Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Lorri - She was kind of busy today, too.  So, I think she was glad you skipped the cemetary because she would have had to reschedule some things to meet you there.  She's with you now, though! 

[lolynbo]

AH THANKS..I SHOULDNT FEEL BAD BUT DAMN...BUT THANK YOU THAT SO HELPS ME..REALLY DOES

[shellbellsmom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_YzwL9-c_w

Hoping he's singing to our angels tonight... Happy Birthday Elvis.  :dude:

[Guest]

Sue - I'm torn between, "Oh I miss Stephanie so much!"  and "Damn, he was hot!"

If Stephanie doesn't appreciate his looks and talents, no doubt my mother and sister are!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

Lorri - susannah is right, your Kourney was busy today, probably talking to our other Angels about what shoes to wear....if she was hanging with Jessica it was about shoes or pocketbooks.  I have not been to the cemetery since Christmas...sometimes I just cannot go or I can go and not be able to get out of the car...just sit there staring at the place where my Jessica was put to rest....it is ok but it can hurt the heart to not go.....no worries my friend Kourtney knows...

Bonnie - blanket finally finished, packed in the box and ready to send...will send it on Monday as it is going to be too cold for me to venture out tomorrow...in case you do not know I HATE COLD WEATHER....only about 20 tomorrow...yikes.  Just wanted to let you know I have good intentions but without a post-it on top of a post-it I will walk out the door and forget everything

Sonya - so glad to hear that Mattie is doing so much better in school...love happy news....

Trudi and Betsy.....how my thoughts remain with you each day...the 18th coming upon you, the dear sweet memories of your beloved child.  It never gets easier does it, the tears fall as we wish for something that can never be....hold tight to your memories and keep those beautiful pics coming...we are all here holding you close in our hearts always and forever.  "

Love hearing you guys talk about your MN trip...your words tell how much it helped all of you who had the pleasure of going, a closeness shared with each other, a bond that cannot be broken....joy and tears.....

Marcia - so wonderful to see Bethany's sweet face...have missed you my friend.

Tavian is off to Damien's for the weekend...you would think he was going for 2 weeks the way he packed, 1 bag of clothes, a bag of games for PS3 and WII, a bag of cars, coloring books and other items I am not sure will come home;)   He is at the age now where he will not say "I love you too mi-mi" when he is front of other people, he whispers it to me.....makes me realize how much he has grown, not a baby anymore. It is hard for me but also a beautiful joy to see him grow, the changes in him...he acts more like Jessica each day yet is his own person also....through his eyes I can see all the miracles of the world.....

Thanks for your comforting words about my son, he was supposed to leave this morning on the bus but called and said he was going tonight....wonder why I do not believe him....had a huge argument on the phone last night as I refused to send him money....he came up with a thousand reasons why he needed it and then reminded me that I am the only one who cares for him, I am always there for him so why is it so hard for me to just send him 500 dollars....well that is because the money tree is empty and I am not expecting it to replenish itself with all of those 100 dollars bills any time in the near future....I was hurt, angry, sad and the worst was that I thought Tavian was upstairs playing but he was in the livingroom and heard my conversation...the next thing I knew he was hugging me and telling me it would be ok, don't worry mi-mi I will take care of you:(  sweet, sweet boy who should not have heard me talk that way......but strength comes from within and somehow I always seem to find it where Tavian is concerned.  I am strong, I will not fail, I will listen...

Dan - thank you for the site on the windchimes....am going to order 2 tomorrow...one for me and one for my mom and dad....beautiful and they sound like a great company....so sweet of them to send a free one to your wife. Glad the flu has left you but I am not so sure it is from working out - ha ha...   Going to get the WII fit as I have heard all great things about it and Tavian said we need to work out;)

Sorry is I have missed anyone but I am thinking of all of you.

Well, I will say good night my dear friends, keep warm and stay safe.  Love to all, Kathy 

My Jessica girl...hearing you my baby, missing you with a heart that will not be whole again until I see you, hold you, hear your sweet laughter.....always your mom

[namb1992]

Colleen  I received your message and I had a few really rough days this week.  I don't think that I will ever like Saturdays (day of the accident) and Wednesday (the day of the funeral).  It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since I lost Nate and I have to say somedays the pain is worse then the morning the chaplain was at the door.  My son Mitchell said to someone today that he didn't see his mom cry this week yet but I have it has been when he wasn't around.  I cry for Nate everyday and wish that I could have him back.  I am suppose to return to work on the 18th part-time and I am nervous about that I don't know if I am ready or how I tell if I am ready.  I have to go to work and take care of other people when their are days it is hard to take care of myself.  I don't like this journey that I am on and don't understand why God choose my chilren and I to take this journey without Nate.

[ericasmom]

Namb, I am so sorry that you are on this journey, but I welcome you because here, you will find a great deal of compassion and love and strength, you will hear the tears of others, and yours will fall on our shoulders as you find your way into each step of grief. No two losses are the same, and yet, the loss of our Children is the most devastating event. It is here that you are free to express this pain, to tell and retell the stories of your Son, all the time knowing that we are here listening and holding you. My name is Dee, I met Colleen this last summer in minnesota at the Beyond Gathering. She is a good woman. REad and post whenever you feel comfy. You will not learn our names and Child's names for a while so do not feel that you should, it does take time. Your Son Michell is it, telling someone that you hadn't cried today is a sweet story. Our kids who lose their siblings go through so many changes. I love what you said about your job, when you said how does one even know if they are ready? You don't know until you try, and so trying your job again might feel good, a way to stay occupied for a time each day. It might not feel okay and you will figure that out. Give yourself a few days trying it to see. My Girl, Erica was killed in July of 2003. I am one of the oldies here, and because I am a teacher, I was still on summer break when my Daughter was killed, and had  5 weeks more before school started. I had no idea if I could teach again, but there was no way of knowing until I went there and met my new group. I will always be glad that I did, I think between this place and being with children each day, I found sanity and a purpose again. It was good for me. Each of us different, do what is best for you, but like you said, how will I know? Simply try it. 

Drink lots of water, take a vitamin or two each day to keep your immune system up, and eat little bits when you are able. Be kind to yourself, just as you would want someone you love to do if they were in your shoes.

Dee

A very busy day all day, loud and boisterous, a nap after the gym and now I am rocking back and forth, so tired, so suffice it to say that I am caught up with posts, but so very sleepy. I will talk with you all tomorrow, try to sleep well knowing that our Angels are not afraid, not sad, but purely whole again/

Love to All-dee

[heartbeataway]

Nick,  you share the coolest ideas and findings!  We received wind chimes for Christmas.  Not from this company but I love wind chimes!  We have wind chimes hung at Jay’s memorial site.  With all this wind, I wonder how they’re holding up ...

Kathy,  stay warm and please no worries.  I think it’s sweet that you’re sending me a homemade blanket!  I could use it tonight!  And the post it on the post it?  I can so relate!  Hugs!

Lynn,  Susannah said it best!

Sue, I agree Happy Birthday Elvis but I cannot imagine him 75!

Nates Mom ...... six weeks ...... cry, scream, wail if you need too. You lost a child, you have every right to grieve out loud!  And I’m approaching 1000 days without our son and seldom does a day go by without a tear or two ...... deep breaths and baby steps ..... this journey you’ve started is one that never ends, you’re just learning how to navigate.  Down the road you’ll get better at staying on the path and avoid detours.  But, no matter how long you travel, they’re going to pop up. The bumps will get softer but the journey will go on. Take us along, we’ll keep you company ........ promise!

[mysonrich]

Hi all, I saw a Cardinal zoom by this morning and so far it has stopped snowing. Hope you all enjoy my wildlife sightings and weather reports.

 

Dan, I continue to get an email from Nick. He asks if I would like to work from home and make millions a day ! ( grin)

 

Trudi, sweet cheeks Mike. A cutie he is. also, did you say his arm was broken? what?

 

 

Rich on his 2nd birthday with 1st cousin. Rich wanted a piece of cake before the party. I can't remember who made the cake.

 

 

Rich at 10 years in grade school, "Jump Rope for Heart". Ironic? maybe.

I always thought it was great that the principal showed up at HS graduation. He probably did for all the classes but it meant a lot to Rich.

 

 

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[ericasmom]

Good morning all, it is a grayish sky, heavy looking clouds, cold. I slept and slept, hoping I am not getting sick. I just got up and feel I could go back to sleep. One child in my room has strep throat (sp) and I had it so many times as a kid, very suceptible. SO I have a bit of a scratchy throat, we'll see.

I will take Jonathan's girlfriend t the airport today for a busisness trip she needs to attend in NYC.( Hey BETTY) Jonathan is supposed to be going up to the edge of Wisconsin, (hey COLLEEN) for a snowboard trip. Safe and happy are my mantra for Jon adn Shannon. Go and return safely.

Dan. i love the chimes, but unlike Bonnie and you, I can't leave them at the cemetery as everything I have left there disappears. ANd Lorri, not going one day is okay though I know how hard we are on ourselves when we miss doing something. When we feel we must go daily, it becomes more about ritual and I know that your Girl does not feel let down, nor slided. She wants her Momma to live her life, she is with you all the time. You make time for her each day in your heart and in your actions.

Betsy, how you doing? I love your weather reports, always good to see Rich as a tiny boy and the beauty Man he became.

love to all,

dee

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's!

I love all the pictures you all post! 

Dee - If anyone deserves rest, it's you!  You'll need an antibiotic, though, if you have strep.  When my kids were young, the doctor finally just gave me an prescription for all the kids when one kid got strep.  We knew they would all have it.  I had never even heard of Strep throat before moving to Wyoming.

namb1992 - I'm so sorry for the loss of your son, Mitchell!  I'm so sorry for the reason that brings you to Beyond Indigo, but I'm so glad you found us.  It's such a crazy time in your life right now.  It's like learning to swim in quick sand.  Please tell us more about your Mitchell.  My Stephanie was killed in an ATV accident on August 9th, 2009.  She was 28 and left behind three young children, whom my husband and I are raising. 

Sending all Indigo's love and peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shellbellsmom]

Nam1992- Sorry to hear about the loss of your son Nate.  My son would get so upset and uncomfortable when I cried in front of him...I learned early on to be stronger for his sake.  Most of my tears are saved for my private time...which always seems like is in the car, or when I am in bed. I cried so much the first year and had a box of kleenex in every room of the house...once I had a cold, and grab a kleenex and it through me back....in the past I only used them to blow my nose....not they are a permanent staple in my house for my tears.  I do hope you find some comfort from some of us here in this group.  Though some of us have been on this journey a bit longer...and have experienced all the firsts, we still come to share, help and find comfort in the words of other members of this group.  Welcome. 

[shorty16]

Kim, Nate's Mom

We know you are in pain.  Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain.  We know it hurts.  You have to walk through the fire to get to the other side of this grief.

I encourage you to return to work, especialy part-time.  I was part-time for over a year before I could go full time  This forces us to think of something else. 

The first day, week will be very hard.  But one day a little pin-point of light will appear.  A few seconds when the death of Nate does not comsume you.  That pin-point will turn into minutes and now I can go perhaps an hour without thinking about the death of Brian.

The physical pain you feel now will not last forever.  Later, that pain will remind you how far you have come.

You are stronger than you think.  We are here to hold you up

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Kim:  I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Nate.  As others have said, this is a good place to be, albeit we all wish it never had a reason to be in existance.  The pain you now feel is so sharp and new, you can't even imagine drawing a breath without Nate's name coming into mind.   Each of us here have suffered the ultimate pain...the loss of one of our children, or in some cases, the loss of an only child.  I lost my only son, Mike, in Oct of 06, from brain cancer, but I have two other children, daughters, and 7 grandkids.  Mike left behind 3 young boys, who are now 13, 12, and 5.

 The pain you feel will never leave you completely, but it will soften, it won't feel so "bring you to your knees" forever, but it will always line your heart.   For now, just take one moment at a time...in those first days, weeks, we don't know what to do...we just move ahead, a minute at a time, until we realize it is the next day.  Try to take care of yourself, as others have said, drink plenty of water, take some vitamins, eat when you can, and if you are unable to eat a meal, then try to eat some small thing often.  Your other children need you, but you already know that...in time, you will function again, with not so much of an "autonomous" feel to it.  You will one day smile again...the first time you laugh it will take you by surprise and you may even feel guilty about it...all of this comes over time, Kim, the time being different for all of us.  We all have the same beginning to our pain---the loss of a child---but we all handle it in our own way...there is no "normal" any longer...there is no "routine" like we had before.  Come here, Kim, we will always be here for you...post if you can, read if that is all you can do, but make the connection...it has truly saved me, and I know all the others have said the same.  That connection keeps us going. 

Trudi/Betsy:  Love the pics...keep sharing.  Keep breathing.  Holding you both close in heart.  Betsy---we have cardinals here, also, but have yet to see one this winter.  Trudi:  love the story of "ruff the blunder dog."  Keep those good memories going..they do help, as you know. 

Lorri:  Kourtney is with you...always, no matter where you are. 

Dee:  I hope you aren't coming down with something, but if you are, take care.  Sleep, as you know is good.  Prayers for Jon and Shannon's safe return and Jon' having a good time in the snow again.  So nice of you to take her to the airport. 

Dan:  So nice about the windchimes---nice company...I think I will get one to hang on the hook by Mike's bench...it's hard to know what to put there between the seasons and that will work out nicely...he always wanted noise around him...  We are fortunate in that nothing we've ever put there has been disturbed...

Sonya:  so glad that Mattie is doing better...good to see Danielle's sweet smile. 

well, we will spend time today finishing putting the Christmas things away...each time in the past, I have always wondered what the new year holds for us...don't think we ever again will take for granted that the new year will be "happy,"  just keep on taking one day at a time and being thankful for those that bring joy...and hold onto the memories that help us make it to the next one. 

Those of you in the severe weather...take care, stay warm.  We have our new windows completely in now, and wow, what a difference.  Love to you all.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

I just wanted to say I too loved the pictures of our angels, Mike and Rich as children  What a treasure of memories they invoke.  Thank you Trudi and Betsy.  I  love to hear the weather reports as well!!!

Dee Please take care of yourself and I do hope Jon girlfriend has a successful trip to NYC and that he enjoyes his snowboarding.  Take good care of yourself.

Carol, Bonnie, Dan, Sonya, Susannah, Colleen , Marcia and Lorrie-   Thanks for sharing your hearts and family.

Stay warm and safe all Indigos

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

It is cold outside, 13 degrees.  Sunny, with a good 18" of snow on the ground.

I made "Monkey Bread."  Jackie (Jake's Mom) gave Michelle a Monkey Bread Pan for Christmas.  I did not know their was such a thing.  Kinda like a deep bundt pan.  The pan is delicate and needs to go in the oven when it is cold, no preheating.

45 min @ 350.

We will see how this goes.

Thinking of my friends today.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

 

[ericasmom]

Hello my Sweetest Friends,

I just got up from a two hour nap ( 3-hour tour...)-(Girlligans Island). i am swimming awake through deep and thick dream material, trying to pull me in. I cannot believe i have slept away precious daytime, and y et there seemed no way around it. Wow.

Earlier, after driving Shnanon, I went to what we call the doc-in-the-box, the emergency care facilities. Well, they did a throat culture but the short version came back as a big NO> The doc said he thought I was dealing with a virus, but he will send my culture out for the 48 hr.look. Before the doc came in to see me, i fell asleep. I feel like RipvanWinkle, only taller.

SO much for getting stuff done. The doc said, just rest. Really?

I read all the posts but suddenly canot remember anything i had formulated while reading  so loving you all, hoping for some clarity later on.

Trudi and Betsy, I fused the boys' photos together in my head and heart, of their early years up,  as you both go toward that fateful date of thier leaving. Brothers of sorts. And you are sisters holding them for all time as we hold you.

Love to you,

The Blob

[daveydow1]

Betsey---So nice you saw the cardinal fly by. They sure show up against

snowy surroundings. I love hearing any stories about the beauty of the

natural world around us. Nature brings me & my husband so much comfort.

Thanks again.

Kim----I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Nate. As Dee said, don't

worry about all our names, names of our child/children who have passed on,

or the circumstances of their deaths. You will come to "know" us as you go

along and visit BI. When I came on BI, it was 2003 right after my son, David,

was killed in a traffic accident. I only visited and read for a long time before I

 put davey's avatar on and began to post. My baby girl, Lisa, died years ago....

she was just 6 mo. old. There are many more people here now. I am sorry to see our

 ranks increase like this because of the circumstances that brought everyone here.

 Please come back to BI when you can, and read/post as you feel you can. Everyone

 is here with understanding for your pain and sorrow.  Peace & comfort to you.

            Davey&Lisasmom, 

[Guest]

Kim - Please forgive me for confusing the names of your two sons!  I do apologize!

Susannah/Stephanies' Mom

[daveydow1]

Dee----I do sympathize with you for the "bug" you have. Hate that

drowsy, groggy feeling, but I guess rest is the best thing. Just do

what your body tells you to do........sleep.  Take care, and I hope you

will be on the mend very soon, friend

     Sherry

[namb1992]

hey colleen- i am a fan of monkey bread.  Today is week 6 since the chaplain came to my door.  It has been an okay day today- but stilll hard and sad.  My daughter has been having a rough time at school and really doesn't want to go back.  She has been so sad and distant but finally today a breakthrough about what was wrong.  Nate's death has been devasting not  only to me but also his brothers and sisters and unfortunately alexis has those reminders all during school and when coming home.  I receiving some information from compassionate friends and gave that to her-she is not ready to talk to anyone about it.  It is hard to help your children when so many days are a struggle for myself.

kim

[lolynbo]

KIM SO SORRY UR NOW A MEMBER OF THIS WEBSITE..IM SO SO SORRY...

I LOVE ME SOME MONKEY BREAD EASY TO MAKE TOO...MMMMMM

WANTED TO POST A PIC..U NO ME CANT SAY MUCH BUT I CAN POST PICS...

MY 3 LIL GREAT NEICES...THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY THEIR BUNS HANGING OUT....THOUGHT MAYBE SUNSHINE WOULD WARM US UP.....

[Guest]

Hi Indigo's.

I haven't read all the posts, yet.  Except for mixing Nate and Mitchell's names.  (Sorry again, Kim)

My daughter died five months ago today......August 9th.  On a Sunday.  I can't say Sundays are hard, they're just different.  Yesterday I even tried to conjure up a good sobbing cry, but it didn't come.  I was feeling guilty about not grieving properly, as if somehow I'm letting Stephanie down.  Then, today, at my maladusted people's meeting, someone asked how I was doing and I told them good and they said, "you just have such a sadness about you now."

Get this.  I was glad to hear that!!  I was glad it showed that I'm not skipping through the tulips over the death of my daughter.   I'm not sure if the sorrow is easing or if I'm just getting used to it and learning to function in spite of it. 

One thing's for sure, I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. 

My sister suggested I watch Terms Of Endearment if I wanted a good cry.  No way in hell am I watching Terms Of Endearment!  For the same reason I watch little video's or visit memorial sites anymore.  I start crying uncontrollably and can't stop. 

I had time to fall apart yesterday.  No body was watching.  Instead, I just laid on the bathroom floor, motionless.

One other thing's for sure.  I'm a lot weaker than I ever thought I was.

Up.  Down.  Up.  Down.  Light.  Dark.  Light.  Dark. 

Much love,  Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[namb1992]

I love telling people about Nate because he was such an amazing son and I was always so proud of him and everything he ever did.  Nate was so much like me in the respect that he was always happy and never seemed to let things bother him.  He valued life and all the friendships that he made.  He always has been a social kid and may friends everywhere he went.  He started playing soccer when he was 7 and never quit.  He played for a few elite clubs in wisconsin and a traveling team in 2007 and 2008.  I got to go on many trips with him to alot of different states and multiple times to Florida.  We went to Germany for the world cup in 2006-his dream was to go there someday and play and he always told me that he would have a castle and I could live there as long as I took care of his kids.  He was so smart and his teachers enjoyed his charisma with a hint of cockiness.  He has these amazing dimples on his face (just like his mom).  His other passions in life were racing cars and go-karts along with working on cars putting on neon lights with his friends.  Many times he talked about going to the Milwaukee School of Engineering to build race car chasis.  He always made me so proud.  About a year ago me and his father split and he decided to stay with his dad and I was devastated.  He always said that I had "stupid rules and was too strict"  I just chalked it up to teenagers like to take the path of least resistance.  I always called him for stupid stuff (as he said), he came to my work and to the house.  The last funny stunt he pulled on my was mid-october.  I took my daughter to Ohio for dance and he switch the wiring on my garage door opener so everytime I used my remote to look the car or unlock the garage door would go up and down.  He denied this for weeks of course and would smirck and laugh.  On Wednesday before Thanksgiving him and his girlfriend were over playing playstation in my room-he kept closing the door of course the parnoid mother of a 17 year old boy kept saying to him what are you doing and open that door-he so sarcastically said to me I am making you a grandma and then would give my his laugh like "I got you again Mom".  I just miss him so much and can't understand why God took him from me and now has my and my children bare this tremendous pain and sorrow.  I can't wait until I see him again.  Thank you so much for asking my about my son-there are so many things I could say but it would take years.  I loved him more than my life and would of gave anything for him.  I will always be Nate's mom and am so proud to say that.

[rlolheiser]

Thank you my friends for all the kind words, as usual you are a comfort to me when I feel so lost. 

Betty and Carol, My daughter called me, something is going on, she was mad at me, and told me she was not on drugs again, but I called her on it.  I stayed in control though it hurt so much, I told her that she will go down this time on her own.  I won't be holding her hand, I will only hold the hand of the children.  After that she called her sister and aplogized to her, but that is all I have been told.  I still told her sister to keep her distance..  I worry so about the grands. I have learned though that I can't control things, I am not in charge all I can do, is what I have the strength for.

Betsy, I did enjoy the story of Rich and his dog, so precious, animals sense so much and are so often peoples best friends.  Thinking of you. I enjoy your pictures

Lorri, I sure enjoy your pictures

Trudi, I am glad you get to see your grandies.. they are a very pleasant distraction.. and oh yeah.. the coffee.. gotta have that :-)...  mostly wanted you to know I am thinking of you at this time. Sure do love your pictures, the one on the seesaw makes me wonder about boys :-)

Dan, the chimes are beautiful, I would like to get some, but can't put them at the gravesite cause I have already lost 2 sets of chimes that somebody takes.  I am trying to make a memory garden here of JaBoa, maybe something like that in my garden would be good.  I hope you bypass the flu and don't get to sick.

Nam1992, Welcome to Beyond Indigo, sorry your here, but your in the right place.  Everybody here has been such a help to me, I am fairly new to this site, but lost my precious grandaughter on Oct. 30 2006 to a vehicle accident.

Carol, I took all my decorations down, but now I have to haul the boxes back to the basement, just no ambition.  Happy to hear you have new windows in, that is what I want, withthis cold I have been putting plastic and blankets all over and it is still cold in here.

Dee, I hope you are feeling better soon, you are such a blessing to everybody. I hope you get lots of rest, just like you tell us

Betty, I don't know what our total amount of snow here is but I know it is over 16 inches.. (I have to shovel) :-) it is supposed to get above freezing by tuesday... I am looking so forward to it.

Colleen, I didn't know that Monkey bread had it's own pan, guess I learned something new.  I had only made it once, when my grandkids had a home ec project and had to make it. 

Susannah, thank you for getting me through my tough spot, I have been doing better.

Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of my dad's angel day, so I have had a tough time trying to balance things here, I guess I am doing alright.  I start another bunch of tests for my mom on Monday and several dr. appointments this month.  I hope the weather stays descent a bit so it isn't so hard to get her out.  Pushing her wheelchair gets hard and throwing in the trunk harder.. guess I am out of shape :-)

Thanks for listening to me.. I treasure you all even if I missed your name..  wishing you all sweet dreams of your angels.

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[rlolheiser]

Namb1992    Thanks for sharing about your Nate, He sounds like such a joy.  I am sure he is as proud to have you for his mother as you are to have him for your son.  That will never change even in Heaven.  My thoughts and prayers are with you at this painful time.

[lolynbo]

NATE SDS ALOT LIKE MY LIL BOY KODY..HE MAKES ME LAUGH AND IS VERY SENSITIVE...UNLESS HES BEING ROTTEN AT THE TIME..LOL...IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS...I MISS MY BABY GIRL KOURTNEY SO MUCH..IT ALMOST HURTS TO LOOK AT HER PICS LATELY..I DONT NO WHY...I LOVE LOOKING AT HER BUT THE MEMORIES JUST HURT RIGHT NOW...WONDER WHY IT COMES IN WAVES???

THIS ONE IS FOR YOU NATE...A REGULAR BOY KODY WAYNE BOTRIGHT MY JOY..(OTHER THEN MY GIRLS)

WITH BROOKE (HIS GIRLFRIEND)..WIG ON

[lolynbo]

OK NOT LOOKING GIRLIE NOW..HIS RACE CAR...

 

PLZ POST PICS OF NATE SOON

[shorty16]

Well Indigos,

I made the monkey bread and it was awesome!!!!

We are definitely making it again.

Kim, I think about you quite a bit.  The new-ness of your loss is the time the physical pain is so severe.  I feel it also.  I have a 19 year old dauther and 16 year old son (17 & 14 when Brian died @ 16).  Aaron is now the same age as Brian was when he died.  Unbelievable.

We (Scott & I) went to Compassionate friends 3X and never went back. It is hard for me to separate myself from the pain of the newly bereaved parents.  I really like this place, because I can post when I want, only read, or what ever. 

I am also lucky enought to talk to several of these mothers on the phone - I love that, I am a talker on the phone.

Monkey Bread is Awesome.  This special Monkey Bread Pan works like a charm!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Go Packers

[ericasmom]

Hi Indigos,

I am off to bed again, seems a hobby today, in and out of bed, but I know it is all I can do to combat this bug. Hoping to wake up and feel my usual energy again.

Col, I hope Green Bay wins tomorrow. Betty, too bad that NEW YORK did not win today.

Kim, you can tell us any old story you want at any given time because we do that too, it is how we survive, knowing that there are people out there that listen to our anecdotes and our serious stories about our Dear Ones that leave too soon, and stories about any daily thing in our lives. We are a group and we communicate often, so join in whenever you like and feel very free to discuss the life and times of your Son, Nate. How old is Mitchell? You have Daughters as well, how old are they? I know it is normal as can be to wonder why would my Child die, but there are no answers to that one. I don't believe God took your Nate, I believe that God provides a place for Nate and all those who leave. A beautiful place that allows great peace adn freedom and joy. I do picture that and I am made to smile with that thought.

Today a young 11 year old boy fell through the ice in a town called Minooka, Illinois. It is about 50 miles from us and the town where my husband's sister lives with her husband and two sons, one of which is 11. When I heard this on the news I was very afraid and then they showed the sweet face of the Boy and while I do not know him, I know that our nephew does, goes to school with him. I know that Drew must be very sad as is the whole town. Blessings for this little boy and his family and friends.

Sleep is almost here, better find the bed,

dee

[hotrod]

 

Hi Indigos

It is late  I just wish to say goodnight.  Dee I do hope this was a 24 our bug that hit you and that you will be up and doing your nature walks soon.  So sorry to hear about the little boy and falling thru the ice  Will include him in my prayers.

 

Leah  Please be extra gentle with your self.  I am also praying for you and your family. Come here often and let us know how it is going  It does help.

 

Betsy and Trudi  Stay close with your thought ands know I am thinking warm, loving thoughts of you and your angels

 

Colleen  Never heard of Monkey Bread   How is it made?

 

Susannah  I hear you  I agree- I never thought I could handle what I have handled in life and I also never thought I was a vulnerable as I have been either.  UP-Down  on and on we go!!

 

Kim Your son, Nate certainly  sounds as if he was so very bright, and full of fun. Please post pictures  when you are able

I understand how he loved Race Cars  My Son Stephen also loved Racing.  The picture that Lorrie posted of Kody (her son) and his Race Car was wonderful.   I have posted a picture of Stephen's 67 Camero - his most prized possession.    It is great seeing all the angels picturs enjoying life!!

 

Sherry, Carol, Beth, Mary Ann,Sonya , Marcia, Terrie and all Indigos thinking of you

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[mikesmum]

Hey all Indigos.  Jeya and Zak went home this morning.   Once they leave I hit the warp.   While they are here I am busy, fascincated with their take on life and yes exhausted at the end of the day - but hey it feels good.

Miss Jeya has become a bit of a handful when she stays overnight.  Something Steven decided best to tell me once the kid were strapped in ready to go.  She is an owl child.  Like Melissa, night is when she comes alive.  I take the path of least confrontation.  Sitting quietly, rearranging her back to bed when she 'slips off'.  I had to laugh - around 10.30pm she shouted out "you can go to bed now I'm asleep"

Miss Jeya - finally snoozing.  It was about 32C last night.

She picks up Micheals photo and tells me "its Uncle Micheal", "thats his baby", "this is his picture", "thats his angel" - its like she knows him.

Zak is learning the guitar.  Heard him 'tuning' it last night.  The concentration intense!

Mike would be so proud...

Take Care all who travel this journey, the new and the not so new.....you are all in my thoughts from many many miles away.

Trudi

Betty - Love the car - A pride and joy for sure

Dee - Pls take care of yourself.  As you hover over us when we aren't well so we now hover over you.  Plenty of rest, fluids and take it easy....

 

[mysonrich]

Hello BI,  I opened my email today and read that my 1st cousins 14 month old granddaughter has Leukemia. :(He said that it has spread? to her organs, Mary Ann and Sue, maybe you both may know of a support group or out-reach program in South Jersey/ Philadelphia area for the family?

 

Update on Hannah, she is well . Her heart surgery went well.

 

Nate's Mom, I am also sorry that you are here . Nate sounds like a fun loving , good nature boy with a good sense of humor. I understand the emotional difficulty that came about when you and the ex split.I also let my son , Rich make the decision when I moved. I wasn't far away and we continued to have great times. Rich also loved car's and was working in auto body , He wanted to open his own business and race the 1/4 mile the upcoming year. We are here. write, read, post pictures of Nate. We are here.

 

Carol, no plans for Rich's angelversary yet. I've been working a lot, this is my escape right now. Maybe balloons, I don;t know. Thanks for asking.

 

Dee, chicken soup and tea. I hope you are feeling better today.

 

Leah, mighty cold where you are. people use wood and coal here as a heat source . I also have a towel around a window and the windows are new.That one window just seems to be glassless.

 

Lorrie, love the hair . looks good with his eyes :-) speaking of hair, getting a cut today myself, tired of the cave-woman look .

 

Betty, I found " almost real" bagels. I had Stephens car year off my 2 years! My mind has slipped gears.

 

Susannah, always interesting,insightful posts. don't get cold on the bathroom floor, stay well.

 

Trudi, talking about talking in ones sleep! adorable picture.

 

talk to you all later

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Good morning Indigos,

I love the race car shots friends. The closest I ever came to anything like that was helping paint some demolition cars for some boys we liked when we were 16, The Screaming Yellow Zonkers. Needless to say, I ruined a perfectly good pair of 'hot-pants' with yellow paint. HOT PANTS? I acutually wore something called hot pants, hard to believe...

I am unsure as to how I am feeling as I just rolled myself out of bed. I might be better, hoping so. There is plenty of sunshine out there, but it went down to 5 degrees last night so we will see. I usually go for a long work out on sundays at the gym, but I will see.

Betsy, whatever you decide to do or not do will be fine for the angelverssary. Some folks choose to lay low and not acknowledge the day with any kind of ceremony. NO wrong way. I am so very sorry that your cousin's child is ill. I will keep this Baby in my prayers.

Betty, love the littel victories car, and the driver? What a Cutie.

Jeya sleeping Trudi, a lovely little peanut. So cute. And Zac's posture on the guitar reminds me of photos of his Sweet Uncle Mike.

Get some rest after the night of rolicking good fun.

Love to all,

dee

[Guest]

Good morning Indigo's;

It is comforting to log on and see your angel's faces.  I hope you will be able to post a picture of Nate, Kim.  He sounds like such a fine young man!  A great sense of humor, to be sure.  Precious memories for you to draw strength on.

Have you felt him around you since he passed?  My experience and what I've read is our loved one's send many messages to us letting us know they're okay right after they transfer from the physical to the non-physical. 

Leah - I'm glad you're doing better.  I SO understand not having the energy to transfer the boxes to the basement.  For me it took so much energy to just brush my teeth!  I didn't skip that duty.  But, showering and getting dressed sometimes took more energy than I had.  I'm better about it now.  I smell better. 

Hope you all have a great day!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotsauce]

good morning to EVERYONE here,  hope your weekend is going well.

BETSY, i am so glad that  HANNAH's heart surgery went well.  as far as a support group, the only one i know of is the leukemia society in your area.  the one in my area, only told me about how they can help with money, medication and tell you where to go, as far as doctores.  that is what made me so mad that they had NO support groups in delaware.

i hope phila can help you, they have more support then delaware. sorry i can't be of better help. i hope that little one gets all the help she can.  she is in my prayers as all our angels are.  good luck..

hugs to all, try and stay warm.

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[lolynbo]

WELL IM UP DRESSED HAIR STRGHTND..AND READY TO GO TO CHURCH...IM WEARN SLEEP PANTS AND SWEATSHIRT..ITS KINDA COLD WHERE WE HOLD CHURCH...ITS COWBOY CHURCH NO SPRURS AND STARCHED JEANS FOR ME TODAY....TO COLD..

I LIKE THAT YOU SMELL BETTER LOL THATS FUNNY...WHAT A GOAL FOR US...JUST TO SMELL ALIVE...

I KINDA HAD A DEAP THOUGHT THIS MORNING....

"WE ARE JUST ALIVE TRYING TO LIVE"!

[shellbellsmom]

Betsy,

For the Philadelphia area (I believe)  http://gildasclubdelval.org/noogieland/   Here is a cancer support group in Warminster PA (18974) Which appears to be in a suburb of Philadelphia.

Here is a Gilda's Club in South Jersey: http://www.gildasclubsouthjersey.org/

 I attend Gilda's Club in my area for grief support groups, but they also offer cancer support groups for kids and adults and offer many other classes, programs for active cancer patients and their families.  It's a wonderful foundation and I would highly recommend them. 

I would also make sure they contact their locate LLS office (Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) to find out about local support groups, financial aid (on some cancers) and resources that are available on her type of leukemia (there are several types).  I am an active member of this group and highly recommend contacting them as well. 

http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/all_page?item_id=5114  - Philly area

http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/all_page?item_id=28396  South Jersey Area

Hope this helps.  Sue

[summergirl]

Hello al Indigo's....

Kim - I am so sorry that you have had to find us but happy that you are here to share your wonderful Nate with us...he sounds like an amazing young man, funny and happy.  Will wait for a pic of him. I am Kathy, lost my daughter Jessica to ARVD on Feb 18, 2002....I have been on this journey almost 4 years and it seems like yesterday, the pain, the loss but it has gotten "softer" with time....it is never better or easier but softer. I pray that you find the strength to take care of yourself and your children...it is so hard on siblings and so hard to be there for them when you yourself are dealing with such a loss. Bless you

Dee - hope you are feeling better.

Trudi - love the pics of those grandies....yes Tavian is a night owl too, seems like he needs little sleep and mi-mi sure gets tired....but worth every minute. He will be home today after a weekend at his friend Damien's.  Damien's mom Ashely was Jessica's best friend since I can remember and so Damien and Tavian grew up together. It is so nice to still have her in my life and for Tavian to have Damien, one thing that he has from the past, before mommy left.  Am thinking of you always.

Monkey Bread....love it but have not made it in quiet some time. Last night Barry and I went to our friend's Linda and Jerry for their daughter's 18th birthday...Shannon, she is Tavian's babysitter and of course his "first love" haha.  They had made monkey bread.....funny when I came on today and saw the post's about Monkey bread.

Love all the pics !!!!!!!!!

I am tired today, sitting around watching movies and just being quiet.

To all, sorry if I cannot catch up on all the posts right now but will catch up tonight.

Peace and love to all...Kathy 

[shorty16]

I want to share this, my son Brian first indroduced me to Monkey bread.

4 cans of 8-10 bicuits each.

1 1/2 C brown sugar

2 tsp cin.

1 stick butter

Cut the refridgerator biscuits into 1/4.  Each bisuits will yield 4 smaller pcs.  Roll each pc in melted butter, than cin/brown sugar mix and place in greased pan (This monkey bread pan has a center tube to also cook the middle. Bundt pan would work)

Bake for 35 min.  Outside is cooked, center is not as cooked.

Have fun.

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Monkey Bread on the mind, I sit here drinking coffee in my classroom doing some work to be ready for tomorrow. I am much improved so thanks for the good thoughts folks, I worked out and do not feel that I need to sleep or collapse. So on the mend adn the sun through these windows and the radio playing the CURE sure helps. Eri loved this song, and so did Michael come to think of it. FRIDAY IM in LOVE...

Oh Michael gone for nearly 10 months, sitting close today, on my mind and in my happy thoughts, good memories.

Love to all,

dee

[lolynbo]

sds like my monkey bread but i do ..

4 CANS BUSICUITS (CHEAP KIND)

1 STICK BUTTER

CINNIMON AND SUGAR IN ZIP LOCK BAGGIE (HOWEVER MUCH U WANT I JUST REUSE MINE)

CUT BISCUITS IN TO 1/4TH AND PUT THEM IN THE BROWN SUGAR MIX

THEN PUT IN BUNT (SP) PAN

THEN GET ONE STICK BUTTER MELT IN PAN AND ADD BROWN SUGER TIL MAKES A SYRUP POUR OVER BISCUIT MIX (ADD PECANS TOO IF YOU WANT) THEN BAKE AT 350 TIL GOLDEN BROWN..

LOVE LOVE LOVE ME SOME MONKEY BREAD...

[lolynbo]

IM AT CHURCH TODAY...AND YOU KNOW THE RED STONES (BLOOD OF JESUS) THE MARBLE LOOKING ONES?

WELL THIS MAN COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS "GOD TOLD ME TO GIVE THIS STONE TO YOU, YOU ARE TO GIVE THIS TO AMANDA (GIRL WITH TUMOR) AND TELL HER I HAVE BEEN TOLD HER TUMOR IS GONE!

HOW MANY TIMES DID I PRAY THAT FOR KOURTNEY????????????????

[Guest]

I'm making us some monkey bread!  How in the world did it get its name?

I went to Stephanie's crash site today.  Tracks in the snow prove others have been there, too.  I find comfort in that.  I am so grateful the crosses are still up.  I bought two heart weaths to put on the posts for Valentine's Day.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[nicksdad]

I think everyone in the family is now counting calories (Im' trying not to be part of it)...But I think that will leave out monkey bread....Wife makes it usually on weekends if she does and i'll eat it both days...Geeeee it's good..I'm thinking it's not that many calories

[ericasmom]

It's really not a lot of calories if it goes in some other monkey's mouth.

Well I was able to get a ton done at school which is good since I have so many meetings next week, this should help. Feels good when I am efficient, and that is not something I feel very often.

stay warm,

dee

[mikesmum]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

I want to share this, my son Brian first indroduced me to Monkey bread.

4 cans of 8-10 bicuits each.

1 1/2 C brown sugar

2 tsp cin.

1 stick butter

Cut the refridgerator biscuits into 1/4.  Each bisuits will yield 4 smaller pcs.  Roll each pc in melted butter, than cin/brown sugar mix and place in greased pan (This monkey bread pan has a center tube to also cook the middle. Bundt pan would work)

Bake for 35 min.  Outside is cooked, center is not as cooked.

Have fun.

Colleen

Okay I admit I'm from another world.  What the heck is 4 cans of 8-10 biscuits?  What weight or size is a stick of butter?  Why Money Bread??

Hope you are all enjoying a quiet day in the snow and ice.  We are hitting 114F today. Last time was the fires in Feb 09.  Hunkered down in the house....

 

[mysonrich]

Sue and Mary Ann, thank you.I sent the info along.

 

I was all set this morning to get up and get out . Had my boots on and was ready for the hair salon.I sat down, draped a blanket over my shoulders and fell asleep again for 2-3 hours. the phone rang, up again and out the door.Cold but nice winter day.

New hair , the cave-woman is gone. ran through Boscovs on the way out of the mall.( I still don't go to Khols, Rich is there) I sprayed on some Coco Chanel, home again. Smelling good, looking at least groomed and all set to do laundry.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[summergirl]

Hello all -  I do the Monkey Bread the same way Lorrie does....using the heated butter and brown sugar make the monkey bread moister...sooooooooo good.

Tavian is home and we are side by side on our laptops so I will just say I am thinking of you all and will carch up with you tomorrow.  Tavian time.

Peace, Love Kathy

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  "cans" of biscuits are available in the refrigerator section, they are put out by Pillsbury...don't know if you have that brand there...but usually a store has their own brand as well.  There are 8-10 biscuits in each "tube" or can.  Just take them out, separate them and put them side by side on a pan and bake...voila!  Biscuits, just like you rolled them yourself!  That is what you do for biscuits.  Follow the recipe for the Monkey bread, which I have heard of but never had...will have to make some now.  That's a LOT of bread, though for two people, one of whom is supposed to be dieting (hubby...although I should be, also).  Good luck.  If they don't have "cans" of biscuits there, then I don't know what to tell you...  as for the "stick" of butter...it is a quarter pound of butter or margarine.  Our margarine usually comes in "sticks" which measure 1/2 cup each.  We also have it in tubs.  You can also get butter in sticks, but usually it is a full pound block.  Let me know when you make them...I'll pop on over...I wish!

I loved what you said that Jeya said about your being able to go to bed now because she was asleep!  She must be a hot ticket!  Our boys don't usually go to bed when they stay here, either, til at least midnight or so.  Damon goes around 8:30 or so, as he usually goes to sleep at home by 7:30 or so. 

Susannah:  It is nice that you are going to put the two hearts on the posts at Stephanie's site.  It is also nice that tracks were there to show someone else has been there.  One of Mike's friends called me today to say that she had been by his site and tried to clean the ice and snow off his stone, but couldn't (it is flat on the ground) but cleaned up around the bench, etc., and made a path.  I think that is the very first time anyone has told me they've been there, though I do think his wife has been there on occasion...don't know about anyone else besides us and his sister, Cathi.  Of course, we have his ashes here, but, still, I like to visit his memorial site, as well.

That is really something about its being 114F there today...it was right on ZERO when I got up this am at about 7:45, though it did warm up some later.  I so hope that you all don't have to worry about fires this year...we've had three HUGE fires in our neighboring towns this weekend, displacing over 20 families, but fortunately, no one was hurt.  When it is cold like this, people will use weird, and sometimes, unsafe measures to keep warm...space heaters, kerosene, etc., and don't make allowances for the differences and added safety measures necessary.  So sad, but at least, as i said, no one was hurt or killed. 

Having a tough, tough weekend, don't know why...just with the holidays over, I guess, and winter is really "settling" into my bones...missing Mike terribly right now. 

love and peace, every one, carol mikesmomrs