Members lovU2themoon Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 I WON!! THE LITTLE PEOPLE WON AGAINST THE BANK!!! VICTORY! Bitter sweet but no more fighting with the bank. All all done, it was placed in the hands of the person who had "the say" how ridiculous! My sister told them it was unacceptable, of course all i did was cry. That no one should have do got thru this. They should have better policies in place and better trained staff. Reading the post, but exhausted tonight, started another Grief Group. 4 parents all lost kids to cancer, 6y old, 3yr old and a 32 yr old. all broken hearts. Wishing you all dreams of our children tonight. Love Wanda, Lindsay and forever Lane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Wanda,I am so very happy to hear of your victory!!! That is awesome and gives me some hope. I'm glad your sister was there with you. Love the picture also.Jena,Thank you for your story. I know how hard it is some days just to put on the face and get through.I just started reading so I still have to catch up with everyone. I was so happy to hear of Wanda and Lindsey's triumph over the bank. I feel like I've been beating my head against the wall. I just wanted to share quickly that earlier today, I was having a full blown panic attack, more about the reason later. Too tired to get into it right now. But right in the middle of the huge mess, I had an alert on my phone. A member here had sent me a PM yhat she was thinking of me and had some information that she thought might help me. Ii did and as a result I was able to focus on something else. It got me through a very, very rough day.Thinking of MICHAEL and his family tonight.Kate,I hope Ross is okay.Laurie, Thanks againI know I am missing things. More after I finish reading. Thanks everyone for being here.Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Kate, I sure hope that your Husband is healing from the ladder ordeal. Geeeesh! Scary. Another foot of snow is crazy, but it is March snow so we know it will not, cannot, (do you hear me Angels) last for long. Wanda, how wonderful! We knew that the honest, hard-working, and grieving Momma would win this battle, and yes, any battle fought for our Child's name and belongings is a bittersweet one. It sometimes seems a weird story or an ridiculous dream to see think of some of the battles we have fought in the name of justice. Amazing. Give your sister a hug for me and a huge hug for you. I bet that Lane and the others are celebrating this event. Jenna- you just keep on coming here and when you want to write, please do. Letting others know that they are helping you feel comforted is an encouragement, so understand that you have done this already. Please tell us more when you can. Debbie, how wonderful that you received that gift from someone and that it helped is an extra gift in itself. Hooray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Wade, that is one of the most cherished aspects I have about this site...being able to share about Jesse as much as I want and need to...this place is where we can listen to one another's stories about our children, show their pictures, share their favorite music, remember their special days and sometimes just sit in silence and hold one another's hands... and reflect...on those things that are deep within the soul... ...so thank you all for helping me, I have also learned coming to this "place", it would have been so very hard without all of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Debbie....from where I sit....I am thinking that was not a coincidence....that you got that message at a time when you were having a meltdown....sometimes the Spirits know....when one of us mortals need some intervention...I hope the information is a stepping stone for your path on the grief journey....leading you to a place where the light can break through... Kate....someone posted some photos of walls of snow ...don't know just where....but I was amazed ...and found out how the weight can crush roofs....I do not know how my Northern sisters can do anything but hibernate...when I was in High School....I would not go to school if it was raining....and if it started raining....I would get my Mom to come and get me....it was just too dreary and boring....now that was in the 'once upon a time' when all a parent had to do was just say...'Susan was at home'.....as an excuse.....I hope Ross's eye is better...ouch....in the last few years...Daniel has become a 'better boy' of listening to me when I tell him not to do certain things by himself.... Wanda....celebration time.....finally....common sense wins out over lunacy...but what heartache and turmoil it caused for you...I hope (when you have more healing)....you can take this situation to the media.....my Essie would say.."If there is one..there is some"......so know you are not alone in dealing with this insult to injury....many families have this ordeal to deal with....and there should be a person with the experience to bring it to the attention of the Rule makers....of how brutal this is to a family already dealing with deep grief. Now...I hope you can focus on yourself and your healing....gee...I have asked myself over and over....how does a parent deal with multiple grief ? It is simply staggering to me.....but....after losing John David...I seem to have a colossal..fear...of losing another child. The fear is almost paralyzing if I entertain the idea for too long.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Laurie....thanks for sharing...very profound...for the every day parent...on the grief journey.... Our family received some very sad news....I have one daughter....so....I have only one son-in-law.....and he is simply an amazing..smart..handsome..beautiful on the inside as outside...and a very maternal man....but he was created that way by his parents...his Mom and I have a great relationship....we call ourselves..'the mutual admiration society'.....for we can brag to each other about our children and GRANDchildren...all the time....and get total agreement....Daniel and I and they are very much alike...and we have had this very close and loving relationship...ever since Randa and George were engaged....(they had 3 sons).....how they doted and loved my daughter...(and still do) anyway....George's Dad has been diagnosed with lung/liver/kidney cancer.....so my daughter and 3 kids are on their way to Scottsdale....George just returned....Hunter Bear has to stay here for Spring Break because he has baseball games... the 'kick' here....is Homer.(George's Dad) and John David share the same birthday....March 10...this will be a hard Birthday card to create...(I have the Hallmark software so I create my own).... in the book 'Hotel New Hampshire'...there was this line....'sorrow floats'....it does... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Susan, I'm so sorry about your news. It sounds like you all have a very rare wonderful relationship. To b receive that news is so sad. Then for Homers birthday to be the same as John David's I'm sure makes it so much more difficult. I will be praying for your family. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 7, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Wade----I agree with you----that sometimes, even our own families can't fully understand thedepth of the pain we feel after losing a beloved child. As your mom said...that Brookes wasnot the main focus in her life, as he was to you.....this is natural and understandable. As forclinging to the hope that one day...in due time...the severe pain, which is not only emotional,but actually physical also....will soften, is something that I clung to in those agonizing earlytimes on this lousy road we're on. Those that were on this site then told me that the painwould get softer. I didn't believe them. But, it turns out that it was true, and for those dear people who had been on this road for a time already, they gave me hope to cling to, evenwhen I doubted their word. Thanks for posting the nice pics. Dee-----How nice that you had a little dream of ERz last night, and that you heard her lovelyvoice. Heavenly. Thanks for posting the poem that you wrote "Tangible Things"......I rememberit from your earlier post of it. Sincere and heartfelt words, written from the heart. Laurie----Thanks for the writing you posted. It is so true. I guess that sometimes we all havepeople who will just not understand us, and the depth of our grief after losing a child. As Shannonsaid.....some will understand, and some will not. For those who won't understand, we may justhave to go on without them. Their negative input can drag us down even further than we mayalready be. I find that people like that ......it's all about them.....and they dislike us to be differentthan we were, because it is uncomfortable or inconvenient for them. In that case....they must justgo on their own way. We're not able to help them.....and they can't help us. Michael.......Micheal......Micheal.Fly high in your perfect realm. Smile down on your dear mamaand family and warm their hearts. Trudi----thinking of you, dear friend. Susan----Thanks for the great pic of the ice-covered shrub. It was warmer here today......a heatwave of almost 45 degrees and sunny ! Was so nice. Also, I agree with your thoughtful words..."I shall ever be..." Yes, you are right...we are not the same people we used to be in so many ways.This the road we have to go on, and others cannot tell us how to navigate it. We must go at ourown emotional pace, and many times drop back some steps.....then take a few more forward.Peace to you, friend. Cherry-----Your words....that you felt 'it was the end of everything'... after your little girl died, is an emotion that is sounderstandable.....especially very early on this road as you are at this point. Hang on, friend,and keep coming here to this site. Sending Thoughts & Prayers. Shannon-----No...I do not think that you are selfish at all.....for not wanting to go to your husband'sGrandmama's funeral. At this early stage on your grief journey, it would be too much of anemotional 'wreck' for you to attend. I believe this. The fact that you loved the dear lady so much,and don't wish to have others concentrating on you, while their being in attendance at the funeralshows that you are not a selfish person.....but on the contrary...., are a thoughtful, caring, and lovingperson. I do hope that your husband will be able to see your reasoning for not attending. Yourlove for Baba will always be in your heart. Peace to you. Sandy----Good to see your post. I am so glad that your dear husband is getting some pain relief,and also some much-needed rest. Sending prayers, friend. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FAMILY. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Susan,So sorry about Homer. I send hugs.I too agree. Sounds like you have a great, supportive family.That is a blessing.Colleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 AmenJenaColleen, Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 WadeThat is how I survived these 5.5 years without my Brian.I find things that make me smile. In the beginning, the smiles would last a short time. But now, I can smile for a while for my boy.You will too.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 thank you 'all' for your support....and empathy.... Wade...I hope you have a good get together with Danielle....it can be....that you may be just the one she 'can' talk to...she may be hesitant to bring anything up that would give you more pain...but I know I would want to talk to anyone that had been with my John David...it will be one of those 'heart in your throat' kind of meeting...no doubt....but it can open a few doors for you....wishing you peace for that time. I think you talking to your Mom and learning how she copes is an invaluable lesson in how different people grieve in such different ways...I remember learning the life lesson that 'everyone didn't think like me'....years ago....what an eye opener...the other life lesson is to learn to respect 'the opinion of others'....and that is why we must respect how others grieve...I already had a handle on that early on.....that is why when others would say 'something' off balance....I could let it go....except for that Pastor....(cringe)...everyone is the 'center' of their universe....it is just that our children are the center of OUR universe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Deleted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 As I have been talking to attornies and P.I's, trying to work on a petition, filling complaints with the insurance commissioner etc....I have all of the sudden felt so violated. I feel that not many people really care unless there is something in it for them. Not that I really expect them too. Lately, I have found that I want to take it all back. Suck all the words, feelings and emotions back inside so I can some how protect my son's memory or something. I'm not sure what is going on with me. Anyway that being said, I do want to share this because maybe it well help someone else. Night before last, we picked up a load of potatoes to deliver yesterday morning to a grocery warehouse down by the railyard in Kansas City. I have been there before. It sits right across the street from the regional headquarters of BNSF railroad, the company who owns the train that hit Sam. This is the third time we have been there since the accident. The first time I sobbed uncontrollably the whole time. Last time, we arrived in the middle of the night. I fully intended to go over there when they opened the next morning. Stayed up most of the night rehearsing what I was going to say, which would not have been nice. Somehow by the grace of God, I feel asleep right before they opened and my husband did not wake me until we were down the road. Yesterday, I was very preoccupied with the cars, wondering if the one that hit Sam was in the yard. It was so overwhelming for me that I began to go into anxiety and then panic. I couldn't really move but I called over and told the person that answered the phone that I demanded to speak to someone about why they killed my son. She told me she was sorry but I had reached the maintainable department and tried to transfer me but the call didn't go through. I then called some more attornies and was told the same old thing, can't fight the railroad in Kansas.By this time I am sobbing, can't breathe and almost completely out of control. I started to call the railroad back. When I looked down at my phone, I saw that I had a message from a friend here about a book she had read by pastor who had lost his son. Turns out he is from Kansas and lives only about 20 miles from where I was sitting. I was able to call and leave him a message. He was out but I was assured he will call me next week. I was able to read part of the book, which had a little off a calming effect for me. I know this is long, but please bare with me. I have spoken with so many attorneys all with the same denial. I keep calling and telling my story and it gets harder and harder. The night before all this, I had been doing research on train laws and statistics. A pop up came across the screen from an attorney who was offering to obtain free police reports. Usually I don't pay any attention, but for some reason I filled it out. Remember the police department have denied me a copy without a court order. Anyway the attorney's office called me right after all this. I told him our story. He has referred me to another attorney who has agreed to take the case! He said that he will request a copy of the police report and start there. If he sees evidence of corruption or not doing proper procedure, we can at least petition the attorney general to reopen the case or proceed with a case against the railroad. I was also encouraged by Wanda's victory for Lane.I'm not sure what would have happened to me yesterday if it hadn't started with a message from here. Lori,it's good to see you back. Thank you for the story. I find hope when I read and hear those things.Kate,Your pictures remind me of the winters when we lived in the upper peninsula of Michigan. I loved the woods and the snow, but was always so glad to see spring.Dee,how wonderful to see about your dream. I so long for a connection like that. Sometimes I hear Sam tell me calm down mom, it's ok. But sometimes I think that's just me wanting to hear it.Laurie,Thank you again. Your thoughtfulness and experience is so valuable to me. Jesse David is on my heart tonight.Shannon, Sherry, Wade, Ted, Colleen, Jena, Cherry, Jan and everyone else, thinking of you and all the children along with my Sam tonite. Sitting somewhere in the middle of Nebraska. I'm trying Sam. Trying to be strong and get the answers. People say I need closure. I don't see or want closure. You will always have my heart. I love you.Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Debbie....I have not had to 'fight the fight' for my child...but many on this site have...but I do understand that 'red hot blood' of a parent....that will go to the ends of the earth for that child...and so we, too, are on that quest with and for you....we will be the cheering section....we will rejoice in your winning moments..we will sympathize in the lost moments...we will sustain you when your body is tired..we will bolster you up when the race seems lost..we know...you are in this for your SONshine boy...we understand...and we will also be there for every parent on this site... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Tired tonight but so good to hear of the victories won, and the comfort gained... Wishing everyone sweet dreams of our angels...have a peaceful night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Wow Laurie....you knocked that one out of the ballpark...that seems to be just what I needed for John David's birthday message from me to him....thank you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Laurie, good to hear from you. I hope you have a decent sleep tonight. Thanks for all that you do for the site. We really appreciate it! Debby, there is no such thing as closure in this loss. It is more like closing ranks around those that do not get it. A sisterhood of a kind. We protect and care for those that we know are going through the same loss. We get it that we need to continue, but at our own pace. This is our own individual call. It is not for anyone to tell us how or when to let it go. We know that they do not understand. One day you will begin to see that they do not matter any longer if they hold fast to their opinion.. You will find the inner strength to carry yourself forward. The sun will once again shine and you will have pleasant and loving memories of your sweet boy as you begin to enjoy life again.. Susan, thinking of you tonight...and definitely my heart will be with you this next week as you celebrate this special occasion. Dee, how did the kids make out on their holiday a few weeks back. Have they already had spring break in the States? I imagine you are beginning to enjoy those first brisk walks that you so enjoy. We found out why the snowy owls were mostly absent this winter. Due to harsh weather conditions many of the owls headed further south for the winter. Apparently as far as Florida. That would have been quite a sight. Have a good day tomorrow everyone. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 For you, Brooks...another weekend of memories past that I will try to relive. I hope for joy and peace and pray you will ask God to provide for me. Sorrow was a strangerSo I knew not his nameBut still he made me play his game And then that day, like no other dayWith a heart-stopping blowHe reduced me to tears of unending flow Sorrow played my heartstringsSometimes slow, sometimes fastHappiness coming and going Sorrow knew no boundariesEndless tears brought no reliefBut flourished in their salty griefAs time goes slowly bySorrow wears a gentler faceA nameless one I can embraceHe plays his musicSometimes slow and achingly sadSometimes fast, brimming with joySorrow now plays bittersweet memories of long-ago Brooks wrote this on his FB page...Did you ever imagine that i would shave my head! You know how I am. But my vanity is one of my worst shortcomings, and this was my test to myself and to my friend. I am trying to change. I hope all my loved ones see that. Label me what you want but when it comes down to it, I am who I am and I just need to make sure I am OK with that guy I see in the mirror. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissKylie Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Thinking of everyone here. Most of the time I would just read and grateful for being part of this supportive group. This week had been so rough and demanding. I asked so much work from my bosses so my mind will drift away from grieving. And then there are times when it will hit me hard in the middle of nowhere. Feels like my core energy is flying in different directions that life is being taken out of me...And then numbness... And then the work is too much for me to handle. My husband is complaining on my over -grieving. I don't know if there should be the right amount of grief specially if you loss someone you carried in your womb, who made your life complete and fulfilled. And then gone.. Am hanging on... Trudi, the Angel Mommy poem is comforting. Although this is not the ideal situation to gain new friends, this forum helped me through to continue another day. Your angel Michael always watch over you. Wade, thanks for the encouragement. I have not taken steps to meet a grief counselor. For me, their words will not work. Unless they also lost their own child. It's not my wish to have other parents to be in our situation. It's just that it's hard to believe in the person when they can't totally relate with the experience. Waking up in the morning used to be something I looked forward to..Another day to be the best mommy in the world but when Kylie's gone , seems like I feel my energy shut down. I hide myself most of the time. I felt like i get disconnected with the things I used to like. And then my friends would ask me to go out and drink and have fun...And I don't want to ruin the happy conversation with saying..."hey girls I'm still grieving, please give me space and time.." So i dare not to say a word and pretend like I didn't hear anything.. Each of us are facing our own battles other than grief. And that also give me reasons to live. Wanda, glad about your victory. And for helping the parents who have lost their children to cancer. I'm thanking you for them. As I'm also a mom who have lost my daughter to cancer and it means a lot to have a person who truly understands what lost means and be supported and comforted. Debbie, Kate, Laurie, Shannon, Susan and everyone here on this site...Sending you prayers and hugs... Maybe i'm still in total denial. It helps me cope to think that one day I will feel Kylie again in my arms..And hear her sweet voice saying "I love you, Mommy"Even not in this world. There is still a chance for us to meet. I remembered chatting with WhereismyHome and shared to her that I dreamt of dying In July 2013. I'd like to believe what she told me...That my subconscious is trying to trade my life with Kylie's. And Kylie was diagnosed with cancer , four (4) months after... And then after 1 month, she died. I was scared dying in July 2013 not because of fear of death but because I'm carrying my baby boy and I have my daughter I used to find reasons...And now I will believe anything that will help me get through this journey... My husband is telling me he's going to leave me...as he expects me to be like I was before... Things have forever changed for me. One thing for sure..Life is not getting any better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Lora, good to see you here. Yes, the second year often proves to be one of a more intense kind of focus, anger or fighting in court, sometimes an intensity in anxiety...all part of this very long process. Nobody gets to tell us that we need to get over this obstacle! Nobody will see who we once were again, the core of us comes through but with HUGE changes, we are changed just as we were changed in becomming the parent of our Beloved children. May spring return to your area with some beauty to take solace in. Cherry, I am so sorry that your Husband does not understand the grief journey that you are on. He is grieving differently and most couples suffer this tension. Some couples get help from joining a grief group together or going to therapy together but if he is not willing to do this, you still need to honor your grief. I am sure that he is also worried about you and feels he has to be the tough guy somehow. It is very hard on our spouses when we isolate because they have no idea what their role in life is anymore. If he will not go for some assistance with you, you could go alone to get the support that a third party can often offer. Debbie, good for you to have some positive news. Sadly, a young 17 year old was walking to school in the city yesterday when he was struck and killed by a train, a commuter train at a grade crossing. Details are still pending, but one thing that came out is that he was wearing his earbuds and may not have heard the train. My heart ached for all that his family now has to go through. I walked at lunchtime and asked Eri to help his get to the place she and our Angels gather, and I cried along my route knowing that the sirens the family heard that morning were for their Boy, the phone call that many of us received. Oh Lord, hold this family in your embrace as they find out how to breathe and live in this very sad time. Kate, we will enjoy our Spring Break the last week of March. So we are looking forward to that. Yesterday the kids were on the playground at recess just filled with the sunlight and warmer temps. Today the temps were back to cold and it snowed an inch in the night but it is spring snow and we do know that it will end one day. We spring our clocks ahead tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Pink Satin She had skin of pink satinand she was born to me like a song.Her hair was dark and her eyes a deep forest…who knew I’d lose my girl in this way?A train traveling from her home city,the whistle blew and the horn was lost in the wind,and so was she. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Lora....we are on the 2nd year of the grief journey....and we 'move' forward....only by chronological time... 'If time were not a moving thing...and I could make it stay'.... I think ..for me....when I lost John David...my 'inner clock' was re-set....to some other universal timing...I hear another 'tick-tock' deep inside me....there must be another kind of Spirit Clock manifested somewhere in the galaxy... and I am 'changed'....I really don't know 'how' I have changed....the mirror gives no clues...my clothes still fit...there was simply a 'click' inside me... When I wrote that...I was trying to look deep and find out 'the I' ...that I am now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 I know this may sound silly did anyone see that tv show that's is new resserection? I think it starts tomorrow.i don't know if it will make me sad and wish for false hope of Steve's return .just wondering if anyone saw the commercials Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Maryanne, I plan on watching it because the commercials make me cry...that tells me to check it out. I may find it not great, but I plan to find out. Soon after Eri died there was a show on called MEDIUM, and I watched that for years and often cried. I find crying clears the way for me to let more good in. There was another show too, called Cold Case, where a spirit would always be seen at the end of the show, CRY! Both of the shows became too soap-opera like for me after a while, but I enjoyed them for a couple of years. Prayers for the passengers and crew and the families of them for the downed jet on its way to Bejing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Dee....I love your 'Baby Girl' poem....and I so agree....that when that gift from Heaven was placed in our arms and hearts...we would be forever changed.... I would always say....'how my children raised me'.....how they shaped and fashioned such a spoiled - headstrong - rebel without a cause - young woman.....and I stepped into my 'true self'..... Motherhood would open door after door for me....there was that song by Anne Murray...'You Needed Me'....many would dedicate that to a romantic relationship....but for me....I dedicated that to my children.... We on this site will openly grieve for that family...for we know the dark days ahead....and I have given warning to my GRANDchildren about keeping the ears and eyes open to all around them while driving....there is really no 'safe place' on the road....when we go to Houston I feel as if I am in Roller Derby in the car...all parents want the speed limits reduced...no one hears us.... Wade....your Brooks was a very 'deep thinker'....he connected the real dots with the invisible dots....tell me more about his FB posting.... Cherry....there is such a 'deep sea of sadness' that a couple has to swim through when they lose a child...some can swim through the currents...some can't.....both of you are holding on to the same life preserver....which is your family circle...that is why....it is important to hang on with both hands.....I found this to be true for me and my husband: Men/Husbands want to 'fix' the problem... Women/Wives want to 'heal' the problem...it is just the nature of how a man or woman deals with stress/problems Kylie's passing is the 'hardest'....possible event....you and he will ever have to face....I am sure there is a Grief counselor that has lost a child....and can be of great help for you and him.....as Dee says....if he doesn't want to go....then you go.....it seems there always has to be 'a hero in the room'.....the one person that will rise to the top....to get help and healing..... and this is a very hard grief journey...and we know it hurts.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Wade, read Brooks fb message to himself...I looked at that picture of him and was immediately drawn in... Lora, "I have the right to grieve for Cara the rest of my life as long as i am moving forward" Yes, we do, and even if we go sideways or back a few steps too, it is a slippery path...don't know if you read this Grievers Bill of Rights, this version is by Alan Wolflethttp://www.hospicenwks.net/billofrights.pdf Susan, I am glad you like the poem....and found it touching to you for John David...I think so much about what our children are doing now...I am very convinced that they know what is happening on earth...for how else would they know when it is time to come back for loved ones...read many stories on this... ....anything I create is freely given so if anyone wants to use something, it is fine with me...I have also added a new thread on the main Loss of a Child section for grief poetry...if anyone here wants to add...thinking of leaving footprints for others... Cherry, take the time to be gentle with yourself, and I would encourage that you tell those closest to you that we all need gentle treatment at this time...it does no good to push or hurry, grief takes as long as it takes.. Shannon, saw that you were on last night...how are things going with the design for Trista's stone? Debbie, it is good that you were able to be helped at that exact moment of need...I have had those very stormy moments too, some involve yelling to the heavens in a primal mode, just to be heard...I have now wondered what Mary pondered deep in her heart, not what is taught, but what she felt as a person, as a mother... There is story with this, early on I went to Holy Hill Church in Hubertus WI...it is known to be a holy spot, even before a church was built there...I went a special room there which is their "Mary's Room" to pray...I was able to light a candle there for Jesse and get prayer as there are many volunteers who pray...for those how come there are broken in spirit...and often are close to their time... Mary Ann, thinking of you today and your sweet son, Steve... Dee, I am sorry to hear of the loss of that boy...know it strikes close to your heart...prayers for the family... Been having kind of muddled thinking lately..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Becky, thinking of you... ....maybe your daughter could post an update... Holding you close...sending healing prayers... ....Jared we say your name today.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 I, too, saw those commercials for the new TV show....I had two thoughts...1. This was created by someone who lost a loved one and this is how they would want it to be...2. This was created by someone with an eye on the pulse of trending thought..and all the books that have come out about 'life after death'.... Years ago...I was asked to paint a mural in a home the Jr. League of New Orleans was decorating for their fundraiser...different designers are given one room to decorate...then it is opened to the public for viewing...'lots of people..lots of money' comes through the doors.....and I had the great privilege to meet Anne Rice...New Orleans is not a real 'big town'....anyway....I won't go into the whole story...but she and her husband lost a little girl....and her way of making her live again...was for her to become a vampire....(now..there is a lot of detail to this story...that is the main thought).... In the book the 'Martian Chronicles'....the martians could take on the exact person/persona of someone who had died...recreate them....one couple could not give him up....for to them...he was their son who had come back from the grave.. There are many documented stories of 'reincarnation'.... I think many will watch and wish...'If only my girl/boy' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Shannon....hope all is 'going as good as it can' for you....I saw that you deleted a message...and that is ok....sometimes I think we post something and it is just so emotional...we become vulnerable... You have had so many, many issues that have come from every direction...we know you struggle with those and your grief...we are here for you.... Laurie...how is Christina and Thomas doing ? Has counseling helped her ? Thomas has certainly had his plate full and then the fact of meeting his grief head on....how is that GRANDson...? Once again...thanks for all you share... Kate...I remember you posting at one time something that went like this...'we aren't leaving our children behind...we are taking them with us as we move forward'.....oh yes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 Susan, they are doing better....Christina has her next therapy appointment on Tuesday. It has helped her. How are you doing with John David's birthday coming up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2014 I'm doing 'ok'....will give all an update later... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Found this interesting article...it is by Colm Keane. He is an irish journalist who lost his 20 year old son to cancer...he has written a book called Going Home http://www.independent.ie/regionals/wexfordpeople/news/annes-story-27719228.html From the edge OF DEATH AUTHOR and journalist Colm Keane spent several years collecting tales of near-death experiences for his book 'Going Home' which went to number one last year and stayed on the bestseller list from October to March. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lorismom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Susan ~ Thinking of you tomorrow on your son's birthday. May your day be filled with happier memories of John David than sad ones. Thank you for sharing your beloved son with us.Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Maryann...I've seen the commercials...not sure if I want to watch, but yet...I would love to feel that connection. Susan...That little saying about being "ok" sure does sum it up. Thank you! Brooks had just gone through a rough patch and was into his counseling a little more, and the counselors had mentioned that the addicts needed to move away from old ways. He thought this was a good step. He and I had just finished a YouTube video he made about his friend, Zach, who was shot a few years before and there were so many emotions going on in him. Kinda funny...we went down to Vegas for Christmas and he met a few people his age...girls... when we went out to a club together, and his appearance didn't matter. He was always up front about his addiction, which I think was the thing that eventually helped him defeat it. Side note...didn't know you were a painter. Would love to see some stuff if you want to share. I have no aptitude in that realm...Brooks did...completely different side of the brain...I'm not bad at stick figures, though. A few days ago was looking at John David's picture in the hospital with the baby...who was that again? Kate...What's happening to those Jets? They better get it together. Hope your weather is turning...my mom said it's supposed to be in the 40s tomorrow in Minneapolis. Hope you get some of that. Debbie...I am thinking of you always and the legal struggles you are fighting through. So glad that you have someone on your side now. I believe that no matter the outcome this is good for you...hard, but good. I've often thought about what I would have done had Brooks killer not committed suicide, and realized that my journey would be so much harder and I am so sorry that some of you have to deal with that on top of your grief. Shannon...Thinking of you! Lora...I, too, feel like some people want me to be the person I was before...but the smiles and laughter just aren't there. I will never be that person again and they will have to understand. It is a little softer now, but yet in some ways it's harder. I'm fighting that "acceptance" which I know must happen...but I am afraid that when I do, part of Brooks will go away...like I won't remember him as much. How is your brother doing? I know you mentioned that he was going to get some help. Cherry...My principal's admin professional mentioned that I might benefit from a counselor, but I don't have the words either. I find enough grief without actively digging it up... I also used to love mornings as I would always text Brooks and tell him to have a great day and to keep me in the loop. Now, I just look back at our old texts and imagine we're still doing that. Dee...I find crying clears the way for me to let more good in. YES!!! So sorry to hear about that young man. I also feel so much sorrow for his parents as I know what they will be going through. Reading that made me think about what I'm going to do when Tiffani passes on... every day I look at her FB page praying it's not "today." Looking for a miracle, but time is not on her side. Laurie...Looking at the Christmas ornament with Jesse always brings a little smile...a sad smile...but I think so often of him and Brooks being together. Maybe it's because I was a midwestern guy and Jesse so reminds me of many of my friends from back home. I sometimes wish Brooks had that upbringing rather than Vegas and Carson. Maybe things would have been different. My good friend, Rod, loves biking, mountain or road, and went for a good ride this morning. He wants me to go with him so keeps trying to entice me. I think of Jesse's trip in Arizona and how cool that would have been. Went and cleaned up the cemetery again this evening. The flowers always get blown around after a good wind...and trash collects on the fences. I pick up the flowers and place them in random vases. I try to find the ones that don't look like anyone's been there in a long time. Hopefully Brooks sees this and smiles. I know he would do the same if it were me he was visiting. Who will visit me when I am gone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 I will post 'some' of my art stuff....there has been an interesting...story...from all that...concerning John David....once again....I don't know what will be relevant...or....just something too close....to account...for....once again...I don't want this to be become...'me'....never....so.....just put me.... to the side....but he wanted me to start creating my canvases..again...so he gave me a 'gift...will post what he gave me....not a Mother's day...or Birthday gift...just something from him to me....and he said...'Mom...I just want you to start painting canvases again'.....will post that later.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Wade...how emotional your Brooks...his story...your Dad story becomes...maybe I have missed some steps...forgive me...in his story...it is ok....we have all the time to tell the story...in detail...in our lives...and in our hearts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Susan... My present to you and John David...Peace and thoughts of love and remembrance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY JOHN DAVID!!!Susan,Thinking of you and your wonderful family day. Praying for peace and comfort. Remembering John David. Thinking of him In heaven, big brother there also. Smiling down on his family.Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Half a year, son...so many days without you! You are my forever boy and I miss you so much. My friend...my confidant...my everything... I am still having such a hard time with this...I'm ok, then I'm not ok...Soft edges turn hard in an instance. Passed the high school and saw all the ballplayers practicing. Remember those days...they were the highlights of my life...still are, but they don't happen anymore. Went golfing with Rod today and thought about how much you liked golfing at GSR. You were so proud of getting better...and I was so happy to be with you. Chad moved into a new house in Tahoe. I'm going to get him a microwave and he needs some new towels. He's so stoked. He wants me to come and see the place. He misses you too. So many people miss you. Little Zoey is getting so big. Can't remember if I told you, but Farron is going to name his boy after you...Brooks Axle Cook. Was going to have dinner with Danielle tonight, but she had to cancel. Haven't seen her in a while, though we talk. She's pregnant...25 weeks. Don't know what to think about that... Mom and I watched "Jack Reacher" tonight on Netflix. Mom has a bowling tournament tomorrow. She misses bowling with you...so many things we're missing. I'm sorry buddy...just another weekend without you. Still haven't turned off your phone. Was going to but just couldn't. Sure wish you would visit me...I miss you so much...you know you have all my love!!! See you tomorrow...be good...night buddy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 I'm not sleeping again. Having nightmares. I suppose it's because of the new developments this week. Wade, I feel like I have known Brooks his whole life. I get so much comfort from believing that Sam is in heave with all of our children. This seems to be getting harder again. Such a rollercoaster. Just little things trigger the flood of memories and tears. It is so exhausting. Thanks for listeningSam, I love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 I am guessing we are all in the same boat here Wade and Debbie I to can not find away to feel anything but numb and heartache. On again off again maybe I feel better then no up then down what a ride this is. I saw 2 young men riding their sport bikes and it made me cry looked like Nick. Wow I wish this had never happened to all of us. It will be 4 months and it is Nicks birthday on 03/23/2014. I am lost and empty. I will miss Nick at his birthday Love you Nick always and forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Ted, If you are still here, know I'm listening., thinking of you and Nick. Keeping both of you in my thoughts. Praying for comfort fir all of us. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 Thank You Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 9, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2014 To All newer to this than I...the roller-coaster is how we termed it too, the up and down action within our hearts and souls, and it is completely exhausting. We hold you, I wish we could rock you to sleep to let you sleep deeply and that in that sleep you would have a dream visit. I wish many things for all here, mostly I wish you to know that you will find your purpose here on Earth one day, be patient with yourselves, grief insists on this time, even when others expect our old selves. Remember, this has to be their problem, it cannot be ours, we've enough on our hearts than to be actors too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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