I Miss Him So...

[Jokece65]

Jokece,

It sounds like you've been through quite an ordeal as of lately, but you seem to possess a good and strong spirit. I am sorry about the loss of your brother-in-law. Was he ill?

I am glad your son is calling you. Do you have friends to talk to? Are you a member of any type of group? What about church?

I am also glad you have your wonderful little dog. Sometimes, pets can be the very best comfort, don't you think?

I know that it hard right now, but just keep moving forward inch by inch as you are doing. You will feel better eventually. In the meantime, please come here as often as you'd like. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

My brother in law wasn't feeling great,but he was looking forward to going home.The shock was how fast he went.

I don't belong to any groups.I Know a lot of people who have lost someone,and we meet when we do our mall walking.We have many other discussions about clothes,kids and the weird things for sale.These people have helped more then the therapy I tried after my husband passed away.

I do a lot of things around the house that we never got done before.Since I can't climb anything, because of an accident I have to be careful.I do pretty good when I walk,but driving I don't get dizzy.I have Meniere's disease now, which includes dizziness,nauseous and vertigo.You wouldn't know I had it ,if I didn't tell anyone.I work hard at making healthy choices of food and activities.The lonliness just isn't a quick fix.

Thank you so much for replying ModKonnie.It makes a diffence to just have someone to listen.

[ModKonnie]

My brother in law wasn't feeling great,but he was looking forward to going home.The shock was how fast he went.

I don't belong to any groups.I Know a lot of people who have lost someone,and we meet when we do our mall walking.We have many other discussions about clothes,kids and the weird things for sale.These people have helped more then the therapy I tried after my husband passed away.

I do a lot of things around the house that we never got done before.Since I can't climb anything, because of an accident I have to be careful.I do pretty good when I walk,but driving I don't get dizzy.I have Meniere's disease now, which includes dizziness,nauseous and vertigo.You wouldn't know I had it ,if I didn't tell anyone.I work hard at making healthy choices of food and activities.The lonliness just isn't a quick fix.

Thank you so much for replying ModKonnie.It makes a diffence to just have someone to listen.

I know how it feels to need to talk to someone. I am a real talker once I get started. I enjoy listening to others, too. I enjoy learning, and the people here in our warm commmunity have really taught me what life is all about and how special it is.

I am glad you are getting out to the mall to meet with people. That probably helps. I know the lonliness isn't a quick fix. As crazy as this may sound right now--have you thought about a pet? A warm fuzzy friend can sure help at times.

ModKonnie

[ModKonnie]

My brother in law wasn't feeling great,but he was looking forward to going home.The shock was how fast he went.

I don't belong to any groups.I Know a lot of people who have lost someone,and we meet when we do our mall walking.We have many other discussions about clothes,kids and the weird things for sale.These people have helped more then the therapy I tried after my husband passed away.

I do a lot of things around the house that we never got done before.Since I can't climb anything, because of an accident I have to be careful.I do pretty good when I walk,but driving I don't get dizzy.I have Meniere's disease now, which includes dizziness,nauseous and vertigo.You wouldn't know I had it ,if I didn't tell anyone.I work hard at making healthy choices of food and activities.The lonliness just isn't a quick fix.

Thank you so much for replying ModKonnie.It makes a diffence to just have someone to listen.

I know how it feels to need to talk to someone. I am a real talker once I get started. I enjoy listening to others, too. I enjoy learning, and the people here in our warm commmunity have really taught me what life is all about and how special it is.

I am glad you are getting out to the mall to meet with people. That probably helps. I know the lonliness isn't a quick fix. As crazy as this may sound right now--have you thought about a pet? A warm fuzzy friend can sure help at times.

ModKonnie

[Jokece65]

I know how it feels to need to talk to someone. I am a real talker once I get started. I enjoy listening to others, too. I enjoy learning, and the people here in our warm commmunity have really taught me what life is all about and how special it is.

I am glad you are getting out to the mall to meet with people. That probably helps. I know the lonliness isn't a quick fix. As crazy as this may sound right now--have you thought about a pet? A warm fuzzy friend can sure help at times.

ModKonnie

I do have a pet.My Chuck will be 12 on Monday.He is a Dachshund,and seems to know when I need to cuddle.Taking him for a walk gets me out more too.My husband used to take him walking,but now I do it,and meet more people.

[susanbruce]

I have been away from this site for along time. My husband, the love of my life passed away on April 21, 2006. I still feel very lonely and miss him like crazy. Some women being a widow for nearly 5 years would have semi moved on, maybe even seeing someone else. I'm to old for that even if I was interested. I married the love of my life and no one else could ever be a part of my life in that way. I see over and over again the saying - everything happens for a reason. I don't understand this one. I'm not supposed to I guess. I hope that someone responds to this post because I would really like to start up some conversations with others that know where I'm coming from. Good night all.

[ModKonnie]

I have been away from this site for along time. My husband, the love of my life passed away on April 21, 2006. I still feel very lonely and miss him like crazy. Some women being a widow for nearly 5 years would have semi moved on, maybe even seeing someone else. I'm to old for that even if I was interested. I married the love of my life and no one else could ever be a part of my life in that way. I see over and over again the saying - everything happens for a reason. I don't understand this one. I'm not supposed to I guess. I hope that someone responds to this post because I would really like to start up some conversations with others that know where I'm coming from. Good night all.

HI Susanbruce,

I've not lost my husband, but I've experienced my share of loss, and I'm not looking forward to any more. How long were you married? I know things happen for a reason, but that doesn't ease the pain of when they do, does it? Maybe he passed on because it was a good thing for him somehow? I have no idea, honestly. Death is scary to me, because it seems so random and senseless at times, but I guess we simply have to trust that there is a bigger and better plan that we simply don't know about.

There are several women here currently who have just lost the love of their life. I hope you all can talk. It may help you all. In the meantime, I will talk with you.

ModKonnie

[susanbruce]

We had been married 26 1/2 years. He died of a massive heart attack. He'd had high blood pressure but had been taking medication for it. No previous problems or symptom's, in fact I always thought and I think he did too, that he was healthier than I was. We worked for the same company and I was off that day - doctor appts, vet appt, MRI (I had broken my elbow a month earlier). That afternoon I called him and when he picked up the phone, his voice was so totally different that I knew instantly something was wrong. He said his chest was hurting, he was sweating like crazy and his stomach hurt. He'd been drinking water like crazy. He didn't want to tell anyone - he kept telling me he would be ok. The last words we said to each other - I Love you!, I love you too.

Of course, I called right back to the office and told one of the girls what was going on. Then they all convinced him to go the ER just to be safe. They didn't make it out of the parking lot - he had just put the seat back so that he could relax on the way to the ER. He took a deep breath, his body went stiff like he was stretching and that was it. 4 people worked CPR on him before the paramedics got there - no pulse, nothing. He was transported to a nearby hospital but was pronounced 10 minutes later. No body knew anything because the hospital was waiting for me. It took me 90 minutes to get to him because of Friday afternoon traffic - it seemed like forever. Then I got there and life as I knew it was over.

[ModKonnie]

We had been married 26 1/2 years. He died of a massive heart attack. He'd had high blood pressure but had been taking medication for it. No previous problems or symptom's, in fact I always thought and I think he did too, that he was healthier than I was. We worked for the same company and I was off that day - doctor appts, vet appt, MRI (I had broken my elbow a month earlier). That afternoon I called him and when he picked up the phone, his voice was so totally different that I knew instantly something was wrong. He said his chest was hurting, he was sweating like crazy and his stomach hurt. He'd been drinking water like crazy. He didn't want to tell anyone - he kept telling me he would be ok. The last words we said to each other - I Love you!, I love you too.

Of course, I called right back to the office and told one of the girls what was going on. Then they all convinced him to go the ER just to be safe. They didn't make it out of the parking lot - he had just put the seat back so that he could relax on the way to the ER. He took a deep breath, his body went stiff like he was stretching and that was it. 4 people worked CPR on him before the paramedics got there - no pulse, nothing. He was transported to a nearby hospital but was pronounced 10 minutes later. No body knew anything because the hospital was waiting for me. It took me 90 minutes to get to him because of Friday afternoon traffic - it seemed like forever. Then I got there and life as I knew it was over.

Oh that's simply awful. I hear everyone's stories and it makes me realize how much more precious life is than we realize as we are trying to get through it. It just so shocking how one minute someone can be talking to you and then the next, they pass on to the next world. I don't think anyone ever really gets used to it.

So do you have other family? Children? Do you get out at all? What have you been doing with most of your time since your hubby passed?

MOdKonnie

[susanbruce]

Oh that's simply awful. I hear everyone's stories and it makes me realize how much more precious life is than we realize as we are trying to get through it. It just so shocking how one minute someone can be talking to you and then the next, they pass on to the next world. I don't think anyone ever really gets used to it.

So do you have other family? Children? Do you get out at all? What have you been doing with most of your time since your hubby passed?

MOdKonnie

Bruce and I have 1 daughter. Megan is her name. She is going to be 29 this Saturday. She had just graduated from college (12/05), gotten married (02/06) when her Daddy died. That night at the hospital - she decided that she and her husband would move back home and be with me - because she said that's what her Daddy would want her to do. So they did.

2 weeks after his funeral, she tells me that she is pregnant. Oh God it was so bittersweet. My husband would have been the absolute best grandpa....I am 100% sure that when Bruce got to Heaven's gates that he said to the good Lord that he didn't want to come in until they had figured out what could be done to ease the pain of his wife and daughter. The weekend before he died was Easter. After having dinner - just the 4 of us, they had gone home and it was Bruce and I. Grandchildren came up and we decided that we were ready but maybe they wanted to be just them for awhile. So I am convinced that Bruce sent Caidan to us. Caidan was born 9 months to the day that Bruce passed. Our 2nd grandson was born on Veterans Day, my husband was a Vietnam vet and is buried at the VA cemetary. I see Cain Ausin as another gift.

My husband loves me I have no doubts. My worst fear is that I will live longer without him than I did with him.

, my eyes look towards the heavens.

[ModKonnie]

Bruce and I have 1 daughter. Megan is her name. She is going to be 29 this Saturday. She had just graduated from college (12/05), gotten married (02/06) when her Daddy died. That night at the hospital - she decided that she and her husband would move back home and be with me - because she said that's what her Daddy would want her to do. So they did.

2 weeks after his funeral, she tells me that she is pregnant. Oh God it was so bittersweet. My husband would have been the absolute best grandpa....I am 100% sure that when Bruce got to Heaven's gates that he said to the good Lord that he didn't want to come in until they had figured out what could be done to ease the pain of his wife and daughter. The weekend before he died was Easter. After having dinner - just the 4 of us, they had gone home and it was Bruce and I. Grandchildren came up and we decided that we were ready but maybe they wanted to be just them for awhile. So I am convinced that Bruce sent Caidan to us. Caidan was born 9 months to the day that Bruce passed. Our 2nd grandson was born on Veterans Day, my husband was a Vietnam vet and is buried at the VA cemetary. I see Cain Ausin as another gift.

My husband loves me I have no doubts. My worst fear is that I will live longer without him than I did with him.

, my eyes look towards the heavens.

Your story is so loving and perfect. You are such a positive person, and I'm sure Bruce is very proud of you and how you have gone on.

ModKonnie

[lucypott32]

Hi, Iv been on this site about a month but in a different section. I lost my boyfriend Jan 3, 2011 at our home. His death wasnt natural causes... he was murdered. I was the only one there besides my boyfriend and the killer. I get haunted by the look in his eyes as be slipped away. I dont even know how to describe the pain that lerks inside of my body. I love him, I miss him, I feel like it should of been me. If it was me it would of been easier on his whole family and friends. I dont have a family and the ones left are to self obsessed to even call me to see if Im okay. So many unanswered questions fill my mind everyday. People are telling me that it was his time but I dont understand :'( he was only 18 years old. How could it possibly be his time.. Why did he have to go the way he did. He was suppose to come home with us and tell us he was okay and he loved me. He was suppose to laugh at me and tell me how frightened I look. He was suppose to... I told myself on the way to the hosptial that once this was all over we were going to get married because I never wanted to be without him. But I left that hostpial alone... I love you.

[lucypott32]

Hi, Iv been on this site about a month but in a different section. I lost my boyfriend Jan 3, 2011 at our home. His death wasnt natural causes... he was murdered. I was the only one there besides my boyfriend and the killer. I get haunted by the look in his eyes as be slipped away. I dont even know how to describe the pain that lerks inside of my body. I love him, I miss him, I feel like it should of been me. If it was me it would of been easier on his whole family and friends. I dont have a family and the ones left are to self obsessed to even call me to see if Im okay. So many unanswered questions fill my mind everyday. People are telling me that it was his time but I dont understand :'( he was only 18 years old. How could it possibly be his time.. Why did he have to go the way he did. He was suppose to come home with us and tell us he was okay and he loved me. He was suppose to laugh at me and tell me how frightened I look. He was suppose to... I told myself on the way to the hosptial that once this was all over we were going to get married because I never wanted to be without him. But I left that hostpial alone... I love you.

[fourleafclover]

I know Anna really was an example to all of us. You all might like to know that last weekend there was a ceremony for Anna in Eugene and her friends buried some of hers and Ishaq's ashes together and planted a tree for them. I think it is soo bittersweet. they are together now again and they are loved and will be missed by many. but thier wisdom lives on in all those they touched. amazing people!

fourleafclover-i am wondering though, why did you stop talking about it? do you feel it is just at the point that it is so repetitive or have you just moved on with life? curious to know how those feel later on in the journey. in 2.5 years i will have lived as long without him as i did with him. i do think i am better off without him in my life though sad as it is to say. (I now that sounds horrible but with all the emotional stuff (Lies, drama, drugs,secret girlfriends,etc) i feel life has worked out for the best in all actuality, maybe it is just me surrendering? maybe karma is comforting? maybe i am just a big old bitch like his family believes. i just don't know. i do know my kids and i deserve better. and we ARE living a better life now, so that is something. life IS good again! though i do still miss him like crazy somedays. completely torn, but moving on I suppose..what else is there to do, right? i do still talk about it at times but i feel like it's getting old..no one i know here (in vermont) even knew that part of my life so it's difficult. i have vowed to myself not talk about it much at all with my partner anymore as it really tends to stress him out in a way..i don't think it's fair to him or us.

April...it just got harder for me. It was easier talking about it for the first year after he died than it is now, eleven years later. For me, the more time that passes, the more real it becomes. The first year was so unreal...as though it didn't happen...as though it was not real. Now, 11 years later...it can never be more real and it is hard. I still look for him everywhere...I search for his friends on FB...I need to know so much and yet I am not getting any answers. But the fact that he is gone...that he will never, ever come back...the fact that I will never look at him again or touch him again...that, I can't cope with. It seems so silly clinging to him after all these years, but I can't help myself...I am so heartbroken all the time and it's as though I am just putting one foot infront of the other. I am so angry with him...all the time. Then there are times that I would give anything for just 5 minutes with him. Anna used to say that Ishaq appeared to her in dreams and gave her messages. I never got any of that...my dreams were of his pain and suffering (I never knew he was sick...he lied to me about it). Sometimes I wish that I just stayed with him (he broke up with me when he found out he was sick) and other times I am glad I didn't. Sometimes I wonder if he stopped fighting and these are the things driving me insane. I miss him...so, so much...it just got harder for me as the years went on... I have to add...we grew up together since the age of four...he died shortly before his 30th...

[asiya89]

Hi everyone,

My name is Asiya and im 22 years old, I lost my partner to cancer on the 21st April 2011. We knew each other for nearly 3 years and were together for just over 1- our anniversary was on 13th April- there wasnt a day in those 3 years that we didnt talk. He had been suffering for 16 months and im glad that he's no longer in pain, but I miss him so much. We used to call each other soul mates because we were made for each other and we planned to get married if he got better. Before he died, he used to tell me not to be sad because God loves him so much that he took him to somewhere that he will be safe and waiting for me...he'd joke and say he has to go before me to lay out the red carpet. He'd also say that I shouldnt feel alone because he'd always be with me; I sometimes feel his presence in the room.

My feelings after his death were initially shock, when I received the news I felt calm as if nothing had happened. That night I felt his presence and saw him next to me in bed, I cant describe but it felt real as if I was awake and not dreaming...It was a nice feeling of being embraced. Since then I have had varying dreams about him, some reassuring, some unpleasant, and I figure that the nice ones are him trying to tell me he's ok and the unpleasant ones are those that my mind has created out of feelings of worry and pain.

The funeral was surreal and things didnt sink in until I visited his grave 2 weeks after his death. Since then I have been trying to cope with each day as it comes, some are worse than others. The hardest thing for me is seeing everyone else get back to normal and me feeling like no one understands that this pain and grief is going to be with me for a long time. I also feel as if the void in my life cannot be filled by anything. I have caring friends and family but the big void that has been left doesnt seem to be getting any more manageable- yet I dont want to fill it, does anyone else get this feeling?

Does anyone that has come through the other side of grief have any advice on how to manage it?

Lots of love

xxx

[ModKonnie]

Hi everyone,

My name is Asiya and im 22 years old, I lost my partner to cancer on the 21st April 2011. We knew each other for nearly 3 years and were together for just over 1- our anniversary was on 13th April- there wasnt a day in those 3 years that we didnt talk. He had been suffering for 16 months and im glad that he's no longer in pain, but I miss him so much. We used to call each other soul mates because we were made for each other and we planned to get married if he got better. Before he died, he used to tell me not to be sad because God loves him so much that he took him to somewhere that he will be safe and waiting for me...he'd joke and say he has to go before me to lay out the red carpet. He'd also say that I shouldnt feel alone because he'd always be with me; I sometimes feel his presence in the room.

My feelings after his death were initially shock, when I received the news I felt calm as if nothing had happened. That night I felt his presence and saw him next to me in bed, I cant describe but it felt real as if I was awake and not dreaming...It was a nice feeling of being embraced. Since then I have had varying dreams about him, some reassuring, some unpleasant, and I figure that the nice ones are him trying to tell me he's ok and the unpleasant ones are those that my mind has created out of feelings of worry and pain.

The funeral was surreal and things didnt sink in until I visited his grave 2 weeks after his death. Since then I have been trying to cope with each day as it comes, some are worse than others. The hardest thing for me is seeing everyone else get back to normal and me feeling like no one understands that this pain and grief is going to be with me for a long time. I also feel as if the void in my life cannot be filled by anything. I have caring friends and family but the big void that has been left doesnt seem to be getting any more manageable- yet I dont want to fill it, does anyone else get this feeling?

Does anyone that has come through the other side of grief have any advice on how to manage it?

Lots of love

xxx

Asiya,

I am so sorry about your partner. I would agree that the nice dreams are him telling you he is okay. He sounds like a great man, and someone you should be very proud of. It is very hard when everyone else appears to be moving forward, and you feel like screaming and crying to the entire world to "STOP" because of your intense pain.

I am sure, however, that his family must feel the void, too.

There are many others here that have experienced what you have gone through. Please feel free to share the story of your wonderful love, and feel free to show us a picture. We understand anguish and soulsickness. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[OldGeek]

I don't know if I can say I have come through the other side of grief, I don't think there is a clear line to know that. I do believe I have adjusted well and have got through the constant sadness. Everybody is different in this journey we share, so no advice is likely to help but sharing experiences might. For me a very key change was when I decided not to be sad about my memories of Linda. After all, those same memories would certainly be happy if Linda was here and we sat down to look at old pictures and reminisce, absolutely no reason for me to feel otherwise now. I didn't lose the past, I lost today and whatever future might have been, we don't ever know what that is, do we? That was a turning point and I started being able to accept the present. I'm talking about emotional acceptance, we all know logically that they are gone. I still have moments, and this past 10 days has been worse, perhaps because I have been sick (being sick by yourself really sucks), and I am at the 6 month point which might be stirring my subconscious, but I know now that I will be OK.

As I said, everybody is different, don't judge your recovery by me or anyone else. I don't believe we ever get over the loss of a spouse, but I think if we can reach that point of acceptance it helps.

Good luck in your journey. Bill