Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy, I just have to say that as far as others expecting you to "Get over it" well, that is never going to happen. You will learn to adjust your life to live with this pain. But you will never let go of the fact that you are... and will always be the mother of a child that is now not here. It is not us that has the problem... but others that do not know how to deal with it. Your pain is real and you need the support of understanding people. Hold tight.

Right on....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Sent to me by a friend, who like us, knows all scars can't be seen, and some cover wounds that never really heal.

[shorty16]

Sandy and all my friends

To me,this grief ia like a volcano. The gurgling deep pain may sit quite for a while, but needs to be expressed. This grief will not be denied.

I needed to make grief my friend. Give it its time to show and then sit quiet for a while.

After 5 years without Brian, I realize this grief is not leaving me. I have to accept grief into my life and give it is time. Sometimes, I can choose the time grief comes out. Sometimes I cannot.

Acceptance of this fact, for me, took a long time. I did not like grief. I wanted grief to leave me alone. But, that is not going to happen.

I pray each bereaved parent comes to a knowing with grief. Accept grief in their own way and learns to step forward into life.

Love to you all

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

[Mermaid Tears]

Today I went to the funeral home, to say my last good-bye

To a man who’s only 24, and far too young to die

I looked into his Grandma face, the pain so clear to see

And when her legs grew to weak to stand, I helped her to a seat

I held my lovely daughters hand, and wiped tears from her face

Knowing that the friend she lost could never be replaced

His babies played so sweetly, on the floor they played a game

I knew they didn’t understand, their lives would never be the same

Lord, I know you’ll never leave me, but I’m feeling so alone

And I thank you very humbly, for my happy home

You say to lay this at your feet, and you’ll take away my pain

So I’m crying out to you, calling your holy name

And I believe and trust in you, and I’m trying with all my might

But Lord my heart is aching, for what others feel tonight

Please wrap your arms around me, let me feel your grace and love

And use me Lord, give me the words to bring comfort from above

And show me how to love my kids, and remember they’re on loan

And only you will know the day, when you will call them home

I do not feel you here with me, but I know you’ll never go

Because you told me in your word, so by faith I know it’s so

Pamela German

2011

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I remember a time when I spoke of acceptance of grief and many became angry at the words, but as you see now, once we accept what happened which of course does not mean we think it is okay, we can take those steps into building a life that is meaningful and we realize we are not betraying our Child, rather we are honoring them in living to the fullest as they would want.

Becky, love that message.

Lora, I know that you are feeling the date of Cara's last birthday. Such a wonderful day and such the meaning of bittersweet. I love that you can take delight in knowing that kids who are in need are walking around in clothing that your Sweetie enjoyed wearing.

It is sunny and breezy and colder here, so I am going to get outside for a bit and figure the day out.

Shannon, love the fairy story. There are other things I will have to reread to comment because I was too sleepy last eve. OH, the calling on Trista's presence...I remember feeling that I was calling on Eri too much way back a long while ago, and I, like you , speak to her all the time, so I always told her to come when she wants, that she needs to be as free as she can be and only hang out if she wants to. After a time, I felt that she would be further away than other times and so I do believe that she is doing what is natural and good for her and that her energy is near when we need it most. You won't burden her with your calls to her, our Angels have no burden of responsibility anymore, but I do believe that they find more freedom when we take some new steps. I think that they must be elated when we learn the tiny things that help us through a day.

[Mermaid Tears]

Colleen......I do understand you....

I came to the realization that this 'grief' is mine....the way I grieve is as unique as me...as my child...our 'Mom and Son' relationship was...his and mine....I am 'possessive' with it...

no one is going to tell me 'how' it should be...this is mine....it will be my way.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you Susan for posting that heartfelt poem. Oh my, so very true. For me I felt absolutely the lowest point of my life bar none was the day my husband had his surgery and I sat alone in our living room waiting for the surgeon to call. As it was a very, very long surgery... they had advised me to stay at home and they would call throughout to give me updates and time to go back to the hospital towards the end. I sat in total silence that day with my beloved black lab at my feet. I only left my chair to let her out now and again. I was totally lost and spent my entire day in prayer. I have never connected with God in such a way as that... apart from the night Jeff died. I told him I could no longer carry the weight of this burden and he had asked far too much of me. The loss of the business, my son's death and now this. And so I told him that instead of trying I was giving it back to him. I needed him to carry me though this. I surrendered myself completely to his will. I felt the hand of divine support at that moment. I somehow knew that I had to stop worrying and let it all unfold as it was meant to be. Easier said then done! I have a close friend that offered to come and sit with me. I knew that I needed this time to reflect on what was happening. No distractions. My grief at losing Jeff is mine and mine alone. I am his mom and always will be. And I miss my boy and the connection that we shared. I have been blest by a special gift of knowing that he is at peace. That gives me great comfort, but I still cry for my aching empty arms. I long to hug him again. To hear his goofy jokes and silly ways. I see signs all around me of his humour still. The day my husband saw a moose on our driveway was perhaps a goofy joke of his. Never before has this been seen in this area. Not ever. And nobody else saw it. Heck, that would be him. Cracking up with laughter watching as his dad told people that there was a moose at the base of our driveway. Who knows? Heck, he did the Chinese take away calls with perfection. When I really lose it is when people just assume that I am over it. NO, I am not. And I never will be over it. As Dee and Colleen have stated...I have learned and am continuing to do so. Tying to piece together the fabric of my new life. It is going to take a lot of time and patience. Patience is not one of my virtues. I am so very grateful for the time I have with my husband. I know God heard me that day. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and without any word spoken it gave me a sense of knowing that all would be well. This is so hard to deal with. But having friends such as yourselves has given me a real home and a feeling that others that are walking in my shoes will give me support. I don't want to waste time in finding fault with those that don't get it. It is not about them. This is about Jeff and me.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....I so needed to 'hear and read ' your words today....

I know for certain....that many on this site feel as if they have been given a drink of water...when they have been thirsty...after reading your words....

I have suggested it before...but maybe you could compile your writings and put them in a little book/novella/manual/pamphlet.....of your journey...experience...'where' you were and 'where' you are now in the grief walk...you have certainly had quite a walk with life.

How did you lose your business...? When did that happen? If I ask too many personal questions...please forgive me.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, thank you for sharing that poem, it had words I needed to hear…”Please wrap your arms around me and let me feel your love and grace…” those are words that need to be spoken to the wounded…and I totally am with you on the “no one is going to tell me 'how' it should be...this is mine....it will be my way.”

Dee, I thought about what you said on calling your daughter’s name, I believe at first I could feel Jesse’s presence much more, but lately I wonder if there are tasks he needs to complete where he is…I still feel him but not quite as much…from all my studying on NDE’s they all say that time is not the same there, that time is really for our earth world only…I know I am rambling a bit…some days it is just like that, random thoughts...

More thoughts on the grief walk over the long haul…I took this again from Jill’s book because I so much identify with what she says, and sometimes my befuddled mind just can’t put out like it used to…

When I talk with others about the grief experience, I always start with this essential reminder: no one’s grief is the same as anyone else’s grief, although hopefully some people may benefit from what others have experienced. I also remind listeners to keep in mind the fact that the grieving process may never actually end. It may, instead, simply evolve and along the way manifest discouraging moments when it may appear that the griever has not really progressed much.

Kraft Thompson, Jill . Finding Jill: How I Rebuilt My Life after Losing the Five People I Loved Most

She goes on from there to describe setbacks that snare her once in awhile…I knew from the beginning of losing Jesse this would be my own experience…

Becky, that said it all, some scars cover wounds that never heal…

Dee, do you know if Sherry has made any progress on her computer yet? Don't know if she knows, but AVG Virus protection works just as good as Norton's or McAfree, it does not cost anything either....that is all we use here...

Thanks Colleen for sharing again with us, your words are always insightful...

Kate, on seeing signs, I remember one early trip to the cemetery, I left for awhile since some other people came there and I wanted to work on Jesse's grave alone, I went for a short drive up the road and parked by a river there. Well a momma bird came out of the grass with 4 or 5 young. They were walking across the street. I have never seen birds like these, they reminded me of a killdeer with long legs but their beaks were entirely different, like a trumpet at the end, and coloring was different too. Well as they went across the road it looked like the were doing the rumba or something and kept bouncing their butts high in the air as they walked...including the baby chicks, it was really funny had I not been in such a heart wrenching mood, I wondered if Jesse sent them my way...

I agree with Susan, I like reading your stories...the hand on your shoulder....

****************************************************************

Thinking of Shannon, Wade, Wanda, Gretchen, Carol, Isabella's mom, Lora, Sarah's Mom, and all those who come and share in this community...I know I don't have everyone's name but I pray that God may touch all who come here in a very real way...

****************************************************************

One more thing to add, the woman, Kathy, who played the music at Jesse's funeral just had her sister die this week (age 46) burial was Saturday ...this is the second death in two months for her since Kathy's nephew (age 41) just died from a heart issue...both were young...I had the chance to share with her some of my grieving materials right before her sister died and since she is the deaconess at church, they have went ahead to bring some memorial ideas in this Christmas...I know I mentioned this before but it is now finalized and set to go...

[Sholl1955]

I want to thank all of you who have given me so much encouragement and support. Last night was a difficult night with memories stirred up of painful days, that I would like to leave behind me but of course never will. Today I was kept busy with my daughter Rachel here with her to little ones and we all had lunch with Sarah's little girls and their Daddy, my son in law. The 3 girls love to be together and are a lively bunch of sunshine. Our grandson is 5 months old now and such a happy, laid back baby. Soon enough he will be trying to keep up with the 3 girls. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful. Life indeed will never be the same. Sarah's Birthday is December 1st and Rachel's is the 5th and Sarah's oldest Maddie is the 12th. So it is a busy month with many special days. I agree with those on here who feel the second year is in ways harder than the first as we continue to navigate through life without her. Again thank you all for your encouragement and support. Sandy

[Jeff's Mom]

Sandy, it sounds as if you are surrounded by a loving family. The kids can be such a help in trying to stay grounded. Glad you have your grandchildren to help with this grief process. Enjoy each and every opportunity to be with them. They grow so quickly.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....thank you for holding us all....that song by Neil Young played in my mind all night...I know I can count on you....to pull us up from the knees ...to the standing....

Kate...will have a message for you tomorrow...it is late and I have to garner my thoughts...

Sarah's Mom.....we will hold you close with all your dates....and rejoice when those little ones are there with you...

Laurie...once again....you give me so much 'food for thought'.....

the sharing of 'experience and knowledge' has been a light for me from each of you....and I say that with all my heart....we have to know that all knowledge is not innate....has to be learned and shared....for us to learn....

will share my story later....for the Mississippi Kite Hawk that came on my birthday....

[wgreenlee]

Haven’t been up to sharing a whole lot lately...don’t know why, but had to share this.

In some of the posts I’ve been reading there has been a theme about how others who aren’t in our same situation don’t always know what to say or do. I see the same thing. They try but I have very few friends who can even remotely relate. They mean well, but they just don’t know our pain. Well, went to Lowe’s last night with Renea to get a couple of hanging lanterns and wind chimes for Brooks. We were just going through the motions a little. Renea spoke to the floor person about why we were there. He immediately gave her a big hug, then came over to me and did the same...all without saying a word. Then for the next 15 minutes he pulled Brooks’ story out of us in a way that made us smile and feel like Brooks was still with us. He even told us not to buy any wind chimes but to make our own and then told us how. At the end he told us his name...Ben Jacobsen...and showed us these little pins on his hat that workers get when people say nice things about them. He had quite a few. He told us he didn’t have any kids but was honored that we shared our son with him. We left Lowe’s and went right over to Brooks to put up his lights. We smiled and laughed at memories of Brooks and felt good about our evening. Just the two of us.

Then today I go and put his solar lights in the sun because he has too much shade. Went back this evening and something just broke inside of me and it all was so real again. Spoke to Brooks...spoke to God...just needed something to ease my heart...some sign...anything...and finally kinda yelled out “Where’s that plane from my son?” (if you remember I told you about the plane that circled our airport and flew right over me with lights like a cross when I needed a sign before) and as soon as I said it I looked up and there it was again...flying right over me as beautiful as anything I’ve ever seen...same kind of lights and everything. And it was like a thousand pounds were just lifted off my shoulders.

I don’t know why we are all here...don’t know why we were chosen to give over our children...why we have to go through so much pain every day...but I do know that there is a purpose...something we can’t see...but every one of our children made a difference in this life and I know they are still making a difference. I think of each one of your children and how I would give anything to meet them...to know more about them. Their lives were so filled with love and you, my friends, were the reason. It helps me so much to hear there stories and I cry at your pain the same way I cry for Brooks. I want so much to give comfort to all of you. You fill the void left by my son and he stays so alive for me when I come here. Thank you, forever, for that.

For some reason there has been a lot of people this week thinking about Brooks and kinda calling out to him. They’re hurting too and he was always so willing to help...to try and make things better with his smile and music or whatever. His best friend called us yesterday and just wanted to be with us for a while, so we took a walk down to the river. He took his fishing pole because he said that’s what he does when he wants to relax. Told us some stories about Brooks that we never knew. Couple other people asked if I would go with them to visit Brooks. Maybe us being here will make some miracle happen...or that we will make a difference in someone’s life because they too have found us and are in desperate need of comfort. I know all of you have done that for me. There have been some days that I just couldn’t stand the pain and bad thoughts would enter my head...and then I would remember all the comforting and loving words from everyone here and life would have some meaning for me again.

And so I thank every one of you for your amazing love to someone you’ve never even met. Our lives are intertwined in a manner none of us wanted, but there are going to be miracles happen in the name of our children... We will long for the touch of our angels for the rest of our lives, but all of them are still with us...walking by us and touching us in ways we don’t even see.

Thank you God for my son who you gave me for such a short time...please let him know how much he is missed and loved by everyone he touched. You were amazing Brooks and everyone still remembers...

Wade

[Jeff's Mom]

Wade, your post from last evening sounded so much more uplifting. I am really glad that you and your wife had a good visit with that man at Lowe's, on Friday evening. He clearly was a positive influence. What a nice person he was to take the time to talk in depth. Also, sounds like Brooks was definitely giving you a sign that he could still hear his dad. I agree that we are all connected by our loss and by walking in these shoes we have the ability to understand fully the pain. I hope that everyone has a nice day today. We woke up this morning to cold! It dipped to -14C. There is still a light covering of snow and I imagine it is here to stay at this point. To everyone feeling under the weather with the flu, etc...take care. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Posted from Wade, “I don’t know why we are all here...don’t know why we were chosen to give over our children...why we have to go through so much pain every day...but I do know that there is a purpose...something we can’t see...but every one of our children made a difference in this life and I know they are still making a difference. I think of each one of your children and how I would give anything to meet them...to know more about them. Their lives were so filled with love and you, my friends, were the reason. It helps me so much to hear their stories and I cry at your pain the same way I cry for Brooks. I want so much to give comfort to all of you. You fill the void left by my son and he stays so alive for me when I come here. Thank you, forever, for that.”

********************************************

I have been pondering what you wrote since last night…I thank you for the very kind words you have for us here…"why our children", it is one of the things I struggle with so very hard…I know in my intellect that it does no good to keep wrestling with this; but in the dark night of the soul, it is what I go back to, perhaps in time it will be different…

It has meant so much to me to share Jesse’s life with others, and I consider it an honor to hear the stories of other children here on this site. There is so much to this grief that people who have not suffered child loss can never understand, all the “little deaths” that a parent faces going forward: the lost dreams, adventures, hopes and life milestones…

To me it is precious that we can share about our children in the sense of what they might be doing now, and even though we cannot always "see" them here in this realm, that they still continue to live and grow in God’s light -- they wait for us in that perfect place of complete love…

Early on, I felt directed to a passage from the Book of Wisdom (chapter 4):

7

But the righteous one, though he die early, shall be at rest.

8

For the age that is honorable comes not with the passing of time,

nor can it be measured in terms of years.

9

Rather, understanding passes for gray hair,

and an unsullied life is the attainment of old age

.

understanding and compassion for others…I have read this so much in our children's stories of their lives, compassion, understanding, honorable...

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

CARA, CARA, CARA-

With all the love in your heart you must fly so beautifully, so gracefully, and with a smile that brightens the world. This day is the day that is marked by the magic that entered your family with your arrival.

I know you will let Mom know that you are near, that you are free, that your love stands all tests as does hers.

Lora, holding you close today and each. Our girls share the double number: 11-11 and 4-4

Love the flowers and the wind is simply the rush of Angels wings.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Cara, Cara, Cara

I'm saying your name out loud today to honor you on your Birthday. Show your Mom that you are so close to her today. Wrap her in your love and light and let her feel your presence in the ways that are yours and hers.

Lora, I'm holding you and your Beautiful Cara in my heart today. Sending thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL ANGEL. Surround your Mom today with your lovely spirit. Thinking of you today... Lora.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Lora, you are in my thoughts today...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....many...many...on this site will have the same wish as I....

We wish we could take just a fraction of the heart ache..heart break...heart sick..heart loss from your Mother's heart today.....

We wish we could fly instantly to be by your side....for we feel we are your forever friends....

and we know your Mother's heart is hurting....

And because we 'really get your pain'....

We feel we could share with you...be there for you...and care for you...

But all we have is this screen...in front of us....

And words to share.

We will wrap you and that Baby Girl in our prayers....I woke up this morning thinking of you...

I wrote down her Birthday...because no matter how many years go by....we all remember when that 'Angel that slipped from cloud in Heaven' and was placed forever in our arms and hearts...is a moment etched in our souls.

I 'know' she is with you....

We are with you, too.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I find Celtic music really comforting and this morning was high anxiety so I turned Pandora on to my Celtic Music channel. These are two of the songs that first came on. I found some comfort in them today and thought I would share.

Secret Garden, Prayer

Let your arms enfold us

Through the dark of night

Will your angels hold us

Till we see the light

Hush, lay down your troubled mind

The day has vanished and left us behind

And the wind, whispering soft lullabies

Will soothe, so close your weary eyes

Let your arms enfold us

Through the dark of night

Will your angels hold us

Till we see the light

Sleep, angels will watch over you

And soon beautiful dreams will come true

Can you feel spirits embracing your soul

So dream while secrets of darkness unfold

Celtic Woman, Prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes

And watch us where we go

And help us to be wise

In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer

As we go our way

Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace

To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light

And hold it in our hearts

When stars go out each night

Remind us where you are

Let this be our prayer

When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind

And watch us from above

We hope each soul will find

Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer

Just like every child

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe

[wgreenlee]

CARA…CARA…CARA

Your love shines bright on your mom today...

God, please be with Lora today. Comfort and bless her with your presence as she celebrates the birthday of her beautiful girl.

Thinking of you and Cara all day, Lora….Wade

[Mermaid Tears]

On Veteran's Day....a story about my Dad....

After WW11....my parent's and friends would have this huge New Year's Eve party at the Newgulf Clubhouse....each person could invite 12 couples....and they would hire a 'Big Band' orchestra out of Houston...Tex Bentley was their favorite...

Leading up to the party...my Mom would be a-dither....for each hostess was responsible for decorating 'their tables'.....and if Picasso could paint...my little Mama could sew.....and she would figure out her 'decorating theme' and then she would be on her own mission....each year...she always outdone herself....and of course...we were her 'soldiers of decoration' to carry it out to her request. My Grama and others would be on her team....and there was a flurry of 'sewing..Sequins..net...satin...flowers and bows'. The other mission....would be what she wore...and in the true fashion of Southern women....my Mom and her sisters would be in deep contemplation of 'what' they would be wearing for the Christmas parties....and what I would be wearing to the Christmas Ball...in September. No time to waste. This was SERIOUS.

Each hostess could have their children as 'servers'....but they had to be 12 years old....and their mission was to 'Serve and Smile'.....I was so excited the year I was finally old enough to be a 'server'.....and all that was expected of us was to stay in the kitchen area...and bring 'ice..cokes...7-Up' to the tables during the party. This was boys and girls. What we were really being taught was 'how to give parties, celebrate and be a hostess/host" in keeping with tradition.

I remember the year was 1958.....my Mom's tables were black tablecloths with white net over them...a large white satin streamer..(that was so hard to keep in place cause we had to use small pins)....red roses in the centerpiece...(which could not be placed til a couple of hours before the party...so they would be fresh)...and black napkins...every dish..bowl...fork..knife..spoon had to be 'just' in place....

here...I have to mention that decorating took two days.... for the Clubhouse had to be decorated, too.....(how many times I have wondered what they could have done if they had had a hot-glue gun back in those days)…

That year I wore a dress of Black velvet on the top....with a full chiffon skirt....black slippers...I felt so grown up.

I so remember all the ladies...with their hair in french twists or the 50's pixie cut...the satin..some wore long gowns...some wore tea-gowns...the taffeta...the swish-swish of lots of net...the perfumes...the long gloves...(every one wore gloves in that era)....and the men...so handsome in their black suits...shiny shoes....

My Dad looking at my Mom with complete adoration....my Mom with her Red-Red lipstick and Red-Red painted finger nails….all set for an evening of celebrating and dancing.

Sometime before midnight….I think about an hour before…..everyone…even us….made a huge circle around the clubhouse and joined hands….the orchestra played ‘We’ll Meet Again’ very softly….and then one by one…a man or woman would get up…read names and dates….some would tell a story…it was reflections and memories…..of the ones that did not make it home.

My Dad went to the stage and made his memory talk….and came back to the circle and held mine and my Mom’s hands….and he started to cry…but he wasn’t the only one…there were many, many tears among everyone in the circle.

After everyone had their turn….Mrs.McDonald, my Jr. High music teacher, went on stage and sang ‘We’ll Meet Again”……then….the orchestra would play ‘Auld Lang Sine”……then….everyone would be hugging each other…tears wiped away…lots of laughter and smiles and cheer.

After the party and we were home….I told my Daddy how it upset me to see him cry….and he said…”Sometimes it is more wrong not to cry…than it is to cry”…

My parents always seemed to enjoy and hold dear every moment of everyday….they never took anything for granted….they could have a good time sitting in the backyard…..and was always ready to have a get-together…a small hamburger party….just the smallest event was reason to celebrate.

I have asked many people just ‘how was it during WW11…..? Each has answered …’Well…we were just scared to death the whole time’….even the ones back home.

My Dad had WW11 buddies in New Braunsfels…Rockport…etc….and we would visit them every summer….and of course….his classmates and dear friends that came back home after the war….hardly any of them left home….I guess they were so glad to be back…they never wanted to live anywhere else.

Thank you, Daddy for your service…and to my parents…who taught by example…..and also…it is a tribute in itself….to cry.

My Mom....my Mom and Dad...Matagorda beach...1950

[tobyfreefoot]

one of my best friends since i was 12 got the call last night. her thirty eight year old son is dead. i was there when he was born. i was at his dad's funeral. his mom was at forest's funeral as was his grandmother and uncle that i dated for years. i pulled a lifesaver from his throat when he was 3. i am tired of this, i love you joshua lee betterton

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Susan, thank you so much for sharing such a lovely story of your family tradition. I felt as if I was actually in that room the way you described it. What a magical time for a young girl growing up. Yes, I also believe in every word stated by your father. Thanks for this lovely Memorial Day story. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

one of my best friends since i was 12 got the call last night. her thirty eight year old son is dead. i was there when he was born. i was at his dad's funeral. his mom was at forest's funeral as was his grandmother and uncle that i dated for years. i pulled a lifesaver from his throat when he was 3. i am tired of this, i love you joshua lee betterton

Dear me, Gretchen...what happened? How very sad. Sending warm thoughts and prayers for his family and friends. Also thinking of the families of those lost in the Philippines.

[Jeff's Mom]

My husband had an uncle that by all accounts was a crusty old guy. He lived well into his eighties. His wife having passed away several years earlier. When he passed away we had the job of cleaning out his house and sorting his things out. This one particular Sunday afternoon Jeff and I decided to go down to his basement to get started. There pushed far back into a corner and tucked away was a steamer trunk. Jeff was curious to see what was in it. We found it jam packed with war memorabilia. His uniform, medals, etc. But what we found the most interesting was his series of letters exchanged between himself and his wife. They were fascinating. What was the most apparent to us is that we saw another side to his nature. This old duffer was just an old softie underneath his gruff exterior. He would never talk about the war. The memories were far too painful. One particular day we walked into his home and he had placed in a very prominent spot on the living room wall a picture of his squadron. All he would tell us is that most of them were dead. Period. We took that as the cue to not push any further.

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...so sorry for you and his family....and yes....'does it ever end'....? No...

Do the questions ever get answered ? So far...I have not met one person...or read any book...or seen any movie...or Bible verse....that can come up with any answer. Please share with us ...about that boy.

Yes Kate....I guess everyone has a story....and I think we need to share our stories....to help us carry on....that way...we feel more connected...and not so alone.

[wgreenlee]

Kate…we had the same thing happen with my grandpa. He had dozens of letters between he and grandma spanning the days when he was trying to find work during the depression. Wish I could speak to him now as an adult and learn more about him. As kids we just don't think that way…although I loved going fishing with him. Thank you for the story. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Up and down like a yo-yo…but I know that Brooks and all of our angels are being loved right now…Thank you, Lord.

Gretchen…I am so sorry. My thoughts will be with you all day. I, too, am so tired of all of this…but what do do? Stay in there and use us for comfort.

Susan…Beautiful…Sometimes I get so tired of crying, but not today…thank you!

Shannon…I like the Celtic Women too. Sometimes they are on the PBS channel with their concerts. I look them up on YouTube occasionally. Thank you for the song. Even though music generally makes me sad now, it's cleansing too.

Lora…hoping your day is going ok… As I worked on the slide show a little bit more today…go behind on it…I looked at Cara and our other angels and I think they must be having a great big birthday party for her…. Continued prayers your way and wish I could ease your pain somehow...

Cara….fly high today!

[wgreenlee]

Just thinking about everyone and hoping your day is going well. Peace…love…hugs…flowing your way!!!

Thinking about you too, son…Two long months…going to visit you this evening…show me "your airplane." Love…Dad

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, oh my goodness. I am so sorry for the family and friends of this young man, gone so soon. Please tell us more about him as you find your way through these first days of grief again...I know that it will drag your heart out on the bare floor again, and you will mourn both boys and the memories that have brought you to this day. Prayer to his Mom and Family, prayer for you as you face this loss, and hugs to this young many who has already seen the light that helped him cross to the next place, hopefully seeing Forest and all of our Team.

Wade, I hope the airplane flies overhead.

Thanks for the music Shannon.

Sherry sends her love as she still is unable to get on.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Wade, I understand about music. I only listen to things I choose and only when the time is right. I hope you feel Brooks so close today.

Dee and Laurie, Thank you for sharing that you had similar thoughts on "calling" on your children. Yes, we will always be their Moms.

Susan, I absolutely loved your story. Thank you for sharing that today.

Lora, You and Cara were in my thoughts so much today.

Kate, I love your stories always. Thank you.

Gretchen, I'm so sorry. I'm sending healing thoughts and prayers of comfort for you and the family of Joshua.

I just wanted to stop in and say I'm here and reading. I've been in a very reflective/introspective place the last few days. I'm thinking of all of you.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, your story took me back in time to a day where things were simpler and things were so much clearer...your descriptions of everything in such detail, I could almost hear the big band playing their song...

Kate, I thought the story of your husband's uncle and wife to be very romantic...we never know what lies beneath the surface of another person...him not wanting to talk about the war, I have seen that in many veterans...

Had to listen to Glenn Miller's Moonlight Serenade...he had lost his life during WWII while giving morale tours for the troops...

Dee, please let Sherry know we are thinking of her with warm thoughts...

Shannon, totally understand that introspection, the need to reflect...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your friend's boy, Joshua...sending out hugs to you...and prayers for the family...

[ericasmom]

I give a salute to all that have fought and struggled through wars, have died or survived never the same again after seeing the terrible conditions of war...A great book, The Good War, an Oral History, by Studs Terkel. All about the second world war. Another great one, about Viet Nam; The Things They Carry.

Susan, your Momma looks like Natalie Wood in that large photo, and what a handsome couple they made your Poppa and Momma.

I love your story, I can see the whole scene with the different tables all set to impress, the dresses, the excitement. What a great memory. Thanks for sharing.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Cara, Cara, Cara!!! Happy Heavenly Birthday!!!!

I hope you sent signs to your mom today to let her know how close you really are!!

Thinking of you, Lora! I loved your tribute and the flowers at her site were beautiful!!

[Mommysangelisabella]

Cara,cara,cara,

Happy birthday sweet angel. hold mommy tight today as she celebrates your beautiful life sweet angel and dance ...... Dance with all of your heart and soul. Your mommy loves you so very much. Laura you and cara hv been on my mind and in my prayers all day. All my love wendy

[Mommysangelisabella]

Gretchen,

I am so sorry for your loss of joshua. Please send my love to his mom and dad as well. Im praying for you all. I as well would love to learn of him when your ready. I can see him now just joining our angels they welcomed him with open arms huggs and love.

Susan,

To hear your story was amazing i was right there with you on that day . Thank you for that.

Kate,

I understand what its like hving a family member not wanting to talk about the war. As far back as my line is know my family have always been soldiers in one brach or another. The closest to me are my grandfather, father ,and brother. My nephew now is the only one left active in my family. We hv lost a few in war others to old age. But the going line is your never the same after that day. My dad i am still blessed to hv but as you mention about your uncle is old and hardly in a good mood. But there are rare times when i see his true self shine threw and the love i hv for my dad is beyond anything you can imagine. I am a true daddys girl ! I spent this morning at our near by Cemetery of all of our fallen heros ( i hv an air base in my town) first at my grandfathers site then just randomly others. Showing my boys around taking about the meaning of today.

Shannon,

I to hv been reflecting these past couple if days. Yesterday it dawned on me my baby girl has been gone almost to months! Ive read it from others thinking wow its been awhile but then not. But i was thinking these people who are into this only two months seem so put together maybe ill be there by then then when it hit me its almost bern two months i was like wow! I hv one other thing ive been reflecting on alot that has just happend ill get to in a min. But i understand so many things im thinking of how quiclky its,gone and i dnt remember it.

Wade,

I hope your brooks sent you his airplane tonight. Im thinking of you both and sending prayers always.

Ok something happend on sat. That i just cant rap my head around. My mom offered to by my 7 year old his decorations for his birthday. We set a date to go on the second. I call my mom on the first begging her to help me with my boys for even an hour because i was hving a rough day couldnt stop crying ect. She saif no. I didnt hear from her agen at all untill a week latter she simply tx so what time do you want to go sat ? I asked um where? She said oh did you forget we are going to get rileys decorations. I explained no i didnt forget that was last week and you never called. I told her its been over a werk you knew how bad i was you never called or tx then you didnt even on rileys birthday . She didnt reply. I tx her if you really still want to ok we are free any time. Just trying to forgive and move on. She picks us up we go out and its just awkward like its never been before im fighting myself for things to say. She brings up shes making a family calander to send to my nans for christmas. She telks me about this pic and that. Then she says yea i hv one of you and the boys...... and so on. I went wait what about isabella ? She says no i didnt think of her. Not in an oh my im so sorry voice it was like an after thought! It hurt bad . How could she not think of adding her granddaughter to this . Dead or alive shes my daughter and apart of the family! Ive been trying to think outside of me . As her but i cnt i dnt get it and uts another blow to me. She did go way over board with decorations for.my boys wich i was happy for him for. After we finish shopping we go over to mcdonadls for luch and let the boys play where i used to be able to quickly fill thr time but this time i couldnt. So i asked about my lil sis my baby sis who is now 27 dosent work and has never left home. She has problems with her eyes but could live life she chooses to never leave home. Her dog of 9 years passed away a few weeks ago. My mom went on for over a half hour about my sister and how worried she is and how she has her dogs ashes down stairs and kisses the box every time she walks by. How she hates to leave her alone right now. I was good i listened and kept the thoughts to myself. I myself grew up with a dog i had her for 21 years before she went unto kidney failur . So i get it shes upset i was at the time to . I dnt deminish het pain but what makes me so upset wich dosent seem like a strong enough word is where are these feelings for me for her grandaughter. For the human , this was a dog ! Why couldnt you hv the same concern for me ? Why couldnt she call or tx once bring me dinner. Say oh i dnt want to leave her alone for long ? I just dnt understand how she can show such concern over my little sister and her dog and not for me.. We headed home said good bye and thats been that.

Im thinking of you all , i love you all, and im praying for you all my new family thank you will never be enough of a word but thank you

[Mermaid Tears]

HE SPARROW AT STARBUCKS

This is a very good example of a "God-incidence." (similar to what many people call a "co-incidence"). I'm sending this to those who truly appreciate the difference between the two terms.

If you take the time to read it, you will be glad you did.

The SPARROW at STARBUCKS - The song that silenced the cappuccino machine.

It was chilly in Manhattan but warm inside the Starbucks shop on 51st Street and Broadway, just a skip up from Times Square. Early November weather in New York City holds only the slightest hint of the bitter chill of late December and January, but it's enough to send the masses crowding indoors to vie for available space and warmth. For a musician,

it's the most lucrative Starbucks location in the world, I'm told, and consequently, the tips can be substantial if you play your tunes right.

Apparently, we were striking all the right chords that night, because our basket was almost overflowing. It was a fun, low-pressure gig - I was playing keyboard and singing backup for my friend who also added rhythm with an arsenal of percussion instruments. We mostly did pop songs from the '40s to the '90s with a few original tunes thrown in.

During our emotional rendition of the classic, "If You Don't Know Me by Now," I noticed a lady sitting in one of the lounge chairs across from me. She was swaying to the beat and singing along.

After the tune was over, she approached me. "I apologize for singing along on that song. Did it bother you?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "We love it when the audience joins in. Would you like to sing up front on the next selection?" To my delight, she accepted my invitation. "You choose," I said. "What are you in the mood to sing?"

"Well. ... do you know any hymns?" Hymns? This woman didn't know who she was dealing with. I cut my teeth on hymns. Before I was even born, I was going to church. I gave our guest singer a knowing look. "Name one."

"Oh, I don't know. There are so many good ones. You pick one."

"Okay," I replied. "How about 'His Eye is on the Sparrow'?"

My new friend was silent, her eyes averted. Then she fixed her eyes on mine again and said, "Yeah. Let's do that one." She slowly nodded her head, put down her purse, straightened her jacket and faced the center of the shop. With my two-bar setup, she began to sing, "Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come?"

The audience of coffee drinkers was transfixed. Even the gurgling noises of the cappuccino machine ceased as the employees stopped what they were doing to listen. The song rose to its conclusion.

"I sing because I'm happy; I sing because I'm free. For His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."

When the last note was sung, the applause crescendoed to a deafening roar that would have rivalled a sold-out crowd at Carnegie Hall. Embarrassed, the woman tried to shout over the din, "Oh, y'all go back to your coffee! I didn't come in here to do a concert! I just came in here to get somethin' to drink, just like you!"

But the ovation continued.. I embraced my new friend. "You, my dear, have made my whole year! That was beautiful!"

"Well, it's funny that you picked that particular hymn," she said.

"Why is that?"

"Well," she hesitated again, "that was my daughter's favorite song." “Really!" I exclaimed.

"Yes," she said, and then grabbed my hands. By this time, the applause had subsided and it was business as usual... "She was 16. She died of a brain tumor last week."

I said the first thing that found its way through my stunned silence. "Are you going to be okay?"

She smiled through tear-filled eyes and squeezed my hands. "I'm gonna be okay. I've just got to keep trusting the Lord and singing his songs, and everything's gonna be just fine." She picked up her bag, gave me her card, and then she was gone.

Was it just a coincidence that we happened to be singing in that particular coffee shop on that particular November night? Coincidence that this wonderful lady just happened to walk into that particular shop? Coincidence that of all the hymns to choose from, I just happened to pick the very hymn that was the favorite of her daughter, who had died just the week before? I refuse to believe it.

God has been arranging encounters in human history since the beginning of time, and it's no stretch for me to imagine that he could reach into a coffee shop in midtown Manhattan and turn an ordinary gig into a revival. It was a great reminder that if we keep trusting him and singing his songs, everything's gonna be okay.

The next time you feel like GOD can't use YOU, remember, Noah was a drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a daydreamer, Jacob was a liar, Leah was ugly, Joseph was abused, Moses had a stuttering problem, Gideon was afraid, Samson had long hair and was a womanizer, Rahab was

a prostitute, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair and was a murderer, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran from God, Peter denied Christ, The Disciples fell asleep while praying, And Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses now!! God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger.

God bless. Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like. There is NO LUCK attached. If you delete this, it's okay: God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail. May God Bless you today and everyday as you face any storms that come your way!

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, that was truly amazing. I just loved it! I have to say I did not know that Isaiah preached naked. That's one I could have missed. My encounter at the Tea House last fall was definitely sent from above. Thank you so much for posting that. It has made my day. Also, must mention again how very much I enjoyed reading your account of your parents gathering. The way you described everything in such detail made me feel as if I was actually in the room with you. Beautifully done.

[Mermaid Tears]

I would like to 'Thank' everyone who 'thanked me' for my story of my Mom and Dad and how they honored 'the ones who didn't make it home' from WW11.....not only them....but all of their friends...I could have added a lot more detail....but I never know if people are really that interested...

The one thing I wanted to bring out....is that each of one them had great loss...great heartache...but....they 'stuck' together...they were there for each other...through thick and thin...good times..bad times...and they were united. I guess they all figured out they could get through anything as long as they had each other.

Kate....we are getting some of your kind of weather....going to be around 35- 37 degrees here....we usually don't get that kind of weather til January or February.....maybe it will give us some Holiday Fresh Air....gosh only knows how I could use some of that to carry me forward in the Holiday season coming up.....around here.....after the cold front moves on....it can be in the low 80's by next week.....good ole South Texas.....

Gretchen....please let us know how you are faring....I know everyone on the site will be thinking of you and praying for you and the family. It just hurts so darn much.

Thank you, Dee for the compliments on my Mom and Dad....when she was just a little girl...her Daddy nicknamed her 'Babydoll'.....and she was called that til she died...her name was Jerry...90% called her Babydoll....10% called her Jerry....I have a very heartwarming story of her as she lay dying of cancer in the hospital....only Babydoll could have a story like that.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...I have thought of your 'Teahouse story' many times....

Go down, Moses....

[Guest]

..

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....this is such a hard time of year for all parents...even without the 'Birthdays..Angelversaries'....I am 'Slumping toward the Holidays'....

[shorty16]

Isabella's Mom

I am sorry for your mom. She is being insensitive to you - specifically with the calendar. And comparing your loss to the loss of your sister's dog? WHAT

All I can say is what I have learned through the 5+ years as a bereaved mom.

Family comes in many forms. There are blood relatives and there are friends who step forward and hold us up when we cannot hold up ourselves.

I, personnaly, have expanded my definition of family. I have several friends who have helped me alot.

Your mother does not seem to know she is hurting you. If you do not tell her how you feel, she cannot fix it. If after you tell he and she does not fix it, then you know she is either not capable or does not want to.

But give her a chance by explaining how you feel. Perhaps she will suprise you! This is just my 2 cents. Please do whatever you feel is right for you and your family.

Sending my love to you and your family

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

• Such a beautiful song below, here are the lyrics.
  
• Oh the very young by Cat Stevens
  

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time?

You're only dancing on this earth for a short while

And though your dreams may toss and turn you now

They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans

Denim blue fading up to the sky

And though you want them to last forever

You know they never will

You know they never will

And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time?

There'll never be a better chance to change your mind

And if you want this world to see a better day

Will you carry the words of love with you?

Will you ride the great white bird into heaven?

And though you want to last forever

You know you never will

You know you never will

And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

Will you carry the words of love with you?

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time?

You're only dancing on this earth for a short while

Oh very young

What will you leave us this time?

Read more: Cat Stevens - Oh Very Young Lyrics | MetroLyrics

[ericasmom]

Isabellas Momma, I think that your Mom does not know how to acknowledge the loss of One not yet born to the world. She seems to be removed from this Grandchild because she is not here and I do think that she expects you to do this as well. I am so sorry, I also grew up with folks that did not take care of my heart, my spirit, and in fact I was disowned by them. As Col said, many folks can be family but the ones you count as friends are the ones that hold your hand through the long nights and it does not sound as though she can or knows how to.

I agree with Colleen, you could gently tell her how it feels to be you right now, and see if she can respond other than the ways she has. If not, well then you know that your visits with her are of a certain depth, and not to set yourself up for disappointment. I am glad that she purchased the decorations for your Son.

Lora, I know that the emotions involved must make you very tired, I sure do get that.

I am going out tonight with a friend to see Anoushka Shankar in concert, she is Ravi Shankar's daughter and plays the most amazing music on her sitar. I am excited but very tired at the same time.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Isabellas Momma, I think that your Mom does not know how to acknowledge the loss of One not yet born to the world. She seems to be removed from this Grandchild because she is not here and I do think that she expects you to do this as well.

I agree with Dee and I am sorry your mom does not seem to be able to understand your pain. Found this poem:

AN ANGEL VISITED THE GREEN EARTH AND TOOK A FLOWER AWAY

MY LITTLE ANGEL

A LITTLE SOUL TAKES WINGS

ALWAYS IN MY HEART

BUDDED ON EARTH TO BLOOM IN HEAVEN

LORD I GIVE YOU MY LITTLEST ANGEL

MINE FOR A LITTLE WHILE, WITH JESUS FOREVER

PRECIOUS MEMORIES OF A LITTLE ANGEL

REMEMBERING A TINY ANGEL

SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS

SLEEP MY LITTLE ONE, SLEEP

SO LITTLE, YET SO LOVED

SO SMALL, SO SWEET, SO SOON

I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS