Loss of a Sibling

[diane1234]

Ps..Jack is Darling

The picture is precious:D

[diane1234]

Happy Easter All,

I just finished my Bunniy photo's. Here's Snoopy the Rotty Bunny and I'll do Sammy next

Blessings,

Diane

[diane1234]

Now here is my Brittnay Spaniel Sammantha as the Easter bunny:D

LOL & Happy Egg Hunting !

[4everjoeysmom]

I haven't been on this thread for a while, but wanted to wish you all a Happy Easter.  I know holidays are tough...  but the Resurrection, for which this one signifies, is truly a blessing...

I love seeing everyone's photos.  Love the bunny ears on the pups, Diane!  I once put reindeer antlers on my Boxer, Gretchen, and she sat there and sulked the whole time I tried to take photos...

Jack is a cutie, Jackie, and a sweet blessing...   I felt a tug in my heart when you described your rodeo night and the song.  My kids grew up loving country music, and believe it or not I met my husband in a country-western dance club.  He was the best dancer in the place.  LOL!  I remember thinking how "confident" he was and how "back in teh day" he might have been my type...  I guess I haven't been tossed too far from back in the day.  LOL!!

Oh and on lenders, my son Patrick bought a house a year ago this April.  His lender folded two days before he was set to close.  I remember how freaked out he was.  It all worked out because the guy who had been his mortgage rep worked hard to find an alternate lender, and miraculously the close went as scheduled.  I was happy that Patrick was able to see a quick and tangible answer to prayer. 

SO saddened to read about Gary and learn of one more broken heart here...  He passed one day before my birthday...and if I remember correctly it was that Sept 24, 2003 that my son Joey called me and sang Happy Birthday to me for the first and only time ever.  It was so cute, and darn I wish I had kept the recording from my work voicemail!  If only I would have known...  but I can remember his voice singing it in exactly that off tune way of his...  Jackie, like your precious mom, I'm guessing Joey got his perfect singing voice when he arrived in heaven. 

Hugs and much love to you all!  -Claudia

 

[emelbe]

Hi...it is Easter Sunday..since we are "mixed" here-we celebrate everything!LOL..so I am having dinner in a couple of hours--for 10-including my brother's twins.....

Diane-you and your husband are a beautiful couple (he's a keeper!LOL)-and you have the most cooperative dogs I have ever seen!...sorry to hear about your new car incident- it'll be fixed in no time!!!

jackie...love the new picture of Jeff and your grandson is adorable-that picture is great with the flowers in the backround.

Claudia--thanks for sharing the memory of your son calling and singing on your birthday--it would be nice to have saved it but the memory is just wonderful--I am sure you can practically hear hime singing it when you think of it....

Diane brought up an intersting point about being able to forgive and overlook many things now as in relation to losing a close loved one--they are so trivial...i have to tell you that I felt exactly the same way-  i remember being in the quick checkout line at the grocery store when someone blew a fuse over such a trivial thing... I wanted to tell them to "get a life"--if they thought that was SO IMPORTANT--how would they ever deal with something REALLY important....  For the most part i do still feel that way .  But interestingly enough, not as much as I used to since my brother's death.  I find myself getting irritated by things I should let go of...after all I really learned a lesson about how short life can be by losing my brother but "living life" has a way of creeping back....the oppostie happens- to me anyway---i want to remove a certain number of people from my life who I feel are not "worthy" (for lack of a better word)of being in my life...i dont want to put up with certain people's situations/treatment especially since my brother's death and seeing loud and clear how really short life is.....I am not sure I am conveying myself well enought here...but it was worth a try...anyone relate???

Ok...here is a teenage picture in Florida for summer vacation where my grandmother lived...the littlest boy is my one remaining sibling, Mark....

Although I am sorry for the situations for which we came here...i am thankful for the support and guidance.....have a great day....

Marci

 

[sarajay111]

Blessings everyone,,,

Thank you, Marci, for sharing from your heart,,, yes I relate, to so much,

and your heartfelt message has been expressed wonderfully. : )

Afterall, we pretty much have the same happenings / challenges in our lives,

just at different seasons.  Our Journeys don't take us down the same roads,

but what often presents itself to us, pretty much affect our lives and circle of

family & friends, the same.

For some reason, there are times when events get our attenton more than

at others, but we continue to strive to live to the highest honor, sharing our love,

and embraching each other with encouragement, holding each other's hands

when needed... etc.,   pain is pain and suffering is suffering,,, same as endurance

and forgiveness are the same for everyone....

Today's Celebration is a reminder of the forgiveness we give others and ourselves

when things haven't been up to par,,, we grab our faith, shattered confidence and

dig courage and love from the depths of our broken souls to give back to life

the opposite of that which has turned our world upside down....

I take courage from each of you who have posted,,, thank you so very much.

While my family gathers in Celebration of our Lord's ressurrection, which has been

our whole lives being PK's....

My thoughts travel back to my hometown when life seemed sweeter, even with

all it's ups & down's,  missing my family, but standing tall, strong and continuing to

reach out to those who surround my life.  I am blessed, quite blessed to have

wonderful memories of a dear brother who was murdered in 1962, I was only 14 or

so.  His only son has been in our lives since he turned 17 yrs. of age, that we are

ever greatful for... but now we are possibly losing him as well... he has been ill

for a number of years and now in the last stage of the last stages of this illness.

Heartbreaking for sure, feels as though we are losing not only my nephew,

but losig my brother all over again.  I would ask, just that some of you would

whisper a sweet prayer on my nephew's behalf.... we continue to hope for a

new miracle, and we are continually reminded that his lasting this long in our lives,

has been a result of many miracles thru prayer.  I am most thankful.... 

closing this novel, ehhee, thanks eveyone for your sharings... have a grand day.

My heart keeps singing, because God gave me the song, which keeps sounding

out from every fiber of my being.  : ) Shalom. : )

[sarajay111]

Easter Blessings...

hiiiiiiiii,  am looking forward to seeing the photos of your Texas Blooms,,,

I am a 100 native Texas girl, and long for those Blue skies and delights of

Bluebonnets, so if you happen to see some, would love a to see a photo of

them.   Thanks, of course Spring blooms of any color and style are always

beautiful to see. : )  Shalom.  Sara

[lifechange]

hi marci, i read your story. it is very hard. my father had that glioblastoma stage 4 and never really had a chance. he died 2 months ago. i saw him do clinical trials which probably gave him a few months . anyhow, i also lost my brother to melanoma 10 months ago and he sounded alot like your brother. he was still making plans up until he died and would never talk about death. he thought he was going to beat it even though he lost alot of weight and was very sick. i guess u face death your own way but he was truly strong. take care, lifechange

[jackiewitter]

Sara, Hi, I hope the Holidays were pleasant for you.  I read of your nephew and wanted to tell you I will pray for him daily.  How hard this must be for your family.  My prayers to all of you. 

Which part of Texas are you from? , I was raised in East Texas and moved to the Houston area about 25 yrs ago.  Husband has been transferred alot so we have been in and out of Texas, moved back to the coastal area (NASA/Galveston) in 2002...my mother passed away in 2001 and my father had Alzhiemers and we felt it necessary to be as close to him as possible.  Heat and humidity can be pretty unforgiving in the summer, but we have no intentions of ever leaving again.   I will try and shoot some bluebonnets as soon as they bloom, and those beautiful indian paintbrushes. 

Peace and blessings, Jackie

 

[sarajay111]

Hi, Jackie,,, Blessings, and a bigggggg wave to Texas. 

I was born in Houston and lived there most of my life....  Katy was our home

for many years prior to moving to Ohio, when my father n law became ill and

like you, we wanted to be near him before he died.  Thus we stayed and have

not been here nearing 15 yrs. went by fasT.  wow! 

I miss Texas so much, haven't been down to see my family except to attend

3 funerals... one was my mom's, a sibbling and brother n law.

One never thinks that a big move may mean never seeing loved ones agiain.

My last day with mom will always remain special to me, Always thought I

would get to enjoy her long after our move, but our last embrace was the

night when we stopped to bid 'good-bye' on our way out of Houston.

Life has so many surprises for us.   Anyways, the last time we were in Texas

was in 2000, way too long ago... I don't like the long bus rides and don't care to

fly with security being so tight etc.   But, am grateful for all the modern

technologies I am blessed with. ehhehee... like this computer to e-mail my

family or friends from back home and the telephone etc.  So cooL, for our son

to have introduced me to the internet. ehehee. 

Take care,,, time to catch some zzzzzzzs.  blessings. 

[jackiewitter]

Hi Sara,  Sorry to reply so late.  I have not been on alot, bunch of things going on with my kids and such.  I also have a very good friend who is losing her grandmother and she is her primary care taker, so it's pretty difficult for her.

That's crazy that you are in Ohio, I have not been there since July of last year.  My husband is was born and raised in Northwest Ohio.  His parents still live there and we visit as often as we can.  Their area had a lot of flooding, but fortunately they were spared any flooding of their home.  Be glad that you are not in Katy any longer, that area traffic is just unbelievable, well if it's been 10 years, then I am sure it was still bad then!  I have a good friend that lives just past hwy 99 and she drives in daily.  YUKKK!!!

I watched a movie this weekend about a man grieving over the loss of his wife and daughters and how it affected him.  While I am not in the same position as he was, the doctor on the show talked of grieving and how so many see it as signs of mental breakdown.  She talked of how each individual processed grief differently.  The movie itself had some very dark and sad portions, offered very little on the hope of the guys recovery, but I still thought it was good.  I could identify with so many of the aspects.

Well hope to hear from you again and hope you have a wonderful week.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Not much posting going on this thread lately..hope that means all are working throgh some healing.  I just wanted to stop by and say hi to some of my sisters and friends:

Jackie, I love you too, my Sister!  I know I should do a better job of staying in touch....funny how life flows and time goes by...several weeks pass, maybe a month or two, and yet it seems to go so slowly in other ways.  you know?  But oh how grateful I am that our paths crossed.  I do hope and pray one day I will meet you in person in this life...  I know we'll be inseparable in the next. 

Diane, Loved the Cherry Blossoms.  I had been to DC once when the blossoms were in full magnificance.  Thanks for sharing the pics and for sending me e-cards when you do.  You're a sweetheart, and you always lift me up from afar.  Did Nena ever make it to Ecuador?  I never heard...

Barb, I see you on Facebook.  I'm sure we'll chat now and again...  Glad you and the family are doing well.  Sounds like the boys are really keeping you busy.

Simone, my Ausie friend, Though your posts are super-rare, I think of you and wonder how you are.  Prayers and hugs, my friend.

I know there are others I've connected with here from time to time and do not mean to exclude anyone...  I hope and pray all are finding comfort and peace for the journey.

Love & Hugs, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hi Claudia,

I am doing very well, so I think on most days.  It's still an on-going work in progress.  About once a month I still go through boxes of Jeffrey's things .  I take out what I am ready for or ready to discard.  So I call that progress.  Just this past weekend I took out a MP3 player.  He was wearing it when he was killed.  The ear buds of course were gone, they were thrown away at the hospital, but the MP3 player was intact.  I had just packed it away because I knew I was not ready to deal with it.  So I got it out and charged it.  The music was just wonderful.  It was his collection of "work" music.  Skinnard, BTO, Peter Frampton, Boston, Eagles...I could go on and on.  I will probably repost part of this on I believe in God, for Mark's sake, since it seems this is along Mark's line of music (yours too).  So all day Monday I listened to his player and while there were occasional tears, primarily it was just joy to share what he loved in music! 

My oldest daughter ask for his phone, she wanted to have it programmed and use it as a reminder of him. I am not quite ready for that since it still has messages and things of him on there.  I know one day it will come, but just not yet.  I am okay with that, we do things in by our own time tables now.  I don't feel a crushing weight anymore to meet some standard.  I don't feel that I am crazy any longer, I am just doing the best that I can to keep Jeffrey in my heart and move forward.  I still have 4 bottles of wine that I've not opened, and that's a good sign.  The first year was probably a bottle a day (sad to say but much more than a bottle in the first six months).  I pray, and pray and pray, for my friends, my family and for myself that through what has happened; God will find some use for me.

So, we move forward, dragging my poor little brother behind me!  Jack grows and looks remarkably like him.  I still drown in his precious eyes.  One day I will put that picture together.  I cropped Jeff's eyes and Jack's eyes and put them side by side.  Amazing....while Jack's are a soft brown, Jeffrey's were hazel, that's about the only difference!  Their eyes are shaped like tear drops turned sideways. 

Diane and I still email frequently, I don't hear from Barb much.  I sent her a donation for a charity walk that she was in, but that's about it.  I am on Facebook and Myspace as well, but seldom check them.  I am still here at least 3 to 4 times a week.  I guess not so much for reinforcement, but to check on my friends.  

I love you dearly and I am forever grateful for the support and friendship you have given me.  Hugs sent your way sister.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

 

[diane1234]

Hi Claudia,Jackie & ALL,

I've been busy lately w/ work & my elderly Mom(dementia's gotten worse & her helpers suck too). I think that is such a GIFT Jackie,about Jeff's music. He sent you songs to soothe your soul,kinda like a kiss from heaven from Jeff to you :-) I downloaded the pic's of Harv's last week onto my computer finally(off my cell phone). I made an album for myself w/ his gravestone & the shiva on it. I know it might seem Morbid to make the album, but it's my last memories of Harv & I get a weird peace from the album. I've chosen not to share it w/ my sisters or my parents;as they don't share my same belief system and they may be too shocked w/ some of the pic's(I took them every day for the 3 weeks he was in the coma). I chose to share only pic's of Harv smiling w/ my family. I'd love to have his music to listen too(how lucky you are Jaclie:-). We gave all his old vinyls to a group home(w/ his other stuff we didn't want). I do LAUGH when I see the TV commercial for Geico w/ Peter Frampton playing guitar on it in that lady's kitchen. Harv made me watch the Frampton comes alive reunion concert w/ him on HBO the year before he passed in '06(Frampton is BALD now..LOL). So Jackie,Progress is a great thing & I think we've all made progress this past year in our grief walks :-)

Claudia, How ecuador treating you? Sounds busy down there. I'm glad you enjoyed my Cherry Blossom photo's. They were soooooo Bright this year :-) I think Nana has come & gone from Quito :-( You'll have to privately email me when to donate to your specific ministry? Send me an address and I'll send a check. I was hoping Nena could bring it,but she did a fast trip down there(I think she likes the doc's down there better..botox wise..LOL..they're cheaper than the states).

How's everyone else on this thread doing?? Give us an update :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie--so awesome you have Jeffrey's Music.  I used to listen to ALL of the bands you named.  It's funny how a lot of that stuff made its way full circle around again.  Joey was listening to some of that stuff, and I remember listening to Nazareth, Skynyrd and others when I was 13-14ish.  My friend's older sister at the time had all of the greatest music.  Ah...the days of vinyl.  I don't know if either of my kids had ever seen an actual "record".  LOL!  Anyway, it's so great to hear that you are able to get into sorting through some things.  I'm really glad the music had you rocking instead of rolling through a wave. 

Diane, I will send an e-mail soon.  I'm sorry I missed Nana again.  Maybe next time...  I haven't been to Quito for a while, myself.  The rains have been so heavy--lots of mudslides that often close the major highway for hours and hours at a time while they clean up.  I'm hoping with May arriving the rains will go away.  It's been quite depressing.  I need some sunshine, and a good outing to the city wouldn't hurt.  I'm starting to feel like a hermit.  We get ou into the smaller villages around here, but it's not the same...  I love the multiculture and activity, the art and being able to go to a restaurant on rare occasion that serves more than the extremely local fare.  I guess going to the city is sort of a little taste of homeland civilization, even though it's still far from home.

Good to see both of your posts.  I feel like one of these days we need to do that slumber party, clam bake, toenail painting, dancing to music, singing in our hairbrushes, all out crazy girls weekend.  Remember the pink foam rollers?  LOL!!!  Dreaming...    Love you both!  HUGS, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls..

I just had to say Diane reminded me of something when she said that about watching Peter Frampton live.  Before we moved from Texas, I would go home every other weekend to see my parents.  That was when Jeffrey was still living in East Texas.  Usually I would end up spending a night with him and one night with Mom & Dad.  One night, Jeffrey and I got a 12 pack and sat and watched Fleetwood Mac reunion in Burbank.  At the end the USC band came out playing Tusk; we were smashed, but I remember Jeffrey giving a play by play of almost every single song.  Especially the song where Stevie Nics and Lindsey Buckinham are singing Silver Springs, Jeff is sitting there teling me "look how she is looking at him; she could rip your heart out with a glance".  Jeff taped it and also Garth Brooks in Central Park.  Both were in 1997.  I had forgotten all about that.  Somewhere in this house I have that VCR tape, I just wonder if it still works.  I MUST FIND IT NOW!!!!    Thanks Diane, one of the kids probably would have run across that tape when I die and then clean my house out! 

Claudia, I truly do miss you.  I guess it's better that we are all moving toward some peace, but again, it's almost like letting go. Kind of bitter-sweet. 

Much love & hugs!

Jackie 

[robertssister]

Hello Girls

 

Sorry I haven't written in a long time. I pray you all are well. I 'm doing good. The boys are busy with baseball and the end of school is coming up fast. We go up home the end of May I can't wait. 

The 2 yr mark is coming up fast of Roberts death. We still can't believe he's gone. He was so full of life.  Where the accident happend I left flowers and my sister told me someone stole them. SO she bought more and put them there and some one moved them how Sad is that. they were there for almost a year then they start messing with them. I dont know what to do this year I want to put flowers there but not if someone is just going to take them.

In June I get a week off and were going to do something with the boys were going down to the inner habor in Maryland I can't wait. Daine how far do you live from there? were going to hershey park it should be a fun week . then end the week with "Roberts 2 year Birthday in Heaven."   The year Robert died we went to Dover to watch the Nascar race and that's the last Vacation with the boys so we want to do something fun with them this year.  well , I 'll let you all go . Sorry I havent written in so long I think of you often.  Hello, Jackie, Clauida, Daine have  a great week.

In Christian love, Barb

[diane1234]

Hey Barb,

Glad to see a post from you again :-) I'd love to get together w/ you & the kids. The aquarium is soooooooooo fun!!! I love the Inner harbor for lots of other reasons too(little italy is fun,Ft . Mchenry,Camden yards,railroad museum,science museum..). I work in Balto quite a bit! It's about an hour from my house to the Inner Harbor(I'm 1/2 hour from DC). Email me privately some dates & i'll rearrange my schedule, weekends are probably the least amount of traffic for me :-) You'll be the 1st person I've ever been blessed to meet from this site :-) Next , we'll have to do our girls slumber party w/ Jackie & Claudia :-)

blessings to all,

Diane

[robertssister]

Hello Diane ,  We will be down that way the week of the 25th of June not sure what day .  The 25th is our 14th Ann:) I'll let you know.  It would be so cool to meet  I feel like were old friends. And yes it would be great to see Jackie and Claudia, Have a great day.

Love , Barb

[robertssister]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Christian Love, Barb

[4everjoeysmom]

Struggling today...  but thinking of you all..........   Happy Mother's Day to you too Barb, and Jackie, and all..........   Love, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

This thread really has been quiet. It's not that we probably aren't always thinking of each other in some way throughout our days and journey...  Life happens, though and it seems the buzz of daily grind catches up with us eventually--even the grieving.  I think that's a sign of moving forward...  good???  Anyway, I wanted to pop in and say hi to my sisters and friends here.  I miss y'all.  Love, Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Hey girls.

Well we have made it through another Mother's Day.  My birthday fell on Mother's Day this year.  This one was a little sadder than the past.  I guess because I knew Jeffrey was with Mother and sometimes that just leaves such an emptiness in my heart.  I know this sounds a little strange, but I just wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them.  While I am sure they do not, there will no saddness in heaven, I just still ache so much to be with them. 

Today is not a good day.  I thought of Jeffrey this morning and I don't even know what it was that stirred such a deep pain.  I just brought his face to my mind and it has been with me all morning now.  I wish it could be a good feeling that I can bring his sweet smile to my memory, but it is more of a selfish "I miss/need you" feeling.  Aaauuuggg....how I hate days like today!  So prayers that tomorrow is better.  I feel so lonely sometimes.  Don't you just wonder, how do you feel lonely when you have your kids, husband, friends all around you?  Is it the knowledge that the one person you miss so much will not be with you again in this life?  There is just simply no explanation to any of this. 

Hope you all are doing well and I don't want to put a damper on anyone that is having a good day.  Just a reach out and touch kind of message. 

Peace and blessings my good friends,

Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

No damper here, Jackie.  I get what you're saying.  Grief has a companion called loneliness, and I don't know if anything truly satisfies it completely.  It's kind of that "homesick" feeling you are describing, the one that calls our hearts heavenbound but we have to remain here until our time.  I can be in the middle of chaos and activity and still feel lonely, in the quiet intimacy with my husband, and anywhere in between--there is just a calling to my heart, which is part of living with a great loss, I suppose.

I'm sorry that you're having a tough day.  There will be days when jeffrey's face in the front of your thoughts will make you smile and even laugh.  But I think also we will always have moments and sometimes days when their faces call forward that longing, that homesickness because as you said we just miss them so.  I'm thinking of you, and I too will pray for a brighter tomorrow....  Much love, always, Claudia

P.s..  HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!  (I didn't know....)

[diane1234]

Jackie,

Happy Belated Birthday too!!!!! Being 29 forever is rough..lol :-) I too hear you! I've been in groups of people recently: on Mother's day & my Dad's B-day,yet I still felt lonely. I guess I've been missing Harv too(his 50+ Birthday would be in early june).

I've been weird since this past Sunday(my dad's B-day). My family did dinner @ the super religious sister's house. Everyone was totally acting out(one neice was totally a brat on her cell phone the entire time,other younger ones were addicted to the Wii game guitar hero,etc...). It was like everyone wanted to be somewhere else. We used to celbrate my Dad's B-day,my B-day,my hubby's b-day & Harv's B-day @ a Big cook out @ my house every year on Memorial Day weekend(it falls between all of our B-days). Well, since Harv died..I've been on strike w/ the cook out(this year too..I'm not into it anymore..the joy is gone for me). Soooooooooo my sister's have had to fill in the gaps(because we MUST have a food oriented event for any special occassion and it usually was @ my house). Hence the party for my Dad on his REAL B-day. Weird stuff, this grief walk. It just isn't the same w/ out Harvey. Oh well, guess my other sister is going to have to have the june cookout for the rest of us. I'd just be happy having a quiet dinner w/ my hubby & no one else! I think as June approaches,I need to work on my walk w/ G-d and do another tashlich!! Maybe that's what I'll do on Harv's actual B-day!

Well,I'm rambling. I came on to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday Jackie & many more :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Diane,  Sorry the "air" has been kind of funky for you too.  Special occasions of all kinds just seem to be less exciting anymore...  for all of us.  It's not that they aren't still special...  just someone missing from the scene--a very special someone.

Today is Michael's birthday.  With not having family around we tried to make it special somehow.  I declared it a ministry holiday today--no grounds work today.  We're having lunch with friends (local family) at a nearby restaurant--pan fried trout, and we bought a realy nice cake from town yesterday--not bad for the rainforest, eh?  Saturday was our 6th wedding anniversary, so we're kind of celebrating an all-in-one....

Our world certainly has changed...   But the sun is shining here this morning--a first in what seems weeks--the sign of a brighter day today.  Jackie, perhaps an answer to prayer? 

Love you both!  ~Claudia

[jackiewitter]

Thanks girls...very sweet, I love you both!   I do not want to get caught up in the gloom and doom of things will never be the same again, but it's so very true.  No matter how bright the day is, there's that little cloud that just hangs over you.  I also think Claudia you are so right about the longing part.  I long to be with my familly.  Don't misunderstand this as a suicide I don't want to live anymore, because that's not what it is.  It's just a deep longing.  The part that I don't understand is that I still have my kids, I still have my husband, I still have my friends....how can this longing be so deep????  I pray to God each night for forgiveness for not being more greatful for my kids and little Jack.  I don't want to be so self-absorbed anymore.  Most of the time when I look at Jack's eyes I just hurt for Jeffrey.  He is looking more like Jack as he gets older.  Another thing, almost every time the kids and I get together, we play cards, dominos and such, I just wish that Jeff were here and I end up talking about him.  If I drink any wine or such then I end up talking about him and crying.  It's much like I said, that one day seems like it's right back to the start!  Like Monopoly where you have to go back to start, do not collect $200! 

I had taken his shirt out of my closet, the one that I used to use to hug me on bad days.  I had to put it back in because it seemed that I missed it.  Just when I thought I was progressing!  Funny thing too...you know that movie Broke Back Mountain.  I finally watched it, much to the kids insistence that I do not watch it.  (kid's are quite phobic)  Anyway, there's a part at the end, after his friend/lover dies that he goes to his home and there is the shirt that the friend/lover wore.  He smelled it and then cried, then he took it home with him and hung it in his closet.  So I didn't feel quite so bizarre that I kept Jeff's in my closet and hugged it when I needed to.  Big difference though, Jeff was my brother, not my lover!  Which was another thing, Jeff and I spent alot of time watching movies together, I still break down in sobs when I watch one that we had watched together. 

Enough already...In my selfish nature I have completely forgotten to acknowledge your bad days as well.  Claudia I know that Mother's Day had to be hard for you and I am so very sorry for it.  Diane, I too know the holidays and birthdays are hard for you, I wish there was something that could be recommended.  This past Thanksgiving we brought Jeff's photograph to the dinner table and made a place for him, I do believe that helped to some degree.  Anyway, love you both and here's hoping for a good holiday Monday.  Peace and blessings my dearest friends, Jackie

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie, I know exactly the "longing" you are referring to.  I listen to the song Homesick by Mercy Me, (Have you heard it?), and it speaks everything that I feel.  No matter what I do or where I go, I always feel homesick...

The lunch birthday lunch was good--can't beat the trout here.  I think we're going to chill and watch a movie.  Michael has the extended collector editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Some cake withstrawberries is in order too...  If I could eat the blues away, they would have been long gone by now...ugh.

 

 

[mellen]

Hello everyone.  This is my first post here as I just stumbled upon this site.  I wanted to share my story with you.

I come from a family of originally 6; however, in 1970 my dad was taken away from us from a severe heart attack.  From that point forward our lives were tough but my mom, despite being a widow of 4 kids at the young age of 37 -- many times food was scarce but she always seemed to find a way to keep us housed, clothed, in school, and tummies from growling.  However, due to my mom having to work so many jobs, we had to care for each other which I'm sad to confess led to abuse; abuse not limited to physical and/or mental.  Luckily we all "grew up" and moved on, having children of our own, most independently.

Sadly during that rough time in our lives, my sister was gang raped and then thrown out the door of a moving vehicle left for dead - she survived, again moving forward marrying and having a child.  However, back when my dad died (my then 11-yo sis's hero, I was only 3) and after the attack upon her in her late teens, well let's just say "mental health counselling" wasn't as prominent back then as it is now or else I KNOW my mom would have enlisted my sister right away, money or no money.

Years moved on and little-by-little it seems as if my sister starting giving up her hopes and aspirations; divorced, gave her daughter to my mom to raise, although continued to work, found solace in alcohol (another reason why I believe she felt it best for her daughter to be in a better environment than the one she was creating). 

Making a VERY long story as short as possible ... my sister's alcoholism took a turn for the worse, she went from beer to vodka to gin .. this came after being told by the doctor's she was a diabetic, eventually becoming insulin dependent. 

About a year and a half ago, she started drinking in such excess she would start uncontrollable vomitting blood and in October '06 was rushed to the hospital borderline deceased and was brought back.  There she stayed, in ICU detoxing (and contracting MRSA from the EMTs lack of following SOP), TWO weeks it took her before moving to an unisolated room.  She was released, clean, looking & feeling better than she had in years.  It took about a minute before she stopped at the liquor store despite (now I KNOW this for in my possession are ALL of her release papers) the doctors warning her "the next drink could be your last". 

She drank and drank ... vomitted blood over & over and spent COUNTLESS days in the ICU over the next 9 months (5 trips in all).  Many of our family members now regret their "giving up on you, you must help yourself" speeches and I'm glad I didn't speak that to her and was there to pick her up as she was WALKING out of the hospital that last time.  And, yep, you guessed it, she BEGGED me to stop by and allow her to buy some cigs yet out with her came a bottle of gin.  How do you 'control' the desires of a grown almost 50-year old woman?  Isn't it HER life to lead?  Yes, tis a burden I will live with for eternity.

On July 6, 2007 my sister was found dead by her (drinking buddy) boyfriend.  They had gotten exremely intoxicated the night before, supposedly got into an argument, and he left her alone.  She started her vomitting but this time, there wasn't anyone around to save her.  She was found in the bathroom, head hung-over in-between the tub and the toilet with blood everywhere while he dog, who ADORE her and vice versa, was convulsing and eventually died with his mommy.  My worried mom asked me to stop by and check on her which led me to the 'scene' about 5 minutes after the 911 squad arrived.  Due to her being found alone and gone, it was treated as a crime scene.  And despite my PLEADING with the officers to allow me to leave and retreive our mothers, I was denied as I was a "suspect".  There's something about that "suspect" deal that's hinders my moving forward.  My poor mom found out via a friend who was confused and didn't realize she had asked me to check on Roxanne so my mom put two-n-two together .. my mom had no car so there she waiting for TWO hours as I was being "held" (begging the entire time for them to call the ICU and describe the scene but they refused). 

Anyway, today is Memorial Day.  My first since her passing.  It's been very hard for I disbelieve this day was meant to remember only vets as I figure 11/11 is theirs (no disrespect meant).  So I've sad allll day crying and missing my sister WISHING I had done so many things differently for in a sense, I feel as if my sister was committing suicide.  She knew ... she visited with people she normally never did, she gave personal articles away, she even sent ME a b'day card (which is unusual for at our age we generally just exchanged phonecalls and a hug). 

I've had a horrible time trying to move on (I do not believe in ANY fashion one 'heals' from the loss, time helps us 'cope' but heal, nah).  I've lost a lot of weight and came near to death myself this past winter.  I've two young sons who ADORED my sister and they're STILL struggling and I'm certain it doesn't help them to see their mom paining as I am.  I can't call my mom to vent as that'd bring her down and she's finally doing better.  Most of my friends are now gone for I've no desire to do much "living" anymore and actually remember when I first laughed aloud as it startled me.  I KNOW my sister would not want me to stop living ... I just know it.  But I cannot help but mourn her nonstop ...

See my sister was also poor, worked hand-to-mouth but ALWAYS paid her own bills with nothing left over aside from $ for cigs and obviously gin (btw, she was up to a fifth a day yet working full-time).   She left no Will only words with friends.  During the time it took the morgue to complete their bogus autopsy (story for another day), I had time to visit with her friends.  And since she had no money, her daughter immature and unable to even assume the remotest of responsibility, my husband and I took over all of the financial and planning aspects of her funeral services; however, due to the economy (as all of you know) we had to bring her home in an urn (with her cremated doggie combined) which rests in my entertainment center.  We cannot afford to buy her a plot, pay $750 to dig a small hole, $300 to put the dirt back, and that's not including the headstone.  Tis VERY VERY sad how expensive funerals are anymore!  Anyway, it's obviously hindering my healing, I'm sure but at the same time, her fear of being buried lingers upon me and I feel so trapped. 

I'm so confused and sad, and lest we not forget mad at her, myself, the world, and sometimes God (I'm sorry God).  I just wasn't ready to let her go and have to admit I've a bit of her I take with me everywhere I go as I read in someone else's post -- doubt she'd of treated me that way, but it's how I deal with it, ya know? 

Anyway, I just wanted to share a BIT of what I've endured these past almost 11 months.  There is SO much more I could have elaborated upon but alas, my heart today can only withhold so much and honestly, I'm so relieved to have found this site wishing I would have searched sooner.  Hoping to visit when my heart allows.

My sincerest & heartfelt love, thoughts, & prayers go out to each & everyone of you.  Entrust knowing, you are NOT alone ... dying is easy, living isn't -- one thing I can state with earnest my sis' taught me in the end.

Hugs and love to you all and thank you for reading my story!

Mellen (aka:  Mary Ellen)

RIP:  ROXANNE KOLVET-HUTCHINGS  7/24/58 - 7/6/7

[jackiewitter]

mellen, I just read of your sister and I am so very sorry for your pain.  It is quite a difficult struggle, I know.  My brother died in Aug 06 and in an work related accident, he was 42. 

You story of your sister and her struggles made me remember something of Jeffrey that I had not thought of in a long time.  Jeffrey was diagnosed w/Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes when he was 31.  His life (which had been quite entertaining) was drastically changed after diagnosis.  He was insulin dependent and took 3 shots a day.  For 10 years his blood sugar levels would run amuck, in a given day ranging from 15 in the morning to 400 or 500 in the afternoons.  No pattern, just a wave of highs and lows.  This was primarily due to his lack of self discipline in eating habits, exercise, etc...  One day he was helping me paint my home and I noticed that he really looked bad, but we had been working in the sun since early morning and I figured he just needed to stop and eat and rest.  We went inside and he was grabbing something to drink when he just slid down the refrigerator door, he was not out, but very lethargic.  I grabbed his monitor and took his sugar level and it was 17.  Forced orange juice down him and then helped him to the couch where he lay down and got better.  That very evening when he took his levels he was at 320.  I read quite a bit about it when he was diagnosed and I knew that the fluctuation of the sugar levels was aging his body rapidly.  He may have looked hot and youthful, but inside his body was aging twice as fast as mine.  Alcohol had a different effect as well, where we used to have a few beers together, he could drink me under the table, now 2 beers would smash him but he would drink more.  The first few years of this I really scolded him, he told me then, "Jackie, I know I am going to die a young, I know that.  The only thing I ask is that you bury me in my car...I really love this car."  What a goofball!  We laughed about it, but I knew that he felt he was going to die young because he was not going to give up his lifestyle (burgers, cokes, candies, beer, cookies, etc...).    After our parents died he moved close to me and I noticed a marked change in his eating habits, the way he took care of himself; often on the weekends when he did not drink at all.   I always checked him monitor when he came over, just to know how his levels were, and remarkably the last 6 months before he died, the ups and downs had leveled out quite a bit...his new low was probably 50 and his new high was around 250....so he was truly making an effort to control the disease to some degree.  That's just another thing that makes the accident so much more devastating. 

I said all of that just to say that sometimes it's difficult for adults to deal with these life-altering diseases and they would rather continue their lifestyle than sacrifice their pleasures to remain healthy.  I don't know if this was your sister's case or not, but I know that my brother said for 10 years that he was not going to change his life but that he would rather die young enjoying life than die old having given up all the things that made him happy (like chocolate cake)! 

I am truly sorry for your loss, and the surrounding factors (your mention of you as suspect).  I understand those as well; while my husband was not "suspect" there was a lot of speculation on his "responsibility".  Horrible, horrible issues to deal with when it seems just dealing with the loss is enough to spin your world off it's axis.   I just wanted to let you know I am an ear to listen if you feel you need to talk, compare, blah, blah, blah...I do not in anyway consider myself as a "healed griever"; I don't believe there is such a thing, but some days are good and it does seem that just letting go of your thoughts, no matter how bizarre they are, it seems to help. 

I wish you a good week and you are in my prayers.  I am attaching the lyrics of a song that Claudia just mentioned.  The lyrics are really beautiful and they touched me because I am really longing for "home" and my family.  Peace & blessings, Jackie

[align=center]

"Homesick"

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

[/align]

[jackiewitter]

Claudia,

Thank you so much for that song.  It is beautiful.  Yesterday I had to drive north to pick up my grandson from his other grandparents...it's a 2 & 1/2 hour trip.  Traffic was horrible and I had to go by myself while Chris kept the other grandson and maintained the pool (ha ha....maintained it on a float)!  I went through my CD's and found two Christmas CD's so that's what I listened to the whole trip (yes, I realize that it was Memorial Day & I am listening to Christmas music...hey, you have known me for over a year now, so that should not come as a surprise, grieving kind of takes away the normality of life)!  Anyway there was a country singer, can't remember who because I don't like country that much, but he was singing Away in a Manger.  Yep, I lost it, right there on Interstate 45....  "BLESS ALL THE DEAR CHILDREN IN THY TENDER CARE, AND TAKE US TO HEAVEN TO LIVE WITH YOU THERE".  Traffic was very heavy, lot of stop and go, so I know there were people wondering why I was absolutely blubbering in my car....but oh well.  I would much rather them watch me blubber and wonder why than have to deal with the same painful emotions.  You ever wonder as you pass people on the street, how many have these same "shoes"?  How many are blessed to not have them?    Crazy, ramblings I know.  I am actually glad to be back at work.  Holidays are always hard aren't they?  I rec'd a long email from Ben...I will be so glad when he is home.  I watched a documentary on HBO called Bagdad ER.  It was tough, won't make that mistake again.  I just want Ben safe and at home! 

I hope the holidays were good for you and that Michael is doing well.  I hope Patrick is doing well too, enjoying the new house.  I love the new picture of Joey too.  It is really a good one.  If I could get my scanner to work I have some more of Jeffrey that I want to post too.  There's a really good one of Jeffrey and my oldest daughter, I cannot wait to show you that one. 

Much love and hugs sent your way.  I hope that you have a good week.  The weather here is really heating up.  Cannot complain, spring lasted quite a while, we didn't turn on A/C until mid May, so whose complaining.  Gotta love Texas by the ocean!  Peace & blessings dearest friend, Jackie

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Jackie & Claudia...what a touching and true song. Sounds like you had a busy holiday to see baby Jack :-) We did the cook out for the holiday(not the birthdays..LOL..my sister's doing that one).My hubby & nephew did funny impresoins of Harvey @ the cookout. They had his mannerisms down pat and did lots of HEY HEY's & Woo Woo's in their impressions of him. I'm soo glad we've gotten to the point of an occassional laugh w/ this walk. Harv's B-day would be June 14th(flag Day), this is the 2nd B-day w/ out him. I think I'm going to do a tashlich again in his honor w/ Janet. I may do it this coming up weekend before my forever 32th B-day(heehee , that was a good age for me..LOL).How's life treating everyone else? Mellon,I agree w/ Jackie's sediments. Sorry about your loss of your sister. I will keep you in my prayers for peace.

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Jackie & Diane, Glad you both liked the song...

Jackie, I am so not surprised that Christmas music was your pick for the day and that it brught you to tears.  There is one song I used to listen to at all times of the year when I needed a good cry but the tears wouldn't come.  Now, of course, I don't need to coerse the tears.  They flow quite freely on their own.

Mellen, I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain in grieving your beloved.

Blessings for living and hugs to all, Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Tomorrow I'm going to Honor my Brother w/ a Tashlich Ceremony in the rivers of Harpers Ferry Va. I'm ambivalent about what I'm going to say . I think I'm just going to wish him a Happy Birthday(early) and to say Hi to all that have passed before me. I'll tell him to give a shout out to Jeff, Joey, Robert & all the others who are up there w/ him from this thread :-) Have a Good weekend everyone & I'll let you know how my tashlich goes!

Blessings,

Diane

[4everjoeysmom]

Diane, So cool!  Seems like not that long ago we were talking about the first Tashlich for Harv.  You thought of us then just as you are now, and Joey, Jeffrey and Robert.  So cool!!!  Thank you so much!!!  Lots of love coming to you for tomorrow's Tashlich.  I hope the day is beautiful for you.  ~Claudia

[diane1234]

Hi all,

I'm home from the tashlich in honor of ALL of our beloved family members who have gone before us. I wished Harv a happy Birthday & said a prayer for Joey,Jeff,obert & ALL others who lost someone on this thread :-) It was an Extremely cleansing Tashlich this time. We hiked down to the rivers and said all of our prayers in English this time(vs. Hebrew..which I also pray in). Then my dear Friend Janet taught me a lovely Catholic prayer (Our Father & then she guided me on how to do the Father, Son & Holy Spirit Cross) which we did in the River. Anna, her Grandaugther who sang to Harv in the Hospital,was also w/ us. After 44 minutes we finished ALL the praying and casting our bread upon the moving waters. Our final prayer was for peace and a cleansing of our spirits. Well wouldn't you know, clouds appeared out of  no where(it had been Sunny for those 44 minutes). It started to rain just a little at first...then came a soaking hard Rain! We had to hike up the mountain from the Rivers in the Rain. I was sooooooo out of breath(more like out of shape..LOL), Yet we made it back up to whre we parked! I turned to Janet & Anna and we all started to giggle. Then Anna said(out of the mouths of Babes) " G-d loves us soo much , He Baptized us w/ his tears today for Pop Pop,Harv and everyone else in Heaven". Then she said, this gave her peace :-) So I realized that I am truely blessed today to be a part of a Much BIGGER Picture, "G-d's World here on Earth & in Heaven". On that note, I wish everyone a peaceful weekend, enjoy the Day :-)

Blessings,

Diane

[carenb]

Dear Mellen,

You may not remember me, but my name is Caren and I was a close friend of your sister Roxanne when your family lived in the Azalea and Jungle Prada area of St. Petersburg. We attended Azalea Junior High and Boca Ciega High School together, then your family moved to a farm in a rural area of Florida. I visited Roxanne once or twice after that.

I remember Roxanne as a tough, lively and fun person. I recall listening to Black Sabbath and playing spin the bottle at her party in the seventh grade and finally getting to kiss the guy whom I had a crush on all school year. I can't imagine the horrors that she (and you and your mom) experienced as alcoholism took over her life. I'm so sorry to hear she was taken in such a lonely and desparate way. Please know that I will be praying for her and you, knowing she is finally at peace and that you will someday find solace in your memories of the good times with her.

Take care,

Caren

[mellen]

To all ....

I only have a moment as I was simply passing-by but couldn't just stop and read without posting a note of thanks to each & every one of you for your kind sentiments and words-of-wisdom.  You're all very very special people!!!

I apologize for not visiting more often and will try to do so more so in the future ... um, give me time though, as the anniversary of my sister's passing is less than one month away (and I'm not entirely sure how I'm gonna go about dealing with it, *sigh*).

So, until then rest knowing I WILL return and will continually remember each of you in my prayers!

*hugs*

Mellen (Roxanne's sister)

[solemate]

Hello everyone on the boards - I started a new board "honour memory board" so we could place comments about the good things that we remember about our lost loved ones - Although painfull to me, it helps to remember the good things that I remember about my parents.  I encourage anyone if they feel the need to post to do so - it can be very rewarding.  Take care  Gayle

[mellen]

[user=17099]solemate[/user] wrote:

Hello everyone on the boards - I started a new board "honour memory board" so we could place comments about the good things that we remember about our lost loved ones - Although painfull to me, it helps to remember the good things that I remember about my parents.  I encourage anyone if they feel the need to post to do so - it can be very rewarding.  Take care  Gayle

What a wonderful gift you've given us.  I shall visit and pen in it as often as I can.    THANK YOU, Gayle! 

 

*hugs & love to all*

Mary Ellen (Little sissy to my dear Roxanne:  7/24/58 - 7/6/07)

[mellen]

Just me again, venting ... the doctor's said it'd be about a year when I finally work through all of the emotions of my sister's passing-on.  In a little over 3-weeks from today it'll be that "year" yet I feel as distraught now as I did then. 

I've no one to talk to anymore.  It's really sad but true how in death you discover who is your TRUE loved ones; many friends and I have parted ways ... many because of their lack-of-compassion (aka selfishness) when she first died and then along-the-way, one-by-one I've discovered I've let myself lose touch.  Mostly because I believe they're tired of hearing me cry.  I still cry every day, all day long.  I seriously cannot recall a day I haven't broken down. 

My weight loss was DRASTIC and I literally almost willed myself to death for the "first" half of this past year from Hades.  Yet despite I "came around" for a bit, I'm finding it hard to eat again.  I cannot swallow my food (mind you, factor that in with I'm a Crohn's Disease sufferer and it makes for a lethal combination).

I'm afraid my marriage is going to collapse as I'm CERTAIN my husband is tired of me and my endless (aka ETERNAL) sadness.  He grows more & more frustrated at me yet tries to keep his cool to be strong for me.  He has been my hero through all of this and I feel I'm a "debt" to him ... a shell of the woman he married. 

I'm thinking there's more "wrong" with me than what meets the naked eye and am pondering further medical help.  My meds, at my request, have been cut-back; however, I believe I'm in need of different meds &/or other treatments. 

I KNOW I cannot bring her back, but the trauma from how it all unfolded that fateful day, as well as how I was deserted at that time by those I thought were VERY close to me who I loved dearly, watching my eldest son clam-up and stay there STILL trying to heal crying when he thinks no one sees, and well my anger is starting to take over (yea, I know, it's supposedly a "phase"). 

Anyway, I just wanted to vent here on this special day and not onto my already mentally beaten down hubby who deserves so much better than me, again a shell of the woman he married as he's the BEST man I could ever have chosen to father two beautiful sons with.   Thank you for listening!

Hoping this finds all coping the best way they can.

*Hugs to all *

[align=center][PICTURE:  L to R; My sis Roxanne Hutchings and me, circa 1989][/align]

 

[jackiewitter]

Mellen, I wish that I had words for you.  One thing I would like to say is that it does seem that you are expecting too much of yourself.  I would also caution following a plan as to what time frames are.  If your doctor said one year you should be past emotional issues in grief, they evidently have not gone through the loss of someone very close and unexpected.  I am nearing my 2nd year mark, and my "emotional issues" are still just as deep.  My daughter, daughter's friend and her fiance just sat outside Saturday night and had a good long cry until 2am.  For the first time in a long time I openly relived the last few hours of my brother's life.  I don't do that often because no one wants to listen, no one wants to know, no one wants to see me cry when they have no words of comfort.  Not sure what happened Saturday night, hot weather, the moon, or just harmones, but it was a very emotional, cleansing night.  My daughter (the one who never cries) sat and told how it broker her heart because she thinks she is "cursed".  My father died on her 16th birthday and my brother died 15 minutes after her 18th birthday.  Many prayers pleading with God that if it were His will, to please let Jeffrey make it past her 18th, he hung in there for 15 more minutes. 

I know it offers little comfort or hope, but try to just get by minute by minute, then hour by hour; before you know it an entire day has passed, and there will be some days that you are surprised were not bad as the previous.  I can say that after almost 2 years, it is better as far as the number of times in a day that I am not reminded of how broken I am.  But the intensity of that loss is still just as strong and deep as it was that first week.  No advise on the med's either, I have heard they work well for some but they did not for me. 

My prayers and thougths are with you.  I love the picture, it's so 80's!  I am sure that has to make you smile alot.  Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.  Peace and blessings, Jackie 

[diane1234]

Hi all,

I agree w/ you Jackie on the path of healing being individual. I just went to the Cemetary this past Sat. for Harv's B-day on June 14th. It was a melencholy afternoon & we did sing Happy B-day to him @ the end. It just seemed like I was a sleep walker all weekend. I had a cookout @ my house for my Hubby's B-day(it was Sunday) and I had my whole family,first time since Harv died. It was just sooo sureal to me. My good sister & I would talk about the good old days w/ Harv, fun stuff we did on the 80's w/ him(when I was footloose & fancy free..LOL..not like today). Well the minute my other sister & Dad came outside, we CLAMED up about anything Harvey(they did not go to the cemetary w/ us). I guess it was weird, how death is such a TABOO subject w/ some family members & friends and not w/ a handful of others(like everyone in here and my good sister & Janet). I still feel like I'm suffering from a Harvey Hangover today. I hope this passes soon! Also, to Mellen, I am past the year and a half mark w/ Harv passing and it still can knock me on my ass! However , I'm back on zoloft this month & it seems to help(I needed extra help w/ his & my B-day month). I'm anticipating go off the med's in a month. They seem to help me in spurts, when I need them!

Hang in there All,

Diane

[robertssister]

Hello Girls,

Sorry For the loss of your sister. I lost my brother Robert 2 yrs ago the 28th of this month. and I have to say it does get better. I thought people were crazy that said that but it is true.  I will keep you in my prayers .

Daine, Hello !  We are going to baltimore on Monday we are going to the fish place first we have to be there for a show at 10.30 am so we thought that we would come see you around 3pm . so email me and let me know if thats ok plus get directions to where you work. I can't wait to see you I'm bringing my camera.

Jackie and Claudia I pray your doing well. Your in my prayers . I'm busy working I can't wait for my vacation. write to me soon.

Love ya , Barb:D

[countrysinger]

Well I'm still waiting for things to get better...I've been reading a lot of posts here and realize there are a lot of grieving people around us.So sorry for everyone who has lost a loved one.Life is never the same again.

[mellen]

Stopping by this tread for a quick sec as well - frantically busy, sorry.

Just wanted to send a HUGE cyber thank you to all, reassure you I'm "making it", so far (knocking-on-wood) -- the one-year anniverary IS right around the corner, sigh.

I apologize for having to be so brief but I promise to check back soon.  Until then, hugs, love, prayers, & blessings to all ...

Mary Ellen

[diane1234]

Hi all,

Just catching up on all the posts & different threads here(this one being my favorite). Countrysinger,sorry to hear about the loss of your sibling. I lost my brother almost 2 yrs ago(will be 2 yrs in Nov'08). I felt I was lead to this site by Harvey(my brother in Heaven). My family was into pretending everything was fine after he passed and I titally did not feel FINE!!! It took me about 3 months to read the posts on the loss of sibling thread; before I could even write a post myself as a guest! I just could relate to everything Jackie,Barb & Claudia were saying @ the time about their grief walks. Well it took me about a year to let go of my anger @ Harvey's surgeons and the hospital where he died. I had to forgive lots of people I felt had not been there for me during this time of grief(like family & friends) in order to begin my healing. The gals on this thread were my life line for those first few  dark months. Thru the wisdom I found on this and other threads, I began to feel peace and reconnect w/ a G-d of my own understanding. I also made NEW and wonderful friends in here! People who accepted me for me :-) I wish this for you & everyone else reading this thread.

I finally got to meet such a friend on this past Monday :-) Barb & I finally got to meet in Maryland. She came w/ her hubby & boys to see Balto.'s Inner Harbor and we finally got to hug eachother after almost 2 yrs of chatting on this thread. It was such a blessing :-) I felt like her Brother Robert & my Brother Harvey were smiling on us from above! Nothing in this world happens by accident & I'm soo grateful to have shared a SMILE and a laugh w/ Barb & her family in person!I wish Barb & her family a peaceful 2nd Annv. of Robert's being in Heaven w/ Harv,Jeff,Joey...etc. this Saturady.  G-d is good to me today :-) and I am grateful to be able to share from a place of Light instead of dark today.

Blessings,

Diane

[countrysinger]

 

I'm glad you are doing better..I have very slow dial-up in this area,and can't stay online as long as I'd like,as it ties up our phone line too,so I haven't got to read many posts yet..I want to meet someone who has lost a sister /brother recently..want to know how you are handling things now...not sure how I connect with such a person...(don't know much about this stuff...)new to computer....

[robertssister]

Diane,

Hello! It was so nice to finally meet you ! I wasn't nerves at all to meet you I felt like we were family. And to have you take me through that new house just made me think of Robert even more. I could see him working and doing what he loved most. So thanks for meeting me . It was so much fun my kids our still talking about that very expensive toilet:D. They want to know when we can get one.  LOL. 

 I pray you all are doing well and for any one new to this site . I'm sorry for your loss. But you have come to the right place. 

This Saturday the 28th is the 2 yr ann of Robert going home to his Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. And its also my other brother Daniel's B-day so please keep him in your prayers this day will be really hard for him.

thanks for always being here for me.

In Christian love, Barb  thanks again Diane I really had a good time.

[diane1234]

Barb,

It was GREAT seeing you too :-) May Robert's life be honored today. I'm sure lots of kids are enjoying his pirate ship and smiling in his honor. My prayers are w/ you on this Robert's 2nd Anniversay in Heaven.

Blessings,

Diane