Lost my dad but feel I’ve lost my mum too 💔
The day I lost my dad, I feel like I lost a part of my mum too .
my mum and dad had been together since the age of 15 !! 45 years together and had just celebrated their ruby wedding anniversary 6 weeks before my dad passed away ! They spent pretty much all of their lives together . In my mums words “she doesn’t know how to do life without him “
so the day my dad died , I feel like I lost my mum too .
In the midst of trying to navigate my way through the grief of loosing my dad, I am also coming to terms with the fact that I will never fully have my mum either . In a way, I feel like I lost both my parents that day .
The worst thing about it all is that I am watching another parent in so much pain again ( this time emotional ) and there is nothing I can do to help them ! I have never felt more helpless in my whole life than I have in this last 2 years ! And as a natural problem solver I am completely out of my depth . For the first time in my life - I can’t fix it ! No amount of words / plans or gestures can fix our problems or pain.
I feel like I am grieving two parents , I’m grieving a life that we will never get back .
I keep telling myself that we must be lucky . We must be lucky to have had so much love that the pain is unbearable . There are so many people In This world that unfortunately have never got to experience the love of a family like we have but I can’t help but feel like right now that emptiness would be better than experience this deep pain that we are all in.
I read a quote the other day that said “ when you loose people you really love - you never truly fear death , because when that day comes - it means you get to be with those loved ones again “ and that gave me a lot of comfort in some way .
My mum told me today that she feels guilty for going out and making plans . My dad would be telling her “ get out the bloody house and go and enjoy yourself !! “
I told her that one day she will be back with him but until then, she has to live life for the both of them !
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