact that I will never fully have my mum either . In a way, I feel like I lost both my parents that day .

The worst thing about it all is that I am watching another parent in so much pain again ( this time emotional ) and there is nothing I can do to help them ! I have never felt more helpless in my whole life than I have in this last 2 years ! And as a natural problem solver I am completely out of my depth . For the first time in my life - I can’t fix it ! No amount of words / plans or gestures can fix our problems or pain.

I feel like I am grieving two parents , I’m grieving a life that we will never get back .

I keep telling myself that we must be lucky . We must be lucky to have had so much love that the pain is unbearable . There are so many people In This world that unfortunately have never got to experience the love of a family like we have but I can’t help but feel like right now that emptiness would be better than experience this deep pain that we are all in.

I read a quote the other day that said “ when you loose people you really love - you never truly fear death , because when that day comes - it means you get to be with those loved ones again “ and that gave me a lot of comfort in some way . 

My mum told me today that she feels guilty for going out and making plans . My dad would be telling her “ get out the bloody house and go and enjoy yourself !! “ 

I told her that one day she will be back with him but until then, she has to live life for the both of them ! 

 


 

 

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Lesliereads

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I can totally relate to your feeling that you have essentially lost both parents because of your Mom's grief.  My sister and I are currently in the same situation, but our Mom is the one who passed away.  Our strong, Vietnam War veteran Dad who has been the rock for both of us is so lost in despair and sadness without my Mom.  They were also best friends and had known each other since high school, like your parents.  In fact, my sister and I have worried for years what would happen when one of them passed, because they were like a unit and she and I were somehow always outside of that unit.  We always thought Dad would pass first because of his various health issues, but surprisingly our relatively healthy Mom was taken by a rare form of cancer that none of us saw coming.  I don't know about you, but I am finding comfort in being there for my Dad, even though I know I can't take away even a bit of his pain.  He wants my sister and I to take turns spending the night at his house because he is not ready to be alone at night yet.  I feel glad that I am able to do that for him.  At the same time, my heart aches for him.  It has only been a month since Mom passed, so I know we are at the very beginning of this "journey," but it is hard to see how he will rally at all and see the point in continuing to live.  Thanks for sharing your experience--it made me feel less alone.

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I just posted for the first time and I can say I agree and feel the same way you do. I lost my dad almost 3 years ago and my mom and your mom have a lot of the same feelings a grief. My post is on the forum if you want to read it and see how similar. I feel you though , I am a fixer but this is something no one can fix. As I say in my post it is hard on us cause we have to grieve our fathers but at the same time we are grieving for our mothers loss of her husband also. I came to to forum to hopefully meet others that are going through the same type of feelings, and I know everyone needs support in this. So if you need to talk I am here. 

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