Loss of an Adult Child

[darlenestark]

It's been 65 days since my son Ali was killed in a car accident, and it's been 36 days since I found this site and became a member. Counting days is one of the new things I do in this new existence - Ali was here on earth for 9,695 days...

All of us here have been altered by our losses. I have found much comfort in the words expressed by so many in my daily visits to this forum. When I am here, I feel like I am not alone in this. And that is what this place is all about...

[robyn]

Susannah,

Please, don't go. For no other reason than others in here may need you. We never know when something we say is the ONE thing someone needed to hear. I'm a newbie, but this seems to be one "stew" that does best with too many cooks!

For all the other dear ones in here,

I hope that I am not being presumptious. We all grieve differently, and we all go through stages, and they never follow a set course. No one can understand, as we can, how grief messes with your head and causes you to do and say things that you might not normally say. We feel anger at the most odd moments (the inanimate objects in my house live in abject fear, I can tell ya!), or inordinate anger at times that we would have normally been just a little agravated. We deal with things differently, use sarcasm differently. Especially when we are new to all this, we may begin to think we are losing our minds, or maybe start hoping that is what is happening...

At any rate, there is no where else on the planet where we can come where we can find the kind of understanding that we find here. No where else will others be as patient, and see our "ramblings" (wrong word, to my mind)as our attempts to "work it out". We can take the sarcasm and the pokes from each other, and still hold tight to each other as the ONLY people on the planet who truly understand our experiences as "fellow travelers". No where else can a group be so intimate, yet have never met. Forgiveness isn't an issue here, as it pertains to one another; being offended, or offending, isn't an issue, either. What we post in here is our attempt to work through the worst experience any parent- any PERSON- can ever be forced to live through. I don't think any of us are expecting Shakespeare or Dr. Phil!

Speaking only for myself, I can't tell you the strength I have gained from every single one of you. Maddy, Heydaddy, Susannah, Dee, Kate, Becky and ALL the others (that my chemobrain won't let me recall the names), ALL of you have given me moments of joy and moments so sad they allowed me to forget my own pain for a time as I cried with you. Every one of you is precious.

God's blessings and love to you all,

Robyn

[robyn]

Dee, Thanks for asking. Nothing new at all on the speed issue on our road. A couple of real short responses to email inquiries, basically saying my signs don't count in the scheme of their traffic study.... sigh.... I can only wait and hope.

The meeting to discuss with us the findings of the police investigation is Tuesday this next week, and my nerves are in an uproar, I can think of little else. They have already stated that they won't be giving me any supporting documentation, etc., and if I need it, I will have to have an attorney suponea all of that. I don't understand why we as parents aren't given open access to anything pertaining to our minor child's death.

Jasmine, 21 years of age, wants to go with us to this meeting on Tuesday. I want to honor that she is an adult, but at the same time I am very concerned about the effect of her listening to the 911 recordings, and seeing autopsy pictures, etc. Hell, I am worried about the effect of that on myself and my husband, let alone her. She feels that it would be better for us not to have to go there, and then come home and explain everything to her, as she wants the information firsthand.

Thoughts?

Becky,

I completely understand your concern. Jasmine, being 21, wants to be seen, treated, and respected, as an adult and that she is strong enough to take it. Perhaps she is- you will know this best. 21 seems so young to me. She may not realize how emotionless and clinical this presentation will be. You will have to prepare her for this. On the other hand, she will want to hear all the information you received, forcing you to go over every detail again which will be doubly painful for you. It's a tough decision.

My younger daughter, a 31 y/o nurse, decided she wanted to stay with Chrissy throughout the process- from the ME through to cremation- under the assumption that the ME would even allow it. I stomped down, HARD, and absolutely forbade it and dragged her out of the hospital, sparing the ME and the funeral director any fight with THIS determined young woman!

I guess I would prepare her for the nature of this meeting, let her know what to expect, and remind her that these "officials" do this almost every day, show little emotion and have no patience with intense shows of grief ("cold fish"- I guess they have to be). As hard as it is to realize, our loved ones are special to US, but not to them.

Please shore YOURSELF up for this, as well. It is difficult and my heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers, darling girl!

Robyn

[ericasmom]

Becky, I agree with Robin, there is not going to be anything easy about being there but at 21 and an advocate for her Brother, your Girl may feel a huge need to be present. Let her know that if she chooses at the last minute to not go, that that is all good too. I wish you well as you face this situation. I know that when our case was in the federal courts in Grand Rapids Michigan, as Eri was struck by a train and the feds own so much of the railroad, the language and cold demeanor of the lawyers for Amtrak was difficult to deal with. Our case never ended up in trial, which is too bad, but after 4 years I was ready for the legal aspect of things to be done. The process is slow and painful, but heck, we know all about slow and painful don't we? Hold on and keep a journal, both for your spirit and for dates and facts in case things do get to some level of change on the road itself.

[Maddy6]

I want to tell everyone that all of you, every last single one of you has been instrumental in helping me. You are all like family to me. Before I came here, I had no one to help me, or guide me in my grief walk.Love, Maddy - Rachael's mom & 5 others also

[mikesmum]

You did not shun me, or push me aside. You validated me. You told me what I needed to hear. You were the only ones who could. You knew my pain, and for that reason, I could hear your voice. You reached down and you picked me up. You pulled me upright. You have continued to hang onto me daily

Maddy ~ Truly the essence of Indigos. That's what drew me here, that's what grounds me enough to be present in the lives of those around me.

Wet here....cooler. Autumn is upon us. Walking the Emotional Support Puppy Sir Muttley Dog.

[rlolheiser]

Betty, Carol, and Betsy.. so good to see you both and your precious angels faces.

I still feel like I miss a lot of posts and going backwards on this computer is really hard. I have a rough enough time going forward, my mom always told me I coudn't chew bubblegum and walk at the same time.. I think she was right.

Gonna try a picture from JaBoa's birthday.. I hope it works.. not good at this.. hopefully it is Sena and the grandson that lived with me last year. They are kneeling at her grave placing flowers.

[ericasmom]

Leah, the photo captures a poignant moment, the coming together over the loss that changed everyone's world. I hope that everyone is finding some sort of calm inside as time forces us to reconfigure our lives anew.

Trudi, Muttley looks ready for any season that is for sure. He is so dear. How are all the kids these days?

Maddy, you have our hearts, as does each person here, we know what it takes to come to a place that gathers over our losses of our Young Ones, it takes great heaps of courage and determination and need, and it takes a great deal of hope.

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[Deana]

I was so glad when I found this site to come to. So many positive people. I stepped back as I am having a hard time keeping up with all of the names and don't won't to ever be rude. I guess I missed some type of problem, but am glad. My memory sucks these days. I read and reread, and it doesn't seem to sink in. I do pray for those of you in here as a group at night. Tomorrow my Jared will have been gone for 3 months. And his 25th birthday would have been this month. Things seem to be getting harder, not easier. I go to work everyday and am fine. When I come home I am lost! I was wondering if anyone had a suggestion for a site to blog. I really feel a need to talk about Jared but hate when it makes others feel awkward. Thought maybe this would help. Thank you all for being so supportive. The picture is of Jared and his brothers, he is the one standing.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh, my goodness, I wish and I pray for the right words to bring this to an end. I therefore suggest that as any close family that has had a falling out... that we draw a line in the sand. We have vented our feelings and that is good. Healthy actually. We have let go of a lot of pent up emotion. It is now out in the open....but let's learn from this. We are all unique in our thinking and ways of life. We are connected by a common thread of extreme heartache and loss in losing our precious child. Let's not argue... and agree to be respectful with each others views. If we have a problem then I suggest that we pm that person and in an adult way talk it over to meet on neutral ground. Let us agree to respect each other.

We are here to help one another. This is not a competition. Nobody is leader of the pack. We are now a family. And having said that...I have said my piece.

Kate

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[aim630]

I've read the posts the last few days with a heavy heart, but didn't know what to say. I am one who avoids conflict at all cost, and I don't like to see people I care about angry with each other.

Karen, your words express exactly how I feel, and I'm glad you came back to us. I will never forget the video you made with our Indigo Angels.

Kate, I am glad to see you back also. You have been a great help to many of us.

I hope Susannah will return. Her posts often make me smile, or even laugh out loud sometimes. She has been through so much, yet is able to stay strong to raise her grandchildren.

You all mean a lot to me, even though we've never met. I won't list each one, for fear of leaving someone out. When others ask me how I manage to cope, I always mention this group, for I know I would definitely not be coping as well as I am without all of you. I read every single day, several times a day, although I seldom post anything. I've always been the quiet observer.

Well, I'm tired (and hungry, Weight Watchers try #2) The company I work for is paying half of the monthly cost for us, so I have to take advantage of it. If I go to bed now, I won't eat anymore today! Sweet dreams of our Angels.

Amy/ Ashley's mom

[Susie_q512]

Relieved to come here tonight and find that things are settling down. I can't speak for anyone else, but I was feeling a bit anxious and sad. This has become a very important group of people in my life, and I was definitely very aware of the threat to this unique and much needed group. This is my safe haven. This is where I come to unload my heart honestly and completely. I do not share with anyone else the things I share with y'all....that's how special this place is.

Karen - Glad I posted a little something that brought a smile. (I had hoped to "lighten" the mood with a bit of humor, but I'm thinking it didn't work the way I had hoped.)

Deana & Ali's Mom - I am only a few months ahead of you on this journey, so I really have no advise to offer. I do know and understand what you are experiencing. It is pure torment. I have often pondered how my heart continues to beat....I don't have an answer to that one...It just does. It's hard to take in the fact that life goes on around us when our world has stopped moving forward. Yes, the sun rises each morning and sets each night, but we are suspended in some unfathomable space of time. Just held here in this place where we are unable to function, to feel anything other than this pain and sorrow, to comprehend this future in front of us. The first months are very difficult. For me, it felt as though every cell of my being was longing and screaming for my daughter. It still feels that way at times, and I suspect that it will always be this way, but it is not as intense....as non-stop as it was those first 4 months. At around the 4 month mark, I felt myself slipping into depression, a nothingness....this is where I am at the moment. It still hurts, but there is a loneliness and sorrow that has settled deep within me. I was surprised by the intensity of my emotions, and the frequency of their changing or morphing into another equally intense emotion. All these fast moving and overwhelming feelings are very normal for you to experience, and it is okay to be the way that you are right now. It is a mental, emotional and physical shock that we experience when our child dies. There is no right or wrong way to feel....we feel what we feel because we are mourning our beloved child. What has happened to us is the unimaginable, the most feared of every parent, the worst that could happen....this is our life....it is what our lives have become. Holding both of you very close to my heart tonight, and praying as well.

[Chads Mom]

I want to thank you all for the Birthday wishes for Chad yesterday it meant more than I am able to express in words.

He would be so excited to think people recognized it was his special day.

I haven't been commenting lately, I don't feel in my current state I can add a whole lot that would be very encouraging

to the lovely people I have met here.

I remember finding this wonderful group that understood my utter misery. The misery is still there but it's now loud background music that I wish would stop. (I do have faith it will get softer one day)

My sister has been having some issues with her epilepsy so this takes my mind off my own problems and forces me to see that others still need me.

Thinking of each of you and wishing you love and peace.

[4everjoeysmom]

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[Maddy6]

For today, may we all find comfort, peace and support from our angels, from those we love and from each other. May we hold each others hands with compassion and concern, and spread kindness.

May we remember the painful road, especially in the beginning and extend a helping hand to soothe the pain of our fellow grievers.

Love,Maddy

[Artina]

I haven't posted on here in a long time. I remember a time when I used to post here every day... it seems so strange to visit here as a stranger/visitor. This used to be my "rock"... a place that gave me hope that I would some day find myself again. I lost my 19 year old son January 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. Even as I post this .... I am taken back to the very first post...when I was looking for a life-line... the hand that would reach out to let me know that I would survive the loss of my child. I was dying.... and I didn't care about life. Ten years later....life has a normal gate to it. I find myself here tonight, because my heart is heavy... that never goes away....it lightens though..... Life does become familiar again- it's different- but familiar. For those of you experiencing loss for the first time.... take one step...one breath at a time. Blue becomes blue again... birds sing again....green becomes green again... However...it will not be the same colors or sounds that you remember, but you will create a new understanding of your surrounding. It will be good, not great, but good. Hang in there and be sure to support each other. Note that we all grieve our different ways.... and allow each other to grieve the way that we all need to grieve to manage this new life that we find ourselves in. Love heals everything.... BE NICE.... Life is hard enough on us.

[RonnieAlt]

I haven't been able to post in a while. I have been slipping into a deeper and deeper depression. I just wanted to say that I was desperate and suicidal when I first found this site. It was a life saver to find it. Recently, I saw the tone change and the conversations become confrontational for a few. It breaks my heart because there are people like me who need this safe place to save their lives. The sad thing is there will be more who stumble upon this forum in the coming days, and weeks. We have all been traumatized, by the losses of our precious children, but must uphold the unwritten standards that were in place when I first arrived last November. We must guard this sanctuary and keep it a safe haven for the weary souls who, like me, desperately need someone who "knows" what they are going through. I have been so blessed by so many of you. You may have no idea whose life you will save by what you post. Even if they never post themselves. We can either speak blessings or cursings it is up to each of us.

I love all of you I pray that this site will continue to be the blessing it was when I crawled in here, hopeless and devastated, convinced I was alone. I would not be here today without all of you.

Thank you for being willing to share and give hope to those of us that are new to this journey,

This is sacred ground.

[mikesmum]

I haven't posted on here in a long time. I remember a time when I used to post here every day... it seems so strange to visit here as a stranger/visitor. This used to be my "rock"... a place that gave me hope that I would some day find myself again. I lost my 19 year old son January 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. Even as I post this .... I am taken back to the very first post...when I was looking for a life-line... the hand that would reach out to let me know that I would survive the loss of my child. I was dying.... and I didn't care about life. Ten years later....life has a normal gate to it. I find myself here tonight, because my heart is heavy... that never goes away....it lightens though..... Life does become familiar again- it's different- but familiar. For those of you experiencing loss for the first time.... take one step...one breath at a time. Blue becomes blue again... birds sing again....green becomes green again... However...it will not be the same colors or sounds that you remember, but you will create a new understanding of your surrounding. It will be good, not great, but good. Hang in there and be sure to support each other. Note that we all grieve our different ways.... and allow each other to grieve the way that we all need to grieve to manage this new life that we find ourselves in. Love heals everything.... BE NICE.... Life is hard enough on us.

Truer words borne of experience never spoken. You describe how we come to continue, altered forever, but continue beautifully. Hoping the heaviness finds its place once again so you may enjoy the colours, sounds and sights of this altered world in which we now find ourselves. Trudi

[mikesmum]

I log on and there is the handsome face of Joey A familiar face, a friend in his mum Claudia from what seems many moons ago.

Claudia ~ Hope your time with your mum has been one of healing for her and you. Seeing your grandson I'm sure saw your heart bursting with grandma pride. I always remember you being here in the darkest of days..Thank you.

Leah ~ The picture is priceless. A tribute to your beautiful grand daughter. Again, logging on there is another beautiful young girl I remember.

Becky ~ I wish I had a better answer but here's what I got. My kids have never seen Mikes autopsy report. They are in their 30's. Once read and related to the brother they knew it can't be taken back. The 'scene' photo's from the cornoners were 'accidentally' left out for me at a meeting with my legal team about 1 yr after Mike died. The first was just of the front of the house. What followed were like crime scene pics....in all of them lay Mike. His siblings will never see those either. I went to Mikes house, sat with him for a time till the coroner took him so I had seen him, gone. But to see him in the context of those pictures, again something once seen can't be erased. If your daughter wants to be part of this process, my suggestion would be to have some professional support for you all after.

I thought of you today with the signs you placed along the road. Here there are many signs handmade by locals place along roadways. Many are 'Slow Dust'. Others 'Slow Kids at Play'. None are removed. Wonder if you might have something imaginative like, 'Speed and distraction Kills'. So sorry you have to endure seeing the driver and that car travelling in your area...never going to be easy.

Its here we come for answers to the unanswerable. Here is where we can shout out to the world...I want my child, I need my life back and know we aren't alone.

I have always attributed my being here and not with Micheal to the connections made here. My support network, a world away, kept me alive ~ that is no understatement.

There is however another support person who has saved me.

In April '07 after being held up in my home never wanting to venture out my husband took me to a shopping Mall. It was like being in a suspend state. I was numb. Don't remember the trip down, don't remember much till we passed a pet store. In the window was a litter of Shitzu/Maltese puppies. One in the middle had big brown eyes, black mask with a splash of white on his forehead. His coat wasn't curly, his nose wasn't squashed. I turned and told my other half 'I want him'. I was told no.

I cried like a baby, refused speak, eat or sleep that night. 8am the next morning we were heading out to buy the pup.

We have many 'people' in our lives. Most don't understand. After awhile, most don't want to hear about it. Muttley never tires of hearing me talk to or abut Mike. He will get me up when its time to stop the 'pity party'. He is my conduit to the other world.

Over the past years my once sharp mind has left me. Remembering all who post here is hard. To remember the names, dates and circumstances is very hit miss. For that I am sorry, but nonetheless you are part of the Indigo family.

Today was a ho hum day. The rain abated after 3 days so we did our 'sunday drive'. Out to the river area and up over the mountain ranges ravaged by fire 3yrs ago. Here are some pics for you all.

Have just been watching the news on the tornados in your part of the world. Prayers for those who have lost so much. Prayers for the little one taken 16 kilometres from home, found in a field....all family lost.

Be kind to each other Indigos ~ Nite

Muttley and his baby bear

Sitting back after lunch at the river

California Redwoods planted Circa 1922 along the banks of the river

Along the river

This is at the pinnicle of the mountain ranges between two towns. Camberville.

[Maddy6]

Trudi,I love the pictures of Mutley. He is so cute Thank you for sharing about him.

Rachael left a long haired chihuahua. His name is Skyler. We did not want him and told Rachael not to get a dog, she did anyway. So after she died we are left with our "granddog." We now love him dearly. Then our oldest son wanted Henry. We did not want Henry either, but he begged. Henry came ino our home a neurotic mess. He would growl at me if I walked into my son's bedroom in the morning. His antics like nipping our toes when we walked (to get attention), leaping in the air like a gazelle as he ran...bounding through life he daily was ecstatic by life itself, began to lift our sad hearts. The whole family hung onto "Henry" in those early days. Henry understood what it was to love life. Henry was our life line, he gave is a smile with his crazy antics. We could write a book about the silliness of Henry. Henry and Skyler are our granddogs and my husband and I take the to the dog park and stop and buy them chicken nuggets for a special treat. Shhhhh, don't let my son know.....as they are not supposed to eat that and we are spoiling our granddogs We believe God sent Henry to us. Even now, although his is still young, I worry about my son when Henry dies. I hope and pray Henry lives a long time for the sake of our family. I will forever be grateful to a little dog who loves life.I wish I could get a picture to post so I could show him to you all. Love, Maddy

[Susie_q512]

Speaking of pets, I have 7. They weren't all supposed to be my pets, but you know how kids can be....and husbands too! I am their caregiver, their mom, so they are "my" pets. It's like having a gang of kids who still need to be taken care of everyday, so I have to get up and meet those needs regardless of how I am feeling. Management of them is challenging because of a few who don't get along with the others.....just like a family. The newest member of the pack is Lexi. Shannon was allowed to adopt her from the shelter with the promise of not shirking responsibility and taking her dog with her when she was older and planning to leave the nest. A month after adopting Lexi, Shannon was killed. Raising a puppy, especially a hyper puppy, was not something I had planned on, and I often tell Shannon, "Thanks a lot, kiddo! I can't believe you left me to raise this dog after I specifically told you that I didn't want another pet!"

Still, I love her because Shannon loved her. She's the closest to a grand-baby I'll have from Shannon. Had this dog been born after Shannon's passing, I would be a firm believer in reincarnation....we refer to her as "Little Shannon", because she is so hyper and happy and gets into everything....just like Shannon was as a child. When we realize it's a little too quiet, we're off to find what Lexi is doing.

[Maddy6]

Susan,Is Lexi the little dog with Shannon in the picture? Also, it was the same for us. Rachael was fully responsible for Skyler. She was going to move out and take hime with her. After she died, I did not want him, did not to want raise him, even called him orphan dog. Her dad had allergies and she should not have gotten him. When she died we knew she would want us to raise him, and we knew we had to keep him. Most chihuahua's I have known are hyper. Not Skyler. He is calm and sweet. I highly recommend a pet for grieving. Both of these dogs were a lifeline. Henry's exuberance, vitality, and energy for life causes us to smile, even when you don't want to, you cant help yourself, so crazy is this dog's antics. One think he did just last week was to pick up a stick about 4 feet long. I guess it was a small branch from a tree. Then when my youngest son called Henry in, Henry tried to come through the door with the stick in his mouth. When he could not fit because the stick was preventing him as it extended past the outer edges of the door. The crazy dog continued to try to push his way in. It was hilarious. Henry has been our personal comedian and I am convinced he is a little silly angel that God sent to us. Yes, a pet can definitely lift our spirits.

Love,Maddy - Rachael's mom & 5 others also

[ModKonnie]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to tell each and every one of you how important you are to our community. We NEED each other; all of you are cherished and warmly welcomed. With that being said, obviously, I missed a negative turn of conversation that happened recently. As other members have pointed out, sometimes in our hatred, bitterness, anger and anguish over our situation, we say things without thinking how they may affect others. We want everyone to continue to feel welcome, supported and encouraged. I've noticed that many of you are continuing to move past the recent spat, and I thank you. For those of you who are still feeling some intense emotions over it, please continue to Private Message me and share your thoughts. I know our community has grown tremendously, which is a tribute to those of you who have been here for awhile and have helped others new in their loss. I read your posts, and I simply cannot take in the amount of love and support that is apparent here. You all come here strangers, alone and devastated. At some point, you all become friends and continue to take in those who need us the most.

I am proud of our community, and I thank each one of you for continuing to be here for each other.

ModKonnie

[Susie_q512]

Maddy - The puppy with Shannon in the picture isn't Lexi. That picture was taken about 5 weeks before the accident while we were traveling home from our last vacation together. We had stopped at a flea market for some reason, and there were many breeders there. (Shannon got an earful from me at every breeder's booth as I am an advocate for animal welfare issues, and I am against the breeding of animals.) The little chihauhau is the only puppy that she held for fear of spreading illness to other puppies, but we did get a picture. Lexi was adopted from our local shelter 3 days later which I supported because she adopted a pet in danger of euthanasia. Actually I adopted her as Shannon was a minor, but at the vet clinic I work for, I posted a notice in Lexi's file that she was to be transferred into Shannon's name on her 18th birthday....that's how adamant I was that I didn't want another pet to care for over the next 12 to 16 years. I have one picture of Shannon with Lexi, and I will post it sometime in the near future. It's beautiful and very much treasured.

Animal have many blessings to offer us humans....unconditional love and acceptance, companionship, relieving depression... the list goes on and on. I'll probably always have a boat-load of pets....they seem to have a knack for finding me

Ronnie - it's good to see you post....I've been thinking about you.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to tell each and every one of you how important you are to our community. We NEED each other; all of you are cherished and warmly welcomed. With that being said, obviously, I missed a negative turn of conversation that happened recently. As other members have pointed out, sometimes in our hatred, bitterness, anger and anguish over our situation, we say things without thinking how they may affect others. We want everyone to continue to feel welcome, supported and encouraged. I've noticed that many of you are continuing to move past the recent spat, and I thank you. For those of you who are still feeling some intense emotions over it, please continue to Private Message me and share your thoughts. I know our community has grown tremendously, which is a tribute to those of you who have been here for awhile and have helped others new in their loss. I read your posts, and I simply cannot take in the amount of love and support that is apparent here. You all come here strangers, alone and devastated. At some point, you all become friends and continue to take in those who need us the most.

I am proud of our community, and I thank each one of you for continuing to be here for each other.

ModKonnie

Thanks Konnie, I would also like to add that I just viewed on U Tube... Marvin Gaye singing, "What's Going On". A beautiful and heartfelt song. We should all give it a listen too.

Today is a new day and a new beginning. Let's move on.

[ModKonnie]

Betty,

Just wanted to reach out you today as I know it is Stephen's birthday. I hope this day finds you well.

ModKonnie

[Jeff's Mom]

Speaking of pets, I have 7. They weren't all supposed to be my pets, but you know how kids can be....and husbands too! I am their caregiver, their mom, so they are "my" pets. It's like having a gang of kids who still need to be taken care of everyday, so I have to get up and meet those needs regardless of how I am feeling. Management of them is challenging because of a few who don't get along with the others.....just like a family. The newest member of the pack is Lexi. Shannon was allowed to adopt her from the shelter with the promise of not shirking responsibility and taking her dog with her when she was older and planning to leave the nest. A month after adopting Lexi, Shannon was killed. Raising a puppy, especially a hyper puppy, was not something I had planned on, and I often tell Shannon, "Thanks a lot, kiddo! I can't believe you left me to raise this dog after I specifically told you that I didn't want another pet!"

Susan...7 dogs? Holy smokes...I have my hands full with the one. A beautiful elderly black lab. She also happens to be diabetic and has gone blind over the past month. She was Jeff's dog and so she holds a very special place in our lives. Never a spot of trouble. I have now taught her to catch cheezies( cheese balls) from about a foot away. Not bad for a blind dog. She must be going by the smell.

Still, I love her because Shannon loved her. She's the closest to a grand-baby I'll have from Shannon. Had this dog been born after Shannon's passing, I would be a firm believer in reincarnation....we refer to her as "Little Shannon", because she is so hyper and happy and gets into everything....just like Shannon was as a child. When we realize it's a little too quiet, we're off to find what Lexi is doing.

[Jeff's Mom]

BETTY....Wishing Stephen a beautiful heavenly birthday. STEPHEN ,STEPHEN, STEPHEN may the angels surround you with love and happiness today.

[Jeff's Mom]

I log on and there is the handsome face of Joey A familiar face, a friend in his mum Claudia from what seems many moons ago.

Claudia ~ Hope your time with your mum has been one of healing for her and you. Seeing your grandson I'm sure saw your heart bursting with grandma pride. I always remember you being here in the darkest of days..Thank you.

Leah ~ The picture is priceless. A tribute to your beautiful grand daughter. Again, logging on there is another beautiful young girl I remember.

Becky ~ I wish I had a better answer but here's what I got. My kids have never seen Mikes autopsy report. They are in their 30's. Once read and related to the brother they knew it can't be taken back. The 'scene' photo's from the cornoners were 'accidentally' left out for me at a meeting with my legal team about 1 yr after Mike died. The first was just of the front of the house. What followed were like crime scene pics....in all of them lay Mike. His siblings will never see those either. I went to Mikes house, sat with him for a time till the coroner took him so I had seen him, gone. But to see him in the context of those pictures, again something once seen can't be erased. If your daughter wants to be part of this process, my suggestion would be to have some professional support for you all after.

I thought of you today with the signs you placed along the road. Here there are many signs handmade by locals place along roadways. Many are 'Slow Dust'. Others 'Slow Kids at Play'. None are removed. Wonder if you might have something imaginative like, 'Speed and distraction Kills'. So sorry you have to endure seeing the driver and that car travelling in your area...never going to be easy.

Its here we come for answers to the unanswerable. Here is where we can shout out to the world...I want my child, I need my life back and know we aren't alone.

I have always attributed my being here and not with Micheal to the connections made here. My support network, a world away, kept me alive ~ that is no understatement.

There is however another support person who has saved me.

In April '07 after being held up in my home never wanting to venture out my husband took me to a shopping Mall. It was like being in a suspend state. I was numb. Don't remember the trip down, don't remember much till we passed a pet store. In the window was a litter of Shitzu/Maltese puppies. One in the middle had big brown eyes, black mask with a splash of white on his forehead. His coat wasn't curly, his nose wasn't squashed. I turned and told my other half 'I want him'. I was told no.

I cried like a baby, refused speak, eat or sleep that night. 8am the next morning we were heading out to buy the pup.

We have many 'people' in our lives. Most don't understand. After awhile, most don't want to hear about it. Muttley never tires of hearing me talk to or abut Mike. He will get me up when its time to stop the 'pity party'. He is my conduit to the other world.

Over the past years my once sharp mind has left me. Remembering all who post here is hard. To remember the names, dates and circumstances is very hit miss. For that I am sorry, but nonetheless you are part of the Indigo family.

Today was a ho hum day. The rain abated after 3 days so we did our 'sunday drive'. Out to the river area and up over the mountain ranges ravaged by fire 3yrs ago. Here are some pics for you all.

Have just been watching the news on the tornados in your part of the world. Prayers for those who have lost so much. Prayers for the little one taken 16 kilometres from home, found in a field....all family lost.

Be kind to each other Indigos ~ Nite

Muttley and his baby bear

Sitting back after lunch at the river

California Redwoods planted Circa 1922 along the banks of the river

Along the river

This is at the pinnicle of the mountain ranges between two towns. Camberville.

Trudi, thanks for sharing the pics. Love your dog. I saw on the weather network this morning pics of the rains in Australia. Glad to see that it is finally abating. We had a late unexpected snow storm on Friday. The winds were just amazing. I'm sure we hat at least a full foot of snow. The most we have had in one storm this winter. Strange weather. THey were out all night clearing the roads and a good thing too. We had a winter festival held on the lake yesterday. They had cleared the snow in a huge area. Snowmobile and truck races on the lake. Hot chocolate, music, games, etc. Tons of fun all around. Today is sunny and absolutely not a breathe of wind .The sky is clear and it is calling for +4 tomorrow. Should see some of that snow melt.

[aim630]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Stephen!

I hope you are able to find some peace today Betty, and remember the wonderful day of Stephen's birth.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[vivkib]

First I want to sayHappy Birthday Stephen Make your presents know to your mom with aan angel kiss and hug. Second, I love all of the pet stories!!! Kevin had a small pet store going on. Fish, birds, and a cat. His best friend took the fish, Kevin's sister took Peanut the bird and his girlfriend took Gus-Gus the terror of cats. Nobody wanted Gus-Gus because he has such a horrible disposition. He hisses at and attacks everyone who crosses his path, but Kevin loved that cat, was the only one who could handle him. Funny, now I kinda miss the cat. Anyway, good luck with all the pets. Hugs and prayers to all. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

[ericasmom]

Artina, it is good to see you, to see your handsome Son's face smiling out. It was very dear to read your words to everyone about how life is now, ten years later. We are approaching our 9th year, hard to believe and certainly true...the world has changed in so many ways and there through the many stages of living without our Child, we learn to live a life that eventually includes color and sounds and music and art and some new additions too. Never the same but certainly a good life that holds the sweet of the times prior...

Claudia, good to see your Joey's face today too. What a joy. HOpe that Baby One is bringing sweetness to everyone's lives.

Karen, your words last night were so well said, thank you for being so succinct, so clear.

[ericasmom]

STEPHEN- may this birthday see you smiling and feeling free and easy in your home beyond the clouds. I hope that you and all of our Angels dance and laugh and sing your way through this special day. This is your Momma's favorite date as it brought the wonders of you to her. Bless her with your presence in ways that she is sure you were sitting beside her.

[mysonrich]

[shellyku]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Stephen - May your momma feel you

near her today and every day! Betty, thinking of you on this day that brought Stephen to you! Shelly

[robyn]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to tell each and every one of you how important you are to our community. We NEED each other; all of you are cherished and warmly welcomed. With that being said, obviously, I missed a negative turn of conversation that happened recently. As other members have pointed out, sometimes in our hatred, bitterness, anger and anguish over our situation, we say things without thinking how they may affect others. We want everyone to continue to feel welcome, supported and encouraged. I've noticed that many of you are continuing to move past the recent spat, and I thank you. For those of you who are still feeling some intense emotions over it, please continue to Private Message me and share your thoughts. I know our community has grown tremendously, which is a tribute to those of you who have been here for awhile and have helped others new in their loss. I read your posts, and I simply cannot take in the amount of love and support that is apparent here. You all come here strangers, alone and devastated. At some point, you all become friends and continue to take in those who need us the most.

I am proud of our community, and I thank each one of you for continuing to be here for each other.

ModKonnie

I'm new here, but I just want you to know how blessed I feel finding this place. When I first came in, I just don't know what I was looking for. I was still in a bit of shock and sometimes the pain was just awful. I have since met some wonderful friends here and I am renewed by their compassion and grace.

Whatever happened seems to have happened because of misunderstanding. A shame, considering how kind everyone is. It looks like Ken (heydaddy) has chosen to leave for good, and that breaks my heart- he is a wonderful person. Maybe he will come back.

At any rate, I thank everyone here for the kindness and care they have shown to me and each other.

Robyn

[Maddy6]

REMEMBERING Stephen........ Shine your light this day upon your mom. Send her comfort, love, and peace. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, she will be reunited in heavenly bliss with you. Betty, Wishing you warm and wonderful memories today.Love,Maddy

[ericasmom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f39Zs0gB87c

One of my all time favorite songs, third graders sang this song for a African American History assembly.

[Susie_q512]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, STEPHEN!!!! May you fly down from heaven and surround your mom, your family, and those you love with the fullness of your spirit. May their hearts glimpse a little bit of heaven this special day.

Kate - If we ever meet, I'll explain how I came about having so many pets. How that's always been the case for me....it's quite impossible for this to happen to others....it seems to be an "only me" sort of thing (at least, my husband is convinced it only happens to me!) I am the one who walks by a drain and notices the little animal trapped inside...sometimes a kitten, other times a bird. Next thing you know, I have rallied folks to lift the heavy and cemented bars so that the poor unfortunate soul can be rescued. I am the one who solicits folks to climb upon my roof and spend an entire day rescuing the bird trapped in the chimney. I see every stray, or they just appear at my door like they've known me forever. I'm the one people call with questions, or when they find an animal that needs a foster home, or when there is a sick/injured animal in need of help. It's me that gets up in the middle of the night to drive an hour to pull an injured and suffering dog from under someone's car. I am the one who reports animal abuse and neglect, and argues with animal control officers to do their job in these cases. I have 6 dogs and a cat who is species-confused....they each have a story. I didn't go looking for any of the ones that are in my life now. They found me, or the universe lead them to me......drives my husband crazy!!! As I type this, there are 2 dogs sleeping on me, and a 65 pound dog sharing the couch with me....the cat is sleeping nearby as well. The other 3 dogs are frolicking outside. (Animals and kids have always surrounded me. I'm the "go-to" adult that the kids call when in need, or just want to hang out. Cool beans....but it keeps me busy!)

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Birthday, Steven! Hope you feel his presence with you today, Betty.

[davincidanes]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Steven.

[ericasmom]

Linda, your Son Sean is beautiful and is that precious little Girl his Daughter? Beautiful. Your Son is a year older than my Erica, who was born in April of 1984, but died in July of 2003.

Amy, so good to see you today, it has been a while. I hope that you are doing well, and how is Kate doing?

[davincidanes]

Thank you, Dee. I'm so sorry for your loss and having to meet you under these circumstances. Yes, the little girl that Sean is holding is his daughter, Rylee Ann, who is 5 years old. I took that picture of them on this past Thanksgiving Day, which was, in fact, the last day that I saw him before he died in early January. We live 750 miles apart and we visited the family in Michigan over the Thanksgiving Holiday. I'm so glad I have that photo and a beautiful grand-daughter to spoil for the rest of MY days.

~Linda

[davincidanes]

Hi all,

Back to pets for a moment? I don't know what I would do without them. We have 5 dogs here.... they have always been the 2nd family after the kids between us (4) have been out of their own. Truthfully, our "Hobby" is dog showing. The danes are always unconditional love and some days, it seem's all there is that still really depend upon me... The reason to get out of bed every day to go on. I've not entered any shows for months but forced myself a few weeks ago.... trying to get my mind off the sadness, and back a little bit to the other things I love. I have 4 days of shows coming up this week, Thursday thru Sunday, so maybe that will make me feel a little better. Here is a picture of me and the 2 1/2 year old black boy whose name is Figaro. He is the one I will be showing this week. He's a big mush of a sweetheart.

[Susie_q512]

Linda - What a beauty Figaro is!!!! I love me some Great Danes. I have a Great Pyrenees named Yogi. He weighs in at a whopping 163 lbs of pure loyalty and wonderfulness. I've had him since he was 7 days old. I hope to one day rescue a Great Dane....truly wonderful dogs! Good luck at the show.

Love the picture of Sean and Rylee Ann.

[dwsmithrn]

chad...chad...chad...happy heavenly birthday....hope you sent your mom your heavenly hugs and angel kisses and let her know your love on your birthday...and everyday....thinking of you polly on your angel's day.....i remember seeing his face in my dream many months ago and not knowing you at that time. it is just as vivid now as it was then. i know nathan was greeting him and showing him love then as he is now. i hope they are the best of friends now.

love to you and your family....diane

[dwsmithrn]

stephen, stephen, stephen....wishing you a happy heavenly birthday and hoping you surround your mom with angel hugs today....love to you betty and hope you find some peace today knowing your angel loves you. hugs to you, betty.....love, diane