Members lindat Posted January 15, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2009 MJ how long will you be there?? The Red Lobster that I worked at is in Oceanside. I will be in Escondido, after Feb. 10th. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Linda, I fly out of Omaha on 1/27 to San Diego and then return on 2/3. Will just miss you. I'm going with two cousins. We used to be really close through high school and then went our separate ways so we're really looking forward to this. MJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I hope you have a wonderful time!! I am so looking forward to my trip. Jim is coming down to SD to pick me up and meet my parents - how strange My step dad is 90 and nobody knows what will come out of his mouth... I will fall out if he asks Jim what his intentions are. I think I will try and make this a very short visit I am sorry that I will miss you, but SOME DAY maybe all of us can get together somewhere. My last treatment is the first week of February and I feel as though I am being let out of jail. So many mixed emotions with my 3 year anniversary tomorrow. Not sad really, just thoughtful. I will never forget him, but my life is so different now.... Hope you all find some peace this weekend. Michele, you are in my thoughts - I hope to see you before I come back to MI... Dorothy, how are you doing? April, where are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted January 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 i am still hoping to get to vegas. Dorothy have you been released yet can you go back to zumba. I dont know if anyone else has seen it but beyond indigo is hosting a reunion it is posted on the message boards I hvent fully read all of it but maybe that would be a good way to get together also. Ok i have to tell you i shook my purse on ny eve and i wasnt really hoping for cash luck just a change in my life and since then i have definaltely stopped having feelings for the guy i was seeing. He is messed up emotionally he wants his wife to trust him but yet texted me and asked if i could meet him because he misses me more likely he misses the physical aspect which he admitted. Now here is the good part besides me finally coming to my senses......I refinanced my house and lowered my interest rate and my payment by 300 a month then they told me i had 70.00 in escroll but there were fees that would be paid with it so i wouldn't get any money back from that. Then a week after new years i got a check for 290.00 from the escroll co. and this week i got a check for 217 for overpayment of taxes. my cars transmission went out and i was told it wasnt warrentied and i would have to pay the 2500 but when i checked into it further it was still under warrenty (by 6000 miles) and all i had to pay was 100.00. tomorrow im putting change over the sindows and doorsgood night ladies here's to better tomorrows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Congratulations Becky................I am a total believer that if we think positive good things will happen. Starting next week I can return to one class of Zumba it will not be my normal speed (the doctor wants me to do the slow motion Zumba) only one day the first week and add days as the month goes on. I have to return to it slow because they do not want the headaches or dizzy spells to return. Once I am back at my normal pace I have to return to the head clinic for my final testing. I am released to go up up and away again. I booked Naples, Florida for 2/2/09 to celebrate my sisters birthday. My sister from Ohio will also be going. I told my sisters we should make a video about the old girls going wild on the beach......lolI booked Vegas for 2/19 and returning to Pittsburgh 2/23 evening. I am registered to be in a $50,000 Mask of Mystery Slot Tournament (I will buy my mask at the Venetian) My invitation includes passed hors d' oeuvres and cocktails at Tao Asian Bistro at the Venetian on Sunday, 2/22. Tao combines delicious Asian cuisine, a cool ultra-lounge, and a hip nightclub - making it the hottest venue to dance and dine the night away. Also, I get complimentary line passses and admission to Lavo Nightclub at the Palazzo for Sunday, 2/22.........I don't know about you but it sure does sound like fun to me.....Southwest Airlines was holding the funds from my previous cancelled trip to Vegas. As it turned out when I scheduled Naples and Vegas I just had to pay an extra $30.00. I love Southwest. I think they are the greatest......Blessings,Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 17, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Linda, I'm thinking of you today on your 3 year anniversary. Becky, I'm glad things are working out so great for you!Ishaq's younger sister's close fried and ex-boyfriend passed on Wednesday night. I talked to her yesterday and she sounded pretty together. He had pancreatic cancer and had been sick for quite a while so it wasn't unexpected. I wish the purse shaking would work for me. I'm really struggling right now to get out of debt and I could sure use a windfall...It is cold and foggy here, I miss the sunshine.Everyone traveling, have a safe trip!Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missingcurtis Posted January 18, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Linda,You are just a month behind me and while no one knows exactly how you are feeling today, I hope you know we are all there with you in thought.I would never have thought in a million years that I would still cry when I think of what all my husband went through. I still wish I could have found a way to help him get better.One thing I know for sure is that each and everyone one of us are stronger than we were before.Take time for yourself today....................Debbie................................Missing Curtis going on 4 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted January 18, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 ok i need some adviceI was talking to someone on instant messenger last night and he asked me if i would be interested in going out. I panicked after the last guy i went out with used and hurt me. I know that right now i dont want to be in a relationship but i dont know if i just want to date casually if there is such a thing. My kids are out of the house a lot on the weekends and i do go out with my friends but they are either married or busy with their families so i have a lot of down time. It would be nice to go to a dinner or movie with no strings attached but how do i make it clear that is all i want? And frankly right now i am scared to date because i thought i knew the guy i was dating but i obviously didn't. Itsvery hard after being married to get the mind set that dating doesnt meant a commitment. UHHHGGG i wish i could just hibernate and not comeout for a year. I definately need a change of scenery and climate Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grannyc Posted January 18, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 WoW:)Just had to check in. Its been ages since I stopped off at this thread. Spend, what little time I am on Indigo over on Bible WorldViews,etc.Alot of you I remember, alot of us came on at the same or near the same time. It will be 3 yrs for me in July. Just had a great visit with another widow I met here. Its been great to share face to face.Really didn't have anything to say as you can see. But, may the Lord Bless All of You!GrannyC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 where is everyone its quiet on the board. Has anyone heard form missy lately or april. How are you doing dorothy and anna. Linda? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Hi Becky, I am here, freezing... Getting anxious to go to CA. I think most of us have been watching the inauguration today - very cool!!! Obama ROCKS! I am very hopeful that great changes are coming, even if it is only attitude. The patriotism and pride that was shown today is the way it should have been, a new day is coming!! I remember when Obama gave the speech in 2004, I turned to Terry and said who is that guy??? He didn't know, and he always kept up with politics. I told him then that I thought this young man would be president some day. Terry said not in our lifetime. How surprised he would be, so much has changed in such a short time!!! I tried to think of advice to give you, but I haven't done such a great job myself, so I can only say that my thoughts are with you - trust your feelings and listen to your inner voice. I tried online dating and it was a HUGE disappointment. The couple of dates that I had, they were not interested in what I wanted only what they wanted. I hope that your date goes much better. I know there are good people out there that genuinely want friendship first, but I don't think I will find them online... I've been wrong a time or two so don't put too much into what I have to say - I would love it if you prove me wrong Stay warm, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Linda, I for one stayed away from the inauguration on the television today. I still have the sick feeling in my stomach from the actual election. The past two years all I paid attention to was politics. Watched and read about it daily. Everyone is so excited about a CHANGE..... does anyone know what kind of a change it will be? You say Obama rocks I say he scares the living hell out of me. I hope I am wrong.....I hope everyone is having a good day. I am excited I go to ZUMBA tomorrow and if I still have energy I'll take up the yoga class afterwards.How about my home team the STEELERS...................they rock.Blessings,Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 After the last 8 years, this change is more than all I need for now... I've been watching since 6AM and I can't get enough. I believe that we are in extremely capable hands and I am so very proud of our country right now.I am so excited that you are going back to zumba finally, and I know you are as well. Even though you have to take it slow for awhile, it is still great progress! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted January 20, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2009 Thanks Linda, it is such a relief to get the thumbs up from the doctors. Of course I know you know what it feels like. You have been through more than the average bear........Is anyone going to Vegas with me? Let me know as soon as you can.Sweet dreams to all....Blessings,Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Hi, everyone, I'm here...I was busy with company for the weekend. I guess the purse thing may be working, Dorothy, my friends wanted to leave me a little money for hosting them and cooking, since they know I'm pretty broke, and when they left they had put $101 by the coffee maker! And I sold a bunch of stuff on eBay, so at least I can keep up with my bills this month.Becky, the best advice I can think of is to just tell him the truth. There's nothing wrong with having a guy to go out with for dinner or movies, and just be friends. And if he has a problem with it, then he isn't somebody you need to deal with. You deserve to have the kind of companionship you want. Dorothy, congratulations on getting back to Zumba! I I, too, watched the inauguration and I was so moved by it all. I actually have hope for the future of this country now. I thought his speech was great, though the parts about those who came over and founded the country and all made me think about my Native brothers and sisters and how they were left out - as usual. Well, one step at a time. A black man is president now - maybe next it will be an American Indian woman!And now I just watched a segment with Medgar Evers widow talking...what an amazing woman. Another widow, like us, who went on to become the first woman to lead the NAACP. I'm going to start volunteering at the local animal shelter. They want folks who will come in once a week for a couple of hours and play with the cats. I just hope I don't start bringing them all home! Blessing to all on this great day of change,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 haven't been on for a bit.....catching up....dorothy, good for you, back to zumba! tht is great news.and becky..going thru a lot, i wish you peace sweetie....linda...i'm with you, great day today, could not get enough of the inaguration. i just have hope..not scared, just hopeful, for the first time in a long time...his speech was amazing today. get in touch again when you're here...maybe this time we can actually meet???!!!anna..i have to tell you a funny story..and i hope you take it in the right spirirt, and the rest of you enjoy it.....anna knows that her "ancestor table" was the most inspiring thing for me...I had set up a sort of shrine/table for tom, but anna gave me a name for it, and am forever grateful.BUT>>>>LOL....the other day i had breakfast with a friend and was making a reference to it (and she knew about it, and the name..she's a very close friend)..and out of my mouth came "adoration station"!!! we both fell out laughing so hard!ancestor alter to "adoration station"....i don't know..tomorrow is 3 years....i guess i needed a laugh, and i hope i gave you all one.....what else can we do but laugh, right??love you all, peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Michele, "adoration station" is great! I'll be holding you in my heart and prayers tomorrow. My 2 1/2 year is coming up on January 28th.I wanted to share something too that was amazing. You all know that Ishaq comes to me pretty regularly, mostly in dreams. A couple of weeks ago, we were together in that special dreamspace - it is very green and forested, it's a place where we often meet, and I believe it's where I will meet him when I cross over. But it is not of this world. So I'm standing with Ishaq on a kind of lookout or porch, overlooking this beautiful valley, and he is showing me the exact moment in time when all the possibilities of fate came together and it was decided that Barack Obama would win the election. It was just a millisecond in time, but the power of it nearly knocked me off my feet. I looked at Ishaq and said it was if the whole world had phased - a new destiny had been chosen. It's hard to put this into words, as it was such a powerful dream, and a lot of what passes between he and I in these places isn't in words, but feelings, impressions. But it was sure an amazing thing he showed me. I created a new mandala art piece for the inauguration. Here's a link if you want to see it. I had a shirt printed with it.http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1163188&l=4851d&id=775564332Love & Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 michele my thoughts are with you on your 3rd year. I was talking to my son about how this isnt how are life was supposed to be. He said you cant look at what didnt happen and what we are not going to have we have to look forward at what may be and that from a 16 year old. I dont know what i will do i think if the guy asks me out again i may go but i will tell him i just want a friendship for now. Thats the best i can do and if thats not enough for him then he can move on with my blessing. Thank you allBecky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Becky, Your son is right and I would take it a step further and say that we only really have right now. Today. We know better than anyone that we too can be gone tomorrow, we need to LIVE today - life is sooooo short. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 Michele, thinking of you today. I will see you next month one way or another, will call you. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missingcurtis Posted January 25, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2009 Sunday evening...............the board has been slow and it was down I guess for a couple of days.Next Tuesday is my birthday and then Wednesday would have been Curtis'. I will be 59, the age he was when he died. I have a feeling that getting through this year will be hard.I never wanted to live to be older than him. He was 4 years older than me and I never in a million years thought I would be older than him. So as I have this milestone birthday and the 4th since he died, I am thankful that I have friends and family around me.Debbie..........................Missing Curtis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBBIE!!! In just 3 weeks, I will be older than Terry was when he died. He got his first social security check in Dec. of 2005 and I got mine this week. I hadn't thought of that until you mentioned it. He was 3 years older than me and we celebrated his 62nd in October of '05. I guess I will be living for both of us now! I have decided that this will be a very good year, and I can't wait until it warms up a little I hope you have a good birthday, I would like to be only 59 again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missyouhoney811 Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Happy Birthday DebbieI also caught up to John's age. I turned 62 12/29. On my refrigerator I have two pictures of John's Birthday Cakes. The candles are 54 (the age he turned when he became paralyzed) and 62 the age he was when he died. What made me take the pictures?I guess at this point no one is interested in going to Vegas with me. Wish me well on the $50,000.00 Slot Tournament.Blessings,Dorothy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Hi everyone, it's nice the board is back up.Dorothy, I'd love to go to Vegas with you, but I just don't have the money right now. Maybe someday. Good luck on that jackpot!Debbie, Happy Birthday this week! I'll be 54 in May...Ishaq was almost 56 when he passed. Funny, his family now tells me how they had heard that Type I diabetics like him don't make it much over 50, so I guess he beat the odds by almost 6 years. Still, I'm sure not looking forward to when I turn 56 and am older than he ever got to be. Well, at least the sun is shining here today.Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Hi Dorothy, I am very interested, but will have to take a rain check. I have one more IV and then I leave for CA on Feb. 10. I'll be gone 2 wonderful months I hope you have the best luck you have ever had!!! Most of all - have FUN! Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Hi Anna, What Ishaq's family says is true, that's what makes the life of Mary Tyler Moore such an inspiration! We have sunshine today, but temps are only in the teens. Hope everyone has a good week. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Happy birthday, Debbie! Do something nice for yourself. I'll be 59 in August. Rod was 15 yrs. older than me. He was 71 when he died. I knew when I married him I'd have a good chance of ending up alone, but I had hoped for more time. He never seemed his age until the last year. Always had more energy than me.Well, I'm taking off to drive to Omaha in about an hour. It's snowing like crazy so I am anticipating the 3 hr. drive will be more like 6. Not looking forward to it but no choice but to go as I fly out at 9am tomorrow. California's sunshine will be wonderful and anything over 40 will seem like a serious heat wave. Not sure if I'll have Internet so will catch up when I get back.Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted January 26, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2009 Dorothy I am interested I thought i would have the airfare by now but the jerk that owes me money hasnt paid me yet. And i dont want to fly alone. When is the last possible time you need to know? I am trying to get the money and i think i really need the time away. If i cant swing it then good luck on you slot tourneyBecky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 29, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Today it is 2 1/2 years since Ishaq's passing. I wrote this poem and posted it on Facebook, thought I'd put it here:I REMEMBERI remember......the days we drove to the mountains, walking through the forests together, discovering new paths to the creeks and rivers we both love so well...driving to Portland for zikr at Salik and Majida's, when we first were just friends, during a driving rainstorm and us singing oldies along with the radio at the top of our lungs....sneaking off to a different room to make out after the NWSC board meeting dance meeting in Portland, since it was the first time we'd been apart since we became a couple. ...swimming naked together at the BRING beach, and taking our new raft out for a trial run and immediately having it puncture on some deadwood and sink....snuggling together on cold rainy afternoons...singing heart songs, love songs, blues songs, Beatles songs, Sufi songs, Middle Eastern songs, whatever music was making our hearts sing at any given moment....going with you five times to Greenhill Humane Society to find an orange kitten who was the "right" shade to satisfy you....bringing you the first raspberry or the first cherry tomato, watching you eat it and smile like the sun....hearing you tell me you loved me for the first time, and telling you that I love you too.And I remember......the first dream visits from you, where I learned that you would never leave me, and would always be here for me, until my time comes and I join you in that lovely green space....the feathers that found me that first year, from the smallest blue jay feather to the huge turkey vulture feather...the bat that circled around my head during your memorial zikr at Northwest Sufi Camp, and the tap on my shoulder though no one was there that I could see, so I knew it was you....the stag that watched us as we drove to your memorial the day after your son's wedding, the stag that is the symbol of the God who dies and is reborn...feeling you in the wind, in the snow, knowing your presence in all of nature.And finally I remember that our love is eternal, and nothing can ever come between us. We are one, forever - past, present, and future. - January 28, 2009To my beloved Ishaq Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Anna- I love your poem. I am somewhere in Albuquerque currently. Hoping to not get stuck in the storm coming up in the NE. ugh! I do not even want to go back! lol. i hate snow!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Any chance that Charles will want to go somewhere warm later? I am kinda in the same bind, I HATE SNOW and cold!! Jim has decided that he loves me and wants to come home.... while we were talking the other night, he mentioned the fact that he won't ever want to leave MI again and he hopes that I will be with him and stay with him. I have been existing here only because I knew that when treatment was over, I would finally be somewhere warm.... wtf. Why isn't anything ever easy???? Anyway, April, I feel your pain and totally understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 31, 2009 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2009 Hi Anna, Your poem is beautiful and reminds me of so many of our memories as well. Thanks for posting it here too..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted February 4, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Linda and April Maybe you and your men can find a happy medium. Kurt and I had always talked about living in North Carolina or South Carolina because then in the winter we could spend a few days in the mountains and get a snow fix and then back to warmer weather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted February 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 My treatment lasts 4 more years and a lot can happen in that time, so I am just going to hope that the problem takes care of itself somehow. I start school in the fall, so maybe I will be offered a job we can't refuse in the south when I am finished You never know what the future will bring.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted February 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Anna...I also love your poem. I think it helps to write down memories and feelings. I'm on my third notebook/journal. When I read back over early entries I can see how I've changed. The pain was so awful and I'm glad I don't feel like that every day anymore. I still miss Rod but it's different than it was the first year or even the second one.Back from a wonderful week in California. I will always be a mountain/creek/pine tree person but the beach was interesting and fun. Thanks to my cousin's gps I even did some freeway driving. Scary for someone who seldom sees over 2 lanes of traffic going the same direction. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted February 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Hey MJ, So glad you had a great time!! I will be leaving on Tuesday and I can hardly wait! This winter has been a rough one, time for some warm weather. It will be really good to be able to walk outside again..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted February 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 You have a good time, Linda.... relax. It was in the high 70s the whole week I was there. Even went swimming in an unheated pool outside. A little nippy but what the hey, I'm from the frozen midwest. Felt ok to me.I'm sorry you're still going through chemo. My friend is done after 15 months and we're all crossing our fingers. The last two mugga scans showed heart damage. Her spirits are good..she just wishes her hair would come back.Everyone else, I hope you're getting through the winter. I looked at the calendar and it isn't too long before daylight savings time. I know my attitude will be better when I can be outside. I miss my walks at the cemetary but it's been too cold even when bundled to be out there. Maybe this weekend. I would say I miss Rod the most in the winter but I'm kind of like the song from Camelot. Doesn't matter what the season is. All have their memories and longings.Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted February 5, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 MJ, I am done except for having surgery to take the port out. I decided to wait until I get back, hopefully there won't be any problems with it while I am gone. It lasted a year and a week, I know how she feels, I'll be really glad to get my hair back... in some places It has been nice not to have that little mustache, but it is a pain to try and figure out where your eyebrows are every day. I have had no lasting damage according to my last muga, but have shoulder and back problems that showed up on the MRI - unrelated to treatment. At first, I was so relieved that it wasn't cancer, I refused physical therapy. I finally started physical therapy this week - hoping they can give me some exercises to do while I am gone. It might not be cancer, but it still hurts a lot. The therapist says that I have 3 unrelated tendon tears and he is surprised that I can still do my job. I only have to do it for 2 more days... hopefully between not working and exercises, it will heal. I am also doing yoga exercises for the arthritis in my back and hips. I think it is time to give up the job and find something less physical. It was -20 with the wind chill today, I am so ready for warm!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bdzack Posted February 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2009 Today is one year since his passing...I knew it would be a sad day full of tears. I can't believe just a year ago he was here. I have been in a fog most of this year...I hope someday it will get better. I have so much to do, but no strength or energy to take care of matters. The last few days, I found myself replaying the days we had together, we thought we had a few more years....If we had only known. Guess it was not to be. But I am so glad we had the nearly 13 years together, the good times are so clear in my mind, the bad times seem so unimportant. We so thought we would have time for us...kids would be grown (like they are now) and we could just enjoy each other. We were so busy working...it seems so unimportant now; we should have taken more time for just us. I remember in the summer of 2003 we found places for the kids to stay, and we went to the coast (Cayucos CA) for a week just us. It was so wonderful, I cried and did not want to come home. Oh, I so wish we had taken more trips like that, just us by ourselves. But I am glad for the memories. Do others have memories that keep playing back in your head? It is like I want to remember each day we had together. And Valentine's Day is just around the corner; such a special day for couples... But I am no longer a couple, I only want to be a couple with him...guess that will be another sad day. Remembering all the other Valentines days. I do treasure each day with my love ones...I think they treasure those times too. We have learned first hand how quickly everything can change...with just one breath. Thanks for letting me share some of our times together.... If any of you have advice of a good way to spend a day like today...please let me know. Bdzack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted February 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2009 bdzack,One year is a big anniversary. And then you start on year two...I know about the memories, there are so many I have of my beloved Ishaq and our 10 1/2 years together.I think honoring the day with some sort of ceremony is good. Since Ishaq was a spiritual leader in our community, and our tradition honors the day of someone's passing, we always have a circle where we listen to recordings of him, and sing his music. I usually make up magnets with his picture on them and hand them out, or some little thing. But even just gathering with friends and family who knew your beloved is good, sharing stories and memories. Ishaq and I never celebrated Valentine's Day...our anniversary is February 18th, so we celebrated that instead. I do feel rather overwhelmed by the amount of Valentine's stuff everywhere, and will be glad when it's over. Even though we didn't celebrate it, it's a reminder that my other half is on the other side, and not beside me in a body. Be gentle with yourself today. That's the best advice I can think of.Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bdzack Posted February 11, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks Anna. I have taken your advice...It has been a totally "me" day...lots of tears, but posting has helped. I have decided I am going to sew tonight, something I love to do but never have time for. All other things will have to wait.. My son and I just went out to dinner...Chinese. A favorite restaurant we used to go to, sometimes with kids, sometimes just us as a couple. I haven't been there in over a year. It was good. I am glad my son went with me. We talked and reminisced about times prior to a year ago. It was nice, he remembers and shares with me. I didn't even cry, just enjoyed sharing the memories. Today...changed everything to my husband passed away last year! From what I have read it is not necessarily easier the second year..so one step at a time.... Learning to live with my "new" normal. Thank you for all your postings and poems, they are always so meaningful and thought provoking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted February 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 The first anniversay is really hard. I spent the day by myself at a local lake, driving around and doing lots of remembering and crying. Just needed to be by myself. The second year had another set of challenges as it set in hard that my life had totally changed and would never go back to what it was. Now I'm on year three which is in some ways easier but I am finding myself very restless. Not satisfied with job, house, life in general. Not sure which direction to go because I can't have what I really want. I feel like I'm ready to make some changes but not sure what they need to be. Does that make sense?Valentine's Day is kinda like Christmas. I can't ignore it because it's constantly in my face, but I don't buy into all the hype. Used to love it because Rod always came up with something special and a gushy lovey card. Oh well...Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest grievingperson Posted February 12, 2009 Guests Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Rodless, I can really relate to what you have said. I am just now in the beginning of my 2nd year without my husband. The reality that life will never be the same is a difficult one. I know that I would like to move forward but not exactly sure how to go about it. Valentines Day is a tough one, I also have my 24th wedding anniversary coming up on Monday the 16th. I know I will get through this one again. I am feeling a bit like having a pity party as the week draws to a close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted February 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 mary jo..omg..what you said makes so much sense to me....my 3rd year was jan 21....and i feel so much like you.want change, want to do this , that, can't focus...and it's because i can't have what i really want, and am not sure what i do want!i totally get it.....i am a different kind of mess these days...stressed and tired and not accomplishing much..sort of frozen, yet have so much to do.what a freaking journey this is!!!peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted February 12, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Mary Jo even though I a only at 16 months today I feel just like you. I have so many things that I want to do or need to do and I can't. I want to go on and live again but I can't when I think I am making some headway bam hit that wall again and backwards I go. The past couple of weeks have been bad ones no matter what I was doing something always triggered and I would just start crying. Yesterday was the worst I got in the car to go to work and on the radio the song that I have fallen in love with "I Still Miss YOU!" by Keith Anderson was on. When I got in the car to come home the song by Brad Paisley "Waiting on a Women" was on so my day was not good. I am not looking forward to Valentiens Day either I have to work and we are doing a couples dinner special at least I will be in the kitchen cooking and not out front with all the couples. I have 2 red roses I am taking to the cemetary for Randy since this is my second one without him. I am ready for summer and hope by then I feel alittle better. Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted February 13, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today was tough.... I had to sell my car that was here in CA for junk. It was Terry's car and I spent many miles in that car driving and crying after Katrina. They gave me $100 - and told me it had no value!!! It was a 98 Grand Am, but after I parked it in Fallbrook, the mice got in it and ate some of the wiring so it wouldn't start. When I left it here, I was only supposed to be gone for a few weeks, but then I found the lump and the rest is history. Terry seems farther and farther away.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest grievingperson Posted February 13, 2009 Guests Report Share Posted February 13, 2009 I will also be heading to the cemetary with roses for Valentine's Day and then my wedding anniversary on Monday. That Keith Anderson song really says it all. I know what you mean about trying to live and move forward everytime I start to feel like I am doing better then I just get hit with that wave of grief all over again. The difficult part of it is that people close to me look at me as though I have lost it. They don't understand. I am thankful for this site because everyone here does understand and they don't think you are a nut case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missingcurtis Posted February 14, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2009 This is my 4th Valentines day alone. And it seems to be the lonliest. The past years, I think others thought to call but I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself again.I know there are so so many others in the same boat. But when I was married I never gave the widows and widowers a thought. Even my Mother, after she was alone, had us kids. We sent her Valentine cards and called.....I guess I just need to count my blessings and remember tomorrow is another day.Debbie..........................Missing Curtis (especialy today) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members airymoon Posted February 14, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2009 We never really celebrated valentines day. a card for each of us and maybe a dinner or movie. It is difficult though to see all the happy couples while i was out today. I miss him so much still. I have been reqding but haven't posted. Like MJ I want and need a change but i dont know how to do it or really what i want to do. I'm trying not to jump the gun on anything like that because once I make it I may not be able to change it back if its not what i want. And there are the kids to think about. I love the little town i live in after kurt died so many people here were good to us and they gave so much to help us out. Yet at the same time everybody knows the history. It might be good to be somewhere where I wasn't Kurt's widow. Where i could just start fresh and nobody would know more than i told them. I Like the connection to him here but at the same time it is hard to move forward because of it.As for those of you entering you second year, for me in some ways it was as hard or harder as the first. I didnt have the overwhelming pain as often but i found that most of the first year I was numb and just surviving. During the second year everyhting was more real and each day was a reality that it wasnt going to change. Now into my 3rd year (how is that possible) some things are easier, some not. I am dealing with things better but I still get angry at the way things are and I feel at a loss in how to restart my life. I did date. i'm sure some of you know the story. and i did seem to fall in love with him or i thought I did. Now I think maybe it was a way to escape some of the pain and hold on to the part of my life that I was missing so much. A lot of him reminded me of Kurt and maybe that was it. He took advantage of me emotionally and financially and for that I was stupid. I am glad I dated him though because at least now i know I can find some kind of happiness again, not with him but if i could be a little happy with him then maybe there may be someone else out there also. He was not right for me and I realize now he was selfish and self centered. A lot of what we had was me doing things to make him happy and he would be there for me when i needed a shoulder to cry on about kurt. And in his way he loved me but we were not right for each other. I also realize now that i am happy for the most part. I have my kids and a good job and friends. I could date again but right now i dont want to. I would be happier with Kurt here but i cant have that so as things are I think i am happy as i can be for now. I hope that makes sense.It does get better it just doesnt happen quickly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted February 14, 2009 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2009 Ishaq and I never celebrated Valentine's Day either. But still all the in-your-face Valentine's stuff all over made me feel down today, so I just sort of hid out at home, did a few errands. Ishaq and my 13th anniversary is next Wednesday. Not sure how I'll celebrate it, but I'll do something special. It does feel odd to think that our cat has been with me now longer than Ishaq got to be with me (in a body anyway). So here I am in my third year too. I often feel I want some sort of change as well, though for me it's more about wishing my art would take off. It's just so hard sometimes to be creative when you are missing your beloved. And other times, it results in creative outpourings. I can't imagine living somewhere else, at least not right now...too many memories, since this is the house we got together in. Plus it's a good deal, with a lot of space to garden and a block from the river, and the landlord's a friend, so a good situation all around. It is cold here, I'm tired of winter (though you with snow might think I'm whining). I started knitting an afghan tonight with all my leftover balls of yarn. Just keeping busy. Friends are losing their jobs left and right, it's a scary time. Often when I'm feeling down and I talk to Ishaq's sister, she reminds me that it's a good time to be grateful for what I have, and what I had with Ishaq. She's right...I am grateful I had him as my partner for those 10 1/2 years, and I'm grateful I still see him in dreams...and I'm grateful for a supportive community and friends, and I'm very grateful for my cats who snuggle up to me at night and make me laugh with their playfulness. The other day someone asked me if I'm happy. I told her I'm content, but happy is not a feeling I can relate to now, since when I was happiest I was with Ishaq. So maybe content is ok. Hope everyone else got through today ok, if it was a special day for you in the past. Where's Dorothy? If you are reading this, good luck on your Vegas trip next week!Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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