Loss of an Adult Child

[Maddy6]

I keep trying to move forward to say to myself, OK, I can do this. To think in the way that I need to, to be a positive influence for my children. I thought I was getting somewhere. I was thinking more positive. I was pushing myself to recover. Tomorrow will be 2 of my son's birthdays. Yes,they were born on the same day :-) with another brother in between. One will be 18 and the other 21. I used to be a mom. Sometimes I think about that. Like I was all concerned about everything and we were so close. When they were little I had always thought We would give them a surprise birthday party together on those milestone birthdays. If we were still in New Orleans we would do that. We hardly know anyone here that we could invite, so we can't have a party if we don't have anyone to invite. Yesterday I helped my 19 yo son edit an essay for his college class. In his essay he spoke about his feelings about his sister and her loss. He said I his essay how he and his brothers were playing Xbox and having fun and then we called them down and told them about Rachael. Thing was, in what he wrote, he really conveyed the light hearted spirit he had before that moment when he found out about his sister. Thing was, it made me remember the lightheartedness and fun we all shared. That was before. This has destroyed me, it wants to destroy our family even more. I know I need to be strong, to recover for them.

[ericasmom]

Yes indeed Trudi, Maize was our Lassie, only she barked when leaves fell, snow fell, wind blew, a child three blocks away sneezed...she was MaBARKER. But boy, was she a love.

Ronnie, I agree with you about our soul/spirit, we are forever connected, joined in forever through our time before here, then here, then later on...Our soul is our suitcase, all we need to travel will be there.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Getting ready to head out to the meeting with the police, and attorney general regarding the investigation of my son's death. Our daughter, Jasmine, is going to accompany my husband, Jerry and I there. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers today.

God, give me the strength and mental fortitude to endure this, to be strong for Jared, for my family, and for me...

[westleysmom]

Becky-I hope that it goes as good as it can and that it isn't any worse than it has to be. Hugs to you all

Carol-I'm so glad that Mike is "back in the pink" and loved the pictures of Damon. He really does look a lot like his Daddy. I hope Kim's condition continues to improve and Cathi's new job is all she hopes it will be. And don't forget to take care of you.

Maddy-Sometimes when it seems that things are going better for me, I have a really bad day, just out of the blue. I guess it just happens and there's nothing to be done but get through it. Dee has said that some days when all you can do is cry, that's what you must do to get through to the next day, when maybe it will be something else, like get a haircut, or your taxes done. She didn't really use those examples, but that's how I think of it. Some days are just sad days and on them, your job is to get through it, and if laying in bed crying is how to get through it, bring on the tissues. Those big days, like birthdays that were always only happy, are always hard because they are not here in the flesh to enjoy them with us. Especially ones that we looked forward to so much. Westley's 21st birthday was 6 days after he passed away, and one of the hardest days of my life (after the day that he died, of course, I had lots of "hardest" days that week) He so looked forward to being a full-fledged adult, and it hurts me very much that he didn't get there. Hugs to you too as you figure out how to get through it.

Ronnie-Westley was my baby, too, and I guess he always will be. My granddaughter and I were playing last week and nobody else was around and she asked me if something was her Mama's (a toy) and I said I thought it was Westley's. I asked her if she remembered Westley and she said no, (she was only 18 months old at the time) and then she kind of blinked and said "I don't think he's ever coming back, Nana." She had told me once before just out of the blue that "Westley was nebber coming back, not ebber." It nearly kills me when she says that, it is all I can do not to cry, and I'm afraid if I start, I won't be able to stop and it will scare her. She'll be 4 in May, but she's very smart.

Dee-My family thing is about a nephew too. Not much I can do, but be here for them.

Susan-Hang in there. Thinking of you and hoping that today is better for you.

Tali-Sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you found us. Speaking for myself, I'm a mess, but I would be much more of a mess if it weren't for my friends here.

Have a good day, all. Spring is trying to come in here in TN, no storms since its a little cooler than last week.

[rlolheiser]

just checking in..

Carol.. so glad to hear that Mike is doing better.. I think of you two plus your sweet angel everyday, also for the rest of your family, I pray Kim does ok, and Cathi's job goes well. I know the worry we have for our chilren all the time.

Becky, I hope you get through this day ok, I know it will be hard, may you feel JD's touch as he supports you.

Rhonda, bless your heart.. it is hard when the little ones say things that trigger our emotions. I remember my son who was only 3 at the time of JaBoa's passing.. he walked around trying so hard not to make me cry.. he would say something about her.. and then look at me and say "Are you going to cry again?".. My reply was usually.. yes.. but I will get over it.. it's just that I love her so much.

Susan, How I understand the new normal we try to find.. for myself, I find it changing every day.

Life here goes on, I try to take care of me.. I age.. not so gracefully.. But I do try to make the most of my life. It is what my Angel expects of me.. it is what my family expects of me. On one hand I look forward to the day I walk with her again, but I am not ready to go.. I have to much to do, I am the worlds worst at taking care of me, but I try because I know I have to.

So glad to get to know all our angels here.. so sad they have been taken from us too early.. wishing you all a peacefull day and thinking of you all

[Maddy6]

Rhonda, Thank you so much for your kind encouraging words. I didn't even realize that their birthday's = loss of Rachael and her loss in my mind till you said that. That insight really helped. Also.....your grandaughter sounds so very precious :-) all I have is grandogs, so you are so blessed :-) and yes, that would have been so hard for me, the conversation you described that you had with her.

Love,

Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 others also

[mikesmum]

Before Mike died I had days where I would say 'I can't do this'. It was in reference to early morning starts, 12hr shifts, cleaning house and just crap. After Mike died, I would say regularly 'I can't do this'. That meant breathing, waking up, living through another day. And yet here I am. No more 12hr shifts, and truly don't care if I never clean house....it doesn't rate like it used to.

Yes we will have those minutes, hours, days where 'I can't do this' screams from our very being. We will fall in a heap at the slightest memory or fear. Then we will come here, read a post, know its who we are now and we aren't alone.

I wrote awhile back about the stages of grief. One being acceptance. I liken it to swimming against the strongest current ~ trying to get back to where we were before this nightmare began. Acceptance is about the change we have undergone. The fact that our lives are changed...but there are parts of us, our families that every now and then shine through. And that's okay.

Today is my eldest grandsons birthday. He is 10. Zakery is much like his Uncle Mike. A gentle soul...a loved and loving boy. Born at a time when his dad was doing it hard he had so many to love him.

This my favourite picture of 'my boys' Zak is about 3 days old. The other taken in January this year....Love ya Zakery!

[Maddy6]

Trudi, your grandson is sooo cute :-) Wow, that swing looked like fun :-)

Happy Birthday

Zakery!!!!

May he have a wonderful 10th birthday today, and may YOU enjoy him tremendously !

Yes we will have those minutes, hours, days where 'I can't do this' screams from our very being. We will fall in a heap at the slightest memory or fear. Then we will come here, read a post, know its who we are now and we aren't alone

Re: Trudi, thank you so much for your post. Your insight really spoke to me and inparticularly, the sentences above. It is very obvious you have been where I am, and I thank you for that assurance that I will make it.

I just got home from picking up some birthday bags for my sons presents. And since I was in the store and they had all this cute Spring and Easter stuff out, I bought stuff to make my 4 boys baskets. I am not sure if I have done that for them since Rachael died since it is not a definite tradition in our house. Although I think I have, I cannot remember it Whether it was the grief, or the meds, who knows ?? Anyway, I had great fun buying fun stuff to make baskets for them. My hubby will not like it, since he thinks all the candy is a waste and will increase our dental bill. Oh well, he will get over that , as I had great fun feeling like a mom again. Funny how a silly little thing like that could make me feel so good. I think it was the mom part that did it

Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 more

[ericasmom]

Maddy, indeed, what a nice surprise for you to have a sweet piece of this day after feeling so blue. I am glad for you. When we need to cry, we let it out, if we try to bury it or hide it or keep it in, it only backfires in some way, and sometimes we delay our grief with that, dragging it out longer and longer. Only way through it, is THROUGH IT, and there will be all sorts of feelings and emotions, all sorts of ups and downs and holes in our days that cannot be filled. We get fatigued with regularity because grief is very tiring. It is all part of the path and when we can see that within one day our emotions can roller coaster like they do, we realize just how jagged this can be, but when we have days where we laugh and smile at feeling like a MOM again, well, take heart as you know if there are dark days in the future, that you can get to that again one day, that kind of day that feels sweet.

The wind is blowing with a howl and the windows are rattling. It got to 70 degrees today, way warm for March, and 40 mph winds. Holy cow. Hang onto your hats.

Trudi, give that Zack a big hug and kiss. He is double digits! Wow, I've known you since he was 5? Crazy hu? I am lucky for it too, knowing you.

Rhonda, I shall keep your nephew in my heart as you do for my nephew.

[vetsmom44]

Dee ... Thank you so very much for your warm welcome! While I'm new to this wonderful group, I'm an old timer when it comes to surviving the death of one's precious child. Cathie was 11 yrs old when she died in 1975. From 1985 through 1996 I was actively involved with a group called The Compassionate Friends [there was no such thing back then as this awesome internet site!]. During that time I moved from Miami to St Pete Bch, FL where I founded a chapter of TCF, and did a lot of public talking on being a bereaved parent to any associations/groups that would have me. The more I talked, wrote and listened to others, the more I healed. When Mom died in '96 I faced some issues that took me off my path. I truly feel Cathie directed me to this site - and I am so happy [as strange as that sounds] to be here. ..... Tali [Cathie's Mom]

Tali, it seems you just began coming here, welcome to this place that many of us consider a second home. Tell us more about your Girl when you can and when you want. My Girl, Erica, died when she was 19, nearly 9 years ago which of course, is hard to believe. Even this many years later, time remains the oddest thing since Eri left. So I am one of the oldies on the site, oldie as in how many years I have been around this place.

Going to bed, school bells ring tomorrow...

Oh Susan, yes, the new normal holds all sorts of 'new' kinds of emotions...you will be able to carry Shannon into each day with more joy than ache one day...the joy will be for having ever known her of course, the ache is a constant too, they are housed in the same area of our hearts, and within each beat of the heart, are the joy and the ache. We hurt so badly because we love so fully, and are loved so fully.

[Maddy6]

Wondering about Becky, thought about her all day. Has anyone heard anything?

Dee, yes, I think everything you said is correct and thought provoking and I think you are right about the grief having to be gone through. That there is no way around it. Run from it like I did and it will only delay the necessary process. Rachael died on August 7th and I started a new job in the beginning of September. The thought of being alone in my house in grief and pain terrified me. Then I discovered if I stayed busy it chased away the pain. I started school that summer, part time at first, then I increased it to full time. So full time work and full time school kept me so very busy that it kept the thoughts and the pain at bay. I think I am actually grieving in many ways that I may not have in the beginning. Of course the whole Katrina thing was in the mix also, so who knows what bizarre grief process took place. :-) but I do believe I am grieving now because I would not allow myself to before. Sheesh, I sure am complicated! :-)

Also, the wind is going craaaazzy here too! :-)

Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 more

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Deleted.

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Hi everyone, I've been reading everyday but, feel I don't have much to contribute to the conversations. I've been in a low over the past week or so. I'm really missing Vanessa and Kailey. Plus, I've been stressing out over my two foster children. My little boy's case is going for the permanency hearing in a couple of weeks and the mother who has already loss custody of 5 children (My baby is her 6th child) decided a couple weeks ago to start working toward her case plan that was set forth by the judge when he first came into my care. That was 10 months ago! She has had the right to see him under supervised visitation but didn't bother to see him for 6 months. Then she saw him once and was suppost to come for a second visit but never showed up. We later found out she packed her bags and moved out of the area. The judge was going to have her arrested for abandonment. So, rather then go to jail she has came and visited him a few times. She has no love or bond for him. She is simply trying to avoid Jail. Unfortunately, because she is putting a little effort into her case plan, the case will probably be extended to allow her more time to get her life together and potentially get custody of him. She definitely shouldn't get him back. She was severely neglecting him in the first few weeks of his life. She didn't hold him, barely fed him and had him living on a piece of plastic so, his urine and bowel movements wouldn't get all over the place and it was easy to wash off and put back under him. She didn't have diapers, clothes, bassinet, crib or anything for him. She was leaving him, (a new born baby) at home alone all night while she went out drinking and partying. Plus, now his alleged biological father, whom needs to take a paternity test to prove he is, (The mom is married and her husband is the legal father) is trying to get involved now and wants the baby. But, he is a career criminal in and out of jail with major drug and alcohol problems and domestic abuse along with possible sexual abuse against the mothers other children. He has beaten the mom up several times including while she was pregnant. The mother of the baby is still with this man! Honestly, I don't understand people that choose the type of lifestyle that endangers them selves and their children on so many levels. (mental, physical and sexual) Anyway, my point is the judge shouldn't allow this child to hang in limbo while the mother tries for the umpteenth time to straighten her life out. The child needs and deservers a loving, secure, permanent home. It should be about whats good for the child, not whats good for the parent. Especially, when she hasn't learned anything after lossing custody of her first 5 children. I'm also having a lot of issues over the baby girl, I have in my care. Her case goes to court next week. It would take me an hour to write everything concerning her case! Suffice it to say, It's a really bad situation and It's breaking my heart!

As for the pets, I currently have 3 dogs ( 2 Chihuahuas and a toy poodle) and 3 cats. I had 4 dogs and 4 cats until recently. I inherited one of the chihuahuas along with turtles from my daughter Vanessa and inherited the other chihuahua along with birds from my mother when she passed away. I couldn't deal with the responsibility of all the pets after my girls died. I had to put them in a kennel for a couple of weeks. To help me out, my son took 1 of my dogs, 1 of my cats and the birds to his house and is taking care of them for now. I can't part with the dogs that belonged to my mom and Vanessa. I am very bonded to them. I don't know what I will do when they pass away. I used to be a fanatic about grooming my poodle but now I'm horrible about it. The time I would spend pampering him is now spent on the computer or doing other things revolving around the loss of my children. I really feel guilty about it too.

Well, I have to go to work tomorrow and it's 1:40am. Plus, the baby will have me up in 2 to 3 hours for a feeding. So, I better go lay down and try to get a couple hours of sleep... Good Night!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Duplicated. sorry

[Maddy6]

Lori, You truly are an amazement to me. You lost 2 children within 3 days, you are an EMT, which Is a high stress job, and you foster parent children that have endured hardships. Wow and wow. Sooooo, when I start feeling sorry for myself, or am struck by a pang of grief, I truly can think of you. You are a very amazing woman. Thank you for the light that you are and have been.You may not realize it, but the thought of you has given me strength on more than one occasion. Thank you, Maddy- Rachael's mom and 5 more

[Amber37]

I clicked on add reply so I don't know if I'm posting in the right place. This is only my second day here on this great forum. But I've been reading all your posts non stop because it's comforting to me just to know that you all go through the same emotions. Maybe I'm not going crazy like I thought I was :/ this is so new for me and I have a long way to go to get back some sort of "normal". I'm so sorry for you all. I'm sorry for all of us

[mikesmomrs]

Becky: I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. Having to go through the pain of losing Jared, and have all of this added to that...my heart to you.

Lori: You are an amazing woman...all that you do, and all that you have had to endure, and yet you are still giving of your heart and yourself. I pray those babies are allowed to remain in your care, to continue to receive the love and care that they so deserve. And I pray strength for you. Your beautiful angels are watching over you, surrounding you with their love as you move through each day.

Tali: I am so very sorry for your loss. And, you are right. The length of time does not matter; we are still without our precious child. I am very sorry for why you are here, but I am glad that you have come to BI. Please share more of your daughter, Cathie, with us. We would love to hear about her.

Colleen: How are you?

Trudi: Zak is so very cute, and in the picture of him on the swing, he looks just like his daddy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZAKERY! You are so right about coming here and reading a post and knowing we are not alone, and how much it helps us in this new normal of ours.

Maddy: I am so very happy that you could find joy in your shopping for the Easter basket items. Your joy will spread to your children, and then back to your own heart.

Susan: thinking of you.

Rhonda: Nice to see Westley's smile. Thank you for your prayers and for your sweet comments about Damon. Sending love and comfort to you, and prayers for your nephew. The words from you granddaughter are painful to hear, in her innocence she is not aware of the aching heart that lives inside of you.

Leah: Thank you also for your prayers and good thoughts.

Ronnie: Good to see your beautiful Cherry-Lynn's smile.

Betty: thank you for your comments on Damon's pics; I am so glad that you got to see them. He really is a cutie.

Betsy: thank you for your continued prayers.

Dee: Prayers for your nephew, also.

Amber37: Welcome to BI. I wish so much that you had no need to search for such a place, but I know that you will receive comfort, understanding, and you will not be alone through this. I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Your loss is so new, but all of us here know how you are feeling, know the pain you feel, the shock, and the sense of being alone. We cannot make your pain go away, but we can help you through it. When you are up to it, please come and share your daughter with us.

We did finally hear some news from Kim late last night. The doctors are not sure what all is causing all of the pain she is having, but they are looking at her gallbladder as a contributing factor, and are considering taking it out. Meantime, she is still on liquids, but the pain has lessened some, but is still on pain meds. No word yet on when she might come home. They said that if they do the gallbladder, it will not be for a couple of weeks, as she needs to heal from this "assault" on her physical health first. They also said they will attempt to do it laparscopically, but may have to do an incision due to the path that had to be taken when she had her ileostomy. Oh, how I wish I could be there with her.

We are now just two days from the meeting with the cancer center docs. We are getting nervous, and I try to pray for calm, understanding as to why this is even happening, and faith that we will have strength to move through it and do what we must. I pray the doctors will be given guidance to do what is needed and make good decisions. Thank you, all of you, for your continued support and caring, and prayers. I love you all.

[ericasmom]

BEcky, your fight is not for nothing, at the core is your heart, and while battered and bruised, the truth needs to be heard. If it falls on deaf ears remember that we hear you, and Jared hears you. For now, it is what you must do until you are sure the fight has been well fought.

Lori, I so agree that you have a heart so big, it not only holds the love and lives of your two Sweet Daughters, but all the kids in need as well.

peace,

dee

[Jeff's Mom]

Have not posted for a few days. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am thinking of them and wishing them a good week. Keeping all of you in my prayers.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Hi Kate, hope all is well.

Amber, I am happy that you found us, please know that everyone here knows the absolute ache and pain of this time for you, we share that similarity, the loss of our Babies is so deep an injury that we doubt that we will ever find laughter or sustain any kind of happiness and yet, we do. We that are here for many years, are here mainly to let you know that you will make it, you will find ways to sustain happiness and you will laugh again, but it will take time and energy and right now, you simply need to mourn and grieve. Remember that grief takes a lot of energy. Watch your immune system by eating healthy foods when you can and drinking plenty of water. Try if you can, to take a multi-vitamin to assure your body the minerals it may be lacking since your life was turned topsy turvy. Sleep when you can and come here day and night, read and write and ask questions and tell and retell your story because that is what will be the initial steps to your finding your footing again.

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Dee, Carol and Maddy, Thank you for the compliments! I have always been a huge advocate for abused and neglected children. A lot of children could be saved from life altering events if more people opened their eyes and reported abuse. But, the sad fact is most people turn their heads on reporting it because, they don't want to get involved. Especially, when it is a family member or friend that is doing the abusing. There is more public knowledge, advertising and reporting of animal abuse over child abuse. It's sad to think about all the campaigns, bracelets, stickers, etc that is out there to bring public knowledge to just about everything. But there is very little on this subject. I think my passion started when I was around 10 years old. I had a friend that was being abused and she would confide in me all the details of her abuse. I would look at her wounds and try to help her. He was physically and sexually abusing her and her siblings. I remember one day being at her house and standing up against her attacker. I told him if he didn't stop, I was going to tell on him. He laughed and lunged toward me to grab me. I ran out of their house screaming my head off telling everyone that would listen to me what was happing to my friend. My grandmother who lived across the street from them called the police. They questioned everyone and ended up arresting him. He went to jail for a long time. It's funny how tough I was at such a young age.

Amber37, Hi and welcome to BI. I'm sorry for the reason you have to be here. You are so new to the shock and despair of lossing your daughter. I loss two daughter's Feb of 2011. I've been on the emotional roller coaster for a little over a year now. When my girls first died, I thought I was going insane. I had so many crazy, bizarre thoughts and new behaviors that overwhelmed me. It lasted 6 months or more before I started to realize my craziness was getting more clearer. Where I could actually look back and see I was making progress in my grieving process. Everyday is still a challenge. But, I'm better then I was in the beginning of my grieving. People grieve in many different ways. But, still have common similarities to their grieving. I promise you will find help and support here on this site. Write down your thoughts, talk about your daughter and tell us what you are comfortable talking about. Everyone here knows your pain and what you are going through. Don't worry about responding to everyone or learning everyones names and stories. In time, if you keep coming back, you will learn who everyone is and will feel like you have a whole new group of close friends. Some of the people that have been here a long time have wonderful insight to what your future is going to be like. They are supportive and have a fantastic ability to help you through this process. I look forward to hearing more about you and your daughter.

This is a picture of our long haired Chihuahua Bails and her best friend Alfie the cat.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Kate, hope all is well.

Amber, I am happy that you found us, please know that everyone here knows the absolute ache and pain of this time for you, we share that similarity, the loss of our Babies is so deep an injury that we doubt that we will ever find laughter or sustain any kind of happiness and yet, we do. We that are here for many years, are here mainly to let you know that you will make it, you will find ways to sustain happiness and you will laugh again, but it will take time and energy and right now, you simply need to mourn and grieve. Remember that grief takes a lot of energy. Watch your immune system by eating healthy foods when you can and drinking plenty of water. Try if you can, to take a multi-vitamin to assure your body the minerals it may be lacking since your life was turned topsy turvy. Sleep when you can and come here day and night, read and write and ask questions and tell and retell your story because that is what will be the initial steps to your finding your footing again.

Hi Dee, thanks. Things are OK. Anxious about tomorrow. I see you are having excellent weather your way. They say spring is on it's way this weekend. The time change is Saturday I think. Loving those longer days. Hope things are good for you.

Thinking of everyone and sending warm wishes.

Kate

[lorijosherrell]

Not been on in awhile. Things have been going pretty good. Well it hit me today, Saturday is my baby's birthday this is his first one in heaven. I miss him so much

[Maddy6]

I have learned so much from all of you. Today my son who just turned 21 talked to me. He was upset with his brother who turned 18 (they have the same birthday) because his brother was enjoying his birthday. He told me his brother -J- was forgetting about Rachael, and he thought it was terrible. He felt that his brother should not enjoy his birthday like he was. He also accused me of forgetting about my own child. He felt that I had forgotten Rachael. I was able to tell him that he was not keeping Rachael alive by punishing himself and not moving on. Also, someone who is new to the site, forget her name,told us how she got a dog on her daughter's angelversary date. This gave me an idea, and I suggested to him that we plant a tree in the backyard on Rachael's birthday, every birthday, and then when we go in the yard, we will remember her with the peacefulness of the trees. He loved this idea and wants to do this for her birthday in June. He goes to the new therapist we got tomorrow. I am really hoping he gets the help he needs. The therapist said he is refusing to move on with his life because he thinks he is leaving Rachael behind. I really see what the therapist said is accurate, especially after what he told me today. All of our kids seem to have cleared the hurdle now and are beginning to move on, except for this one son. I am very concerned for him. He has struggled so much with depression since she died. He told me today that if Rachael were alive that they would have spent the day together. Now, while all my kids were very close, his sister would likely not have spent the day with him. She may have gotten together with us as a family like we did tonight, but what he said was an exaggeration and so I told him it was. I told him to not build his relationship with Rachael into more than what it had been, and accept that he needs to move on. I hope I am handling all of this right. Tonight our family went to a restaurant that served N'Awlins style Cajun food for their birthday. We all had fun. But he shows behavior that continues to concern us, please pray for him. I guess if I could see all my kids moving forward and recovered from this nightmare of losing Rachael, it would be easier. Thanks for listening. Also, my youngest son.....C, has the appt with the heart surgeon on Friday, when we will find out the results of the testing they have been doing and what they recommend. So if you will pray for him also.. Love,Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 more

[vivkib]

Maddy, Prayers for you, your boys, and family. Sounds like you're doing a great job helping them get through. Today is Kevin's 29th birthday (first sense he passed). So far I'm holding up, but it's still early, Only been up an hour. I'm going to try to remember him with happiness and joy today, remember the wonderful person he was, and the love and joy he brought to his family and friends, the people he touched and the imprint he left behind. I love and miss my son soooooo very much. Vivian-Kevin's Mom.

[2 Angels in Heaven]

I got this off another web site and thought you might want to read it.

It is frequently said that the grief of a Grieving Mother is the most intense grief known. When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died, that a vital and core part of them has been ripped away. The grief caused by their child's death is not only painful but profoundly disorienting.....children are not supposed to die. These parents are forced to confront an extremely painful and stressful paradox; they are faced with a situation in which they must deal both with the grief caused by their child's death and with their inherent need to continue to live their own lives as fully as possible. Thus, Grieving parents must deal with the contradictory burden of wanting to be free of this overwhelming pain and yet needing it as a reminder of the child who died . Grieving parents continue to be parents of the child who died. They will always feel the empty place in their hearts caused by the child's death; they were, and always will be, the loving father and mother of that child. Yet, these parents have to accept that they will never be able to live their lives with or share their love openly with the child. So they must find ways to hold on to the memories. Many bereaved parents come to learn that "memories are the precious gifts of the heart...[that they need] these memories and whispers, to help create a sense of inner peace, a closeness"

[Maddy6]

Happy Birthday

Kevin

Send your love and angel kisses

to your mom, Vivian. Let her know your spirit is right there by her side, closer than she can imagine. Remind her of the wonderful memories and the love that was shared. Comfort her and let her know you are okay and you are happy.

Vivian, I am praying you will be comforted today. I am so very sorry for your hurt and pain. We are holding your hand today, standing by your side in thought and spirit. We care, and we know. I am praying you will be filled today with all the warm memories of Kevin and feel peace and joy for all the wonderful time you spent with him.

Love,

Maddy

[Susie_q512]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! May your mom and all those you love feel your spirit surrounding them today. May they feel your angel hugs and kisses.

Prayers for you today Vivian

(((HUGS))) to each of you.....especially our newest members.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly BIrthday, KEVIN! May God bless your family today, and let them feel your presence.

(((Hugs)))

[JD's Mom, Becky]

My feelings on this day....

[westleysmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Kevin!

Vivian-hoping you have happy memories of the day that Kevin came into this world and that they bring you a smile.

[mikesmomrs]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY KEVIN------------

KEVIN, KEVIN, KEVIN....Still saying your name, still and always remembering your sweet spirit.

Vivian, sending love and strength to you today that your heart will be filled with that wondrous joy that you felt on this day, when Kevin was born. Remember those joyous moments, remember that sweet baby and how he filled your heart on that day. We are with you, celebrating this beautiful life of your son.

[mikesmomrs]

Becky: thinking of you today. Your poem touched my heart. Thank you for sharing.

Lori: Thank you for sharing the passage.

Diane: How are you doing?

Trudi: Is the getaway on?

Maddy: Prayers and strength to you for helping your boys to move through this grief and realize that this is what their precious sister would want. I admire your wisdom in handling these recent situations, and wish good progress to your son with his therapist. Your family has been through so much, so much loss, so much uncertainty...my heart to you and them.

Rhonda: How is TJ?

[ericasmom]

KEVIN

KEVIN

KEVIN_

Shine your light Kevin, to light the way for your Mom and those that miss you so. Let them feel your peace and hold them close in all you do.

[mikesmomrs]

Laura: I am so sorry for the loss of your son, CP. May his birthday on this Saturday hold only those good, sweet memories of that most wonderful of days in your life---the day of his birth. May he surround you with his sweet spirit and let you know that he is safe, that nothing was your fault. We are here with you, sending love and strength.

When you can, please tell us more about your baby. We love to hear about each other's angels and their precious lives.

[mikesmomrs]

sorry, double post.

[mikesmomrs]

Our daughter, Kim, is going home from the hospital today. They have come to a couple of conclusions and hopefully they are on the right track. She is going to have her gallbladder out soon, and they are waiting on a biopsy they did yesterday of her stomach. She is feeling better, but still has some pain in her stomach that they can't explain. At least now I can talk to her on the phone every day and keep up with what's happening.

We (hubby and I) are on pins and needles and spending today, thinking of what will happen at the doctor's tomorrow, but trying very hard to keep ourselves in the present moment, being mindful of this beautiful day that we have been gifted with. Temp is already 60 degrees, and it's not even noon! Beautiful sunshine and warm breezes. I hear my dragnonfly chimes outside the door, tinkling, and the birds are singing in the background. Snow is still on the ground from last week, but I am looking above that, to the beautiful blue of the sky. We may drive out to the beach today just to take in this beautiful weather.

My heart is with all of you today.

[lorijosherrell]

My baby's name us actually PAYTON when I posted the first time I put Cp in there well that is what his handicap was.

Payton would be 14 saturday, and it was a wonderful 14 years

He was born on a Tuesday evening, and it was a life struggle from the start to put in my terms my oB/gyn

Was a idiot leaving me in labor for 24 hrs with my water ready broken. They got his vital signs back and when I went to the nursery he opened his eyes for the first time and squeezed my finger then he was sent by helicopter to childrens hospital in little rock. I finally seen my baby after 2 days and was told I needed to turn the life support off well we waited for his mawmaw to fly in from Ohio that night by then his nuro team wanted to do more test.

By the end of the week he was off the support he was my strong little man first 2 years was in and out off hospital but then he was stronger he grew turned 5 and I sent him to school he learned to make some noises mostly coos like a baby would make then how to blink yes and no I could finally talk to him and did he ever have his own attitude lol. I loved it. He would fuss with me and play

When he was 10 I decided he needed a sibling well he ended up with 6. I adopted 4 and I have 2 step he was in hog heaven. The baby girl is his baby I couldn't fuss we for anything without gettin fussed lol and his big sister, the moon set in her for him.

So now I have my hug family, he loved to fish, watch baseball & football games that his brothers played, and going hunting with his daddy. That would sneak off when I was at work it was their secret LOL

We decided to move for a better climate for him after we had gone in vacation and relized it was better. The doctors had always told me that it would be a lung infection that would end up causing him to pass, so you can image my shock from the doctors in the er telling me that his kidneys had failed. Then it all came full circle and I relized that he was only mine to borrow for a shirt time. I had to make to decision once again to turn the life support off.

My baby girl tells me the other day, Momma don't cry anymore payton isn't far away, heaven is just on the top of the clouds . So Saturday we will ne sending his birthday cards and letters on balloons

He was a child of no words but he spoke to everyone he ever met

I know that this will be his best birthday ever, his mamaw and gran will have the best cake for him in heaven and he will get to EAT CAKE.

LAURA. PAYTONS MOMMA

[lorijosherrell]

Happy birthday Kevin comfort to your family and friends

[daveydow1]

Betty-----Yep.....it's almost time for all the garden planning.....my husband does most of

the planting of the garden, and we both do maintainence and picking etc. Signs of

spring popping up here & there. They are welcome signs. I bet you are also seeing

some signs in the park.

Betsy-----That cute little raccoon that you saw climbing was probably scouting out

the bird's nests to raid. Our robin's nest in the evergreen shrubs last year was raided

by something which destroyed the nest and took the baby birds away. I blamed the raccoons

since they are always around, and had destroyed a birdbox on the grape arbor where

another bird had laid eggs. They will eat anything, it seems. They raided my berry bushes

last summer, and stripped every single raspberry off it. I agree, though, they are quite

an amusing sight to see.

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, ..........KEVIN.

Kate-----Good to see your post.

Leah----I agree.......sometimes we have to take care of ourselves because others want

us to, and need us to be strong. Peace to you, friend.

Carol-----Sending prayers for Kim.

Dee and Rhonda------Also, prayers for your nephews.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Maddy6]

Laura,I enjoyed hearing about Payton and the courage and strength, how he survived and fought to stay alive as an infant. I had spoke with you a while back and I thought you were going to move from Louisiana? How is that going? How is your precious family doing? What a beautiful comment fom your little girl about heaven not being far away. I am sorry you are hurting and missing Payton. We are here for you, if you would like to tell us more about him, we would love to hear.....

Love,Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 more also

[mysonrich]

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Kevin!

 

May you grace your family with your presence!

[shellyku]

KEVIN - SURROUND THOSE WHO LOVE YOU TODAY AND

ALWAYS WITH YOUR SWEET SPIRIT AND LOVE.

Carol - prayers to you and Mike and hoping you get the best news possible tomorrow! Also, prayers

for Kim that God may heal her.

Becky - your poem is beautiful, beautiful! Your words touched my heart.

Hope all Indigos have a blessed evening. Shelly

[mikesmum]

Nice to log on and see such positives. Words of a poem, articles found and shared...remembering the angels of today. Indigos healing

[hotrod]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY KEVIN

SURROUND MOM WITH THE WARMTH OF YOUR LOVE

[2 Angels in Heaven]

Becky, I loved the poem you wrote! I read it 3 times so I could absorb everything you were saying. It's amazing you were able to put everything that is happening to you into such beautiful words.

Laura & Polly, I understand the pain of losing a child with special needs. My daughter Kailey had special needs and died last year. Your whole life from the time they are born revolves around them and all their needs. Then when they are gone, you are completely lost. Taking care of them becomes who we are, its our normal life. They define who we are and how we live our lives. From the time they are born, everything in our world has to be adjusted to suit their needs. When they are gone, we don't know how to live and we have to adjust everything in our world all over again.

For me when my daughter kailey died, I didn't know what to do with all the free time or silence that surrounded me. I missed all the people that helped me care for her like her Doctor's, Nurses, HHA's, Physical and Occupational Therapist. The Case Managers, Supervisors, Social Workers, Drivers, Medicine and Medical supply companies. The Special Ed Teachers, Aides and ESE specialist. Etc.. There are so many people that come into our lives when you have a special needs child. Most of whom become our friends and confidants. Kailey couldn't speak but she communicated quite well. She laughed out loud, grunted and squealed with delight! She learned sign language or I should say we learned her sign language! When I would correct her she would shake her head no, hold her hand up to me to stop and then would precede to show me HER WAY! Kailey wept in silence when sick or in pain, as if she didn't want to burden us or cause us any pain or worry. She had a special way about her and would light up my world with sunshine when she smiled! My house had a revolving door, people in and out all day long. My home was filled with laughter and noise from Kailey and all that cared for her. Now she is gone and I don't know what to do with my time or the silence.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Lori, Carol and Shelly! I have to try to put my feelings into beautiful words, and poetry, otherwise when one of my friends posts my poem to a mutual friend, etc., on FB, I have to keep it clean, as I don't know where it will end up! lol.

So many touching stories on here today, my heart to all of you! There are many that I wish were closer by, as I know I would enjoy a friendship other than just on this forum. It is amazing, however, that we can be from all over the globe, and have this connection that transcends everything. Our angel connection.

Becky, I loved the poem you wrote! I read it 3 times so I could absorb everything you were saying. It's amazing you were able to put everything that is happening to you into such beautiful words.

[lorijosherrell]

Becky, I loved the poem you wrote! I read it 3 times so I could absorb everything you were saying. It's amazing you were able to put everything that is happening to you into such beautiful words.

Laura & Polly, I understand the pain of losing a child with special needs. My daughter Kailey had special needs and died last year. Your whole life from the time they are born revolves around them and all their needs. Then when they are gone, you are completely lost. Taking care of them becomes who we are, its our normal life. They define who we are and how we live our lives. From the time they are born, everything in our world has to be adjusted to suit their needs. When they are gone, we don't know how to live and we have to adjust everything in our world all over again.

For me when my daughter kailey died, I didn't know what to do with all the free time or silence that surrounded me. I missed all the people that helped me care for her like her Doctor's, Nurses, HHA's, Physical and Occupational Therapist. The Case Managers, Supervisors, Social Workers, Drivers, Medicine and Medical supply companies. The Special Ed Teachers, Aides and ESE specialist. Etc.. There are so many people that come into our lives when you have a special needs child. Most of whom become our friends and confidants. Kailey couldn't speak but she communicated quite well. She laughed out loud, grunted and squealed with delight! She learned sign language or I should say we learned her sign language! When I would correct her she would shake her head no, hold her hand up to me to stop and then would precede to show me HER WAY! Kailey wept in silence when sick or in pain, as if she didn't want to burden us or cause us any pain or worry. She had a special way about her and would light up my world with sunshine when she smiled! My house had a revolving door, people in and out all day long. My home was filled with laughter and noise from Kailey and all that cared for her. Now she is gone and I don't know what to do with my time or the silence.

[lorijosherrell]

2 angles. I soooo know about the silence I would wish for more privacy now I wish for all the noise back