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Loss of a Sibling


Ambria

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Hi Susan, Thanks for the incourageing words. Kenney would be 36 on Thanksgiving Day this year. He has an 11 year old son who is just a great kid. He lives with his mom now. Kenney did have him at his house. Then he would see his Mom on the weekend. He found Kenney that morning. Kenney had gone into his bedroom around midnight and said to him" Dad's back is really hurting tonite, I can't sleep. I'm just gonna lay here on your floor." Well my nephew woke up to find my brother dead. That is so aweful to keep thinking of on so many levels. I love and miss Kenney so much. He loved punk music and NOFX was his all time favorite band. My 18 year old daughter is so full of anger. She and my oldest daughter have aways thought of my two little brothers as father figures. In August my daughter my nephew and Kenney drove to Massachusetts..{spelling?} we live in Maine, to go to the WARP tour...a huge punk rock festival. They had a fun time. With plans to do that every year. Less than one month later Kenney is dead. I am so mad. I am 41. I get to see my nephew on the weekends. That is a blessing for sure. I made a promise to Kenney that I will do all I can to wav=cth over his son because he is no longer here in body to do so. We still have to emnpty the house...sell it. ERR... the thought drives me nuts. I wish so much that I could win the lottery and buy the house to keep for my nephew. Kenney had that house built for them. It isn't grand, but it was thiers. I have rambled enough thanks to all of you who listen.
Hi, My name is Cindy, I am so sorry about your brother, I lost my brother also, his birthday is on thanksgiving also. He passed when he was 36, and is was in March of 2003. And still today I fill like it was yesterday. I to fill better speaking of him as if he were here still. I can't seem to let him go. So I know where your coming from. My email is cholland04@bellsouth.net if you would like to talk some times.
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Hi everyone:

My older brother died suddenly of heart failure on November 6th 2004. He had been seeing a doctor for three weeks prier to his death and being treated for acid reflux. Obviouly his Dr. misdiagnosed him. He was only 47 years old. I am very angry and very depressed. I blame the Dr. for not recognizing the signs of heart problems, and had he, my brother would still be alive today. His condition was treatable and his death was preventable accourding to the corroners report. It is two days before Christmas and I am so depressed. I woke up crying at 2:00 Am and had a difficult time falling back to sleep before waking to the alarm clock at 6:00 Am. I feel like I have been through hell the past couple of months. In october I had a complete hystorectomy and had to take 6 weeks of medical leave to recover. Durring my recovery my brother died. On Thanksgiving my family found out that my nephew will be leaveing for Irac the day after christmas. He is a Marine and will be stationed in Faluja. He will be on the front line. Just last week my husbands God mother passed away, (we both were close to her). I feel so tired, so empty, so angry and very depressed. I am starting to think that mabey I should go see a Dr. for depression. I have no Idea how long I am suppose to feel this crummy. I realy don't know what to do right now.

Hi my name is Cindy, my brothe died of a sudden heart failure, so that's what they called it. He was only 36, never had any health problems at all and now he just falls to his death in my arms. I can't seem to get over my anger and it has been march, 2 years. I just think he was shorted on life. So I do know how you are feeling and hope you do get to feeling better. I know how close brothers and sisters can be. I can't wait till I see mine again.
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My brother had been trying to live his life right. He only got out of prison in April. Being there for three years of his young life because of a drug problem. But he had found God. He promised my son that he would be there for his 5th birthday, he and my son were very close even though he was in prison we had picnic visits often. He came home in time to be there for my son's 5th birthday. But we did not get much more of his time. Over the last three years I got to know my brother as a person. Tomorrow will be my brother's 27th birthday. Or it would have been. Nine days ago, I came home on monday saw my brother sleeping and just closed his door because I didn't want to wake him up. I took my bath and then watched a movie. My parents were not home, they were in another state. I am 5 months pregnant so I was really tired but wondering why my brother did not wake up. I went to bed, woke up the next morning went to check on him. My brother had been dead. Coroner said he had a heart attack. He wrote to me last year before his 26th birthday that prison gives you a sense of urgency and makes you want to tell people how you feel about them. So in his 10 page letter. He told me about his life and his problems. He told me that growing up we were not that close because I was quiet and shy and he was only concerned with things that affected him. But he hoped it was not to late to ask me, How was my life?. He told me that he was proud of me and the person that I had become. I sit and read his letters and feel so alone. We spent the last two weeks together just me, him, and my son. I cooked dinner for him and we watched movies together. Before I left for the 4th of July weekend. He told me he loved me, he did often now, and hugged me and my son and told us to be careful. And he would be waiting for me when I got home. He wasnt. I have one question to everyone. How do you go on in your everyday life after feeling that If I would have just paid a little more attention to details when I got home, If I would have woke him up to ask him how he was or to tell him I was home, Maybe he wouldnt be gone? What if I was just in the other room and he needed someone but didnt know anyone was home? What do you do?
Hi, my name is Cindy, and I am so sorry about your brother, I know how you feel with the questions you have and then now anwers to them, My brother was 36 and died of sudden heart failure in my arms. he had no previous health problems at all. he was visiting me that day, and was around the corner of my house. I kept thinking I should go check on him but i stood there, and maybe I stood there to long. He never yelled so I didn't know he needed me. until I saw him down, but why didn't I instinctly know this, he was my brother. We can't know these things. But I do know how your feeling. I miss my brother so much. He died in march of 2003, and I cry about everyday still. I speak of him as if he is still here. I can't let him go. But I get some piece by talking to others about him. So if you ever need a friend who will listen, I will be here. my email is cholland04@bellsouth.net
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I so miss my brother. I don't think God realized how much I NEED him in my life. How does a sister get over the loss of her brother at the age of 31? Please send me your prayers, and keep me and my family in your thoughts.
I will pray for you and your family for peace, and you pray for me, I to lost my brother, and after 1 1/2 years I still have no peace. May God be with us all, Cindy
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I am so sorry for the losses you have all had. Losing a sibling is very hard, I know because I have lost all of mine. I am 43.

My first loss was in 1980 when I was 18, My little sister died at the age of 15 from a aortic anuerism. Then in 1989 I was 27 when my brother died at the age of 31 from a aortic anuerism. Then in 1999 my baby sis who I took care of alot died at the age of 24 from heart related problems, I was then 38...

They are all gone and it is very difficult. I have learned how to cope but my life will never ever be the same. I remember each loss as it was yesterday.

the one thing that has helped me is that I was blessed with 2 children. they are 14 and 10, without them I dont know where I would be.

I talk about my siblings alot, I keep their memory alive...

I too just lost my mother 16 months ago. It was very hard. I do draw on comfort that she is reunited with her children. She had such a tuff loss with losing 3 of her 4 children.

My heart goes out to each and everyone of you...May you find comfort and strength to cope......

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lostgrievingsister

Eaglewings

I am so sorry to hear of your losses I can not even begin to imagine your pain... I lost my little brother March 29 2004 in a tragic car accident. He was only twenty four and left behind two beautiful sons. I couldn't imagine losing my other two siblings. I am second oldest of four. My life changed drastically when I lost Michael. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and feel the pain like it was yesterday.

If you would like to talk please feel free to email me at lostgrievingsister@yahoo.com Please know you have a friend out there to talk to that knows the pain of losing a sibling.

Susan Michael's sister

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hello i haven't been on here for a while just thought i would stop and see how it was going it has been really hard for me since the hollidays but i thought that it would be easier since they are over but it got only harder my other two younger brothers started to play basketball and it is hard to go to there games knowing that my other brother won't be there playing my brother would be on the 8th grade team this year with my other brother who is in 7th grade. but other then that still living and got NEWS that i am having a baby boy in march!! well i better go now!!!

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Hello to All, and I'm sorry for all your losses. I have also lost my brother. He was my younger brother or "my baby brother" as I would call him, 5 months ago, on September 2nd. I still can't imagine the rest of my life without him. He was only 23. He died during his sleep. He was everyones "shoulder to cry on" and "our teddy bear'. Always caring for everyone and sharing his caring advise. My only consolation is that my 11 month old daughter looks a lot like him. I wish he was here to enjoy her, but through her, I can keep him close to my heart.

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Boozhoo Ahneeshnah (Hello How Are You?)

I am deeply sorry and sad to hear about everyones hard times, and sad moments. just think there in a far more better place then where we are! and always in our hearts.

it must be hard loseing someone close to you, i wouldnt know. because i never met my brother or my sister (half brother and sister) my sister colleen died @ 5months of SIDS, and my brother whom i heard about and tried contacting since i was 11, died 2001, and it hurt me, because i knew i had a brother, and i tried so hard. to find him.

and now im a 18 year old native american mother, trynna raise my daughter, and i wish she had someone to call uncle and auntie. even though i never met them, there still apart of me in every way. always in my life no matter what.

so i wish you all the best, and i hope you guys get through this! just remember there much happier in gods kingdom, i know one day i will be with my brother and sister :) i look on the bright side of things

god bless everyone!

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I speak for my 5 year old son Dakota. He lost his older brother Chris on August 2. 2004. He watched his brother drown. As a Mom, and one that wasn't there when it happened, I have no idea how badly he must hurt or how to help him. Any advise from ones who have lost their best friend in their brother or sister?

A Grieving Mom

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michealzniece

.:.MissingChris.:.

All I can seriously say! that god be w/ you and your son, the only thing i can think of telling you son about his brother, is... "im sorry u had 2witness what you had 2see.. i dont know what your going through, and i know it will hurt. but you need 2understand, that he is gone with god! and hez in a far better place... he wont hafta worry about everything that happens in the world. but he will miss you every day for the rest of your life... as you with him, and he is looking over you!" i dont know how it must feel 2lose a child. But i know if i lost my Tasha i would be devestated! because that little person, you get to know them from carrying them in your tummy, to raising and taking care of them.

And as for your son, i know what it feels like to lose some1 you love. but i dont know what its like to lose a brother or sister... that you knew...

i lost my brother Micheal (Tashaz Uncle... explains the MichealzNiece) but when i lost him, i felt like "wow! i've been searching for him, and now my search is over!" it hurt, because i was raised an only child... and my sister she died when she was 5months of SIDS... it hurt knowing i had a bro and sis out there... but what can i do? nothing but wait!

as for your son, my prayers and love go out to him, and hope he can get through this tough time... and if he cant... be supportive... show him how much he is loved, and also take him to the cemetary... let him speak out loud to his brother... let him cry, and just talk to him... it will help!

God Be With You, And Yours*

God Bless

Tasha Naaniitus Lee'z Mom

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I am so sorry for you and your son's loss. i know he must be having a hard time dealing with this i still do i still wake up or find it hard to sleep i saw my little brother wreck and we were the first to arrive me and my other little brother so we still have a hard time dealing with this we all do my whole family does we still wait for him to come home is this normal he left us on september 12 it was a nice day sunday evening he was gonna be 14 on that friday we all miss him alot and still wait for him and the bad part is the guy who was driving the car nothing happened to him he was rasing around and rasing cain with him in the car the driver was 19 yrs old and he is still out and free i think that he shjould get something for taking the live of my brother it is the drivers fault he was drinking and trying to race around how do i deal with this

~THOMAS'SISTER~

I speak for my 5 year old son Dakota. He lost his older brother Chris on August 2. 2004. He watched his brother drown. As a Mom, and one that wasn't there when it happened, I have no idea how badly he must hurt or how to help him. Any advise from ones who have lost their best friend in their brother or sister?

A Grieving Mom

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I lost my brother on March 16, 2001. I miss him so much. He had just turned 21. He was driving home from a bar and wrecked on the interstate. My parents have been taking it very hard. Does anyone have advice for helping my parents? I keep his memory alive.

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Hey everyone Its very hard to lose a sibling trust me... I just lost a sister a year and and a couple of weeks ago she was only 14 and she died from meningitis she had it twice before but she couldnt fight this one and its hard because it was my only sibling we always faught and stuff like that but hey we all do that so but now im all alone and no one to talk to about her but it will get better later on so yea... im sorry for everyone that lost a sibling if you want to talk my email is sammysbigsister90@hotmail.com or little_angel_devil16@yahoo.com i hope i can talk to somebody in this room...

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Lacey,

I am sorry for your loss. We are so glad to see you here! It is a great place to meet wonderful, supportive people.

Take care,

Julie

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I lost my 46 year old brother three weeks ago after undergoing open heart surgery. The pain and sorrow I feel is unbelievable. Not a day passes where I don't think of him and feel his loss. I haven't been able to make it through a day without crying at least once. I miss him so much.

I guess I should be grateful that I got to spend his last days with him while he was in the hospital awaiting his surgery which was complicated by several different factors including an allergic reaction to blood thinners needed to operate. When the day for his surgery finally arrived, I told him he would be all right. He did make it through surgery only to die a few hours later in ICU. We were planning a celebration dinner prior to that and his death took us all by surprise.

Craig was born with a defective heart and it was a miracle that he lived as long as he did. He'd had two heart surgeries prior to this one and I think I thought that this one would turn out as good as the others. Even though I knew there was some chance that he could die, his positive attitude had me convinced that he would pull through.

I know now what is meant by having a broken heart. The sorrow, guilt, anger, fear and other emotions seem to pile on. I miss him so much and wish that he could still be with us. I feel like the pain will never go away.

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I too, lost my 20 year old brother almost 6 months ago. He committed suicide. It has been really hard on me and esp. my mom and dad, because noone understands why. He was always laughing and full of life, never sad or depressed. The hardest thing is seeing my parents like this. And I worry that this is how it will be forever.

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Kristin,

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will continue to share and let us know how you are doing. Talking about your feelings really helps! I hope to see you soon!

Take Care,

Julie

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I lost my brother on March 16, 2001. I miss him so much. He had just turned 21. He was driving home from a bar and wrecked on the interstate. My parents have been taking it very hard. Does anyone have advice for helping my parents? I keep his memory alive.

Hi...

Im so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain that comes along with it. I am 25 and I lost my 18 year old brother from injuries due to a car accident about a year and a half ago, Sept. 2003. I miss my brother terribly. I never expected to have to be here living life without him. We were very close. I called him my heart. I hope that maybe we can help eachother by sharing stories and feelings. Im not sure about how to help your parents, but have they considered seeing a counselor or grief therapist? If they know how to work the internet (my mom doesn't know how) there are A LOT of resources online, as Im sure you already know. Well, I hope to hear from you soon. My email address is ice9698@yahoo.com. Please feel free to use it at any time, even just to vent how you're feeling.

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hi TKh050, i to lost my brother after heart surgery so i know what your going threw. june 29 2002 he had a triple bypass he made it threw surgery was in icu i got to talk to him he still had the tube in his throat so he couldnt talk i was so happy he was out of surgery.i got woke up at 4am with a phone call telling me he was having surgery at 5am so i just jumped up left for hospital.when he got out of surgery i thought he was gonna be ok.so i told him i was gonna go home and change my clothes and clean up and i would be right back.he nodded his head and i told him the hard part was over and he would be ok.well as soon as i walked in my house door my family told me i needed to get back to hospital fast i never changed i turned around and went right back.when i got to icu i noticed his room the curtains were closed.i went to the desk to ask if i could go in i thought maybe the doctor was in there.then i noticed his icu nurse walking towards me she was crying and i knew it wasnt good.she was so chocked up she couldnt talk to me and i lost it then.he was fine when i left the nurse was talking about starting to wean him off the machines.how in that little time he could be gone.and i told him he was gonna be ok.i miss him so much and to this day i really dont understand what went wrong.the doctor said his heart gave out but yet they told me the surgery went well.but two hours later and he,s gone.i know what your going threw when i read what you wrote it was like looking at my own.may god bless you and help you threw this time in your life

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Light A Candle for Pope John Paul II

Pope John Paul II has touched the hearts of many as he has traveled the world with his message of peace, hope and harmony. He is a man loved by many and has been the beacon of light for the followers of the Catholic Faith. Even non-Catholics have appreciated the deepness of his devotion. We note his passing in sadness and invite people of all faiths to Light A Candle to carry on his message of peace, hope and harmony.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/beyondtalk/lightacandle.php

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Hello everyone, and thanks for listening/reading.

I lost my twin on 30th December 2004. She was 34. It was very sudden, I was there while medical staff at the local hospital tried to rescusitate her with what turned out to be a clot in her lung.

I had no idea that grief like this existed. I feel like half of my heart has been torn out, and I'm never going to get over it. I find it hard to function., and am crying at inappropriate times - ie at work, in the supermarket, etc. I'd like to hear from any twins out there who might have lost their "other half".

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Jomaree,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I hope you will continue to share and let your feelings out. It really does help.

Take Care,

Julie

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Dear Memaw3,

Thanks so much for your kind words. Things have gotten a bit better although not a day passes without my thinking of my brother. I don't know that I will ever get over this loss. It is good to know there is someone out there that knows how I feel and the shock of losing someone so close. I appreciate your blessings and kindness.

Tom

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Hello:

I lost my younger brother, Pascual last March 3, 2004. At around 11 AM he was ambushed in a grocery store and in his attempt to run from the gunmen was shot in the back. The bullet pierced his lung which caused him to bleed to death, he was pronounced dead at 12 Noon. He was 26 years old and a father of two girls, ages 2 and 6. His death has created such a void in my life. I miss him so much it hurts. I think about him every day. The pain is unbearable at times. I could be sitting at home and suddenly be hit with the realization that I will never be able to hug him or spend time with him. Sometimes I just want to scream from all the pain I\\\'m feeling. My brother\\\'s murder has made me a nervous wreck. I am terrified of the streets, I cringe at the thought of my children going out without me. I have become suspicion of strangers around me. At the beginning I was mad at my little brother, I kept telling myself that he could of stayed away from the streets like we always begged him to do. Then I started feeling guilty because a couple of days earlier we got into an arguement. Our last conversation was an arguement, this hurt like hell... I couldn\'t tell him I loved him. This replays in my mind all the time, everything replays in my mind from the murder site, to having to identify him at the morgue and the entire process of preparing for a funeral. It all felt like a bad dream in really slow motion. I kept praying , \"please GOD let this be a dream\". On top of dealing with his loss we are forced to deal with the process of the legal system. The gunman was caught and is presently behind bar, yet no trial has been scheduled.

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Thanks, Julie.

I've left a few notices at different forums, for some reason I don't get much of a response, perhaps because I lost my twin, and not many can relate.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words, Jo.

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Hi Cindy thank you for your support. It has been almost 6 months since my brother died. His birthday was April 15th. It was very difficult. Not a day goes by that I don\'t think about my brother. I still cry. I still need help getting to sleep and I still have to force myself to get out of bed. A friend of mine just lost her brother to cancer. I feel sad for her but in someway I feel jealous. He had fought for 14 months before the battle was too much for him. I know she is terribly sad and misses her brother tremendously but she had time to say good-bye. 14 months of time to spend with him and say good-bye. My brother died unexpectedly when we expected hers to die. I was angery that her brother was still alive and mine was dead. I know it is selfish of me and I don\'t know what to do with these feelings. I would have done anything to be able to spend so much time with my brother, saying good-bye and preparing for his death but instead I was taken by surprise. I know anyone who has waited for a loved one to die from a terminal illness feels just as much pain and loss as us who have lost a loved one unexpectedly. I just feel so much anger and jealousy. I am sorry if this offends anyone. It is not ment to. I guess I just wish I had a chance to prepare and say good-bye. I hate feeling this way so much.

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Welcome to all the newcomers. I am so terribly sorry for your losses. My sister is my best friend, so I can't imagine what it would be like to lose her. My heart truly goes out to you all.

I hope you will continue to come and share and let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Julie

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Hi everyone......

When i was only ten years old i lost my brother to leukaemia after a three year battle, he had jus turned 9 years of age. Not one day that passes that i dont think of him, i miss him so much. I get so frustrated thinking about it, how the person i most want to see once more, i simply cant. I have never relly spoken about my brother to anyone, i find him hard to talk about cos i kno when i do i will simply breakdown and cry. it has been so upsetting reading other peoples messages, i simply shows how life can be so crap.

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June 2003 I lost my 30 year old brother Adam, my only sibling. He died of a heart attack, he was a vey fit man and took no drugs and didn't drink. One day he was OK, he went to bed and died in the middle of the night. He lived with his girlfriend, she was their when he died and at the time she was affected very badly by it, she even changed her surname to his.

I have steadily been feeling better over the past months, with good and bad days as everyone has. However yesterday, his girlfriend told me that she had started dating someone else and it was serious. Although I said that I was happy for her (which I am), I just felt sick and when I got home I just cried. I do want her to have a life (she is only 30) but its not easy. There are only a couple of his photos up in their house now, slowly being replaced by other things. My mum and dad don't know yet, my dad does a lot for her, cutting her lawn, DIY, walking their dog. I know this will hit them hard, its another break of the ties to their son.

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littletwerp

I am 20 years old and my brother on 4-11-05 2 days after my birthday that he didn't even call on thought that beer, pain killers, and a .22 was the only way to fix his prob. that no one new that he even had untill the 13th when we found out that he was dead. I dont know what to do he was 1 month and 22 days from his 22nd birthday, he always called in the past when he got upset but not this time and he was only 21 years old. He was always there for me in the past but now he never will be and I don't know what to do. It was so bad that on the 27th they finly told us that the were sure it was my brother.

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I am so sorry for your loss Littletwerp. I can't imagine what you are going through. You and your family are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

Take care,

Julie

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I am so sorry for your loss Littletwerp. I can't imagine what you are going through. You and your family are in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

Take care,

Julie

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Hi, I was searching for sights on healing and came across this one. I lost my brother SPC Shawn Michael Davies almost a year ago. He died in Iraq on 7-08-04. I am 18 years older than him, so he was very special to me. The best way to sum up our relationship is that he was my brother, child, and became my best friend. The closer it gets to the anniversary of his death the more I go back to just hearing the the news he is gone. He was supposed to get married on July 23 to his junior high sweetheart who I also love to very much. I do not want the month of July to come this year even though I know it will. Well I guess I rambled enough. I never want to forget him.

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I'm so sorry for everyones loss and my heart goes out to all of you. I lost my sister Amanda Kay Rose less than a year ago (only 22), she was the best person I ever met. She died in a car accident on 8-15-04, two weeks before her daughters birthday (she was turning 3). We were 13 months apart in age and had an unbreakable relationship. I miss so much the phone calls at 11:00 at night just to say "hi". I miss everthing about her, she was my best friend. I'm scared sometimes because I dont know if her daughter will remember anything about her, or how much she loves her. I will never forget her and my goal is to not let anyone else forget.

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booboo2, hi there. if your goal is to not let anyone forget your sister, then go for it. i think that is wonderful. to me, talking about things is very important, even though it may not always be easy. her daughter is young and needs to be reminded on a daily basis of her mother's love for her. she needs to hear stories and look at pictures of her every day........from now on. talk about her mom with her. let her know how special her mom is and how special she is. my kids were almost 2 and 3 1/2 yrs when my mom died. i can't help but think that they will forget their "nonnie" because of their age. i make a point to include their "nonnie" in their lives everyday. i will not let them forget her. you could make a scrap book for her too. not only with pictures of them together but include pictures of her mom from birth to "present" time. i think it makes their memories more complete. also, talking about your sister will also help you in your grieving process. children have such a great way of understanding and accepting the complex things. their minds and hearts are so innocent and open that it is easier for them. just some thoughts i wanted to share. i wish you the best. heather

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tdubslilsis14
I'm so sorry for everyones loss and my heart goes out to all of you. I lost my sister Amanda Kay Rose less than a year ago (only 22), she was the best person I ever met. She died in a car accident on 8-15-04, two weeks before her daughters birthday (she was turning 3). We were 13 months apart in age and had an unbreakable relationship. I miss so much the phone calls at 11:00 at night just to say "hi". I miss everthing about her, she was my best friend. I'm scared sometimes because I dont know if her daughter will remember anything about her, or how much she loves her. I will never forget her and my goal is to not let anyone else forget.

Hi I\'m Alexis,

I just turned 14 and I lost my older brother. He was in a car accident caused by a drunk driver on Nov. 13, 2004. Only 16 years old. He died 5 days later on Nov. 18th. His best friend Kristin, also 16, didn\'t make it either....She died the day of the accident. Its really hard and I miss them both. I mean its like now i don\'t have and older brother i can look up 2....drive me around places....be there my first day of high school...watch him and his girlfriend Sarah go 2 prom....see him turn his tassel the day he graduates...All because one teen made the wrong decsion to drink and drive, my brothers dreams were shattered. He always dreamed of being an NFL football player for the Indianapolis Colts. He wanted to go 2 college at IU (indiana university)and earn a football scholarship. He wanted to go 2 his Junior and Senior Prom. We were supposed 2 go 2 Sweden this summer to visit our friends, no parents, just us. But now he can never do what he\'d alwayz dreamed of doing. I miss him more and more everyday. It just keeps gettin harder. My mom is now sick in the hospital not doing too well. I try so hard to stay strong during all of this. Now its just me, my dad, and my 9 year old lil brother trying to keep everythng together. I just hope someday it will get better.

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I'm so sorry for you guys losses. What you have gone through it tough. It is great that you are here sharing and talking about your feelings. It really helps. I hope you will continue to join us here and let us know how you are doing.

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Hi,

I lost my brother, he was 46 years old very suddenly...very unexpectedly. It is a very traumatic thing to have happen to anyone. It has been very hard and I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out and whats left is heavy...so heavy. But there are things that have to be done and I know my brother wouldn\'t want me to lose my head over it. So I try every day to put one foot in front of the other and live, be strong, ( I ask God to give me strength every day because it starts over every day). I have never cried so hard and with such abandon before in my life and there is no \"caring whether anyone sees me or not\" which I used to never let anyone see me cry. It is strange to hurt so much and have no control over the circumstances...I can\'t bring him back...I am alive and he is dead...it\'s not right...But here are the things that I have found that I can do that are helpful, healing, and constructive.

Just sharing and making friends on these grief message boards has helped a lot. Only someone who is feeling these same pains can relate and there are some very good, comforting people on these boards I have found. Also, because my brother loved music, I have been putting together a cd with songs that remind me of him or actually talk about losing someone. This way if I need to grieve for a short while I can do it and it makes me feel closer to him. I am gathering all of the pictures I can of him and putting them in a photo album, I am making copies of other friends of ours pictures too.

As I read the posts on this board I decided that there were so many that I found something that I related to and I couldn\'t reply to all of them so I just want to share below you guys who I know what you are feeling. It shows that even though we have different circumstances and grieve in different ways, that we still suffer very much the same and my heart is with you and my prayers. There were other posts that I didn\'t mention that I am praying for you too! I am so sorry. Being left behind is truly not easy to take and we WILL get through it and be stronger for it and hopefully be able to help someone else some day.

Tkh050

I know now what is meant by having a broken heart. The sorrow, guilt, anger, fear and other emotions seem to pile on. I miss him so much and wish that he could still be with us. I feel like the pain will never go away.

Jomaree

I had no idea that grief like this existed. I feel like half of my heart has been torn out, and I\'m never going to get over it. I find it hard to function., and am crying at inappropriate times - ie at work, in the supermarket, etc.

Mcsparky

Not a day goes by that I don\\\'t think about my brother. I still cry. I still need help getting to sleep and I still have to force myself to get out of bed. My brother died unexpectedly— I would have done anything to be able to spend so much time with my brother, saying good-bye and preparing for his death but instead I was taken by surprise.

Adelphos

Not one day that passes that i dont think of him, i miss him so much. I get so frustrated thinking about it, how the person i most want to see once more, i simply cant. i find him hard to talk about cos i kno when i do i will simply breakdown and cry.

Tdubslilsis14

I miss him more and more everyday. It just keeps gettin harder.

Love and comfort to you all.

Laura

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POSTED BY:Jomaree on APRIL 8,2005

Hello everyone, and thanks for listening/reading.

I lost my twin on 30th December 2004. She was 34. It was very sudden, I was there while medical staff at the local hospital tried to rescusitate her with what turned out to be a clot in her lung.

I had no idea that grief like this existed. I feel like half of my heart has been torn out, and I\\\'m never going to get over it. I find it hard to function., and am crying at inappropriate times - ie at work, in the supermarket, etc. I\\\'d like to hear from any twins out there who might have lost their \\\"other half\\\".

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I am new here, though I've been reading for a week now - I wanted to write a little something of my own. I lost my grandfather 4 years ago. I lost my dad a little of a year ago, and last, my only sibling - my brother, whom passed 5 months ago. The passing of my brother has changed my whole world and has been the most difficult of deaths that I've had to deal with. I find myself often angry with the Lord and with life in general. Life just seems unfair.

Besides all that.... I'm wanting to get some ideas of what others do on special occasions to honor their loved ones that have passed on. For example, I wanted to do something special for my mom on Mother's day in honor of my brother - instead I did nothing because I couldn't think of anything. The same occurred on my brother's wife's birthday. Now, I'm faced with the same situation as my brother's birthday is coming up soon and I want to do something to honor him, but I just draw a blank. I've heard of people releasing balloons but what other ideas or out there??

My prayers are with all of you that have lost someone you love. The pain I feel is never ending....

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tdubslilsis14

"All for a Reason"

Memories we share

and all the good times

Keep us moving on

We try to stay strong for the ones around us

But sometimes its very hard

Losing your brother, a son, a nephew, a grandson,

and even your best friend all in one

Bad things may come

but bring good things in the future

Like meeting new people

Getting to know the community better

I lost my brother

he was just a year younger than Justin

I know it hurts to lose someone special

even when they were really young

So I give you my prayers

for Justin is truely missed

One last hug and one last kiss

But I know God has a reason for all of this

I wrote this for our friends who lost their son who was 3 years older than me...He died June 16th, 2005 in a car accident. Only 17.

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Dear Oreo32:

I understand the need to do something to honor your loved one durring special occations. I wanted to get together with all my family and have a cookout for my brothers birthday but my sister-in-law,(my brothers wife), did not want to attend. She said it would be too difficult. Mabey because his passing was so near yet, only 6 months. I don\\\'t realy know. We ended up not doing anything at all and it made me angery because I wanted to do something special. Something to memorialize the day. So instead of trying to do something as a whole I choose to do something by myself. Even if it was not on a special occation, it was just the need to do something. The city in which I live ask for volunteer gardeners every year to plant flowers by the lake side trails. I voluntered and my two sisters joined me. We now have a beautiful plot of flowers with a sign that says In Honor Of Paul Lukach, at the lake side trail. It is there for all to see and everyone in my family to visit and weed. Even to drive by it brings me a certain kind of comfort and I know it does for my family and my brothers wife too. My brother was cremated and his ashes are in his wife\\\'s posession so It is nice to visit someplace that represents the greatest loss in my life. It is nice to do something for my brother.

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Dear Oreo32,

I lost my little brother 10 months ago. He passed away on Sept. 2nd of 2004. His 24th birthday would've been on November 12th. On his birthday, I got his name tatooed on my back with the letters RIP along with an angel and the words, you're our angel. It's somthing a bit drastic, but I feel that he's always with me. I hope you come up with a good idea tohonor your brother.

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It seems as though no matter the cause of the loss of a sibling the pain is just the same. I lost my brother on November 6, 2004. He was gunned down and ambushed by at least 19 bullets. Since his murder I have been being "detective" and not a bereaved sister. I made a promise to him the day of his funeral that I will find who did this and they will pay. Now, 8mo later, this is still an unsolved case. For his 35th birthday (4/20), I held a prayer vigil in the neighborhood where he was killed, that was the only time since the funeral that I shed tears. To be honest, I think it had to do with the profound words that were being said and not the actual events. I am So angry. I haven't been able to balance my check book because looking at numbers I eventually start seeing the number "19" and simultaneously I start hearing a ringing out of gun shots and I envision that day all over again and it starts all over again. This morning when I got to work I decided maybe I should go to a social worker or something and that's how I stumbled onto this site. I'm happy to have found some place where I can express my feelings and not feel as though I'm talking on deaf ears. I will pray for each of you daily and hope that you may find some small segment of peace to carry you on.

Thanks & God Bless Each of You!!!

Tonya

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Oreo32,

It is too soon I guess for me to be able to think of anything helpful. The only thing I have been able to do is get pictures of him together and in a book, and try to find some comfort on a couple of message boards. Oh, and also I have made a few cd's of music that remind me of my brother. It helps when I am feeling down.

Good idea though. I'm sure you will come up with something good.

Laura

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Honey415,

Did you actually see your brother get shot? Or did you see him shortly after? I saw mine shortly after he died and the picture is etched in my mind forever. It is very traumatic, I know. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is good to talk about it but only as much as you want to. Deal with it in your time no one else's! People around me don't seem to understand either, they think I should be taking care of my regular life...which I am! But that doesn't mean we don't hurt every single day and that there will be times we need to cry. We will never be the same and it is good to have people here to share that feeling with.

Laura

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Mcsparky,

I think what you did with the plot of flowers was a very good thing! I like the idea. Thank you for sharing that.

Laura

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