Loss of an Adult Child

[4everjoeysmom]

No canned biscuit mix here means no Monkey Bread! I LOVE ANYTHING MONKEY. The word monkey always reminds me of Joey Monkey. He became Joey Monkey to me when I taught him how to spell his last name as Monkey (M--onkey) and put two C's in the middle--a little one and then a big one. His name: Joey McConkey = Joey Monkey plus two C's.

Anyway, y'all enjoy the Monkey Bread. It sounds delicious!! xoxoxoxo, Joey's Mom

[Guest]

I don't have a bundt pan, so I had to improvise.  It was a hit!  Five of us.  1 can of biscuits.....all gone.  Yummy!

Carol - Where is Mike's memorial site?  Is it in the cemetary?  Did you have to purchase a whole plot?

Trudy and Betsy - Both of you are close in my heart and thoughts.  8 days away.  I'm so sorry you both have to be here, too.  But, both of you have helped me so much in my own journey through the valley of the shadow of death, so I am extremely grateful for your wisdom and encouragement.  I'm just sorry you have the experience to go with it.

Instead of hating grief.  Hating this journey I did not ask for.  I am trying to honor it.  Honor it by feeling each emotion as deeply as possible.  I'm allowing myself to recognize the pain, the sorrow and the miracle.  It is impossible for me not to recognize the miracle of death and compare it to the miracle of birth.  Total opposites. 

Grief has my respect.  I realized quickly I cannot control the beast of sorrow.  At times I can tame it....but any control I think I have is a facade.  It has its own life.  Its an entity of itself. 

Loving you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Betsy, do you have the sleeping bug as I did? 2-3 hour naps. I am glad that you had your hair cut, sometimes that process is one that feels renewing, a way to decide a look is also sometimes empowering. Is your hair short?

Like Carol said, Trudi, that one must be a hot ticket, (great phrase) and I say, hot ticket like her Grammy. Gosh she sounds like you Trudi.

Carol, the winter keeping you less able to feel some freedom is probably causing some of your angst. Not gardening. We have a local conservatory near school, a small one, three distinct rooms with different flora. The desert room and then the jungle room, and the flower room. So pretty. When the kids were little we walked there all the time, especially in the winter when we needed the smells of growing things. It really does the trick for gloomy moods. When the kids were older, I walked there alone with a book and sat and read on the stone benches for a time. Somehow the promise of life continuing when I am near plants and can smell the soil. Maybe even repotting some house plants might help a bit, getting your hands dirty and seeing the roots. I think too, that winter is like our souls sometimes. We feel isolated and lonely for that One Person who is so dearly missed. I bet he leaves you a message soon.

Marcia, doing well? FOOT? How is Larry?

Colleen I painted my big front tooth, the one that sticks out so much, green and gold- GO GREEN BAY.

Rosie, hope that you are okay, well as ok as you can be. THinking of you. Patti, Chris's Mom, hope that you too are out there and finding your way. So early for you both, hang on because it does get extrememly rocky but in between those times are some gentler waters, meant to wash over you and remind you that there one day will be more of that.

Kath, how nice that Mr.Tav is sitting right beside you. Growing right beside you as you grow too, using your strength that was born from so much hardship. From bad must come good. When we let some good find its way into our lives after so much bad, we create a ton of positive energy and from that others benefit and pay it forward. Our Children help us pay it forward.

Peace in this time,

dee

[ericasmom]

Just wanted to share a little Eri, she was three here, nursery school,a dress that her GodMom Carol bought for her, the cutest photo, her chubby legs in blue tights, sitting next to her oldest friend, Tamara.

[ericasmom]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/08/one-year-in-120-seconds-v_n_416260.html

See if this works as it shows the most amazing video of a year in 120 seconds. Lovely and spirit lifting. The full cycle, keeps on moving round and round.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Dee What a precious picture!!! Little ERI at 3  I love seeing the tiny hands and legs  Her smile is delightful  I am glad you are feeling better.

 

Colleen Oh my!!!!  I watched the game and   It was great  Green Bay certainly fought back  I was routing for them.  I am sorry  Monkey Bread sounds easy and delicious  I will try

 

Betsy I am sure your new haircut looks great  Anytime I make that effort  I do feel better.  I am using a new perfume I received for Christmas  It seems as if we Indigos will be smelling good these days 

 

Lorrie  I would love to go to Cowboy Church  Spurs and Cowboy hats and I do believe you said it was outdoors.!! Wow

 

Trudi Lovely pictures.  Yes Mike would is so proud -Jeya know him so well thanks to you.  Take care of yourself  I hope Mutley is OK I have not heard of him in a while.

 

Claudia  Oh how sweet!!! teaching Joey how to spell his last name using M  onkey as an example  What beautiful memories.

 

Susannah  So touching to visit the site where you lost your precious daughter.  I am glad you did.  Stephanie is smiling at you and her children. .

 

Mary Ann Hope you are staying warm and connected

 

Leah  Let us know how you and your mom are doing.

 

Carol, I agree Monkey Bread sounds great but since I am supposed to be watching weight this year Itoo  may pass on it.  Take care of yourself and hubby  I know you have many rememories of Mike around this time of year.

 

Kathy glad Tavian is back  So great that he has his own

computer. 

 

 Susannah,you are right Grief is a journey and I am so glad I found this group to travel with.

 

Marcia, Sherry, Beth, Rosie, Kim, Sonya, Terrie, Dan, Greg, Lynn and all Indigos  please stay warm and know I am thinking of you and each angel.

Betty

Stephen'smom:) 

[Guest]

Dee - Eri is so cute!  Today as I drove home from Stephanie's crash site, I heard a train in the distant and thought of Eri.  I thought of the light in the car the two boys saw who got to your girl first.  It was a peaceful time of pondering.  One of those miracles. 

I wish it were possible to purchase the land Stephanie died on and turn it into a park.  I don't even know who owns it.  Well, we can't afford it.  A railroad runs adjacent to it. 

Whoever repaired the fence, whether the state or the property owners, moved the cross we placed there from the private property to just outside the fence, on the state's property.  It's been left untouched.  We are grateful for that.

I'm going to try to post a picture of her cross.

Sending love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Hopefully this works.  There is one of the cross by itself.  It is placed at the exact location that Stephanie died.  We didn't know that at the time.  My son asked me where I wanted it and I told him.  Her friends had placed a small cross and flowers about 15 feet away, but I told him I wanted it "Right here."  Turns out that's exactly where she died.  My son, Stephanie's dad and Stephanie's children are in the other one.

My son's work made the cross.

[Guest]

both wouldn't post at the same time.  The cross reads,  "Our Beloved Sister" across the top.  Then "Stephanie Elaine Keck"  At the bottom are her dates 4-29-81 - 8-9-09

[hotrod]

Dear Susnnah

What is there  to say!!!  So beautiful, so very sad such a lovely family.    The memorial is fitting for your precious daughter.  I am so glad you can visit and honor her.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[lostwoher]

((( hugs )))

[arc4ever]

Today is my very best friends birthday.  She is 12 days older than I am.  We have known each other since 13 years old (and we are both turning 45).  He is the most wonderful friend I could ever ask for.  She has seen me thru some really good times and a few really bad times but has always hung in there.  She treated Adam just like he was her own and whe is the only one of my friends (not Adam's friends' moms) that got to spend a great deal of time with Adam.  Because I was at her house for all their family gatherings ane parties, etc. and Adam was always with me.  It is hard to put into words to her how much her friendship means to me, I tried, but I'm sure I didn't due it justice.

Tuesday is my mom and my oldest sister sue's birthday.  I have strugled with them both since Adam passed.  thngs are getting much better with my mom.  But I think I am just done with my sister, done worrying, done stressing, just done.  Maybe the final straw came last week, I sent around one of those stupid email answer questionnaires.  I never do that but I was bored and figured what the heck.  So I sent one to her, a bunch of questions and somewhere in the middle it said: Name someone you miss:  And she listed her three grandchildren - the same three she just spent a week with at Disney World.  Not even a mention of missing  Adam?   What the heck.  I know I am overly sensitive, but I am so done with her.  The sad part of it is, She and Adam loved each other I know they did they had so much fun together.  I think she has just packed that away in her brain and refusues to acknowledge he existed.  Well, I'm about at the point where I am going to refuse to knowledge that she STILL exists.  I'm that pissed.

Wish us luck, we are going to the calling hours tomorrow night and the funeral Tuesday for our friend who was killed driving the van with the disabled passengers in the snowstorm in Ohio. 

I know it is going to be really tough.

Love to all, goodnight. Terrie (Adam's mom)

[Guest]

Terri - Keeping you all in my thoughts.  Sending comforting energy full of peace.  May the angels surround you with wisdom and love.  I'm not talking "our" angels...although I'm sure they'll be there.  I'm talking the angels of old.  The ascended masters who now teach our angels.  Most importantly, I ask for Michael, Uriel, Rapheal, Gabriel....may they all help you and your friends and family through this horrific time! 

I don't take calling upon them lightly.  Neither do they!  

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[Guest]

Guess I'm talkative. 

My son, the bald guy, had just had Stephanie's face, name and dates tatoo'd on his arm...the arm around Mariah.  His dad, and Stephanie's dad - my ex husband and still friend--is covered in tatoo's.  Notice his long, "hippy" hair. 

In our family, we gathered when Curtis turned 18 and got his first tatoo.  Most family's gather for baptisms or 1st communions.  I wouldn't allow them to get a tatoo before they were 18. 

Stephanie snuck and got one anyway.  That child!  I remember when she dropped out of school.  I was livid!  We had fought so hard to keep her in school.  She had broken all the school rules...smoking, drinkingd (yes...sex) and drugs.  She defied every semblence of authority.   But, hardly ever to my face.  She always had me on her side believing it was someone else's fault and she really wanted to change.

Well, she officially withdrew herself from school.  Came home about 4 in the morning, stoned.

I woke her up at 6:30 and told her to come to the kitchen I wanted to talk to her.  She stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking at me with a look that could kill and said, "what do you want?" 

I kept my cool.

"I want to know what your plans are."  I said.

"Well, right now my plans are to sleep."  she said.

wrong answer.

"I'll tell you what your plans are."  I continue.  "Your plans are to get a job and start paying rent to me or go back to school and live here for free.  You have two weeks to do one or the other.  At the end of the two weeks if you have not done one or the other, I will understand that your plans are to make other living arrangements." 

The swear words flew out of her mouth, calling me every name in the book.  I ended up giving her two hours to get her stuff and get out.  She called her boyfriend and was out in one.

Three months later she was calling me in a panick because she had used the drugs she was supposed to sell and her dealer wanted his money.  I gave her no money.  But, she agreed to go to treatment.  It was a place to hide out.  That was the first of many treatments she would never finish. 

Until the last one. 

Today I told her how proud I was that she died clean and sober.  I also told her I hoped she was having fun when she died.  I hope she didn't know what happened. 

Sorry for rambling........

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmum]

Carol - Thanks. We have cookie dough in a tube thingy made by Aunty Kathy!  Might try some Monkey Bread when the temp drops below 100!  Thank goodness you still speak in imperial meaurements - we went metric here years back, but true to my pigheaded nature I refuse to join the change.  Heck I learnt imperial for 6yrs then they go and change it!

Terrie - Wishing you strength as you face the funeral for Traci.  It isn't going to be easy.  As for your mum - it never fails to amaze.  They are STILL HERE DUMBY  Missing is for those who are GONE (Being away from a place; absent or having departed).

Dee - Amazing footage.  The past 3yrs have gone just a quickly as the DVD.  Hope you are feeling better...

I received an invite for this Wednesday .  Its a different type of invite.  Its being held at the local cemetry for a young girl killed in an accident this time last year.  Some of you might remember.  I didn't know her, I do know her family thru step sons GF.  I saw her mum first at the accident scene then again in May of that year at a 21st for her cousin.  Another mum completing her year of firsts, me my third....

Dee & Carol - yep Jeya is one hot ticket.  She broke an fairy Emily has had since she was 2 during her 'not going to sleep phase'.  She told Steven she had been naughty but grandma should have gone to bed!!  OMG. 

Susannah - Love that pic.  The tattoos, well I have one now!  Mike used to give Steve such grief about his tatts.  Funnily he had one of the sun on his left shoulder for about a year before I knew.  Then came the tribal band on his forearm and of course the "Harmony" with her date of birth.    Ahhh wouldn't he be smiling now - his 'straight living' mum with a tatt!

Take care indigos everywhere 

 

[ericasmom]

Sus, I agree with what you said earlier today,the treasure that is found with the birth of our Children, and how their leaving is also filled with majesty. I have written about the magic involved in Erica's death, the golden moments that I pray I never forget. The ways she brought so many together, her influence was  enormous. Today the wind has howled, screamed at times, and I thought that Eri would delight in such a thing, loving the wind all of her life.

I love the photo of the cross and the family photo as well. What is the cross made from? the kids are surrounded by a lot of love, I know that they feel safe now.

I am glad that you knew where the spot was, you felt her. she is grinning.

Trudi, put on your sundress deary and go sit in the river. I would, so pretty that spot. I am happy that you were invited to this event, you helped the Momma very much, and I do believe that this event will also help you. Remember my favorite saying, "Perhaps we are exactly where the universe needs us to be, where we need to be."

I loved that video, it does feel as how time moves during this journey, seasons change and we are hard pressed to understand how that just happened.

Terrie, blessings to you as you try to face this sad day, the visitation for Traci. Deep sadness, we will hold you and your Husband as you march forward.

As far as your sister? Well, some folks are simply unable to go there. You may need to back away and maybe she will ask at some point why you are distant adn you can tell her. But some people simply cannot go there, not made to cope or to explore the inner workings of ones heart. Too bad too.

sleep well Everyone,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

 Bonnie:  how is Rich?  I hope you've had an easy weekend...Marcia:  how is the ankle? 

Dee:  So glad you are feeling better...would not want to see you have to go to school feeling poorly...  I love the quote about "being where we should be..."  Terrie:  We will be with you this week as you attend the funeral of your friend, Traci...holding you close and praying for those suffering their loss. 

Trudi:  yes, I agree with Dee, put on that sundress and go to the river...bask in the warmth and feel the coolness of the water, along with the presence of your precious Micheal...  Will be thinking of you even more on Wednesday...

Susannah:  please, the word "ramble" doesn't exist on this site...we speak, we talk, we share, we let our feelings out---there is no rambling...it is all good, all healing, all part of who we are now.  Your words "Honor it by feeling each emotion as deeply as possible" are almost exactly what my therapist has said to me, more than once.  I finally "got it" and stopped repressing the tears, the sorrow, the joyful memories (riddled with guilt for feeling them), and started feeling each of them...if I am tearful, I cry, if I am in a deep state of sorrow, I feel it; if I am thinking of a joyful time, I smile and let it warm my heart.  It is not always easy, nor is it always possible, but finally "allowing" myself the feelings that were inside of my heart, instead of denying them because I might "make someone uncomfortable" has led me down a path of more healing than I had felt before I let myself "feel."  You are so wise.

I agree with Dee---your Steph showed you the spot, led you to it.  Your grands are surround by love...thanks for sharing the pictures.    I loved your tale of Steph's "rebellion," sad though it was, with its twists and turns down roads you would rather she hadn't traveled, you have that memory, you have that exchange to hold close, to treasure, actually, and a wonderful gift for the way you have of telling it...  I have some exchanges with Mike that I remember word for word, but would not exactly want them put into a book--lol--but they are here, in my heart, good or bad, and they will be there forever---they are part of his history, and his history is part of me, and always will be. 

Mike's memorial site is in a cemetary, and yes, we had to buy the whole plot...we just went ahead and bought three, because I didn't want him "crowded" into a small area, overrun by everything else.  He will be in the middle of myself, hubby (in the same plot) and our daughter, on the other side.  If she changes her life, then that may change, but it is there.  We have a flat, on-the-ground marker, with some ashes beneath it, and a bench with our family name on it.  If there is such a thing as a "really nice cemetary" then, that is where he is.  An old cemetary, but he is in the newer section.  I will post some pics...I know I've posted before, but it was a while ago.

the bench was put into place first, then after the winter, the marker was placed.  it was a beautiful day, and two guys, dressed in Red Sox t-shirts (one of Mike's true passions), came to place it for us...Mike was pleased, I am sure... 

Damon, sitting on the marker, after he'd placed flower petals over the picture of Mike that is etched into the stone.  The marker is actually a shiny black with white diamond type letters (meaning they glitter, and turn white when wet.)  The couple who made the marker had lost their 16 yr old son 2 years before...so they completely understood why we wanted everything to be "just so."

Mike's marker: a pic of him in a hammock, in Costa Rica, is on the lower left corner.  across the bottom is "Earth-bound no more..." a saying that came from something he had written in one of his journals...

Mike's marker after we placed flowers from our garden at home, that he had helped to plant...Damon chose, for some reason, to sprinkle petals over the picture of his daddy...

I know a lot of you have already seen these pics, but just wanted to share again...  His marker is covered with snow and ice right now, a drawback of having a marker instead of a headstone...but he did not want a headstone.  

Sleep well all, and wishes for a good week ahead.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mysonrich]

Susannah, the pictures came out well. The cross reminds me of a Celtic Cross and the clouds in the background set off the love and care that was taken to make it. Lovely family as well. So at ease with each other.

 

Dee, a precious picture of Erica.The dress is cute as are the t-strap shoes.Her little feet don't even touch the floor yet.Time does fly by doesn't it.

 

Carol, I never gave thought to my own death really. I have a living will but that is as far as I got.Since Rich died I have given the matter some though mainly because I have Rich's ashes here and want them cared for after I'm gone. Being from a family that visits the memorial sites of family, flowers, the day when we would just stop by....I feel the need to visit loved ones. When Rich died his g/f kept saying that he wanted to be cremated. I don;t know. I never discussed that with him, I wonder if the g/f really did or those were her wishes.anyway, I think I will look into a plot much like you have for your family. Rich is here with me but at times I wonder of his friends. A visiting place is needed, my thoughts.

 

 

Betty,the hair had to be cut. I think I just didn't care if I looked like helmet head, the only thing I could do to make it stay in place.too long. I still don;t care but easier to keep up.

 

Terri, a hard couple of days ahead for you both . I saw the report of the accident on the news here. May you find the strength for this journey.

 

Bonnie, miss your boys sunny face.

 

ONe Christmas me and Rich were shopping. I was picking out a couple sweaters for a mom,Rich's friend Dan, his mom. She never had much. Rich asked me why I wasn't buying something for myself. It was the season of giving I told him. Dan's mom had a crack problem for a couple years there,Dan lived with us for some time and though I know of the games people play, as my son told me I was being played as stupid, for not knowing the game, buying into this womans story..well, it didn't matter. ramble. I picked out 2 sweaters.

Came a day to visit my cousins with Rich. I did keep one sweater for myself not that I am selfish but there have been times when I do put others before myself, too much at times back then

So we are visiting, Rich and I, and he said, " Mom, isn't that so and so's sweater"? ha ha. I was embarrassed in front of my son. He said , " its ok Mom, its ok. You needed a sweater too".

 

anyway, it was funny at the time.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[Guest]

Carol - Mike's site is lovely.  I love the stone and the bench.  I wish we could afford to do something like that for Stephanie.  Of course, she had no insurance.  And, the fellow who's four-wheeler she was on had none.  The machine wasn't registered, even.  We gave her a nice service, but it all came out of our pocket.

Dee - the cross is made of steal.  My son is a welder...his coworker's made it.  At first sight, it seemed almost obnoxious, but it turned out to be perfect.  It is the right size for the spot that it's in.  What has surprised us is none of the people who live in that area has complained.  In fact, a couple of times it looks like someone put it back up after the wind blew it down.  Certainly, when they fixed the fence, someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure it was more secure in the ground.

I have a cemetary story....

My grandpa was my favorite person in my whole young life.  He died when I was 4 or 5, but I remember him quite clearly. 

I was free to roam the small town where we lived without supervision.  I usually woke up before everyone in the house and left, coming home around dusk. 

My favorite playground was the cemetary and the town dump.  Not very many kids were allowed to play with me at all, let alone accompany me to the "grave yard" (that's what I called it) and the dump.  So, I spent many hours alone at both places.

It wasn't until I was an adult with four children that I discovered I played at the old "grave yard" located at the edge of town, and not the newer cemetary where my grandfather was actually buried.

As a small child, I just picked out the plot I figured my grandfather was buried in and that became my playground.  It was an older cemetary with huge headstones and some even had fences around the plots.  Of course the fences did not keep me out. 

Cemetary's have always been a peaceful, safe place for me. 

That's all.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

Rich had the test and we still don't know the results!  It's so worrisome but he called and they basically told him that if there was something wrong, he would not have left the office.

So, no news is good news?

I had monkey bread years ago but sounds like heaven and I'll keep it in mind for some special occasion when calories don't count! 

My goal for today is to have not one Christmas item in sight before I go to bed tonight! We had two teenage girls for the weekend.  Neither one were foster.  The foster child we had last weekend had a friend over and she called and wanted to know if she could come over.  We met her mom's boyfriend and picked both she and her friend up.

We decided not to do anything outside of the house. So, we played games, baked brownies, watched movies, etc ......

It was a little sad, the girl who called and wanted to come over asked if we would adopt her.  I laughed it off and said sure, when do you want to move in and them realized that she was seriously asking a question.

Apparently her Mom is going to court next month and it looks like she is going to spend some time in jail. It has to do with multiple DUI's ..... I don't know a lot about it but it broke my heart that this child is looking for someone to take care of her if this happens.

She doesn't want to stay with her Mom's boyfriend and her grandmother works a lot and she's kind of afraid of her grandfather.

The other girl couldn't come over until she went home and did the dishes and cleaned.  She hadn't been home to use any dishes but had to go home and wash them??  She lives with her Dad and a sister and her Dad has told her that he doesn't like her.  She's like the maid.

Why, oh why do people that don't really want children or even know how to raise them seem to be the ones who get them? 

I've enjoyed browsing, seeing the pictures, reading and listening ...... just too much going on to comment on everything.

Sunshine and warmth for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[lolynbo]

I WATCHED A PRETTY POWERFUL SHOW LAST NIGHT A NEW SHOW ON BIO CHANNEL I THINK CALLED "I WAS DEAD"...PPL TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY SAW AND HEARD...VERY GOOD SHOW OF COURSE MADE ME CRY BUT...AWESOME AWESOME SHOW..TRY TO WATCH IT...IT COMES ON SUNDAYS...

I NO IVE POSTED KOURTNEYS HEADSTONE AND BENCH BEFORE TOO BUT SINCE WE HAVE SADLY NEW PPL IT THOUGHT ID POST AGAIN HOPE YOU DONT MIND..

SHE HAS 9 SPOTS AROUND HER PRETTY LARGE PLOT SO THATS WHY THERE IS SO MUCH SPACE..

[lolynbo]

THE FRONT OF THE BENCSH SAYS "EVERYBODYS GIRL"..(I HEARD A MILLION TIMES KOURTNES MY GIRL)!

AND THE BACK OF THE HEAD STONE HAS HER WEDDING PIC...AND HER AND BRENTS WEDDING DATE..

SORRY I DONT NO HOW TO POST THEM TOGETHER

[Guest]

Lorri - I love Kourtney's head stone and bench!

Bonnie - Please know you are making a difference in those girl's lives.  They will forever remember you.  It is difficult to know we can't save all the children, but we can make a difference in the one's whose lives we touch.  We do make a difference.

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

I agree with Susannah Bonnie, you are making a big difference, an while we cannot save each, we can give them a picture to reach for in their adult lives, maybe I can have a life like that woman and man that let me stay overnight. What must I do to have that? I think it is important for kids to learn that some adults that look like they have it all had to work hard for it, that not everyone's childhood is good and safe but they work very hard to make life better. I tell my students that, that I lived in a 'not-so-safe-home' when I grew up, so I was afraid a lot. I vowed to not always live that kind of life adn worked hard to find out how people live good lives.

Lorri adn Carol, I could look at those photos over and over, they are both so precious and beautiful.

Love,

dee

[mikesmum]

Susannah - I agree with Betsy, it has the Celtic Cross look.  An image I identify with.  Mike was into the Celtic mythology and knotwork..

Bonnie - I wondered many times why some people have children.  Nuturing, caring and raising them with self esteem and worth seem to be missing from many a young life. 

I think thats why there are 'Bonnies' in the world. To balance out that discrepancy.  My only advice having seen how 'attached' Mike and Lauren were to the kids they cared for from simular circumstances - "Protect your heart".

Dee - She really is the cutest thing - Tink!  Love the T bars too. Standard dress here for Melissa.

Betsy - It is hard when the GF has the 'rights'.   Mike had talked about 'what he wanted' when he died'.  More of a general conversation after losing friends etc.  He wanted to be cremated, his ashes to be with his grandparents (my mum and dad).  They are at the 'Necropolis' where all the family rest.  My nephew is buried there as well.    After waiting 6 months Mikes GF finally picked up the ashes.  She refused to tell us about where they were to be laid.  She did say in part they would be with Mikes grandparents.  I spoke with the Necropolis only to be told there was no provision made, that perhaps the young lady was going to 'dump' them where my folks were. 

She did 'dump' them.   In the mud just aways off from "The River" spot.  Its where she 'married' them June 4th 2007 (Mikes birthday).  Lauren (Mikes old flame) rang to tell me.  I hoped she had scattered them in the river...somewhere that Mike would have liked.   Walking towards the water I noticed the ashes in the mud, just tipped out.  Suffice to say 'crazy lady' scooped as much as possible, including the river bank mud, and took it home. 

Mike is now with us here.  We have been trying to have a memorial placed at the river for Mike with little luck.   But even without the memorial, Steven Melissa and their kids still go to the river - childhood memories of better times are there.

Might be that those who loved him will take them back to the river, this time setting them free in the flowing waters........Thinking of you these days....your year of firsts. 

 

[daveydow1]

Dee----Hope that you are feeling better by now. Take care.

To all INDIGOES----- Thanks for all the dear photos....I really like them.

Helps me to "know" everyone & all our angels from BI.

I am sick of SNOW & MORE SNOW.  ENOUGH ALREADY !!!!   :X  :?  :shock:.  (  )

    Peace & comfort to EVERYONE on BI.

          Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[mikesmum]

Just wondering if anyone had given thought to a 'get together' for 2010.  I have plotted some of the place you all come from on a map in an effort to find a 'central' location.

I'm guessing no one wants to make the trip downunder just yet.  I would love some feedback.  Last year I think people came for a number of reasons, one being to check out the 'aussie'.   This year should be about meeting those who in the darkest times shine their light to guide us.

Just wondering........Trudi

Yeah about the snow......can't even image it.  Its still over 100F today... hopefully cool winds and rain tonight...

[ericasmom]

Trudi, is that a NO to the Minnesota June 30th weekend, that is the time the Beyond People thought to have it. Do we not want to do seminars with each other? Either way, let me know.

Love to All,

dee

[mikesmum]

[user=7435]ericasmom[/user] wrote:

Trudi, is that a NO to the Minnesota June 30th weekend, that is the time the Beyond People thought to have it. Do we not want to do seminars with each other? Either way, let me know.

Love to All,

dee

Hey you - Definitely no to June 30 - Heck I'll be 55 that day and you never know what's going to happen (lol)

My thoughts for what they are worth

I would like it to be central to the bulk of the BI family.  So driving is an option if flying is out.

I would love a collective DVD show like Greg suggested to be part of the long weekend

I would love a 'writing class' to help us express our journey...I think I know some one (he he he)

I don't want "seminars" as such. Perhaps input from Compassionate Friends or Bereaved Parents or similar.

A keynote speaker that we all have a say in....

Some 'looking around the town' stuff and activities that include health, wellbeing and just being....

But I guess I would truly like to see the BI family put it together, maybe using some Corporate discounting (?)....for accomodation etc.

[shorty16]

Definitely a NO for me also for the June 30th, 2010 reunion in Minn., I will be in the Carribean that week.

Colleen

[mikesmum]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Definitely a NO for me also for the June 30th, 2010 reunion in Minn., I will be in the Carribean that week.

Colleen

OMG - I so want to be you!!  California and now the Carribean!

[lolynbo]

WELL THATS RACING SEASON...BUT IF YAL LET ME NO IN TIME..I REALLY WILL TRY TO BE THERE THIS YR...IDK IF WE GET TO GO ON A CRUISE THIS YR OR NOT..EVERYTHING REVOLVES AROUND THE $$$$$$$$$$$

[mpsmom]

I would say it is a definate NO for me to be in MN on June 30th , as well.  I am open to flying just about anywhere, and am happy to help organize an UN" official reunion.  I have my doubts that we will have the required 20 - 25 for the BI administration to be able to put the official reunion together.  I was chatting with someone the other day, and San Antonio was suggested, I dont know who 'won't' fly , maybe if we knew that and where they were located we could come up with a more 'central ' location... for those who do not like to fly.  Las Vegas has alot to offer and the room rates off strip are very reasonable, there is alot to see here that is not related to drinking and gambling, beautiful countryside and such.  But the timing has to be Spring or Fall, at any other time most of you would melt from the heat.  I love the idea of Greg putting toether the video.  Compassionate Friends is holding their annual conference in Arlington, VA the weekend of 4th of July.  If we can get some input, i am happy to start a thread to talk about just the planning of the reunion, it would be great to get everyones input.  Any Yes, Trudi, you were the main reason we all came .... we could not allow you to come to the US and us not be there...      So glad we all got together last year !!!! 

Hugs, Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

 

[mikesmomrs]

In the middle of winter, with my porch windows covered with beautiful jack frost designs and my walkway still icy, thinking about getting together again sometime in the future is a warm, warm thought.  I have no plans yet for spring, summer or fall...as you who were there last year know, I do not like to fly...however, if I can get a straight flight---no changes---my heart slows down just a bit from the speed-racing it takes on when the word "Flying" passes through my brain...  Of course, the location and timing are key, but since I am retired and no longer have to answer to the dragon lady (you know, the one who is now on her THIRD secretary since I left), I can be very flexible on the timing thing...those who are working or otherwise on a schedule can take the lead in that one.

Trudi, "checking out the Aussie" wasn't the reason...meeting someone who had proven to be a wonderful, supportive, caring friend was...but it was nice to "meet the Aussie." 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomr

 

 

[rlolheiser]

Hey BI loved ones.  Yesterday I caught some type of flu and ran a fever all night.  I felt fairly good this morning, which was good cause mom had some tests done at the clinic.  By the time I got home I was so beat, and my fever was coming back, I took care of her got her lunch, settled down in her room for tv and toldher I had to lay down for a few.  I walked into my bedroom and the strangest sight greeted me, One of JaBoa's stuffed bears was lying on my pillow.  I don't even remember where I had kept it, but here it was, nobody had been in there since I got everybody up and we left.  I like to think she knew I wasn't feeling well, and just cuddled the bear and went to sleep wishing I was holding her.

I am still not feeling to great but I wanted to share this with you, I don't know, maybe the dog found it and put it there.. but how..  I miss her..

hope everyone is healthy

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[lolynbo]

WELL COUNCELING WAS UN EVENTFUL TONIGHT ONLY 6 PPL SHOWED UP AND 3 OF THEM WAS MONTY, KODY AND I SO WASTE OF TIME...DIDNT TALK MUCH ABOUT GRIEF JUST CRAP...

HAD A LARGE HEADACHE I WAS OUT OF COFFEE SO I HADNT HAD ANY ALL DAY SO I WAS "TWIKKIN"...I GUESS UD SAY..BUT DRINKIN SOME NOW SO THE HEAD WILL QUIT THROBBIN..

I LOVE SAN ANTONIO...IT IS AN AWESOME PLACE...YAL JUST MAKE PLANS AND LET ME NO..I WILL BE THERE THIS TIME...EVEN (OH GOD) IF I HAVE TO FLY...

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

It does sound exciting to be thinking about  a meeting in the Spring/Summer.  I cannot make 6-30 either.  I  am all for the DVD project that Greg suggested as well as the other suggestions  If a committee forms I will be glad to be a member

Leah What a sweet story about the little stuffed animal waiting on your pillow.I hope you take care of yourself and feel better.

Bonnie and Dee the children you touch by reaching out to the community  are very fortunate to have you as influnces in their lives.  What a blessing.

Trudi, Betsy  and Sherry, Susannah, Carol  Thinking of you each day and am so glad when I see the beaUtiful faces when I sign in Thanks for keeping me connected

Trudi I am so sorry about Mike's Ashes- words cannot address such a terible act. 

So glad you retrieved them and have them safe with you. 

 Betsy I know you will work out a safe place to honor Rich. 

Mary Ann, Lorrie, Kathy, Terrie , Beth. Rosie, Kim ,Sonya ,  Marcia, Dan and Colleen  and all Indigos You are in my nightly prayers.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

 

[Guest]

Trudi - I can't imagine what that must have been like to find your son's ashes like that!  I'm so mad I can hardly type!  Who does something like that?  ARGH!!!  That just breaks my heart.  And, then, in the same breath, I'm so glad you found them and were able to save them and bring them securely home with you. 

Y'all plan the get together and I'll do my best to be there.  Just tell me what to do.  I'm not committing, yet, though.  We are planning a trip to Cresco Iowa in April in Stephanie's honor.  It would have been her graduation banquet from rehab.  And, I'm definitely coming to meet the Ausie!

And, the rest of you, too.  I guess I better get working on a video.

I'm sad tonight.  I guess I'm sad all the time, but I think I hide it pretty well.  Only, someone else sad my eyes look sad now.  I was quite the smart ass before, I suppose.  And, everything was funny.  Now, I don't laugh so much.  But, I do feel joy and gratitude.  I think.

I sat on the floor, by my bed, holding Stephanie's driver's license and obituary telling her about our win for her kids.  I closed my eyes tight forcing myself to see her smile, hear her laugh and smell her skin.  During my little meditation I could almost feel Stephanie rolling her eyes and saying, "Mom, you don't have to do all that.  I'm right here."  I told her to "shush, now....I'm remembering you."  She complied.

Has the meaning of time changed for any of you?  It's the strangest thing.  At first I didn't want time to pass because it took me that much farther away from Stephanie.  Then I wanted it to pass quickly so I could join her that much faster.  And, then I realized it just doesn't matter.  Time. 

I'm still mad at Mike's GF, Trudi!  I just can't say anything nice about it!

Loving all of you,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Leah - I don't believe JaBoa put the bear there wishing you where there holding her.  I think she put the bear there to let you know she's holding you.  She's much stronger than you are now.  She's very wise.  Let her comfort you.  Let all regret go for just a moment and feel her love. 

I'm sending you love, too.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

"One thing sure,wouldn't trade one moment of Erica's life and so now i have to go forward taking her with me into the day doing good things in her light.

my heart,

dee"

Dee - this was the first thing I saw when I logged on tonight....so lovely, tears came.......

 

So much to catch up on and trying my best but not there yet..Busy night tonight as I had Damien over after school and not picked up till 7 and then Pea Pod came at 8, Tavian very overtired so not asleep until 9:30 so I am BEAT....

Marcia - so good to see your brautiful Bethany's smiling face.   San Antonio sounds good to me...I AM COMING THIS YEAR, COUNT ME IN...I am open to spring or fall also, I can go in the summer but sounds like everyone else needs spring or fall and that works for me....September sounds good....whatever, wherever I will not miss meeting my BI family this year.

Trudi - thinking of you so much these days.

To all my indigo family I promise to catch up with all of you tomorrow, too tired tonight to even think.....

Quick question...if I try to log on to BI at work it asks me for a password which I do not remember, I can go on and read but not post...what am I doing wrong?????

Love the pics!!!!!

Peace and love, Kathy

[lolynbo]

DICKS LAST RESORT IS HELLLARRIOUS..IN SAN ANTONIO...

[ericasmom]

I can't go away while teaching, so summer is my time, early June till late August. Chicago offers a great many things to do as well, smack dab in the middle of the country, lots to see and do, Frank Lloyd Wright tours, river boat architecture tours, Art museums, shopping, great food, the beach, many outdoor concerts, you name it...

I am glad Kath, it is so, I take her with me and I am stronger than ever. She spurs me on, she encourages me, and I hope to make her proud.

Susannah, I agree, the bear is to let you be comforted now Leah. Your Girl, JaBoa, is surrounded in comfort, she now can lend her angel self to helping you.

Good night Ladies and Gents,

dee

[shellbellsmom]

Dee, Chicago would be great...in the middle of the country, lots to do and see and a major airlines hub.  There's the Nat'' History Museums, Shedd Aquirium and its on Lake Michigan.  Went to San Ant. last year- Riverwalk was nice- but hot and very humid in the summer   (I'm a northerner) and that is where my daughters old boyfriend lives (with the new gf). Heard Dicks Last Resort is where they insult you, and make you wear silly hats.  I think we hit every place but that one.   If its Las Vegas I would perfer fall when its not a million degrees (sorry Marcia, but its hot there in the summer months).  I vote Nashville too....I just like that town. What area are most people located near?  Seems like there are lots of members out East too...I like Charleston- heck I just want a vacation.   I live in Michigan, and I don't mind driving or flying.  Sue

[mikesmomrs]

If we do wind up in Chicago, I do so hope that Dee will take us on one of her walks through her beautiful, quiet forest of sights and sounds of nature...

Leah, I agree that JaBoa was sending that bear to comfort you...she is strong and healthy now, so is sending some of her strength to you.

Kathy:  Your problem with logging on at work and it asking you for a password is likely that your work computer is not being recognized.  Usually one sign-in will stop the need for log-in, but may not.  Your work security settings are likely higher.

I finally got some of the Christmas pics developed...my digital camera broke on Christmas morning, and i had to use a disposable I happened to have on hand...pics didn't come out so great, but at least we got some---orbs and all.

Kameron, Nana, Papa, Chandler and Damon...(all Mike's boys) the orb is there, but you have to look..it is to the left of the floor lamp, just above it. 

Kam, Damon and Chandler on sofa...no having to look for that orb in this one!

Kam, Chandler, Sarah (Mike's wife), and Damon (orb is just at the top of the photo collage decoration on the wall to the left of Kameron, orb is just above decoration)

The Christmas hanging on the wall beside/behind Kameron is a large Christmas ball, and has all of the pics with Santa through the years, from Kim right through Cathi and Mike, and then all the grandkids, except for my granddaughters.  I thought I had one of them, but couldn't find it.

love and peace, everyone, and a sunny, warm (warmer?) Tuesday.

Carol  mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Chicago would be spectacular.

Tons to do, great hotels, love it

I am there in the Windy City - Just say when (except 6-30-10)

Colleen

[Guest]

Just a quick drop in, Indigo's.  Gotta get kids ready for school.  Sending you an extra Stephanie smile today.

[lolynbo]

I WAS JUST TELLN MONTY NASHVILLE WOULD BE FUN...WOULD LOVE TO SEE ALL THE ELVIS STUFF...

IM KINDA LIKE YOU I JUST WANT A VACATION....WE SHOULD NARROW IT DOWN AND TAKE A VOTE THEN PIC A DATE...

ITLL BE HARD TO DO CAUSE EVERYONE HAS DIFF MIND DIFF VACATION TIMES...BUT WE CAN DO IT

LIL EXTRA KOURTNEY FOR YOU TO START YOUR DAY...

SAYING THEIR NAMES ANGELS ANGELS ANGELS..WE LOVE AND MISS YOU BABIES!!!

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I loved all the pictures  Made my day to see so many smiles and happy faces. 

Carol Christmas was beautiful and Mike's Orb very evident!!! Great shots even with a disposable camera.

It is warming up here in NYC so I am going out to have my hair done and get some shopping in.

Have a Blessed Day everyone

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

[briansdad]

Here is another alternative.

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html

Greg

[ericasmom]

I agree, it will be hard to pick a date adn a place, I have date restrictions as do all folks, so we need to get busy putting possible dates down.

As far as Chicago, there are many places to see and activities to do, but we have to look at cost.so let's look at all of the possibilities...