Loss of an Adult Child

[arc4ever]

I have no idea if this is original or not.  Someone posted it in the comment section of the newspaper in reply to a little boy who died after swallowing a battery. 

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,

Unless you have lost your child too,

Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,

Because that is just not true,

Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,

Though it is true, I want him here with me,

Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,

Beyond today I cannot see,

Don't tell me it is time to move on,

Because I cannot,

Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,

Because denial is something I can't stop,

Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,

Because I wanted more,

Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,

I'll never be as I was before,

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,

That you will listen when I talk of my child,

You can share with me my precious memories,

You can even cry with me for a while,

And please don't hesitate to say his name,

Because it is something I long to hear everyday,

Friend please realize that I can never be the same,

But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

 

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[mikesmum]

[user=27668]mysonrich[/user] wrote:

Yesterday I felt the storm clouds forming in my mind, in my thoughts. Rolling in the same way we view a thunderstorm approaching from miles out. Dark,rolling clouds. I didn'see that the sky was blue.I didn't feel the winter day or the warmth of the sun. I went to the mailbox and found a package. Because of the genorsity of a BI member, the clouds disappated as i opened this package, greeted by a wonderful smell that brought to the forefront of my mind memoriesof my son and good times we shared however mundane they may seem to others, memories of life.

Something as simple as going to 7-11 for coffee and a bagel with my son. he would run in and fix up a cup of coffee for me, expertly done and a colafor himself. and of course bagels though not as good as the one's that arrived yesterday.7-11 is where Rich learned how to use a debit card. he learned what a PIN was.

there have often been times during this last year that I have felt as if I had done something terribly wrong to myson. I felt as if he may have hated me and nightmares came in the night. perhaps I had missed something. Needless to say these feelings came about due to the grief ,pain, greed of others. Their words cut to the core of my being and left me doubtful sons love. I have since learned , have since had many sings that this wasn't the case. My son lived with me and his sis until he was 16. A decision was made and it certainly is to late to change that but no matter, our love for each other didn't falter. People. sometimes they just suck.

 

So in the middle of the talk of reunions, meet-ups I wanted to share this act of kindness. and believe me, I realize what a great, beautiful bunch of people you all arehere on BI. Even the time that I am a complete ass. yes, me.can you believe that !

 

So I am off to a new day. i had thoughts of running away to FL this weekend. I thought sun and warn air would help. I am a day short in travel time though and it appears that the warmth came to me.

 

thank you Betty.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

Betsy - you have experienced a 'random acts of kindness' by one who knows your heart, its their heart too.  Amazing how a simple package can turn us around and bring warmth to our hearts.....I have been blessed by such acts and believe me they saved me.

Betty - Mum went to the states way back to visit her sister who settled in Iowa in 1947!  Bagels....the one story she never tired of.  "nothing like the real thing".  There was a shop here in Melbourne called the "New York Bagel Shop".  It came close.

Oh yes the 'life and times of Micheal' in review on some days, like yesterday, have the power to almost convince me that from the get go it was something I said, didn't say, did, didn't do bought me to losing him..........I even went through a time of not wanting to be in Melissa's Steven's or their kids lives for fear it was me that caused this tragic event and it might affect them the same.

Greg - I think including BI in the agenda for BP is brilliant. Maybe the DVD's from BI could be presented as our contribution..... Its also another opportunity for those who grieve to find a 'fit' for their journey.

Its Emily's 11'th birthday today.  Eleven yrs ago a very different granma held this baby girl for the first time.   It was a day of firsts for Melissa. First time in hospital, first surgery, first child..........she was still my baby girl.

We are out for coffee this morning then baking for her party tomorrow.....its bittersweet.  Mike didn't come to her 8th birthday, he was gone 3 days later......

Hey Micheal Shane, wrap Emmy in your love today.  She truly misses you.  She and Lauren have the special connection, you, that sees them close.......love  you my son my son....

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's.

Beth - Love the decorations for Zachy! 

Today is one of those days where I'm reading the post but NOT really reading.  I'm having a hard time concentrating.  Those dark clouds that seem to be covering others are also around me. 

I had to turn the news off last night.  I am so heart broken for those poor people.  If I heard the news correctly, supplies are being dropped, but as of last night, they didn't have a way to get the supplies TO the people from the drop off place. 

Kind of numb today.  This is all so surreal.  I'm gonna take a nap.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

  Does "AND MY LIL ANGEL BEFORE KODY" mean that you have lost a baby other than your sweet Kourtney?

YES I DID HAVE A MISSCARRIGE B4 I HAD KODY...I WASNT VERY FAR ALONG BUT EXCEITED ALLT HE SAME....BUT TO ME LOSING KOURTNEY IS SO FAR WORSE CUZ I HELD HER AND I KNEW HER???? IF THAT MAKES SINCE...KODY ALWAYS SAID HE HAD A BROTHER NAMED "eric"...not that i would have ever named my child eric..BUT HE ALWAYS SAID HE PLAYED WITH A ERIC....NOW I GUESS KOURTNEY HAS HIM..

[lolynbo]

love  you my son my son....

WOW ...SO HARD TO SWALLOW AFTER READING THAT

[mysonrich]

Hi Mary Ann

, the babys name is GeGe and she is 14 months.I guess I forgot to mention this. Here is part of an email sent by her granddad, my cousin

.

she has been doing good, doctors say the

meds are working as expected. she has had chemotherapy 3 times and several

blood transfusions. way to many test for me to keep track of. kidneys are of

some concern but so far there has not been the need for dialysis. the

kidneys working overtime has caused her blood pressure to go up but that is

being monitored closely and she is on a medicine to lower the BP. it has

worked and now lower. she was happy to see us and waved to us several times

 

Beth, the lights and tree and little snowmen are really cute.

 

Trudi, yes sir, that's your baby!

 

Dee, I had this strange urge to make a snow angel today but I was at work and I know they would have called the men with the butterfly nets.Memories of time past I guess.

 

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[lolynbo]

MY LIL GIRL KOURTNEY LYNN...

[summergirl]

Betsy - I am so glad your spirit was lifted by an amazing woman named Betty, it is the simple things we do that mean the most.  There is nothing like a New York bagel, or so my mom always reminds me. Living in Iowa they do not get the bagels, hard rolls like we have here..so I every once in a while I send her some.   You are right, you did nothing wrong by your son, you loved each other, a mother and a son...PEOPLE are the cause of many heartaches we suffer in the aftermath of losing our child...as much as I have forgiven them I shall never forget. Peace to you.

Dee - take your camera one day on one of your walks...would love a few pics. Seeing our childrens name written is such a beautiful thing just as hearing someone say their name is......so sad that often times it is we ourselves who do the writing and the saying.   I thank you for the beautiful poems, such saddness and tears when I have watched the news, part of me wanting to turn off the tv and the other needing to see so that I am made that much more humble.

Beth - love the beautiful Christmas decoration for Zachy. I love the solar lites and have been going on-line looking at different ones.  Indeed it is time to think about Valentines day.....Jessica always brought me a card and a red rose....I miss that so very much, again the little things.

Greg - love your ideas.   As I said I am flexible so whenever and whereever.

Trudi - Happy Happy birthday to miss emily...wow 11 years old...where does the time go???   Yes, a very different grandma held her 11 years ago and my heart aches for you.  If there were anything I could say to make the 18th a bit softer I would, all I can do is say I think of you every day, feel your pain and pray that your Micheal surrounds with his sweet love....

Maryann - Brian's smiling, beautiful face....I love seeing all of our Angels. Sometimes as Tavian is sitting next to me he will look at the pictures of our Angels and question me on each and every one he sees....what happened to them?? Where is their mom and dad??? are they with my mommy???  I answer his questions with saddness in my voice but with pride of knowing each and every one of you.

Warmer here today but still too cold for me, still snow on the ground but actually supposed to get in the 40's by tomorrow...wow, a heat wave

Peace and love to all, Kathy

jessica, jessica, jessica

[summergirl]

Now this is a "belly laugh"

[summergirl]

"I love my babysitter"

[bjsmom]

"Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone."

( Life quote)

Hello all, just been one of those days.

Deneace (BjsMom)

[hotrod]

Hi Deneace ((BJsmom) )) It is good to see you posting  again.  I get the quote!!! and feel the same way.  Please keep coming back and walking this journey with us The Best Part was over too fast!!!

Trudi Love the picture of you and your new precious grand child!!!-  You look so very happy and proud.  11 years ago  !!! we were all different people.  Thanks for sharing your self here on BI.  Your wisdom and compassion touch my spirit.

Kathy Love the Happy pictures of Tavian and his Babysitter. Thanks for taking the time to share.

Dee Hope you are OOK missed you tonight

Good NIght Indigos  Stay warm and safe

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[ericasmom]

Hi Everyone, I know Betty, I am usually here often but today was crazy, CRAZY. We went to the Art Institute for a field trip under my organizing. Did I tell you I am crappy at organizing. Well I am but I do okay for field trips anyhow, but always nervous that I forgot something, will lose a child, what have you. So 92 kids and 10 adults converge and this group is a doozy. But there are many stories to the day, suffice it to say that I was very busy counting heads and making sure of things all day, got back had to deal with some stuff after school, then met my dear friend Mary for dinner. In between it all, some laughter and some aches; Jonathan met us down there and was one of our chaperones, and then when he left, his car was booted; one very over due ticket from the days when his Dad was still here and in the hospital. Oh he was so upset. I felt so darn sad for him, everytime this Boy/Man turns around he gets slapped. Please world, smile in his general direction, let him find a way to trust the days to be kind and just back. He is one of the nicest humans, and boy it gets hard for him sometimes to believe.

We are going to do some fund raising at school for the Haitians. Prayers for survival and some sort of miracle to get food and water to these folks right away.

I have been zapped all week with this darn cold, very tired. Going to bed but want to say that I love all of the photos; Trud, that Em, give her a big hug adn one for you, Mike is doing the rest. Rest assured of course, that it was nothing you did say or didn't , it wasn't something you could change. And that is not your fault my Dear. I know you know that but sometimes you need to read it, hear it, say it. Michael loves you as he always has.

Lorri, lovely little Kourtney. Love her little self.

Deneace, how good to see your Handsome BJ back. I was thinking about him yesterday when I was out walking and naming all of our angels.

Sleep time, love to you all,

dee

[mikesmum]

[user=26371]bjsmom[/user] wrote:

"Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone."

( Life quote)

Hello all, just been one of those days.

Deneace (BjsMom)

Hey Deneace - Great to see BJ's smiling face.  "those days" just sneak up from behind.  I love that life quote....so true.

The morning with Em Caleb and Melissa was great.  Just once too often I guess my mind wandered and I heard, 'are you okay Granma'.    She truly is Granma's girl.  I drove 9hrs straight when she was born.  From Melbourne to Sydney.  A nurse tried the old "its out of visiting hours when I arrived.... silly girl, dont get between me and my baby girl or my grandbaby!

Kathy - whats not to like about Tavians babysitter......that smile wow has he grown.

Lorri - Your baby girl so cute. 

Betsy - thoughts of Rich as you approach the one year mark.......you know there are no words - just know I will be thinking of  you both on Monday......Trudi

[mysonrich]

This time last year i was excited. I had four days off and had time to visit my mom and head back to southeast Pa and NJ to see my kids. I remember thinking that I should change my plans and go see the kids first but I knew Rich had his concert to attend and I probably wouldn't have much time that day. Now, a quick visit ..it could have been a quick visit.

I know I told you this before but the morning Rich died, maybe right before he died, I woke up and found myself standing bolt upright in the living room trying to figure out how I got there.I wanted to call Rich. I thought he was probably asleep. He wasn't yet. I thought I should shower and get an early start, at 4 in the morning. I would have arrived to find him gone ,maybe.

Instead I headed west, further away, out of cell phone range. I showed you all pictures of the little town Tunkhannock. I was there at a red light a couple hours later when I started to cry. Rich filled my thoughts. I was crying for Rich. Whenever I thought he was out and about to long when he hung out with his friends I would start looking for him in the neighborhood. I would walk the dog, Cole. Rich knew what I was doing. " Mom, why are you checking up on me"....me," I;m not.I'm walking the dog"....Rich," no your not mom, your looking for me"......so, that morning on the road , at the red light I found myself talking to Rich. I didn't " know" he was gone yet, no one called. I was saying to Rich," do you see now Rich. do you see now why I always checked up on you? do you see what can happen" I didn't know that I knew, not on a true comprehending level.

If the g/f had called me then,I would have gotten the call. She didn't. To her " credit" I'm sure she was out of her mind but she called Rich's dad which was good. Rich's dad was there with him. The g/f said she couldn't find my number.....Sarah drove here to tell me. hours later after returning from a visit to my mom. I arrived home and my new neighbor said that my daughter was here. I knew something was very very wrong, bad. My neighbor that had the house key wouldn't let her in. as if my kids wouldn't be allowed in. So Sarah and her friend waited for me at a diner after stopping at my workplace. now I understand that my employer has been generous with my time off. I'm surprised they haven't fired me months ago. I also know they monitor websites so this isn't a slam on my employer as much as me telling BI and back then," them", with all the fancy security in here, you know when I go to the restroom, but you couldn't find me that day? So Sarah is at a diner. something we all; use to do together. we checked out different diners. I get home, the neighbor comes over and tells me of Sarah being here. The neighbor didn;t leave btw. if she wasn't a bit slow I would still be mad at her for now for not leaving. I didn't know her well. How dare she intrude upon us. How dare she view that moment?  I called Sarah on her cell, she down at the diner. She said," mom, Richie is dead. he died this morning and I wanted to tell you he was very happy in his life" I did  not react much. I didn;t react for a long time. I stayed on the couch for a long time. one day I fell into the pit. I told no one at first, not even you guys.

 

this year I have three days off. I think I'll just stay home and see how the day goes.maybe a park...

 

 

on top of these thoughts I sit here and try to figure out how to get aide to Haiti. parachutes? d-day ships and those beach transport vehicles?

 

Yes, life surly is nuts at times..but it does go on.

 

 

Trudi, keeping you close in thought. Thinking of Michael . Pure energy.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Betsy, as you wind up the spiral to that day, the reliving of each moment is what we do, you are doing it adn sharing it and never need to worry that you may have said it before, I learn new glimmers of Rich's life and Yours from your posts, as we all do from each other. You are in intuitive woman, feeling Rich as he left, not knowing "mind-wise' but spirit and heart wise. The connections between you so strong and the good news in all of the sad, is the connection will always be strong. Little comfort now I know, though it is what I know,  that the connection that binds us to OUR ANGELS did not go away with them, it is forever, it is reciprocal, and it is a testament to the love between US. I am walking beside you as you lift each memory to the light and examine it, and when you cry or scream or lay awake, we are all doing so with you.

Kath, Tavian's belly laugh photo gave my heart a boost as I went to sleep, and he and his babysitter are quite a picture as well. He is a most handsome boy. I know what you mean about the images of the struggle in Haiti, I am sickened to think of them waiting for the bare essentials. I am hoping to find out if there is going to be an airlift of things from the area so that we can all donate clothing adn shoes for the kids, tents, sleeping bags. There are navy folks going today that will be able to provide fresh water I think through the desalination process, so that is great. Oh the things we have at our fingertips, these folks have never had easily anyway, and now...so more and more action adn more prayers. If you donate Red Cross and Doctors without Borders are both absolutes as far as full funding going to the cause.

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy...no words come to mind that have not already been said...reliving that day is something that we all do...and it doesn't even have to be the angelversary for that to happen, as we all so sadly know.  As Dee said, you were connected to Rich, and still very much are connected to him.  Haaving him sit beside you would be so much better, we all know that as well, but the one thing that each of us here knows that helps us is that we will see our child again...we will.   We here do  know that comfort and love and caring of others who know exactly how we feel helps...and all of us send that to you...I wish we could be there, with both you and Trudi, offering that comfort and love and caring in person, but it will have to be virtuallly, but that doesn't lessen the intent or the strength of it...holding you, Betsy and you, Trudi, close to my heart. 

Watching these people in Haiti struggling to find their way is truly heart-breaking...so many have lost so many and so much...the stories are endless...prayers for them...God, please guide the people who are there to offer aid and comfort...help them to find a loving, orderly, way to bring aid to each of these people who search only for their loved ones and the basic necessitities.  Help them to treat with digniity and respect each person they come in contact with...comfort them in their efforts to feed these people and provide water and medicine, give these caregivers strength to see beyond the despair and pain and instill hope into those who are the survivors.   Amen.

love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs 

[briansdad]

Kathy,

I must say .... none of my baby sitters I had were that cute. I know if they were I would be smiling too. I guess that's just a man talking.

Greg

[heartbeataway]

Betsey,

Hold on tight sweet lady!  Hold on tight!

You are surrounded my love and energy and a connected bond that only parents that have endured the loss of a child can understand.

I will speak his name out loud ........ Rich!  Rich!  Rich!

Strength for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[hotrod]

Trudi and Betsy  I am thinking of you both with warm thoughts  Knowing what great Sons you both had in:

                      RICH

                        and

                      Michael

Your love for your sons is so evident in each word you post. 

We are with you today and everyday in your memories .

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

 

 

[mpsmom]

Betsy, reaching out to hold you tight on this day...may you feel the presence of your sweet Rich around you, following you and watching over you as he always will. 

         BIG WARM HUGS  

 Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[Guest]

Betsy - In some ways, I would imagine it's even more difficult approaching the first angelversary for Rich than it was during the actual week.  I don't know, because I've not lived through that, yet.  But, I think we go into shock/survival mode when we first receive the news.  Now, as you re-live it, I would think it's all quite raw.   

Wishing it were different for both you and Trudy. 

As I read some of the relief efforts focusing on haiti, I was touched with all the different countries participating to bring help.  Search teams, rescue dogs, medical personnel, food, supplies...all the same things from different countries.  My heart breaks for the people of Haiti, yet I felt hope for the human race, as a whole, as humanity reaches out to humanity. 

Sending love and peace,  Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[namb1992]

I have finally been able to post of picture of Nate.  I haven't been on in a week because it has not been a good week.  Today my son has been gone 48 days.  Honestly the last 7 have been the worst.  I don't know how everyone survives this pain everyday.  I feel sick from morning until night.  I has been what we consider "warm" in wisconsin this week so I have been able to spend some time at the cemetary-rearranging things.  I went to my first support group last night but most of the people there were dealing with the death of their spouse but my pain feels so different.  I love that poem I read about please don't tell me..... that is so true to how I am feeling this week.

 

[heartbeataway]

It's a girl!

Rich and I have our first foster placement.  She's a 14 year old girl and we just picked her up this afternoon.  She's unpacked and seems happy.

She has a really out going personality and seems to have a sweet spirit to match.  She's has long brown/strawberry blonde hair and pretty brown eyes.

We are in a little bit of shock.  We had a call yesterday about a possible placement but after talking,  I didn't really think it would happen.

We got a call at 2 to be there at 3 to pick her up.  We managed to push it out to 4.  I was able to put fresh sheets on her bed and freshen up her bath.

So, here we are ...... it's kind of exciting to have a young person in the house again!

Wish us luck!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Glad to see Nate standing near his car. I am sorry that it has been a bad week, but having said this, here you are and posting which is a teatament to getting through a bad week. Good for you. I agree, grief groups that do not focus on the same kinds of loss, have very different kinds of dynamics. May the weekend feel gentler to you and the coming week as well.

Susannah, I feel similarly, though the news isn't reporting it quite that way, saying that the doctors are just getting there adn that no food has gotten in...it has, but getting it to the people from the airport with no gas, roads ripped to shreds, that kind of thing...so over 6 million has already been collected by the telephone charity for Haiti, so I agree, the humanity that we see come together when the need is strong is a wondrous thing. As pointed out on a news show we watch, a 7.0 was what San Francisco suffered way back when my kids were little, and while 63 people is 63 too many, that is how many died. So let this be the chance for the world to rebuild a city and a country in the right ways, to build earthquake ready buildings, to have provisions and a plan in place for emergencies. Let this country find ways to prioritize in such a way that they make sure that the people are taken care of, that they have a voice in how things are done, and that other countries will indeed invest in their future.

Love to all,

dee

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, we must have posted at the same time...How exciting. I wish you luck and joy and a child who is able to understand that this is a chance and a good one, to work with you and not against. How I bet she loves the house, and her room. Keep us posted but when you wish her sweet dreams, send a little wink from me and Tink.

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie---so exciting, and yes, we have fostered before and that is how they did things back then...it can be difficult, but I am glad you were able to push it out to 4...I know likely it meant a lot to you to have everything ready for her to make her comfortable...that is the kind of person you are---loving, caring and gentle...best of luck to you, Rich and the girl.  Can you tell us her name? 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Her name is Emily ....... Emily Ann

[hotrod]

Great News Bonnie

That young women is so very fortunate to be able to share her life with you and your wonderful husband.

Please post a picture

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Doctors are forced to leave for safety.  There are Haitians not allowing food and water through.  The news said they have piled dead bodies on the road as a road block so help can't get through.

Why?

Why are they doing this?  Why are they refusing help?  People are dying who don't need to die.  They don't have anthestics to amputate.  Why? 

The death of an 11 yr old girl who died from a crushed leg...completely unnecessary...finally brought the tears I have been holding back for days.  I locked myself in the laundry room and broke down in deep sobs. 

I was interrupted by a knocking on the door.  The kids aren't home so I thought it was Gary.  I opened the door to my Golden Retriever, Shelby, hitting the door with her head.  Bless her heart!

************

I try to find something positive about everything.  I look for the best.  It's hard to find it now. 

I don't have any particular spiritual belief.  I believe in a Creator.  Who...what...that creator is subject to interpretation.  I try not to interpret.  I try to respect everyone's idea of God.  Namaste' is such a beautiful word with such beautiful meaning. 

Most religions seem to think the end or change or something is here. 

I certainly hope so.

I'm out of uplifting, encouraging platitudes.  I realize the tears haven't been coming because there aren't enough tears to make a difference.  These tears don't cleanse the soul.  These tears don't bring healing.  They make my eyes hurt.  They make my head hurt.  They make me tired. 

If there is a God and if you are planning on coming back....NOW would be a good time, dontcha' think?

I can't even pray.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Maybe God coming back means US, rebuilding the broken. Out of bad must come good.

Let your tears make you tired and sleep the deep kind of sleep that a worn out child has, and wake up to a new day, one with something soft in it that allows your tears to cleanse.

Tomorrow, more good will happen and some hope will light the roads and paths of those in darkness.

Love you,

dee

PS Goodnight Emily Anne, may you sleep so very well tonight too.

[summergirl]

Hello Idigo's, it is late here, 11:23 but not tired. Went out with friends this evening but did not stay long....I brought up the subject of Haita and was deeply depressed by the different responses I received...many thought we SHOULD NOT do anything for them, they are DIFFERENT from us, we need to take care of our own right here, wouldn't bother me one bit if they all died, God needs to clean out the BAD to make things right in the world.....I was so sickened by the responses I told Barry I was going home and he could stay, so happy to be away from so called friends.

BETSY - MY THOUGHTS HAVE BEEN WITH YOU ALL DAY, THE ANGELVERSARY OF RICH, YOUR PRECIOUS BELOVED SON, I PRAY THAT HIS LOVE FOR YOU HAS SHOWN THROUGH AND COMFORTED YOU ON THIS DAY...PRAYERS AND HUGS TO YOU MY FRIEND.

Thank you - yes Tavian is getting so big and I am so blessed to be able to share him with you all....    GREG - yes we can see why Tavian LOVES his babysitter, she is not only beautiful but a treasure of a girl....sweet and adores Tavian, she will always be a part of his life.

Bonnie -On my goodness - a 14 year old in your house, Emily Ann   I am so excited for you and pray that all goes well....she is a very lucky girl to have the two of you take her in...Jason is so proud as we are.

I have had many thoughts of Jessica today...driving home from work I could "feel" her sitting in the passenger seat, the mirror down putting on her mascara...it was so real...she always did her make-up in the car on our way to out night out...I have thought of her sitting there many times but this was the first time I actually felt she was there....tears and joy.

Still cannot stop thinking about the BI reunion...I am so excited and cannot wait until things are set in I can make my reservations...whoo hoo,,,,lets keep this going.

I have no plans for the weekend except rest, movies and doing some crafting..need to be alone with my thoughs...,so many going through my mind..

Trudi -holding you close my friend.

Love and Peace, Kathy

[mysonrich]

The last email Rich sent me. Janurary 17, Saturday, 2009.

how do you like living in those mountains now don't get blown away and bundle up mom watch oll man winter coming to get ya other than that how ya been im goin to see metallica tonight at the wachovia center its going to be awsome biggest show ive been to yet wish you could come you might like it anyway talk to ya later love your son bubba booie

Bubba, his nickname. Booie, from a radio personality WMMR, Philadelphia.

He never had a chance to read my reply

Richard, the escape artist !

Betsy, mySon Rich

 

[mysonrich]

Kathy, part of my favorite speech and I have no idea why I have a favorie speeh. There was a time "we" needed help.

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death

March 23, 1775

By Patrick Henry

 

"...Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave...

[daniellemom]

Betsy and Trudi thinking of you this weekend as you have wonderful sweet memories of Rich and Mike.

Bonnie great news about Emily Ann!

To every one my thoughts and prayers are with you each day.  I also can't wait until we get dates for the reunion I so want to meet everyone.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[briansdad]

Hey, I want to run an idea past all my friends here. I thinking of buying a 44" printer that would allow me to run color photos on canvas. I could then wrap it on a wood frame for display. I also plan to be able to make T shirts with kids pictures on them.I thought of calling my new company Angel Images. What are your thoughts??

[zachysmom]

I love the name. You already have a customer here.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, love the speech, you are a history lover I believe, and your speech fav would definitely set some folks on their tails. I can't believe the responses of some, but thankfully,most the world is reaching out, problem being the supplies are not easily delivered, the port is destroyed and so many obstacles.

Betsy, I love that you have Rich's last email, so filled with HIS wonderful personality and HIS LOVE for YOU. When a young man wishes his Momma could join him at a Metallica concert...well Bets, you are that Mom to him and always will be. Step lightly into the days that surround his leaving, knowing that we are here to hold you and that Rich is supporting you in each move you make. In my loss of Eri, I call it my Holy Week. This is your Holy Week.

Kath, I would have had to leave as well, no time for idiots in my life, no time for that negative energy. Goodness knows who they support. Good for you leaving.

Greg, I think that the idea is a very good one, that you would be helping folks honor their Child or whomever they are missing and making a lifelong tribute. Creative thinker you are.

[hotsauce]

good morning to EVERYONE here on BI, i hope EVERYONE has a good weekend.

BONNIE, best of luck with EMILY ANN, i hope everything works out for your family.

GREG, great idea, i'll be first in line for a t shirt.

BETSY, good new about GEGE i hope it stays that way.

love and hugs to ALL

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[shorty16]

Greg,

I will also be a customer. 

Love the idea.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

My BI friends

In order to register a car in Waukesha County, WI., we have to get the car inspected and an emissions test every 2 years.

My 2001 Chevy Cavalier is due in Jan 2010 for the above tests.  In order to pass these tests, the muffler will have to be put back on the car - eliminating its most identifying feature.  VRRRUMMMM!!!!!! Rumble Rumble Rumble

I remember, just like yesterday, sitting on the couch seeing Brian's car (which was my Mom's for 7 years) come down the street and hearing this rumbling vehicle - I thought - "What the &$*@ did he do to my car?"  I went outside and said "What the &%$# did you do to this car?"  Brian got out of the car, wrapped his arm around my should and said "Isn't it cool Mom."  "I did this in auto's class and got an A"  I said "You got an A for cutting off the muffler?"  He said, "Ya, there are lots of kids in the class and I told the Teacher I worked on the muffler today."  WHAT??!?!??!   

I was not happy, but I was laughing under my breath.

The car has been that way ever since.

Now, in order to drive it legally, we must "improve" it.

Bummer

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Bonnie

Emily-Ann is such a beautiful name.

Best of Luck to you and Rich.  Just be yourselves, and you two should have no problems - Emily Ann will love you as much as we do.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[briansdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

My BI friends

In order to register a car in Waukesha County, WI., we have to get the car inspected and an emissions test every 2 years.

My 2001 Chevy Cavalier is due in Jan 2010 for the above tests.  In order to pass these tests, the muffler will have to be put back on the car - eliminating its most identifying feature.  VRRRUMMMM!!!!!! Rumble Rumble Rumble

I remember, just like yesterday, sitting on the couch seeing Brian's car (which was my Mom's for 7 years) come down the street and hearing this rumbling vehicle - I thought - "What the &$*@ did he do to my car?"  I went outside and said "What the &%$# did you do to this car?"  Brian got out of the car, wrapped his arm around my should and said "Isn't it cool Mom."  "I did this in auto's class and got an A"  I said "You got an A for cutting off the muffler?"  He said, "Ya, there are lots of kids in the class and I told the Teacher I worked on the muffler today."  WHAT??!?!??!   

I was not happy, but I was laughing under my breath.

The car has been that way ever since.

Now, in order to drive it legally, we must "improve" it.

Bummer

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Colleen,

You can get a muffler that is legal but still has the rumble you remember.

http://www.autoanything.com/exhausts-mufflers/61A2451A0A0A2349629.aspx

I guessed at the engine size.

Greg

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's - in the recliner, blanket on, movies on, no phone (want it that way), just quiet time, do nothing time.....am kinda liking it.

Greg - I am second in line as someone already has first place...I love the name and you are so creative that I know it will be amazing.  A friend of mine is having her son's wedding picture put on canvas and I must say it is beautiful, I had asked her to let me know as I want to do one of Jessica.....I am very excited for you and us....

Thinking of all of you, especially you Trudi and Betsy....may all our angels surround you, I pray you find comfort and peace....we all love you.

Talk later...Kathy

[mikesmum]

Hey BI friends.  Knowing you know my story and send such love, energy and support allows me to 'live' through these days.

Its been hectic here.  Steven & Kelly have hit a gliche getting into their home and are now moving in with in laws.  The move is this weekend. So I have the benefit of being surrounded by Jeya, Zak and of course Em's party.  Distraction and exhaustion is the name of the game.

Betsy - Mike had gone back to his partner on the 12th.  My concerns kept me up nights.  I worked the 17th, long day (12hrs).  I had an hour commute home and was so tired when I got home.  Mike had left a voicemail to tell me things were going great.  He was seeing a counsellor to help with his health hassles.  He was also organising activities for some kids in the local community support centre.  He sounded soooooo goood. It ended with a "call me tomorrow when you can, love ya".

My first break was due at 9.30am that day -  My relief was late and the rest as they say is history......

Will be think of you tomorrow - I will be at the river...balloons in hand, a special one for Rich so he and Mike can have one each.......

Micheal Shane the weekend of June 30 1975 - my 20th birthday. 

Mike doing what he loved.  At the Philip Island camp with the two boys he was teaching to play guitar (another pic I have shared)

Mike and his beautiful daughter hours old.

Mike was born on a Wednesday at 10am, he left on a Thursday at 10.20am  He was physically in my life for 31 years, 7 months, 14 days.

Micheal Shane, if my heart has to ache for a thousand years so you might be painfree and a positive energy in the universe, so be it.  My love doesn't end on your last breath it is eternal in every sense of the word.  I love you my son my son, my Micheal Shane..

[hotrod]

Trudi and Betsy  You have both touched my soul and heart with your memories of your precious sons.  I know these days are difficult but I hear such profound love and compassion form eachof you and am honored to share your thoughts

Bless you both and your special angels Mike and Rich

Trudi I really love the pictures of such happy times over the years  and Betsy having Rich's last email is awesome.

Love  you with many hugs

Bety

Stephen'smom:)

PS Greg love the idea

[ericasmom]

Oh Trudi at 20 what a treat, holding your Son, your Son. Oh the times that both soothe and make turbulent our hearts, that thin line of grace and grief. New parenthood, the emotions, the glee, the gratefulness, the overwhelming sense of understanding love beyond measure, all of it in the mix of sifting through the days of our Child's life, how they changed and in that how we did. All of it is holy and all of it is yours forever, and Mike's forever.

Son of Mine

Oh My Son,

how did the sun ever rise on the days before you were here?

It must have been less spectacular,

not nearly as bright,

as you are the color streaking the sky each morning,

the reason the birds sing me awake.

It is you that opens the curtain into this new day,

and each that follow.

And while the sky seemed dark for so long when you left,

I am reminded now that it is still you that walks alongside me each day.

This to you Trudi and Betsy, as you follow your heart into the next days.

[summergirl]

Dee -  JUST BEAUTIFUL, I love that you wrote that for Trudi and Betsy....

 

[summergirl]

OOP'S

[summergirl]

TWO BEAUTIFUL ANGELS