Loss of a Sibling

[robertssister]

Hello! everyone if you'd like to see a picture of my brother just go to.

www.robert-stockwell.memory-of.com and you will be able to see him and me. I'm in the pic of the big family I'm in the blue shirt. Today went well. I went and bought roses in memory of my brother . :) I'm sure he's having a great day in HEAVEN.:) have a good night. Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Barb, What a beutiful tribute to Robert. I love "The Broken Chain". Who wrote it?

[diane1234]

Stephanie,

Your story on your Brother (The Bear one)was lovely. It touched my heart @ the part of your Bear story about saving up & enjoying the joy in our lives to relate to the boy/brother someday. I feel like that now,about my Brother (who I lost before Thanksgiving'06). I know when-ever something "Good" has happened in the last month that Harvey would have enjoyed(like a funny movie or a beautiful first snowfall); I can tell him about it in a saved memory or in my head(and not cry about him not seeing it now). I appreciated the email from Jackie.

It has been a tough Jan. for me and I'm glad a new month is days away!! Reading this message board has really helped me through my grieving. It is hard for me to write about my brother still; as I can be a stone somedays, sick of my husband, family & work the other days.I guess I am still in the sad stage mixed w/ alot more anger @ my family right now.I hope this stage will pass soon. I just wanted to let you know that your story was very dear & THANK YOU :-)

Diane

[annabanana]

Hi thanx I love the ted Bear story too.....

Heres a memory page I made so far only have the music, cover page and legacy page done so far..

http://christopher-conger.memory-of.com

we used the eva cassidy song over the rainbow and god bless the child for the funeral I uploaded her version of over the rainbow you'll never like another version after u hear hers if ya wanna hear god bless the child i will send it to ya its an amazing version very bluesy... very cool. (((HUGS))) steff

[jackiewitter]

Good morning my friends. I woke up as always at 1:30 this morning and without even thinking about it I remembered this will mark 6 months that I flew to Lubbock to watch my brother die. I remember the flight and how I prayed that the information my husband gave me was wrong. I was preparing in my head as to how we were going to get him home to recooperate. What was I going to say to bring him out of this sleep he was in. I was sure that when I got there he would respond to me, we always had a way of communicating with each other. I prayed that the accident didn't flaw his pretty face. Well God is good, Jeffrey was as beautiful as ever, but he wasn't going to wake up. There were no changes in any of the monitoring equipment when I talked to him, when I sang to him or when I screamed at him to wake up and for us to get out of that horrible town. I spent every possible minute in that room with him, I told the nurses how wonderful he was, I told him how pretty the nurses were, but he responded to nothing. Jeffrey was with me when Daddy passed away, it was such a blessed event. My father actually sat up and smiled in the moments when he left. It was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. It was almost as if he was looking where he was going and he was happy, maybe he saw Momma, maybe he saw Jesus, but whatever he saw it made him happy. It was not like that with Jeff, there was nothing, there were at least 3 nurses, a minister,a doctor, my oldest brother and my husband in that room and I have never in my life felt more alone. Today will pass onto tomorrow and the world will go on without him, it will not stop for my pain and it will not remember him. There is no one but you dear friends to know how much he meant to me and while the world continues on, we have banded together to share our stories and pain. I know that Joey was a wonderful son, I know that Jenn was loved by Mark fiercely, Robert & Barb, Steff & Chris, Diane and Harvey. I have made such good friends here and I know of your losses. If there is no one else, you all know who Jeffrey was, and he's (along with yours) is not someone that is just gone. He is alive in my memories and we can share those together. Peace and prayers to all of you. Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

My dear sister Jackie, I woke up thinking of you today. One thing I wish to say most, as long as Jackie is here, the world will NEVER forget Jeffrey!!

I love you, and I am praying for you. Always, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Claudia, you are such a dear person. Words cannot express my gratitude. Because of you, I am able to unburden my soul. I knew I would probably wake to this and I was somewhat prepared. I just want to scream to everyone, he was here, he did great things while he was here, he helped people, he made people smile. He gave money to homeless people on the corners, even though he knew they probably weren't really homeless. He loved me and he is gone and the world goes on. I sometimes think that the Lord let me have him only to get through my parents deaths and then he took him back to Momma. He was such a Momma's boy. I close my eyes and I see him with her. She's cooking his favorite, chicken & dumplins (southern recipe). He's driving her batty, tickling her, singing goofball songs to her, and all the while Daddy is sitting at the table, drinking his coffee laughing at them. I miss them all, but of the two of us, Jeffrey belonged to Momma, she only loaned him to me for as long as I needed him. I am going to get through this day and the next one and the next one until it is my time to be with them. I know this, had it been me that was gone, Jeffrey would have suffered tremendously. I still have my kids, my husband, I reach out to my new friends. This pain will make me stronger, and it will make me more compassionate. I am about to break out into song "I will survive"! I better get back to work, thanks for being there Claudia and thanks for all your prayers. I love you.

[annabanana]

http://christopher-conger.memory-of.com/

heres the start of my website I built of Christopher. Njoy.

((HUGS)) Stephanie

[4everjoeysmom]

Too funny Jackie! Break out into song--I Will Survive. I love it!! AND I LOVE CHICKEN & DUMPLINGS!!! My grandma used to make them for me when I was little, and I have never passed by a Cracker barrel w/o going for chicken & dumplings. MMmmmmMMMMMMmmmmm!!!

You make me laugh and smile! Hugs, Claudia

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Your memories of Jeffrey live on soooo eloquently through you & your lovely stories about him. He will always be lucky to have a sister who loves him as dearly as you. Your words always touch me. I feel the same way about Harvey as you do about Jeffrey.It's a great gift you have, of being able to express exactly how much Jeffrey meant to you. Your postings have helped me thru my dark time w/ my Brother's sensless death also.I did the same sorts of things by Harvey's hospital bed while he was in his coma.

However there was one time, when I was lucky enough to have one final gift from Harvey. It was when he moved his eyes.It was only once the whole time(3+ week coma)he was there. My dear friend Janet & I brought her grandaughter Anna to visit Harv. We snuck little Anna( she's 8 yrs old) into the ICU to pray w/ us & say good bye to him. After we prayed, Anna suddenly just started to sing to Harv from her little heart( The Annie Song: The Sun will Come Out Tomorrow).Her voice sounded like an Angel. It was the only time Harvey opened his eyes those 3 weeks. He died a week later. I felt like he said good-bye to me then (no one else in my family was there w/ us to see his beautiful eyes open).I feel he was able to see the 3 of us one last time.Janet is a very Spiritual Christian & I'm a Messianic Jew(against the wishes of my very Jewish family). I will always be grateful for that and I believe it was of G-d(ie..the Holy Trinity)I believe 3 is a blessed number for me and Harv gave us his last Farewell. I hope someday Jeffrey comes to you in a dream, prayer etc.. and he will tell you how lucky he was to have you for a sister one last time. G-d Bless you & everyone in here for sharing how grief REALLY is. Diane

[robertssister]

Stephanie,

Hello! Sorry for your loss. My brother passed away 6-28-06. I looked at your brothers web page you are doing a great job with it . If you want to write me and talk please do. I'll be praying for you and your family. My brother has a web page too. Just type in robert stockwell in the find someone part on the same web page you have for your brother. Barb

[robertssister]

Hello! It's not been a good day. Last week was 7 month's since my brother's death and I was so sick all week end that I really didn't have time to think about missing him. But today is different. My boys keep fighting and I told them you know when I was a kid Robert and I used to fight and we didn't want to set by each other or touch , but now I would love for Robert to be here and bug me all the time. " MY HEART JUST HURTS TODAY" . I talked to my sister and they are all going to Jenn's house for dinner she Roberts wife. I would love to be there . they are in NY and were in Pa I just miss HOME . Even at the age of 34 . I miss home . We are a very close family . Family is every thing to me.

Barb

[jackiewitter]

Hello my friends. I am reflecting alot today. Today marks six months. Last night (actually early this morning) I awoke at 12:20...which is strange because since his death I have awaken around 1:30 every morning. But I had a terrible dream about my youngest daughter being in a car wreck. I immediately went to her room and she was not there, I called her cell phone and she was at a girl friends house. I ask her to please come home but to please be very careful. I sat up and waited until she made it home, then held her so close to me she could hardly breathe. I don't know why I dreamed what I did, but I also don't know if by telling her to come home now may have prevented something if she had waited. One thing I do know, Jeffrey died at 12:15 in the morning and very strangely I woke at 12:20, not my usual 1:30. I may have had a visit from him, I guess I may never really know. Today I am wrapping myself in Claudia's beautiful words, they are my blanket against this cold. It is amazing that you can feel such love from people from people you have never met, while people that you are in contact with daily seem oblivious. Diane, what sweet things you said. I thank you very much. Jeffrey was only in a coma for about 36 hours, I am afraid had it been longer it would have been pure torture. I am such an optimist, I would be there every day believing that he would be getting up and coming home with me. How very hard it must have been for you to go through that with Harvey. On one hand you had more time with him and you got the gift of seeing him move his eyes, but on the other, it must have seemed a roll-a-coaster of ups and downs. If I might ask, was Harvey a donor? Were Joey or Robert? Jeffrey was (or I chose for him to be) and let me tell you, that brings on a flood of emotions. My husband still gathers all he Life Gift information that is sent here and has put it away for me until I am ready for it. Within the first week we probably received 15 pieces of mail and it was very overwhelming. While I have the blessed knowledge that Jeffrey's death aided someone, it was difficult to put into perspective. I just had the most wonderful feeling though, through out my life I thought Jeffrey and I were the only people that were blessed enough to have such a wonderful relationship and now it seems I have found two more lucky girls that shared the same. I still have 2 living brothers, one 14 years older than I and one 6 years older, but Jeff and I were so close in age, we just meshed. I think that Diane, Barb & I have truly been blessed. Some people don't know how much their family means to them until they are gone. We knew it all along. Today was getting the best of me and I had the priveledge of being able to come and visit with my grief friends (I tell my children that you are my grief partners). I am grateful for all of you. By the way, has any one heard from Mark, Jenn's dad. I have not checked the other post today, but I have not seen him. I pray all is as well as it can be and that God gives him the strength that he needs to endure. What a special man. My husband is about to take me to dinner, I think I may order something for Jeffrey, they don't serve chicken and dumplins at Outback, but I never knew Jeff to turn down a medium rare steak! I love you all, may God be with you this weekend and hold you close. Peace...Jackie

[robertssister]

Jackie,

Hello! How are you today? I'm doing better today. Yes Robert, was a donor but there wasn't to much they could take because of the accident he was in. The road he was driving on gave way and He fell about 40 feet. And they couldn't get to him . It took them 6 hrs toget him out. My uncle was the first person on the accident and he helped his son go down and they cheked to see if Robert was alive and he wasn't:( they figure he didn't know what happen thank GOD for that. then my uncle went to where my dad worked and told him .Robert worked right across the street from my dad . My dad heard people talking about the accident and wondered if Robert know who it was then my uncle showed up to tell him . Then my dad went to tell Jennifer (WIFE) and my uncle went to tell my mom (his sister). I call my mom every morning I called mom that morning and she was crying I said mom whats wrong she said It's Robert he was in a accident and he's died. I have to go she said. That was how my day started. June 28th . That was also my brother Daniel's 27the Bday.

Anyways, Sorry so go throw all of that. So, by the time they got to pull Robert and his truck out of the hole it was to late to use his main organs. Hope every one is having a good day. Barb

[jackiewitter]

Hello Barb, isn't is sad the stories that we have. I grew up with such a normal childhood, product of the 60's, never locked our doors, rode bikes until dark, etc...I never ever thought I would have a story like this to tell. My life was so normal, I wish I could have it back and send the story straight to hell. My oldest brothers let Jeff and I plan the funeral for my father. My mother had passed away 2 years prior, and the older boys handled it. My dad was a retired fireman, I mentioned rather than our cousins, why not get some of the firemen to be his pallbearers. Jeffrey took off running with it. He contacted the fire dept and they had just begun a committe that handled funerals, alot of this took place after 911. From the day that my father's body was prepared, two fireman stood guard at his casket until he was buried. They stayed there all night as well. When we left the chapel we were routed past the main fire department where they had two ladder trucks crossed, all the fireman that were not part of the service were outside and saluted him as we drove by. When we arerived at the cemetary, there was a firetruck that my father had bought in the late 50's and my oldest brother had flown to Detroit with him to drive it back. It had been restored years ago and they used it for parades and such. It was there and it's siren wailed as we pulled in. The fireman performed a ringing of the bell and "last call" for my Dad, the last call would make you break down. In older days fireman and policeman would call for their people when they were in a burning building, the "last call" the one their fallen person would not answer, was announced across the entire airwaves of all city radios. When they pronounced Last call for Chief Jack Warrington, I just broke down and Jeffrey held me. My father loved that community and he served it well. This memory I have thanks to Jeffrey, he carried all of this off and it was a service so befitting and deserving of my father. In this story I have remembered the love that Jeffrey had for my dad and the love the community had for my dad. Not all the stories are sad ones. Keep trying Barb, you will find a story in there that will give you a smile that will over shadow the tears. I pray for you daily. Peace and blessings, Jackie

ps...I was going to tell you how Jeff became a donor, but I got lost in the memory of Daddy's service.

[4everjoeysmom]

What a beautiful recount of your father's service, Jackie. It's such a wonderful memory and how amazing that it is courtesy of Jeffrey's love for his family, his dedication and the selfless planning that he orchestrated. I'm really glad that you have these beautiful memories to smile by when the moments get rough. You made it past 6 months, as I ahve, and it's one foot in front of another always, but we're making it... and thanks to a God of grace who opens our hearts big enough to let the beautiful memories come side by side with our pain. There were times, and may still be, when it feels like my heart has no more room than for the pain that fills it.

Barb, I'm glad you are having a better day. Keep searching for the smiles. They are reachable even through the tears...

Joey was not a donor... I wish things were different... His dad didn't find out about the accident until after about 6 hours had passed, and I didn't find out until 6 hours after that. Joey was such a mess, I'm not sure what could have been salvaged anyway... (sigh)

[jackiewitter]

Hi Claudia, I guess I have just been busy, making busy work. I have had dreams for the past two nights, unfornately neither good. Last night I dreamt of Jeff's memorial, but it was different. When my husband went to get the truck I just started walking. I walked for hours until I found a hotel and I rented a room for a month, I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was not going to go home, I was running away from all of it. Isn't that a strange dream and the night before a dream of precious Nicki involved in a car accident. Auuugggg for the dreams! There must be much moving around in my head over the past couple of days. I guess I am trying to do anything but deal with the emotions that are going on....I am hoping that you have a good Sunday and a wonderful week. I sent you an email earlier, rather long I am afraid. I don't know how to say things without it becoming a novel, so sorry. Take care and blessings and prayers for the coming week. How's the dryer? Much love. Jackie

[babysister]

Hi,

I don't know where to start. My brother was killed Nov.5, 2006. He was shot in the neck, it went through and pierced both corotid arteries. As a child I wanted a close relationship with my brother but didn't really get that. He was six years older than I am. First, we have different mothers so he spent some time living in another state, when he was there, he wasn't living with me. When he did move back to our hometown he as a teenager and wasn't really concerned with a relationship with his babysister and we all had problems (within the family). At one point I stopped claiming him. Since a little before my wedding last year we had been becoming closer and keeping in touch. Even more so after the wedding. Without knowing it, I was exited that things had finally changed between us. The day he was killed he had called me and my husband. We were busy cleaning up from moving and missed the call. We intended on calling him back and just forgot. Around 4am that night my brother was killed. His case is becoming a cold one really fast. Anyone that knows any information is not talking. I am having a harder time dealing with this than I thought. Sometimes I don\'t even feel entitled to be upset, or as upset as my sisters. It was good to see this message board. I just wanted to get that out. I\'m looking for somewhere to start to get over this. Today I saw his picture and started crying. Last night when I was washing my face I thought about not calling him back and fell apart.

P.S. jeffreyssister,

After coming back home from dealing with my brother's death I had two similar dreams. The first I was re-living my brother's funeral and after I walked out of the doors I was alone. The second was I ran into my brother's killer at a resturant (I don't know who he is, so he had no face just had on a leather jacket) and he tried to kill me. Guess weird dreams are a part of getting through this craziness.

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Jackie, I did you get your e-mail, as you know, and I'm so sorry I misse dyour post here. Don't know how that heppened! I'm constantly cruising these boards. I think sometimes my husband feels neglected. The dryer is coming along. It should be all hooked up and working by tomorrow afternoon, so I am thrilled about that. Thanks for thinking of me and a silly little ole thing like a dryer. It's funny how we get used to these modern conveniences, and then when we don't have them anymore, ugh... but I'd give up a dryer forever if I could have Joey back!

Babysister, I am so sorry for your pain and loss. You said you were looking for somewhere to start to get over this. But reality is something like this si impossible to get over. You will get through with time though. And finding us here I hope will help you as it has me. There are so many great people here that have the same pain and can help you to feel like you are not journeying this awful loss alone. I'll say a prayer for you and hope in it somewhere you can find a moment of warmth and love. Love, Claudia

P.s. Still can't dream... Not sure why...

[edlilsis]

Hello Everyone,

I'm the youngest of 4. My brother was 6.5 years older than me. Growing up I was close to and as we entered adulthood we were still close.

There were two instances where I smelt his cologne.. I was thinking about him and feeling gulity about not being there to help him like I did the time before. I thought of it as a sign that he was telling me that it was alright. Second was on Christmas, I guess he was wishing me a Merry Christmas.

I am close to my other siblings, but with him it was different. If he needed soemthing he called me. I Miss my brother. Soon, it will be year. A year has sure flown by.

Edlilsis( Kelly)

[jackiewitter]

Babysister, Oh for that phone call. Don't put more on yourself that you already have. I have burdened myself with the same. My brother kept texting me the Sunday before he died, I was thinking at the time, Jeff, can you not take a trip by yourself without texting me every 2 hours...well those were the last text that I ever got from him. Guilt, guilt and more guilt. I have come to realize had I returned his text, that would not have been enough, I would still want more. Please try to be kinder to yourself, your brother obviously loved you or he wouldn't have been calling. I read something not too long ago and it was along the lines of the amount of grief one bears is equal to the amount of love that was shared. The grief alone is a burden, try not to make it more than you have to bear with the added guilt. I will keep you close in my prayers and if you need someone to talk to we are here.

Kelly, I know about the smells. My brother wore this horrible cologne from the 80's. Musk for Men...I didn't even know you could still buy it. But the other day at Bed Bath & Beyond I saw a candle that was musk. I bought it, it stinks, but it brings back great memories of him. And you too with the guilt, is that a woman thing. You've made it almost to a year, that must mean there's hope for us all.

Peace & blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Hello Claudia. I read and reread your email, started my reply on Sunday and just finished. I failed to tell you in the email how grateful I am to be able to share this with you and how honored I am that you have shared the most raw parts of your heart. I am trying to work my out of that gloom I was in all weekend. I stayed busy, but the sorrow was there, just looming over me. It's a feeling, just right below the surface. I am not sad, or angry, I think empty more closely describes it. Chris will be going out of town Sunday and he will be gone for a week. He traveled quite a bit before Jeff died, but since Jeff's death his trips have been only for a couple of days at a time. Even though there is a silence between us now, I dread him leaving, but at the same time, I am somewhat releaved because I won't have to look at him and try to say something that is not blue. You know that pig pen charactor from Peanuts, the one that always has that smelly fog and dust around him. That is what I feel like, that there's a fog around me and people can see it so they try to avoid me so they don't have to talk to me. Another milestone will be the 19th, what would be Jeff's birthday. I keep telling myself all I have to do is get past the 6 mo milestone, get past his birthday, get past the investigations, but they seem to be lining up one behind the other. Maybe now you can see why I am so excited about your dryer! The highlight of my day! Claudia, I would go out and gather all the dryers of the world if it we could trade them for Jeff and Joey. I will say my prayers for you as always tonight, please do the same for me. I figure if we tag team Him, Jeff & Joey will get a kick out of it. Love you, Jackie

[babysister]

Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. I will return the prayers as well, its good to have help in that area. You are the third person to tell me that I am feeling guilt and to stop blaming myself. I never looked at it that way but its like everything else, sometimes people from the outside understand better than you think you do. Now I know that along with praying past the pain, I need to get rid of this guilt and pray past it too. First I guess I have to come to terms with it. Its good to talk to others that are going through this that is not family. My sisters are greiving too and we are all trying to help each other but can't help ourselves. My oldest nephew has it hard too. My brother was like a dad to him for so long and he was there and watched my brother be killed. I actually did a google search for articles to share with my family so that we can see what we are going through is normal and everyone can find their way through it. That is how I found this site. Maybe I can pass this along to them too.

I understand the smells as well. When cleaning out my brother's house I found a sweatsuit that he had worn recently. It smelled so good and so much like my brother. I like to wrap myself in it and smell but I am careful not to get it dirty because I don't want to wash it. I dropped some purel on the pants one day and fell apart. I do sleep with it when I am sad sometimes.

I do have another question. How do I deal with this my own way without alienating my new husband? Any thoughts? Thank you again for your kind words and prayers

[4everjoeysmom]

Babysister, I, too, struggle with traveling through grief and not alienating my husband in the process. He is so good and tries so hard to comfort me and be understanding. But sometimes I just need "space". There are days when I communicate well and other days when I don't want to be bothered with. It's almost like I own my grief, and while I don't want to feel alone in it, I don't want to share it either; somehow like a threat looms that if my grief were to be smoothed over then I will also somehow forget how special and important my Joey was to me. That's not really rational thinking, but it's something I go through none-the-less. My mind likes to play those kinds of tricks on me. Sometimes I think it's a way that the enemy of God likes to use for a stronghold in my life to draw me away from my husband and others who find strength in faith and God. I also sometimes feel such a desperation to know more--things a finite mind cannot possibly comprehend without spiritual grace and help. And often there are so many advisors readily available to suggest spiritual guidance that I know without a doubt do not come from God. But ultimately when I recognize these traps and pray for God's protection and guidance through the battles of forced knowledge and resistance to those that stand by with God's love to help, I come back to a right mind and find comforta dn peace that I cannot explain--though it doesn't provide answers to the many "why's", God does give me more of Him which is ultimately the best medicine. Guilt is a horrible trap, and that is used against us in such a powerful way that too often we are drawn to seek comfort in things apart from God. Keep praying, as we will for you. When in doubt, always pray... it's the most powerful weapon, and reading God's word helps too. There is so much "suggested reading", but too often the Bible is left off of the list. That's not a coincidence either. You are loved and not ever alone... Love, Claudia

[Kelly]

We just got back in our popular Remember Pins. Show that you are remembering a loved one by wearing these pins. The proceeds cover the cost of the pins and help support Beyond Indigo. Too see the pins and wristbands as well as place an order copy and paste this link into a new broswer window.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/sunshop/index.php?action=category&id=2

Kelly

[babysister]

Hi Joeysmom, Jeffssister, and all,

I am having a decent day today. By that I mean I have not had a break down today. I wanted to share something remotely positive. I am the youngest child of a very complicated combination of families. My mother has 2 girls, my dad has 1 girl 1 boy...and then there was me. I made it number 5. So I have been named the baby of the family, well within right. It used to bother me but I enjoy it more as an adult. My sisters and my brother calls me babysister, my dad just calls me baby, and my mom calls me babygirl. I used to hate it b/c I would say I am an adult now, but now I love it. That being said. Even though my brother and I was not close my whole life I know that he cared for me because he called my babysister and when his friends would meet me, the would say the all popular phrase "You must be babysister" (that is what all my siblings friends say). That means that he talked about me using my families term of enderment baby. I just wanted to share that.

I hope you are having a good day and I hope your good days begin to out number the bad days more each week.

P.S. Joeysmom, thanks for sharing your love, I want to share mine to all too because love helps ease the pain. Thank you

[diane1234]

Hi all,

I'm soo glad this message board is here. I have been trying to help our 13 year old Aussie Shepard for the past week. She stopped walking a week ago & she's been crying in pain for over a week(she's diabetic,has lots of health issues...)etc.Well , my husband & the Vet decided tomorrow will be her last day w/ us. She is going to Heaven tomorrow nite @ 7:30pm. I've been feeling such a sense of dread for her. I know logically it's the right thing to do, to end her suffering. But I keep connecting it w/ my Brother's death & how we had to do a similar thing @ the hospital. Everyone (friends & family) keep telling me that my Brother's death was different..he wasn't an animal. Yet I am still feeling very sad tonite & connecting the two issues :-( Harvey only passed away less than 3 months ago & now I'm dealing w/ the same thing w/ our pet Marbles.

I'm open to any suggestions on dealing w/ this. I did visit the loss of pet thread...but it didn't make feel any better. Does anyone have a copy of the Rainbow Bridge Poem? I'd like to read it & couldn't find it. Any way, please keep me in your prayers & I'll keep you all posted on Marble's passing. I am soooo Done w/ Death & dying tonite!!

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[diane1234]

Claudia,

Thank you sooooooo much for sharing the Rainbow Bridge w/ me. I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing tonite. That story was truely lovely. I hope Marbles & Harvey get to meet again on that Rainbow bridge. They're both going to be in a peaceful place together on Friday. Thanks again,Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Babysister, I am so glad that you have found some encouragement in what I have shared. The love I extend is only in part the kind of love that God has for each of us. It's hard for me to know and understand everything that happens in life, but I don't give up in knowing and trusting that God loves and cares for me through it all. He loves his children so much, and I suppose often when He chooses to bring one home before we are ready to let go, it is because He wants that loved one to be free of trials and tears here in this world. I can only imagine the perfect heaven. But I have no doubt that my Joey and your brother are basking in that love fully and completely, in perfect company. It's when I can set my sights there that I can make it through another day here... I know they suffer no more. It is we who suffer and grieve, but not alone. In His love, and in trusting Him through all trials, we find more peace than we can comprehend. That peace doesn't mean that we won't be sad and miss our beloveds, but it does give us a hope and future in knowing that one day when He brings us home too, we will all be joyfully and perfectly together again. There are no goodbyes, just a see you later when my job is done here. Hold tight to God and His promise of eternal life with Him and His/Our family in heaven. We can't see them, but they are alive and well for all eternity. I call it a sad rejoicing... I rejoice for Joey because he has everything now that this world could never sufficiently provide. I am sad because I cannot see him or call him, feel his hugs and hear his voice. But I can just imagine the conversations he is having with God, with your brother, with all the brothers and sisters in heaven, and I'm sure he is perfectly happy to be where he is. "I can only imagine..." Keep the faith and know that God will never leave or forsake you, no matter how hot the oven gets. Call on him for strength and peace, and He will give it. I know, because even though I have very tough days, He gives me better days too. Lots of love and always my prayers, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, This morning the most beautiful rainbow appeared in the valley just above where we live in the rainforest. As the rain continued to fall and the sun rose above the mountain behind us, the rainbow became brighter and brighter. It is not a coincidence that this rainbow shined today. May the deep love you have for your dear Marbles carry her to the rainbow bridge where she will happily play and wait for you there... Love, Claudia

[robertssister]

Hello! everyone I hope your having a good day. I'm doing good. Next week the 17th my parents are coming down for a visit.:) it's only going to be over night but I can't wait plus it's there anniversary . So I think were going to take them out to eat. Just wanted to share some good news. Hope everyone is doing well. Jackie and Claudia can write me any time I love hearing from you.

Take care and God bless you all today.

Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Barb. That is great news! It is always so wonderful to have positive plans to look forward to.

Our ministry is currently in crisis here in Ecuador. A young man working with us (19 yrs old, name is Wilson) fell through the tile roof of one of our guesthouses yesterday afternoon. He has head trauma--fractured skull. They operated last night and he is in intensive care, critical but stable for now. We are praying for his full recovery. My husband is at the hospital with him and has helped to coordinate all emergency efforts. I am thankful we could help. Without Michael, my husband, pulling in all contact connections we have here, the boy would have been refused treatment (as his family is poor) and the boy surely would have died. We are thankful to God for His guiding hand and resources. It's such a devastation coming on the heels of losing my son 6 months ago. The falshbacks as I sat with him before help arrived were just horrendous, as is the whole situation. God help us all!

I'll write again soon.. for now, I am sending hugs and prayers of blessing your way. Love, Claudia

[diane1234]

Claudia, Thank you for telling me about the Beautiful rainbow you saw today in Ecuador. I'm sure Marble will be @ the other end of it tonite w/ G-d & my Brother.

That is good news that the man who fell off the roof is still here w/ you.I'm sure it was due to your diligence & G-d's will. Today was not his day to leave this earth. It seems that the Hand of G-d was on that young man in Ecuador.Thank you for Sharing the Rainbow w/ me..it's making what we have to do tonite a tad more bearble.

My 2 other dogs also seem to sense Marble's plight today. Our Rotty puppy has kept vigil @ Marbles Side all day;as if she can sense it's her end times.We got her to keep our 2 senior dogs company(we also have a 10+yr old Brittney Spaniel who is having a full depression today too).Loss is just such a sad thing. I'm chosing to take it a day @ a time this weekend. Thanks for everyone's prayers. Tonite will be seeing my Brother Harvey on the Rainbow Bridge.

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, I sent you photos of the rainbow.. Hugs, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Claudia, I just read your post and I am so very sorry. We just have to hang in there, we don't know all of His ways, but we trust and we have faith. I will keep you in my prayers as always along with Michael and poor Wilson. When I read that I just flashed back, I pray that God has a miracle in store for him and that you get to witness it, but if that is not His will, then know that you had the opportunity to touch someones heart. I find it so very hard to deal with new pain, you and Diane with her pet (I don't care what people say, some pets are better that people). My heart breaks for you both. Please know that I am here and if you need to call, I'll give you both my phone number in an email. As always, know that I am praying for you and no matter what happens, we have to believe that God is holding us as we go through this.

Barb, enjoy your family. There has to be some sunlight somewhere. Try to focus on your parents and the good times that you have had with your brother. My husband is leaving Sunday, so if you guys need me, please know that I am here.

Babysister, I am happy that you have that name you can cling to. It's funny some of the "jeffism's" that I used to think were so goofy have become part of my vocabulary. Everytime he would call he would say "Jackie Lynn, you ain't gonna believe this s*&^t". (and most of the time I wouldn't) But that still cracks me up. So go hang on to what you need to if it makes you smile. I so very glad that you have that. Please say a prayer for Claudia tonight as well as all of us sisters. I cannot tell you girls how happy I am that I found you.

Peace and blessings for all of us, Jackie

[Guest Guest]

I'm not sure if this wil help, but, here goes. We lost my beautiful 6'7" baby brother at the very young age of 33. I was sudden yet for some reason the year prior to his death, i visited with him and his family in Florida where they lived,my heart told me as i hugged ken, and waived goodbye to him it was going to be the last time i would ever see him again. It pains me right now to talk about it because it hurts soo freaking bad. Ken and i were always inseperable. Where one was the other was sure to be close by.There were two years seperating us,me the eldest, he the giant. But it was like we wre twins, no joke. Ken had a beautiful wife with two awesome children. His daughter is 17, and his son,8 who by the way looks like he was picked off u know where. I feel so bad for them just knowing the pain they are feeling and i feel guilty for not going before him. I feel that i was the rotten one growing up and he was the good boy always doing as he was told. Ken was an angel! He didn't deserve to die and his family doesn't need to go threw so much pain. I'm not saying that I want to die, because i too have a beautiful family with two sons and a wonderful husband, yet I feel soo bad on the inside. Ken was such a big part of our family unit. I am still very close to my sister-in-law and nothing would ever seperate us. Ken would want us to stay close. I wish i knew how to comfort all of us. When my baby boy Michael says ihs prayers at night, he still prays for his Uncle Ken up in heaven.

Miss you ken,

Your "Lilsister"

[jackiewitter]

Ken's Lilsister,

Hello and welcome. I didn't know if it would help either, but I have found more peace here than I thought was possible. For the first few months I was in a fog, I cried all the time and everyone treated me like I had the plague. I thought I must be crazy because I hurt so badly. Then after reading a few post and joining in, I found so many of the same emotions and dreams and things that I was clinging to was shared by others. While my friends and family tend to stay away from the subject, I am able to come here to my friends and tell them everything. They don't think that I am nuts that I still hug my brothers shirt, or that I hang on to pieces of trash that I removed from his room's trash can. As Diane said "they get it, more than family and friends". I hope that you can find some peace here as I have. I will add you to my list of prayers now. While sad that we are all brought together by such tragic events, we are stronger as we band together in prayer. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[robertssister]

Lilsister,

Hello! My name is Barb and I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. My brother died June 28th 2006 in a car accident. I know right now you probably keep thinking what is going on how can I make this better. I'm a born again christian and my faith means everything to me . I put my brothers death in GOD'S hands and just ask him to help me through all of it. And to help me ,to know what to say to his wife and 3 kids. My nephew prays and ask God to send daddy back when he's done with him it's so heart braking to hear him pray. God has a way to just picking you up and carry you through the hard times. I will pray for you and your family . May God bless you all . Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Lilsister, I think it is a very common thing for a survivng sibling to feel guilt for being a survivor. But guilt is also a trap that can keep you from emotionally healing. To heal doesn't mean that you will forget your brother or cherish him less, or that he would be uspet that you survived and he isn't here. He would want you to feel his love always and not be so hard on yourself. I'm certain of this. To be able to comfort others around you who feel the pain of the loss, you have taken the first step; you WANT to help your loved ones through. Now you will need to let go of your guilt and hang onto the love that is stronger than any other force. Love outlives all pain, and I know the love you and Ken shared between your hearts is strong enough to pull you through. Love is a gift from God, because He is love, and He is lifting you up out of the pit of guilt with His love and the love He designed especially between you and your brother Ken. Do you believe this? I am praying for you. Love, Claudia

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Claudia, I'm praying, sister. This is when God's people must pull together and carry the burden in one accord. I know how serious brain injuries are, since I've been through brain surgery following such. My prayers and meditations are at your disposal until God answers. Will help be needed with medical bills? I can present the issue to the church and ask for assistance if so. If you need to talk, you may use my email at the studio. brother in HIM, Mark

[robertssister]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope every one has a great day today it's a day for LOVE. And I hope the special memories that you have for your loved onces brings you peace and comfort today.

Your friend,

Barb:)

[jackiewitter]

Hi Barb. Thanks for the well wishes. It comes at a great time. This has been such a see saw of emotions. Just when I thought I was turning a corner, bam. Jeffrey's birthday is 5 days away, he would have been 44. Chris, my husband, has been out of town since Sunday and I miss him terribly right now. I now have such a sense of dread when he goes out of town, he has been quite considerate, calling me several times a day, but I still have this cloud over my head, like something is going to happen. I wish I could get that to go away. Do y'all do that, worry about things more now? Everytime the kids go out I worry and make them call me before they leave to come home so that I know when to expect them, then I sit up and wait and if they are later than they said, I am texting and calling them like crazy. When I hear an ambulance I go and see where the kids are...aaauuuuggg, I have become so neurotic. I am wishing you all the best Valentine's that you can have. I have a gift to open from my husband tonight, but promised to wait until he calls me. Love & blessings. Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Jackie, I've been thinking of you and praying. I know with Chris away you're lonely and anxious. I try very consciously to mediate on the scriptures in Philippians when I feel afraid and anxious. If I truly believe God, then this muct be true. He is in control of all things, and this is His Word.

Phi 4:6-8 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I pray you can meditate here and leave it to God, the owner of the Universe.

I am sick in bed with the flu today. Great way to spend Valentine's, huh? It hit me in one big swoop this morning, like a ton of bricks. Love y'all!

[jackiewitter]

Claudia,

I am so very sorry that you are sick. When you get an opportunity, please give me an update on Wilson. Thanks for the meditation scripture as well. I have had such sucess when I stop and try to allow Him to lead, but my nature continues to get in front and I try to handle it on my own. Why I continue to think that I know best???? Even on a secular level, what does worry get you? I will pray for your quick healing. Have a good evening and tell Michael you will have to make up Valentines next week. Love you.

[robertssister]

Jackie,

Hello! My brothers Bday was Jan 29th. I went out and bought a rose to remember him by. And Yes , I hate going any where now and I hate it when my family goes any where. I'm always waiting for "THAT CALL" and I hate it. I'm so afraid of ever hearing those words again . oh ? is dead. That just makes my heart ache to think about it. So , I clearly understand how your feeling.

Today, I went to work at MCDS and I was one of 4 that showed up . We had a bad snow storm today I live in Pa I got home at 3:00pm after getting stuck in the drive way at work and 3 men wouldnt even help me but couple people I work with got me out. I have tomorrow off But I might have to go in because I'm the only one not afraid of driving in this weather. I lived in up state NY growing up so this weather in nothing . But they really dont know how to handly it down here. Any ways My husband didnt get to go anywhere to get me anything for V- Day but that's ok I know he loves me and were going out to eat on Friday night just the two of us :) we are going to a place called Smokey bones . I heard its really good eaten:):) .

My parents are not comeing down because of the weather. I told mom I'd rather have you both home safe then driving in bad weather and getting hurt . Lord , know s we don't need that.

Claudia , Im sorry your sick I will pray for you to feel better.

Later girls,

Barb

[jillssister]

I have been reading through the posts and it sounds as if you all are going through or have been through what I'm going through. I thought that maybe I would give this a try and see if this will offer me some peace and support.

Here is my story:

January 23rd I lost my sister. She was 29 years old, had 3 small children and a husband. She died during open heart surgery when they could not stop the bleeding and get her off the heart lung machine. Here is how it went...

Monday morning she checked into the hospital to undergo open heart surgery to fix a valve and replace a calcified homograph. She has had congenital heart defects since she was born and had gone through 4 surgeries by the time she was 7. When she was 7 that was the last one. Because of that she needed to have the homograph replaced and some other things fixed. Nothing compaired to what she had been through 22 years ago. I assumed because technology is so advanced that this would not be that big of a deal and neither did my family.

She went into surgery at 8:30am and it took them a while to get her on the heart lung because of the amount of scar tissue that had built up over the years. When they got in their the heart had so much scar tissue that they had to remove it in order to sew the new valves in place. When they had replaced them they went to take her off the heart lung machine she was bleeding. They tried to fix it but were unsuccessful. The surgeon tried for almost 2 hours to repair the damage the scar tissue had caused but could not. He tried 4 times to take her off the heart lung machine and also tried to re-start the heart but could not. He came out at 4am and told my family that he could keep going but there would be sever nurological damage from being on the heart/lung for so long.

My sister and I have seen each other everyday or everyother day for the last 3 years as we live a block from each other. I worked in the same building as her and often talked on the phone with her a couple of times a day.

I have so many regrets, I'm angry, I'm devistated and the emotional roller coaster I seem to be on will not stop. I am not one to ask for help from people and feel that I have no control at this point. I miss her so much and I think of her all the time.

Thank you so much for giving me a place to write this all down and say what I think and feel.

April

[robertssister]

April ,

Sorry for your loss, I lost my brother Robert on 6-28-06 in a car accident . I pray that God will give you the peace and understanding that you will need. Please feel free to email me anytime to ask me any ? Your in my thoughts and Prayer ,

Barb

[diane1234]

April and All :

Sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. I lost my brother Harvey before Thanksgiving '06 in a surgical screw up (he had a rountine spinal fusion gone very bad). It was very unexpected for me to lose him(we too were Extremely close). I know you must be feeling sooooooo many different emotions now. I want to say WELCOME to this site. I feel like this is the only place where people can understand the complex aspects to grief,death...and everything else we the survivors need to make it thru a day .

I've just read all the posts in the last week (I've had a sad time here). I hope Claudia you feel better & I pray for you Jackie on your Jeff's B-day.I'm still dealing w/ the recent death of our family pet(I'm very grateful to Claudia & Jackie in that dark Fri.nite w/ Marbles).I'm also still shoveling out w/ our East coast Snow/Ice mess. It was lovely the first 2 days and now a week later, I'm ready for TROPICAL weather :-)G-d Bless,Diane

[diane1234]

Claudia,

Thank you soo much for the Rainbow Bridge story for Marbles. I shared it w/ the Loss of Pet Thread for others who recently lost a pet... Thanks again :-)