Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

It is just so darned hard to lose a child, but to lose one to suicide is the most difficult. To know that they did not have to die. When will depression be recognized? When will the stigma end? Finger pointing and looking for a sound reason. There are none. It is an illness like any other. There is no shame in admitting that you need help. Taking that first step is the hardest. When will the educated educate themselves to this? How many lives could be saved if our young did not have to fear the social injustice of admitting they are in pain? We decided to go for lunch today in the small town not far from here. We then walked into the woods and through the paths. The trees have now taken on their fall clothes. The greys in contrast with the grasses was just lovely. We sat on the bench in silence and just reflected on our son and how much we both miss him. As we turned to walk down the path two absolutely beautiful grosbeaks sat perched high in an ash tree. Again, further along we saw a pileated woodpecker swooshing along high above the trees. I wonder if our angels can fly? Wouldn't it be wonderful? Miss you Jeff.

[Mommysangelisabella]

To update i did do as suggested today. This being a really bad day for me i tx my sister i asked her to take my boys even for awhile. I explained im broke down been crying all day i lost myself in the shower i was in there for 3 hours before i noticed while my 3 year old took a rare nap and it was gods will it lasted so long. I asked for the night saying id prepair dinner and breskfast . I even said id take an hour or two i want to go to a greif group and just not hv to worry about the boys for a min .I was answered with well my husband and i are going to play pool tonight with a coworker i cnt go ask mom. Moms response she cnt because she had to make dinner for my dad. It just sucks i already knew what the answer was before i asked but i was hopeful for another answer

[Mommysangelisabella]

I think it hurts even more because everyone in my family knows at a drop of a hat id be there no matter what.heck i helped my parents move their 4 bed house three days after giving birth to my angel isabella. I just wish i had the same from them.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sending heart's prayers before the Father for all...

...I think Fridays always for me are a trigger, that day is an expectation, and what is not ours any longer...

Extending a virtual hug for all...

[ericasmom]

Isabelle's Mom, the other suggestion was to find a grief group or a place where you can go and talk about your grief. Does your town have a Compassionate Friends? does your town have a sliding scale therapy center where folks can get some assistance like therapy on much reduced rate, a sliding scale, so that you and the boys can get some help?

Here is what I hope, I hope that the call you put in to your sis and your mom at least alerts them to your needing some help. I pray that they will reach out, but we can't count on those things, so finding ways to help you and the boys will be most important and the township might very well have some ways in which to do that.

Kate, tomorrow marks 23 years since my friend Doug took his life. He came to see us on Halloween night and gave my kids loads of treats, he was my first husband's best friend. We knew he was depressed but we also knew he was hugely private and when his buddies asked if he wanted someone around that last night, he said no. He and his girl had broken up for the millionth time. Doug's tree is in the same park as his brother's tree, three years prior, died from an overdose. And in that same park, Eri's tree. I know that our society must do more to understand depression and see that it is like all other chronic illnesses...they need treatment to be contained and society needs to be educated for sure. Prayers.

Glad for those pretty birds in your path today and yes, I do believe our Angels can fly, love to fly.

Barbara, happy birthday. While i know it is not like it used to be, it is something important and will always be special to your own parents, to you, and to your Sweet Daughter. How lovely that you found all of her talent and heart in those pieces today. I truly agree that gifts are laid before us, when we see that they are there we have received them as gift.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Laurie, I always derive comfort from your posts. Isabella's Mom...you are not alone. I am here. I understand how isolated you feel. Some families are not as supportive as others. All I can say is that if you are able...do try to reach out to those that "are" there. Take heart and know that you will slowly get past this terrible hurt with patience and understanding and that it takes a very long time. Holding you close. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, truly suicide is so misunderstood in our society...instead of offering hope and love to those in need, they are often shamed into silence...and don't seek the help needed...

So many people I believe make assumptions about others because their lives are just right... some refuse to give compassion and a spirit of humbleness to others who suffer, to those who suffer from their own internal torments...

Mental illness and emotional sickness are just as real as any other physical disease...

[Jeff's Mom]

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; Where there is darkness, light; And where there is sadness, joy. Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in the giving that we receive. It is in the pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. God grant you peace my son.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate,

I agree with Dee and Laurie. Mental illness, depression, anxiety, etc. are all very real illnesses just as any other. There is a stigma and it does need to change. My family has also been touched by these things. I have always had severe anxiety and I have other close family members who struggle with depression. My Trista struggled with anxiety and depression. One should not have to be any more ashamed of one of these illnesses than they would be to have diabetes. Since I was diagnosed with PTSD, I was approached by woman who has started a group here in town that is a support and education group for mental illness. Besides being a "peer to peer" type support group they have a core group whose goal it is to raise awareness and understanding and thereby help eliminate the fear and shame surrounding mental illness. I'm glad to be asked to be a part of this group. I'm thinking of you and sending prayers tonight. This is so hard.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

He was on the top of the world when he died, best school year yet, and then it all ended, for him, for me, for us.

Everyday is so difficult, and he was such a huge part of my everyday, its so hard to have him no longer here.

It just hurts so bad, as you all know.

Wanda, thinking of your Lane tonight...Jesse was a huge part of my everyday too...

Barbara, it was good that you were led to your girl's gentle gifts to help you through the day...we hold those things close to our heart...

Wade, thinking of you tonight...I know sleep is difficult...

Shannon, thank you for lighting the remembrance candle for all those here...

Susan, thanks for holding my hand when it is so hard...

Lora, it is good to see your posts...I know it is hard when you are working so many hours...

Dee, thanks for sharing all you do...your responses are always so thoughtful and kind...

Sherry, hope you are able to get access soon, miss you!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I know what you mean about certain days being triggers... even certain dates, times of day... for me Saturdays are so hard and always the first of each month. I'm thinking of you tonight.

Wanda,

Thinking of you and Lane tonight.

Isabella's Mom,

I hope you're able to get some rest. I'm sorry about the lack of support. It's hard to feel so alone and isolated. I understand. I hope maybe you're able to take some of Dee's suggestions and find some help near you. We are all here to listen any time you need but I know it's important, especially with little ones at home to have the support of someone physically near you sometimes.

Wade,

How are you?

I hope everyone is able to have a peaceful night.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Sleep well Everyone, as well as you can, know that you are being thought of and prayed for by many who know you in this place, this family.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate, I do think our Angels can fly. They can fly higher and farther and faster than we can even imagine. Your Jeff, My Trista, and ALL of the other Angels are soaring and exploring their new world without pain, without fear, without sadness... nothing but LOVE. That's what I believe.

Today was hard for me. It was 5 months today and those dates still hit me hard. It was also beggars night here so I had the added task of trying to be present and enjoy my boys while feeling all this sadness.

Tonight taking Aiden trick or treating was very bittersweet. I was missing my Tris so much and Aiden was so excited and adorable. He was running down the sidewalk yelling, "Trick or Treat is the best!" Zak stayed home to pass out candy. He decided he was not dressing up this year. The tears came and my husband who came along for Aiden's night, asked me what was wrong. I just wanted to yell, "MY DAUGHTER IS NOT HERE!" Isn't that enough? I guess after 5 months I must need something more to cause the tears.

When Aiden got tired and we made our way back home, Zak was on the front step passing out candy. He had brought out his lap top to play Halloween music, something Trista always did, and was dancing and passing out candy. He was just having so much fun all by himself, I had to smile. When I was standing there with him he said, "Kids these days just don't show enough excitement about free candy. Tris knew how to have fun at Halloween". I love him so much. I realized that I did have something to be thankful for. Here is my facebook "thankful post" for today:

I was going to skip the whole "what I'm thankful for" thing this year ... just wasn't really feeling it. Halloween was always the kick off to our holidays and with Trista not physically here with us it was really tough. Then tonight, watching Aiden running down the street yelling, "Trick or Treat is the best!", watching my Zak dancing to Halloween music on the front step while passing out candy, I felt my Tris all around. She was in Aiden's blue eyes, Zak's fun spirit, and most of all in our hearts. So today, I'm thankful for that moment of clarity, I'm thankful for the continued love of my Girl, I'm thankful for my awesome Boys, and I'm thankful for the Divine Grace that allowed me to see what I have to be thankful for.

Shannon

[Mommysangelisabella]

What would i say tonight to my angel if i had the chance.......

My baby girl , my isabella faith mommy loves you so much it hurts every second just to breath without you. You brought so much joy to my life and changed my entire world. You are a blessing from god . I miss you so much. I wish u could hv seen you smile , the color of your eyes, your first steps , your first dance. So many dreams i had for you. I was so suprised to find out you were comming and then when i found out you were a girl god knows how excited i was for you to come. Your due date is fast aproching still now wich makes this christmas hard. Mommy loves you , mommy has always loved you so has your big brothers. I know we will be together agen one day.i take comfort in knowing untill i get to dance with you in heaven my baby girl your dancing with cousin sierra and cousin jacob. I belive also your making new friend looking down with all the other little boys and girls watching their mommys and daddys. Dance and sing with all your heart my baby girl . love you mommy

What would you say to your angel tonight ?

[JD's Mom, Becky]

JD says...

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, I agree completely. I simply am not able to count the number of times I see people talking on their cell phone while driving. Which by the way is illegal where we live. Shannon, there is nothing like young children to take some of the heartache away. I was so happy to see that the kids had an awesome Halloween. Wanda, thinking of you as well. Laurie, and "everyone" thanks for your support last evening. Barbara, it sounds as if your girl was indeed surrounding her with positive signs all day. I am pleased that your birthday was a nice one. Some days when I allow myself it can really start to pile up. I have decided to take Dee's advice today and focus on resting and allowing myself that time to heal. Today is a better day. I woke up to warmer temps and plan to go for a short hike and then perhaps start some early Christmas shopping for my grandies. Then home for a nap and cup of tea. Brenda...if you are reading at all... I think of you every time I see those birds on my walks. Miss seeing your drawings. Hope all is well your way. Susan...Shannon's mom...sending warm thoughts your way. Surreal...hope you are keeping well. Greg...how are you doing? Wade hope is all well in your neck of the woods. Take care everyone. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From Shannon:

"Kate, I do think our Angels can fly. They can fly higher and farther and faster than we can even imagine. Your Jeff, My Trista, and ALL of the other Angels are soaring and exploring their new world without pain, without fear, without sadness... nothing but LOVE. That's what I believe."

I believe that too...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

It was good to see Jared's face this morning and I so agree. Last night, taking Aiden out for beggars night, there were kids everywhere. Our neighborhood is a "hot spot". One of the neighbors sets up a "haunted garage" and there are lots of lights and decorations. Anyway, the speed limit is typically 25 mph in our neighborhood. What I've found is that Ohio speed limits are "prima facia" limits (I'm not sure about my spelling on that one). Meaning that they are the recommended speed for ideal conditions, leaving it open for drivers to exercise common sense, which unfortunately most do not. A dark night with hundreds of children running around is not ideal conditions. Yet, there were people up and down our streets doing at least the posted limit, while parents were grabbing their children's arms trying to pull them out of the way. Ridiculous.

It's a pretty fall day, chilly but with sun and blue skies. I'm going to borrow some inspiration from Kate today and get out for a walk. I'm also going to go to Trista's site to remove the Halloween decorations and leave up the things that are for Fall/Harvest and spend some time with her out there.

My thoughts are with all of you today. Hugs.

Shannon

[Mommysangelisabella]

Becky,

Today is the first day ive gotten to see someone elses angel up close. Jd is so very handsome . I can see the love flowing threw him even in just his picture. I do agree the entire world needs to slow down and watch.

Kate,

i do agree with shannon angels can fly , god says all things are possibe and everything you want or need you have there in heaven. So why not wings.

Shannon,

I think i will fallow the lead of you and kate and go for a walk today. Its a pretty day and life goes on...

Barbara ,

I do agree your baby girl was with you on your birthday and is right now as well.

Plz bair with me if ive messed up names , ive never been good with them but now lol im no good with anything . All my love to all , my prayers are with you today

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....your J.D. is shining through...

[daveydow1]

Hello to all Indigos. It's been quite some time since I've been on BI---( over a month). Still have been blocked out of BI by my anti-virus software for some strange reason. I'm hoping that when I get a new anti-virus in Dec. that the glitch will somehow go away. Anyhow.....I'm at the library, so wanted to stop by and post. I miss everyone, and am sad to see new parents coming to BI. Dee, Laurie, Shannon, Becky, Kate, Wanda, Lora, Susan, Gretchen, Carol.....I miss all of you, and all of the other names I must be forgetting. To the parents who have recently come on BI......My heart goes out to you in this time of your great sorrow. I hope that you can keep coming to BI because everyone here knows the pain, and heartache of losing a beloved child, and understands. Carol---Sending Congrats for your fav team , Boston Red Sox, winning the world series. Mike and Ralph were surely up there cheering for them, and smiling down on your happiness at their win. Wishing peace and comfort to each and everyone here at BI. Davey&Lisasmom......Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....we have missed you....I have a husband and son that are 'computer wizards'....and so many on here have offered help....and so am I...was thinking of you could talk via phone to one of them...they may can walk you through the problem....if it's just the anti virus software....surely should be able to fix 'it'....let me know...and I will PM my info...

of course we offer to help you....but really....we miss you.

[ericasmom]

Susan, that would be so wonderful if you could or someone here could help Sherry. I was just on a walk and thinking that anyone that would like to talk to Sherry could PM her and leave her your home email so she can keep up with those that know her. She misses us all.

Gretchen, are you out there? Are you okay?

Kate, hoping that the day turned out to be lovely for you and Ross. I have had two one mile walks and went to the gym to go in the warm water. I am taking things in small doses as I do not want to reinjure this back. Tonight we are going to babysit Erica Elizabeth so I will wear my brace. We will eat dinner soon so as to be there early for them. It is a dark and cloudy day but the red maples are incredible and the trees that are golden are ever so golden. Lovely. Have another cup of tea with honey Kate.

Laurie, you doing okay today? I know the weekends are hard for many, too much time on your hands...hugs to you.

Wade, the same to you, are you doing okay?

I talk to my Daughter all of the time Isabelle's Momma, and after 10 years I am still talking to her. It brings me comfort to speak to her. In the beginning of our loss, I wrote a great deal of what I felt I was going to miss, what I felt she would miss. It is good for you to put those thoughts into words and post them. In doing so, you are walking alongside us rather than feeling all pent up. Getting outside is one of the biggest ways to help yourself through the day, just little doses of nature and light to remind you of what is still good in the world and I am sure your Boys love to be out with you. Tiny steps toward finding a new way.

[Mommysangelisabella]

What do u do ?what do you say ? Im standing in the bathroom of a friends house not able to breath im trying not to just break down all the way but im crying someone brought a new born to my sons bestfriends birthday party. I cnt look at her. I cnt breath , i just want to scream and leave but irs not fair to force my boys who hv just got here to leave. Im lost on how to do this.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Isabella's Mom,

These things are hard. There are certain things that are triggers and just hit really hard. Sometimes we can avoid them if they are expected but sometimes we can't. They just come out of nowhere. Be gentle with yourself. I think it was fine for you to go to a private place to catch your breath. If you find yourself in a situation like that again, don't worry about excusing yourself to go to quiet place or walk outside and just breathe. I hope you did get outside some today. What Dee says is so true and I find the fresh air helps me a lot. Thinking of you.

Sherry,

I'm glad you were able to post today. Miss you here!

Dee,

I hope you have a good evening with your sweet Erica Elizabeth. Good that you were able to get some nice walks in today.

Laurie,

I saw this picture today and thought of you. It's a slightly different version of the one that is close to your heart.

I went to Trista's site and worked and then to her Angel Spot today to take some fall flowers. I miss her so. There is something healing in doing these things, for me... these things that allow me to care for her spaces... But I couldn't help today, letting the tears flow, thinking that this is not the way I should be caring for her. We should be doing college visits, senior pictures... I read today, someone saying that the "new normal" concept doesn't really work for them as there is nothing "normal" about life anymore. Instead they use the term "new reality". I think that works better for me too. It's just a word but I never liked the word "normal" anyway.

Thinking of everyone today. Dee, the day is similar here. The sun left and never came back but the colors are beautiful.

Shannon

[shorty16]

Bella's mom

You did the right thing by just breathing. Step outside, separate yourself from the newborn for a while. That is ok.

How are the boys doing? Hug a friend that is there.

Breath, that is all we can do, sometimes

Colleen, Brian's, Mom 4ever

[shorty16]

Becky

Love the large caution sign of your son. Puts a face to this tragedy. Perhaps that woman who killed your son gets to drive by and see his beautiful face,

Love to you

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever.

[Guest]

.

[tobyfreefoot]

isabella's mom---i found a group that met at the local hospital called pride i believe for parent's surviving infant death. they welcomed me even though i miscarried at 11 weeks. i was sent home to wait for labor and delivery as it was. my daughter, allison and i named her sarah isabelle. allison's first daughter was born about 5 months after my son forest dayne was killed. she named her madelyn dayne after him, she is considering naming the child she is carrying now lyra isabelle after the baby i lost. so sweet for her to think of the sister she didn't get to have and the sadness of her mama. she had 3 brothers, now two living. i hope i am not making you sadder but i saw your baby's name and also recall how lonely the loss and it helped to be comforted by those that understood.

*********************************************************************************************************

another thing sent to me today by my friend in bali

Death is the opposite of time. What dies is only our human meaning. There is still someone naked underneath. Once we understand who that someone is, death no longer bothers us. Nor does time.” ★Deng Ming-Dao★

allison and logan took milk for forest on the day of the dead. logan played a song for him--allison said it was really sad. i went today and took a chocolate bar a couple of little cats and a panda for ashlie.

becky saw the pic of your darling son lit at night. beautifully noticable

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie,

I saw this picture today and thought of you. It's a slightly different version of the one that is close to your heart.

But I couldn't help today, letting the tears flow, thinking that this is not the way I should be caring for her. We should be doing college visits, senior pictures...

....I read today, someone saying that the "new normal" concept doesn't really work for them as there is nothing "normal" about life anymore. Instead they use the term "new reality". I think that works better for me too. It's just a word but I never liked the word "normal" anyway.

Shannon, thank you for the lovely picture...it was a nice thing to see for me today...

About the new normal...I am so overwhelmed...this isn't what I should be doing...and how I should be caring for my son...

[tobyfreefoot]

sherry!!! i just saw your post! hi i wondered where you went. hope you can get back on regularly soon. i'm having computer issues myself so i'm kinda hit and miss.

also shannon i do lots of things at forest's grave and other little things including leaving flowers at a site down the road where a young woman was killed. i don't know her but i know when i was at forest's roadside site there were things left there (it is at a rest area in texas) an i felt good about it even though they were strangers so i occasionally do the same hoping the girl's family will know some else is thinking of them and their loss. besides it makes me feel a little like i am doing it for forest too.

yeah dee i'm out here sort of==my on line presence is a little sketchy

f

[tobyfreefoot]

laurie i live in the country near two very small towns that have a similar mind set. i am so sorry you have encountered this where the tragic loss of your son is involved.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen,

The picture and quote from your friend are both beautiful. Thank you for sharing them. I did an alter here for Day of the Dead. These are such sad things but they help me. I can't stop doing things for Trista even if they are not the way it should be so I do what I can. It is so nice that you do that for the girl you don't know. We know as parents how much that means that our Child is being thought of even by someone they don't know.

Lora,

I try to do meditation or relaxation techniques too. It does help but sometimes I just can't.

"I still have the feeling that I am alone with a world full of people. It is Cara and I against the world."

I feel that way a lot too.

Laurie,

Don't worry about sharing that you're down. I am too. I'm so sorry you feel like you're not getting anywhere with these people. I'm still waiting for my reconstruction report. I know what's in it but waiting for the final. Once I have it, who knows?

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Some days I feel I'm getting worse instead of better. I'm holding on but it's so hard. I don't really know how to explain it. I'm functioning better with the day to day stuff, I guess but just so lost.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

shannon i am always looking for things for forest or planning activities involving his friends for him. i think i will always do this because it keeps him present in my life not just in my memories. besides it is the only thing i can do for him now so i do. i do things for my other kids and i don;t want to quit doing for him. he is still my child and like it says on his headstone--as long as i'm living my baby you;ll be. so that means i keep looking for cool stuff for him and he loved to shop with me. today the cats i bought at a flea market full of neat old things. i could just hear him the whole time saying "hey mom check this out"

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Gretchen and Shannon...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Oh Laurie, I so relate to all you said about the investigation into the crash that took your son from you. I am so sorry. It isn't fair, and you are so right, your son did nothing to deserve any of it, not his death, and certainly not to have false information spread by no less than the ones who are supposed to investigate and bring the truth to light! Small town, smaller minds.... ((hugs)) to you.

Thank you each one that read and even printed my prayer! That brought tears to my eyes for sure. I wrote that prayer in the middle of the night when I was unable to sleep.

Lora, I hope that Jared's friends and all those who read my online posts also think of Jared when they see anything about texting, or think about texting themselves, or see someone texting! I really believe texting is much more dangerous than even driving drunk, as the person is just totally blind to what is in front of them because they AREN'T LOOKING! I see it whenever I go out anywhere, and I flash my sign I keep in my van at them! One guy rolled down his window and apologized to me for being on his phone! He started to explain why he was on the phone and who he was calling, and I interupted him and said, "just put it down or pull over, there isn't a reason in the world you could tell me that would be worth your life or someone elses"

Here are pics of the 10" X 10" sign I keep in my van,

front

back

Gretchen, good to see your posts lately, and I agree more needs to happen in the areas for recognition and help in the areas of depression. I lost a nephew to suicide when he was only 16, and that has been almost 18 years ago, and I am still left with the 'what ifs' that might have prevented it. I will never forget my younger sister's employer informing her to keep herself together and not talk about it at work. People can be so stupid and so cruel.

Colleen, so funny you should mention that about the driver seeing Jared's face... my daughter told me that really late at night that some of the words on the sign are hard to see, and that is exactly what I told her "so long as you can see his face" and in my mind I was thinking of just what you said!!

Sherry, good to see you on, hope you get your pc fixed soon. I could do it if I were there, but kinda hard to do long distance.

Dee, hope you enjoyed your visit with the grandie, she is so precious!! Glad you back is some better.

Susan, Wade, Shannon, Betsy, Carol, thinking of all of you.

Not sure my angel needs wings, as I am thinking he has a golden skateboard and is FLYING all over heaven.

[Guest]

...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen,

I do those things too. When I'm shopping if I see something that I just know Tris would love, I get it. Like Forest, she was always shopping with me. I couldn't even go to the grocery without her. She loved shopping so much she didn't even care if it was only for food. She absolutely loved thrifting though. I told her I should have saved all my awful 80's clothes for her and saved us some money! So I still pick up little things and yes, can almost hear her voice guiding me to the best things. Now it's not clothes but a Hello Kitty planter for her cactus or little things like that.

Lora,

Thank you for your encouragement. I don't feel strong much of the time but I'm trying. You all help just by sharing your stories. It helps me to know I'm grieving and it's all part of this.

Becky,

Those signs I'm sure get the attention of people putting themselves and others at risk. I hope it makes people think first the next time they go to pick up their phone.

Laurie,

I'm glad the picture was good for you to see today. I'm thinking of you. I wish I had words but I know when I'm struggling and you have let me know I'm in your thoughts that has helped so much so I hope that helps you some too. Hugs.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I'm having a rough time these past few days and I just wanted to share a story. I was cleaning out my computer because it's been running so slow. I thought if I got rid of some stuff it wouldn't be so bad. Going through my documents I found some of Trista's school work. One of them was titled "Taxes and Sh@# I don't know", only she spelled it out the right way. I remember when she was doing this assignment. She hated it. I tried helping her and at one point we both got exasperated and said, "Who the hell cares! You're just going to hire someone to do your taxes anyway!" She titled her assignment that way in a show of rebellion, fully intending to change it before e-mailing it to her teacher. She forgot. I remember sitting in the kitchen with her at the table in front of the computer and hearing this, "Oh Crap!" She sent it to her teacher with that title. It took me a couple of minutes to calm her down and convince her that there was no way to get the e-mail back at that point. Then she just smiled and said, "Well, lets just hope she has a sense of humor!" She must have because Trista got a B on the assignment. I miss my sweet Girl so much. I hope it's okay that I shared this here.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

forest called me once in a panic because he text his co worker about what a terrible B**** his boss was but he accidentally sent it to his boss! ha ha! he was like omg what should i do? i told him to start looking for another job lol. needless to say his boss did not have a sense of humor. lol also the first thing i hung on forest's memorial was hello kitty..he loved japanese anime, cats and ashlie had hello kitty seat covers in the car

it is so nice to hear your stories and everyone's. i love being able to share with you all. funny stories and breaking hearts. who but we will listen with the same hearts as we share here.

i hate the memories of forest being disappointed or broken hearted. those are things i can barely think about because of the terrible pain it brings me.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen,

Trista has Hello Kitty Seat covers too! She didn't have her license yet but was planning to get it when she turned 18 so I bought her an electric blue beatle. She wanted a bug so much. She really wanted a pink one but I couldn't find one so she got electric blue. Japanamation was a term I learned from Tris. At her Angel Spot I have a Hello Kitty similar to yours hanging there. Your story made me smile. Yeah, a teacher is a little different than a boss but that is so funny. Tris was panicked but once I got her calmed down we were both laughing. Thank you for sharing that. The sad things are so hard but hearing these funny, happy stories is so healing.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

sharing these stories makes me feel like this

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

And as Tris would say... that is so Kawaii!

The root word is "kawai", formed from the kanji "ka" (可), meaning "acceptable", and "ai" (愛), meaning "love". The term kawaii has taken on the secondary meanings of "cool",[6] "groovy",[6] "acceptable",[7] "desirable",[7] "charming"[8] "non-threatening",[8] and "innocence".[9]

[tobyfreefoot]

i don't know how to get japanese symbols!! forest could read and write japanese. i guess he could speak it too as i think he had a conversation class. his professors all came up to me and said why didn't you talk about what a great scholar he was but you know it was almost like grad school was a side project. he didn't talk about it much. gosh so many of our kids have so much in common i hope this group is together for a reason like there is an everafter and the kids are having the "time of their lives"

also my youngest son wants a beetle and would go crazy for a pink one! i raised the least macho straight boys on the planet and one of the toughest girls who is a mama baking the second baby in the magic oven. forest's dad and i used to tell him when he was tiny "you were baked in a magic oven. there was no factory"

[wgreenlee]

Isabella's mom…haven't had the fortitude to write hese last few days…dealing with issues, but know that I have read all the posts and I am so, so sorry for your loss. This site has been my place of comfort and I hope you will continue to visit and share and let the wonderful people here help heal you, like they are me. I would love to hear about your precious daughter when you want to share more, and I will tell you about my best friend and son, Brooks.

Lots of stuff going on and I just didn't want to be a bummer on here. Thank you all for thinking of me. My prayers are said daily for all of you in hopes that everyone will find some solace in our journeys. Love all of you for what you do even though we may be miles apart.

Here is a couple pics from Halloween. Spent a lot of time with my son. Been a few years since I had spent Halloween with him. Shauna came down with Adrianna and Dalyla. They were so excited for Halloween. Renea went to Ely in Southern Nevada for a bowling tourney so it was just us.

For you…Brooks. Love you buddy. Having a hard time without you, but you're in good hands. So much love for you, son, it just paralyzes me without you. Shauna shared some Voxer messages of you and her and I guess I wasn't ready for that and it's been tough since. Some day, Brooks, I will get out of this fog. Night son…be good! Dad

[wgreenlee]

Shannon…I too feel like it's getting worse instead of better. When I stay busy it's all ok, but as soon as I have some down time, I can't help thinking of all the things I'm going to miss with Brooks and it drives me crazy. Then a daze sets in until I find something else to do and the cycle starts all over again. Thinking of you and offering mighty prayers to God to help us…all of us.

Wade

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Good Morning, everyone. I hope that today will give you bits and pieces of happiness in small ways. Lora, yes time does have a way of clipping along when we feel stuck in a time warp. November 11th. is not far off and I am sure you are filled with so many emotions. Gretchen, I smiled to myself at your description of the Japanese lettering. When Jeff was sixteen he decided to get a tattoo. At that time you could not do so without your parents permission before eighteen. This particular June evening it was quite hot outside and he sat at our dining room table with a long sleeved shirt on. Our air conditioning system was in need of repair and so we had to make the best of it. I watched as the beads of perspiration started to form and eventually pour down his face. I asked him why he was not wearing something cooler. He excused himself from the table and left to go to his room. I knew something was up. After doing the dishes I then went up to his room to find him sitting on his bed. He grabbed a shirt to cover his arm. Oh my, when the shirt was dropped I nearly died. There was the most amazing tattoo circling his upper arm. The problem was I could not read one thing it said. It was in complete Japanese lettering! He quickly explained that it meant, Peace, Love, Harmony, etc. At that time he was deeply into searching out a spiritual place where he felt comfortable. He even started to attend a Buddhist Temple for a brief period. Gosh, I loved that kid! Wade, I know these are really hard days for you at this time as it is for all new parents. Please never feel you have to keep things locked inside. We have all had our good and bad days and are here to listen. Heck, I had a meltdown a few nights ago. It is very normal. I loved the pictures of the kids in their costumes. Becky, when the kids take drivers ed up here they are subjected to watching some pretty brutal videos of mock accidents. They actually are given a one year license on a temporary basis and have to take another test after the one year period. The fines are pretty stiff if you are caught using one while driving. The thing is some kids don't seem to respect those laws. Well, yesterday was ok. We managed to go for a short but very nice walk. I did buy a couple of things for the girls for Christmas. And we went to see that Tom Hanks movie last night. It was really good. Hope you have a decent day. Take care everyone. Kate

[ericasmom]

Lora, I will hold you as you approach the date that is so bittersweet. Such a lovely day that brought to you this gifted Girl, a heart as wide as the all the heavens. Blessings.

I am sitting here after a walk, and some cleaning looking out onto the fall day that is really the epitome of autumn. Big clouds against a pure blue sky, colors abound, kids playing soccer, sounds of birds and squirrels, I love this weather and the only other time this beautiful to me is the opposite, the spring blossoms, the Yin and Yang of seasons.

Holding you all as some of you travel through your first seasonal change since your little one left. Hang on, it is very hard to deal with time and movement of time. We are here.

Gretchen, nice to see you here. Love the idea of a pink bug to you and to Lora.

Laurie, the ache has to do what it is doing so that one day you can see how far you have come. Letting it be there and not trying to dodge it is important.

Wade, you need to let the blues out, you won't scare anyone away with your pain, we really get it.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate,

Trista wanted a tattoo too. We were going to do it when she turned 18. She actually wanted two. One was going to be a triple goddess symbol representing the three phases of womanhood, maiden, mother, crone... She said it would be representative of the relationship between her, me, and my grandma. She also wanted the word "Breathe" on her wrist. That was our mantra to help with anxiety/panic attacks. Two of her friends went and got triple goddess tattoos to honor her. She loved that symbol. I got her glow in the dark stars and planets for her room and she made that symbol with them above her bed. Jeff's tattoo sounds beautiful. I hope your day is good. I'm glad you and Ross were able to get out and see a movie.

This is Abby's.

Lora,

I didn't realize how close Cara's Birthday is. I know the time leading up to these dates is really hard. I've only had one Birthday without Tris and it came so soon after her accident that I don't remember much. I was still very very deeply in shock. I know with all the hours you work it may be hard to get the rest you need. I hope you're able to take some time for you. I wanted to share with you that November 11 was a special day for us. I don't know if you saw my post awhile back about Angel numbers but I always saw 1111 everywhere. So, on November 11 we (me and Tris, everyone else thought I was goofy) would make a wish or a prayer at exactly 11:11 am and 11:11 pm. So on that date I'll be sending my wishes and prayers for you and Cara.

Wade,

I understand. I've had those thoughts so much. It's really hard. I'm glad you were able to spend Halloween with the kids and Shauna. Thanks for sharing the pictures. The girls look adorable all dressed up. Halloween here was cold and wet so we went to Trista's site the night before. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for us all.

Gretchen,

Thank you so much for sharing stories with me. I love getting to know more about all of the Children. Forest sounds like so much fun. I watched his video again last night. When I clicked your name I saw the link and so I watched. I can see these awesome Kids having a blast together. I do believe our Children brought us here. I just feel that.

Shannon

I hope everyone finds some peace and comfort today.