Loss of an Adult Child

[Maddy6]

Susannah,I love your bold, blatant style. I love reading your posts. I wouldn't want you to get mad at me, that is for sure. :-) Please don't quit posting either, we need you. You are so articulate and well spoken. One thing it does signify....is life. You are full of life. I enjoy seeing your vivaciousness for life and your passion. Please do not leave either. Now, truly. I will not post again today. I have probably exceeded the acceptable limit ;-) Love,Maddy - Rachaels's mom and 5 others also

[Guest msnher]

CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never forgotten. Happy Belly Button, Day.

Honoring our angels will definitely be the exception for my posting............................

[rlolheiser]

Wishing Chad a Happy Heavenly Birthday! may your family feel your loving touch today and always!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy heavenly birthday, CHAD!

[rlolheiser]

I missed some posts I guess..

I always have suspected that much, my dial up and crashing I am afraid keeps some of the posts from view, and boy.. I missed something.. even going back.. I am missing things

I can't even begin to say anything, cause I have no knowledge.. I just know that all of you are great contributors to so many. I know at times we all read words that might hurt us, and the pain is a true pain, it stings. But I also know that we are family here, and believe me.. family does hurt each other. Family is the one place you feel free to say things that maybe we shouldn't but we do.. because the love of a family is forgiving, sometimes it takes awhile for the for the hurt to go away.. but our love for our angels bind us.

Maybe I am overspeaking... but I am speaking from my heart.

Maddy, I enjoyed your poem you posted, it touched me deeply.

Dee.. thank you for your words of encouragement. I am frightened with life somedays.. I dread waiting for the next wrong thing to happen. But I know I can't wallow in the bad.. I have to look forward to a good future.. and realize I haven't any control of anything.

Kate, thank you for your words also, I am thankful for the care you send me.

To all of you.. I am thankful for

[shorty16]

OK My Indigos,

On Wednesday of this week, it was 50 degrees in Wisconsin (for about 5 minutes).

Today (start of the weekend) we are looking at 4-8 inches of snow/rain/ice mixture.

GREAT!!!!

My husband is going to Appleton (1.5 hrs N) to see his Mom and be a good son. I am staying home and doing what I want, when I want, and how many times I want to do it.

Kids are both working.

Looking forward to a good book and silence.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Kenn]

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[Maddy6]

OK Heydaddy, I am willing to forgive. It is not that I am not willing. I am not running around bitter, or having a bad day. BUT, I did what this lady told me to do against my better judgement. I know without your knowing all the details it is hard to give advice. But I want the way I feel about this lady to go away. I want to forgive her for me, so I can move forward. Can you tell me a way to do that? Also, sorry I am posting so much today. Rambling so much and such a needy mess. I truly am not a crazy, hateful person. Thank you for listening. Thank all of you. TTYL,Maddy

[vivkib]

O.K., I'm going to take a big step out of my comfort zone and comment here. There has been alot of unintended hurt feeling here lately so I'm trying to find the right words. Please bare with me.

Maddy, I'm not in your shoes so I'm commenting only on the questions that come to mind in reading your post, if I'm off base, I'm sorry. I understand your struggles with forgiving the counceler, I can't say I could forgive her either. My question is this, Have you been able to forgive yourself? What I mean by this is, forgiven yourself for going against your feeling and better judgment? I know it's easy for us all to look back and say why did I do things this way or that, but we can't undo what's done, as much as we'd all love too. I'm not trying to judge or tell you how to feel, just wondering, cause I know that would be something I'd be struggeling with. I'm not big on self- forgivness. I do know before we can move on to forgive others sometimes we have to forgive ourselves. Am I making any sence? Some times these days my words don't say what's in my head. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[Kenn]

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[Maddy6]

1330713693' post='84807']

O.K., I'm going to take a big step out of my comfort zone and comment here. There has been alot of unintended hurt feeling here lately so I'm trying to find the right words. Please bare with me.

Maddy, I'm not in your shoes so I'm commenting only on the questions that come to mind in reading your post, if I'm off base, I'm sorry. I understand your struggles with forgiving the counceler, I can't say I could forgive her either. My question is this, Have you been able to forgive yourself? What I mean by this is, forgiven yourself for going against your feeling and better judgment? I know it's easy for us all to look back and say why did I do things this way or that, but we can't undo what's done, as much as we'd all love too. I'm not trying to judge or tell you how to feel, just wondering, cause I know that would be something I'd be struggeling with. I'm not big on self- forgivness. I do know before we can move on to forgive others sometimes we have to forgive ourselves. Am I making any sence? Some times these days my words don't say what's in my head. Hugs and prayers to you. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

Vivien,I want to thank you, so very much for your concern and for your reply. I am sorry that sometimes feelings get hurt and then we can be apprehensive to post. Let me assure you.....I would not get offended, and if someone is trying to help me, I would look at that. I know I probably sound crazy also, so I really appreciate your leaving your comfort zone to try to help me :-)

.Love,Maddy - Rachael's mom and 5 others also

[vivkib]

Maddy, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, well, maybe in only the best way, but aren't we all? We all have our struggles on this painful road. Being mad at yourself and forgiving yourself are 2 different things, at least where I'm standing. I don't know, I'll have to give that more thought I think. I'm glad you are forgiving yourself and yes I do believe it peels away a small layer of grief. Maybe that's what I'm trying to get at, first step to forgiveness and all. We all have things we look back at and wish we could change, things we wish we said or did different. I feel it myself all the time and read it in posts all the time. I have come to realize forgiveness, for ourselves or others, is a big step on this path. I had to forgive my son (not so hard for me cause he is my son and I love him so dearly), but forgiving myself for the "shoulda" "coulda" "woulda" stuff can be heartbreaking at times. I think we all are on an endless "forgiveness path", part of lifes journey? I feel bad that the counslor showed you no sorrow or sympathy when you needed it most. I can understand how upsetting that must have been, after all, isn't that what they are there for, to help? Well, I think I just joined the Ramblin Rose Society. Take care of yourself. Hugs and prayers. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[ericasmom]

Maddy, no limit on posting thank heavens, there have been days that have seen me post well over 10 times. WE Shouldn't have to be walking on eggshells and I apologize if my outburst makes folks feel as though they should. I just hate seeing this haven end up in ruins with people striking out at others without finding ways to say what they mean in ways that don't put folks on the defensive.

Susannah, you and I do differ in many ways, you and I also have agreed on things over the time you have been here. I just will not sit by as you yell at folks on this site. You did it with Kate when she first came, and it was caustic. I was so surprised by your doing that and then you scolded heydaddy for giving advice and not having told us much about his Daughter when in fact you know that not everyone is ready to do this...you also accused him of doing the 'male' thing...well heydaddy is a male. I get what you meant but again, it was said in a way that was caustic. Then Kate again, really in such a way that was rude and unnecessary. I don't understand, I just don't. Yep, that definitely rubs me the wrong way, but I can still be here and ignore some of it, not though, when it is happening with greater regularity and makes others feel the need to leave. I don't want anyone to leave, but we are going to have to find ways to use the rules we all expect when folks are speaking from their broken hearts and through their upbringing, their ideals and morals, and especially their pain...I mean we don't all share the same belief system, but we can respect the system that we each have.

So this has been an extremely busy week, tiring and full. We have ISAT formal testing all next week, so we are ready. I hate over testing kids, but that seems to be the direction of many states. More and more testing. We had fun today though, it was READ ACROSS AMERICA in honor of Dr. Seuss' birthday.

[Maddy6]

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NASB)

[vivkib]

Maddy, funny you should mention writting a letter to her than throwing it away. That was my first thought, may be a starting point. Later down the line you may feel a different need, but it's a big step on the forgiveness path. Putting your thoughts, hurts and feelings into letter form gets some of it out in the "open" even if you are the only one to read it at this time. I have found in my past it helps the healing and my thought prosess, just putting in in words so I can read it to myself a day or 2 later, then throw it away. Just an idea, follow your heart. Hugs and prayers Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[Kenn]

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[ericasmom]

Susannah, I do also want to say that I believe that forgiveness is a great goal but it is one that I do not feel is the necessary to living a good life. I don't think, nope, I am sure that I will not forgive my father his sins against my life as a child. He took my childhood and he did so to others as well, and for that he is not going to receive forgiveness from me. I don't feel guilt in that either, in fact, I am quite comfortable in my sense of strength that comes from not saying it is okay. It will never be okay to take a child's trust away. I firmly believe that it is okay to not forgive and to not beat yourself up to do so. As a great man whose name eludes me now said, why would we forgive someone who with purpose and with knowledge stole your childhood. He said this to Oprah when she divulged many years ago, that she was sexually abused as a child. Will it ever be okay that he did this to you? No!

If you take a break, I hope that it is one that helps you figure out why you are angry at folks right now...do you think that now that you have a new great person working with the kids you feel you can let down some?

Prayers for all those dealing with the storms that have caused tornadoes across the midwest.

[vivkib]

Heydaddy, hate to say it, before Kevin passed, I would not have, but here goes, I agree......Throw the darts and have fun!!!!OK, even I have to admit, that was bad of me.

[Maddy6]

Vivien, Sooo funny, but yes, before Rachael died there were lots of things I would not have done. Now I have this attitude that life is too short and if somebody wants to put their opinion on me on how I should live my life, then they can take a hike! We could all have one big dart party!!!!What is soooo cool is that Kevin, & Rachael, & Hannah probably know each other right now. They probably have been instrumental in all of us meeting each other. We just need to relax and realize that we will be at the party with them in due time You guys are such fun. You have made me laugh so much today. I remember when I first met you Heydaddy You did not even know me and the next thing I knew I am cracking up laughing and crying at the same time. Thanks for helping me to realize that it is OK to still laugh through all this pain. But REALLY, you cannot offend me. It is OK, so please do not worry about that.

TTYL :-)Maddy - Rachael's mom & 5 others also

[vivkib]

I'm sure the three of them are laughing at us right now. Don't know about Rachael or Hannah, but I can say I'm sure Kevin has alot to do with this. Great sense of humor in that kid. Laughing through our pain really is great. Vivian- Kevin's Mom

[mysonrich]

Maddy,if you truly believe that your therapist was/is not competent, caused harm , was confrontational and possibly ridiculed or bullied you,report her to the state licensing board. She'll take notice. If youfeel that she may hurt others and may need additional training,shouldn't be in the profession in the first place, take action. Itwon't bring Rachael back but may be a construction way to channelyour anger and make a difference in memory of Rachael.

Ihad many anger issues as well and Nicks dad more or less said “well, get off your butt and do something”

Froma spiritual man” he doesn't preach as much as share his thoughts:

“Prayermust never be so prostituted as to become a substitute for action.”

Asfar as reading something here that takes you/me/us back to revisitsome dark emotions it's going to happen. Everyone should feel free tospeak their mind, ramble, disclose whatever they are feeling at thetime in an attempt to work through feelings. To work through grief.In no way am I here to judge what is right or wrong in the words andlife circumstances of others. Hey, I'm human and surely do judge asmuch as the next person but I try to think first. There are daysthat I'm going along just fine and all it takes is a spark of memory,the anger is back. Doesn't matter what I'm angry at or who. ITSThere. Honestly there are times I have to work very hard to getthough this, but I do. It is effort and hard work. There was a timewhen I first started to post here and became very upset over thewords of another. I shared the many deaths in my family and that of afriend to suicide. This wasn't long after Rich died. I emptied mysoul with the hurt,grief, hopelessness I felt. I was met with what tome was a extremely callous comment. I retreated. Only years laterhave I came to know my fellow poster with an understanding that sheis very kind and generous and, lost her son. It is a slippery slopeso I have tried to think things through and have learned much fromeveryone here.

Theunleashed, un-vented angry will only destroy the person it belongsto. I can testify to that.

Leah,I always read your posts. I also hope that your daughter takespositive steps in her new found freedom.

Kate,When I read your writings it allows be to dream a little. It allowsme to see the beautiful country in which you live, the beautiful spotwhere your son now calls home in this physical world. The sacredground that two angels came to visit upon. Should I roll out there-welcome mat? The mat that speaks to you, “ we hate the reasonyou're here but please,come in”.

Lately it seems the high drama of FB has made its way to our refuge here.Time to compartmentalize the two.

Again,to the members that quote entire posts and follow with your reply.There are many,many people that do not have high speed internet connections. There are some of us with smaller monitors ( waving to you here )...we all know to whom we speak when we call each other by

name. I feel that quoting is discourteous to others that can not

download data at a high speed and are disconnected or frozen out.

I miss my boy every second of every day to the core of my being. It is from his strength that I continue. His courage. He taught me well.Just wish I didn't have to learn this lesson.

Love.Peace. Hope.

[vivkib]

Betsy, I love that mat "I hate the reason you're here but, please come in". Really brings tears to my eyes. I SO hate why we have all come together, but am SO happy we have found a place together. I keep hearing and reading over and over one of the first steps down this road is to find others who are walking the same path as we are. It is so true that we hate to have to welcome others but we all need each other. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[ericasmom]

Betsy, so nice to see you today. It has been a while. I hope that the drama here is also toned down, and I do apologize to all for any discomfort I may have caused.

[Susie_q512]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Chad....smile upon your mom, wrap her in your soft angel arms, and give her angel kisses!!!

Geez...don't really know what's been going on here, but I feel like the mom who's come home to find that she left the kids alone too long!

I absolutely hate to see anyone post that they are leaving, but I can understand needing a break now and then. Fingers crossed that no one will stay away for too long.

Forgiveness is a tough topic, probably because true forgiveness is hard to attain. So often I have believed that I have forgiven, only to find the anger resurfacing when the wound is touched upon. My question regarding forgiveness has always revolved around the "how" to forgive. It's something that most people want to accomplish, but the "how" gets us every time....that's where the snare can be found. If we could erase our memories, those things that torment us, it would be an easy task to forgive....but we can't. Those hurts remain etched upon our hearts forever. Maybe words like forgiveness and acceptance are the wrong terms to be used? Maybe it's more appropriate to say that we learn to live with un-forgiveness and anger with the hope that those negatives do not change us into someone we do not wish to become. There is a positive and a negative to every emotion, so I'm thinking that what we do with an emotion is what counts. I mentioned to Becky recently, "Guard your heart...as best you can." Those few words can apply to any emotion we struggle against or embrace. We guard our hearts to prevent us from becoming that person we do not want to become, so there's nothing wrong with the emotion, it's what we do with it that is important.

Can we forgive? I don't think we can. We can try, we can strive for it, but we are imperfect people. I have come to believe that true forgiveness, that true act of "letting go" or "releasing" only comes when we cross from this flawed physical form and into the perfect form of spirit....(at least that's my hope....I really don't want to carry my flaws into eternity....that would suck balls)

Okie Dokie, that's my ramble for tonight. Too tired to proof read it before posting, so here goes....(I'm a little worried)

Love and peace to all.

[Kenn]

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[Susie_q512]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Chad....smile upon your mom, wrap her in your soft angel arms, and give her angel kisses!!!

Geez...don't really know what's been going on here, but I feel like the mom who's come home to find that she left the kids alone too long!

I absolutely hate to see anyone post that they are leaving, but I can understand needing a break now and then. Fingers crossed that no one will stay away for too long.

Forgiveness is a tough topic, probably because true forgiveness is hard to attain. So often I have believed that I have forgiven, only to find the anger resurfacing when the wound is touched upon. My question regarding forgiveness has always revolved around the "how" to forgive. It's something that most people want to accomplish, but the "how" gets us every time....that's where the snare can be found. If we could erase our memories, those things that torment us, it would be an easy task to forgive....but we can't. Those hurts remain etched upon our hearts forever. Maybe words like forgiveness and acceptance are the wrong terms to be used? Maybe it's more appropriate to say that we learn to live with un-forgiveness and anger with the hope that those negatives do not change us into someone we do not wish to become. There is a positive and a negative to every emotion, so I'm thinking that what we do with an emotion is what counts. I mentioned to Becky recently, "Guard your heart...as best you can." Those few words can apply to any emotion we struggle against or embrace. We guard our hearts to prevent us from becoming that person we do not want to become, so there's nothing wrong with the emotion, it's what we do with it that is important.

Can we forgive? I don't think we can. We can try, we can strive for it, but we are imperfect people. I have come to believe that true forgiveness, that true act of "letting go" or "releasing" only comes when we cross from this flawed physical form and into the perfect form of spirit....(at least that's my hope....I really don't want to carry my flaws into eternity....that would suck balls)

Okie Dokie, that's my ramble for tonight. Too tired to proof read it before posting, so here goes....(I'm a little worried)

Love and peace to all.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

I am so very sorry to read of the sadness and misunderstanding that is happening I know we are all in pain and suffering unspeakable sadness and it is understandable that we become upset at times.

. I know that when I am vulnerable and share my grief and pain, I feel very upset if I believe someone is discounting it and telling me to move on or there way is a better way to think. I feel I come here for support which for me means understanding, empathy, compassion and a fellowship of equals. We can offer our experience and say what works for us but I have difficulty if I am told that I should do something differently or think differently.

I know that our heads knows very well what we should be doing--- our heart are just so hurt ands filled with pain.. I try to share that pain here because it is safe and no one will tell me to "Get over it" or that I should feel differently.

Dee you and Trudi , Carol and Sherry have been such strong supporters of this Indigo family and each time you share your understanding and wisdom and truth embraces us all. You are never judgmental or critical You each have kept me on the road of Hope when all looked grim.

Susannah your insight, your heart, your honesty and love are evident as well. We have all walked a difficult road together. I would hate to see our Indigo family unsettled

Betsy, Colleen, Amy, Rhonda, Leah and all Indigo in my thoughts

[Maddy6]

Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NASB)

[aim630]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Chad! Send your mom a sign to let her know you are always near!

[Kenn]

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[mysonrich]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Chad !!!!

[mysonrich]

DEE, Peace baby. No discomfort. Not for me. just the worry wart in me.

[mikesmomrs]

CHAD! CHAD! CHAD! HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY! Please surround your mom with your precious spirit, let her know you are by her side, always.

[hotrod]

Dear Chad

Happy Birthday

[ericasmom]

CHAD, touch your Momma today and each day letting her feel the light that you have always given. Shine upon her in ways that let her see that it is indeed, YOU.

[ericasmom]

Heydaddy, my point about forgiveness and my own father was to point out that if not forgiving as in my case, does not fill you with anger and hate, then it is okay because it isn't hurting you. I have long accepted my situation and do not harbor hate or rage or the need to seek revenge. I simply have learned, like so many others, that life is not always fair and kind, and when we live through the hard times we find ways to accept what we have in this world and how to live our best lives in it. I do not like to spend time in negative action or thought, it is depleting.

Goodnight All, may the dreams that flutter past hold some lovely thoughts.

[Kenn]

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[mysonrich]

heydaddy, do you walk on water? Really, what I read of late is absurd and offensive.

[Guest msnher]

To our friends who live in the path of the terrible storms, I am thinking of you. Greg? Rhonda? Diane? My memory fails me right now as to who else lives in the midwestern states. Please check in and let us know how you are holding up.

Much love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Kenn]

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[hotrod]

Hi Indigos\

Forgiveness is an interesting topic. I know that I very often used anger to cover up my sadness and fear. I I blamed others , focused on their issues instead of feeling the true feelings of the event. I masked my feelings with anger and thoughts of revenge and trying to fix everyone else. That made me feel powerful and not so vulnerable.

That being said, I am extremely saddened by what I see and feel happening here to my safe haven in an insane world. Not only are people giving advise on how to grieve, we are being instructed how to feel and how to understand vocabulary. I come here not to be taught but to be heard and my grief understood.

We have had disagreements in the past but they are quickly addressed and the offense corrected. They have never been made a joke of, justified and defended.

I need the comfort of this nurturing site and pray that we will get back to center soon.

Susannah Please reconsider your honesty and unique manner has kept me honest and given me a smile when I was so very down.

Betsy Dee, Good to see you this AM

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I hope that nobody leaves here, that would be too sad.

Let's all try to be careful to re-read our posts before we hit that submit button.

Love to all,

[Kenn]

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[ericasmom]

Susannah, I don't know why you say this when I thought or I tried to point out what was offensive to me, which was basically, the way you approached Kate twice on this forum. Once when she first came adn again the other day. I also felt that you attacked Heydaddy for the way he presented his hurt. I never said that it was your presence nor is it your presence that offends my spirit, it was the method in which you told others recently, how you felt they presented their ideas. I do not understand the amount of drama, normally I would not have on this forum called you out but I was aghast at your being so openly angry at Kate. And I felt that perhaps being called out on the forum the same way you did Kate, might make you see how that felt. I wish you would not leave too, I don't see that as any kind of fix. You yourself said, you did not know why you were so angry at everyone lately...so I would think figuring that out would be healing to you and that finding your way to that here, would be a good route. I have always agreed that we never need to forgive until and unless it was good for us, yes, I do repeat that same sentiment, my argument was how you struck out at Kate for hoping that you could forgive. I am of like mind with you on the whole forgiveness thing. No, it is not your presence Susannah, it is the recent way you have taken to calling folks out in this public way. I hope that you stay. I hope Kate comes back and I believe that there is room for everyones ideas and concepts, and always room for everyones ache and grief, that we need to show especially the Newbies that we have been a tight group for a reason, that we are accepting of other folks beliefs and ways.

Cold day in Chicago today, wind and snowflakes swirling about. Gray skies for three in a row. I hope that the sun pops out both outside and here at BI again.

[hotrod]

Post deleted

I agree with Dee and Carol. This Indigo Family is very special as is this Message Baord.

The Board should be reserved for sharing, understanding, compassion and love.

All Indigos are in my thoughts and prayers

[ericasmom]

Betty, also good to see you and I hope my angst does not injure your days here. HOw is the NYC weather treating you? Are you enjoying the thought of spring? The squirrels in our yard are so happy and fat! My husband has been dumping extra compost from the food pantry of those veggies and fruits that are too injured to give to folks, so we have a gang of squirrels that walk around with a sprig of broccoli, some carrots and melon rinds in our yard. Many birds are finding the pile quite delectable too.

Nice.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

You know, if I hadn't been here a while, and was just new coming to this forum, I would leave again without having received what brought me here, which is to seek understanding and nuturing. PLEASE stop this, lest some poor grieving parent walks away without ever knowing how wonderful and supportive this forum can be!!

[ericasmom]

I know what you mean Becky, those of us involved in this kind of crazy back-and-forth, will need to reel it in and make peace. I will now only do any discussion of these things in a PM way if at all. Thanks for the understanding to this point.

How goes your battle with the township? Any news of change or hope of any?

[mikesmomrs]

In the interest of keeping BI for what it has always been...a place of safety, nurturing and offerings of hope; a haven for those of us who are grieving the most horrific loss, where we can come to express our thoughts and feelings without fear of recrimination, judgement or hostility, I think that what Dee said, "I will now only do any discussion of these things in a PM way if at all" (italics are mine) makes a lot of sense. This is the first time I have entered into any discussion on this issue, and I think if we were to follow the idea in Dee's statement, this may likely be a good way to keep the peace here on this board, where it has always been and still is expected to be found.

Becky, thank you for your words, also. We need to turn away from the upset that has been here recently, "make nice" as my mom used to say, maybe hit the "undo" button in our brain, and move forward with what this site has always represented---understanding, compassion and no judgement.

I send my love to you all each day. My heart holds you close, my prayers always include all of you.

Dee, it is cold and windy here also, after us getting 10 inches of snow yesterday, the first since October 31st! I was glad to see it, though, as I do love a snowfall. A dry winter, which I hope doesn't hurt the spring blooming season too much. I know that the warmer than usual temps have encouraged early spring activity, but I hope it doesn't impact so much that we can't recover from it.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Dee, Thanks for asking. Nothing new at all on the speed issue on our road. A couple of real short responses to email inquiries, basically saying my signs don't count in the scheme of their traffic study.... sigh.... I can only wait and hope.

The meeting to discuss with us the findings of the police investigation is Tuesday this next week, and my nerves are in an uproar, I can think of little else. They have already stated that they won't be giving me any supporting documentation, etc., and if I need it, I will have to have an attorney suponea all of that. I don't understand why we as parents aren't given open access to anything pertaining to our minor child's death.

Jasmine, 21 years of age, wants to go with us to this meeting on Tuesday. I want to honor that she is an adult, but at the same time I am very concerned about the effect of her listening to the 911 recordings, and seeing autopsy pictures, etc. Hell, I am worried about the effect of that on myself and my husband, let alone her. She feels that it would be better for us not to have to go there, and then come home and explain everything to her, as she wants the information firsthand.

Thoughts?