I Miss Him So...

[missyouhoney811]

Granny Cheryl - I light candles. I will light a new one for nephew today. Although, I do believe in John Edwards the medium, spirits, angels. I also go to church and I do believe in God. I just believe in many things. I guess because my husband was so ill for many years. I mentally searched out for help from whomever would hear me and help me. John Edwards was the first medium I ever got interested in. To be very honest after my husband passed it was John Edwards books that helped me get through the grieving process.

Hope your day goes well............God Bless....

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

For every occasion I give three cards. (I love the number three - relates to triples which I hit on many times over the years). This year for John Robert's Birthday I bought 3 normal cards and 1 music card which played the modern day "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" - in the card I also put the winning ticket for the number I hit on 10/10 - I felt that was the right thing to do because it was both John and John Robert's year of birth.

After the birthday dinner last night we came back to the house and had the cake. As John Robert and Vanessa were leaving at 10 PM the clock in the house was playing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". The both looked at me, hugged me and took a deep sigh.........By now everyone here knows the clock should not go off at 10PM.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. May you all be blessed with your spirits high.

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Dorothy, that's really cool about the reading!

I was better for a few days, even started running again, got the front and back lawn mowed, the pool picked up out of the yard and part of the front garden weeded. Then yesterday, bam, my sore throat is back and I feel like crap-a-doodle (one of Ishaq's favorite words). So I'm staying in and resting, not going to perform tonight or vend tomorrow.

I've been doing artwork on the computer for my online CafePress store. I also uploaded photos of Ishaq for his friends and students and I'm going to buy some to give as gifts for his family. You can see my stuff at www.cafepress.com/divinelaughter . There's a section that is titled "In Memory of Sheih Ishaq" and has his pictures. I also did some cat ones with pictures of Akbar in a Santa Hat, and of Mckenzie, transposed over a Christmas wreath. Christmas in October? When you are creating gifts to sell at Christmas, yes.

I thought some of you might like to take a look because you might want to make some remembrance pieces as well for yourselves or your family. I have a picture of Ishaq and his guitar made into a pillow and it is always next to me in my bed on his side.

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

Anna - I enjoyed cafepres/divinelaughter.............all the stories, pictures and the art work. You have been very busy. Take care of yourself and return to health.

As I mentioned in previous postings I was ill for over two months. I know all about that nasty sore throat. HURTS BAD..........SPEEDY RECOVERY..

Blessings,

Dorothy

[rodless]

WOW Anna...very nice designs! Loved the kalidescope stuff. You are very talented. I have used that site to order stuff with scotties on it but never really explored it otherwise.

Yeah!! It's Friday!! Long week as we were short staff. Now one of my coworkers also long time friend) is having breast cancer surgery next week so we will need to cover her hours. Since I'm the boss it will mean some long days but that's ok. She's the one who will have the tough go.

Had a neat conversation with an old friend and co-worker of Rod's this afternoon. It felt so good to talk about him with someone who knew him well. We laughed a lot when she was talking about how nervous he was the day we got married. I needed those memories. They make me realize all the pain is worth having him as part of my life.

Mary Jo

[Error username not found]

hey everybody.

Anna- i looked at that page and ishaq looks cool.he looks like a fun person to be around.the page is nice and thats a really good idea to make things for people.write later.goodnight.

[armaiti]

Thanks so much for all your support and comments on my art! For the newer folks who haven't seen it I had uploaded a couple of videos of Ishaq and I performing at an Interfaith service several years ago. They are:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HutC-UsiJ5c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuJyHKRsoXU

The first is a song written by a close friend of ours, and the second a version of a song which we sang at a lot of gatherings. I love that I have these so I can go back and watch him as I hear him sing, he was such a beautiful man with such a beautiful voice. And I think about the words to the second song, Long Time Sun, as a kind of prayer for the way he passed so peacefully, laughing in the sunlight, and as a prayer that I may join him the same way when my time comes:

May the long time sun shine upon you

All love surround you

And the pure, pure light within you

Guide your way home

Blessings,

Anna

[samrtb]

guest (whom bacafly was referring to)..... my sitation is similar to yours and bacaflys. i would love to get to know more about you. my email is stsfm33@aol.com. as cheryl can attest to, i work nintey percent of my life so sometimes i dont write back all the time, but im trying to be better. please email me. i hope you are hanging in there as best you can.

and to everyone on the board, im sorry i havent been on much lately, like i said my work schedule is crazy. but know that my thoughts and prayers are always with you.

[missque]

I feel so horrible right now... It's coming up to what would have been my boyfriends and my anniversary. I took the day off of work because I know I'm not gonna wanna be doing anything that day except laying on my couch. I miss him so much. And yet, I know totally I'm far from wanting to move on but all I want is someone... Like I wanna find someone now a boyfriend... someone to hold me and hug me and kiss me and make me laugh and smile... I feel horrible for wanting that because he's only been gone for 6 months and like I dont want to move on I dont want to meet anyone knew but I want someone to do everything he did. I know it probably sounds confusing I'm confused myself. I miss him and I loved him I still go love him and I dont wanna move on yet so how and why am I thinking some days I want someone I want to go meet someone and find someone now.I feel like it makes me a horrible person for thinking that but I miss the hugs, and the smiles and stuff. I know its not the person I want but just the feelings that I miss.

I just needed somewhere to ramble on

[armaiti]

GrannyCheryl - I realized that your last post has been bothering me, and I needed to address it a bit. Your comment about a medium being "from darkness" I think is the way you put it.

I feel like we have a lot in common on this board, but also we are from a lot of different beliefs and spiritual traditions. Some are Christian, like you, and some are more eclectic, like me.

I spent several years working to get the Goddess/Wiccan tradition included in our local Interfaith Services, because it wasn't considered "mainstream" enough at first to be included, and because of misunderstandings about the tradition itself. I've seen friends of mine who are Muslim and Sikh harassed for their spiritual traditions. One of my closest friends is a psychic, a wonderful woman who does a lot of good in the world. She also contacts those on the other side. She is certainly not "from darkness".

I believe all spiritual traditions have merit, as long as they are not harming or impairing the free will of another person. Here on this board, we are all brought together by a common thread, the thread of the loss of our beloveds. How each of us finds a way to those beloveds is unique to our own beliefs and traditions. I understand that the unknown can be scary. I haven't agreed with some of your posts - I don't believe in story of Adam and Eve except as a parable. But that's my belief. I can still honor your beliefs as what brings you comfort and solace and faith.

I'm not trying to be confrontational here, but I have learned over these last fourteen and a half months to speak my mind about things. So I needed to speak up because what you wrote I felt affected me personally, because of my beliefs and because of my dear friend. I hope you have an open heart to hear me.

Blessings,

Anna

[armaiti]

Missque - I completely understand the "push/pull" stuff you are going through. I miss the closeness I shared with Ishaq...he was tall, six feet, and I'm five foot two, and when I put my arms around him he could rest his chin on top of my head. I can still feel the weight of his head on mine, his arms around me. My ear would be against his heart, hearing it beat. Or waking up in the night, not being able to sleep for some reason, and rolling over, feeling his warmth and hearing him breathe (and sometimes snore!). Yes, I do miss hearing him snore. I miss everything about him all the time. And when you've had someone like that it's hard to go back to being on your own, to not have someone there to hold you, or rub your neck. Like tonight, I have a headache from this cold and Ishaq would always rub my neck and make me feel better. Sigh.

I'm thinking of you as the anniversary approaches. And feel free to ramble on as much as you want here, we are all here for you!

Blessings,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

GrannyCheryl- I must agree with Anna. I was a little (ok much) taken aback by your post too. I am an atheist learning to read tarot cards and I want to become a numerologist though, so maybe my opinion won't matter much to you. I have also been and considered myself a pagan (green witch). I still consider myself a kitchen witch os sorts though I have no entity I worship..well that's not true I guess I consider myself an earth worshipper. lol. I grew up catholic and baptist too. so it's not about lack of exposure. it's about beleiving what is right for me and my path. and I really truly think we all need to find our own paths in life. I for one don't think Christianity is the only way and I totally don't think John Edward (and other mediums) are coming from a place of darkness. how is it darkness when they seem to actually give comfort to so many? also divination is a tool. just like prayer. Anyway I hope you don't feel attacked. that is not my intention. I just wanted to tell you there are people here who are not Christian. Sometimes I actually find God talk offensive (and I am not talking about anything i've read here!) but I would never call some one on it if that is what they believe. I think tolerance is really important in this world. especially here on this board, where for many of us, this is our only safe haven.

Dorothy- your reading sounds amazing! I think your John definitely came through. what a gift. btw are you going to be on tv?

Anna- I watched your videos and that second one made me cry! so sweet. btw your artwork is really cool! I think I will order a journal soon when funds permit it!

[alspco]

missque - You are brave for raising this issue. Probably every single one of us has had similar thoughts. I too am suddenly conflicted. I miss him so much physically - not necessarily sex - as much as the little stuff, the touch of his hand, his arms circling my waist when I'm cooking, the look in his eyes when I come home from a trip, the back and foot rubs, the pat on the ass when he passes me in a room, etc., etc. Yes, I miss his body as much as his spirit - terribly. And I like it when a platonic male friend hugs me, kisses my cheek, throws an arm around my shoulder, etc. And it confuses the hell out of me too. It's called Being Human. It sucks. But you are human, and I don't think it takes anything away from the man if you want to pursue another relationship. It means you are still human, and he is now spirit. I bet, if you ask him, he will help you and guide you to find the next "right" relationship. The danger is: You must not expect the next man to be the replacement. He won't be. Just know you are perfectly normal, natural and human. Doesn't mean you don't love your boyfriend. He will always, always own a part of your heart. I'm glad you posted. One thing I am positive of, guaranteed, you are not a "horrible person" for having these thoughts and feelings. Huggsss - ilona

[bsnurse76]

Hi, everyone. Life is back to being stressful. My birthday and the 1 year anniversary of Darren's death is less than 3 weeks away and to top things off by mom (who is only 51) had to have a heart cath on Friday. She had been having chest pain for over a month which she didn't tell me about until Wednesday. She had some significant blockages and had to have stents placed. She is doing better and went home today. I can't believe this all happen so close to the anniversary of the worse day of my life. Fortunately, they were able to do the stents and she didn't have to have open heart surgery (there was talk of it if they couldn't do the stents). I am pretty sure it would of put me over the edge. My 30th year has not been so good and I am ready to start a new year. Surely 31 has to be better. Thanks for listening. Brandi

[crushedheart]

hello everyone...well company has come and gone ..and I'm back to being alone...

Hope everyone else is doing ok...What a joy it was to have my brother and his wife stay with me for a few days...Sad to see them leave though ..feels like everyone I know always has to leave me so soon ..

bsnurse..I'm so glad your mom is alright...my dad had to have open heart surgery about 12 years ago...that sure was a big worry ..he has sinse passed away as well...2 weeks after my husband died...I couldn't feel too sad for dad...he was 84 years old and in very bad health ..bed ridden .. I was his care giver..and in so much shock when my husband passed away ..Dad was ready to be with mom .

well just wanted to say hello to you all...Take Care ...

[rodless]

I miss Sundays...eating breakfast out, reading newspapers, watching football, having popcorn, laughing at the dog, stopping for ice cream on evening rides. I can do all those things but it isn't the same. I really miss Sundays. I really miss Rod.

[grannyc]

(((Hi All))

[grannyc]

((Greetings)) Have had a very difficult 10-12 days, nephew still in coma in ICU. Been spending many hours there hoping/praying for a change to appear. Really takes me back 15 months, when my husband died. I am 140 miles from hospital, so its jungle things around up here and drive back down for a few days.

There, too, I notice everyone is a couple. . .Hey where's my other half? I think of that so often. While sitting there. Prayer does bring some peace.

Don't know why I bothered to come on tonight. Am numbmer than numb.

Later, GrannyCheryl ^j^ ^j^

[airymoon]

misque i think those feelongs are normal and part of being human especially if that was the kind of relationship you had with him. Just be aware of what you are feelong and be careful in your desicions, I know its hard to feel those things and not want anybody but him bu it is understandable and its ok.

Dorothy you reading sounds great i wish i could afford and knew how to go about going to see him.

GrannyC i understand where your comming from it is a different approach to what you may be used to and if its not something your open to it can be scary and misunderstood. I figure that our loved ones spirits went somewhere we cant reach easily. and that there are true people here who are sensitive to them and that is their purpose. Not everyone who claims to be a medium is honest so you have to be careful but i do believe there anr people out there who are. I also athink there is good and evil in everthing and you have to go with your instinct and your gut reaction to stay safe. I also think the key to everything is to be open minded,

Anna i ambery interestedin the wiccan beliefs,always have been. I just dont know where to go to find out more information. Do you have any websites i could look up or can you suggest any books. I believe in a higher power whether thats god or some thing else. I also believe that all things have a spirit or voice we just have to learnto listen. Maybe im crazy but it brings me peace to think that everything here onthis earth is living in someway.

I miss his laughter and his hand in my hair when we watch tv and i miss his snoring. I NEVER thought i would say that!! I miss his voice i cant really remember it now i hear it when i dream of him but i cant hear it when im awake.

goodnight every one I hope you find peace in your dreams tonight

Becky

[armaiti]

GrannyC, I'm keeping your nephew in my prayers, you too. It's especially hard to deal with the hard stuff in life without our beloveds beside us, but I truly believe they are with us watching over us...

Today we were practicing for a performance, one of the dance troupes was doing a beautiful piece that is a "blessing dance" where they use movement and poses from different spiritual traditions. I sing the narration while with the instruments behind me. After the first run through the energy in the room felt so different, and Wayne, the drummer said, I feel like there's someone else here with us. I said to him that I felt it was Ishaq and he said he felt that too. Ishaq spent a lot of time there in that room with us rehearsing! These dancers did a similar piece at Ishaq's Celebration of Life to a recording of one of the band's pieces with Ishaq playing guitar on it. Feeling him is like feeling a warm wind or presence in the room...it feels good.

Airymoon, there is a website: www.witchvox.com There are lots of articles, also a nationwide resource for groups and you can search for activities and groups and resources where you live. Also, I highly recommend the book "The Spiral Dance" by Starhawk as the best first book for anyone interested in Wicca. Hope that helps!

Blessings,

Anna

[missque]

I went out last night to the bar with Jeremys friends. I'm really close with all them now and nothing was different. We've been to the bar many times since he died but there was something about last night. I got there and I had to leave not long after. I just couldnt do I couldnt be there without him. I came home and had a really long and hard cry and I felt somewhat better after I think I just needed to get it all out. I'm not sure what made me like that last night I guess I was just having a bad day.

GrannyC- Please keep us updated with your nephew's situation.. I am thinking of you and him.

Rodeless- I understand how your feeling.. I miss the night time... he loved going out at night or even just spending time together even if we were both silent writing essays for class.

[crushedheart]

Hello again everyone...Once again up and down all night long..Rodless..I miss Sunday for almost the same reasons you do...The shock of losing my beloved other half of me ..is back ..Hit me like a ton of bricks again ..

[missyouhoney811]

Good Morning Ladies - Today, I must create adds to put in the Disabled Dealer Magazine. I did take the van to the Mobility Works Company. They took pictures and told me what excellent condition it was in. I guess they thought they could get over on me being the "Sad Widow" - offered me $10,000.00 less than what it was worth. People are terrible, always trying to get something for nothing.

What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving, any plans? This year my son will make the dinner at his house. It seems so funny saying his house. I guess my baby boy is a big man now. If you have little ones try to keep them small as long as you can. You truly do miss them when you have nothing to do but sit back with your memories and play back your life in your mind. God knew what he was doing when he gave us a brain. If only their was a button somewhere to turn it off at times. LOL.......

I received a Happy Birthday notice from the Venetian Hotel in Vegas. It sounds great. I could stay for three nights for $79.00 a night (normally the room is $279.00) a voucher for $50 in slot credits and a day at the spa. This would be for either 11/18 - 11/21 or 11/25 - 11/28. I am thinking about going. It would be a trip that I would make alone. I know I can do it. I have to do checking on airlines. I still have a voucher from my trip to New York when they screwed everything up. So my air fare would not be much.

Hope all of you have a good day. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,

Dorothy

[aprilmoonflower]

we don't do much for Thanksgiving.

my kids are going to be in a parade in like 3 weeks though! It will take place during Tucson's all souls procession and they have a "little angels" parade for the kids. the kids get to make and wear wings then procession will end up at the part where there are personal altars displayed. I am thinking of doing one for DH. this is a huge event and incorporates many local artists and the tradition of the mexican dias de las meurtes.. can't wait for it!

[crushedheart]

Oh God...Thanksgiving was always at my house...I can't even begin to imagine the holidays this year...Christmas Eve we always had a live Santa coming across the yard ..grand babies at the door with wide eyes...my husband yelling Ho Ho Ho .building the excitement.... yelling come on in Santa ..my daughter and I watched some home movies of last year's Christmas a few nights ago....It was so wonderful to hear my husbands voice again ..we kept putting off watching the movies until now..Oh how we dreaded seeing them ..thought it would break our hearts more then they are now...but actually for all of us ...it was a little comfort..

I don't want to have any holidays here this year...Not sure what our plans will be ...we'll have something ..just don't know what to do yet...Oh God Help us all...how do we get through this ..here comes the tears ladies...talk later..Hugsssss You all

[missyouhoney811]

Last year I did not put up Christmas decorations. My sister that lives in Florida also has a house in Indiana, Pa. We ended up in Indiana last year. This year I will not put up decorations because I will be leaving for PR on 12/23 and will not return until 1/3/08. I think it will do me good to be away from the cold weather and snow that I relate the holidays to. Instead I will be on the beach with the sun rays hitting me instead of the snowflakes. Hope it will take my mind off things.

Take care and God Bless...........

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

I miss the pet names we had for each other. Our private secrets that we shared together. I miss him so very much. I cannot imagine ever forgetting the life that we had together. The great years before he became sick and also including the great years while I was his caregiver. He is in my heart forever.

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Becky, after reading John Edwards books I ended up checking if and when he would be in Pittsburgh, Pa. That it how I found him. I got the tickets last November. He actually was only 6 miles from my house. He was at a place called Station Square at the Ball Room in the Sheraton Hotel. His tickets were on the expensive side. Like my son said that night as we were leaving the hotel...........MOM, YOU GOT YOUR MONIES WORTH. I was happy I went. I would do it again.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missque]

Im in Canada so I already had to do Thanksgiving... I was alone cuz I had to work and couldnt go home.. It was a pretty hard weekend to go through alone... I'll be thinking of you all when it comes to that time.

[crushedheart]

Hello everyone...it's been another long lonely night ..I'm so tired of living like this ...feels like it's never going to get any better...I'm sinking deeper into a depression ...can't seem to pull myself back up ...God how are you all still functioning?...I'm in a total fog ..

[missque]

Today is the 6 month anniversary since Jeremy died... It feels like just yesterday still I still can't believe hes gone... I decided to go away for the day and do some shopping I just wanna get out...

[missyouhoney811]

Crushedheart....Embrace yourself. It has been such a short time for your loss. All your feelings are normal. I remember them. Please try to take care of yourself. As many have said on this board it does get better in a different way.

Missque....It has been fourteen months for my John. I still can't believe he is gone. I guess that feeling will always be with us. It is good that you are getting out. Shopping sometimes works. Be good to yourself today.

Prayers and Blessings to all..

Dorothy

[egrayl]

Crushed Heart....I am sorry for your horrific loss and everyone\'s. I lost my husband 8/7/06. I was utterly devastated. You just need to take one second at a time. Get help if you need it. I have been in weekly grief counseling. (hospice groups can recommend) What helped me: music, writing, reading grief books, family, friends, and prayer...It feels very unreal especially in the beginning...My prayers are with everyone.

[crushedheart]

Thanks Dorothy ...and egrayl...todays been a tough one ..Yes egrayl...I go to my first grief meeting Nov 8th ..I pray it helps...my music is what helps me a lot as well...my husband and I loved country music...This board has done a lot for me too...just get so tired of this up and down way of Life...you all are wonderful people...

[grannyc]

(((Good Evening Everyone)))

I have come into another Blahhhhhhhhhhhhh-Period. Spending alot of time away from home visiting my nephew in Hospital, small, small steps forward as he tries to come out of his coma. This all has taken me right back to those early days 15 months ago when Tim died. Paranoia, numb, can't stand being at the hospital, can't stand not to be. (I'm 140 miles away if I go home)

Work is busy, took on a 'semi independent living skills' person to check on twice weekly. Trying to find a life, I guess, I really really do not have one.

Ya know what? I really really do not want one without Tim.......No new revelation, that's for sure. I so miss him and our old life, the old me, etc.

OH, Go to Bed, Girl!!!

((Night to All"

GrannyCheryl ^j^

[missingcurtis]

Good Morning,

I have been dealing or trying to deal with my husband's probate. The attorney that I hired will not call me back. I keep calling and calling and finally called another attorney and asked what I should do.

I could not believe it but he picked up the phone and called the other attorney. Of course he was not "in" so the secretary talked and I was on the speaker phone.

So he told her to "light a fire" under her boss and get this done. Now I am having second thoughts. I have had questions that he hasn't answered and so I called again today.

I need to find out for sure if I am responsible for my husband's hospital bills. The only insurance he had was through the VA and they are not paying. There are quite a few bills and I have called and written them until I am blue in the face.

Has anyone here had any luck with getting the VA to pay hospital bills. They claim that we could have gotten him to the hospital 90 miles away to their ER just as easily as we did the local one. But he died in the ER at the local hospital and I do not think he would have lived long enough to go 90 miles.

Any advice is welcome.

Debbie.............Missing Curtis (It has been 22 months)

[missyouhoney811]

Debbie - Did your husband have a will? Did you have to file an estate inheritance tax? If their was not estate I see no way that they can hold you liable for the hospital bill. It comes down to it was your husband's bill. I am under the impression that you are not legally bound to pay his bills. I would send a letter to the "White House" and let them know how poorly our Vets are being treated.I know even one of our student loans for our son that was taken out in my husband's name was actually forgiven. Hope you can get your $$ resolved.......We have enough problems.

I went to John's grave this morning. I cleaned off all the summer flowers and old mulch. I am going back later today and take some Mum plants, pumpkins and a Steeler Flag (football) to put on the grave. The beginning of next month I will order a grave blanket for the Christmas Holidays. I think I will also put the eternal candle on his grave. I believe they sell it at the same place I got the stone.

Its a beautiful fall day here in Pittsburgh, PA..............Hoping everyone is well.

GrannyC - When I am at home I do keep the candle lit for your nephew. My prayers are with you.

Blessings to all,

Dorothy

[nobodys]

52 days. 52 days. I have never been apart from him for this long. I have known him for 25 of my 37 years. I don't want to be 38 next year because he will always be 37. Our children miss him. I am making a mess of this.

[aprilmoonflower]

what is this estate tax? can someone tell me more? my accountant and lawyer never mentioned it to me and I am confused why?

I was also advised not to do probate until I sell. (there are a couple of debts though in his name only so maybe that is why?) oh and he had no will. no life ins. save a very small policy and i got a small payout from the car insurance.

[crushedheart]

April you can look estate tax up on line...lots of good info there...

Nobodys...I'm so sorry ...we all know how badly you and your children are hurting right now...wish we could just part the sky to Heaven and see all of our loved one's again...I miss my husband so very badly ...some days it's all I can muster just to get up and walk...

Praying for you nobodys...and your kids to...I pray for everyone every day ...

[aprilmoonflower]

apparently it doesn't apply to me..I found this for those interested

Most relatively simple estates (cash, publicly-traded securities, small amounts of other easily-valued assets, and no special deductions or elections, or jointly-held property) with a total value under $1,000,000 do not require the filing of an estate tax return. The amount was $1,500,000 in 2004 and 2005. For 2006 through 2008, the amount is raised to $2,000,000.

[broken06]

hi.i read often but dont write.i have been feeling strange lately.my husband was killed in a car accident and im lost. i dont know if he was keeping things from me because toward the end he started acting differently. he would stay out late, lie to me,and seem uninterested,and im stuck wondering if he had ever cheated on me. i love him alot,but i dont want to dedicate my life to him if he wasnt in love with me the same way i was with him.its confusing.also,it was an abusive realtionship,which i never thought i would be involved in,but he had an alcohol problem so whenever he was intoxicated he would hit me and start fights,but when he was sober he was a whole different person.im just confused.

[crushedheart]

As I read your post broken06 ..the first thing that came to mind was I'm sorry for your husbands death but I'm glad you're out of that situation...sounds like that would have gotten much worse as time went on ..I've never lived in that situation ..guess it's easy for me to say ..but I'd remember the good and move on with your life..I know you'll always have a love in your heart for your husband..it's not easy to lose a loved one ..and not hurt over it ..you have a lot on your plate to ponder over...bless your heart...my prayers are with you

[crushedheart]

hiya April...that was good information...the only thing i had to do was take my husband's name off our joint checking account as the primary ..add mine in as we have an interest drawing checking account..and the bank used his SS number...they just reversed it using mine now as primary ..leaving his name on tho .I was advised to leave his name on as secondary for at least a year...

[armaiti]

Hi everyone, I actually feel pretty good lately - I know it may not last, but it's nice for now. I've actually had a few days where I'm not feeling that I'm just trying to get by until I can be with Ishaq again. I've been enjoying music and singing, doing my Sufi practices, walking and running by the river, watching the birds outside my window, etc. I actually had downy woodpecker come to my birdfeeder the other day, very unusual!

Nobodys - it does get easier, it's hard to think it ever will, but it does. It's been almost 15 months for me, and I still miss my Ishaq every day. I feel him with me though, I know he is watching over me and I'll be with him again. Be gentle with yourself, with your family. This is a hard time and you deserve to take good care of yourself.

Broken - your situation is a really tough one. Being gentle and forgiving with yourself, knowing that whatever feelings come up they are ok. It's a long road for all of us, we are here for you.

Hope everyone is doing ok,

Blessings,

Anna

[rodless]

To those of you so close to your loss.... I am so sorry. I remember how it was. Now the focus of my days isn't losing my husband. I think about him but not every minute and it isn't as painful. If someone had told me that I wouldn't be a mess all the time a year ago (it's been a little over 15 months) I would not have believed it. I still have bad days like last Sunday but most go by without tears. Sometimes what kept me going at the beginning was others saying seomthing like I just said. So I hope this helps some of you. There has to be a way through or others would not have made it.

I think my turning point was a trip by myself to the Black Hills in September at 14 months.. a place where we spent lots of time and the memories were really sharp. Despite all the tears I shed I came home with a sense of peace that has somehow stuck with me - at least so far.

Gloomy gloomy here. If I were going to fall apart, these would be the days so maybe I am getting better. Mary Jo

[naz496]

hi all been away for 3 weeks took the kids to see my hubby friends and family. his brother ignored me and made us feel very unwelcome but had a lovely time with Mals mates. and his dad. we really needed it. **** hit the fan today and my girlfriend has caused my upset and tears for the last time. I think she is toxic and selfish and Im not putting up eith it any more. thats it Im finished with toxic people in our lives. Life is hard enough. Its my 3yo birthday 4 tomorow. not looking foward to it. forgot to buy here a dora card, and forgot to wrap the presant. have a shitty time between now and xmas monty bday tomorow then our 11th wedding anniverary the week after then Im in court for 3 days week after then the hubbys bday then annivesary of his death. more bdays and then xmas.

Dont want to celebrate xmas dont want a xmas tree up my hubby went all out with decorations and xmas and I dont want any of it. What do I do I know i have to do something because of the kids 4 and 7. but dont want xmas stuff in the house.I would be happy to not do xmas. Last year I was numb so this year will be a ****.

hugs to everyone and welcome to the new ones

naz

[missyouhoney811]

Mary Jo, I also find myself at a good place in my life now. I did a lot of running this week which I actually enjoyed. I also went to John's grave twice. I cleaned off all the summer flowers. I was suppose to go back with new flowers that same day but ended up going out to dinner with John Robert and Vanessa. So, I went back yesterday and put the new flowers on the grave. I talk to him while I am there but no tears are shed. Hope your day goes well.

Naz, I know you will do whatever it is that feels good for you about Christmas. I think with the children you should have decorations up with Santa. I know you do not feel like doing it but pretend you are Mal...........you know he would do it. The children are at the age they need MAKE BELIEVE AND HAPPY TIMES. You can tell me to go to hell and mind my own business but that is just my opinion. I decided to decorate the pine tree outside that John planted when John Robert was two. It is a huge tree now I know I will need help. Since I will be in PR from 12/23 to 1/03 I will not put a tree up in the house. But, I plan on having the outside looking good with decorations. God Bless you..........

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Anna, I am happy you are doing well. Every day I go into our woods and feed all the animals/birds that come into my yard. I guess that talk to myself about not wanting to take care of anything is not true. I guess I was put on this earth to take care of things. Humans and all little creatures. It must be my nature.....

Blessings,

Dorothy

[missyouhoney811]

Broken06, My heart goes out to you. Try to go to a good spot in your relationship with your husband. I have no idea what you had to put up with. Our situations are different. I do know you have to take small steps in order to heal and try to get on with grieving. Do you have any children. I hope you find some peace within you day.

God Bless,

Dorothy