My mom was the giver of small things.  Small things that meant a lot as they demonstrated her care, though and love for me.  Small things that often included self-care or little indulgences.  

My apartment is littered with these small things.  Some of it is sentimental and others, if consumed or used, would be garbage.

But I cannot bring myself to consume or use these small things because although I don't have her anymore, I have these small things that she would do or has given me.

So here is a list of these small things that although it has been more than a year of losing her, I cannot bring myself to let go:

- a bottle of body wash that she brought when I made her dinner for the last time as a hosting gift

- the plastic razor handle that she bought me when I hit puberty and needed to shave my legs (the razors can be replaced but the handle has seen better days)

- a pair of black boots (old of style, heels are worn) that she bought as a present for me more than 10 years old

- a bag of chips that were my favorite (she always knew my favorite)

- a sticky note of her telling me that she is proud of me

- store-made frozen lasagna in a plastic container labeled in her writing (to be used as an emergency meal if I didn't want to cook)

- a small container of a sleeping supplement that she split with me

- a broken nail file from the nail kit she got me when I was 12 years old

- a old glass jar that she filled with fairy lights

Before mom, these were small things that I appreciated her doing but after losing her, these small things mean the world.

I miss you mom.