Loss of an Adult Child

[heartbeataway]

You can click on the "Avatar" (PIC) that the person has and then on the next screen you can click on "Send me a message" That will open a box and you can just type your message and send. Or you can click on the little "envelope" under the avatar. If you put your mouse over it then you will see it says something like "PM This Member" .....

Thanks Dan ...... I'll give you a hug when I see you! Loved Nick's name in the sand. Left a msg ...... but think I forgot to sign it. Typical me ....

[lolynbo]

JUST RELIZED THIS IS THE LAST PIC OF KOURTNEY AND I TAKEN...WE WERE AT THE RACES IN WACO..IT WAS COLD AND SHE WAS "BEATING ON ME:...THIS WAS OCT 28TH....HER TUMOR BURST ANSD SHE NEVER SPOKE AGAIN NOV 15TH.....IT RATTELS MY SOUL HOW MUCH I MISS HER...IT TAKES ME TO A DARK DARK PLACE OF MY HEARTS PAIN...AS WELL AS YAL...

[heartbeataway]

Carol - For you, for Mike.....Love this place, the water fall hasn't run for many years due to the drought. Now the park is coming alive from its winter sleep and while its still cold the surrounds do make you forget that...

Wow Trudi! Love the pictures! Love the waterfall ....... you did good kid!

Love you for remembering our children in such special ways!

[heartbeataway]

GOING TO ATTEMPT TO POST A PIC OF KOURTNEYS FINSHED QUILT...MADE OUT OF HER TSHIRTS AND JEANS FOR THE BOARDER

IM IN A DARK PLACE TODAY...SEEMS THAT NOTHING HELPS...HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO LIVE...AND WHEN I SAY HAVE I MEAN "HAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE"

Lori,

Go wrap yourself in your new blanket of memories and listen to the spirit of your girl. She will say things like:

Mom, it's okay.

Mom, I'm not the only one you love. Think about them too.

Mom, they need you at "my" closet.

Mom, it makes me sad to hear you say things like this.

Mom, you just got new twins ....... for petes sake!!

Mom, I'm still with you ..... can you feel me?

Love you Mom!

Sorry, you're having a "dark" day ...... <3!

[heartbeataway]

Bonnie-Glad it made it to you so fast. Thank you for the chance to let other people know about my special boy. I'm really getting teary now, just thinking about it. I hope you have really good weather for Pinnacle Days. If anybody asks, "Crash" was his nickname.

Rhonda,

I promise to take good care of it! And every time I open a new banner delivery ...... it brings tears. There are amazing individually but collectively they will touch your soul,as they sing a beautiful song of hope and remembrance! I encourage you to have them sent to you if you have an occasion to use them or just to hold them and look at the different personalities of our children.

Love!

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, really good words for Lorri, go do that Lor, tell us how it works, wrapped up in all the pretty pieces sewn together out of love, and chant those phrases, because that is exactly what I was thinking too. That your little Senior in high school needs you, your Kimmy needs you, husband needs you, and the damn twins need you, (what are they without you)? I know that nobody needs you the same exact way as Kourt, and that you don't love anyone the same exact way as you do Kourtney, but she needs you to see the sunlight again too. That laugh that came out of you that night captured in the photo, needs to echo off the walls of the house, off the canyon inside your heart. the two of you united in your fun and your silly times, remembering those times can bring you to your knees at times,other times those memories make you smile, make you turn on the music to her favorite song and sing and dance around the house. Ask Kourtney to dance with you, chances are that she will.

[ericasmom]

testing...I was unable to highlight and color a few moments ago, want to see if I can do it now...oh good, so the orange Lorri, is for you, wanted to use it in my last message for you.

Trudi, you are such a great human to do what you do for your friends. If the world had a few more Trudi's...

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos

Dee I too have difficulty posting color and bolding a topic. and then sometimes I succeed. I need to practice as you have just done.

Bonnie I appreciated all the positive suggestions you offered to Lorrie. Such care and compassion. Thanks

Krichi I hear you and understand the sadness and not feeling sociable Come here and post or jusst read That helps. Making the flag for Bonnie felt vey hard at the beginning but I found if I kept it very simple I could do it I went to a copy/ graphic shop wtih a picture of Stephen with his Race car THey copied it to the flag with lettering for his name and DOB THe cost was 30 .00 No rush Just be gentle with yourself

Lorrie please be gentle with yourself. I do believe you are still being adversely affected by the anesthesia Loved the quilt!!

Sherry Loved the precious picture of Davey with his puppet Thanks for learning how to post so we can enjoy the memories.

Trudie I really loved the beautiful pictures and the waterfall is so special. I am becoming envious of you as your springtime is coming just as our summer is ending.

Rhonda so glad that your flag arrived for Pinnacle Day. Great work!!

Betsy Hope you are out and about with your camera!!! Thinkin g of you

Leah, and Susannah let us know how you guys are.

Sonya and Marcie,Lynn alway so good to see your angels, Bethany, Kayla and Danielle smiling beautiful faces!!

I spent the day shopping for "new Clothes" It is good now because it is all on sale!! New new sneakers and jeans but otherwise I am pretty set.

Hope everyone has a peaceful evening

[krichie]

So many nice pictures posted, waterfall, the photos of precious memories the quilt. You all have jiden talent weather in minds eye , on the computer or with needle and thread.

It is cold here this morning fall is well on its way I say a few leaves have already started to turn color. I am not ready for winter. We find ourselves in a little bit of finacial diffuculty the next couple of weeks. Seems every car we own has something wrong with it, the vet bill will be due and the list goes on and on. Seems theres always something if we have money its health that is on decline if we have health its bills we have problems with. It is a never ending battle just like this grieving. I can go a few days with good memories and a sence of peace then its a few days of overwelming dispair, a few days of wishing I could just stop and then a few days of wonder at what is still around me. Life is a merry go round with a rollercoaster combined.

[ericasmom]

Krichie, I have forgotten where you live as you made the reference to leaves down. I too have noticed some leaves down early, but believe that the trees are unhealthy and therefore losing early, but the acorns! Holy cow, I am amazed at thespeed with which they are shedding themselves from the Oak trees. So I do wonder if our autumn will be early as our summer was, and with so much heat and rain, it is anyone's guess. I will have to check the Farmers Almanac. I think though, that in order for a species to not only survive but thrive, they know what to do and when, so if the acorns that will produce more oaks are falling in August, it must be to encourage the species, early autumn.

For those of you experiencing the change of seasons in the first year of loss, hold onto your hearts and hold on to our hands. THe seasonal changes can cause some extra sadness for some as the mark of time is evident in your surroundings and with holidays. We know how these make you ache, we really do. The up and down Krichie is the norm in a non-normal life. THe ups and downs seem most prevalent in the first and secnd year and for many, it begins to be a smoother path. I know that there are days where you feel you can lay donw on the sidewalk and shut your eyes and be done. Don't be done though, there is still a life that needs to be lived, you will find it down the road. I promise.

Money, yikes us too. I am employed full time thankfully. My husband is not. He was subbing in a highschool for a few years but that is drying up as so many out of work teachers have those jobs...we have so many things needed done for the house, but no money in which to do them. Fingers crossed, prayers said.

a good day to all, going to a wedding 3 hours away later on.

[Guest msnher]

The layers of grief......quite interesting.....even as it kicks my ass.

Love the quilt, Lorri. I love Bonnie's response. Stephanie always said, "You're okay, Mom." I miss that. I also understand completely the place you find yourself. A layer of grief. At times grief seems to give us a reprieve by just gently hanging around our shoulders like a shawl....."The background noise ......." how did that go, Bonnie? or was it Betsy?

Other times, like now, it would seem grief could choke the very life out of us. It slits our throats and stabs our hearts.............yet, we keep breathing...we keep living....because grief is a double edge sword...it tries to kill us telling us we HHHHAAAAVVVVVEEEE to live.

It will ease. We know it will. We've done this often enough to know it will.

Lorri - my other concern for the place you're in right now is the medication you might be taking for your surgery or the coming down from those meds. We all know they can exaggerate every emotion a thousand times, making it impossible to walk through. Be careful, my friend. We'll hang on to THIS life together. Yes?

As for me, I cannot articulate this new fork in the road. The new rough spot. It's different. I described the initial pain of losing as a child as rape....I described it as swimming in quicksand....I described it as being skinned alive........................only, we have to keep on functioning, the best we can.............

This new feeling is more like having a cold water dripping on my head, continually. It's almost as if grief is laughing in my face as it tortures me enough to not really inflict real pain......new pain.....but, it inflicts enough anoyance, sadness to cause me to crumble and go insane..........quietly, with a smile on my face....so, no one knows I'm being terrorized....This fork is a hard poke in my arm or chest....accusing. Grief knows every time I failed as a mother. Grief is forcing me to look at those times without any denial. This fork in the road is full or road signs with bold letters stating the facts.

I want to run from the "street" more than any other, so far. But, I can't. I have to be here. I know it. I have to look at my failures.......hoping I will make it through, again......stronger, softer. More aware. More loving....

As I look at the facts of my "errors" I have to not allow myself to stay too long starring at the crack in the sidewalks. The cracks that scream "Why didn't you take time for THAT or THIS?" "Why didn't you check into that more thoroughly before making a decision?" And, the hardest one...."Why couldn't you raise your own children with the same love, confidence and security that you're raising your grandchildren?"

Or....it could be hormones.

Susannah

[ericasmom]

HOrmones aside Susannah, and Lord knows mine are crazed, the second year of grief is a new fork in the road. It insists on you differently than the first. The first was filled with well "firsts." And now? Well the second year hurts in ways one cannot predict. There will be ease as well in places that will feel good, well at least after you deal with the guilt of feeling good. I too faced the oh if only I had been a better Mom stuff in the second year. It was a year of reckoning for me. All the pitfalls Eri and I fell in. The disgust she had for a boyfriend of mine way back and my indifference to it, thinking that she would get over that...when in fact she was completely right, he was a pig and her disgust was well-placed. I wasted some time there, the time of her life, our lives together. I had to face that fact, that a portion of ERica's short life was spent unhappily due to me. ME! I found myeself telling her about what I was discovering and apologizing. Luckily in life, I had apologized to her for my slip of sanity when it came to the icky-man. But I think what happens in the second year for many is a softening of some parts of grief, and some sharp edges for other parts. Eventually, we find ourselves pieced back together and functioning, and then eventually, finding life can offer great adventures again and we begin to plan and make decisions that are good for us. Life is for the living, as simple as this is, it is true, and as miserable as we haVe all felt, one day you won't feel this miserable and you won't feel guilty for it. Your child will dance from cloud to cloud when this happens, just as you would had the situation been reversed. Remember Mike's words to Carol, don't stop living because I have to.

Lor, I am one to promote allowing yourself the dark caverns of grief as long as you are not entertaining ideas of not being here. Often we have to touch bottom before we find the ladder out again. We learn things while we are low, and we bring those lessons into the light and learn from them and then rarely do we go so low again. So all in all I am not worried that you will stay there, I am more worried that you are wishing you were not here. The meds from surgery can stay in your system a long time, much longer than days I believe, so you may need to ask your doc some questions concerning your feelings of deep sadness and the meds in your system. Otherwise Sweetie, I see you climbing out of this deep well one day soon. Day to day life will see to it, and you will more than likely have the energy that is missing right now.

Love to you,

dee

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Susannah I hear your pain and have shared the same anixety and dread upon seeing the reality of where I " my have failed" as a parent. These awarenesses were sometimes real sometimes preceived but still powerful and needed to be seen, felt and addressed.

With age and experience, I know I could have handled things differently than in my youth. That is the function of age-we gain wisdom from experience. I know I loved my son with the utmost love my heart could attain. if my parenting skills were faulty it was because I was human and imperfect. I have forgiven myself for the failings I have found and know that if I could do it again I would no doubt make different mistakes.

It is not an easy road we are on and it is so very good to have found a place to come and be understoood.

Dee, Kritchie, Betsy, Bonnie, Carol, Trudie< Sherry, Sonya and all Indigos thank you for being here and helping me one more day.

[shorty16]

Indigos

I was lucky enough to take part in Pinnacle Days last year. The weather did not cooperate, but being from Wisconsin, I was ready.

Bonnie is right, each banner is so unique, made with love by the hands of someone in grief. Each told a story, some with pictures, words, and even momentos. Really a beautiful site. Bonnie and Rich know our stories and are wonderful care-takers for these treasures.

I sure hope others on this site take in these banners and fly them proudly in their State.

These banners are really a site to see.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Dee--, Rhonda.--Betty,......Thanks for your kind words for Davey's pic with his puppet. The puppet is long gone,

and David is gone too, but the memory of those wonderful times remains with me always. Peace to you.

Trudi---Thanks for the pic of the park, and I imagine that it will only get more beautiful as your spring progresses.

Lorri-----Kourtney's t-shirt quilt is lovely. I'm sure you really treasure it. Sending prayers that you will find

some way out of the 'dark place' you are in. My heart feels for you. Peace & comfort , friend.

Rhonda---Such a darling baby girl & the potty story. These little ones really do help us in this unwanted

road we're on. They are so very innocent, and their very existence is a comforting balm for our aching hearts.

Dee----I, too, take lysine for the prevention of cold sores. I should take a 'maintaince' dose daily, but seem to be

slack on that, so I usually get a couple cold sores each winter.....or occaisionally in the summer if exposed to

too much sun....(usually use a lip balm with good SPF value, though). Cold sores certainly are dreadful, aren't they?

I also found a dentist that did laser treatments, which has helped a lot. The treatments must be done at the earliest

symptom that appears......such as the itchy, tingly feeling.

Sherry

[daveydow1]

Does anyone know how to 'retrieve' a PM from another member??? Also, I wonder why on some posts,

the little icons for 'FRIEND', little envelope for PM, and "Gallery' appear, and on other posts they are

not there.?????

Sherry

[ericasmom]

trudi, I just wrote a post to you and my goofy finger hit something and I lost it and I am needing to get moving toward the car. So suffice it to say that I am thrilled that spring is coming to you, knowing that you will benefit its warmth and color.

Love,

dee

[Eric]

Does anyone know how to 'retrieve' a PM from another member??? Also, I wonder why on some posts,

the little icons for 'FRIEND', little envelope for PM, and "Gallery' appear, and on other posts they are

not there.?????

Sherry

Hey! To retrieve a PM you would go to the upper right corner of the screen, there should be a number with an arrow pointing down. If you click on that it will show you the messages sent to you. If you click on where it says "personal conversation" it will take you to the PM. As far as the PM and friend box you should see those on everyones posts except the ones you make, as you can't friend yourself or send yourself personal messages. You may not see the "add friend" box on people you've already added as friends as well.

[Guest msnher]

Eric, I'm still getting "You are not allowed to use the private message system". Can you help me figure out what's going on or if I've truly been banned from private messaging. Odd, if I have, because I haven't sent any messages from this new forum, and I don't think I sent anything offensive before. Thanks!! Susannah

[lolynbo]

SAD THING IS GUYS IM OFF THE PILLS AND HAVE BEEN SINCE DAY 2...ITS SADLY JUST ME BEING DOWN...IM BETTER TODAY..BUT GOD I HATE IT WHEN IT JUST SMACKS YOU IN THE FACE..HAS TO DO IT ATLEAST SEVERAL XS A WEEK...

KODY RACES TONIGHT HOPE FOR SAFE TIME AND GOOD FINISH....

THE QUILT IS DONE AS I SAID YESTERDAY...AND SHE WANTS TO GIVE IT TO ME WITH NO CHARGE..BECAUSE SHE FEELS SO CLOSE TO KOURTNEY AND I NOW BECAUSE OF THE QUILT...I JUST FEEL BAD THAT SHE WONT TAKE $$ FOR HER TIME AND TALENT....SO WE ARE SUPPOSE TO MEET HER TOM AT DENTON AND WE ARE GOING TO TAKE HER AND HER MOM OUT TO EAT AT OUTBACK...SHOUD I STILL OFFER $$$ EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS SAID NO?????

[westleysmom]

Lorri-the last picture I have of Westley and me was taken on Dec 21. It's not a great picture, but I can hardly look at it, it hurts so bad to realize that it is the LAST one, there were so many during his life. Do take it easy on yourself and hopefully you will get to feeling better soon.

Susannah-I'm about six months behind you, so remember how you get through this (I know you'll get through it) so you can tell me. I have no advice, because I haven't made it there yet, but I'm thinking of you. I have questioned everything I ever did as a parent, though. And I have no doubt I will again. I probably wasn't the best mom ever, but I wasn't the worst, and I can say with confidence, neither were you. We all do the best we can, and learn with experience, which we have a lot more of now than when the kids were little.

Trudi-Love the pictures. Thanks for posting them. Still hard for me to believe that anybody's been cold these past few weeks have been so brutally hot in TN. I'm not a big cold weather person, but this is ridiculous hot weather, I mean. Does it get very hot where you are in the summer?

Krichie-Sorry you are having car problems. Hope they aren't as bad as they could be and that you can at least get one running soon.

I went to a food give-away that I heard about at church. A friend from high school has a ministry called Manna Cafe and they had a tractor-trailer load of food to give to people. Our community needs this, there is a lot of unemployment locally, in TN it is 10 percent unemployment right now. I was helping package potatoes, break down boxes, whatever. It was good to work hard to help people. I couldn't dwell on my own loss while trying to work hard to help people who have their own problems. Sometimes I don't care about anybody else's problems, I'm sorry to say, not a very Christian attitude, but the truth. But just for today, at least I did something to help other people, and it helped me too. For a while I was just a volunteer helper, like all the other people there. And it felt good to feel like part of something...good. Something pure and unselfish and needed. One day at a time, that's how we live, and that's how we have to get through this.

[daveydow1]

Thanks ERIC, for the instructions.

[daveydow1]

Lorri---I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Know what you mean about the 'dark place'. Good luck to

Kody tonight and for a safe time.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[lolynbo]

KIMMY AND HER GANGSTA FRIENDS...OF COURSE MINE IS THE ONE WITH THE CIG....

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends....been a rough couple of days but managing.....total meltdown at work yesterday to the point where I had to talk to someone...spent some time with one of our social workers, Deb, to get me through it....have not been that low in a long time. When the pain of losing your child hits it can be so overwhelming....I just could not hold it in so I let it go and let it go hard.....

I am sorry that I have lost so much of what has been posted - try to catch up and then it seems as though I lose a day and have to start all over again....at least I am reading.

Well, we have been renting our home for 24 years, we love it and have made it our house in every way you could imagine. Today our landlord showed up to let us know she has decided to sell !!!! We have first option of course. The price she is asking is $295,000.00 !! She would take $40,000.00 down and hold the mortgage for us and we would pay her $1400.00 a month plus we would have to pay on the 40,000.00 loan....We are still in shock, this house is our home and the thought of leaving it is killing me but the way the economy is now I am not sure we could even get a mortgage and what kind of monthly payment would we have on that amount plus where do you find the 20% down payment they usually ask for. When she was here and told us I started to cry and had to walk away, she came up to me and said she was sorry she upset me. Bottom line right now is she is going to talk to her lawyer/ accountant and she what she can do... This woman and her husband (no kids) own 6 houses and they own all of them outright...all they pay are the taxes. Anyway, I don't know what is going to happen....I looked in our local paper for rentals and the cheapest monthly rent is $2,400.00 a month... I will keep you informed - say a prayer.

Tavian has been sick today but I think he is just plain worn out....he vomited this morning and has been on the couch all day. He has no fever and said he feels ok he just wants to rest. Of course I get nervous when he gets sick and watch him like a hawk, drives him crazy Right now he is up and riding his bike but I am sure it won't last long.

Barry has a nice fire going in thr firepit and I am having a cocktail I will say good night. I love you all . Kathy

Still trying to figure out how to post a pic !!!!

[shorty16]

Indigos

Well we did it. Finally cleaned out under the stairs - Christmas stuff - 3 weeks after the flood. I packed our old life, Christmas when Brian was here. SOOOO Painful. I hate it.

Just another marker in this grief journey. I still hate it

Colleen, Missing Brian so much, my heart hurts and I am short of breath.

[krichie]

Summergirl OMG I am sorry for added stress and worry in your life now. I can not imagine the thought of losing a home that was built and created over 26 years. I do hope things work out and theres a way to stay. I hope Tavian is better, sounds like he is if hes out on bike.

Westleysmom --. Sometimes I don't care about anybody else's problems, I'm sorry to say, not a very Christian attitude I have felt this way many times. I get so self absorbed with my own feelings and problems theres no room to feel compassion for others, then I get out of my slump and listening to others helps me be more human and I hope someday I can help them in some small way. I'm glad you helped out and got that feeling. I will be attending a few benefits for people I do not even know to help raise money for transplants or other issues. Even tho money is tight I feel I need to do this for them and also for myself.

Dee- I live up in Maine, so our summers are usually short or none existent. This year is has been like we are in Florida. 4-5 very hot sunny humid weeks, I have never experienced this up here. But sitting out back this morning I noticed a few leaves starting to change color and you could feel the change in the air. I am not complaining I love Maine and all its seasons, just took me by surprise that time has gone by and I still seem to be standing still most of it.

Lolynbo-- I think I saw the picture of quilt it was beautiful. Takeing them out to dinner sound great, I think I might still try to push some money her way, let her say no again. But thats just me. Hope Kody has a great and safe night.

Money and car problems will come and go I know, its been real tough this year with the economy. Richie had just fixed my car a few days before he was taken and was bragging about how he was taking care of me and how he had to get use to it since I was getting up there in years. He was acting like I was 90 and feeble. He loved doing things for us and always fixed my car, I think thats why I am a little stressed about this I have never had to look for a garage or mechanic before.

All and all I am actually in a good place this evening. Feeling blissfully exhausted thanks to my Shavelle. We Just braught her home to her folks after a very fun filled day and a half. The had a Ballon festival in the next town so took her there to see the hot air ballons and parades and also a carnival. They will be doing what they call a moonglow tongiht. All the ballons will be launched and after dark they will light up over the town I can't wait.If I can stay up that long. We live about 30 minutes from town but we are in country up on a hill so from our upper windows we can use binoculars and watch.

Hoping all you have a peaceful and safe night.

[mikesmum]

So much on this post its hard to keep up. Lorri I love the quilt. I know where this lady is coming from. Heart and soul went into making this quilt for you. Heart and soul she got from working with Kourtneys clothes. Take her for a meal would be more than she would want I'm sure.

Kathy - Goodness, have your accountant check with those who only give you what you can handle, you're being overcharged. I hope you are able to come to some agreement with her so you can keep your home. Hoping Tavian is feeling better soon - I know how you worry....he is your precious boy.

Sherry - Don't know if I told you, but I love Davey's pic. He is so handsome.

Dee - New school year. It sounds so strange given our school year is in its final semester. Miss Emily is off to High School next year (grade 7). Time stands still for no grandma. You still walking in the evenings?

For those who have started a 'Personal Conversation' with me I am sorry if I haven't gotten back to you. I am still stumbling in the dark with that and PM's. Hopefully I have nutted it out and PM's are getting out.

The sun is shining today and I am getting organised to head to the ocean tomorrow. The weather is cold cold with rain rain......but I don't care.

To those struggling - and I think at anytime it can be anyone of us....hold tight, one day at a time it eases. It does hit you now and then, but the distance between meltdowns does get longer......

Sunshine on my shoulder looks so lovely - Sunshine almost always makes me cry...

[rlolheiser]

Hi all,

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I feel so much more power here than I have in a long time. I have been able to talk to my daughter and tell her the way I see her life whether it is right or wrong, and I dont' even apologize. I think she is finally starting to see things, she sounds better than I have heard her in a long time. I still can't make her understand that the only way to deal with the boyfriend is directly with the law. she is afraid he will run away to the reservation with the child (he is native american) I did get her to admit that my grandaughter has been living in a hell of her own, and that my daughter was to afraid to do anything. I told her that my grandaugher will have her time to tell the authorities the life she had to endure, and I expect her as a mother to stand by her daughter, she assures me that she will. She also assures me that there will be problems this coming week, she doesn't expect the boyrfriend to take any of this quietly. I say bring it on, I am ready.

I dont' understand everything about this site, I know all my personal conversations say nothing, or I cant' read anything. I dont' know if they are empty or just the way to add friends. I will have to be able to get online more often one day soon. I am not ignoring anyone, i am proud to have you all as friends.. I just need time ;-)

It is hot here today, and kids are cranky... I am trying really hard not to be so cranky.. but it gets tough :-) somedays I think I am to old for this, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Guest msnher]

I fixed my private messaging. I disabled it...now I enabled it. Took me a while to find it.....

[Guest msnher]

Kathy - I'm so sorry you are going through this added stress. Keeping you in my prayers.

Carol - How's Ralph? How are YOU?

Rhonda - Thanks for the words of encouragement....I seem to write everything down....so, I'll let you know how it goes with this new "stretch" of the journey none of us wanted to be on.

Thank you, everyone, for your encouragement and strength. Today was a better day. I feel like I've been going, going, going. But, for the life of me, I don't know what I've done!

Elaine - thinking of you.......how are you?

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

]Kathy: I also am sorry that you are going through this…meltdowns are hard to get through…I am glad you had someone to talk with at work and I hope that she was able to help you. That is just incredible about your home…I pray that something will come up to help you out with it and that it all works out. $1400 is a high mortgage, especially if you are going to have to pay on the $40,000 also…keeping you in my prayers. I hope that Tavian is feeling better tomorrow…yes, I know how you worry about him…and that is perfectly normal.

Susannah: I am glad you are on a better path right now, and we all understand getting off the path and the need to let some of all that hurt and mixed up feelings, thoughts, etc., out…as for me, I am doing okay...feeling crazed at times with all the numbers I have in my head of potassium, phosphorous, sodium and whatever else...but thankful that I am finally figuring it out some. Ralph is doing well...still waiting for the numbers to go down, and up, whatever is necessary, but he has, for the most part, a bright outlook for it, thankfully.

Betsy: Glad to hear that you are doing well in your new location...I think that you certainly deserve much kudos for taking on such a challenge, and I wish you all the best in your new home. I know that all your wonderful memories of Rich will stay with you and spread through your new surroundings to comfort you.

Jenn: I forgot to tell you that I also love the new avatar of Jeffrey...so adorable! thanks for sharing.

Leah: So happy for you that you were able to really talk with your daughter…I know that it is difficult sometimes to hope that they are actually planning on doing what they say they are going to do, but I hope that she does stand up for herself and her daughter, against the boyfriend, and sticks to her guns. You are under so much stress with all that is going on. Praying for you, dear lady.

Lorri: Glad the twins are feeling better, and I hope that your heart feels better soon, as well…though it is difficult to come out from under that hellish place once we are there. Are you on any meds…antidepressants, etc.? I know some people just don’t like to take them, but if they can help in heading off a major breakdown, then perhaps they should be considered. Depression runs in my family, so I have lived with it, either with someone in my family or with myself, for most of my adult life. I have been down many roads trying to corral it, and it is only in this last 8-10 years that I finally have a handle on it. The quilt is just awesome…I would be under it most of the time, I think…as for the lady who made it for you…I agree, it is a gift from her heart and those are priceless gifts…consider yourself blessed and just take her to a nice dinner and share the time. I have pictures of Mike I’ve been trying to make into a quilt since the first Christmas after Mike died, and I think there is a lady at church who is going to help me to do it. She does a lot of quilting and has offered to help me. If I can figure it out, I may do some of the t-shirts, also. I’ve kept a few special ones just for that purpose.

Trudi: I think many of us are having the problems with personal messaging…hopefully it will all get worked out and we will be on top of it again. I love the ocean, and if it’s raining, it doesn’t matter…the ocean is healing for me, no matter the elements. Have a good, relaxing time. I can't tell you how much your picture and the balloon for Mike meant to us...it was so special of you to do that, but then, you are such a special person. Thanks also for the posting of the "sunshine on my shoulder" video...

Thank you, also, to all of you for your wonderful birthday messages for Mike...you all helped to make it possible to focus more on the blessings of the day than the sadness...the blessings have been many, and continue to come, through all of you on this site...and thank you, also to all of you who went on Mike's site and left a message...it is always so wonderful to know that someone else has learned just a little bit about our son...his web site needs so much updating, but I am so glad to share what is there.

Krichie: Sorry about the car problems…and having to find a mechanic is always a stressor, but more so, I imagine, when your mechanic was Richie and it brings it all up again. May Richie direct you to someone you can rely on and trust. We’ve been extremely lucky in that department…have had the same mechanic for over 20 years now and he is terrific…mechanic-wise and person-wise. We are blessed.

Betty: You are such a special lady...thank you for your kind comments and spirit-lifting things that you say..glad that you got to go shopping, and found things that you liked. Shopping for clothes for me is usually torture, but I am always tickled pink when I find something that I really like and it fits...

Rhonda: The last pic I have of Mike and I was taken at the ballgame, his last one…the next day he went to bed, and never got up again. He passed away two weeks later, to the day. I know how difficult it can be to look at that last picture. We are smiling, of course, but inside, my heart was breaking. I knew when I heard that “click” as the picture was being taken it would be our last ballgame…it was hard to hold the tears back, just like it is now when I look at it. I feel so blessed to have so many others to look at and remember the happy times associated with them. I am so glad you were able to go to the food give-away…I know that all who came in contact with you benefitted from your generosity. Sometimes it is good to just delve into something and get yourself out of your world for a bit. Good for you!

The guilt…oh, now that is a thing that lives in my veins some days. Most of the time, I am able to think about the ways in which I did the best I could, but sometimes the “why couldn’t you do better” comes running through my thoughts and it is tough to get myself off that road. Mike and I were very close all his life, for which I am eternally grateful, but during his high school years we had many confrontations and it was over such stupid, stupid stuff…and for the few years shortly after, his lifestyle clashed with ours…hah, “clashed” is mild…it ran us over like a Mack truck! Of course, with Mike’s dad being an Air Force career person, his ways were quite different from someone who wanted to be a “free spirit” which is what Mike got into once he was out of high school, so they didn’t see much eye to eye. Mike’s early 20’s were trying, to say the least. But my guilt over how I handled them is like a worm in my heart sometimes, and just crawls through it, slowly, sticking me with its words, over and over. I think it was Betty who said that we were inexperienced and did the best we could at the time, which I agree with 100%, but I just can’t get my heart to believe me all the time. Maybe some day I will get there.

Colleen: I am so very sorry that you had to clean out the Christmas items due to the flooding…were you able to salvage anything? Those memories are just so treasured… The kids will be going back to school soon…will that be bringing back that whole set of concerns over their being there every day and how they are handling it, or were they able to deal with some of those issues over the summer?

Dee: When the boys were here, they were discussing going back to school…with many mixed emotions. Chandler starts high school this year…he is truly excited. They have each grown at least a foot since spring, and Chandler has slimmed right down. Kameron is holding his own weight-wise, but grew taller, so looks slimmer. They both look really good. I hope you had a good time at the wedding.

Sherry, Sonya, Marcia, Dan, Greg, and anyone I may have forgotten, thank you all for being here...you all mean so very much to me..and I thank God for each of you.

Going to the game last night, we had a good time, but the team played just terribly…the worst I’ve ever seen them play…final score was 16 to 2, and those “2” were scored in the 7^th or 8^th inning…glad that at least got on the board, but sorry to see them playing so terribly. Even though they lost, we knew that Mike was definitely with us when we drove into out parking space at the park...this was on the wall in front of us:

We had fun though, as usual, and it was pretty neat that we got to go right on Mike’s birthday…this is the picture of all of us…Denis, Mike’s friend, is on the left, then Cathi, Jamie, Chandler, Kameron, and moi….

And the picture of Mike's birthday message on the board at Fenway:

and a picture of the bead decoration that Kim made for Mike's site...along with the balloons the boys left for him yesterday...woven into the first strand of beads are the letters for MIKE, and in the last strand over is "ALWAYS." There are some rastafarian colors on one of the strands, and each strand ends with something: a wooden cross, a wooden peace sign, and a green stone from the earth, that has been polished. Kim did a wonderful job on it and it looks really special. The picture doesn't really do it justice.

thank you all again, so very much...

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

PS: WIsh I could figure out why my pictures open SO HUGE...didn't used to when we first switched over...will have to work on it...

[MuttleyMcLeod]

Logged on through facebook so if I look like a small border collie its cause its really Mutlleys page..Pretty strange cause it shows Muttley and my married name McLeod. It also says I'm a newbie....Don't think I could go that far back...Off to the ocean tomorrow...Rain predicted, cold winds and loving it ...

[heartbeataway]

This is from Betsy who cannot login to BI:

good morning BI, I asked Bonnie if she could post this for me until I get my connection to BI figured out. Maybe the BI Admin can advise me here, I don't receive a "ping" back from BI. I asked Dan as well. thanks to you all for any assistance.

To start, moved in as much as possible for now. Found a 8 month temp job in 4 days, its at a standardized testing company Dee, I know how much you like tests.( sarcasm) Co. also test SAT etc.

There are 2 fawns walking the grounds. No Mom deer. We will keep a watch for them and my aunt said, " call someone". poor babies.

My Aunt/Uncle have a small farm in the middle of an area developer's salivate over. Good thing some older folks hang on to the land or in trust it.

I think I over did it and felt myself exhausted yesterday. Pressure I place on myself that shouldn't be there.

Sus, one of your granddaughters favors you, one Stephanie I think.

Betty, I can see the jets headed to NY, N.NJ again.

Carol. sorry I can't keep up with Ralph right now. Hope all is well.

everyone, hope to be back soon.

I saw a neighbor boy yesterday, Rich's age. Same hair color, same line of work. I don't know what to say sometimes.

Betsy,mysonRich

[Guest msnher]

I am concerned for the people who are having trouble logging on. I know it's a lot to ask, but perhaps the moderator or one of the administrators could send them an email letting them know the problem is being worked on????? I hate the thought of losing someone because they couldn't get to us. It's different if someone chooses to leave.

Bonnie, Thank you for passing Betsy's email on to us. I love her wit and spunk! I hope she is able to get back to us soon. I'm so glad to hear the news of her move.....already things are happening in her favor. As soon as she posted she had made the decision to move.....I think the next day....I got chills all over...and an excitement in my gut.........definitely the right move for her!! Please send our best back to her!

I am also worried for Elaine, who has no one but us that she turns to. I have a wonderful face to face support system, but I don't use them a fraction as much as I use this forum and you people. Even with my face to face friends, I would feel lost without you all.

Last night I was talking myself through the evening. And, yes, I answer myself, too....kook that I am. I was forcing myself to function and trying to give myself a pep talk..."This is just a hiccup, Susannah." "This is a lot more than a hiccup! Losing my daughter is like trying to function in the middle of a major heart attack." "Yes, but you've learned to live with the heart attack. THIS, right now, is just a hiccup IN the heart attack......it will pass."

I still have the hiccups.

But, I can still find the humor in it all!! Last night I imagined Stephanie being close by as I missed her and cried for her......telling me she's "right here" and me saying, "No you're not. You're gone." And, in my imagination I could see her rolling her eyes and bursting in laughter as she told the other angels, "She doesn't think that I'm here, yet she's answering me."

I told her to quit laughing at me.....

Susannah/Stephanie's mom Oh. I've posted the videos Steph took on facebook (they're just a few seconds long, each) if you want to see them...

[ModKonnie]

I am concerned for the people who are having trouble logging on. I know it's a lot to ask, but perhaps the moderator or one of the administrators could send them an email letting them know the problem is being worked on????? I hate the thought of losing someone because they couldn't get to us. It's different if someone chooses to leave.

Bonnie, Thank you for passing Betsy's email on to us. I love her wit and spunk! I hope she is able to get back to us soon. I'm so glad to hear the news of her move.....already things are happening in her favor. As soon as she posted she had made the decision to move.....I think the next day....I got chills all over...and an excitement in my gut.........definitely the right move for her!! Please send our best back to her!

I am also worried for Elaine, who has no one but us that she turns to. I have a wonderful face to face support system, but I don't use them a fraction as much as I use this forum and you people. Even with my face to face friends, I would feel lost without you all.

Last night I was talking myself through the evening. And, yes, I answer myself, too....kook that I am. I was forcing myself to function and trying to give myself a pep talk..."This is just a hiccup, Susannah." "This is a lot more than a hiccup! Losing my daughter is like trying to function in the middle of a major heart attack." "Yes, but you've learned to live with the heart attack. THIS, right now, is just a hiccup IN the heart attack......it will pass."

I still have the hiccups.

But, I can still find the humor in it all!! Last night I imagined Stephanie being close by as I missed her and cried for her......telling me she's "right here" and me saying, "No you're not. You're gone." And, in my imagination I could see her rolling her eyes and bursting in laughter as she told the other angels, "She doesn't think that I'm here, yet she's answering me."

I told her to quit laughing at me.....

Susannah/Stephanie's mom Oh. I've posted the videos Steph took on facebook (they're just a few seconds long, each) if you want to see them...

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. If anyone knows of someone having difficulty logging in, please PM me with their email so I can let them know we are trying to help them, and I will pass on their information to the tech people.

We don't want anyone to be left out. We will try to get them on here as soon as possible.

Konnie

[hotrod]

GOOD MORNING INDIGOS

I TOO HAVE DIFFICULTY LOGGING IN BUT IF I GO TO "MY HiSTORY" ON MY COMPUTER AND FIND WHERE I WAS LAST ON HERE (SOMETIMES GALLERY). I CLICK ON THAT AND AM IN IN A SECOND

THAT HAPPEND AGAIN THIS AM. HOPE IT GETS FIXED AS I MISS BETSY AND EVERY ONE ELSE.

TRUDIE I AM GLAD MUTLEY HAS BECOME A "NEWBIE" LOVE HIS PICTURE. HOPE YOUR TRIP TO THE OCEAN IS GREAT AND THAT YOU GET SOME MORE PICTURES.

CAROL LOVE THE PICTURES AND THE MEMORIAL TO MIKE AT FENWAY. IT IS SO VERY SPECIAL . STEPHEN'S AWFUL YEARS WERE AFTER HIS FATHER DIED AT 16 TO 19 THOSE ARE THE DAYS I KNOW I WAS IN DISTRESS AND DID NOT HANDLE HIS ISSUES AS WELL AS I COULD TODAY. HE CAME BACK AND WE TOO WERE VERY CLOSE.

KATHY SO SORRY ABOUT THE BIG UPSET WITH YOUR HOME AND THE STRESS AT WORK TAKE IT EASY AS YOU CAN.

LEAH YOU DO SOUND SO STRONG AND CLEAR I AM GLAD YOU ARE ABLE TO COME HERE AND GAIN STRENGTH I KNOW I DO

DEE ENJOY YOUR TIME OFF AND WALKS AND I HOPE A BIKE RIDE TODAY

SHERRY I DO HOPE YOU READ ABOUT BETSY. SEEING THE BABY DEER WITHOUT A MOM. IT REMINDED ME OF YOU AND DEE AND THE LOVELY NATURE THAT SURROUNDS YOU.

i KNOW YOU NATURE LOVERS WILL SMILE AT MY NATURE WALKS BUT I WENT TO CENTRAL PARK YESTERDAY AFTER VISITING A FRIEND IN THE HOSPITAL

THE CENTRAL PARK LAKE IS BEAUTIFUL AND THIS PARTICULAR ONE WAS ONCE OVER GROWN AND NOTHING LIVED IN IT. YESTERDAY I SAW DUCCKS, (WITH THERE BABES), HUGE GOLD FISH SMIMMING THERE AN TWO LARGE TURTLES ON A ROCK IN THE HEART OF MANHATTAN A LITTLE OASIS OF NATURE

OF COARSE THERE WERE MANY FOLKS OUT WITH THERE PETS AS WELL. ONE LADY HAD HER PARROT OUT FOR A WALK AND ONE MAN HIS HUGE SNAKE CENTRAL PARK IS ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE.

BE WELL INDIGOS

[Eric]

Hey folks! So just so i understand completely whats going on, when you try and load the site does it just not load at all and says the webpage cannot be found? or do you get a different message?

[lolynbo]

KODY FINISHED 3RD SHOULD HAVE GOT 2ND BUT A LAPPED CAR (SAME OLD MAN) HELD HIM UP....LAP CARS A RE SUPPOSE TO STAY TO THE BOTTOM...HE WAS GIVIN IT HELL AS IF HE CLD WIN...(THE OLD MAN)...

IT WAS SO RUFF BRENTS MOM AND DAD WAS AT THE TRACK..AND AGAIN AT IHOP...NEVER SAID A WORD TO US...HOLDING BRINLEY ND KISSIN ON HER..(SHOULD BE MY GRAND DAUGHTER)..BRENTS MOM HAS NEVER ONCE SAID "IM SORRY, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO, WE LOVED KOURTNEY"...NOT A DAMN WORD...NOT A DAMN WORD....HOW HARD IS IT TO AGKNOWLEGDE MONTY AND I.....BRENTS DAD WAS HEARD SAYN HE COULDNT BELIEVE WE DIDNT GIVE BRENT THE LIFE INS $$$$ (LAST YR OR SO)......SO HARD I LEFT IHOP QUIETLY CRYING...MY HEART WAS HURT...AND MAD

BRENT WAS NICE OF COURSE AND CARLEY LET ME HOLD BRINLEY AT THE TRK...BUT NO ONE SAT WITH US AT IHOP...WE USE TO ALL SIT TOGETHER...

[krichie]

Lolynbo- I am so sorry about the treatment you recieved Brents family. I do not understand all the players and there roles but sounds like a very tough time. When a tragedy breaks up friendship and families and hate takes the place of gief, compation and all other emotions. Glad Kody did well tho #rd is great. Is this a points type racing if so where does he stand in points and how many more races for season?

Kathy- So sorry about this news of your home after such a trying day. I truely hope things will work out where you can stay and not be finaically strapped doing so.

Betsy - I figured you would over do it and be feeling the effects. I think we all would of tried to get as much done and accomplished and then sit down at night only for our body to remind us we are not young anymore. I hope you hjave time to rest up. Congrats on finding a job so soon with this economy as well. Proud of ya !! I know some what of what your going thru seeing a neighbor who resembles Rich- Maybe its a sign he approves of the move and letting you know the distance did not change him being there with you.

My husband had to hire someone to work with him a few months after Richies passing and the young man from a distance looks like he could be his twin. The same hair cut and color, the same build everthing. It is hard for me to speak and form any type of reletionship with this young man, I try to make myself busy elsewhere when he is at the house. I am proably rude doing that but I just can't look at him working with Scott. What right does he have to do that and look like that. I know thats stupid, he seems like a nice young man and in time I will get over the resemblance. Scott said it was tough on him but there is so many big diffrences that he does not see what I see anymore.He sees a very seperate person.

Leah- Glad you had a good heart to heart with daughter, I hope things work out and they all will be safe. I know you might have problems with tribal laws ectt.. I read something about some new law the President signed recently about domestic abuse and tribal laws. Keep us informed. You do sound so confident and strong-keep it up !

I have not caught up on some of your struggles and achievemnts my fellow Indigos but I pray for you all each day and rejoiuce we are all still here on eaerth and this site. I do not even look at my PM.I just don't hink to look up at that part of sight. Am hopeing this does not stop people from posting on regular forms for us all to share/learn/laugh/cry.

I am having a restless day today. Not really down just can't seem to concentrate and get involved with anything. The weather is kind of crappy so no outside chores to do and I am tired of cleaning the inside of house, I have also read so much my eyes are telling me to stop so no good book for me today. Maybe hubby will take me to lunch and get me out of house.

[heartbeataway]

Well, we have been renting our home for 24 years, we love it and have made it our house in every way you could imagine. Today our landlord showed up to let us know she has decided to sell !!!! We have first option of course. The price she is asking is $295,000.00 !! She would take $40,000.00 down and hold the mortgage for us and we would pay her $1400.00 a month plus we would have to pay on the 40,000.00 loan....We are still in shock, this house is our home and the thought of leaving it is killing me but the way the economy is now I am not sure we could even get a mortgage and what kind of monthly payment would we have on that amount plus where do you find the 20% down payment they usually ask for. When she was here and told us I started to cry and had to walk away, she came up to me and said she was sorry she upset me. Bottom line right now is she is going to talk to her lawyer/ accountant and she what she can do... This woman and her husband (no kids) own 6 houses and they own all of them outright...all they pay are the taxes. Anyway, I don't know what is going to happen....I looked in our local paper for rentals and the cheapest monthly rent is $2,400.00 a month... I will keep you informed - say a prayer.

Kathy,

Go to a place like Zillow and put your address in. It will give you the market in your area and a pretty good idea of what your house is worth. The price does not sound bad ..... is the house in good shape? Remember it will have to appraise at the mortgage amount.

I would talk to someone that will look after your interests if I were you.

If you have been renting the home for 24 years, I would hope the landlord will be willing to be creative and help you buy the house. Perhaps take less down ...

Talk to mortgage folks ..... it might surprise you!

Good luck with the negotiations. I'm sorry you're having to face this ....... wish there was something I could do to help.

Love!

[ericasmom]

Lorri, I am sorry that Bren'ts parents simply don't know how to acknowledge greif. For heavens sake, their son was married to Kourt...sad for them really though I know it leaves you feeling sad and angry. My heart is holding you tight.

Kath, that is reallly upsetting news for you and I am going to pray and send hopes out to you. Very unsettling.

Betsy, I am sorry you are not getting through, but glad that you have reached Bonnie to let us know how you are. Thanks Bon.

I don't mind you working for a testing company, I am thrilled that you have a job so quickly. I will still dislike all the testing, but now maybe like it a bit more cause you are there.

Betty, I love that you were in the park in the midst of the city and in the midst of so much nature. I love Central Park, the lakes andponds and birds...beautiful.

ELAINE, are you out there?

Leah, the talks are a nice way for you and Daughter to reaquaint. Blessings to you and she and the KIDS.

The wedding was pretty, did not sleep well in the hotel, but am home now and our houseguests are here, off to Uncle's birthday party in a few hours, going to get a walk in first, or maybe Betty, a bike ride.

Trud, I walk do walk daily, power in the morning, fast mile in the afternoon in the lunch hour, and usually each night a regular mile after dinner. I should be skinny, but I am not.

[lolynbo]

KATHY I PRAY IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR THE HOUSE...ID B DEVISTATED IF I LOST MY HOUSE OR HAD TO MOVE...GODS IN CONTROL ....

THANKS GUYS FOR THE BRENT FAMLY THOUGHT....I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND...THEY LOST TOO, DO THEY NOT HAVE HEARTS????

YES KODY IS IN A POINTS RACE...I THINK HE IS IN 3RD IN POINTS HE WAS IN 2ND..THEN THE TRACK CLOSED DUE TO NO ONE WANTING TO RUN IT, AND LOST ALL THE POINTS...SOOOOO...

[westleysmom]

Carol-The pictures from Mike's birthday were great. I'm sorry your guys didn't win, but at least they didn't get skunked! I hope Ralph continues to improve as you learn more about chemistry so you can cook for him. I probably should do better for my husband who has high cholesterol and takes blood pressure medicine, too. I'll try to work on that.

Betsy-It is so easy to try to do too much at once. But I'm glad you're getting settled in. (I hope you get back on soon)

Colleen-Cleaning out old Christmas stuff, oh how I dread that. I still had Santa pictures up from the kids younger days when it happened, and I never took them down. Just small snapshots from the mall, you know. I can't think about Christmas just yet, but I haven't moved those pictures. When I put them there, all wasn't perfect with the world, but it wasn't as ****ed up as it is now.

Lorri-I'm sorry that they treated you so bad and made you cry. People can be so heartless, especially when money is somehow involved. I'm sorry Kody got messed up on 2nd, but it sounds like he's still doing pretty good.

Leah-I hope things continue to improve with your daughter's situation. My in-laws befriended a native American girl years ago, her uncle worked for my FIL. There were a lot of rules on where she could go and stuff, even then. I'm sure its much more complicated now. Crossing my fingers for good things to happen this week.

Kathy-I'm so sorry for your news about the house. Around here, the rates for mortgages seem very low right now, less than 4%. (My daughter works at a bank, so I get stuff from them a lot) I hope you can work out something with your landlord.

We've been here for 21 years and I can't imagine if we were told we had ot leave. So many memories in that span of time

Krichie and Betty (I think) You know how you were talking about the years when your sons were "doing their own thing" and you fought a lot. That's where we still were, and one reason why I think I feel so much guilt. I was allllllmost seeing light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes I thought he was beginning to understand how adulthood REALLY worked. And then he was gone. The last extended face-to-face conversation we had, my voice was raised and I was in my robe at 1:00 in the morming. It is not a happy memory for me and I would give anything to change it. I would give anything to change the last 7 months completely. But we all know there are no do-overs. We did what we did and we have what we've got, at least for now. I went to the cemetery today and cried so hard I couldn't breathe, for just a little while. I guess it doesn't change anything, but I can't stop myself sometimes.

Susannah-I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. If I try to imagine Westley talking to me, I fall apart. I'm just not there yet.

Dee-I've been doing walking videos in the house. It is just too hot here to go outside most days by the time I get here. I look forward to a break in the weather to be able to get outside and walk. Oh, the other thing is, every time I walk down the driveway, I start crying, I mean sobbing. So if that still happens in the fall, I guess I'll be stuck inside. We brought home a treadmill that my daughter was getting rid of on Jan 12, and I can't walk on it without sobbing either.

I finally made it to Sunday School this morning without my granddaughter. We were talking about faith, and a friend, a really sweet girl, my SIL's younger sister, almost like a SIL herself, said that it was really hard to have faith with all of the bad things that happen around you everyday. I couldn't let it go, I said that it was even harder to have faith when the bad things happened TO you. It made her cry, and she had to leave the room. A clueless new person, comforted her and said it was okay to cry. But after class, she said that she still prays for us and feels for us and that nobody knows what to say, but they're all thinking of us. I told her I was sorry I made her cry. I didn't even cry during all of this. Oh, but later, at the cemetery, that's when the tears fell like rain. The thing is I know that what she was saying is true, and what I said is true. It is never easy to have faith, and sometimes it gets harder.

Getting ready for another work week. I hope you all have a peaceful evening and sweet dreams if you have any

[Eric]

so i've found a potential fix for the people having issues with connecting to the site, please let me know if this works or not.

Sparing you the boring tech babble-

1 - go to the windows/start menu

2 - if you are using windows xp there is an option called "Run", open that. If you are using windows 7 type run into the search and press enter

3 - this should bring up a new box that says "Open :" and a blank field

4 - type into this field 'ipconfig /flushdns' without the ' then press ok

5 - a black box may appear for a fraction of a second then disapear

6 - try and load the page, it should? work

i'm emailing this to the person you spoke of as well heartbeataway, but please let them know as well just to be safe. thanks!

[summergirl]

Thank you all for the wonderful prayers and well wishes on our "problem" with perhaps moving. I am taking it one day at a time and I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe this is a good thing. We are going to try for the mortgage and see what happens. Yes the house is worth the money for the area that we live in and we have spent much time making it "our home", I have raised my daughter and son here and it has been Tavian's home for the past 4 years so it is hard to imagine having to move....but nothing can ever hurt me or touch me the way losing my Jessica did so we will deal with what comes....will keep you all informed.

Tavian went to a birhtday party today at Damien's and has ended up spending the night so I am having some down time.....feels good but as always miss his laughter and the goodnight hugs and kisses.

Lots of rain today and we sure have needed it....been a dry, very hot summer so my yard is happy now.

I love you all and talk tomorrow....love, strength and peace to all

[daveydow1]

Lorri----So sorry about Brent's family not speaking to you at the IHOP. Man....that was cold. I think that I would have left there too. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Krichie----The moonglow balloons sounds just lovely.

Trudi---Thanks for your kind words about Dave's avatar. I know just what you mean about the PM system. I must be so

dumb, but I am still bumbling around in there:( ....oh well......maybe in due time.......(maybe). Thanks for the John Denver

"Sunshine on my Shoulder" song. I like to think that each & every one of our angels are a little bit of sunshine on our shoulders....a little bit of heaven. Peace to you, friend.

Leah----So glad that your daughter's outlook is getting better. I pray for her, and also that her ex-boyfriend does not take off with the child (children ? ) . May she continue to see things more clearly, and progress to the point where she is free of the ex for good.

Carol---Such a nice way of remembering Mike at Fenway.

Betty----Wow.! Your walk in Central Park was so interesting. I go for walks in the area park, but have never seen anyone walking a parrot, or a huge snake (YIKES ). How's your little squirrel? Is he still around ? I went to the garden to pick a "few" green beans......there was a whole second crop. I got over a peck basketful. Our bonfire Friday night went well. It's good we didn't plan it for Sat. night-----it was a steady

downpour here. I was on the couch on the enclosed sunroom, in the dark, listening to the soft rain, and had soft jazz on the radio. Relaxing time.

Kathy---Sorry to hear that the landlady wants to sell your house. I do hope that you & Barry can work something out with her. So sorry you have this added worry on your shoulders. Thoughts & prayers.

I went to the cemetery today......to water the flower pots. The flowers are all still blooming but are beginning to go into a decline. It's

sad, in a way.........reminds me that it's the end of summer......and I always feel a bit melancholy this time of year

Davey&Lisasmon, Sherry.

[lolynbo]

[size="4"]

WANTED TO SHARE MY SON GETTING TO CARRY THE FLAG BEFORE THE RACE...HOPE IT POSTS...

[ericasmom]

So Listen to the song by The Call and read the lyrics or sing along and think of it tomorrow as the day begins, the title is Let the Day Begin. The writer and singer of this song Michael Been died a few days ago, he was 60 years old and was the sound man for his Son's band. THere they were in Brussels readying for a concert and Michael Been had a heart attack. This song has always a been a lovely comfort to me, I hope it will do the same for his Son and family. His music was hopeful, which is a blessing to us all.

[krichie]

Westleysmoms