Loss of an Adult Child

[summergirl]

 

 

[lolynbo]

MY BEAUTIFUL BEACH GIRL...REMEMBER WHEN WE GOT STUCK ON THE BEACH AND I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF THE TRUCK AND YOU WERE WEARING THIS BIKINI, YOU GOT OUT AND NEXT THING WE KNEW THERE WERE ABOUT 15 GUYS RUNNING OVER TO HELP US...GOOD THING MOM STAYED IN THE TRUCK...LOVE YOU SO

FUNNEEEE...SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA USE WHAT YOUR MOMMA GAVE YOU

 

[summergirl]

This pic was supposed to go with the post...LOL

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, It sounds like a PERFECT birthday, missing only one ingredient, but joyous despite. It's the very best of these days, and I'm so happy it came to greet you today. Love and happy blessings this birthday and always!! Love, Claudia

[ericasmom]

Carol, I am so glad that your birthday was filled with love, all around you, and messages from The Boy of Your Heart. Blessings, and no, I don't mind one bit to hear the story of your day, pleased to do so.

Marcia, did the lanterns rise in the night sky?

Betsy, love the funny woman you are, is there any cake left, and the video of Birthday...Hey, are you snowed in?

We are supposed to get a storm, but ours have been little wimpy ones compared to you Easterners.

HEY< NEW ORLEANS wins and I am so happy for the city, for the team, for the first ever for them. Cool. Kenny must be partying.

Kathy, love little lady lovely-locks in her lawn chair. What a great head of curls and then grown up in her bikini. Beauty through adn through. Almost her birthday right? Hang on there Kath, hang on to the goodness.

Love you all,

dee

[Guest]

Kathy - What a wonderful head of curls Jessica had.  Of course 15 boys came running to help with the body she grew into!  Absolutely gorgious girl!.  10 more days.  Sudden death ARVD?  Is that right?  Was there ever a hint anything was wrong with her?  Where did she die?  Those are questions you don't have to answer, of course.  Unless you want to talk about it.  How's Tavian doing as the date approaches?  Does he realize? 

As I've said before, I'm new to this, so I haven't quite figured out my emotions and responses, yet.  It's odd to be in a place of not knowing.  I've always been such a survivor and knew I'd come out on top.  I might be bruised and battered, but I would be able to walka way with my head held high.

This isn't something we walk away from.  This isn't even something we walk through.  This is something we learn to walk with.  It's like taking a stroll with the Tazmanian Devil.  At times he's going to scurry off.  At times he might even slow down and just let us know he's still there.  And, other times he's going to flatten us out like a steam roller. 

Thank God all of us don't get run over at the same time!

Loving you all. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mysonrich]

Kathy, sweet little girl. sweet picture. And as a young woman, 15 boys thought she was pretty sweet too.

 

Dee, no snow here which is fine with me. Just a couple hours south its a different story. 18-24 inches. I have been working and coming home for a light bite to eat and falling asleep early though, I am up early. Yesterday I went to Khols and didn't leave  running with my heart pounding. Many memories of Rich there. I even made it through the frame department ok but I did not look very hard at the men's dept.

 

Things that seems so trivial when Rich was alive. He called me once and told me he needed boxer shorts. ( I just apologised to him, yes Rich, this is embarrassing) anyway, since he was growing up I told him where to buy them, where I bought them. He just said ' ok,mom" I just thought at the time that he should learn to shop being in a relationship and all. How i wish now that I ran out to buy them. Funny things , the g/f was in the picture and these are times that remind me of how young he was and how much she wanted him to be/act/something older.does that make sense?

 

Betty, thanks for asking. How are you? I watched the game, didn't really have a favorite but glad for the win, for a city that needed it.

 

MaryAnn and Sue, GeGe is back in ICU/PCU. No word on the type? of Leukemia. the family is also struggling with the failing heath of my uncle and my aunt whom has never been alone in her life.

 

I was missing my mom yesterday, I always do but yesterday I sent her flowers. I hope to visit this coming weekend.

 

I was given a verbal warning about my attendance last week, this right after I was told i would receive a small bonus. I looked at the dates in question and thought...Gezz, Rich's b'day, Rich's this, just missing Rich...the bearer of bad tidings watched my reaction and said "maybe you should go home early'..he didn't know what that slip of paper with dates represented to me...

 

Thinking of you all. I'm reading when I am not asleep. just the winter blahs I think.

 

Betsy, mysonRich

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

I enjoyed the Super bowl!!!.  It was a family ritual that I was unable to enjoy for many. many years.  This year I did watch and enjoyed it.

 

Betsy I do understand  about heart pounding and having to go away.  Like your trip to Kohl- my viewing of the Super Bowl was filled with many memories .  This year I let them in and cherished them. I too  have memories of  the things that I did that seemed so small but were my  perceived role as mother  (teaching how to purchase the boxer shorts)  in retrospect the "If Only" kicks in.   Betsy just remember you are a great Mother and Rich knew that and appreciated it. Dee is right you are a funny lady.  Good luck with the job.

  

Kathy Beautiful precious little girl and a stunning women  Thanks for sharing the pictures.

 

Carol Thanks for sharing your birthday joy.  I am so glad Mike attended.

 

Dee I hope your walk is filled with Blue Jays and Robins  I did see many of them when I was out this morning.  Could spring be far behind.

 

Sherry I loved your description of the birds you saw in your tree  Just beautiful.

Marcia I do hope the Balloon Release was perfect for Bethany's special day.

 

Susannah good to see you this morning.  It helps me to know I am not alone.

 

Trudie Bonnie, Rosie, Kim, Deneace, Pam, Leah, Mary Ann, Colleen, Terrie, Sonya,Lorrie  Claudia and all indigos please stay warm and peaceful.

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Betty thanks, actually this morn, I heard several bird calls that have been absent, adn I came home refreshed knowing that even though we are thick with winter, spring will follow, Seasons will change giving way to more of everything, including missing but yes, remembering with joy.

I will be playing NAME THAT BIRD with my students from here on out. I have a bird book that plays the songs of birds, I will write four names of birds on the board adn play one of them, they will guess. The next time we play, a kid can pick which one they want to use and then write four names of birds and have the kids guess. Hoping that they become more aware of those songs around us as winter finds its close and spring, its start.

Glad Betsy that you were able to go back to a place that holds so much of a memory, and Betty, so happy that you watched the SB and enjoyed.

blessings

[shorty16]

Hello fellow indigos,

Not much to say today, because "The Great Sadness" just will not go away today.

I feel like I am wearing a lead vest, that weighs me down.  This vest has a spike at the back of my neck, forcing me to bow my head and screws on the side, so tight it is hard to breath.

I just wonder when or if my life will ever be normal again. 

My job is very stressful today.  Perhaps that is my issue.

I just want my boy back - Brian, you are in our thoughts ever minute of every day.  We know we will see you again.  But the waiting is very difficult.

Colleen

[arc4ever]

Marcia:

Sorry I missed Bethany's birthday.  I haven't been on in a while, just haven't felt up to it.

I do think of you all daily and keep you in my prayers.

Happy belated birthday Bethany.

Much love, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[mpsmom]

Thank you all for the pretty and loving birthday wishes for my sweet Bethany's 19th birthday.  It was a long and quiet day, a day she should have been here to spend with us.  The rain did break for us long enough to launch the sky lanterns.  Larry and I were the only ones up at the 'overlook', this is a place where she would go late at night with her friends and hang out and talk and listen to her music.  It is only about 2 miles from our house, and absolutely peaceful and beautiful.

 The lanterns are pretty but you can only light and inflate one per person at a time, so although we launched 6 of them, I only got pictures of one in the sky at a time, as the breeze was strong and we were so high up on the overlook, they took off as soon as they were inflated..... never catching up to each other.   They were very very cool to watch, and I am certain she enjoyed them.  We came back home and had her favorite dinner and favorite birthday cake.  Chicken Parmigiana and Boston Creme Pie.  Larry had the bakery lady write "Happy Birthday Bethany" on the top of the cake. 

I love you my angel, and miss you with every beat of my heart.

HUGS, Marcia     Bethany's mom forever

[mikesmum]

 I was given a verbal warning about my attendance last week, this right after I was told i would receive a small bonus. I looked at the dates in question and thought...Gezz, Rich's b'day, Rich's this, just missing Rich...the bearer of bad tidings watched my reaction and said "maybe you should go home early'..he didn't know what that slip of paper with dates represented to me...

 

Thinking of you all. I'm reading when I am not asleep. just the winter blahs I think.

 

Betsy, mysonRich

Ahh Betsy - Yesterday was mum's birthday - I took her flowers.  Its also just one week off Dad's angelversary so they shared.  He's been gone 30yrs....that seems like yesterday.

Gotta love workplace practice.  I returned to work for a second attempt in Aug 07.  I had a modified return to work plan based on a Doc's assessment.   I was  to work 2hrs a day in non urgent ambulance.   Every day I struggled with sweats, nauseau, headaches and the shakes.  This one morning I was 4 mins late.  Parking had been the problem. 

As I made my way to my terminal I was called back to the managers desk situated in the middle of an open plan workplace.  I was reprimanded about being late and reminded I was to be work ready at the commencement of my shift.  I went back to my terminal and before I could sit  I was called back to the desk.  I was told they had not received a 'current certificate of capacity'.   Stupidly I asked what that meant.   "It means that if needed I can place you back in Emergency Ambulance".   I lost it....I rang Mal, my psych and locked myself in the car for an hour. 

They just don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Betty - would love to know what type of things you spoke about on your DVD.  Can't wait to see you in July......

Greg - I know you have posted a guide (?) for the DVD, could you possibly do it again.

Colleen - It does seem that we wear a weight around our hearts.  It causes breathlessness, heart ache and a fatigue that would all be lifted with one 'hey mum'.  Take Care - the waves of grief made harder by the weight of work and life.

To all Indigos - softer days to you....

 

[daniellemom]

Marcia - Great Picture so very lovely. I'm so sorry I missed Bethany's birthday. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BETHANY!!

We have not had a birthday cake for Danielle since she left I have thought about it but have not yet, maybe this year.

Colleen - May tomorrow be a little softer for you!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[daveydow1]

Marcia---Lovely pics. Your celebration of Bethany's birthday sounds like a

nice way to honor her. Thanks for the pics.

Kathy-----The pic of Jessica at age 2 is just adorable. Such sweet "Shirley Temple"

curls.  What treasures  our photos are.  Our angels are always with us.

Trudi---Sorry about the job problems. I agree......it seems the workplace can be

a rather 'unfriendly' place.....even in the best of circ**stances. I guess it's just

the "business as usual" atmosphere and attitude that can scrape at our very

hearts.  Peace & comfort, friend.

Dee-----The bird game for your students is a great way for them to learn about

different birds while making a fun game of it.

Betty-----I imagine we'll be seeing more birds at the flowering crab tree......more

snow on the way, I guess. I'm ready for spring, as I think everyone in N.America

is. Even bad weather in Calif. with all the mudslides/rain there. Peace to you.

               Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

[summergirl]

Not much to say today, because "The Great Sadness" just will not go away today.

I feel like I am wearing a lead vest, that weighs me down.  This vest has a spike at the back of my neck, forcing me to bow my head and screws on the side, so tight it is hard to breath.

I just wonder when or if my life will ever be normal again. 

Colleen, this broke my heart, I feel your pain of the Great Saddness...we do feel weighted down don't we, as though we will never live again, smile, laugh, enjoy a sunset or sunrise, shopping with girlfriends....a hundred things we think we will never do again but I promise you the day will come when all of these things will come to you, there will be a day when it is softer and the pain will lessen, never to go away but like soft waves, gentle instead of a hurricane. I think back almost 4 years ago and I honestly wanted nothing to do with living, each second of the day was so painful, hard to breathe let alone work or function...but here I am today and I am living life, not the same life as this is life without Jessica but with BI, friends and time I now live life as my Jessica would want me too..I know it is hard to believe my friend but the day will come, it is getting to that day that takes every bit of strength we have. Bless you.

Marcia - what a most amazing pic of the lantern from the mountain top....I am so glad that you had a birthday dinner and cake for Bethany -- I just know that she was smiling and celebrating with you.

Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments on my Jessica

Susannah, it is ok, I will answer your questions...yes, Jessica passed from ARVD.  There are usually no presenting with ARVD but Jessica had her first episode when she was 16, called me at work crying that she had really bad chest pains, took her to the doctor and he said "playing sports to much and pulled muscles in her chest, she will be ok in a day or too"...went home and she slept and was fine the next day. When she was almost 18 she had the same thing happen and this time I called the ambulance, to the emergency room and they came out and told me they were putting her in ICU as she had had a "slight heart attack" (whatever "slight" means", the next day they sent her to St. Francis heart hospital where she stayed for 5 days and a zillion tests.....findings ??.....muscles weak around her heart, could be a virus that goes dormant and then comes back...so in other words "NO F****ing clue.  Sent her home, no medication, to see her heart specialts periodically. Nothing happened again until after she had Tavian and had one more episode, back to the heart specialist who said all was fine.  On Feb 18, 2006 Jessica was going out to dinner with friends, we had Tavian as I had picked him up from day care. I called Jessica and told her to bring Tavian's blanket over, something I had never done before but was very insistant that she bring it, she thought I was crazy but she did it....hugged Tavina and me, said "I love you and don't forget to call me in the morning to wake me as I have to be to work".....last words she said to me.  We got the knock on the door around 1 am, I thought it was Jessica decided to come here and stay the night and forgot her key...but when I saw our 2 friends (cops) standing there I looked at them, started backing up and asking "where is my Jessica", I knew, I just knew.  Jessica went into the bathroom at the restaurant, her friend realized she had been gone for some time, went to check, no answer, looked under the door and saw her hair, broke the door down, she was already gone.....ambulance arrived (all our friends) and started CPR as they did not want to leave her at the restaurant.  The autopsy report stated "ARVD".....there was no testing for it during Jessica's time, at least none that we were ever told about, thought ARVD only happened to young men who played sports - how stupid is that - but it is the only knowledge we had. Now they test for it, had Tavian tested right away....he is fine but goes back to the heart specialist once a year just to make sure.     OMG - I haven't talked about that time in so long, it hurts like hell but also has relieved some of the pressure that has been building these past weeks.     Everything happens for a reason Susannah and you asking me these questions, as painful as it is, has helped me although that might sound a little crazy. Thank you for asking, for caring.....

Dee - not Jessica's birthday until July 21st, Feb 18th will be her angelversary..luv ya

A package from "down under" arrived at my house today - my very bad day was suddenly filled with a ray of sunshine and although the tears fell my heart is grateful to a wonderful sister who said "JESSICA, SAY HER NAME", and who was so very right, the stone said it all....love you Trudi

Most I have posted in a long time....you poor people !!!!

Time to put Tavian to bed so I will say good night. My love to all. Kathy 

 

[rlolheiser]

hello all my friends

I see I missed birthday.. Happy belated birthday to Bethany..  I glanced through the posts, there are so many and my love and prayers go out to all of you.

I wanted to let you know that JaBoa's mom is talking to me a little bit.  She is still so frightened of this cancer.  She wasn't going to take care of things until after she had another baby.  I told her there was no guarantee for another baby, and that she owed it to her children to be here for them.  Anyway, through tears, she has told the dr they can to a hysterectomy.  She is afraid she wont be a woman anymore, without it I worry she just won't be anymore period.  She will have surgery on the 19th, she is in tears, JaBoas birthday is the 20th.

I haven't been around much, I have been sick, my tooth has abcessed, I tried to find a dentist but everybody wants money up front.  just to get looked at is $250.  Oh well.. meanwhile I am really crabby.. I try not to be but I have never had a toothache like this one.

I have never shown anybody this picture I am trying to post, it is of my Jaboa, the night before she passed away.  It is her last picture.  I wish so much I could bring some light into it, I can't figure out anything in the picture programs I have to make it more clear.. but I treasure it, and wanted to share it with you.

I think of you often, and send thoughts and prayers for you and your angels

Leah/Jaboa's grandma

 

 

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE WEIRD STORY TOGETHER WITH YAL

BROOKE (KODYS GIRLFRIEND) HAS BEEN WEARING MY BRACELET SINCE WINTERBALL...AND SHE HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT

SO BROOKE WAS SLEEPN AND KOURTNEY CAME TO HER AND SAID "IM SO GLAD YOUR DATING KODY, YAL ARE PERFECT TOGETHER"....SO THEY WENT RIDING AROUND AND WENT TO THE CATFISH PLACE HERE IN ARDMORE ...AND KOURTNEY SAID "I LIKE YOUR BRACELET"...BROOKE SAID "ITS YOUR MOMS SHES LETTING ME WEAR IT"....SO WHENT HEY GET TO THE CATFISH PLACE, BROOKE SAID SHE HOOKED IT ON SOMETHING AND IN THE DREAM THE BRACELET BROKE.....SHE SAID SHE CRIED AND CRIED AND KOURTNEY SAID "ITS OK MY MOM WILL UNDERSTAND, WILL YOU TELL HER SOMETHING FOR ME?"...BROOKE SAID "YES ANYTHING:....KOURTNEYS SAID "TELLHER I LOVE HER AND MISS HER".....

WHEN BROOKE WOKE UP THIS MORNING THE BRACELET WAS BROKEN AND IN THE BED WITH HER.....????????????????????????????

[heartbeataway]

Leah,

I sure hope you find a dentist soon.  The pain from a tooth can permeate your whole body ......

Colleen,

Hope you're feeling a little bit better today ......

Marcia,

You made it through another birthday without the birthday girls physical presence.  She is so proud of you and Larry!  I can't remember the last time I had Boston Creme Pie!

Betty,

Some folks just don't understand .......

Kathy,

It was hard for me to read your post.  I'm sure it was hard for you to remember those details ...... bless you my sweet friend.

I've told some of you about the employee who worked for Jason's (our) small construction business. Well, Thursday he was indicted on three felony embezzlement charges. He has been charged and it's a start on our quest for justice. I pray this will help us recoup what we lost due to his dishonesty.

And we are expecting ten to twenty more inches of snow ...... I was looking forward to snow after moving here from Texas but this is getting ridiculous!  We have 36 inches now!  The weather is not warming up enough for it to melt much.  And what little does melt turns quickly into ice.  Crazy!

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[Guest]

Kathy - I am honored with your sharing.  I felt lead to ask.  Specifically. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, I repeat...36 inches/ ridiculous. We are due for some, maybe 12 or 15 inches, but rarely are they correct around here, so I hope we have a good snowfall. Yours is just plain hard on everyone with that much, but I do bet it is gorgeous. Is Em still with you? How is Rich?

Congrats on the indictment of that young man. Good for you guys, working so hard to make a go of Jay's company and being stolen from. I hope that the work you are doing to regain what has been taken, allows you the sense of Jason and the pride he must have for his parents.

Kath, sorry that I mixed my dates up, so sorry. So the 18 is a very sad day, and I so wish it was not true, but as you said, here you are living a life, while not the same life, it is no less an important life, it is a very important life, filled with great effort and huge love. I hold your hands as you face this day, the angelversary.

Lorri, what a cool dream and a wondrous message, tell that girl that I am glad that she is the recipiant of Kourt's messages. Lovely.

Sherry, yes, the kids will have fun with this. If you have not yet, go on site from Cornell University for the annual bird count. To participate, all one has to do is record sightings of the various birds in the area from this Friday to next Monday. It is a wonderful site, and they are all about making sure that flyways remain healthy and that species are counted. You would like it Sher.

Marcia, that photo is gorgeous, captures the love and devotion for your Bethany. What a pretty way to send your light to the Girl so filled with light. I know that you feel she should still be here, we all do, but she is in the next most beautiful place adn she is supremely peaceful. That is the sense I get anyhow.

Loving you all, day in and out,

dee

Leah, go get that tooth fixed, that abcess is nothing to play around with. I realize the cost, but at this point, it is your health that matters more than another bill. Hell, we all have another bill coming.If nobody takes you, you may have to go to the emergency room. Someone has to start helping you. Prayers. Thanks for the photo of Joboa.

[Guest]

Leah - JaBoa is beautiful!

I wonder if you could go to the ER due to your tooth.  I think they have to see you whether you have money or not and maybe you could at least get some antibiotics for the infection, which will take away the swelling, which will allow you to sleep.  Just a thought.

I'm glad you got to talk to JaBoa's mom, but sorry for the circumstance.  You are a wise mother with words of love and rationale to offer.  Bless you.

Love you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Greg - I know you have posted a guide (?) for the DVD, could you possibly do it again.

 

The days leading up to the angel date.

The day itself.

Funeral prep.

The funeral itself.

Good and bad friends.

Where you are today.

[mikesmum]

Thanks Greg.

Kathy - Glad it arrived before 18th.  Your Jess such a stunner!!

Bonnie - 36"...OMG.  So glad the wheels are turning on this 'felon'.  Strength to you.

Leah - Love the pic....as Dee says abcess can be nasty.  Its an infection so might fall under the category of medical treatement.  Hoping for the best.

Another day drawing to a close.  We have a lightening show on the ranges around us.....mezmerising.......

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  I am glad to hear that some progress has been made on the justice you are seeking, and that it culminates in your recouping some of your lost assets.  I am so sorry that you have had to go through this and be so hurt by those you thought you could trust.    As for the snow, all I can say is “wow!”  We haven’t had 36” of snow all at once since 1978…we were snowed in for 3 days, and this was in New Hampshire, where they have plenty of snow removal equipment.  We lived on the Air Base, though, and they had to use their resources to clear the runways first.  It was a fun time, though, as we did a lot of things together…games, movies, drawing, etc.   I do hate the ice it turns into, though…so scary and dangerous.  Stay safe, especially with all this additional snow being forecast for the same areas that got it over the weekend.  How is Emily doing?

Lorri:  Amanda seems to have such a strong connection to Kourtney…it seems that Kourt is sending her messages to deliver to you..just amazing.   

Leah:  I am happy for you that you’ve been speaking with JaBoa’s mom…of course, it is perfectly normal for her to be frightened of the cancer.  I am glad she is taking care of things now, though, instead of waiting.  It will be a rough couple of days for you, with her surgery and JaBoa’s birthday so close…lots of stress.  I also recommend your going to the ER for your tooth.  That kind of infection can spread, and it is a good idea to try to get the antibiotics as soon as possible.  I wish you luck with it.  

Colleen:  this “Great Sadness” is such an appropriate description…I am so sorry that you are feeling weighed down so excessively right now…I don’t know about the “being normal” again…I don’t think we have that regular “normal” in our lives ever again…but I am told that we will find a new normal for us and our circumstances.  I send prayers that you will find the path to the beginning of that road soon, my friend, to help ease your pain. I pray strength for you to feel some lightness in your heavy heart and feel the sweeter memories of your Brian enveloping you with the essence and warmth of the sun, bringing you to a point where you can welcome each day again. 

Betsy:  I am sorry about your experience at work…and, as many others here, I can relate completely.  I was so very fortunate to be able to retire when I did…I honestly don’t know how much longer I could have withstood the scrutiny and overseeing that was going on as far as my “progress” in returning to my “previously functioning state.”  “I thought you’d be further along by now,” I was told, after three months!   And the crazy part is, I never let them see me sad, crying, upset…I always left it at the door until I would get back into my car to go home.  Perhaps this was my big mistake…perhaps they thought my appearance gave the impression I was back to “their” normal, or at least what they had expected of me…to be “further along by now.”   Of course all of those dates that were noted to be a problem coincided with dates associated with an event involving Rich…that is your “new normal.”  Those dates will always be dates that remind you of events and incidents of your life “before.”  It will get softer, it will not pierce your heart so much, eventually, but the time it takes to reach that point is different for everyone…but it certainly is not in the first year, and may not even be in the second.    Regarding my birthday cake…with 4 little ones at the table, you can bet there weren’t many crumbs left!  As for the video you provided the link to, it made my day!  What a wonderful treat!   Thank you so much for your gift of joyful music. 

Kathy:  the pics of Jessica are just beautiful…yes, it didn’t take the guys long to offer their services when confronted with your beautiful Jessica!  Your writing about Jessica’s last night was difficult for you, I know, but sometimes we need to do that, it is necessary to tell it again and again, and again…I truly believe that is part of grieving, a part of healing.    

Claudia:  I hope things are settling down for you and you are finding some joy again…we here all know how difficult it can be to do, and sometimes just can’t be done for a while…we are here for you, praying for you, and sending love.   

Dee:  Your efforts with your kids to teach them the different birds and their songs…such a sweet, “Dee” thing to do…your kids are so very blessed to have you…many of them live in such troubled situations, as you have noted, but they do have the blessing of some hours spent with a kind, loving, gentle soul…their sweet teacher, Mrs. Conmy.  May their lives always hold these memories of the gift they receive each day…that of your presence.   

Terrie:  Thank you for letting us see your sweet Adam’s smiling face again, and for checking in with us.  I am sorry that you are having a difficult time…sending you strength and love to help you make it through these days that weigh you down with sorrow.   

Marcia:  The picture of the lantern floating into the early evening is just beautiful…I know that Bethany was there with you and Larry as you sent your love to her into the skies overhead.  The dinner you had sounds lovely and I know that Bethany is so proud of you.  Her lovely spirit was right there beside you, as always 

Sonya:  Having a birthday cake for Danielle is something that must be right for you to do…you will know the time…if it is this year, you will know.  If not, Danielle will understand. 

Trudi:  I did receive your card on Saturday, in time for my birthday---what a smile-prompting surprise, and I thank you, my sweet friend, from the bottom of my heart.  There was no problem with the picture not being of a “punch buggy”…a VW “Bus” was always Mike’s dream…he came very close to buying one in his early twenties, but they wanted too much money for it, and it needed quite a bit of repair.  He was heartbroken.  I’m sure the signs that directed you to this picture were sent from him…all the way to Australia… Many smiles came to my heart when I looked at the card---and many memories along with them.  The hummingbird flew in safely on Monday..bringing with it light and love…a “day-after gift” that kept the goodness flowing from the day before.  Thank you so very much!   

Susannah:  I so enjoy reading your posts…they are filled with prose and wisdom and insight…giving us a new slant on some thoughts and helping us through our journey of grieving and healing.  

Beth:  I hope you are continuing to take it easy and healing well.  Just remember not to overdo and take anything on too soon.  Thinking of you.   

Mary ann, Rosie, Deneace, Greg, Dan, Lynn, Betty, and all other Indigos...thinking of you all, as always.

this is the charm holder that hubby gave to me for my birthday:  it is kind of hard to see the charms inside the heart, as they are kind of tiny...there is a charm for each of the kids, 2 little girl charms, and one little boy.  Beside the boy, is an oval that reads "faith" (Cathi gave this one to me), then there is a baseball, and just below that, an angel.  The double heart is an early valentines gift.  I love it.  The heart holder can be worn on a chain as a necklace, but since I wear Mike's ashes in a cross all the time, hubby got the key chain holder instead.  the angel charm, of course, made me cry, but I thought it was great for him to pick it out for me. 

Love and peace, Carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's.  Grandma overslept today, so Mariah missed tutoring! 

This is the first time that's happened so I'm not too worried about it. 

Have to run, but I don't feel quite right if I don't at least check.  You guys make my days better!

Love you,  Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I, like Susannah need to start my day with my connection to the" REAL World" here at Indigo.

Dee I love the game that you have for the children to learn bird sound and the appreciation of  nature. What a great teacher you are!!

Bonnie I am glad that he law suit is working out in your favor. I know that this is a very painful situation for you and hope it will be resolved quickly.  Please Please stay warm and safe with all that snow.

Leah  You have been given great suggestions regarding your tooth  Please take care of yourself or you will not be able ot take care of anyone.  I loved the picture - such a precious child and I will pray for your daughter and her surgery.

Carol What a thoughtful hubsand you have !!! SUCH EXCELLENT TASTE!!! The charm is beautiful.  It truly represents your heart and your life.  Thanks for sharing it.

Kathy I salute your bravery in sharing your loss of Jessica.

I shared a few days ago that I had run a test DVD for our Indigo reunion and Trudi asked what I had spoken.  The truth is, that each time I tried to answer the questions I choked up and just cried-no words would come.  I then just read a simple statement of Stephen's life filed with facts just to see if my voice recorded on the DVD.  It did!!!

 I know it will take many, many retakes to be able to make the DVD and "Tell my Story"

 Marcia Love the Picture and am so glad you had a special dinner to honor Bethany.

Sonya I have not been able to have a cake for Stephen's Birthday either  In fact I do his balloon release quietly by the ocean and remember the joy .

Sherry I do hope your flowering tree has a few delightful birds to cheer your day.

Betsy, Beth, Colleen, Terrie, Lorrie, Pam, Rosie, Kim Greg and Dan thinking of each of you and pray you stay warm and safe.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

 

[lostwoher]

 Thinking of you all.

[ericasmom]

Wow Carol, tell your sweet Husband that he did really well with the gift he gave for your birthday. How perfectly lovely.

I wish that I was a good human about getting cards and trinkets out in the mail, but I am not so maybe one day...

Love and snow boots to you all,

dee

[hotsauce]

hello to everyone

ready to start climbing the walls with all is snow and more to come

take care and have a good day to all

don't know what to do with myself, can't go out, don't drive in snow anymore then necessary

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

 

 

[ericasmom]

Mary Ann,

I can see why yo ufeel like climbing the walls. Is there any feasible way to take walks in this kind of snow?

Are you reading any good books?

Gosh, I wish I could help.

Love to you Sweet Woman,

dee

[hotsauce]

DEE,

reading, doing crafts, taking the dogs in and out of the house, shoveling snow, but can't walk outside, the streets are full of ice.  not safe.  thank you for your concern. 

i heard we only have 40 days till spring.  o.m.g. i hope it comes soon.

mary ann

[rlolheiser]

Mary Ann, to much snow!  I feel bad for you, we don't have near that much and I have cabin fever! Hope you stay warm

Betty, I am touched at the concern I receive here, I try to take care of me, sometimes not sure how to do it, but I do listen to you all.

Carol, it is good to be on speaking terms with JaBoa's mom, you have a lovely charm holder, your husband has good taste .. without being on much not sure if I missed you birthday or not.. so this wish may be late.. Hope you have a wonderful Birthday!

Trudi , it feels nasty, sure has brought me down

Susanah,  thank you I think she is beautiful, and I am glad you got a chance to sleep in :-)

Dee, it is ridiculous how hard it is to get to see a dentist..  I

Bonnie, thank you for the advice I feel like crap.

Just an update for you all and a very big thank you.  I went to get the antibiotic and a light painkiller.  They wouldn't do anything else, and dentists are so unfriendly in this town..  I called a place in a town 90 miles away.  They are having a free day on the 27th.  God Bless these people.  They told me that if I lightened the taking of the antibiotic and stretched it, I might make it til then if not they would take me in for a fee and try to keep it down.  So here is hoping I can make it to the 27th.  The price will be about $30 for gas.

Also, JaBoa's mom called and the surgery is postponed until the 5th of March.  I am not sure why, but I guess as long as they do it.  Thanks again for all the prayers and thoughts.

I guess I will go for now.. I hurt like heck..  I love you all.. and think of you always

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

 

[andrewsmother]

Hello all my dear friends...

Haven't posted in a while...just too overwhelmed lately, but I find this connection helps me greatly.  Before anything.....

 

[align=center]Happy Birthday Beautiful Bethany!!!!![/align]

[align=center]I am so sorry I am late![/align]

[align=left]This horrible new reality seems to be sinking in more and more each day.  This is for real...my son is gone, he is no longer here and I have to live with that, but how can I?  Why is everyone else adjusting to this new reality and I am not?  Why is it hurting more each day that goes by?  I miss you Andrew soooooo much....I hope wherever you are you know how much we love you...[/align]

[align=left]I haven't been feeling very well lately, lots of headaches and just a general discomfort, also I'm spotting and cramping between periods, could this be due to stress?[/align]

[align=left]Its been 52 days since Andrew died, and incredibly, it still feels unreal...it still feels like a nightmare.[/align]

[align=left]Just an update on the KING:[/align]

[align=left]The king wants to return to the castle...he has seen the light! has realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side...[/align]

[align=left]Actually...this is true...and I'm actually considering it...I know I'm being weak, but one less thing to have to deal with right now is such a great relief.  I actually spoke to the ex-wife, I thought they had gone back together, but not so...they're just friends, she actually said he had acted like a jerk towards me and he should beg for my forgiveness, she did say she knew he loved me.  Sooooo...he said he was so sorry he had bailed out on me, seems to be taking full responsibility for his actions.  I know I shouldn't take him back, but it would make my life so much easier right now not to have to deal with a divorce on top of everything else.  I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket though, I realize this could happen again, hopefully I wont be as emotionally drained as I am right now and I can deal with it more effectively.  Chris says if I want to take him back he's ok with it, he just wants me to be happy, not sure how happy Andrew would be about that, though he always said whatever made me happy was ok with him.[/align]

[align=left]I want to go meet you guys at Little Rock....I was thinking maybe I could take my sister, she's been my rock!  Does anyone have the link?  I know it was posted, just can't remember how far back.[/align]

[align=left]I went to see a counselor today through my company's EAP program...not too impressed with the counseling capabilities, she mostly talked about life after death and the fact that she was convinced it exists.  She has taken a daily class on death and dying for the last year she said, so obviously the spirit and afterlife is an important subject to her.  She hasn't lost a child though, I'm sure emotionally she has no idea of what I feel...she said if we detach ourselves from whatever causes us pain, it will stop hurting...right...like I can detach myself from my son!  I did find some comfort in her believe in the afterlife and she had some good stories about that.  I find my faith slipping, sometimes I'm so sure he's alive somewhere and other times I wonder if he just ceased to exist...I don't want to even think of that...it can't be...he has to be somewhere.[/align]

[align=left]Here's a picture of the kids when they were little...the one in blue is Andrew....[/align]

[align=left]Thank you all for helping me keep my son's memory alive....[/align]

[align=left]Love[/align]

[align=left]Rosie, Andrew's mom[/align]

[ericasmom]

Rosie, I don't' think you can call yourself weak, look what you are dealing with will you? I mean really, taking the KING back is something you may want to do because you may miss him, no crime. You are not weak, which is what you will need to let him know, that no man, no man, will take you down, that you are enduring the worst loss in the world, so his leaving will not undo you, so if he is going to stay he HAS to behave with respect toward you and Chris and to the memory and grieving you will be involved in for the rest of your lives. He will have to show respect to the memory of Andrew. If he can do that well then, why not see if it feels better to have him there, if not, you can tell him to hit the pavement. I for one, hope that it works out between you, it may be that this time away makes him realize the loss was more than he expected but will also serve to show him that if he is a KING< well the Queen has spoken. And the Queen just lost her young Prince and she will need all the space in the world to grieve and find a sense of herself and Chris again.

Good luck, remember, this is your decision, not ours or his alone. And remember, you really are not WEAK.

Leah, good luck with that medicine. It should start to work within 24 hours. I think I would take it full strength and go for the lowered fee on the next available date. The 27th is a long wait, but either way, I am hapy that you are taking action.

Mary Ann, wow, hang on, 40 days can seem long but we know what long is don't we? My heart with you as you craft your way through another storm.

dee

[daveydow1]

Leah----I'm hoping that your toothache has subsided. As for physical pain--

toothaches are dreadful. Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers, friend.

MaryAnn----I agree----spring can't come SOON ENOUGH to suit me. We had

15 or 16 inches of snow, and 10 more expected tonight/tomorrow.  Keep

warm...do whatever things that you enjoy while 'waiting out' this bad weather.

Carol---Such a nice gift your husband gave you for your birthday. Grands can

sure go through food quickly, can't they?......especially goodies.

Betty-----With more snow to come tonight, I'm sure there will be birdies at the

flowering crab tree to get the fruit to eat.

Kathy-----Your telling of Jessica's passing is a sorrowful thing for you to do, I'm

sure. I know that whenever I start to tell Davey's story, I stumble and sometimes

just have to let it go. As you say.....it may be helpful to you, expecially with dear

Jessica's angel day coming up soon. I guess there is no guidebook for this lousy

road we've found ourselves on.....and each one has to go at their own pace and

just do the best they can. It's good that you are proactive with Tav's health.

I wish you peace & comfort in the coming days and weeks, friend.

Rosie----Dear friend....it has only been 52 days since your beloved Andrew passed,

and what you are feeling is so much like all of us here at BI felt in those early days.

The emotions and feeling that it is all so final are what we all have felt. You are

not going crazy.....you are in devastating grief for your dear lost child. Take the

time you need, and try to take just one minute at a time. Your Andrew will never

cease to exist-----he, and all our angels, are in a realm where we cannot go at

this time, but they have many ways of touching us and letting us know they are

there, and doing well. Prayers & Peace .

            PEACE, COMFORT, AND A GOOD NIGHT'S REST TO ALL HERE AT BI.

                        Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[mikesmum]

Good Morning Indigos

Carol - I think Ralph is a keeper.  I love the charms and yes when I saw that angel the tears.....Glad the hummingbird made it in one piece.   The VW wagon caught my eye and of course my mind instantly goes to Mike.

Rosie - "the King' I love it - Hard to make the decisions of the heart when we are out of our 'norm'.  I think I would encourage input from your son, family and those who know both of you.  This 'break' might be a ripple from losing your son..  Love the shopping cart pic....I used to use that as a free ride on shopping days for the kids...whhhheeeeeeeeee!

Leah - "Trudi , it feels nasty, sure has brought me down" Not sure what it was that I said, but hope you are feeling okay now.  Thank goodnes for the kindness of the 'free' dental even if its in another town.  If you can keep the infection under control you just might make it.  Good Luck.

Mary ann - Only 40 day till your spring, does that mean 40 days till our Autumn?  Will start packing the sunshine up and move it to you.    When the weather here makes it hard to get out..I fossick through something I mightn't have seen for awhile.  It passes time, takes the brain to other places and occassionally I might work up a sweat.

Well I have confirmed that I will be in Little Rock on Thursday the 8th staying thru till the Tuesday. 

As for the DVD thingy.  I know what my voice sounds like over the air (yuck) so now I will be off for the botox body wrap and tummy tuck for the visual....

Dee - any news on whether you and John might make it?   

The link for July......I know just posting here is more than some can cope with on this journey so a gathering out of state might be hard, but I hope many can make it. 

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html

[summergirl]

Leah - your Jaboa is just beautiful..

Rosie -  weak ?? I don't think so, grieving, hurting, lost, wishing and so many other things but not weak....a mom who has lost her child, nothing can hurt worse. Those of us that have been here much longer know what you are dealing with and it is normal even though normal is not a word in your vocabulary right now....we are with you every step of the way, thinking of you always, hugging you....walking with you. Also, if you decide to take the King back then listen to Dee...she said it all. Bless you sweetie.

Thank you everyone, yes re-living that night was diffacult but it will always be that way, there will never be a day when I can talk about it and not feel the intense pain all over again....but....need to talk about it, need to share, it is the only way to breathe again.

Dee - never apologize here...isn't that our motto??? It is ok that you got your days mixed up, you are not expected to remember everything about everyone....your words that you write here have kept me breathing so many times when I wanted to give in....friends make mistakes and we love them anyway....

Before I say goodnight, as I am exhausted, just want to update you a bit on my son. But first, is anyone here does not like me talking about it then I will not so please let me know if it bothers anyone.       As you know my son has been back here for a few weeks and has gotten back into the drugs, well last night we got a knock on the door at 3:16 a.m. (talk about a panic attack), well, it was the police (thank goodness friends of ours), they said Bj had called them because someone was following him and he needed help. They found him and took him to the police station and talked with him for a few hours. The one policeman (Hogan) gave him 300 dollars so he could go back to Iowa, I took him to the train, said good-by, cried for what seemed like hours. Talked to Hogan tonight, he told me that he told Bj to get out of NY and find his way, become the man he wants to become....he also told him that if he stayed here he would end up going to jail or dead. So, tonight I sit here wondering if he remained on the train to the city and got on the bus.....or did he get off somewhere up Island and is now at this moment spending the money on drugs???  I just would like to ask for your prayers that he is on the bus and off to finding his way in this world....I do not want to bury another child.  Thanks for letting me get this out but as I said please let me know if it bothers anyone and I will not speak of it again.

All my love and prayers to all, Kathy

[summergirl]

Carol - the charm is just beautiful - you are blessed with a wonderful husband. I love the little angel....

Snow storm coming in tonight/tomorrow, Tavian is hoping for tonight so no school tomorrow..  So sick of winter !!!!!!

[mikesmum]

Kathy - the beauty of the sight and those who read/post here is that we are able to share 'warts and all' our lives.

Your struggles with BJ wrench at the heart.  Whether you have lived the life or just know the loss, here is where you will find the empathy, compassion and support as you hold your breath waiting for news of BJ.

Just the knock on the door would have most of us here in a mess. 

My heart to you, I know your mind is racing with what might be, but truly, someone other than family gave BJ the chance to make good.   For me that someone way back was Mal.  He saw in Steve something I thought was lost.  It was Steve that built on that ~ I pray BJ takes this opportunity to make his life change.  Not just so his mum can find peace in her life, but so he might find peace in his.

Holding you tight........walking with you....Trudi

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy:  I repeat all that Trudi said...this site is our place to come, "warts and all," if need be...we are here to comfort and understand...no judgments...supporting each other through other crises in our lives is so important, because it is truly difficult to stand up to additional pain and sorrow when our hearts are already drained and broken.  Sending love and prayers to you for strength, and to BJ to give him strength to make the right decision and stick to it.

Thank you all for your comments on my charm holder...yes, Ralph is a keeper...after 46 years of breaking him in, I guess I'll go the distance...too old and too tired to take on another model!    

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Kathy - KEEP SHARING ABOUT YOUR SON!!  I SO know where you are.  And, I know the reality of the ugliness of the drug world.  The danger that our child lives in through their own self destruction and the danger of the life style it invites.  You'll go insane if you don't talk about it!  Loving your son with every breath you take, knowing he may self destruct at any moment and trying to survive the death of your daughter is too much not to talk about.  Sending warm blankets of love and comfort.

So much powerlessness.  Please, keep sharing!

Rosie - Do you have sisters?  Well, you have US.  My sister is married to a great guy, but when he hurts her or acts like a jerk I run to her defense.  Then they make up and are in love again, and I welcome him back........but, my eyes are wide open.  "She might forgive you, but I'm watching."  You're not weak.  You're human and making the best choice given your situation.  And, even if it turns out badly, so what?  You have us to help hold you up.  We wish nothing but the best for you.  We are here to cheer and hope for a successfull reunification and here to hold you if he fails you.  Sisters (and two brothers).  No more.  No less.

I want to "ramble" for a moment about faith.  I may sound "kooky" or over confident or even arrogant.  But, the fact is, for reasons I don't know, I have had many spiritual interactions in my life.  By that, I mean,  I have seen angels (they aren't big on communicating).  I have seen my own personal guide or guardian and have talked with him.  My pastor told me I had the gift of revelation.  Whatever.  I don't care.  I just know sometimes I know things and sometimes I see and hear things. 

Having said that, after Stephanie died none of my experiences mattered!  I questioned the authenticity of each of them.  I decided I was hallucinating or imagining or just plain nuts.  Some may still think that. 

I have been a spiritual seeker since I was a young child.  Not even knowing that's what it was.  I believe each of us are spiritual seekers and will be until the day we reunite with our Creator. 

I have had the gift of accepting the worst life has to offer and make the best of it.  Not without a fight, mind you....but, I do surrender and move on.  But, I have not been able to pull that off with Stephanie's death.  This is a new path.  A new life.  My old life is gone.  It is like with Stephanie's death, a new Susannah was born.  Or rather, I was skinned and exposed and am raw to the core.  It is as if I am being remade each minute of each day.

It is painful.  And, it is intriquing.  Even in the midst of the searing, piercing, stabbing pain, I am amazed at the power of grief.  I feel it.  Experience it.  And, in some weird irony, stand back and watch it happen. 

Stephanie's death has made me question everything I believe in.  I have had to look deep within myself and ask myself if I believe what I claim to believe.  "This is where the rubber hits the road". 

I honestly believe that's why she sent the birds (in front of witnesses).  Because she knew I would question anything spiritual.  I had to have something physical, tangible, unbelievably believable. 

I believe she gave me that gift because she loves me.  Because she's an old enough soul to be able to accomplish such a task.  Because I'm raising her kids!!!  LOL

I share all that with you,  Rosie, to tell you, if you will believe me...what you're going through is all part of the process of grief.  Our new life.  A new beginning.  A painful new birth. 

We have been thrown into the middle of a storm tossed sea.  Without instruction.  But, not without help.  We can swim against the waves and almost drown.  Or we can allow the waves to toss us where they will, relaxing into the pain and the fear of the unknown...and still feeling like we may drown. 

Both ways will render us exhausted.  And, neither way is right or wrong.  It's just the way it is.

The good news is, we are not alone.  We are not alone!!! 

My God is absolutely big enough to stop the storm.  Save our children.  Stop the earthquakes.  Erradicate cancer.  My God is ALL powerful.  My God is also all knowing and all loving. 

It's not that God made these things happen, he allowed them to happen.  He didn't stop them.  And, in the end, all my God asks of me is to trust him.  Period.

No answers.  No explanations.  No reasons.  Just "trust me".  And, all we have is his promise that he won't let go of our hand...........as I dip into the water for the umpteenth time, trying to catch my breath and I'm yelling at him "you almost let me drown!!"  And, he whispers, "but, you didn't."

I love you all.  I'm getting on my nerves! 

I edited and deleted the part about talking to the departed, because the fact is there have only been three instances in my whole life and that hardly counts.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

OH heck, I love that you said that you are getting on your own nerves, made me laugh. I talk to the departed each and every day, if that makes me nuts, so be it, I am a n ut. I talk to Eri, talk to her Daddy too, not each day to Michael but more lately as I ask he and ERi to help Jonathan move forward adn find his legs, all the way find his footing and look forward to new things. He does adn then he falls back adn becomes anxious. I love him the ways you all love your Children, and I hate that he has so much angst.

Kath, never feel that your speaking about your Son as a bummer to anyone. It is imperative that you feel wholly free here with us, your family. We know the ache in your heart for your Son, He is at risk in his behaviors, and I will continue my prayers, and my talking with the departed to smile on BJ so that perhaps what your friend said to him might get him straightened out. Oh Lord help him find a way to face his hurt, his weakness, and find his strength against the drugs that allow him so little. Please God and all of our Angels, please help BJ find a new road, one that includes good health, a clean lifestyle, and strength to face a  new life. One that includes laughter and joy.

Please all stay warm and safe in the giant snow that falls over so many of you. A forced time out, good books, puzzles, crafts, cooking? Be safe.

love,

dee

PS still pondering Trudi, hoping to be there

[ericasmom]

I was just awakened with either a huge gust of wind or an earthquake. I flew out of bed as the huse moving woke me, scary as all get out. John woke too. Maybe I will go to sleep, maybe not. YIKES! Just want to say that I am a bit shook up. Trying sleep for now.

love,

dee

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's,  the snow has started . This area missed the last storm and the days were sunny which helped  my overcast mood after days of clouds. I have been weepy the past few days. I just let the tears fall. I will see how this day progresses.

 

Carol, a beautiful charm holder. By the way, does your husband have a single brother? ha ha

As far as the work place, they have to do what they have to do I guess. The dates presented to me were like a punch to the gut. Why go back to June 09 and "warn"me. A warning would have been enough. No reason to explain to me the details. I also present well. When i took some time off in September, seeming out of the blue, was a result of the wall cracking, falling down. Delayed grief as my therapist puts it. Now,if my anger and grief caused me to throw office chairs around, that would have been understood ?

 

Marcia, beautiful picture. It looks like a beautiful spot. I see Bethany there with her lanterns flying high.

I wanted to share. There are times in my position that I wonder if I make a difference in the lives of others. Can I help? Can I turn this situation around for this person? Well, I put my shoulder into a problem last week. A little shove, a " hey, take a 2nd look would you"...wish I could go into details, BUT, I did manage to help a senior in Nevada . I thought of Bethany,you and hubby as events unfolded for the better .

 

Betty, Got Milk? Thinking of you and Stephen as I watch the squirrels scurry about.

 

Dee, Sherry, I can hear birds but I can not see them. Last night while walking up the walk I heard something in the bushes. It was no bird and at a safe distance I tried to get a look at what type of creature it may be. It wasn't a cat or dog. White in color, maybe. I didn't poke around. Some times there are bear around and though this wasn't a bear, I didn't want to face an aggressive animal.

 

 

Leah, you worry me. In a good way. I tried to find a dentist for you by searching the Net. I realized I have no idea where you live in ND. Take care of the tooth.

 

Kathy, I never tire of hearing of your son. Write away.

 

Oh man, the captain on the Deadliest Catch passed away. I liked that guy. I like the captain of the Time Bandit too. me and Rich would watch the show together.

 

I better get going. I don't want another warning. The horrors! :shock:

 

Thinking of you all

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Good morning, it was an earthquake, centered on an unknown fault just 45miles west, it was a 4.6. Okay, I am tired after only going back to sleep a half hour before getting up. Have a good day everyone, no more quakes.

love dee

get to workBetsy. Kidding.

[hotrod]

Good Snowy Morning Indigos

 

Wow Dee an earthquake It must have been frightening  I am glad you are OK  Please stay safe  We all need your compassion and wisdom.

 

Hi Betsy It is so great to see Rich;s handsome face on the board!!! I know what you mean about how you interacted with someone today and thought of Marcia and family while doing it   The power of the connections here is amazing.  My small hurt squirrel has been missing these past few days I am fearful but will go out later today to search.  Just remember the job just pays the bills.  You certainly sound like a dedicated worker to me

Rosie  I loved the picture of Andre  Such  a happy time.  Just remember what you do and the decisions you make in your life are all OK we are here to support you not judge.

Kathy Please do continue sharing your life  I pray for BJ daily

 

Leah  So glad you found help  I do hope the Meds work

 

Hi Mary Ann More snow today  I know how it feels to have Cabin Fever.  I do not know if you have a memorial site for Brian  I know on down days I go to Stephen's site and spend hours uploading pictures-changing the music etc  I feel so connected to him and it feels good..

 

Sherry  I would love to see a picture of the Flowering fruit tree.  Some day I hope you post.  Love seeing Davey.

 

Beth  I do hope you are recovering well Let us know

Trudie  I really felt your anxiety and pain as you described your return to work  That is the exact environment I worked in for over 20 years,  That is why I could not go back  I am glad you are taking care of yourself.

Colleen, Sonya, Kim, Deneace, Pam, Greg, Dan, Terrie,  Marcia, Carol, Sue, Susannah  and all Indigos please stay safe and warm

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

 

[Guest]

Eathquake in Illinois!  Isn't that like having a sunami in Arizona?  I'm not a big bible thumper (well, not even a little one) but it does seem like the book of revelations and other prophecies/predictions are playing themselves out.  Another opportunity to trust with eyes wide open. 

Carol, I love the charm your husband gave you.  What a thoughtful and caring man!  A keeper for sure!

Betsy - I'm mad at your supervisor!  What an a$$!  I would love to go to work with you for 10 minutes!! 

By the way, Rosie, I love the picture of Andrew and Chris as children.  Beautiful boys!

Dee - My kooky friend!  You and Trudi both share the gift of compassion and wisdom in validating our emotions, experiences and paths.  Well....so do each of you!  Those few times I'm referring to about the departed was a random, uninvited experience.  The first was when I was 10 yrs old, in my first (abusive) foster home and my grandfather came to me.  The second was my brother in law about 25 yrs after he drowned, coming to me and telling me to tell my sister their other son (who killed himself) was with him.  That one was weird.  I wasn't scared, I just stared at him and asked him why he came to ME?  He didn't answer that question, he just repeated himself and left.  I phoned my sister and told her (prefacing it with "You're going to think I'm nuts")  she didn't think I was nuts.  She had been praying for a sign to know where James was for months.  And, the last one was just as odd.  i was sitting across from my bosses desk, taking notes, when her son (who had committed suicide a year earlier) walked in, sat beside me and propped his feet on the desk with a huge smile on his face as he looked at his mom.  I couldn't hear what she was saying after that....I just kept staring at him and finally asked her "don't you see him?"  She cried when I told her and said that was how he always sat when he came to see her.

Okay...there have been a few more.........but, basically, that's all they are.  You'd think my daughter could show up!!  Or even your kids.  Well, Michelle did that first week I visited here........and, Zachy.  

I reveal too much!!!  Make myself vulnerable and I'm too needy for that.  I have to be told you still love and accept me!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

 I love your key chain and charm.  Very special, meaningful gift!

Dee,

An earthquake?  Good Lord! 

Betty,

Hope you made it to work on time ..... ;-)    I had a supervisor talk to me one time about being late on occasion.  She didn't mention anything about the lunch hours I worked, the breaks I didn't take or the late evenings I stayed when everyone else including her were home with their families.

Emily is still with us.  We've had a couple clashes because of boys and dishonesty.  She is spending a week without her phone or internet access.  You take a teen's phone and internet and " it's the worst week of her like".  She has so much to learn!  ;-) 

The weather here is horrific!  Not only snowing but the winds are strong.  Blizzard conditions!  So, our first real winter in a long time has been extreme!  We can't complain, we have lights, heat, food, and wonderful neighbors and friends who help with the digging out!  We will invest in a snow blower for next year! 

I wish you warmth and good friendships for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[mysonrich]

A place I wanted to visit wirh Rich. I'll get there someday.

http://www.nature.org/popups/misc/art27274.html#

Dee, i was just talking to my neighbor. He said if I can make it up the mountain, I can slide down. Does not sound like fun. I'll wait another half hour and see if any plows come through.

 

Betsy,mysonRich