Loss of an Adult Child

[krichie]

The vet comes tonight and we will say our final goodbyes to little bear. I know it is for the best and he will be joining his Richie. I don't think I will be on checking and joining you all later so wishing you all a plesant day with happy thaughts.

I have the sonmg going thru my head

heres to you my little loves with blessings from above-- let the day begin.

It was a good song I checked out some of his other music and will probably look for an album or tape by them next time I am in town

[shorty16]

Krichie - so sorry you are saying goodbye to your precious pet. They become part of our family. Your dog will be in good company in heaven.

Michelle - My daughter's name is Michelle, love the name. My Michelle is 20 and starting her junior year at U WI Milw. Thinking of your daughter today and her exceptional talent. Enjoy it while you can, we all grow up.

Rhonda - I must tell you, I think of you alot. At about the 8th month mark is when I was in the most pain. The shock slowly wearing off and reality continually beating me senseless. I want you to know this will not last. There is a softening of the pain.

Like Bonnie said - Our grief is the background noise of our lives. Sometimes, so loud, the outside world does not exist, sometimes just a whisper.

I miss you so much my sweet boy. I miss your hair, you had thick hair and it would not behave all the time. I miss your comments. Funny most of the time. I miss your adolesence youth changing into a man that we will never see. There is a part of my brain that says "This could not have happened?" "How does a 16 year old die?" "How can my life be like it is?" "I cannot believe I have to live the rest of my life without you?!"

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[jefferysmommy]

Hi Michelle,

I'm glad that you have found your way to BI, however, so very sorry for the loss of your sweet CJ and that you are here. I do believe that little ones can see and have an inner site to the spiritual world. My son passed away at 9 weeks and 6 days from SIDS, 2 days before my daughter's 2nd birthday, and the first time that she told me she saw Jeffery was about 6 months after he had passed, she said, in an "oh, by the way" tone, I saw Jeffery today, he's crawling now. The second time was shortly after the one year mark, and again, she said I saw Jeffery, and he was walking, she was very excited to tell me, and the 3rd and last time was about 6 months after that and she said, I talked to Jeffery today, and I asked what did he say, and she said, that he said "I love you, Jessica", and then I said what did he say about his mommy??!!

I also understand your fear where, Mackenzie is concerned, when Jeffery passed away, I worried for Jessica who was then almost 2, she is now 16 and I still check on her when she sleeps. Also, I have a 3 year old son, and since he was born, actually, even before he was born, I have feared his death. I still have the baby monitor in his room, so I can hear him at night and if I don't hear him, I am in there making sure he's alright, and that was one of the reasons I had joined BI, as I only joined a short time ago. Jeffery has been gone, but not forgotten for over 14 years, and at the time I joined I was feeling overwhelmed with grief of losing Jeffery, and overwhelmed by my fear of losing Jessica and Devin. This group has been a life saver for me.

May peace be with you.

[briansdad]

[

Greg The web site is really special and the tournament looks fantastic. Can anyone just participate?

Yes anyone who wants to is welcome to participate.

[lolynbo]

MICHELLE, I TOO AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR LIL CJ ANGEL....IM HERE CUZ MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER KOURTNEY DIED FROM A BRAIN TUMOR SHE WAS 21/22 WHEN SHE DIED...IM STILL IN 07'...

DEE I HAVE BAD HABITS I SUCK SO BAD LATELY....I DONT NOT DRINK WATER MATTER OF FACT IF IT ISNT IN MY COFFEE TEA I DONT GET ANY...I WAS WALKING EVERYDAY BUT NOT IN 103 HEAT...BUT TODAY IS NICE SO I MIGHT (MIGHT) GO WALK TODAY...I HAVE NEVER BEEN VERY ACTIVE....I NEED TO TRY BUT HAVE NO ONE TO DO IT WITH...MY BOYS SURE AINT GONNA DO ANYTHING CEPT RACE...

I HAD TO PUT OUR 16 YR OLD TRIXIE SUE DOWN A MONTH AGO....IT WAS SO HARD BUT SHE WAS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER...I JUT HAD TO REALIZE I WAS GIVING KOURTNEY A GIFT...

TODAY I AM THANKFUL I CAN WAKE KODY UP FOR SCHOOL AND MESS WIT HIM...AND WISH HIM A SAFE GREAT DAY....AND IM THANKFUL FOR THIS COOOOOOLER WEATHER...AND FOR YAL..")

[westleysmom]

Krichie-I will be thinking of you today as you say your last goodbye to Richie's dog. I hope that you can see them in your mind's eye being reunited and happy to see each other again.

Michelle-That is the best thing about being here, you don't have to pretend you're fine and nobody wonders why. I think its a country song, Some days are diamond, some days are stone, sometimes the hard times won't leave us alone. That's the way its been for me, anyway. I hope you get more diamonds than stones, but when other people share their diamonds, it gives me hope, and when all they have are stones, well, everybody does what they can to turn that stone into a diamond. And even if we can't polish that baby up, we can knock off some of the rough edges. That's what they've done for me and its saved my little bitty sanity. Maybe being back in school will help, when I'm off work for too long, I think too much about my grief.

Colleen-Thanks for your special concern. I read something yesterday written by somebody whose child had been gone 11 years and I thought, WTH? Not only can your child be gone, (which I'm trying to accept) and gone forever (working on that, too) , they can be gone for 11 years? A definite for real amount of time that is very long, like how long you've been working somewhere when you're sick of working there, or how long you can be married and it seems like you were never single or how long you've been out of college and your degree won't even help you get a job anymore its so outdated. The thing I read was about the changing of the seasons, fall and all, back to school and how the person had accepted it and it was bittersweet and all that. For me right now, its just bitter, bitter as gall. But you knew that, didn't you? Thinking of you too and your Trevor decision to be made.

Dee-Sounds like you'll have quite a year. I can see why you're tired, I was always jealous of teachers in the summer being out of school, but that first day back with the kids would kill me. It takes a special kind of person to be a teacher, and I'm glad there are people like you and Michelle who are gifted that way.

Lorri-I'm sure you don't look as old as you think. You've got new twins, that's gotta help you look younger. All kidding aside, I hope you are feeling better today. I know I think I look a thousand years old sometimes, my hair is getting so gray and I just haven't done anything about it. Sometimes I don't care at all, and sometimes I just don't care much! I went back to Weight Watchers and lost a pound one week and gained it back the next. Sigh. Oh well, people who love you don't care what you look like and I don't care what I look like to people who don't love me. Does that help? We love you and are thinking about you.

Leah-I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you and your whole family. Don't give up hope that things will turn out right. Change the things you can. Hugs to you.

Have a good day, all

[4everjoeysmom]

There has been such a flux of new people over the past month or two, I find great difficulty in keeping up with this thread. I seem to get lost in the flow between the many who are beginning this journey and the familiar veteran introductions that share our stories that hang, lost in time somewhere...

I am truly sorry for the losses of all who are new here, and know you have found a wonderful place to come together in support with others for the journey. Many of us who have been friends here for 4 years and more began the same way, binded in time, and helped each other in immeasurable ways. I pray each one finds that here...

To my longtime friends here, many who don't post as often either, as ever I send Love and Hugs for the continuing journey. As some of us already have, maybe in time more will look me up on Facebook to stay in touch moving forward... I pray for you all often, and I love you! Blessings!!! xoxoxo ~Claudia (4EverJoeysMom)

[jefferysmommy]

Hi BI Friends,

Krichie: So sorry about Little Bear, I'm sure Richie is waiting with open arms to bring him home. Big Hugs for you my friend. Also, I loved the poem, it is so true. Brought a tear to my eye.

Dan: Those balloons are still soaring!

Carol: Loved the story about the license plates, Mike was definitely there for his bro that day. Truly awesome!

Colleen: I hope that all goes well with Trevor, his "mom" sounds like a piece of work. I agree with what Bonnie said (great advice, Bonnie), it isn't fair and if you do move forward to put some structure in place, and I wish you well in your decision.

Greg: That newsletter is amazing, full of great information, the in the beginning piece is so bang on, everything I went through for sure.

Betty: Wonderful news about the little squirrel, good for you giving her some nuts, she'll need all the strength to take care of her new little ones!

Dee: I am so happy that you have had your first day with your new class, you will have a great year, I'm sure, I totally understand how tired you can be, just thinking about it tires me out!

Leah: My thoughts are with you and I am praying that everything goes well with your daughter and grand children, big hugs for you!

Lorri: You don't suck so badly! Love ya girl, and thinking about you!

[lolynbo]

YAL ARE ALL SO GREAT THANK YAL SO MUCH...I JUST WENT AND WALKED ABOUT 2 MILES BUT WENT AND BOUGHT "PLASTIC DONUTS" AS KIMBERLY SAYS...THE CHOCOLATE ONES..ONE LIL 8 PK AND ATE EM ON THE WAY HOME I HAD CHOCOLATE ALL OVER MY FACE CUZ THEY WAS MELTY...BUT SO DAMN GOOD....I HAD ME A LUAGH CUZ I NO KOURTNEY WLDA BEEDN ROLLIN...AND THEY WERE SOOOO WORTH IT....

I WANT TO POST A PIC FOR THOSE WHO JUST SADLY HAD TO JOIN AND LOST LIL ONES...IVE POSTED B4 BUT LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH...(IF IT POSTS)

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri...you bring so many smiles to our days...I read the other day, that if you are trying to lose weight, or even if you aren't, that when you have a "treat" that is normally forbidden, it should be one that you wind up saying "that was SO worth it" and not "oh, man, WHY did I eat that!?!" I think you definitely put those donuts in the "that was SO worth it" category...your description had me smiling and wishing I could have been walking with you... I am sorry you have been feeling so down lately and missing your sweet Kourt...I think it's the time of year...or not...just knowing our babies are not here, no matter what time of year it might be, can sometimes be enough to put us back a few steps.

Rhonda: "Not only can your child be gone, (which I'm trying to accept) and gone forever (working on that, too) , they can be gone for 11 years? A definite for real amount of time..." We are coming up on FOUR years since Mike died, and I was just thinking the other day, on his birthday, how amazing it is that my baby would have been 35, and then my heart did a double back flip as I instantly thought about how amazing it is that he will never be 35! Our hearts are entwined in an unreal world of something never happening, as a result of something happening that never should have happened...we are on the edge of a precipice sometimes, separated only by that thin veil of another plane on which our children wait for us...it can be a painful place to be sometimes. Thank God for our friends here on BI, who are always on the alert to pull us back from that precipice, and to infuse us with hope and love and surround us with comfort once again...helping us back onto the road of living, where we may find joy in something as simple as a package of tiny chocolate donuts...or as profound as faith in the future...something our children want for us, very, very much.

Betty: Love the new mother in your yard and her "dray" of babies...(hubby told me that)...thanks for sharing...

Krichie: Thinking of you today as you send your gift to Richie...he will greet Little Bear joyfully...

Dee: I am so glad that your first day went well..a good tired, I am sure...I hope you were able to sleep well. Our kids don't start til next week, and a couple (the girls) not til the week after...Jamie is showing serious signs of anxiety about it...his mom is going to take him back to therapy...he has some issues he needs to work out...I feel so for him...he's such a sweet little kid, but can get "overrun" with feelings and confusion, and unfortunately, can sometimes be the subject of teasing.

Claudia: So glad to see your wonderful Joey's face and to hear from you...yes, there are many new people here, sadly, but blessedly they are finding the understanding that they seek and need to walk this road...

Michelle: good luck with your new school year, also...high school...what year? and how many students in the school? I was watching a tv show last night, and it involved a school with over 3,000 students...(the show was fiction, but of course, based on reality) I was telling my husband that it ought to be against the law or something for that many students to be enrolled in one school...it just somehow seems wrong...I know that's likely not the answer, but I just think that kids get short-shrifted in a school of that size. My girls went to both...a huge school with over 2000 students, and then a small school, with only a little over 200 kids from grades 7 thru 12...Cathi's senior class was only 18 kids...and the smaller seemed much better. I guess there's pros and cons...

Well, yesterday I put off til tomorrow what I should have done yesterday, and now it is that tomorrow and it is pouring rain, but I have to go grocery shopping no matter what the weather...i"ll never learn!

catch you all later... thinking of all of you, as always...

love and peace, all, carol mikesmomrs

[westleysmom]

Carol-I know what you mean about the double back flip of the heart. I saw Westley's best friend since elementary school last night and something was brought up about his birthday. He was always from Jan to September younger than Westley and I just realized on the way to work that James will be older than Westley on his birthday for the first time ever. And I cried almost all the way to work.

Claudia-I'm glad to see Joey too and to hear from you. I don't do Facebook, but I think of you and hope you are doing well. Someday I may not need to be here so much, but for now, I do.

Lorri-I love me some "plastic" doughnuts too. And the powdered sugar (aka "cocaine" doughnuts as they are addictive as hell) and don't forget the crunchy coconut ones. MMMMMM good. I'm glad you got out a little and had something totally not good for you but totally good. I lost my pound again at Weight Watchers and immediately went to Wendy's and ate all my food for the rest of the day (supposedly) I'm gonna be Scarlet O'Hara again and say tomorrow's another day.

Talk to you all soon, in the meantime, take care.

[shorty16]

Indigos

Scott and I have decided to let Trevor stay here.

We are calling his mother tonight. All we ask is that they keep health insurance on Trevor all through school including college.

We had a long talk with Trevor. We will do what we can to provide him with the tools he needs to succeed, but the rest is up to him. We set ground rules, discussed grades, asked him to participate in a sport. He has selected basketball. Discussed boundries within the home and who can and cannot come to our home (his parents are welcome at any time).

I am excited for his future and really, really scared. Scared financially because we can afford it, but we are not rich. Scared he may bring others to our home that may cause issues. Scared of everything since Brian died.

Please pray for us. Our hearts are in the right place.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Carol,

Hamilton High School, where my kids go, there are 2,853 this year. Four grades 9-12.

Mine HS had 1200, 254 in my graduating class

WOW

Colleen

[summergirl]

Hello dear indigo's - I am missing so much, I have never been this far behind since I first came here...just so much going on in our lives right now - still no word from our landlady so do not know if that is good or bad - have been looking at other options as the banks are being really bad about giving mortgages right now plus we are definitely sure that we do not want to strap ourselves at this stage in our lives. Still concerned about my job, most likely I will not be cut given the amount of years I have in plus my experience but one never knows....they need at least 35 -40 people to take the early retirement incentive and if not then they will start cutting people, since we are union they have to begin with those last hired which I feel really bad for...I pray we get enough to retire so the young families can stay. Tavian goes back to school on Wednesday, Sept 8th, he is very excited. Have been bust getting new clothes, shoes etc. and now have to work on the "page long" supply list !! We are headed out Sunday for a week of camping and the weather is supposed to be nice so I am looking very forward to some relax time...

I welcome the new members to this site but am so sorry that you have to be here. Yes, we are a family of friends here and each new member that comes here becomes part of this family as soon as they post their first post. I am Kathy and we lost our beautiful daughter Jessica at the age of 26 on Feb. 18, 2006 - she passed from ARVD - sudden heart failure. Jessica left behind a 4 year old son named Tavian whom my husband and I have full custody of....he is now 8, his birthday is Feb 11. It has become softer over these past 4 years but the pain, sorrow, hurt, longing, why, never ever goes away....this is the place to be, to share, to say and feel the way you do with no one to tell you how, what or when to feel....here you can be who you are....

Thank you for your comments on having to go to the cemetery - sometimes it is just to much for me to do and I tell Jessica over and over again how sorry I am but I just cannot let go of the steering wheel and get out of the car......Other days I am strong and I sit with her and tell her everything....

Last night Tavian and Barry watched the movie "the secret life of bees" - I was suprised that they watched it as I thought it was more for the ladies but they both loved it. Anyway, it hit Tavian some where in his heart as when the movie was over he came up stairs and he had one of Jessica's bracelets on, he had gotten it out of her Treasure Box that I have for him....he was crying and telling me how much he missed his mommy, I held him for awhile and then he said he had to write in his journal. I am so happy that he started a journal as it really seems to help him to put his feelings down on paper....he always starts with Dear Mommy ----

Well, I have to say goodnight as Tavian and I are going to watch "daddy day care" movie before it is baed time.

Love, peace and strength, Kathy

[ericasmom]

My highschool had well over 3000 kids, our graduating class was 1000 when we entered in 1970, but down to 800 by 1974 due to drugs, drop-outs, and flunking. We were not over achievers, not our class, not at our school. I learned all about illegal drugs there, though it was my choice to go the 'high' road, I went out of my way to find out how one drug was compared to another, and since I was not at all good at school, I found this choice to be far more enticing. I lost friends along the way, litterally, died, ran away, went into institutions, and by the time I was 17, I started to figure that I needed to do less drugs, more reading.

Carol, sorry that Jaimie is having anxiety. HOw old again? I would contact the social worker at school to alert her/him. I would also do what his Mom is planning, go back to therapy. I know I sound like a therapy-pusher, but boy, to be able to work some of the complicated stuff out when you are young rather than try to untangle it when you are an adult? And let's face it, many adults simply will not untangle it because they will not face therapy. I wish I could help. Carol, beautiful words about your heart doing a double flip...

I have a fun class but oh my goodness guys, I had to nap when I got home at 5:00, had to. Just a half hour but there was no way I could have made it up to a decent hour before bed.

Michelle, where do you live? Tell us what you teach? I wish you luck in your school year Dear, and I am so glad that you are finding this place a good spot for you.

Lorrie, drink some water and that is that. Every hour have a small glass of water, then a small glass of grape juice or lemonade, then in an hour another water...my sis almost died from not taking in fluids, she never felt thirsty, and it was a long road to recovery, which as you know, you do not need. Time to take better care of you, the walk is a great start, and the plastic doghnuts, well what the hell, you are entitled. Just try to move for 30 minutes tomorrow too, the release of endorphins cannot be beat,, helping you find a bit of a better feeling inside. Love you.

[daveydow1]

Michelle---thank you for your kind words. Yes,----our children who are now in heaven are always near to us,

I believe. In the realm of heaven, there is no time, no distance, or other constraints such as we have here

on earth. They are free...free....free. I hope you keep coming back to BI. It is one of the few places where

people in our shoes....(on this grief journery) ....can come and be totally free to express all the bad or good

feelings we have on this roller coaster called grief. Peace to you, friend.

Krichie---So sorry that your little dog had to be put down. He will be with Richie.....that's some comfort, I'm sure you feel.

Jenn----Your daughter seeing little Jeffrey (when she was little) is just another sign that our beloved children do stay

in touch in their own ways, and of course they are always in our hearts & souls.

Claudia----So good to see Joey smiling out to us. I do know what you mean about getting behind. It seems if I don't

come to BI daily that I am lost, and so far behind.......nearly impossible to catch up. However, I'm always glad to see

you here. Thoughts & prayers, to you my friend.

Kathy-----I agree that Tavian keeping a journal is so very beneficial. He can express just how he feels in his journal. The

little guy has had a lot on his young shoulders, and the journal is a good and healthy outlet for him to express his feelings.

Just got back from our daughter's home.....it was Trenton's 4th birthday. ------(small party...just family). He got a new red bike

with training wheels. He was so excited. I want to enjoy the grandies now-----they're only little for awhile.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL MY FRIENDS HERE AT BI.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Indigos

Scott and I have decided to let Trevor stay here.

Please pray for us. Our hearts are in the right place.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Just remember that Trevor has damage. He has been rejected and rejected again. When the challenges come and they do with all children,especially "foster" children. Don't give up on Trevor. You will both be blessed. I've never met Trevor but my hat is off to you. I know how challenging the decision was for you.

;-)

[ericasmom]

Prayers are being sent Colleen, with hope and a smile in my heart for him, for you all. I would definitely follow the wise words of Bonnie, having had the fostering experience.

Have a Beautiful Day everyone, it is in the high 50's this AM and on my walk, the pale pink mixed with flamingo and light purple infused in my spirit the majesty of a day.

[jefferysmommy]

Good morning, Indigo's,

Colleen: All my best for you and your family, Trevor included, again, Bonnie, you have really great advice, I'm glad that you were able to set down those ground rules and that you are instilling some good habits to start.

Lorri: Good for you, I am a chocaholic, can't stay away from it, I am so glad that you got to get out on your walk, and glad that your treat was well worth it!

Kathy: It is awesome that Tavian has a journal, that is really good for him, I'm glad that he has you and that he was able to let some of it out last night.

Dee: Thank you for sharing, you are a remarkable woman, those experiences make us who we are, and it's amazing at 17 you were able to realize that that isn't what you wanted, I never got into the drug thing, and could have been a great student if I applied myself, however, I didn't, quit school in Grade 11, was pregnant by 18 and had Jess when I was 19, it was holding her in my arms the first time that I knew I had to grow up. I wouldn't change anything, as I believe those experiences made me who I am.

Sherry: It's funny, because, she remembered so much of Jeffery for so long, and then about a month ago, we were talking, and she said I don't remember him at all, I know what he looks like because of the pictures, but I don't remember him ever being here. I felt so sad that she had forgotten, in my heart, I knew she would, but I didn't want her to.

Carol and Rhonda: I take my 3 year old, Devin, out to the cemetery to visit Jeffery, and he calls him baby Jeffery, (mostly because we do) but in reality Jeffery, would be 12 years older than Devin, so I totally understand that feeling, funny it wasn't until Devin passed Jeffery's age that I thought about it, as Jess was older than Jeffery, it didn't really cross my mind, he just stayed forever 69 days old while Jess moved on.

Susannah: I hope that you are well, I miss your posts and hearing from you, hopefully you will be able to get back on here soon. Thinking of you all the time.

[shorty16]

Good Morning my Indigo friends,

Well, we have not called Trevor's mom yet, but we will.

Aaron and Trevor redid their rooms. Luckily, we have a 4 Bedroom home, (5 if you count the flooded bedroom in the basement). They really did a good job.

We have a positive outlook on the future with Trevor. I have had much luck connecting with him on an emotional level. Trevor responds well to asking nicely for things to be done. He had so much yelling where he was. I used to yell alot too. Since Brian died, I do not go there as much. Too much wasted effort and sad times that can never be taken back.

Thank you, my Indigo friends for your support in this. I am still really scared, but all we can do is our best.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Kathy

Tavian has a jounal? That is so great!! Shortly after Brian died, I took the kids to pick out a journal they would write in. They never did write in it. I tried a journal, but my brain would not slow down enough to allow my hands to write what I was thinking.

Then, we bought a punching bag. I often hear that punching bag getting beat-up. Especially by Aaron. This bag is in our bacement, hanging by a chain from the center beam of our home.

I am impressed a journal has worked for your family - GREAT

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[jefferysmommy]

Hi Indigo's

I found this story, thought I would share it.

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another, "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going?" Up, up, up it slowly went... Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another... " Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third... No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise" they said solemnly.

One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.

He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.

By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

Then the dragonfly remembered the promise. without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...

Dear God, please remember my loved one who has left the pond we live in...and remember me...

[mpsmom]

Jenn, Thank you for sharing this story, I had heard it before, but it brought a smile to my face to read it again. Our children are all "right there" .... on the other side of the "veil".

Peace to you and all the BI families today

HUGS,

[mikesmomrs]

Jenn: I had heard this story before, also, but had forgotten it...thanks for sharing it and reminding me of its sweet story. It also reminded me of a dragonfly story that I have in my journal, and I'd like to share it..(I apologize if I've posted this before)

We still lived in our old house the summer after Mike died, and when spring came, we cleaned winter off the back porch…swept away the leftover leaves, brought out the chairs, the flower pots, etc. Our porch was surrounded with trees, some up very close to the house and porch, and provided a beautiful, tranquil place to sit and feel completely away from the rest of the world. In summer, the porch was always decorated with lots of flower baskets and some window boxes on the railings, flowers spilling out everywhere. That previous summer, in the waning months of his life, Mike had come to live with us. He and his wife lived on the second floor in their apt building and he couldn’t maneuver the stairs any longer…the brain cancer he had been fighting for over a year was gaining ground. Mike loved to sit out on our porch, just enjoying the quiet and the sun. This day, as I swept, the memory of him sitting there his last summer became too much for me, and I had to put my broom down and go inside. Eventually, a few weeks later, I went through the motions of finishing readying the porch for summer… bringing baskets of flowers onto the porch, filling the window boxes with trailing vines and flowers that would bloom all summer. But I just couldn’t bring myself to sit out there. One day in early July, I stood just inside the sliding door and looked out onto the porch…it was so beautiful, but so empty. I walked out the door and sat down for the first time that summer. Mike’s dad soon joined me. We didn’t say anything…I was afraid to, fearing that sound would drive me back into the house. I just sat, looking out into the woods... memories of happier summers squeezing my heart. I saw a dragonfly out of the corner of my eye and a conversation I’d had with Mike a few years before came to mind—before I knew it, I was telling it to Mike’s dad… “Mike and I had been out in the yard and I commented on the large number of dragonflies we had that year…I told Mike that I didn’t care for them. Mike seemed surprised and said “Dragonflies are really good to have around, mom…they eat grubs. Some of them are really beautiful, and if one lands on you, it’s good luck.” I just smiled and told him that that wouldn’t make me like them any better.” As I finished the story, the dragonfly I had seen earlier flew over by the porch, hovered over the flowers, and then came and landed on my knee. It was the first one I’d ever seen that wasn’t just shades of brown…this dragonfly was a beautiful blue with green undertones, and as it sat there, his wings shimmered in the sun, seeming to highlight his beautiful hues…blue is my favorite color and the blue of this dragonfly was almost unreal. Mike’s dad said “Looks like you have a visitor.” The dragonfly sat there for another 15 seconds or so, and flew off…circled around the porch and came back and landed on my hand. Tears came as I remembered again Mike’s telling me “You can’t die because I do mom…you have to live your life.” As the dragonfly flew off again, I thanked Mike (and God) for the reminder and we spent the rest of the afternoon and many more that summer out on the porch, living.

sending love and peace, Carol Mikesmomrs

[krichie]

Carol- What a beuatiful memory and story.

The vet just left the sun was shining and the minute he passed the coulds rolled in and it poured. BVut he is with Richie now and he is at peace, no longer any pain or worries. They are the lucky ones.

I love the dragonfly story from jeffriesmom too. I still need to look for orig story of nym but mind has been elsewhere.

Going to go lay down been very emotional today, I know we did the right thing but I hate goodbyes, at least we had a chance with Bear and could tell him how much he meant to us. I know Richie new it we told him everyday but would of been nice to be of been able to say it one more time to him. My last words to him was I love you and I thank god thats how we ended every conversation.

[heartbeataway]

Carol- What a beuatiful memory and story.

The vet just left the sun was shining and the minute he passed the coulds rolled in and it poured. BVut he is with Richie now and he is at peace, no longer any pain or worries. They are the lucky ones.

I love the dragonfly story from jeffriesmom too. I still need to look for orig story of nym but mind has been elsewhere.

Going to go lay down been very emotional today, I know we did the right thing but I hate goodbyes, at least we had a chance with Bear and could tell him how much he meant to us. I know Richie new it we told him everyday but would of been nice to be of been able to say it one more time to him. My last words to him was I love you and I thank god thats how we ended every conversation.

This brought tears to my eyes ......

I'm an animal lover and we have been in the position to make the tough decision to end the pain for a beloved family pet. It was an extremely tough, emotional day! I'm really sorry but I think you did things the most perfect way you could. And Richie and Bear are reunited in a place that will keep them whole and ageless.

The last words Jason said to me where I Love you and I responded, Love you too son. I haven't lost the sound of his voice. I can still hear it in my mind.

Love!

[daveydow1]

Trudi---Thanks for telling us about the dragonfly, and what dear Mike said to you. So nice

that the dragonfly came and lit on your hand. I, too, like dragonflies, and have seem a few

here this summer. I have a stained-glass lamp with the dragonfly pattern that I had bought

several years ago.......before Davey died. It has special meaning now.

Colleen---Thought, prayers, and best wishes for you, Trevor, and your family.

Jenn----Oh, thank you so much for the dragonfly story. I had never heard it before, and it is a lovely

story. I so know what you mean. I think it is natural that people....even those in our own

families wiil forget out little one who went to heaven so so early, but as you say.......we

don't want them to forget. Your dear daughter will always hold little angel Jeffrey in her

heart, as you do. I have two children who were in elementary school when Lisa died. I

know that her death was difficult for them. We have kept her memory alive with her pictures,

and just regular conversation. These little angels will never be forgotten as long as we are

here to remember them. Peace & prayers, friend.

Betty---How's the little lady squirrel doing? She must be busy gathering acorns & nuts in preparation

for winter. Where we used to live, there was a large basswood tree near the enclosed front porch.

It had a large hole in it about 10 ft. up, and a squirrel made it her nest, and had babies there. We

counted them one day, when they were getting brave enough to venture out of the nest. We saw 6

babies. However, hawks discovered the squirrel's home, and swooped down one day and took one

of the babies. Soon after, we watched the mama moving her babies, one at a time, out of the nest,

across the neighbor's yard, and to another tree several hundred feet away. She was determined to

protect the babies that were left. today, we dug our potatoes.....we got a half bushel out of just one

row. Garden is winding down now. Take care.

PEACE TO ALL AT BI.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Krichie - I am so very sorry about Bear - I know what you are feeling as we had to put our black lab, Kaylie, down 2 years ago and I still miss her. Being able to say good by was helpful but so very hard.... The last thing I said to Jessica was I love you and call you in the morning - I am forever grateful that I MADE her come by our house that night as she was headed to dinner and I told her she had to bring Tavian's blanket over first, his favorite one.....she told me he didn't need it but I insisted - I had never done that before. So, I thank God that I was so insistant that she bring that blanket as I got to hug her and tell her I loved her.....I believe, I believe..

Thank you all for your comments on Tavian's journal. He has always loved to read and to write so I thought it might help him to write down his feelings. Tonight he went with me to clean a house (I clean 2 houses, 1 a week)....anyway, he turned on the radio as I was cleaning the kitchen and the song "Sweet Home Alabama" came on - well, he grabbed the broom and started playing air guitar and I started dancing around the kitchen and we were both singing.....what a great moment it was.....

Well, we have until September 22 to decide whether we are going to buy the house or not....she wants 295,000.00 for it. Barry and I have a lot to talk about and decide what we want to do.....good thing we are going camping for the week as we really need some quiet time, long walks on the beach......

Time to put Tavian to bed, last day at camp tomorrow... Love, peace and strength to all....

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy: Holding you close as you make these important decisions...I am glad that you will have the time away to think and talk with Barry about it.

Sherry: How do you store potatoes? Sounds like your garden, even though compromised with the weather, has produced for you. By the way, that was my Mike and the dragonfly on the porch...I'm not sure, but I think Trudi is still away with Mal...are you Trudi?

Krichie: So sorry about your having to put little bear down, but as you said, he is with Richie now and forever.

Colleen: sending prayers and good thoughts on your decision about Trevor...I am glad that he is a nice kid...you and hubby are doing a good thing, but as Bonnie said, do it carefully, which I know you will.

Has anyone heard from Susannah? I hope that she has been able to contact admin to help her get back on BI...I really miss her. What about Betsy? Was it Betsy I read earlier that couldn't get on, also? When I couldn't get on, I talked with Kelly and Eric and they asked me for my IP address and then they straightened it all out. I hope we see her soon...Sus: we are thinking of you and missing you.

I hope everyone has a peace-filled night...it has been a lazy day for us...tomorrow I finish my grocery shopping. I have never read so many labels in my life, and it is truly enlightening!

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[westleysmom]

Krichie,Carol,Kathy-The last thing I told Westley was that I loved him. So after I read all of your posts, I cried uncontrollably for a while. Nobody was around. I was just so sad for me and for all of you. We loved them, dammit. Why wasn't it enough? It hurts so bad sometimes. I've just been feeling mostly caught in my thoughts lately. I don't want to talk about it really much. I just think about it alot.

Krichie-I hope you are doing okay, its so hard to let go of our pets that have been part of the family. Hugs to you.

Carol-I don't feel so strong yet, we didn't know Westley was going to be gone until he was. Sometimes I still don't know it. Your dragonfly experience sounds magical. I hope Ralph is improving. Or do you call him Mike? I get confused easily.

Kathy-Big doings buying a house. Especially if it wasn't exactly your plan to begin with. It is a good thing that you have some time to think about it and talk it over. Enjoy your last hurrah of summer and your summerboy. I've thought of a journal, but I still can't write without crying. I cry enough as it is.

Jenn-Thanks for the dragonfly story, I hadn't heard it either.

Love to see Davey and Bethany and Brian (I feel like Miss Nancy on Romper Room, I'm showing my age) here.

I wish you all sweet dreams if you have any

[lolynbo]

SO I DONT NO WHAT UP WITH ALL THE DRAGON FLIES BUT JUST WENT TO THE CEMETERY AND IF THERE WAS ONE THERE WAS 100...WOW...NEATO...

[mpsmom]

Lorri, Does 'she' need to hit you up side of the head with a shovel??????

SO I DONT NO WHAT UP WITH ALL THE DRAGON FLIES BUT JUST WENT TO THE CEMETERY AND IF THERE WAS ONE THERE WAS 100...WOW...NEATO...

[ericasmom]

So dragonflies are thought to be heaven's messengers, how appropriate that they swarm the cemetery, letting us know the love from our Angels. Dragonflies also eat many summer bugs and insects, so they are definitely our friends. This year, as many as the year Eri left it seems.

Love the story Jen, thanks so much adn Carol, love the connection. What a great story. I love your words...sweeping winter from the porch...

Susannah, where are you? I too am wondering aobut Sus and Betsy, not being on for many days now.

Be well all, this teaching all day makes me very tired at night. I will be able to write more in the coming days.

Love,

dee

[mikesmum]

Yes I have been away at the ocean but now I am back. All that talk of Dragonflies, must have been sent me on the wind. I have added to Mikes cross...

It's Carol's Mike the story was about with the dragonflies....My Mike, loved them and they are part of Mikes place at the river.....

Will post more another time....Trudi

[lostwoher]

Good evening Indigos. Susannah still isnt able to connect to BI

Carol, I sent her ( Susannah ) a private message on facebook to let her know that you gave your IP address to Eric and he was able to fix the problem. She isnt comfortable in doing that so I let her know that you did it too. Hopefully the bug can get worked out soon.

I enjoyed the dragonfly story too. I posted that on my facebook page last year but had forgotten about it. Thanks for the reminder

We had to put our lab/chow down so I know how you feel. She had a chemical imbalance in her brain that would make her snap in an instant. Very playful and loving but much too dangerous to be able to keep. I cried at least a gallon of tears. That dog was like another daughter to me. Her name- LadyBear

Its late and my brain is mush. Sweet dreams or happy thoughts to all!

[heartbeataway]

SO I DONT NO WHAT UP WITH ALL THE DRAGON FLIES BUT JUST WENT TO THE CEMETERY AND IF THERE WAS ONE THERE WAS 100...WOW...NEATO...

Lorri,

This happened in my back yard a few weeks ago. It was amazing! It seemed like I had dragon flies "swarming". Diving up and down in the sky.

It really was very cool but also so unexpected, I didn't know what to think~

Glad someone else had the same experience ....... maybe our children are "touring" ..... ;-)

[heartbeataway]

Yes I have been away at the ocean but now I am back. All that talk of Dragonflies, must have been sent me on the wind. I have added to Mikes cross...

It's Carol's Mike the story was about with the dragonflies....My Mike, loved them and they are part of Mikes place at the river.....

Will post more another time....Trudi

love, Love, LOVE the addition to Mike's cross!! VERY cool my lady!

[shorty16]

Good Morning all Indigos

So good to see the Minnesota-6 chatting again.

Bonnie, I really love Jason's face smiling back at me in the morning - What a way to start my day. Thanks for helping me through our decision with Trevor. I am calling the Social Worker today. We will not become foster parents, but I will ask about the classes anyway - Thanks

Trudi - The dragonfly talk is appropriate. With the Wisconsin mosquito population numbering in the quad-trillions, the dragonflys are gorging themselves. - I welcome them in my yard, not that they even make a dent.

Marcia - Good to see Bethany's face, Your facebook picture is taken from a distance and I cannot see her love for you in her eyes. We should chat this weekend?

Dee - How is your garden looking? Mine is dying off and I have to go in and trim. But, as I told Trudi, the mosquito population is preventing me from real time in the weed patch, I mean garden.

Carol - Thanks for keeping us up to date on Ralph's health. I really enjoy the updates.

Well Indigos, We called Mrs. Fields last night. Scott and I sat in my car and talked to her together. My car pipes my phone through the radio, so we were on speaker without anyone else hearing our conversation. She seemed happy we decided to keep him. She would provide health insurance for as long as he is a full time student. She will assist in his needs, all I have to do is ask. I will sit with Trevor this weekend and go through clothing needs, physical education clothing and dress clothing including shoes.

The conversation went really well. This whole thing is so wierd. Scott and I think we can really help this kid. Trevor was overjoyed. The 2 boys redid their rooms. Aarons in now a MAN CAVE. Lights, table and the largest bean-bag-chair I have ever seen. The name SHORTY is embroidered on it - I bet you cannot guess whose that was????

Miss my boy

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Marcia-I'm sorry I called Bethany Brittany in an earlier post. I went back and changed it, so maybe I won't get it mixed up again. She's so pretty.

Colleen-Here's to things going well with your boy/men. It is a good thing you and Scott are doing.

Dee-I bet you are looking forward to your weekend. Its kind of hard to get back in the swing of things, I would imagine.

Trudi-I love the tattoo, I'd never seen it before. I believe I've mentioned what a chicken I am, so I don't have any. I hope your weather is improving, it is cooling off slightly here. The days are getting much shorter, too.

I got a letter from my friend Susan whose son Andrew died on New Year's Day this year. She visited me in June and I had promised I would visit her (she only lives a couple of hours away). The weekends have been and are going to be crazy, but I think this one may be my best bet, so I may leave in the morning to spend a day and night with her. In her letter she said she had been thinking she might live through this, and I guess she's right. We will, but its just so hard. Last night I was in that room again, and they were saying "He didn't make it" and I was thinking "What do you mean, he didn't make it? What does that even mean, he's only 20, his birthday is in a few days and I need him. He's mine and I need him." This wasn't a dream, it was a daydream, I was just getting ready for bed and I was back there and they were telling me that and I didn't want to believe them then and I don't want to believe them now. I think it will be helpful to see her, for both of us at this point.

So if you don't hear from me this weekend, that'll be why, but I'll be thinking of you all, as I do every day.

[Guest msnher]

I'm baaaack..............

Thank you Eric!! Thank you Lynn for telling me Carol gave her IP address out. That gave me the go ahead to do it, too. I googled giving the IP address out and read all kinds of horror stories, so I got scared.

Thank you, Colleen, Lynn, Bonnie, Deneace, Greg and Marcia for still keeping up with me on Facebook! And, thank you Lynn and Bonnie for being my "mouthpiece"!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a lot of reading to catch up...........not sure when I will be able to get to it. Please know I Need YOU guys!!! I was bummed, literally, without you. However, I did get a lot done being away from the computer, and since I wasn't on the computer every night, my hubby and I were able to reconnect ....so, good came out of it..

I have to run, now, too........but, I just wanted to let you know I'm okay and how much I appreciate the help.

ERIC.........YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mikesmomrs]

Sus: So glad to see you back and to see the new avatar of Stephanie...so cute...thanks, Lynn, for your passing on the info. As far as the IP address goes, anyone can get your IP address...when you send an email the IP address is listed in the "properties" of your email. Anyway, just glad to have you, now we just need to find Betsy..

Marcia: So, so good to see Bethany's beautiful face....and to hear from you!

Bonnie: the same for you...Jason's smile lights up the board...

Rhonda: I think this trip will do you both good...talking, sharing, and likely each of you will have your boy right beside you as you visit...drive safe.

Trudi: I love the new tat...and it's green and blue, what else! If I ever get one, I guess that is what it will be...a green and blue tattoo...so good to see you back. I am not so sure the dragonfly news was sent to you "on the wind"...more likely through whispers of angels...

Lorri: Yes, I guess Kourt arranged for a huge welcome for you at the cemetary ...I guess she knew you didn't want to be forgotten.

Got to go and pic up some meds...hope you all have a good rest of the day...

[mikesmomrs]

My daughter Cathi is back to work this week and had a few minutes at lunch today to sort through some stuff that she had written previously, a couple of years back...she randomly opened this blog...(there is more to it, but it is something I've posted before). With her permission I am posting this part of her blog that she wrote a couple of days after Mike died: (I have posted a link to the song that she has added at the end of the blog---it is a really sad song, but so filled with hope):

This earthly world just lost one of its most unique characters. Upon learning about his new brain tumor, my brother made it his goal to live to see my father's 64th birthday. My father turned 64 on [Thursday]. At 8:12 pm on Saturday night, my brother took his final breath, in the arms of his wife, my mother, and my father.

My 8 year old son, this morning on the porch, looked up at the sky. "Mommy? Is Mike in Heaven yet?"

"I'm not sure, sweet. If not, he's on his way, don't you think?"

"Because I thought I saw him just now. I think he's right beside us." At that very moment, my dog ran up to us both and barked. I know he was right there, right beside us. I could feel it.

Walking Higher

I carry you with me, ghost inside

And in these shattered arms, you're still alive

I carry you with me, holy shrine

And dogs and angels follow right behind

Could I be walking higher?

Could I be right beside you?

The bones they bury will feed the trees

But every word you ever spoke is still in me

Could I be walking higher?

Could I be right beside you?

And I will feel for you in the music

And I will send that river home

And I will cry for you sometimes

When night has come

And I will raise my hand to the mountain

Talk to the birds and I'll fly

Because the spirit lives on

When the body dies

Could I be walking higher?

Could I be right beside you?

- heather nova

love and peace, and hope.... carol mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

HEY LADIES AND GENTELMEN....LET'S GET SOME MORE PICS IN THE GALLERY AREA.

GREG

[lostwoher]

Yey! Susannah is back. Always glad to be of assistance. And Trudi has returned

[Guest msnher]

Oh Indigo's, I am so pleased to be back in your midst! My fellow survivors!

I have only read a few posts so I apologize for not knowing exactly what everyone's talking about. I have stayed busy rearranging rooms and trying to at least keep up with the dust caused from all the new yard work we are having done. Keeping up is a stretch.........maybe at least staying one step behind...

9yr old, Mariah, had a good cry this week, missing her mom so deeply. 6yr old Jonathon has learned to use "missing mommy" as an excuse for pouting, crying and sometimes unacceptable behavior. My response to him is "I'm sure you DO miss your mommy, but I don't think that's what's really going on with you right now" and we will get down to the brass tacks of what's going on.

Mariah has been balking at her homework (3rd grade) and not getting all her assignments in. Last night I was too physically exhausted to address it....so, this morning I told her very calmly that I know the most important thing in her life right is her friends and at her age, that's probably is right where she's supposed to be; but, the most important thing in her life for me is her school work......I told her to take care of the most important thing to me and she can have the most important thing to her. She got it! She sat down without argument and did her work!!! I let her use the spare change we throw in a jar as a tool to help her figure out her math problems (I handed her each coin she needed) when she found out she got to keep the coins needed to solve each problem, she went so fast I could hardly keep up with her. "I need four quarters, two dimes and three pennies". She finished her math in no time!!

I felt proud of my MOM abilities this morning. Of course, she wasn't speaking to me by the time she got to school because she didn't get to sit where she wanted in the van......but, hey....I can't win them all...

I can't really talk about Steph too much these days. I seem to be at a place where I've already said it all, felt it all and cried it all. Nothing is going to change what is. There is just a knot in my gut. It's not that piercing, stabbing, burning, life choking pain....just the know.....feels like fear. CS Lewis says grief is a lot like fear. Now I know what he means.....

Having said that..........I can laugh again....really laugh. And, not feel guilty about it. I am enjoying life and I never thought that would happen again. The guilt seems to be taking a small reprieve right now so I'll accept it.

Peace to you all!

[westleysmom]

Susannah-I'm so glad you're back! Today is my husband's 50th birthday and we're cooking out tonight and I'm going to visit my friend Susan in the morning, so I wanted to say welcome back before I was gone. Birthdays are hard for me, we always were all together for them. It sounds like your Mommy skills are fine, and I'm glad you're getting some "happy days." You deserve them. I haven't seen Susan since she came to visit in June. In the meantime they finally got Andrew's (her son) headstone set, so we'll be visiting the cemetery. I've never been to her home, we were always so busy with the kids that we haven't visited in forever, even though she's only 2 hours away. I'm looking forward to seeing her, when she left in June, I had a meltdown like we'd never been apart.

I'll be thinking of you all

[daveydow1]

Carol----Oh goodness....I'm sorry that I mistook your post for Trudi's., about the dragonflies.

(where was my brain ??

I think that I didn't pay enough attention to Mike's new avatar.....I was used to the one where

he has the beard and the Red Sox cap. Mike is surely right beside you---heaven has no time

or distance constraints, so our beloved children are always just a breath away from us. Peace, friend.

Rhonda----You mentioned ROMPER ROOM.......my older kids used to watch that, and probably Davey too.

I remember when she would hold up the open mirror and go into ......"I see Bobby, and Suzy.....etc.

So very sweet & innocent. They also would love to watch Captain Kangaroo. Ahhhh the memories....

those shows are long gone. I know the kids today love SpongeBob (my grandies do...... but it's sooooo LOUD !), but I think the old kid's shows were better. Oh well----guess time goes by , and changes are made.

Susannah----So good that you are back to BI. I missed you. That was so smart of you to take the 'counting

coins' approach to Mariah's math lesson. Funny how a little psychology can work for kids, to get them to

do something.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL AT BI.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Carol---I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear brother. Heaven has a new angel.

Trudi----I'm glad that your Mike also liked dragonflies. They are, indeed, magical things.

Storing Potatoes------I just store them in a basket and put them in the basement where it's cool.

Hope everyone at BI will get a good night's rest, and pleasant dreams.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Colleen - I have missed quite a few postings and one of them is about Trevor....it sounds like you have taken a boy in to your home and hearts and I am so very happy for you, I will say a prayer that all goes well. I honestly believe that love is the best thing that we can give to someone....

Trudi - I LOVE, LOVE THE ADDITION TO THE TATOO.....MIKE LOVES IT...

I love dragonflies and I love all the things that have been written about them....

Greg - I would love to add photos to the Gallery but I do not know how...can you tell me what to do PLEASE....

Well it looks like our week at Gin Beach camping may not happen !!!! There is a hurricane out in the ocean that is passing us by but it sending in large waves and rip tides so they are closing off the beach too campers starting tomorrow But all is not lost yet, they may reopen on Monday so that would be fine....if not then we can go to another camp site called Cedar Point but it is NOT ON THE BEACH.....however we can walk down to the beach and Tavian can fish so that would be ok if we can't get to Gin Beach....

Yes, Barry and I have alot to think about, it is scary but as we all know we have been through the worst thing we will ever go through so this is a piece of cake....

So glad you are back Susannah....whoo hoo !!!

Well, Tavian keeps asking me to watch a movie with him so I must say good night. Will see you all tomorrow. Love, peace and strength.

[lolynbo]

JUST SAW KOURTNEYS KLOSET ON SPEED CHANNEL...(ON THE SIDE OF THE NASCAR RACING TRUCK)...WOW MADE ME CRY...

YAL WATCH CHANNEL 607 SPEED CHANNEL ON NOW

#73 RICK CRAWFORD

2 MOONS TONIGHT