Loss of an Adult Child

[andrewsmother]

[align=center]HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK![/align]

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[shorty16]

Dan the Man, I am trying to find you on facebook.  I am entered at Colleen M. Jackson.  There are over 500 Daniel Hands

Marcia is chatting with you right now

Colleen

 

[andrewsmother]

Andrew on the left, Chris in the middle and Daniel (my nephew) on the right, this was probably 1996 or so.

I love this picture, Andrew is the one in red on the left, my nephew Daniel in the middle and Chris is the little one on the right (always making faces).  The two big kids are my nephew Alex and my niece Jackie, Andrew must have been around 6 here and Chris and Daniel about 3. 

Here are the boys with my sister's ex-husband.  Andrew is the one on top and Chris making faces again in the bottom.

[mikesmum]

 

Hey Dan - Know how birthdays bring much to mind.  I hope today you and Mary are able to smile a little remembering Nick.   Visited Never Lose Faith this morning.  Love the quotes, love the pics.  Bought a smile to my face seeing Micheals image looking back at me!  You are an amazing man, your son a strength in your life that allows you to give so much in his name.....

 

 

 

[mikesmum]

Rosie - Love the pics....the totem pole in the pool!  Glad I found you too. 

Susannah - I get the FB thing...I'm now Muttley McLeod.  I used my email to set up an account for the grandies cat to be friends - Now well, I'm lost in cyberspace and Muttley has heaps of friends. 

Betsy - Hope you're feeling better.  There are days when it becomes enough to breath in and out... Never lose faith applies to many things.. I never lose faith in the fact that I am Micheals mum and somewhere, sometime I'll get to be where he is.

Its Sunday here and the temp is soaring - We are promised thunder lightening and rain this afternoon.  So walking pups then sitting back watching mother natures sky show......

[ericasmom]

Well Rosie, it is clear to see that Andrew is a handsome young man from the avatar, but boy watching him grow in his photos was a treat and I thank you. What a doll/pirate he was. Looks like he and his brother and cousins have close relationships. Erica and my Son Jon too, the Cousins is what we call all the kids together. Eri used to say, "are the cousins going to be there?" They grew up side by side and they feel her absence hugely, but also feel her presence. I think you are doing good things to take time to remember Andrew's life. His life was a good life. He is blessed with a good life and now is out of any earthly restrictions. I think that the answer to your question is clear...the reason you chose the man in the class as the one to share your sadness with is because you sensed his acceptance and understanding. It is similar to why you told your instructor. SOmehow, you are sensitive to those who have similar experiences. Andrew may very well have led you to them helping you see that there are others here who will help you find your way. I do hope that your husband will also find ways to understand the needs you and Chris now have.

Sue, never told you how cool I thought it was that you and Son went to lunch and had a good time out together. I think that that must feel so good to both of your hearts. I am glad that the EDMR is working for you, that somehow you are turning the ache into less of that. Cheers to you.

To all that have FB, I am glad that you can connect there I just hope you will always come here too because I don't want to have a FB account. Susannah, I bet you could figure it out, heck if you found the calendar on the phone you are a page in front of me. Hey, how is your Daughter doing, a week ago she was having nose bleeds. All is well I trust?

I went for a walk under the sun today after I got back from the gym. I needed some fresh air and sunlight. It felt really good. I have been in so much this week with the bitter cold outside. Our students are not allowed out when there is so low a wind chill adn I have been busy over lunch with STudent Council on a project that will aid Haiti. I will show you when I can.

Going to take a nap as we are going out tonight to the Old Town School of Folk Music for a concert. It does not start until 10:00. Usually the husband is sound asleep by 9:30 so this will be a late night. We are meeting three other couples in the city for dinner and walking from there to the concert. It is a very nice small venue.

I will check in later,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Rosie:  the pics are just gorgeous...beautiful little boys...thank you so very much for sharing.  We love to look at pics of all our kids here...this is the one place we can, without that "look" that seems to exist everywhere, but here. 

Trudi...others have already said it, but I must, also...the pic of Jeya...beautiful.  Your other pictures...you have the "eye" it takes for good pics, using "apitures" or not... thanks for sharing.

Susannah...I guess I will have to get in line with you, as I a must be a "kook" too...I have a grandson who used to "see" ghosts, even when he couldn't talk, but when he started talking, he would stop what he was doing sometimes, and just look around him, sometimes smiling, gazing, as if he were following something.  Once, on a bus with his mom, there were only 3 other people on the bus.  Jamie (3 yo at the time)and his mom used to play games to pass the time on the bus ride.  He stopped in the middle of a "play" and looked up, as casual as could be, and said "There are lots of good ghosts on the bus tonight, mommy" then went right back to his playing, as though he said nothing more startling than "Hi."  Of course, the other people on the bus heard him, so I'm sure they weren't too easy for the rest of the ride.  During Mike's services, hubby told Jamie to sit beside him while Father Andy gave his prayers, and Jamie said "I can't, papa, Mike's in that chair."   Jamie was almost 8 at the time.   

Betty:  I am so sorry that you've been down and sick, but I am glad you checked in with us...keeping you in my prayers.

Lorri:  It is fascinating about Amanda and Kourtney...thanks for sharing. 

hope you all have a good weekend...bitterly cold here, but my daughter called from Virginia Beach to tell us they had 8" of snow, with 4" more expected! 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

NICK...NICK...NICK...NICK...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Dan, I hope that you are your family are able to celebrate your handsome son's birthday and feel his love all around you.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Betty Dear, I thought that perhaps you were traveling when I saw so little of you this week. I am sorry that you are feeling ill, that takes a huge bite out of having energy to think positively I know. I am glad that Nick in all of his birthday glory was able to give you a little shake, let you know that you are here for a reason even on days when that reason seems far too thin to believe.

Perhaps a good funny book or movie will help as you sip some tea, nibble some toast and slowly gain back some energy. Put some honey in your tea, a natural healer and as awful as it may sound to do, if you are congested or have blocked sinus, use apple cider vinegar in water and drink. It is SOUR, but it cuts mucus, (hate that word) and it has been used for so many aliments over the centuries. Okay, post how you are feeling as y ou go along. Just want to know that you are getting better.

Love to you,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah:  Don't know if you have been told this before or not (and others who are new), but if you go to the page that lists the different groups on this board, and go to page 3, about 3/4 of the way down, you will see one titled "Cheat sheet."  This has most of the BI adult child members listings...birthday, etc.  I think it likely needs some updating, but at least it is a start.  I can't remember who did it, but maybe we could check it out and see if it needs any corrections and let that person know, or if someone else wants to "clean it up"...I would be more than willing. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

WELL IN 4 HOURS MY SON IN LAW WILL BE REMARRIED...HAPPY /JOY/SADNESS/ALL IN ONE...JUST WISH IT WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT DIFFERENT..

ME AND MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL ALMOST 3 YRS AGO...SHE WAS A WIFE FOR 5 MONTHS AND WAS A BRIDE FOR 11 MONTHS....THATS ALL SHE GOT...BUT SHE DID GET THAT AND FOR THAT I AM HAPPY..SHE AND WE JUST WANTED MORE..AS WE ALL DO

[Guest]

Thanks Carol.  I didn't find a "cheat list" though.  Maybe I didn't look in the right spot?  There's also a place here to create a memorial.  It's down, right now, but that looks interesting.

When I first joined I didn't have the strength.  Now I want to and I'm a lost puppy!  Just beginning sure did unleashe the tears, though.  Crying is so exhausting.  I feel completely wiped out.

My daughter in law just watched "My Sister's Keeper".  She said it's the saddest movie she's ever watched.  So, I might just watch it.  Just to catch up on my crying.  I don't think I shed a tear in two months.  Well....that's a bit of a stretch.  I probably shed A tear or two.  But, they've been locked up.

I also appreciate the never lose faith site about Nick, Betsy.  I clicked on a place on his memorial site to create Stephanie's.  I'm not sure how I'm getting everywhere I'm going.  If exercising your brain muscles helps slow down senility I should be good for a while!

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Lorri, just breathe Sweetie, I know the bittersweet of this day must really rock you. Your Girl is a beautiful Bride, and she always will be. I do believe that she is smiling over her Love and his bride, because she loves him so she wants him to have found a way to happiness. May this be it.

You are the Mom of her heart Lorri, always there.

dee

[shorty16]

Lorri

There are no words sometimes, I feel for you.  I do not know exactly, but I do know the pain of the world moving on without our children.  Whether is be a wedding or graduation ceremony, the pain of this loss is there.

You are on my mind.  I am praying and thinking of you

Colleen

[shorty16]

Dee

I will always be here to talk with you.

We have a special connection, because we met, laughed, teared-up, laughed some more and talked.

Take care.

Colleen

[daniellemom]

Hi everyone!  Love all the pictures.

 

NICK - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

 

Dan may you feel Nick today!

[bjsmom]

Rosie- The pictures of Andrew, Chris & nephews are just adorable. So precious! Such wonderful memories that time can never take away. It amazes me how we somehow find that connection with others who have also lost, seems like we are pointed in that direction to help heal our soul, mind & hearts. Do not give up on your man, he seems to be trying. You may not understand him during this time, just as he, most likely, does not understand you. Communication is so vital, so that any misunderstandings do not come about. If you feel it, say it, don't keep your feelings inside as they will only eat at your soul, wanting to come out. My thoughts & heart are with you.

Lorrie- Just yesterday I looked at your FB pictures and saw Kourtney Lynn's "gorgeous" wedding dress. I remembered your past comments and began thinking about her husband (peculiar, I know). "What did he feel, how did he react, how did he survive?" I noticed how handsome he was, how radiant Kourtney Lynn looked, how they both looked "flushed" with all the excitement & love. I do not know what you are feeling, as I have not experienced it myself, but please remember that his first choice united before God in marriage, love & unity was Kourtney Lynn.

Dee & Susannah- I can totally understand you both not wanting to join FB but believe me, nothing can take the place of BI. There is no comparison to this site, where we can pour out our heart & soul and will always find understanding & compassion.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[bjsmom]

[align=center]Happy Birthday Nick!!!!!!!

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[align=center]We are thinking of you, saying your name....Nick

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[mysonrich]

HI Indigo's, I had to get out for some air and socialization today as well. Still very cold so I took a short drive to a Greek Winter Festival held a a Greek Orthodox church, Holy Resurrection Cathedral Wilkes-Barre, PA. I ate a small piece of kielbasi w/kraut and a apple sauce. Also entered my tickets in a basket raffle and checked out the items for sale, hand painted eggs, jewelry.

Upon leaving I tried to enter the church. The " oldest alter boy on the east coast" allowed me inside, gave me a small tour and said it was ok to take some pictures.

 The first picture is what caught my eye at first glance and though I didn't take this intentionally, I will give Rich credit for this one. I didn't even point the camera. Hope you enjoy.

 

 

This picture does not give the alter justice. This is all mosaic work

 

 

The ceiling, painted by a mother and daughter from Philadelphia.  See the angels.

 

 

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I am amazed, so absolutely gorgeous. Love that the oldest living alter boy gave you a tour. I am quite sure that Rich was sitting with you as you snapped away. You too, have talent, like Trud.

Deneace adn Rosie, is it my imagination or do your Boys look like brothers?

Love to all, be home 'bout' midnight

dee

[daveydow1]

Betsey----beautiful pics of the church.

Dee---Hope you have a lovely night out for dinner and the folk concert..

Lorri---You and Kourtney look just radiant. You have the bluest eyes, and

Kourtney's eyes look to be dark blue in the photo. Were they? Davey's eyes were

 just about the same color as Kourtney's, although his driver's license called his

eyes 'hazel'..... they were definitely a dk. dk. blue.  Thanks for posting the pic.

Colleen-----Yes, I agree with you. After the death of a beloved child, everything

seems to fall into place as  Before.....and After.  I guess we just can't help thinking

in that way. Seems only natural since 'before' we were happy when they were here

 on earth, and our lives are so changed 'after.

             Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[hotrod]

HI Indigos  Thank you so very much for your sincere warmth and concern . I feel truly blessed to have found this board and all of you guys.   I changed Stephen's Picture back to the one that I feel represents who he is.  He was not a "suit and Tie" person.:)so now I am more comfortable seeing his picture here.

Betsy,Dee is correct you and Trudi do have a true eye for photos and an artistic view.  Maybe you could convert that into a grat new adventure.

Dee I hope you have fun at the concert and remember to stay warm.

Lorrie thinking of you during this difficult time.

Carol.,Trudy and every other Indigo  thank you for being here. I do not know what I would do without you  Face book is not my Avenue either.

I am certainly looking forward to seeing evryone at the meeting in JUly.

Sherry great to see Davey's handsome face and who else would know the color of his eyes than MOM.

Stay Warm Indigos

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[summergirl]

Oh my, 4 pages of posts to read and my eyes are tired...I love, love all the pics..it is so nice to have you all share them, it brings me closer to each of you.

So cold here today, about 6 below with wind chill....and my husband decided we needed to take a little road trip for some supplies....it was ok but I would rather have stayed in my comfies, in my chair....

Again, just wanted to say hello to everyone and hopefully soon I will be able to post again without feeling as though I have nothing to offer.... Peace, Kathy

[summergirl]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK....MAY YOU SHINE UPON YOUR FAMILY TODAY.  

 

 DAN, I HOPE YOU TOOK GREG'S ADVICE AND SAT IN NICK'S CAR..I LOVE THE IDEA.

[lolynbo]

Lorrie- Just yesterday I looked at your FB pictures and saw Kourtney Lynn's "gorgeous" wedding dress. I remembered your past comments and began thinking about her husband (peculiar, I know). "What did he feel, how did he react, how did he survive?" I noticed how handsome he was, how radiant Kourtney Lynn looked, how they both looked "flushed" with all the excitement & love. I do not know what you are feeling, as I have not experienced it myself, but please remember that his first choice united before God in marriage, love & unity was Kourtney Lynn

YA WHEN KOURTNEY GOT EXCEITED OR "OVERWHELMED" SHE SPLOTCHED UP..AND OF COURSE SHE DID IT IN HER WEDDING...BRENT CRIED LIKE A BABY WHEN SHE WALKED DOWN THE ISLE AND EVEN HAD TO MAKE THE MUSIC FOR THE UNITY CANDLE CUT IN HALF CUZ HE WAS ABOUT TO LOSE IT..(PASS OUT)..HE CRIED THE WHOLE TIME...LATER I ASKED HIM "WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE U CARY BRENT..NOT POKIN NO FUN AT YOU"..HE SAID "IT WAS ALL THE PLANS COMING TO GETHER THAT HE HAD ONLY HEARD OF...AND HE SAID SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL IN THAT DRESS"!...

WELL THE WEDDING IS OVER NOW ..I WONDER DID HE CRY...WAS SHE AS BEATIFUL AS MY BABY...????

SO MANY FEELINGS ALL TO GETHER HAPPY SAD..PISSED OFF (NOT AT THEM...JUST NOT FAIR)......

KOURTNEYS EYES WERE MARKED AS "HAZEL"...BUT TURNED GREENISH TOO.....I THOUGHT THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL...

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah:  this is the link for the Cheat sheet...

http://beyondindigo.com/forums/view_topic.php?id=964&forum_id=2

scroll to the bottom of that page and you will start to see the list of names and info.

let me know if this does not work.

btw:  the list shows Mike as having passed on 10/4/06---it was 10/14/06.

Also, I think you may have already visited, but both Trudi and I have our memorial websites on virtual memorials.com.   Building Mike's memorial was so very healing, but you have to be ready for it.  My Mike's address is:

http://James-Michael.virtual-memorials.com

Trudi's Mike is

http://Micheal-Shane.virtual-memorials.com

 Dee:  I hope you have a good time...you certainly deserve it.

Lorri:  Love, love the pic of Lorri...she is so beautiful.  I am sorry for the sadness of this evening for you, but I am glad that Cody did not get hitched to the other girl...that would have been a truly sad thing to have to deal with. 

Betsy:  thank you so much for the pics...that is such a beautiful place...

Betty:  I am glad you changed the pic of Stephen back; I really like this picture---though of course, the other was a good one, too...just a different look.

Sherry:  As always, so nice to see your sweet Davey's smile.

Kathy:  You bring yourself and your beautiful Jessica every time you log on...you never "don't" contribute...we are always glad to see your Jessica's pic pop up...and know that you are right there with it.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  that million-dollar smile of your beautiful Kourtney likely made everyone there shed a tear---she is stunning, to say the least...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Carol - You're the best!!  Thanks!!  I opened a facebook account  - two actually.  One in Stephanie Keck's name and One in Susannah Thompson.

I'm new at all this, so I don't know how to post, but, I seem to be on a roll!  I don't know exactly how to get to the memorial site I began for Stephanie this morning.

My butt has gone to sleep, I've sat here so long!  I'm obsessed.  I'm obsessed with telling others about my girl.  So far all I've been able to do is post pictures.  Not a lot of "telling".  But, I am now ready to search all my pictures.  I will have to scan most of her life....because it was before computers became a household appliance.  At least before they were in my house!

Lorri - No bride is ever as prettier or as pretty as your daughter!  It defies law!  And, As beautiful as the new bride may have been, I am sure Kourtney was there in all her glory and light and color, wishing them well.....and, outshining all!  Except now, in her current state, that would matter very little to her.  Peace, my dear friend!

Thanks again, Carol!

Susannah/STephanie's mom

[nicksdad]

We appreciate the kind words and the pics they are all beautiful. The plan was to take Nicks car tommorow when we do balloons and have cake but today all we got was snow and the roads are terrible. We are still going but I don't think the car will make it. Luckly I got to take it last weekend with the daughter to visit Nick and here is a vid I made. The car has turned out great just some minor things we still need to do for it.

[Guest]

Stephanie's memorial site is definitely a work in progress.  I have a long way to go.  I've spent most of today trying to create one.  I began one on another site I wasn't really very happy with, and I opened a facebook account - two of them.  That was a work out!  I wish I knew how to delete them!  Anyway, thanks to Carol, I settled on the one below. 

I'd be honored if you visited.  I have to find all her baby pictures, scan them to the computer and post them.

http://Stephanie-Keck.virtual-memorials.com

[mikesmum]

Dan - Love the car - a work of love for both Nick and Aaron.  Hope you had a day of remembering that handsome young man.

Susannah - Visited Steph's site.  Brilliant start, the rest will come, trust me.  I had never done anything like that before.  I went with the concept that Mike was all those days between June 75 and Jan 07.  He was someone to so many. 

Carol - You know its funny, but when I talk of Micheal Shane I also link with James Michael.  Given that its your memorial that gave me inspiration its only fair!

Lorri - I know it breaks your heart.  Kourtney is truly a beautiful bride. That smile and the light in her eyes.....she was truly a woman in love.  The tears her husband cried reflected the love for her.  That love can never be replaced.  Brent has now found someone to share his life - he loves her, but Kourtney I guess is the one who stole his heart.  Thinking of you.

Betsy - I love those pictures...You have captured the light in the glass & the overwhelming beauty in the architecture.  Glad you got to go out and enjoy the festival.

Dee - :0 yawn did you keep John up late!  Hope the music was great - just being out is sometimes all we need.

Kathy - Yes out for supplies can be a change we need to regain our energy.  Hope you and Barry had a great day.

It hot hot hot here.  Not much change tomorrow.  Walking puppies tomorrow then trying them in the river to cool down....

Peace to all......those who read only - hope you're going okay..

[zachysmom]

Still terrified but still inching my way through the seconds. Surgery is on tuesday. Have been realizing alot and making changes. My Rabbi made me realize I have to keep going no matter what. I have a path set before me and it is up to me to walk it to make sure I make my baby happy. As far as if my husband walks away after my surgery it will be his choice not my fault for doing what I have to do to survive and have a loss of physical pain from these issues. This is another time in my life I have to walk through hell but as always I will survive.

Zachy mom loves you. Teach everyone night-night time  and don't take everyones toys apart:D Love you boy.

The last show my angel watched

[ericasmom]

Beth, come Tuesday may goodness prevail and you breeze through surgery. If Husband does not stay, then you are free of a burden that you do not need in your life. YOu have a life to lead. Blessings.

Dan, it is nearly 2:00am, but I needed to tell you that i love the video, just watched it, will go to sleep thinking of that music, so pretty that went along with Nick's pretty face, and his beloved car.

May you find a place to release the balloons, drive carefully please.

Yep, the musicians played past 1:oo I think i almost fell out of my seat as I bobbed in and out of sleep, too late for me to sit for 3 slid hours to very slow folksy blues. Not my cup of tea for more than an hour, but starting at 10:00? Who did we think we were. We had a great time, the friends food and music were a great way to spend a winter night. I think the musicians were tired, perhaps under th einfluence of the brightest fullest moon for the whole 2010. So pretty.

Stay warm all, and be careful those of you who were snowed upon,

Love and hugs

dee

[hotrod]

Dan Loved the Video and the car.  I know Stephen and Nick are enjoying each other's company  Have a Blessed day today thinking of you and the family.

 

Beth  Thinking of you as you approach your surgery.  I will light a candle and ask precious Zachy to look over Mommy and hold her hand.

Susannah  I visited Stephenie's memorial and signed the memorial book.  it is beautiful. Doing Stephen's really helped me to heal . i visit his daily and add pictures at will and i feel really connected to him.

 

It is very very cold here in NYC but no snow.  I hope everyone stays warm and dry todau and I will be thinking of you as I try to stay centered.

Sherry, Sonya, Terrie, Mary Ann, Beth, Lorrie, Kathy, Betsy, Colleen.Claudia, Rosie, Deneace, Kim, Bonnie , Leah, Greg,  Dee, Trudi, Marcia, Carol and Sue   and all Indigos  you are in my thoughts.

[shellbellsmom]

I will try this again…had a long post yesterday and lost it.  I hate when that happens. Anyways- Happy Be-lated Birthday Nick, a heavenly birthday wish that you send your dad the most wonderful sign.  Love the video too.  What was the song? 

Rosie your pics of the boys….just precious. 

Lorrie I thought about you yesterday and knew just how hard the day must have been for you. A thought I have tried to put in my head (medium once told me too) that our love ones sometimes send people to others that are meant to be in their lives.  So maybe Kourtney was the one who fixed her husband up with the new bride. My daughter never married but dated a boy for almost 7 years and had planned on marrying him.  He now has a very serious (replacement) new GF that he feels Michelle sent his way.  He said there are some many different circumstances that have happen to them that makes him believe this.  Anyways just a thought that gets me though sometimes. 

Betty and Beth get well quickly….it’s hard enough dealing with our emotional grief and we don’t need any physical discomfort too.

Betsy what a beautiful church….love the angels….love the stained glass.

Colleen, you had a triple whammy on Brian’s 17^th birthday how terrible.  On the day Michelle died her cousin got married.  We were too all go to Kansas for the wedding. Michelle was excited as she had never been there before.  Minutes after she died we all looked at each other around her bed and said that we would keep this a secret from the bride and groom….we did not want their day to be destroyed as everyone was praying so hard for her healing.  They kept calling us and texting us pics of the bridal party…we just kept saying things remain the same.  Then in the morning we told them the sad news…the couple spent their honeymoon in Michigan attending Michelle’s funeral. I always tell them the happiest day of their life is the saddest of mine.  But….as Michelle had wished to be there….maybe she was.  She died at 2, and they married at 5.

Susannah, checked out your new memorial site for your Steph….it’s beautiful and love that song… I saw the Sisters Keeper last year, and thought they did a good job portraying the destruction of cancer.  I heard a comment once saying they didn’t like the movie, and couldn’t stand looking at the girl in it.  I was mortified….that was the true side to cancer.  Cancer isn’t a pretty. So, do you have a FB site now?  One post you said you didn’t want one and the next thought it said you did. (or was that a memorial site on FB) I am not included in the cheat sheet (Michelle, age 22, parents Mike and Sue; username; Shellbellsmom; leukemia- 11/9/84-7/21/07 .  I also have a memorial site: http://michelle-lunn.virtual-memorials.com/ .  I have a folder saved on my computer listing all memorial sites of people that post, as well as other friends. That way I can go to them often. 

Hope everyone has a great last day of the weekend....all you easterners...stay off the roads sounds like a mess down there.  Dee where did our sun go?  Yesterday it was shining so brightly now its hidden its face once again.  Take Care everyone...find some peace today.  Sue

[Guest]

Good morning Indigo's.

Sue - Michelle's memorial site was the first one I visited.  I remember just sobbing as I went through the pages of auch a beautiful tribute to her (and you).  I visit each of them when the addresses are posted...not always as soon as it's posted, because I would just fall apart, but I do go back and watch, listen and read.

How do you make a special folder to put the addresses in?  Is it through your email or just a folder in your documents?

I tried to post my own cheat sheet yesterday, but it's too big.  I have Michelle listed on it.  I need to put the newer angels on it and the angels I've just met who have been here before me.

Speaking of....I wonder how Leah's doing.

Betty, Please post Stephen's memorial site.  In fact, would everyone post yours, if you have one.  I want to do what Sue did.

Dee - I love the blues, but I would have been passed out on the table by then.  Good for you for sitting it out!  Glad you had a good time.

Beth - You remain in my thoughts and prayers.  You have a lot on your spiritual, emotional and now physical plate.  One thing at a time, Sweety.  One step at a time.  One breath at a time.  You have too much going on to be worrying about your husband leaving you right now.  Wait until he actually goes (if he goes) to add that to your plate.  Too much for one human to handle.  I would think the only way for you to get through all this in peace is to force yourself to stay in the moment.  Love you!!

Trudi - I visited Micheal's site, too.  I don't remember if I signed the guestbook.  I visited several yesterday.  It was for selfish reasons, to see how you all did it. 

It was fun, though, because I feel like I know you guys now, and seeing the pictures and reading about your angels and your families is enjoyable. 

I'm obsessed with doing this for Stephanie now.  I woke this morning like a kid going to their first party.  I love doing this for her.  For me.  For my family.  We are 9 days short of the 6 month mark.  In some ways it feels like it's been years and in others it feels like it just happened.  Creating the memorial site is definitely healing.

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

          :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: 

HAPPY BELLY BUTTON DAY, NICK!!!!  :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude: :dude:

[ericasmom]

Hello everyone,

hey Sue, the sun is shining very brightly here, but from what the weather folks say, it will become cloudy as the day progresses. I hope you get some of the sun, I sure do love to have it shining on me after so dark a January. Today being the last day of January, wow, time flies even if we are blue, time still flies which serves to remind us, to try to take notice of the lengthening daylight, it is growing in tiny increments but for those craving longer days, we gained about 6 minutes of sunlight last week.

Sorry my DownUnder Sister, you are not gaining the sunlight, you OWN it right now. I hope that you have a lovely hot day with the joy of submerging in the cool of the river.

Bonnie, just checking in, I know you are doing a great deal of care giving right now, just want you to know that I am thinking of you, keeping your Rich in my prayers for healing and your Emily in my prayers for finding safety and joy in your home.

I love the owl and bird stories, birds have always been a force of magic and message in my life. When I was very little I felt that I communicated with birds, that sense of knowing what they were doing in their busy lives, the foraging, the caring for their babies, the lovely morning, midday, and especially evening chatter that they share. Somehow aligning myself with them. A part of such a happy productive group. The summer of ERi's death, I would go out to garden, and each time I unwound the hose, a robin would jump down from branches in the River Birch, and follow me around the yard. I would make a small puddle and she would hop into it bathing happily and then flit near my next spot. The night Erz was struck by the train, I listened as I do and did each night to the sound of the robins, as they become so beautifully active just before the sun set in the summer time, sharing with one another the tales of the day, and I spoke to ERi that night our last earthly conversation under the summer skies and the bird song. That same summer, we had more variety of moths and dragonflies and butterflies than ever before. One particular wonderment was this little creature that would buzz in and fly like a hummingbird but was the size of my thumb from knuckle to nail. Tiny, and our area does not have bumblebee hummingbirds. She hovered in a flower so seemed to be nectar seeking and she looked to be able to stay in one place like a hummer. So I grabbed a photo of the creature, and went to my computer and researched moths. Sure enough, it was a hummingbird moth, which ofcourse has a scientific name that I can not remember. Each year we see at least a pair of them and they come daily, so cool. We also get several hummingbirds almost daily viewing for the better part of the summer.

Alas, it is still winter here, and for six more weeks probably, but the days do lengthen and the sun does extend its rays some, and there is the promise of the worlds' rotation and revolution causing time to pass and seasons to change and somehow we are made in those revolutions, to stand tall in the face of so much ache, and see that the order of the universe will allow us to find our mark again. And over time and seasons and birthdays and marriages, and anniversaries, the love we have in our hearts will never weaken, nor will the love our Babies carry for us.

Love the day, it is ours to find a glimmer of gold---dee

[mpsmom]

[align=center]Happy Birthday Nick, [/align]

[align=center]Surround your Mom and Dad and Sis with your love[/align]

[align=center]Warm Hugs from Marcia [/align]

[align=center]    Bethanys Mom Forever and Ever [/align]

small balloon.bmp

[Guest]

Hi Marcia!  Good to see Bethany's face!

 Dee - We had hummingbird moths the summer before last.  They came in droves.  Like you, we couldn't figure out what they were.  Gary looked them up on the computer.  So pretty.

Birds amaze me.  But, basically, we don't get along too well.  Before Steph died, the Robins would attact me in my own yard.  Attack is a strong word.  They would just charge me and yell at me!  Kind of funny.  Now, they just hang  around and ignore me.  I think Steph tells them to go see her mom and they argue over who has to do it.   I've come to believe that the owl is my totem animal.  So, I'm going to buy an owl necklass and hope some of it's wisdom sinks in.

Gonna take a nap.  Creating the memorial sure has been healing so far.  I'm a bit worried because when I feel this good the "crash" is worse.  So, I'm not taking my feeling good for granted.  Before I found you all I thought it meant I was through grieving.  Grieving sucks!  Gosh, I bargained with my Creator to allow me to skip it.  Didn't work.

Loving you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

WELL HERE PRETTY SOON WILL BE KOURTNEYS BIRTHDAY...IDK WHAT WE ARE DOING THIS YR PROB JUST DINNER AND BALLOONS AGAIN..(LIKE...GEE IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO?)...BUT FOR THOSE WHO DIDNT SEE LAST YR WHEN WE REALEASED THE BALLOONS IT MADE A "K"...I WANTED TO SHOW YAL....

SHE WOULD BE 24 THE 27TH OF FEB AND IT WOULD BE HER 3RD ANN ON THE 17TH OF BEING MARRIED....RUFF MONTH AHEAD FOR SURE...SURE WISH THE WEATHER WOULD ST8N UP CUZ IT IS SO DEPRESSING RIGHT NOW...SO READY FOR SPRING..

I TOLD MARCIA I CAN REMEMBER THE KIDS PLAYING IN THE FRONT YARD AT NIGHT AND  THE STARS WERE TWINKLIN AND WE WOULD LAY ON TH EDRIVE WAY AND I WOULD THANK GOD FOR MY BABIES AND ALL WE HAD..THE LIFE HE HAD GIVIN US...I DONT NO ALOT OF PPL THAT THANK GOD FOR THAT..AND HERE HE TAKES IT FROM ME..NOT OUTTA SPITE BUT FOR "SOME REASON"..IDK YET....BUT THE PPL THAT NEVER THANK GOD FOR ANYTHING JUST KEEP RECIEVING....

[rlolheiser]

Hi to all of you,

Thank you for all your caring, I do see from time to time somebody asking what of me.  I just am not up to posting.  I can't get over this illness, I feel so bad, after my day taking care of everybody I am just beat and lay down..  being on computer is to hard.. reading here takes about the last of my energy.

I am at ends, as I read each of you and feel your sadness, I lift each angel up daily even though I don't post.  I don't feel the posting, I don't feel worthy of posting.  I am not sure that makes sense.  Since being here I see the angels in a new light, including my JaBoa, and that has made me feel some comfort.. I just continue to feel lost.  I miss my dad, I miss JaBoa, I miss the mother that I had.  I know I have so much else going for me but the negative keeps on attacking me, now my daughter, JaBoa's mom called me and told me she has cancer.  They found it in the cervix and her fallopian tubes.  They are checking now to see if it has advanced to the ovaries...  She still isn't allowed to talk to me and my heart is breaking... I don't know how to accept the news.. I don't know what to feel.. I just want to give up, I don't want to be a downer to those of you I know, I also don't want to be so freaking negative that I scare newcomers away..  but I don't want to be totally alone either. 

I am just going to continue to read my friends, I don't want you all to worry...  like you say God doesn't give out more than you can handle, but I worry he might.  I love you all in the most sincerest way, my warmest respects and regards go with you daily and your angels Rich, Michael, Stephanie, Kourtney, Zachary, Nick, Brian, Michelle, Charlie, Erica, BJ, Andrew, Davey,Stephen, Lori, Adam.. I can't remember all the names.. I try..but even those I don't name...  I feel the same.. 

Leah/JaBoa's grandma 

 

 

[bjsmom]

Ok, finally I am able to post! My computer has been so slow lately. I believe it's my connection and I must have someone come out Soon.

Carol- Thank you for the cheat sheet, this helps me so much.

Betsy- The pics of the church are gorgeous, such detail & beauty. Good to see Rich's face and glad to see you posting.

Sherry- I've been meaning to tell you for many months now how much seeing Davey's face brings me a sense of joy. I know how this may sound, but for some reason just seeing his smile makes me believe that everything is ok. Bj quit smiling in his pictures when he was around 14 or 15, guess he thought he was too cool. He did not like taking pics, so i have so few of him in his last years.

Kathy- My thoughts are with you!

Lorri- I hope today is better for you!

Betty- You mentioned the different pic's of Stephen, I like this one too. So handsome!

Dee- Rosie & I have spoken of this also, that our boys look so similar, same age & I believe me & Rosie are the same age.

Susannah- I think you are doing a wonderful thing by setting up a memorial for Stephanie. I plan on visiting the site very soon. I have not done this for Bj yet, so many things to do & I REALLY want to set up a scholarship in his name at his local K-12 school. Since Bj was in Vo-Tech his junior & senior years, I want the scholarship to be mainly focused on ones who are attending a trade school. Immediately after Bj left us his friends on Facebook set up 2 memorial sites for him. Basically just a few pictures but anyone can join & it's another place where his friends can post their messages. Guess I need to get up & get moving but it's so hard to find the energy most days.

Beth- Peace to you and may you feel Zachy by your side. Times as these you need all the emotional support, love & devotion you can handle. My thoughts are with you!

Marcia- It's always a joy to see Bethany's beautiful face!!!!!

Dan- I just watched Nick's video and I had to mention that it was so touching that I actually got chills & goosebumps. The music is perfect! This is exactly what I want to do with Bj's pics, but you know how I am with computers. I recently received another video of Bj from his Vo-Tech teacher. Although the video camera is old, the ones with the little tape inside, there are a few good clips of Bj welding. Really weird is that the only caption of Bj speaking, the audio was not working at the time. You can see him speak, but no sound; this is so similar to all the dreams that I've had of him.   It's amazing the feeling that overcomes you when you see your child on video moving & speaking. Nothing in this lifetime compares!!!!

Deneace (BjsMom)

[mikesmomrs]

Leah:  I am so very sorry that you are having such a difficult time, but please don't feel that you don't have anything to give to this site...there are times when we just can't "give," and that is why this site is such a blessing...sometimes we sign on and give, and sometimes we sign on and take, and sometimes we don't sign on but just read, and take something away from it.  It doesn't matter what you have that is bringing you down...talk about it...that is what we are here for...to understand and help.  Sending prayers and holding you close.

Lorri:  Holding you close, also, as you approach Kourtney's birthday...(it's the same day as my Kimberly's, by the way).  those days can just set us up for more pain...the days that we used to celebrate with such joy now are just a day to get through and see how we can honor our child. 

Beth:  Will be thinking of you and praying for you, especially on Tuesday...all of us, and all of our angels will be with you, and most especially, your sweet little Zachy, holding your hand from the very first moment.  Take care, and don't worry about the husband thing for now...time will handle that, and you don't need extra stress and worry now, though I know that that is easy for me to say...it's you who are going through it. 

Dan:  Nick's video is just awesome, and I know he is so proud of you regarding his car...I am glad you got it finished...he is beaming for sure.  I hope things went okay today for you and your family, or at least as okay as they could be. 

Dee:  I hope the new week sees more healing with your arm, and you, Marcia, also, with your ankle. 

Trudi:  go visit that river for all of us, and splash some cool water on your face...we up here in the northeast need an auger to get through the ice!  Ah spring, can't come soon enough.  A true sign:  I got the tickets today for Mike's birthday ball game...and this year I was able to get them for a game that is actually ON his birthday.  (Red Sox tix are truly hard to come by, let alone 8 of them for the same game, in the same area!)  Mike is smiling over this, I know.  Cathi broke down and cried when I called to tell her.  The sound of the first crack of the bat is just 2 months from this coming Thursday....can't wait!  (Still don't have tix for opening day, but working on it.)

One of my favorite pics of Mike and I at a ballgame...July 4, 2004...before we knew he had cancer...the smiles before are just different, you know?

hoping each has a nice Sunday evening, and a pleasant week ahead.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[bjsmom]

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

I TOLD MARCIA I CAN REMEMBER THE KIDS PLAYING IN THE FRONT YARD AT NIGHT AND  THE STARS WERE TWINKLIN AND WE WOULD LAY ON TH EDRIVE WAY AND I WOULD THANK GOD FOR MY BABIES AND ALL WE HAD..THE LIFE HE HAD GIVIN US...I DONT NO ALOT OF PPL THAT THANK GOD FOR THAT..AND HERE HE TAKES IT FROM ME..NOT OUTTA SPITE BUT FOR "SOME REASON"..IDK YET....BUT THE PPL THAT NEVER THANK GOD FOR ANYTHING JUST KEEP RECIEVING....

Lorri- I saw your post as soon as I completed posting my message. I immediately had to jump up & run to the bathroom just so the boys & hubby would not see me crying. They were outside, but I didn't want them to come in & see me breaking down. As I was in the bathroom bawling there was a small knock on the door. I tried to sound normal as I said, "I'm in here". My youngest said, "ok momma, just wondering where you were". That's my little man, always by my side. I dried my eyes and acted as if everything was ok, once again.....

There were so many times that I "asked" God to give to me, but rarely did I ever thank him. As Bj or my husband would be driving off, I would always ask a silent prayer, "please watch over them & keep them safe". The last memory I have of Bj is him driving from my home. I had watched him, as I always did, as he backed out of our driveway then pulled off; I watched his car go down the road & pleaded that same prayer, "please watch over my baby & keep him safe". He died in that same car. I had intended on calling him that Sat night, even picked up the phone to call him as I was driving home from work. Don't know why I did not, found out later he was going to call me that Sunday but we were both too late and the words are left unspoken. Now, I thank God for every little blessing...and I hope he hears my prayers. So many just don't know how great they have it, and yes, they do keep receiving.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[nicksdad]

Appreciate the comments on the video...If anyone needs help with anything like that let me know. I am not the best when it comes to graphics etc but I give it a wing.

The thoughts and pictures meant so much to me and the wife...Thank You!

[mikesmum]

Leah - Another brick to the load - I'm sorry to hear of your girls diagnosis.  Prayers that the cancer is localised and treatable.  I know we are only given what we can handle, but as I have said many a time, there might be a need for an audit soon...

Dan - I love the pics of Nics birthday.  The sunshine sent from the 'party' going on way up high.

I know sometimes it might seem that this site is filled with sadness.  I find that bricks added to our load are distributed throughout our network to lighten the load.  Its also tinged with positives, recollections or things that happen that make us smile.

Deneance - been there done that. I head to the loo to hide the emotional wave that hits when the grandies are here.  The knock here is usually from Emily.  "granma are you ok?'  When I come out she sits with me, no words, just those big brown eyes checking I'm still here.

Lorri - My nephew was born with Cystic Fibrosis.  The day it was confirmed I held my brother as he wept.  That night I thanked the powers that be for my 3 healthy children.  I continue to do so even after losing Mike and Steven's problems.  I have more than most and am thankful each day ~ though somedays it hides behind a cloud.

Has anyone else thought more about getting together this year?

Dee - snoozing to the rythmn - amazed John stayed up so late.  We have a couple of concerts this month - Rob Thomas & Dianna Krall are both in rown playing at a local vineyard.  I'm also seeing AC/DC with younger brother - a gift for his birthday last year.  Old rockers never dies they just creak......

[daveydow1]

Deneace-----thank you for your kind words. Yes, I too, believe that when boys

get to be teens, they seem to like to not smile for photos. Davey was a shy

guy, so any photos I have of him smiling......either as a teen, or later, are ones

that I took..... just ordinary snapshots.  Peace to you.

Carol  & Trudi-----Such nice memorials....both. It is so good to have a place,

such as the memorials where we can celebrate and honor our beloved angels.

Dan----Great UTUBE for your handsome son, Nick.  He's surely looking down

and smiling that winning smile of his.

Leah----Holding you in my thoughts & prayers. Peace & comfort.

Beth----Prayers for you for Tuesday. May you find comfort & peace. 

Dee----Oh, I so agree about birds. If one likes to be close to nature, you can't

help but notice all the species. Even if you are not out in nature, the birds

'come to us'....just flying by, or making their calls. I especially like owls and

crows, and also the cardinals. The 'bird world' is definitely a place that can

enthrall one for hours. What a quiet world it would be without them.              

[Guest]

Wrapped in a blanket of love. 

I am planning on attending the Bereaved Parents get together in Little Rock.  I guess I better make reservations soon.  I don't know how much of the BP stuff I'll attend, but some, I'm sure...but, mostly I'm going to meet all of you.  Somehow after beginning Stephanie's memorial site, I feel stronger.  I'm sure that will come and go. 

Leah - hold on, Sister!!  Hold on.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

Once agian just signing on to say hi....my Tavian is home after 2 weeks with grandma and he is sound asleep in his bed snoring softly...had to watch him sleep for a bit, makes my heart smile.

Lorrie - I agree - feb starts tomorrow, the countdown to the 18th, Jessica gone 4 years from our lives....I am in a denial stage right now becuz it cannot possibly be 4 years, I do not want to think about it......

Marcia - beautiul Bethany's face...

Love to all my BI family....trying hard to come back, one day at a time. Know that I think of each of you every day.

Sweet dreams and peace, Kathy