Loss of a Sibling

[jackiewitter]

Diane, Hey... I can totally affirm your comment on the market right now, remember, I am in the mortgage industry!  Things have been so crazy here.  I am glad to be in a compliance mode now. 

I would love to meet.  I think perhaps a year from now we would all be in a better place mentally and spiritually.  I visited Harvey's memorial page as well.  There were a lot of good pictures there.  I really liked the one where you were cutting his birthday cake and he looked like he was sitting there being the obedient child!  It is so odd, but you can almost close your eyes and imagine them jumping off the page and taking action.  I guess that's the spirit in which we have described them in our efforts to keep them living in our hearts.  I have some film that I have not developed that is a couple of years old.  I am almost hesitant in getting it developed because I don't know what's on them.

Well I am back to work, had to drive into the city today...yuk!  I have gotten spoiled to working from home in my PJ's!  Peace & blessings, Jackie

PS...I saw where Claudia post on another thread so she has arrived.  I am sure that she is so busy with everything that is going on now and enjoying her visit with her son.  I am sure we will hear from her before long.

[lynnielou]

Diane,

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and for letting me know what I'm feeling is normal.  I like the idea of lighting a candle for Freddy.  We received some from the funeral home with his face on it.  I won't use this candle because it creeps me out, I'm not really sure why, but I can't get past his face on a mass marketed memorial candle.  My grandma liked the candle, but I don't think any of us siblings cared for it. I'll find another candle instead.  I've had a better day today.  I found out my workplace has started a trust fund for his wife and children.  Today was the first day I was actually present in mind for work.  I'm a social worker and one of my clients ran away.  It livened up things a bit for us - fortunately, the person came back and is ok.  I'm about 4 weeks behind in my paperwork, with no immediate plans to catch up and no desire to spend days on paperwork.  I'm spending my work time doing front line work with my clients, which is much more enjoyable.

Jackie, it seems funny to me that you're working on a garden in November.  Here, we're waiting for our first snowfall and we've pulled everything out of our gardens.

I'm not sure I'm ready yet, but later today, I may try to post up Freddy's picture.

Peace to everyone,

Linda

[diane1234]

Jackie,

 You are such a perceptive lady! That picture of me cutting Harv's cake, was the beginning of when his back started to hurt him(which led up to the surgery that he died from). He was very child -like on that day. I miss that about him. He was my Big Brother, but @ times I felt like the responisble one for him(he had a  way more care-free  attitude than me). I guess thru his death, I've learned to be tad more carefree and enjoy my days more(I take less for grantide now). I pray that in a year, my grief walk will allow me to think of those precious moments w/ him from the past & not have tears still roll down my cheeks(like now). Thank you my dear friend for signing Harvey's guest book. That was sooo sweet of you. He knows you signed it & is probably reading it w/ Jeff in Heaven having a laugh & a beer :-) Maybe someday next year , we will ALL honor our Bro's together someplace in the states :-)Linda,Sounds like you are doing waaaaaaaay better than me @ 4 weeks. I work for a builder and after my Brother died..I kinda stayed home for a bit(like 2 months off& on @  work). The people I work w/ cut me lots of slack during the last year(plus ,I work in my Father's business..LOL). Now that the market is very slow here; I'm grateful to not have to work 9-5 @ a job-site daily. I LOVE those PJ(or in my case sweats) days Jackie :-)I just email all my vendors from home and it's a nice break! Linda, don't sweat the small stuff @ work..it's just not worth it. Go ahead & lite a candle(or even candles).I buy mine @ the grocery store in the kosher section & they are called Yiskur Candles. They burn for about 24-48 hrs & they represent your grief & communication w/ your loved one.There are NO pictures on them. I always talk to Harvey when I lite one in honor of his death. It's like the flame is Harvey's memory in my heart.I guess it's something I hold onto from the Judeo-Christian Rituals of my childhood.Enough from me,I'm off to bed.

Blessings,

Diane

PS..if Claudia's reading this..say a quick Hi to us :-)

[lostgrievingsister]

To All

I need advice... today is my mom's bday and since my brother Michael died she has been so depressed and see's a doc who gives her alot of meds.  she told me they increased her xanax from 1mg to 2mg... She also thought I was my sis on the phone this morning and said love you mom when we hung up!!!!  She is so out of it and talking about driving 40 miles to my grandmas in the snow today!!!!  She has been depressed and lost for so long and she is on so many drugs she doesn't know who I am!!!  I don't know what to do she is in Colorado and I am in Texas!  I am afraid she will kill herself with all the drugs or kill herself and/or someone else in a car accident (the way Michael died he fell asleep driving on his way home from work at 6am and hit a semi head on). The last time she was here she was only on 1mg and she used to fall asleep eating and stuff!!!!  I don't know what to do I am afraid (I also lost my grandma and aunt in a car accident when my aunt feel asleep driving 14 years ago tomorrow) if you have any advice... PLEASE HELP!!!

Susan

Michael and Kenny's sister

[lynnielou]

Hi Susan,

Are there any relatives living near your mom that you could rely on?  Who you could call when you're worried about her?  If you're afraid she's going to drive, you can always call them and have them intervene.  Another possibility is to call the police in her city and ask them to check up on her - explain the situation and the concerns you have.  It sounds harsh to do this, but if it prevents her from driving when she's not coherent enough to do so, you could save a life.

Another thing you could do is to contact her doctor.  I know that confidentiality is always an issue, but there are doctors out there who will listen to you if you express your concerns.  It's important for her to be re-evaluated and get on a doseage that is right for her.

I'll post again if I think of anything else. I hope you are able to work through this to a good end.

Peace to you,

Linda

[jackiewitter]

Susan,  Hi.  I can certainly understand your concerns.  I was on medication at one point and I just felt like it was not the right thing for me.  My doctor had recommended it, but we had a follow-up after 30 days and then again at 60.  I called him before the 60 day follow-up and told him that I did not like the "zombie" effect that I was getting and he recommended that I decrease the dosage by taking one every other day for one week and then every two days the next week.  Then I could stop taking it.  He highly recommended slowly reducing the dosage.  So please talk to her Dr. and then try to have her contact him.  I have been blessed to have a doctor that was not just a pill dispenser, but truly concerned about the effect that the medication had on me.  There is another orgainization for parents of deceased children (someone help me, I think it's called Compassionate Friends).  They have groups all across the nation.  It is possible that you may could contact someone from there and they may be able to check on her.  I know I would certainly do that if I could.  

What part of Texas are you in?  I am in Seabrook (close to Galveston, just south of Houston).  I'll pray for your mother's safety as well.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Susan,

It sounds like you have your hands full w/ your Mom. Pills like the ones she's on are very addicting(my sister was an addictions/psych nurse). You should contact a Colorado Rehab near your Mom or the local heath & social services dept. They may have a program for her & she can slowly get off the pills & then deal w/ her grief. You may also want to call her Pastor or Priest to go pay her a visit. Some times a spiritual intervention can help the Hole in your Soul that death can leave. I wish you luck & will pray for you & your Mom. Keep us posted w/ your progress.

Blessings, Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi All,  I'm so sorry to see new folks posting.  It only means more have come to know our way of life and pain through loss.  For the newbies, I am so sorry for your losses and all of the challenges life brings now to you and your families.  I've been so grateful for this site and my friends here.  I don't know how I would have survived without them.  I pray you too will find copmassion and in time healing for your broken hearts.

Jackie, Diane, Barb, Simone, and my friends here...  I arrived back in the States a week ago Wednesday.  It's been kind of nutty...  I've stayed at my dad's for a few days, then with my son for a few, and I've recently been at my mom's for six nights.  I had very limited internet at her place, and felt in a way like I lost my lifeline.  I'm a bit overwhelmed with all here (reverse culture shock at the least and sorely missing Joey), and there have been a gazillion new posts in the threads here over the past week.  But I wanted to say his to everyone and let you all know I'm here, just haven't been able to read and post.  I hope to catch up more over the next few days.

A few more days until Thanksgiving...  I've been quiet and sad.  Truly my life is SO quiet without Joey in it.  It's great seeing family, and especially spending time with my patrick, but I just can't help feeling and knowing that Joey would be glued to my hip while I'm here if he were here too.     I was grocery shopping a little while ago with my step mom at the grocery store Joey worked at while he was attending the nearby junior college a few years ago.  The lady Joey worked for just happened to be shopping in there at the time and we bumped into her.  It's so hard to hear others say how wonderful he was and hear it in past tense.  This is kind of a first for me since I had left the country just a couple of weeks after Joey died and haven't been back until just now.  Seeing it in e-mails is one thing.  But hearing and seeing the expressions when people talk to me about my son who is no longer here and won't be coming back...well, it's just new and I'm feeling a kind of numbness all over again.  It's hard to describe.  Tomorrow afternoon is a dinner at joey's dad's house and I've been invited.  It will be very weird seeing that empty chair, and again at Thanksgiving...  Joey's ashes were scattered there at his home ranch in one of the pastures, where the horses are he loved so much.  I was out there last week for just a little while and found the same peace I felt while I was there last year during the 2 weeks of Joey's memorial activities.  I like it out there....   but it's still all so strange...   so surreal.  I think because we never had a body, we never sw Joey not alive, and because we had a memorial and only ashes, it might always feel surreal.  I don't know.  Maybe it's a good thing, because it is only his body that died anyway.  he lives elsewhere now...   OK.  I'm rambling...   Anyway, Just wanted to say hi and send BIG HUGS.  I'll be in touch.  Until then, lots of love and blessinga to you all, and know how blessed we are to not have to ever feel alone on this terribly lonesome journey.  -Claudia  (Joey's Mom)

[robertssister]

Claudia,

Hello! It's good to hear from you. I will be praying for you as your back home . I feel the same way when I'm here in PA things dont seem to be real . I look at Robert's pic and think oh his home with his family  but then I go home and he's Not there. It does feel Very weird to go home. I pray that you will have a good time with your other son and family members. We leave on Wednesday to go up home til sunday .   so if I'm not on thats where I am.

Today would have been my Brother in law Chuck's 52nd Birthday. He passed away 6 months before Robert did. He died of cancer.  I'm glad he is safe in GOD 's arm's today . What a brithday to have in Heaven.

Please Pray for my dad he is having test run for his health. Please pray that everything will be ok.

I truly love you all as good friends thank's so much for being here for me.  Please send me your address so that I can add you all to my Christmas card list. 

Happy thanksgiving to all of you. Love ya Barb 

[lynnielou]

Hello Everyone,

One of my coworkers has lost his father this past spring.  Yesterday he had a graveside service to bury the ashes of both of his parents.  I went to the service to support him.   What I didn't expect was my emotional response.  I found myself crying my eyes out during the whole service, and quietly I went off by myself to have a real good cry.  My brother died on Oct 16, 2007., and I thought I could easily cope with a funeral service. Boy, was I wrong.  I came home and cried some more.   On April 13, 2006 I lost my best friend and cousin.  We grew up as sisters and were the closest of friends.  When she died, I went through a terrible time.  Since her death, I have talks in my head with her everyday.  On the day of my brother's funeral, I asked her for help.  Within a few minuters, I heard 3 of her favorite songs , one right after the other on the stereo that my husband was listening to in the other room.  I felt that it was a sign from her that she would be with me during the funeral.  Since my brother died, I can't picture her in my head anymore nor can I hear her voice.  I don't even try to picture my brother in my head, because I'm not ready to cope.  I guess what I'm saying is that yesterday I had a meltdown and was feeling really low.  I was proud of myself for going back to work and getting back into my routines after Freddy passed.  I think I was just not dealing with my emotions and repressing what has happened.  I feel like I'm back at square one, but that's ok.  I had lots of plans for today, which included painting my son's room.  I've decided that today's going to be a day for me, and my son's room can be painted another day. 

To my American friends here who are celebrating Thanksgiving this week, my thoughts and prayers will be with you all. 

Once again, thank you for letting me bend your ear and vent my emotions.

Peace to all of you,

Linda

[diane1234]

Linda & All,

Sounds like you were having a day. I had to put one of our dogs to sleep right after Harv died. I think experiencing someone or something elses death, connects us back @ times to stuff we weren't ready to deal w/ immediately. I cried when that dog died & I revisited Harv's death for awhile after that too. It's like they say on this board..we ride those emotional waves(sometimes daily & sometimes far apart).Just grab your boogie board, cuz I'm still riding those waves over a year later!

Claudia,I hope you find your Rainbow in the states for Joey. It must be hard feeling all the emotions you are now. It's weird to see & feel things where you once walked w/ your loved one. I went to my Girlfriends last nite for a party. I nearly forgot that she had Harv's favorite sofa's. I went in the room where they were and sat on them for awhile w/ her sister-law(we talked about G-d,death,Israel..). In a weird way I felt comforted, not sad this time as we sat there.I knew Harv was smiling from above. Maybe you can take comfort in the love Joey felt for you & the people he knew in the states. May your holiday be a peaceful one.

Barb & Jackie, you guys have a great holiday too. I'm just glad I don't have to cook this year :-)

Blessings to all,

Diane

[robertssister]

Hello Girls,

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! We are off we will be back on Sunday . I'll try and check in . Have a great time with friends and Family.     I 'm very thankful for my husband and two boys. and the  32 years that I had with my Brother Robert and 12 yrs I had with my brother in law Chuck . GOD has been so good to me, its hard to complain when he wants our loved once home with him . I know they are safe and in GOD'S arms . Have a great Thanksgiving. 

Love Barb

[simmy72]

Hi Claudia and everyone,

Havent checked the board for a while, been busy writing reports for school.

I just wanted to say I have been thinking of you Claudia and understand how you must have mixed emotions about going home. Being around family and friends brings the grief up again I have found, when Im away in my own day to day world I can almost pretend Em is away on some exotic holiday where I cant get in touch with her.

Being with family shatters that illusion though. I hope your Thanksgiving went well Even though we dont celebrate it here in Australia I know it is a huge thing for you guys ..maybe even bigger than Christmas? I am getting nervous as the Christmas season draws closer. Its going to be so hard this year, but I need to put on a happy front for my kids. Georgia (my 8 year old daughter) has already said she is worried we will spend Christmas day crying, so I have to be sure that doesnt happen. We bought an Angel that says Em to go on the top of our tree this year and Im sure we will feel her around in Spirit....... If only that was enough.

I've tried to upload a recent photo from her business card. Hope it works so you can see how gorgeous she was, outside as well as in.

BTW Claudia, I love the photo of Joey. He looks like someone who would have been great fun to know

Love Simonex

[diane1234]

Hi all,

I just came on for a quick Hi. My husband had surgery today for his appnea & throat. I came home to let my dogs out & run back to the hospital(the 1st time since Harvey died last year). They said he might have to be in the ICU overnite & that's where Harvey died. I am sooooooooo walking thru my fears today! Please say a prayer for my husband's quick recovery(his Name is Valmore).

G-d Bless,

Diane

[robertssister]

Diane,

Hello! I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers. Let us know how your doing. Can i get your snail mail address so I can send a card. send it to my email address.  pabarb1994@yahoo.com  have a good day.

love, Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Simone,  Thank you so much for your compassionate and loving kindness.  I know we, as well as us all, will do what we have to during the holidays for ourselves and for our families.  I have indeed been having a rough go of it emotionally being here at home with the family these past few weeks.  I am leaving Saturday for ten days to visit another area, and will return here for two weeks more after that before going back home to my husband.  I appreciate everyone's support and encouragement while I visit my own series of "firsts" this holiday season.  I will be thinking of you, as you experience your firsts as well.  Your lovel daughter will help you through too...  P.s.  Your photo of Em is fabulous.  She's beautiful!!  And Yes!  Joey was great fun to know.  He always was the life of the room, no matter where he was or what was happening.  I cannot help but feel all the time that life has become so quiet without him here...   Please keep in touch.  My heart always leaps with love when I see you have posted.  I know that may sound strange, but I guess it's God's way of saying you are special and he wants you to have loving friends who can share in your pain as well as your joys.  Bless you, my friend... until next time.  And here's wishing you a Christmas season full of love and Em.  She will always be with you and a part of who you are. 

Diane, praying for Val...  (HUGS)  Love, Claudia

[jordansproudmom]

My name is Simone too!!!

[angelsbro]

HI! my name is rich, Im new here really dont know how to use this site. I just recently lost my little brother....  we didnt see eachother for about 2 years before his death, yet we talked all the time on the phone. He lived in california while i stay in idaho. I was 2 weeks away from seeing him before he passed and we were  looking foward to our reunion after two years , a very long two years. He was murdered violently this passed 4th of july. I am forever changed, there  is no pain greater that I have experienced than the loss of my little bro. I dont have the want strength or courage to face the rest of my life without him. I really need to talk with someone about all this I know, but even with the closest of friends and relatives it seems hard to be related to, even though its their loss too i feel they still have no idea what Im going thru. If youd Like to make a difference in someones life by just  listening heres your chance.    

                     Rich(angelsbro)

[jackiewitter]

Hi Rich.  I am so very sorry for your loss and I certainly understand the raw emotions you are probably struggling with.  My brother was killed a little over a year ago.  While his was not murder, it was a sudden accident that someone was responsible for.  We were close and I had just seen him a couple of days prior to his accident, but I ignored his text messages the day before and I curse myself for that and probably will for the rest of my life.  I was busy doing things around the house and just didn't feel like I had time to deal with him.  He was working out of town and was bored and just wanted his big sis to talk to, but I was too busy.  Now those days are gone forever and that opportunity will never come again.  I struggle with that one almost everday. 

I have been off the boards for over a week, dealing with my own Thanksgiving issues.  I thought we would run away from home and try to avoid the emptiness that I felt like would be at home.  It didn't work, it followed us and was just as painful at the beach.  There are so really good people here on this board and I hope that you find that the people you talk with here are most understanding.  I have developed quite a tight circle of friends here, and they are more than willing to talk, listen, pray, whatever your needs are.    Please be well and I am here anytime that you need to talk.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

 

[mofirefly]

Jackie - Isn't it so very sad that we continue to be eaten up by emotions caused by the dreaded "IF ONLY'S"  - I'm so very sorry that you are troubled by the fact that you were to busy to talk to your brother that day....I can only hope that the day will come when it will cause you far less pain and sorrow.  Do your very best to try and remember all of the times when you were able to talk to him, and continue to speak out to him in your heart.  Take care!  Candy

[jackiewitter]

Claudia, Diane & Barb...Hello my dear friends.  I am back, hoping the holiday was good to you.  It was not at all what I antiscipated, way more painful that I was ready for.  The beach offered no salvation.  We did have the boys (Jeff & Ben) at the dinner table with us.  I put photo's of both of them around the table (Ben of course serving his time in Iraq) and Jeffrey probably having his own Thanksgiving with The Lord and my parents.  I am sorry that I have not been in touch, it has just really been a crappy two weeks.  Please pray that Christmas is better. 

I am sorry to hear that Val is ill.  I will besure and add him to my prayers tonight.  I hope that coming home has been a blessed event for you Claudia.  I know that you probably have had many moments that you have struggled with, know that you are in my prayers.  I hope that the kids are not making you crazy Barb, you have such a busy life, I don't know how you keep up.  Your sister is a jewell, she has sent several emails.  I adore her. 

You are all in my prayers and I hope that we somehow make it through these holidays.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[DianeS]

Hi Rich,

I'm sorry for your loss.  I cannot imagine trying to deal with the thought that someone murdered your brother, on top of the loss itself.  My youngest brother died at the age of 29 in an Air Force plane crash.  It's been almost 20 years (which seems impossible), but I still remember so clearly those early days of the raw emotion and despair.  I remember standing in the shower weeping every day, wondering if there would ever be a day without tears.  Sometimes I think the fact that it's a younger sibling makes the loss even more acute.  While we're growing up we look out for our little brothers and sisters, even if it's unconsciously.  I remember feeling such guilt that I couldn't protect him, although I knew it was completely irrational.  I also despaired over his dying alone, without one of us there to hold and comfort him.  All things that were completely out of our control.  You have those thoughts, even when you tell yourself again and again that you could have done nothing.  I think we still have that need to protect them, even when we know we can't.  Over time you find a place for those thoughts and they don't haunt you like they do at first. 

I also remember those nagging thoughts of, "Why didn't I call him this week?"  We all have those thoughts, even when we know that if we had, it still wouldn't have been enough.  We always want just one more time.  My dad died two months ago.  I spoke to him the night before he died and we ended our conversation by telling each other "I love you."  However...I've asked myself a hundred times already why I didn't go home to see him that weekend when I'd gone every weekend the previous two months.  It's never enough.  My mom died a few months after my brother died and although we spent the six weeks that she was sick talking and saying all of the important things, it still wasn't enough.  It never is.  It is something we just have to learn to live with. 

Time does begin to heal that deep, gut-wrenching pain.  You never forget and you never stop missing your sibling, but you do finally hit a point where that intense pain begins to subside.  When I think of my brother now, it is with a sadness for the shortness of his life and for the time we should have had with him.  It's for the young wife and son he left behind.  However, I also remember the good things and am thankful for the time we had with him.  It wasn't nearly enough time, but I'm thankful for the time we had.

Hang in there.  I'm sure the issues you deal with when someone is murdered adds a whole new set of feelings.  If you haven't started seeing a counselor yet, I'd suggest you find someone.  It really does help to be able to just unload on someone who isn't emotionally connected to the situation.

DianeS

[diane1234]

Hi All,

My Hubby is out of the CCU & home. Now I'm the CCU with his Mom(he's a tad grumpy from his surgery & recovery). I made it thru the holidays(mine were weird too Jackie). It was the confronting of the hospital critical care unit that REALLY made me re-live Harv's death last year(for those who don't know- my older brother died from a surgical mishap during a routine surgery). Also, seeing my husband hooked up to those monitors and having his neck swollen(Harv's face & neck became swollen- the entire time he was in his ICU coma) made me a little anxious too. I'm just glad he's home. I've got to deal w/ hospitals again next week(my Dad is going in for a procedure too). I don't know why all this hospital crap is happening again to me a year later(I still have ANGER @ Doctors in general..this latest round has hit me w/ a mistrust & fear of medical professionals again). I think I need to visit my kind therapist again ,before my Dad goes in & my family's 8 day holiday next Wed.(Hannukah...way early this year). I was glad to see your posts Jackie,Barb & Claudia. This site is one of the few places I can vent my true feelings :-) Rich, I will keep you in my prayers. I too,never had a chance to say goodbye to my brother Harvey. He left this world w/ lots of years left to live. Yet I've learned not to question G-d's will for my Brother. He is not suffering and is seeing old & new friends up there.  I keep my brother in my heart daily and I talk to him when I drive to work most days. So, keep coming back Rich.. the pain does get quieter w/ time(the pain is like an ocean, it comes & goes like waves).

Blessings to All,

Diane

[angelsbro]

Thanks so much for getting back, your right, everything you said especially about guilt. I too am deeply saddened with the thought that my brother passed alone and probably in a very frightening state of mind. I know it sounds silly but I still worry about him as if hes alive, wondering if his spirit is okay and wondering if hes feeling alone, I talk to him all the time out loud, and I too cry in the shower all the time . i know hes with god but I still cant help it. Its wierd how I can put up a front at work like all is fine and nobody has any idea what Im going thru, but once Im all alone It comes full force, and after letting it out it does feel better.My brother was my world and we went thru everything together: abuse, adoption, death of parents and everything else brothers do together. The only way  I can describe my pain is kind of like a deep deep cut that heals very slowly, never qite goes away, and leaves a scar. The sad part about it is its only been 4 months, My deep cut is still bleeding .

>>>>angelsbro<<<<

[DianeS]

The deep cut will continue to bleed for quite awhile.  And then, when you think it's almost healed, something will pop up that pulls the scab off and you bleed again.  But you don't bleed as long or as much and each time the wound heals a little more and you bleed a little less the next time.   The scar remains,

Grief is strange, in that it often sneaks up on you.  You'll be going through the day just fine and then out of the blue something will hit you...maybe a song, seeing someone that resembles the person you lost, when you reach for the phone to call them and it hits you again that they're gone.  With my dad's death being so recent, I've found that it's also opened up the old wounds from the loss of my brother and mom.  My dad's last days brought back many memories of my mom's final days.  Both died of a lung disease, my mom had lung cancer and my dad had pulmonary fibrosis. (Neither ever smoked a cigarette in their life) Although the diseases were different (mom's was 6 weeks from diagnosis to death, dad's was five years), the final stages of both were very similar, so when I'd see my dad, I'd also remember my mom at the end.  In some ways I feel like I'm grieving a second time for my mom as I work through losing my dad. 

Some days all you can do is put one foot in front of the other.  Sometimes that's enough.  It keeps you moving ahead.

DianeS

[angelsbro]

I lost my father too at the age of three, my dear brother angel whom im grieving over now was only 3weeks old at the time.  Never got to know his father or even capture a memory of some sort. Its sad to say that my brother left a baby behind that will never know how great of a father she had. We talked alot about breaking the cycle of bad family values and instability, and just as that goal came into sight my brother was taken from me. I will live every day I can for the both of us because I know thats how he would want it. It s a sad thing to know that someone who enjoyed life and brightened the moment for others left life in the way he did. I think that the hardest thing besides not having my brother here, is how he had to go, he didnt deserve it, nobody deserves to die in that type of manner. i reallly feel for you too, Ive never met a person who has had to deal with death as much as i have. Be strong , god loves you!!!!!!!

>>>>angelsbro<<<<

rich

[lynnielou]

Hello everyone,

Diane, I'm happy to hear that your husband is home - how awful that you were in the same spot of the hospital where your brother was.  At least that first is done for you. 

Rich,  welcome to these boards - I'm sorry that such a tragedy brings you here.  I also talk to my brother like he's still here - and hope that he's hearing me.  Some days, I have a "normal day" and then spiral down when something reminds me of my loss.  I don't expect things to get much better until after Christmas.  Right now, I'm taking things one hour at a time.

On another note, my sister in law received a note from the organ donor agency here in Canada.  Freddy's liver went to a young man and his kidneys went to two men who were approximately the same age as he was.  All 3 recipients are doing well and the two kidney recipients are now off of dialysis.   I am truly happy that these 3 people have a new lease on life - although it pains me to know that on the day that they recieved such life changing operations - I lost my brother.  We are able to send anonymous letters to the recipients and there are things I would like to tell them, but I'm not ready to go down that road yet.

I've decided to leave my job of 20 years. (would you believe that I started when I was 12? LOL)  I haven't quit yet, but have applied for a number of jobs and will leave as soon as I find a new one.  I don't know if making big changes is the smartest thing to do right now, but when I look at what I don't like about my life, the first thing I think of is my job.  My brother worked with me too, and I'm having a hard time of working without him there. So, I'm going to leave at the first possible moment.

Anyway, I hope everyone has managed to get through thanksgiving.  Our thanksgiving was in October, so Christmas will be my first holiday without my big bro.  We're hanging in and taking things day by day and hour by hour.

Peace to all,  Linda

[jackiewitter]

Linda, I am think it is wonderful that you can feel comfort in the organ donations.  When they ask if my brother would be a donor it all happened in such a rush, that I don't really recall any emotions.  It seemed that I hardly had time to say goodbye when they needed his organs.  I clearly remember the first hours when I spoke with them and all the decisions were made, it was not hard at all, but the days and weeks afterward were very hard.  It seemed that almost every day I received a letter or a pamphlet on grief, all kinds of stuff.  It was as if a daily reminder came to acknowledge my brother was dead and someone was receiving his organs, or Life Gift was sending me a book to help me grieve, or if I would like to get in touch with the party that received his organ then I could write them through the organization.  My husband finally began gathering the mail every day and putting it in a box where I do not see it.  One day I will go through and read it all.  Just not now, I am not sure when I will be ready to read all of that. 

I keep avoiding things, rather than face them head on, I just put them away somewhere.  At some point we will need to spread his ashes, but I don't know when or where that will be.  I have moved his things from his apartment to my attic, but I have not gone through them to dispose of things.  I have over 15 pair of new jeans, over 30 pairs of socks, and over 20 pair of new underwear, but I am not getting rid of them.  What do you do with someone's underwear?  I am not sure that I will ever be ready to get rid of those things.  There are so many things that once you face them, then that chapter is closed forever.  It's like a puzzle where pieces are missing, as long as those pieces are missing, then you don't have the full picture of him being gone.  Once the picture is finished then you have to look at it and it will clearly show that Jeffrey is no longer here.  I still pretend that he is gone on a job site out of town and he's been gone longer than expected, so I am just waiting for him to come back home.  There are a lot of things that I just don't deal with.  This will be my 2nd Christmas without him and it's just easier to pretend that he is out of town. 

Wow, okay, I can pretty much tell that December is not working out so well.  Hope all my friends are doing well.  I'll keep you all in my prayers...ready for these darned holidays to be gone!!!!  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[lynnielou]

Hello Everyone,

Jackie, I think you've made me realize why I keep coming to these boards.  I can relate to everything your saying!  I feel like I'm the only person in the world who is going through this crazy grief - but  time after time  I read a post from one of my friends here, they are saying what I was just thinking.

[diane1234]

Jackie,Linda & All,

I can say AMEN to both posts. There are soo many times when I feel like not dealing w/ things related to Death,organ donors(my Dad made a living will this week & I'm freaked out by it)and my job. I'm riding a pity party wave this week.

Jackie, I too have pushed a heck of alot of things to the side!!! I can't even remember where I put Harvey's favorite jacket(it smelled like him) and I think it's a form of self-preservation for me. I fear , if I found it right now, I'd just sit w/ it and do nothing all day.

 Linda, I think it's great you can switch jobs! I'd have done that if I could after Harvey died. I can't because I'm chained to a family business and I have to be the Dutiful Daughter for my Family/Father's wishes. I wish I didn't have to wear my Mask of Ms. Superwoman to the world. I'd rather own an antique shop and say to heck w/ the business I'm in..but I can't..it was a promise to my brother & father to take care of the business ,if I'm the last one living(of them).

 There have been days the past 2 weeks where I've felt sooooooo alone w/ out my Big Brother :-( Harvey always made me feel, like I  had someone on my side ; regardless of whether I was right or wrong. My husband's surgery & hospital stay shook me terribly, I still feel dread about Hospitals(and my Dad has a procedure @ a different one on Friday). I just keep asking G-d WHY He's giving me sooooo much to handle right around the holidays(Hannukah & Xmas). I ask Everyone to say a  Prayer for Health for my father. I think I'd lose it if I lost him too w/ in a year of losing Harvey!!!! I'm off to try and sleep.

Blessings to all,

Diane

 

[jackiewitter]

Hey Diane,  It's just been a rough few weeks since just before Thanksgiving.  I know you have so much on your plate with your husband and now your dad.  Please know that both have been in my prayers.  I changed jobs in June, I am now working from home 4 days per week, I only drive into the city 1 day p/week for meetings.   I know you are probably very busy.  Chris (hubby) is in Saudia Arabia for over a week (work related)....I wish I was headed to DC, it just seems so lonely here. 

You are never going to believe this, there's are some other girls on the Loss of a Father thread that I have communicated with for several months.  One (Cindy in Alaska) sent my son (in Iraq) two care packages with specialty items from AK.  I was just in shock, she had ask me for Ben's address and I had given it to her, but told her just to send him a post card or letter...she and her daughters went out and got things for him.   I sent him an email so that he knows where Cindy got information on him.  If he knows that she has read about "Uncle Jeff" then it will really touch him that she has corresponded with him.   Now I cannot help but think of what the holidays are doing to him. 

He was very close to Jeffrey.  Jeffrey's memorial was in the small town where we grew up.  We had gotten hotel rooms for the kids and ourselves and after the memorial we went to the Private Club and met with some of Jeffrey's more personal friends.  All my kids were there and Ben had changed into a pair or shorts and one of Jeffrey's Hooter's T-shirts.  At one point a song was playing "Desperado" by the Eagles, Ben ask me to dance with him, that was one of my brother's favorites, and while we were dancing he just broke down and cried like a baby, one of the kids took a picture of us and it's me holding Ben on the dance floor, his back is to the camera and his Hooter's T-shirt is very readable.  He has that photo in his wallet.   He wore Jeffrey's dog tags before he enlisted in the army, so I know that he is now wearing his own, but I don't know if he has Jeffrey's with him somewhere. 

So here's to you on this upcoming weekend.  I hope that we manage to make it through this month quickly.  Peace and blessings my dear friend, hugs, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Linda.  Hi, I realize what you are saying too.  I have been amazed at how close the relationships are with friends here.  I am so grateful for the girls here that I can be totally honest with.  My children do not like to hear me talk about my brother with saddness, so I try hard not to communicate that with them.  My youngest son though is a different matter.  He has been devastated by the loss of my brother.  Now he is in Iraq away from his family.  He and I used to sit and talk about Jeff all the time.   Just try to get through these darned holidays!  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[lynnielou]

Hello Everyone,

Firstly, Diane, my prayers are with you and your father.  I hope that you have a peaceful Hannakuh and that your dad is doing well. 

My children appear to be handling Freddy's death well.  They are quieter than usual and at first weren't sure what to say to Freddy's younger kids.  My boys are 12 and 14 and Freddy's youngest daughters are 9 and 11.  All four kids are great friends, and they have managed to support each other through the joys of play.

I finally bought a Christmas tree, and took it out of the box.  My goal this weekend is to finish putting it up.  Luckily my kids are excited about this.

I find that I'm living my life with small goals - I have set one small goal a day to get through this month.  If that means that I miss a few things, I can deal with  that.

My mother has returned home from her month long vacation (she left one week after Freddy's funeral).  She retired the day Freddy had his heart attack  and now is a retired woman.  She has a great support network, yet I see her struggling to maintain her sanity.  I think that my whole family is feeling like this.

My father (parents are divorced and both remarried) - will be coming for his once a year visit next weekend.  I will be hosting him and my brothers families for supper next Saturday.  I hope that everyone likes pizza instead of turkey - that's about as much as I can do.  Luckily everyone in my family (except my step mother) are easy going and can laugh things off.  This year, we all have very low expectations of food - and are focusing on being together.

I also couldn't think of a gift for my mother (how many knic knacs should a woman have anyway?).  I will be getting her a mother's ring - with the birthstones of each of her children in it.  I think it will show her that we still consider Freddy a part of us, even though he's not with us in body.

Jackie, I have never underestimated the kindness of strangers.  It was a beautiful thing for the ladies to send a package to  Ben.  It is stories like this that keep me going and stop me from having any bitterness. 

I have learned that there is going to be a gazebo dedicated to my brother.  The gazebo is in the back yard of a home for disabled children where he worked.  I am proud that he is being recognized for being a great guy, but know that a memorial to him means that he really is gone.  Luckily, this won't be happening until the spring or summer.

I am sending hugs to everyone here, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace to all,

Linda

[poitin]

hi .. ive not written here before because i've not had need to but now i do.  i'm 31 and my 33 year old brother died three months ago.  he suffered a massive stroke.  the doctors dont know what the cause was .. he was a strong, handsome man.  they think it may have been due to a very simple accident like whiplash or a surf board hit to the back of his neck about a week previously.  he has always been so strong .. i went to australia for two months .. he text me before i left to wish me a great holiday .. the next time i saw him he was in a coma .. he died four days later in ICU. i dont know if i am dealing with it properly .. i put it to the back of my mind and probably pretend it didnt happen .. its easier that way .. the four days our family stayed in the hospital .. the doctors, surgeons, tears and sleepless nights all seem a blur .. even writing on this is sureal ... is this normal? we had to drive for five hours in the middle of the night to get to the hospital .. even that seemed unreal .. im scared its going to hit me like a ton of bricks one day .. i do cry .. i do feel really sad .. and i come from a big family and we talk about him and what happened so its very much out there but i cant say i believe what it for one minute. its been three months now .. im just listening to his cd right now which did make me cry ... is this normal? i dont like talking about it openly .. but sometimes i do .. i dont know .. its too confusing .. i think its too big for me to deal with. does anyone else feel like this too?

[diane1234]

Jackie,Linda & All,

I have made it thru the weekend :-) My Dad made it thru his procedure & my hubby seems to be slowly getting better from his surgery. I feel like I am  able to catch a wave on the WAY UP instead of being pounded by emotional waves all month long & barely being able to grasp for air. I guess I can start breathing again.

Jackie, I think it's great that Ben got packages from gals on these boards.  One of my hubby's co-workers Husbands is on his 3rd tour over there(he's 41 and in the reserves) and his office sends care packages to his unit too. You'll have to email me Ben's unit & address(we'll add him to our group of care packages for the holidays:-) I always pray for loved ones serving our nation. Such brave men & women! I pray to make it thru the rest of this month w/ out another crisis!

Linda,I wouldn't stress out over what to serve on the holidays..pizza sounds fine,it's the being together as a family that counts. After my Brother died last year,right before the holidays: I thought I couldn't do the holidays @ all. However, I just did like you are..I put a holiday tree up (w/ lots of ornaments that reminded me of Harvey, his fav. ornaments,pic's of him happy, etc). I then just let the holidays happen(I did not cook either..I had everything brought in, because I couldn't deal w/ cooking). So, do what ever you need to this holiday season to make it thru for you. You might want to gift your Mom & family w/ momento's of your brother(a fav. holiday music album,a framed pic of happier times,a memorial web-site, etc..). We have a guest book in honor of my brother. Friends started it after he died & we sponsored it for eternity in Harv's honor :-)http://www.legacy.com/washingtonpost/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=19651151&PageNo=1

To the new person who lost her brother, I welcome you. This site saved my sanity. I lost my older brother Harvey last year in a surgical screw up and I had no one to talk to about the grief process. Everyone around me seemed normal & I was a wreck,numb & in shocked disbelief that I lost my only brother too soon. However, over a year has passed & I am able to reflect on this past year as my disconnection & reconnection w/ a G-d of my understanding. Through prayer,therapy and my friends in here..I've come to Acceptance of Harvey's death. That's where I'm @ w/ it today. I will pray for you& next time..tell us your name :-) I'm Diane :-)

Blessings,

Diane

 

[angelsbro]

POITIN,

 HEY THERES NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY OF DEALING WITH THESE TYPES OF THINGS. i LOST MY LITTLE BRO ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, HE DIED A VERY VIOLENT DEATH AND HIS MURDERER IS STILL OUT ON THE STREETS. THE PERSON IS SUPPOSEDLY BRAGGING ABOUT WHAT HE DID BUT THE DETECTIVES SAY THERES NOT ENOUGHT PHYSICAL EVIDENCE TO LINK HIM TO THE CASE. THIS HAS BEEN VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH. AT TIMES i FEEL LIKE TAKING THE LAW INTO MY OWN HANDS AND HANDLING THE SCUM BAG MYSELF (AND i JUST MIGHT) BUT THATS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. i BELIEVE THAT AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE GOD HANDLES THE GOOD BAD AND THE UGLY. I VE GONE THRU ALL THE CRAZY FEELINGS TOO: GUILT, SADNESS, ANGER, LONLINESS, AND I THINK THESE FEELINGS ARE ALL A NECESSARY PART IN THE HEALING PROCESS. THERE ARE DAYS WHERE iM FINE, AND WHEN i REALIZE IM FFEELING FINE i FEEL gUILTY, THERE ARE DAYS WHEN IM NOT FINE WHERE iM CRYING ALL DAY AND WHEN iM DONE  CRYNG i ACTUALLY FEEL A LITTLE BETTER. ALL i CAN DO IS TAKE IT DAY BY DAY AND ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES. ONE DAY i WILL MAKE MY OWN PEACE WITH THE WHOLE DEAL BUT THERE ARE ALOT OF UNTIED STRINGS THAT NEED DEALT WITH AND ONCE THEY ARE i MAY FINALLY BREATH AGAIN. SO MY ADVICE TO YOU IS THINK OF YOUR BRO FOR THE GOOD HE DID WHILE HE WAS HERE WITH YOU BECAUSE ITS THOSE GOOD MEMORIES THAT ARE GOING TO ULTIMATELY GET YOU THRU THE DAY. GOD BLESS.

[diane1234]

Hi All,

It's been a busy month for me.Today is my Father's surgery to remove a tumor. I ask ALL who are praying to lift him up in  prayers for  healing,a full recovery & Protection this week. My one sister & I have said the Hebrew prayers for healing and I'm open to suggestions for any other prayers you all might recomend. I also prayed for protection from my one other sister , who has been VERY disfunctional w/ this operation my father is having. I am just leaving for the hospital now w/ prayers & positive thoughts in my heart.

Blessings,

Diane 

[jackiewitter]

Diane, Hey girl.  I hope all is well with you and that things went well with your father.  Please know that you have been in my prayers, as has he, through out the day.  You have my number, if you need me, please call.   I am here and available anytime that you need to just vent.  Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Thank you for the warm thoughts & prayers. My Dad made it thru the surgery w/ flying colors. I think Harvey was his Guardian Angel today :-) I am pooped out !!! I was @ the hospital for over 14 hours! I prayed on the way to the Hospital & We did prayers tonite of Gratitude and Healing. I pray for a speedy recovery for him(he will be in the Hospital thru the 26th). Thank you for your prayers...they were felt by me & my Dad today :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[lynnielou]

Hello Everyone,

It is Christmas Eve and for each of you I send out greetings of peace.  May everyone find some happiness in this season.  I hope that everyone is able to find their way through this time of families and celebrations.  May you keep your loved ones close in your hearts.

All the best to each of you,

Linda

[simmy72]

Hi everyone,

Hope you have all survived Christmas OK this year. As for me, it has been 7 months since I lost my one and only dear sister and best friend. My daughter was so worried we would cry all Christmas so we made a real effort to keep it together.

Anyway, I wanted to share this Christmas poem with you all. Hope it helps a little.

A Christmas Story

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below

With tiny lights, like heaven's stars reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ, this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear

The sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you of the joy their voices bring;

It is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, but please remember dear

That I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendour or the peace inside this place;

Can you imagine Christmas with our Saviour face to face?

I'll ask Him to light your spirit as I tell Him of your love;

So, pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.

Please, let your hearts be joyful and let your spirit sing,

For I'm spending Christmas in Heaven

and I'm walking with the King.

Author unknown

Love Simone (Em's sis)

[4everjoeysmom]

Simone, I LOVE the poem!!  Thank you for that very special gift in sharing.  I am really glad to hear your Christmas was blessed--the poem tells me so. 

Hi Everyone!!  Hoping 2008 brings for us more comfort and peace with healing.  Blessings and much, much love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Blessed Claudia, how wonderful it is to see you back.  You have remained in my prayers.  I hope that you managed through the past holidays and all the events that have taken place with your family.  I pray that everything has gone well.  You can email me when you get an opportunity or just direct me somewhere that I can catch up.  Seems that we have somehow made it.  I've not heard from Barb in a while, but knowing she has the smaller boys I am sure her past few weeks has been quite busy.  I still hear from Diane, keeping her father in my prayers as well.  Spent NewYears with all but one of my children (Ben's still in Iraq) but will come home in Feb.  Audrey drug out photos of Jeffrey on Christmas eve and we cherished each memory that we had. 

Peace and blessings my dear friend, I hope that all is well for you in the coming new year.  Much love, Jackie

[robertssister]

Claudia, Jackie. and Friends

Hello !  Happy New Year !!!   I pray that this year will bring healing to all of us. Sorry I havent been on here lately we have been so busy. We went to NY for a week.  Now the boys are sick so I'm home today from work. 

We had a good Christmas . I pray you all did too. please write me and let me know how you are all doing.

Love, Barb

[quintslilsis]

I lost my big brother, Quint, on Nov 17, 2007.  His favorite sport was dirt-bike-riding, and he got all of his closest friends, me included, involved in the sport. 

We went on lots of trips with lots of friends, and one particular trip was worse than I had ever imagined.

We had been riding for hours, and were on our way back to camp, and there was an accident between him and one of the other riders.  We got to him immediately, but he was already gone.  We didn't know that at the time, so we checked for a pulse or for breathing, and there was neither, so we tried CPR.  I'm in healthcare, so I conducted it until a retired cop and an EMT showed up to help.  We put my brother in a truck that the retired cop had and we did CPR the whole way until we were able to meet up with the ambulance.  We were camping in a very remote area, so it was over 45 minutes before we got Quint to an ambulance. Being in healthcare, I know logically that 45 minutes with no pulse or breathing, it's impossible that he would have come back, but being his little sister and best friend, there's no way I was going to give up.

The autposy said he died immediately.

I'm so lost without my big brother and best friend here with me.  We did everything together.  Our relationship was unlike many brothers' and sisters'.  We never argued, we always made each other laugh, and we cared so much about each other's well-being.

I always thought that he and I would grow old together, with our own families molded into one big family. 

He had just gotten married a month and a half earlier in a dream wedding and went on a Honeymoon to the Caribbean for two weeks with his beautiful wife.

If it had to happen, at least he was the absolute happiest he'd ever been. And that's saying a lot, because he was always happy.  He was the most positive person I've ever met, honestly.  He always made everybody feel like they were the most important person in the world, and he made it a point to make people happy.  He was so intelligent, caring, funny, and kind.  No wonder he was my best friend!  And I just got lucky that he was my big brother too!

But now I don't know what to do.  I have always had an older brother and sister, now I just have an older sister.  My older sister has always been my best friend also, so I am so extremely thankful for her.  She and I will truly help each other through this. 

How do I continue to function and enjoy my life?  Such a big part of me is gone.  Someone at his memorial said "You'll always have a 'Q-shaped' hole in your heart, but you'll start to fill that hole with all your memories of him".  But memories only make me miss him more, make me wish he was here to make more memories.  I know eventually, when that's all I have, memories will begin to put me at ease.  It's not even been two months since he died, so I still have such vivid memories of him without even trying to remember any.  But with time, years from now, I'll begin to forget certain things about him.  How his voice sounded, the way he smiled, how he gave me hugs. 

And I worry about where he is.  I hope he's not alone, and I hope he's enjoying himself.  I hope he's riding those dirt-bike trails that he loved to ride so much, and he can't get hurt.  I hope he can see me, and see how much I miss him, but I hope it doesn't make him sad that I'm sad.  I want him to be proud of me.  That was always my goal when he was alive, and that's still my goal.

I hope he knows how hard I tried to bring him back.  I wouldn't quit, even though I knew he was gone.  I feel like he was actually trying to tell me "It's okay" because a few times when we were doing CPR I started spacing out, looking away in the distance, almost like someone was telling me to stop trying, that he was already gone.  I didn't quit, but I think that that spacing out was Quint trying to tell me "It's okay."

I'm just so heartbroken.  I never knew what that term meant until now. 

I'm worried about my parents, his wife, my sister, and all of his friends too.  He had so many good, close friends.  Everyone who was his friend was a good friend.  He showed us all how to be a better person.  If he was here and someone else had passed away, he'd get us through this better than we're all doing.

If anyone has any tips on how to get through this, not only for me but for my family and friends also, I would love to hear any sort of inspiration to continue on living my life in this world without my brother.

Brittany

[diane1234]

Brittnay,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your Big Brother. I lost my ONLY big Brother Harvey a little over a year ago(he died after a routine surgery went wrong). He too was one of my best friends(I have 2 sisters..one good & the other got wierd when Harv died). I can remember dreading going thru his belonging w/ my remaining siblings ;and then having to tell his girlfriend that the reason he hadn't called he for 3 weeks was because he had passed. Grief is tough and the death of my brother was heartbreaking for me too. I will say that this thread was my life-line those first few months after Harv died.Several of us(Jackie,Barb,Claudia & myself) lost loved ones last year around the same time and we shared the way we were REALLY feeling on a weekly basis.We didn't wear ANY masks w/ eachother. It made my grief walk soooo much easier ,that I could share how I real felt w/ out sugar coating it. I went from such emotions as: sad,numb,angry and @ times happy for seeing paintbrush moments to tell Harv about when I see him again someday. You should read the entire thread when you have time. I did and it helped me. I can say that after a year the memories become warm ones again. I had a quiet holiday season this year and that was okay for me. I cried a little when my Dad had a surgery recently and prayed that he STAY around for awhile w/ my family here vs joining Harv in Heaven. Well my prayers were answered..My Dad is going to make a full recovery(I think Harv was his Angel..he knew we couldn't take any more loss). So, I say" Welcome Brittnay" and just share like you did. There are lots of wonderful people on this thread who will listen :-) Also, in rememberance of my Brother we made an online condolense book w/ the help of our local newspaper. I think I posted the link on one of my previous responses. It was really helpful to my family to read what people said about my Brother. If you don't find the link..email me and I'll send it to you . I will keep you in my prayers!

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Brittany, I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother.  I know how empty you must be feeling right now.  There were several things that you said that touched my heart.  One thing when you spoke of how he had just married and was at his happiest.  I can relate to that one and it helped me deal with everything.  After both our parents had passed away I talked Jeffrey into moving in with us.   He had never left East Texas before but after our parents died, but he took a chance and moved to our home.  After he got on his feet he moved to the coast, which was only about 20 miles from us.  My husband gave him an opportunity to work at a job that he excelled at and was making more money than he ever had and moving up the leadership chain pretty quickly.  Sadly it was then that he lost his life...as torn as I was that it was work related, my good friends here helped walk me through this.  Reminding me that Jeffrey was on top of the world when this happened.  I was dealing with my self-pity, constantly reminding myself that had I not ask him to move here he would have remained in East Texas, even though the opportunity to succeed would not have been there, he would still be alive.  Jeffrey left here on top of his game, not sinking in the saddness of being in a small town without his family and we were able to see each other every weekend, he took my kids (all young adults) under his wing and took them out frequently (especially the boys).  

You spoke of the hugs that you used to get from your brother and I wanted to share this with you.  I didn't tell anyone of it for a while because I thought it might be a little on the borderline of loosing my mind!  I kept so many things of my brother's because I just have not been able to part with them (even underwear and socks)...yes, I know that may be a little on the psycho line.  One of his shirts (a long sleeve denium) I kept in my closet and when I felt the need for his arms around me, I would go to my closet, close the door and take his shirt and wrap the sleeves around me just like he was hugging me.  I know that sounds pretty crazy, but it truly lifted my spirits.   

I found this board truly a life-saver.  There are good people here that helped me get past this and have helped carry on my brothers memory.  My prayers and thoughts are with you.  Peace and blessings, Jackie 

[awwsis]

I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my thoughts.  My oldest brother died almost four years ago and I still find myself up at 2 a.m. crying over the loss.  He disappeared one day and his body was found in the Ohio River three weeks later. His car was abandoned down near the river's edge. No one knows exactly what happened. Did he jump in or was there foul play?  The questions will forever be unanswered.  At least when my Dad died I knew it was from cancer and was able to say I love you that one last time.  I cannot bear the thought that he felt we did not love him. There are now three of us and we are a much tighter group.  He was my hero, though, ever since we were just kids. Thanks for letting me get some of this out.

[etherealbliss]

Hi everyone, I thought I would introduce myself over here.  I'm Blissie (I'm sorry, but I'm uncomfortable using my real name on the net, though I'm happy to introduce myself properly over email).  My brother went missing along with my mother 9.5 years ago, I was 19 at the time.  There has never been any sign of them anywhere.  I have no other siblings or family.  To say that it's hard is an understatement.  (((Hugs))) to all of you.

[jackiewitter]

Blessie, Hi, I am Jeffrey's sister.  I cannot even begin to imagine what you must be going through.  I have lost both my parents and my baby brother in the past 6 years and I still hurt everyday.  But, I know what happened to each of them and I know where they are now. I hope that you can find some comfort here.  This has been an amazing outlet for me.  I have found very kind, true and caring people here that have prayed and reached out (even when they were dealing with their own pain).  My prayers are with you.  Peace and blessings, Jackie