Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Thank you, Sherry....I know this is a site for 'loss of adult child'....but.....sometimes....the grief journey will take me off another path to another grief journey...I have been on for a long, long time....I guess the paths come together at times....and that is when the 'grief joins hands'....and I am awash with longing and memory.... this is the only place where I can 'let it out'....'talk about it all'.....'give it a voice'.....I think this is such a special place for all of us....to share the layers and layers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Dee....thank you......"IF".....I could have taken you home with me....if you could have met him.....if he could have met you....'YOU' would have been complimented.....even if you wore a pretty blouse....if you had cut your hair....if you wore a special smile that day..... he always found something 'positive' to say to my friends.....when I was young and young....I took it for granted....later....my friends told me how very special he made them feel....in such a 'grown up respected way'.....I took it all in stride...never giving it another look....for I took it all in that that was common and every day....that was just 'my Dad'..........I was in my early 30's when I found out.....some of my friends came to my parents when they had 'problems'....my parents kept it hush-hush.....even from me....out of respect for them.....and they did help them. I will share him with you....he would want that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Matthieu's MomYou have come to the right place. So sorry you had to find us, but each of us has our own story of loss.My son, Brian was 16 when he decided to climb on the hood of the car, along with his friend. The driver lost control and Brian hit the ground and died within minutes. The other boy on the hood survived with barely a scratch.This new life is very difficult, but with friends like these, I can share my story without feeling judged. We would love to hear about your son, and we will say his name out loud Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Since we are sharing the love of our parents and grandparents, I wanted to share.When I was 13 years old, my grandfather made me a doll house. I have spent the last 35 years painting, applying 3200 shingles and 21 feet of copper wire. The house has electricity. Not to mention the 1/12 scale furniture. I have attached several pictures of my hobby,I hope each one of us can find one thing to smile about today.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Ted…Those are my thoughts as well. You aren’t crazy…just grieving. I talk to Brooks all the time. Gives me peace. I guess it just continues the normalcy I want in my life. And I don’t know if I want to do anything different. For now it is ok. I now speak often of my son to those around me that know I am still struggling…but I think that’s a sign I am starting to accept… I am going to a birthday party next weekend for a 1-year old. Never met the little guy, but I was invited by a friend of Brooks who thought it would be fun for me. I think it will be. Keep sharing, buddy…will be thinking of you as Nick’s birthday approaches on Sunday. Cherry…You were there for Kylie…never think you weren’t. We all have felt those feelings of inadequacy or guilt. Just natural being parents, I suppose… You and your husband are newer to this than me, but I can now make the promise I heard from others that it does get better…not good…but better. Memories become easier to smile or laugh about. Tears still flow, but they come more as a remembrance of the unconditional love we have for our children. Please tell your husband I am thinking of him, and if he ever needs someone to share his loss he can email me…wade405@yahoo.com. Maybe this forum isn’t for him, but something more private might help. Karen…I believe Geoff knows of your love. My faith tells me that he knows of our feelings. Just letting it out makes a difference for me so keep sharing. The “why” is the hardest question we now face. I don’t know the answer…wish I could be there to give you a big hug, and let you know I understand and will always be here for you to share. Susan…Thank you so much for sharing your memories. They are truly memories of an outstanding man who lived life to its fullest. I would have loved to play a round with him. So great to watch guys like that swing the club. My friend, Rod, played a little on the side tours before becoming a family man, and I always feel so blessed to be part of his game. Now grandpa is with grandson and they are together again. Hope those memories continue to sustain you. I am continually amazed at the friendships Brooks made and how they continue through me. He truly had amazing friends and it makes me proud every time one of them shares something special with me…new memories that I do cherish. A new outlook on what it means to love one another. Sometimes people use the word “love” loosely, but I really think Brooks loved his friends and did his best to show them every day. I guess that’s what makes me the proudest. Your memories of your father make me want to be a better man…thank you! Mathieu’s mom…This is a site to let it all out. Share your wonderful son…those amazing memories that will be with you forever. Praying for you on this journey…walking hand in hand. Laurie…“I do not have any great answers for this other than to say it has helped me to be able to come here and share….” Not just the sharing…but who we are sharing with…friends with unconditional love and empathy who readily provide an outlet for our grief that keep us going and help us to live again. Shared memories that remind us of all the love given and received from our children. I can never say thank you enough to those of you here who share with me and allow me to share in return. Our children continue to live through our memories… Sherry…“He is a handsome young man..” Thank you! Dee…LUCK! Colleen…“This new life is very difficult, but with friends like these, I can share my story without feeling judged.” Amen! Thank you for sharing the dollhouse. It's amazing...love the little pictures...and the mug. Wow! My grandpa worked with wood his whole life and he made my sister a large dollhouse that she still treasures. You could open it up and see all the little furniture and explore all the rooms. Very special memories! Peace to everyone tonight...hope winter is losing it's grip and spring flowers will pop up to bring those smiles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Thinking of you Shannon, wondering how your weekend turned out... Becky, sending prayers for you...miss you... Wade, thanks for sharing about Brooks, and being a man of compassion... Colleen, I showed my daughter your dollhouse, we are both very impressed.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Thanks Wade, I will take that good luck and make good on it. Ted, I fully agree with Wade, talking aloud to your Son makes you able to feel better therefore not crazy, the opposite in its effect. I still talk aloud to Erica, and I am 10.5 years out on this road. Talking to Eri is something I always want to do, I began while she was leaving this earth adn have continued. I sometimes tell her a great deal and sometimes simply an I love you, thank you for this pretty reminder...Or Hi Bing, I know you like this weather, just things that I would normally say to Erica. As you approach Nick's birthday, hold onto us and know that we are also holding onto you. It is a very bittersweet time those birthdays, but eventually more sweet than bitter. We sure don't know what to do without them on their day, some of us want to be alone, some go to the cemetery, others have a few people over, it is as individual as our Kids are. YOu do what you think will serve you best, that will make your Son happy. My Girl's Birthday is coming right behind Nick's, on April 4th. 4-4-84. My magical Daughter's 30th birthday. I will be getting together with some of her friends for her birthday, we will call it 30 reasons to celebrate Eri's 30th. I received an invitation to a wedding today, to Melissa's wedding, another of Eri's closest friends. She had many closest friends. When Eri and Meliss were together they were like Romey and Michelle if you have ever seen that movie...they often got in trouble together and went through some big things in their lives. SO Melissa is getting married and my heart sings for her and my eyes cry at the thought of these little girls who I met on the kindergarten porch and some earlier than this, are getting married and some having children. Oh Erica, I know that you are spreading your love over them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Wanda...That is such a beautiful pic...so clear too. Where was it taken? Wade, i had started to host a bus tour to Disneyland (36 hours straight thru from where i live), we had taken the tour in Aug 2011, and in Dec 27 2012 - Jan 2013 was the first time i hosted, it was like a dream come true, we could travel to Disneyland for free, all i had to do was host the tour. We were scheduled to go again Aug 23 2013, Lane died Aug 9 2013, his funeral was Aug 23. I am still scheduled to host Oct 2014, not sure i can do it, But not fair to Lindsay, who loves Disneyland, and would like to do a memorial tour for Lane, completely dedicated to him and his love for Disneyland and all that he loved about it. I don't need to decide yet, the wonderful family that owns the tour company, adored Lane, and has left the option open to what ever i choose to do. Feeling so sad these days, the weather is warmer and i am reminded of the time that has passed. Trying to not allow my mind to think about the summer without Lane. Not going to the lake, or going, but not having him there, i just am so sad, and heartbroken. I miss him so much, I hate this so muchI should be planning for his graduation, and his 18th birthday, and summer holidays, Disneyland....so painful to think of the future....Trying so hard to only think of THIS DAY... i miss you sooo much my sweet Lane.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Wanda....it is hard to go and re-trace steps in places that held so much joy when our child was beside us....so hard...and there seems to be a memory under every leaf.... I think that is why I sometimes daydream about going someplace that has no memories.... Colleen....love that doll house....my Grama and Grampa made me one...(not fancy at all)....she even made some of the furniture...curtains..bedspreads..etc....there was a neighbor..Mr. Nelson....who did woodwork..and he created some things...it was passed down to my cousin...then another cousin...then my twin cousins....when I was 16...my little sister, Becky, got it...she was 6....such a wonderful thing for a little girl.....I created a doll house for Pebbie....will try to find the photos...I was not crafty enough to add electricity.....but had so much fun in the making of it.....I bought all the furniture....wow...was so surprised at how much $$$$ that little furniture cost.... Dee....one of John David's friends 'finally' got married last year....all his other friends had married and had kids....they were always making bets about 'when' he would get married.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Wanda, yes the image you posted is the daily struggle I go through, to try and find a way to manage today in this new "reality"...and sometimes today is all I can manage... Dee, I like the thought of the conversations with Eri...I do the same with Jesse and sometimes now when I think of other deceased loved ones that come to mind... Susan, "...and there seems to be a memory under every leaf....I think that is why I sometimes daydream about going someplace that has no memories...." I too have that fantasy...I am unsure if it would be better or not...went to the store yesterday and another huge "grief storm" hit...but I had to get what I needed, so I went in, red nose and blurred eyes... Sometimes I worry now, what if people are thinking, "here comes that woman being driven crazy from grief of losing her son"...somedays I just feel so off the wall...does it show to others I wonder...just another one of these layers... Mary Ann, how are you doing today? Thinking of you and your sweet son Steve... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Laurie....here is another Essie 'saying'.....'If they are talking about you...they are just leaving someone else alone'..... hope that puts things in perspective for you.....for if that is what people are saying about you....then they are not walking in your shoes.... I have a hard time at the grocery store.....and many on this site has stated the same thing.....for me....it was because out of all 6 kids....John David became the 'chef'......and he and I would make many trips to the store together....he WANTED to go...to pick things out himself....and he would give me 'lessons' on what or what not to buy....I am a 'plain cook'....I do cook family handed down recipes....but I do not venture off to cook 'other stuff'.....but he did....and gee....how he tried to teach me...I can list the many things he could cook to perfection....and gosh knows....I have tried....it is just not in my DNA.... I wish I had a quarter for every time I have gone to the store....and have had to leave with a cart half full....and just walk out and get in the car and leave.....as it is.....Daniel does 99% of the shopping.....and that is just fine with me. 'Til I can make it on my own'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 I have not gone grocery shopping for meals (only snacks as all i seem to eat is cheese, crackers, cereal, milk and i can avoid the grocery store for those items) since Lane died, I find i get sooo anxious, so i just haven't. Lindsay gets her groceries, she cooks her meals and i eat crackers. I have been given tasks this last couple weeks by my doctor and counselor to make a meal. To get Lindsay to pick 5 items to for me to get, bring it home and cook it.Well, i managed a grilled cheese sandwich one day and although i did not go into the grocery store alone,i did buy all the ingredients for chicken fajitas and make them last night.Talk about the crazy lady!!??!! i cried the whole time i made the grilled cheese, so aware that Lane was not going to run down the with ummmm that smells good!! Whats for supper?It was so hard. Doing everyday things, normal things, when my life is not normal. My normal was Lane and me. With Lindsay living in another city going to school. It has never been just me and Lindsay, its been the 3 of us or Lane and me. The normal things are soooo hard to do, because nothing is normal!! My Lane is not here, and that's not normal!! He was always here!!That is why work causes such anxiety, it was part of my normal, how do i go back to that when nothing is normal!! How do i cook supper, eat it normally, when its not normal!! They new normal sucks, its lonely, its sad, its hard, its the most awful feeling ever....but i do it for Lindsay....she was so happy i cooked....and she will go back to university in the fall, and my new normal will be getting used to living alone, eating alone, and the quiet.... i miss you Lane.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Susan, "I have a hard time at the grocery store.....and many on this site has stated the same thing.....for me....it was because out of all 6 kids....John David became the 'chef'......and he and I would make many trips to the store together...." I had much of the same relationship with Jesse, we did many shopping trips together, just the small ordinary stuff. In August of 2012 he and I spent a lot of time gardening and harvesting...I had a freezer full of tomato this-and-that he had created....I could not eat any of it after he died...I fed the deer with it... He would also go out and be "adventurous" with his food...sometimes I would find hidden surprises in his mexican sauces like "bits of cactus"...now I also do not eat Mexican or Chinese anymore...just way too many sabotaging memories there.... Essie had many true sayings...reminds me of some of the old-time collections of sayings that people used to compile and pass on... *******************************Wanda, you and Lane had some very special times together....with your daughter... ...Feeling so sad these days, the weather is warmer and i am reminded of the time that has passed. Trying to not allow my mind to think about the summer without Lane. Not going to the lake, or going, but not having him there, i just am so sad, and heartbroken. I miss him so much, I hate this so much...I should be planning for his graduation, and his 18th birthday, and summer holidays, Disneyland.... **************************** This is definitely another layer to the grief of losing a child...facing the uncertain future... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Wanda, we ate a lot of things from the deli of our grocery store...fortunately they had good recipes... That and many things that were more prepped...like chicken already cut into strips...I browned them and placed them over german noodles...it was fast... Many breakfast dishes, eggs /cheese , toast... It had to be cooked fast and easy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 I am always placed in some kind of 'mystified pondering'.....of all the common strings that seem to tie our children with a common thread.... and we all live all over the USA...and other countries....Or.....just maybe.....we aren't that different anyway..... it does my heart so much 'good'....to be so 'understood'....without much explaining.... Thank you all for the compliments on the little story/letter I wrote about my Daddy....I was really ..really down with the blues ..I have been dealing with my grief journey for John David.....and I don't try to look right...left....or back....for if I look back...and see all the loved ones I have lost.....then I am really lost on the path....and it creates another depth to my grief...as much as I can handle.... it is as if you lived in a very, very nice house......and one day.....it all burned down...except one room....as long as I can stay in that one room.....I don't have to see the devastation..all that is gone.....I can live in one room....I can handle one room... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 I’ve been reading as much as I can and thinking of everyone here. I can come here and know that everyone gets it. Even if I can’t post I can read and someone has written my heart. I miss my Trista every day, all day long. She is always in mind. I find that I can do more things if I do it with her in mind. I still don’t do the grocery either. I can count on one hand and not use all the fingers… how many times I’ve been there. It’s too much. Shopping was a ‘me and Trista thing’ and so we eat a lot of ‘easy stuff’, a lot of fresh and raw… that’s supposed to be healthier anyway… or I tell myself that and when I do need something, I send someone else. I know that not everyone has that option but if you can… do it. Do whatever you need. I try things... take steps, like Wanda talked about and push myself a little but just a little. If I’m not ready, I’m not ready and that’s ok. I have also felt like people think I’m the woman who went crazy after losing her Child. I try not to care. So what if I did go a little crazy? If that’s the word someone would use. I have every right. My life was shattered and now I’m left to rebuild it. I can’t just pick up the pieces and put it back together again and because a huge piece is missing. I am starting my level 1 and 2 Reiki training… just something I've felt guided to do. 2 months ago I didn't even know what Reiki was. I thought it was some kind of massage therapy. I got a call a couple of days ago from a girl at Trista’s school. I didn’t know her but she’s responsible for the yearbook. They would like to do a memorial page for Trista. It really touched me. I didn’t know if Trista would be remembered in this way or for graduation because even though this was her home school she had been taking online classes because of her anxiety. I was afraid no one would do it. I’ve been getting things ready and the girl who called me is coming by this afternoon to pick them up. So, today I’ve been looking at pictures and reading things her friends have written to and for her. I kind of needed that. It was a sweet reminder of how she touched people. So many sweet things said about my Tris. Here is something written by one of her friends. It really is beautiful and this is my Girl. I've thought and thought about how special Trista actually was. All of Trista's friends, since I've known her, truly needed a friend. For instance, before I met Trista I had no friends at school, no reason to be excited to go and I was home every weekend. After I met Trista I I knew what it was like to have a friend, to be a friend, and I looked forward to school and the weekends. She brought happiness into my life and the lives of others. I believe everyone else she was friends with needed her just as much. She saved people and put others before herself, if that's not an angel then I don't know what is. Susan, that was a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Thank you for sharing him with us. Laurie, My weekend was really interesting. I learned a lot and had a really awesome experience that I will share later when I have more time. Wanda, I still only think of this day. I can't think beyond that. If I stay in today... as some have talked about... I'm able to in some ways imagine that Trista is just away. Thinking of you, Ted, with Nicks Birthday approaching. Dee, I love the theme... 30 Reasons to Celebrate Eri's 30th. Colleen, I love your dollhouse. It's such a neat hobby... all those little details. Cherry, I'm so glad that Kylie's school will be including her and honoring her in that way. We need to have our Children celebrated, honored, and remembered. Thinking of everyone here today and sending prayers of comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Wanda....we weep with you.....and we understand.....how we have to re-learn so many things....how to have Christmas without our child....how to go on vacation without our child....how to have that special family gathering...how to celebrate a wedding without our child....how to go to the grocery store without our child....etc...and on and on and on.....a K-Zillion things to re-learn without our child....and it is so very hard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Just came across this poem ...it made me stop and ponder...posted from a mother who lost her son, she is from India... The poet who composed this poem had much tragedy in his personal life... ***************************************On ChildrenKahlil Gibran Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.They come through you but not from you,And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts,For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow. You may strive to be like them,but seek not to make them like you.For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your childrenas living arrows are sent forth.The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;For even as He loves the arrow that flies,so He loves also the bow that is stable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 19, 2014 Laurie,Thank you for the poem. I had forgotten about a time that Khalid Gibran's poems were an important part of my life. Long story. In Becky's neck of the woods. Thinking about her and Jared. Has anyone talked to her?Keeping you all in my thoughts. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Since we are sharing the love of our parents and grandparents, I wanted to share.When I was 13 years old, my grandfather made me a doll house. I have spent the last 35 years painting, applying 3200 shingles and 21 feet of copper wire. The house has electricity. Not to mention the 1/12 scale furniture.I have attached several pictures of my hobby,I hope each one of us can find one thing to smile about today.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Thank you, Colleen. It is just beautiful. How magical and wonderful to have a hobby like that. I remember many years ago on Christmas Day arriving at my in-laws. My father in-law took the boys downstairs for a surprise. He had spent the entire year putting together an elaborate train village. It was huge. The table was almost the size of the room. These are indeed special memories and hold a special place in our hearts. I'm sure had I had that as a child I would have been in awe. You have done a wonderful job. Sending love and wishes for a peaceful evening to all. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks Laurie for sharing that beautiful poem. Colleen, how nice that you have that doll house. Have you ever visited the Art Institute of Chicago to see the Thorn Rooms? Lovely. It's wonderful that your Grandpa made that for you. Wanda, none of this makes a ton of sense, especially the first year or two, it is part of a process. The proces, while extremely difficult, is one that has many forward adn backward steps. We fall and get up and do it over and again because that too, is part of the process. We all find a way to live and eventually we add things to our world so that we do a bit more than live, we find things to look forward to and they might be brand new things, never interested you before kinds of things, or they may be what you used to like to do too. Once in a while we look back and we are able to see the distance we have traveled and we can then take a breath and realize that the steps forward and back still will carry you forward to a time when you have softer edges in your surroundings.It takes time, and time is the most abstract concept there is for most parents who have lost a child. I do like the way the therapist is giving you these jobs to complete. Building your coping skills as you do some of those things you used to do, and while so different to do them now, and sad, your Boy must be cheering and laughing as you make your way: Go Mom, Go! Susan, yep, we are all joined by such loss and here we are, sharing our lives with each other because we are rooting for one another in ways that are completely organic, straight from our hearts and spirits. Shannon, I am so glad that you are continuing on with your Reike classes, and I look forward to hear about the weekend away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Wishing peace, love, and sunshine for everyone tomorrow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Shannon....I looked up Reike....sounds as if it could be a very healing practice to learn...and live by....please keep us informed on how it is helping you.... How very sweet...and meaningful...the letter by Trista's friend....and that the class wishes to include her in their graduation and the annual....I know it will be bitter sweet....for you....but we must tip our hats at the young ones...for they have so much good and kind empathy for their young years....looking forward to hearing about your seminar.... I am sending Becky another card today....does anyone remember her daughter's name...I thought I would put an Attn: to her...and see if she could let us know of her progress.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Susan,I am sending Becky another card today....does anyone remember her daughter's name...I thought I would put an Attn: to her...and see if she could let us know of her progress.... I believe it is Jasmine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 thanks Laurie...I think I will send her a card, too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted March 20, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Susan and Dee, The Reiki is very interesting to me. In fact, once I found out what it is I realized that it’s something I’ve practiced in my own way since I was a child. It’s one of those things that when you ‘learn’ about it your like … Hey! I already knew that! Those moments are happening more and more… or maybe I’m just more open to them now… synchronicities. They have led me in some ‘odd’ directions over the past few months but each step along the way I’m picking up pieces to my puzzle. About the weekend workshop… Well, I had no idea what to expect. I’ve never done anything like that before. It was one of those things… a forwarded e-mail from someone else with an article for me about something else but it was, instead, this workshop that caught my eye. I know this isn’t for everyone and that’s ok. I’m still figuring out what’s for me but how will I know what fits if I don’t try anything on? Another thing about this, when I was talking with my Spiritual path coach, who is also an intuitive, I mentioned that I was going to this workshop. She wondered who was teaching it and she actually knew her. She has done workshops with her and worked with her one on one. She was very excited I was going. This e-mail came from one person who was entirely unconnected to my coach and my coach knew this other person who was doing the workshop over 3 hours away. I guess that just further told me I’m supposed to go. Or it could be coincidence, who knows but I went with it. Friday night was an audience mediumship reading by the woman giving the workshop. It was really interesting to watch. I’ve only ever seen things like that on television. So, nothing came through for me that night but she also took the group through some basic guided meditations and visualizations to help us learn how to connect on our own. I did have a really amazing experience during that. Saturday was an all day workshop and I really learned a lot. She explained in detail how a medium works. How she connects. She’s been doing this for over 30 years professionally. She taught the group a lot of meditation techniques and again I had some experiences during the meditations. I was still very ‘doubting’ as to how much was my imagination. During one of the meditations we were told to listen for a name or names anything that came up and write it down. I ‘heard’ Raymond. Which was odd because I don’t know anyone by that name and it’s just not a common one. As soon as the meditation was over, an older gentlemen in the front row raised his hand. She asked for his name before he asked his question. It was Raymond. A little weird. The worst part was when she said we would all be doing ‘practice readings’ with a partner and we had to choose someone we didn’t know already. I panicked. I felt like I was the new kid in school just waiting to be picked last. At that point I started to ‘talk’ to Tris in my head, saying you have to help. Why am I even here? I can’t ‘read’ someone. I just wanted to learn some things and see if they ‘fit’ with me. So, I took some deep breathes and stood up to go to break before we were supposed to start these ‘readings’. When I did a woman approached me and asked if I would work with her. I was very relieved. I told her I would love to but explained that I have never done anything like this and was very nervous. She said no problem. So, when we started she said she wanted to let me know that she was a professional medium and had been for 15 years although she had her first experience with Spirit at the age of 4 years old. She said that she comes to the workshops to learn new techniques and mainly connect with other people following this path. She said that she wanted me to know that so that if, when she was doing my reading, it seemed more natural for her I didn’t feel like I was doing it wrong or anything. She connected to my Trista right away. She knew things she couldn’t possibly have known except from Tris. It was very emotional but I really felt she connected with my Girl. When I did her reading, it was much shorter than the one she did for me. I was a nervous wreck but I put myself through the steps we learned and then I just started telling her what I saw no matter how silly it sounded. She told me that everything I said made sense and was able to validate all of it. It was pretty amazing but I do have to wonder if she just said that to make me feel better. I don’t think she would have though. She didn’t seem the type to do that and she would have had to be good at making up stories to fit on the spot. She gave me her number. Even though we live a ways from each other she said anytime I would like to talk with her about what I’m learning or anything at all to call her. Overall, I’m still just learning, searching, absorbing and finding my way. I feel like I’ve come to a place of so many questions and I just want to explore everything and find those things that really fit for me. Losing Trista has pushed me in a lot of ways to question everything. Not to turn away from God, although I have days very angry at God/the Universe/ the world… but to look deeper. Not to throw away my beliefs but to explore them in new ways and look for a deeper understanding. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s the best way I know how to explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Laurie....thanks for sharing with us all that you are learning.....we do become wanderers and searchers on this journey...and when we 'share'....it helps us to go beyond our comfort zones.... I, too, believe that there are a K-Zillion things out there....we cannot see....but that we can discover...I, too, believe we are more powerful than we could ever..ever believe...I do believe we are made of stardust.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Shannon, what does it mean to be an intuitive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted March 20, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Laurie, The way she explained it to me is that she is very ‘sensitive’. She doesn’t consider herself a medium or a psychic. Some people might use the word empath. She is receptive to the energies of other people and to Spirit but doesn’t do ‘readings’. She kind of reads emotion and energy. She says many people are ‘sensitive’ and intuitive but we tend to close down those ‘senses’ and take in the world only with our rational mind. Seems like there are a lot of words out there for similar things. Basically she says an intuitive just uses their sense of intuition, that we all have, more... and so just like anything else, because it’s being used it becomes stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted March 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hello my friends,For Christmas, I bought my husband and I dance lessons.Yesterday was our first class. We learned the American Tango.We both had a good time. The reason I am telling you this, is because 2 years ago, I would not have been able to concentrate enough in order to learn dancing steps. Brian has been gone for 5.5 years and I never thought I would be happy again.But over time, I learned to live for today, not plan for tomorrow or sit on the road of the past. This has taken a long time.I hope each of you that are less than 5 years into this have hope for the future.You are lovedColleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Colleen....thank you...thank you.... we should all have that 'dance'....and I appreciate you letting us know....that once again...we can all dance.... my son -in-law....his father I talked about...passed yesterday.....but he and his Mom were like 'Bogie and Bacall' and Lora....am happy that you can once again go to Cara's place.... you and I are on the same time line.... and I am here for you....like you are here for me.... and Dee is here for us....for she was at that two year place....geez...two years....without our child... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Shannon, i am very excited that you are trying Reiki and keeping an open mind to medium ship. I am going to a small group session on April 5th, with some Reiki, Angel reading and medium. I think for me, i need to know where my Lane is, if he is safe, happy, not sad and missing us as much as we miss him. My grandmother always had a sixth sense, She would have dreams, and people coming to say goodbye just before they died, and dove sightings, so i do believe in those that connect with spirits. and now, the need to know of an afterlife is much stronger. Wanda, you and Lane had some very special times together....with your daughter... yes Laurie, we made lots of memories with the three of us, absolutely.. wishing you all peace tonight. Wanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Thank you all for thinking about me Nicks birthday is Sunday it will be a ruff one for me being the first since his death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MissKylie Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Ted, Nick will always be remembered. Can't find the right words to say as it's going to be a different birthday. We will honor Nick and it's going to be his first birthday in heaven. Today I woke up calling my daughter's name outloud. But I don't remember seeing her in my dreams. Whenever grief storm would hit me hard, I'd just convince myself that no one lives forever. I'll just have to be patient in waiting for my turn. But for the meantime, I need to try my best to be a good mom to my son. I can still hear Kylie's voice when she said, "You are the best mommy in the world because you take care of your 2 babies..." So I can't give up because she expects me to take care her of her baby brother. I have 2 babies that needs caring, 1 on earth and 1 in heaven. Like you Shannon and maybe for the rest of us here, Loss made me believe about God in a different way. I've explored new beliefs while seeking the questions why it had to be my girl...our children...Reading celestine prophecy book and articles about soul contracts, karma and past life. I plan to know what is it in my past life that happened that I had to face in losing my 5 year old daughter. The other day, I dreamt of walking up in the mountain. I was carrying my baby and then later it grew up to be Kylie in her pink uniform and 2 ponytailed hair. I didn't see her face but I was carrying her and embracing her. And we were eating 2 chocolate bars like we're just spending time together. Wanda, I also wonder if my Kylie miss me like I do. And if they do miss us too...we just hope their missing us is not hard for them as it is hard for us. I do believe time does not exist in heaven and it's just us here that seems to be conscious of the time passing by. Sherry, We cannot 'will' ourselves to have these lovely dreams......or we would have them come to us all the time....regularly. I've found that the dreams/signs will come when they may.....many times when we least expect them, and when they do come.....they are our treasures to hold near our hearts. Sherry, I am getting more dreams lately in the days that I am not crying like a rain. To me it means they can communicate with us when I accept that she just changed world. Wade, thank you for your email address. I'll tell my husband. He doesn't like my way of grieving. Like crying without resistance...And he thinks sharing with many people makes him more emotional. So in private, it might help. Susan, the beautiful house burnt with only one room left. That's so beautiful and wise way of describing how this grief journey is... Love and prayers for everyone here. I hadn't had a chance to talk to my Kylie in my dreams. As most of the time when I talk she doesn't answer. She will just look at me. I will remember to ask her of our children. I would like to share with her that I have Angel Mom and Dad friends who also have children in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 I think that some...not all....try to seek and find answers to the questions...that we have asked in our desperate sorrow...questions we never would have asked before we lost that child... and then we find there have been centuries of asking and learning....there is a vast 'knowledge' out there...and we are just opening the door a little....to this amazing Light filled Library....so much to discover.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Angelic Quotes: “Whether you've seen angels floating around your bedroom or just found a ray of hope at a lonely moment, choosing to believe that something unseen is caring for you can be a life-shifting exercise.”--Martha Beck, life-coach and author Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Just quickly stopping by to say I am thinking of everyone. I have been feeling the pits this week. Must be some sort of flu bug going around. Anyway, I have still tried to keep going and doing my usual walking to get the fresh air. And Lora, fresh it is! Sadly, I bemoan the fact that winter is still with us. The next week is just awful according to the weather network. I have given up watching the increasing temps rising with my southern neighbours! Just keep me in your thoughts and send some of that warm weather my way. PLEASE! Thinking of you all and wishing you a peaceful and restful weekend. Love Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Kate...we have 'cooler' temps....but nothing like what you are having...I, too, had some kind of 'crud'....feeling better today than I have in a week.....and so glad to get my capris on instead of long pants....how is Ross doing? Thank you for your words of care and encouragement....always....you always seem to bring a ray of light when you post... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Thanks Susan. Hope you are feeling better soon. I have to say that as I walked into the house late afternoon yesterday I happened to look up and six geese flew over head. I wanted to yell at them that they were crazy and to turn around and head back south. I am sending a couple of pictures that will be sure to put a smile on your faces. My eldest granddaughter now has a puppy of her own and is madly in love with him. He is a ball of fluff that is cute as a button. He's seven weeks old and darned if I know what kind of breed he is. My guess he is a cross. Apparently he is good natured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Oh Kate...look at your 'Sweet' heart....I do believe that pets make children have another layer of happiness...and they learn to 'care' and responsibility with such a loving lesson.....my two dogs are 'mutts'....cross breeds....she is just gorgeous....don't you wish you lived right down the street ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Hi Group! I had to register anew in order to post, i am starting to move around a bit better, but still an awful struggle to type. I have really missed all of you here, and am so sorry to see so many new members. I guess I have to create a new gallery too, as I can't find my other one. Here is my design for tshirts that I just ordered for Jared's friends. Hope to have them before Jared's birthday on April 23rd. He would have been 18 this year... Here is one of the last photos taken of him in August 2011. More later, very tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Becky...we were getting very worried about you....so glad to see your post....do hope your recovery is going in a positive direction...and that in time...you will be 100%....the designs for the T-Shirts is amazing....but then again...we are not surprised...just post when you are able and feel up to it.....yes....it is sad to see new parents that have found their way to this site...but with all of us helping and holding each other up...the grief path will not be so hard and lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2014 Becky, so good to hear from you! We have all being thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery. Your design for Jared's T-shirt is terrific! Take care of yourself... and know that we miss you and hope to hear more from you. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Lora....I have not had that thought til you brought it up....another summer will be upon us....Spring is springing....and we will have to face the sun..flowers..blooms..seaside vacations...again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted March 22, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Becky, So good to see your post. I’m glad you’re doing better. Please post when you can and let us know how you’re progressing. I love the t-shirt design and the picture… Chillin’ with God. Jared’s eyes just really stand out in that picture… beautiful eyes. Lora, We had almost 60 degrees today. I understand how you’re feeling about another summer without Cara. On June 1st it will be one year since Tris left. That first summer was spent in a complete state of shock. I don’t have a lot of memory really. I don’t know how I will do this second year. I’m glad you were able to spend some time at Cara’s site. I went a couple of weeks ago and took some new ‘spring’ flowers to Trista’s. Kate, I love the picture of your granddaughter and the puppy. Very sweet. Thank you for sharing. I hope you get feeling better and that Ross is doing okay. Susan, Thank you for that Angel quote today. I love it and couldn’t agree more. Cherry, I read the Celestine Prophecy many years ago. It’s a very good book. I understand the need search deeper very much. I know that there a many things I will probably not understand in this life but I just have to keep learning and exploring. Wanda, My mother had dreams that turned out to be true… usually around people close to her passing. I was young when I heard these stories and put them out of my mind but now I wonder… I hope your session in April is a good experience for you. I understand wanting to hear from and about Lane, to know he is happy and ok. Ted, I am sending lots of prayers for you and your family this weekend and will be thinking of Nick. The dates can be so hard. We had a beautiful day today. The sun was out we hit 60 degrees. I took Aiden out to play. He was just completely intoxicated with the fresh air and sunshine. He played and I worked in the yard. I got my garden boxes and planters ready for planting. I worked in Trista’s garden and saw nine or ten little lilies and irises pushing their way through… first signs of spring. I just miss my Girl so much. My heart aches all the time. I’m going to post a picture of one Trista’s tiny flowers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Shannon, I enjoyed reading of your special weekend. Since I was little I have had 'feelings' and dreams of some things that have occurred, I have also had experiences with spirit as a child on several occasions. In my teen years there were several experiences and throughout my adult life there have been moments of extreme 'knowing' and foretelling dreams.About your photo---I love the green of it all Shannon, that beautiful richness sprouting up from ground, reminding us that there is a season---and all that lay dormant lives on again. Susan, I love the poem you wrote. It is beautiful. Lora, yes, the seasonal changes do put us right smack dab in the face of those dates, damn-it, and you will find ways to approach the two year mark as best you can. Laurie, you okay? What about Debbie? Wanda? Maryanne? Gretchen? Jenn? Colleen, how cool that you and Scott are learning to step out together, what a great adventure for you both. BECKY old friend, how are you? So good to see you and know that you are able to work at the computer a bit. Let us know when you can, what you have been through, and what the prognosis is. Your design for the new shirt is fabulous. The eyes of the lion have nothing on Jared. I pray that each day your health improves and that you are able to embrace the changing seasons. Kate, that photo of your Grand-girl and the new puppy is so pretty. She is a beauty and the puppy is adorable. Perhaps some shepard in him? We got to 52 degrees today but tonight it has dropped and snow is predicted this weekend. I am officially on spring break so I am looking forward to almost no schedule of any kind. Impromptu. Sherry, you probably saw some good temperatures today. Oh, my husband was in our yard early this afternoon upon coming home from errands. He was looking at the garden beds and seeing what might be showing itself when a medium sized deer suddenly was staring at him, and then the deer just sprung over the fence. Wow, no wonder the rhododendron has been eaten, and the bunnies have eaten a ton as well. Many bushes have been trimmed all the way to the core. Sleep well All, I am bushed and needing to shut my eyes. This has been a week alright, with too many meetings and report cards that went home today! Ahhhhh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Hi Group! I had to register anew in order to post, i am starting to move around a bit better, but still an awful struggle to type. I have really missed all of you here, and am so sorry to see so many new members. I guess I have to create a new gallery too, as I can't find my other one. Here is my design for tshirts that I just ordered for Jared's friends. Hope to have them before Jared's birthday on April 23rd. He would have been 18 this year... Here is one of the last photos taken of him in August 2011. More later, very tired. Becky, it is good to hear from you...here is the link to your photo album http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/user/297831-angel-boy-of-mine/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Hi all, Just a little tired today...a roller coaster ride of emotions, I feel like I have ran a marathon... So wishing everyone here a good night...and healing sleep.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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