Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Sherry....what a blessing for your Mom that you and your sister are close by....and applause for her staying so independent for so many years....I see on the news that areas are getting more snow....geez.....we had a mild Spring day yesterday...but a cold front blew in this morning...and gee...the wind is high...and cold again....which is very unusual for this part of Texas...I feel sorry for all the ones at our Texas beaches this Spring Break....John David would always get a double celebration....his birthday would coincide with Spring Break....oh! the fun he and his buddies had at Port Aransas....and he would enjoy spending his birthday money on pretty girls..... I can only imagine what it is like for all that snow to melt.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Oh Kate....I showed that photo of your 'snow' to Daniel.....we are so glad to live here.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lbarry Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Thank you to everyone that has replied. It is nice to be in this wonderful circle of people that understand. To give you the story of my daughter is to express love in all its being. She was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago. It had been kept stable until last September. I guess only God knows why it had to take a turn. She fought at home till she passed on November 23. She leaves an unbelievable husband that became her constant.... who along with my husband and myself and her sister and sister in law - just thought that she would lick this disease. I myself thought that I was going to find a cure with prayer. I certainly know that I tried. I don't think that until 4 days before she died, we actually came to the reality that was before her and us. She fought so hard till the end. The out pouring of love and sympathy after she was gone, was unbelievable. Over 1000 people waited in line for hours - in a cold rain - to pay their respects. The Funeral Mass was 1500 strong - on the day before Thanksgiving. She was a special person - those of us that were close - knew it...... We just didn't know how special. I have to say the send off to heaven does give me comfort. So the last piece I give you in her story - is her 4 year old daughter. The spit and image of her mother. She is keeping all of us sane and just plain grateful to be in her company. It is like being with her mother. This child is calm and kind and funny and good. So now if we can get beyond the pain and the realization that my daughter is never walking through the door to make everyone laugh and be a better person - it will have to be a work in progress and this little girl will keep our toes to the fire. I know that we will never be back to normal but as my other daughter says..... this is the new normal. We will rally around each other and survive. i know that some - if not all of you - are going to help me in that process. Thank you. I told everyone in our thank you's / Christmas Cards / New Years notes...... Love each other - enjoy each other - hug each other and Laugh out loud - A LOT!!!! We did that constantly and it helps in knowing we did not waste time. Of course all of this is easier said that done.. Thank you all again...And my I say again, I am sorry for your losses - every ones story is special .....I will close by saying that you are all in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 For all of us who are hoping for Someday......to be soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members weez Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 I lost my son to drugs when he was 34. He never took any until he was 28, given to him by a "good friend". He finally overdosed, and when they were able to restart his heartbeat, it was too late for his brain. He was always so loving and thoughtful even after using. He was a high school math teacher, and a very gifted teacher. He also played in all the bands in high school and college on the tuba. I miss him so much--his kindness to everybody, everything about him. He was well loved and respected amongst his peers. I can't stop crying all day. It's been a month, but I feel a big whole inside. I feel half dead inside. Nothing to look forward to or wanting to do. It's almost like losing the will to live. I've been reading all your sorrows and realize I'm being no different from most of you. That feeling of loss is just too deep. I feel like a lump. I do nothing but lay on the couch with his favorite shirt around me like he's giving me a hug. I don't even comb my hair. I keep asking him to give me a sign that he's ok where he is. So I share everybody's grief with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Steve's Mom.....that is so...so beautiful.....and speaks to everyone's heart on this site.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Weez,I lost my son in a similar way ,but not an overdose but he had a dysrythmia and cardiac arrest and was revived like your son his brain died 8 days later I am so sorry for your loss,and the pain you are going thru Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 12, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 12, 2014 Weez....we wish we could tell you that the way you are grieving is rare....but...to cry all day...forget to comb your hair...lay on the couch all day....forget to take a bath...and not really caring....feeling of complete emptiness....and not wanting to even walk around your living room....is all normal....and I will be the one to tell you....whatever you do...whatever you want to do...(except to harm yourself)....is absolutely your right...howl at the moon....sit in your panties all day on the couch...listen to his music...blow bubbles...whatever brings you to do what you feel you need or want....it is yours to do. No one gets an award for being 'strong or stoic'....there is no medal for holding in the tears.....and...you are not going crazy...you are just in mourning...and for now....that is enough on your plate. The only thing you should do now is grieve for your boy...and he was and still is...a mighty fine boy.... One would be hard pressed to find a family that has not been touched by drugs or cancer...addiction and cancer are both diseases.... Dee will tell you...like she has told each of us....the fact that we live one day longer than our children...means we are our own heroes...yes we are.....and this is going to be the hardest journey in your life...but it can be traveled...when you can...please read our older posts....you may find a word or words that can bring you 'some' comfort....Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Weez, I agree fully with Susan and the others, it is time now for your heart and soul to be in full mourning. Our grief is uneending but it does change over time. That will take time however, right now is still so new to this. Over the first year, you will find ways to cope in tiny increments. TINY. Weez your Boy brought you here, he led you to our group, so he has given you a sign. A sign that he NEEDS you to find your way with us, just as he is finding his way with our Children. You will receive more signs as you go, for now, let sleep come when it can, eat some food, drink plenty of water and juice. Try if you can to get some fresh air in you and sunlight on you. Ibarry, I am so deeply sorry that you have lost your Girl. I lost my Girl well over 10 years ago when her car was struck by an Amtrak and like Maryanne's Boy, Erica lived for 6 days but with her brain injuries, she could not last adn so we had the machines disconnected. Nothing is more difficult than this loss, but do hang on. I am so glad that you found us, like Weez, you both arrived this week. Tell us more about your Girl and the rest of the family. It sounds like your whole family rallied around your Daughter and I do understand that feeling that your prayers might have been strong enough, constant enough to have healed her...I am glad that you have the Love of your Daughter's life in your life; Her Daughter. Does she live near you? Keep reading and post when you want, as often as you want, there are often folks here in night as well. We are here, holding your hand and leaving our footprints for you. Boston? I have some very wonderful relatives there and in Plymouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Lora...it broke my heart when Bitsey said...' I just could not bring myself to see her name on a tombstone'...and that is why I told her about you...and what you created for your Cara....she is in a place now where all of her energy needs to be on herself....but...thanks to you...through me....we could give her something to think about...which will illuminate that beautiful daughter's life....instead of just a 'name'.....it is just so damn hard.... Dee....thank you for being ahead on the grief journey....this year '2' is not an easy path either....but..."I is still climbing'... Ibarry....many on this site will wish we had that 'child' from our child....you have a gift...and we know you know that....and we celebrate that 'girl from your girl'.....the journey is still so hard...and grief is like a heavy...dark burden....and we understand....how hard to see the light...for grief is very heavy and dark....and we all wear our 'mourning clothes'....in our own fashion...you have a good circle of support around you...and many do....many don't.....the common thread...is we still grieve...but we do reach for enlightenment...for answers....for comfort and release...and to be understood without explaining in a 1,000 words how we feel.....this is the place where you don't have to say a lot of words...and we all ask like you the question that we have no answer for...'WHY' my child...?? Why not the 'bad' ones...why not take them...and leave the loving wonderful ones...the ones we so need...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 WE had about 6 inches of new snow overnight Sherry and Kate. It was cold with strong winds but by noon, the streets were decent for driving again and while it is getting down in the teens tonight, by noon tomorrow it should be 35 degrees and the next day nearly 50...Come on spring. Sleep tight Folks, and may your dreams hold visits from your Dearest Ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Tonight I should be asking about your dayReveling in your young lifePromised abundance in your future Tonight I should be asking what you’re doing this weekendHoping that it will include meLoving the bond between father and son Tonight I should be asking how your family is doingListening with rapt attentionFeeling the love and pride in your words Tonight I should be asking about your musicAlways amazed at your talentHearing the passion in your voice Tonight I should be asking about your friendsReliving my own pastKnowing the connection you shared Instead, tonight I am mourning your deathAfraid of the life I must live without youBut looking forward to our glorious reunion Tough day, Brooks... Peace to all with memories that provide smiles! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 I am sure this has been posted before, but someone on another grief site posted it...and it made me think of all of you, who have helped me this past 7 months. Because you know my sorrow.... To One In Sorrow To One In Sorrow - Grace Noll CrowellLet me come in where you are weeping, friend,And let me take your hand.I, who have known a sorrow such as yours,Can understand.Let me come in -- I would be very stillBeside you in your grief;I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,Tears can bring relief.Let me come in -- I would only breathe a prayer,And hold your hand,For I have known a sorrow such as yours,And understand. Wishing us all peace.Wanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Thank you Wanda and Wade for sharing your beautiful poems...and the pictures full of memories... If you would like, there is a thread created you can add poetry to it is http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/6290-grief-poems-on-loss-of-a-child/ Thought this might help others too... Both of the poems you posted are so full of meaning, too often people walk away from the griever when they realize this is for the rest of our life... Have a peaceful day as much as you can... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Yes...a heartfelt thank you to Wanda and Wade for the poems.. we find that only ones that have this kind of loss really understands...for there is nothing in life that can mimic this grief... Wade...that was a 'straight from the broken heart of a Dad'....poem...for it spoke what was really in your thoughts...you should be talking to your boy...he should be right by your side... how we hang on to the 'should be'....the 'if only'....how we deny the 'what is'....how hard to live the 'today'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lbarry Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Just want to say that I have read so many of the postings on peoples losses. My heart is full and know that you are all in my prayers. There definitely is comfort in sharing our grief. Just knowing that you are not alone or not crazy. Also, want to say, that the wonderful people that have been around for years - to help those of us that are new is astounding. I hope that someday I can be that gift of help and support. Right now, I am just grateful for the circle. To the posts that are sad about never having a grandchild from their loved one.....I know that I am very lucky to have my grandchild. I wish that I could share her with you all. My daughter would have been the first one to tell you to enjoy her child for all her fun. Please know that I do share my hopes and comfort for peace of mind somehow. Thank you again to the seasonned members. My prayers to the rest of us that are finding our way. LBarry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Ibarry.....we reach out to each other on this site...with the issues and burdens of our grief....we also share our family...blessings....happy thoughts...breakdowns...breakthroughs....insight...wisdom...lessons learned...tribulations of every day life... many on this site have a circle of support and family....many don't....it is a site where we all have the common thread of grief from losing a child...young or older.......I have 14 GRANDchildren....and they do put a rainbow in a sky of grey for me....it is a day to day kind of living....for me now....and that is 'ok'....on this site people let me be at my own pace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Still no computer but do have a new grandbaby---Lyra Isabelle 9lb 2ozThinking of you often. So hard to get online right now. Love to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 We have missed you, Gretchen.....wow....a future Miss America...she is a beauty.....and she looks like her Mama...is that her big sister holding her ? Sweet. Love that name....My GRANDchildren give me a hand to hold...and I hand over my heart to them...Makes me happy you have some sunshine and happiness to hug and some sugar kisses...Hope you get your computer problems fixed soon....I was thinking of you the other day....you said you were taking a 'mindfulness class'....I did some research and they say that cleaning house is one form of mindfulness....so as I was vacuuming...I was also being mindfulness.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 So last night I was in my sons room cleaning ... dusting, etc. I had to take the bedding off (as my son and daughter in law are coming up to Maine to surprise my husband for his bday). I hadn't touched the bedding at all since he died (I have the hardest time saying that word now...seems so final). Taking all the sheets and blankets off, I just sat there and held on to them, trying to get some of his scent ..which no longer lingered. I know it will be very difficult more my son to sleep in there (ironically it used to be his room before he went into the military ... our youngest was in the middle bedroom and Geoffs was at the front of the house .. when Geoff went off to college, Douglas moved from the middle room to Geoffs room, and we made Dougs room into an office) ...so when Geoff came home from college, he moved into John's(our oldest) room. So to make a long story short ... we only have 2 bedrooms set up now (in fact, we gave John the queen set that was originally in the office when he moved to Ft Bragg with his wife). And it's not like they can sleep on the couch, she is 30 weeks pregnant with our first grandchild. So for John being in that room again, knowing that it was the last place his brother rested his head will be very difficult for him as well. I so want to turn back time, as we all do, and have a do-over!!! Missing you my sweet Geoffrey!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Susan,Your artwork is beautiful. You definitely have a wonderful talent. Thankyou for sharing it. Gretchen,Lyra is beautiful. I love that name. We are headed home to see our grandchildren. They are a such a comfort. A little hand in mine or a simple I love you.Wade and Wanda,I Thank you for the poems. I can so relate and feel the love and pain in each of them.Johngeoffdoug,It is so hard for me to change anything. I want everything in it's place, just the way it was. My daughter moved back home and into Sam's room about a month after he was gone. It was so hard and still is. I understand about the smells. I have sucha fear that time will erase those memories.Laurie,Sorry to hear that your husband is having such a hard time. I hope he has a place to vent his grief and feelings. It is so hard. I don't know what I would do without this place as I can't (choose not) to share anywhere else for fear of reactions.Weez,Keeping you in my prayers. Hoping you are finding some peace today.Iberry,That little grandaughter is such a blessing. What a tribute that all of those people came to pay their respects. For thosevon this site who have lost their children to disease, I can't imagine what it would be like to be so helpless. It is all so horrible. You are in my thoughts today.We are headed home for a few days. I got a copy of the police report from the attorney in my email just now. I have such anxiety to read it. I have work to do on the truck today, my usual, cooking and cleaning, plus Itry to keep my husband's driving time as stress free as possible, so I am keeping it to myself for awhile. I plan to look at it when I have quiet time alone at home. The report came from the first attorney, not the one who is taking my case. Imhave releaees to sign for him waiting in the mail and hope to meet with him next week when we get to Kansas City.Sam,I took some pictures of some beautiful scenery the last few days, I can't text them to you. I am going to find out what happened very soon. I love you, miss you so much. I heard from Caleb this week. We are going to meet him for dinner when he gets back from Atlanta. He is taking a group of kids down there to serve refugees and victims of human trafficking. He is such a good friend. Words cannot express how my heart longs for you. I love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 On Grief “For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?How often -- will it be for always? -- -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.” ********************************************************************* “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.” ********************************************************************* “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” **********************************************************************― Quotes from C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Susan and Lora------thanks for your comments. Yep,....my mom is quite an independent one.At this point, she just wants to live out what remains of her life in her own place, so we aretrying to honor her wishes. She keeps as active as her limitations permit her to do....shedoes lots of crossword puzzles, watches t.v. (game shows, Gunsmoke, Big Valley, news),and does a bit of crocheting when her arthritis isn't acting up. Hoping the weather willturn soon so that she might be able to get outside and walk around a bit with her walker. Dee-----We had 4 degrees last night, and a 15 mph wind, so the wind chill was below zeroagain. (sigh). I saw on the weather ch. that you got the snow that was predicted. Yikes!Sunny and cold here today. It's still good to see the sun shining, though, and hear the birds singing.We had to make a stop at the farm supply place today for more birdseed ! Looking at seedcatalogs gives us hope that spring can't be too far off. Wade----Nice poem. Thanks for posting it. PEACE TO ALL. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Dear Nick 4 months today since you went away. I live everyday in pain and sorrow not looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow will bring more of the same more heart ache, pain and sorrow , I wish that you were here today and that you could live lots more days but you have died and I cry. I know if you could you would say to me today dad hey dad its ok. Please don't be sad I am ok I am here in heaven waiting for us to meet again, until that time please try to find comfort and peace please live your life. I am sorry I am gone I made a mistake and made you suffer the pain and grief. If I could for you dad I would have been more careful but what I did I can not take back I drove to fast and I shouldn't have. I love you from here and I wish you could hear me saying it now into your ear. Nick I know I promised you that I would go on and i will try to for you my son you know I love you and miss you my son.. On the 03/23 you would have been 27 Your friends will gather and pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 13, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Ted....thanks for sharing that photo of Nick when he was 'just a kid'....for we are wrapped up in every year...we just don't remember when they were at that age they left us....my memories come in flashes like a portal has to open up.... Birthdays are hard..and any day that ends in 'y'.... I am glad that Nick's friends will be with you....for they all have that big hole in their heart, too...and it is a good thing to be around people that knew and still know..and love your boy....memories are connected and shared....and there is comfort in a circle of family and friends... we will be here for you....we know how hard it is....and know how it just plain hurts....We all wish there was a magic pill to ease that raw pain....but this is just one of those 'bite the bullet' times....always let us know how you are doing....how is your wife holding up? Peace to You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Debbie....thank you for the compliment....I find here lately that my creativity just may be a very healing balm for me...I am glad you get to go home and see those GRANDchildren...they have magic in their hugs... I hope you will get a space to yourself to read that report....we are here for you....in case you go south...(down)....hang on with both hands....and take it one step and one day at a time....you are still in a very vulnerable stage....Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Karen, I know how sad it feels to have to change the bedding, to have to disturb any of those items that remain in place...though I bet that Geoff is thrilled that his Bro and sis-in-law and future uncle-making-child will be a living force in his old room. I listened to a show once, when John Edwards was on tv each week, he read those whose hearts were broken from a loss and one week, he knew that in the audience there was a mom whose Son died in a car accident. He could feel the area near where she was sitting, (i believe in some mediums) and he said so many things that nobody would otherwise know, and she stood. He said, you have a virtual alter to your Son and you have not touched anything other than to dust off the trophies and you kiss them each. The MOm was sobbing and saying Yes. Then he said, your Boy wants you to move everything, he wants you to put all those things ont he alter you made away. He wants you to live and to open the window in that room and make it into some new kind of space. I think that we all do this on some level, make alters, we need them for a while or forever...The essence of those things represent so much to us. The smell and touch of our Kids is a hard one to have to set free. We do though and sometimes it comes to us in a passing moment and we are grateful for the split-second of Him/Her.I hope that the weekend with your Son and family is very good, and that being home feels just right. Gretchen, Congratulations on this Lovely little Lyra. Her name is perfection. She looks very much like your Girl, which means she resembles Forest. I see him in her. He must be beaming on her, playing music all around her. I hope you are well and that your computer gets fixed right away, we miss you. How is your friend who recently lost her Son? Wade, a beautifully sad poem, the story told through your ache. I am so sorry for the sad sad days. Wanda, lovely wonderful poem, thanks so much. Ted, 4 months is an insanely long time to not see your Son, to not hold his hand and laugh with him, but I think that he must be very proud of your being here with us, finding your way through sharing your stories and therefore your heart. the photos are beautiful. Sherry, cold here too but sunny and the birds are amazingly busy building new nests. A very pretty almost full moon is peeking in my window right now, a full moon for our first full day of spring I believe. Tomorrow, our whole school, teachers, staff, and over 600 kids will go to The Harris Theater to see the Hubbard STreet Dance Troop. Such a fine group to watch, so a nice way to welcome spring. Debbie, let us know what the lawyer says, I hope that the news is to your advantage. You sure do see some amazing sights on your cross-country trips, but I am glad that you are headed home and will get some Grandmom time. Weez, hanging on? Ibarry- we are here, so just try to know that if we are here, we made it through today anD so did you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmomrs Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 SUSAN...so very sorry to have missed your JOHN DAVID'S birthday...I hope he surrounded you through the day, even more than usual, with his sweet and wonderful spirit...swirling his love around you, enveloping you in the sweetness that is him alone. HAPPY (BELATED) HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, JOHN DAVID! I've not posted in quite some time, but please know that you all are always in my prayers. I know that you all have found that "soft place to land" by being here, and I believe, as many here do, that our wonderful angels led us all here, just as they are together, so that we could help each other along this journey that I wish none of us were on. I see the continued sharing of pictures, poems, art work, memories, and joy when it comes and sorrow when it swallows us...this is such a wonderful thing, to know that we can come here, say what we need, and know that we will not be judged for how we feel, what we say, what we are thinking...we will be understood and listened to....no matter how "long" it's been, or how old/young our child was when they left this earthly plane, nor HOW they left. The love and comfort here is unconditional and that is just such a gift. GRETCHEN: LYRA ISABELLE...So beautiful...congratulations! thanks for sharing. I've had a rough few weeks, and finding it difficult to stay in "this" day...too many thoughts of the past, of things I can't change, too many thoughts of the future, of things that I "wish," knowing full well that those wishes will never come to fruition. The advice of "stay in the present" reverberates throughout my heart and my mind; my very being...but sometimes they do take on a life of their own and swish us along with them, want to go or not. Praying often that I can find myself settling into "today," being observant and content with that...making the most of that, making LIFE of that... I was cleaning out a cabinet of odds and ends the other day and came across the box that Sarah (young Mike's wife) had made for each of the boys the Christmas right after their daddy died. Chandler, the oldest boy, has had a chaotic "residence" life, moving from place to place and never knowing when or where, so he asked if he could leave his box here so it "wouldn't get lost." I opened the lid, and oh my gosh, I couldn't believe that the smell of his daddy came flying out of that box, surrounding me with his presence, unlike any other time...the memories looking up at me, beckoning me to "sift." Movie tickets, concert tickets, boy scout medals, pictures, drawings the boys had made for him, drawings he had made for them...tapes of music he particularly loved. Ribbons from high school...baby items from his babies...LIFE. LIFE that even though is no more in the physical sense, will always BE in the spiritual sense. A reminder? I do think so. Perhaps movement can begin again...movement to living in THIS day. I pray so. So good, reading over the recents posts...remembering you all...those new, IBARRY WEEZ...welcome. You have indeed, found a soft place to land. Welcome. Come here, be comforted, listened to. Loved, along with your beautiful child. I had Lucy out today...,temp of 12 F and wind chill of 1 F, and she loved the new fallen snow...about 3 1/2 inches of it, ,just enough for her to do her "snow plowing" that she so likes to do...she walks along, pushing the snow ahead with her little nose...can't believe she doesn't just freeze it off! My love and prayers to all...mentioning all of your names used to be much easier, but now there are many more here...but my love to all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Carol...how amazing...I was just thinking the other day of our 'two sweethearts'....and there you are....now I think you are our two sweetheart snowbunny dog.........I can't answer any question you have.....of course....you know that....but I can say....what you have given to me on my journey has been priceless....there is not amount of money to buy what you have given to me.....there is not an amount of money for me to give to you....than what you have with your words......it is a hard journey...but I feel blessed to have you....yes you...Carol.....I have not forgotten one thing you have shared...thank you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 as usual....as always....I have to say...I need..'Dee'....I am not strong enough yet...or viable yet... Laurie....I don't know how to post songs....can you help me here...?? or Wade....?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 I am here Susan taking it all in. I do believe in you Girl, that you are indeed viable, that you are strong enough, remember, if we were not strong, how the hell have we lived one more day than our Baby? We are brave pioneers, not sure of what is ahead but going there with faith and the deepest love in our hearts. You are quite strong. Carol, I was thinking of you today while taking a walk and wondering if you were walking in the snow. Apparently yes. Love your little snow-plow.Yes, perhaps there is movement, I'd say from what I know of you that there is movement, that you are finding ways to stay in the day but tthat there are times where that hyper-focus in the past allows us something we need. We usually know when we have to divert ourselves from being or living there for too long. I am thinking of you with a lot of love. Shannon, just giving you a hug as you find your days and your rhythm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Thank you...Dee.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 sure susan....Here is how you can add a video from youtube, and of course I am always willing to add it for you as well... Just add the tags and when you publish it it should show Just been in a quiet place lately... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Gretchen...Those are wonderful pictures...uplifting...life does go on and can be good. Thank you for affirming that...Sometimes I forget...or choose to forget. LBarry..."There definitely is comfort in sharing our grief. Just knowing that you are not alone or not crazy."That says it for me. Every day I wonder how my life has changed, and still can't believe it...one day...but I also look at how my life is being filled with the compassion shared here. This is a good place and I am glad you are here...to share your beautiful daughter...her grandchild...memories of love that are to come. I am so sad that I will not have that gift, but yet, I still feel that love here...and in a small way feel part of it. Sometimes it seems my only smiles come from that "sharing." Children...young...teens...adults...are to be exalted. I look forward to that every day when coming on this site. I keep all the pictures shared here and think of all you as my extended family...new memories that I need to continue my journey. Susan...14 GRANDchildren...wow! That is a blessing over and over again. Each one of them a sparkle in your eyes...a smile on your lips. Karen...I know how hard it will be for you...but also how precious your grandchild will be. Prayers for you and your family. It will be a good time, though, when they visit...as it should be. Geoff's earthly scent might not linger, but you still know the scent...it is everlasting in your heart. I know that every one of Brooks clothes...mementos...trophies...knickknacks brings a special memory to me now. Tears still...but I think more smiles of which I am so grateful. Some days I am just out of tears... Let us know how the visit goes and let John and his wife no our prayers are with them as their blessed day approaches. Debbie...Glad that you have a little downtime...although there is always work to do isn't there? Hoping that the police report allows you to continue your next step. Always thinking of you as you continue that journey. How is it going with your daughter? Sam has a good friend in Caleb. That just shows even more what a good man Sam became. Words just don't do justice to our love...feelings...sorrow, but they are good for the soul and do soothe when everything looks so bleak. Keep sharing. Laurie...Thank you for sharing those quotes...C.S. Lewis would be a man I would liked to have known. Weather getting a little better up there? Dee...Spring break yet? Tonight I judged a talent show at school. Fifteen great acts...was so hard to decide. Those are the times when I can set aside my grief, if just for a minute...hour...and think of all the happiness that is still out there for me. I will find it eventually. Thinking of the strides I have made these last months gives me that hope. Sherry...Spring is coming...I'm sorry, but it was 60 and sunny today. So nice to go visit Brooks in the sunlight. I'm sure it's the same for everyone else... Carol...So good to see you back. I think of you and Mike as baseball season approaches. Look at your Boston pics often. A friend of Brooks', who was just hired by the Reno Aces, a triple A team, has asked me to let him know what games I want to attend and he will make sure I have a good time. I want to attend on our birthday that we share, and hoping I can get a little message on the board. I know that was special for you at Fenway. Not the same as Fenway...but what is? Ted...Your message to Nick shows the love of a dad. Yes, our children would not want us to be sad...but it is hard...for we are only human with human emotions. Writing to Brooks always helps me...makes me feel like he is right there, and maybe he is...maybe that's why I write to him. I think the same for you and Nick. If people came to the cemetery when I visit Brooks they would think I was crazy. All I do is talk to him. Every day that is the one time I feel partly whole again. A special bond like that can never be broken. Keep sharing. I will be saying your boy's name out loud on the 23rd. Shannon...Cherry...Lora...BeckyThinking of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matt1313 Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 It would of been my son's 30th birthday yesterday.A friend sent me this youtube link.A beautiful song which I had never heard before sang by Annie Lennox.Want to share with all of you...http://youtu.be/JgcoBKWTW14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Mathieu's Mom....that is a very beautiful...almost heavenly song....it really touches in places where a human hand cannot touch....a belated 'heavenly Birthday to your SONshine boy'how did you do ? Our son's birthday was March 10th...he would have been 44.....I just kept a low profile...quiet..I 'crawled' through the day....Birthdays are hard...and all the days that end in 'y'..... Please tell us about your boy....and how your journey has been.....we are not professional grief counselors or therapists...just a group of parents that come to this site to reach out to other parents that have lost a child...and it doesn't matter if your child was '2 or 42'.....they are still your child...our grief journey is as unique as our child was unique....the common thread is our 'mourning'.... Geoff's Mom....I think we become so vulnerable...and 'any' change to our scene provokes some anxiety..and yes...our other children are feeling the 'absence of a presence'....it is just a hard path for all....and I have to remind myself...that each of John David's siblings had a different relationship with him...and I try to cover and comfort that unique place that he held with them..... you have this 'new little miracle' coming soon....we had a 'new little man' born about 4 months after John David passed...I am still held by the mystical timing of it all..... I really felt as if the Universe opened up and kissed me....and placed that beautiful..beloved little boy in our lives...and we so needed that to hold...for our arms felt so very empty... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Shannon.....if all you can do is read....you know we respect that....but....I and we are getting concerned....so...just let us know you are 'ok'....and that is enough.... Colleen...have you heard from Becky...I sent a card/letter....and then another card....it would be nice if her daughter could let 'anyone' have some news....we just miss her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Just stopping by to say I am holding everyone close and in my thoughts and prayers. I do know how hard this road is that we travel. The special occasions are the toughest to get through. It sometimes helps to do something special on that day to honour our child, and by doing so we still feel a hands on in getting involved. It does not have to be showy or elaborate. Just something special that we know will help us to feel connected. Hold on tight. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Sherry, our weather has been a roller coaster ride. We are still surrounded by a ton of snow...although it is slowly evaporating in the warmth of the sun. As crazy as this sounds... it does seem like spring has arrived, as the light has changed due to the position of the sun. I am pleased to hear you mom is doing so well. Good for her! I spent the day in the city with a very close friend yesterday, We ate lunch and had a great visit. We also had an opportunity to do some shopping afterwards. She is the only person that allows me to talk about my son. It feels so good to mention his name out loud and just talk about him casually. I came home feeling so much better. I know that I will always miss him terribly...but I also know that I will see him again. That is what gives me the strength to keep going. Wishing everyone a peaceful day. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Today is 28 months without my Steve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Mathieu's mom- I am deeply sorry for the loss of your son...it is a hard journey...this group of parents have been so good to me this past year and each has helped in their own way...your pain will still be there but you will find understanding and compassion here...loved the song...my son would have been 30 this year... Happy Heavenly Birthday to your sweet son... I have been reading again some grief materials, I do not think at first I was in a place that I could really absorb much... Expectations in Grief Your grief will take longer than most people think.Your grief will take more energy than you would have ever imagined.Your grief will entail mourning not only for the actual person you lost but also for all of the hopes, dreams and unfulfilled expectations you held for and with that person, and for the needs that will go unmet because of the death.Your grief will involve a wide variety of feelings and reactions, not solely those that are generally thought of as grief, such as depression and sadness.You may experience grief spasms or acute upsurges of grief that occur suddenly with no warning.You will have trouble thinking (memory, organization and intellectual processing) and making decisions.You may feel like you are going crazy.I want to say so much more to all of you...each day I read your posts, ponder, reflect, pray...know that you are all in my heart.... ...I am in a place where it feels like I am staring up at a dull grey sky...mixed in with unbelief that this is my life, both paralyzed and screaming...layered with deep anger that my son suffered like he did and for some reason had his life cut short...perhaps one day these feelings will be duller for me...but right now I cycle through this... Carol, beautiful sign from your Mike, I understand searching for your child's scent totally...intangible treasures worth more than all the gold in the world... Kate, I am glad you have such a friend...what a gift... Wade, thanks for the kinds words... ....maybe more later.... Steve's mom, good to see your post...know that count of days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Laurie....I was thinking,too, of re-reading what I read in the early months...I am on a different part of the grief journey...and just like re-reading a novel you read in your 20's.....to read it again...will have another meaning...(I have a story about that..re-reading...and about my Dad).... but yes....we have another kind of emptiness...there is another layer upon the other layers...I totally agree about what you posted about...grief....it is not a one-size-fit-all... Steve....we understand about the different 'tick-tock' ....the different way we measure and count time...it is very surreal... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Mathieusmom----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Mathieu. You have found a good site to come to .......everyone here understands the sorrow and pain of losinga child that is so loved. Thanks for the song.....it is very beautiful. Peace to you, friend. Wade-----Well---we got a sunny day today with a brisk breeze. The breeze made it feela bit chilly, but the sun was glorious to be out in. I checked the barn for mice, andsprayed deer repellent on the pussy willow bush....(deer seem to like to nibble at it).Brooks must have felt you near to him, and him to you. Carol----Good to see your post. Thanks for the pics of your sweet little pup. Love thatshe appoints herself as the 'official snow remover'....pushing with her nose. Also,love the cute little sweater she has on. Warmer here today.....a bit crazy ....one daywarm, then back to cold.....same as your weather there, although I think that your area has gotten the worst of it. Dee---Everyone in your school will love going to the Harris Theater for the dancetroupe show. I got out there today and really enjoyed the sun. Checked aroundfor signs of spring......beginning to see very early signs. Brought in a few nicebranches of pussy willow for the dining room table. The catkins are so nice andbig.....soft, silvery gray...the first year they have been so nice....(due to spraying to deter the deer).I sprayed in Feb. (egg & clove oil based product), when I first noticed the catkins forming.....deer seem to loveeating them. Ted----Yep....I agree with you......the hope we all hold,... of seeing our belovedchildren again someday, keeps us going on. Thanks for the pics of Nick.Sending thoughts & prayers. Laurie-----Thanks for the video/song. Very lovely and inspiring words. Kate-----Roller coaster weather is a good description. It's the same here, it seems.Sunny and a bit warmer one day, and then back to very cold the next. The snowis melting away though, so that helps. Birds still persisting with their song to tellus that spring is on its way.....hopefully. Everyone is anxious to say goodbye towinter. Do you do any needlework ? I am 'in between' some projects now, butam reading a pretty good mystery. PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members njmacrae Posted March 14, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 This is my first post on this site. We lost our beautiful John-Ross last August 24th - he was 24 years old. He was a professional motorcycle road racer and had an accident at the race track. My husband and I are holding each other up moment to moment. How will we survive this next couple of years I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 NJ, I am so sorry for the loss of your son, John Ross. There are many parents on this site who have helped me so much this past year after losing my son, Jesse. He was killed on his motorcycle when someone ran him over in his own lane. Prayers for you and your family. *********************************************** Sherry, hopefully spring comes soon...I am not good a needlepoint but would like to learn either crocheting or knitting...which one is easier? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted March 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 Re-lived her last days. Re-lived today, the day she left us. I am so tired. The second anniversary seems worse than the first. I miss her so much.Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted March 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 Yes sandy,I think the second year is worse too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 Oh Drat, I hate it when this happens. I just lost a long post. Anyway, I am sending support to all tonight. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 15, 2014 Members Report Share Posted March 15, 2014 Wishing everyone a peaceful evening... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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