I Miss Him So...

[missque]

Sorry was a little behind in my readings today. In responce to those of you with the silly cemitary rules. My dad is at a great one. we can put flowers in the holders as well as on stands and over the stones. My nana had a thing made for my mom at our first christmas without him. Thought I would share with all of you. I come from a family of florists (grandparents and mom and now step dad) my nana took a plastic tube that they put on the bottomes full of water (you can buy them bigger as well) and hot glued it to a beautiful fram with my dads picture in it. It was great on Christmas cuz thy put it on the counter with a flower in it just like he was there. As wel; since someo f you can't put flowers beside your lost one you could do this. It also makes it nice since in the winter with the snow and stuff it can be hard to make it out to the cemitary.

[laquinn]

Not sure what is going on with me tonigt no was here tonight with me so it made for a long night till bed but as u can see I am not sleeping yet. The past 3 days have been good ones in away, yesterday I turned in all of Randys uniforms at the police station the dispatcher gave me a big hug when I came in and asked "are you ok with doing this" I told her no but I just couldn't have them in the house any more. She is going through cancer with her boyfriend he also found out in April that he had it and that is when we found out Randy had it.

I thought long and hard about Thanksgiving and decided to have it here but now I don't know if I can do it will  never be the same anymore. Tonight I just keep thinking why god didn't take me and leave him here he might be better at handling this than I am. I didsome pretty messed up stuff while we were together and yet god took him and left me I guess this is his way of punishing me for what I did.

I hope that all of you try to have a good Thanksgiving I am not sure what will happen here will just have to wait and see.

Thanks Lela

[aprilmoonflower]

I thought Thanksgiving was NEXT Week up until Sunday.lol. We obviously don't do anything. I almost reject the idea of Thanksgiving anyway, due to the cultural myths (lies) and the fact that I am vegetarian. Really it's just another day to me. I also don't get into the whole black friday thing either. I guess I am a scrooge/party pooper.lol.  

[armaiti]

I had a nice time last night at the Interfaith Service, though I rode my moped and it was so cold I could hardly feel my fingers when I got home!  I did learn something about Thanksgiving I never knew - the holiday as we know it, was the result of a campaign by a magazine editor, Sarah Josepha Hale, who basically wrote editorials and letters to government officials for 40 years before President Lincoln gave in (or gave up) and made Thanksgiving a national holiday to be celebrated on the last Thursday in November.  Then President Roosevelt changed to the next to last Thursday, so there could be "a longer Christmas shopping season".  Hmmmm....

I have to admit I broke into the pumpkin pie last night...I do love the food and prefer to cook at my house so I get it just the way I like it.  And get all the leftovers!  It's the kitten's first Thanksgiving, I imagine she'll be underfoot all day in the kitchen smelling the turkey.  She's not even really a kitten anymore, but at a little over one she's still the baby of the family.

And Angel, the puppy is adorable!

Blessings,

Anna

[amberi]

Lela- I too feel like I am being punished for having seperated with Alex and not going back to him. But as time ticks away I am slowly feeling like I am still here to for a reason. I loved Alex very much but just couldnt tolerate his actions any longer. I still talked to him and spent time with him but had to portect myself and my kids. But I do feelthat way especially when Im in a low point. Please try to remember the good times maybe it will help with the pain. and just remember to breathe. My thoughts are with you.

Missque- That sounds like a great idea with the flowers thanks.

Well I am off to Sacramento to spend Thanksgiving with Alex's sister wish me luck we are speaking again but still some hard issues. She is coming down for Christmas but refuses to come to the house after all the fighting that happened so she wants to do Chrisatmas morning at the Hotel. and that pisses me off. I feel like she is being childish and should not make everyone do what she wants so this may turn into another fight.

Hope you all have a good Turkey day what every you do or dont do. I know it will be hard for all of us.

I will be thinking of you all,

Big (((((HUGS)))))

Amber

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]Wishing everyone a "Happy Turkey Day"............... I will be going over my son's house. I spoke with him and asked if I could do anything and he said that he has everything under control. I guess all the years my John had our son sitting up on the counter letting him watch all the preparation for meals it did pay off. He is such a good cook.............just like his father.  This is the second year that I will not be baking. Maybe  one of these days I will again. Although, I did pick up a yummy pumpkin cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. 

Hoping you all have a peaceful Thanksgiving in whatever you do.

God Bless & Take Care.

Dorothy

[/align]

[crushedheart]

I too would like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving ...I know it's going to be rough on us all...But we'll get through it ..I have so much to be Thankful for ...the love I had with my husband for almost 50 years being the greatest thing I can be thankful for ..Our  two wonderful daughters...our grandson ..our great grands...They will all be gathered around my table for dinner tomorrow...I'm going to make it a wonderful gathering ..Never know who might be missing next year...We released the blue helium filled ballons this evening in Ken's honor..and Yes it'll be a Blue Christmas with out him ..But I just know his words too me would be Carry on Granny ..You're the light the kids have to walk by now...The 26 th will be 4 months with out him ..Yes it's been Hell...but I'm determined  to be what he'd want me to be now...and that's to live my life too the fullest helping those in need as I go ..and until my time to be with him again ..I hope to accomplish that !..

Lela...Anna..Amber ..Dorothy ...Granny C ...April..Beca..Everyone ..Hugssssssss and Prayers are with you all...

[Error username not found]

hey everyone. thanx. my son is two now. he was about a month in that picture. well.. i deleted it because i dont like it up for that long..lol..im weird like that. ok well im gonna go to bed now.ttyl. goodnight. oh yeah.. happy thanksgiving.

[missque]

Im so freakin sick and tired of people asking me what I want for Christmas when theres really only one thing I want and yet its impossible....I know it sounds horrible but I just think why did it have to be Jeremy and James who died. James was such a good friend but why couldnt it have just been him? Why my jeremy too.? I know its better this way Jeremy was such an amazing guy he would never be abe to live with himself if he survived the accident but I still cant help but think that way.

[sarjon]

I miss my boyfriend so much he died 3 weeks ago and the pain is indescribable it's hard to know how to carry on and function. We had so many plans and I feel I had waited all my life to meet him....

How do you carry on? xx

[justkaren2]

Sarjon:

I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but I am glad that you did find this site.

Reach out to the people here...they understand.  It is a safe place.  I don't post often, but I read a lot in my times of despair and it helps me get through.  Thank you all for that!

We belong to a secret sisterhood, against our wills, but we draw strength from one another.

Take good care of yourself, Sarjon.  Reach out to those that you love.  Take one day at a time, or one moment, or one breath and you will find that, with time, you will be functioning again.  The pain does not ever go away (at least it hasn't for me), but it becomes not so all-encompassing.

Use this board to express your thoughts, your feelings, your anger, your sadness, your memories.  We are listening.  We understand.

Karen

[sarjon]

Thankyou it's just so hard but reading what others have written I know I'm not alone and have found a place where I can be honest about my feelings and thoughts xx

[missque]

Sarjon- I lost my boyfriend in May of this year. I understand all your feelings. I'm very happy i found this place- i was going to a councellor but i couldnt be fully open with her. I love it here because I feel like i can do that.

[sarjon]

Hi Missque 

I'm glad I've found it 2 found people who understand just how devastating it is. I really don't know what life means now it's strange horrible and hard 2 imagine how you carry on.

I'm fed up 2 with people saying "life goes on" and "time is a great healer" well HELLO at this moment that doesn't help!!

I can't even think about Christmas all I can think about is what we aren't gonna do now like get married and hav kids and things like holidays it's unbearable.....

xx

[lindat]

Well ladies, today is my birthday - 61.   On Monday Jim will be having prostate surgery and I got the results of my biopsy last night.  Unfortunately, the results are not what I had hoped and they want me back on Monday or Tuesday to start checking into whether it has spread to the lymph glands - the doctor says that it doesn't look good - whatever that means.  To say that this is a rough day, would be an understatement.   My sister has 20 here for dinner and a huge birthday cake.  I have a smile plastered on my face, but all I want to do is run - there is nowhere to run to.  I am in shock, numb, emotional and scared.  I can't tell anyone else because I don't want to ruin their holiday.  On Friday I will call my kids and my mom and go from there.  Jim already has me taking extra vitamins and supplements and has asked me to make an appointment with his holistic doctor.   He is going to drive me crazy with the nutrition stuff, but it can't hurt and it gives him something to do.    I want my Terry back, but he wouldn't deal with this well at all, so it is just as well.   I usually handle things with a positive attitude, but this time it is out of reach.   I am hoping for strength to get thru this day and keep smiling.   Love you guys.

[armaiti]

Linda, I'm so sorry about the doctor results, I'm keeping you in my prayers, and Jim too on Monday.  We're all here for you, I wish I was closer so I could give you a big hug and sit with you and let you talk about what's going on, but we're all here for you on this board.

Love and Blessings,

Anna

[lindat]

Anna, thank you.

[amberi]

Linda- My thoughts go out to you, stay strong and try to think positive thoughts. I will be praying for you.

Sarjon- My husband also passed in May and I found this board three weeks into the loss also. I have cussed at these women screamed, yelled, laughed, cried. They understand. And you never have to say your sorry. If I hadnt found this place I dont know what would have happened. We understand your pain and are here for you. I too still feel like some days when people say "time will heal" or stuff like "it will get better" I feel like yelling at them. Cuz all you want is them back and the pain gone. Your right cuz at those moments it doesnt help. I wish I could help you but the only thing (and everyone knows what I say here) that helps me when its hard is to try my hardest to think of some funny times to pull me out of it. We all have hard times and from what I gather we always will. My daughter passed in 93' and I still have hard times just not as often.  You will continue thats all I know and exactly one day one minute one breathe at a time. Hang in there. Keep coming here and reaching out. We are all here for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

As you all can tell its thankgiving and yes Im posting. Belive it or not I am at my SISTER-IN-LAWS (dun-dun-dun)and we are getting along quite well. we will see how long it last cuz the other shitholes in my life are trying to start trouble again. I knew it cuz the restraining order expires in Jan. so I think **** will really start again then. But wish me luck

Try all to be thankful today for what you have today. I am very thankful for you all being in my life, even though it was thru a way in which I wish we didnt have to.

Big hugs and prayers to you all

Love Amber

ps. I went to the doctors and she said it waws just a swollen lymph node (whatever) and that it should go away.

[laquinn]

Well the day is almost over and I got through it, kinda. This morning was kinda tuff we always got up and watched the parades on TV and Randy always helped me fix the meal. I fixed the meal myself this year that was hard, I sit and cried a few times but had it done before everyone got here. Our youngest son helped me get some of it cleaned up and I told him I would do the rest tomorrow. So now here I sit and thinking I might go to bed early tired. So I guess I got through the first major holiday. Tomorrow who knows. Have a good night ladies and  will talk to you all later.

[armaiti]

I've been having a good Thanksgiving with my friend from Ashland.  She and I ate a lot of turkey, drank wine and watched dvd's and talked all day.  Last night she and I and another close friend who was also one of Ishaq's Sufi students sat around and visited.  At one point I felt the energy in the room "shift", it's what I feel when I feel Ishaq is with us.  And Jamila said she felt goose bumps right then, she felt it right before I said something.  So I feel like he's been with us through this Thanksgiving.  We cried through last year's, the first without him, so to be able to enjoy the day, relax, feel him near and feel gratitude for all that we had with him was good.  Tomorrow I'm taking her shopping online, and we're co-leading a Sufi zirk night, which is devotional singing and chanting, so that will be nice. 

Hope everyone is doing ok, or even better than ok.

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]Linda,  you are in my prayers.  I know it won't be easy but try to stay strong with a positive attitude.  I believe strongly that any health situation must be handled that way.  I will also, starting tomorrow light a special candle for you.  I wish I could give you a BIG HUG.  It had to be terrible holding the test results back from everyone today.

Prayers and Blessings,

Dorothy

[/align]

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]I had a good Thanksgiving Day at my son's.  He put out a wonderful meal.  I did have to laught at him...............he could not believe how tired he was.  All I could say to him was "How many years did I do it"?   I know exactly how you feel.  I believe the worst part of any large meal is the clean up.  Needless to say they did not want my help. So while they cleaned up the kitchen I sat in the living room............watching T.V. and drinking wine.  Yes indeed I had a good day.  I came home at 10:30 PM and it is snowing and turning very cold...........

Blessings,

Dorothy

[/align]

[crushedheart]

Hello everyone...Linda i'm so sorry about your doctor report..Life sure can throw us some mighty tough curve balls..You'll be in my thoughts and prayers..as I read the posts...I can see some made it through Thanksgiving kinda nicely ..some I can see your pain ..I can feel your hurts..My heart breaks for each and everyone of you all..

I got through Thanksgiving better then I thought I would ..took a lot of self talking ..and staying busy cooking ..But all in all it was alright ..After we released the balloons (even tho I know it was just a token jesture)...everyone felt better..

Hope everyone finds some Peace today ..hugssssss and prayers for you all

 

[grannyc]

<)))><

Hi all, boy all your postings are a mixture of my Thanksgiving feelings or lack of feelings.  This is my second year without my husband.

Lindat, all I could think of with your news is and this might be abit forward, but my closest friend(also sister in-law)  Just went through what you have ahead of you.  She is an RN also.  Hers is also very serious.   If you'd want I'd check with her and maybe you two could e-mail She truly would know how you feel.   She was shopping at Macy's when her Doctor called her and told her her test results.  She had had previous lumps that were nothing ---SO, we all were so shocked and its been quite the year for her.   Thought she may help you and you enturn would help her by getting outside herself in this matter.   Think about it.  We could get your e-mail addresses exchanged.  She is very intellegent medically, which probably only hurt her, she is around 50.  Just last week had her reconstructive surgery.  First diagnosed Oct. 2006.

Missque,  I too hate this "Time is a healer"   I think "Times a makes it more bareable"  We will always have a huge hole in our hearts with our partners presense. 

This is truly a Sisterhood as I think it was Karen that so greatly laid out our feelings, ya gotta be a member to even begin to understand what it is like; those well wishers and loved ones don't have a clue.  I didn't!  We are living every womens worst nightmare.     Use us-you don't even have to make sense as you write just get it out.   Your pain right now is so deep everyone should be able to see it.  This cuts us physically, emotionally and spiritually.   And in those early weeks just take a breath at a time and YOU are #1 to take care of!   Sarjon, we are all here for you as we are here for each other.   I tried GROWW in my early days and really got the "Its too soon for you to even begin to deal with this"  What that mattered I never understood, was I to stay off line until I lost my mind but got a couple months done, I do not know and certainly don't agree.

I, in the last couple days have realized I am allowing a chip to sit on my shoulders, a couple recent hurts and I am holding them all in and all of a sudden I realize I could really tell someone, anyone off royally.  I guess I need to honestly write maybe even just to myself some of the recent hurts I feel have been unfair and stop mulling them around in my mind and making mt. out of molehills.

Well, today my youngest son, 25, and 3 grandkids 14, 12, 10 are going out into our pines and cutting limbs to make that graveblanket we previously wrote about.  We will make it together, take it out to the cemetary and then go out to eat.  (here in Minnesota, winter is the only time something will stay on a grave, becuz they won't be mowing) so I like to get something there this time of year.  My husband is in the State Veteran's Cemetary and above all it is kept uniform, taylored and beautiful all summer, but NO personal trimmings on any grave site.

Well, all know I am praying for each of you, especially Lindat, you surely did not need this on top of what you already have in front of you and how you held that in yesterday is a true act of selfcontrol.  Please know we all care and are here.

Sincerely,

GrannyCheryl 

 

[rodless]

Linda, I am so sorry. My mom went through it and now I have a coworker/friend who starts chemo next week. She got through the surgery great but was in 2/10 lymph nodes so her chemo will be rigorous. I will keep you close in thought and prayer. Please let us know what's happening.

Thanksgiving was ok for me. My mom & a neighbor came for dinner. We agreed we did not need turkey etc. so settled simple (but good) meal. Played cards in the afternoon. This year was better than last, that's all I can say. Mary Jo

[missque]

sarjon- i understand. Im envy of all my friends who are getting married, and of everyone who were married before they lost someone. I cant imagine being with anyone else other than him, not having him be the father of my kids etc. its hard to think of. I had friends who told me i needed to change my relationship status on facebook after only 3 months of him being gone (its like myspace) they were saying that because i wasnt dating him than i need to think of him as a friend not a boyfriend- are you kidding me?!?! its been 6 months and i still havent changed it. I dont talk to her anymore either. WHen im ready to i will because the moment i hit the cancel relationship button that will be me really mving on and im not ready. its so hard without him but im so happy that i had him for the months i did. I just wish i could tell him im sorry for the fight we had been having the week he died. I hope he knows how sorry I am and that it was just one os those stupid fights over him not picking up his clothes around the house and that i do love him and always will.

[lindat]

Still trying to sort the emotions and thoughts in my head.  Got up this morning and did 5 miles and then went to work - life goes on.  I spent the afternoon calling my kids and my mom to let them know.  Jim's surgery is at 7:30 AM on Monday - my next dr. appt is at 8 AM on the same day, so that isn't even working out very well.   Thank you for the prayers and comments - I am grateful for each of you.  xoxox

[grannyc]

<))))><

((Hi all))

I did get my grave blanket put together and out to the cemetary.   My family was very pleased with it.   Not too much hoopla, but very pretty!   Thanks for the idea.

GrannyC

[missyouhoney811]

GrannyCheryl, So happy you made the grave blanket. I put mine on also.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

I meant to put GrannyC I have no idea why I continued and put Cheryl.  I must have an overload of turkey in me.........SORRY

Dorothy

[airymoon]

Linda--I am so sorry to hear about your results. Try to hang in there and remember attitude is  a big part of beating cancer if you dont like the answers you get from your doctor get a xecond opinion. It cant hurt and someone else may have more answers. My thoughts and wishes are with you.

Becky

[lindat]

Thanks Becky.  I do know that attitude is a big factor, but I just haven't been able to conjure up a very positive one yet.  Perhaps Monday if they can give me some hope, but I have just run out of steam.  It is also a little harder to feel that you are in control in the situation when you don't have insurance or money to pay.  It has only been a couple of days, so maybe I will do better when it sinks in a little more.   I really am grateful for all the support and input.   Linda

[amberi]

Hi all,

well I think I got thru the first real holiday with out Alex, fairly well. Me and his sister spent some good quality time talking and reminising about last thanksgiving, went shopping with the kids. They too seemed to handle it ok. Had our moments but for the most part was good. I can only hope christmas goes as smooth. I guess it went well cuz Alex was never really into the holidays. He would just take off fishin and come back when food was done. Maybe all those years of him doing that was its own blessing so I could get thru this. who no's. But I still miss him comin in all fishy smellin.

Linda I cant say I know how you feel or how hard this must be for you. My thoughts are with you and you sound in a way like you are holding strong. I know your running out of steam but please like all of us and you have to do with our current situations, just take it slow. I will be praying for you.

Bacafly I hope you are doing ok, your new pic. of the yellow guy with the bleeding heart makes me sad for you. Hang in there sweetie. we are here for you. 

 

talk to you all soon,

((((((hugs)))))

Amber

[nolena]

Hi, everyone.

I haven't been on here in a long time. My husband died in October, 2005. Well, I guess I had the 2 year holiday melt-down Thanksgiving night. Had a bit too much "party" and was driven home. Then I slipped & fell & hit my head on the bath tub, and had to be checked out by the paramedics.

It was 2 years & 1 month since my husband's death.

Most of the relatives don't think that I should have any grief problems by now. They're just mad at me for causing a problem.

The hardest part is explaining things to my teenager. 

[armaiti]

Nolena, your relatives obviosly don't get it.  Two years, one year, one month, one day, it doesn't matter, it's how we each feel and it is  perfectly normal for you to still feel grief.  It's almost sixteen months for me, and I know I'll miss my beloved every day for the rest of my life.  I'm sorry you fell too, and hope you are ok. 

Blessings,

Anna

[missque]

nolena- i understand how you are feeling i was told on the 3 month ani of my boyfriends death that it was time to get over it and move on. I think that until people actually go through a death they have no idea a time line of grief or that it doesnt even really have one. everysingle day i still feel the same way i did the first day i founf out. I too have been in the hospita all weekend- i feel down my stairs lastnight and went in to get checked out (i live along 4 hrs from home so my mom worries) they gave me some drugs and sent me on my way said i was fine. today though i had really bad chest pains went back and they said itsj ust the swelling goin g on in my back.

[naz496]

lindt I am so sorry to hear your news I will light a candle for u, and hope everything goes ok.

Its been 11 mths  and 13 days since Mal died. not doing so well this month I think the big grief is coming. A lady who I knew lived around the corner, died last thursday. she was 43 a bit older than us, but she has left behind 3 boys 6,10,11. I feel for them Its like loosing Mal all over again. I cant goto the funeral, Is that bad. I might just go and sit at the crematorium with Mal. Its at the same place. ****. why is life so f....ked. 3 more small kids that have a **** life in front of them.

I want to get her photo this week, and make the boys mummy pillows. I did this for my kids. I copied a picture of Mal onto a cussion, and the kids sleep with it every night.

My thoughts are with you all at thanks giving. we dont have that here in australia. what do u celebrat on this day

naz

[nolena]

On Thanksgiving we celebrate our thankfulness for the fall harvest, so we pig out endlessly on food we didn't really grow.  We also celebrate being in uncomfortable situations with relatives we rarely see.

I'm praying for healing for you ladies with medical issues. (My head is recovering nicely. Can't hurt anything that hard.)

And you're right. People who haven't suffered this kind of loss are clueless until it happens to them.

Just reading what others who understand say, and hearing what all of you are experiencing, helps a lot. I feel less alone. Feeling a lot better today.

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]Naz, The true word "Thanksgiving" is not used in referring to a feast....its thanking God for the harvest, makes reference to the "goodness of God"..........Celebration of harvest --- We give thanks for being able to provide food, shelter and giving thanks to family, friends and NUMBER ONE our loved ones that are still with us and our "Soulmates" that have passed. At this time of year I get sad and happy ....... More so now since my John is not with me on earth but he is forever in my heart. I give thanks for him coming into my life...............even tho I would have wanted him longer.......... just thinking what my life would have been like if I never had the chance of meeting the love of my life. Thanksgiving, I felt very fortunate that my husband's daily routines had also become my son's. Thanksgiving is love and thanks to what we have.

Peace & Blessings,

Dorothy

[/align]

[missque]

Just wanted to come post because im in a great happy mood (which doesnt happen often). Currently im in the process of getting the University to grant Jeremy with his degree - something i can give his family and i know they will be very happy for since he never graduated highschool. As well; I'm planning a big fundraiser to create a bursary in his name that will help out future students and we are able to put qualifications on it such as history and political science students will receive it since that was his major. Its gonna be a lot of work but something i will do with a lot of passion!

[armaiti]

Missque, that's great!  I found that the projects that I worked on to honor Ishaq after he passed helped me a lot as well, it let me feel like I was really doing something to help his friends and family too.  Since he was the Director of Emergency Services at the Red Cross, they told me they wanted to dedicate a classroom to him, and had me come to pull the cover of the plaque at the ceremony.  They also set up a fund in his name to help people who came in for help, but didn't quite fit into Red Cross rules, Ishaq would often give these folks bus fare or money to help them out from his own pocket.  So the fund is named after him as well.

The college fund sounds so wonderful, it's a great way to honor his memory and help others!

Blessings

Anna

[naz496]

well its official the small light at the end of the tunnel I was holding on for has offically gone out. Got the verdict from the judge and its not good news about my grandfathers estate. we lost, and now the b....ch is tring to make me pay court costs of $146000.00.good luck to her on that one. I have nothing left as it is.

The judges verdict did not make sense and I could defiatly chalenge it, but there is no money left in the estate. judge said that no morphine was given in one sentance but in the next says that his judgement could have been affected by morphine amongst other things. I thought Mal would look after us, and not let this happen. Oh well I guess I was wrong. What a butiful f.....d christmas we are going to have now. so much for holding on, nothing else bad could possible happen. yeh right. I now have to go back to work fu;l time and put the kids inot care, something Mal and I felt very strongly about not doing.. What a nice financial mess mal hhas left us in. its the anniversary of his death in 2 week yesterday. not doing that well.

sorry everyone just venting.

naz

[amberi]

Keep the light on Naz, Alex left us in ruins too. Every month my house pretty much goes into foreclosure. It sucks, we had life ins. for about 8yrs and four months befopre he died he didnt pay it and never told me so we are F***ing broke as a joke. 2700 in mortgages and I take home almost 2000. a month. Good to see you venting though it always makes me feel better.

Missque - Sounds wonderful. good for you.

Hope everyone is doing well. I ve been going up and down all weekend and today I am up so Im hoping it will last a few days.

take care

Amber

[grannyc]

  I am sorry to hear so many difficult times on resent posts.  It just doesn't seem fair!   I think when one looses their other half it should be a universal law that we immediately, get financial help immediately and for the duration of our lives!   The emotional baggage we have to go through is enough without all the $$$$$$$$ issues!

<))><  My prayers to each of you,

Cheryl

[utegal]

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. But it was the day after that slammed me, I got my husband autopsy report in the mail. I thought I was ready to see it, but it was like the day his death certificate came. It just seems more real, and I guess I'm not gonna wake up from this bad dream. So the couch, TV and a warm blanket was all I needed and used for the few days after Thanksgiving. Bless my children's heart for just letting me being and bringing me a cup of tea every now and then. I staired out the window remembering all the corky things we used to do and talk about. Then I smiled through all my tears as I watched the snow fall so softly on the ground. I thought I would be ready when the time came to see those pieces of paper, but it slammed emotionally then physically. But each day is a tiny bit easier, until the next person comes up to me and asks me how I'm doing? Do they really want me to answer that truthfully. I just want to scream "I'm not okay!" They say honesty is the best policy, right?

[missque]

still in a lot of pain from falling down the stairs and was off week all weekend. Yesterday I met with the finincal office at the university; and next week i will meet with the president  of the university. Yesterday was the official starting of the Jeremy Macdonald mature student award for history or political science. Now we have to start all our fundraising for it- we have to raise at least $5000.00 and then the governmnet of Canada will match it dollar for dollar. we're gonna plan a night at a local bar that he liked and see if we can get some of te profit- they do a lot of fundraising, as well, im gonna get some Toronto Maple Leaf stuff signed (my neighbour is the asst coach) and run a draw and sell bracelets (like the live strong and breast cancaer ones) that wasy Remembered and Loved.

im really looking forward to it, and cant wait to get rolling

[missque]

okay so im back again with a huge mood change. Over the past weekend two students that go to my unviersity died in a car accident- they were a couple. I go to a small university so it not only went around fast but everyone knows them. dont get my wrong i am very sorry for the family having to go through this but im sooo pissed off at my university. NOTHING was done when jeremy died - why because he wasnt on student councel or something i guess- but since jeremy died every other student that has died has had some kind of recognition. One boy had his name and a RIP sign posted on the side of the university's gym where we post everything, these two have the school posting notes on their home page about how sorry they are, and e mails from every dpt. regarding it, and busses that are going to be sending any students to the funeral if they want. im just so pissed off with my university right now- why wasnt jeremy good enough to mention on their website, or on the side of the school. all we got were flowers at the funeral- which every student gets anyways!

[Error username not found]

yeah missque..  i could see how that would really piss you off. i dont know what to say cause that is really annoying and i would be pissed off too. to amber.. im fine.. i just like this picture. it describes perfectly how i feel since he died. ok.. i have to leave..ttyl. bye.

[aprilmoonflower]

missque- just remember what you are doing in his name w/ the scholarship stuff will be more important than notes and flowers in the long run. it's so hard though I know.

[missyouhoney811]

Linda, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  I have been thinking a lot about you today.

Blessings,

Dorothy