Members missque Posted May 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 12, 2009 So i haven't been here in a while -- i guess thats a good thing... I found myself coming back because Jeremy's 2 years is this Saturday. I'm not sure how i feel about it yet but i find myself really upset and angry today -- i got fired for the first time in my life (even though im only 23). My boss would always tell me how great of a job i was doing and stuff. I came home today from being away in Florida only to find out she hirred someone else and firred me. At the end of the day she had no real reason for it; just some made up BS stuff. i guess with the 2 years coming up i'm more upset and frustrated than i normally would have been. It wasn't a special job- just working at a tanning salon trying to get by since i have to start paying my loans back now that I've graduated from teachers college (no board near me is hirring for the up coming year- infact they have laid off a lot of teachers). I'm just really upset and frustrated and with he was here just to cheer me up and give me a hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted May 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 15, 2009 Missy Hang in there teaching jobs are hard to find right now. A lot of places lay off and then hire in the fall so maybe something will come up. becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted May 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 16, 2009 so 2 years ago today.... i was doin pretty good just chattin online with friends- i msg'd jeremys bothers to see how they were doin the youngest called me and we chatted for a bit he sounded like he was doin pretty good; i msg'd the other brother zack (through his gf cuz zack never answeres his cell) she said he was doing good but then proceeded to tell me that they got engaged.... i wanna be happy for them but i dont know how to be right now... i would have rather she tell me on any other day that isnt a 2 year anniv since jeremy died... so now im upset and frustrated and such -- it really blows i can't help but think it would have been us.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted May 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 17, 2009 Missy- ((hugs)) it's ok to not feel happy. I hope you got through the day.Please say a prayer or send good vibes to Anna. Her friend sent out an email earlier saying she thinks she will be going home from the hospital tomorrow, but I know she would appreciate the thoughts.Hope everyone is doing good otherwise. Things are ok here. Highs and lows, yk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted May 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 17, 2009 Thanks as usual- it it bugs me more the day after; im around friends so i dont have time to think about it we just have our now annual party for jeremy but i suppose now its hitting me more and the engagement is hurting more - i look forward to the day where i can honestly feel happy for other people and not just pretend it - its frustrating to feel like your always making something about you instead of other people- when in reality you wish it wasn't that way.....none the less- god bless the inventor of klenex lol....thinking of u anna hope all went well and your back on your feet soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 Melissa, sending you (((hugs))) even though I'm a little late....I am home from the hospital and glad to be out of there, though I did have a lovely room on the 7th floor facing the river. From my bed I could watch the tree tops and the swallows, eagles and other flying friends, and when I sat up to eat I could see the river and watch folks rafting by. The nurses were very lovely, including a teddy bear of a guy from Fiji who I could have sit and listened to his accent all night long!Dr. Garrett did come talk to me and I had no memory of what she said, because I was out of surgery and on lots of drugs, so she came back later and talked to me. She removed a five pound mass from my abdomen, my ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus, and my appendix because she said it looked "funky" (you gotta love a doctor who uses descriptions like funky for your internal organs). She said the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes but she got them all out, that basically she got out everything in me that was diseased. So that's good news. I haven't met with the oncologist yet, but from talking to Dr. Garrett and to other folks who also do alternative healing, I've decided to go ahead and do the chemo. There is an oncologist that works with my doctor and also with a lot of women that have ovarian cancer that a friend of mine who does nutritional therapy and support for work with as well. Dr. Garrett said what i would be having would not be making me nauseous all the time - which is what I was afraid of - but that I most likely would lose my hair. Since I've been wanting to see what my hair looks like grown out in it's natural snow-white (I've been coloring my hair since I was 34), I can live with that. Or I can be, as Carrie in Sex in the City says t Samantha after Samantha starts to lose her hair from chemo, I could be "one of those great bald women that's all about earrings". You gotta keep a sense of humor.I'm going to talk to my hairdresser today. I'm going to go in and have her shave off my hair before it starts to get funky, so that it can be donated to Locks of Love. Then I'll get a bunch of scarves and wigs and go from there...I have to admit I'm scared, but I have to stay positive. I know Ishaq would want me to fight to stay alive. I have a lot of resources on my side to fight the cancer, from all the wonderful loving prayers you and all my friends and family have all been sending, to having an awesome acupuncturist, to working with lots of other alternative therapies. I'm going to start a blog about my healing journey. I'm already thinking about taking pictures of my scar and mixing them with pictures of trees and vines and doing some interesting mixed media artwork...The lengths I go to for art!Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 Anna- I'm so glad you are home and hope you heal fast from surgery. I don't blame you for trying chemo. whatever you can do to fight this cancer will be a positive. I will continue sending healing energy and positive thoughts! Please be sure to rest as much as you can. I bet your kitties missed you!! Oh and be sure to let me know if there is anything I can do for you even though we are so far away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 Anna, God Bless You! My prayers for complete recovery are with you. Just remember how strong of a person you are. You must get better we still have to go to Red Rock together. You promised.My love, prayers and blessings.....Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 Anna I am sending you my prayers. I hope everything goes well for you. Don't try to do to much at once, rest. I remember when I would take Randy for his radition when he got home he just couldn't do anything but rest. So take care of yourself.Hope everyone else is doing ok. Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 a blog will be great anna!and the idea of donating your hair is perfect....pretty scarves, funky hats and earrings...everyone will know what to get you for presents!glad you're home, and take it easy...slowly...love and hugs and peace to you,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 19, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 Anna, Glad you are home!! You have been in my thoughts and I send lots of positive vibes and hugs your way. I believe you will find out, as I did, that you are up to anything they throw at you - because that is what you have to do to survive. We are not brave, sometimes we are not strong, but we are determined and positive that we can do what we have to do. I can honestly say that I have come through the last year and a half with a renewed determination to make every day count and to stop and smell the roses - to stop taking life for granted. I am glad for the lessons that I have learned and I know that I am a better person for having gone through this time. I hope that you will find it so as well. You are very blessed to have an oncologist that will work with holistic ideas, mine was not receptive at all. You have a great team and a great attitude and wonderful friends with healing, loving thoughts. By the way, I HATED my white hair - I have been dying my hair since I was 22 - and I just did it again for the first time. Last week was the first time I went out without the wig. BTW - not having hair in some places (like legs and underarms) is pretty cool, but I sure missed my eyebrows and eyelashes. xoxox Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 20, 2009 Thanks so much everyone for all your prayers and healing energy!I had my first shower today at home - and finally washed my hair after a week! Hooray! I didn't think to take my hair dryer to the hospital, thinking this new shiny place would be like a 5 star hotel, but they didn't have hair dryers - duh!My neighbor and good friend Donna is an ICU nurse, and she came over and showed me how to apply the very confusing set of dressings the hospital sent me home with. And while she was doing that, Sequoyah brought a present inside - a fairly large garter snake! The snake is doing fine, Donna loves snakes too and took him out to the garden where he beat a hasty retreat. And I'm healing nicely, though my belly has staples that remind me of a Frankenstein movie!I have lovely sky blue and yellow irises in the garden, and my lavender roses, which have the most heavenly scent, are blooming huge 6 inch blooms. It is like my whole garden is welcoming me home.I'm feeling a bit stronger today. It's funny, but I haven't dreamed of Ishaq for a while now, and I think in some ways he wants me to stand on my own to fight this cancer. I did feel his presence in the doctor's office the day before the surgery, very strongly. So I know he's with me, but wanting me to stand on my own two feet.Also, pardon any mispells or strange wordings...I'm still on Vicodin for pain and get a little woozy!Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 Anna, Sounds like you are doing fine, considering!! I have had some more challenges lately and will be seeing a surgeon on Wed. - for a consultation. I found another lump and we are trying to decide if we want to do a biopsy or not. I also developed sciatica in the last week or so, which has worked to keep my mind off the other stuff since the pain is pretty bad. This getting old crap sucks!Jim started radiation 2 weeks ago and has 6 more weeks to go. I am trying to get back to CA to see him after my cancer walk. http://www.the3day.org/site/TR?px=1800503&fr_id=1296&pg=personal - my story is on the page. I have almost $1300 so far - not bad at all. I just hope things will stay as they are so that I can walk the walk.Michele, I might get to see you in Sept! If I have the money for a rent car I will definitely see you- otherwise maybe I can take the train up.Becky, I haven't forgotten you Soon......Missy, I hope things are better now.MJ - ???Dorothy, I like the new picture!April, hope you are well. I saw something on FB about pizza? I thought you were vegetarian? I hope everyone is doing okay. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted May 22, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2009 Thinking of everyone today. Hoping everyone has a peaceful weekend. Prayers and blessings are with all of you.Where is Mary Jo?Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 22, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hey Dorothy, that's a great picture on your profile. Is that a new one of you?Linda, your page isn't coming up when I click the link, just a generic page to the walk site. Is there another way to get to your page?I'm feeling a little stronger today, but still very, very sore. Ishaq's best friend is coming to spend the weekend and help me out with weeding and care and general company. (He's the one whose girlfriend had died from a brain tumor). I noticed last night I'm losing muscle tone in my arms which is annoying - I can't exercise for a while yet...I'm going to talk to the nurse next week when I have my staples out and see when I can start maybe curling light weights, just to try and keep some tone in my arms. I've lost so much weight that when I can exercise again I'll probably tone up pretty quick, but I'm not used to all this inactivity! I tend to overdo it and get sore and tired. But I'm learning how to slow down, and ask my friends to help me out.I'm still feeling pretty positive about my whole experience. I have a friend who went into the same hospital I was in on Sunday - she was just above me one floor, but I didn't know. And they really don't know what's wrong with her, and she has to have all these tests and procedures...I feel very blessed to have been diagnosed swiftly and gotten this big ol' spaghetti squash of a mass out of me, and be cancer free. If it had grown slower I may not have noticed it, and the cancer could have spread to a lot more of my body than a few lymph nodes that could be surgically removed. I heard from Mary Jo a while back, but not for a week or so. Where are you girl?Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 22, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 22, 2009 Thanks Anna, try this one http://www.the3day.org/site/TR?px=1800503&fr_id=1296&pg=personal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted May 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Anna, you seem like your old self. Please take it easy no need to rush. Full recovery will come your way. I am so thankful you are ok. The picture is about a month old. I put myself on e-harmony....lol....I just need conversation and to enjoy dinner with someone other than myself. Although, I like my company...lol....it would be so nice to go out to dinner with someone. Also, it would be fun to take someone to Vegas with me......PLEASE GIRLS...........STAY HEALTHY...Prayers and Blessings,Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted May 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hi all,It's nice you still think of me! I'm fine...nothing great or horrible has happened since February when my friend and coworker died suddenly of a heart attack. Thank God for mediocrity! Just got back from 3 days in the Black Hills. Lots of tears at times but such a peaceful beautiful place. I can't believe that after almost 3 years without Rod, I can still miss him so much at times. Anna, I have been thinking about you. Have not been on facebook for awhile so if there was an update I did not get it yet. Will continue to send positive healing thoughts your way. What an ordeal... no wonder you have not felt good for such a long time. Your idea of donating your hair is great. It will help you cope, knowing you are doing something for someone else. Good thoughts and prayers for you, too, Linda! I really admire how you've handled everything so far....and I hope and pray you will be fine with this being a false alarm. Please keep us posted. I always read even if I don't write very often.Everyone else, hope things are going ok. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted May 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Linda- LOL. Well I am vegetarian but I do eat pizza. (without meat)Anna- glad you are feeling a bit stronger. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted May 24, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 Anna- late or not hugs are always appreciated and needed. I am glad you are feeling a bit better! Thats great that you are going to donate your hair! Check closely into Lock's rules for donation. I worked at a hair salon last summer as a receptionist and we'd get a lot of people in doing that but each company has specific guidelines (including non-colored hair). I also know a lady who would go in every other week and slowly cut it short so she could get used to it being gone, as each week she would get used to cutting it shorter. She said it made the transition easier. Linda- I'm so proud of you for going back to school! Its not an easy task at any age but I'm sure you will love it! Jeremy chose to go back to school (Univ- where we met) when he was 21 after having dropped out of High School in 10th grade. He was so smart I was always jealous of his marks. The past few days have been really hard for me... I work seasonal for a tour company and found myself having to do a trip which made me drive through North Bay (where i went to school/met jer/ his fam lives --- you get the point)... I was having an anxiety attach heading up there and I'm not sure why - maybe i was worried about seeing Jers mom while I was in town for the day... I know she doesn't like seeing me/talking to me right now because its to hard for her; anyways the only reason i can think of for the anxiety that day was incase i saw her what would i do how would i react with her. I too have similar feelings - she means a lot to me but its hard to see her brings all the feelings back. Anyways none the less the feeling subsided and I went on my way with my tour group for the day... When we got back after the trip i had to make the 5 hr drive home -- i've always enjoyed driving alone; it lets me think.... well i cried the whole way home and have been crying ever since. I dont know why being up there has thrown me for a loop. I'm just feeling down and depressed and sad and regretful and angry --- i think everything in the book lol...I'm living back at home now which means its hard for me to have these moments.. I can't just get up and leave like i would often do when i lived alone; and i'm not much for talking to my mom or letting on whats wrong...so tonight i took a shower to cover up the sound of my crying...i wish i could go back to before all this happened when i was happy anyways i just needed to vent...Melissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Melissa, I think we'll probably always have times when all we want to do is cry. I always felt that my grief around losing Ishaq was like the ocean, nice and calm one minute, and then when I least expect it, a big ol' sneaker wave has smashed into me. It's tough for sure, but we are all with you in spirit, even if we can't be there in person. It's still hard for me to go to a place where I last was with Ishaq...there are still some beautiful places in the mountains here I haven't been back to since he died. I finally went to the beaches we loved last year, but went with his sister and her husband. Now the beach is a comfort again, instead of a reminder of how much I miss being there with Ishaq.I went to bed at 6 pm last night and got up today at 5:30 am...I'm trying to just honor my body's new needs for rest after this surgery. I get my staples out tomorrow, and I'm a bit nervous, though they say it doesn't hurt...but I've got a LOT of staples (from my pubic bone to a bit above my belly button) that need to come out. I am definately taking a pain pill before I go...About the hair...I checked with my hairdresser, and they work with Locks of Love and she said it wasn't a problem my hair was had been colored. I'm not having it shaved, but cut real short and layered...I'll see if I like my natural "snow white" color, if not, it will be like a blank palette and I can color it, maybe a light brown. It will be a change...I've never ever had really short hair.I had a nice visit with Ishaq's best friend, who came for the weekend and did a lot of gardening and stuff for me. He's the one whose girlfriend died from a brain tumor about 6 months after Ishaq's passing. He's seeing a lovely woman now who I like a lot, but of course he still mourns Hanalee. I am trying to take each day one at a time. Interestingly, I've had no dreams or contact with Ishaq since the day before the surgery, when I felt his presence in the doctor's office. In some ways it feels like he wants me to develop my own strength, and learn to stand on my own...I know that there have been times in the last three years that I just lived to go to sleep to see him again...I really feel that he wants me to start living in THIS life...we'll be together eventually, but I have to try to do the best here now first. Don't know if that sentence made much sense (I'm still on the occasional painkiller and a little fuzzy)...but it sees the right thing to do right now anyway...Linda, did you and your doctor decide to biopsy that lump? Also, the second link worked to your page.And Dorothy, I'm really hoping later in the year to meet you in Vegas!Mary Jo, glad you got the Black Hills. I've never been there, but heard from friends how glorious it is.And April, one of my favorite pizzas is served here at Cozmic Pizza - a Mediterranean with feta, olives, spinach and tomatoes - if you ever come to visit in Eugene, there are a ton of vegetarian pizza options! (Even vegan and gluten-free, this has got to be one of the most diverse food cities on the planet!)Love and Blessings to all,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Hi Anna, I have an appointment on Wednesday with a "breast specialized" surgeon recommended by my oncologist. I am trying to stay calm, nothing is gained by not being calm, but easier said than done. I hated the biopsy more than almost anything of the last year and a half, but know that it will be done if she deems it necessary. While I try to stay somewhat in control of my treatment, the total lack of control is the most difficult part. The only parts I can control is my attitude, my nutrition and making sure that thru education, I make the best decisions possible. After that, you just have to roll with it.I have a test at college tomorrow - now that's stress!!! We went to a Memorial Day service yesterday morning at the cemetery where my sister's first husband is buried next to my brother. It was very nice. After that we came home and I studied for the next 14 hours. I found some testing examples for my exam on the internet and while I did fine with english and literature and comprehension, my math sucks. I couldn't remember prime numbers or how to turn a fraction into a percentage. Nor could I remember the rules for even working with fractions - forget about geometry!!! Luckily Jim gave me a college algebra book to sell on eBay when he moved and I never got around to it. It covers all the stuff I need to refresh (lol - that is an optimistic term) and I will be studying all day today as well. I don't expect to ace the test, but it would be nice not be ejected It has helped to keep my mind off the dr. visit on Wed. for the most part....You know, I think the greatest shift to come out of my treatment was that I definitely know that I want to live and I am done wishing I could be with Terry. He hasn't come to me near as much in the past year and a half and at first I thought it was because of Jim, but I am pretty sure now that isn't it. I know that he would have been very uneasy with my cancer had he lived and he would have been very frustrated with being unable to fix it. He told me over and over that if something happened to him, I was to move on immediately. Perhaps he felt that it was time for me to really move on.... I know if he were here talking to me and I could tell him that I am still sad after 3 1/2 years he would be horrified - however anyone who hasn't lost their soulmate doesn't know how hard it is. Had I died instead of him, I have no doubt that he would still be grieving in some way, but I did not have a clue before he died what this process was like. I remember laughing and saying that I would cry for at least 2 weeks and then move one - he said that was too long. I have a different perspective now, and I believe that is a direct result of the disease and the treatment. Actually after all that I have been through, it would be strange if I hadn't been changed in many ways. You are beginning a journey and we are with you as we have been in the past. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted May 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Melissa- I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Of course we all understand what you are going through! ((hugs)) I wish you were closer so we could hang out. I must be really difficult in your living situation. I feel for you. Maybe talking to your parents would actually help? There's no reason you have to hide your emotions in your own home. (especially your childhood home!) but I know all family dynamics are different..take care of yourself and try not to suppress whatever comes up too much. Maybe you can start going for walks when you need to have your own space? Is there anywhere nice to hike where you are? Or maybe a pier/beach? Would journaling help?Anna- I had staples with my c/s (a bunch from hip to hip) it really did NOT hurt getting them removed! It is kind of gross though feeling your skin being pulled like that though. The weird thing is I had disolvable stitches in the inside incision (there are two major incisions when you have a c/s, one inside that you don't see and one outside that you do see) anyway about a year or so ago I had some of the inside stitches which never apparently dissolved 4 years prior and they came out through the top layer of my skin! Apparently it's not super common but does happen and your body will eventually reject them, but it was weird! Anyway good luck and it will be easy peasy I promise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 26, 2009 I had my staples out today, and I feel a lot better with them out, and not having to have the dressings over them. It pinched a little, a few of them, but mostly I didn't feel much of anything as they came out. The worst part was pulling off the tape from the dressing beforehand! Ouch - that stuff is like superglue! Now I feel more normal, and I can take showers now without having to keep changing the dressing. It's a lovely sunny day, and I've been taking short walks around the neighborhood to start building my stamina. I'm down to 110 pounds - I need to get some muscle tone back. I wanted to lose weight last year, but didn't anticipate doing it this year!I've been thinking a lot about a dream I had with Ishaq about a month and a half ago...where he came to me and said he just wanted to make sure I was safe. I was confused by this and said in the dream that I was fine...looking back, I think he was trying to warn me somehow that there was something going on with me, something dangerous. I feel really blessed to have caught this so early. Each day is really feeling like a gift to me now, which is something that I haven't felt since before Ishaq died. I turn 54 on Friday, and have my dear friend Nurjamila coming up from Ashland to spend a few days here. I'm sure I'll be feeling even better by the end of the week, and we can go out for Moroccan food at the new Moroccan restaurant here. And all my close sure fit nice now that I'm so tiny!Hope everyone is having a good start of the week,Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted May 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA...........I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY..BLESSINGS,DOROTHY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted May 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 Thanks Dorothy! I did have a lovely day, with lots of folks calling and coming by. My friend from Ashland came up and she and I went out to dinner at the new Moroccan restaurant here, which was very yummy. They have featured belly dancers on Friday and Saturday nights, and last night's dancer is a good friend who I've sang for when she danced in several of our band's performances, so that was an added bonus. My friend Qadira then brought over peppers and tomato plants and planted my front garden since I won't be up to gardening for a while, and mowed my lawn, while I rested on the couch and my visiting friend massaged my feet...I'm starting to get really spoiled by all this attention!I see the oncologist on Monday to hear his recommendation on a possible course of chemotherapy. I also have gotten some supplements from a friend whose husband had prostate cancer and these made his PSA drop from 40 to 2 in two weeks. I'm continuing with all kinds of alternative therapies to heal and to stay healthy, and walking a little more each day to get my strength back. I still don't know for sure that I'll do the chemo, I really want to get all the facts and then meditate on it for a bit. I have friends who are telling me I HAVE to have chemo to be safe, and others who have gone through cancer without it and are rabidly opposed and telling me I HAVE to NOT do it...I am just listening to all points of vew, but ultimately it is my decision to make and I have to make the decision that feels right for me. Yesterday was the third birthday without Ishaq. It was easier yesterday than it has been the last two...I don't miss him any less, just somehow I've gotten a bit more used to him not being here in a body...I was pretty sad when I woke up yesterday, but with such a lot of friends and support around me, it was a lot easier to enjoy the day, and also to appreciate being alive after my surgery.It's tough without our beloveds, but we are still alive, and I want to do the best I can while I still have a body. Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted May 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 Anna HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY! I hope all goes well for you on Monday. This past week was a little tough for me I had two anniversary's my Mom has been gone 32 years on the 27th and my Dad has been gone 3 years on the 28th. My good friend who was with me to help with Randy her exhusband and father of her kids passed away last Saturday. So this past week was alittle hard. It's hard to belive it's been 20 months since Randy left us but we are all doing the best we can. Hope everyone else is doing ok?Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2009 Good luck on Monday Anna. You definitely have to make up your own mind what is best for you. I liken it to a football game, I am the quarterback and I have to call the shots because in the end if the game is lost, I have nobody to blame but me. If I don't get in the game, I might get lucky, but the buck still stops with me. The only thing I would caution you is that alternative herbs and supplements are very strong and can screw with the chemo, so don't take anything that your oncologist isn't aware of if you decide to proceed with the chemo. Also remember that chemo is toxic for a reason and there is never a good reason to detox during chemo. I didn't do any type of detox outside of lemon in my water for 3 months after chemo was finished. They want the chemo to continue to work for as long as possible after your course of treatment. It is all very scary, but I can honestly say that I am glad I did what I did, no regrets. Best of luck to you, we love you. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted May 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hey! Things have been up and down and back up again... Hope your college test went well you will have to let us know!!!I have a question from a friend - thought i'd ask here never know who might have the answer.....She is wondering where she can buy Greek Yogurt (shes sick of making it herself). I'm looking for a store in Canada... would anyone have any idea (even though most of u are on the other side of the border). thanx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted May 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hi Missy, I aced the test big time Very shocked at results.After a search, for Greek yogurt in Canada - I came up found this post:I buy in the organic section at Save-on-Foods (some locations) or at organic grocery stores...This is an interesting link also-http://kalofagas.blogspot.com/2007/11/homemade-greek-yogurt.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted June 1, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 hi everyone Anna Im glad your feeling better and stronger. Chemo is your decision and only you can make it. We will support you in what ever you decide to do. Sorry i didnt read early enough to wish you a happy birthday but i Read it was a good one so good for you. Congrats Linda on your test. I have been reading but not posting. My boss at work has been giving me a lot of problems. This has been on going for the last 2 years and has gotten worse lately. The ex wife of the man I was seeing sent a letter to the principal (my boss) stating that I wasnt allowed near her daughter. At first she was told that was not possible since it is a public school and she knew i worked there when she put her daughter in the school. Then she sent the letter to the superintendent of the school system and everything went to hell after that. I wasntr allowed to go into certain rooms and the principal didnt tell me about the letter just kept telling me i wasnt doing my job when i asked her to be specific she made things up and i had to sign a directive saying i would stay in my room and stuff. Then she scheduled a meeting with me at the end of my last day and had a meeting with my teacher just before. She hinted at the teacher that she was going to fire me and so i turned in my resignation before she could. I told her i was offered another job which i wasn't but i couldnt afford to be fired because that makes it almost impossible to find another job in a school system. I also tried to see my files but they said i had to go to the superintendants office and i havent gotten ahold of him yet.the ex also stopped in my room to tell me about the man i was seeing. Things she didnt think I knoew but I did and then she told me they were seeing each other at the same time he was seeing me and she had proof. I asked her for the proof and she gave me emails tha showed they were seeing each other afte we broke up. Then she told my boss I was harrassing her daughter and her and the whole time she was texting my phone and harrassing me. I need proof of the letter if it exists (and my boss wasnt just lying to justify her telling me to leave areas) so I can show she is harrassing me and get a ppo order on her.So now I am looking for a job in a collapsed market and to top it off my son has a car he wants to restore that has been sitting in our yard for a year and he found 3 snakes on top of the engine probably more in the engineughh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted June 2, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Becky, Sounds like you are surrounded by snakes, what kind are the ones that inhabit the car? Hopefully not poisonous.... I am so sorry that this crap is happening to you. It isn't fair and it isn't right. That being said, what will you do next? I know what it is like to feel overwhelmed and I have learned (sort of) to take one day at a time - all we really have anyway.... simple advice that I often forget myself. Two weekends ago, I was stressing over the college test and even more over the MRIs that I was sure would show a return. I think when they delayed taking my port out is when it really sunk in that it could be back - so I had been putting myself through the wringer for a long time, knowing it would not help. I guess, in a way, it did help make the last week even sweeter by comparison, because I had convinced myself there was no hope. So I guess what I am saying is don't give up hope, perhaps all of this will work out to be the best thing that could have happened. It sounds like your working conditions were becoming untenable anyway. Best of luck in your job hunt, thinking of you....Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted June 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 I just wanted to tell you all that the new granddaughter I was waiting for is her but she went straight to be with her papa Randy. My daughter in law went for her weekly cheek yesterday and they could not find the heartbeat. They did an ultrasound and found nothing. They sent her to the hospital and indused her. She delivered her at 4:15 this morning. She weighed 4#'s was 17 1/2 inches long. When she moved inside she rolled onto the cord. We are going to plan the services tomorrow morning. Thanks for listening. Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted June 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 So sorry Lela. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted June 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 ohhhh lela...i am so very sorry for your loss...(((((((((lela)))))))))peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted June 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 How awful Lela, I'm so sorry to hear that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted June 3, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Lela, I am so sorry. Sending you hugs, love and prayers.Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted June 4, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 Lela - im so sorry for what has happened... my friend went through a similar thing a few months ago... sending you and your fam lots of hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted June 4, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2009 Thanks everyone. Sitting here today I just can't do this. I know that I never will get to know her and all the while it is tearing me apart. This is so hard to watch my son go through all of this planing a funeral for a daughter that he will never know. I know that she is in a better place and her papa and god are taking good care of her but it is so hard. I just remember the days following Randy's passing and all the emotions well they are all back now. Tomorrow will be very hard on all of us. Thanks for listening.Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted June 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 lela....the sad thing is that you know that you CAN do this..you have done it.and i guess that will help your son and the rest of the family. to know that it is possibe to go on after such an awful event.i doubt that's helpful, but certainly true.hang in,sending god thoughts your way.peace, michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted June 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 Lela,I am so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted June 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Thought I would check in and let you all know that I made it through the funeral. It was very hard she was such a pretty baby. But I think it has pushed me back to where I was almost 2 years ago. I just don't feel like doing anything (and there is alot that needs to be done) I am not eating again. Just not sure where I am going at this point. I am praying that I snap out of this soon cause I don't like it. I hate being around people right now. I just want to stay home alone. Just thought that I would l say thanks for all the kind words and prayers. My son is also doing ok.Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted June 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Lela- ((hugs)) I'm so sorry. Maybe you all can do something in her memory. It's really hard to accept the death of a baby. Even more so than an adult in my opinion. Maybe you could plant trees in her name or get a bench memorialized in her name at a park or donate clothing at the hospital where she was born for babies born still.. or something like that when you are feeling up for it. It might help anyway. Anyway we are all thinking of you. Try some ice cream/ a smoothie if you feel you can't eat. I swear that's all I ate for about 6 months after D died. Anyway just a thought! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted June 8, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 Lela, so sorry for all you are going through. Sometimes you just need to let yourself feel what you need to feel, even though it feels crappy to feel that way...As for me, I'm finally off the painkillers, hopefully, and just taking ibuprofen...I'm starting to feel somewhat human again...walking a bit each day. I'm starting the preventative course of chemotherapy on July 8th. My oncologist is a wonderful, gentle caring man - his energy reminds me of Ishaq's energy in many ways, the way Ishaq really listened to people and heard their needs and concerns. We are waiting until July so I can get stronger. I lost so much weight I was down to 104 pounds! I'm up to around 109 now, but he really wanted me to be able to be exercising more before we start the chemo as he says people who are exercising tolerate it a lot better. It will only be six treatments spread out three weeks apart. He worked it out so week three will be the week I'm away at Sufi Camp, as he said that's the week you always feel the best. I'll be having my hair cut VERY short next Monday, and donating it Locks of Love. It felt like something I needed to do, kind of a ritual sacrifice as thanks for being alive and for the surgeon being able to get out all the parts of my body affected by the cancer. I've ordered two wigs on eBay (a long auburn one, as Ishaq always loved red hair, and a short dark spiky one), and the cancer center has some free ones I'm going to check out as well, as long as they are kinda hip...I don't do old lady hair! In less than two months it will be three years since Ishaq passed. What a road we've all been on since our beloveds left. I certainly never forsaw I'd get cancer. But I have to say that for the first time in several years I'm looking at each day as a gift, rather than a burden. And I saw Ishaq in a dream this week for the first time since the surgery, so I think he's letting me know I'm on the right path. Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted June 10, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2009 Anna- I will be thinking of you. I hope the chemo is easy and goes by quickly for you. I think getting your haircut is smart, short hair will be nice for summer too. Hang in there! : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 Thanks April! I saw my surgeon today and she was really happy with how fast I'm healing. She gave me the OK for baths, yoga, massage, chiropractic adjustments and light weight lifting. I'm feeling really positive about everything. Tonight I'm going out to hear Krishna Das (for those who haven't heard of him he performs Hindu devotional music called "kirtan", and you sing along, call and response, it's very uplifting and healing). I'll see lots of friends there, and I'm all dressed up in my shiny bracelets, floating top, and sparkly shoes. Plus, now weighing in at 109 pounds, my clothes look great on me!And I had two lovely dreams with Ishaq this week. I'm also thinking of starting a women's support group for women dealing with cancer who want to get together and work on things like positive imagery and visualization. I haven't found a good fit for me yet in a support group, maybe because I work with a lot of alternative and spiritual care and imagery. So we'll see...maybe this is why I got the cancer, because I'm supposed to do something to help others. Oh, and I gave up on the "natural hair color" idea. It hasn't grown out enough, and I decided it would make me look too old, so I colored it again today, and when it's cut it will be short, spiky and dark brown! I'll post a picture next week after the haircut.Hope everyone is doing well.Love and Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted June 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2009 LOL Anna, I knew it!! All I had to see was that new white growth and I was headed to the store for the dye. I was actually dying it before I got rid of the wig, to make sure that nothing white would show!!! It is my belief that we can make any experience a positive one, sometimes we just have to look harder than other times I believe that any time we ask why me? we haven't asked why not? Life is good....Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted June 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 12, 2009 Anna- I can't wait to see your new haircut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eventually Posted June 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hello it's been awhile since I've posted on here. I hope everyone is doing well considering where we've all been....I lost my fiancee 1yr and 10 months ago, to a heart problem. He was 29. I thought I was doing good...and I could be worse. Everyone here helped me out, when I needed it the most. I swore I would never date again...but I lied to myself. I didn't mean for it to happen. I got really close with B's best friend. I could turn to him and we would share our memories of B. He was going through a divorce so were there for each other. And then we just kinda started dating. It feels right.....I think I love him...I don't know its very different from the love I had with B. He understands me, knows what I'm going thru....so damn supportive. We kinda started dating in January, and now I'm living with him. I find that we both use the "we" in the future thing. Quite frankly I'm scared out of my mind. If something should happen to him (fyi I'm an extreame worry wart). I constantly wake him up if I think he's stopped breathing. I'm paranoid...I guess my real problem is my best friend thinks he's using me....She sent him an email telling him a load of crap, and how he preyed on me while I was weak, behind my back. I really had no clue she felt this way.. She never asked me, but I initiated everything, after he told me he liked me of course.. He made me go at my pace, NOT his....I really havent talked to her since Jan cause she doesn't think I'm ready yet.....when will I ever be ready. How does she know? I basically lived with her for the first year and shortly before Chad came in to my life. in a different light. *poof* she was gone. when he first told me he liked me, not as a friend, I threw up. And freaked out a bit(I was slightly intoxicated, it being New Years Eve) I don't know I'm just really confused right now. She kinda threw me off a bit (maybe alot). I'm actually starting to be really happy again, content...living. And now.... was it to soon...did i move to quickly....do I need to mourn him longer.....I'm I NOT allowed to be happy....start a new life again....And thru it all Chad tell's me not to worry, it's not her life it's mine(ours). Its your call Im here for you. I love him and I want my closest friend with me and to support me.....sorry for the rant. Take care, Mishi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted June 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 *** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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