I Miss Him So...

[bdzack]

Thank you everyone....Your kind words and advice that I will get used to this and through this....helps so much.  At least I know I am not alone trying to get through without him. 

I did finish the shopping and wrapping.  My son is here and my daughter and her husband will come over tomorrow.  I won't be alone... 

You may think I am crazy but a few months ago I was cleaning out some of his stuff at his business.  And I found a card about a locket. An  "All my love forever" locket.  I just knew it was his plan to get that for me.  Well I bought it!  It is under the tree.....I haven't seen it yet. My son wrapped it for me.  I know when I open it there will be tears, but I know he will be here too, happy for me that I completed his plan.  Am I crazy or just sentimental??

Superwife, I love the idea of the quilts...that is my plan to make one for me and each kid.  I just can't quite do it yet.  Quilts made with love and lots of memories.  That is what I plan to do with his clothes.  Let us know how the quilts turned out.

I know John Edward has been discussed here on the board, when I watch his show I always cry, but when the show is finished I come away with a new insight.  The other day I was watching and John Edward was talking to a wife whose husband came through; he brought up the new grandchild..John Edward told her every time she hugs the grandchild the husband is there too.  That was a new insight for me...My new grandson (14 months now) I feel he will give me the reassurance of love I am missing.  (Ironic both their names start with W). 

So of course I am willing to babysit any time.  How different this year is than last?  It has changed me in so many ways, but I think we all stop and talk and express our love to each other better than we did before,,,, as we know how fast it all changes...just a heart beat away. 

Merry Christmas to all...I am sure to be back here soon, thanks for being here and sharing. 

[airymoon]

hello everyone

my kids went to my inlaws i stayed home i just couldnt go somewhere i was never really wanted and pretend that my husband, their son and brother never existed. My daughter wanted to go and my sons went for her but i dont think they will want to go next year and thats fine. It's strange for me the first christmas i was in so much pain but i felt something i was glad for my family and my time i had with kurt. The second christmas i was determined to have a good time and we did although it was bittersweet we talk a lot about kurt and we were ok. I thought this year would be better and closer to what it used to be but i dont really feel anything at all. I opened the presents from my daughter and my family and i liked them but as far as the holiday... nothing.I feel more sad about that than anything. I want to feel again i want to enjoy something again. Maybe its just the holidays i dont know but i feel numb. Maybe thats the step before living again.

[armaiti]

Hi Becky, I guess that's why I'm just ignoring the day pretty much.  It's easier than dealing with having a holiday without Ishaq.  I made some beef stew and did laundry.  The only Christmasy thing I did was listen to the CD I made of Ishaq singing his favorite Christmas carols, which is nice. I love hearing his voice.  And as of tomorrow, we won't have to be subjected to Christmas carols anymore - if I hear "Santa Baby" at the grocery store one more time I was going to lob cantalope at the speakers!

I did get a call from Ishaq's family back east,and his daughter called too, which was nice.  I talked to my dad as well.  I'm sorry that your in-laws aren't more supportive. I'm forever grateful that I was basically adopted by his family, but they are a unique bunch for sure, more like me than my dad or the family he married into is like me. 

I let the kitten go out a little today, but I followed him around like a little mother hen, finally bringing him back indoors.  I have to let him go out someday, but I just can't bear to lose another being I love right now.  So he may just have to stick inside for a while and I'll just deal with the catbox!

I have some movies to watch and a vampire novel to finish (Breaking Dawn), so that's my plan for the evening.  Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

Blessings,

Anna

[airymoon]

anna sounds like you had a good day. Unfortunately i cant ignore the day because I have kids and i really dont think its just the holidays. I need to make a change in my life i just dont know what it is  or how to do it.I wish i had more faith in things and m,yself but i dont. Maybe ill just stop trying to figure everything out and just let whatever happens happen

and i agree with the cantalope! 

[mishknit]

the thing i keep thinking, like anna..

it's over.

once gin, the holiday has come and gone...and , even tho next month will be my 3 year date, i am so glad.

right now i feel like collapsing into bed and sleeping for 3 days...and i just might!

it was strange this year....some rituals didn't happen, some did (me having, once again "our" annual soup party)....i felt , in some ways, like i was standing back and looking at the whole season vs. being in it. christmas eve is always hard..this year..well, 20 years ago tom proposed to me, and i fell apart for quite a while last night...a good thing cus i needed a cry and to feel something.

i hate how complicated life is now.....it used to be so easy, ya know??

i'm glad the season is over....and i pray for all of us to have greater faith in ourselves, becky...because that's what we need.

peace, michele

[armaiti]

Today is better for sure.  The sun shown this morning, and I went out for a walk/run, then let Sequoyah go outside for a bit while I worked pruning the raspberries.  It felt good to be outside.  That was all shortlived, as it is now nasty and raining.  My phone keeps going out, which I'm assuming is weather related, so I'm not worrying about it for now.  Somehow getting out though for a while really helped - I needed that little bit of SUN! 

Hope everyone is doing ok and had the best holiday they could.

And the cantaloupes - and the store speakers - are safe for another year....

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

I just got home from my sisters.  I hate to say this but I had a fantastic Christmas.  It was great being around my sister, her husband, her children and grandchildren.  It was one crazy, happy, celebrated household.  We all went to Mass at 4PM on Christmas Eve.  We got back to the house and proceeded to eat.  Christmas Eve my sister makes 7 different types of pizza (from scratch of course) So we ate the pizza started the wine flowing, cakes, pies, cookies, candies, nuts, chestnuts.  It was great I had so much fun.  We played games , talked, told stories of our past.  Christmas Day we had the turkey and ham with all the trimmings.  Of course more wine.  I picked the right place to be this Christmas.  I know I have many blessings in this life and I believe I have more to come. The weather outside is very rainy and a bit miserable but I am happy and content.

My sister from Ohio never made it in.  Christmas Eve Morning her water pipes broke and they could not get a plumber until late night.  I felt bad and sad for her because she was looking forward to being with everyone.....she cried so much.

I made certain that everyone gave me 3 of their favorite numbers........with the numbers I put together 15 power ball tickets.............we shall see on Saturday if we came close to the winning numbers........It would be a real trip if something came out of the numbers.  I guess I will have to light a lottery candle on Saturday....lol......

Monday will be my big 62nd Birthday............age is but a state of mind.......and my mind right now feels young, happy and sassy....My son will be talking me out for dinner.........I still have to find a place to be on New Years Eve.........I refuse to stay home this year.    I want to welcome 2009 in and thank God that I am alive.....Of course I will feel a lot better once the doctors discharge me so I can return to ZUMBA.  I was there last on 11/4/08.......I am so happy the jerk is still in jail.....

Blessings,

Dorothy

[lindat]

Dorothy,  I am so glad you had so much fun!   I had Christmas by myself, and I enjoyed it.   Took a bubble bath, did laundry and watched movies.  The weather was awful and I was glad to stay in.  Jim called and we had a nice chat for an hour, the highlight of my day   

Welcome to 62!!! I have been here for a little more than a month and it is fine...  I start drawing ss and will get my first check next month, yippeee!!  

Hope everyone is having a peaceful time...

[airymoon]

dorothy im glad you had fun dont apologize for that. You deserve a good christmas. And Linda im glad to hear that you and Jim will be moving in together. Make the most of you time together. I realize more and more that i need to do something to fill my life I am not sure what but i do know it shouldn't have anything to do with men or anyone else but me at least for now.  Im going to get my ba degree and then i will be able to get a job that pays me more than i am making now and that degree will open up a lot more opportunities for me.  I hope they are good ones. My idea as far as a relationship is still that i dont want one. The last one I had was a lot more pain than it was worth so  Im truly scared of another one.  So i guess its just me and the kids until they move out and then its just me and i think im ok with that but who knows anymore

[missyouhoney811]

Becky, you sound very strong and I am sure whatever direction you go with or without a man will be the right one for you.  I think as you stated it will be you and the kids.......I see nothing wrong with that.  I personally think its a good thing.  If something is meant to be it will be.  Remember the book holding the story of our lives is not finished and I hope and pray we all have endings stating..............and they live happy ever after....

My wish for everyone.... that we all get through the long, cold winter without any type of depression. I hope happy things come our way in 2009....

God Bless,

Dorothy

Linda, wish you were here to help me celebrate my birthday tomorrow.  I love the age that I am and especially once you reach our age you say things as you feel.....no holding back........if people have a problem with it.....OH WELL, get over it.  I have become one hell of a free spirit and I live it.....

[missyouhoney811]

Anna and Michelle, I hope you are both doing well.  You better start cleaning your purses out...........I can't believe this year is almost gone.  It was a fast one for me.

With all the crap that I went through..........I had no depression.  That makes me happy.

In reference to John Edwards.  I plan on getting tickets this year again to see him.  I know sometimes he goes to Vegas.  I'll never forget the feeling that came over me when he started talking about John.  All the people in the room and the reading was about us....I truly believe after that reading I started to heal completely.  Don't get me wrong I will always miss John..........I still talk to him daily.  He suffered so long and he hung on to life for me.  Although, very sick throughout life he was the strongest man that I ever knew.  He will always be my hero....

Blessings,

Dorothy

April, how are you doing?

[rodless]

I had a good Christmas. Just can't get into the ho ho ho stuff but it is nice being with family. I haven't been a Christmas person for many many years so maybe I am better than some at getting through it. Can't wait to get the decorations down and back to regular life but need to wait until my son and fiance are here over new years.

I think I dread new year's eve worse than Christmas. We went dancing if we could find a place and otherwise really enjoyed having the evening to ourselves with a movie and snacks. Some of my friends are getting together to eat and play games and I'll probably go but almost would rather stay home. I'm turning into a recluse...don't really care if I do anything.

After new year's I'll have to think about California trip. So Michele, what do they wear in southern California in January?

Mary Jo

[lindat]

MJ,  wish you were going to CA in February instead of January.  I will be there sometime after the 10th of Feb.   Will have specific dates after my next oncologist appt.  Hope you have a good New Year's eve.  I am trying to decide what to do that night.   I have to work that day and the 1st, so maybe a night at home would be best.   I was thinking of going to a casino in Detroit, but my luck isn't as good as Dorothy's.  Actually, after I shake my purse to heaven that night, all that will change   Guess I'll do the casino on the weekend.... 

Will be glad to get past the 17th and into year 4.   Years ago, when I quit smoking because Terry had to quit, I really had a hard time.   I used to tell him jokingly that if he died, I was going to smoke again.   For the first 3+ years, I meant it.  One day, after about 4 years, I realized that it wasn't true anymore and we laughed about it.   When he died, it truly never occurred to me to smoke again.   I am hoping missing him will get easier in the same amount of time - although I know he will always be in my heart, the sadness is still sometimes overwhelming, as all of you know so well...

[missyouhoney811]

Just got in.  I truly enjoyed my birthday dinner with John Robert and Vanessa.  He returned from PR on Friday and Vanessa came back today.  The name of the restaurant is Hyeholde.  It is a castle.............so beautiful and rustic.  The funny thing about this restaurant my John took me their when I was 26 years old I remember it was such a romantic evening.  Tonight I enjoyed it with John Robert and Vanessa.  It was truly a great place to have my birthday dinner.  It brought back many good memories.  

Over the past week I have been talking quite a bit to one of John's aides that took care of him for four years.  We are getting together one night this week to eat, drink and chat.  I am looking forward to seeing her. 

New Year's Eve I have no idea what I am doing or where I will be I only know that I do not want to be home and I do want to celebrate the New Year's coming in.  I might even check into a hotel that way I know for certain something will be going on in the restaurant/lounge.  I just think staying home makes a person too sad.  So Dorothy is going out to PARTY.......

I also decided I am leaving my Christmas tree up.  Throughout the year I will just put different decorations on to celebrate the various holidays....

Blessings,

Dorothy

[lindat]

Dorothy,  I think it is great to leave the tree up all year round.   We decorated our outside tree all year round in MS...  right after Christmas was MardiGras and then Easter and on and on.   It would be fun to have one inside.

Happy, happy birthday!!  So glad you had a great night!   I went out with some ladies from my high school days - beer and pizza.   We had a nice evening.

I guess I will celebrate the new year on the weekend...  too hard when you have to work the next day.  I think I will be doing good to stay up to put the change on the windows and doors and shake my purse.   I like the idea of a hotel, that would be fun.   You have a great attitude, and that is more than half the battle. 

[armaiti]

Happy Birthday, Dorothy!  I'm glad you had a good birthday.  And I hope in 2009 I'll get to meet you in Vegas. 

I'm going out with my friends who are in our band to Unity of the Valley for an Interfaith service from 7 to 9 on New Year's Eve, then they'll drop me off at a friend's house who is having a party.  I told her about the empty purse thing and she said "lets do it!".  So I'll be with friends, and thankfully, a lot of them are single or divorced - so I won't be surrounded by couples.  So that's a relief.

Blessings to all,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

I think it will do us all good to celebrate this week.  I know  in the past we all felt we no longer had purpose in this world.  Guess again ladies, we are all here for a reason so lets enjoy it.  Remember no matter how bad we think it is (was) it  could be worse.  So, on New Year's Eve where ever I am I will  toast to all that helped me on this site.  Could  not have made it without you. 

Anna, I can't wait to meet you in Vegas.  We will have one hell of good time.

I refused to go to the head clinic today.  It would have taken at least 2 hours of my birthday celebration away.  I must schedule for next week.  Tomorrow, I go to the Trama clinic I have to get my neck checked out.  I can't wait to get released from all these doctors........not asking for much just let me Zumba and fly to Vegas lol

For my birthday my son bought me a Michael Kors black trench coat and MK perfume and body lotion.  He spoils me like my husband use to.  He was trained well.  

Another thing I will be doing on New Year's Eve (I did this in PR last year) write a list of everything you want gone from your life that has made you unhappy or added some type of burden.  Get a flame from a candle and let your list burn.  In PR they use this as some type of release from their problems they had during the passing year.  I am willing to do anything as long as it improves my life and makes me happy.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[mishknit]

mj....

you're coming in january?

cool..and then in feb linda and i will absolutely get together...

yeah!

and then...

a trip for ALL of us to vegas with dorothy..a big slumber party, with all the money from our shaken' purses!

ya know...january can be warm or cold...it's been really weirdly cold here..40's

(I know..some of you hate me!)..but that's COLD here! today it was about 65-70,,,,really nice. normally i would say normal clothes, but throw in a coat and some shorts...i guess i still do. they have those great forcasts now online....lol!

who do you know here? family?

i'm going to a friends for nye...and working on where my son is going and if i have to take or pick him up..always! there will be a mix of singles and couples there..whatever.

i just hope that next year is better... each year is just..

another year i guess.

i am really holiday'd out.....i just want real life back.

and visits from friends next year!

peace,

michele

[rodless]

I hope everyone has a better year coming. I am going to a friend's house tonight for food & games and will do my best to improve my attitude. Don't want to start the new year as a grump. Thanks to everyone on this site who has helped me in some way over the last 2 1/2 yrs.  Here's to a good 2009!

Mary Jo

[armaiti]

I decided to go ahead and get all dressed up tonight anyway.  Rhinestones and pearls and my hot pink shiny Roberto Cavalli shoes.  I may be a bit overdressed for the Unity Interfaith thing I'm going to first, but it is New Year's Eve and I'm going to a party afterwards. 

Dorothy, I did the candle ritual earlier today, after I cleaned my ancestor altar up and did some Sufi practices.  It felt good to burn those fears and problems away.  I'm putting quarters around the doors and windows and I'll be shaking my purse at midnight.  There's nobody I'll be kissing, so I may well bring down some monetary good fortune!

Hope everyone has a good evening, and talk to you next year!

Love and Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

Happy New Year to everyone.  This year will be good for all of us.  Mary Jo, while you change your attitude you could try and come to Vegas with us.  Anna, so happy you got dressed up.  We are ladies and it is good to sparkle and shine.  I actually used Michael Kors shine all over my body tonight.  I ended up going over to my nephew's house (Johns side) It was great being with my sister-in-law, her husband, daughter, daughter-in-law and six children.  We snacked and drank.  It was a good time I am happy I went out.  I did have a suite case in the car but the roads were good so I came home. 

I am making a crown roast of pork tomorrow.  This will be the first time making this meal.  I have a couple different recipes to decide on tomorrow.  I always looked at it but never bought it.  This year I got it and also the booties for the end of the chops.  Hoping it will be a success.  John Robert and Vanessa will be over late afternoon.  I am also putting hot dogs, sauerkraut, kielbasa and potatoes in the crock pot.  You need the smell of kraut and pork to welcome the New Years.

I plan on going to Mass in the morning sooooooooooooooo I better get to sleep.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Happy New Year!  The party was small, but a lot of good friends, and we sang and drank and yes, we emptied our purses and shook them and yelled "fill it up" at midnight, though one friend actually needed a shopping bag to empty hers into because she had so much stuff in it! 

Now I'm back home and still quite awake, think I'll close the bedroom door to the cats again to make sure I can sleep!

Two friends and I are going to the movie tomorrow night to see "Twilight" (I love vampire movies) but other than that I don't have any plans...just taking it easy.

Blessings,

Anna

[bdzack]

I made it through New Years Eve, my first since my hubby's passing.  My son was out of town and my daughter and her husband attended a party.  So I babysat, my 14-month-old grandson.  I laughingly told them I was going to wake him for my new years kiss.  You know what...He woke up by himself just about midnight and when I took him out of bed to change him I told him Happy New Years...and he turned and gave me a kiss! 

He made my day!  I have to think positively...I can handle all that is head in the New Year. It has to be better than 2008!  Wishing you all happiness too in the New Year. 

Bdzack

[airymoon]

I spent new years with the guy i was seeing  i kow it was probably a bad idea but i didnt want to be alone and i didnt want to be around a lot of people. Actually it helps talking to him and doing somethings together it makes me realize how lucky i was to have kurt and that im not ready for a relationship again. Happy New Year to everyone and I hope 2009 Is better to you than 2008. Many blessings and much happiness and peace to you all. My NY resolution is to do more for me and to think about me first sometimes and to say NO more often to the people that want to take advantage of the YES's

HAPPY NEW YEAR

[missyouhoney811]

That's the way to go Airymoon.  I think it makes you feel good when you put yourself first and its not a bit selfish.  We all came a long way and it is very important that we seek out happiness wherever we can find it. 

I made reservations for Vegas 1/23 to 1/27.  I am just hoping and praying that the doctor's discharge me so I can fly.  I had a MRI on Tuesday scheduled by the trama doctors.  I have to schedule appt. for the spine clinic and on 1/14 I go to the head doctor.  She is the one that does the discharging.  Keep your fingers crossed for me please.  I just want to get back to my normal life as it was before I was T-boned. 

By the way my New Years Dinner "The Crown Roast of Pork" was fantastic.  It went over big.  I found a great recipe.  It was YUMMY........

Blessings,

Dorothy

[airymoon]

Good for you dorthy. I dont do much cooking anymore mostly quick fix things. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I just finally realized my life will always be a struggle and chaos unless i take time and do things for myself that bring me peace and hopefully with peace comes strength. With stength, happiness and on my terms for a change. That sounds good to me. Im off to meet the tow guy for my car. The transmission went out just before christmas and they are finally getting it to where it needs to go. Thankfully it is still under warranty because i didnt have 2200 dollars to fix it

becky

[armaiti]

It's been quiet here for a couple of days.  I hope everyone is doing ok as this year starts.

I've been walking and jogging every day of this year so far!  I'm trying to ease back into it to get my stamina back up.  Today there was ice on the bike path, I had to be careful where I ran.  And then we had rehearsal with the band.  We are playing a belly dance set for a benefit next Friday, for our friend Mark who is undergoing chemo for bladder cancer.

So far I've been able to keep my spirits up, even with the cold weather.  I still wake up and say good morning to Ishaq and kiss his picture, and the same thing saying goodnight.  And telling him how much I miss him.  That will never change.  But I'm working on improving myself and getting healthy, and I'm just doing it for me.    Feels pretty good.

Blessings,

Anna

[mishknit]

anna...

"just doing it for me"

smart.

cuz we're what we got.

none of us knows what life holds in store for us,

but i'm pretty sure healthy, and dare i say it?..happy, is part of it.

2009....

it's gonna be a difficult year in the world, perhaps it will be better for each of us.

peace, michele

[missyouhoney811]

Anna,  I also say good morning and good night daily to John.  The kisses on his picture always follow.  That has become my daily routine of life.  I can't see it changing anytime soon.  It works for me.  I go about my day and I am a happy person.  I know what I had and I know nothing in my future could come close to it again.  I accept it.  We are here, we are living and we must enjoy what life holds for us.

I already went to the show twice this year.  I saw Yes Man and (forgot the dogs name) M---- and Me.   I enjoyed both of them.......I think I will try doing the movies at least once a month this year.

I am not released from the doctors yet but I did book Vegas 1/23-1/27 and 2/19-2/23.  If anyone would be interested let me know. 

I must run to UPS I have things to return to QVC..

Blessings,

Dorothy

[superwife]

Does anyone ever feel like you did the day they left us. I am feeling like today and dont know why?

[beanne1505]

Superwife...I had been feeling that same way for the last couple of months.  I feel like I have been reliving those first few months over and over again.  On the outside everyone sees I'm fine, but on the inside I'm screaming and hurting like it only happen yesterday.

So, I did do some soul searching over the holidays and found that I need to let go of the negatives in my life....the people, thoughts, memories...anything that zaps the life out of me.  I need to let go of the unanswerable questions (like why this had to happen) and the need to constantly think about the future I lost when he passed.  I need to live in the present and not think so much about what I should be / would be doing if he was still here.  I believe the negatives are what is making me so unhappy.

I too talk to my fiance all the time and kiss his picture...I won't stop doing that, I will however, try and remember only the wonderful times we had together instead of the future we missed out on.  I realize I honestly would rather have had 9 years with him than without him so I should count my blessings for finding true love and happiness at least once in my life time.

So this is one of my NY resolutions...stop the negative - focus on the positive...a new attitude can only help right?

Dorothy - I hope you get released in time to go to Vegas!

[laquinn]

Happy New Year to everyone. I have been without a computer for awhile and I hated not being able to read or write here. So much has happened since I was last on. I have a new graddaughter she was born the 5th of December on her mom and dads birthday. She is so beautiful and sweet. I look at a pic of Randy when he was a baby and she favors him alot. Grandchild number 5 is on the way in July don't yet what it is. As long as its healthy.

Made it through the holidays ok did alot of crying and hurting up and through Christmas. It just seems like that was the hardest thing I had to get through last year, even our anniversary. Some days I feel like I can't do this anymore and then there are days that I am ok.

I hope everyone is doing ok for now. Just wanted to stop by and say hi.

Thanks Lela

[airymoon]

super wife I am entering year number 3 and there are days that i still feel i am at the beginning of this again. I just o with it and feel what i feel. This year the holidays were worse than the other ones and for those of you who know about the guy  i was seeing (again) He is still trying to decide what he wants but he hasnt given up on us yet he is not spending any time with me and all his time with his ex so i guess he is waiting to see if it works out with them befopre he decides on us i have news for him its too late but ill wait to tell him that when he asks. he sent me a message saying he would understand if i dated(gee thanks) he didnt want me to sit around waiting for him (I wasn't) because if they did work it out he didnt want me to hate him (maybe too late)/I dont want to hate him because i think hating gives that person too much power so i am just letting it all go. He is not worth it Ill be happier without him and have more money since anything we did i paid. Oh yeah he was a stand up guy.

I realized like so many other here that i have to be happy if that is the right word in the way my life is now before i can be happy in a future with or without someone. I finally stopped thinking about what i am missing and what ill never have and that does make it easier although they still sneak up on me. I have many blessing they were just hard to see because of all the pain and because i was hiding and i still am a little but i have my friend and my family my work and this board. Im determined to do more with myself and not just sit home all the time    maybe all that will help who knows.

[missyouhoney811]

Airymoon, I can't believe you put up with the bum........was he that great that you had to pay his way?  Once again I am opening my mouth its none of my business but you deserve better.  He seems as if he is a very self centered person.  His wife must be a complete idiot.  He wants it both ways.  It does not take that long to figure out if a relationship will make it or not.  Life goes on and so should you.  I know our ages are different...........BUT......we can make it without a man being the center of our attention.....If you need the company of a man search for someone that will take care of you..Life is to short to settle for less.  You should come to Vegas.....it will make your head spin and think.......hugs......

Where is Mary Jo and April?

Blessings,

Dorothy

[airymoon]

Dorothy your right as always. He would pay every now and then or when i really put my foot down. He is very self centered but at the same time every time i would start pulling away he would start really acting like he cared and would do all kinds of sweet things. To be honest I wasnt seeing it clearly or not letting myself see it for what it was. I guess he was what i needed for a time and now i don't and he was a good diversion from some of the other things. His wife is just the same as he is on the push away and then pull back so i think they deserve each other. I would love to come to vegas I just may not be able to this time but soon. And no i dont need a man in my life I enjoyed spending time with him but i will be fine on my own now. I have finally realized that.

[rodless]

I'm still around. Typed a message yesterday but evidently didn't get it posted right. The holidays were ok. Can't seem to feel much right now which makes it easier. Maybe the trip to California will get me going. The condo is in Oceanside and sounds nice. One of the cousins I am going with is a psych nurse - runs her own practice - so she can sort me out. She's really good to talk to.

I agree - I don't need a man but I sure miss the one I had.

Mary Jo

[aprilmoonflower]

Hey ladies! I'm still here reading. haven't commented in awhile as I haven't had much to say. Going through my own "stuff" here I guess you could say. Things are working out with the new guy but I really hate the Northeast! blah. I am not a fan of snow or cold at all. This is my first winter in 15 years up here and I am mildy depressed. Leaving for AZ sometime next week then will be back in Feb sometime..I hate the thought of leaving AZ but can't really afford to live in 2 places any longer! the new guy is reluctantly open to living in the southwest so we may be going back eventually..otherwise I plan to move to VT within the next 6 months or so.

[missyouhoney811]

Mary Jo, I agree.  The only man I would want back in my life would be John.  Although, if there was a next time around with him I would want him to be healthy.  As much as I loved and still miss him I would never want to go down that terrible, terrible road of illness ever again.  Making a person go on knowing how sick they are is a killer.  I hope you have a great time on your trip.

April, I am glad things are working out for you with your new guy.  Enjoy him and your new found life.  It must be love for you to move back to the snow and cold weather.  Keep in touch with us.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[airymoon]

dorothy   i just re-read your post on your dates for vegas and in february i am off work on that monday and i dont work fridays so it may be totally doable for those dates i  will let you know for sure asap.  Im not too keen on flying alone though>I have only flown once and that was over 20 years ago but im gameto try. Maybe it is meant to be. It would be really great if others were going then too. Come on ladies how about a slumber party vegas style

[missyouhoney811]

Look out Vegas...............the traveling widows will be invading sin city.....lol

[mishknit]

hmmmm..

traveling widows slumber party in vegas...

let em check those dates.

i could drive there...

hmmmmm

peace, michele

[armaiti]

Wow, this could be fun...I was actually thinking that February might work for me.  The dates are one day after mine and Ishaq's 13th anniversary on February 18th, so it might be nice for me to get away and meet you guys!  How many folks can you fit in your suite? 

My kitty Akbar has a cold and is sniffling and sneezing.  Luckily my vet says he will probably get over it on his own, and that I don't need to bring him in and get antibiotics, unless he gets worse.  Hopefully he'll get over it soon, just like people do.

Let's keep in touch about Vegas!

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, I have been thinking about you this week.  Were are you? How are you?  As always my prayers are with you.

Anna, the suite can sleep comfortable four people.  Certain times of the year they also offer me for family and friends additional suites for $79.00 - $99.00 per night.  Check out www.clubgrazie.com for the Venetian and Palazzo both hotels are offered to me. This goes for everyone who will be going to Vegas you can apply on line for your Players card........which is how they track you while you are there.  It helps get the comps.....

How do I go about getting on my space? HELP!

Airymoon, I also had a fear of flying.  After John died I decided to do everything that scared me.  I think that is why I have become such a free spirit.  We are only here for a visit.  So I plan on doing everything I possibly can before leaving this earth.

I have physical therapy tomorrow and two doctor appts. on Wednesday.  I personally would like to do Zumba and to hell with the doctors.  Keep your fingers crossed for me this week to get released.  My head is working fine now. 

I think I will take a shower and get dressed for Mass.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Now it looks like I might not be able to come, the flights out of Oregon are really expensive right now.  I think they are trying to make up for what they lost in December with the big snowstorm cancelling all the flights.  Still, I'll keep checking and see.  I need to use my miles to do it if I did come, so I have to wait and see if the cost goes down.  It didn't used to be that expensive to fly to Vegas from here, but it was coming up over $300!  It used to be around $100. 

Dorothy, I hope you can get back to Zumba soon! 

Today it is rainy here.  I'm letting my young cat Sequoyah go out for the first time yesterday and today.  He seems to be pretty good about not going too far, and he keeps coming back in, so I think it will be ok.  I am just overprotective since Mckenzie was killed by a car, but I keep reminding myself that she was wild and feral, and he is a kitten that has been with people since he was rescued as a tiny kitten.  I just can't bear to lose another animal I love right now. 

Blessings,

Anna

[lindat]

Hi Dorothy,  I'm hanging in.  Just got back from the hospital, one more IV treatment in Feb. and then I am leaving for CA on the 10th.   This week is the 3rd anniversary of Terry's death and I have been kinda dragging, guess it is to be expected sometimes.  I have less patience with depression than I used to it seems.   Life is too short.  He would think it strange that I can still be so affected by his loss, he believed in moving on right away....  easier said than done as we all know.

I started seeing a physical therapist for my shoulder and I thought of you.  

Hope you are doing much better.   I got some Zumba DVD's on ebay and I am going to start working out at home.  The classes here didn't last, not enough interest I guess.  I thought they were great!

It is supposed to be -1 degrees tonight and I am so ready for CA!!!  MJ I hope your office is warmer now

Hope everyone is doing okay,  Linda

[mishknit]

ahh linda....

those guys do think about moving on don't they???

i like to think they'd have as hard a time as we are....prolly not tho!

my date is next week...3 years, unbelievable.

hang in.

it's windy here, but in the 80's....our cold weather went fast, and i hope it stays nice for you! (tho i still want our little minute of winter!!)

hang in everyone!

peace,

michele

[lindat]

Michele,  I have often wondered how he would have handled it if I had died instead.  I think he would have had as hard a time moving on, but it would not have seemed so from the outside.  Men don't talk about their feelings like we do, and as a result they appear to be moving on, but I think it is a facade.   At any rate, they talked big, but had no clue (nor did we) how hard it would really be.  Nobody knows until they have been here.   Hey gf, I think we are pretty tough, even on our bad days...  

[missingcurtis]

I don't post very often but I just passed the 3 year mark in December and didn't remember so many of us were so close together.

Sometimes I feel like I am a totally different person than I was when we were married. I think I am stronger in a lot of ways and look at things differently than I did 3  years ago.  I have made some changes in my life and made new friends. 

I still have a ways to go yet but I am slowly getting there.  It helps to come here and read the posts and see how others are doing.

Debbie...................................Missing Curtis

 

 

[lindat]

Hi Debbie,  Glad to see your post.  I have been having a harder time this year, but have decided just to go with it and feel whatever I need to feel.   Because of our circumstances, I remember everything we did that last week of his life and I have been taking time every day to remember.  Today was the last day of his daughters visit and we took her family to Red Lobster.  Terry had fried shrimp, which I scolded him about lightly.  It was a good day. 

Last year I was recovering from surgery and going into chemo and pushed all of these memories out of the way.  

I can't even tell you how changed how I feel from when we were together.  I am not sure he would recognize me, but I am sure he would be proud of me.   I feel more peaceful than I have since he died.   I still miss him every day, but it is easier now.

[rodless]

Hi..

-18 when I came into work today - that's without the wind chill factor. We blew a boiler at work last week and yesterday my office sat at 55, but new boiler is in and my feet are warm today. Sometime you have to be grateful for small things!

This is my third time of everything without Rod. Each year seems to have its own characteristics. I'm not sure where I'm at. After this winter I don't know if I want to stay in my house. The snow removal problems have been awful (very expensive) and I'm tired of constantly being out there with a shovel. On the other hand, I have a dog which will make finding an apartment hard and there aren't many to be had in this small town. And I like my house and I need space when kids come home. But I'd like to save some money and not worry about lawn care, repairs etc. I go round and round and round. I'm off the roller coaster for awhile and on to the tilt-a-whirl.

I'm heading for sunny (I hope!) California on 1/27. The condo my cousin rented is in Oceanside and if it's over 40, I will be a happy camper. Take care all.

Mary Jo