Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Claudia, glad to see Joey's debonair pose here today, miss you. How are you feeling?

Sonya, right on with the 5 days of no smoking. Funny, I replaced a calendar in our kitchen and looked back at 2009, there on the 19th of January 2009 was the note to self that my Sis Eileen was going in for out patient surgery to look at her lung, they suspected cancer, life long smoker. I went and sat clenched in the waiting room with several of her many adult children, and her husband. The doc came out and said, "not cancer, some scaring and we will watch her, but she is at this time, cancer free." I vowed then to stop smoking, was only having one or two a day for the previous many years...so quitting that wasn't the same as quitting a pack or more a day habit. So that was nearly a year ago, and there are many days that I almost reach in my husbands pocket to grab a cig, and stop thinking, what? My husband is a very heavy smoker. Not easy. My parents were heavy smokers and most of we 5 kids smoked. In fact one year or maybe two, my Dad bought us two cartons a piece for Christmas. NICE! I stopped smoking when I was 21 for a while as I wanted to have a healthy body to have children. I stayed off cigs until I was about 30 when I started waiting tables and having a cig with my fellow workers after work. I stayed a light smoker from there on, really light when I hit the age of 48, and then I stopped last year.

Congrats on your effort Sonya, while it sure isn't easy, it sure is worth it.

Susannah, I love the poetry of your words when you allign yourself with a light switch, and the description of your pain, especially nice are the words about softening your heart and hardening it. Great way to express.

Up and down we go Folks, but one day down the long road it will even out some, and then a bit more. Be kind, let it flow as Betty said, allow its presence in your life, making room for it.

Carrie, you are a doll, and your Sweetie is a cutie too. Thanks for sharing your family. Yes, when the cloud girl had dreads, I knew she was saying, " HEY MOM< I'm here look, I am making my way."

Love,

dee

[daveydow1]

Sonya---Oh, Best of Luck in your Stop Smoking campaign. Yes, I know what

you mean about sibs telling stories about our beloved children----ones we

may not have known about. My older son, Chris, told me of a time when Davey

was about 8 or 9 and I was at work, and Chris was babysitting Davey. Well,

Davey was goofing around---tossing a ball or something in the house, and it

hit a houseplant that sat nearby, breaking off a large piece. Chris said Davey

had to think quickly before I found out, so he took the broken piece and just

stuck it into the soil surrounding the plant, to just "hide" his mistake. To his &

Chris' surprise, the broken piece just 'took root' after a time and grew!!!  Dave

must have been so relieved. I never knew about it, until Chris told me--just in

the past several months.

Dee-----Thanks so much for the ERi cloud girl story. What a wonderful and

inspiring sight that must have been.......and to think that your sister saw the

same cloud so far from where you were. ERi's making her way to Heaven....

that's surely what she was showing you.

Carol----Thanks for the lovely heart cloud pic. I, too, believe in the clouds and

orbs. I also believe in signs from crows, and cardinals. A cardinal sang so brightly

EVERY morning for a mo. after Dave's death......perched high in a lg. pine tree on

the edge of our yard.

Susannah---Going back to work after the death of a child can be a great challenge,

having to concentrate, or be a "people person", depending on the job. I went back

too soon, and had to leave the job, but was nearing retirement, so just left, but I

do know that many people do not have that option. Peace to you, friend.

Claudia----Good to see Joey's smiling face. Sorry about the phone & all....it must

be so exasperating to have to go to the bank & wait so long to pay the bill.

Betsey----I hope your eye is feeling much better. 

     PEACE  &  COMFORT  TO  ALL  HERE  IN  THE   BI   FAMILY.

           Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Dee, Hey Sherry, Hey Everyone. I'm actually doing better since the holidays have passed. It's been hard to keep up here, so I'm just hanging back a bit. But will still pop in from time to time. You can count on it!

[ericasmom]

Sherry, love the broken plant story, makes me smile. The hushed secrets of siblings. HOw old is Chris? Yep, I am sure that the cardinal in the pine was Davey somehow letting you know that he was fine, traveled well and reached his new home, that now he was going to watch over you in the home he loved first.

Claudia, I am sure that once the holidays pass most of us do feel a bit better. A relief washes over me, and I feel more relaxed. All the waiting in line for your new telephone line, that takes patience. I know you have a great deal of that, so I wish you a good book to take in line with you.

I was sitting with my husband watching a political show that we watch adn my eyes started to shut, I am very tired tonight. I went to the chiropractor today, so I wonder if that big release in my back has just sent me to relaxing. I am afraid if I go to bed too early, I will be up way too early. My Son is at a Black Hawks hockey game tonight, so I hope he has a fun time, he and his girl. He still holds a great deal of tension in his life, anxiety and worry. I do so hope that he will learn to let go of some of it.

Yesterday I met a little 6 year old who was sent to the office at lunch time because she slugged a lunch lady. I was walking through the office and noticed her sitting and behaving poorly for sitting there and when I asked her to not tip the chair, she simply stared at me. I asked about her to my friend at the front desk and she said the Child would not listen to anyone. I asked if she was an abused child, and was told yes. I walked to the child and asked if she knew my name? She said, "no what is it?" So we had a nice little conversation she and I , and then the principal came out and said that this little girl has had a very hard life so far, but that she knows that she is safe here and that Grandma is trying to give her a safe house. I said, 'Oh, I lived in a not safe house when I was little too."

"YOu did?" she asked.

"Yep, I sure did, and it was hard knowing how to be happy and how to behave."

"Yeah," she agreed.

So she asked my boss if she could go upstairs with me to see my frogs. She came up but on the way I asked if she celebrated Christmas. She said, "yes, my grandma lied to Santa and told him I was good so that I could have gifts."

That broke my heart. She lied to Santa and said I was good. Wow!

Bonnie, I wish that you could take her but not give her back, the people in her life do not know how to give her what she will need to be whole. She is treated poorly in the home now and that is a BIG upgrade from where she was. I think that she goes back to her abusive parent when Grandma needs a break, it just makes me want to scream. It is not too late for her if something good happens on a regular basis for her. So send some prayers.

Oh the little 7th grader that I wanted prayers for is doing better. Her surgery was good and she is beginning to heal in a way that she has not been able to until now. Please continue prayers for Ali.

thanks all,

dee

[lolynbo]

HERE IS A PIC OF HARLEIGH IN HER UNIFORM....ON THE BACK IT SAYS

"LIL' HELPER"

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, My prayers out to that sweet baby Girl. I felt so grateful that she connected with you. That probably doesn't happen for her much. Eri is proud of you!! xoxoxo

[rlolheiser]

I am very happy the holidays are over.  I am however at such a loss, I have been crying and praying all day.  I know it seems I bring my tragedies here to much, I swear I could make a soap opera of my life.  My oldest daughter called me to tell me something today, and I stopped her because I already knew.  My youngest is back on Methamphetamine.  I have seen the scenerio play out before, and I am seeing it completely over again.  My oldest is petrified, because she doesn't want to snitch on her sister, plus the last time her sister got busted, she was dragged into it also, and lost her children.  To top it off, she fears her sister's boyfriend.  I told her not to see her sister again, tell her that you have to protect your children...  she is devastated.  I am too.. I am scared.  I have to do something, I won't watch this happen to my grandchildren, even if I am not there, I know their life is going to be pure hell.  I have to make phone calls and accept whatever happens.  Accept the fact that my daughter will probably never talk to me again.

Sherry, I love to see the deer come out, they pass my house early in the morning, and early evening.  I think they live in the field down by the creek there is lots of brush for them to hide in.

Dee, I love the cloud story, it is just so beautiful and tranquil.  The story about the 6 year old made me cry.  I see in it so much of my grandchildren.  I was their safe house.  I think I did really good, it was the one thing that I prided on was my making the kids safe.  I always told the kids they were good, even when other's never saw it that way.  I saw how hard it was for them to make a life make sense, and as long as they weren't hurting somebody or blowing something up.. they were good kids.  Even my little guy now.. He wasn't the perfect child before Christmas.. and when he finally got concerned ..  I just told him...  your supposed to be good, but Santa knows you can't do it all the time.. just so you try..

Bonnie, hugs to you and Jason.  Missing is tough to get through sometime.  As for miracles..  I wish I knew how to get them, I could use one right now.

Carol, I hope you have a great time with your sister, I sure enjoy getting together with mine.  We are lucky if we see each other once a year. Your picture of the heart shaped orb is wonderful

Susannah, it is hard not to harden the heart, at least for me.  It seems that there is always something bad out there that is going to hurt again, and I have to protect myself.  I don't do a very good job of it though.

Sherry, I love the plant story, it brings me a smile.  I can just see it happening :-)

Claudia, I am glad to hear your doing ok.  I think of you often.

I guess I have gone on enough here...  there is a snow storm coming in and I feel the cold.  They expect 30 below by Friday.. and that isn't windchill.

I hold you all in my hearts along with your angels.

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

 

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

Great shares to keep up with.  Carol I loved the cloud formation picture and the Heart was so very evident  You are a truly spiritual person,  Mike is right there with you. I hope  your lunch was tasty and special

 

Dee and Bonnie  I agree tracking the numbers by days and hours since we last, touched and kissed our angels really hurts.  Bonnie love seeing Jason's smile and Eri's serious

 

Dee What a heartfelt share about that little 6 year old!!!! She rally met someone special today when she went to visit your "Frogs"   As I have said before your class/students are so fortunate to have you as a teacher.

 

  "If ONLY" all parents treasured their children a we Indigos do!!  

 

Sonya  I am so glad you are succeeding in stopping smoking  A great idea to use the W11 Fit when you want a cig.  I stopped 7 months ago but I cheated and used a RX Chantix  It did work I had smoked 2 packs a day for over 20 years. If I can do it anyone can  Good luck

 

Sherry  I loved the vision of the Cardinal singing in the tree when Davey passed.  The story of his rerouting the branch of your plant made me smile.  My sister and I have many such stories we still laugh about.

 

Leah  I am so very sorry to hear about your daughters addiction.  Will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

Lorrie Loved the picture  The front of the Tea is also special

 

Susannah I am always in the middle- between despair and serenity it is easier that way

.

Claudia It is great to see Joey again  It has to be hard to deal with such ancient systems.

 

I was looking thru my pictures and found another picture of Stephen age 5 with a small bird that had fallen out of the nest and we raised

t  I have another one of him where he is about 22 an so very HAPPY 

 I had to post

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:?

[hotrod]

Sorry the Bird one did not attach I will try again

 

 

[summergirl]

Hello all Indigo's...

I miss you Trudi, I know what a hard time this is for you coming upon the 18th, your wonderful Miks' angelversary....thinking of you with a heavy heart and a big hug.

Dee - you are so WRONG...you are the best listener I know, not only do you listen but you talk to everyone here...you never seem to miss a post, lift a wounded heart, give your all to everyone without ever asking anything in return except for prayers for the poor innocent babies who are being abused and need love.....I do not know what the dream meant I just know that I was yelling your name on the phone but you could not hear me.....it was not scary, just made me wonder why I called you only to not connect....

Sonya - whoo hoo for you girlfriend.....quitting smoking is a very big deal and diffacult to do, if I quit I would be on that WII fit non-stop !!!  I really want to but cannot seem to find the will to give them up...they stink and are so bad for me not to mention Tavian and Barry (Barry quit 2 years ago this February)  I tell myself that smoking is the only thing in my life that I have any control over, I get to choose when I smoke, if I want one I can and if I don't I won't.....but reality is they have the control over me.....I quit for 3 years and then went back to them...stupid. I am so proud of you.....

Susannah - light switch stuck and your caught in the middle of extreme light and deep blackness....certainly speaks of exactly how I feel but you could put it into words as I could not.....it is so diffacult to be torn between the two...but being in between the two do you feel like it is a safe zone???  My safe zone has been my home, here nothing can get to me, no one to tell me what to do and how to be, I can do what I want...laugh out loud or cry for hours.....

Carol - I see the orb and I believe....no dust on my camera lens as my brother-in-law likes to remind me every time I find an orb but I do not let the none believers get to me....they do not understand so they find anything they can to make it unreal....I have to many orbs and when Tavian asks for the camera because there are Angels in the sky and the pic is filled with orbs how could you not believe....

Bonnie - the numbers.....heart breaking....I have not went there yet as I know it will shatter my heart all over again....Feb 18 will be 4 years and I cannot believe it, where did it go, how have I survived this long without my Jessica?????

Leah -I am sorry that your daughter is back on methanphetamine....it is devastating to the family but you must do what you have to do....the children are most important and as hard as it is your daughter is making her choices, you and your other daughter are not responsible for her actions....do not let her drag either of you down... I have a son who has been on drugs for a very long time, he has nothing, he moves from place to place, in and out of jail, he is 32...I have enabled him for many years and have finally come to a place in my life where I am doing tough love...it scares me that he will die but I know in my heart that I have done everything I can for him, I feel no guilt anymore....only sorrow that he cannot find his way but I will never give up hope. I love him with all my heart but I cannot fix him, only he can do that. My prayers are with you.

Lorrie - loving the pics....hugs my friend.

Time to read a bit and then try to sleep. Peace and love to all....Kathy

[summergirl]

Tavian and his new buddy "Boog"

[summergirl]

Windmill in the village....my day of driving around taking pics.

[shellbellsmom]

Hi Just checking in again.  I have stopped by several times and read all the posts....haven't got too much to share, and not in the best of spirits to give good advice either.  My therapist thinks I have made HUGE strides as I am not falling apart as much as previously. I don't feel any different....maybe I am fooling her too.  Hope not, need to heal. 

Love all the pictures- Prayers for all the kids who need them whether from abuse, illness, or just from loneliness. Special prayers for the new parents of angels too. 

Colleen, (or anyone else) I have been asked to contact a mother who lost her child from leukemia several months ago, and who is lost and in need of some support from someone who understands her pain.  She is expecting my call I believe but I haven't yet made the call...this should be easy for me but can't get my fingers to make the call.  What to say?  I don't want to fall apart myself and don't want to be fake either.   Any suggestions would be appreciated.  I just wish this was easier...

Hoping for a good nights sleep and one that involves seeing my precious angel girl in my dreams.  Take Care all, Sue

[summergirl]

My walk at the ocean.

[heartbeataway]

Wow, we have very busy fingers! 

Betty, love the pictures!  What ever happened to the little bird?  Did it have a name?

Kathy, beautiful picture of the beach.  I love Tavian's curls!  And the sweet bear ..... reminded me of a bear my Mom bought Jason years ago.  Jason was so little he was sitting in a cart.  The bear was bigger than he was!  I ran across that bear when I opened a box recently.  I just closed the box.

Dee, your big old heart reaching out to that precious little girl. I wish I could wrap her up and bring her here. I will share that we made an inquiry on not one, not two but a group of three siblings!  Two girls and a boy.  They are in Colorado.  I may never hear back from anyone but their picture touched my heart and so I showed it to Rich and he agreed on the inquiry.

The news told the story of a young girl hit by a train on her way to school.  Train accidents always bring Eri and Joey to mind ......

Who knows what's in store for us this new year ...... I'm still looking for a crystal ball.

Maybe I should say the crystal ball.  I actually collect clear glass paper weights.  Wierd, I never made the connection until I wrote that line!  My poor tiny little brain!

I have a request ....... I've told some of you that when Rich had his physical they thought they detected that he has had a "silent heart attack" at some point.  It could be just the rhythm of his heart.  In reality, that's not likely.

He goes in for tests in the morning.  I pray and wish and hope and beg the powers that be to not give us bad news. I need him to be healthy.  I need him to be strong.  I need him to be with me for a long, long time.   thanks!

Trudi,

Love, I hold you close to my heart.  These are tough days .... you are not forgotten.

Carol,  love the orb and the clouds ....... such beautiful clouds!

My mind is shutting down for tonight ....... but to others:

Make that call, be strong for the Mom who needs your strength right now.

Congrats for not smoking!  I'm a former smoker also and I've been known to sneak a menthol on occasion.  I always regret it! :?

I'm so sorry that meth has reared it's ugly grip on your girl again.  Do what you have to do to help, she'll thank you later ...... it might be much later but she will be around to do it.

Rich has left me and gone up to bed.  The pups are waiting for me so I'm going to take them up to bed.  Have a restful night .....

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's most proud Mom

[mysonrich]

Good morning BI, thank you for the well wishes. My eye feels much better today, just a little scratchy.

 

Bonnie, you made me laugh. What I wrote sounded like I was applying mascara at 3am didn't it? What I meant to say was I woke up at 3am in much discomfort and tried the teabag remedy.

 

Dee, many,many years ago...I don't know if my children were born yet. I was reading the daily paper and read the story of a little 2 year old boy, abused, neglected, all that nightmarish things that would kill a child and did. Though I don't remember his name I can still see his sweet face in my mind. A part of me and others here on BI wonder if our children will be forgotten. Is my memory of this sweet boy a testament that our children will not be forgotten. Will a total stranger remember our children at a moment in future time because, they just will?

 

Betty, a beautiful little boy with the bird perched on his finger. What a talent he has. I've always heard that animals know the true character , intent of people. The photos show a boy and man that was kind, trusting. I also see the lawn chair. Were you down the shore?

 

Claudia, I try to imagine your life, the hardships, lack of utilities or rations and the wedding that brought out your smile. ups and downs. May you walk on this earth smooth out . Hopefully the phone connection will also provide a line to understanding, friends to talk to.

 

I am again left thinking that Rich's death could not have happened. It's almost a year and my thoughts are again, how can this be? I don't understand . Rich's g/f told me shortly after his death that someone suggested to her that he died because he was happy? so dating her was the ultimate pinnacle? as if his parents didn't love enough ? care enough? As if she walked on water. I try to forget that comment.

 

I'll keep listening to my music, loud. probably because it drowns out thought.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[mikesmomrs]

Good morning Indigos:  I have been reading the posts since my last one early yesterday...I was gone all day an dpart of the night, visiting with my sister.  Very good visit--had a wonderful time--will miss her so much when she leaves for FL.

I don't have a lot of time right now, as they are here to put in our new windows---YAY!

For now I just wanted to address Sue because I've had this thought and wanted to share it before I lose it to my shattered memory bank (I just hope I can find the right words):  As for your reaching out to the other lady who lost her child to leukemia and your fears and hesitancy about doing so...I don't have the answers, for sure, but just suggestions---you said that you were afraid of falling apart...Sue, that would be okay!  You could both be there, supporting each other, and if you cry or she cries, or you both cry, that's okay, remember?  You both will certainly understand each other, and who better to comfort each other than people who know the pain about losing a child.  While she may be newer to it, she is still in pain, and so are you...when that pain is shared it is always lessened to some degree, even if it is only just a bit.  So, Sue, whether you make that call or not is your decision, but if you do, fingers shaking as you dial, please know that we are all sending you strength and love and hope and prayers as you do so...thinking of you and holding you close in my heart.

Will post again later.

love and peace to all, Carol  mikesmomrs 

[4everjoeysmom]

I love looking at all the pics. The birdie in hand is precious!!

Bonnie, You and Rich are in my prayers!! xoxoxo

[lolynbo]

PLZ PRAY (IF U DO) FOR KIMBERLY...CODY HAS ALREADY STARTED HIS CRAP.,.HE DIDNT COME HOME LAST NIGHT..SAYS THEY NEED A BREAK...SHE IS DEVISTATED WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES HIM FREAK OUT FROM  MARRIEGE LIC ?.....I CANT DO ANYTHING FOR HER...BUT I DID TEXT HIM AND TELL HIM I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM CUZ IMM SO DISAPPOINTED..IM NOT SURE IF IM DONE TEXTN ..I SURE CAN THINK OF ALOT MORE THINGS

[Guest]

Dee - I agree with Kathy.  You're a very special lady!  My heart broke for the six year old.  She will remember your kindness.  I'm sure of it.  Yesterday as I sat in the front office of family services, waiting for the kids to finish their visit with their dad, another foster mom was waiting (for something) with all her foster kids.  A case worker waited with them.  There was a young girl about 9 or 10 standing quietly by them.  I don't know what was said earlier, but the foster mom said to the case worker about the little girl "Oh. she knows she's not an angel!  I never let forget she's not an angel."  The case worker tried to rebound for the little girl by telling her everyone has a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other and all of us listen to the devil once in a while.

I so wanted to interrupt and look that little girl in the eye and tell her she is too an angel.  She is wonderful.  She is on purpose.  She's supposed to be here.  I wanted to thank her for allowing me to share her space with her.  Why are people so afraid to let kids know they're wonderful?  Do they think by beating them up emotionally it will force them to do better?  Argh!!

Ok...back to the forum.

Betty - Love the picture of Stephen!

Kathy - I resonded and then deleted my first impression of your dream about calling Dee and her not hearing you.  But, I still have that impression, so I'm going to share it.  Take it or toss it....just sharing.  I don't think the dream had anything to do with Dee.  My first impression was Jessica was showing you she is contacting you but you can't always hear her. 

At the risk of giving my "kook" status further validation.........I had an experience a couple of years ago that let me know it is us that keep "spiritual influence" from contacting us. It's not because they aren't trying.  Our receptors are blocked by being busy, outside distractions, our own extreme emotional grief.   Actually, sometimes those moments of intense pain can be a result of the "lost" loved one being very close to us.  But, instead of recognizing that they are close, we remember they have died and feel pain instead of the comfort they are intending to send.

It can be very frustrating for a non-physical being!  But, they keep trying!  It is my own opinion that Jessica gave you that dream so you would know how it felt from her end.  And, how it must look from your end, or in this case, Dee's end.  Like you said, not scary.  No judgement.  Just is.

So there's my non-psychic opinion of the day.  I have no gift, so I don't presume to know.  It's just the impression I received.

Sending love and peace!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos 

I too will be quick today just wanted to say:

Bonnie I am praying for a good outcome for Rich today as he sees the Dr.  I am on my way out and will stop and light a candle in petition!!  The little Bird's name was  Tweety (Naturally) Good luck with the 3 Children you and Rich have such large hearts.

Lorrie I will also pray for your request

Betsy  Glad to hear your eye is better and that you were not putting on eye makeup at 3 AM:) Thinking of you and Trudi during this difficult time.    Please enjoy Bruce very, very LOUD  and forget about Rich's GF comments.  Stephen's xGF makes equally upsetting remarks when we talk!!  The little bird picture was taken in Long Branch NJ

Dee,Claudia, Suzannah, Carol, Leah, Sue, Mary Ann, Kathy, Sherry, Sonya Greg, Dan. Beth, Terrie  and all Indigos   Thanks for being here  Love typing all the names so I can feel the angels connected to them.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

[arc4ever]

My mother's sister (her only surviving sibling) passed away last night.  Pancreatic cancer.  Her name was Geneva.  She was Adam's great aunt.  Geneva was a woman of very meager means.  I spent almost every weekend at her house when I was young.  We would all climb in the car and drive the 100 miles to my mom's family and spend the weekends there.  It stopped happening about the time I turned 11 years old.  But Geneva worked hard all her life tending to the needs of others.  She worked in nursing homes and assisted living homes and struggled her whole life.  She made wonderful homemade bisquits that she tried to teach me to do, but it was one of those recipies where you just "add a little of this, and then a little of that and whola - wonderful, flakey bisquits"  Yeah, that didn't work for me.  Anyway, Geneva had three children.  Tim, Cindy, and Doug.  Tim is still living and is in his mid 50's he is schitsophrenic (sorry, couldn't spell!) and I would have sworn he would kill his mother one day, he is in very bad shape mentally - so bad he cut his own throat a couple of years ago, but survived.  Cindy committed suicide in her mid twenties.  A beautiful young woman, it was just devastating.  And Doug died of heart disease in his twenties.  So, Geneva was one of us, even though she never spoke of her sadness.  I cannot go to the funeral on Friday, it is not possible for me to be gone from work.  I feel so badly, it will probably be a handful of people.  But that doesn't mean she isn't loved, because she is.  I know our angels will welcome this kind soul into Heaven and she will treat each of them as  her own.  Thank you for listening-- bad day, sad day.

Love to all, Terrie (Adam's Mom)

[Guest]

Terri - I'm so sorry for the loss of your Aunt Geneva! 

[cindyjean]

Geneva was loved...You will remember her always and such good memories you have of the time spent with her. 

[heartbeataway]

Susannah,  Ms. Dream Interpreter

Here's one for you:

Jason and his best friend plus two others were walking into a movie when Jay's phone rang.  He answered and it was work related.  He was going to leave and go to dig holes for a foundation.  Apparently it couldn't wait.

His best friend said I'll go with you and Jason looked at him and said, "Really?".  It was a surprised and pleased response.

They left together and were going to meet up again with the other guys. Having driven separately, Jason had to run by his house and his friend went to his house.

His friend noticed dark storm clouds and called Jason to tell him he wasn't sure if they were going to accomplish the dig out.

Jason told him not to worry.  He would just come by his place and they would wait it out.

I didnt have this dream, his best friend did.

Thanks!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

No time but just a quick send off for Geneva, whose own life had so much loss, may she fly freely and find great and wondrous peace.

Love the photos with the bird Betty, easily one really important naturalist at a very young age.

Carol, so glad that you had a good visit with Sis.

Bonnie, I am so glad that together, you and Rich feel the goodness that you have to offer, God Bless in your work. I hope the three kids are able to get to you. Prayers of course for your dearest Rich. Great health Rich, you are needed here.

Blessings all, Betsy, hold tight and turn up the music, you will get to the other side of the date that is rocking you .

[Guest]

Oh Bonnie!  I wish I had an interpretation for you, but I don't!  I wish I had the gift of interpreting dreams. 

The impression I had with Kathy's dream came immediately and clearly.  I hesitated in sharing because I don't want anyone to take what I say as absolute truth.  And, I don't want people to think I'm loony.  Sometimes the "urge" to share is very strong, and I finally give in for my own comfort.  Could be indigestion. 

Sometimes the "veil" is very thin for me.  I thought that "gift" would enable me to skip grief completely when Stephanie died.  It certainly got me through the death of my mother and my sister.  However, with Stephanie I had to walk through the mud and muck of it.  Yuck!  Even with all the signs and manifestations, I was not spared the paing of losing my daughter in this life.

I've already subjected myself to ridicule, so I'll just keep sharing....

I have had two experiences since joining BI.  One was waking to young Zachy's face after my first visit here.  I shared that when it happened.  He has "visited" a couple of times since.  He is just very concerned for the welfare of his mother and father.  I've tried to reach out to Beth at those times.  It all sounds so screwy and I'm afraid of being kicked of Beyond Indigo, so I'm nervous about sharing.

And, the with Michelle.  "Shellbells"..  So playful and full of joy!  I didn't get any message or specific reason for her visiting.  If I were to guess, I would guess she met my Stephanie and they were out for some non-physical playing.  I could FEEL the love she has for her mother and her family, though. 

Well, for those of you who think I'm totally off my rocker, please just indulge me because I NEED you guys!

And, Bonnie, I'm sorry I don't have an interpretation for you.  I'm like a talented singer who can sing on key once in a while.  LOL  But, most the time, I'm off.

Geeze!  With everything I've experienced in the non-physical, I still have to have you guys validate me when it comes to my own daughter.  I have a couple of dear friends with intuitive gifts, they help me. 

Well, here I go hitting send.....

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Hi Cindyjean!  Are you new to us?  I noticed your join date.  I'm glad you found us!  I'm just hanging out here today.  I'm hiding from my laundry.     Would love to hear more about you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

I cannot keep up with all the happenings here on BI.  All I know is that WI is supppose to get between 6-10 inches of the heavy white stuff and Dee in IL is suppose to get even more than that.

I moved my counseling session to tonite, because I do not want to drive in this stuff (unless I have to, i.e.work).

Let the fun begin!!!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[zachysmom]

haven't been doing well lately. mostly just reading.

[briansdad]

Here is a book that I think would be good to read.

The Noticer

Have you ever found that, during the hard times in your life (and we all have them), perspective makes a lot of difference?  For me, at least, this lesson has been one that I have learned, have relearned, and am still learning, so it never hurts to hear it again. That’s what happened when I read the book The Noticer by Andy Andrews.

The story Andrews tells is fiction and, like all fiction, based on truth.  He tells of hard times in the life of a young man named Andy and how a man named Jones changed all that by changing him into someone that people would want around them.  Andy is homeless, but Jones finds him somehow and changes his perspective by bringing him biographies of famous people to read.  When young Andy reads about Winston Churchill’s life, he realizes that he is not the only one whose life has been hard, and as he reads more and more, he is encouraged by the people who have had things hard and been successes in spite of it all.  For Andy, Jones has a simple strategy.  If he reads about great people, he can begin to understand what made them great.  All Andy has to do is notice, and the things he needs to notice, Jones says, are already in plain sight.

Jones works his magic on many people in the little town of Orange Beach in Alabama, and what he does has an element of the supernatural.  He shows up at the right time, knowing the names of the people he visits and exactly what their problems are.  He goes through locked doors and onto ships that are on the water.   Jones is old; nobody knows exactly how old, and nobody can tell, exactly, if he is black, white, or Hispanic.  For Andrews, he is Jones, but for some he is Garcia, and for others he is Chen.  So…is he an angel?  Or God?  Or…?  Nobody knows.  They know his name, and they know that they have never seen him without his old, worn suitcase.

I thought this book was a pleasing read.  Jones is right that a different perspective can change what seem like hopeless circumstances.  If you want to notice the bad things about life, they are certainly there so that you can do so.  If you choose to notice the good things, the life you live will be far happier.

Andy Andrews has started the Noticer Project.  The idea behind it is to “notice” the five most influential people in your life.  He has a point.  How often do we wait until birthdays or holidays to even talk to people?  How often are the best things about someone said at their funeral?  This world would be a better place if people only noticed those who have impacted their lives.  If you haven’t already done so, maybe The Noticer will give you the incentive to start.

[daveydow1]

Dee---Thank you for your kind words about the early morning cardinal singing

after Dave's passing. Prayers for the little girl that you reached out to at school.

I feel that you could have been the only person to be kind or pay any attention

to that little girl in that whole week, or for quite some time. Children really do

respond to positive interaction, although I guess that sometimes it takes some

time to break through the protective "shell" they have built around themselves

in order to survive. Bless that little girl's heart. Also, prayers for Ali that the

recovery continues. My son, Chris, is 45. He and Davey became pretty good buds

when Dave reached adulthood, but they also had lots of fun when Davey was

little too. Chris misses Davey a lot. Chris was 9 when Lisa died, and Tammy was 7. 

Leah---I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is back on drugs. Prayers for her.

Michellesmom----I think that whenever you are ready to call that grieving mom,

that you will be surprised at how well you will do. Your love for Michelle, and your

desire to help this poor mom will give you an inner strength. Good luck & prayers.

Betsey---I agree that children who love animals/birds have an inner goodness and

softness of heart that goes on with them into adulthood. I notice that so many

here on BI have remarked, told stories, and posted pics of their children with their

pets. It's a thing we all seem to have in common, among many others. Davey had

tropical fish, and loved dogs. He had a puppy "Dash" that he adopted from a

shelter.  He felt sorry for it because it was the runt of a litter that had

 been brought into the shelter.The pup promptly got sick  and died from parvo within

a couple weeks. Dave was 19 years old and cried. He had to go to the hardware

 store and buy a shovel to dig a grave to bury the poor pup. He wrapped the pup in

 one of his own sweatshirts. I have a dog statue that I bought & painted to resemble

 little"Dash".( it sits on his grave in summer).

He never had another dog after that.  

Betty----Love the pics of Stephen.     

Kathy---I am sorry that your son is still in the clutches of drugs. Your love for him will

never cease, and you are doing the right thing.  Prayers for him.

           Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

I'm going to try to find this book.  It will be the first download on my Kindle that Rich got me for Christmas.

Thanks for sharing!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[Guest]

Thanks, briansdad.  I'll get the book. 

I don't know how to PM someone.  I know how to check mine when it says I have a message and reply to it.  But, I don't know how to send the initial PM.  If someone would tell me, I'd appreciate it.

I am really beating myself up!  I wish I would have kept my mouth shut concerning Kathy's dream about calling Dee.  And, then instead of just telling Bonnie I don't know what her son's friend's dream meant, I go into detail about other stuff. 

That was irresponsible of me.  We are too vulnerable.  This is too important for me to be so flippant about my opinions or "impressions". 

My apologies.

Susannah

[hotrod]

Hi Susannah

It is quiet evident that your heart is always in the right place .   

 I "PM"  by going into the message center. At the top of the Board where it reads "Logged in"  and information regarding messages. 

 Click there .  When you are in you will find at the Top Left It reasd

 "Send New Message" Click on that and you are on your way  You will need the persons logon name.

Good Luck

Sherry I loved the story about Davey and his little Dog "Dash" How wonderful and gentle  Thanks It brought tears to my eyes.

Greg Book sounds good  I do try to show peple I appreciate them  Much more now than I did before I crashed

Colleen and Dee stay warm thinking of you

Beth  Praying for you  Loved seeing Little Zachy's precious face.

Betty

Stephen'smom

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah:  Actually, there is an even easier way to pm:  just click on the name above the avatar of the person's child.  It will give you the option of "profile" or "Send a private message."  Just click on the send a private message and it will take you right to the message center, already set up for the person you want to send it to.

Also, please stop beating yourself up...as Betty said, your heart is in the right place, and that is all anyone can expect. 

Sherry:  I loved the story about Davey's little dog, also.  So nice that you put the one out in summer at his site. 

Betsy and Trudi:  holding you close as these days march on to the angelversary for your precious sons. 

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

SUS, did I miss something? You didn't say anything offensive that I see. I love the humor with which you say things, ie. indigestion. Funny. Hey we all take a stab at figuring out dreams and signs and what have yous. I kind of think that your dream interp for Kathy was pretty cool. Maybe all the clutter in our lives, interferes with the very quiet signs from our Children. Makes sense to me. I would also say, don't know why, but there was a chunk of time, can't even pin point when, when I did not feel or get signs from ERi for a long time. I felt lonely for her, felt like maybe she had to leave to the next step or something. DOn't know, only know that after a time of maybe 6 months, she was about again. Maybe it was a time that I needed to find ways to make do without her to show myself that I could, a time to find new legs and arms to take me places and she zipped back in to say, " I am here, and you are standing, hooray!"

To the Mom that posted today in response to Geneva, if you are out there, hello Dear, and I am sorry that you find yourself here, but do come back, we are here.

Betty, I keep thinking of Stephen with the beautiful bird in his hand, that pure trust. My goodness, even the birds knew.

Beth, hard times indeed, I am praying for you Dear.

Sherry, what a cute little Dash. Thanks for sharing about Davey's siblings. It is sweet to think of his Big Bro taking care of him, and I am sure that he misses his Little Bro quite deeply.

love to all,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Susannah,

You did nothing wrong so I hope you're not beating yourself up!  Easy girl!

When I was taking the tree down. I was putting a new ornament that someone gave me back in the box.  It's a Hallmark ornament called Always Remembered.  On the back of the box is this poem:

[align=center]Always Remembered

Let there be memories -

signs that our loved ones

remain near in spirit

long after they're gone....

tender, surprising,

heartwarming, and welcome -

a sweet, peaceful promise

that love will live on.

[align=right]Terri Steiger                                                       

[align=left]

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[/align][/align][/align]

[Guest]

Well.  This morning as I sat outside having my morning cigarette (I have no intention of quitting)...The sun's light was just breaking through.  I looked down and in the snow was a perfect "S". 

I gasped.  I took a picture but thought, nobody's ever gonna believe me!

 

[Guest]

The perfect "S" I just told you about hardly even looks like an S on the picture.    Bet Steph got a kick out of that one.

 

[summergirl]

Andy Andrews has started the Noticer Project.  The idea behind it is to “notice” the five most influential people in your life.  He has a point.  How often do we wait until birthdays or holidays to even talk to people?  How often are the best things about someone said at their funeral?  This world would be a better place if people only noticed those who have impacted their lives.  If you haven’t already done so, maybe The Noticer will give you the incentive to start.

Greg - I love this. Thank you for sharing....book store tomorrow.

Susannah - I LOVE your "first impression" of my dream, I do not think you are a "kook", I think you are a wonderful, dear friend....I printed out your impression as it meant so much to me....really gave me alot to think about. I have been so crazy lately with the holidays, Tavian, work, worrying about my son, February coming at me like a tornado ...... I think of Jessica all the time but do I listen.????  I will now. Please always go with your first instincts and never erase a post because you think one of us will think your crazy......I BELIEVE.....Thank you from the bottom of what is left of my heart....

Lorrie - I am so sorry for your Kimberly....her Cody sounds like Tavian's DD....every time they talked of marriage or living together he ended up doing the most stupid things untill finally Jessica let him go for good, she never stopped loving him but she refused to put her life on hold for someone who could not committ fully, who would be there for a while and then go about his life as though Jessica and Tavian did not exist....she was a strong woman and I pray that Kim can find the strength to hold on or let him go for good......I am glad you texted him because I know that when DD hurt Jessica the first time (when she was pregnant) I went to see him and gave him a "smack down" he will never forget...he's scared of me......Hang in there girlfriend.

Betsy - glad you have your loud music to drown out the thoughts.  G/F needed a good smack down, what a stupid remark to make.....Rich died because he was so happy.....give me a break....she doesn't walk on water she walks on ego...Rich was happy because he had 2 of the most loving parents in the world, his life was good. When my brother passed away my sister-in-law told my parents that they did not feel the pain she did...losing her husband was much harder on her then it was for them to lose their son....I had to keep my mouth shut as I know how much she was hurting but I will always believe (no offense to anyone) that to lose a child is the worst pain anyone can feel.....my sister-in-law has moved on, has a live-in boyfriend, my parents can not have a live-in son!!!!!!

Terri - I am so sorry about your Aunt Genneva...she sounds like a wonderful woman and indeed an Angel here on earth. I know it must be hard on you not to be able to go to the funeral but you loved her and that is what matters...prayers to you.

Question - is there ever a morning that you open your eyes and your child is not on your mind??   when you close your eyes to find sleep is your child not on your mind?

Bad day today....alot of stress, my son is leaving Iowa and going back to PA, going to stay with a "friend" there, says he cannot get a job in Iowa, he wants to be closer to his children and he is determined to make it....I pray so hard that what he says is true but after 16 years of this I just do not know. I talked with him tonight and told him he had to do what he has to do, I cannot make decisions for him, I love him, I want what is best for him but I am too tired to go through anymore pain...I will always be here for him to talk to, I will continue to pray but he needs to make his choices. I believe anyone can change and I know he has it in him but like I said, it is up to him to make it or not.....prayers needed.

Bonnie - Tavian loves his new bear...calls him "Boog" and will not sleep without him. The funny thing is I was going to buy it for him for Christmas but thought 30 dollars was alot, when I went into the store yesterday there were 7 left marked down to 4.99 and I had a coupon for 4.00 so I paid $1.08 for Boog:cool:   He is sleeping now with his arms around Boog....

Prayers to all, peace to all. For those getting snow...snuggle in and stay warm.

Much love, Kathy

Jessica, I am listening baby, I am listening.....

 

[summergirl]

Tavian planted these 2 bulbs in school, brought them home and they were about 2 inches tall....look at them now...he is so proud of them I had to take a pic and share.

[summergirl]

Tavian in his "box" waching tv and eating pizza. He has more fun with a cardboard box then he does toys;)

[summergirl]

Tavian and his best friend Damien - sleep over play date...

[ericasmom]

Kathy, thanks for the photos, hey are those flowers paperwhites? I had some in my class last year in the spring. Very nice. Yes, so many kids could make a day of it with a cardboard box. When the toys break, get the box out that they came in, that will last a bit. Do we listen? That is the part that we sometimes don't realize that we aren't listening close enough.

I will pray for your Boy Kathy, as you said, it is in him to do it, to kick this thing, but he has to do it. Lord knows that if we could do it for them...So deep prayers and constant hope.

I go to sleep each night when my eyes have had it and can't read another word, then glasses off, lights off and I speak to ERi. I fall asleep each night doing so. When I wake in the night, and I do that a lot, I say prayers for all those on my prayer list. I sometimes fall back to sleep while saying prayers which is peaceful and filled with hope sleep. As I walk in the morning, I talk with ERi and I pray out loud letting my whispered prayers fly up to the clouds and beyond.

Lorri, I am so sorry that Cody can't seem to grow up and be an adult. I will add Kim to the prayers tonight and until it is worked out.

Bonnie, how nice that someone gave you that ornament, such a pretty poem.

Trudi, I know you are out there, I am loving you.

Amanda, how is BabyLove?

Sleep well Everyone,

dee

[lostwoher]

 Just checking in. Been reading daily but have no words of wisdom or advice so keeping quiet. Cant keep up and remember everybodies post but I do wish you all well.

Ive just been so exhausted after work its all I can do to stay awake to read. Not happy with this winter storm we are having. We have about 2 - 3 inches with plenty more on the way.

I must tell you Susannah that you are by far a crazy lady. I like how you interpret dreams or signs. Bless you.

I dont read books much but I did read the Christmas Box and enjoyed it. I didnt put it down once. I think I may need to check into reading some of the others you all have talked about. Maybe it will ease my brain into other thoughts for a change.

Thinking of you who are approaching the angelversary of your beloved one. Why does it have to even happen? A question there is no answer for

Yes Bonnie, I too think of Kayla with each waking moment and each last eye shut. Along with several times during the day/night.

I went to ask for a day off in feb ( Kayla's bday 2/10) but it was blackened out which means it was too late to request. I explained to my mgr that I was having a party and needed to have it off. He insisted on being invited until he found out the type of party and why I was having it. STUPID GOAT! Later he told me to go ahead and take it off. Well, we will see if it actually happens once the schedule is posted. Im not holding my breath.

Thats all I have at the moment. Stay warm and safe Indigos.

Love n hugs,

Lynn              Snowflakes are like kisses from Angels- Thank YOU

                                                                                    Kayla & all 

                                                                                       Angels

[andrewsmother]

My dear friends:

Today was a hard day, the detective came to my house and dropped off all of Andrew's belongings he had with him when he died, his wallet, his key chain and his cell, I find it ironic all 5 other people in the accident survived, and his cell phone still works, yet he didn't make it.  I saw the last few calls he made, the last text messages he sent just a few minutes before he died, this was really hard.  I also saw that he had my phone number's ringer to the tune of "dear mom", that destroyed him, I am his mom and my baby is gone.  There was a very special message for me on Tributes.com on Andrew's obituary, it read as follows:

To Andrew's Mom, My house was where your son passed away. When the police came to my house to say that he was gone, all I could think of was you, his mother. As a mom of only 1 son, my heart is broken for you. I don't have the proper words to say that will make you feel any better. Julie came to my house and I needed to know his name... Andrew. We stayed with him until they took him away. As a mom, I knew I wouldn't have wanted my son to be left alone. All I can say is that I have a candle lit for his soul and my heart hurts for you. Please be brave for him. You will always be his mami and nothing can ever change that. The only difference now is that he is the angel who will guide you for the rest of your life. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, please let it be mine. I feel connected to you somehow. Maybe it's because he left this earth from my house. I will pray for him & you always. Thank you for putting his picture so that I got the chance to see him. He is beautiful & will continue to be beautiful through eternity. Que dios te bendiga siempre y te acompane en estos triste momentos.

Posted by: Elyse Miami, FL   Jan 06, 2010

My sister and I went to this lady's home today, she was with my son until they took him away, which by the way I found out waas not until 9:30 am (his time of death was 3:16 am), they left him there because there was nothing they could do for him, and here we were calling all hospitals since 5 am and kept being told he was not there, of course no one could find him, they left him there.  We were told he had passed at around 9 am, we thought he was at the hospital where we were which is about 20 miles away when in fact he was still in the car only about a mile from my home.  This woman whose house the accident happened at happens to be of a different religion called santeria, she believes in saints and spirits and they have rituals and so forth.  We spent hours there and were spiritually consulted by these people who happened by chance to be there as well.  We were told lots of things about our lives but the most gratifying thing was the woman that wrote to me, she told me she had gone to great lengths to find me because she felt a certain connection to me.  She told me Andrew was fine, that his spirit would forever protect us.  She was very kind and loving.  Eventhough I'm not part of that religion I felt somewhat at peace with her words, maybe we hear what we want to hear during a terrible loss like these, but her words were comforting all the same.  I choose to believe Andrew sent me there, to the spot where he took his last breath, to meet this woman who made me feel better, who made me believe my son's spirit is still alive.  I'm a skeptic at heart, but right now I need faith, I need to believe my son sent me a message through this woman whom I've never met before in my life.  I'm still going to pieces, I've cried every single day for the last 2 and a half weeks, but I have to believe my baby is still with us in spirit and always will.

Lots of love to all,

Rosie, Andrew's mom

[mpsmom]

Rosie, I am glad that meeting this woman was able to bring you some sort of peace.  I have not posted in a while as I was away from home for the holidays and I have had a difficult time keeping up with all the new comers to this website. 

My name is Marcia, I lost my only child, my daughter at the age of 17.5 to sudden heart death on September 20, 2008.  I was not there with her, but was contacted by a stranger who gave her CPR ( unsucessfully) until the paramedics arrived.  When her heart stopped beating, nothing would have brought her back, but his young man continued to try until they pulled him off of her body.  He feels he has an angel ( my Bethany ), watching over him forever now. I am glad you have found this site, it has been a great deal of support to me over the last year.  I am so sorry that you have a reason to have found us though.

Big Hugs, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[lostwoher]

Rosie, keep believing that. His spirit is alive and with you ALWAYS.

Hugs!

Lynn

[hotrod]

Dear Rosie, I am so very sorry for the pain you are in.  I believe that  the women reaching out to you was definately a gift from Andrew.  I found that the more I  came here, read, and shared, the more I connected I came to truly believe  that all our angels are here with us and that we will see them again. Please try to rest.

Marcia So good to see Bethany's beautiful face.  I do hope your leg is healing

 Lynn  So wonderful to see Kayla's new avatar  She is so lovely!!.

Bonnie Thank YOu for the poem and "Love for the Journey"

Goodnight Indigos 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)