Loss of a Sibling

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Girls, I did cherish the memories... We had a group of college-aged kids and a few adult leaders here over Monday and Tuesday for a retreat, and that kept me busy, but was such a blessing. After everyone left yesterday, I spent a couple of hours cleaning up the kitchen of the facility, washing dishes, etc. One of the most peaceful times throughout my life, before dishwashers, and I know this sounds strange, but has been the quiet alone time I have while I wash dishes. It's a place I can be alone, think, pray, cry, whetever. I washed 30 sets of dishes, glasses, pots, pans, etc, and that was quite a bit of time for reflection and memories. As I cleaned, I listened for the first time to a CD of Christian 'comfort songs' my mom's friend made for me after Joey died. I also listened to some of the music Joey and I used to listen to together a few years back when he worked for me over the summer. The hour commutes to and from the office found us having to compromise on whose music to listen to. I mostly learned to like his style of music, and found some great Christian alternative rock to suit his style, and that's what we would listen to--a great compromise! So I filled the place up with that music, shed some tears for hours it seemede and just thought fully of my Joey--all of the years gone by. I miss him so much! In mnay ways it still seems surreal to me...

Jackie, sharing Scripture, amd the comforting words from you, Diane and Barb--I so apprecite! Tnak you. I am so glad, Jackie, that you and your family had a good, honoring day in celebration of Jeffrey's day and his life. And Diane, I will be praying for you as you journey to Disney in memory of Harvey. I pray your time there will be full of blessing and honor.

Much love to all of you! Always, Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi All,

I'm back from Disney. It was a bittersweet time. I'm pooped out & my feet need a week to recover. I had a lovely time w/ my 6 yr old G-d Daugther & Cheryl. I made Harvey's picture my cell phone wallpaper & I took him thru Disney w/ me(Animal Kingdom,Epcot,Magic Kingdom,All the parades,shows and the lights festival). I hope he saw it w/ us. Caitlin said Harv & her old dog(who's in heaven too) are her Angels w/ Tinkerbell in NeverNever Land. I think it's amazing to see things thru the eyes of 6 yr olds(by the way;She was Tinkerbell the whole time in Disney..wings, outfit & All).I think Disney is one of the last truely magical places for kids. They can still be little there and it caters to kids & the kid in you(I went on all the rides w/ her too..Cheryl doesn't like things that spin;she did the shows,boat & train rides.Well all, have a great week.

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Diane & my girlfriends,

I am so glad that the trip went better than expected, I seemed to have the same experience on Jeffrey's anniversary date. It seems that August may well be a healing month for us all. I think like Claudia said, it has been a time to reflect and even though the pain is still so piercing at times, I believe it is my reminder that I loved some one so much that they left a hole that cannot be mended. This month has forced me to cling tighter to my faith and has allowed me to share with others "The Promise". I have numerous well wishers and phone calls, emails just checking on me, and with each response I have reminded them that while I hurt now, I will be with my family again thanks to a God that loves and cherishes us.

Barb forwarded some pictures that I have not sat down and sent to you and Claudia, I promise to do that tonight. They were beautiful wedding pictures and pics of her family. I will try and send some myself. We had one of baby Jack's B-day party at Hooters (in honor of Uncle Jeff) that was priceless. I'll be sure and send one of those.

Love you girls. Hope your week is full of sernitity and grace. I am here if you guys need me! Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, I too am happy that prayers were answered, and your time at Disney was special. What a grand idea to have Harvey's picture om your cell phone so you could tour him through the action!! So awesome! I'm glad you were blessed, Diane. Lots of love, Claudia

Jackie, you said it so well. Thank God He enabled us to love so much that it hurts when we lose someone. I couldn't imagine living a life of indifference. The pain is a reminder that we feel. As much as that seems like a curse sometimes, it's also a blessing. My love to you.

Barb, I hope you are doing well and getting rested from your brother's wedding trip. Blessings and love to you.

[robertssister]

Hello Everyone:) I am getting rested from the wedding it was so much fun . But Very sad too. My brother Daniel the one that got married had a hard time at first on saturday he came to the motel where mom and dad were and he just cried and cried he said I miss Robert so much . Robert wouldnt have missed this wedding for anything. but the day was wonderful and it was good to see family again. We are going back to NY in September my brother Martin is being Ordained as a Baptist preacher. We are so happy for him he has gone through alot and he has a church that is asking him to move there and be a pastor. So theres a lot going on. Brian my husband and boys start school next week and the boys started baseball tonight we go to practice mon and wed. 6pm-8pm . Then the games are sat and sun . and My husband is coaching soccer and backeball in school. So were off to a very busy year . I miss talking with you all I pray your all doing well.

I hope you all get to see the pic.

at the wedding they put cameras on the tables for people to use then leave there for them and when they got them back My 2 BOYS took pictures of each other in the bathroom at the urinal and a pic of the toliet . my brother laughed and laughed . KIDS :) just thought Id share that with you all have a great night.

Love Barb:)

[jackiewitter]

Barb, You guys are very buzy! Makes my house sound like a retirement home! Kidding, it's pretty buzy, but no where near your caliber! Good luck with that. I am sorry that your brother was so hurt before the wedding, but doesn't it kind of validate your own feelings. I hate when my older brother is blue, but it makes me realize I am not alone in this, my brothers loved my baby brother as much as I did...just in a different way. There's a spot in me right now that feels like I am letting go, and am trying to hold on as tight as I can. It seems as the feelings fade (not really fade) just not as often, it makes me a little sad. I don't want to ever forget what Jeffrey meant to me and I guess I am having a little bit of difficulty sorting it out. I don't ever want to forget what I felt like when he was first gone, but I don't want to deal with that pain again either. I guess I am focusing more on the loss rather than the complete joy of the days when he was here. It's like a mental workout every day to try and to get your mind, heart and emotions in the right place...prayer, prayer and more prayer. Does anyone else feel like that? I know Diane has not faced a year mark yet, but it still seems like it is waning. Is that the right word? Daddy used to sing a song and one of the verses was "many times satan whispers, there is no need to try, for there's no end of sorrow, there's no hope by and by. But I know Thou art with me and tomorrow I'll rise, where the storms never darken the skys". It's a beautiful song and I sing it to myself often.

Sorry, didn't mean to get on a darker side there, just bothering me a little. Hope all is good and we wrap up the week honoring the memories of the ones we miss and love. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Hello friends. I am just checking in and hoping you are all doing well. I had just a bit of a set back this week. There's a new condo building coming up in our subdivision, it's 32 stories and right on the bay. It's really nice, but Tuesday a laborer fell 29 floors and died. Now I cannot drive by it without remember the tragic events that took place immediately after Jeffreys accident. There is no way for us to get home without driving right by it, and so far each day I cry, it's almost like I prepare myself for the drive-by, seeing if workers have gone back to work, with little to no regard to this mans death. Like the miners in Utah that are trapped. Is it normal for these thoughts to be so obsesive? It's almost like I am tormenting myselft.

Hope you all have a good weekend and the Lord holds you close. Peace and blessings. Jackie

[robertssister]

Jackie,

Hello ! I'm sorry that you had a bad week. I know when you have someone die in your family you see things alot differntly. There was a car accident up in Harrisburg and the man died and I felt so bad for the family and just to think what they have to go through.

I pray your doing better. We are doing ok the boys start school on Monday they can't wait I wish I had the day off so I could just stay at home but that wont come for another week:(.

Hope the rest of you are all doing well. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

In Christian love, Barb:)

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, (and hello to all), Yes, it's normal for haunting thoughts to burden us almost obsessively when something similar happens afterward and we are affected by close recollections of our own tragedies. Perhaps its all a part of post traumatic stress. For me, I am fortunate that I don't have railroad tracks here to tend with, or anything vaguely familiar to life as I knew it when I had Joey near. But I know when I visit home (over the holidays this year) and I come in for a landing in my home town for the first time since leaving after Joey's death and memorial, crossing those tracks--the same ones he died, and seeing everything and everyone that we shared together--ugh! I am so looking forward to visiting, but so dreading the trauma of all of those firsts in returning to a place where he should be standing there and waiting for me to greet me with his Joey bear hug, smiles and hellos. Jackie, you are not alone in how you feel, my dear sister. I share your aching heart, the trauma of it all, the recurring panic attacks and so on. I try to stuff them away, and I actually have grown and healed tremendously in the past year, BUT, there's a whole lot ahead of me that tells me I have a long way to go to get to the place where I have total peace. One of the new facts I am focusing on lately, which is helping a lot by the way, is that no matter where I am or where I go here it is all temporary, in this, my temporary home away from heaven. I don;t know if you've ever heard the song by Casting Crowns called Homesick--but oh my gosh, if that doesn't just sum up to a T what I feel in my heart, that aching longing to be home one day. And here's what I think about the term "set back" these days, there isn;t really a going backwards. We are continually journeying forward in our hurting and in our healing, and sometimes we just get an obstacle thrown in front of us. We don't necessarily walk backwards to get over it. We just have to do a few more calasthenics to hurdle it, and sometimes it's the gearing up to conquer the feat that overwhelms us into thinking we've been set back. You're doing great, because you are doing the best you can--as are we all. SO don't beat yourself up for having those times of super calasthenics and preparing for your next big hurdle. Be encouraged that you WILL get over that hurdle. I know, because you have Jesus on your side. And he's filling up your arsenal for the battle ahead as surely as I am writing this. I imagne that all of those who have to go back to work and whatever it was that they were doing before a tragedy such as what happened in your neighborhood have the same fears and reservations that we feel in our hearts. It isn't that they have no regard, but more that they have to face that demon head on and are forced to deal with it or lose their jobs or whatever, which is often such a tragedy in itself, because I can't imagine what must preoccupy their minds being right there and seeing horrible visions of that play over and over in their minds and hearts. Pray for them as you drive by, and I will too. Maybe the drive-bys are a cue to pray intercessory for those that have lost their friend, brother, workmate, husband, etc, as Jesus prays intercessory for us and our very personal tragedy of loss. I don't know... just something maybe the Lord has shown me to share with you... Love and hugs, always, Claudia

[diane1234]

Jackie,

My thoughts & prayers are with you. I know how difficult it must be for you to pass that building. I felt the same way about doctors & hospitals. I wasn't able to go near or in one for months after Harv's death(they too reminded me of how he died). I then had a friend who's mom got ill. I got down on my knees & asked for the FAITH to confront my fear. It took me a few weeks; but I was finally able to go to a doctors office & a hospital. I pray for you to be able to walk thru this Wave w/ HIS hand on your shoulder :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

You girls are the greatest. I think that is one thing that I can always be thankful for. I believe with all of my heart that God led me to this site and that he led me directly to you three. The relationship and friendships that we have developed are so much more than just a need to feel comforted. I believe that God has opened my heart, and most definitely Diane's. I will not say that I had lost faith, but I was not living daily by His guidance. My prayers were often only at night, and they were so empty. "please protect my family" that was about it. Now all I long for is to make it through this and to be reunited with my family. I want to be in that place where I don't feel so much sorrow and I am not afraid how quickly the ones you love can be snatched from you.

As things return to normalcy I don't want to lose the tenderness in my heart, I just don't want it to ache so much. I love what you said Claudia about a reminder to pray as we drive by that job site. My heart aches for that mans family, but you are right, I should do more than just feel sympathy for his family, I should pray for their comfort and guidance. I found this in Isaiah and I think it goes along so well with what Claudia said. "65:19; I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard no more". That's where Jeffrey, Joey, Robert & Harvey are...in a place where weeping and crying are heard no more. They are already at the permanent home.

Barb, I know you are excited about the boys starting school. My baby girl will begin college in Sept, thankfully she is staying home. I don't think at this time I could bear it if she went off. My youngest son is coming home the 1st of Sept. and then he will prepare to leave for Iraq in Oct. Please remember him in your prayers. He has chosen on of the more difficult task when he joined 101st Airborne. He will be on patrol and that frightens me so, but I know that God will have His hand on him.

Diane I hope that you are hanging in there as well. I try to remember where you are in your timeline and how I was at that same time. I know grieving is so personalized, but I think there are many similarities. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as well.

I hope you each have a good week. I hold those 4 young men close to my heart as I go about daily activities, I will never forget that they were here with us once and that they were so fiercely loved. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Amen Jackie,

You always put things soo eloquently. I loved that passage from Isaiah. It's so comforting to me to have a place where sharing a blessed passage can resonate w/in us(from a HIS Grace talking thru and to you..to us). I'm glad you came to the realization of Prayer for that man's family. It feels good today when I pray for the well being of others. Prayer allows me to have peace in a hectic life. I just have to remember it's HIS will and not mine(on a daily basis). I agree w/ you on our Angels..I know that Harv,Jeff,Joey,Robert, Etc. led us to this site. I actually have gained soo much insight into grief and NOT losing my religon thru ALL of you gals. I am eternally grateful for that. I find that as my holidays approach in Sept., I'm not dreading them this year. I will say prayers for Harv & ALL those in Heaven on Yom Kipppur this year(Jeff,Joey& Robert). I will also take prise in my Messianic beleifs and I will not be going to my families temple this year(a fashion show of sorts); instead I will be attending my small Messianic Congregation.So for me that is spiritual growth I can Thank Harv for someday(he never hid his Messianic beliefs from my very Jewish Family).On that note,I wish everyone a blessed week;

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Diane... I don't believe that Jeffrey has ever had a prayer said for him on Yom Kippor. I think he would be quite honored. I also have learned to try every day. I have learned through out this process that it is each single day that we must struggle with. Before these events I always planned years in advance of how I would play out my life. I believe that this is what God wants, our daily dependence on His grace and mercies. Scripture today...Psalm 63:7-8; "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me" This is our life now, a life of dependency on our creator; and I truly feel that is how it should have been all along. With that my prayers are with each of you and all that are traveling this most difficult pathway. Special prayers for Claudia and family as well. Love you all. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jackiewitter]

Hello my special friends. I just wanted to drop in and say hello, see how each of you spent the holiday. Hope it was joyful for you all. We went to the beach where Jeffrey and I spent Mother's day 2 years ago. It was a little difficult, but I just tried to pretend he was with me. At one point I walked down the beach alone and just talked with him. Told him of the kids and what they were doing, told him Ben would be leaving for Iraq Sept 24th...(by the way, please be sure to keep him in your prayers). I just wish that he were here to help me through some of these things. I know he would be telling me how everything will be fine, and not to worry. I just wish that I could hear those words from him, ya know. There's just something in my psyche now that fears the ominous. I worry about the kids more; I always call to see where they are. If I hear about a wreck on the freeway I call the three that still live in my area to make sure it's not them. I am sure it has something to do with the suddenness of Jeff's accident, but I sure wish I could get rid of it. I raised 4 teenagers; I have always worried about their safety, but never like this. I would just love for that fear to go away!.

Again, hope all are well and plodding on. Claudia, please keep us updated on the situation with Michael. As always, my prayers are with all of you. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Glad to hear your holiday included the beach. I spent my holiday w/ dear friends & one family member. I find that I too have been chatting w/ Harv lately. I miss calling him and hearing his response "Hey Hey WooWoo" to anything good that happened in my life.Next month we honor Harv w/ an unveiling(a tombstone will be placed on his grave near the 1 yr mark) & I feel that WAVE getting ready to hit me.I wonder, as the one yr mark approached for you...how did you handle your waves(that question is for ALL who have passed the one year mark on their grief journey).

Claudia, I hope all is well in your part of the world. I keep you(and All of you gals in here) in my prayers of protection Always :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Girls, Well with Michael away for a few more weeks it seems I feel even more disconnected form the outside world and here is really my only outlet to feel connected in some weird way. I chat with him numerous times daily, and I know it must be kind of pestering to a degree, but wow it's so hard being here alone, in this beautiful but isolated paradise. Everything with Michael's family situation is trodding along--some good, some not so good and we'll just have to wait and se ehow it all shakes out. But he will be with his children over the weekend, shich is a joyous thing. I, as usual am having trouble with my motivation, but I am working toward the energy to paint some of our apartment interior while he is away. It's an appropriate time, I think, for the furniture to also be in dissaray. Oh, the dreaded one year mark! I wsa so sad on that day. I have a continual longing that just cannot be pacified, no matter what I do, say, read, whatever. Incoming to the second year, the reality is harder and the missing even stronger. I just try as I may to stay occupied with something. I have been reading more, and I am enjoying that. Diane, I know its so hard, and I cannot even imagine unveiling a tombstone. Joey was cremated, ashes scattered to the winds of the horse pasture he so dearly loved. I didn;t even save a spec of his ashes, and I'm not sure if I regret that or not. I think I just wanted him to be "completely whole" wherevere his remains were to be. God! That word--remains--I hate it. Sometimes I feel like I'm still outide looking at a surreal picture, like it just can't be true. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. Anyway, I'm hanging in there...trying as best I can to deal with grief, isolation, lonliness, and this horrible void in my life where my son should be. Jackie, your son is leaving on my birthday, the 24th of this month. That is a day I will certainly remember to be lifting him up, as I am doing now and you as well. Michael won't even be back by then, so it will be just another day for me, here alone. I am trying not to feel the desparity of it all... it's just so hard. I have my two little pups to keep me in company and busy pleasures. I wish that were enough... Barb, haven't heard from you in a while. I have your little garden plaque you sent to me in my room, on my dressing table. I just can't seem to find the strength to know where it should be elsewhere at this point, but it is with me. I hope you are doing well with the kids being back in school now. I wish I could turn time back to those days f watching my kids in their childhood, cherishing every little craft or project they made in school especially for me. I have few things here with me. Most are in storage and I will be sifting through when I visit there in November/December to sort what I want to bring back to hold onto here. I just can't let go... Don't know that I will ever be able to... Some days I wish heaven would arrive already--not that I want to die now. But it just seems so far away..you know? I can't pretend anymore that Joey is away on some long trip. he would have phoned by now... I am thankful for what comfort I have in knowing where he is. I hope that can grow to be enough one day. For now it's still a step at a time. I know you all know how that goes. Just wanted to let you know I am still here, praying for you as well. I'm just in a quieter passage of time at the moment... Hugs and much love to you all, Claudia

[bbarbie55]

Claudia

I'm keeping you in my prayers even mre now to give you strength. I send angels to envelope you in there wings and carry you to our father so he can hold you ever so close now. keep on going you know you are needed and very special to him.

Deb

[jackiewitter]

Diane, I think the unveiling will be good, it really meant a lot to do something on that day. Ours was very quite, the girls and I borrowed Claudia's idea of the bubbles and Audrey picked up balloons that we wrote messages on; silly I know, but we pretended they made it all the way to him. I did find the days leading up to that "date" were actually worse. I began to have the same anxiety, the fear that nothing would ever be right in this world again and the dread of starting all over from the beginning because that is what it felt like. But the actual day was really more reflective and while not exactly pleasant, it was pensive and thoughtful. I hope that you find the same, please know that as always but more so on those days leading to, I will be thinking of you and praying intensely for you. It's the least that I can do considering how you, Claudia and Diane pulled me through my 6 month period. I think that was the hardest for me, but I think it was amplified because of his birthday, cleaning of his apartment and that was the time the autopsy was returned. SUCKED....but I was so grateful for you all. I think if I ever reached a time that I wanted to just turn it all in, February was the time.

Claudia I know exactly what you mean about anxiety for heaven. I find myself saying things to Jeff like "see you soon" and meaning that. I just feel like I am ready; but one thing that keeps my thoughts from that direction are my children. I do not want my kids to go through this pain. You know how people say that your loved ones would not want you to feel this pain, I know that is true after experiencing it. I don't want my kids to hurt like this but I know that there is no avoiding it. Perhaps we would write them an instruction book, just simple guidelines. I know that it silly, but when I think of my kid's going through this it breaks my heart. Some days are simply too much and that's when I want to be with him and I want to be with my parents, 47 is too young to be without your mom and dad. I just feel so all alone sometimes, and I am envious of Jeffrey that he is with them and I am left here without the three of them. I will remember your birthday and celebrate for you rather than be sad that Ben is leaving. I am scared, but I know that God will be with him everyday.

Well it's almost Friday and we start another weekend. I hope that it is good for all of you. Claudia, hang in there, Michael will be home before you know it. I did email him the other day, hope he knows how many are lifting him in prayer.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

[mamabets]

For All~ My son Danny passed on 3 years ago June...My daughter, his sister, Jackie grieves so differently than I, as his mother, does. I am soooooooooooo sad for all of you here...All I can say to you, Jackie, Claudia,Deb, Diane, is...

"Be still and know that I am God"...

Our loved ones are closer than ever before. You are all amazing and I hang out on "Loss of An Adult Child"~ I love and commend you all!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxxoox

[diane1234]

Jackie & All,

Thank you for the advice about the bubbles & Ballons :-) I am going to take them to the unveiling in Oct./Nov. and release the Balloons after the Hebrew prayers are said. That is such a lovely visual idea to Honor Harv on his 1 year Anniv. in Heaven. I've chosen to let go of the DREAD for now over the pending Anniversary date(we'll see how I do in Oct...LOL).

I have chosen to seek prayer and ancient ritual for honoring Harv during my holiday period. My "Good" Sister & I are going to do a tashlich ceremony on one of the 2 days of Rosh Hashanna next week. I will definitely "Lift up- Harv,Jeff,Joey,Robert & Danny" in prayer the old fashioned way(and anyone elses loved one too..I need their 1st name).There are 3 bodies of flowing water meeting where we go and we throw Bread Crumbs(symbolism for an offering) to the fish. This Honors the Circle of Life and represents a message to Heaven (in Jewish Beliefs). The fish are considered very Holy(the EYES of THE Lord on Earth)and I know Harv would LOVE to teach your loved ones about Rosh Hashanna & Yom Kippur :-)

On that reflective note..I hope everyone's doing well & has a peaceful weekend.

Blessings to all,

Diane

[bbarbie55]

Diane

Could you remember my daughter also Bobbi Jo I believe in your feasts and festivals so I would be proud that I as a christian who believes would have my daughter honored.

Thank you Deb

[diane1234]

Deb,

It would be an Honor to Raise Bobbi Jo up in prayer. I'll say her name along w/ the others I mentioned and anyone else's 1st name (mentioned between now & next Thursday- the 1st full day of Rosh Hasshanna). Anyone can goggle the "Tashlich Ritual" and see how ancient & deep the ceremony goes into the Judeo/Christian cultures. This is the beginning of the Holiest time for the Jewish people(the week between Rosh Hashanna & Yom Kippur..look up those 2 holidays as well :-)

Blessings to all & Next Wed. I will List the Names of ALL our loved ones which I will pray for beginning next Wed Eve.the 12th thru Sundown on Sat. the 22nd.

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, I know Joey would think that was SO COOL. Thank you for including him. I'm sure Harvey is filling them all in on the heaven side of the celebration.

God Bless you! -Claudia

[mamabets]

For Diane1234~ How dear of you...I thank you so much!!! This is so very special...The compassion of so many grief stricken people never ceases to amaze me~ Again, thank you so much, Diane!! By the way, my hubby Dean's middle name is "Harvey"!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxoxxo

[diane1234]

Here's an explanation for Tashlich:

The "Tashlich" prayer is said on the first afternoon of Rosh Hashana by a pool of water.

1) What is the reason for this custom?

When Abraham went to take his son Isaac to the i>Akeida, the Satan appeared in the form of a river in order to prevent the performance of the mitzvah. Abraham entered the river undeterred and when the waters reached his neck, he cried out, "Save me, God, for the waters have reached my soul" (Psalms 69:2), whereupon the Satan disappeared. The recital of Tashlich by the riverside is intended to evoke the merit of the Akeida.

In the olden days it was customary to crown a new king by the river as a symbol that his kingship should continue like the river. On Rosh Hashana we proclaim God to be the King and Ruler of the world.

The verse says, "And they drew water and poured it before God (1-Samuel 7:6) and the commentators translate this as, "And they poured out their hearts in repentance like water before God." Rashi comments that this was a sign of submission as if to say, "We are like this poured out water before You."

2) Why is it preferable to do Tashlich by a river that has fish?

a. Since fish have no eyelids, their eyes are constantly open. This symbolizes God's constant protective watch over the Jewish people.

b. Just as fish are suddenly caught in nets, so too we are caught in the net of judgment for life or death. Such thoughts should arouse a person to repentance.

c. This symbolizes our hope to be fruitful and multiply like fish.

d. In order that the evil eye shall not affect us, just as it cannot affect the fish that are hidden under the water

What is the text of Tashlich?

Who is like You, God, who removes iniquity and overlooks transgression of the remainder of His inheritance. He doesn't remain angry forever because He desires kindness. He will return and He will be merciful to us, and He will conquer our iniquities, and He will cast them into the depths of the seas.

Give truth to Jacob, kindness to Abraham like that you swore to our ancestors from long ago.

From the straits I called upon God, God answered me with expansiveness. God is with me, I will not be afraid, what can man do to me? God is with me to help me, and I will see my foes (annihilated). It is better to take refuge in God than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in God, that to rely on nobles.

Many people also read Psalms 33 and 130.

Excerpted from "Guidelines - Yomim Noraim" - 300 commonly asked questions about Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur

[jackiewitter]

Hi all. I hope everyone is good and the weekend was kind. I spent the weekend with my children, all 4. This was my youngest sons last trip home before he leaves for Iraq. Please remember him at night when you pray, I know you will for you have all told me that you would. It's been a little tough, I know Jeffrey would be proud of him and would want to wish him off as well. We had some sappy times Friday night, but ironically Saturday with my oldest daughter was very fulfilling.

Diane I am so excited about the services, I am honored as well. Please be patient with yourself as the fall comes in. When you start to feel stressed, call or email. Just as you did for me, I am here for you.

mamabets, I received your email and will respond shortly, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and your photo with me. It's a sad sad place where we are, but the understanding means so much. I thank you again and pray for your and your family.

Barb, just hoping all is well with your family and it's the boys keeping you busy with school that is keeping you away.

Claudia, my dear friend. I hope that the weeks are not dragging for you, I hope that you have found enough to pour your energies into. I did not get any response from Michaels email, I was not expecting one, but I hope that all is well here in the states for him. I did receive yours though and I cannot thank you enough. You know how much I value your advise and opinions. Quite timely!

I love you all dearly and pray that the rest of the week brings us happiness in the memories of our loved ones. May my Ben have a safe flight back to camp and a safe journey to and while in Iraq. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Jackie, Michael is doing well in the States. there's still some legal stuff in the making, but the kids and he spent a wonderful weekend together and they will be together again next weekend. His daughter is turning sweet 16 on Saturday and it is so precious that they will be together for that special event in her life. As for me, I decided to do some painting in our apartment. It's keeping me busy and I am enjoying the finished work, little by little. I am praying for your Ben even as I write this. Just remember he is in God's hands, and there are none more loving. I know it's hard, especially when its our children making moves that take our breath away and cause our hearts to tremble. I have no doubt Jeffrey is very proud of Ben, and of you.

Diane, I loved the Tashlich lesson!! Thanks again for sharing and for inviting our loved ones to be a part of this special ceremony and tradition.

Lots of love ALL, Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi All,

La Shana Tovah to you all. In the am I am doing the Tashlich service. I will raise up in name the following:Harvey,Bobbi Jo,Jeffrey,Joey & Robert . I will also pray for our loved ones living,the military & for all those suffering in the world(I will also pray for all us gals & this website too). I wish you all a blessed week and I'll be back online after the Eve. of the 22nd.

Blessings, Diane

[jackiewitter]

Hello my dear friend. La Shana Tovah to you as well! I am very moved that you are taking Jeffrey with you tomorrow. As well, as Robert, Joey & Bobbi Jo, you are a very caring person to share this time of honoring Harvey with your friends here. I knew from the beginning I was going to like you! Wow it's been quite a year here hasn't it. I just wanted you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow and through out the upcoming days. Just remember if it gets too much you have the scripture that you shared with us: "Save me, God, for the waters have reached my soul" (Psalms 69:2). I hope the services bring you comfort and warm memories of Harvey. Love you. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, I very much second what Jackie said. Bless you and thank you SO MUCH!!

[robertssister]

Hello! Everyone I'm doing fine just very busy. I worked all last week end from 11pm - 8 am . then came home and got about 4 hours asleep a day . because my boys had games and I had a wedding to go to on Sunday. this week My parents our coming tomorrow afternoon to stay the night the boys have 2 baseball games to play on saturday so my parents will watch them then we will go out to eat then they will be leaving to go back home . Next week we go to NY for my brother Martins Ordonation To become a Pastor. So we are busy every day doing something.

I think and pray for you all I pray your all doing well.

I do miss talking with you all.

Have a good week end.

Love , Barb:)

[robertssister]

Jackie ,

Hello! When you get your son mailing address . Send it to me and I'll get some goodies together and mail them out to him if you dont care. He's in my prayers .

Love Barb

[jackiewitter]

Barb

That is so generous of you. I will give you his address as soon as I get it but please don't go to a lot of trouble, a post card or letter would be wonderful. I am hoping somehow that this will not be a long year (or 15 months). They are talking that some deployments now are getting a 3 month extension placed on them.

I am so excited about Martins ordination. I cannot help but marvel at the ones that sacrifice and listen to His call. When we were younger we went to church camp every summer; Jeffrey had surrendered to be a missionary when he was 17. Things happened and he never fulfilled that promise. I am sure that God had a stern talk with him when he arrived.

Take care of yourself, but I am sure while the work is exhausting it is also fulfilling. Much love to you and your family. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Barb. It's so good to hear from you!! Gld things are busy but well for you and your family. I too think it's awesome about Martin!!

Jackie, Usually people think of missionaries being far from home, like me for example. But missions is sharing and caring and lifting people up in the name of Jesus to maginfy the Lord, no matter where you are. And though Jeffrey didn't get to fulfill that dream of his youth, the way you carry Jeffrye with you and minister to others in your grief over losing Jeffrey, well frankly, you adn Jefrrey are "active" missionaries. I kind of look at that way with Joey too. Though he didn't do as much as he could have for Christ here, he certainly is on the mission field with me. We are continuing their legacies and growing their missions with ours.

[jackiewitter]

Oh Claudia....clap clap clap!!! You just made my day. I have never put it in that perspective before. I read in the book "90 Minutes in Heaven" where the author, who had been injured, had gone to a youth event and one of the youth was late and delayed their departure, when they arrived late the only seating was in the balcony. He had to walk, on his crutches, up all the stairs (elevator was out) and then all the way to the back to get a seat. He was upset at the youth that had caused them to be late, he was in pain and just worn out from the stairs. As he leaned against the wall, he spotted a youth that was in a wheelchair. He felt compelled to go and say something to him and as he got closer he realized the young man was in the same torturous device that he had worn for 1 & 1/2 years, a halo type device that lengthened the bone of the leg. He knew immediately why they had been late, why he had to navigate the exhausting stairs, and why he had stopped at the place to rest from the climb. Without those events he would have never had the opportunity to minister to the young man who had and would continue to suffer great physical pain. Without any of those events, that young man would still feel alone in his suffering and not actually be able to talk with someone who did go through it and did come out on the other side able to walk. You were right about the book though Claudia, I did not get what I was looking for (the insight to Heaven and what peace Jeffrey was feeling) but I think I got much more. Patience, tolerance and understanding that God is going to use me in the best way that He knows. I just have to be patient and listen.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, I certainly did. I spent Sunday with two of my favorite men, my husband and Baby Jack. Oh how fabulous it was. I'll send some new pics of the kids when I upload them. I hope you have a wonderful week filled with all the love and comfort that we each deserve. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, Isn't it wonderful and such a huge blessing that even though our beloveds are not here, we are still realizing "their dreams" within our own? This is truly ONE great evidence that LOVE never fails. Hugs, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi Claudia. Hope your day has been good. I just got in and wanted to check on everyone. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that Jeffrey & Joey (and Harvey & Robert) and so many others go on and on and on. One thing that I struggled with so much was his age (preaching to the choir huh?). I just couldn't understand why when there was so much life left in him. For months that was one of my biggest problems. He was just getting his life together, fabulous job, great promise. I just couldn't understand. Now I do see, they do continue their dreams, they just mesh with ours. This gives us the opportunity to make the dreams together. I ran across a really good scripture when I was reading a book, I shared it with Thomas tonight a "I Believe In God" thread. I found alot of healing in it. Hope all is well with everyone. Can't wait to hear from you and the other girls. Much love & wishes for the best dreams. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[diane1234]

Shalom All,

I've had a very loooooooong day yesterday!!! We did the traditional Yom Kippur and then we (my Siblings,neices & Father)went to Harv's Grave for the 1st time since we buried him. I printed out & brought a prayer(Yom Kippur & Mouner's Kaddish) service to Harvey thru my family. It was a rollercoaster day.I imagined it would be really emotional graveside..yet it was just weird. I was numb and going thru the motions w/ the prayers. Then we had a discussion @ Harv's grave about the unveiling service(when you show the tombstone & say MORE blessings w/ a Rabbi). The discussion was kind of w/ Raised Voices @ Harv's Grave (They couldn't agree on a good date @ the end of Oct.). It made me very frustrated for Harv..because in my heart, What we did yesterday was like an unveiling-- so WHY have another event?? One of my family members was being Super Jew all day and I just wanted a peaceful day of Revernce & Honor to G-d & my Brother.

I tried to keep my self humble and a servant of the Lord to others most of the day. I realized ,that it very hard to Minister to one's own family.I can only walk my Messianic walk w/ the Lord myself & pray that it serves as an Arrow into my family's hearts.

I did however Pray w/ my Catholic Best Friend Janet and I said prayers in hope for my family,your families,the military and our loved ones in Heaven too.

I'm expecting an interesting Oct.w/ my family. I guess ALL their DRAMA is keeping me grateful for my walk w/ G-d.

Blessings & Yom Tov,

Diane

PS.. I had a lovely Tashlick on Rosh Hasshanna. I raised up all of our Loved ones in prayer(@ 3 bodies of water with a waterfall). I have pic's of it too. Email me ,if I didn't send them to you.

[4everjoeysmom]

Oh Diane, I was so sorry to hear the family had to make such a scene like that at such a special moment in time. But you're so mature in faith and right to say that each has their walk, and you must concentrate on yours and hope that for all good purpose you can be "salt & light" to those you love. Peace and prayers are with you.

Jackie, I am lifting you up as you prepare your heart for your son's departure to Iraq tomorrow. I am praying for him as well. Be strong and of courage, both of you, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9) Love and prayers, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Diane & Claudia

I rec'd the pictures and they were beautiful. I too, am so sorry that they day didn't turn out better for you. Remember, that this may have been the opportunity for your family and others to see you faith and your patience. I have come to the conclusion throughout this journey that nothing is by chance. As Claudia says, there are no "happen stances"; our Lord has placed obstacles in our path to aid us, possibly in our own growth or possibly for someone else. Your patience and tolerance may have spoken volumes to someone else. I will continue to pray for your family that as these next months come that you all find peace.

Claudia, you have spoken little of you loneliness without Michael there, I hope that means that you feel His comfort. I am optimistic about his continued efforts in the states. He is in my prayers as well. I hope the week is a blessed one for you and for Diane also. You are as always, in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,

Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

I felt his absence more today thany all other days combined... my birthday...without him... (sigh)

[diane1234]

Claudia,

Happy Birthday to you,Happy Birthday to you,Happy Birthday dear Claudia,Happy Birthday to you & many more :-) May your Birthday month be filled w/ HIS Love always Shinning upon you !!!

Blessings to ya,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, Thank you for the sweet song and prayer.

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, Thinking of you and praying that God is lifting you up as you are also grieving for your son's new journey. Hugs, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Oh Claudia, how could I miss your birthday? I am so sorry...please accept my belated wishes! I spoke with him Sunday night, I cried of course. It's really hard isn't it. Two weeks I will not be able to speak with him, I can begin to have a small understanding of your pain. One thing to remember, both are in God's loving hands; but Joey is in His magnificient presence.

Birthdays, that much closer to Jesus. I will never dread or be resentful of getting older. I may not be happy with some of the limitations that age brings, but I will never look at them and wish that I were younger. That would prolong my journey and I look forward to the end of this one. I am sorry Michael was not with you, but I am sure that you were in his heart. Hope you have a wonderful week. Love you. Jackie

[robertssister]

Hello Everyone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA I really didnt forget about you and your birthday. I just didnt get a chance to write on here. I hope you had a great day. We are doing fine the boys and my husband our at a soccor game and I'm just taking a few min. by my self.

I pray you all are doing well. Jackie I got your pic. very nice. Today Robert has been gone 1 year and 3 months boy it doesnt seem like its been that long. I really do miss Robert . My brother Martins thing went very well . But it was something Robert wouldn't have missed if he were here. Old friends and family got together just to go over old time. Boy that was nice . Hope you all are doing well.

Hello to you Diane, I pray your doing well. I'll send pic to Jackie when I get them back.

talk to you all later,

love Barb

[jackiewitter]

Barb, Claudia & Diane, I got the picture of your niece, she was a little cutie! I'll forward the picture to Claudia and Diane if you did not. I added you all to my work email, so if you get something freaky it's not me soliciting a mortgage I promise! I began working from home on Mondays & Fridays. Oh how I love that. I only come into the city on Tues - Thurs and still carpool with my husband. Only problem I have found so far is that I am alone with my thoughts a lot more. That is something I have not experienced in a long time. Not all thoughts are good! I think I will try and set aside some breaks for devotionals or Bible time. That's probably what I need anyway. So have a good Wednesday & reat of the week. Prayers, peace, & blessings. Jackie

[diane1234]

Hi All,

I'm back from the Wild West. I went out west w/ my hubby to see the Buffalo being Round up and to see the sites of S.Dakota. The monument to Crazy Horse is unbelievable and Mt. Rushmore is a place every American should see!!! It was a PAINTbrush moments type of trip!I was allowed by the family carving Crazy Horse's Monument , to take a few stones back home w/ me for Harvey grave(he Loved the west). It feels like G-d's Country out there..everything just seems soo untainted,picturesque and clean.I hope you got my pic's Jackie & Claudia. If any one else was to see those cool Buffalo,email me & I'll send you the album.I'm pooped & jet lagged,but I wanted to say Hi to All.

Blessings,

Diane

[jackiewitter]

Diane...

I cannot wait to see the pics. I am at work now and don't have access to my home email. I don't know if you saw, I am working from home Mon & Fridays now, so I'll take a look tomorrow! I am so glad you had a great time and the stones are great. I am sure Harv is looking at you now and happy that you are carrying him with you on those journeys. Talk to you soon. Bunches of love. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[simmy72]

Hi all

I have only posted here once or twice before and that was less than a week after my beautiful sister passed away.I wanted to let you know how I am going and especially say thank you to Claudia and Teeny who both supported me with their heartfelt messages at that time.I printed your messages out and have them in a folder with other readings and I go over them often. It amazes me that people on the site are just so giving to others in their time of need whilst still grieving themselves.It is a wonderful gift and means so much to me and Im sure everyone here.

It has now been 5 months since Em\'s accident and I think in many ways the grief is getting worse. The last month has been particularly hard as we have had family birthdays (mine, mums and my sons) and then Ems 32nd birthday on September 18th. We had a little birthday celebration for her at the cemetary, but it all felt so surreal. I was desperate to do something, anything special on that day to remember her and ended up spontaneously getting a tattoo with a heart and Ems name on it.

I am doing lots of reading and spiritual searching and have been on several retreats, but the grief just hits me in waves at unexpected times and at those times I wonder how I am going to go on.I feel so lonely as she was my only sibling and best friend too. It just seems so unfair as our family was small to begin with and now I am left an only child and my parents have lost the youngest daughter who was closer to them than me as well. I try to support mum and dad but it upsets me to know that if it had been me who had gone, Em would have been able to do a much better job comforting them.The only reason I can see that I have for still being here are my 2 beautiful children. I am divorced also and sometimes it seems as though the ongoing theme in my life is to have people leave me.I know that sounds selfish and I know that worse things have happened to many others.

I do get some comfort from my belief that for whatever reason, it was Ems time to leave the earth and that this time was predestined, but still it just makes no sense to me at all.

Anyway, Im sorry i am feeling a bit down today. My children have gone away this week on their first holiday without me (with their dad and his new girlfriend)and I guess that has added to my feelings of loneliness. I know Em would have been here to cheer me up and help me through tough times like this and the fact`that she isnt makes her loss seem more real.

I hope everyone is doing OK and Ill keep in touch.

Thanks again for your kindness Claudia and Teeny.

Love Simone