Loss of a Sibling

[jackiewitter]

Diane, Your words are so true and so very heartfelt. I did think one day that I would go back and reread some of the earlier post when we first began, but I am not sure that it would be too painful. I like more basking in the glory of how far we have come. I rememeber when you and I first begun corresponding and how my heart broke for you. Then I remember how the entire months of February and March sucked so badly and you, Claudia and Barb were there for me. When I pray at night I never forget to give thanks for this site and for Him to watch over my new friends. You are one of God's gifts.

Claudia, I am so sorry that you had a bad day yesterday. I always look to you as such a pillar of strength that I forget you are just as susceptable as the rest of us. This morning on my way into work I thought of a funny story with Jeffrey and I wanted to share it with you, but now it seems so appropriate because it sounds like something Joey would do. I hope it brings a smile to your face like it did me. My car was in the shop a couple of years ago and Jeffrey drove me to work. We are on the outskirts of the city and if you commute (2 or more per vehicle) you can use the HOV lane (high occupancy vehicles). These lanes are open only during rush hour and they go right down the middle of the freeway, enclosed by Jersey barriers. So at the very slowest you are going around 50mph while everyone else is stopped or crawling. Jeffrey did not work in the city so he had never been on the HOV. He would honk at the cars stuck in traffic and wave to them. I kept ducking my head down because I was sooooo embarrassed, but he thought it was a hoot. He would honk and wave, honk and wave. So Chris and I were driving in this morning and I was remembering that....I honked and waved at a couple of cars as we passed them. Chris thought I was absolutely nuts until I told him about how Jeffrey did that. So we both had a laugh remembering my goofball brother. Now....doesn't that sound like a Joey thing! I love you and I hope the day brings you many smiles. Kind of scary to think of Joey and Jeffrey driving around up there...I am sure God was wise and gave them skateboards instead. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[Guest Guest]

i have just lost my brother 3 weeks ago.He was at work and he fell from the scaffolding.It was 30 feet high.His name was James and he was a big gentleman.We are all shocked and dont know what to do.We also lost our other brother Micheal 22 years ago tragically too.It was just so sudden and we still cant take it all in.He turned 50 in december last year.I have a lot of things to say but i cant put them into words at the moment as i am too upset ,but i will return to the site soon .

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Guest, I am so sorry for your loss and the sense of shock and pain that surrounds you in this time. I wish there were magic words to say, but I have found that the flow of time will bring natural healing to all of our hearts that have endured such a profound loss. I try hard to keep my sights set on heaven, knowing that one day I will see my Joey again. Until then we are only separated by space and time, kind of like he went on a journey and one day I will catch up to him on that path. I hope that you can feel that too onw day when the wounds begin to heal. We stay wounded and changed while we travel this life in our grief and missing our loved ones, but we also get to a point of breathing again and finding smiles and the warmness that beautiful memories can bring. Take it a day at a time, and sometimes moment by moment until you find your legs. It is not an easy journey, but we can make it through this and grow along the way. My prayers are with you and your family. We're here for you when you need to seek understanding friends to journey with. Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

Jackie, that is a wonderful story. It is definitely something Joey would do. Too funny!! Joey was kind of a careless driver, having wrecked several vehicles and transmissions in his lifetime here. I can only imagine God has not given him driving privileges there. Skateboards are good! Joey liked his roller blades. Perhaps the sidewalk are no longer safe in heaven. We shall see one day... I'm feeling a little better today. Tomorrow Michael and I celebrate 5 years of marriage. Not long, but seemingly forever sometimes. Nothing special planned, just working around here. We have a few mission teams visiting over the next couple of months, so lots to do to prepare. All is well in that arena. Now if I can just keep up the motivation and have fewer pajama days, that would be great.

I was looking into Scriptures again this morning and found this:

Exo 14:13 And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.

Exo 14:14 The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."

I think of it as the pain and heartbreak of losing Joey is my Egypt. In this life I will endure whatever it is that my journey unfolds. But once I reach my ultimate destiny, I shall never see this Egypt again. For now I have to stand firm and know the Lord’s salvation is working for me today.

Isn't that cool? Love and blessings to all of my friends here. -Claudia

[robertssister]

Hello! Guest, I'm sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place I hope we can be of help to you. I have met some really good friend's here and I hope you do the same . My borther past away in a car acc. 6-28-06 he was 31. So I understand the shock your going through and not being able to think of what you are even doing. I will pray for you.

Claudia ,

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a good day. Did you get any mail from me yet???I mailed it in April they said it would be about 6 weeks boy the mail is slow there:):)

Jackie,

How are you doing? we are all doing fine. this saturday I am in a baking contest I won 1st place last year. I'm making an apple pie so we'll see how I do this year:)

I talk to you all later,

Your in my prayers

Barb

[jackiewitter]

Barb, Good morning. I was so very excited to see your post. The Mother's Day card really touched my heart, you have precious children. Suprise, aren't you the talented one! Baking??? I think the promise of summer has lifted my spirits. I love the summer, swimming, baseball, iced tea, I love all of it. My new Grandbaby (9months now) got his first dunking this month. He loved it. I just smiled at the heavens and told Jeffrey, "it looks like we have another swimmer". Jeffrey and I both lifeguarded at the YMCA in our teens. We also taught swimming lessons. Even then he was the ladies man, I can remember the 10 year old girls having such crushes on him. While I am so happy that my parents and Jeffrey are receiving their rewards in heaven I still tend to miss them so, I liked Claudia's discription of my Egypt. I looked another one up, Isaiah 35:30 "and the ransomed of the Lord wll return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away" I hope you do well this weekend and bring home 1st prize. Apple pie, go figure. Much love to you and your family, peace and blessings.

Claudia, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! I marvel at the sacrifices you and Michael have made. I hope you both take some time and give thanks for each other and what the Lord has allowed you to share together. I cannot help but smile each time I think of Joey and Jeffrey together. You have been able share him in such a way that I can visualize them together. I sure hope God allows practical jokes because it sounds like the two of them together, someone is in for a lot of surprises. Good luck with your visitors. Please remember to set aside some time for yourself and don't over-do it! How is Patrick enjoying home ownership? I know he's probably buzy with so many things. Again, happy anniverary to you and Michael, hope you have a wonderful day. Much love.

Diane, hope you too have a great weekend. I went to the ballgame last night so I missed the voting off on American Idol. I was so disappointed that Melinda Doolittle did not make it, while I really like Blake and Jordon, Melinda was by far the more talented singer. I thought of you when I heard this morning. It seems odd to me that my routine is coming back, I was so used to having the TV on and not watching anything, now I am beginning to actually get involved again. I know that there will probably be pockets of grief ahead, but I do think I am better prepared for them. I am just so very glad the winter is finally passed. Love you girl & hope the weekend is good to you. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Guest, Hi. I too lost my brother in a work-related accident. The shock of it is very overwhelming. I spent many many weeks just simply not accepting. I could not sleep, couldn't eat, but managed somehow to cry 5 to 10 times a day. I had the investigation that kept me occupied to some degree, but when that was over, the realization of the loss just about did me in. I hope you continue to come here, I have found that this site has been a life-saver. I posted somewhere else that the friends and relationships that have developed her have quite possibly saved my marriage and my life, but most definitely my sanity. Nothing changes the loss, but having someone to share with that truly understands certainly helps. Plus this board allows you to express your anger, sorrow and fears where you harm no one by doing so. I have put plenty of feelings out on this board that I could never share with my biological family, but here I am able to share them with my grief family. I pray that God will hold you close during this time and the weeks and months to come. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,Claudia & All,

I have to say AMEN to the quotes from the scriptures...they rang true for me too!!! I'm Glad to hear you're getting a new routine back Jackie! I got mine kinda back w/ Amer.Idol when Lakisha & Melinda sang w/ those voices that Reach the Heavens(both were Choir singers first!!). Now I want Jordan to win..LOL.

Barb..good luck on your baking contest. You'll have to share your blue ribbon recipe w/ us when you win!

Claudia, I wish You & Michael a "Happy 5th Anniversary" too :-)I hope you have a Blessed Day in Paradise today.I wanted to tell you that I think it's okay to wear PJ's all day too!!! Who's to say how we're supposed to dress on any given day! Wear something to reflect your mood.Ps...I wear Pj's,no makeup & don't even brush my hair sometimes(I pull it up into a comb) all day on weekends when I do the laundry & it makes me happy.So do whatever makes you happy & gives you peace today.

Blessings to All,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, Jackie and Barb, Thanks so much for the anniversary wishes and blessings. While it isn't the kind of celebration most people envision, being all the way out here, IT IS a special day. I'm so blessed to have Michael. God has given me a most wonderful gift in him, and treasuring him is something I haven't been able to do well through some of my grief, but he's so loving and understanding, and caring. I'm just so blessed... The e-card was beautiful, Diane. Thank you so much!

OK.. I'm all curious about the American Idol. I don't get TV here. For the most part though, it's a good thing. We do buy videos on occasion and enjoy them.

Here's one for you Jackie. I'm not sure I shared this one... One of Joey's friends recently remenisced about one time when Joey was living with my dad while attending the nearby junior college. Brett had come by to visit Joey and they were going to go cruising around. They did that a lot, and my dad would always ask them where they were going, yet they never had an answer other than "I don't know". My dad would joke that Joey's friend was really nice but never knew where he was going. Anyway, one day daddy asked them to load up an old toilet he had replaced. Brett had a little toyota at the time. So Joey and Brett loaded up the toilet in the back seat of the car and must have driven around for hours with that toilet, wondering what to do with it. I have no idea where they finally unloaded it, but can't you just picture a couple of guys like Joey and Brett, and possibly even Jeffrey just cruising around town with a toilet? I wonder how many people hinked and waved at them that day?

Barb, I LOVE APPLE PIE!! How wonderful that you bake such yummy pies that you win contests. I remember when I was young, in my first marriage, we had a dwarf apple tree in the back yard. Randy had to beat the crap out of the tree trunk to shock it into producing apples. And when it finally did, boy did we ever have apples. I made deep dish apple pie once when my mom and dad were visiting, and daddy always loved apple pie. Ah...the memories that brings back. I have long since forgotten, so thanks for the sweet reminder. I hope you take first prize again. You'll always be a blue ribbon in my book! I will check our mailbox the next trip into Quito, a week from tomorrow. Hopefully I will have your mail waiting for me. I'll keep you posted.

I sure do love you girls! Thanks for being my family!!! Hugs & Blessings, Claudia

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Guest Guest]

I don't really know what to do anymore. I stumbled upon this forum and figured this could be the closest thing to consolation I could ever find. Nobody else I know has lost a sibling. I'm only 18 years old. My big brother David was found dead in his apartment April 6th. The last time I got to talk to him was in January, when he called me to tell me happy birthday. I feel like half of myself is gone now. He always told me he knew he would die at an early age, but I wasn't ready for this. I can't believe I made it through his funeral alive. I thought I was going to break into fragments and disappear. My mom did not cry. I don't understand. I want to know how David really died. I still catch myself hoping he can come to my wedding. Or that I'll be able to see him again some time and we can hang out and have all the fun we never got to have growing up. I miss him.

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Guest, I'm so sorry for the loss and pain you have that come along with such a tremendous and tragoc loss as your brother David. I come here to visit my friends on this thread, but I lost a son instead of a sibling. I can completely understand your feelings through the funeral. Many people grieve openly and feel as you do through that time. And others are silent and still, like your mom. During my son's memorial service I didn't cry either. I cried much before, and so much after, and I still cry after almost 10 months. Please don't think your mom is strange or uncaring for not having cried during the service. It's so hard for a mom to lose a child, and I am certain she is devastated inside. Death at a young age is so hard to understand. It doesn't fit "normal" for us. I'm sure you will have many moments in life when you will miss David's presence as you go through grieving, and as you experience significant and special times in your life. Joey's brother feels that way too about not having his bro at his wedding and so forth. I have only two children, so the one surviving son has a hard journey too, as I do. And you will have many uphill climbs. It's ok to feel all that you do. If you can try to cling to how much you love David, and know he loves you that much too, and that love will never fade or die. The love in your heart for him will carry him with you through every single moment of your life. It's hard to not have them here anymore as we journey onward, but we can know that their love will never leave us. I believe I will see Joey again some day when my journey here comes to a close. That helps me to cope through the yesterdays, today and the many tomorrows. I pray that in time you will be able to feel more and more that love you and your brother share (even still) and that memories of him will bring comfort and even some smiles. Hang out with us here and you will find some good friends to travel with on your grief journey that understand and can listen, pray, love, and lift you up with encouragement. You are not alone in how you feel. Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

[robertssister]

Dear Guest,

Sorry to hear of your loss my heart goes out to you. My brother died 6-28-06 in a car accident. I understand your loss. I live in Pa my brother died in Ny I thought I was doing well until I got up there and saw his PICTURE in the local newspaper in the Obts. Every one deals with things in there own way. Its been almost a year and when I go home I still want to cry like a baby and everyone up home is doing well. When I go home it's like it starts all over again.

My brother Robert was a born again Christian So I will see him again some day and my faith in GOD and trusting him to get me through all of this is what is helping me.

I pray you are doing well. Please feel Free to write me anytime to talk. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

In christian love,

Barb

[ramona]

Hi all and specially Claudia.

first..dear Claudia.. I thought I was the only one in this world who had the anger, guilt and even hatred for no reason for everyone. But now I can only say I see the whole sitiuation from another angle. Even It\'s been a week since i wrote in this fourm and 2 weeks since I found this \"website\" but I\'d rather name it Supportive Community and It is. And to you Claudia I\'m sorry for your and Patrick loss. I hope u and him will find the peace inside of u and surround you.

I guess one of the reason will help us in start fresh beginning is my first niece. She came to life after 2 weeks my brother passed away!!

God bless u all..Ramona

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Ramona, I'm so glad you have the miracle of your precious niece to bring you joy!! No..you aren't the only one to have gone through the anger... I think many of us here have gone through that, and it's been difficult and painful. But as we journey on and begin to release our anger, we do find comfort and healing... It's a long journey, and I am thankful we have friends here that help us to not feel alone in how we are coping or not coping well from time to time. Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you found us. God bless you too... Hugs, Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi All,

I'm glad that people are finding this thread again. I remember when I first came here last Nov. after Harvey died..I felt comforted by everyone in here. I had lost my spiritual compass when Harvey died & I was mad @ the world & G-d for taking my Brother. I wanted vengence for his death and I couldn't accept WHY he had died from a rountine surgical procedure? It took me a few months of just being(emotional,angry,depressed,etc..), until I realized that the

WHY didn't really matter. Harvey was gone and I had to ACCEPT G-d's will for him. When I accepted that Harvey was in a better place and he would NEVER suffer again..I found peace & G-d again. It was through the shared grief walks of Jackie & Claudia that I realized Harvey was sooo truely loved(as were Joey & Jeff); that he was needed before me & my family in Heaven first.

[diane1234]

Every time a new person shares their story on this thread; I feel Like Harvey,Jeff,Joey,Robert...all of our loved ones are greeting us from a divine place & SMILING down to us all. I'm grateful today to have you gals as friends & to have a place where it's okay to be myself & be accepted foe that :-)

Ramona... you are in the right place :-)This walk of grief is like an ocean. It comes & goes in waves and you just have to learn to master riding them w/ the Lord's help & Grace !

G-d Bless,

Diane

[ramona]

Dear Claudia,Diane&all..

I\'m glad to find you both and every one who read or share a story with us. For me I always known as the emotionless girl. I always hated to show my feeling for others specially my tears. I think it was because of the idea that tears was a sign of weakness but what happened after the death was the complete opposite. I was crying infront of strangers and in every place remind me of him which mean the entire city. I\'m shameless of what i used to think \"a sign of weakness\" yeah..right not anymore!!

I find out how stupid, selfish person I am and pathetic too..I decided not to repress my feeling and show every one the I way feel about them even if it\'s too late coz life is too short to waste it on such things..

Anyway..I want to ask u all..

I am so confused of all the video tapes that I had for my brother I don\'t know what to do with it?!!My sister told me to throw\'em out or burn\'em coz as she said we can\'t watch\'em now and if anyone of us will watch it later after a years from now it will open the wounds over again..

For me I can\'t throw it even im not watching it but still I can\'t..

So, please tell me what should I do..

To all moms,sisters,wives,grandmas and friends Bless u all..

[chiestand]

my advice on photos/videos. don't throw them out. it was a long time before i could look at pictures, have them out where i could see them, but i am so glad i have them. i have made several albums of him. we watched a video months later and i was glad to hear his voice. it's doesn't matter if you look at them or not, but to throw them out is a mistake i think. someday, someone will want them, maybe the ones you least suspect. carol h

[diane1234]

Ramona & All,

Ramona, how lucky you are to have video's of your Brother. That is such a blessing to be able to remember him through hearing his voice,seeing him & just knowing he'll always be on film for you!!! I agree w/ Carol...keep everything!!

I never expected my brother to die and I had erased all the funny voice mails he'd leave me daily w/ his usual "Hey Hey Di" messages. Well, I just have his Hey Hey's voice mails etched in my memory forever. I also had lots of horrible pic's of him in the hospital in a coma on my cell phone. I saved only one picture of him smiling before his surgery..I deleted the rest. I thought we didn't have any current video's of him and that I'd never hear his voice again, until I saw him when I go to heaven too.

Yet a few months after his death my best friend called me & told me she had a video from our Birthdays last June '06 on her lap top w/ Harvey featured FRONT & CENTER saying his "Hey Hey" & Singing me a Happy Birthaday Song his way.

Well, it took me 6 months to be able to view it. I cried when I watched it..because Harvey will be alive for me forever in that video. I was sooooooo grateful that she had taken that and had frozen that happy time w/ my Brother for eternity for me :-) It was G-d's Will that Harvey was on Janet's computer for me & my family. Also, next month is the first year in my entire life that I haven't shared a birthday party w/ my brother (our Birthdays are 5 days & several years apart). I am going to honor my brother in a different way this year(no parties) and I will definitely be watching that video w/ him singing me a happy birthday & telling me he loves me ! I hope this helps you decide to keep those video's & all pic's...they are precious reminders of your loved sibling !

G-d Bless,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Ramona, please do not throw them out. You may not be prepared for them now, but one day you might. I remember saying many months ago that I had saved my brother's text messages that he had sent me the day before he died. I save those and his last voice mail and if anything happened to that phone I would just die. Well it did, my husband dropped it in the pool. I had to take my phone to sprint to see if they could do anything to salvage the lost messages. They were able to restore them and I got a new phone and kept my old phone so that I would always have those messages. I keep it charged along with his phone and just look at them periodically. You may not be emotionally able to deal with them now, but one day you will be and it will bring such joy to be able to watch them. I have some old slides (projector) - showing my age huh! These were slides from family vacations. I am going to rent a projector so that my family and I can view them. While I would not have been able to view these 3 months ago, I am ready now. I know right now it seems that your heart cannot take the images and I truly ache for you, but you will slowly move past that. I pray for you and encourage you to return to this site, it has helped me so much. The folks here are honest, sincere and hurting just like you are, just in different stages. I wish you the best, peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Ramona, I concur with the please to keep the videos for a time when your heart can rejoice in seeing them and holding those memories near and dear. I WISH so much that I had videos of Joey, or even text messages and voice mails. I have photos and memories in my heart and that has to be enough for me. But oh how blessed you all are to have those wonderful memories on film, slides and voice tracks. Cherish them, even if for now they are kept in storage. One day when you, your children, and even your children's children come upon them, it will be a treasure to share with them. Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

[ramona]

Carol,Diane,Jackie,Claudia and all..

I'm so glad that I ask for ur advise cause I was really confused, Hurt and angry and I wasn't thinking..But as I said I'm so glad that I ask befor doing something I probably will regret for the rest of my life..

Thanx all for ur support and NO I WILL NOT THROW THEM OUT..even if it gonna make me cry and live the pain all over agian..

Because after the pain and the tears there's something inside of me still want hear his voise ,see his practical joke,watch him dancing and all the silly faces he used to do..I don't what more to say but I miss him so bad..so sadly

anyway..

Thanx agian for you Carol , Jakie, Daine and Claudia you really touched my heart..

Bless U all..

[jackiewitter]

Ramona, now that you have made that decision, the next will be when you want to go through them. Right now you feel like you don't want to endure the memories because you are still so much in the loss. Time will come, don't rush it. It took a long time (or it sure seems like it) for me to get past the anger and the intense pain of every memory of Jeffrey. I focused so much on what I no longer had, I focused on the chances that he didn't get. The main focus is that Jeffrey is right where God wants him. I don't know why God chose that I stay here without my parents and without my baby brother, but He did and I trust in Him. My next goal is opening up and finding what He wants from me. You will reach a point where you can smile at your brothers memories, I promise you that. I know it may not seem like it now because your heart is so broken, but it will happen. I also know you probably don't believe me either. If I can say anything that will give you a little faith, then maybe your tomorrow will be a little more hopeful. I have met very good friends here that have help me wander through this. Sometimes the pain seemed so intense that I just didn't know what to do. That's when I would come here and visit with the people who understood what was going on and what I felt. There was no one to tell me to move past it, there was only good friends who understood the pains (and fears) that I felt. A co-worker of mine just lost her father and I highly encouraged her to come here is she was having difficulties. Sometimes it is very hard to see when you are so blinded by hurt, but here there might be someone further down the road than you are and can offer from their own experiences. I will say a special prayer for you tonight and hope that you find some sunshine tomorrow. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[robertssister]

Hello Girls:)

How are you all doing today? I'm doing good. I was reading everything that was posted and I agree I would Never throw out pic. or tapes of robert or loved one. I wish I had one of my brother. Today is my sister in laws bday Roberts wife. So please pray that shes haveing a good day. this is her 1st b-day without Robert. My mom is having a party for for but im not sure if that what Jen wanted so I hope it goes over well. Mom just wanted to do something Robert would have done.

Well, I lost:(:( my pie did not win but when I can figure out how to put a pic of it on here you will see it. I thought it looked great.

Where is everyone from?? I just like to know how close we are. Im from Red Lion Pa . Near York Pa. I miss chatting with you all I hope your doing well.

talk to you all later.

In Christian Love,

Barb

[jackiewitter]

Hey Barb....

I am in Seabrook TX. It is about 20miles south of Houston and about 20 miles north of Galveston. We live about 1 mile off Galveston Bay, the bay, not the coast. I work in the northern part of Houston, it's a 42 (one way) mile commute, but I carpool with my husband so it's not so bad.

York, PA...that's where Tessa's (from the batchelor) mother lives! Oh how I need to get a life!!!!

Sorry about the pie, I am sure you deserved it!

Peace and blessings

[jackiewitter]

My best grief friends.

I have to share this with you. Last night I was looking over the web site and checked on the "I am dying" board. There was a post about a lady named Marilyn. I went back a little ways and saw about when her first post was. I followed it from her first post all the way to her last post. Talk about a lesson in humility. I almost felt like I was invading personal conversation, but it was so compelling I had to read all the way through. I am going to encourage my daughters to read as well. I was so moved by this precious lady and her courage. I immediately thought of Claudia and her kindness and I can see a touch of fiestiness there too! Just wanted to share, since we all tend to run in the same emotional vein I thought you might want to read it. Much love to you girls. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Thanks for sharing that thread with us. I just finished reading it and I've gone through 10+ kleenez's reading her Courage & strength in death. She was the same age as Harvey when he died. It hit home for me.I can't seem to stop crying thinking about her honesty through such a devasting illness.Whew, is all I can say and G-d bless Marilyn in Heaven w/ Harv.

Barb,I'm from the Greater DC area on the Maryland side of the District.I've lived in Dc,Va & Md most of my life(w/ a fast stint in Colorado in '95..long story). I have been to York,lancaster & Hersey Park when I was a kid & teen( a while ago..LOL).I have fond family memories of Hersey & also Lancaster Pa.(we'd go to the kuntztown fair w/ the amish stuff when we were really little w/ Harvey).Fun times up there:-)

Well I'm off to order dinner(I'm not cooking tonite..italian takeout it is..lol).

Peace to All,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Claudia,

Hi. I missed you yesterday. I know you said you have people in this week so I hope all is going well. I am sure your courage and love shine through to all. Just wanted to say a quick hello and wish a good day to all my friends. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All, I'm here. Wow have I been working hard the past couple of weeks. Yes, we have a group arriving Sunday for a week. But I've been doing more than the average cleaning and prep. This is actually the first time I am here during a team stay for more than a night or two. They will be here for a week. And after Joey dies last July, my motivation went in the toilet regarding doing anything around here. But the fire is back!! yay! I have been spring cleaning like mad, and bug proofing rooms, insulating windows, scrubbing walls--you name it. But our US team is definitely going to be comfy and content in their rooms. We are planning a mini church service-revival kind of thing here for Sunday evening after the group arrives. I am so excited. I think we'll have between 100-150 people here from our neighboring towns. The word is spreading, and wow! So my friends here could pray for Sunday evening to be a blessing for those who attend. (Thanks!)

I remember reading Marilyn's journey while I was a shattered-hearted newbie here. There was another thread too where a young woman had lost her father ti suicide, and she and a friend of hers posted regularly. Then one day her friend posted and said she had died in the same manner as her father. (I wish I remembered her name..) Anyway, that was a heart wrenching thread to follow as well. So much pain, and no hope..I just can't imagine. But it happens every day for folks that have been their own God or have looked to other peple as saviors for so long. I don't mean to be insensitive by saying that. I just mean that without faith and hope a life can get very dark, painful and twisted. It's hard enough when we do have faith and hope. You know?

Barb, you already know this..but..I'm in Nanegalito, Ecuador. Well, actually outside of town, in the boonies of the Andes, just at the edge of the rainforest, but it doesn't feel like the edge when it rains all the time. I've been here one year as of May 7th. I came from the Raleigh area of North carolina, but am originally from central Illinois. Go Illini! Oh wait! It's summer break. ha!

Well I just wanted to stop in and say hello to my dear sisters and friends. I have been keeping Simone in my prayers. I can only imagine her pain right now... (We're here for you SImone.) Hope everyone here has a blessed rest of the week. If I am off the radar for a week or a little more, please don't worry. I'm having a blast! Isn't God so good?!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Claudia

[robertssister]

Clauida,

Hello! you sound so good I'm sure the Lord will bless you for all you do for him. I will be praying for you and your services this Sunday. Enjoy your friends from the states. You are such an encouragement to me. it so hard sometimes to read my Bible I get up at 4:30 am and run till 8 or 9 pm I really try and read my Bible every day. Its so good to hear how GOd is Blessing you and your husband you sound happy.

All you ladies on here are my friends and I wish you all well. and have a good weekend.

God can help all of us if we know him as our Lord and Saviour. I know he has helped me get through this past year and I dont know how I could have done it with out God on my side. My prayer for you all is that if you dont know God as your personal Lord Saviour that you will ask him into your heart . Your burdens will really be lifted.

Love ya all ,

In Christian Love,

Barb:)

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Barb, Thanks for your encouragement. I can't really take credit for anything, though. It is HE that enables me to do what I do. All glory to Him forever!! Amen! Love you too! Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi all. I wanted to share some blessed news. My son, youngest, is coming home on his first official leave from the Army tomorrow. We will pick him up in the morning. I am so excited I cannot stand it. He and my brother were very close and I know that Jeffrey would be so very proud of him (actually I know that he is now). I pray each night that God will watch over him and keep him safe from all that is going with our military. I believe that Ben has all the faith that he needs to endure such or he would not have chosen this venture. He and my oldest daughter are my sentimental children so the loss of Jeff hit him hard, but I know that he prays daily and I am confident that God has given him the wisdom to make good choices. Maybe that's where the sensitive heart came from. Anyway I wanted to share that with you.

Barb, I could not agree with you more. I think Claudia has been such a messenger of God in so many ways. Since coming on this board, I have let go of so much anger that I had and have opened myself up to His will. I believe that without His precious love I could not endure this. I am so happy to hear that you are devoting such time to reading your Bible. I wish that I could make that commitment. My attempts seem so half-hearted. It seems I go there only for comfort, not for nurishment. I admire you.

Claudia, while I know that you take no credit, know that you are abiding in Him, you are speaking His words and sharing His comfort. There is no vanity in thanking Him for making you a vessel. I thank Him everynight for you and by your shining His light, throughout your tradgedy, you have brought others closer to Him. I do want you realize through Him you've had the opportunity to touch so many lives. Mine being one of them!

Diane....Jordon won! Can you believe it! It seems odd moving on with television shows and finding some normality in life. I try to include Jeffrey in it. While watching the batchelor I found myself saying, "oh Jeff, you would like her, she's very pretty and genuine". I'm sure you find yourself doing the same with Harvey.

I love you all dearly and hope you all have a wonderful Memorial weekend.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie & All,

That's great news about your son's visit home.You must be soo happy to see him safe & in person :-)Such a Blessing this Holiday Weekend. G-d Bless him for Honoring our country thru his military service. I always pray protection for our troops overseas (& Ben will be added to my prayers).

Claudia, I know you'll have a blessed service & turnout for your revival on Sunday. You are such a blessing to soooooo many(and I agree w/ Jackie..you're a true Vessel of HIS Word & Good Works).Girlfriend, of all the people I know,you deserve a joyful time on Sunday through HIS Love for your great service to the people of Ecuador (& in here too). Soo enjoy & tell us about it later :-)

I'm off to cook lots of salads & other stuff for a barbeque we're having for Memorial day.So you gals have a Blessed Memorial Day weekend!!

G-d Bless,

Diane

Ps. Jackie, I totally voted for Jordan :-) I really had wanted Lakisha to win! Also, I think Harv,Jeff & Joey would've loved to have been that bachelor. I think they're probably having a forever bachelor party in Heaven..LOL..Harv loved to charm the female population :-) So now they have eternity to be divinely Charming..LOL

[chiestand]

>>

ireally think God understands this...and since he is the God of all comfort, i suspect He loves to have us come...and isn't comfort a kind of nourishment? I just want to encourage you not to feel "guilty" for not being about to recieve "only comfort!" It's His gift to us.

THe other night in our small group, something someone said triggered a "flashback" to the fear we felt when the "storm" of my brother's death hit us. I had not had a really hard emotional time for several weeks. it hit me like a huge wave. and set of a "grief storm." i was not prepared for it...are we ever? but i remembered what i had learned about waves....they come, they go and dont' last forever. The "storm" passed, but not without a lot of emotion expended. at first i was thinking..what is this...i should be ok...shoulda/coulda/oughta....all words to strike from our thinking!

traveling this week..may not be on for awhile again...carol

[robertssister]

Jackie,

Hi! Im very happy for you that your son is coming home . Please tell him

THANK- YOU for me. We owe so much to men and women in the military and what a great week end to come home. I would be so honored if one of our boys went into the military. Have a good time with him. :)

Last night was a bad night for my youngest he came into my room at 9:30 pm and said mom I keep thinking Im going to die. I took him back in his room and said Devon why do you think that and he said well Uncle Chuck and Uncle Robert died. So I think I'm going to die soon. Boy, I started crying he was crying I told him that it was ok to cry it would make him feel better. I told him to think of happy things that we did with Robert and Chuck the week end before Robert died was my younger sisters high school graduation so I said think of the fun we had with Robert then . and Chuck was sooo sick with cancer so he didnt look real good at the end he looked like he was 80 yrs old and he was only 50 yrs old. So I told Devon to think of Chuck when they would go and stay over night there and go bowling with him . He was Big on the Bowling thing.:) I will see bowling on TV and will always think of him:) He was a good man we really miss him.

Well, just thought Id share my evening. Devon seems to be fine today . I told him maybe today we could send Aunt Jennifer Roberts wife a card and just tell her that we miss and loved him alot.

Have a great week end.

Jackie enjoy your son and daughter were so proud of you. you have come a long way .:):)

In christian love,

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

My dear sisters and friends, You are all so encouraging to me as well. I am thankful for you!!

Jackie--How wonderful your son is visiting!! I, too, respect and lift up our men and women in military service. I always had wished Joey would have joined, especially when he could have used some deep discipline in his life. I guess that wasn't mean to be. But he found his peace before he passed, and for that I am blessed and so is he. Please give your son a personal hug from "me" and tell him I say "thank you". I don't know him, yet I am so very proud of him. And knowing he walks with the Lord is a special blessing. I love knowing some of our finest in the military walk with an awesome Shepherd. There is no finer man than that which serves our God and King. You are one blessed mom!! Enjoy your visit!!! Love, Claudia

[chiestand]

how wonderful that your son told you how he felt and you were able to talk to him. I remember when I was 12 and my other brother died, i didn\'t want my parents to talk about it anymore and i told them not to,....i suspect what i needed was to talk about it more, but back then, 50 years ago, what did any of us know about how to deal with our grief. so now 50 years later with my second brother\'s death, i find myself grieving both of them at once. it got pretty ovewhelming sometimes. i wrote the following about waves of grief. maybe i shared it here before, but maybe it will be good for the new ones and give hope that things change, even though you never \"get over it.\"

Thoughts on Grief while watching the waves in Los Cabos:

Grief is much like a wave:

* The waves are intermittent, not constant.

* Sometimes they are close together; sometimes they are further apart.

* Waves are unpredictable in their frequency, power and size.

* When one hits you (expectedly, because you had your back to itand didn\'t see it coming), it can knock you over

* Even the wave you are watching can surprise you with it\'spower.

* When you get caught under a wave, you think you\'ll never catch your breath again and you\'re sure you\'ll never recover your footing.

* But the wave passes and you realize you can stand again . . . you can breathe again.

\'Waves are like grief! What I am finding now is that while the wave feels just as bad, yet, as it always has (while I am in it), I have more reserve and my balance is regained much sooner than before. As I grow stronger, I\'m able to handle the waves better. God is healing my heart. My prayer is that His love, and the love of others will heal your heart too.

so the other night when i was hit by one of those waves, i remembered the above. and it helped.

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, I love what you wrote...so true! I am wondering, and hope you don't mind me asking...How did your small group respond to your emotions? I have been so disappointed in the lack of response from some of my sisters in my church back home. I understand thay probably don't know what to say sometimes because none of them have ever lost a child, and I'm not sure about the siblings but think most have lost a parent or in-law parent at the least. I get respnses that are Christ-centered on occasion. But when I share my heart and the depths of my pain--which have little or nothing to do with a lack of faith, I get mostly silence or a 1-2 line response. Yes! I am a missionary. Yes! I serve the Lord full time. Yes! I am human. And Yes! I still need to know my church family cares. It's hard being so far from home, and so far from people I have prayed and shared with through the years. It's getting more to be 'out of sight, out of mind', and it hurts a bit. Maybe it's different being face-to-face, like with your small group. But sometimes I sit here and wonder where have all the Christians gone that have been in my life through the years? I'm thankful to have my BI family. But it's so sad that the ones I felt would always be there seem to be no longer there.... oh well...it's just something that weighs on my heart soemtimes. I expected this mission life to be lonely. I guess I didn't expect that my faith family would be part of that lonliness...I think maybe my expectations were too high or something.... kind of sad, huh?

Anyway, sorry for venting like that. I had poured my heart out a couple of weeks ago, and the response I received was not from the sister I wrote to but two others who must have received a "hey, someone reach out to Claudia" forward because apparently my confidant didn't have time to respond... ugh! I was asked to be her prayer partner for some ministry opportunities she is seeking, but then I stopped getting e-mails about that too. Why do I always feel like I am in Hot Pursuit when I reach out to my church family? I rarely receive correspondence now, except for when I randomly write someone and they answer briefly. But hey! They're always praying for me... I think. I don;t mean to sound ungrateful. It's just kind of lonely sometimes...and it would be nice to hear from home a little more than I do. I only lost a son. It isn't contageous!!

I'm sure thankful for all of you. I think truly it has been you all here that have helped me through more than anyone else, except of course my God. He is always there. Thank Him!! Blessings to you all, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Claudia,

Bless you, it always brings me back to earth when you express sorrow. I too sometimes forget that you are human. You possess such strength and support for so many that I get lost in asorbing the love and forget what a devastating loss that you have had. I don't know where I would be without one of my children, I can't even fathom, don't want to. As to your group, unless they have had the loss, I think all they want is for you to come back, the you that was before Joey was gone. That's what I experience the most. My friends don't say it, but I feel it. When I mention my brother, they usually will quickly change the subject or end the conversation altogether. One friend even told me, "Jackie you have got to go see someone, it's not normal to think of your brother all the time like this". My first thoughts on this is, she wouldn't know, she has never experienced a loss, a divorce, but not a loss of a loved one. It doesn't mean that she's not my friend, she just doesn't understand. My oldest daughter (Audrey) has become my dear friend, she is beginning to understand that I am a new person, I will not be the one that existed before Jeffrey left, and she is trying to help me grow into that. I hope that it will also prepare her to deal with loss when it becomes her time.

I have always wondered why when someone passes away everyone rushes to the family, but then in the weeks and months (even years) after, they are gone. I have made a promise that when one of my friends looses a loved one, I will follow up with them in the months and years to follow. The initial period after is not nearly as dark as the months and years after. The months and years after are when socioty believes you should have "moved on, gone back to normal, gotten over it". But we know that's not how it works is it? I pray for you and for the work that you do. Your burden shows to so many that you can continue on with grace, strength and FAITH IN GOD. You have brought light to so many here and I want to apologize for forgetting that you too need support. Please know that I pray for you daily and I love you as I would a sister. (the one I never had!) I don't know the time table, but I think your services should start soon and I pray and pray and pray that God moves all across your area and that you come back and share many blessings with us.

I am here if you need me, much love sent your way. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Carol...

On waves.

*The waves always leave something when the pass, shells, trinkets, seaweed, sand dollars.

*In waves if you stand firm the sand shifts around your feet until you are "planted".

*The waves contain salt that stings your eyes and your open wounds.

*The waves can take you out into the ocean until you cannot see your family behind you and you have to swim back.

*The waves can drown you if you are not a good swimmer.

****lastly; The waves are a blast if you are riding on top of them.

I hope this weekend, while you are traveling, you are riding on top of the wave. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Diane & Barb

Happy happy Memorial Day Weekend. The kids took off for the beach earlier this afternoon and apparently are spending the night there, the baby drove in about 3am, she cannot handle spending the night on the beach...too girly. We spent a beautiful day sitting in the garage watching it rain, playing cards, watching my children interact. I got pic's, I'll send them to you and to Claudia,(when I figure how to get them from my phone to email). My digital camera's batteries were shot so I grabbed my phone. The kids are beautiful to watch. We are a blessed family. Ben is in AIT training, many units were called up right after basics, but God is watching him, he was sent to training in MD. I might make you two go check up on him, you are closer than I am!

Barb, I think you handled it beautifully with Devon. He needs to know it's okay to cry and grieve. So many times the young children are overlooked because their thought processes or brief...crying one moment, laughing and playing the next. While their fears may not last long, they are just a genuine and sincere as our longer lasting pains. I think you are a fabulous mom. You have taught your children the promise that they will see their uncles again and that speak volumes.

I pray for you girls always and hope this weekend brings you all joy. I probably won't be on much, unless I am sitting up waiting on kids!!! I love you all. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[chiestand]

jackie, may i use your thoughts on waves in my little thing on waves. so very good! so true. thank you for sharing!

and claudia....i just get angry when i hear stories like yours...and some of the other things others of you have shared here regarding responses to your grief. (sorry, i can't keep everyone straight after i read more than two responses at a time! ) It is just plain wrong. I just must have been incredibly blessed. three of my friends had lost family members and the other one hadn\'t but listened and never judged where i was, just prayed for and loved me and cheered me on when i made it to another landmark. As i hear your stories, i realize how blessed i was. i am sure there are some who thought some of these things, but they didn\'t say it to me.

i did find that some of the people i thought would be my main stays, weren\'t...didn\'t seem able to respond. that was a disappointment. i guess i am thinking, when you find someone who understands, talk only to them...let the others go. as my friend shirley says, those kinds of responses only add to the processing time...only add to grief recovery, because now you not only have to process the grief, but their response to grief.

as i think about it, having my counsellor, probably took the pressure off my friends...i started seeing my counsellor about 9 months later...after that most of what i shared with them were the results of my processing, not so much the processing itself. but i think they would have hungwith me. i do know that after this past year and 1/2, i know who my very best friends are...and that does not include a couple people who i would have counted in my \"best friends\" group before that. i feel like these people have walked through fire with me and i will be forever grateful.

i think one of the things that helped maybe, was that i shared my journey and what i was learning really openly from the beginning...and it was fully of struggle and the people in my \"community\" were aware...and they said they learned from me and what i was learning. my community was made up of being part of a small worship choir and our main two things are this:

How the congregation on \"Sunday morning experiences worship is directly related to how we each experience God and how we experience relationship to each other. .. so that has been at the forefront of all of our activities.

well, it\'s sunday morning and i am off to church with my son and his family. we leave to go home on tueseday for home...catch you all later.

[robertssister]

Hello! everyone . Hope your days going well . Claudia I agree with you the friends that were there when Robert died and said they were going to be here for us when ever we needed them aren't here. I dont need any one to hold my hand through life, but just to ask me how Im doing and just tell me that they will remember me in there prayers is good enough for me. I had a good friend that I thought was a good friend and then she went and said very bad things about my husband and I called her on it and she said well I cant believe you would think I'd tell any one that . Well I dont talk to her any more . I dont need friends like that. I feel like I can come on here and say whatever I want about my feelings and I dont feel like Im going to be laughed at or told oh well my feelings are more important then yours . any ways thanks everyone for listening to me:)

Today is 11 months since Robert's been gone.

Well , I hope you all have a good day.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK -YOU TO ALL WHO HAVE FAUGHT TO MAKE THIS LAND FREE. I'M SO PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.

In Christian Love,

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, Thank you so much for the e-card. You are awesome!! I'm super tied up with the mission group that's here, but will have some AMAZING stories to share with you all in a couple of days. Till then, lots of love and higs, and prayers too. -Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

ummm...that was supposed to be HUGS!!!

[diane1234]

Claudia & All,

Glad the card made it's way to you :-) You'll have to share pic's of your week w/ the US missionaries.

I agree w/ what everyone's(Barb,Carol & Jackie) said to you about "Friends" who can't handle where we're at w/ our grief recovery. I have no time to waste on foolish people anymore. Harv's death taught me "Not to throw my pearls @ the swine" anymore. I have been pleasantly surprised by those who have stood by me on this roller coaster ride these last few months. I am also amazed @ the NEW friendships gained thru HIS Grace & Love for me(and all of us in here).I think that as I get older(& have these core shaking events like death happen), I learn to bounce back faster when I operate on Faith vs Fear! I think the people who aren't around me today ,live in a fear based world vs. a faith based one! I chose Hope & Faith in His Will for me (and for Harv too).I am done w/ the "Whys"that these old ,not true friends ask me(why did Harv die,why aren't you sueing the doctor & hospital,why aren't you hating life ,why,why,why...).The other side of WHY for me is G-d & his Blessings daily in my life(and HIM leading me here to you blessed gals).So to all those OLD friends who can't accept your walk today & aren't genuine...Let them go & let G-d!!!!!!!

That's enough from me today :-)

Blessings to all,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

(As posted Moments ago on Loss of an Adult Child)

Today, just 20 minutes ago as I post this, my dear son Joey has been gine 10 months. It has been a painful yet powerful journey these past ten months, and I just want to say thanks to all of you who have shared kind words, compassiona and love with me through this time. I miss you Joey. In the past three days we have ministered and shared the Gospel of the precious gift in Jesus to 470 people who have prayed to receive Him as Lord and Savior. I want you to know that your story has touched the hearts of many and your legacy lives on not just for this world but for the Kingdom. I'm so proud to be your mom. This afternoon a bus went off a bridge and plummeted into a river on the path of our journey. So far 7 people have lost their lives and 38 more have been injured. At least two that died were people that we ministered to in the past two days. We are so grateful in knowing that they are now with you in Heaven. Your story is making a difference, Son. And I just wanted to share that. Michael helped the emergency responders transport people to the hospital where he ministered and prayed for the injured and dying. His and my heart hurt for the families that have lost precious ones... You just never know when the call will come. Thank you for being an inspiration to me to keep following the path that God is paving for me to reach so many people. I love you, and I can't wait to rejoice with you one day for all eternity. Love always, Mom.

[robertssister]

Claudia ,

I just got done reading your letter and my heart aches for you and your husband to have to deal with death again. I will keep those people in my prayers and you and your husband. I'm sure your son is proud of you both for doing God's will in your life.

And your right you just never now when your last day on earth will be. Its been 11 months this past monday sinces we lost Robert and so many things have change in my life and the lives of others.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Love ya

In Christian Love,

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Girls! Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. It's been a couple of days of silence on the boards. Hopefully that's a good thing and we're all out enjoying our families and doing something that brings us comfort and joy. Michael is away for a week and I have complete quiet. I'm not sure I know what to do with it. I've been catching up on a little missed sleep and writing a little bit. It's wonderful to have peace like this, even if it only comes and goes for the time being. Blessings & Hugs to all, love Claudia.

Simone, I know you are out there somewhere with a broken heart. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. We hope to hear from you again. God bless you.

[jackiewitter]

Hello ladies,

Claudia, I hope all is well with you. There have been so many ups and downs of late, I just ache for you. The joy of ministering to those around you and then the tragedy of of the bus accident, the young man who went through the roof. If we didn't know already it's just a reminder of how very fragile this life is and while our earthly lives are not our rewards, we should still value each and every moment of it. Be it in the solitude that you are getting this week, or the loud rowdiness of my home with my children. I hope this week will give you time to focus on the things you want and need to. Set aside some pampering time for yourself. Cook a favorite dinner just for you. Wish I was there, the girls and I could make it a pajama party! I'll be thinking of you through-out the week.

I have succomb (spelling) to medication. I really did not want to, but my though processes still swing so much. While things were getting better, it still seemed that I had these crazy emotional ups and downs (all in a matter of 15 to 30 minutes). I was afraid that anti-depression medication would just put me in the league of countless others that simply cannot face life. I am still waking up in the middle of the night, but I am able to go back to sleep, my thoughts are not scattered and I am not as panicked as I was. I am not taking the sleeping medication and I don't plan to, but I have found the anti-depressant makes a big difference in my focus.

Diane, Barb & Carol, I hope this weekend brings you great joy. Diane....I loved the pics of your get-together. It looks like you guys had tons of fun.

I love you all & pray for you each night. I hope our boys are getting to know one another...can you imagine the tales they will have when we get there! God's grace truly is sufficient isn't it! Peace and blessings, Jackie