Loss of an Adult Child

[mysonrich]

[mysonrich]

Sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks. Betty, this is for you and Stephen. I noticed you/ve been quiet , me too. Music allows me to feel when often times I don't allow myself the right, the time to do so.

This is funny . Saw Sting the summer before, or was it 2 summers before I saw The Boss. Before Rich left and I still find music hard to listen to. Loud is better.Downs out thought as I said before.

Two days in a row I did hear Touch of Gray , The Dead. Keeps me in check, some tough times raising my kids but the happiest. We were happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QpTSztA1cM

"The Rising"

Can't see nothin' in front of me

Can't see nothin' coming up behind

I make my way through this darkness

I can't feel nothing but this chain that binds me

Lost track of how far I've gone

How far I've gone, how high I've climbed

On my back's a sixty pound stone

On my shoulder a half mile line

Come on up for the rising

Com on up, lay your hands in mine

Come on up for the rising

Come on up for the rising tonight

Left the house this morning

Bells ringing filled the air

Wearin' the cross of my calling

On wheels of fire I come rollin' down here

Come on up for the rising

Come on up, lay your hands in mine

Come on up for the rising

Come on up for the rising tonight

Li,li, li,li,li,li, li,li,li

Spirits above and behind me

Faces gone, black eyes burnin' bright

May their precious blood forever bind me

Lord as I stand before your fiery light

Li,li, li,li,li,li, li,li,li

I see you Mary in the garden

In the garden of a thousand sighs

There's holy pictures of our children

Dancin' in a sky filled with light

May I feel your arms around me

May I feel your blood mix with mine

A dream of life comes to me

Like a catfish dancin' on the end of the line

Sky of blackness and sorrow (a dream of life)

Sky of love, sky of tears (a dream of life)

Sky of glory and sadness (a dream of life)

Sky of mercy, sky of fear (a dream of life)

Sky of memory and shadow (a dream of life)

Your burnin' wind fills my arms tonight

Sky of longing and emptiness (a dream of life)

Sky of fullness, sky of blessed life (a dream of life)

Come on up for the rising

Come on up, lay your hands in mine

Come on up for the rising

Come on up for the rising tonight

Li,li, li,li,li,li, li,li,li

 

[ericasmom]

Betsy, so good to know you are out there, and now making tears on my face too. What beauty the world offers through its music. Thanks for sharing two lovely clips. Thank you and I wish you some peace on this day.

Betty, as you wander the day as well, some peace, a sense of warmth.

[shorty16]

Nate's Mom,

So good to see your post.  I think of you often. 

I am available for you to call at any time.

Consider yourself hugged

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Hello Indigo's

It is raining here in Wisconsin.  The snow is melting and the dog-poop-piles are making themselves known.

I picked up about 2000 piles this moring.  It really was nice out.  Not cold at all.

Wet, soggy snow.

Thinking of all my fellow friends-in-grief and I do not feel so alone.

Next week at my job, is very stressful..I train 7 classes on our new computer system plus a presentation to upper management on the health of our AS9100 certification (It is in good health now, but 2 issues pleage us.

Thanks for listening.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Go Vikings (thought I would never say that)

[bjsmom]

Hello to all! I wanted to share a recent problem that has occurred and hopefully get some different prospective. I know I am emotional, and because of this, I am asking for advice from all my BI companions to help deal with this situation.

The day my son passed, after going to see him, I came right home & sat outside in my back yard. Don't know why, just peaceful. Anyway, as my mind began to "reboot" all I wanted was to see his face, hear his voice, see all of him I could see. I DID NOT have a FaceBook page at this time, even used to tease Bj because he had one. (My biggest concern was not to invade his privacy.) But, at that moment, that day, all I wanted was to see him again, be as close to him as I could. That evening I opened My own FaceBook page and went directly trying to find his page. After some length I found his page and immediately "requested his friendship". I knew this would never come, that I had waited too late, but I did it anyway. He was so easygoing he did not have any privacy settings established so I could see all the recent post's on his FB wall. There were so many RIP, so many were in shock & saying their goodbye's. It meant & means so much to me for his friends to do this. Although I could not post a message on his FB wall, just seeing his work, his words that were just him, means everything. Bj's FaceBook page was all his, nobody else's, just him and he liked it that way.

I have recently learned that Bj's stepmom has HACKED into his FaceBook account, she now has access to his personal messages sent to him after his death; there are over 100 messages from friends & loved ones, some are from me. She has also went in & DELETED one of his personal quotes & sayings(it has a cuss word), edited ALL of his groups that he joined so that just she could see them, and added 19 pictures to his personal photos; he only posted 11. In other words she has taken over complete control of his FB account, she can delete & edit as she chooses. I AM FURIOUS BEYOND IMAGINE!!! I have talked to her about this, she said she would put everything back but will not acknowledge any wrongdoing on her part. As of last night, some items were still missing. I called her & explained the importance of his page, she made excuses and actually lied to me. I then explained to her it was not ANYONE'S RIGHT to change or edit Bj's FB page, which he created himself. She then said sarcastically, "do you want me to close his account?" I told her once again, IT WAS NOT HER RIGHT TO CLOSE BJ'S ACCOUNT, THAT WAS NOT OPENED BY HER. I tried & tried to explain that NO ONE had the right to touch what was left by him, but she won't budge. She actually believes she has every right to do what she wants when it comes to my son, everyone else be damned. It all about control, it's all about her. I, I, I, is all you hear when it comes to our discussions. Help, so frustrated!!!!

Deneace (BjsMom)

[nicksdad]

Deneace,

You can fill this out at Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased

They will do what they call "Memoralizing an Account"

Def: "When a user passes away, we memorialize their account to protect their privacy. Memorializing an account removes certain sensitive information (e.g., status updates and contact information) and sets privacy so that only confirmed friends can see the profile or locate it in search. The Wall remains so that friends and family can leave posts in remembrance. Memorializing an account also prevents all login access to it."

I'd tell them in the "additional" information block what has happen also, just so they know. All content that is currently there basically stays there. Or wait until the stepmom put's it back the way it was (not sure if that is possible or not).

Hope this helps

[lolynbo]

ID BE SO FURIOUS IF SOMEONE TOOK IT UPON THEIR SELVES TO GET RID OF ANY OF KOURTNEYS ACCTS...IT WOULD BE ON...U GET HER GIRL...WHOOP HER

[briansdad]

You know what? Our kids know They don't have to imagine....

[mysonrich]

Deneace,  from what I read on a quick search it comes down to ownership of content.When pushing the envelope it just may be Facebook however, this is an ongoing concern.There are several steps to take.  I am listing a link and what the steps Facebook took upon the death of a member. As far as step-mom, imho, deceitful and mean and without regard or respect. The thing is, will she restore the page before Facebok takes action at your request? I'm sorry.

 

http://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-changes-policy-on-deceased-users-accounts/

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Deneace, I too would be furious, really upset by such a blatant disregard of BJ's privacy and of you as His Mom. Why on earth would she do such a thing? What was her goal, i simply do not get it.

dee

[hotsauce]

hello to ALL,

i wished i had know about the special account for face book before i closed out BRIAN'S account, then i would of still be able to see what was important to him.

i closed it becasue of his crazy girlfriend.

i hope EVERYONE had a good weekend.  i hope this week will be good to US ALL.

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

 

[shellbellsmom]

I joined FB to stay in touch with Michelle's friends and thought it was a way to let them know about events coming up in her memory.  I wasn't her fb friend as she died before I joined.  I tried like hell to get FB to make me her friend so I could see her page.  Once they realized she died they set her page up as a memorial setting- where friends could post, but no one could change how she had it and if you weren't her friend then you wouldn't have access to it.  This Christmas my niece made me a scrapbook with all her posts she had (shortly before her death and messages from friends afterwards).  I know how it feels to hurt so badly and just want to go to her page...see her pictures, and read her thoughts when she was alive, it was a little part of her....and read what others have said after her death. 

Deneace, it was wrong of his stepmother to mess with his site....many people just set up memorial sites.  My daughter has one and everyone can join.  She should have just done that instead of changing the contents of her original page.  You were right telling her how you feel. 

What a beautiful video with the "I Can Only Imagine" song.  I love the song but have never seen this You-tube before.  Thanks for posting it.

Wishing every one some peace on their journey…Sue

[Guest]

"I can only imagine" was song by a professional artist at Stephanie's service. 

I've decided I'm in denial.  Or something.  I won't let myself cry.  I turn away from anything that threatens to losen the protective dam holding back the tears.  I don't know why.

I listened to only a few seconds of the youtube video and quickly exited the site.  Nothing personal.  I do that with everything. 

This morning I found out an old friend is in town because her oldest son had a severe car accident and may not survive.  I ran into her and her second son.  Her second son and my Stephanie were very close friends (they got into a lot of trouble together).  I just kept hugging him. 

I talk about myself a lot.  I know it.

I think I might be stuck.  Stuck in the numbness of grief.  Except it doesn't feel numb. 

Today another friend asked if I had finally found "my way" and accepted Stephanie's death.  I just stared at him.  I said, "it hasn't even been six months yet."  He said six months is a long time.  I just walked away.

I thought I was finding a new normal.  A different way to function.  I think what I've done is find a way to exist with minimal participation and/or feeling.  I get by. 

I can't seem to "snap myself" out of it.  Normal functions are painful. 

I've turned into a non-person trying to fit in as a real person.  I can't think my way out of this.  I can't talk my way out of this.  I'm afraid the only way out of this is through the depth of my pain.  That makes me tired just thinking about it. 

deep sigh.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[bjsmom]

HELP!!! Dan & Betsy, I am on the FB memorial website. How do I post Bj's URL??? It says copy & paste his web address, but i don't see it on his FB page. Bj & I are only FB friends, I do not have his email or password info.

Thanks everyone, will return & post as soon as i attempt to stop all this.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Deneace, the URL is the link that is noted in the browser line.

HTTP:// etc...

Highlight it, copy it and then paste it where ever you want to store that address. You can also bookmark it in your browser.

[4everjoeysmom]

On the Facebook thing: Joey had a Facebook account. It's still out there, but no activity that I am aware of. I too friend requested too late... Although, I don't think he was extremely active on it, he did have lots of friends. I go occasionally, but can't see anything for his privacy settings set high, except his friends. Most of his friends, all but 25, have dropped off of his friends list. I am assuming it's because it's a painful reminder for them, as he remains inactive and just barely there. I created a memorial website and his friends do continue to post there on occasion, after 3-1/2 years...Not often, but on occasion. That's OK, though. It will be there for the duration, and I hold 'the key'.

It's sad when people do hurtful things. Many times we cannot fully know or understand their motives. But at some point we have to choose to change what we can, and what we can;t change we have to choose whether to let go or not. It's really all we can do... and then mourn the new losses with the old as we are forced to let go.

I'm so sad when people in pain are hurt further by crazy antics like you, Deneace, are describing. It seems so senseless and mean. Only she knows her true motives. She sounds like a sorry, miserable, insecure, attention starved soul, who obviously is having issues competing with BJ, even though he is not here. Pitiful, really... I'm so sorry for your added pain and anguish. HUGS!

[summergirl]

Deneace -  I sure hope you get the facebook situation settled soon. I am ready for a good smack down on that ignorant step-mother....the nerve to think she could have any rights to doing anything on Bj's site is just plain ignorant....Bj is YOUR son and she needs to figure out what the word "respect" means.  I am blessed to have had Jessica on facebook....her friends set up the memorial site and no one has ever messed with it...prayers and you have great help with Dan...

Susannah - of course you are in denial my friend...we all are at times on this journey, you are in the early days and the feelings you have are ones that some of us who have been much longer know.....I did everything I could to deny that Jessica was gone, she was at college, she was visiting a foreign land and could not keep in touch, anything I had to do to keep my heart and brain from believing she was gone. You will know when the acceptance becomes reality....it hurts so damn bad but you will also find a sense of peace.  Also, the crying is another part of denial....sort of like if you don't think about it than it isn't really happening, there are just so many different paths on this road of grief and all we can do is take a baby step at a time, breathe in and out and keep coming here to talk. You are wonderful at the way you express yourself......

Dee - what am I reading....The Lovely Bones....I had read it about 5 years ago, found it in the Dominican when we were vacationing there....I fell in love with it and gave it too Jessica to read...now that the movie is out I decided to read it again.  What did I buy....well I have decided that I am tired of wearing black, brown and white so I went for some colors...a purple plaid blouse with ties in the back and a darker purple tank to wear under it, a great peach colored top and a great burgandy vest which looks great with my pink turtleneck...also bought the new sketchers sneakers called shape-ups....and a new pair of levi's that are a size smaller - whoo hoo.  I love to shop but only when I am in the mood.  Thanks for asking.

Cold and rainy this evening here but that is ok, no sunshine again for a few days.

to all my Indigo friends I am thinking of you and keeping you all in my prayers. Kathy

[bjsmom]

Claudia, I have to use Internet Explorer when using my FB only. Normally use Mozilla as my browser and I can find the URL on anything in there. But on FB it's not posting, no bar line, just never noticed before. When I scroll across his pic, it does show a web address. Would this be it? It does say album & profile. Dang I feel stupid...D

[4everjoeysmom]

OK. Deneace, try this. Rest your mouse on any link of BJ's name on his page, and look at the url that shows at the bottom of your screen. It should have a profile id address. Right click your mouse on the link, and copy the link. Test it by opening a new browser and pasting that link to see what you have. Trial and error...

P.s. the link that comes up on his photo may be copied, but it's likely only going to lead to his photo or a photo album, and not his page url... but you could still access his page then, by clicking on the profile link there (where you click and return to the profile). That profile link may contain the url as well.

[mysonrich]

Deneace, I sent you a message.Hope its the right one.can't find my glasses.

[4everjoeysmom]

Been reading on here every few days, but not every day. Got into a mode where I was getting too depressed, and had to take a rest. I may ebb and flow for a while, but I'll be around. Love and Hugs to y'all!! ~4Ever Joey's Mom

[bjsmom]

Thank you Claudia, thank you Betsy, thank you Dan! Ya'll are all my heroes! I found the URL through the Mozilla web page that Betsy sent; now to see if this works. Dang, i hate to copy & paste. Will be back...D

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

I am so impressed with the emotional support, understanding and real problem solving assistance that is extended as soon as One Indigo has a problem.  This site is a treasure and I am  proud to have found youll

(thanks Lorrie)

 

Deneace I am just as upset over the step mom' s actions.  I know with all the assistance here that you will be  able to fix it to some extent.  Dee thanks for the warm wishes this morning and Betsy I really loved the link to Bruce and  The Rising.  Such thoughtful actions. The words to THE Rising really touched my heart as Stephen had that Title Tattooed on his upper arm with the WTC Towers in the Background. 

 

Colleen glad it is warmer not sure what the piles you are referring to but wish you well this week with he training class and presentation.Just finished watching the Jets loose hope your Viking do better.

 

Susannah I do understand what you are referring to- It is definitely a process.  I still cannot take a picture of my table dedicated to Stephen and post it here.  That would make his death too real.  I find I will not be hard on myself.  I intend to just keep coming here doing what I can and I will be satisfied with that.

 

Greg Loved the Video  Sue is right it was beautiful

Claudia, Kathy, MaryAnn thanks for posting I love seeing your angels.

 

Sherry, Terrie, Sonya, Beth, Sue ,Leah, Rosie, Kim, Bonnie, Marcia, Dan and all other Indigos  stay safe and knwo you are not alone.

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

[heartbeataway]

I Can Only Imagine was sung at Jay's memorial by a cousin of his. He got so emotional he had to stop, compose himself and start over .......

Beautiful song!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Betty, I fully agree, it is a place of open hearts, minds, and arms. One has a problem then all work to solve. A family.

Greg, the song and video are lovely, beautiful. For those of you that used that song for your Child's memorial, what a pretty choice.

Eri's friends sang REDEMPTION SONG by marley because she loved it so. And Three Birds at the cemetery at her burial. A young man she'd known all of her life sang a little song that simply repeated her name with different emphasis each time, he worked up a little guitar presence to go along with it. It was lovely.

Love to all,

dee

[ericasmom]

just a great recipe, making it now for tomorrow nights guests, niece husband adn child, along with her bro, girlfriend adn baby, and Jon and Shan. Houseful.

Warm Apple-cornmeal Upside-down Cake From Bon Appetit February 2003

Servings: 6 Servings

Total Time (median): tell us

US/Metric: [convert to metric]

Ingredients

• 8 tablespoons Unsalted Butter room temperature
• 1/2 cup Sugar
• 1 1/2 lb Golden Delicious Or Braeburn Apples medium, peeled
• 1/2 cup All Purpose Flour
• 2 teaspoons Baking Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1/3 cup Yellow Corn Meal
• 1/2 cup Water Boiling
• 2 large Eggs
• 1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
• 1/3 cup Whole Milk
• Vanilla Ice Cream

Preparation Preheat oven to 350? degrees F. Generously butter 9-inch-diameter cakepan with 1? inch high sides; line pan with 10-inch-diameter nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add 1/2 cup sugar and cook until sugar dissolves and mixture turns deep golden brown, stirring occasionally, about 6 minutes. Add apple wedges and gently shake skillet to distribute caramel evenly. Cover and cook until apples release their juices, about 5 minutes. Uncover and cook until apples are tender and caramel thickens and coats apples, stirring occasionally, about 13 minutes. Transfer apples and caramel syrup to prepared cake pan,spreading evenly.

Whisk flour, baking powder and salt in small bowl to blend. Place cornmeal in large bowl; pour 1/2 cup boiling water over and stir to blend. Add 6 tablespoons butter and 3/4 cup sugar to cornmeal mixture.Using electric mixer, beat until well blended. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Beat in flour mixture alternately with milk in 2 additions each. Pour batter over apples in pan.

Bake cake until golden and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Cool cake in pan 5 minutes. Run small knife between cake and pan sides to loosen cake. Carefully invert cake onto ovenproof or microwavable platter and peel off parchment. Cool 15 minutes. (Cake can be made up to 6 hours ahead. Rewarm in 350?F oven about 10 minutes or microwave on medium just until slightly warm, about 2 minutes.)

Cut cake into wedges, place on plates, and serve warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

[ericasmom]

http://popup.lala.com/popup/432627090808462290

this is what 5 of Erica's girlfriends sang in the church.

[bjsmom]

Betty- You said it all! That's what is here at BI; emotional support, understanding and problem solving assistance.

Dee- You asked what was her goal? I'm asking myself the same question. No answers but one come to mind=Control!

Claudia, Kathy, Dan, Betsy, Sue, Brians momdukes, Dee, Lorri, Betty and Marcia, THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT.

I believe Bj's FB page is as good as it get's. The damage is done and I cannot forcibly make her change it back. Also, I cannot afford bail, so I'd best keep my discussions to the phone and if she knows what's good for her, she'd best not delete me from Bj's account. Bj's father supports his wife in this. He told me last night that he saw nothing wrong with her deleting Bj's info. That Bj was like him, laid back, and that Bj would not care. I told him, "well, he cared enough to write it down". I then tried to explain that this was not just about her editing Bj's account, that it was the fact that she hacked into it in the first place, it is not her right to do so. He mentioned all this just being a problem, i told him "there would be no problems if she would learn to leave well enough alone". But in the end they only see their way and I see something totally opposite. I will no longer associate or speak with mind-boggling idiots who have no respect or regard for my sons personal items and that are embarrassed in any way by his actions or words. Personally they both disgust me, but more so the father than the loony stepmom. I always expected more from him, never got it, but hoped things would change. It's his loss, always was!

Night all and thank you again!

Deneace (BjsMom)

[lolynbo]

DEE DO U HAVE FACEBOOK..MY FRIEND AMANDA REALLY NEEDS TO CHAT WITH U OR COLLEEN..OR TRUDY...

SHE TEXT ME AND SAID "IM SEEING ANGELS...I NO ONE WAS KOURTNEY..SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME AND HAD CONCERN ON HER FACE AND HELD HER HAND UP FOR ME".

THEN SHE TEXT ME AND SAID SHE IS "SEEING LIL CHILDREN AND CAN HEAR ALL THEIR CHATTER...AND SHE IS SCAIRED"

I TOLD HER THAT IT S PROB BECAUSE SHE DID DIE IN SURGERY AND SHE HAS BEEN GIVIN A GIFT...AND TO ASK GOD TO REVEAL HIS PLAN FOR HER...

IF ANYONE HAS FB CAN U LOOK HER UP AMANDA DANIEL...SHE IS SO CONFUSED...I BELEIVE SHE IS SEEING AND HEARN THEM..SHE JUST DONT NO HOW TO CHANNEL IT..

 

[ericasmom]

I don't have facebook Lorri. SOrry, is this the young lady that had a tumor that you spoke about some months ago? I will hope that if she is seeing angels that there is nothing there to frighten her but instead surround her in goodness. Has she asked them what they are trying to convey? Wow! Let us know.

In the meantime, everyone sleep well,

loving you all

dee

[pknight]

THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL & KENNY ISN'T HERE TO SEE IT:shock::dude: If there is the other side that we've been Marching into for the last 43 years, then Kenny is there to be in that number! Amazing, unbelievable! I had his Deuce jersy out. Miracles do happe:dude:n!

Bourbon Street Tonight

Kenny's Mom

Pam

[pknight]

And this is how he would look getting on his way...

[ericasmom]

GO KENNY! Go  SAINTS!

He sees it Pam,he knows.

[mysonrich]

Pam, I woke up with the wind shaking the house, lights on electronics flashing, microwave beeping off and on as the power surged, a warm air blowing through the valley. When I read your post I understood, Kenny and the Saints fans making themselves known. Didn't see the game but sounds like a heck of a field goal.

 

Nate's mom, a great picture of your son and interesting reading of his life. Come back when you can and tell us more. ((hugs)))

 

 I had plans to get out yesterday but fought off a cold all day. Finally made it out a 8 PM. Dee, I read that you fell, hope healing has taken place. Its ok when we can laugh after taking a spill but "ouch", when it keeps hurting.

 

MaryAnn, I quit the 2nd job, You are right, I was pushing " it". A part of me is looking forward to more sunshine, someday. Now I can be home for that, when the clouds in the sky blow away.

 

Peace Indigos

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[hotsauce]

good morning EVERYONE

BETSY, sorry about the second job, but you need to have time for yourself.

PAM, so good to see you post, i love the picture of KENNY.

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[mikesmomrs]

Good morning all...haven't been on in a couple of days...have been busy all weekend with grandkids and went to the movies with my daughter...twice, actually.  We went to see "The Lovely Bones" as we had both read it a couple years ago, and loved it.  Of course, when we got up to the ticket window, they were sold out.  So, we saw "Extraordinary People" with Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser, which was very good.  We went back on Sunday to see The Lovely Bones, which of course, was terrific.  I had to really fight to hold back the tears at some points, because I knew if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.  At one point in the movie, when she speaks of Heaven, though, I lost it.  I am sure we will see the movie again.  It was enjoyable to spend time with my daughter for two movies, though.  We thoroughly enjoy watching a movie together, because it is usually one that we share something in, and seem to communicate even while sitting there watching.  It's almost as though we are inside each other's minds...weird, I know.  but I am grateful.

There has been so much going on on the board this weekend...

Trudi...I am so sorry about Steven's being sad regarding his dad.  He probably feels so helpless and wishes so much he could do something...of course, we here are all familiar with that...including yourself, so I am glad that he has someone close who is understanding of his issues.  I loved the pics, especially of the boys and their DS's.  I pray things ease up for Steven and Melissa.    I know what you mean about "enough already."  Cathi has been having some kind of pour-down on her lately, and she is so near the breaking point.  It is so very difficult to see your child suffering and not be able to turn things around for them by snapping your fingers. 

The songs shared here always provide something for each of us and it is so great that we all share.  Usually, they have some sort of history with some of us...Among others, "I Can Only Imagine" does with us...Two nights before Mike passed, I was alone with him, up late with him as usual, and I asked him if he wanted me to play that song for him.  He nodded yes, and we both sat there, hands held, as the music and words floated around the room.  With his eyes closed, he started smiling half-way through the song, and after it was over just lay there quiet for a moment.  Then he said "I wonder if that is really how I will feel...will I be able to speak?  Will I?" ...Tears, tears, and more tears.

Susannah:  I am so sorry that your friend was so insensitive regarding his comment about six months being a "long time."  My boss approached me at approximately three months time and told me that he thought that I "would be doing better by now."  As he said this, I saw over his shoulder the picture he keeps on his desk of his daughter....I wanted so much to ask him how long he thought he would take to get over the death of his daughter...three months, four, six, 12?  But, I held my tongue because I knew then that he would never understand, unless he had to, and I didn't wish for him to have to.  The numbness you are feeling, Sus, is normal; everything you are feeling is normal...because our "normal" is now different from the "normal" that everyone else knows.  Sometimes, when I feel as though I need to cry and can't, I will get in my car and drive, and play a couple of songs that cause my heart to wring itself out...I know it sounds weird, but there it is...our new "normal."  Holding you close...

Dee:  I am heartbroken that your "little one" got into trouble and gave the principal such a difficult time...her heart is broken in many places, to be sure, and this is how she responds, especially, as you said, when Friday looms and she knows there's another two days of her pain, nonstop...prayers, for her and all of those like her...may they soon find a peaceful road to travel, with people like Bonnie, to help them find a smile and hugs just for them. 

Colleen:  I wish you the best with your class this week and your presentation...you are so good at what you do, I know it will go well.  And the "poop piles"...I know what you mean...my daughter goes through the same thing...she, like you, is the only one in the house who sees them...isn't that strange...:?

Deneace:  I hope things get straightened out somehow on BJ's FB account...maybe you could get one of his friends who are already "friended" to let you use their access?  I don't even know if this is possible...I am not much of a FB person...got too complicated for me, so don't go there often. 

Kathy:  I am so glad that you got to hug BJ---I pray that things go smoothly for him and his words were sincere and that he is able to continue to find his way back...  I am glad that you got some shopping in---it is great when we get to do something we love and can actually find some enjoyment in it. 

Hubby was watching a video this morning and they played a song I hadn't heard before...by Alan Jackson..."Sissy's Song"

I hope everyone has a good week...today is very rainy, cold, and very windy.  Glad I don't have to go out.  For those of you who do, take care, know you are loved, and know you are prayed for---every day.

love and peace to all my Indigo friends...we are all so special to each other,  and for this I feel blessed and am so very grateful....carol  mikesmomrs

[4everjoeysmom]

Deneace, interestingly enough, this Facebook (and online accounts) issue is becoming more widespread, enough to the point of making major news. Check this out from today's news...

http://www.newser.com/story/79054/how-to-manage-your-passwords-from-the-grave.html

Amazing that we have to worry about such things. Who ever imagines stuff like this until it's too late?

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Great pictures Pam.   I loved seeing your handsome son, Kenny  in his great car and the pciture of downtown New Orleans was priceless.  Such joy and happiness. It is great!!!

Betsy I too am fighting a cold but I am a bad patient and cannot stay in for too long or I go stir crazy  I hope you feel better soon.  A few more months and the sun will be back.

Dee In reading Carol's posting I was reminded of the little one in your school who you were so gentle with  and brought to your class.  I know you mentioned that she had acted out badly lately and do hope whe is OK and getting the help she needs,  It is so sad that some children are in difficult circ**stances.

Carol-my "doodness" you have been busy  I was very touched by your recounting your memories of sitting with Mike and listening to the music.  That was beautiful.  Thank YOu

Mary Ann, Beth , Trudi, Bonnie , Colleen and all Indigos praying for your peace

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[ericasmom]

CAROL, glad to see you and to know your not being here was for busy fun stuff. I read the Lovely Bones right after Eri died. Someone I knew sent it to me thinking it would be good for me. I understood what she meant, the whole thought of Heaven being exactly what we hope. So that part was very good for me, but very hard book nevertheless. Brilliantly written.

Pam, only had a minute to talk this morn, So want to say that Kenny looks beautiful in his car adn he is celebrating along with all of New Orleans. Who better?

Betty, the child you mentioned, Carol too, is in a hospital situation now, which really, is probably the first safe place she has ever been. I hope that they keep her while they access her situation. I hope that they let her live elsewhere than her home.

My arm Betsy, is still very bad, and while no bones seem broken, I am in some big pain, so I am off the computer for the night, it causes great pain after i stay on any length. I guess it is back to the doc. Tendons adn ligaments injured I think. OW!

Love to all,

dee

[daveydow1]

Hi ...Indigoes,

  Haven't been on too much lately.....not enough hours in

the day, it seems. I know it's like that for most people.

Anyhow,......Just wishing everyone Peace & Tranquility,

and a good night's rest.

            Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Oh, ouch !!!  Sure hope your arm is feeling better soon.

[shorty16]

Indigos

My busy day is done.  My presentation to upper management went well.  Kept the meeting to its allotted time (which is a task in itself).

Also got my point across without affending anyone.  That is another task that is hard to do.

It seems this day went well with all my preparation over the weekend.

Dee hope your arm gets better

Colleen

[pknight]

Thanks Betty, Betsy, Dee, Mary Ann and all for helping me feel Kenny being a part of the Miracle in New Oreans! It was hard to root against Favre (a Misissippi native) and oldest quarterback and now it is Peyton vs. Payton in Miami! I am not a football freak it is just since Katrina even people who never watched football have been tuning in to have our spirits lifted, to see teamwork in action and to resurrect the hope that we could come back again. Kenny passed on SuperBowl Sunday last year. That field goal made me burst into tears for him. I had planned to release white balloons for his Feb. 4th birthday, but now they have got to be black & gold:)! I am just a mixed bag of emotions today. A year ago today we were told he had 3 to 4 weeks. He had just been admitted to the hospital. He got out Friday afternoon and died on Sunday at home just 3 days short of his 26th birthday.

I just want y'all to know that I don't post too often & even though it looks like I never log out ( my BlackBerry stays logged in) every time I do check in it is comforting. Now that I have a working computer again I will be posting more often. I know that beauty is only skin deep, but with Kenny it was representative of the beauty inside. I am going to post the before & after of what the cancer & insurance industry did to him. They played waiting games with his life and I have been caught up with having to make the decision to bring suit against them. I have decided not to for many reasons- Questions we should have asked, fights that I should have fought harder etc. - I am going to stop rambling now. These are hard, hard days. Glad Kenny's team is going to the SuperBowl. Hope he is Celebrating in the Great Beyond.

[pknight]

Thanks Betty, Betsy, Dee, Mary Ann and all for helping me feel Kenny being a part of the Miracle in New Oreans! It was hard to root against Favre (a Misissippi native) and oldest quarterback and now it is Peyton vs. Payton in Miami! I am not a football freak it is just since Katrina even people who never watched football have been tuning in to have our spirits lifted, to see teamwork in action and to resurrect the hope that we could come back again. Kenny passed on SuperBowl Sunday last year. That field goal made me burst into tears for him. I had planned to release white balloons for his Feb. 4th birthday, but now they have got to be black & gold:)! I am just a mixed bag of emotions today. A year ago today we were told he had 3 to 4 weeks. He had just been admitted to the hospital. He got out Friday afternoon and died on Sunday at home just 3 days short of his 26th birthday.

I just want y'all to know that I don't post too often & even though it looks like I never log out ( my BlackBerry stays logged in) every time I do check in it is comforting. Now that I have a working computer again I will be posting more often. I know that beauty is only skin deep, but with Kenny it was representative of the beauty inside. I am going to post the before & after of what the cancer & insurance industry did to him. They played waiting games with his life and I have been caught up with having to make the decision to bring suit against them. I have decided not to for many reasons- Questions we should have asked, fights that I should have fought harder etc. - I am going to stop rambling now. These are hard, hard days. Glad Kenny's team is going to the SuperBowl. Hope he is Celebrating in the Great Beyond.

[pknight]

For some reason the Christmas Picture is too large.

Kenny's Mom,

Pam

[pknight]

This is the after, I have to look at these just to remind myself that he is not suffering! God Grant Me The Serenity...!!!

Thanks everyone. I think I am going to lose it for awhile.

May each of you be blessed and comforted!!

Kenny's Mom,

Pam

[mikesmum]

Pam - one handsome young man.  Looks like he has the 'need, the need for speed'.  The vision of Bourbon Street is brilliant.   I guess the SuperBowl is like our Grandfinal.  Passion for your team is like religion here..

Carol - Yep enough already.  Yesterday saw Steven hit his all time low.  The guy he has been working for is not what he seems.  Apparently he hasn't been paying Steven's superannunation money or supplying payslips.  Steve challenged him about that and an OH&S issue about scaffolding on jobs...now no work.  New mortgage, no job.  Its hard for him to see past this moment in time. 

Dee - Soft tissue & tendons seem to ache that little bit longer.  Hope you rest and heal.

Colleen - Congrats on the success of your presentation.  Preparation goes a long way.

It Australia Day here.  National Pride is everywhere. The flags adorn cars, balloons fly and traditional BBQ's are being held in various parks.....Something we all need to remember... be proud of who we are and where we live.  Aussie Aussie Aussie - Oi Oi Oi.......

Take Care BI family -Trudi :dude:

 

[summergirl]

Pam - Kenny is so handsome....I am so happy for you and glad to see you back..

A rainy warm day today, fits my mood.  My Uncle Marvin passed this morning, we were very close and I am going to miss him. He is there with my Jessica tonight and no more pain..just peace.

Anymore about the reunion???

Very tired, just wanted to stop in and say hello to all. Have a great night and sweet dreams. Kathy

[pknight]

Sorry guys! Didn't mean to post it over & over. Was trying to post the after picture & it is too large for some reason!Must be that one was digital. As soon as I can figure it out I will post.

Warm hugs to all! 

Pam