Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

FORGOT TO TELL YAL..THERE IS A LIL BOY HIS MOM VOLUNTEERS AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET AND WE ALL LOVE HIM DEARLY...HE SAID "I NO WHERE GUACAMOLE COME FROM"..WE SAID "WHERE"...HE SAID "I STEPPED ON A GRASSHOPPER AND IT CAME OUT"....LOL

[Eric]

Hey folks!

Sorry to butt in here, but I just wanted to run something by you all. Currently, all the albums in the gallery are public. Since it's a relatively new feature I just wanted to make sure everything was being shared how people wanted to, if anyone has a gallery that was supposed to be private/for friends only and it may have ended up public instead please send me a forum message and i'll gladly fix it. The albums are now public by default unless you specify private/friends only when you set it up.

Thanks for your time!

Eric

[mikesmomrs]

Eric: You are never "butting in." You are the oil that runs this machine...Kelly is the steering wheel (and all your wonderful staff are the most necessary gears) and YOU ALL are doing a wonderful, most appreciated job! Thanks for the info. Couple of questions: Does "private/ for friends" mean that they have to have a password and/or actually have joined BI to be able to open the gallery? And how would the "public" have access...just by checking out BI and then clicking on gallery?

carol mikesmomrs

[Guest msnher]

I agree with Carol, Eric! I want the pictures of Stephanie to remain public. I want everyone to know she exsisted/exsists.....

[Eric]

Eric: You are never "butting in." You are the oil that runs this machine...Kelly is the steering wheel (and all your wonderful staff are the most necessary gears) and YOU ALL are doing a wonderful, most appreciated job! Thanks for the info. Couple of questions: Does "private/ for friends" mean that they have to have a password and/or actually have joined BI to be able to open the gallery? And how would the "public" have access...just by checking out BI and then clicking on gallery?

carol mikesmomrs

Thanks! Youre pretty spot on with most of that. The private/for friends options means that only people youve added as your friends would be able to see your album, so yes they would have to be registered users. Currently anyone can see all albums that are set as "public", so if someone found the site off google and clicked on gallery they should be able to see all the public galleries posted.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello fellow Indigos: Just stopping in as I am home for a couple of hours. I came home to get some sleep and to do some laundry. I woke up a bit ago and thought to myself "Hmmm, I will turn on "The View" for some background sounds while I am doing the laundry." Ha! I looked at the clock and it was 1:15!!! I guess I got more than "some sleep." (I came home at 9:30!) I did sleep pretty good at the hospital last night (Ralph is sleeping in the recliner and I was in the bed), but of course, the constant coming in of staff for this or that woke me up every couple of hours---which is good, because then I know they are keeping close watch. The staff here at this hospital are like the staff at the hospital where he had his surgery...very nice, seem very competent, very thorough, and seem to really care. Totally unlike the staff where Mike had his first brain surgery.

Sus: I am really glad that Dee's tips are helping...I especially loved the one about the reading into a tape recorder. I remember when Davis was learning the times tables...oh my gosh, he would say them perfectly, and then we would say how much is 9 x 7 and he would answer "18?" Mike wasn't particularly good at math either, until we finally got him a tutor the summer between 8th and 9th grade. He picked up after that and did pretty well in HS, but of course, we thought he could have done better had he really put his mind to it. Another of those middle-of-the-night regrets we live with: "Why wasn't good enough, good enough?" Oh well, I am glad that Dee gave you all those tips, and glad that the kids seem to be responding well. You are doing such a good job! By the way, what is the address for Stephanie's memorial? I am pretty sure I visited there some time ago, but don't honestly remember.

Michelle: Good luck with those high schoolers---I agree, you are one super busy lady! But I hope you get a chance to stop by and check in so we can keep up with what's going on with you. I enjoy your posts and seeing your little sweetie's pic.

Rhonda: Good to see you back, and so sorry you have had an emotional week. I wish you luck at the reunion, and yes, I agree, isn't is something how our perspective of what's important changes?

Lorri: I thought your story of getting Kody up was cute...Cathi was our slug-a-bed...her room was on the other end of the house from ours, and once we dragged her (sometimes literally) out of bed, she would sneak into the bathroom with her blanket and pillow and lay down on the floor, up against the door so we couldn't get it open, and go back to sleep! Letting her stay there and be late was NOT an option, because she didn't really care one way or the other if she was late. When we moved from CA to Italy and she was in the smaller school (senior class of 18 kids), it was a whole different story. She loved going to school, and wouldn't be late for anything. Mike always got up on time, because he HATED riding the school bus, and he knew that if he wasn't ready when I left, he would be left behind and have to find another way because the bus would have left an hour before I did.

Dee: I am so glad the weather is turning and your classroom won't be stifling hot any longer. A lot of schools in MA and some here in NH closed this week due to the extreme heat. I loved all your advice to Susannah...you are one wise woman, my dear. By the way, Jamie will be 12 this month. He is seeing a new therapist, and though he's only seen her once, he does like her. Unfortunately, his anxieties have become worse and he is really obsessing about his fears now, so she has her work cut out for her. I think he is in a stage now where he is afraid of his fears so much that he is making it worse...but I guess that would be how something like this would go. I just hope this therapist can help him. He came to the hospital last night to see his papa, but when he found out about the MRSA infection (all the precautionary stuff was on the door), he left and wouldn't even come back inside the hospital, let alone his papa's room. Of course, we realized this was somewhat of a rational fear, but he was handling it in an unrational way, and let that whole episode bring up other fears, etc. A vicious cycle. After Jamie went to bed last night, Cathi was on the phone with me and finally just broke down in tears. I told her that she was very likely more emotional after all she's been through with her surgery, work issues from being out, pressures of the upcoming inspection, plus her dad's being sick, and now these huge worries about Jamie and we talked a while til she calmed down and got back into mom mode. Then I broke down and cried inside, just worrying about her and him. We all three had prayed on the phone before Jamie went to bed. She told me this am that he was feeling better and went into school actually cheerful.

Elaine: I am also very glad you are back...we missed you. This move you are contemplating is definitely huge, but if that is what you feel you want to do, then I do wish you every good thing for it. It sounds as if you have really researched things, but one idea that we used when we were contemplating moving to Florida, was that we subscribed to the local paper for three months...the daily issues, not just the Sunday ones, and found out more about the area we were considering living in that way. It was very informative for us.

Leah: Oh, my goodness, prayers for you and your precious family...please stay safe...I know that you want only safety for your daughter and her children, but please move cautiously. I am glad to hear that the creep is back in jail, but it doesn't sound like he is going to stay there. I pray that when/if he gets out, he will just go his way and feel like it's too much bother to try anything else. Sometimes that happens, and I hope it does in this case. Sending prayers for strength.

Kathy: Yes, do batten down those hatches and stay safe. I hope the storm veers off and you don't see much of it. I don't think we are supposed to see much of it around here, other than some unusually high winds and heavier than normal rain, but not full hurricane stuff...but of course, that forecast changes hourly.

Betty: I love reading your posts...you are such a sweet lady and you always write to each of us and are so encouraging with your words.

Trudi: I know that the hurt in your heart over Harmony not being in your life is something you live with on a daily basis, and I too pray that one day she will indeed be part of your life. The things you are doing...the memory box, the letter box, etc., will go a long ways to helping her to understand and become acquainted with you and her daddy's family. It's so shameful what her mother is doing and I pray that one day she will come to her senses and realize how much she is taking away from her daughter by keeping her from you. I am so sorry about Jeya...sending prayers and holding all of you close.

Zacsmom: Still holding you and your family close in thought and prayers,...sending strength for this painful journey you are on.

I have a couple of suggestions that I've been meaning to post, but have been "a little busy," lol...but since they've come to mind while I am posting this, I will add them.

On the Angel Date part of our sidebars, instead of just putting the angel date, I have put Mike's birth date and angel date...that way we could keep more abreast of our child's birthday here on earth as well as their angel dates. I know that we all want to remember both and this is a way to keep track. Also, there is a place in the profile where you can list your child's website (if you have one). It is under URL and you can just add it so that we can all know if someone has a website set up for their child.

Well, meantime, I really need to get that laundry done so I can get back to the hospital. Ralph is stabilizing and that is encouraging. He has developed allergies to two of the meds they have tried and they are having to check on his kidney functions a couple times a day (which means more blood draws from someone with no visible veins left!) because the antibiotics can be detrimental to kidney function. It is currently a balancing act, a very meticulous one, and for that reason I ask MANY questions and I am sure drive everyone crazy. He slept well in the recliner last night, got some good zzz's, which is always good when you are healing.

Thank you all so very much, and thank you for helping each other to "find" Ralph's care pages site. It means a lot to both of us...all of the support and caring and good wishes go far to strengthen the ladder we are climbing. Wishing all a good weekend ahead and thinking of each of you and holding you all close in my heart...Lynn, Bonnie, Colleen, Marcia, Sonya, Greg, Dale, Betsy, Sherry...and anyone else I may have overlooked, especially those who are new to BI. I don't know what I would do without you all...you have been lifesavers for me, from the very first day I signed on to this site.

I do have a short (believe it or not) sweet story from Sarah about Damon's first day of school: he had a good day, but the next morning, when they were getting ready, Damon was brushing his teeth and came out, toothbrush in hand, paste dripping down his chin, and said "Mommy, I have been thinking, and I think that I don't want to go back to that school again. I think I will just stay with Umma." (his other grandmother, who keeps him during the day.

[shorty16]

Rhonda

i hear Brian in my head quite often. Brian was a smart a** and always had a smart comment for everything. The first time Aaron introduced us to Arianna as his girlfriend, I heard in my head "How do you know she is not a guy!" That was Brian. I would never had thought that myself. It made me laugh

Thanks

Colleen

[shorty16]

[size="4"]Michelle (I love that name)

I too have terrible fears of Aaron dying. I know he is not Brian and would not put himself in that situation, but he is a teenage boy - enough said.

I try to pull myself together when I do not know where he is every second of the day. Aaron and I went on a cruise and for about 2 hours, no one knew where he was, I was panicked, but my friends calmed me down. AJ had taken a nap on the deck and could not find our dining table. If I was alone, I would have called out the Army, Navy, Airforce and Marines to locate him. I would be histerical until found. But, I pulled it together waited - nothing happened to him.

Hard to do, that is for sure. But, together we can talk through our fears and hopefully have the skills to deal with them when they try to take us over.

Colleen

[summergirl]

WHOO-HOO, just figured out how to add pics to the gallery...

Thought I would come by and say hello before we possibly lose our electric. It is 5:00 and the wind is just beginning to pick up and rain is falling....why do they always have to come at night..

I hope to catch up with all soon...every time I get ready to go back and read I become overwhelmed so I thought maybe I best just start from here... Yesterday a friend and I took Tavian on his first "clamming" trip...he had so much fun learning how to use the clam rake and when he dug up his first one it went in the pocket of his swim suit and not the basket He clammed for 2 hours and is a bit sore today but ready to go back. I walked along the shore line and picked up alot of oysters so hubby was happy today as he cooked them up. Next we are going crabbing for blue claws...not my thing but Tavian really wants to go. I really only like shrimp, fish and mussels....not a clam or oyster person but whatever makes my family makes me happy.

Carol - I am so glad that you got some rest and slept longer than you thought...the body and mind seem to know when we need to just sleep. My prayers as always for Ralph and you.

Dee - glad things are off to a good start with school. Tavian goes back for Wed and Thrus and then off Fri and Monday !! Then it is back to normal. We are going to finish the school shopping on Tuesday, he and I off for the day to get supplies and have some lunch and I am sure there will be a pitstop at the Game store for a new PS3 game.. I told him it was ok as long as he earns it..

Greg - I am thinking of you as September has arrived....the song always makes me cry but I love it.

Trudi - how is it down under...hopefully spring is in the air for you as we head into the fall. I love the summer time (like you did not know) and do not look forward to winter, not good at dealing with all the layers of clothing...shorts, t-shirt and sandals and I am a happy woman.

Lorri - love the grasshopper story - how cute.

To all Indigos - thinking of you all and hopefully will be able to stay on line tonight...if I am not here then you know we lost electric. Peace, love and strength to all...Kathy

[mikesmum]

Spring is on hold downunder. Here on the East Coast particularly around here we are bracing for a storm the likes we haven't seen in 100yrs.

Am still working on the idea of rain. The drought here went for about 14yrs total so water from the sky and puddles are sort of 'newish'!

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, Eri and all of her cousins and her BRO, made such fun of me and my sisters when we dance at family gatherings or weddings and the like...Oh my goodness. And yes, those looks of hers, the loud laughter, almost heard, but the sound is turned down and I don't get to hear her voice, which I miss terribly. I have had dreams where her voice is there, talking and I am delighted to hear My Girl.

Yep, the worry about those kids who are here, or the family members we worry most about, just is hard and we do try to keep it reasonable, but sometimes it is just not possible.

Kath, wow you guys start school when we shoud, after Labor Day. Have fun getting supplies, I love doing that. Sounds like you have been having fun on the beach. Stay safe, I know the storm is a category 1 now, but still be safe.

Trudi, the idea of puddles and umbrellas are foreign to you, but how nice to have the rain soaking into the parched earth. A long cool drink in which to feed so many roots. I wonder if you felt the earthquake in NZ?

Carol, be well give that man of yours a big old hug, and know that our hearts are filled with you and Ralph.

[daveydow1]

Trudi----Keeping little Jeya in my thoughts & prayers that she will regain her sight. I

listened to the song "Wake me When September Ends" and I, too, relate to its message

since David's birthday is in Sept. How I wish we could celebrate with him again.

Susannah----It sounds as though Mariah is getting a lot out of the math and reading

tips that Dee gave. Also,.....Jasmine will be thrilled with her pink room when it is finished.

Michelle---My, you centainly are one busy person. I guess we do what we have to do. I can

remember when I was in nursing school and my baby was 18 mo. old, and Davey was in 2nd

grade. 5 a.m. sure rolled around fast ! Makes me tired to think about it now.....all these

years later. I so know know what you mean about missing little CJ's growning up. I feel

the same about my Lisa.....born in May.....gone Nov. 15th. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Leah-----I can understand your frustration with the laws, and the bad boyfriend's probation officer.

He has a bad attitude. As Rhonda said......putting him behind bars may not help a bad guy like him,

but it would surely protect the PUBLIC from his violent actions. What on earth does it take ???

He needs to be sent back to prison where he belongs. I'm glad your daughter & the children are

with you. Sending prayers.

Dee----So nice you are close to downtown CHI. We must have passed through your suburb when we visited

Chicago and were staying, at that time, near Loyola U. I had never ridden on public transportation such as

the EL trains before (this was back in 1971), and was so excited to go downtown and to the Art Museum.

and walks in the parks by Lakeshore Drive.Hope to go back someday. Oh, the classrooms must have been

unpleasant in all the heat and all those kids......hot, and restless. Hope it is cooling off there. I woke to

the sound ot the owls this a.m........hoot owls this time. My husband & I picked a half-bushel of gourds

this evening. Some are the gooseneck ones that can be made into birdhouses. I never made one......not

sure if these will be suitable......they have to washed in bleach water to kill bacteria that can cause

rotting of the shell, I've read. Those internet sites for children's learning sound great. Peace to you.

PEACE & COMFORT TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[josephsmom90]

Hey Mikesmom,

I've not tried to call the McKinney paper office yet, but I did call Fort Collins Colorado paper when I was still thinking about moving there and they said they would not send one to me! We don't send them 'there.'! All I could say was no wonder news papers are in the fix they are! So I will try to do that on Tuesday. Thanks for the idea, anyone else have any let me know!

Elain

[josephsmom90]

Rhonda,

No I just kind of stayed away, honestly felt like a total whiner and I dunno, thought I should just chill. That and Michael came back so that took some of my time up. But I still have too much on my hands. The move does not really intimidate me though. I've moved before, last time it was a 1000 miles, but I had some help then. Still between Michael and I if push comes to shove we'll git r dun! I am rather excited to be honest and wish I could just go NOW!!! But I don't have enough in savings to do that. I just have to be patient a little longer and might take at least an Excel class to build up my skill levels while I'm waiting. Today or this evening, I am completly wiped out! Been a long day, and then I took Michael and his best buddy Danni ( a girl) to her farewell dinner. She is moving to Missouri next Sat, he is bummed. They are just pals though, but she needs to get out of here and away from her mother. She is abusive, and a mental case! Besides she married a man who has alcohol problems, beats women, and is unusually cruel to. I just freak when I hear stories like what I've heard from Danni! Anyway, took the kids to dinner at an awesome bistro that has great pizza and then came home n the kids helped me put the rest of the yard sale together so I have that to tend too this weekend.. Right now I am just pooped and chillin!

Elaine

[josephsmom90]

Leah,

I just read your post and am Praising God she's left, filed the order and so on. I've prayed and will keep praying for all of you everyday. She just always needs to completly follow through with all law enforcement and the domestic violence place tells her. It takes a lot of courage for a woman in her situation to leave and to stay gone. GOOD FOR HER!

Elaine

[josephsmom90]

Hi Indigo's

Thought I'd give a bit of an update. Well the garage sale is all set for the weekend. Pray that I SELL ALL of it. This would add nicely to my savings and eliminate things that require being moved. I don't need all this stuff anyway. I've been reluctant to part with my piano, I don't play, isn't that silly? Though I have so many memories of Joseph & Daniel playing it, I just can't bear to part with it. It's a 1923 upright, real pretty, all ivory keys, so it is the largest thing we'd have to move... I might learn to play one day, back when I bought it I did learn a song and was taking lessons.. so who knows.

I am actually excited and looking forward to moving, a larger area, connected to a HUGE area, kind of exciting. I've been so rural for so long. I've isolated myself for ten years and seriously for the last year and have come to terms with needing to live again. At least that's what I think it is.. I never have fun, N E V E R! And ya know, that needs to stop! So I am looking forward to the challenge of saving some more $, exploring the area when we get there. There is a rail system and Michael and I or I alone can do that relativly easy. I dunno, I've been so isolate, so injured for so long, I think the best thing I can do it get out and start to live again. Michael will be gone soon and it will be just me. I've been a stay at home mom almost half my life and have really lived for the kids, so I guess now I have to learn to live alone, and maybe it's my turn now. Peace.

Elaine

[shorty16]

Elaine

I, for one, am so proud of you. Moving is huge and you are doing it. If I was in your area, I would be at the yard sale - love them. What state are you from? You do not have to say if you do not want to, just gives me an idea of the weather - In Wisconsin - the weather changes - Like Dee from IL.

Dee - Is your weather cool? We sure are - Windy and threatening yesterday, but not much rain - good thing. We have finally cleared the last of the flood victims from our basement. I am now shopping from throw rugs.

Ginger - Thinking of you and Cody. So do enjoy our talks - Thanks

Trudi, my friend - How is down-under? You stated you were being hit with some bad weather. Sure hope the sun shines soon.

Bonnie - getting ready for Pinnacle Days and you stated the banners arrived. I am honored to be part of that. I spent much time attaching the laminated pictures with brads. Almost lost a couple last year, so I knew I had to attach the pictures more permanent.

Love to all my friends - the sun is shining today in Wisconsin

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I am slowly getting ready for my trip but if I talk about it or project to Next Wednesday, I become overwhelmed and want to cancel and stay home. Since I have stopped smoking and the plane trip is nearly 10 hours, I decided I needed a few books and music to bring with me. Yesterday I went to Staples and found an MP 3 player for about $30.00. Spent about 3 hours last night downloading my music to it and was so amazed when it actually played

Carol , You will notice that I followed your suggestion regarding including Stephen's Birth Date along side of his angel days. I also place the memorial web site in the URTL section. Thanks I liked both Ideas. Little Damon's first days of school pictures are precious Loved that he thought he had enough and would just stay at grandmas. Praying for you and Ralph Take good care.

Elaine I am glad you made the decision of where to move. You are certainly a determined and focused lady Good luck with the Garage sale!!!

Trudi I too am praying for little Jeya. I do hope that you are finding some solace with your walks and my little mascot Mutley!!

Sherry I am always so impressed with your wonderful garden and the yield from your efforts Would love to see a birdhouse made from the Gourds. Being a City person all this is quite beyond me!!Hoot Owls to boot!!

Dee Love all the great suggestions that you passed along to Susannah. I really smiled with you and Rhonda, a bitter sweet smile remembering Stephen's humor aroooooooound myself and my sisters. The comments about your dancing and the almost hearing the music of their laughs!!

Leah Great news about your daughter. Please try to rest and enjoy the weekend

Lorrie and Kritchie You keep adding to your Gallery album and each picture is priceless

Speaking of the Gallery I just saw Bonnie's and Cory's for the first time today I love visiting there and seeing our angels!! He had caught some fish

I am going to do a little more shopping today and then plan on stating to pack Slowly!! Be assured that I will be here wanting to cancel before I go. It is so hard to let myself have FUN I think Elaine spoke about that I do not think I have allowed myself to have real fun for at least 5 years!!! This is a start!!

Betsy, Bonnie, Marcie, Carol Dee, Trudi, Lynn, Colleen, Susannah and all Indigos love your pictures as well stay well.'

[lolynbo]

I WAS THINKING WHILE ADDING PICS...I DONT WANNA MAKE ANYONE MAD, I NO SOME ONLY HAVE A SAD LIMITED AMOUNT OF PICS...I FOR SOME REASON HAVE ALOT...AND I HAVENT EVEN GOT IN HER BABY BOX YET...I JUST AM NOT READY...AS WITH YOUR CHILD I FEEL IM RELATED IN SOME WAY AND LOVE TO SEE THE PICS...THE MORE THE BETTER...I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY...

[shorty16]

[size="5"]Post away Lorri - I, for one, Love looking a Kourtney

Many of our pictures contain all 3 kids. Still hard for me to look at. Our intact family.

Love the pictures - allot easier to post them - Thanks to the BI Administrators YEAH

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Col, it is cool adn sunny and gorgeous, I am happy to be wearing long pants, and a light jacket! I do pray Elaine, that you will sell it all, making money and less to carry with. Exciting that you are excited. I am so glad for this sense of adventure for you. Prayers are staying constant as they are for Leah. Great that Daughter is home with you and there is more hope. HOPE is palpable, it is what let's us into the day. Betty, the fact that you and Elaine are experiencing similar sensations, I am grinning widely. That you both have felt the lack of fun, the lack of looking forward to something, well, this is a great day to read of two women that are feeling and sensing that. I understand completely about getting afraid and cancelling, but you won't Betty, you are moving forward with the blessings of your Boy and with all of our blessings, to find a new chapter in this travel adventure. What books did you purchase? Carol, more love going out to you and Ralph as you find yourselves under stormy skies and in the hospital. Get some rest I hope? Lor, the photos are dear adn beautiful. I didn't post any of Eri as a baby either, I just can't allow the full box of photos to be gone through, it might be days before I can smile again as my heart loves the photos but my spirit gets depleted at the same time. It is like chocolate-gives a burst of energy and then leaves you flat and tired. I love the memories, but when I stay too long, I get so sad.

Today is my Mom's birthday. Lenore. I hope that she is free after a life of not being free. Always a victim, and I was on that same route but luckily got off. Upon getting off the route, I lost her when she disowned me for not staying on her same path. Oh well, I do know that she loved me, but I also know that she could not love me enough to keep me safe. I missed her when she was alive and not able to be in my life, but when she died, the summer before ERi, it felt like she was free, and I had already grieved her leaving me when she disowned me.

Going for a long walk now, Love to you all, ALL.

[mikesmum]

Betty - I so remember those feelings. I booked a trip to the States and as the day grew closer and the 'reality of travelling' set in two things kept me focussed. One was how much I really wanted to meet those who in the darkest hours held a candle to light my way. The other MONEY!! Late minute cancellations are not financially viable.

To all - Thanks for your thoughts for Miss Jeya.. I love the tenacity in which she approaches this problem with her eyes. I am thinking of making her a colour and picture book. Something to establish memories of colour and sites in her mind.

Those pictures have the double edge sword attached. I have the 'trio' pics and the one that can really catch my breath is the one after Mike died. Melissa and Steven surrounded by their families...its like an uncompleted work of art.

The rain is falling the old man is snoring......we are an island downunder and now we are an island here in Healesville! The earth is drinking it in but the overflow makes for "new waterways".

Carol - Heard from Ralph he's coming home. Hope you both get some well earned rest.

Its Fathers Day here today (September 5th). Am taking a road trip with Muttley back down the coast. Its a different day for me. I lost my dad 30yrs ago and still miss him with all my heart. Mike should be here waking to weak tap water coffee and charcoal toast with jam covered kisses.

Steven will be given a sleep in - its part of what his kids give him for Fathers Day.

Mal is working...no surprises there. His sons were here last night, Mal was out. Hopefully they will all meet up today sometime.

Well best shower and 'coffee up'. C ya!

[coryjsmom]

Hi everyone,

I love looking at the Gallery pictures of all of your kids. I posted two of Cory. One was him with a fish he caught on a fishing trip off the coast of New Jersey the summer before he died. He was with his best friend Zach’s family. He was so proud of that fish. It was the biggest catch of the day.

The other picture is him sitting in his Z28 Camaro. It was his pride and joy. Sadly he didn’t get to drive it much. He had his drivers permit for 2 ½ weeks before he died. He was really looking forward to cruising in his car.

I received a call this morning from a very nice lady in Wisconsin. It was Colleen!

Colleen - it was nice chatting with you. I really appreciate that you took the time to call me. You are a special lady.

I got a burst of energy today and shampooed the carpet in my whole house. Now I’m just waiting for it to dry so I can move all my furniture back. I will go for a walk later. Today is the first day we’ve had in a while that it’s not uncomfortable to be outside. It’s 75 and windy but that’s better than 95 and hot.

Ginger

Cory’s Mom

[mysonrich]

Hello everyone, Carol and Ralph, great news! May the journey to good health continue.

]Ginger one question. Did Cory eat the fish? That is one big fish.

[b]Lorri, the quilt is beautiful. Are there 2 colors in the embroidery? I thought I saw a little blue.

Dee, gee, I didn’t know how to respond to the lose in your life before/after and at times it seemed to parallel the timeline that you lost beautiful Erica. I still don’t know what to say. I guess we are all pretty tough cookies when it comes down to it.

I did get out today having been homebound of late. No reason for that really. I drove to a town a little north of here, my hometown. Stopped and window- shopped in a center with antique booths.. It was beautiful 78 degrees today, light breeze.

On the way a, here and there, my daughter took me to see a new sculpture. I believe Betty, that this was dismantled and put back together again in NYC for a special event?

http://www.princetoninfo.com/index.php?option=com_us1more&Itemid=6&key=07-21-2010GFS

I went to the Grounds for Sculpture last year and being that it was 6 months after Rich died and I was still walking in a soupy fog, I don’t remember detail but I do know that the grounds were interesting, beautiful and that I must get back again

Trudi,Bonnie,Leah,Elaine, everyone, hope the rest of the night is peaceful.

[/color]

[daveydow1]

Dee-----I did not realize that you lost your mom a year before ErI passed, and I'm sorry. I had stated

that I passed your suburb going to Loyola U area. I told this to my husband, and he said that

Loyola is North....of the city, and not west. However, when we stayed another time at Des Plaines,

and took the train into the city, we passed through your area. We had such good times when visiting

Chicago. I'm glad that you are getting relief from the heat out your way. Cooler here too.

Betty---So nice you got an MP3 & put your music on & getting books to read on your flight. I hope

you go & have a great time. Yes, I've been so busy with all this food to be canned/frozen. We never

realized, of course, how fertile the ground is here, since this is our first summer & gardening etc.

To top it off---there are peach trees, pear, and the grapes, which were already here....planted by

some previous owners. It gives us a good idea for next summer about how to guage our planting so

we get a manageable yield to deal with. This area is full of orchards and truck farms......growing all

kinds of produce in summer/fall. I love hearing the owls at night....when they call, which is not every

night. Sometimes, I hear some sort of animal in dire distress......assuming it has met with its predator...

not a nice sound, but that is nature. After baking from the heat most of the summer, it is now beginning

to cool down like early fall......so nice.

Carol----Continuing to pray for Ralph's recuperation.

Trudi---I know what you mean about the pics of other family members, and the way it hurts to know that

our dear children are no longer here with us. A heartache to bear, for sure. Peace, friend.

Great seeing all the pics in everyone's galleries.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Hoping to post a photo ........

Oops. Oh well.......... . GRRrrrrrrrrrr.

[summergirl]

Just stopping in to say everything is fine..we did not get any of "Dean the Hurricane" - just some rain and not much of wind...beautiful today. I am feeling very lost right now, I cannot seem to catch up with all of you and that is not like me...I guess it is all that I have on my mind, so much going on with our lives right now and I just want to share it all with you - so I am going to take the time tomorrow to again "try to catch up". Really need to connect again. Love, Love all of you so much....

[lolynbo]

Lorri, the quilt is beautiful. Are there 2 colors in the embroidery? I thought I saw a little blue.

NO JUST ORANGE I THINK BECAUSE ITS ON HER JEANS IT SHOWS DIFF...

KODYS NOT RACING TONIGHT HIS CAR JUST WASNT READY AND DADDY WORKED SO HARD....BUT MAYBE NEXT WEEK...OUR LAST WEEK TIL WINTER NATIONALS....

LOVE CORYS CAR...SO SAD HE DIDNT GET TO DRIVE....BUT MOMMA HE IS NOW...HE HAS A SWEET RIDE UP THERE....DID YOU SELL IT OR DO YOU STILL HAVE HIS CAR???..I HAD TO SELL KOURTNEYS 06' MALIBU MAXX WITH 4000K MILES...SHE WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO UPSIDE DOWN ON IT SHE OWED 21K WHEN WE TRADED IT IN...BUT I KNEW THAT GOING IN...

[ericasmom]

Going to bed in a minute. SHerry and Ginger and Betsy, isn't it nice to have the cooler breezes? We did not reach 70 today, which was fine and great for me. I love a bit of crisp in the air. I made a peach pie this evening and the smell with the cinnamon was so nice. Betsy, sounds like you are exploring the old and the new of your new surroundings. Good for you.

Yes, I really had to say good bye to so many folks in the years following Erica's death. Nine contemporaries and one young lady in a matter of 4 years or so. THose don't include my Mom, (year before ERi) my cousin Lela, and the little tiny boy that my sweet niece Kate lost, nor does that number include Michael, Jonathan and Eri's Daddy who died 1.5 years ago. All I could say to folks in their pained days of mourning is that I really understood what they might be feeling, and of course they knew that I did.

Carol, Ralph doing better I hope and you are getting sleep I hope. Hey, wanted to comment on a photo in your gallery but it would not let me...are you locked against comments? I could look at all of your photos, but could not comment.

Kath, let yourself catch up slowly or just jump in where you are, you really do have a lot going on. Be good to yourself.

[josephsmom90]

Praying for all the Indigo's tonight, thought I'd tell ya all that.

Yard sale was fairly profitable, made over 600.00 still have some big stuff to sell though. It's on craigslist now though. Need to FOCUS, and hoping I get my w-2 back in Feb, get taxes filed and get out of here n down to Tx that month. THat would be HUGE. The winter weather won't be kind to me this year and or so that is what's been going on with me and the rain lately. God bless.

Elaine

[Guest msnher]

Trudi - I think I've missed some of your posts. I don't know what's happening with Little Jeya's eyes. However, she will be put on my prayer list immediately!

Speaking of missing posts..........I've missed all of yesterdays. I read to catch up but am not retaining information. I don't know why I woke at 2:30 this morning. I don't think I'm worried about anything or feeling extremely sad...just can't sleep. We spent all day yesterday helping Curtis lay sod in our yard. It's so pretty and the sprinkler system he installed is so nice. He just has a walkway to finish in the back and he's done with his project. Next year we plan on turning our focus to the new driveway and basement. There is still so much to do....complete the fence, finish painting the inside, putting up trim (Not one of the rooms in our house is completely finished)....gutters on other structures on the property...etc. We hope we get it all done before we are too old to enjoy it!

Today my intention is to tear the house apart until I find out why we have knats in the house!! I'm not an immaculate housekeeper, but I'm not dirty, either. There has to be something I've missed which has allowed these little pests to take up residency. We're not inundated...there's just a few here and there...but, they annoy the heck out of me!

Peach pie sounds heavenly, Dee! One of my favorites...

I will talk to you all later.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Lorri

Did you post a picture of your quilt, I must have missed it. I looked on your gallery and LOVE the 2nd page of your pictures - a collage (sp).

I would love to make a quilt from Brian's bandana's. But do not have the energy.

Hello Indigos

Beautiful day today in WI. We are going to St. Martin's Fair. It is a street fair of junk. When I was a kid, St. Martin's fair had many animals for sale. Since then, it has turned into a street fair for food, school supplies, anything you can imagine (all good).

Kind-of hard, because Brian went with us every time. It has been 3 years since we went. I feel I can go today. Very beautiful and many kids to bring with. Scott's brother, Tom is coming down.

Thanks for letting me talk

Colleen

[ericasmom]

I am glad that you are going to the fair Colleen, it will be different but good in many ways, stretching yourself in ways that both cause strength and vulnerability. WE find our strength in our movements forward even when they may cause tears. I wish you well.

[coryjsmom]

Dee-Ah yes, the cooler temperatures are nice. Thank you for your comment on the fish. I have no idea what kind it is. I'm sure Cory told me but it's been so long ago. I wish I could remember.

Lorri - thank you for making me smile. I'm sure he has a sweet ride now too. His dad still has the car, I think. I haven't seen it since I moved out in April of 2007. That is one thing I wish I would have fought for but I wasn't thinking clearly back then. I have the name of a lady nearby who makes quilts like yours. One day I will call her. I really would like to have one made out of his favorite t-shirts.

Betsy - I’m sure Cory and the family he was with on the trip ate the fish that night. I don’t think he brought it home.

Colleen - I hope you have a nice day at the fair and find some bargains.

Thinking of you all today and wishing you peace. Someone told me once that God has a special place in heaven for parents who have lost their children. I sure hope that’s true……

[ericasmom]

Yep, and lets hope that special place is right next to our Babies...

Hey, I wonder if that fish was a sturgeon, aren't they huge, but guess who might know...GREG! Greg go look in the gallery to see what kind of fish Cory caught adn let us know.

dee

[summergirl]

Dee - thanks, I do have alot going on but today was a good day with Tavian and Barry....we went to the beach and they fished, caught nothing but that was ok, then we walked around picking up oysters as the tide was so low - just about ankle deep. Tomorrow we are going clamming. It was so nie to have a family day with Jessica watching over us.

Also have had some issues with friends that I thought were my friends...it has been a diffacult realization but I believe all happens for a reason and so I guess they were not my friends to begin with....Jessica always had a saying about people who walked both sides of the fence, those who were your friends when they are with you but stab you in the back when they are with someone else - she would say "they are the people who become the environment they are in" - how right she was. It is just hard to believe that grown women and men can act like little children - one day they are your friend and the next someone else. Oh well, a lesson learned and I have alot of great friends so losing a few means nothing to me.

The weather has been beautiful, sunny and warm and cooler at night. Hard to believe we are into September already.

I wish you all a good night and I keep you all in my prayers. Love, strength and peace....

[krichie]

I also can not believe adults still play high school games with friendship and trust- its a shame.

I have been going thru issues here on the home front as well. The settlement is almost ready and Richies girlfriend who had his son after his death is still being rude, immature, haterfull you name it. I had told her she could have just about anything of Richies if we could at least get the Jeff gORDON NASCAR COLLECTION WE HAD BEEN BUYING HIM SINCE HE WAS 10- She wanted his dirt biuke so we told her we would trade the dirt bike for the nascars - when my husband went to do the trade she had 3 boxes taped up shut but he was smart and opened them before unloading the bike Not one Jeff Gordon car they were all walmart trashy nascars none of the expensive ones we had purchased so Hubby did not leave the bike she and her father yelled some very unpleasant things at my husband as he drove off with bike and called the police on him reporting bike stolen- Now they are claiming Richie sold the collection before his death which is out right lies- We went to his house in January after his Death to help her with her electricity and they were all on the shelves in the livingroom . We did give her the bike after 3 weeks of unsuccessful attempts of resolvong the issue just to put it to bed. SHe swore up and down that she was going to name the baby after Richies last name but did not and did not evan put his name on the birth certificate.

She has done some other childish hateful things as well.

But anyway the issue now is there is no proof the child is Richies so I told my lawyer untill she provide DNA I would not put any money in trust for him. I offered her months ago my dna so she could get Social security but she called me a hillbillie with an IQ of a potatoe chip (lol). SO I wit5hdrew the offer. Her lawyer says she will do the dna if I pay for the test. There is no way I or the estate should have to do this. So we are waiting till lawyer can find out who is respocible for getting the test and paying for it. I say the purden of proof is in her court not ours.

She has cost me over 3000.oo in rent and damages she did to the trailor they shared and put my grand daughter at risk of one prank she played. SHe also abhandoned Shavelle. She took SHavelle and acted like a mother every weekend when Richie got custody then 2 months after his death she stoped taking her and had no further contact- SHavelle is so lost she does not know what is going on. SHe lost her Dad, her weekend home and her dog all in one swoop then a month or 2 later her what most would call step mother abandoned her. Poor little girl is hurt and confused.

Sorry just had to vent

[lolynbo]

WOW WHAT A DAY...MARGARITAS AND BURGERS AND LOTS OF SUN AND GOT A LIL RED ON THE TWINS....GOOD TIME THOUGH...KIMBERLY AND CODY BLEW N AND OUT WITH IN 3 HOURS BUT ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE THEM...MY SIS AND HER HUBBY LEAVING TOM AROUND 4 IN MORN....GOTTA GET HOME TO THE GRAND SON....KODY WENT TO RACE TRACK WITH A FRIEND OF OURS I PRAY HES SAFE AND GETS HOME SAFELY...

POSTING QUILT PIC FOR COLLEEN MADE OUT OF HER TSHIRTS AND LINED IN HER JEANS...THEN I HAD THE CORNERS EMBROIDRIED (SP) WITH HER NAME, BDAY ANGEL DATE, WEDDING DATE, AND A LIL SAYING..."SURROUNDED IN YOUR LOVE"...WHEN I CUDDLE UP IN IT..

[ericasmom]

Krichie, I am sorry that Richie's girlfriend could possibly behave in such poor taste. To try and rip you off by packing the cheaper versions fo the collections that you gave him...to stop seeing Shavelle as though it no longer mattered, how terribly thoughtless, and selfish. I am truly sorry that she is someone you have to deal with at all. I am glad however, that Shavelle has you in her corner, fighting for the good in her life. Keep it going.

Lor, once again, love that quilt.

Good night All, I am one tired girl.

[mysonrich]

Hi all, just listening to music this morning. " The Boss"..is there anyone else?

http://youtu.be/1yuc4BI5NWU

ok, so there is Johnny Cash !

http://youtu.be/M89c3hWx3RQ

[krichie]

I could tell you so much about this girlfriend of Richies and the stuff she has pulled it would leave you wondering and scratching your head for ever. I blamed many of her actions on grief at first but now have come to the realization that it is hate and greed that keeps her and her family going. I am glad she did not show her true colors till now thou and that Richie passed thinking the best of her. I truely hope there are some things they do not see from the other side, this would of really destroyed him.

Glad Ralph is back on the the mend and people are learning to post pics and planning vacations and taking trips to see the ocean and old friends. I have reach conclusion I will never be able to keep up on all that goes on and who is who but that its ok and you all understand.

I heard someone mention the post seem to switch and move and I feel this happens as well. There are some people refer to that I never see and then some I see and go back to read and can not find again.

You all are so awesome to call people , send books to help and offer the flags and so much more. Dispite our circumstances for being here you show me there are good people in the world and when you can still be so good and compationate after all you have been thru is amazing.

Thank you all

[mysonrich]

I feel that when my son left this earth his transcendence to his spiritual plane, heaven, was not quick and complete, over and gone. I feel he stuck around for a while on the breeze, in the light of the stars, on the wing of a bird. I also feel that when I am at my lowest that he does come back to visit. He soars above me in the shape of a hawk, a song, a memory, a smile.

While there was unbearable ( now bearable) pain and grief at the time of Richie's death,this was compounded by the selfish,mean,cruel and deceitful actions of others. I call "them" the vultures. During that time, the first couple of months after Rich died I was tormented not only by his death but by the actions of the vultures. It wasn't until I woke from of dream that I was able to change the direction of the grief path I was walking. It was still incapacitated by Rich's death but at that time I truly feel he knew I needed help. Of worldly belongings Rich said in my dream, " it doesn't matter anymore, Mom"...and I learned to let go,in time.

on that note, I found this vid very funny....

[ericasmom]

I am arising after a strange night of dreams, interwoven and peculiar, I will try to fish some significance from them.

Betsy, love your words of Richie being there in a song, a bird...

A strong breeze is blowing here, pretty, and the sound of acorns raining down in the middle of the night. The squirrels will be extra busy today.

Krichie, we are the family and friends that those on the outside cannot be. Inclusive and always ready to listen. Our unity in the ache we have all learned to live with. Blessings to you.

[Guest msnher]

I believe, too, Betsy.

Krichi - I'm sorry you have this extra burden on you right now. At least your husband was smart enough to open the box right then and there. A hillbilly with the IQ of a potatoe chip. I have never heard that before. I would use it on someone, but it would come back to bite me in the butt. Karma. I also believe in karma.

Last night, as we sat down to dinner, Mariah said, "Grandma, I always hoped I had a grandma who would save us. I don't know what would have happened to us if you weren't here to take care of us." Those innocent, pure, comments make it all worth it.

Kathy - You are deep in my thoughts and prayers. I love the wisdom of Jessica's comment..."they are the people who become the environment they are in." Very wise, indeed.

Carol - Still praying for you and Ralph.

Dee - We found the math games on the computer. They are a hit! Thanks!!

Betty, Bonnie, Marcia, Claudia, Greg, Dan, Jenn, Elaine, and everyone else on Indigo..........blessings to each of you...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Betsy, I loved the music. Johnny Cash was/is my favorite and his interpretation of Elvis priceless. Bruce was Stephen's all time favorite. I can remember the first "Best" Christmas present I purchased for him was when he was 13 and I presented him with 2 tickets to front row at Madison Square Garden for a Bruce concert. That started his insistence on always seeing Bruce when he was in town He also went to the Stone Pony in Asbury Park to catch him and was lucky on occasion.

I loved you description of Rich and his transcendence and finding him in the wind, the birds, and a flower.His wisdom regarding "things" is one I embrace!!! I do believe that since Stephen's passing I have a much deeper feeling for and appreciation of nature. I had not thought that it may be our angels touching us. What a powerful thought Thanks.

Kirchie, you have a great sense of humor "The IQ of a Potato Chip" How funny . You are a good person. I have had my share of what I call Vampires ( It feels as if they take my very soul and leave nothing). It is great to recognize them and disengage from the relationship as soon as possible. I had issues with Stephen's 10 year relationship with the love of his life. The main one was that " SHE WAS MARRIED." Always getting a divorce but when they fought she ran back to hubby. I do believe I said many unkind things to try to reach him but I ended just hurting him instead. I finally accepted that the relationship was what it was and not my business. I just never talked about her to him for the last 2 years . She is till grieving after all this time and calls me once a month to touch base. I think she believes ( I am her mother-in law) . I am glad I am able to honor the love that he had for her and not cut her down but a few years ago that was not the case!!.

Elaine I am glad the Sale went well.

Sherry now you also have peaches and grapes I love your new home Please post some pictures. I see you started a Gallery cannot wait to see.

Lorrie Loved the quilt and the day sounded like fun

Dee Enjoy your walks and watching the little squirrels saving their acorns. I have a neighbor who also feeds squirrels and have asked her to look out for the little hurt one with her family, that I care for when I am gone She is overjoyed and I feel confident that I have not abandoned her. !!

Speaking of abandoning Susannah Your little grandchildren are so special . They certainly are very fortunate to have such a Grandma How sweet of them to tell you about their dreams and prayers.

Leah I hope your daughter and grandbabies are doing well also

Carol, Bonnie, Jen, Sonya, Colleen, Rhonda and all Indigos Have a Great End of Summer Day/ Trudie you and Mutley have a great Spring Day

[lolynbo]

WISH I HAD THE IQ OF A TATOR CHIP...

OUR CRUISE IS IN 20 DAYS AND CANT SEEM TO GET MOTIVATED...IM SORTA KINDA PACKED....NOTHING FOR MONTY YET..HE SAYS ALL HE NEEDS IS A SWIM SUIT...LOL AH NO HE DONT...

SORRY YOUR HAVING SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH THE CHILDS MOM (I THINK) SHE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL ASSSSSS....WITHTHE BIKE AND ALL...GEEZ DONT WE HAVE IT HARD ENOUGH...

I YOUNG MOTHER DROWNED SAT TRYING TO SAVE HER CHILD FROM DROWNDING HERE IN THE RED RIVER...IDK HOW HOLD SHE WAS BUT NONE THE LESS THERE IS ANOTHER ANGEL..SHE WAS MOTHER OF 4 I THINK..

AND A FRIEND OF MINE (THAT HOOKED ME UP WITH QUILT LADY) SHE SAID A YOUNG RACE 23 YRS OLD HAD HEART ATTACK AT THE RACE TRACK AND DIED....SO SAD....

WELL GONNA HANG AROUND HOUSE TODAY AND LAY OUT BUTT UP...GOT BURNED YEST...YAL HAVEE A BLESSED DAY..

[westleysmom]

Betsy-I'm listinening to Johnny Cash and thinking about my Daddy. He loved that man's music. I miss him so much, but it makes me smile to hear that song. Thanks!

Kathy-I haven't been able to keep up much lately either. And I don't have any reason why not, and you do!

Susannah-I'm so glad Mariah feels like you've saved them. They've been through so much.

Trudi-Thinking of Jeya and hoping things are getting better for her and you.

Krichie-Good Grief, what a mess. I know its just stuff, but what she's done to Shavelle is inexcusable. It is so hard sometimes to take the high road, or even find it.

The class reunion wasn't too bad. It was kind of fun. I only got to crying with one person that I hadn't seen since we graduated. She had the misfortune of asking me if I had any kids, and she got the whole thing. But she was very sweet and listened while I talked. We didn't stay late. Yesterday was a lazy day, I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. My daughter and her family are gone on vacation and I feel lonely for my family the way it used to be. You all give me hope with vacation plans and moving plans and everything. I've just had too much free time lately. Back to work tomorrow will help. Peace to all of you.

[krichie]

I have never attended any of my class reunions. Will probably skip the next and think about the following one.

Susannah- I love some of the precious things the grand kids say. They really touch our hearts in more ways then one

Lolynbo- still have plenty of time before your vacation to get things done and I can understand why excitement is not there but you will have a good time so don't back out of it.

Garth Brooks was Richies favorite- he loved all kinds of music but Garth was it for him. I did call him up when he was at school one day he must of been about 15 and asked if he would go on a date with me. He thaught I was goofy till I told him I stood in line the night before and got us 2 tickets to garth. Great Memory and a great Date.

Someone mentioned Karma and I am beginning to be a strong believer in that- what goes around comes around for these vampires and voltures.

Our weather has deffinetly turned after Earl came by. Last night was down in the 40's great sleeping weather. Another week and we will be taking Shavelle apple picking and then soon after pumpkin time. Shavelles mom asked if we were gonna do anything about Richies angel date. She is going to have Shavelle put a note in a bottle and throw in ocean and asked if we would like to join them at the beach that day. SO glad she is so wonderful to us and keeping us in Shavelles life. With out them I would not be able to go on. I always told Richie she was a keeper but sadly they were better friends then anything else.

take care and my prayers include you all everyday

[ericasmom]

I love that Shavelle is going to throw a bottle and with a note into the ocean. What a great idea adn to join on the beach for that day is a great way to let Richie feel you all together. Glad that she is a good woman.

Sus, indeed the words from your little one's hearts. You saved them, that is what they dreamed adn there you did it. I bet that those words pumped you up with all sorts of hope and energy and faith.

Bonnie, as you and Rich get closer to Pinnacle Days,and as you prepare for the many folks, know that your Boy is smiling on your hard work, your love forever with him, giving him those dimples.

[lolynbo]

HEY GANG WANTED TO POST MY NEXT TATTOO AND WOULD LOVE FOR YAL TO HAVE IT IF ITS WHAT YOUR WANTING....I PICTURE IT ON YOUR WRIST OR THE TOP OF YOUR FOOT....

ONE WAY IT SAY FAITH, THE NEXT WAY IT SAYS HOPE......DEPENDING ON THE QUALITY IT SHOULD LOOK BETTER THEN THIS....THIS IS NOT ON ME...AS OF YET...