Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  your poem...no words to describe its beauty and feeling...thank you for sharing...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Dee,

Your poem is awesome.  I agree, I am stronger and better for having met you and the other parents of angels on this site.

I am reading a new book The Grieving Garden - Living with the death of a child, by Isabel Allende.

This book contain real thoughts, emotions, decisions, from real people who really lost a child.  This book has parents from all walks of life, religion, race, socieoeconomic backgrounds.

I have gleened several new strategies for dealing with the inevitable situations we all face - How many children do you have?  How do you mark their anniversaries, what have we done with the rest of our lives - little questions like that (HAHAHA).

I recommend this book

Thanks for listening

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

[rlolheiser]

Thank you all for the thoughtful, kind words for my JaBoa,

Dee your poem is beautiful.

It seems everybody here has forgotton what today is.  Daddy even took little Ray for the day.. I guess it just seems so sad that nobody remembers.  I bring it up and people brush it aside......I miss her so much.

 I found this picture on a website, it was her last school picture, the same one I had put on her ornament.  It is hard to believe she has been away for 3 years.. it is still just a nightmare to me and I wish I would wake up.

Thanks again my friends for remembering and most of all for caring (hugs)

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[andrewsmother]

Happy Satuday to all,

Yesterday was Andrew's 2 month angel anniversary, a very difficult day indeed. First and fore most

Happy Birthday sweet JaBoa

Please send your grandma a big sign today to tell her you are ok.

Leah, she is sooooo beautiful

To Ashley's mom, I am so so very sorry for the loss of your precious Ashley, I sent you a private message, I hope you keep coming to BI, this is a wonderful group

of people that have walked in your shoes and are here to listen and understand you. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult

time.

Colleen, I too have read the Grieving Garden and still refer to it almost daily depending on what I am feeling, I also recommend it.

Dee..love the poem!

Sherry...your post broke my heart, we are here for you.

My niece Jackie had a dream about Andrew on the night of his 2 month angel anniversary, in her dream Andrew was with another young man which Jackie did not recognize,

she said she was dreaming about something else when Andrew walked into her dream with this other young man, she said he was wearing a dark sweater and khaki pants,

and that he looked very good, she went up to him and stroked his face, she asked him what he was doing there, he told her he was coming to spend some time with her. She

asked him where he had been and he told her "I have been on a big adventure". What is amazing is that Jackie said when she stroked his face, she felt a bump on it, in her

dream she stroked his left cheek. The strange thing is that Andrew's face was swollen when I saw him on the left said, this was where he was hurt in the accident, and

it was very visible when I saw him the last time, however, his viewing was closed casket, Jackie never saw him or knew about his face, pretty incredible right? Also, my

other niece Melinda coincoidentally also had a dream about Andrew that same night. From what I gather, it seems most of these dreams come on an anniversary, almost

as if our children want to comfort us on this very day when it is so very hard.

Love to all of your,

Rosie (Andrew's mom)[align=center][/align][align=center][/align]

[andrewsmother]

Wanted to share a video that was posted on Andrew's facebook page yesterday that I had not seen. This is from one of the school's Coffee Houses, it is a skit that he performed in. He is the one with the black sweater under the green t-shirt.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=5474490

[andrewsmother]

This was Thanksgiving 2008, a crazy little video of our family, Andrew is the one with the black long sleeve shirt...Oh what I would give for those times!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=36464013375&subj=704941509

[heartbeataway]

Happy Birthday Sweet Jaboa!

[daveydow1]

Carol,...Betty...Lorrie...Trudi....Leah...Kathy....Susannah....Dee...Rosie. THANK YOU ALL

so very much for your heartfelt posts. I was OK later in the evening. I guess I

was just a bit 'shocked' at the intensity of my grief, and how it came onto me

at the cemetery.  But, your posts have lifted my heart & spirits; and as I always

say...."nowhere else can we find such understanding for our feelings as here

at BI."  You guys are the greatest.

Dee----Thanks for the poem of the Golden Threads. So very inspirational & true.

Lynn---Thanks for your post....I know that you must have had the same feelings

as I did when visiting the cemetery. Thanks.

Ashleysmom-----I am so very sorry for your loss of your sweet daughter, Ashley.

Please come back to BI. Everyone here knows, firsthand, the pain and grief you

are feeling. Just read or post as you feel up to it....tell us about Ashley whenever

you feel you can. Peace & prayers , friend.

I loved all the tales of 'COOKING GONE WRONG'....we've all had them :?....

Colleen----Thanks for the tip on the book..."Grieving Garden". I will check the

 library for it.

        HAPPY  HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY,  JABOA.   

                    Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry    

[shorty16]

Quote:  "I cannot put my words into grief, for it would bankrupt the vocabularies of all the languages." - Samuel Clemmens (Tom Sawyer) 8 years after the death of his daughter.

I agree

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

HEY GANG OF FRIENDS<

 thanks for the nice words about Gold Thread. I wrote it long ago, and Sherry's ache just really reminded me of that soul-crushing time and so I browsed my files. So glad you liked it.

I just got back from an amazingly beautiful meeting with an old friend, a beautiful woman who lost her Boy in June. She and I knew each other a long time ago, and today was our first time seeing one another in about 14 years, maybe more. She has read here, finding solace in the words spoken, the hearts so openly shown. Love to you my Sweet Friend.

So Betty, how is your friend? HOw are you?

Leah, I know that others not acknowledging JaBoa's birthday makes you sad, but JaBoa knows who carries her in their hearts.

Rosie, I love the videos, thanks for sharing those. Your Andrew is quite a funny guy, what a presence on stage. Two months is forever in some ways and so early on in others. The dream thing is a special way that Andrew made visits, eri did this too, about 4 months after she left, 4 or 5 of her friends that were spread across the USA in colleges had dreams, very similar dreams, in a two day span. They all were communicating with me quite often back then and told me. The underlying theme was the same, " I can't stay long she would shout over loud music at a party or concert, but I just need you to know its all good, it is better than fine." She hugged her friends and was gone. In each of the re-tellings, she was smiling, beaming and there was loud music, and she said that she was better than fine. What a gift. And it was a gift to you through his cousins, and for them, to have his sweet self standing near. Take good care of yourself.

Sherry, glad that you are feeling better, I am with you Friend along for the whole ride.

[Guest]

Rosie - Was that you in the dancing video, too?  So much fun!  The poker polka video was wonderful.  Did those boys choreograph it?  Your boy could sing, too!  Stephanie was a singer, too!I'm sure she's rockin' and rollin' in the spirit in ways that would have our Creator laughing and joining them just like the dancing video.

I definitely believe our kids visit us in our dreams.  I think they make themselves known more often than we actually realize.  Perhaps every once in awhile, there is a break in our "mentality" to allow them to "sneak" through to our hearts so we can actually see them.  I think they visit in every way possible often.

Dee - I am struck with your wisdom in writing the golden thread.  It is a powerful piece.

A friend lent (loaned ?) her copy of The Grieving Garden to me right after Stephanie died.  For the life of me I can't remember if I actually read it or not.  It's been six months, so it is time for me to return the book, perhaps I'll buy my own copy.  Her son died suddenly a few months before Stephanie.

Sherry - I'm glad you're feeling better.  You give such strength and help to me, it's nice to know we're not alone.

Leah - I haven't experienced the forgotten dates with Stephanie, yet, because we haven't had that much time. Because it's still so fresh, a lot of people still talk freely and openly about her.  I am blessed by that.  Just the other day one of our friends said how much she missed her and keeps expecting her to come bouncing out with that huge smile on her face.

Those remembrances are so important to me.  I hope JoBoa made herself known to you today!

Sending all of you love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Thanks Sus, glad that you liked Gold Thread.

Hey, if you are up for a memoir, hard to read but beautifully written, also by Isabele Allende, Paula. It is the story of Isabelle's daughter and death. The book to read following that is The Sum of Our Days, also by Isabele, which is telling Paula how and what the family is doing since she left. I love Isabele and her fiction is quite amazing as well.

Love to you all, husband is making dinner for an old friend and his wife, should be good.

Love and hugs,

dee

[mikesmum]

Sherry - Glad to hear you are feeling better today.  There are moments when the distance of time doesn't ease the severity of our feelings.

Kathy - No tears, well I find that the tears no longer fall on 'specific' dates.   More like random attacks, no warning.  Hoping you and Tavian had the best ever granma/grandie time.

Saw Rob Thomas last night.  Took a picnic dinner, champagne, warm night brilliant.  Love the stories he tells in his music.  Doing great till this came on....Tears, sobs, no breath....don't know exactly why. 

Leah - She is so perfect in her school picture.  I guess when we remember its with an intensity that others miss on these days...

 

[daveydow1]

Susannah and Carol--and Trudi---Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I came out of the

'dark hole' ok. With the help of your words, and others....I'm back to my

normal......(whatever that is).   Your understanding & support means so much.

Where would I be if I didn't have BI and all my dear friends.?? 

[andrewsmother]

Susannah...No, that's my older sister Ana in the video. Here's a picture of me with my younger sister Cristina, I'm the one on the left with the longer hair. She's 10 years younger, she was born deaf because my mom had german measles while pregnant. Everyone says Cristina and I look alot a like. So, yes we all sign in the family, she's so cute, I remember when she was born, I was 10 and I thought she was mine, now she has 3 kids of her own, its awesome seeing them, all the kids hear perfectly and they all speak perfect English, spanish and sign language, even her baby Mathew who is only 3 years old, sometimes he gets confused and signs to the wrong person or speaks in the wrong language, it adorable to watch. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family, yesterday I went to my parents, in one of the rooms my mom had little pictures of angels with candles and a small plate with a sticky substance, when I asked her about it, she said that's something someone had told her to do and the sticky substance with water with sugar, go figure, she says she did it for me, she saw my suffering and was desperate for me to feel a little better so she did this, something very unusual for her as I've never seen her doing anything so odd, I guess the love we feel for our children will drive us to try anything for them even if its a little wacky. I have been feeling better lately, and even have a couple of new job possibilities, so she of course, thinks it was her little ritual that made it happen, bless her soul!

[mikesmum]

Rosie - what a precious thing your mum has done...You & your sister, are you what, 20 & 30 in that picture?..georgeous looking girls!!!

Checked out my pics from last night

just a few orbs.....Rob Thomas must be popular here and there.

sunset over the winery......

Peace out

 

 

[andrewsmother]

Here is a picture of the three of us with my parents, I'm the one in the gray. Wow...seeing these picture brings back so many happy memories and so much pain, I miss my Angel so much. Andrew...I love you and miss you so much!

[andrewsmother]

No actually I'm 46 and Cristina is 36, the picture with her was taken October 2009 at my sister's house for my brother in law's birthday, it was just 2 months almost to the day before Andrew's accident. I had to share this last picture which I found...Wow so many many memories. This is a halloween years ago, Andrew is the lion and Chris is the Pooh, the other kids are my sister Ana's kids, Jackie Alex and Daniel. We had a tradition of every single year going trick or treating around her neighborhood and when everyone was exhausted we would go to McDonalds. As the years passed, my younger sister's kids started joining us.

I've been in bed all day with my laptop just remembering....

There goes laundry and house cleaning...

[bjsmom]

Hello to ALL! Haven't been writing much, don't have the words, just wanted to say hello & that I think of everyone on BI often.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[andrewsmother]

Deneace, everytime I see a picture of BJ he reminds me so much of Andrew. Have you been having a harder time lately? My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend, I'm so sad as well...looking at all the pictures and videos of my boy is so painful, but I would do it all over again pain and all to have him as my child.

Love,

Rosie (Andrew's mom)

[summergirl]

A precious Angel, fly high and send your grandma big hugs...

[nicksdad]

Happy Birthday Joboa

[summergirl]

Hello dear Indigo's -

Rosie - wow, beautiful pic of you and family...love the videos, thank you for sharing. Just 46 huh ?? well, yes I think I remember being 46 but that was well, almost 7 years ago....seems like I was just turning 40 and here I am 53...only as old as we feel they say and some days that is 100 for me and others I feel 25 with Tavian.. I get that staying in bed all day with the laptop, just remembering, it is so hard my friend and I can only say "time sweet friend, time"

Dee - beautiful poem, another for my BI poem book. Thank you for letting me know that I have helped you in some ways as often I feel my words are so empty but I will never leave this site so all of you will just have to deal with me..

Deneace - it is always ok to not have the words, just coming here and reading can be enough at times...just seeing you here is enough until you are able to post again, always thinking of you...

Trudi - how true - tears fall when they do, no specific time, day...just whenever they decide to fall. It has been that way for some time now and when I least expect it I will fall to my knees and then pick myself  back up again....Jessica will be there for me.

Colleen - LOVE that quote...how true.

My son called me yesterday to tell me that he was going into a rehab on Monday, he had talked to them and it was a 28 day program to evaluate and then he would be placed in an inhome (not out patient) rehab for an undetermined amount of time, lots of counselling, possible medication etc..he needed 250.00 to enter and that would take care of personal items etc while he was there, he would not be able to call me but would be able to write to me...I told him how proud I was of him that he had finally taken the step on his own to change his life around and I sent him the money. Today I went shopping with my friend Linda (Barry and Tavian needed a little guy time) and I got a call from my son saying "I need you to send me money" - I was, well I cannot say what I was, I asked why he needed more money and he said "I owed someone money so I had to pay them and now I need the money for rehab" - needless to say I thought I would drop to my knees and have that cry I have not had yet but instead I said "I am sorry but there is no more money, the tree money has stopped growing, the ATM machine is broken along with my heart....once again I believed, I really believed or maybe I knew it was all just to get more money out of me but chose to believe. (pretty stupid huh??) Bottom line, I hung up, turned off the phone. Talked alot with Linda, came home and told Barry and continued on with my day...I am now sitting here in my bed with Tavian, each of us on our laptops and I am NOT going to feel guilty...I have a right to a life and my main concern is Tavian, my health, my sanity.., I CANNOT HELP HIM, I CANNOT SAVE HIM, I CANNOT HELP HIM KILL HIMSELF, I CANNOT CONTINUE WALKING WITH HIM ON THIS DESTRUCTIVE PATH HE HAS CHOSEN....GOD HELP ME, GOD HELP MY SON BUT I HAVE TO LET HIM FIND HIS WAY ON HIS OWN...I WILL NOT BE HIS ENABLER ANYMORE.   I have called a place called the Pheonix House, it is a counselling place for those in my shoes so I will be going to my first meeting this coming week.    Thank you all for once again listening to my troubles but I have no where else to go to talk about this as no one understands like all of you do...again I am sorry if I offend or hurt anyone with my words. I love you all and keep you in my prayers always.

Sweet, Sweet Jessica, hold on to me my girl, hold on tight to me, I love you....always your mom

Sweet dreams, restful sleep my friends, Kathy

[mikesmum]

Rosie & Deneace - your boys are sooooo alike to look at.  

Laptop and memories - sounds like a plan.  Laundry & cleaning always there.

Kathy - I remember the first time I was asked what I would do if the plane I was on was going down.  Who would I put the oxygen mask on me or my child.  My first 'emotional' instinct was my child.  My intelligent response - "me".  Its hard to make that call, just like turning off your phone and cutting down the money tree.  But should BJ get to rehab and get his life back on track you need to be there to support that 'positive' action......strength to you as you attend your first 'support' for you.

 

 

[aim630]

Carol, Dee, Trudi, Betty, Susannah, Kathy, Lynn,Mary Ann & Sherry

Thanks for your words of welcome & encouragement. I have been searching for someplace on the internet to talk to people who understand what I'm going through right now, and this sounds like the right place. I hope I remembered everyone!

Greg: Thanks for the link. It helps to know some of the feelings I have right now are normal, like guilt and anger.

Rosie: thanks for responding to my message. I watched the videos you attached & your son Andrew was quite talented! I'm glad you can watch those videos when you're missing him, although nothing is the same as having our kids here with us. My youngest daughter did a school project with her friend & Ashley right before Ashley got sick, and he gave her the recording. There is no video, but I got to hear her voice again & her goofing off which was so completely Ashley.

I will come back to this website often. Speaking of food failures, I am known for my pork chop "chips"-very overcooked, kind of like beef jerky. javascript:emoticon(':)', 'images/emoticons/smile.gif')

I tried to attach a picture of Ashley, hopefully it worked.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[nicksdad]

Kathy....I feel for you with your son. I would of believed him also when he called from rehab. Maybe not so much as believed him as much as I would of "wanted" to believe this was the time. It's not easy and I wish I could say it will get better. But, having been there all you can do is love him and do what "you" feel is right.

[Guest]

Ashley's mom (is it Amy?) I'm so glad you posted again!  Ashley is beautiful!  She has Katie Holmes type features.  Very, very pretty!

Andrew and BJ do look a lot alike. 

Geeze Louise, Rosie!  You and your sister are gorgeous!!  Her three yr old can sign, speak english and spanish?  Very impressive.  I have a dear friend whose main language is Spanish but they also speak english.  It was the same with their little girl.  She didn't realize she knew two different languages and not everybody understood both.  She just had two words for the same thing.  Cute and confusing! Who knows, you just might getting that little reprieve because of your mom's bowl of concoction.  Maybe.  (Or maybe you're getting a head cold, too)  It has to be terrible for your mother...to lose her grandson and hurt for her own child.  I can't imagine trying to comfort one of my children through this kind of pain. 

Oh Kathy!  I'm so sorry you went through that with your son yet again!  Stephanie did that kind of stuff all the time!  We do what we know not to do.  We do what we hope will work.  And, we pray "this time".  I'm so glad you are going to find people who can help you through this.  One time my sister asked me the most profound question.  She said, "What would your answer be if guilt and fear weren't a factor" You have to know you are not judged here!  Hell, Kathy, you're not judged out there.  The worst judge is probably your self and your son, who will not be happy that he can not manipulate you any more.  Some day, he may just thank you for finally saying no.  Our drug addict/alcoholic children are tornadoes in our lives.  They whirl through and leave a mess and go find someone else.  You are a point of pure survival, now.  Bless you, Sweet Kathy!  You are a good mother!  You are a good grandmother!  You are good.  Period.  Leave your boy to God's care, now.  Rest. The serenity prayer is so helpful. 

Love the orbs, Trudi.

Thanks for the book recommendations, Dee.  I'll check the book store next week or maybe even Amazon.com, where we get most of our books.

Well.  We had our dinner with friends and it happened.  Somebody said something stupid.  I didn't burst into tears, but I put her in her place very quickly.  Sheese, why do I have to do that?  I have such a big mouth!  Why can't I allow stupid people the grace of being stupid?

There were a few of us standing together, them telling me how nice it was to finally see me and how good I looked and well I was doing.  I thanked them telling them it was either the fact that God spoke to me or it's this head cold.  One woman looked at me and said I'm doing better because I chose to rise above the death of my daughter.  "It's your will power.  You're not wallowing in sorrow like a lot of people because you chose to pull yourself up."

I responded that this has nothing to do with choice, that I was sitting there in a calm, serene state because of divine intervention and that just a few days before I was virtually worthless and I might be again tomorrow.  I told her this was the most powerful, unpredictable force I've ever been confronted with and grief has nothing to do with choice.

She argued with me and assured me it was because I chose to move on.  My voice was quiet as I asked her how she could pass that judgment, "have you actually walked through the death of your child?"  She said she had been through a divorce.  My voice was even more quiet (a warning sign) as I told her so had I...twice...and, this is nothing like that.  I told her my mother died in my arms two years ago and this is nothing like that.  I told her I buried my sister and this is nothing like that.  I told her my grandmother who raised me before foster homes had been brutally murdered, and this is nothing like that. 

My voice was at a more civil level as I then lectured her about what not to say to someone who is grieving.  And, I told her the only reason I could even tell her that was because of the divine intervention or head cold which allowed me to leave my house.

She was apologizing all over herself.  And, I apologized and I reminder her to be patient and gracious with others.

THEN....later, sitting at the table, the woman sitting by me began talking about her daughter who was killed in a car accident several years ago and said how she found herself in a heap in the bathroom floor recently because the pain just hit out of nowhere and the grief was more than she could bear.

I told her about this site.

I love you guys!  Like Sherry said, you are my link..my gold thread.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Amy,

your Ashley is gorgeous, what a beautiful smile. I am glad/sad that you are here, glad that we did not scare you away in our flooding of welcome. We are like this, just a big group of humans that act as family when a new person arrives, and we all know it can be overwhelming, maybe thinking that you need to learn our names and who our Kids are, but we also know that you will learn names as you move along, no need to study, we are here and eventually, our Kid's faces will click with our names.

I am very sorry that you find yourself here, I sure wish that you didn't need to, but at the same time, I know that this place is the BEST. Be gentle and kind to yourself, knowing that Ashley wants this for her Momma.

Rosie, you are gorgeous, my goodness! You do look to be around 30 there at the most. Wow!

I love the photo of Andrew as lion. So cute.

And I am glad to see BJ and Andrew next to one another as the resemblance is pretty amazing. Deneace, you don't have to have much to say to be here. It is okay to just stop in to say hi.

Love to all,

dee

[mikesmum]

Amy - love those brown eyes...such a smile, such life in her face......beautiful.  Losing a child gives us a 'new normal'.  So much about us changes.  Our thoughts, emotions, beliefs - the way we connect to the world.  Here we connect, we understand and we know.....Thank you for sharing your girl here.  Trudi

[hotrod]

GOOD MORNING INDIGOS

I JUST HAVE TIME FOR A FAST HI AND THEN I MUST RUSH OFF.

AMY, LEAH AND ROSIE 

 I REALLY LOVED THE PICTURES OF ASHLEY, SO BEAUTIFUL, AND FULL OF DREAMS ANDREW AS THE LION AND CHRIS AS POOH, WHAT BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES, MOM AND THE FAMILY SO VERY HAPPY AND NATURALLY THE "DREAMER" JOBOA.  THEY ARE ALL SO VERY PRECIOUS

 ROSIE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY SO BEAUTIFUL  TNK YOU ALL FOR SHARING THESE MEMORIES.

TRUDIE SUNSETS, PICNIC DINNER, WITH CHAMPAGNE AND SWEET MUSIC.  SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD NIGHT.  LOVED THE SONG AND DID JOIN YOU IN TEARS.

COLLEEN thanks FOR THE QUOTE FROM SAMUAL CLEMENS  I DO BELIEVE THAT I AM ALSO BANKRUPT OF WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS LOSS.

DEE THANKS FOR YOU SUPPORT AND BOOK SUGGESTIONS  HOPE HUBBY'S DINNER MATCHED YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

KATHY I AM ALSO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE GOING FOR HELP FOR YOURSELF. I ALSO PRAY FOR BJ DAILY.

SUSANNAH I AM GLAD YOU DID GET OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS  I HAVE GIVEN UP TRYING TO GET PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THIS LOSS TO UNDERSTAND.  I REFUSE TO DISCUSS MY LOSS WITH THEM AND KNOW I HAVE THIS PLACE TO COME WHERE I WILL BE HEARD AND SUPPPORTED.

I AM GOING TO MY FRIENDS  HOME IN The few MINUTE .  SHE IS THE ONE WHO LOST HER 26 YEAR OLD SONS LAST WEEK AND IS HOLDING UP PRETTY WELL.  WE ALL KNOW THAT FEELING. SHE IS SURROUNDED BY CONCERN AND SUPPORT AND SHE IS MORE OR LESS JUST GOING THRU THE MOTIONS.  I WILL SEE HER NEXT WEEK AFTER EVERYONE GOES HOME AND THE QUIET HAS SET IN.  THEN I WILL GIVE HER THIS WEB SITE AND SUGGESTIONS OF SETTING UP A INTERNET MEMORIAL FOR HER SON. 

BETSY DONE ANY MORE BAKING LATELY? 

SHERRY , MARCIA  AND DENEACE, BETH AND LEAH I DO HOPE YOU ARE COMING OUT OF THE BLACKNESS. COMING HERE AND JUST READING HELPS ME

DAN, GREG, KIM, MARYANN, CAROL AND ALL INDIGOS HAVE A SAFE DAY.

BETTY

STEPHEN'S MOM:)

 

[mysonrich]

Hello Amy, so sorry that you are here. Your daughter Ashley is very pretty You have found a supportive, caring group here at BI with a wealth of knowing, feeling that will always be here for you. You are not alone.

My son Rich died 01/18/09 due to cardiac dysrhythmia. My boy went to sleep and never opened his eyes to this earthly place again.

I wanted to share a couple of things with the Indigos. I kept this to myself for a couple of days so that it would continue to being me wonder and warmth. Walking last Thursday , I took a break from the grindstone. There is a mountain behind the grindstone. I heard a noise and looked up. A cry. “hey,look at me”. Not one, but four hawks circling, flying, diving, flying still in one spot. I was amazed. I have seen hawks since Rich died, right after he died. One was waiting for me when I came back upstate. How do they stay still on the current and then soar. That is Rich. And with friends last week, his cousin Pat with him no doubt.

Another took me a 10 months to see. When my vision cleared, the cloud lifted, the pain ebbed for a moment. I first saw this when it was aglow in orange. It was always there but my pain wouldn’t allow me to see it. The first, this morning. The second aslo this morning with a trim, can you see it too?

Trudi, yes, I remember the girls and the Beast. What an experience for you all.

Dee, Funny story of the cat. The picture I see in my eye still mkae me laugh.　

Betty,I made muffins today. I cheated though, I took a short=cut but they are good. No meat products. Wouls you like one?

Betsy, mysonRich

 

[ericasmom]

Now I feel like I am searching Betsy, for the something in the photo...is it a large bird, perhaps a hawk on the left branches up high? I love what you said about it always being there, but it took months to see, many folks think that there might not have been any messages, but really, there are many and it takes time to let your heart rest and see with your soul. So let me know what I am seeing in the left branches. I love that there were 4 hawks gathered and calling. "We're here, we're flying free, we love you..."

What, no meaty muffins?

Leah, I don't think I commented on JoBoa's school photo, her clear eyed innocence. So pretty, a treasure to you for all time. And you are a treasure to her for all time.

Betty, good day to you as you hurry off to assist a friend. I think that she is going to always know the golden of your presence, you are the thread for her.

Trudi, I too cried along with Betty as I watched the utube video, knowing that you were under the stars listening to this, joined in spirit by our Babies.

[lolynbo]

WELL IM STILL SICK..SOUND LIKE A MAN...FEEL LIKE SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT....KIMBERLY IS HERE SO IM GOING TO TRY TO GET AROUND TO GO EAT LUNCH....DIDNT GO TO CHURCH THOUGH..MONTY JUST LEFT.....

KOURTNEYS BIRTHDAY IS THIS COMING SAT...WE ARE GOING TO HAVE CAKE AND CELEBRATE IT ON THURSDAY (ALSO) AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET....I NO YOU GUYS WOULD COME IF YOU COULD JUST THANKS FOR EVEN CONSIDERING IT..OF COURSE IM GOING TO POST A PIC OF MY ANGEL BABY

MY KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

[mysonrich]

No Dee,no meaty muffins.  No sugar either. I go with berries now. 

 

The backdrop of the sky, remove the lower two branches on either side and I see to halves of a heart, forming at the trunk to make one.

I have to be a lot faster with the camera to capture the hawks or just plain remember to toss it into my bag.

Betsy,mysonRich

[daveydow1]

 

Betsey---The hawks soaring above is surely a sign from your dear Rich that

he is looking down with love, and that he is always with you.

Rosie---Great pics of Halloween. Cute Cute lion.

Deneace---Good to see BJ's smile beaming out on BI.

Trudi---You are so right----tears will fall when they fall......no need to analyze.

There's no "guidebook" to go by on this journey. Each must find their way in

their own time. Thanks for the pic with orbs.

Amy---Glad that you came back to BI. Your daughter, Ashley, is such a lovely

young girl. She has beautiful, warm, brown eyes. I have been on this site going

on 7 yrs......along with Dee. It has been, and still is...a lifeline for me. Everyone

here understands the devastating pain of the loss of a beloved child, and gives

understanding without any judgement. My son, Davey...age 31 died in 2003 in

a terrible highway crash. I came on the site, and only read the posts for almost

a year before 'joining in'. It has really been my lifeline....even now. Peace to you.

Kathy-----Oh, ......I'm so sorry that you have had  yet another sad

disappointment with your son. Peace & prayers for you, friend.

Betty---thanks for your kind words. I'm ok now.....coming out of the 'dark hole'

pretty well. Guess that dark place can hit us anytime, anywhere.

Susannah----What an experience with the woman who compared the loss of your

sweet daughter with her divorce. I guess people just "feel better" when they tell

us that we are.........'strong', 'brave', or 'moving on' etc.  I think that it was good

that you told her how she might respond to someone who has lost a child----and

 what NOT to say. It took a lot of courage to do this. Many people such as this

 woman may get very defensive and cause further discomfort for everyone. I don't

 know what the right answer is........I guess there's no way to get across how it is a

 lifelong devastation and catastrophy to lose a child, if they have not also

been on this bumpy journey. As you say,.....  loss like no other.  Peace to you.

Dee---Was out to the house in the country (that we will be moving to in the spring),

yesterday, and I looked out the kitchen window to see a small herd of deer ( 7...all

does) in our cornfield. they ran almost into the backyard, then veered off across

the neighbor's cornfield, and into the woods. Bounding through the deep snow

with relative ease. What a sight.

      PEACE AND COMFORT TO EVERYONE ON BI.

                 Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry   

 

[rlolheiser]

Lynn,Betsy, Mary Ann, Dee, Susannah, Betty, Marcia, Carol, Rosie, Bonnie, Trudi, Kathy, Daniel,.. hopefully I have not forgotton any names, and if I did I beg forgiveness...  you have all sent such sweet pictures and messages to honor my girl.  I don't think I would have made it through the day without you.  It has affected me, perhaps because nobdy was here.  Usually there are tons of people around.  My oldest daughter called me this morning and apologized but told me she didn't want to remind her kids of what day it was.  They were all getting along for once without the extra drama.  It breaks my heart cause I feel like people are forgetting this little girl.  I know I never will forget her, she is in my memory forever.  I hope that I can keep her in little Raymonds mind.  I know one day he will find out she was really his sister and I don't want him to hate me.  I want him to remember how much love she was and is.  My heart breaks cause I don't know if JaBoa's mom was remembering, she isn't allowed to ..  the boyfriend stops her..  I just don't understand.  I wish I could shout all our angels names from the mountain tops, God.. they are all missed so much!

Thanks for being here.. I love you all

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[4everjoeysmom]

I'm so sorry I missed sending thoughts yesterday for Jaboa's birthday. Internet's been out for a couple of days due to a power line falling--maybe a mudslide. Not sure. Lot of heavy rain. Anyway, so nice all the thoughts and pretty cards and pictures here for Leah.

Kathy, my heart broke as I read your note about your BJ. If you ever, ever get the notion to help him again, I would offer to send money directly to the clinic....never again into his hands. I hope your new group is a help. Keep us posted. HUGS and prayers for your peace at heart and mind!!

Welcome Amy's Mom. I hope you find the comfort and support you need by having found BI. Some of us post more than others, but we all read and share common bonds... I'm so sorry for your loss...

Here is a picture of a visitor outside of my bedroom window this afternoon, about an hour before dusk. Isn't he something to behold? From head to tail he was about 3/4 of my arm length. xoxoxo ~4EverJoeysMom

[daveydow1]

Claudia---That bird is , indeed, a beautiful creature. It must be thrilling to

see birds such as this one up close. So nice you got a pic of him. Birdlovers

everywhere would be so excited to have that experience. I saw a nice bird

outside my window......eating fruit off the crabtree. I thought it was a bluebird,

but after looking it up in the bird book, it was a nuthatch.

                 Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

           

[mikesmum]

Leah - Oh yes to the mountains and shout till you are hoarse...I've done that.  There is a release and then the tiredness.  It feels so good..  So sorry your daughters relationship is one that forbids her memories of her girl.  So glad JaBoa has you.

Claudia - such beauty to be surrounded by.  Glad to see Joey back.  And you too!  Question from the man in the background (Mal) what type of bird is it?

Betty - Yes after everyone leaves to continue their lives is when the support is most needed.  Visiting here and helping her with a memorial both brilliant ideas...from someone who knows and cares.

Kathy - Hoping your resolve is still strong.  I'm with Claudia on this one...if he wants rehab the money is to them not him.  Thinking of you each day.

Colleen - How did the reverse party go?  Not too much chaos.  It would be good if Brian was there, but hey how good did it feel to see Aaron come into his own?

Betsy - "look up - I'm here".  I get that.  Love your pics - signs everywhere - I carry my camera for just that reason.

Susannah - I've been divorced and lost a child.....no contest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley - the Country house sounds like its set in a beautiful place.  Doe a deer - you and Dee with your wildlife.  We have Kangaroos and Koala not in the yard though.

Thunderbolts and lightening today coupled with heavy rain.  Out walking by myself.  Muttley is under the bed hugging the floor and Charley is made of sugar...she hates the rain.....(lol)

 

 

[heartbeataway]

Betsey,

I see a heart with a hole in it .......

I'm in a kind of dark place right now. It's been coming for a few days. The odd thing this time is that Rich and I in the same place ..... we're missing our boy more than we have words to express.

The ebb and flow of grief ...... the ebb and flow of life.

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[aim630]

Returning to work tomorrow. It's only been 2 wks, don't know if I'm ready. Don't feel like dealing with the usual BS, I really don't care much anymore!

Having a hard time believing this is really true. Feels like someone made a mistake. Ashley moved out 2 yrs ago, and she was always working or running around. It is easy to believe she is just at work or her boyfriend's house. She had just started dating a wonderful guy, after a few duds. He is heartbroken & it hurts to think of what could have been. Two weeks ago at this time, we were thinking she would be released from the hospital in a few wks. She was doing so well. She was very concerned about her heart, she thought it was missing. We thought that was funny & convinced her she did have a heart. Little did we know, 2 days later she would die of heart failure. Her heart rate had been high the entire 3 months she had been hospitalized, but the doctors never seem concerned about that. I don't know if that constant high heart rate wore her heart out, or if the 102 degree fever she spiked that day had something to do with it. We opted not to have an autopsy. It would just kill me to know her death was preventable. One other thing, last summer before she got sick, she told me she felt she would not live to be 25. I told her not to be ridiculous, and not to even say such a thing. Wonder if that was a premonition, or just her being dramatic.

Thanks to everyone for listening (reading). I know you've all been through this horrible loss. It helps to talk about it & I've been reading the posts trying to learn more about you and your children/grandchildren.

Leah, your granddaughter is beautiful. I'm sure her birthday was very difficult. I hope all our beautiful kids are up in Heaven watching us & know how much we will always love them.

Picture is my youngest daughter Katie getting ready to go to Homecoming & Ashley goofing off.

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's,

I don't have a lot to share tonight.  I'm in a good spot.  Tired and with a head cold, but emotionally sound .. sort of.

My heart goes out to all in that dark place.  How well we all know that place.  Praying that your heart will be comforted and that your children will send you a sign.

Much love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

Amy - so glad you came again to our family here. Your Ashley is just beautiful, those eyes and cheeks along with that smile...beautiful. 

Dan - my son did not call from the rehab, he called from a friends house and told me he had "spoken" to the rehab place and they were willing to accept him in on Monday...I should have known that it does not work that way, you cannot just call a rehab and they say "come on in" !! I wanted so badly for it to be true that I put the blinders on and hear what I want to hear and see what I want to see. I love him so much but know that he is the only one who can help himself at the age of 32, I tell him always that I love him, that I believe in him but he has to want to do it and when he does actually get into a rehab then I will be by his side supporting him.  Thank you for your words, I know that no one has the answer for me and I have to do what is right for me, Tavian and Barry and I am but I will never give up hope that Bj finds his way and can only pray that is sooner rather than too late.

Trudi - yes I agree with Claudia also, no more money into his hands, if he is sincere about the rehab then the money will go directly to them.  He has called several times over the weekend but I am refusing to answer his calls as I want him to see what it is like to not have me to "help" him for a few days, hopefully he is thinking hard about it and if my prayers are answered he will go to the rehab in the morning.

Susannah - glad you were able to put your friend in her place and be able to apoloigize also..not an easy thing to do I know. Comparing a divorce to the death of a child, well not comparable at all in my world.  Yes, we try hard to let those who do not know say their "stupid words" and move on but sometimes our mouths open up and say the words we long to say, no editing from the brain, just words from the heart of one filled with grief....

Tavian got to get out for awhile today and play with a friend, he is so ready to go back to school afer winter vacation and I have to say I am ready too...it would not be so bad if the weather was better but when it is so cold and yucky out there is not much to do...he can certainly wear me out....but in a good way.   He has been into taking pictures lately, Barry got a new camera so he gave Tavian his digital camera. He is quite good at it and is so cute the way he focuses it, I will post some pics he has taken for you.

Missing my Jessica like crazy, she was my rock, my best friend, always there for me when I needed a shoulder....sometimes she was like the "mom" if you know what I mean. I miss that wonderful laugh she had, that smile that lit up the room....she had such a great personality, could always make you laugh and see the bright side of things....I still cannot believe that I have not seen her, hugged her, heard her for 4 years now...where has the time gone, how can it be 4 years ??? One thing I know, no matter how many years go by it will always be yesterday that I held her.

Well need to say good night and get back into the routine of getting Tavian back on bed time schedule...'

Love and friendship to all...Kathy

[summergirl]

Amy - I understand about not wanting an autopsy done...we had little choice in the matter as Jessica passed away while at dinner with her friends, also she had Tavian her son who was only 4 at the time and I needed to know if it was something that might be genetic and passed on to him.  Jessica passed from ARVD but she, unlike most that die from ARVD, presented with problems over the years but nothing that caused the doctors to put her on medication, nor were they ever concerned about her passing from any of the problems she had....had Jessica been able to have the test they have now for ARVD it would not have saved her, her heart was too weak and she would have needed a new heart...it does haunt me at times as I wonder why the doctors did not test her for it.....however, I believe it was in God's hands. Thankfully we had Tavian tested and his heart seems to be just fine but he will go to the heart specialist each year for awhile to be sure.    Your girls are so beautiful, how is your youngest daughter doing with the loss of Ashley ??   Take care of yourself going back to work, I do not know what you do but I hope it goes well for you. I waited 5 weeks and probably would have waited longer but knew that being at home going out of my mind was not helping me so I went back, it was not easy.. went outside many times during the day to have myself a cryfest but thankfully I had good people that I worked with...my home is still my safe zone and always will be. Bless you my friend ...Kathy

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Trudi, tell Mal that after searching the net for about 20 minutes, I found the bird. This one is called a Rufous Motmot. What a funny name. I noticed after a closer look that it has one of the berries from the branch in its bill.

Sherry, I could sit and watch birds all day long. There is something about them that lifts my spirit.

I was just looking through pictures from my son Patrick's honeymoon cruise he took last month. His wife captured this one of Patrick walking through a dark tunnel, and it made me think of what Joey might have seen as he traveled from this Earth to his Heavenly home. Kind of sweet and sad at the same time--but mostly sweet. Wanted to share....

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

Amy so glad to see you back and sharing.  The avatar of Ashley is wonderful as is the picture of her and her sister Katie  Two beautiful young ladies.  Remember to rest, breathe deeply and come here often  You are not alone. Stephen also thought he would not live long and as a Yound Child announced that he was an old soul and would not stay long on this earth.  Interesting that Ashley thought she would not live to 25.

 

Bonnie So sorry that you and Rich are in a dark place.  You both have done so much for all us Indigos, I will hold you both in my thoughts and prayers tonight  So good to see Jason's beautiful face .

 

Claudia Thank you for sharing the beautiful colorful bird perched so near your window  What a treat. The picture that you shared with the tunnel and the light  as what Joey's saw was so inspirational   I have a similar picture of Stephen and it warms my heart. Thank YOu. I loved seeing Joey when I signed on

 Sherry just hearing about the 7 deer running thru the snow at your new home warms my heart.  Davey's smile is so endearing.

 

Betsy  I did see the heart after you  pointed it out  Seeing all the hawks flying so majestically overhead was definitely a sign from Rich  Enjoy!!!

 

Leah JoBoa will live forever in your heart and with all here at Beyond Indigo  She is an angel and will not be forgotten  Take care of yourself and try to rest.

Lorrie  Please take care of yourself  You have been under a great strain lately

 

Kathy Praying for your peace  Never give up hope

 

Trudie  Mutley, Charlie and I agree Thunderstorms and rain  are one of the lest favorite things

 

Susannah I am glad all is well with you and I hope Sonya, Mary Ann, Kim, Rosie, Deneance, Greg, Dan Carol, Terrie, Beth, Marcia and all Indigos are safe and warm this evening

 

Dee  Hope you are well and enjoying a rest on this Sunday

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[mikesmomrs]

Amy:  Your daughter Ashley is just beautiful...what a delight!  You can see the mischief in her eyes...her sister shows a learned knowledge of tolerance of her jesting...thank you for sharing your beautiful pics...

Claudia:  Yes, how lovely to have such a visit from such a beautiful creature of God, right there by your window!

Bonnie:  I am sorry that you and Rich are in the dark place right now...perhaps with this long winter and so much snow, it was inevitable...keeping it at bay is difficult enough, but when we are trapped in winter for so long, it seems almost impossible.  I am glad that you are able to be there for each other. 

Susannah:  I am glad that you are doing good tonight and find yourself in a good place...those are the times that help us get through the darker places when they come. 

Kathy:  The pain you are going through with BJ is so difficult...I am so sorry that it is continuing, and continue to pray for all of you.  Having to hear that phone ring and find the strength to not pick it up must be so heart-wrenching, but I am glad that you have been able to do so thus far.  I was always so afraid when Mike started on that road that we would wind up in that boat...having to shut the door eventually.  Thank God the road forked before he got that far, and he realized that he was destroying his life (and the lives of those he loved) before it was too late.  I pray that BJ will find that fork and follow the right road soon.  I am glad to hear that you are going to the group meeting.  My sister's husband was a very self-destructive alcoholic for many years.  She did not believe in divorce, so she suffered through an awful lot in her life.  Someone finally turned her on to Al-Anon.  She said that it was a lifesaver for her, in so very many ways.  (She is the one who lost her children to a fire in 1973.)  She said the things she learned at those meetings helped her in every aspect of her life, but most especiallly in living with and dealing with her husband's addiction and self-destructive way of life.  He finally passed away of pancreatic cancer, but had at least quit drinking about 8-9 years before that time, so they were able to have a few years together in a more "normal" way.  Of course, her self-preservation has allowed her to "put away" the bad times, and thankfully, keeps those good times close to her heart.   I hope that the meeting you are going to attend is helpful to you.

Beth:  I hope you are doing okay and still taking care of yourself...Zachy is watching over his momma and sending love to you. 

Mary ann:  How are you doing? 

Trudi, Betsy, Betty, Dee (I hope Jon is having a wonderful time), Lorri (thinking of you this week, and sending extra love and prayers), Colleen, Marcia, Deanna, Leah, Terrie, Sherry, Dan, Greg, Sonya, and all Indigos---thinking of you all, as always..  Our church has a prayer request for those "grieving the loss of someone close to them..."  I always add "all my Indigo friends, please help them through each day..."

I have Mike's two older boys here today and tomorrow their younger brother joins them, so I will be busy, busy, busy...good busy, though.  It is school vacation for the older two, so they will be here for a couple of days at least.  Will come on and say hi when I get a break. 

Thanks to all who so generously share their wonderful pictures.

love to all, and I hope you have a good week.  To those struggling more than usual...prayers for strength, sending love and comfort.

My oldest sister, (Dorothy, who is 82) was admitted to the hospital yesterday with a pulmonary embolism...I spoke with my sister-in-law, who is with her, and she said they (the docs) have said that it may be a misdiagnosis...meanwhile, she is still in the hospital (she has COPD also, so illnesses carry a double whammy), so please keep her in your prayers as you begin your week...thank you for your caring.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[rlolheiser]

Claudia, thank you for your kindness :-) I hope your internet stays up running.. I sure do like your pictures your bird is beautiful, strange name but beautiful.  Thank you for sharing your Patrick's picture.. it is very thought provoking

Trudi, Poor puppies :-) I love to listen to the thunder, but I am afraid I am like Muttley and lightening frightens me

Bonnie, I am so sorry to hear your in the darkeness right now, sadly I understand, but I pray you find some rays of light, may Jason hold your hands tightly through this hard time.

Aime, Thank you for telling me my JaBoa is beautiful, your angel Ashley is very beautiful also, and yes I do believe they are all together, helping each other, trying to help us.  My little JaBoa passed away a little over 3 years ago, and the pain is still there, it does get better at times and worse again, but that is when I come here cause I can say anything I want.  I can be mad.. I can be stupid.. I can be me.. and all I get in return is love and friendship from all the people that are in the same sadness we are.  I hope work goes ok for you, I will be thinking of you.  ....  Your coment about Ashley not thinking she would live to be 25, reminds me of JaBoa telling several people she would never see the age of 11.  I always chalked it up to drama and wanting attention.. the day of the accident she begged me not to let her mother come pick her up... I think sometimes people know.. I believe these are special angels that know they have to go back to heaven

Susannah, I am so glad you are in a good place, I hope you stay there a long time (hugs)

Kathy, I know there is nothing I can say.. except I hope and pray you stay strong, it is a hard path, your doing such a great job!

[ericasmom]

I have read everyone's posts, and I am holding you all close in my heart as I shuffle off to bed. Jon and Shannon came to dinner tonight, and will come tomorrow for some soup I made today knowing that tomorrow will be a big snow day and it will be nice to come home to soup. Chicken vegetable with noodles. My Boy will leave for Utah on Tuesday though he has that head cold too, like you Susannah, like so many here, and he is going to be gone for two or three weeks snowboarding. First to Utah where he will scatter some of his Daddy's ashes, and then to Colorado to snowboard with manyfriends, then his girl, Shannon will arrive and they will all hang out. Blessings to them, safe travels, traveling mercies.

It is snowing quite hard here, windy too, predicting a big winter storm. Out west in Colorado, they have had to shut down a road or two for avalanche. (i try not to worry).

I am hoping that if you get a bunch of snow, that you are all safe.

Amy, thanks for sharing the pretty photo of your Girls. So lovely. I know that your little one must miss her big Sis very much. I hope that going back to work this soon is ok. If it isn't  is there a possiblity for you to take more time off, or work shorter days temporarily? What kind of work do you do? Do you trust and like the people you work with? Where do you live? I teach third grade adn Eri died in July of 2003, so when I went back I had had 4.5 weeks of summer break still. There is nothing esy about dealing with everyday ho-hum stuff at this point, it is mundane and makes one fidget. Our nervous systems have been changed, so you have to make allowances for that. Build in breaks adn walks, take a snack break so that you can have some protein and drink a glass of water. Take some vitamin C each day for your immune system.

Let us know how it goes Amy, we are all holding you close. I remember feeling the disbelief of this reality, I wish I could help.

dee

PS Claudia, so good to see Joey's handsome kisser. Love that bird.

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  Stay safe in this terrible weather...we are supposed to have a drastic change here come Tuesday...has been relatively mild and snowless this winter here, but Tuesday brings ice and snow mixed with some rain and ice.  Always worry when people are driving in that....   Prayers for Jon and then Shannon on their adventure/getaway.  We can try not to worry, but then we do, don't we...Godspeed.

I meant to share earlier when I mentioned that the boys were here tonight...earlier today, while coming out of church, I happened to mention to hubby that we hadn't seen any 1975 pennies in a while, but had seen so many hearts that I must count my blessings.  About 3-4 hours later, after we picked up the boys, we came out through town instead of the highway, like we normally do.  They asked to stop at the quick stop to get a can of iced tea.  When they came out, Kam had two pennies in the change.  He said "Let's see, let's check these out."  The first one...1975!  They were so excited over their "hello" from their dad, as were we!  Our angels are always with us, we know this, but trees that show us hearts, birds that sing us songs, songs that show up on our iPods without being put there, and pennies falling into our hands that were made the year of our angel's birth...they are those "golden threads" that keep us breathing and keep our sweet memories providing us with oxygen.  

love and peace, and sweet night's sleep,

carol  mikesmomrs