Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

IF YAL DONT HAVE ONE OF THESE SCANNERS YOU GOTTA GET ONE..ITS SOOOO EASY...

LOVE THIS PIC OF KOURTNEY...LEARNING TO POTTY

[lostwoher]

 Rohan  RoHaN  ROHAN :dude:

[lostwoher]

 Happy Anniversary Dee and to the Mister

[lolynbo]

Rohan, ROHAN ROHAN ROHAN...SAYN YOUR NAME LIL MAN

[summergirl]

The only think I can think of for your friend.....""I know I will never feel the loss of moving away from those I love.  Please excuse my lack of empathy or my insentivity for your loss"".  Meeeeooooowhttp://www.  That one had best go into the read don't send file.....

Trudi - well said and I say "Terri, go with it" !!  It still amazes me how people can be so insensative and OK stupid.....my sister-in-law told me over Christmas that I needed to get "out of my funk and get happy" - OK...tell me that when you walk in our shoes......the "REMEMBERANCE" poem that Bonnie did and I copied, printed, put butterflies on it and framed it in rememberance for Jessica and my father-in-law was taken to my mother-in-laws and I told you all how not one word was said of it until we were ready to leave and the "mother" said "oh, that is for me??  I told her I wanted it left there for when ever we get together and then it would come out along side of the candles.....well, Christmas Eve we were ALL there and guess what...yep, no framed Rememberance.....I told Barry that he is to go to his mother's and get it back from her, I want it here with me.....talk about being hurt, it never ends. I know that I am in a place where I have found some comfort in my memories of Jessica, the wonderful years we had together but I also know that I will never be the person I was before and I am not sure I want to be.....I am much stronger and have come to a point where I will not let people walk all over me.....if someone says something STUPID I will respong accordingly...and believe me I have lost friends but they were not my friends to begin with so no loss there.      Trudi, that Muttley is one adorable pup......sure wish I had my Kaylie here, she always gave me so much comfort, hard to believe she will be gone 1 year in April.

Lorrie - Beautiful pic -- hot blond with a handsome man...What kind of scanner do you have???    Love the "potty" pic

Yes, Tavian had a great Christmas, loves his laptop and so do I as now I do not have to share mine anymore;)   He is getting so big and his personality is so much like Jessica's, I am blessed for that but there are times when I cannot stop the tears when I look at him and he has that certain look.....like looking at Jessica.  

Dee - the Diary of a Wimpy Kid are such a great hit here also....Tavian loves to read and has comleted one and is starting the second...it is so good to see him in his recliner reading quietly.

Susannah - how is the "grieving chair"....sure wish I had one but would not fit in my livingroom next to 2 recliners, a love seat, the flatscreen tv and stand - I can just see you sitting there with your portable electric blanket seeping coffee or tea.

Marcia - how are you my friend....hope your vacation is going well for you and hubby.

Bonnie - is it you who wanted the Frog blanket.....I tell you I am losing my mind if I am wrong.....it is finished and want to send it but need the address....or was it Carol?????   OMG - where are the guys in the white coats?????

Peace and love to all and to all those I have missed once again Bless you and I will catch up soon.   Love to all, Kathy

I know this sounds crazy but I think I need the Cheat Sheet.....cannot seem to keep up with every one and I want to.....where do I find it???

 

[Guest]

First of all, Kourtney sitting on the potty is the cutest picture I've ever seen! 

I feel better knowing you get angry without knowing why, Betty.  Because you're so sweet.  There could be hope for me!

Trudi - You know how best friend necklasses are hearts broken in two...with each friend wearing half?  Maybe...just maybe...Mike was letting you know you're always in his heart, too.  I'm grasping at straws, I know.  But, I just think Mike had something to do with it.  And, I'm mad at your boss!!!

And, I think you're on to something with your condolence letter to Terri's friend.  Maybe we should compose a letter to Stupid people. 

Now I'm in a mood.  I'll feel guilty for it tomorrow.  I want a bumper sticker that says:

 "You don't know how I feel.  If I have to explain it, you won't get it.  So, please, just shut up."

At that, I'd better shut up.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

ITS CALLED A PANDIGITAL AT BEST BUY.....FREAKIN AWESOME..AND EASY EASY EASY..AROUND $100.00

[ericasmom]

Terrie, I agree, no apology is needed. You simply stated what you wish folks would understand...that you and your Husband are no longer able to be who they expect or want you to be. I think that explaining yourself was clear, and restating that the fund raisers are a great way to stand tall where our Kids cannot, but you can't do a fund raiser every day. It is one way that we can work to keep the names and strength of our Kids doing good things for others. One way. Another way would be if folks would speak about our Kids and not hide from the fact that we are always going to grieve their leaving. Always. I once said to someone I was close to," what don't you get about always, the al, or the ways?" We didn't talk for some time. And when My alleged 'best friend' asked me " do you think it is karma Dee?" I thought I might jump right through the phone and strangle her and say, " no, but this is."

Really, there are some stupid things to say to people when they are hurting. God help me never say such stupid things.

I admire what you did Terrie, and as you keep an open heart to the possibilities that exist in the years ahead, you will see a softened time but yes, there will always be the missing.

Trudi, that Muttley steals my heart with each story and photo. I am sorry however that the egg broke, (you will have to explain what a thunder egg is ) but that Mike made it for you and it broke makes me sad. I know what you mean about trying to preserve what is left of his life here. I love that Mal saw the heart in the break. The broken heart. The ocean may be calling you so that you can once again shrink yourself against the mightiness of it all, finding your rhythm in the waves as they crash the shore.

Betty, I am glad that you are home, no more pretenses to deal with now. Home again and safe in that place you know so well. Football on, and even in the new world where we all live, a semblance of settling back to normal is present. I am glad that you were able to revisit some of those special places in your life with Stephen.

Lynn, the Mister, (John) and I went to see the movie with Meryl STreep and Baldwin and my hero, Steve Martin. The movie was funny, longer than need be but funny indeed and yes, I would suggest going. Some fine acting adn some really sweet and hilarious moments. We went out to dinner where we were married and that was just plain sweet. I had artichoke linguini and a glass of chianti. Fab.

When the kids were young and we had just gone through with the divorce, I told them I would never marry again unless Steve Martin asked me. Then I would because he is so very funny and charming. Well, Erica was pissed when I was marrying John as she wanted me to hold true to no marriage unless it was Steve Martin. We saw Steve MRtin at an Art Fair in Chicago soon after I married John, Eri said, there is the guy that is supposed to be my stepdad.

Lorri, could you look any younger? What a nice looking couple.

Kathy, how nice that you don't have to argue to have Tavian read. As far as the inlaws not putting the framed poem out, they simply cannot deal with death, they prefer to pretend it never happened. It is too much for some folks to acknowledge loss, as though it makes the house messy or something, so they go around it every whcih way. I feel sorry for those people, they are the ones who are so afraid of death that they cannot meet it with any grace themselves.

Peaceful sleep Everyone,

dee

[ericasmom]

OKAY< best and meanest bumper sticker I ever saw was this;

God loves you----but everyone else thinks you're an

as_-_ _ _ _

sorry if I offended anyone, just had to share after reading Susannah's post.

[summergirl]

Kathy, how nice that you don't have to argue to have Tavian read. As far as the inlaws not putting the framed poem out, they simply cannot deal with death, they prefer to pretend it never happened. It is too much for some folks to acknowledge loss, as though it makes the house messy or something, so they go around it every whcih way. I feel sorry for those people, they are the ones who are so afraid of death that they cannot meet it with any grace themselves.

 

Dee - thank you, it just makes me so angry and upset, why is something so beautiful such a threat to them....I have always held tight to the theory that you do for others even if it is something you do not really want to do, because it makes the other person happy.....giving some happiness seems to be something that many others do not have any idea about......I guess it is better for them to ignore then have to face the fact that we are suffering and in pain and just ask that Jessica and Dad be remembered without words.....that was why why we started with the candles, so their presence would be felt without anyone "having to talk about it", the frame was done for the same reason....but they still do not get it......I am not so sure I feel sorry for them anymore.....I just think it's pathetic

Tavian is falling asleep next to me and it is 12:21 at night....he sure likes to take advantage of the "getting to stay up late when no school";)

Love and Peace to all....good night, sweet dreams. Kathy

[mikesmum]

[user=7435]ericasmom[/user] wrote:

OKAY< best and meanest bumper sticker I ever saw was this;

God loves you----but everyone else thinks you're an

as_-_ _ _ _

sorry if I offended anyone, just had to share after reading Susannah's post.

Dee - Oh, thank you.  I really needed that......Sorry to hear it didn't work out for you and Steve Martin, I still have hopes for George Clooney, he's holding out for me.

Susannah - it does look like the two parts of the friendship heart. It got broken while the grandies were looking thru the DSI packaging for the charger.  Mike would have been right in the middle of that.

Kathy - Yep those who you might think would know better are the ones that just dont get it.  Your time is better spent with Barry Tavian and holding onto your beautiful Jess.

There was a funny side to the family visit - Miss Jeya only has a shower at her house.  We put them in the spa sort of a  bulk grandies bathtime.  Well picture the cutie, clothes peeled off sitting in the empty bath "I have bath your house granma?"  Bless you baby girl....

I think Mike has been downloading to my iPod.  I have tried to download Ben Harper, Beloved One & Waiting on an Angel.  I have 'Reason to Mourn' and 'Waiting for you' 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq8AwKee4zM 

He was always better at doing this than me.  Just when you think you can lump the other half into the those who don't get it pile - he packs a picnic & the dog into the car and finds a quiet place on the banks of a running river.  Ahhhhh peace.

Trudi

[andrewsmother]

Hi everyone...sorry I can't quite keep everyone's name straight, I have however gone back and read your posts.  I wish this site would allow you to see one person's post all the way through but it doesn't so it was a little difficult but I did it.  Your stories broke my heart but they somehow brought comfort to know we are all together here.  Its not just why me, its all of us...many people have gone through what we are going through, life is just not easy nor fair.  My baby has been gone for a week and 2 days...and everyone seems to think I need to get back to my regular life...what life?  My life as I knew it ended on December 19, 2009.  Im going through a period where I hate my husband, he is not my kids father so he just doesn't get it.  He went back to work today and told me it was time to do laundry...well guess what buddy...I don't care if laundry ever gets done again.  He keeps telling me I need to go on with my life, that life goes on...Yeah...for you...your two kids are alive...mine is not...People just don't get it.  I spent most of the day yesterday trying to find all pictures of Andrew on my computer so I can have them printed...of course everyone probably thinks I'm crazy, this is all I do and have done for the last 9 days.  I hate this...I hate this, and I want my son back!!! How can people have the odacity to think my life would ever be back to normal?  My husband's son Kevin's dog was run over by a car yesterday in front of our house, she was taken to the doggy hospital and stiched up, she was banged up pretty bad but she was released and is going to be okay.  She lost a lot of blood..poor puppy, I'm glad she made it...maybe my Andrew interceded in that.  She is a Golden retriever but she's super hyper and just ran out the door and into traffic.  That's going to cost another $1600.  I'm attaching a copy of the tattoo Chris got on his arm of his brother's name...I'm so proud of him, he's being so good I almost don't recognize him.  Well my friends...thank you for listening...this really helps.  Soon I'll post the video of Andrew..his friend said she would cut it to less than 10 minutes.  My love to all.  Rosie

[arc4ever]

To everyone who offered their opinion on my email response to my friend, thank you. It is comforting to know I am not the only one who gets really STUPID comments from people we thought loved us. Maybe they love us in their own way. I pray I was never this stupid in my previous life (my life before Adam passed).

Okay, I’ll try to catch up:

Lorri: Seriously you and Monty are a beautiful couple - dang what hotties! Kourtney on the potty - waaaay cute.

Susannah: I think I’m going to print out your prayer and tape it to my computer screen, and my makeup mirror and maybe even in my car so I can be reminded over and over that the stupid people do not know they are stupid!

Trudi: Love your idea of typing it out, and not sending. Maybe I need one of those files. I cannot believe someone would have the audacity to listen to the 911 call from when Mike passed. That was completely overstepping the bounds of common sense and decency and she had no business doing so. I think maybe she thought she was helping??? It was kind of her to do the baking, but to expect to lean on you when there was a "crisis" of another pregnancy. Whatever crazy lady. Yep, time to cut that one out of your life.

Betty: I like how you put that you are back here with us and not out in the world trying to pretend, it is what we do isn’t it. People tell me, "you look good" I reply "it’s all an illusion".

Dee: Thank you, I was a bit afraid of what you would say. You are further along on this journey and always have such a wonderful way with words. It made me feel better. The bumper sticker made me laugh. I love the what don’t you get about always. Really people its not a difficult concept always means ALWAYS, FOREVER, TIL THE END, NEVER TO STOP - A L W A Y S!!!!!!!! And by the way, your story of Eri and Steve Martin cracked me up!

Rosie: I love your son’s tattoo. As far as your husband, I don’t know what to say. From the people I have met along the way, some step-fathers are extremely helpful and comforting and some are not. Maybe some counseling for both of you, it may help him to understand a little more that you are no longer the person you were and there will be many, many times that you really don’t give a rat’s a** about laundry or dishes or anything else for that matter. But there will be days when you can do these things. I have tried to learn to go with how I am feeling, if I’m up to it I do it, if not, then I don’t. Yesterday I stayed in bed until almost noon, stayed in my PJs til about 3, but I did end up cleaning our bedroom and bathroom and cleaned out my nightstand with all its makeup and crap in it. So basically when I wasn’t up to getting up, I didn’t and when I felt a little better, I did something. I am so sorry for the loss of your Andrew, what a handsome young man. Just FYI: some information on me - our only child, Adam was 16 years old and driving to school, he went left of center and hit a full size dump truck filled with gravel head on. He survived the accident, but passed away after several hours of surgery. That was March 25, 2008. We do not know what happened, we know he was not on his phone, I don’t know if he dozed off, if something caught his attention, (an animal in the field, etc.) It is a rural road with no real distinctions. I mark my life as before and after. You will find many people who will disappear from your life over the next months and years, but you will also find new friends who love you unconditionally. We are some of those friends. And yes, for now, just breathe. I remember meeting a man three weeks after we lost Adam. He and his wife had lost their teenage son a couple of years before, and he asked me "can you breathe yet" my answer was "just barely" I knew he knew and understood. That simple question made me know he knew.

Lyn: Love the photos of Danny!

Sorry for the long post, but wow there is a lot to catch up on!

Love to all, Terrie (Adam’s mom)

[Guest]

Rosie - 9 days.  Just a moment in the loss of your son. 

I'm sorry you're not surrounded with understanding and empathy.  I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.  If I were there, I'd help with your laundry. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[arc4ever]

One last thing.  I think it is time I sucked it up a bit and tried to visit my parents once in a while.  My father is an incredibly kind, wonderful soft-spoken man.  He loved Adam so much.  I found out today from my younger sister (the good one- hahah!) that the doctor is worried about my dad, and told him that he is not right, he needs antidepressants.  He refused to hand out Christmas gifts on Christmas morning - even though he always, always hands out the gifts.  I think in my own pain I am losing track of how this is affecting my family.  I'm going to stop by their house on the way home and visit my family, something I have avoided doing but just a handful of times since Adam passed.  I never understood it when people said "oh, they died of a broken heart"  I thought how could that be.  Sadly, I believe it is completely and utterly possible to die simply of a broken heart, even if the doctors call it cancer or heart attack or stroke, the broken heart is the underlying cause.  I have to do what I can to help my dad - a man who would go to the ends of the earth for me and always would.  Wish me luck.

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos 

I am so glad to be back and connected to everyone

 

Rosie, I know this is such a difficult time for you and it is great that you have found us and are feeling the special connection that develops here. Andrew is a special young man and the tattoo that his brother has of his name is precious.  Please take care of yourself and only do what you can do.  People do not understand so come here  and read and post as you have been doing.  I  found that even though we are sad and lost   we can  help each other make it thru the day with dignity and understanding. You are not alone

 

Terrie I am sorry to hear about your Dad and do hope your visit goes well

 

Today is a down day for me so I will try to just let the memories flow and feel the feelings

 

Hope everyone has a safe day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

 

   

[ericasmom]

Betty, I love that you used the word that really has great meaning here; dignity. It is with great dignity that we are enveloped by one another. It is with dignity that we weep and ask for help and with dignity to give help to those that are asking, and it is with dignity that we sign on and off each day as we step back and forth into the world that is made different without our Babies. I think that dignity is what is missing in so many other places including our so-called-best-friends, and I think it is that which we seek in our new lives. WE are regarded with love and acceptance here, not with expectations and time frames. Thank you Betty for your elegant take.

Terrie, I smiled when you said you laughed at the Steve Martin story, and how funny that you wondered if I was okay with what you said in your note. IT is where we stand today that is important Sweetie, not where you might be tomorrow. Today is where you are able to tell your friend who probably loves you dearly, but definitely does not get it, and so today I celebrate because there is liberation and DIGNITY(word of the day) in being able to standup for your life, for your broken heart.

Rosie, what  a pretty name. I love the tattoo on Chris' arm, his brother going everywhere he goes. And he will, Andrew will be with you in a fold of time that doesn't allow visual or tactual connection (though we get orbs and shivers on our skin when they can), and he will let you know he is present in many ways. Nine days. Wow. Nine days after Eri left I had not even considered a grief website. I had no concept of there even being such a thing. I found this place one day about 5months after Eri's leaving. I just wondered and googled Grief Websites. I was amazed by how many were out there. This one and one other were where I landed. The other one was far too religious for me, as far as GOD FEARING ideas, which I do not believe God is one to fear.

Okay, I just took a breath and reread the post here, get a snack if you plan to read it because it is looooong. Just needed to talk.

 Erica was killed in Kalamazoo Michigan, alone in her car. Eri and I had spoken on the phone just 30 minutes before the accident. She and I laughed and I told her that I bought her a skirt that was similar to the one she loved of mine. She was so excited, " Is it pink Mom, can you send it to me?" I went home listening to the robins singing their last song of the night, my favorite music, and told my husband, (not my kids Dad), that Eri sounds happy, that she is finding her stride. Thirty minutes later came the call.

She had just gone to JimmyJohns for a sandwich and the configuration of the parking lot is such that upon leaving she was on a bit of decline. The traffic sign says; NO LEFT TURN IF TRAIN SIGNAL IS FLASHING. The train signal was not flashing so she turned left. We later learned that the train light had been broken for 11 months, reported on paper too, and while we were still in town, found that there was a wasp nest in the fuse box, so no fuse changed in a long time. A 4.00 fuse is all that it took and someone to act accordingly.  As soon as you turn left you are on the tracks which are also on a curve, the Amtrak, from Chicago, which Eri had taken several times,  traveling at 45-55 mph hit her car and her car went into a car across the street where there is a cross-arm. She hit that car lightly. The two boys in that car were the first responders, the same age as your Andrew, the same age as Erica, 19. While they never knew her, they came to know her over the next 6 days as she lay dying. When they ran down the block to where her car finally stopped spinning, they said the car was filled with light. Joel and Matt were football stars on the Western Michigan Team, not religious but became believers in the spirit world after that night. Anyway, they said the car was filled with a light they could not understand until they opened the door and there my Girl lay, twisted in a way they knew to be really bad. She was so pale and beautiful they said. They said it was undeniably Erica's spirit that filled the car.

Meanwhile, My Son, Jonathan, was sitting at the house a few blocks away that he shared with my Daughter, (his best buddy), and several friends. He heard the sirens. Then a friend came running in and screamed, " YOur Sister was just hit by a train." I am crying as I write this because I think of my Dear Son, hearing this and we were 3 hours away just outside of Chicago where we live. My Dear Son left to deal with the saddest most tragic event, surrounded by friends in the Trauma Center but quite alone in his despair. His life was never going to be the same. The siblings lives are forever changed as ours are.

This was July 8th, 2003. She died on July  14, 2003. Over 80 people filled the tattoo parlors in Kalamazoo and got inked. Her Daddy died last March 31, 2009. I believe as Terri said, people do die from broken hearts, his was broken and I believe his cancer stemmed from that trauma. He was never able to reach out and get any help, never had friends to hang out with, he was a loner pretty much, which is why we didn't stay married after 16 years of marriage. He drank when we were young and raising the kids so I went to work and left my marriage. That was pretty devastating to him as well, he was very angry with me. After about 4 or 5 years, he bagan to be able to talk with me in a reasonable way, and we could discuss the kids lives and choices. We lived only 3 blocks from one another when I remarried and moved. My Son moved back in with his Dad after Eri died, never intending to stay for more than about a year, but things worked as they did and so he was the Guy to handle his Dad's illness and he did so with grace and allowed his father dignity. Thankfully Michael and I became close allies before Erica was killed and he and I were able to work togehter with our lawyer in the aftermath of ERi's death. Because of our friendship, I was able to be there with him in his illness, and sat with him the last week of his life in March, slept in his hospital room, held his hands, wiped his brow, told him to watch the sky for Eri, that she would come in a sweep of pink. She did. On March 31, Michael had stopped talking, couldn't, and the sky was lead gray all day, rain and wind. Right about 4:30 the blue sky shown through a few deep heavy clouds. I said, Michael, she is coming, he stared outthe window, the clouds parted, a deep pink sunset covered the sky, we all cried and said Erica has come to take you home, don't be afraid. And he left.

My Son has seen far too much trauma for a young man of 28, but I am happy to say that right now, he is finding his stride. It has been a long hike uphill. I look back and see our steps, the landscape has changed due to the very hard work of working through grief. The fight is hard and at times you feel Why Bother, but the view from now is quite lovely, it includes all the love and memories one could hold.

Now it is I, that is sorry for so long a post, but somehow, this story came forth. Most important in my thoughts to you new to this time and place, it is new terrain, new territory, nobody can prepare you for when the big holes in the path are, but one thing I want you to try not to worry about, you will not forget the person you love. we get fuzzy memories of things for  a time, but the love and the memories that matter most will prevail. Let go of that worry if you are able. One hour at a time, breathe, go drink a glass of water adn keep one beside you to sip on, be kind to yourselves, and let the spouse know that you will have to grieve the way you are and that if he cannot support you in it, then he needs to figure out why. You have enough on your plate thank you. My husband was not sure what to do when Erz died, he was great at all the legal stuff, the must do stuff, the organization, but he felt at first that I needed to get back into life. He never had kids and for a time I thought that we were not going to make it because I didn't have tolerance for that lack of instinct to children. But he turned it around becoming very supportive of my need to be alone and my need to discuss ERica. He remains a staunch supporter.

Life is not what we envisioned, but perhaps one of the things we learn is to look less for what lies ahead and live in this day, make this day be the focus.

Love to you All,

dee

[Guest]

Dee - That was beautiful and well written.  Thanks for sharing.  I'm glad you brought up how hard it is on the siblings.  Stephanie's brother and sisters grieve in their own way, but they do grieve.  My son had Stephanie's face and dates tatoo'd on his fore-arm the morning of the service.  How proud you must be of your son.  How grateful you must be for the two young men who went to Eri's aid and reported seeing the light in Eri's car.

A $4.00 fuse.  Wow!   I trust it was fixed quickly after Eri's accident? 

I, too, think people can die of a broken heart.  Why we keep living in spite of our broken heart amazes me. 

Again, thank you for sharing such a beautiful written piece.  You've grabbed my attention.  If you ever felt led to write in more detail, I would be interested in reading it.  Perhaps your journey from the phone call to the place you are now??  I don't mean to put pressure....hope I'm not out of line.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lostwoher]

HA! See there Dee; one more of us Indigo's who will be first in line once your book is published .

Hoping All is safe and warm,

Lynn

[briansdad]

It would be interesting to see if we all could put together our first days after THE call.I know I found the documentary The Space Between Breaths very good.

Greg

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE WHAT WAS IN MY MAIL BOX...KIMBERLY SAID SHE DIDNT PUT IT IN THERE...SHE DONT "KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM"..IT WAS WITH A SWEET CARD WITH AN ANGEL ON IT...

[shorty16]

Indigos,

Well, we survived California.  Stopped at Solona Beach and spread some of Brian's ashes in the pacific. 

I said the names of all the kids I could think of under the setting sun on the beach.  Beauty beyond words.

Universal Studios, Sea World were great.  Aaron went to an oxygen bar.  Wierd.

Love to you all.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever.

[ericasmom]

WOW! When I began to read this Lorri, the sun shone in my window just briefly, remember, we have had only 8-10 minutes of sunshine in 9 or so days, so there it was, a golden light that is Kourtney. How nice. Well, however it got there, it is beautiful and magical.

Greg, it would be a good discussion and one that could benefit others.

Dee

[ericasmom]

WELCOME HOME Col, we missed your Son's smiling face and your words of wisdom. Hope you are glad to be home, cold as it is.

dee

[andrewsmother]

 

Okay...I'm trying this again...here is my son Andrew's video played at his viewing.  It was shortened a little.  I hope  you enjoy it.

 

Lorrie that letter gave me goose bumps...however it got there its your angel sending you a message.

 

Rosie, Andrew's mom

[dannysmomma]

Dee:Your post is beautiful and so well written.It would be nice to see it published,very few books get into the whole family involvement .{{hugs}}I bet baby girl is so very proud of her momma.                                                          Lorri:Beautiful poem,hope it brought some sunshine to your day,your angel girl saying "hi mom"{{hugs}}                                                                                 Susannah:Yes people do die from broken hearts,my uncle lost my great-grandparents,his wife,my cousin and my grandmother(his sister}in a span of 2 yrs.I think that in losing all those he loved his heart just broke in pieces and he just died at 56.                                     Colleen:Welcome back!:)Cali huh?We just dug out of 2 ft of snow.Glad you all had a nice time:).......I'm cheating on these posts,opened another browser so I can go back and forth..lol..too confusing trying to remember everything:)Lyn

[dannysmomma]

Andrewsmother:Beautiful boy you got there mami:){{hugs}}It's a lovely video and glad you were able to post it.Lyn

[ericasmom]

Thanks Lynn and Lyn, so sweet of you to say that. I have written many views of my experience, so thanks for that.

Rosie, your video finds me crying, the Boy who is so loved, overflowing with love. He is a funny soul isn't he, looks as though he made many laugh. I am holding you as you struggle against the truth here, knowing what it means to wish so hard to turn the clock backwards.

Peace someday,

dee

[lolynbo]

MISSN SEEING YOU ON HERE MARCIA..I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT BIRTHDAY..AND YOUR HAVING SAFE TRAVEL

[nicksdad]

Shelly....I am sooooo sorry I missed Rohan's date....

[ericasmom]

Dan, how was the trip in the mountains? I hope it was lovely. I hope that you felt your Angel with you.

Beth, are you out there? I just want to know if you are there, you needn't post if you don't want to, just thinking of you and hoping that you are okay.

Kay, thinking of you and your Johnny. I miss you very much.

Sonya, the holiday going okay?

Marcia, I know you are out there somewhere and hopefully enjoying the change in scenery.

Claudia, are you feeling any better?

Loving you all,

dee

[arc4ever]

Lyn, hahaha the cheating.  At work I have two monitors, so I open one up to BI and then upon my word processing program on the second monitor, I look over at the BI posts then type my post then cut and paste.  It's the only way I can keep track.  Not so lucky at home, thus the posts are shorter from here!

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[heartbeataway]

Rosie, such a sweet video of your Andrew.  Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

Greg,  good idea!  I also really enjoy the video.  I watched it over and over for a while.

Rich related to the Dad saying he wanted to make the kind of difference in the world that his daughter would have made.  I related to the "space between breaths".  How would we ever arrange an endeavor like this?

Kathy,  yes, frog blanket.  I, once again, had forgotten about it.  With so much on your plate I didn't want to burden you.  I think your memory is better than you think!

Lorri,  loving your picture postings!  The one of you and Monty does not look as though it was taken on a cruise.  Pretty view out of the window!  And your sweet little redhead going potty on that great big potty!

Welcome home Colleen ...... sounds like a special time away. 

Shelly,  doing okay?  The day and the way you honored Rohan sounds perfect!  Hold on tight, the second year has started ...... the fact that the journey is never ending becomes abundantly clear. I send you strength!

Dee, you are just precious to me!  I just want you to know that ......

Trudi, thinking of you ...... love!

Carol, I saw a red punch buggy and thought of you and your sweet Mike. <3 !

Have a sweet evening guys ......

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

We have our 14 year old foster girl for respite care this week.  Today was a good day!  We've nicknamed her GG (giggle girl)  Tonight at dinner we were teasing her about giggling so much and she said I haven't laughed this much in a long time!  I never had anything to laugh about.  That was sad to me!

She's not really happy in her foster home.  Sounds like the foster Mom is a little hard on her.

 Lord, let me somehow make the right impact on this young life and give her some kind of lasting joy and hope.

[ericasmom]

Blessings Bonnie to you and Rich and the lovely little Soul you are spending time and heart with. I know that Jason is smiling with full dimples at the effort and love his beautiful parents are sharing. Wow.

You are also so very dear to me.

love you,

dee

[summergirl]

Dee - once again I have to tell you that I am waiting for that book to be written.. your words always inspire me, make me cry, make me hopeful, make me smile and most of all help me realize that life does go forward even when we think it won't.

Trudi - yep, just when you think family members might "just get it" they give you a smack down.....you would think my mother-in-law would be one who would GET IT since she lost her husband one year ago Labor Day....I really do not know why I would expect more since on the day my Jessica left us she walked in our door, found me in the kitchen, put her hands on my face, looked me in the eyes and said "you have to be strong", yep...those are the words she spoke to me and has not spoken of Jessica to me since......WTF was that supposed to mean????? My daughter was gone for just over 12 hours and thats what she says....I can forgive but I never forget......  The frame will come home to me where it belongs.  My time is much better spent with those who love and care not those who are selfish and self-centered.

Terri - I pray to that I was never "this stupid in my other life" !!!

Rosie - the video was so beautiful, what a handsome man who looked so happy and fun.....the tears fell as I watched and my heart hurts for you.   I must say that you are a strong woman, you may not realize it but to be able to come here after such a very short time shows a strength and courage most do not have....I believe you found us early for a reason and I pray that we guide you as you have already begun to guide me.....no matter how long someone has been on this journey it never ceases to amaze me that the new travelers can teach me after being on this road for almost 4 years now.....  It is ok to HATE your husband right now or anyone else you might want to....my husband and I went through a very hard time, almost to the point of splitting because he thought I should be "better", that I should be smiling and not crying as much as I was, because I didn't want to leave the house (my safe zone), because I didn't to go out with friends.....many times I hated him because I thought he wasn't grieving for Jessica the way I was and that meant he didn't care.  I started therapy with a wonderful woman and she made me realize that Barry could not "fix me" and that hurt him, that he needed to be the strong one and since I was not moving forward with my life then it meant he was failing at his job to make every thing better.....it was then that I realized just how much he was hurting also and I began to talk to him even if he didn't want to I made him sit and listen....it took time but we came back together again.....we still have our moments believe me but that will never change.   I am the talker in the family and Barry keeps much inside so we have learned to respect each others rights.....not always easy.    Losing a child tears apart everything we once knew and life as we knew it is lost forever, only the memories remain and we then have to learn how to make new ones.   We are very blessed to have Jessica's son, Tavian, with us....he was 4 on Feb 11, 2002 and Jessica left us on Feb 18, 2002....we went through a year and a half custody battle but got full custody in October of 2007....Tavian will be 8 in Feb and he is amazing, so much like his mommy and my savior many times over.  As time goes by you will learn more about him....he has many virtual "grammies" on BI.  I look forward to hearing more about your wonderful son.....take deep breaths, do what is best for you and hold tight my friend.....

Lorrie - your Kourtney knew you needed her to send you some strength and she sure did.......

Today started out pretty good and then out of the blue a total meltdown...the one where you cannot breathe.....cleaned the house, still crying, took a shower, still crying.....got in the car and went to do some errands, finally stopped crying and as I stepped out of my car there was a penny, picked it up and there was 1979 - Jessica's birth year.....I smiled for the first time since I got up......my girl giving me strength. I also must say that a certain person here sent me a card that I received today and that made my smile much bigger - thanks sister!!

Need to spend a little time with Tavian before he falls asleep.  Love and peace to all my friends, sleep well and dream sweet dreams.

Jessica my baby.....for every tear that falls, for every smile I smile, for every hug you beautiful son gives me there is a message from you....I believe my girl, I believe.

[nicksdad]

[user=7435]ericasmom[/user] wrote:

Dan, how was the trip in the mountains? I hope it was lovely. I hope that you felt your Angel with you.

Loving you all,

dee

Dee...It was great needed the time away from everything. Alot of memories of Nick there because he loved going there and snow boarding. He never knew how to do it yet when we went he got on the longest lift and went down the hill like he knew what he was doing. That was the only hard part watching the kids on the hill and knowing he was not there with them.

Been working on his car alot and getting it finished up, that I really enjoy spending time doing.

[hotrod]

Hello Indigos

 

Dee  Thank you so much for the support and love you share here each and every day.  Your spirit, love and encouragement to each of us is so very special.  I am also another waiting for that book.

 

Dan Your memorial for Rohan was beautiful  Thank you for honoring our angels with your talent. I am sure Nick's car will be a work of art.  Cannot wait to see it.  One of Stephen's friends is restoring Stephen's 67 Camero but I am not sure I can see it when it is finished.

 

Rosie Thank you for sharing Andrews video. His life is filled with much  joy and many  friends Please keep sharing him  here.

 

Bonnie  it is so great to see Jason's smile I am sure that you will touch "GG's spirit"  and enrich her as you  have to so many here.

 

Colleen  Welcome back  good to  see Brian's smile.

 

Terrie  Every time I see Adam's smile I smile.  He looks  so very happy and full of life!!. 

 

 Lorrie your day was special  What a beautiful note. 

 

Kathy so sorry for the tears today  Thanks for sharing your journey.

 

Greg I do appreciate all the videos you share here  I listen often.

 

I am just glad to be here and able to have warm touching memories of Stephen.  I cannot go back and recount the events  I do appreciate all you who do.

 

Trudi, Sherry, Carol, Mary Ann. Leah, Susannah, Sue, Marcia, Betsy,Lynn,Lyn and all Indigos thinking of you and praying for your peace.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

 

 

[lolynbo]

Lorri,  loving your picture postings!  The one of you and Monty does not look as though it was taken on a cruise.  Pretty view out of the window!  And your sweet little redhead going potty on that great big potty!

BONNIE ON A CRUISE THEY HAVE ALL TYPES OF SETTINGS FOR PHOTOS..(PROFESSIONALY DONE)..EVERY WHERE YOU TURN THEY ARE SNAPPIN AWAY...WE ALSO HAVE ONE WITH KODY IN IT  I WILL SCAN AND SHOW YAL IT SOMETIME...BUT IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT OUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE 5 AGAIN...MONTY, LORRI , KIMBERLY, KOURTNEY AND KODY...(OF COURSE KIMMY COULDNT GO CRUISE WITH US BUT)..THATS WHEN IT HIT ME NO MORE FAMILY PHOTOS...

BEEN READING ALL YOUR POSTS...I DONT NO HOW YAL KEEP UP WITH ALL OF THE GOINGS ONS...

I WAS BLESSED TO RECEIVE THE "LETTER/NOTE" IN THE MAIL FOR CHIRSTMAS..AND YES IT SOUNDED JUST LIKE MY GIRL KOURTNEY LYNN..

KATHY SO GLAD YOU HAD A BETTER DAY THEN IT STARTED..JESSICA WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER MOMMA.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS/HAD A GREAT DAY...

WE'VE BEEN WII...IT AND IM POOPED...I THINK I MIGHT BUY THE WII FIT TOM..MAYBE I CAN SLIM UP I HAVE GAINED 10 PDS SINCE WE'VE LOST KOURTNEY AND I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT....MAKES ME FEEL WORSE..THEN I NEED TO..

LOVE TO ALL...

KOURTNEY LYNN MOMMA LOVES YOU PUDDIN...MY LIL PEANUT...LOVE KISSN YOUR LIPS AND MAKEN YOU LAUGH AND YOU MAKING ME LAUGH...GOD I MISS YOU!!

KODYS SNOWMAN FOR KOURTNEY LYNN .... 

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

I didn't mean to imply I doubted the picture was taken on the cruise.  It was just that the view from the window wasn't what I expected.  The picture is stunning!

And the picture of Kourtney's snowman made me smile but made my heart sad.

So very sweet!

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, I'm still battling some kind of fatigue...physical and emotional, I think. My hubby gave me a guitar for Christmas, as I have shown interest in picking up playing as a hobby. I've spent 5 hours yesterday and 4 today playing around on it, just relaxing, and my fingers are nearly bleeding. Tomorrow, need to motivate and get some paperwork done, but we're still having daily planned electricity rations, and now the water too...for 3 hours each day. Yuck! The rainy season is in full force now...till April.

Rosie, I watched Andrew's memorial video, and practically the entire time I kept thinking though I never knew him, he sure looked like he lived each day to the fullest...a fun guy. I'm so sorry... There are just no words to convey such a loss... but we all here do know and understand the journey that is unfolding for you. It's not an easy one. Far from it. But it helps so much to not have to travel alone. I'm glad you found BI. There are some of the most wonderful and compassionate people here that I have ever known. HUGS!!

Reading, but chilling on posting for a bit..till I have something worthwhile to give. Just spent right now...

Love to all! xoxoxo

[tanmanmymagicman]

Rosie, Terrie, Rosie lst I don't know how you can even be here.  You are clear headed so all I can say is hang tight the days will soon turn into months, then years......this might be bad to say but I am so glad the years are going by 2010 bring it on......the further I get from my Tanner's accident the closer I get to him........I am good to myself these days....I did not need anything for Christmas because Christmas means nothing to me anymore other than my children and grandchildren I put on a happy face.....I feel better now thats its over.....but we lost our 14 year old brown lab today and our family is heartbroken....He was my Tanner's first pet and now Rocko our dog is gone........But out of the pain of old age; but did not want him to die alone on our pool deck......Sad day today; like everyday.....we are always sad but little things make me happy and make me smile and you will too......Your son; loved the pictures with his pets........Dog lovers, pet loves have loving gentle hearts and people, animals and kids are attracted to them.....like my husband ; he is the same.......I also love animals and wish I had alot of money for a no kill shelter;

Terrie, I can relate; my sister in law; who is smart and very sweet; made the remark to me at Christmas that I can choose to let Tanner's death destroy me or I could rise above it and be happy.......I still have not set her straight on that remark but I will not forget it........Wonder how far she could rise if she lost one of her 3 kids..........Well enough for me tonight......Colleen; hope Ca. was sunny for you...it was beautiful Christmas day;

You are all my strenght and all my friends and I know this posting place has helped me more than anyone or any shrink....I tried that.....heck she had never lost a child......I think I had tons of better advise for her.....and I paid her 85$ 3 times for what?????????????????????????????????????????????????

Happy, Healthy New Year; never will be as bright as when our kids were here........but I think I am going to get a massage soon and that is a bright idea for me......

So many blessings sent to you all......I can't name , names like all you sharp KIND people here; Erica's mom...what an angel.........thank you again for telling me Tanner is proud of his mom........I printed that out and it is on my board with Joey's picture from his sisters wedding as my Kayla now has meet an awesome guy and I honestly believe, her brother Tanner had something to do with that as I have been asking him to watch over and take care of his sister.........Hey this is beyond indigo so we can say anything and get away with it so here I go I am going to brag....My Kayla is 22; beautiful long natural blond hair; beautiful blue eyes and a figure that movie stars pay money for............(she does not look like me) lol; Love to all Tanner's Mama Gama;

P.S. Nicks dad the site was awesome....I have to admit I did nothing at Tanner's site at the cementary this year......I can not go there anymore ; I cry too much and don't take anyting away from it....I take confort in knowing I will be burried right next to him and his dad on the other side so I will spend time then...........

Also Rosie pouring over pictures; I did that for the first 6 months ; I even went to the CHP office and paid for all their pictures; my son on the road; etc; I could not get enough; I pulled out his clothes I picked up from the funeral home and slept with them for a few days; NOW I CAN NOT even think of looking at those pictures........Grief has MANY stages; I think at 2 years I am still going through them........I am on meds and I do believe they help.......in fact I do believe.......period...............Sorry so long; Its been a long sad day and I needed to pour it all out ...........

[Guest]

ROHAN!  ROHAN!  ROHAN!  fly, angel, fly!!!  Woohoo.....look at him go!!!

It's been two weeks since my mind was literally back at the emergency room.  Maybe not quite two weeks.

But,  I managed to get through Christmas with only one major melt down which the 60's oldies quickly controlled.

Tonight, though, there I was again.  Maybe that's PTSD.  I don't know.  I don't care.  I just know I'm there...getting the news...seeing her body with her dad sobbing over her. 

It doesn't take as long to pull myself away from it as it once did.  Gosh, it really only took minutes.  I had to.  I have to grand-daughters camping out on my bedroom floor.  I couldn't fall apart. 

When I found you all...I had been stuck in that emergency room for days.  I think I was afraid to let my mind leave it.  Like I was somehow betraying Stephanie. 

Anyway...I'm back here in December 28th, 2009.  Cousins camping out with Grandma.

 

On a funny note:  All the stress has messed up my hormones.  Oh.  My tests are all good, by the way.  Anyway, Gary went to WalMart's pharmacy to pick up the prescribed progesterone for me.   The wait was long.  he had a good sense of humor about it and was able to flirt with the clerks and pharmacist...always good for the ego.  So, before paying, the cashier looks at him and asks, "Have you ever taken this before?"  He lit right up..."Well, no.  I haven't."  The young lady went on to explain the side affects......much like PMS. 

He said the pharmacist and people in the pharmacy were just cracking up.  He had a hard time keeping a straight face.  I'm sure he couldn't hide the twinkle in his eyes.

Too funny.

Oh...one more thing.  It might sound cruel....but, my little grand-daughter who is visiting her dad for Christmas and spending the night tonight was talking about Aunt Stephanie and the way she died.  Jordynn is 5 and Losing Aunt Stephanie has had a huge impact on her....I assured her Stephanie didn't feel anything.  That it didn't hurt.  She was surprised at that.

I went right into an animated reinactment of Stephanie and her dying experience.  I said one minute Steph was on the four wheeler and next breath she was looking at Jesus.  Then she looked at her body.  Then she looked at Jesus.  Then she looked at her body.  She said..."Hi Jesus!  Oh, there's my body.  Hi Jesus...I'm so happy to see you.  Oh, man....there's my body... Oh, Jesus, I'm so glad you're here.  Why are you here?  Oh, man....there's my body...Oh, Jesus...my kids.....my mom...oh ****, Jesus...my mom's gonna be really pissed!" 

Both girls (Mariah is also camping out on Grandma's floor) were roaring with laughter.  "You said the S word and the P word, Grandma!" 

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom....umm hope the profanity doesn't offent you all...

[Guest]

Hi Tanner's mom and Joey's mom.

I'm so sorry about your lost pet, Tanner's mom.  Was the pool deck one of his favorite places?  It must feel like losing another piece of Tanner.  I'm so sorry.  Of course it was a sad day for you.

Are you any good on the guitar, Joey's mom?  I'm too lazy to look up names tonight.  Sorry.  You are facing some tough living conditions right now.  Wow.  So much I take for granted.

I'm going to do a little reading now that my family is all safe and tucked in with Stephanie keeping watch........I wonder what she does all the time.

Love you all.......oh....Rosie, just ditto to everything everyone has said.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Claudia, rest and sleep until you feel your strength again, do you have vitamins to boost your immune system. WOuld it be beneficial for us to send you some items for your personal health? THe rainy season sounds very difficult Claudia, and I know that I could not do what you are doing, your giving nature far surpasses my own. and I admire what you do. Just don't push yourself too hard, your health matters.

Well Dan, I am so happy that you had a good time, and i do know what you mean to see the hill with all the colorful kids coming down and Nick is not one of them. However I do believe he was there, and he may have taken a free ride on the shoulder of another 'border'  Eri was a skier adn border, she was good at it, as she was with most large motor activities. When I pass an ice rink, I get very teary, looking for the little ones that remind me of Her as she began skating at age 2 on her own.I do miss my little one.

thanks Betty and Kathy for your kind words, I will work on that book, I will try very hard to put the experiences of loss into words, thank you.

Cindy, I am so sorry that your Old Dog has left this place, but it sounds like it was time, he was old and ready. So Tanner has his dog with him now, how nice. I do believe Cindy, that Tanner is proud of you, you have made great strides and have worked very hard to stand where you are today. Good job. I know that at the beginning we all feel that we are letting our Baby down if we laugh out loud, or if we enjoy the day...but we learn that our Child is rooting for us to live a full life, they are hoping that one day, we will live happily again. I am glad that you are finding your life. Hey, brag, having a beautiful daughter is a cool thing, is she going to model?Act? is she going to school?

sleep tight everyone, I am suddenly pooped after being so wide awake all day and night...sleeps now.

[tanmanmymagicman]

No ; Erica's mom she is not going to be a model.......I would not want my daughter is that fake; dog eat dog world......She is one class away from starting at Fresno State to bee a speech therapist; just like her older sister....good pay and helping kids and stroke victims; can't get better than that.....

Not sleeping tonight because my other lab Barkley has been howling alittle; he is missing Rocko; they grew up together only Barkley is only 12 so we have a few more years with him......I have been trying to confort him...turned on the light. fed him extra tonight and gave him a rawhide bone.....so he is quite for now....Not sure how much he understands as to were Rocko is......?????????????????

No the pool deck was not his favorite place; his favorite place was at the back door looking in to see us......We are having him cremated and spreading his ashes at the Kings River; it was his favorite place to go and chase sticks; my husband would throw them over and over....He had a good life......we will miss our most gentle brown lab. Rocko what a sweetheart.....Blessings to everyone.......and I am sorry about names but the mom who lost her daughter to the Quad accident I am so sorry; it has not been that long for you and you are so reaching out...........

Love Cindy; Tanner's mom........

Marcia, are you still in that cast.....that is sureal.....as if we don't have enough to drag us down........been thinking of you.......

[pknight]

Hi All

Hope all are surviving the holidays! Has anyone

Heard from Mary Ann since Xmas? This 1st Christmas is almost unbearable! I

Have crawled back in my hole a bit, but coming here helps!

Haven't seen any post from her lately. Has anyone else?

Hugs

Kenny's mom

Pam

[carriebear]

Dear Indigos,

Although I hate this place's reason for being here, I am so grateful that it is, and very thankful for the love & support here. 

My heart feels heavy everytime I see a new angel here, another set of shattered hearts for those left behind, but if you have found your way here (led here by your angel, as many of us strongly believe) you will find support and caring like nowhere else.  This is a blessed place and as sorry as we are to have need for it, it is an oasis in the barren lands of grief and those who just don’t get it (God love them & hope they never need to).

Lorri, so relieved to hear that Michael's surgery went well and sending prayers for his recovery.  A Christmas miracle.

Thanks Sonya, for letting me know you think of us, I will pass along your hello to Donna.  I'd love for us to be able to get together sometime. 

Terrie, Marcia, Colleen, safe travels for you all, and thank you always for taking along our angels when you go. 

Colleen & Dee, you both are right, and I know you know all too well, about the legal wrangling....it is exhausting for me, and infinitely worse for Donna.  I've thought of both of you during our struggle, and knowing what you came through has helped bring strength to me.  The refusal to accept responsibility is maddening....they essentially are digging for any/all dirt on David and finding none, have moved on to digging in the family. Sick.  I wish I could explain more, but don't want to risk the case.  Thank you for your kind words and prayers...we will not stop fighting, we will not give up.

Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss of Rocko…my ‘lil old man’, Rusty, is a lab & 13…he’s my “Trusty Rusty” and my heart hurts for your family & for poor Barkley, looking for his buddy.

Kay, if you’re out there reading, I’m with Dee, missing you & miss seeing Johnny’s sweet smile.  I think of you often, feeling a bond with you from when I first came to BI & showed Donna the site.  She wanted to know all about your Johnny, as our David was in the 82^nd Airborne.

 

I wanted to share a couple of Christmas blessings, signs we received.  I always love reading about the signs ya’ll get so I decided to post some too.

On Christmas Eve I picked Donna up & we went to the Moravian Lovefeast, a beautiful candlelight service with music & a small shared meal of coffee & sweet roll.  We had gone together last Christmas as well but it was a blur.  Well, as we were having our coffee, I glanced around & from the corner of my eye caught a uniformed soldier standing behind the row of pews we were sitting in.  My heart leapt up into my throat & I gave Donna the nod to look.  She rose & went to speak to the young man, getting his name & e-mail so she could arrange for care packages to be sent to him.  She came back & we both had tears, knowing that we were meant to be there at that moment, to see that boy who so reminded us of our Teddy Bear, and have a Christmas blessing. 

The other awesome sign was over the weekend, my sweetheart’s parents were in town from California, and I was going to be meeting them for the first time.  I was nervous & thinking of just what David might say to me to get me to calm down like he always would.  I could hear him in my head, ‘bah, you’ll be fine, they’re gonna love you, cuz you’re a cheeseball!’  He called me that a lot.

During the evening a family friend took a photo of all of us: myself, my sweetie, his parents, his brother & girlfriend, and the friend later posted the photo to her facebook.  When I looked at the photo, tears, as I saw a perfect orb, hovering just above my left shoulder!!  He was right there with me, oh it was such a blessing to see.  If I can figure out how to post the photo here from there I will, as I know lots of you don’t have FB. 

 

I hope I can post more often soon, trying to get internet at home in the boonies is challenging on a budget!  I’m just grateful I can read daily from work.  You all are always in my thoughts, and I’m wishing you a peaceful day, with cherished ‘remembries’ to get you through!

Hugs,

Carrie, David’s “cheeseball” 

[Guest]

Hello Indigo's,

There are new faces here this morning.  Well, new to me.  I love what Carrie wrote about being here.  Well said.

I'm a bit down this morning with no "new" explanation.  Yesterday I promised myself that today would be the day I would begin anew.  Looking my best, doing my best.  Right now all I want to do is sit here, in my grieving chair, typing on my laptop.  However, there are four children here, who need Grandma to get up and be human.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[heartbeataway]

Would someone please PM me Marcia's address.  I can't locate it.

Thanks!

Hope you're all having a good day.  Its cold and VERY windy here today.

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

GOod sunny morning Indigos, I am sitting here in my office, a bit cleaner than it was yesterday, and the sun is poring in through my filmy windows. (need cleaning). The first sunny day in 10 days. Wow! It is about 14 degrees but the sun sure makes a difference. I am going to the gym, then to get my car emissions tested, and errands such as these. I have to go to school and feed the toads and frogs, and water the plants. It feels so nice to have time like this that the winter break affords.

Good day to everyone/ oh, just a thought, last year and for many now, on New Years Eve, I write down my hopes on a piece of paper and stand outside aNd cast them to the heavens by lighting them with a match and letting them disperse. I actually was able to convince my husband to do it one or two years as well. It feels good to release one's hopes and prayers to the skies and earth.

love,

dee