Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

SO LET ME UP DATE YAL ON AMANDA....SHE IS DOING WELL FOUND OUT SHE NEEDS KNEE SURGERY ....AND HER BOYFRIEND PURPOSED SHE SAID YES...2 DAYS LATER HER FIANCE' SISTER DROPS OFF HER CRACK ADDICTED 2 DAY OLD BABY GIRL ON THEIR FRONT PORCH AND SAY ADIOS.......

SO AMANDA AND ROBERT ARE TRYING TO RAISE HER...WELL THE OTHER DAY..BAILEY (THE BABY) NEEDED TO MED FLIGHTED TO OKC..CUZ OF THE CRACK IN HER SYS...SO AMANDA HAS TO FLY WITH HER....SO THEY STAY THE NIGHT AND DO THE DETOX.....BAILEY IS BETTER SO THEY GO HOME......NEXT DAY AMANDA SAYS "ROBERT IS ACTING WEIRD..".....THEN LATER IN THE DAY SHE TEXT ME AND SAYS THEY JUST GOT MARRIED AT THE COURTHOUSE...SO SHE NOW MARRIED WITH A CHILD.....MONDAY (PRESIDENTS DAY) THEY GET A PHONE CALL THAT THE MOTHER OF BAILEY (STEPHANIE) WAS IN A HIGH SPEED CHASE AND HER AND THE BOY DRIVING (WE THINK BABY DADDY) IS BOTH KILLED....SO ROBERT IS VERY UPSET AND CRYING BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE CLD HELP HIS SISTER..AND ALSO YES , HE WANTED BAILEY BUT NOT THIS WAY.....

SUCH SAD TRAGIDY (SP)....2 MORE FAMILIES IN OUR BOAT....BUT WE ARE SO GLAD BAILEY WASNT WITH THEM IN THE CAR....

SO AMANDA AINT DOIN GBAD SINCE SHE WAS TOLD TO NEVER GET PREG....SHE IS NOW MARRIED WITH A BABY GIRL...

OH AND MOM SAID BABY KOURTNEY SUE IS DOING GREAT SHE TALKS ALOT TO THE "ANGELS"...

[hotrod]

Dear Greg

What a beautiful painting.  Such detail and warmth.  I continue to be so very impressed by all my Indigo Guys and Gals.  Wishing your clever 95 year old mom a belated Happy Birthday.

Rosie good to hear from you  and Lorrie glad the Chiro can help

Today is the start of Lent and I have decided to go Veggen for the next 40 days and see how healthy I feel.  Since I stopped smoking all food tastes different and I no longer like meat but I keep eating it.  Old cooking habits are hard to replace. 

So Lent has given me a set time frame to see how I can change and the willingness to go ahead  I will let you know if it makes a difference.  

Dear Stephen I miss you each moment, of each hour of every day

Be well Indigos

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE A PIC WITH YOU OF ME AND MY GIRLS...A GUESS ABOUT 8 YRS AGO..

KIMBERLY WAS A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE (HINCH FRESHMAN 15)  KOURTNEY WAS A SR IN HIGHSCHOOL SO YA THIS IS PROB 04'

[daveydow1]

Lorrie---Lovely pics. Prayers for your serenity.

Betty-----Yep.....Can't wait til I put away all of the heavy winter clothes

and other cold weather junk. Everyone is tired of it:(

Greg----Thanks  for the poem. Also,.....great artwork...WOW! Happy Birthday

to your mom....95!  God Bless her.

Dee----Today, four woodpeckers (3 downies, and 1 yellowbelly) were in the

flowering crab out front eating the fruit. Great to see them.

Leah, Lynn, Susannah, Rosie, and everyone at BI.......have a good evening

and a good night's sleep.

            Davey&Lisasmom,   Davey  

[Guest]

Greg, thank you for sharing such a beautiful, comforting poem.  You are a good artist.  I love the detail in each mushroom.

Rosie - You are a so funny!  I love Andrew's personality!  It is okay, then, if I refer to your love as "the king"?  If you knew me for any length of time, face to face, I wouldn't even ask.  I think I told you all I get told to be nice quite often....

Lorri - Now, with all of you in the same picture, facing the camera, I definitely see the resemblence between you and Kourtney.  Beautiful girls with a beautiful mother.  I hope you are still at peace today!

Claudia - it's good to see Joey's face.  I see you all on facebook every once in a while, but I'm not good at two sided conversations these days.  I love the story about meeting your honey at a country dance class.  My Gary was a country dance teacher and competitor.  He makes me look good on the dance floor.  He still has to count each step for me because I can't hear the beat.  He just smiles sweetly at me, and says "quick, quick, slow, slow" or "1 2 3 4 5 6"  People think he's whispering words of love to me.  And, indeed, he is!  We haven't been dancing since Stephanie died.  Maybe soon.

Oh my gosh, Lorri!  I am so sorry for Amanda's husband's family.  And, I'm so grateful they have Bailey!  She is now a wife and a mother...does she still see her angels?

Betty - going veggen for lent.  I'm not Catholic, but I thought lent was right before Easter.  Is Easter that close?  Of course you are missing your Stephen.  I'm so sorry!  (sigh)

Sherry - So good to see Davey's smiling face!

I love each of you!  Thinking of all of you whose names I have not mentioned.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[Guest]

Thinking of you, Kathy.  Of you and Tavian.  Fly high, Jessica.  And, please let your mother and your son know of your presence! May the Creator of us all bring peace, love and joy into your day!

[ericasmom]

Greg, love that painting, that is your poetry. Did you use oil or acrylic? I try to paint, but am no good at it, I dabble with water color, but the richness of your colors and the sheen, so pretty. Did you take art classes as a young man in high school or college or is this a self-taught/natural talent discovered as an adult? Thanks for sharing, show us more.

Lorri, that is such a fine photo of you adn the girls, so pretty. All three of you catching the light and the connection in this photo.

Wow, wow about Amanda. Did she forsee any of this? So if I have this straight, Robert her new husband, just lost his sister and her partner but the baby is with she and Robert. So on days like these, with stories such as this, one must ponder the whole "life is timing thing."

Sherry, four woodies in one day? That is cool, and I am so glad that you were privy to the view. I mostly see downies around here, but once in a while I might be seeing a flicker. They are high up and less likely to show themselves to me. I have a monocular, and I take it into the forest preserve so there are times I can focus in on a bird pretty well. NO matter how much snow Sherry, spring is coming. The length of sunlight is pretty impressive.

Sleep well all, watching Shaun the snowboarder, what a great kid. Eri loved snow boarding and I know that she would be rooting for them all, maybe she is from her view. Jonathan is driving to Salt Lake City next week, by himself, to snowboard in a place that he went with his Sister and Father. He will deposit some of Mike's ashes there. He wants to be alone with that.

Then he drives to Vail Colorado to meet up with 4 guys he snowboards with. They will hang out for 4 days or so before his Girfriend, Shannon flies in to ski as well. Fun times in the snow and sun. Praying for a wonderful and safe trip. Jon outside just makes sense.

Love to all,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

Such a bittersweet story of Amanda and Robert, tragic and happy.

Such talented Indigo's! Pictures, poems ......

Betty,

Forty days as a vegan ...... We eat quite a bit of soy so it will be easier than you think I bet. Morningstar Farms sells soy crumbles that replace ground beef. Boca Burgers are amazing with soy cheese ...... good luck my friend!

Trudi,

How did the appointment go?

Love for the journey,

Bonnie

[summergirl]

Hello to all my dear Indigo's,

Lorrie - I am so sorry for Amanda and her new husband, for the family. I am so thankful that little Bailey was dropped off to them before...God works in mysterious ways. My prayers to the family and especially that precious baby.    Beautiful pic of you and your girls, shinning stars

Claudia - thank you my friend,

Dee - yes my words exactly "silly Twit" - I am definitley going to use that one.

Rosie - thank you for asking...Bj is supposed to be on his way to Florida as I speak to you...I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot save him, I can love him, pray for him but I cannot save him so the tough love is going to continue. You know they say someone has to hit rock bottom before they see the light ?? well, the same goes for the enabler, we have to hit rock bottom before we can actually see that we are only hurting the one we love by enableing them to continue on a destructive path. We are stronger than we think because I am still here posting, breathing and sharing...

Leah - Thank you, yes I believe Tavian and I will have a good day, he has the ability to make me smile through my tears and I know that Jessica will be with us wherever we go, loving us from afar, yet so near in my heart.

Susannah - I am gonna tell you what I believe about God, I believe that our time of death is set the day we are born, we have just so many days on this earth and no one knows when their time is, only God. What I do NOT believe is that God determines HOW we die - God would not allow a child to die of child abuse, starvation, torture and all of the other thousands of ways that a life is taken, that comes from the hands of man/woman....many deaths unexplained like my Jessica but I believe with all my heart that it was her time...do I like it - HELL NO...  I was very angry in the first months, angry at everyone and yes at God too but as time has moved forward I have come to realize that my anger only hurts me and those I love...Oh I  still get angry and rant, rave and scream but I now know that anger is a necessary thing, just as the tears are in order to release the pressure that builds inside us. You my friend are an amazing woman and have brought much to this site with your words and wisdom, I hate that any of us are here but I love that you have found us....it is good to be able to speak so freely...

Trudi - yes my dear friend the signs of healing are visable and I have to say it does scare me a bit....I never thought I would say that I am healing, that I am accepting of what this life has brought me, the loss of my daughter and the hurt for my son is almost more than I can bare some days but I am doing it, I will not stop living, a very different life than I had dreamed of but a life nontheless....Jessica is with me every step of the way and with her energy, presence and love I will continue to live life. There are and will be many mountains to climb and many more falls along the way but I will not give up...

Greg - a most beautiful poem....and quite the artist you are. Do you paint often??

Tavian and I lit a candle for his mommy tonight...he said "I love you mommy" and then about 5 minutes late he blew the candle out. He just relit it...

As for me...well I have this thought each year as Jessica's angelversary comes upon me...Jessica actually passed on Feb 17th but because my friends on the ambulance would not let her remain at the restaurant they began CPR knowing that it would do no good, Jessica was already gone, but once they begin CPR they have to transport to the hospital and she was ponounced (hate that word) there...so in my mind I know that she left us on the 17th but every thing else says the 18th....it bothers me and I know that it should not but damn it it does......I am thankful to my friends for being with her, she was not among strangers, I am thankful that she was transported to the hospital and not left at the restaurant waiting God knows how many hours for the coronor to make an appearance - - I really do not know why I am even talking about this, my daughter is gone and does it really matter whether it was the 17th or 18th ???   All I know is that I miss my Jessica. 

My sweet sweet daughter...four years ago tonight you hugged me, kissed me and said "I love you mom" and I never for a second thought that it would be our last I love you, our last hug, out last see you tomorrow, the last time I would see you kiss your sweet boy goodnight. I miss your smile, your laugh, your hugs, your silly ways, the days of laying on the couch coloring, eating popcorn, watching movies, the days at the beach, the cold beer on a hot summer day, the way you were with Tavian, the love that shone from your eyes each time you looked at him, your love for your job and how proud you were when you got promoted, the many nights we talked on the phone over the American Idol wanna be's, the books we read and both cried over, when your best guy friend Pete passed away and you were so lost and leaned on me for comfort, your strength at being a single mom, standing tall and strong determined to give your son a good life, the way your friends would come over and hang out with us like we were their age, watching you and dad hang out on the deck talking and laughing....we both know that I could go on forever about all the things I miss about you and always will...I love you my daughter, my best friend, forever my baby, me always your mom....

 

To all of my dear friends here, thank you for helping me survive these past years that I have been here, you are my inspiration, my security, my family....I love you all. Kathy 

 

[ericasmom]

http://www.csmonitor.com/Books/Book-Reviews/2010/0217/Making-Toast

this book was just reviewed and it is said to be a wonderful memoir of how a family dealt that first year and a half after the sudden death of their 38 year old daughter. I think this will be a must read for me, so I thought I would pass it on to you all.

May the love and honor we hold in our hearts reach all those who find themselves on this walk.

dee

[lolynbo]

I NEED ONE BIG FAT PRAYER REQUEST...BRENTS WIFE CARLEY IS HAVING COMPLICATIONS WITH THE PREG THEY HAVE MED FLIGHTED HER TO OKC..THEY WILL DO A PROCEDURE TOM TO HER CERVICS...PLUS SHE IS A DIABETIC PLEASE GATHER OUR ANGELS AND PRAY FOR THIS BOY THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH....THANK YAL

WE ARE GOING TOT HE CITY IN THE MORNING...

[briansdad]

This is for you Jessica.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy:  I send prayers that you and Tavian will have a wonderful day tomorrow....knowing that Jessica will be right along beside both of you.  Your strength and words here have been a gift to us all...I know that sometimes you say you don't have anything to contribute, but you do, my sweet friend, you do.  I am so very sorry that you ever had to learn of such a place as BI, but so very grateful that this is the site you chose to share your healing with. 

Greg, beautiful painting, beautiful poetry. 

Lorri: the pic of you and your beauties...thank you so much for sharing...the love flows between the three of you, seen in your eyes and closeness.  So tragic about Bailey's parents, but I too don't believe so much in coincidences, as much as in the "timing of life."  I think this was likely a "timing of life" event.  Peace to their families. 

Susannah:  In the Catholic church, (as well as many others)  Lent is the 40 day period before Easter Sunday (which this year is April 4).  Easter weekend begins with the Triduum...the three days before Christ's resurrection.  Holy Thursday (before Easter weekend) celebrates the Lord's last supper, as well as in some churches, the washing of the feet, and then Good Friday (the day of his crucifixion), Holy Saturday, (the day of watching and mourning) and Easter Sunday, the day of his Glorious Resurrection.   You have given us so much spiritual wisdom and love that I don't  think it's all that important to "know" the days and names, etc.  I believe you have it all right there in your sweet soul.  I was so happy to read of the hearts that surrounded you the other day...a blessing of signs from your sweet Stephanie.

 

Betty:  Good wishes for the "Vegan break."  You are such a good person...it is so nice to see Stephen's face.

Dee:  Good thoughts and prayers for Jon's trip and his enjoyment of the outdoor events he's planning.  I know how your heart is with him as he tries to find some joy. 

I have been sick all day and this is my first venture to the computer.  Not to last very long...the demons who invaded my system last night are trying to make a, hopefully, last stand, so I will sign off with good wished to all and prayers that continue for all of my BI friends. 

Take care all,

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

JESSICA, smile on your family, your curly haired Son that resembles you in ways untold, and your Momma, a woman of great strength and heart, and your Pops, as he struggles internally with your leaving. Please also ride along on BJ's shoulder aiming him in the right direction if you are able.

Dance with our Babies, turn up the music and cast your peace on us, like snowflakes drifting in the moonlight, let your peace touch lightly on Your Son, Your Mom and Dad, and your Bro, as well as all of Your Friends.

Kathy, may you feel the extra comfort in your sleep, and may good dreams prevail, wake to a brilliant day with Tavian, and know that in all you do, Jess supports you from her place in the heavens.

Dee

[lolynbo]

JESSICA IM THINKING OF YOU TONIGHT...PRAYING YOUR THERE WITH YOUR SWEET MOMMA AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SON TAVIAN. AND YOUR DADDY.....I PRAY YAL ALL HAVE  A GREAT TIME ON THE BEACH AND ENJOY THE DAY AND EVENING TOGETHER....AND MANY MORE GREAT ANGELIC TIMES...

[ericasmom]

Carol feel better, if the bug continues and if it involves the digestive tract, drink ginger tea. It takes care of nausea within about 10 minutes. Not the best tasting but oh does it work!

Betty, I love that you are trying the vegetarian route for the days of lent. I don't do lent but did as a child. I was trying to explain it to my third graders, and told them a brief version. It is public school after all, but from a historical point of view adn also to know a little about other religions is important. Helps us not to grow up thinking that there is only one way, MY WAY. I have two Muslim Students, and many non-committed students adn families, some catholic without too much training, and a variety of others in between.  Good luck on the new foods. I make a good tofu stirfry using peanut sauce and stir fry seasonings and I would eliminate the egg part for you.

On Friday we are presenting a Black HIstory Day in the Auditorium, and the whole third grade will be singing; Black bird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life...you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

It was written by the Beatles to speak about oppression and the ways women and cultures have been kept down. I am sure that I will cry, both because they can't reach that high note, and because of course, I am a sap when it comes to children singing, especially when they sing from thier souls which they are because they know why this song was written.We must always let our young ones hear important words.

'

take these sunken eyes adn learn to see,

all your life,

you were only waiting for this moment to be free.

[summergirl]

For my Jessica.....

 

 

[summergirl]

Greg - first tears I have cried tonight...thank you for my Jessie song....

[hotrod]

Remembering Jessica on this her Angel Day

Stay close to your Beautiful Little Son and Family

                          Today 

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

[mikesmum]

Greg - Your mum sounds wonderful.  For me giving up watermelon would be tough.

Dee - I think that would be an interesting read.  I love the words and melody of this song...Paul's soulful eyes...hmmmm.  Hope the day for your class comes together without a hiccup.

Lorri - Prayers for Brent and Carly.  With all of you pulling for her she has great support.  Stay safe on your trip to town.

Carol - I can't believe that bug has the audacity to make a second charge.  Rest my friend and may you wake well.

Kathy - You and Susannah show strength beyond belief.  Losing a child is hard, but stepping up and being the primary in your grandchild's life, that is incredible. 

May Jess let you know in someway that she knows....Today above all, the hardest day of being her mum..  My heart with you Barry and Tavian.

Josephine Wall art always close to my heart.  Her imagery and stories with them amaze me.

For Jess.....

 

[lostwoher]

 JESSICA  JeSSicA  Jess

  Saying your name LOUD & PROUD. Thinking of the young beautiful Angel and her family today. HUGS!

Lynn

[mysonrich]

Beautiful Jessica guiding her mom and dad with everlasting ,pure energy as a little boy walks the path to become a man. Kathy, may you feel a warm peace on this day, a comfort sent to you by your dear Jessica.

 

 Betsy,mysonRich

 

 

[nicksdad]

Jessica watch over your family on this day....

[hotsauce]

JESSICA   JESSICA   JESSICA

 

show your family all you love on this SPECIAL ANGEL DAY

 

love and hugs

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[shorty16]

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica

 

We are saying your name

Give your family a big hug

Colleen

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's!

Betty - I hope I didn't offend you with my ignorance about Catholicism.  It just surprised me that it's so close to Easter, already. 

My spirituality is so eclectic.  And, so simple.  The one thing I'm sure about is my relationship with my Creator.  That faith was severely tested with Stephanie's death.  However, I think "we" made peace yesterday.  It was intimate and profound!  The one thing I'm sure of is God is all loving, all knowing and all powerful.

I no longer feel like I'm swimming in quick sand and I'm sure the tazmanian devil is an illusion in my mind to use as a tool to beat myself up with.

I have tears of gratitude this morning for the powerful hand of my Creator that reached down and touched me in His grace and mercy. 

About the heart orbs....this I do not know...it is just a feeling and I had that feeling as I watched them "dance".  I think they were all our children. 

Sending you all love, remembering Kathy, TAvian and all of Jessica's loved one on the day of rememberence.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

The sun is shinning and it is cold here in NYC this AM and before I undertake a difficult task I wanted to check in and feel connected to my all knowing world.

 

Dear Susannah Please do not think I was upset over your question regarding Lent.  I do not expect anyone to understand my religion just as I do not understand the celebrations of other religions.  I do agree God is all Loving and Powerful and Understands our feelings better than we do.  I am so glad that you were touched deeply by His love yesterday.  I do believe that is what sustains me. 

 

Dee, I loved the excerpt from the song of the Beatles that the children will perform today. I agree hearing children singing does bring such warmth and joy  to my heart.  The book sounds interesting.  Presented in a journal ling fashion is definitely original. Thank you and Bonnie for the helpful hints on improving my veggie diet. This is starting out to be an adventure.

 

Carol so very sorry to hear of your illness  Take good care of yourself.  Seeing Mike's gentle face this morning enriched me. 

 

Sherry Hearing about the 4 woodpeckers and the "Flowering Fruit Tree" warms my imagination as well.  I see many sparrows, pigeons and an occasion robin each day. The NYC hawk is seen  flying overhead often but never woodpeckers.  You also can probably guess that in  NYC we have no flowering Fruit trees.

 

Lorrie  The picture of you and your daughters was fantastic.  Your Blue eyes are outstanding.  I am praying for Brent and the baby and all the sadness that has surrounded you.

 

Trudie I hope the new computer and refrig are to your liking.  I love getting new stuff but it takes a while to get use to them.l

Dan the Memorial of Jessica was stunning and Greg the music very special Indigo guys are really special

 

Mary Ann, Beth, Leah Betsy and Colleen, Claudia, Lynn  so good to see your angels

 

Actually the reason I sign on each morning  is to see all the angels faces and read everyone's words of wisdom.  Somehow this  stirs my heart and soul and I am able to begin a new day empowered.  

  Unfortunately I was awakened this AM by a friend whose son was shot in a holdup last night . He has since passed away and I am on my way to her house.  It is a difficult trip for me to  make but I will  go and try to bring all the tools I learned here with me.  I know I will try to just listen and be supportive, non judgmental .  That is enough.

 

Rosie, Pam Kim,Deneance and all Indigos holding warm thoughts of you.

 

Stephen  

 

Betty

Stephen's mom

[briansdad]

I'd like to think this is Uncle Brian giving his namesake Brianna a kiss.

[ericasmom]

Greg, I do think that you are correct in your assessment of the orb kissing your Grandaughter, she looks so pleased.

Betty, the sad task at hand, may you have strength for this journey and may the Momma who called you be able to absorb the help and love around her. I am so sorry that someone chose to take his life, what sadness for so many in one impossible moment. You will need to take extra good care of yourself Betty, as you help another start on this path.

She will be warmed over the coming months by your heart.

Love to all,

dee

[shorty16]

Betty

Your friend is lucky to have you.  You are probably one of the only people that understand what she is and will be going through.

What a gal you are

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Susannah

How fortunate you are to have a feeling of joy with your Creator.  I do not blame God from Brian climbing on the hood of that car.  Nor do I blame God for Mike driving 68 mph into a tree.

I can tell my anger is subsiding (just a teeny, tiny, micro-bit).  I know why, because I no longer see Mike or Sam.  Wrestling is over other than the awards dinner.  I am debating whether I can sit through it or not.  Mike parents will be there.  It stresses me out too much.

I am happy for you.  Please tell me how you did it.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shellbellsmom]

"World Spins Madly On"

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed

I thought of you and where you'd gone

and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do

Like make the world brand new

And take the time for you

I just got lost and slept right through the dawn

And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by

I always say goodbye

I watch the stars from my window sill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed

The night is here and the day is gone

And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone

And the world spins madly on.

Wishing everyone peace today, Sue

[shellbellsmom]

Well said;

http://www.examiner.com/x-9432-Family-Grief--Bereavement-Examiner~y2009m6d8-When-a-child-dieshow-to-help

Peace, Sue

[heartbeataway]

[align=center]Jessica!

May the spirit of this child that lives so dear within your heart bring you comfort.

[/align][align=left]Love & Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[/align][align=left]

[align=left]

[/align][/align]

[Guest]

Colleen - I wish I had actually DONE something so that I could pass it on.  But, alas, there is nothing to pass on.  I am sure I have not done anything more or different than anyone else.  I'm sure I've not asked my questions any differently. 

I don't think I was more desperate.  In more pain.  More demanding or less demanding.  It could very well have been my imagination (if only it was that smart).  I am subjecting my "lesson" to the test of time.  I need to ponder it myself, to see if I actually believe it.

What is real, is right now I'm not in any pain over Stephanie's death.  Right now I don't seek vengence on the kids perpetrator.  Right now, the only resentment I have is a stupid one over someone getting their feelings hurt when the person accused of hurting their feelings didn't do anything.  Oh, I am human!  And, what's intertaining about my resentment is none of it has anything to do with me!  None of it is my business!  LOL  Isn't that a hoot!! 

Truthfully, regarding THAT resentment...my pain comes from me sticking my nose in and making the situation worse.  I hurt someone needlessly just because I could.

Anyway...that's it.  No more.  No less.  God loves us.  Period.  And, what we perceive as tragedy isn't tragedy.  We cannot comprehend with our thoughts.  Okay.. that's enough of that.

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Oh...the heart orbs.  I don't remember if I said, but I think there were so many because they were all of our children.  I think our kids are spending a lot of time together.  I don't know that.  I just think that.

[mikesmum]

Greg - That is so a 'butterfly kiss' from Uncle Brian. 

Sue - Both links...so true to true.  The Weepies...now that is what I get, what a perfect name.  The article is something that I think should be shared.

Carol - How are you doing today?  Hope the bug that has been with you has turned tail and left.

Colleen - You have relented a little in your anger..that's great.  As for the presentation dinner...Is Aaron up for an award?  You might want to make that night all about Aaron.  Sure its going to be hard to see Mike and his family...but Brians family are part of the 'team' too.

Unfortunately I was awakened this AM by a friend whose son was shot in a holdup last night . He has since passed away and I am on my way to her house.  It is a difficult trip for me to  make but I will  go and try to bring all the tools I learned here with me.  I know I will try to just listen and be supportive, non judgmental .  That is enough.

Betty - With all you have learnt and your own experience you have the 'tools'.  You know its not about the circumstance, they bring their own pain, but the death of the child shatters exisitence in a heart beat.   Strength go with you as you travel to comfort and be with your friend.  Take Care.

To al Indigos mentioned or not...you are in my thoughts always..

Hearing test for hubby and me today....I personally think he suffers from domestic deafness and me, well I guess mine is selective...

 

[daniellemom]

JESSICA! JESSICA! JESSICA!! I will say her name loud and proud.

Kathy - My prayers are with you today!

Betty - What a wonderful woman you are to go and see this mother who lost her son. My prayers are with you both.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[Guest]

I was so blown over, still, this morning with yesterdays experience that I failed to offer my condolences, Betty!  It is so heartshattering when those unexplained things happen.  I am grateful she has your gentle heart to lean on.  I am sorry for her loss.

That does look like little Brianna is receiving a kiss, doesn't it, Greg.  What a cutie!

I laughed when I read your post again, Colleen.  Only because I sure as heck blame God for all of it!  Maybe THAT'S the difference!  LOL  Yep.  I blame Him.  Only today I blame Him with a smile of admiration for Him rather than the glare and my middle finger waving wildly at the gull of it all.  It comes to mind my family might decide to have me committed over this last "revelation".  As long as I can have my laptop, that's okay, too!  Oh shoot, if I can't have my laptop, that's okay.   Anger.  It's not such a bad thing, Colleen.  Unanswered questions.  Intrusions in our dreams promotes anger.  I would suggest you don't worry too much about it. 

Sue, it warmed my heart to see your Shellbells smile this morning!!  That poem is powerful.  It speaks the words of a broken heart, regret and powerlessness.  I absolutely understand!  I also like the link of what to do when a child dies.  It would probably be tacky to add something like that to the memorial at funerals, wouldn't it?  Just a little "ditty" printed to go inside the memorial so people know.  Most people just don't know.

Sonya - Danielle's smile, too.  She is gorgeous!

Well, Trudi - I am going to reserve my hotel room tonight!!! We think we have enough points for a plane ticket, but even if we don't, I'm buying it.  Committment!  Argh!!! 

I DID get the rest of February's bills paid today.  I even OPENED the mail!  Hurray!  Such simple tasks seem like such huge feats!  Now, I have to find which pictures I want Greg to put on canvas and get them in the mail!

Small steps. 

Loving each of you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

JESSICA!  JESSICA!  JESSICA!

[daveydow1]

Dee----My husband says that the larger woodpecker is called a 'red belly',

(not a yellow-belly), although the belly IS, in fact, yellow. Whatever.....I love seeing

them . I'm sure that as much as you are in the nature preserve, you must see

many bird with your monocular. We saw 2 does in the condo area tonight at dusk.

They are so beautiful to see, aren't they?

Betty-----So sorry to hear of your friend's son's death. She will value your

support because she knows your firsthand knowlege of this type of loss comes

from the heart. How great for you to see the NYC hawks soaring above....they

certainly are majestic in flight.

Sonya----So good to see your sweet Danielle's smile----it brightens up the BI board.

 

   SWEET  JESSICA, SMILE DOWN ON YOUR DEAR MOM

AND YOUR BELOVED CHILD, TAVIAN, TODAY AND WARM

THEIR HEARTS.

      Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

           

[Guest]

Greg - I reserved my hotel room.  Do I need to DO something to reserve my "space" at BP?  What about the meal plan.  I will probably just get that and if I eat elsewhere, so be it.  Do we pay a registration fee for BP and for the mealplan before we actually get there?

 

[briansdad]

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

Greg - I reserved my hotel room.  Do I need to DO something to reserve my "space" at BP?  What about the meal plan.  I will probably just get that and if I eat elsewhere, so be it.  Do we pay a registration fee for BP and for the mealplan before we actually get there?

 

I believe we will get that form later. When I find it I'll post it.

[briansdad]

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

Greg - I reserved my hotel room.  Do I need to DO something to reserve my "space" at BP?  What about the meal plan.  I will probably just get that and if I eat elsewhere, so be it.  Do we pay a registration fee for BP and for the mealplan before we actually get there?

 

I believe we will get that form later. When I find it I'll post it.

[summergirl]

Thank you all my dear friends for saying Jessica's name, for your heartfelt wishes and prayers. Dan, the pic you did takes my breath away. Trudi - I love the Josephine Wall art...

So far today I have not cried. Tavian and I slept late, took a shower and then off we went on a little shopping and lunch tour. We just walked around, talked, laughed..of course we had to hit MacDonalds for a Happy Meal and then off to Game Stop for a new PS3 game and home around 4...Dinner and now Barry is on his computer, Tavian playing PS3 and here I am joining my family and still no tears.  Jessica's friends called and wanted to stop by but told them we loved them and appriciated it but not up to the company, just want to be alone with each other. I could not and did not go to the cemetery, guilt feelings about that but I knew Tavian would not want to go. Jessica's friends went and did flowers and balloons..I am happy for that.  What is wrong with me, why can I not cry, why I am sitting here typing away with a broken heart and yet my eyes remain dry ??? because if I start I am not sure I will be able to pick myself up off the floor.  

Susannah - I am so happy you booked your hotel room...tell me where, what, how..I am in the dark on what I am supposed to do...it seems as though all I know is that it is in Little Rock and nothing else...help please from anyone !!!!

Betty - I am so sorry for your friend, another child gone to the Heaven's to join our children...you will be a rock of strength for your friend, I know it will be so very hard for you but as Trudi said "you have the tools"  Bless you and the family.

Greg - that is definitely a BIG KISS from daddy - how precious and wonderous to see.

Trudi - have to agree with you...Barry has domestic deafness, Tavian has selective hearing and I, well I hear everything even when I do not want to 

Dee - a woman pulled out in front of me today and I actually called her a "silly twit" - Tavian got quite a laugh at that....

Love to all, going to spend a little "nothing time" watching the olympics.  I am at a loss as to what to do with myself but have made it through yet another angelversary and I hate it. Kathy

 

[summergirl]

Jessica's friends at the cemetery today...Kelly and Natalia

[summergirl]

Flowers and balloons they put there. I cannot wait for Spring so I can go and plant the flowers and make all beautiful for my Jessica.....

[summergirl]

Tavian took this pic today when we took a ride to the ocean..

[rlolheiser]

Jessica, Dear Jessica may your star shine bright always upon Tavian and your family. Your missed so very much and forever loved.  ...  Kathy, I am glad you had a good day, hold tight to your family, your a very special woman and Jessica is so proud of you.

Betty, so sorry for your friends loss..and so happy your friend has you.  I know it will be hard for you, and we are all praying for your strength in guiding her.

Carol I hope your feeling better soon

Lovely pictures and poems, this is why I come here, it is just all heart touching

It was a quiet day today, guess I better appreciate it while I can, 27th is coming soon but not soon enough

Love to all my Indigo friends

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[Guest]

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html

This is for the holiday inn.  I told them I was with the Bereaved Parents Gathering and I got the room for $10.00 less than the site quoted. 

I'll be back.  Gotta kiss the kids goodnight.

[Guest]

Well, I'm flying to Little Rock on the 8th.  Ticket is purchased. 

Lovely pictures Kathy!  I joined photobucket but don't know how to work it.  I wanted to copy and paste all kinds of butterflies.  I ended up with soft porn.  Too funny! 

I know what you mean about not being able to cry.  I thought something was wrong with me.  But, the tears came, when it was time.  Someone else on here said they couldn't cry.  I can't remember who it was, but Dee gave the most comforting words of wisdom to her that helped me, too.  Don't know who it was.  Don't know what she said.  But, it was good!

Leah, how's your tooth?

Sending warm blankets of hugs to each of you.  May you all sleep secure in the knowledge that our babies are safer, now, than they've ever been.  And, they are so happy.  May the love that passes all understanding lightly, gently, caress you through the night.  No.  I take that last sentence back because I know that love is already touching you.  May you actually FEEL it's presence........peace, be still.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

RUFF EVENING...BUT WANTED TO POST CARLEY HAD THE PROCEDURE AND ALL IS WELL SHE WILL BE AT HOSP FOR FEW DAYS THEN SENT HOME FOR COMPLETE BED REST...TIL JUNE...WOW LONG TIME...

JESSICA SAYIN YOUR NAME SWEET GIRL...KATHY HUGGIN YAL..LOVEN YAL