Loss of an Adult Child

[wgreenlee]

So glad you're back, Becky...missed you and praying for your health.

 

__________________________________

 

I saw a young man at the gate

He turned to me and smiled

No words were spoken

But I felt a longing in my heart

 

I yelled at him to wait

But there was purpose in his steps

I heard a gentle voice

Beckoning him forward

 

It was filled with eternal love

Contentment beyond understanding

The young man heard his calling

And lifted his voice in glorious song

 

I saw the two embrace

Like old friends who had never forgotten

A bond that could not be broken

And promises that now would be fulfilled

 

The young man turned to me one last time

He slowly waved and smiled again

As I heard an aged voice

Tell me he was in good hands

 

I nodded my head and whispered a prayer

“Take care of my boy…he’s all I have.”

I wiped the tears from my face

And watched the sun set in the distance

 

My dear boy...I miss you so much...too many days have passed without you...your smile...your laughter...golfing at GSR...playing catch...talking...hearing you sing. Working a track meet tomorrow and you always liked to help...I miss those times...trying to be strong, buddy...but it's so hard...please visit me and give me a hug...Good night, Brooksy...All my love, Dad!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade, thank you for sharing that poem tonight. It's beautiful.

I'm up late (like always) working in class work and writing. Some day... Maybe... I'll sleep like a normal person.

Trista Mae, I love you so much. You have always been a driving force in my life. From the moment you were born you gave me strength and drive to do what I may not have done for myself. I was always able to do it for you and that hasn't changed. I love you so very very much.

[Tbearw58]

Thank you all for thinking of Nick this Sunday on his birthday.

 

I had a visit from Nick this morning in a dream but it did not seem like I was sleeping.  I asked him if he knew he was dead and he said yes then I asked him if he has met God and he said you think in his smart A@@ way. You had to know Nick. Then he said something I never would have guessed he said you know what I miss most ,,,MOM then I woke up. His mom and him always fought and it was good to hear he missed her. I know it was not a dream because I never would have tought that he would say that. So  I maybe crazy but I do not know.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....love that photo....and glad that Aiden can have some real 'boy time' in the yard and sunshine...

 

Was pondering the change of seasons yesterday...had to re-pot a couple of plants....if we watch our  Mother Earth goes through the different seasons...each having a distinct change....and then we, the humans, have the same kind ...as we grow older...more subtle....

  but if Mother Earth renews itself.....maybe we do, too....

   our children are renewed...

 

Ted...I am not a guru....but I do believe you had a 'visitation' dream....I had one of John David....it was not a typical dream..it was as if I were not asleep....but so vivid...so real...and I felt like I had really been with him...it still gives me a 'feeling' of such happiness and a comfort that is not even describable..one of such peace and love...the 'light and colors' were amazing...

   first....he was just sitting and looking at me and smiling...and I was so happy to see him....then he turned his head...and I could see this 'sheen' on his face....then.....he pulled up his shirt to show me his '6 pack'....then...I said..'John David you look so good'.....and then we hugged each other....then I woke up....

  I told Randa...and she said...'Mom...only John David would think to do that'....how true....he wanted to show me how happy and healthy he was....

   So....it would only be so right....for your boy to come to you at this time...for you have been so..so sad...and having such a hard time thinking about facing his birthday....he just had to come and have a visit with his Dad....and he wanted your wife to know that he was missing her, too.....in only the way your Nick would.....

[shorty16]

Wade

Love the poem.

I have had a recurrent dream when my grandma, Mom, and son died.

I am standing in a green meadow with rolling hills. In the middle of the grassy meadow is a white picket fence about 3' tall. During each dream, my loved one is on one side of the fence and me on the other.

I was screaming and crying for them to come to me, but they had huge smiles, waved to me and walked away.

I would run up to this short fence and call them. They would smile, wave and keep walking.

I do not know if I saw this somewhere as a child and my subconscious grabbed onto it or WHAT. This dream has been with me with different people for at least 20 years.

This dream seems so vivid and I remember it each time.

Thinking of all of you

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....your poems speak to all of our hearts....

and seem to speak what our hearts are saying....

 

Having to 'see' our child go....and praying that He is watching over them for us....

 

My Grama had a friend that lost her husband and two children in an explosion at a movie theater....way back in the early 40's.....and she said her prayer was..'Lord...let them know me when I come'.....

[ericasmom]

Wade, your poem speaks such comfort to all parents, the view of your Son being cared for in ways we cannot fathom but only are hinted through the sweet messages we do receive. Lovely. I hope the track meet is better than you expect, that somehow the Angel in your life let's you know he is there with you, sitting on your shoulder right near your heart.

 

Ted, that dream had to be a visit and no you are not crazy to believe that, rather you were blessed by your Boy to come to you and through you with the love you know so well. He must be so glad too, that you interpreted this dream as a visit. The sun is shing through a gray sky in a column of light right now as I type this message, like the light from Our Children. Our Children will celebrate the birthday of your Nick tomorrow with him, he will not be alone, he is never alone and he is made whole and joyous by his new home. Oh we  know that this does not take away th elonging, the ache, but it will go a long way to helping you know that Nick is in good hands.

 

Colleen it sounds like the same kind of visit that Ted described and that many of us have had in similar renditions, we are given glimpses of their safety and joy. They will know us when we join them. Until then we have work here to do and so we learn to do this work in the light left us by THEM.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, very nicely put! I agree completely.  

 

Wade, hope the track meet is fun today. Thanks for sharing your poem. Just lovely.

 

Ted, those dreams leave us feeling such a sense of comfort. Many of us have experienced them and they feel wonderful having that connection again. I'm so glad that you experienced it! My guess is that now that Nick has full understanding he realizes your wife was only concerned for him as all mom's are...which often can lead to some arguments. I have had several dreams of Jeff over these four years. Two in particular stand out for me. They occurred not long after he died. My first dream  found me standing in a familiar place that is grassy and hilly on the lake. Yet it was different somehow. I suddenly was there with a garden glove on one hand and holding the other. As if I had died suddenly and was now in another place. The thing that stands out about this site is that all the colours were beyond vivid and absolutely perfect. But I was alone completely. I looked up towards a small hill that had many crosses on it. A form of a cemetery if you will. But Jeff is not buried in one. I called out to him to let me see him. At that point a peacock flew up and sat on the top of a headstone. It opened it's feathers in a vast expanse. Now here is the unusual thing. The colours were something I had never seen before. The most spectacular colours. I could not even begin to name them. All new to me. And beyond beautiful. I had such a sense of wellbeing and peace.  

 

The second dream found me walking through a grassy area towards a beautiful winding river. In the background were rolling hills and the grass felt like walking on cotton it was so soft. Suddenly Jeff became visible and walked towards me from the area around the hill and water. He looked wonderful. he gave me a huge hug and then turned back towards the hills. For whatever reason I woke up suddenly and cant remember anything else...but I still remember that hug as if it were just last night. It gave me such a sense of happiness and peace. My faith is strong that I will see him again one day when it is my time to go. That I know.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I hope you get some 'Rest and Recreation' on your Spring Break...and I hope the weather will cooperate and give you some signs of Spring on the way....Randa took Austin, Taylor and Pebbie to Scottsdale during their Spring Break...Hunter Bear stayed here for he had baseball games...(Daniel and I were trying to figure out when they started doing that)....she got back last Saturday...George flew to Scottsdale on Sunday after his flight to Spain....the blessing was that his Mom was surrounded by all three strong sweet sons when Homer died...and the other blessing..is he died at home...Randa and Taylor have had the worse colds ever....and she worked Mon. through Thursday for the clinic had fired so many nurses...this has been so emotional for all of us...and as you know....when you have a death in the family....it is a knee jerk reaction to losing John David....and Randa was very emotional yesterday when she left with the kids to stay in Austin overnight for they had a very early flight out of the Austin airport....she said..'I just don't want to face this funeral service...I have been thinking of John David all week...and I know I will be just a mess emotionally'....

  so many times....we wish we could trade places with our child to help them...

I told her that George would need her...also Jane and the two brothers....for they just love and dote on her....and that no one can organize and keep things in place better than she could....she settled down...and I reminded her...'we don't go for the dead...we go for the living'....and she knows there are so many 'little details' when it comes to a Memorial service...the Gathering...Graveside services....family ...friends...keeping everything written down....

anyway...she called me from Austin last night and said she was feeling better and she knows that she is needed to help keep track of things and be there for Jane...

    I just wanted to share this with all on this site....I think I am still so wrapped up with my grief....it is hard for me to understand my children's way of dealing with their grief...

[ericasmom]

Susan, sometimes the best thing we can say or do or remember is that we have a job, you helped Randa see that her purpose in going was beyond her worry about grieving and more that those around her will need her skills. Her skills will let her get through this time and I do believe that  you helped her see that and get centered in that. Sometimes a job to do keeps us in the now, not the 'then'. Sometimes. The fact that she is also coming off being ill cannot help.

I will enjoy a week with little planned out time which to me, is a vacation. I will take two third graders to the Art Institute on Wednesday as one girl won me in the carnival( we auction off some prizes, mine each year is a trip for one plus a friend to the Art Museum and lunch downtown) and she gets to take a friend. She chose a girl from my classroom who is her best friend. We will take the train downtown and romp around the city, visit the art museum, go to lunch and head home later on in the afternoon. Other than that we look forward to seeing the Kids tomorrow for an early dinner here, a joy to my heart and unplanned days to follow. Today I opened 4 drawers and went through all that I could handle for now, making piles to throw away, give away and pack for next winter. Believe me, the weather is still winter, but I choose not to look at those clothes anymore so I am moving the transitional clothes back into the closet. YEAH!

 

[MissKylie]

   Today is my daughter's graduation day.

 

Yesterday, I told my officemate that I can't join the gang to go to Organic Market. As it's my daughter's graduation. She was stunned. As probably she don't see the point in going to my daughter's graduation.  And during our lunch, I just left to get a cup of coffee, my officemate told the big boss that I'll be attending my daughter's graduation.

   Big boss disagreed and she told me for the first time, she will ask me , impose me not to go. I saw the concern in her eyes as she probably don't want me to have self pity. She was teary-eyed and told me not to go. That she thinks I seem to be moving on..and then if I'll attend, I'll go back to square one of grieving.

 

  So earlier in the morning, I went to this site's chatroom. Shared what happened and they think the big boss was rude. I didn't feel offended to be honest because my boss also loss her mother, probably to cancer too. Fast forward, i told my daughter's teacher that we cannot attend. And then teacher said they prepared something for Kylie. So we rushed and had the chance to honor Kylie.

 

I can't stop myself from crying when they showed Kylie's baby picture and her title in the school, "The Guardian Angel" We received Kylie's diploma. Did a short speech to thank the school. And received a key necklace with a locket and a baller. Now I'm not sure if I did the right thing. If I would really go back to square one.

 

But one thing for sure, I did what I promised to her. That she will graduate. And I wish she's really now happy in heaven.

 

 

Love and Prayers,

 

Kylie's Mommy- Mommy Cherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....thanks for the support....and the encouraging words...she will call me once they land and get to the house...Jane and Homer enjoyed a large family together....many are there...and many are flying in today from all over...so Randa will be busy being hostess...and keeping track of all food/flowers coming in....I do believe all the stress of being there at Spring Break did not help any with her immune system...she is never sick...

 

Wish I was there to go on the Art trip....

 

I look around today and see 'things I have started'....things I need to do.....things I should do....things I forgot to do....a pile of photos I started going through....etc....

   did you lose a lot of your focus and drive ? I seem to 'float'.....put things off.....have a 'what do I care' attitude....(which I never had before)....and a hard time getting motivated....I get frustrated....I get distracted.....I wonder has grief made me become 'lazy'.....

  or is this a normal phase of grief ?

 

Thanks to everyone sharing their 'dreams'.....when we share.....I think we find more common threads in this...and then our experiences become more real....

[shorty16]

Cherry,

No one has the right to tell us how to grieve.

You did the right thing. Do what your heart and family want. The boss has no right to interject.

My Mom died 4 months before my son, Brian died. There is no comparison to the grief. My Mom's death was the natural order of things. Brian's death is cosmically wrong. Devastating to my core.

Sending you prayers.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[MissKylie]

Thanks Colleen. I thought I had a perfect life. We were poor when I was a child. I studied hard and graduated. Got a good job and met the man of my dreams. Had Kylie..and my baby...

 

And so I thought, I'm the happiest person in the world. I may not be wealthy but got what I wanted. Beautiful family.

 

And then, we lost Kylie. To a cancer. Now, my world feels like upside down. And had to live and survive in my upside down universe.

 

Prayers to you and your family and everyone here...

 

Kylie's mommy- Mommy Cherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Cherry, I think you did the right thing...it is what you feel is true in your heart....yes, it may bring about grief "pains" but it is okay to grieve...to feel that sadness, to shed tears, and yes, to wail in disbelief if need be...

 

Everyone walks a different grief path that is for them alone....there are some things that must be in your soul alone...

 

For you, the ceremony gave you a chance to publically remember your sweet little girl, and  no one has the right to take that away...even though they may be well-intentioned...

 

I say this because this is my second child death......in the first, many well intentioned people had their own plans for me and in the end, my grieving was shortcutted and stuffed...it was not a good thing. Most of those people are not in my life now or are at the fringes, but I am the one who must live with those choices...and you must do what is best for you...

 

**********************************

 

Thanks to all who shared their dreams and experiences....I know it would have been an extremely difficult year for me if it had not been for this group...I would have been totally isolated....

 

**********************************

Christina is struggling again with panic / anxiety...and just finding her way without her brother...

[Mermaid Tears]

Cherry.....Dee has said many times....that now we can stand in the light of our child...we can make a stand for our child...stand where they can't....

   I think the school did a very amazing thing for your family....they wanted to do something for Kylie...and how better than to let her family know she was remembered...and in a very special way...that is very touching. Austin's graduating class had an empty chair for a girl that died when they were all 8th graders...and a diploma....her family walked out to get it...and there was a standing ovation...she was also in their annual....each year.

  and those that are around us....it does hurt them to see us hurt...and really....there isn't anything they can do to relieve our grief...except to stand by and watch us grieve.....

   so...am thinking they had good intentions..

you did the right thing for your girl....you 'stood' where she could not be.

 

 

Laurie...do you think the changing of the seasons has brought on another wave of pain and anxiety ? Another spring is coming without her brother....and I am sure she can 'see' him everywhere....just as you are....

    I can 'read' in your posts that you will not allow anyone to tell you how to grieve this time....and that is the best gift you can give yourself...

[ericasmom]

Cherry, there is no reality in going back to square one, though I know it is a common feeling that when we backtrack we are back to that first moment, but look behind you for just a minute, and see all that you have done since square one. It is a lot of steps forward, stepping back to honor your Girl is never back-peddaling, it may leave you feeling very sad and mournful, but it is not a bad thing. You saw how that precious class has remembered your Sweetie, and it sounds like in some ways, it must be a tiny bit of healing inside your heart, to know that Your Girl is remembered in such a fine way. Big boss is probably hoping that you will continue to move forward, but so many folks just don't know how to voice their concerns. I am so glad that you went. Kaylie must be beaming with pride.

 

Laurie, you are so amazing, finding Becky's photos here and posting to her, you give and give of yourself. Thank you. Give Christina a big hug from us, we are rooting for her as she finds the obstacles of panic and anxiety getting in her way. I pray that she is able to keep sharing with a counselor and with you. Seasons changing does a lot to us when we don't even know it. Maybe she could plan a simple garden in her Brother's honor.

 

Susan, I was already a non-linear thinker but yes, I became even less focused. Hard to believe. Indeed our brains have suffered in the same ways our hearts have, and so we in many ways have had damage to our systems and I do believe that while some of our quickness or talents come back that some areas of my brain are definitely clouded, harder to access. It is a normal trait of this kind of Loss. We find ways to adapt somehow making up for our shortcomings in new ways, maybe it is here that we find our new pieces to use.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Dee....and I am sure it will be a good lesson to learn that....we simply don't function at the 100% sphere we use to....I am guessing the 'shock and stress' do have some damage to our cells....to our brains...

in as much as the 'shock and stress' makes me or many really feel as if their 'hearts are breaking..shattering'....

 

It is a blow...a 'velvet blow' to our physical and mental and emotional.....

and this is the ravage....of it all....

 

we are so changed....it is for certain other changes have to be....

 

I do know....that my 'cocooning' was instinct....somewhere deep inside me...I knew....I had to take myself away from 'what was my life'.....

 

 

and yes....I have to say a 'special Thank you' to Laurie.....you have become our 'seer'....our 'one' we can go to with all these techno...computer....issues....and I simply do appreciate you giving of your knowledge and your time and help to all of us...

[Angel Boy of Mine]

i wanted to share with you that the local Maryland Sherriff's Office came out to the stateline, which is right on the front corner of our property,  and did speed enforcement as they promised some months ago. I sat out on our porch and watched this scene unfold, and it made my heart glad, as I have felt so useless to do anything positive in Jared's memory since being so sick. Now if we can only get Delaware to do the same.  

 

You can see the backside of Jared's SLOW DOWN sign where they were pulling drivers over. They issued 17 tickets.

 

 

We wondered aloud how stupid these drivers must feel being stopped for speeding and having to sit there and look at the front of Jared's sign!! The picture where they are pulling cars over also shows the new light pole post which we had installed there with a dusk to dawn light. We are encouraging our neighbors to follow suit with the light poles, and a few have ordered them.

 

 

Here is the front of Jared's sign that I had made, which is four by four feet square at each end of our half mile strip of neighborhood.

 

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Dee for the words of encouragement for Christina...I told her of the note left for her here..she is just resting for now....

 

Susan, I am glad that you and others find what I post helpful....it is one of the ways I feel to honor my sons....

 

Wade, meant to mention that it was a very touching poem you wrote for Brooks, I am sure he knows your heart and watches over you...

 

Becky, it is good the law enforcement is starting to watch that section of road...I know how much and how important it is to you, our next court date is in April, four days  before my birthday....

 

Thanks Shannon for sharing your experiences...and your new learning...

 

Lora, it was good to see your post the other day...that you had a little bit of a break...with your parents, are you the main person who helps them?

 

Debbie, Mary Ann, Wanda and Gretchen, thinking of you all...

 

Colleen thanks for the note of encouragement to us all along with Sherry...

 

Kate, I appreciate you sharing your special dreams...it gives us all a little boost...thinking of you and Ross as you head into next week with the medical appts...prayers and hugs....

 

I have to agree with the statement of not being so focused anymore...it is hard some days just to have enough concentration to last until night...

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening....

[lovU2themoon]

Grateful for the end of the day....

 

 

[Tbearw58]

Happy Birthday NICK I love you and miss you so very much. 

[Guest]

Happy Birthday NICK! Let your dad and family feel your love And let them know you are always with them.

Ted, thinking of you and your boy Nick. It is a hard day. We are with you in spirit today and holding you close.

[Jeff's Mom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICK. Ted, we are thinking of you and your family today. I hope your heart will be filled with many warm and beautiful memories of your wonderful son. Kate

[SamDsmom]

Happy Birthday NICK!!!!!

Ted, praying for peace and Nick's love to surround you and your family today.

Debbie

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Nick.

We will say your name loud and clear.

Nick

Nick

Nick

Thinking of you today, Ted

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[ericasmom]

NICK

 

NICK

 

NICK

 

We say your name in honor and in love, knowing that this day holds such bittersweet for your Daddy and Mom and Friends. Your birth a treasure for all time and your not being here so hard to understand. NIck, make sure your Dad feels you near today, and each day that you can.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Birthday Nick.

 

 

Ted, thinking of you and your wife today....prayers.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Mermaid Tears]

Ted and family.....all of us on this site know how hard this day can be....we have all (not the new parents)...had to face that day that brought us such joy.....and then had to wrap our loss around that 'day'....the first one I had to face knocked me to my knees....I was really praying for relief from the pain.....on the second....I had a little more balance...but memories have a way of running away with us...and we simply have to run with them...til we are spent...

  for me....I had to 'give in' and find some kind of meaning....I would not trade my grief...for not having him...I would rather carry this grief...then not having my John David....I realized the ultimate gift of joy of him and having him...is still greater than my grief...

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

Carol....I thought of you and your 'Sweet' hearts when I saw this photo...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Happy Birthday Nick. Please let your Dad and family feel your love all around them today. I'm saying your name out loud today to honor you and your beautiful life.

Ted, I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts today.

[MissKylie]

Happy Birthday Nick. 

 

Ted, thinking of you and your wife. Angel Nick is watching over you. I imagine that your Angel Nick is with my Angel Kylie now. Talking how great to have you as his daddy. 

 

Love and Prayers, 

 

Kylie's Mommy- Mommy Cherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....I think that is proof of a great victory....you never stopped...you did get tired..frustrated...disappointed....along that journey....but you never gave up.....a victory for safety....a victory for remembrance of your Jared....

[wgreenlee]

Nick...Nick...Nick

 

Happy Birthday!!!

 

 

Thinking of you and your wife today, Ted...

[Sholl1955]

Ted,

Thinking of you and your wife today as you remember the day that your precious boy came into your lives.

Sandy

[msmom]

Dear Wade (and all), I have not responded  to the many wonderful people who reached out responding to my cry for help a month ago (+or -). I was overwhelmed w/ all it would take to reply back to each. As you all know, the smallest of tasks can be daunting. Today is 3 months since I buried my only son. I don't know if I will ever have the wonderful attitude you seem to have Wade. It's great for rest of us to see. Without children or grands I feel my life no longer has the purpose I wanted and only so much pain from the loss and what I endured for 2.5 years watching him die from cancer. It's torture. I spoke w/ someone earlier who said he disagreed with me. I tried to say it's not something to agree/disagree with as they are my feelings vs. what is true or not. Feelings are personal and not to be agreed/disagreed with. He meant well. Trying to hold out hope for me.

 

thank you again to all. sorry again for not showing my gratitude sooner. the outpouring of support here is so wonderful. you are all so wonderful. to be grieving yourselves and then support others. I have done it too but I'm in awe of others.

 

may you all have peace today. warm hugs to all.

[SamDsmom]

ms mom,

I'm so sorry that you have had such a difficult time. One of the hardest things that I have had to deal with on top of losing my son has been the things that people who have never walked in my shoes say. I believe that most of the comments come from ignorance of how it feels to lose a child. Like you said I'm sure he meant well. I shudder to think that my comments before this loss to others dealing with the death of a child might have seemed as cold.

I'm glad to see you back. This is why I share here. I am very careful what I say outside, mostly to protect my feelings.

Praying for peace for all of us.

Debbie

[lovU2themoon]

Thinking of you Ted and saying your sons name!

 

Nick       Nick       Nick

 

forever loved

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Debbie....I and I am sure many on this site have been thinking of you....we know that there can be 2 steps forward..and then a real back slide on this grief path....what have the lawyers been telling you....any good reports...or any new facts in the investigation.....now....with all those questions....just know....you don't have to relate anything that is sensitive to your case...just know we are thinking of you and here for you.

 

 

MsMom....you are so new on this grief journey....and we do understand those feelings of being overwhelmed...to the point of even drinking a glass of water as being a daunting task....

   Please...do not ever think you HAVE to respond to each of us.....

in fact....if all you can do is come and read....then that is what we want you to do....

you are in such a hurtful and painful place on this journey....all we ask...is that you 'self care'....rest...wrap up in a warm blanket...drink fluids...and just do anything that you think will give you relief....

for now...tears and more tears...is what is on your page...

if you can....please re-read older posts....you may find a word or words that will comfort you and let you know...you do not walk this grief path alone....

it is sad...but there are many that walk in your shoes...and can reach a hand out to you....from ones that know what you are experiencing....

it is just so darn hard....

[wgreenlee]

MsMom...

Being positive is the only thing keeping me going.  I'm really a house of cards...one card being pulled from just quitting...but that's what is keeping me going. I've never quit and neither did my son.  He had drug addictions after high school and we battled it day after day and finally beat it.  His last year and a half were fantastic.  And I say "we" because there were many sleepless nights searching for him...finding him...bringing him home...talking...texting...calling...staying on top of him...visiting him at rehab...praying with him...and just supporting him unconditionally until he finally figured it out.  I can't do any less right now.  I want to...oh, do I want to just give up...stay home...go away...anything to make the pain go away.  But the pain will never really go away, and I have accepted that.  I am changed...different...broken, but yet a better person now than I was before.  My son did that...in life and death.  I just didn't realize it until now.  Please share with us more...it really does help.  Or just read and let us know that you're ok.  We understand!

 

I think you are stronger than me.  Cherry...Jan...Sandy...Carol...those of you who helped your child live while dealing with sickness.  I don't know how you dealt with that.  It's like the thing with Brooks' friend, Tiffani.  She's dealing with brain cancer and little time left.  They are so strong.  Like all of you.  

 

Broke down Friday night and the track meet helped me on Saturday.  Just gotta keep busy.

 

Went to visit him today and he will have a neighbor.  Turned the corner of the cemetery and there was the casket lift and a big pile of dirt.  Right next to him.  Ugly!!!  But I will go tomorrow and see when the burial is and will pay my respects.  It is the least I can do.  It doesn't matter age...people need to know that there are those who care about them and their loss.  That's what this place does for me.

 

Dee...

Enjoy spring break.  You so deserve it.  And taking time out to share yourself with those special two children just shows your enormous giving heart and spirit.

 

Debbie...

Hoping your travels are going ok.  Be safe!

 

Becky...

So proud of you!  Fighting is hard, but you are making a difference.  Hoping now that drivers will pay attention and be more careful.  Continued prayers for your health.  How is Jasmine doing?

 

Sure wish winter would go away for the rest of you still in its grip.  The warm weather has brightened my spirits and allowed me to sit with Brooks like we used to.

 

 

Posted by his girlfriend, Shauna..."Maybe one day I'll find him again. I just feel really lucky that I got the experience it at least once. Some girls never find their dream guy. Wish I could have held on to him a little longer."

 

Have a wonderful and blessed week!

[ericasmom]

Msmom, no need to send gratitude, or feel badly that you did not respond sooner,  it is just nice to see you here today, letting us know that you are out there. It so happens that when folks find us really early in their grief, that they need to take a step back to access where they are again before figuring out if our little group is the right thing join. YOu can come and go as you like, always knowing that it is not a burden to speak about the pain and ache you are feeling. It is why we are finding our steps no matter where we are on the timeline, someone or many someone's listened and listened to our broken hearts. We do that here, we have all been altered to such a point that being here lets us know that we have something to offer even in our deepest sadness. We offer our hearts. Three months was a super hard time for me, it was when I physically and emotionally felt the first veil of shock wear off, I felt raw all over again, and the three calendar pages made sure of my deep sadness, how could that much time go past without hanging out with my Girl?

We're here.

 

Wade, tell Shauna for me that I love her poem about the perfect one. How wonderful indeed that she came to know this kind of love, and that your Boy knew too, what this deep love meant. Yes, we all wish it could have been longer, but that it was in the first place...well that is the magic.

[wgreenlee]

Thanks, Dee...

Yes, time sometimes just doesn't matter...how long isn't important, but what you do with that time.  I think that's important for us all to remember.  That precious time when we live and love and our hearts are full is never guaranteed.

 

Thank you, God, for the time I was given with my boy...and the time others were given as well!!!

[Mermaid Tears]

For Wade and Shauna....a little bit of a song from a long time ago...

'If time were not a moving thing...and I could make it stay'

 

 

a Jimmy Rodgers song...not the old one...also..Eddie Arnold sang it...

 

from WW11....many wrote about the fact...that they were so grateful to have had that 'one in a lifetime' relationship....that love....that 'one'....

it did not keep them from moving on...moving forward....there had already been so much devastation...

 

but they always remembered..'that one'....

 

please remember what I posted about my Dad and his friends would do on New Years Eve....and call their names...

 

and Wade...we will remember Brooks....and we will call his name with you...and our children...

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....you have so many layers going on....my Dad's sister....she was engaged to a young man....he was a Pilot during WW11....he was shot down....how she loved him....and how my Dad loved him....

 

they...and many more...had to move on after WW11....I think I have been thinking of that generation more after losing John David than ever before....

 

how did they deal with all the grief and tragedy...??

[Tbearw58]

Nick,s birthday was a very good day I made through happy to see his friends get together and wish him a happy birthday. Thank you all for also saying his name and making him part of your life. Love to all of you and know you are always be in my prayers and I will make your lost loved ones part of my life.

[Jeff's Mom]

Ted, I am glad that yesterday was an ok day for you. That first couple of years sees us crumble when special occasions arrive. Having the support of friends and family can go a long way to helping us along this very difficult road to recovery.

 

Susan, yes...many lives have been lost in war. Young lives and dreams dashed. Time has a way of softening the blow. Eventually we pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild our lives again without our loved one in it as they once were. We hold them close in our hearts and continue as best as we can to keep going. The memories will always be there, but continue we must... as hard as it is .

 

We are still coping with winter like temps. This is the worst winter that I can ever remember. It simply will not give up. I have planted my begonia bulbs and others that give promise of warmer sunnier days to come. We are keeping as busy as possible. Our fourteen year old blind lab is still going strong. I am taking her this afternoon for her pawdicure.   Ross is off to the hospital at the end of the week for more tests to see if the cancer has spread. Understandably we are anxious...but hopeful. One day at a time is all we can truthfully cope with. Wishing everyone a decent week. Love to all. Kate

[johngeoffdoug]

Nicks Dad...

A happy birthday is sent to your son Nick!!! A day so special..the day you were given your little boy. We also just went through the first birthday without our son Geoffrey. Many friends and family came to our house to celebrate the wonderful young man he was, and reminisce. Every birthday we had family over, no matter the age, it was a day to celebrate. I wish I could use celebrate in a happy sense ... So many firsts to get through. Then it's on to the second. They say time makes it a little easier to get through .. I am not even close to being there yet. These past few weeks have been so difficult. I'm missing him more than ever. Every time I look in his room it just breaks my heart knowing that I will never again knock on his door and ask to go in. Never again will I feel his hugs or get a kiss good bye. The pain some days is just too much to take. Every day I ask God why. It will never make sense ...

I do read many posts and see that so many are getting on with their lives, but with a pain that never goes away, just eases somewhat. My best to everyone.

Take care,

Karen

[Jeff's Mom]

Karen, it is really hard to even fathom a celebration after a child has died. The year Jeff died it was Christmas time. As we wanted to have a memorial held outdoors... we waited until the summer. Ideally, we held it as close to his birthday as was possible. It helped me to stay focused on doing something special to remember him by... and focus on paying tribute to a wonderful young man and son.

 

The second year was much harder. We were completely aware of the importance of the day, but wandered  around in confusion as to how to recognize it. Many on the site hold gatherings of friends and family, etc. Others choose to remember in a more private and quiet way. It is all very personal. I can honestly say that July 16th. to me will never be the same again. It does not matter how much time has passed. There will always be a tender and yet painful remembrance of that special day.  The day he came into my life... a day for reflection.