Loss of an Adult Child

[shellbellsmom]

Kenny's mom; Wonderful picture of your son. Looks like he was truly enjoying life. What type of cancer did he suffer with, and how long was he ill? Cancer took my child's life too. CANCER SUCKS! So sorry for your loss. 

My daughter had leukemia but only live 38 days after she was diagnosed.  The cancer took my beautiful 22 year old daughter and ate her up inside and out....she developed complications and never recovered...she never returned home as she had wished. It was quick and painful. 

Haven't seen the movie Lonely Bones but its playing around my area.  Does anyone recommend this movie?

Lorrie I just finished reading a book about a man who's mothers died during his birth and then came back to life....and the child grew up with special gifts and could hear/see things others couldn't.  I would recommend your friend Amanda connect a medium/psychic in your area and ask for their help....they obviously have dealt with this themselves and might be able to shed some light on this and relieve her of some fear.

Had a great EMDR session today.  Its an amazing technique that helps with PTSD (mine-watching my daughter die from cancer). I am coming out of my dark hole and am seeing light again....feels so good and feel like I am going to survive this after all. I'll never get over her death but I am learning to live with. 

Wishing everyone a very peaceful and relaxing night.  Sue

 

[daveydow1]

Pam---Great pics of Kenny. He is a very handsome young man. Thanks

for posting.  (I, too, tried posting a picture which it said was too large--

ARrrrgggggghhhhh !   )      Peace to you, friend.

[daveydow1]

Kathy---Sorry to hear your Uncle Marvin has passed. Yes, he is now with

your lovely Jessica----all peace and glory. 

Sherry

[summergirl]

Sherry, thank you...he lived a long good life and was ready to go and be released from the pain.

Sue - I have read the Lovely Bones and am reading it again...I do want to see the movie.  Have you read the book or seen the previews??

Trudi - hope you are having lots of sunshine and ocean days..

Dee - sure hope the arm feels better.

I was and am tired but keep coming back here to check in.  Kathy 

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

I'm not sure what you did to your arm. Couldn't find the post. I sure hope you feel better soon.

Sorry!

Bonnie

[Guest]

Just a quick post.

They sentenced the kid's perpetrator last Friday.  We weren't told about it.  I was supposed to be able to speak.  At first I was pissed.  But, then Gary found the news clip which aired Friday night.

They showed a picture of her face.  And, said "Tina Marie Soneson was sentenced to 18 months in jail for 2 felony counts child abuse against the children in her care.  Originally she was also charged with sexual assault, but the sexual charge was dropped in a plea deal.  However, the police said she is guilty of sexual abuse as well as physical abuse."

YES!!!!

That's all I wanted.  Her face out there and the word that she also sexually abused these kids.

I feel like we can now put this behind us and get on with our lives!

[lolynbo]

Kenny's mom; Wonderful picture of your son. Looks like he was truly enjoying life. What type of cancer did he suffer with, and how long was he ill? Cancer took my child's life too. CANCER SUCKS! So sorry for your loss. 

JUST WANT TO ADD....CANCER CAN KISS MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

[Guest]

Pam - Kenny sure is a handsome young man!  Is that you behind him in the boat?  Whomever it is she could be my sister's twin.  She passed over in 2008.  I take comfort that she would have been there to greet Stephanie.  Also, are you on the ocean?  Fishing?  My son's dream!

Dee - I went back and tried to find information about a child now in a hospital setting??  I must have missed that bit of news.  I'm so sorry!  Ugh!  Arrgh!  Expletive, expletive, expletive!  "Bless the beasts and the children."

Sue, it's good to see Michelle's face again.  I'm glad you're beginning to see the sun again.  Would you explain more about what it is you're doing that is helping?

Carol, Betty, Trudi, Lorri, Leah, Beth, Greg, Dan, Betsy, Beth, Claudia, Mary Ann, Marcia, Terri, Kim, And, anyone I might have missed.....Sending you all love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

 

Colleen So glad your presentation and training class went well I know what you mean about handling the situation with diplomacy  That is a real success in business.

 

Leah  So glad you have your power back and can get warm  Take good care of yourself and mom  It was good to see Jobao smiling face.

 

Susannah I am happy that the Perps were sentenced and you are at peace. I am glad you feel you can  now go forward.  Thanks for being here on sharing this  journey  

 

Dee I am so sorry about your arm  I know you mentioned you fell last week but I did not know that it was not better.  Please take care of yourself.   Thanks so much for the update on the little student.  I do hope she stays in hospital 

 

Sue So good that EMDR is working I have heard this is very successful but difficult process.

 

Pam  Great to see another great picture of Kenny I love to see new pictures.

 

Trudie  Happpy Australia Day:)  Praying for Steven and his financial future.

 

Kathy I am so sorrry to hear about your Uncle Marvin.  I will pray for your peace.

 

Sherrry, Bonnie, Beth, Mary Ann, Sonya,  Terrie, Betsy Rosie, Kim and all Indigos  Have a Blessed Evening

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Trudi - Happy Australia Day!  I bet it's over by now.  I want to meet you just to hear your accent!   I promise to shut up and listen....

Speaking of.....any conclusions on a reunion?  I have a mental picture of each of you.  I'll have to write it down and see if I'm right after I meet you.  That is, of course, if I'm able to attend.

You see........we have these three young children now..... :? 

[ericasmom]

thanks all, going to bed late for a school lnight, 10 people for dinner, all family, and three are overnight as they leave for Florida tomorrow. my niece Kari and husband Troy, and daughter Alex. They live in Sarasota, though are midwesteners in their hearts, Cubs fans, Bears Fans, Bulls, and Hawks. So had the house full, it was nice. I am pooped and heading to bed.

MY arm is fine one moment and in pain later on. I do think it tendon and ligaments that were injured when I fell on the ice. My palm was the first to hit, with full weight on it. Thanks Trudi, I think that you are right on that.

Pam, please do tell us more about Kenny, the battle you guys waged. I agree with everyone else, Cancer Sucks. My Daughter died not from Cancer but I have lost friends and my Kid's Dad to cancer.

Sue I am so glad that EDMR is working for the good in your life. What good news to hear that the sun is shining in some. You work hard to find your way with PTSD, so be proud of the work you are doing. I know your Michelle is proud of you.

Happy Australia Day Trudi Dear. I will talk about it at school tomorrow.

Love to all,

dee

[shorty16]

Indigos

I am going to a funeral tonight for my cousin's husband.  He was 55.  He died after a 14 year battle with cancer.

I was at my Bible study last night and when I asked for a pray for my cousin's family, one lady said "At least they had time to prepare for their loss"

I wanted to slap her. 

I do not care how your child, husband dies, you are never prepared.  I see that everyday with my fellow indigo friends who lost children from an illness.  They were as prepared as I was when my son died instantly from a car accident.

I get it!!!

Now that I know what to say to berieved people, the card I wrote, I hope will be somewhat of a comfort.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Wow....it's 20 minutes til 10...no one has been on this morning yet...I get to tell you all "have a good day!" first!    Just wanted to pop on and say good morning...we have 2 doctors appts today so will be out most of the day, but I will check in later.  I spent all last night FINALLY doing my taxes from 2008 (I know...bad, bad..bad---but it was a bad year for that, also!), and found out I owe $1700!!!!   So, of course, I will also have to pay a fine.  Oh, well...not much I can do about it now...except learn my lesson.  We haven't owed in a really long time, so I really didn't think we would, so therefore the "no hurry to do them" outlook on them (plus being still caught up in the "can't make a decision or add a sum" mode).  (if you are getting a refund, you don't usually get fined for filing late).  So, now I must pay the tax man...

"Let me tell you how it will be;

There's one for you, nineteen for me.

'Cause I?m the taxman,

Yeah, I?m the taxman.

the tax man, oh, oh, "    (Beatles 1966)

and the taxman cometh...

have a sweet day everyone...I will be selling cookies on the corner! 

[shorty16]

Betty

Thanks for the kind words.

Colleen

[mikesmomrs]

Col:  I guess you were posting while I was writing....I am so sorry for another loss in your family...and yes, we all "get it."  I know that whatever you wrote to them will bring them comfort...what you wrote came straight from your broken, scarred heart...with firsthand knowledge of how they feel.  Take it easy today, and will be thinking of you and holding you (and them) close.  Cancer sucks!

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[andrewsmother]

Good morning Indigos:

I haven't posted in a long time...for those of you that don't remember me, my 19 year old son Andrew was killed in a car accident on December 19th 2009.  Six people were involved in the accident, everyone made it, Andrew died instantly.  The car my son was in was hit by a drunk driver that took a red light.  It has been 5 weeks and 3 days today.  I am back to work and in fact I am currently in Tampa Florida in a training for a week.  I had to bring my parents with me...there's no way I can handle traveling by myself and staying by myself.  Nothing has gotten easier, in fact, I feel that I am doing so much worse than the first few weeks.  Since the day of my son's death, there hasn't been one day that I haven't cried.  I feel like I'm losing my mind, I cannot think about anything but my son, I haven't watched TV, listened to the radio or read anything unrelated to death since he died.  People tell me to try and get distracted with other things...but when I do, if I don't think about it for a few minutes, when I do remember again, it hits me like an electric shock...I'd almost rather feel miserable thinking about him all the time than to go through these "shocks" when I concentrate on anything else just for a few minutes.  People tell me to stop crying because seeing me sad will make Andrew sad, and he wont go to the light if he's sad.  But how can I not cry when my oldest son died?  My whole life is turned upside down.  My son will never grow to be a man, be a husband, a father, he will never participate in our family gatherings, never ever again...and to know I will never see him again or hear his voice.  This is just more than I can bear...I can't take this...I really can't...how do you ever go back to having a semi-normal life?  I have no interest in my job, my marriage is about to end because my husband cannot understand me (he is not Andrew's father), no interest in anything, can barely hold a conversation unless I'm talking about Andrew...Sometimes I feel, our lives on earth are really what hell is...because it is unimaginable there would be anything worse than what I am feeling right now.  I need to know where my son is...I need to make sure he didn't cease to exist, that his spirit is still alive.  I know I sound crazy, but that is just how I feel.  

Rosie

Andrew's mom

[daveydow1]

Susannah-----Glad to hear that the child abuser was sentenced. Bless the

children, and so good that they have you & your husband to care for them now.

Colleen----So sorry to hear of your cousin's husband's untimely death due to

cancer. Thoughts & prayers.

Dee----Take good care of your arm. Injured tendons & ligaments are so very

painful, and sometimes take a good while to heal. It must be awkward having

the sore arm while teaching in the classroom. Was it your dominant hand/arm

that was injured? 

      Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[daveydow1]

Rosie-----You are not losing your mind, dear. These are such early times after the

devastating loss of your sweet son, Andrew, and what you are feeling is entirely

'normal' after the soul-crushing loss. I think everyone of us here at BI would agree

that so soon after a child's death......we are just consumed with catastrophic sorrow-

no way to over-state it. How I wish there were something I could say to ease your

suffering. Just know that everyone here at BI understands your pain, and we're

here to offer any small measure of comfort that we may be able to give. Please

come back to BI more often......we're here for you. Peace, prayers, and tranquility,

friend.

                Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[mikesmomrs]

Rosie:  all Sherry has said is so very true...you are so new to this, and the pain is raw, piercing, endless.  We here understand...and you can come here anytime you like and talk about Andrew...I know it's not the same as having someone sitting there, listening to you, but it really does help...it may take a bit, but it really does.  We are here for you...try to come more often, even if only to read or just pop on and say "I am here."  I am so very sorry that you are feeling such devestation, but that is truly what we become when we lose a precious child...devestated.  It takes a while, a long while, but eventually we get to a point where we feel the pain has softened, even if just a bit, it is progress, it is healing.  Your Andrew is right there with you, believe us, he is there.  His spirit will forever be around you...

Please try to take care of yourself, because, yes, that is what Andrew would want...he will understand your sorrow, of course, he loves you, but he will want you to live your life.  Before my son, Mike, passed, (He knew that he was dying of cancer), he came to me and said "Mom, you can't die because I do."  I know that if all of our children here had the opportunity to speak to their parents before they left us, they would say the same thing...because they love us.  I am glad that your parents are there with you; I understand (and we all do) about your needs and your fears and your pain...we are right there with you. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Rosie - What you're going through is exactly what I felt.  It seemed to get harder rather than easier.  I understand not wanting to have even a small reprieve because then when it hits, it feels so much worse.  It hasn't even been six full months for me, yet, so I don't really have much to offer.  Except it does seem to have "let up" a little bit recently. 

Your sadness is not keeping Andrew from going to the light.  He's already been in the light and remains there.....and, he is also with you, in all his light and glory. 

Let the tears fall. 

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[andrewsmother]

Thank you guys...I do need to post more often...I need to connect with those who understand me, everyone makes me feel like I need to just pick up the pieces and go on...as if I can get over 19 years of my son's life in 6 weeks time...Sometimes I do feel like I'm going to go insane, your words of comfort and knowing you have all gone through it as well does make me feel better.  I promise I will post more often.  I am totally ignoring my class right now...I am a loan officer for Chase and as I write this I am in a training class.  Has anyone ever attended a Compassionate Friends support group?

 

Rosie, Andrew's mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Most of Corporate America will allow a woman 6 weeks off when she brings new life into the world, which is wonderful because it is quite an adjustment. But when we usher a child out of this world, we are given 3 bereavement days at the worst, and a little extra unpaid time off to get ourselves together and in a position to get back to work. Sad....very, very sad..... as if saying goodbye in this life isn't as much an adjustment!

Rosie, I was blessed by a vision God gave me to comfort me and show me Joey's life goes on... I am praying you will receive that hope and comfort as well. HUGS!!

[andrewsmother]

Can you share your vision?

[4everjoeysmom]

My son's death was very traumatic. He was killed by having been on the tracks very late at night, a block from a bar where people sat and drank on his dime while his fate was to be a train literally rolling right over him. I struggled a lot with the manner in which he died. It was just so senseless. Did he consciously mean to be there? Was it an accident? Was he taken advantage of and left there? What really happened? The inquest didn't really reveal much information out of the people who last saw him alive. One of those people had his wallet, which had no money in it when it was returned. Lots of unanswered questions that will remain unanswered. What was answered was where he was and what happened from the train camera's point of view. I did not see it. It was shown behind closed doors to the inquest jurors, who were not so convinced by testimony and all that was given that this was a conscious choice, so the death was ruled undetermined.

I struggled with the images of Joey hearing the train blow it's whistle, and lifting his head, but not being able to coordinate his intoxicated mind and body enough to lift himself off the tracks. They said he was lying there, as if he were sleeping in his bed. That image haunted me. I had nightmares for weeks, waking up in cold sweats and shaking uncontrollably. I was afraid to sleep for what the night visions would bring. Then one night, I dreamed. It was the same start to the same old nightmare. Joey was lying on the tracks, asleep, unaware of his surroundings. The train whistle was blaring frantically, trying to stir him to move away. The light was coming faster and faster and the whistle was screaming. Then, all of a sudden the light became brighter and bigger than it had been in the other dreams. It was so bright! Then there was Jesus. He was just there. He scooped up my boy and stood him up alongside him. And they walked away together, hand in hand. It was glorious....and then I knew it wasn't just a dream. I woke up and felt relief, comfort, peace, a knowing.... I can't explain it anymore than that. I just knew then that Joey is alive...still...in a place where we are separated only by time.

I believe that was a God-given vision, and I have not had a single nightmare since...

[bjsmom]

Rosie (Andrew's mom)- There were 4 people involved in the car wreck that took my 19 yr old son's life, 3 walked away and are all doing good. I still often wonder, "why didn't he get a 2nd chance, why not him?" I went back to work within 3-4 weeks, everyone talked to me but no one really spoke. They completely avoided the mention of my son or his death, but this was what I needed to talk about. I was breaking down at work in the bathroom, crying on the drive to work & back home because they need to release was so strong that I could not help myself. During that year I had felt a sense of danger when it came to driving, even taking extra precautions when picking up my 2 younger boys from the babysitters, I thought the sense of danger was meant for me. Then after my son died everything changed within me; I feared nothing & death was welcome. I remember one day as I was driving, I met an oncoming car that had unknowingly veered into my lane. I remember smiling, looking so forward to seeing my son again; the car veered back at the last moment. It was not my time yet. I quit work soon after, I knew & understood that most people just cannot handle the thought of death, much less, a deep discussion of a child's death. We are all in denial before it touches our lives. So many friends at the funeral who offered their help & assistance, but every one of them fell by the wayside soon thereafter. People in town looked, stared & asked, "how are you?" But they didn't really want to hear the truth, that would scare them too much. What these people do not understand is that when your child dies, you're half dead already & you think of little but them and death is the main topic of your life. It became my obsession, I had to know everything but no one else felt my desperate need. My husband, who is Bj's stepfather, grieved his own way as most men do. I remember fussing with him because of his lack of emotion, also he would not speak of "that night" without getting crazy/furious so I basically had no one to talk to. This, of course, put a heavy strain on our lives, our marriage. I have never been much for tears, but since my sons passing I have become a bawler. It's been a little over a year now and though the tears have lessened, I still find myself crying daily. A sight, a smell, a memory, a picture, and here I am again. I feel the pain you speak of, know right where you are this day and my heart breaks for you. Cry, scream, sleep, do whatever you need to do for yourself & your family. Please know that you are not alone, we are always here for you.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[bjsmom]

UPDATE TO EVERYONE!!!  Dan has done it again. He got the memorial completed & sent, all we can do it wait for now. Also, the stepmom has taken off the extra FB pics and Bj's original pics are there again. She has not added back his personal quote, which tells me she still believes she has every right. Can't make her so I will have to settle with what I can get. Thank you all again for the support & assistance during this frustrating time. I will not allow her to upset me another moment, not another second.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[andrewsmother]

Deneace...The way you describe what you went through is exactly what I feel...to the t.  Do you find yourself feeling a little better:

Joey'smom:  That vision you had brought tears to my eyes.  What a wonderful dream and a wonderful way to know your son's spirit is with God.

Thank you so much all of you...I feel a little better knowing I am not alone.  I hope I get a sign as well from my Andrew, so far I haven't, I'm still hoping.

Much love to all

Rosie, Andrew's mom

[hotrod]

Hi Rosie  I am so glad to see you posting as I missed seeing Andrew's precious face. You have been given wise advise.  Please   keep coming back here.  This board saved my life.  I too could do nothing but stare at the wall-could not read, watch TV or be with people. I came here and just started to read and post once in a great while.  The more I posted the better I felt so I continued. 

I found how important it was to be understood and accepted by people who knew where I was.  This compassion  enabled me to start to build my new normal life. 

I will always cry for the loss of my Only Child, Stephen but today thanks to all the Indigos here I can also smile:)

Deneace  I am so glad BJs FB Page is back at least 90 % You are so right  NOt to waste your energy on petty stuff.

Carol Good luck with the taxes  I so admire your attitude and kindness.

Have a great day Indigos

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[bjsmom]

Rosie (Andrew's mom)- Yes, I do feel better most days and at least I can smile occasionally now. That's not to say anything will ever be the same again, everything has changed, but time has healed me a bit. Right now for you everything is so raw, and hopefully BI can become your band-aid. People that have never lost a child cannot possibly fathom the pain & heartbreak that we feel every moment of every day, you can always tell by their comments. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be like them again. When I was at, where you are now, I didn't know how I would make it to another day, didn't believe that I could actually keep breathing when my son was gone, nothing made sense. My mind was/is a mess, my attention span & focus are distorted still, but I know what I must do everyday, and that's to take care of my 2 precious boys & husband. Yes, we did make it!. We eventually sat down & agreed to only talk about "that night" if we would not get furious. Only you know what's best for you right now, but please remember all those who love you, all those who are precious to you, and that we are here when you want to release the pain that no one else wants to hear. I know you are waiting for a sign from Andrew, as did I from Bj. It will come and I'm hoping soon for you. Hope is everything, it's everything to me.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[mikesmum]

Rosie - Pretty much what you are thinking and feeling are what they call our 'new normal'.  How can we still be here functioning when our child isn't.  The need to show the world our children lived and are never forgotten is such a force now.

As for needing to be with someone, that too is part of it.  For my first months I needed my otherhalf near me.  He answered phones, spoke to people, organised our home...I couldn't physically handle any of it.

The Compassionate Friends offer support.  It becomes an individual thing. If the local CF feels right then by all means avail yourself of their services.  Greg is part of Bereaved Parents of America another organisation that offers support.

It is so early and there is so much that is still raw for you.  Be kind to yourself.  You are  no longer the person you were, your boy is gone and that changes everything. 

Colleen - Why do I get a visual of you going up slapping that face with a 'you just don't get it do you'?  You truly are a generous soul who has learnt much from losing Brian that in many ways helps those who have lost.   Hey to Aaron and Michelle.

Things are quieter here, apart from Mal vaccuming the lounge, but hey not going stop that unique event.  Walked both pups early this morning, off to see Lovely Bones this afternoon. 

As for the reunion - I would love to see BI at the  Bereaved Parents of America gathering in July.  The venue, the organisation is already in place. The flexibility in regards to the agenda is great. The area, from what I can glean from Google is peaceful with so much to offer.

Greg - any input?  Have you been in contact with Kelly or Kim from BI?

Cloudy here with the summer taking yet another break.  Three hot days over 12 weeks does not a summer make!

Take Care Indigoes everywhere...

[ericasmom]

Rosie, Deneace is right, (and Deneace, remember what we told you a year ago, that one day, your experience would serve to help another). Your hand up to Rosie, to those who have found themselves here, is a welcome lifesaver. We are afloat after we suffer the loss of our Baby. We have no idea what if anything will matter again. We find out, we slowly find out and we find as Betty has said, a new life underneath the one we miss. It is hard work, there are times for us all that we wonder how on this earth will we get to the days where we can find our way? We do, but all of us have found our way through the hearts and arms of each other, at first strangers, and then, some of our most intimate friends with whom we share so very much.

I love you all like Sisters adn Brothers, and am thankful everyday for this home.

Claudia, a wonderful gift you gave in sharing that dream.

dee

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

I am now an official member of Facebook. 

I am having trouble finding people.  I enter their real names and no information comes up.

On the left side, I can select people, pages, etc.

I wish I was more computer literate.

Colleen

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

As for the reunion - I would love to see BI at the  Bereaved Parents of America gathering in July.  The venue, the organisation is already in place. The flexibility in regards to the agenda is great. The area, from what I can glean from Google is peaceful with so much to offer.

Greg - any input?  Have you been in contact with Kelly or Kim from BI?

 

Trudi,

Nothing from them. If we had enough people from here going I could try to set up an informal group. I will be there.

Greg

[4everjoeysmom]

Trudi, "Mal vacuuming.... Unique event".... LOL! I am rolling on the floor with laughter. You are just so funny.

[shorty16]

Trudi,

You tell me when you come to the US, and where you will be, and I will be there.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  Me too!

Claudia:  Your dream is so very beautiful, and thank you so much for sharing it.  The nightmares you had were understandable, and God and Joey showed you that you need not fear, none of your fears happened.  He was taken by his Father. 

Deneace and Rosie:  sending love.  Deneace, did you think one year ago that you would share like that?  None of us did.  But we learn, and we help, and we understand and we are here.  Always.

Dee:  Hope the arm is feeling better. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Hi Everyone;

I'm having kind of a rough day.  Now, with the legal battles calming down, coming to an end, I find myself feeling the loss of my daughter more acutely.  I don't need to tell any of you about it.  I don't think I'm numb because it is so sad, but I haven't been able to force the tears to come.  I don't want to.  I'm afraid that if I begin crying again, I won't be able to stop (again).

Quite truthfully, most of my friends are very sympathetic.  Most of the time, however, I don't talk about it.  I talk about the fun things about my daughter and make them laugh, but I don't let them see my despair.  I save that for the people that really know.  You.  And, my sister.

Claudia, it was good to see Joey's face again.  I did not know how he died.  I'm so sorry.  You and Dee have more in common.  Your dream was incredible. 

Trudi - never interrupt a man doing housework!  LOL  Poor Gary has been chipping in, doing dishes, even!!  What a gift. 

Rosie - I felt the same way as you when I found Beyond Indigo.  It's like being thrown a life preserver in the middle of a violent sea.  We're still in the sea, but we are able to keep our head above water.  I describe it as learning how to swim in quick-sand. 

My thoughts are with you all.  I am so grateful you are all here!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

SO IM FIXIN TO POST A PIC OF WHAT AMANDA SAW WHEN SHE SAID KOURTNEY CAME TO HER AS AN ANGEL....SHE GOT UP AT 2:30AM AND DREW THIS....SHES NEVER SEEN KOURTNEY DOES NOT KNOW KOURTNEY...WHAT DO YOU THINK????

[summergirl]

Trudi - Mal vacuuming???  Could you please have him write down instructions and send to my husband???

Lorrie - a beautiful Angel...your Kourtney???  Think so 

Carol - What corner will you be on selling your cookies ??  Can you set up a website where I can buy the cookies from....always willing to help with a good cause and I love cookies...

Claudia - how right you are....6 weeks off to bring a life into this world and 3 days to grieve ??? Something very wrong with that picture. I was very lucky on my job as I had over 100 sick days saved and took 5 weeks off, however, when I went back to work none of them had been used as many co-workers donated some of their sick time to me....        "Seperated only by time" - I love that you said that and love that you shared your beautiful dream....

Susannah - I will never forget the name "Tina Marie Soneson" - I am glad that her face has been shown and the truth has been told....pray that she never hurts another child.       I understand when you say "now that the legal battles have diminished you are finding that you are feeling the loss of Stephanie more.....when we were going through the custody battle for Tavian which began in April, just 2 months after Jessica left us, I was totally consumed with the battle, my energy all focused on winning the battle...when it was over and the final papers signed I suddenly felt lost, I had a meltdown every day, sometimes more, I just could not stop crying and sometimes I couldn't cry...I finally realized that I had spent so much time on the custody battle that I did not take the time to grieve for my Jessica, I kept putting her "away" and saying I cannot cry today, I cannot break down today, I must be strong for this custody battle....a denial in every sense of the word...as long as I was busy with everything else I could ignore the pain.....well it caught up with me and I almost lost my husband because of it.....so let your pain come, cry your tears, scream, throw big rocks in the ocean....whatever it takes...prayers with you.

Deneace - I am so happy for you "Dan the Man" did it again....he is wonderful. You are right - do not let "her" stress you out....do not give her the satisfaction of a reaction...

Rosie - I remember you and your handsome son Andrew..it is good to see you back here and see his beautiful pic.  You are so new to this journey so please listen to all those here, those who have been walking this journey for so long can help you, their words will lift you up, their spirit will make you smile, their stories will make you cry but they are here no matter what. I lost my Jessica Feb 18, 2006, almost 4 years ago and I can tell you that the pain is softer, never easier or better but softer. Only time can bring you forward to where alot of us are now, I can smile and laugh about my Jessica and I can have days where I do nothing but cry but I have moved forward in so many ways, something I never thought was possible....I thought I would too would die from the loss of my beautiful daughter, my best friend...no one to talk to who understood, no one who wanted to talk about her for fear I would "fall apart", until I found this site...I would not be where I am today if not for those here....my friends my saviors. Take baby steps and do whatever is necessary to get through the day, the minute, the hour.....I found a great therapist who helped me alot especially with my husband as we grieved so differently yet the same...it is a thought for you.  I had two dreams of my Jessica..the first was the most vivid... Jessica's son Tavian and I were standing on a hill looking down into a valley of beautiful green, many colors of flowers and Jessica was walking away from us, dressed in a beautiful white flowing gown and there was light all around her....that was it, we just stood there holding hands and watched her walk away...it brought me a peace I had not known.  We are here, stay with us.

Trudi - how was the movie "Lovely Bones" ??? Am anxious to know as I want to see it...

Peace and love to all, sweet dreams. Kathy 

[summergirl]

OH YEAH - CAMPFIRE NIGHTS ON THE BEACH....

[bjsmom]

Colleen- my FaceBook page is: Deneace Reel

When you open your page there should be a small box at the top right side of the screen. Try finding friends from there.

Dee- I am so sorry to hear of your fall. Hope it heals quickly!

[ericasmom]

I am a klutz Deneace but thanks, I fall easily and hopefully will heel. It has been a week and a half.

Going to bed, just saying 'night'

Col, sorry that you are dealing with a loss, my thoughts and hope for your heart and the hearts of those who ache.

Lorri, no question. that is Kourt.

Love and deep sleep,

dee

[lostwoher]

 Good nite Dee!

Ive seen the movie Lovely Bones but was real impressed with it. There were some touching scenes that made me burst into tears but I think it could have been told a little better. Not sure if thats what I mean. Let me know what ya all think about it.

I too have a facebook account so if anybody wants to look me up- Lynn Berchtold. I tried searching for Deneace and Colleen but no luck      Im there much more than anyplace else.

Its been bitterly cold here in central Illinois.  Only 15F now brrr.

Keeping extremely busy at work. So much so that I made another tech cry because of being so stressed. Didnt mean to but it just gets to be too much sometimes. I just dont have the patience I did before. This ridiculous schedule is about to push me over the edge as well. Monday til midnight, tues 9:30pm, wed 7am- 3pm- UGH!! I cant find a decent sleep pattern at all. Speaking of which i must try to get some shut eye now because 5:30 am will be here soon enough.

Til next time,

Lynn aka Kayla's mom and yes Travis too

CONGRATULATIONS SAINTS fans. Doggone B Farve let me down

[shellbellsmom]

Susannah great news about the sentencing.....I believe you asked about EMDR.  Its hard to explain so here is a page explaining it from my therapist’s website; http://www.janicedelange.com/Reading_and_Research.html 

A number of scientific studies   have shown that EMDR is effective for PTSD and that the beneficial effect is   maintained.  The International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies   recognizes EMDR as an effective technique for trauma. Many EMDR therapists,   including myself, have found it helpful for clients with anxiety, panic   attacks, phobias, complicated grief, disturbing memories, performance anxiety   and survivors of sexual and/or physical abuse. Also, important to all in   managed care insurance plans where the number of sessions is limited, it   generally works more rapidly than many other types of psychotherapy; it is   usually combined with talk therapy.

I tried traditional talk therapy for 10 months and didn't get anywhere with it except to get my butt out of the house once a week shortly after the death.  I thought by 1 1/2 years out things were getting better for me.  Then I took a vacation with my son for two weeks which I would have thought would have been beneficial but turned out to be the start of a downward spiral into a deep depression resulting from some unexpected triggers. Problem with triggers you sometimes don't know what they are until you in the midst of them and then it’s too late.  I continued in my dark hole for the next 6 months...and finally decided I needed help. During that time I was totally consumed with her death and everything brought up negative thoughts and visions.  I was stuck and couldn't get out. 

I had used EMDR before for my fear of flying years ago and it worked great...don't really know how in 2 sessions I went from freaking out just thinking about a flight, to having no problem with it.  I heard it also worked on grief PTSD so I gave it a try. 

During my sessions: I wear headphones and listen to sounds (waves crashing) that goes from one ear to the other- simulating the REM Sleep eye pattern for our brains while remembering terrible thoughts or memories (watching my daughter die , hearing the machines beeps, reliving her fall, the funeral,...and all the other terrible memories I have of her during her last days) and also recalling all my negative thoughts....Why couldn't I help her, Why didn't I know sooner she was sick, Why did she have to suffer...all the guilt feelings etc. So you go through all the thoughts, memories that give you the deepest emotions and just think about them and let your mind go to where it wants to...it usually jumps to another place that needs work.  You are only doing this a couple minutes at a time.  Then  within minutes of reliving the nightmare your mind starts to process it and the emotions seem to let up...and goes right into positive thoughts.  *EX: balling my eyes out thinking about the casket going in the ground...and then my mind changes to me thinking how wonderful it must be for her to be in heaven...cancer free and dancing with the angels. That is what it does.  Changes negative thoughts into positive ones.  ­­­­Not sure its for everyone but has help myself and many others in many different ways. 

Dee hope the arm heals fast. 

Lorrie your friend Amanda has some real talent and it sounds like received a special gift too...I feel so bad she is having such a difficult time with her health and emotions. 

Claudia what a beautiful gift you received too...the dream of all dreams.  Wishing someday I get mine. 

Kathy didn't read the book...Trudi how was the movie?  Do you recommend it?

Hoping for wonderful peaceful dreams tonight.  Peace to all. Sue

[shellbellsmom]

Lynn trying searching for people using their email addresses on the "friends" page of FB.  That works the best since some people share same names.  Some people have it listed on their profile page.  If not on their profile, just PM them and ask them for it.  Hope that works.  Sue

[mikesmum]

Sorry everyone, no movie today.  Small meltdown buying curtains in a warehouse outlet...go figure.  Might have been the shock of seeing Mal with a domestic applicance.  Don't get me wrong, if I have a major heart attack or need Intensive Medical care he's the man....but domestics nah!

Greg and all - I am leaning to Little Rock for all the reasons I said before.  There will be flexibility for us to come together as a BI group.  There will be things that individually we might want to part take of and there is Little Rock.

How about everyone that is able or wants to be there, let Greg know so that numbers etc can be gauged.

Please think about coming for the same reason Bonnie has Pinnicle days, Dee has Erifest, Greg has the carshow...to say their names, remembering our children - Not just to see the strange one from downunder...the accent wears thin after awhile!!

I mentioned Lamingtons when emailing a Northern Hemisphere dweller thinking 'everyone' knows what they are....well maybe not everyone.  So like Monkey Bread here is a little about Lamingtons.

Lamingtons are a sponge cake (or, more traditionally, butter cake) in the shape of a cube, coated in a layer of runny chocolate icing then tossed in coconut.

[mikesmum]

This is from Emily's SD card download at Granmas this weekend

From left to right, Lauren Tweety and Emily at Movie World in Queensland.  Em and Lauren spent 4 days there.  I love that she is still part of our lives even though she and Mike weren't together when he left.......

New Avatar - Mike and Harmony 'day at the beach'.

[zachysmom]

Just wanted to let you all know I'm still around. Still struggling but hanging on. Finally have my surgery scheduled for feb 2nd scared but it needs to be done I can't keep living with this pain I have enough to handle already.

Beth

[hotrod]

Hi Beth  So glad to see Zachy's sweet little face.  Thanks for posting.  You are in my thoughts and prayers each day so please stay connected.

Trudi loved the picture with Tweety Bird  It is great that Mike's Friend stays connected.  Good memories!!

Dee, I hope you are feeling better and your arm is healing

 Lynn I hope the weather has improved and that oyou were able to sleep.   It has been so warm here in NYC the past few days but today is COLD!!

I have PMd Greg about going to the reunion and it would be good to see how many are thinking of going 

Have a good day Indigos

Betty Stephen'smom:) 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Hey Kids,

can you guys re-tell the dates for the Bereaved Parent group in Arkansas? I have forgotten. Then I can better gage wether or not I can go.

love,

dee