I Miss Him So...

[crushedheart]

Hello everyone..I've been watching the news..and praying for the folks in the fire zones..

Missey we all know your pain ..in two days it'll be 3 months for me...and that lonely ...going through the house searching for my husband..feeling keeps getting worse for me as well...My dad passed away 2 weeks after my husband.. and I can't remember even being at dad's funeral...My husband's grave is next to dad's ..I was on my knees at my husbands grave begging him to come back through out the whole burial of my dad..I know dad is with mom now..and i'm at peace with his passing ..But it's a whole different world having to give up my husband..Hang in there Missey ..we're all here for you ..Hugs and prayers to you all

[grannyc]

(((Dear Group)))

:shock:You are all walking my life.  

Oh, Missque and Missey, I so remember those early days when the pain came from the pit of my stomach and I thought I may even gag just from my deep loss and loneliness.   It sounds so small but truly, there are times we can only look at the moment we are living in cuz there is just too much pain to think of any farther.  I know no words to make it easier.  But we do all care here.  Just let your feelings big or small flow out on this site to all of us.  We know where you are!!!

I am now just past my 15th month mark and there are still times I can't believe this is my life.   How did I get here?  Is this really how our almost 40 years together was suppose to end?  He was just every part of me----my definite other half!

With my nephew in ICU now 3 wks.  It has really brought back some awful flashbacks of days I've already walked,  Often when I am there my emotions are on my shirt sleeve and it is very easy to just break down over anything and nothing!!!  But, I can't keep myself away.  It gets to the point I have to make the 140 mile drive just to see for myself how he is doing.  I can take all these phone calls to fill me in for just so long.   BUT,  I am truly trying to stay home this weekend for my own needs-I am in need of R.&R.  The last 3+ weekends I've been down there 2-3 days.  He is now awake so I hope I can let-go abit.  :?

Hope everyone's day was abit more than bareable, I guess more than ever before in our lifes we must take it a day at a time.

Gayle or Steph, why don't we hear from you?

Sincerely

GrannyCheryl

[laquinn]

I just lost my husband on the 12th of this month. We layed him to rest one week ago today and this is the hardest time of my life. He was diagnoed with renela cell on Feburary 1 of this year they removed the kidney on April and by the end of August it was in his bones. We had no time to prepair for this and I am struggling everyday to live without the man I have lived with for the past 26 years. It's not fair we had a fight in July and never had time to make up for everthing that was said to each other. on the wednesday for he passed on friday he had a very rough time he thought that all of us there were trying to kill him and he was fighting with me hitting and kicking and bitting and I know it was the medicine but that was the last time he talked to me. and this whole thing just hurts. I can't sleep and all I want to do is cry because I miss him so much.

 

[missque]

Laquinn- So very sorry to hear of your loss. I too was in a fight with my boyfriend when he died- ours was about a week long with that night exchanging some mean words. he died that night. I'd do anything to take back all the words and anger. I dont even know what we were fighting about. We had just moved in together 2 weeks earlier I think it was just the adjustment to living with eachother but we really were fighting over nothing. I came to this group very recently in a moment of angwish I began searching for something on here. It was helped me greatly, just being able to post whatever I want and know that there is someone reading who understands.

[missinmyhubby]

Wow...I have not been on in a couple of days...I almost couldn't remember my password to get on since it has been stored for so long!!!

Things seem to be settling down a bit more as I grow more comfy with my new job.  I have been coming on to read, but the last couple of weeks it has not been as often.  I have been feeling distant from almost everything lately...I know something is up within myself, I just haven't taken time to really dig deep and figure out what it is.

I see so many new people on here...Bless you all and I hope you find this site a place you can always turn to.

I miss you all!!!  (((((HUGS)))))

Angel :?

[aprilmoonflower]

:dude::dude::dude::dude: For Angel.lol

[aprilmoonflower]

for those wondering ANgel and I were just chatting about the message board change! for some reason I don't see it unless I go through the "home" section.

[grannyc]

 Laquinn,

I am so very sorry for what you have endured in such a short time.

My husband died 15+months ago.  Our last month was wonderful! BUT, preceeding that the meds he was on made him a changed person.  Anxious, Bossy, Impatient

Quick to Become Very unhappy with us, etc.   I think we have to forgive ourselves for the things we did not react to correctly, or as we normally would have.   He/Yours is in a place that he knows all is well and does not hold any of our poor moods/words against you.  He/Yours loved you as you loved him, remember we all are ONLY human.

Please take it one moment at a time if that's all you can handle!   Can you take any peace in the fact that everyone on this Board has been where you are-and wish we didn't have to meet you in such a place as this.

With Caring Thoughts,

GrannyCheryl:?

[crushedheart]

WOW I finally found my way back to the message board...Now If I can learn  to use it ..Today is the 3rd month living with out my husband.. ..Not a very good time to be posting ..other then to say hope everyone is doing well...as can be expected ...

[dddoutt]

When I read the posts I realized my name came on as guest.  I'm Debbi and I'm the dddoutt who started this many years ago.

I remember going into the hospital to visit my husband and there was a couple in the parking lot fighting.  They had put my husband into a self induced coma and I so wished he was awake so we could even have a fight.

When they began to bring him around he did  become psychotic.  He would whisper to me the nurses were trying to kill him.  I honestly didn't know what was going on and on top of everything else of his illness I was so so so scared.  It's very frightening to see our spouses act so completely different from the gentle souls we knew.  But you're not alone in this.

I ended up living in the nurses dorm so I was only a few steps away.  Every night before I went to sleep I would call and ask how he was.  One night they said he's bleeding again and we can't stop it.  Pajamas and all I was there.  The bleeding had stopped and he was still in a coma and I held his hand and cried and cried.  A nurse came in and said don't let him hear you crying.  I said why?  I love him so why shouldn't he hear me cry?

So I am telling all of you-no one has the right to tell us how to feel.  No one is too new for a grief group.  What's the membership?  You're grieving, it's a grief group.

I wanted to pass on something to all of you that was passed on to me.  This year is the year of firsts and it stinks and the holidays are coming up.  First, make sure your support group is on call - I lived away from family and had no support group, the friends who said I'll be there weren't but I had this board.

Some of the things suggested to me were to buy a Christmas ornament for your husband or boyfriend and put it on the tree.  You can't do a tree this year?  Hang it somewhere.  Write love notes on balloons and then let them go up to heaven.  One girl treated herself to her favorite coffee and sitting on her deck on her husband's birthday. 

Love,

Debbi

[missinmyhubby]

For something I use to love so much, I hate the holidays!!!!   

[crushedheart]

missin ..I'm with you ..Holidays will be horrible this year for us ..I won't be having holidays here at my house this year though ..maybe that might make it  some better...

I'm so glad this day is over...I spent the day at my husbands grave ..with flowers...this just feels so so wrong to have to bring flowers to a grave for him ...3 months...seems like a life time ago .. and yesterday all rolled up together...Tears won't stop now...have to stop talking and thinking tonight ..God this pain in my heart feels like a knife cutting ME ..Good night everyone ..Hope you all find some peace tonight ..hugssss and prayers

[crushedheart]

Debbie...just read your post...altho I'm in tears  again now...I apprecited  what you  said... thanks ..

[Error username not found]

Wow! i havent been here in a while n everything changed!!!! ??. i liked the old way better but i guess ill get usta this. anyway -- today is my sons birthday.this is the second b-day without his father..today would be a million times better than it is now if he was here.i miss those days.ill save a seat for him..he'll be there. =). goodnight everyone.

[Error username not found]

oh .. i forgot. im so fuckin annoyed.i told someone what tattoo i was gonna get for my fiance..and she went and fukin got it. this is the SECOND time in my life when somebody stole MY tattoo idea. wut tha **** is wrong with people.:X u think i would have learned after the first time. well **** that from now on im getting the tattoo..then showing people..let them get it after that! goodnight.

[missinmyhubby]

Hi all...as most of you know, my DH has been gone for over four years now, and my 15 year old daughter just posted on the teen site tonight for the first time...She talked of him extensively this evening when we went to dinner together.  Mostly about a dream she had of him lastnight.  God I hope she finds some peace here...another step towards healing....She told me that she was glad she has me to talk to about him because nobody she knows understands her.  Amazing the kids feel the same way huh?...alone in this grief.  I am just glad I can listen now without busting out in tears (at least I didn't tonight)...but damn it still hurts.

Sorry Baca about your tatoo...

Where is everyone???

[crushedheart]

Good morning everyone...learning how to use this new board is a real challenge ..but i'm learning..think I'll love it once I get use to it..I don't see many of the people we had on the old board posting as much though ..just wonder if they are having problems with this new one ..I emailed Kelly when I couldn't see any new posts...she emailed me back..I had the old board in my fav's...Had to take it out of there add this one..Just hope it doesn't have a short time out for the posting ..cause I'm a slow thinker and typer..lol;)

[crushedheart]

Missin ..I have a  grandson( our only grandson) that will be 14 in Dec...my daughter suffered a very abussive marriage ..and divorced  when my grandson was 4 ..my husband was the only male  role model he had ..Now he's gone my grandson is so lost...He doesn't talk about my husband to us a lot ...altho we try to encourage it ..we just let him talk when he's ready ..This is all just so new too all of us we usually wind up in tears...try as  we might ..we can't seem to stop the tears from flowing when we talk about my husband..some of his school buddies are going through the same thing..I don't think they like talking about it either ..after a ball game we let them go to their fav pizza place in town ..just the guys ..they sit and have pizza and chat...I think that's helping my grandson a lot ..it's  so very confusing ..not knowing how to handle our young during this time ...worrying about them keeping all this inside..yet not wanting to push them into talking  about it ..we all HATE this new way of life...But for the sake of our children/grand children  ..we learn to live with it the best way we can ..

Hope everyone has a good day ...or good as can be expected..hugsssss and prayers for you all..

[aprilmoonflower]

ohh I see there is a new topic button. does this mean we can post threads on the main board now of loss of a partner? (That would be SO nuch more helpful than having to wade through this thread at times!)

[aprilmoonflower]

btw I have to say the formatting sucks! why do I see posts from 2005 when I reply?:? wish they had gone for a V board instead! ahhh well. complaints, complaints.

[aprilmoonflower]

aww I'm so sorry your DD is going through this. I hope she finds some peace here. being a teen is tough enough. being a grieving teen is very hard.

 

ok I tried to quote Angel's post. guess that feature isn't working yet? lol.

[armaiti]

I wonder where everyone is too...the old board comes up but you can't post to it, I hope there aren't folks still waiting for that to change....

We had a good gig last night with the band, and I had a great time leading the Sufi zikr the night before.   I'm going out to hear this Sufi man from Wisconsin talk today about a book he wrote on technology and spiritiality, and another author of a book on quantum physics and spirituality, should be interesting.  Then a bunch of us are going out for Thai food.  The weather here is nice, sunny and the moon has been amazing.  I'm going through a better phase right now, feeling Ishaq as really part of me...even though he's been visiting my dreams less.  Sometimes I think he comes to hold my hand and guide me through stuff, but when I'm doing better, his spirit "backs off" a bit so I can learn to walk on my own here on earth, still I know he's waiting for me on the other side....So it's nice to actually feel like living again, instead of just existing. 

I hope you all are doing ok on this Sunday afternoon,

Blessings,

Anna

PS - April, did you get the email I sent you with the story?

[missinmyhubby]

Dear Anna,

You probably read my post regarding my daughter and her dream.  I do believe that dream visitations exist, I am just having a hard time with it because he never comes to me in them.  My 15 year old was telling me about her dream and was very serious about how it was affecting her and how she thought it meant something but she isn't sure what.  You are the first person that came to mind as she spoke of seeing her dad.  I also feel that children are more receptive to the visits because their minds are more open then ours.  Because of your backround, would you mind speaking to her regarding her dream?  Her email address is sk8rgirl1992@yahoo.com, or you can find her under katiex10 on the teen postings. 

I am glad to hear you are feeling better these days.  (((HUGS)))

Angel

[aprilmoonflower]

thanks for reminding me Anna about your story! I have been unable to get into hotmail all weekend! (look for an email from me soon though! )

btw Anna I am coming to OCF next summer woohoo! (friends and I are planning a trip up the coast) I hope we will get to meet!

[grannyc]

Dear (((((Grief Friends))))

I must be doing something wrong.  It surely seems to take along time to get where one wants to be on this board.  Was probably only on other board for a month-6 weeks and now this change.  When I, too, first arrive online on this new board the postings are dated 2005.   Am I doing something wrong that starts me out there? :X

I am having a very lonely night.  Drove the 140 miles down to see my Nephew that just came out of a 3 wk coma.  My youngest son rode with me.   My nephew is in his own room, no more ICU.  Very much himself, very visity and of good humor.  Has some rehab to do to gain back some strength and mobility on his side that is paralyzed.  BUT, I appreciate all who prayed for him on this board the last month.  THANX!!!

Its been one of those evenings that I wonder will I really find a life, or will I just exist!?   Its been over 15 months for me and I had a dream last week, Tim was in it and so very real.   He kept assuring me (3 times) he'd never leave me.  It left me rather frazzled.   Does it mean he will always be in my heart/mind/part of me.  It surely seems it could be NO other way.  But,

I like my old life better?   Its a very futal struggle, isn't it?:shock:

Hey, Steph and Gayle I am missing any postings from you two or any e-mails.

Let me know how you are.  Please

So many times when I post I feel I go nowhere with what I write and have no real reason to write,  Does it help me?  I wonder?  I know I surely do not feel so alone when I read the postings and most of you live and think just like I have or do. . . . .Its a lonely road that none of us chose. . . . .

Until later,

GrannyCheryl :?

[armaiti]

Dear GrannyC,

It seems to me that Tim is letting him know he will always be with you - while you walk on earth and beyond.  At least that is my interpretation.  For me, it is the same way with Ishaq.  He has promised he will always be with me, and I know he will be waiting when I cross over.  I know you and I have different spiritual traditions, but I would call what you had a "visitation dream" - which to me aren't really dreams, but more a communication from the other side.  Since I believe that  those who  cross over are living outside of our linear idea of space and time, they can communicate with us, if they wish or if they are able.  It seems Tim wants to let you know you aren't alone, he loves you and is watching over. 

Blessings,

Anna

[armaiti]

Sorry, I meant "Tim is letting YOU know" in my first sentance...this new formatting is throwing me off as well...

Anna

[crushedheart]

No granny ..your not doing anything wrong...we're all seeing the samething...it's been brought to Kelly's attention ..and the tect support team ..I think they are working on those repairs now..

Oh and by the way ..I love the pictures some of you have added...

Hope you all find some peace in your broken hearts today ..as for me ..well it was a weekend from Hell again ..started off ok ..ended up like a living breathing firey HELL...

Hugsssssss and prayers for you all..

[armaiti]

Angel, I'd be happy to email your daughter...I did look at the teen site but I didn't see the dream she wrote about.  Could you email me direct and tell me a bit more?  My email is ishaqanna@earthlink.net

So I went to hear these two guys talk yesterday and afterwards I went up and talked to the man, Amit Goswami, who is a quantum physicist (he was also a featured scientist in the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?") and I told him about Ishaq, about how I have these dream communications with him but I feel like it's reality, and I'm able to recognize that I'm there and my body is elsewhere...he was just nodding, yes, yes, - it was very vailidating but I'm really coming to believe that there is really no separation - it's only our physical being and restrictions that keeps us from communicating with those who have left their bodies...anyway, it was very cool to talk to a scientist about it and have some of my theories validated.   I've started work again on my book about this, and about my experiences with Ishaq after he left his body - the various ways we still communicate. 

It also came to me that life now for me is not about "moving on" - it's about "moving forward".  The whole moving on thing is so final sounding, like we move on and leave those we love behind.  Where if we are moving forward, they also are moving forward, where they are now, and so we will eventually come together again.  So that's my response now if someone asks if I've moved on, I'll say, no, but I'm moving forward!

Blessings to all,

Anna

[missey]

This is odd figuring out this new site. Thank you all for your helpful stories. some days I am so full or sorrow that I can't focus or work or doing anything. I'm aware that I spend too much time alone and I don't want that to be a problem later but it's so hard to mix with anyone.

I have zero interest in  'chatting' and it's true, friends are there in the beginning but you really do have to find your way on your own. It's my life that changed and I have to find my new 'normal'

My family is great, none of them live very close but thanks to phone and email, we keep in touch. There is just no joy, no desire for a new day, I'm still struggling to find something to look forward to.

At this point, it's only been 6 weeks so I just work on going through the motions and that seems to work part of the time.  I have a 6 yr old golden and got a puppy 2 weeks ago. Boy it's hard to type 'I' and not we.. it hurts.

The pup is fun and adorable so she gives me a reason to get up and to not let the day drift away.

Something new has been happening this week, I ache to be held. If I think about it, it was a long long time since we snuggled on the couch or I felt his arms around me when I didn't have to careful to not hurt him.

I guess it's normal but I'd give anything to feel his arms around me. I've even been thinking about family or friends.. I just ache to be held. I'm sure it's a normal reaction to being alone, to having no one to lean on when you need to... but it's SO strong.

I've been reading on grief and it's called the 'searching stage'

It's sad though.. terribly lonely.

[missinmyhubby]

Hi Anna,

Thank you very much!  She didn't post about her dream on here, we had discussed it the other night while we were having "mom and daughter time" together.  She had said she had a dream that her boyfriend from Florida (they have broken up since we moved) and my youngest had passed away.  After they passed in the dream she had gone crazy and they put her in a mental institution.  When she was there talking to one of the faculty she saw her dad walk past her.  He had looked at her with a kind of sideways glance and kept walking.  She told the person she was talking to to hold on a second and ran after her dad hollering "Dad, dad, dad, wait."  He stopped and sat on a bed, so she approached him.  She said she was talking to him saying "Dad it's me", he wasn't talking back to her, and as soon as she got close enough to him, he disappeared (like evaporated).  She told me she thought there was a reason for the dream, but didn't know what it was.  At first she said she thought that he didn't want to talk to her.  She has a lot of guilt over being a normal young child...you know, the kind where she thinks she should have treated him better.  I had explained to her that I think that when we have visits from our loved ones that they are all good, not bad.  That if he came to her in a time where she was in a mental facility having a very hard time, that maybe he was just telling her that he is here for her in her deepest times of need.  In real life, she is having to deal with leaving her friends behind and starting over here in Mississippi.  For a 15 year old girl this is very difficult, as I said she left behind the first boy she has ever fallen in love with and all of her friends.  To her young self, this is very traumatic.  I had suggested that maybe he was just saying that he is with her during this difficult time of her life.    She has said she didn't understand why it has been so long since she has dreamt about him and why now?  Like I said, the only dreams I have had have been hard ones, not pleasant, so I am at a loss as how to explain the longevity between visits.  She said she tried to talk to her brother about the dream, but that he blew it off and doesn't believe in the "visits".   It felt good for her to come to me, as she said as much, due to the fact that I am receptive to the idea.  Like I said, it has been a little over 4 years and we are "moving forward" as well.  However, there are things I don't speak of with the children concerning my feelings and emotions about loosing my husband, so I am sure she has held in a lot as well.  I have pain and grief that I don't think the children understand as I am sure they have the same thoughts..."mom won't understand this".  We have always been open about talking during our grief, but there are times that a lot is not said....of course for all the obvious reasons.  She is a great girl and I hope you find pleasure in speaking with her...I am just so glad she is starting to reach out...it has been so long for a child of her age.  Thanks again Anna for taking your time to do this, it means the world to me!!!  I hate thinking that our children have to suffer so, and feel so alone as most of us do.  Take care of yourself.  I like the "moving forward" that you have spoken of, that is my theory, probably because I can't conceive of moving on....it just doesn't equate.  Peace to you and all of us on here.  Big (((((HUGS)))))

Angel 

[grannyc]

I do appreciate this site.  At times I have felt out of the loop, but tonight I really can glean alot from everyones postings.

Missey,

The holding, tenderness, times only he and I shared-I miss them so at times I just ache physically.  Recently, with my very ill nephew, as a terrible  prognosis came first we all sat in the family lounge in ICU and cried.   As I started to get a grip.  I looked around the room to see everyone else had a shoulder to cry on and arms around them, but.....................not I   This is probably the first very hard time I've gone through without Tim and it surely made it worse.

Armaiti,

Thank you for your thoughts I appreciate them!  I was so rattled this time becuz I

didn't awaken calm and very peaceful from this dream as I have to the others where Tim's come to me.   In my awakening stages I feel his presence and as I become more and more awake that drifts away from me.  I am cursing alarm clocks; they jolt us out of our sleep and we miss the stages we can go through as we awaken.  We certainly agree on we will meet our spouses again and I feel Tim's presence often, I'm just selfish, I loved to just be in a room with his physical presence!

Well, I have had a sadder evening the last 2.  Just missing my other life.  Still not completely fitting into this one and some days I am not sure I ever will.

Good Nights((((())))) to all!

GrannyCheryl:shock:

[Error username not found]

 i was searching this website and stubbled upon something that told me ppls sign up date so i clicked it to go in chronological order and the earliest is 1969!! ..were computers even in ppls houses then?? i highly doubt that. i think it was the 80's when pcs really came out. ..hmm. anyway its interesting to see everyones pics cuz u paint a picture of everyone in your mind but seeing them throws it all off. ok..goodnight.

[crushedheart]

^{Good morning everyone..another day ..and going into my 4th month ..know what ...I don't feel any less sad then I did on July 26th ..the day I lost my best friend and soul mate...}

^{I too miss the human contact with my husband..hearing him say good morning babe...and seeing him sitting in his favorite chair.. or watching for his truck to pull in the driveway after work ..getting his dinner on the table..Good Lord...Nothing to look forward to now ..and the silence in this house is so very very loud..I just want to go on and be with him ..}

^{tears now..see you all later...Glad to see you all ...}

[rodless]

My goodness... I hope I'm smart enough to cope with these changes. It is nice to have pictures. Things are going along pretty well for me but I so sympathize with those of you having tough days. Last year I was a mess and hurt so bad ALL the time. Holidays, even the small ones, are horrible. Mary Jo

 

[laquinn]

Well it has been 2 and a half weeks since my husband passed away and today was a really bad one for me. I am having a really hard time with this. It just dosen't seem far that he was taken from me so soon we had so many plans on stuff we want'ed to do and now it just isn't going to happen. Our middle grandson came in from trick or treating tonight and the first thing he said was Where's papa at? and I had to look at himand tell him remember he's in heaven watching over you and he says oh yeah and he is only 3. That was the hardest part of the day the rest I was aruging with the insurance company over paying for the ambulance ride to the hospital when he could no longer walk and then bringing him home one last time don't they understand this damn stuff? They didn't think it was an emergency!

We were married for 26 years and together for 1 year before we got married and I just can't seem to get all this crying out of my head. Some days I get up and go and others I just can't do it. So I stay home and cry and don't answer the phone cause I don't want to talk to anyone or bother any one.

How do I go on with stuff? :? Some days I just don't think that I can, does it ever get any eaiser?

Thanks for listening

Lela

 

[laquinn]

Well it has been 2 and a half weeks since my husband passed away and today was a really bad one for me. I am having a really hard time with this. It just dosen't seem far that he was taken from me so soon we had so many plans on stuff we want'ed to do and now it just isn't going to happen. Our middle grandson came in from trick or treating tonight and the first thing he said was Where's papa at? and I had to look at himand tell him remember he's in heaven watching over you and he says oh yeah and he is only 3. That was the hardest part of the day the rest I was aruging with the insurance company over paying for the ambulance ride to the hospital when he could no longer walk and then bringing him home one last time don't they understand this damn stuff? They didn't think it was an emergency!

We were married for 26 years and together for 1 year before we got married and I just can't seem to get all this crying out of my head. Some days I get up and go and others I just can't do it. So I stay home and cry and don't answer the phone cause I don't want to talk to anyone or bother any one.

How do I go on with stuff? :? Some days I just don't think that I can, does it ever get any eaiser?

Thanks for listening

Lela

 

[crushedheart]

laquinn it's just too soon..for you and missey..you'll have days of   very mixed emotions ..my heart aches for you both ..and I don't have much of a heart left...it's so crushed..this board has been a blessing for me...while I'm on  this rollercoaster ..

hugsss and prayers for you all

[grannyc]

Lela,  I can't believe where your pain level is right now.  WoW!  You are still walking around in shock.  Just be good to yourself.  Just going back in my mind 14 mos. ago for me-its even a physical pain isn't it?  Sick to our stomachs, it can take our breath away.   Losing our partners hit us Emotionally, Spiritually & Physically.   I'm not sure there's anything worse!!!  We were married 37 years and right now I have slipped into such a slump, I am struggling just to  "Be" - Be what?  I wonder?  Probably its more like I am going through the motions, but, I don't care about anything!!!

Lately, I sure am writing pointless jibberish-I wonder why I bother?

((((((to All))))))

GrannyCheryl

[crushedheart]

granny I don't think you are talking jibberish...everything you say is just exactally what I feel..and hearing you say what your going through let's me know I'm really not losing my mind...even though I feel like I am ..I value your posts granny ..just knowing you all feel  the same way as I do is a major help for me...cause I'll tell ya ..Life is hard with out our soul mates..from the first day we lose them...until we're together with them again on the other side...I don't think the pain will ever go away ..maybe get a little easier to deal with as the time goes by ..but never goes away ..

[airymoon]

Hi everyone. I dont like this new format i couldn't even get on for ten days and then i finally figured out how to do it. I wish they would have explained some things before they switched it. I really needed to post the other day everything was so messsed up for me and i really didn't want to do this life any more. The thought of not being here was not scary for me at all it was really peaceful. I couldn't put my kids or the kids i work with through it again though but i wonder what will happen if and when they are no longer as big a factor. When they are older and havelives of their own will i still want to be here. I hope this opsts im not sure if im doing the right thing. I do like the pictures though and maybe i will get used to the new way. Holidays are coming I guess that helps ex[lain why i am biting everyones head off.

Becky

 

[sidvis]

[align=left]Airymoon, Somewhere on this board I read once to always give it another 3 months, then see how you feel.  When you feel your lowest, just think to yourself, I"ll give it 3 more months, then I'll see.  I think we all have felt the urge to just give it up, life is just too meaningless and painful, who cares anyway?  Remember, give it 3 months.  Peace.

[/align]

[crushedheart]

Hello everyone..just read your post airymoon...I've felt like you do many times in the past 3 months...it's a natural feeling ..OMG (Natural???????)..while going down this road...But always stop and think ..we all need each other on this board...we need your support as well as anyone else here..so when your feeling like that ..do something...take a broom and start sweeping fast and furious ..Get mad enough to say Hey I'm important here...Pain go away and leave me alone for a while...I even yell at my husband when I can't take it any more..I tell him to stop buggin me  and let me rest in peace too...I even tell him to get out of my mind for the day then I laugh and tell him he can come back tomorrow...or later ...I know I probaly sound nuts to you all..but anything that helps ..DO IT ..Hugs and prayers for you all

[amberi]

I dont know if Im in the right place but it feels good to have this back it hasnt worked for me since the 24th. feels like foreever.

I will try to post more tomorrow if I figured it out right.

take care,

Amber

 

[crushedheart]

Hi Amber nice to see you back ..took me a few days to figure out the new board as well...has a lot of new things on it ..I hope everyone makes it back ..when I don't see posts from you all ..I worry about you ..I just wish you all could make your fonts a little bigger..these ol eyes has a time squinting trying to read that small print..use that drop down window next to messages on the reply  at the top...it usually says it's set on number 2..I use the number 3...hope it's not buggin you all  making my fonts bigger...anyhow...good to see you all ..i'm yammerin again ..so off I go...hugsssssssssssss

[armaiti]

Crushed, if you hit the "control" and the "plus" keys together, it will automatically increase the size of what's on your screen.  I have impaired vision and it's the only way I can read stuff.

Staying home tonight, even though it's our Sufi class, which makes me sad, as I like to see everyone...  Something, another cat or a dog or a raccoon, attacked my eighteen year old cat this morning...she seems to be doing better, but I thought I'd stay home and make sure she was alright.  She has a big puncture wound in her hind leg and I've got her on antibiotics.  Hopefully she'll mend ok.  I'm pretty tired - the whole fracas outside woke me up early and I couldn't get back to sleep after sitting with her when she came running through the cat door all freaked out.

I worked a lot on setting up a myspace page.  I have a slide show of my artwork and I hope to have some of our music up eventually, and a bunch of pictures of me and of Ishaq.  I'll let you all know when it's done.

Hope everyone has a peaceful evening,

Blessings,

Anna

[crushedheart]

Thanks Anna...I didn't know that ...it works and helped me on other web sites as well..so sorry about your cat ...hope everything is ok now..

[missyouhoney811]

Good Afternoon Ladies, It has been quite some time since I last posted. I seem to be doing well at this time. I am having many high spirited days which I am happy for. Although, I still talk to John every day that has not changed nor do I think it ever will. Last night I went to dinner at my son's house. We had good food, good SCOTCH and we topped the evening off with a  SPOOKY MOVIE.  I am so thankful for my son. So many of the things he does reminds me of my John. (How about that my typing finally came in red). This evening I am going out to dinner with my friend Celeste and maybe a little shopping afterwards. Next Thursday I will be starting a Group Exercise  Class called ZUMBA (Latin dance-inspired fitness workout). I have to move this body because I know my John would not want me to become old or sick. I have a BIG birthday on 12/29 - SIXTY ONE (61)..............UGH! We must think young to be young.

My prayers and special candles are going out to all of you.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Good Afternoon Ladies, It has been quite some time since I last posted. I seem to be doing well at this time. I am having many high spirited days which I am happy for. Although, I still talk to John every day that has not changed nor do I think it ever will. Last night I went to dinner at my son's house. We had good food, good SCOTCH and we topped the evening off with a  SPOOKY MOVIE.  I am so thankful for my son. So many of the things he does reminds me of my John. (How about that my typing finally came in red). This evening I am going out to dinner with my friend Celeste and maybe a little shopping afterwards. Next Thursday I will be starting a Group Exercise  Class called ZUMBA (Latin dance-inspired fitness workout). I have to move this body because I know my John would not want me to become old or sick. I have a BIG birthday on 12/29 - SIXTY ONE (61)..............UGH! We must think young to be young.

My prayers and special candles are going out to all of you.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Good Afternoon Ladies, It has been quite some time since I last posted. I seem to be doing well at this time. I am having many high spirited days which I am happy for. Although, I still talk to John every day that has not changed nor do I think it ever will. Last night I went to dinner at my son's house. We had good food, good SCOTCH and we topped the evening off with a  SPOOKY MOVIE.  I am so thankful for my son. So many of the things he does reminds me of my John. (How about that my typing finally came in red). This evening I am going out to dinner with my friend Celeste and maybe a little shopping afterwards. Next Thursday I will be starting a Group Exercise  Class called ZUMBA (Latin dance-inspired fitness workout). I have to move this body because I know my John would not want me to become old or sick. I have a BIG birthday on 12/29 - SIXTY ONE (61)..............UGH! We must think young to be young.

My prayers and special candles are going out to all of you.

Blessings,

Dorothy