Loss of an Adult Child

[nicksdad]

Was visiting Nick last weekend an a service was about to begin. Trucks lined up down both sides of the road.

 

 

[daniellemom]

Hi all, just wanted to say hello. I'm reading but don't have much positive to say lately. Mama said if you can't say positive things keep you big mouth shut! LOL.

I so hope I will be able to attend Little Rock and met several of you there.

Kathy - My prayers are with BJ and you.

Colleen: Great match I know you are so proud of AJ. I hope he feels better soon. I did read that right your husband had to pick him up after the match because he was sick?

Betty - You will never know how much I appreciate you remembering us all each time you post. I think of Stephen also!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[Guest]

Hi Indigo's,

Dee - You make my heart smile, so there!

Trudi - What a cool thing about the tarot reader!  Did that comfort last? 

I had a small break through this morning.  I've had the same dream every night this week.  The same, but different.  This morning I was quite disturbed about the dreams and I posted this long explanation on here, hoping someone could interpret the dream for me, but lost the post.  I didn't want to repeat it, so I went outside to smoke. 

Anyway, without going into detail, I got the answer to my dream as I was sitting outside.  Basically, I need to focus on the positive.  Especially with my grandchildren and myself.  I need to praise what they're doing right instead of bringing attention to what they're doing wrong.  I thought I was already doing that, but not enough.

Well, I have a busy day ahead of me.  Tonight Gary and I are gathering with friends for a chili cook off.  I'm not too excited about it.  I once was an outgoing extrovert.  Now, I much prefer the solitude of my home, specifically, my bed!  LOL

Wishing you all a great day!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[andrewsmother]

Lorri,, I am fascinated by your story of Amanda.  I've been reading a book about George Anderson, he's a very famous medium, in fact he is booked sometimes years in advance.  In any case, he does the automatic writing thing just like Amanda.  Wow, what a gift you have, if only I could hear from my Andrew.  I was such a skeptic before, but I am so certain now that there is life after death.  Here is my fear though, we've never lost anyone in my family, at least no one I or my children knew personally, my grandparents passed away but I barely knew them.  I'm so fearful that Andrew is all alone on the other side, he doesn't know anybody there, did he have anyone waiting for him?  I can't get that thought out of my mind.  I'm going to try to make it to Little Rock, I think it will be helpful, I'm going to try and convince my husband to go with me.  I'm also in Facebook, under Rosie Vazquez (Miami, Florida), Andrew also has an account under Andrew Gonzalez.  My mind has been acting very strange, all I think about all day is Andrew, and all my conversations and thoughts are about, death and dying.  I've become obsessed with afterlife.  It feels like I'm going crazy.  Still in my class in Tampa, heading back to Miami this afternoon, I can't wait, so tired of hanging out with these strangers and pretending my life is honky dory just like theirs.  I'm sure they all think Im unfriendly, they all hang out together after class, go to happy hour and dinner, and of course, I don't, I hang out with my folks that were kind enough to go with me.  My dad has been getting on my nerves, I know he means well, but he wants to make small talk with me about anything and everything, except Andrew, which is the only thing I'm interested in talking about. 

Much love to all, Rosie, Andrew's mom

[briansdad]

My printer came today.....baby steps for Angel Images  

My first offering will be gallery wraps. It's printing photos on canvas then wrapping it on a frame.

Greg

[mikesmomrs]

Good morning Indigos:  Kind of late, but I slept in.  I dreamed of Mike.  I had walked to this church that is at least 10 miles from where we live...don't know why I walked.  When I got there, Mike was outside and he went in with me.  They were having some kind of special service, and there were 5-6 young women there, dressed in white, with frames around them with wings attached.  One had a very fancy, decorated frame, and during the service, she started flying all around the church.  When we came outside, there was a railroad station there (there is none in reality), and Mike said he had to get on the train and get to work.  "I have to leave."  It was so normal yet so weird, as dreams usually are.  But one of the few dreams that doesn't need a lot of interpretation...

Lorri:  That is so amazing what Amanda has been doing.  As, I think it was Trudi, said, perhaps it is a gift from her illness.  It certainly is evident she was talking about/from Kourt.

Kathy:  I am so sorry about this setback with BJ.  I pray he will find his way.  Your tears at Jessica's site are so very understandable, and likely it was good for you...cleansing, healing, though painful at the time.  We still need to go to Mike's site to retrieve the Christmas wreath, but everytime we set out, I find a detour, as I know I am not able to be there right now.  Today we have a dr's appt, and I will try again.  I will replace it with something for Valentine's day---Mike loved every holiday or opportunity to "connect" and always took advantage of it, and so we will be there.

Trudi:  That was so neat about the Tarot reading...seemed she was right on track with her comments.  It was also pretty nice about the feedback you got from Melissa from the lady who remembered your kindness.  We never know what is going to come back to us, do we...  I too am thinking about Little Rock.  A tad far for me, but once I am on the plane, the distance is not a huge matter.  It's the getting on it that brings the nerves to the edge.  No one there will be disappointed by your accent or any other part of you...they will feel as blessed as we all did by meeting you and each other.  By the way, I meant to say earlier that in the pic you showed of Em, she looks just like her Gramma...her sweet smile jumps off the page into your heart...

Betsy:  I know that I would also want to go with my daughter if she were leaving the country.  I couldn't, but I would want to...but I would have to leave too much behind.  If I were free to go, though, I would be packed as soon as she said the word.   I have a friend whose husband recently was given a teaching job in Dubai...don't know about that, but Europe would be nice.  GeGe is so precious and cute...saying prayers for her path to be made easier (and thus that of her family) and healing to come. 

Sonya:  Good to see your sweet Danielle's smiling face again.  Don't need to have anything positive to say to pop on, though...we all understand.

Susannah:  I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time, but as Dee said, you don't bring anyone down, you are here, we are here, we all have the good days and the bad days, and sharing them here is what makes this site such a blessing...the understanding of each other's days...good or bad. 

Colleen:  So glad about AJ's winning...yes, it must have been exciting considering the score.  I hope he is feeling better today.  Keep us posted.

Marcia:  How is the ankle coming along...are you still in a cast? 

I did get to go and see "The Lovely Bones" with my daughter.  We had both read the book a couple of years ago, so really looked forward to the movie.  We weren't disappointed.  I read afterwards that one critic was annoyed that the director didn't include more of the "murder/rape" part of the story; he felt they had "glossed it over" and placed more emphasis on the "mystery" of the "whodunnit" part...I didn't see this at all and I don't agree.  It didn't need to be graphic...the telling of it was enough.  The story was more aligned with the way this family experiences the pain of this loss and the eventual healing that we all work towards.  It will bring tears, but then, that is nothing new for us, is it.  The critic prefaced his review by saying that he did not believe in any kind of afterlife, spiritual, godly or otherwise, and admitted that this could likely slant his perception of the movie.  Duh!!!   I felt like writing to him and telling him that I think he would feel differently if he were to lose a child, though I never would wish that he would experience that.  We all know that we envision the afterlife differently, but I think that many, if not all, of us here think of the spiritual aspect of our child's passing as being what helps us to make it through each day...the knowing and believing that the wonderful spirit of our child is with us, and that we will one day again see our child.    I hope I haven't offended anyone here by saying that, but as far as I can remember, everyone here has mentioned that they believe they will see their child again.  Whether that is a "God-based" belief is not necessarily what is important...I think that what is important is that we know our child is still here, in a different plane, "just the other side of the veil," as some have said, from us.   Anyway, whatever anyone believes or doesn't believe, it is a very good movie, and I (and my daughter) highly recommend it.  Again, though, I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying what I said. 

Mary ann, Beth, Bonnie, Betty, Dan, Greg (by the way, the business sounds like it is really taking shape), Rosie, Deneace, Leah, Terrie, Sherry, Lynn, Carrie, Lyn, and everyone, I hope you all have a pleasant weekend, and you are all, always, in my prayers. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[bjsmom]

[user=19062]daniellemom[/user] wro

Betty - You will never know how much I appreciate you remembering us all each time you post. I think of Stephen also!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

Sonya- You are so right, remembrance is everything. My mind is SO gone, most times I don't even know what day it is; seems I'm always a day behind or a day ahead. Wasn't there a list of all BI members & children sent out? Really need one, can anyone help? My sincere apologies to anyone I ever miss mentioning. Believe me it is completely unintentional, I'm just a little crazy. :shock:

Rosie- Believe I just found you on FB, I sent a request. Everything you are experiencing is normal, don't let anyone tell you it's not so. It's your son, your pain, your heart that breaks, your body that has a mind of it's own. Wanting to "know" more about the beyond is only natural, an experience we most likely have all felt. Even though Andrew did not know his grandparents, I feel confident they met him and he was/is never alone. He is with you, as you are with him; always, forever, indefinitely, unconditionally. We here on BI talk about pretty much everything. Not long after Bj died I started watching "John Edward Cross Country", he's a medium on the WE channel. I rarely watch him anymore, think I've seen all his shows, but his messages are clear & touching. Hope & Peace to you, be safe on the drive home.

Cannot believe the horrific tragedy that golfer Ken Green must endure in this lifetime. I distinctly remember reading the headlines last year when the crash occurred, the location was so familiar in my mind. He was actually driving on Hwy 20 near Jackson, the same Hwy 20 that Bj had just exited off when his wreck occurred. Ken Green was rushed to MSU in Jackson, the same hospital where the female passenger in Bj's car was rushed. My thoughts & hopes are with the Green family, they are now a part of the group that no one wants to belong.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[shorty16]

Rosie

You are just as normal as the rest of us.  I am 19 months into this forever-journey of grief and I too wanted to talk about my Brian all the time. 

It is wonderful you have found the strength to go back to work, some do not, and that is OK too.  I personnaly have found work a place for me to put my troubles aside.  The time I get depressed is on the way home.  When I know Brian will never be again.  That drive home each day is tough for me.  Do not know when it will get easier.

Just remember you are as crazy as we are and as normal as we are.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

[bjsmom]

See, I am scatterbrained! I forgot already what I was supposed to post:

[align=center]"Congratulations AJ~~Great Match!!!"

[align=left]

Carol- I am in total agreement with you about the critic & personal beliefs!

[/align][/align]

[Guest]

Greg - I want to order a canvas picture from you.  I don't know if it can be done, but I'd like a picture of Stephanie kind of in the background and her three children in the forefront.  Kind of like an angel watching over them.  Can you do that?  Take four different pictures and mold them into one?  Gosh.  Just thinking about it makes me cry!  Let me know and I'll get a check to you.  Maybe I can be your first paying customer!  My ego would love it!

I'm going to go back and read the posts, now.

Thanks!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Rosie - I am SO sorry you have to go through this, but if it helps, you make me feel more normal!  Your experience is everything I went through just a few short months ago.  I was obsessed with death and dying.  I read every near death story I could get my hands on.  I was especially obsessed with how Stephanie died specifically.  It wasn't gory to me.  I wanted to see, know and understand exactly how my daughter died.  What it must have felt like for her.  How much blood an adult female has in her.  How long it takes to die (EXACTLY) from her type of injury.  Was there any way she could have been saved.  It was more like research.  The reassurance that even if the best surgeon in the world had been present at the time of her accident, he/she would not have been able to save her, did not help.  I had to find out.  Every answer brought a new questions.  For the time being, anyway, I seemed to have been able to put that aspect of it away.

I still love to talk about Stephanie.  For the first three months she's all I talked about.  I was so grateful to the people who asked about her.  Who talked about her, too.  Who looked at her pictures.  So, I don't know if you're normal.  But, if you're not, I'm screwed!  LOL

Greg - Do you know if the place where the bereaved parents group reunion is, is AT the airport?  Do we fly in and stay there?  Is there a shuttle?  How fast will the hotel book up, do you think?  Today I'm leaning more on the side of being there.  But, that's a lot of money to spend if I chicken out.  I've never had a fear of flying, and all of a sudden I terrified of it.  Why I don't know, because death doesn't scare me at all!  It's not even the crashing that scares me.  It's the falling out of the sky.  I mean, I wonder how long it takes to free fall from 30,000 feet.  I don't like fast, scary rides at the carnival either. 

Carol - That was some dream!  Wow!  I don't think I can handle "Lovely bones" emotionally right now.  Maybe. 

At the risk of sounding wackier than I already sound...I've had a few experiences with angels.  There are some things I just know, because of those experiences.  So, I'm just going to say what I know. 

We each have at least one with us from our birth.  Most of us have more than one.  They know us intimately.  They don't judge us.  They are our companions.  They don't have to answer our questions.  They are not here to do OUR bidding.  

No one has to believe me on this, but I do know it.  We are never alone.  We are never alone in life and we are never alone in death.  It is not even like a blink of an eye.  It is instantanious (sp?).  As I was told recently, "It is a continuance.  There is no space."

I absolutely know that Andrew did not die alone.  I know it.  I don't know WHO was there with him, but it was someone he knew and someone he would easily recognize.  He was no more bound by his physical site and memory.  His spiritual eyes and memory are perfect.  Second, he's having a good time.  I know that, too.  And, quite frankly, I'm a little pissed that my daughter is having such a good time she has failed to "talk" to me in a while! 

I wish you guys could have known before I believed all this "nonsense".  It wasn't that many years ago when I saw my first angel.  With these eyes.  It didn't freak me out.  I was in awe and excited!  I kept telling everyone, "I saw an angel."  It bore a message, but it was personal to me.  It took me years to understand it.

I don't see them very often.  I can't "will" it or wish it.  And, there have only been a few instances (I offer as a disclaimer for goofiness)...but, everyonce in a while I do get a message...like the "life is a continuance..."  message.

BUT, I absolutely thought I would get to see Stephanie.  I took it for granted.  I absolutely thought the spiritual experiences I've had would enable me to skip grief all together!  I mean, I've even seen a few people who have passed on.  So, I know there's life after death.

And, then my daughter died.  And, then I wondered if I had made everything up or imagined it.  But, this wild bird landed on my shoulder.  And, all the other birds.  REal, live, tangible signs.  With witnesses.

Anyway.........you guys might think I'm nuts.  But, I know what I know.  And, I know I miss my daughter.  And, I know I have to walk through grief and it sucks.  And, I know she still lives.  And, I know Andrew is not lonely!!!!!!!!!  Especially if he's hanging out with the rest of our kids!  Which, I don't KNOW, but I do believe!!

Also, the picture Amanda drew of Kourtney looks like the angel I saw.  Dressed about the same.  It wasn't Kourtney, of course.  It was about 8 yrs ago.

Well...here I go hitting send and hoping you all don't reject me for being a kook!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

 

[daniellemom]

So that's what I get for not posting for a while so the system is just going to post everything 3 times. Sorry again!

[daniellemom]

sorry dup posting

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[daniellemom]

Susannah/Stephanie's mom - You are no kook! I love the way you write with your heart and someone here needs to read your words so thank you so much for sharing them with us. I have always believed in angels! Please nobody get mad at me but I don’t believe Danielle is an angel. I do believe she is in heaven but not an angel.

OK all you are not going to believe this yesterday is was 60 degree here in good on Caswell County, NC today they are calling for 12 inches of snow. What is going on. Everyone stay warm this weekend. If I’m snowed in I will be talking to you all later. I’m going to try to find someone of you on facebook. My email is DJMSMOM@yahoo.com I think if that doesn’t work take the s off and that’s it. The DJMs is for Danielle, James and Mattie’s Mom. I know you all knew that but I just wanted to say it just the same.

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[lolynbo]

WELL I FEEL LIKE KOURTNEY CAME TO ME LAST NIGHT FOR JUST SHORT SPLIT SEC..WE USE TO DO THIS LIL KISS KISS...REALLY QUICK BABY KISSES  GOT ME SOME OF THOSE LAST NIGHT I REMEMBER HOLDN HER FACE AND KISSSN...NO MESSAGE JUST KISSES...FELT NICE...IDK IF I DREAMED IT OR IF IT HAPPEND BUT EITHER WAY IT WAS NICE..

MONTY AND I WILL BE THERE IN ARKANSAS....KODY PROB WONT COME BECAUSE HE HAS RACES SO I GOT HIM A BABY SITTER / HELPER AT THE TRACK TO WATCH AND HELP HIM...ID LIKE FOR HIM TO COME SO YAL CAN GET SOME OF HIS HUGGNS..BUT A BOY HAS TO RACE..

I TOLD MARCIA SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING THERE IN ARK REVOLVES AROUND CLINTON..I SAID "I HOPE I DONT GET NOTHIN ON MY DRESS"...SHE SAID "STAY OUT FROM UNDER HIS DESK.." LOL....THIS CLD BE A GOOD TIME...JUST GETTN TO NO MY SISTERS AND NEW FRIENDS..

COLD AND SNOWING AGAIN HERE IN ARDMORE OK...AND IT BLOWS...LITERALLY..MY GAS BILL WAS $220..GOOD GOSH

Also, the picture Amanda drew of Kourtney looks like the angel I saw.  Dressed about the same.  It wasn't Kourtney, of course.  It was about 8 yrs ago.

Well...here I go hitting send and hoping you all don't reject me for being a kook!

THIS IS THE 3RD PERSON THAT SAID THEY HAVE SEEN AN ANGEL AND IT LOOKED LIKE AMANDAS..MY OTHER FRIEND KELLI WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUISIDE AND SHE LEFT HER FAMILY A NOTE AND DROVE OFF DROVE OFF TO FIND A CLIFF...AND SHE SAID SHE SAY THE SAME ANGEL AMANDA DREW AND IT WAS KOURTNEY AND KOURTNEY SAID "GO HELP AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET"...AND SHE HAS BEEN FINE EVERYSINCE...SHE SAID IT IS ALSO HER THERAPY AND HER MEANS TO LIVE TO HELP OTHERS...

[Guest]

Cool, Lorri!

Well, Sonya, I call myself a kook because that's what I used to call people who claimed to see and hear and well....you know.. 

[nicksdad]

Greg...Congrat on the printer I am sure you are excited about starting.

[mikesmum]

Good morning fellow KOOKS!  Yep my 'fascination' with death, the afterlife and speaking of or to Mike creates a concern for others.  Oh well.

Lorri -  Yahooooooo!  C u there!  As for Clintons aren't they saving the world from more upmarket accomodation now?  I thought he was on a short leash.

Colleen - AJ certainly is beginning to shine in his own right.   I can hear you smiling from here.

Greg - baby steps with such a bright future.

Walked pups today.  Training Zak as well as Charley.  Fairytopia and Mario bros are allowing a brief interlude before we make patty cakes and lunch.

Sun shining here - summer might make a break for it today.  The ocean will be my reward tomorrow.

Love catching my grandies when they don't think I'm watching.  Jeya sniffing one of the roses from Mikes garden....The 'wings' on the windowsill are a collection I find on walks........

Beautiful

[shellbellsmom]

Susannah, I totally believe you and believe in angels.  Though I have never seen one, I know my guardian angel has saved me more times than not.  I envision Michelle being whished away by her angel on the day she left our earth. 

Carol, sure sounds like you got a visit rather than a dream last night...the most special kind of visit too.  Lorrie sounds like you did too...even if it was just a quick kiss....you should feel grateful.  It's been a long while for me with one....still waiting for the really big visitation. 

Sonya stay in and read a good book and let this storm pass....we have had a mild Jan. which feels nice for a change...sorry all the eastern and southerners are getting clobbered this year.

Deneace, its been over 2 1/2 years since my daughter died and I still feel like sometimes I can't remember my own name....you are totally normal.

Had a nice day with my son today....he took me to a movie and lunch- or I took him, and he joined me.  We even talked about his sister for a brief moment and he didn't bite my head off....good day. 

   

Wishing everyone a peaceful weekend.  Sue

[summergirl]

Dear Indigo's - I have read the posts and thank you for praying for my son....it has been another heart wrenching day and I feel very weak so not up to posting much, just want to let you know my spirits are raised by your beautiful words.

Greg - I am so happy that your printer came and Angel Images will be up and going soon. I so want to order a canvas print, possibly 2 or 3...can't wait.

I am glad I went to the cemetery as hard as it was on me.....the crying aside I seem to find a peace that was not there before....I just wish I could hold on to that peace when I walk away.

I am going online to check out flights for the reunion and see what I can find.

Love and peace to all and please forgive me for replying to all as I wish I could. Maybe tomorrow.  Kathy

[lolynbo]

CANVAS PRINT MONTY DID ONE FOR ME FOR THOSE WHO DIDNT SEE IT..HE DID IT FOR ME FOR CHRISTMAS...IM SURE HE WOULD DO ONE FOR YAL TOO PROB UNFRAMED EASIER SHIPPN...THE NEXT PIC IM  GONNA POST IS THE ONE HE WHIPPED UP FOR ME FOR THE CANDLE LIGHTING ...

[lolynbo]

BLACK AND WHITE..

[heartbeataway]

It's all I can do to keep up with all the posts!  Busy, busy minds, hearts & fingers!

Dan,

Thinking about you and your family this weekend ..... saying his name .....

Nick .........

[align=center]NICK ........

[/align][align=right]Nick ........

[/align]

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Good morning fellow KOOKS!  Yep my 'fascination' with death, the afterlife and speaking of or to Mike creates a concern for others.  Oh well.

Lorri -  Yahooooooo!  C u there!  As for Clintons aren't they saving the world from more upmarket accomodation now?  I thought he was on a short leash.

Colleen - AJ certainly is beginning to shine in his own right.   I can hear you smiling from here.

Greg - baby steps with such a bright future.

Walked pups today.  Training Zak as well as Charley.  Fairytopia and Mario bros are allowing a brief interlude before we make patty cakes and lunch.

Sun shining here - summer might make a break for it today.  The ocean will be my reward tomorrow.

Love catching my grandies when they don't think I'm watching.  Jeya sniffing one of the roses from Mikes garden....The 'wings' on the windowsill are a collection I find on walks........

Beautiful

trudi,

That photo could win a prize

[Guest]

I agree with Greg, Trudi!  I would buy that picture!

It must be Nick's angel date, Dan?  I don't know much about yours and Greg's children.  I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

That is a beautiful canvas piece, Lorri.  I think that's my favorite picture of your Kourtney so far.  Just beautiful!

Greg - was it you who suggested the CD's about this journey?  I guess I should get busy and make mine.  It would be great to have them done by Little Rock.  

The "wolf moon" is breathtaking tonight.  Mars is so plain to see, too.  I had an "emotional moment" and sat outside for a while just staring at the moon.  I didn't howl (or hear any, either) but I did hear my owl just hooting away.  I found much comfort in that.  THAT, I know, is not my imagination. 

I looked up owl totems and I'm kind of glad I have an owl.  Maybe even two.  Well, two showed themselves (in daylight) in real life - in front of a witness....on two light poles at the end of my driveway.

I'm going to keep repeating my bird stories because they're so bizzarre.  They're real. No doubt about it.  But, definitely bizzarre! 

Personally, I prefer the angels.  But, the owls (and other birds) are more believeable.

Calling it a night and sending love and light!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[pknight]

Going to try this again. This is Kenny's Rock. Where we said Good-Bye for Awhile.

[pknight]

Ok so now I figured it out. :? I have to compress the picture first. This is one of the after pictures. He was so vibrant. I guess I do understand that I was lucky in that he thought he was in remission for almost 6 months. He did not want to even hear about cancer during that time. He bulked up and celebrated. I wish I could have too. My worrying and nagging did nothing but make us both miserable.

[ericasmom]

Trudi, the photo of Jeya is gorgeous, what an eye you have, and what beautiful Grandies. I love the story of the tarot reader, the crystal she used, the words she used, so specific and driven. Love that.

Greg, I am glad that the printer is there. HOORAY!

Sue, the vacation idea sounds lovely. Good luck.

Lorri, the angel stories and drawings are wonderful. I too have always believed in angels adn like Sus, have always felt that there were one or two around me. As a Kid when I would lay awake in the night I felt the presence of another, and while I was afraid of just about everything, I was not afraid of the angel/ghost as I thought of the entity. I knew that many would think me a kook so I only told a few people when I was little, afraid they would abandon me due to crazy thoughts. As I got older, there were many times I had experiences that bore messages or felt like alerts. I also experienced dreams that gave some pictures of icky/tragic events that would come a few days later. My nightmares were not specific as to knowing when the event might occur only that it was filled with the sounds and sights of chaos and loss. I started having some of those when I was about 12, not real often , once or twice in 3 years or so, and then right before Eri died, three nightmares in a row in April and May, and never seeing what it was but screaming myself and my husband awake each time. Each time something was bad and it was getting ERi, but I could not see it. I had a fourth nightmare in May and in that one she was gone because in it, I was giving her eulogy in the very church that her funeral was. I was sobbing upon awaking from that one. Eri was killed 2 months later, though I had funny awake feelings that something was going to make it so that Eri did not live long into adulthood. I did not know why, and I told my friend Kay about a year before, then my husband, then the month before she was hit by the train, I told my sisters that I was feeling this coming quicker, this sense of ERi not living long.

Well that was a long winded recollection...

Carol, I love the dream you had last night, sounds like Mike was letting you know that he is around, that he cannot stay here, but that he is not far after all.

Rosie, before Iwent into a long winded story, I was going to tell you what the others have, you are not crazy, nor losing your mind, we have all been in the spot that you find yourself today. WE find our way but certainly along the daily path, we question so much, we see things in different light, time is abstract, adn the world has simply changed making everyone and everything not simple anymore. Holding you.

Sonya, so good to see Danielle's pretty smile today. Hugs to you.

Bonnie, how is Rich, and how is Emily? Are you well?

[ericasmom]

Pam, we must have been on posting at the same time. What a pretty rocky shore photo, your goodbye place...tell us more. I am glad that Kenny had a spate of time without cancer, a time to be the young man with less worries.

Good to see you here Pam.

dee

[mikesmum]

Wow - during the time it took to open and finally post you guys were busy!!

Pam - Beautiful spot - I'm biased cause the ocean holds the energy I seek on this journey.  I get the 'don't say the word' - it takes away the positive energy.

Sue - Glad you got to enjoy the company of your son.  It is nice to be able to share a conversation about Michelle without the worry of a backlash. 

Kathy - You know you have many here holding you tight as you weather the tides and times surrounding BJ.  I so hope this year you and perhaps Barry will make it.  I would truly love to be able to hug you for real!

We all know that we envision the afterlife differently, but I think that many, if not all, of us here think of the spiritual aspect of our child's passing as being what helps us to make it through each day...the knowing and believing that the wonderful spirit of our child is with us, and that we will one day again see our child. 

Carol - Oh yes, Mike has a directline and many ways of letting you know he's doing okay.  I have always held a belief there is only a thin veil between here and there.  It was reaffirmed when mum was dying.  She clearly saw my dad in her room those last days.  Her heart kept beating yet her energy was straining to join him.  The peace I saw in her face after she passed reassured me he had taken her hand leading her home with him.

Many thanks for the compliments on Jeya's pic.  Its about the subject!  She's gorgeous.

Once upon a time taking pics was something I enjoyed.  Family mainly.  I did travel to the  Northern Territory around 2002 and found landscapes, especially there breathtaking.  Of course the ocean/coast is my first love.....

Greg - lots of luck with your first run of 'canvas pics'.

For those still pondering the get together - the other thing that came out of meeting my online support was it allowed me to be me.  It might sound strange, but the person I once was peeked out without fear of judgement - its because these people got it.  No one saw my laughing as 'forgetting Mike'.  My tears as 'never getting over it', or 'here we go again' if I spoke about Mike.  If anything they allowed me to share unconditionally - something I struggled with in the outside world.

I am posting some pics that I love - the spontenaity, the beauty, the life through the lens of granma!  Oh yeah I don't own any fancy camera with a million dollar lens - life's complicated enough without having to learn apiture etc.  In fact Melissa who does know about cameras is banned from mine - she switches off the auto!!

To all a good night.......Trudi 

[mikesmum]

I used to keep my camera close to try and capture the moment

Master Zak

Melissa after a full days working in Hospitality with 'Fairy Princess' Emily.  The dress was one Melissa wore as a 'flower girl'

I became fascinated with 'reflections' photo's. This is Ormiston Gorge in the Northern Territory.   Throughout the dusty red landscape these 'oasis' are found.  They are deep and sooooo cooool.

[mysonrich]

Nick,

Happy Birthday

1/31/1987

[hotsauce]

NICK, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

DAN and MARY i hope NICK sends his love to you today on this specail day.

love and hugs

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[nicksdad]

Thank you very much...We are getting ready for tommorow hopefully the snow will stop here.

[Guest]

Hi Everyone.

I take it, tomorrow is Nick's birthday, not angel day.  I hope you will tell all about him.  I'm sure others already know, but there are a lot of us who are new.  I would love to know about your Nick.

Have a great day Everyone!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mysonrich]

Hi Susannah, you may want to check out neverlosefaith.com. Great site.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sweetheart NICK!

Dan, may this day offer some sort of peaceful activity, some respite from the daily. After all, this is a day to celebrate the birth of one so Wonderful.

My heart to you and the Family

dee

[hotrod]

Dear Nick

You are so RIGHT

                      I remind myself often of your Motto:

                                           NEVERLOSEFAITH

[hotrod]

HI INDIGOS  I HAVE BEEN ILL FOR OVER A WEEK AND ALTHOUGH  I DO COME HERE DAILY, I CANNOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE STREAM.  HAVE ISOLATED ALL WEEK AND BEEN TEMPTED TO"LOSEfAITH".  NICK'S BIRTHDAY SEEMS TO HAVE JOLTED ME OUT OF MY SELF IMPOSED ISOLATION AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI.  BEEN THINKING OF YOU ALL AND APPRECIATE YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS BOARD. 

I LOVED ALL THE PICTURES TRUDI, LORRIE AND THE ANGEL STORIES.  CAROL YOU VISIT WITH MIKE WAS PRECIOUS AND DEE YOUR EVER PRESENT SUPPPORT CHEERED ME/  COLLEN SO GLAD AJ IS COMING OF AGE AND SUE HAPPY YOU ENJOYED DINNER WITH YOUR SON. SUSANNAH I THINK OF YOU OFTEN AND WHAT POSITIVE ENERGY YOU EXUDE.  BETSY I UNDERSTAND YOUR WANTING TO GO WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND HOPE YOU CAN .BONNIE IS WAS GREAT TO SEE JASON'S FACE AND KATHY I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SADNESS.  

I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI TO DENEACE AND ROSIE AND KIM  SO GOOD TO SEE YOU POSTING AND CONNECTING.

SONYA, SHERRY, TERRIE, BETH, MARY ANN, DAN, GREG, MARCIA, LEAH, AND ALL OTHER INDIGOS HAVE A BLESSED DAY. I THANK GOD EACH DAY THAT YOU ARE ALL HERE.

BETTY

STEPHEN'SMOM:) 

[daveydow1]

Betty---Thanks for your kind words. May you be feeling better very soon.

Betsy----Prayers for dear sweet little GeGe. She's a beautiful baby.

Pam----Thanks for the pic of Kenny's Rock. You said "where we say goodbye--

FOR AWHILE."   That is so true, and thanks for reminding me that it is only

for awhile. We will see our angels again.

Trudi---Darling pic of Jeya with the flower.

 

       HAPPY      BIRTHDAY     NICK

               PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE AT BI. 

 

                               Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[briansdad]

Dan,

Sit in Nicks car. I'm sure you'll know he's there.Where else would he be.You can't seperate a man and his machine.

Greg

[4everjoeysmom]

Happy Birthday Nick!! Thinking of you and your family Dan..

~Claudia

[lolynbo]

Dan,

Sit in Nicks car. I'm sure you'll know he's there.Where else would he be.You can't seperate a man and his machine.

WHAT A THOUGHT...A TRUE STATEMENT...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET HANDSOME NICK...HOPE ALL THE ANGELS ARE AROUND YOU AND ITS A HEAVENLY DAY..

[andrewsmother]

Claudia, Trudi, Deneace....So glad you found me on facebook...loved the pictures of your children.

Susannah, you are so not kookoo, I loved your story about the angels. 

Im back home from my trip to Tampa, so good to hug my son Chris...its funny how that boy has changed (he's 16), se said mom when you left the life went away from this house, I didn't feel Andrew, I think he went with you, but now that you're back I feel him again.  He is becoming such a fine young man, I'm so proud of him.

My husband seems better with him, he said my time away gave him time to think about our relationship and our lives, he said he was sorry for being a jerk and he's not going anywhere, says he wants to take care of me and Chris...let's hope that lasts.

Im going to the cemetery today to go see my big boy, haven't been in a while...feeling a little better, I just keep reminding myself he is still here with us, watching over us, and I know he is, its just hard not to see him or hear his voice, but I know he's right here watching over his little brother and his good ol mom.

My last day of class in Tampa was interesting, I told one other person about Andrew, what a gift I got, this guy told me he had an accident and died for 3 minutes, he went on to tell me about his near death experience...the light, the feeling of peace, the not wanting to come back because it felt so wonderful, he said he saw his whole life flashing in front of him, he then said he saw his body on the bed and saw when they put a tube through his arm to his chest, he felt being pulled out of the light and everything went black for him, he was in a coma for 9 days after that and now he is fine.  Again, I feel this was another way of Andrew telling me he's ok.  Of all the people in this class, why would I pick him to tell him about Andrew.  This man told me he knows he is saved and is not afraid of dying.  Told me to pray and not to worry about Andrew that he is fine.

I haven't posted any pictures of Andrew as a baby but I want to share some.  I've been so consumed by his death that I haven't focused on his life.  This is my big guy on his 2nd birthday.  I'm going to post some more pictures.  I want you all to see my son throughtout his life.

Rosie, Andrews mom

[andrewsmother]

This was Andrew's 2nd Halloween as a pirate.

 

[lostwoher]

 HaPPy BiRThdaY NiCk!

celebrate celebrate, dance to the music...

 Lynn

[andrewsmother]

This was a few years ago at Disney World, about 3 years ago or so.  The one on the right is my son Chris.  Andrew is in the middle, the one on the left is my nephew Daniel. 

[shorty16]

Nick - Happy Birthday

Your Dad is the coolest (which I am sure you already know).

He remembers our angels and , today, we remember you.

Dan,

I do feel my son when I am in his car.  My Mom had the car for 8 years, Brian had it for 4 months and made it his.

We call it Brian's car. 

Colleen

[shorty16]

Rosie

What a handsome boy Andrew is.  He and Brian are certainly up in heaven cracking a few jokes.

My Brian was 3 weeks from 17 when he died.  The second worst day for my life was his 17th birthday.  We were to celebrate:

-Aaron's Confirmation

-Michelle's Graduation from HS

-Our 20th wedding anniversary

All on Brian's 17th birthday.  We had a large party planned. And then 6-19-08 happened and our lives came to a screaching halt.  We only notified a few people the party was canceled, the rest figured it out for themselves.  We ran away to Madison (Scott's sister's family home).

I seem to do that alot.

I think of you often, our sons were close in age.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest]

SO!!

I visit Nick's memorial site.  Truly blessed by it and decide to create a site for Stephanie.

SO!!

I am totally technologically challenged!!

so...

My daughter in law and son suggest I join facebook.  It's free and you can do all sorts of stuff.  I don't know how much the memorial costs for Stephanie after the two week free trial..I already had a facebook account, but it's not in my legal name.  I visited ONCE wanting to read something from a movie star's site.  I don't even remember who or why.

I received all sorts of emails after that requesting to "be my friend".  WHAT!??  I got scared about my anonymity and people I don't want to know where I am finding out where I am.  Like my first husband....hell no I don't want to be your friend!

SO!!!

I try to sign up under my real name today.  They won't let me.  They being facebook.  Then there's all these "friends" and it's so confusing!  I don't want to do facebook.  I want to create a memorial for my daughter.  I want to pick the music but I don't know how to download the music I like!

I hate technology!  I just learned how to look at the calendar on my cell phone for crying out loud! 

BY THE WAY....Happy Birthday Nick.  You sure are a handsome boy! 

Love the pictures of Andrew!

Well, if all the frustration of trying to make a memorial site for my girl, which I have no idea how to go back to, did anything positive is....it made me more frustrated than sad.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom