Loss of an Adult Child

[rlolheiser]

:-) almost forgot!

Happy Birthday Sonya

[summergirl]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONYA !!!!

I was not on last night and it is late tonight so I just want to let yoy know I am here, reading but cannot find words to write...I am not having a good anything right now but am keeping the faith that it will get better...Have been reading...much to think about. I love you all and will do my best to out run these feelings I am having or at least get to the point where I can deal better. Peace, love and strength...Kathy

[rlolheiser]

Kathy, I hope that your no right anythings turn into brighter everythngs. I certainly understand how reading is better than posting at times. I get to feeling that way a lot, it is hard to stay upbeat, but I hope you find you ability to deal, we care about you and are always here.

[mikesmum]

Yesterday I went to the travel agent and booked the exact same trip I was going to take 6 years ago. It is a direct flight to Istanbul with 3 days there and then a flight to Egypt with a cruise down the Nile (like Cleopatra) I will be leaving Sept 8 for 2 weeks and believe it or not "I am Excited". I do hope I do not cancel and can keep up the momentum

Thanks for being here and helping me get to this spot!!!

Oh Betty - wonderful news. Its funny how we made plans to travel etc and then in a blink we halted all. I had planned to travel to the UK and USA in 2007, but losing Mike I couldn't see the point. We travelled in 2009 and while the trips were overshadowed by those abyss days....meeting the BI group in MN began to alter my course...

I hope you stay true to your current plan and have a good eye when taking those travel shots....

Trudi

[Guest msnher]

Ummm....Erik or Kelly...I had a private message and clicked on it and the message that appeared was: ERROR! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE THE PRIVATE MESSAGE SYSTEM!

I think I did this to myself the other night after my "mad attack" and ran away from home, aka Beyond Indigo, because I deleted everything and slammed the virtual door, but I don't know how to fix it. Or, am I really not allowed to talk privately anymore? Me...being such a private person and all.... Teasing....

Thanks in advance for your help.

Susannah

[krichie]

Mikemum--Sounds like exciting trip hope it all goes well and you have to share pictures and stories

Riolheiser-- I hope the Dr took what you told him and will follow up, sure there is red tape he has to follow to which might have to follow that stops them from doing whats right but hopefully not. I would think your daughter will be very upset but in time when she gets out of relationship and gets a better life she will understand and love you more for doing what was a hard but right decision.

Happy Birthday Sonja !

I have not caught up on all post, been busy here at home and work keeping mind occupied. The vet will be here next Wednesday for Richie's dog, we have the hole dug neighbor came with backhoe since we could not dig by hand with all the roots. I get SHavelle tomorrow so looking forward to that as usual, she is so special.

peaceful night to you all !

[Guest msnher]

Betty - I am so excited for you! I hope you take lots of pictures....and....I hope you have a wonderful time!

Betsy - How are you?

Leah - You are a woman after my own heart! You go girl!! I hope you get someone to listen to you.

Sonya, Rhonda, Lorri - Happy Birthday!!! Seriously, Sonya, I hope you have the kind of day you desire.

Lorri - Serious question for you.....was it worth it? The twins and all? Going through all the pain and agony....is it worth it? Seriously. Gary and I are discussing it.......I just don't think I could deal with the pain. And, I'd rather use the money for something else, but it would be nice to have THAT part of me back where they go. I'm thinking botox and a face lift, too. Just thinking.....not committing. I'm the who wouldn't let them finish my tatoo...it hurt too bad. badly....who...whom....affect.....effect..

You know.........the english language is a bitch to get right! I ain't got none.

I love these emoticons! Well.....

Kathy - my friend.......I know.....

At least we all have each other through this. We don't have to believe the same....it doesn't matter what religion or faith we proclaim....we are bound together with an unbreakable bond....unfortunately we had to have our hearts broken in the deepest sense to find each other. I couldn't pick a better bunch of people to be with through this. Thank you!!

I've drawn a blank and can't remember what else I've read.

Blessings!

Susannah

[heartbeataway]

I have not caught up on all post, been busy here at home and work keeping mind occupied. The vet will be here next Wednesday for Richie's dog, we have the hole dug neighbor came with backhoe since we could not dig by hand with all the roots. I get SHavelle tomorrow so looking forward to that as usual, she is so special.

peaceful night to you all !

It makes my heart sad to read this .......

I am so sorry! But, I'm glad Shavelle will make you smile tomorrow.

[mikesmomrs]

Yes, I agree, Betty, it is just wonderful that you have been able to book this trip... I know that Stephen is so proud of you, and is just smiling from ear to ear...I hope you have a wonderful, joy-filled time!

Rhonda: thinking of you...

Trudi: Wishing we could take a walk down yours and Muttleys walking lane and end up at the "party store" with buying a balloon for the Mikes and sending them off from down under!

Lorri: glad to hear that healing is taking the place with the twins...so sorry that you are feeling so sad about Kourt...may she send some smiles to your beautiful heart!

Sonya: Happy birthday, (though late) to you, beautiful woman! I hope you had a wonderful day! Good luck with the rest of the "putting up" from the garden! Sherry, you too! Glad to hear, Sonya, that James is settled into classes again..a junior! Yes, time flies...just too quickly! Good luck with Mattie's back to school journey.

Leah: Praying all goes well for you and your daughter and grands...it is a heartbreaking time for all of you, and I send you strength and love for this work ahead of you.

Kathy: I hope too that your "no right anythings" turn around for you...with summer winding down and the expected return to a more rigid schedule, etc., perhaps you are just experiencing a winding down of your energies. Praying you will find you are able to deal better soon!

Betsy: Hope you are showing all those boxes who is boss...and also remembering to take care of yourself in the process!

Krichie: I am so sorry about your having to part with your dog...I pray that your beautiful son will send peace to you on that day to help you all through this hard-to-do but necessary action. Have fun with Shavelle.

Bonnie: I couldn't access BI, either, for a day, and sent an email to Kelly and she and (I think) Eric straightened it out for me. I think it is all part of this transition. Perhaps you could let Carrie know? You are right...it has been quiet, but perhaps people are getting ready for back to school, etc., and spending the last days of summer trying to be outdoors.

Sus: glad to see that the kids' first day at school went so well. Sounds like they are off to a good start...also glad to see that you are less upset...holding you close, always.

Dee: Time is winding down, and I hope you are remembering to "just breathe: as you prepare for this new school year. Glad to see that you are still taking care of yourself with your walks, etc., before you step into your new year. I hope you get a wonderful bunch of kids, and they know how blessed they are to be coming into your classroom!

Colleen: Good luck with the issue with Trevor...sounds like your plan might be the best...just be sure to keep the legal aspects in front of you, as others have suggested, but it sounds like you are on top of it.

I have returned from our doctors' appointments in Lebabon, and am SO weary. Ralph's visits went well, and there was good news and news that kind of came out of nowhere, because no one had said anything about it either before or after the surgery, til now. The GOOD news is that his numbers continue to do what they are looking for--come down--- though slowly. The not so good is that while his surgeon had told him right after the surgery that he got all of the cancer out, as it was ON the kidney and had started to go down INTO the kidney And not anywhere else. That is all he said, at the time. On this visit, he said that there is a 20-30% chance that this could come back, or rather, could "show up" elsewhere, and the most common "show up" site for this type of cancer is the lungs. Well, we already know that Ralph has "lesions" in his lungs, and the CT scan report done previously said they are "likely lesions" but "should be monitored in time." So, he has to have a CT scan in six months...the length of time is encouraging...I would think if it were a HUGE concern, the CT scan would be sooner. So, we are hopeful, and I keep telling myself that life is far too short as it is to spend the next six months worrying about what "might" be or not be....Ralph hasn't got to that point of thinking yet...he can't seem to shake it yet....can't say as I blame him. Meantime, he is doing well, overall, though still being watched closely because his numbers are still high, but coming down, albeit slowly. The other thing we learned today is this thing called "GFR" which apparently tells you how much the kidney is working. Right now, his GFR is at 16, which is ONE point above what would be called "kidney failure." However, his creatinine is not correspondingly as high as it normally would be with a GFR this low, so, we are still hopeful this remaining kidney is going to work better in time. Apparently, we are hoping for the creatinine to drop and the GFR to rise, which they normally do in correspondence with the job a kidney is doing. The doc said that they were hoping for a creatinine of about 2 and a GFR of 35, when the the surgery was done. With those numbers instead now at 4 and 16, respectively, we are not there yet, but it IS headed in the right direction (originally was 5.8 and 12 right after surgery) and all we can do for now is continue to be watchful, adhere to the diet, etc., and hope. The very restrictive diet continues, the water intake restriction continues, and we continue to pray and remain hopeful. Some people can survive with a GFR of 15 without dialysis, but generally that would be a healthy, much younger person...the older you get, of course, the more demanding your "parts" are to be working as well as can be. So, that is the news of the day from here.

Tomorrow is Mike's 35th birthday...and of course, we will be going to the Red Sox game in his honor. I am "pulling myself together" and trying to prepare...days of remembering...more so than usual...joyous moments followed by moments of a return to a pain that, though softer than this time four years ago, still there, still part of me, as I know it always will be. I have accepted that...as we know, grief is the price we pay for loving...but, oh, that loving...would never have wanted to live without it! We will be putting up some balloons at his site, and we will put up the bead decoration that Kim made. With his birthday being on a Friday night, Mike would be in his glory...a weekend birthday! His favorite kind, for sure! I was looking at Mike's website tonight, and would like to share a couple of things from it...first, the address: http://james-michael.virtual-memorials.com I know that some of you have visited, but in case you would like to visit our memories of him for his birthday, this is the site. We all had something to say at Mike's services...how could you send someone you loved so much off to another plane, without saying something about how much you loved him and how he impacted your life? I was able to write something for our memorial to our beautiful son and brother, but I knew I would not be able to say it...of course, now I regret that I did not try to summon the courage...but what's done is done...Cathi offered to read it for me...

31 years--much, much too short for all of us who knew you and loved you. Our precious son, we thank you so much for all you gave to us in those few short years--so many wonderful memories; enough to last a lifetime--and yet, not nearly enough, as we all wish so much you were here to create many more. You truly raised the bar for your children--for all of us--with your examples of courage and faith. Your "dash" counted, Mike, so very much. Because of you, we will be more loving, we will be more courageous, we will be more tolerant, we will be more aware; we will be MORE, period. Your legacy to all is your courage, your love, and your inspiration. Our lives for now seem empty without you, but will be fuller because of you. Thanks, Mike, for the privilege. (Mom and Dad)

Then Cathi read what she had written, and this is part of that: (if you click on this link, you will hear the song she sang at his services: (she knew that she wouldn't be able to hold up during his service, so she and her friend who played the guitar for her went to a studio and recorded it ahead of time. The good thing about this was that Mike got to hear it before he died. He was very pleased with it, as he gave us a thumbs up when we played it for him a few days before he left us) http://james-michael.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=8228&page_no=4

Mike: I wanted to tell you how I feel. Believe me the times I told you I loved you! I am so proud of how you overcame everything you have struggled with. You are a great, loving and loyal dad, husband, son, brother, uncle, and friend. You never stopped being a kid but still managed to become a man. You made so many impressions on so many people---everyone who meets you falls in love with you. I guess you managed to remain adorable, too. You will always remain beside us all..... You will see us all again, forever. You have affected us all with your one-of-a-kind self, your philosophies, your color, your "joie de vive." That's French, I think, for "love of life" (complete with outRAgeous accent a'la' Monty Python, just for you.) Your kids are beautiful and sweet, and brave, and bear the spirt of you--their Dad---in everything they say and do. Not too shabby a legacy, I think, Mike. My brother and my friend. There are more songs to sing, and we'll sing them together. "We'll never feel bad anymore..." Your sis, ("always.")

Then Kim read her letter to Mike and this is part of that: "Mikey: You are my precious brother. I say “are” because you are still here—your spirit lives on in your children. Your spirit lives on in all the lives you have touched. We will never know why God called you back. I wouldn’t even try to guess. But I do know you were here for a reason. You’ve taught us not to judge people by their looks or color. That all music has something to say. That you can learn something from nothing. That every day is a chance to start over. That you can like Star Wars, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings and still be cool. That our mistakes can make us smarter. That adversity can make you stronger. That in our pain we can find relief. That just because we know the end is near, we don’t have to stop having fun. That with a little faith, even the Red Sox can win the World Series! You were always loyal, no matter what the cost to you. Your friends, your beliefs, your traditions, your family, your lifestyle, all were attacked in one way or another, but you stayed true and defended your cause. You were my little shadow for a long time and maybe I influenced you a bit. But as you got older and recovered from the things life threw at you, I realized you could influence me. Your openness to all people is one of your greatest gifts to us...."

I hope you all are patient with me and I apologize for this long posting...I have been thinking of Mike all week, all day, and had planned on posting something before, but I have not been able to corral my thoughts nor steady my hand, until now.

I made a small Imikimi of some pics of Mike...a life though short, filled with different versions of the same boy and man...and the heart that beat beneath his chest was a heart big enough for everyone...a heart that guided him through much, and left its mark on many. I love you so much, my son, and I hope you are having a wonderful 35th birthday party with all of our angels...I just wish so much that I could hold you and kiss your cheek and sing happy birthday to you...loving you forever--- funny, frustrating, adventurous, impatient, passionate, brave, annoying, loving, wide-eyed, colorful, and wonderful son of mine...

sending love and peace to all here on BI...carol...mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Okay, just getting on before these eyes shut, I am pretty tired and it is pretty late. I had a lovely bike ride today, then to school for work and then out to a hair cut and then home to make dinner for Jonathan and Shan and us. So a busy day and it all hit me now.

Just quickly, Krichie, glad that you will have Shavelle, she will help you feel the sense of future. I am sorry about the dog, glad however that you are doing this a t home and the dog will be fine.

Betty, I could not be happirer for you. HOW WONDERFUL! This going forward stuff, the stuff we thought in the beginning that we would never do, making plans, looking forward to some events, being excited...well how nice. I bet you that Stephen is thrilled with your decision to travel, to take the trip you had wanted to take so long ago.

Leah, so glad that you told your Daughter's doctors about your feelings.

dee

[hotrod]

Dear Indigos

I just signed on before going to sleep in case I missed something I should address and there it was

Sonya's Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET LADY

I DO HOPE YOU HAD A LOVELY DAY YOU DESERVE IT

Carol I am in awe of your dedication, compasssion and love for your family. Thank you for the indepth up date on Ralph, I know that I have found the best way to live my life is one day at a time, seeking to place all the joy, love and peace I can into each day. I will vist Mikes web site. I could not read my words at Stephen's service either and regret that as well. Yours were poignant and tocuhing So much love!! Mike was scertainly quite the Brother, Father and Son. What a tribute

I love the collage of pictures so very special

Happy 36th Birthday Mike!!

TRUDIE , Susannah, Bonnie, Sonya, Sherry , Rhonda, Dee Carol, Lorrie, Jenn Thank you for your kind words and well wishes thru the year. I could not have made the plans for my trip without all of you!!!

Krichie, like Bonnie I too am saddened to here about the Vet coming and the arrangements. So glad Grandy is coming tomorrow You will smile

Leah I am glad you spoke to the Dr and pray that they listen and take action. So very sorry that this dreadful situation is ongoing

Kathy Elaine and all Indigos thinking of you.

[rlolheiser]

HAPPY 35TH BIRTHDAY MIKE!

SHINE ON!

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike

Colleen

[shorty16]

Indigos

I was in the doctors office yesterday and they called this name: Ella.....Ella Vader. I am not kidding you!!! That poor girl.

Colleen

[Guest msnher]

Happy Birthday, Mike!

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday, Mike !

and a picture of Betty I found .

[ericasmom]

HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY MIKE!

With so much love and so many wonderful people to love, your wings must be golden.

Blessings to you and to your whole family and all of your friends as they send you their love on this and each day.

[Guest msnher]

Carol - What a lovely family Mike has! Thank you for posting your words and those of his sisters. Beautiful, loving from the heart! I'm sorry the news regarding Ralph's health wasn't more encouraging. However, each of you choose to focus on the positive and that impresses me. I hope you find some comfort today, remembering your beloved Mike!

I am still "not allowed" to use private messages. I don't know why because I've not sent anything on this new forum. I certainly hope I haven't offended anyone with my bold, blunt openness. Anyway, to my dear friend who sent me a message, I am not ignoring you!!

Blessings to all of you!

Susannah

[heartbeataway]

♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ Happy Birthday Mike !!! ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

[ericasmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,(belated, sorry) SONYA,

I hope that your special day was marked with lot's of love, laughter and messages from your Angel.

Carol, I just read your post, last night we must have posted at similar times, so just catching up now. I am crying ofcourse as I read Cathi's words, your words, and listening to Cathi's angelic voice singing MIke home. You touch my heart so. The photos are precious, love Mike in the dress. Sister love.

I am sending extra prayers for Ralph to heal, for his kidney to function more and better bringing those numbers to the levels that would indicate a bit less worry. Until then though, living fully in this day as Mike would have you do is fabulous. I am happy that you are going to the GAME, because Mike will sure be there.

Bonnie, your post yesterday was filled with the words that will inspire any and all to this site. I know that your sweet Jason is smiling that beautific smile, that scrubbed-by-sunshine smile on his most lovely MOM.

[shorty16]

Indigos

The social worker came to our home yesterday to talk with Trevor. She was alone with him for about 40 minutes. She basically told him that he may have to go back home. What I found out is that Trevor was a foster child. His guardians adopted him when he was 12. Trevor is not the only one to get kicked out of their house. He has 3 older brothers that suffered the same fate.

The Social worker is going to contact Trevors parents. It is left at that. Currently, he is still here. He states "I feel good being here" Trevor is a good kid.

The social worker asked to tour our home - no problem - we gave her the $20 tour to ensure she had a warm and fuzzy before she left.

Colleen

[heartbeataway]

Happy Birthday, Mike !

and a picture of Betty I found .

Love it!

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie: Dee's comments about your post from yesterday reminded me that I wanted to say something about it also...(I know it's hard to believe that I would have something ELSE to say, but there it is...lol!)

"So, until the day I close my eyes and breathe in and out for the last time, I am going to be the person my son loved and was proud of. That person was not angry, didn't walk around with a bad case of "the woes is me" and tried to live in and with love. Zig Ziglar advocated having "an attitude of gratitude" so, I just try to remember to be grateful for all that I have and all that I had."

I agree with Dee, you words are truly inspiring...this particular paragraph stays in my heart...and echos my soul. Thank you.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[westleysmom]

I always wondered what Betty looked like, now I know!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!

Carol-Here's to more of one thing and less of another for Ralph (can't remember what they are, but you know) Does he get to go to the game or is that too much for him just yet? I hope you all have a wonderful day remembering Mike and how special he is to you. I wish I could have spoken at Westley's service, but I couldn't even remember my name. It was all so sudden and unexpected. It was the day we would have had his birthday celebration at his Granny's house, the Sunday before his 21st birthday.

Leah-You are doing the right thing and some day, your daughter will thank you for it. And even if she doesn't, you're still doing the right thing. Hugs to you.

Colleen-I hope it all works out, it certainly sounds strange! Thinking of you all.

Dee-Good luck on the first day back (I don't think you're already back, are you?)

Susannah-I'm glad you're feeling better (I think, since you're back on here) I'm afraid if I tried to get a tattoo, I'd have to tell them to stop too. Big chicken I am.

Kathy-Was it you that was having no good anythings? I wish good everythings for you too, and for us all.

I was just thinking that its so funny that the only people who will still talk to me about Westley and what I've been through, I didn't even know when it first happened. You were all (mostly) already here and you didn't even know me or Westley. But now you are my friends and I'm so glad.

Take care all and try to have a good day.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I am happy to find the mood on the Board filled with Birthday Wishes

and a Flattering Picture of Me. Thanks Betsy!!!

Betsy I do hope your unpacking is coming along and that you are finding time for snapping photos (Besides of me) in your new location

Rhonda I hear you about the value of friends that you have found here. I know I could no be where I am today without the inspiration and connection I found here

Carol and Dee I agree with you about Bonnie's Post It touched my spirit and caused me to reflect and post about Stephen and my belief.

Dee I hope you are not working too hard to get your classrooom ready. The fortunate little ones who will have you as their are in for a wonderful year.

Kathy, Colleen, Susannah and Leah thinking of you and praying for

positive outcome for everyone.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST I KNOW I SAID IT LAST NIGHT BUT IT NEEDS REAPEATING

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MIKE

[daniellemom]

Happy Birthday Mike!!! Carol may you feel Mike ever close to you today! I hope you enjoy the Red Sox game tonight. Just like Mike, Danielle loved her birthday being on the weekend. But for Danielle she would celebrate the whole month of September. It was her birthday month! Too funny.

Rhonda - I agree with you about your real friends. People you didn't even know or knew Danielle are the people on this site that are truly my friends.

Dee - Good luck at school, I hope your whole class are wonderful students that will love and learn each day.

Betty - I loved the picture of you! Looks just like I thought you would look.

Leah - Good luck with your daughter and her doctor. You are doing the right things! Take care of yourself.

Bonnie - Right before we switch over to the new website I sent you a private message did you get it? It was just my address.

Colleen - Good luck with Trevor and everything that goes along with that.

Sus - I think the private message was someone adding you as a friend. I've not figure out how to add people but two people have added me.

Can someone tell me how to add friends?

Betsy - How is the unpacking going? Wish I could help!

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

Thanks All for the good vibes toward a new school year...I am excited so that is a great sign. I have an inordinately small class this year, we usually have around 24 or so, this year for some twist of oddness, the upcoming third grade has 72 kids total, (though that could change) and so we each only have 16 or 17 kids. Not that I mind, it is just very different. STranger still is that there are 11 girls and only 5 boys so far on my list. The small numbers, if they remain small, will afford us the chance to do more with each Child. I will go in today to eavesdrop as the lists for our classes are posted on the front doors. My classroom, 204, is on the second floor and when I sit quietly, I can hear the conversation as the families come to the porch to see the placements. I do love this. AS a parent, Me, Jon adn Eri and sometimes their Dad, Mike, would meet others on the porch at Lincoln to see which class each of our kids were placed. Then we would go out for icecream or italian ice. I have good memories of those days and I am grateful for each memory that trips inside my heart, causing me to have tears, but tears are good when they come from good. Monday is our INSTITUTE DAY, Tuesday finds us with our Little Ones. I pray for the energy and inspiriation and imagination adn tenacity needed to do my job very well.

In my classroom is a drawing, a self-portrait of ERi by Eri in the second grade, below that is her funeral card wit her photo and the words: Every little thing, is gonna be alright- below that a card that says: I CAME TO LIVE MY LIFE OUT LOUD. Eri's funeral card is in the center of a construction cut butterfly and on the sides of that are an image of an angel, and a little bird that says daughter.

All of this is on a wall above the stereo which plays music of all kinds almost all day. Near there are six maybe seven parasols hanging from the ceiling. Very pretty. I love my parasols. It looks like a fun place to learn, and learning should be fun. I have six clocks on the wall indicating world time and many references to other cultures so that we keep in mind that ours is not the only or most important.

Betty, you look so pretty in your Egyptian-wear.

Rhonda, we do become the closest of friends. Some folks outside of here do not get that at all, but that is okay, we don't want them or anyone else to ever get it as we have had to.

PS can't retrieve PM messages either...

[krichie]

Happy Birthday Mike !

Carol I have visited the site how beautiful. I am still sitting here crying at the beauty and the joy he gave to you all. The words written mirror one I have felt and said about Richie. They sound like they were cut from the same mold. I wish I had your talent and knowledge so I could leave such a tribute to him as you did for your son.

I still can not think of " one last day" I still can not make a flag and do not know how or can not afford a website for him.

Glad Ralph is seeing those numbers go down and try not to think of the chances of any returning cancer. Enjoy and celebrate all the good news and enjoy the game.

Ericasmom _ I get the sense you are a formable force and one that makes a diffrence in every life you touch. I know in my heart you are what a true teacher should be and am jealous my children never had the opertunity to in your class. The learning station sounds lovely maybe you can get a picture up?

"So, until the day I close my eyes and breathe in and out for the last time, I am going to be the person my son loved and was proud of. That person was not angry, didn't walk around with a bad case of "the woes is me" and tried to live in and with love what a lovely saying I am going to live by this as well

I have been awful weepy this week and after visiting mikes sight it was like visiting Richie. So much love and promise so many similiar behaviors.

I again am sorry we all found each other thru this sight but I am so glad you are all here to visit with.

I am not generally a social person so even in writing find it hard to form reletionships- My life centered around my children. I have no equal libriam anymore. Dazed and confused but no real anger yet. Not even at the Drunk who took his life just a little anger at his girlfriend who took all his belongings and his child and put his other child at risk.

[lostwoher]

Trying to post on my BB to see if it works.

[lostwoher]

Yey! I can! Thinking of you all.

[shorty16]

Rhonda

You hit the nail on the head with the friends thing. Many of our friends have dropped off the face of the planet. It is too painful for them to be around me. I try to be happy when I am around them, but thought of losing a child is just to painful for them.

This BI site has given me a window to the heart of true friendship. I have even been luck enough to meet some of these beautiful people on this site. When we met, it was like I knew them my entire life. It was so comfortable.

Take care my friends

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Krichie, I do not have a website, but no worries, folks here can help you withthat and it is free. So ask Dan, or ask Carol, many others and they can guide you through it when y ou are ready.

The banner can wait until you are ready, they will continue to pass from event to event over the years, there is no rush. No rush.

[daveydow1]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE.

Dee-----It's nice that you are getting a small class this year. I think that everyone involved benefits from the

smaller classes.--------teachers, students, and to an extent, parents also. Wishing you the best this

school year.

Carol----Thanks for the update on Ralph........so happy he is improving and getting stronger.

Don't have too much to say today----busy getting ready for company for a bonfire this evening.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

I hope this pic comes through------not too adept at this.

Davey at age 8 with his puppet, Archie.

[daveydow1]

YAY ! It came through.......David had a bit of trouble with cold sores when this was taken,

but I still like the pic. He used "Archie" in a talent show at his school when he was

in 2nd grade. We sent away in the mail for the puppet, and he could not wait until

it arrived------then he practiced a lot for the talent show. (Don't know why the pic

shows so large when you click on the thumbnail ???? Oh well......I should be

glad that I was able to send it.

Sherry

[mpsmom]

Happy Birthday Mike !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carol ... may you feel your son close to you today and may he send you a sign that he is watching over you and Ralph and the grandies. Our angels are together having a heavenly birthday party in the clouds..

I dont think I can add clip art yet, I am just struggling with the new format.

if I could I would send : Big Balloons, attached to floating red VW Bugs........

[lostwoher]

HaPPy Belated BirTHdaY Sonja!!

[lostwoher]

HaPPy HaPPY HaPPy BirTHdaY Mike

[lolynbo]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE..HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE....

[heartbeataway]

Bonnie - Right before we switch over to the new website I sent you a private message did you get it? It was just my address.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

Sonya

I mailed a flag, did you not get it? Please let me know. I can put another in the mail if I need too.

Love!

[heartbeataway]

Rhonda,

Received Westley's banner flag today ....... it's awesome!! Thanks for including him in our "fly over" for Pinnacle Days.

Anyone else who would like to include your child, there's still time. Just send me your banner. I still have a couple blank flags that you can decorate for your child. All you have to do is send me a color preference and your address. I'll stick one in the mail to you.

[ericasmom]

Oh Sherry, the photo is precious, and I am glad that it posts large to see the details of your Davey and his beloved Archie. I also have had cold sore issues all my life but when I was about 28, met someone that said take lyseine. I started taking lysene (spelling) each day some days a lot when I felt the itch or heat of one coming on, and for the most part, have been cold sore free. Cold sores are in the chicken pox family, a herpes, and once prone usually prone for many years or forever. Lysene is an amino acid, and boy, what a nice find that was. I have probably had 4 coldsores in 26 years, where as I normally had one every 4 weeks or so. I love puppets, I love that he practiced with his for the talent show. What a dolly.

Have fun tonight at the bon fire. What a cool thing to do. Will the smoke keep the skeeters off of you?

Carol, you are probably at the game right now, it being an hour later where you reside. I do hope that it is a most magical night.

[nicksdad]

[mikesmum]

funny, frustrating, adventurous, impatient, passionate, brave, annoying, loving, wide-eyed, colorful, and wonderful son of mine...

Carol - Thoughts of you and Mike today. Hoping the Soxs do you proud. Will hopefully post pics of the water fall where I released a ballon in honour of your Mike, yes 31 is still too young to be leaving.

Not sure if my PM's work...hope they do....

[heartbeataway]

Would someone please tell me how to send a private message?

Thanks!

[nicksdad]

You can click on the "Avatar" (PIC) that the person has and then on the next screen you can click on "Send me a message" That will open a box and you can just type your message and send. Or you can click on the little "envelope" under the avatar. If you put your mouse over it then you will see it says something like "PM This Member" .....

[lolynbo]

GOING TO ATTEMPT TO POST A PIC OF KOURTNEYS FINSHED QUILT...MADE OUT OF HER TSHIRTS AND JEANS FOR THE BOARDER

IM IN A DARK PLACE TODAY...SEEMS THAT NOTHING HELPS...HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LIVE...AND WHEN I SAY HAVE I MEAN "HAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE"

[lolynbo]

Lorri - Serious question for you.....was it worth it? The twins and all? Going through all the pain and agony....is it worth it? Seriously. Gary and I are discussing it.......I just don't think I could deal with the pain. And, I'd rather use the money for something else, but it would be nice to have THAT part of me back where they go. I'm thinking botox and a face lift, too. Just thinking.....not committing. I'm the who wouldn't let them finish my tatoo...it hurt too bad. badly....who...whom....affect.....effect..

YES WORTH IT THE WORST PART WAS THE ANESTESIA..(SP) I DONT DO WELL WITH IT ..AND IT TOOK ME 5 TO 6 DAYS TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...WE ALL NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE US FEEL BETTER AND TO LOOK BETTER....SO YES WORTH IT...GO FOR IT

[westleysmom]

Lorri-The quilt is beautiful. maybe someday I can do something like that with some of Westley's things. He would get attached to something and wear it out. When he was little he had a chartreuse green hat from Destin that somebody brought him back from vacation, and my husband always said he wore that thing until you could pick him up off the ground by the brim, it was so tight. God I miss him. I know what you mean about the dark place. I'm sorry you're there, too.

Bonnie-Glad it made it to you so fast. Thank you for the chance to let other people know about my special boy. I'm really getting teary now, just thinking about it. I hope you have really good weather for Pinnacle Days. If anybody asks, "Crash" was his nickname.

Trudi-I would love to see the pics of the waterfall.

Sherry-The picture of Davey with his puppet was so sweet. It looked like something from Wonder Years.

I had to pick up my baby at day care today. She's learning how to use the potty. Oh, how I remember those days. Carry everything you own everywhere you go, and visit every potty while you're there. She's doing very well. She fell off at her house when her mom looked away for a moment and told her later that "I fell off the potty and scared you half to def." She is such a riot. I'm so glad I can still be happy about her. I was afraid I would lose interest in everything after this happened, but I haven't really, its just sometimes I'm so tired I can't concentrate on things that I want to do. My mind is tired, I mean. But not all the time anyway. He wouldn't want me to be sad all the time. So I soldier on, as we all must.

Take care all and sweet dreams if you have any at all

[mikesmum]

Carol - For you, for Mike.....Love this place, the water fall hasn't run for many years due to the drought. Now the park is coming alive from its winter sleep and while its still cold the surrounds do make you forget that...