Loss of an Adult Child

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks for asking about nereida, she is doing real well ....,.rough days of after chemo are gone so she is back to herself.....she has a dentist appointment today and i offered her one of our drivers and she said absolutely not!!! so i guess she is ok.

everytime i see a young ,heavy set guy with a beard, i try to see his resemblance with B . every time i am in a crowded space , i try to find somebody that looks like him ....his birthday is coming up, next monday june 19th .....he will be 31 years old.

i still remember the day he was born....we had about 4 or 5 false alarms that we would rush to the hospital , finally friday june 19 he popped out ......my mom, my mother in law and nereida's aunt were all ewaiting outside , he was born around 5:30 am ...and i ran out with a huge smile and bragged about how ugly he was (he turned out to be a beautiful baby after all) ......i miss him so much 

[Changed]

Yes, Micheal , I do that too.   If I see a tall man who moves like Dave and resembles him , usually wearing a cap ,  I keep my eyes on him.     I have him back again even if it’s only fleeting.     What a sad lot we are.   We know it’s not them but the peace it gives us to see ‘them’ living and moving amongst us once more is very real.

welcome news about Nereida - my best to her. X    Roz 

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Changed said:

Yes, Micheal , I do that too.   If I see a tall man who moves like Dave and resembles him , usually wearing a cap ,  I keep my eyes on him.     I have him back again even if it’s only fleeting.     What a sad lot we are.   We know it’s not them but the peace it gives us to see ‘them’ living and moving amongst us once more is very real.

welcome news about Nereida - my best to her. X    Roz 

thanks roz....i will forward the message. i have told her a 1000 times to join this group , she just will not do it......i guess we all mourn in different ways

[Mason’s Mom]

Hi to all, I read your posts and think about each of you and our children. I had a strange thing happen this weekend. I haven't shared this with anyone. I was sleeping and a touch on my side woke me up. I reached for my husband but he wasn't in bed. I got up and found him in the kitchen. He hadn't gone to bed yet, it was just the 2 of us. It has left me feeling unsettled, just a touch no dreams or hidden messages but somehow I know it was Mason. My birthday was yesterday, this comong Sunday is Fathers Day so already feeling that deep sadness of missing Mason. Over 5 years and it just lingers in my heart. Like Roz, I try to put on a smile for my girls but I think they see through me most of the time.

[NiquesMom]

Sunday morning, early, I couldn't sleep. Awake from 1-3am. Trying to get back to sleep around 3am, and I swear I felt a hand on my shoulder. I had been talking and crying to nique and Christopher, and it made me feel as if they were right there. I hoped if I turned over I would get to see them, but nothing I could see. I believe they were with me, and mason was with you. He was telling you happy birthday maybe. I am glad you got a sign.

Michael, glad your wife is feeling better. Are you getting more quality time with her? It's nice your sons friends still show up, he must have been a great guy. Love the story about his birth!

I saw a girl today that reminded me of nique, the curly hair. I just wanted to go up and touch it.

[Changed]

Are you ok Jackie ?  Unusual for you not to post .

How precious those touches were for Carol and Virginia.   That is beautiful x

Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all this Fathers Day weekend.  I am okay Roz, if you can call this state of being okay.   It has been a difficult couple of weeks for me.  I have has several hysterical bouts of crying with no way to appease the pain of sorrow and another run with the rage, although it has softened, I still deal with.   I feel abandoned and set adrift by my family who do not really bother with me at all.   I expected that from Joe's family, they have not contacted me at all, not even when the tragedy occurred by I have always been close to my family.   It is a loss but one that fills me with anger and sadness, another issue to deal with.   I have always been the child that is very much like my Dad.  He and I shared many of the same character traits, my Mum used to say so as well.    My mother recently told me, I was nothing like my Dad, my youngest brother was the spitting image of him acted like him and looked like him.    My youngest brother has been in and out of trouble ( I am not being an ass) but my Dad was a military man and a good one,  always did the right thing and put himself out for others.  My brother does nothing except for himself.   It sounds like a stupid thing to have let hurt me but it gouged my already shattered life.   I keep thinking I am too old for this to have bothered me like it has and it makes me ashamed of myself. .   Sorry for spewing on.   It especially upsets me because everything pales in comparison to losing Garrett.   The agony and pain are unmatched.

I did not receive a notice of new posts, which is odd.   I was going to post this morning to ask if everyone was okay.   I often think of Judith and wonder if there was something more I could have done to help.   That sounds especially arrogant and I do not mean it that way just thinking of all of us in that black pit of despair and how ugly and lonely it is there.   It is a blessing each and every sign we receive from our loved ones.   Carol and Virginia, I am so happy for you.   I have seen young men built like Garrett, the dress is similar but it makes me so sad because I know it is not my boy.  I usually have to sit and cry for a long time.  I am always thinking of Nereida and wonder how she is doing.

thinking of everyone,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

hi carol....im sure it was mason ( i can not believe i left this post started ) ..............yes jackie , are you ok ? i have not seen anybody post since virginia; and that was back on teusday !!!!

monday will be brians 31st birthday ...... i just can wait !! (sarcasm intended). 

please, everybody post even if its only a sad face ...to make sure everybody is ok !!

[NiquesMom]

Hi guys. So I have decided that if I need to be here without nique and Christopher, I need to try to have the best life I can. So 3 months ago I changed how I am eating and started exercising. I have lost 25 pounds. I also applied for passports for Kyle and I, and yesterday bought tickets to take us to London in March for 2 weeks. We are planning to see London and Paris, and maybe Edinburgh and Dublin if time allows.  Everyday is colored in sadness but I cannot allow that to derail kyles life anymore than it already has. So I will keep going as long as I need to for Kyle, and just make the best while I am here.

[Michael Rodriguez]

good for you on the 25 lbs. i came down 67 so far....iwas really fat , feel 1000 % better !!!!

and that will be a very enjoyable trip....good for you .....we should also do the same! although, i think we have it easier than most (when i say "we", i mean nereida and i ) as we have b's friends always close by , we are all gathering on monday at home , and they planned it , nereida just said ok !

so b is always present .... i have to thank all his friends for it 

and some of them are idiots , but i love them all !!!!!

 

[Dustins Mom]

Virginia - I’m so happy to read about your decision to LIVE while you have the chance. Sounds like you’re definitely on the right track and aside from yourself, Kyle will be the one who truly needs to learn from you and see that we all have the ability to be transformed by our grief. How we’re transformed is the key.

Do we become angry, bitter and perpetually depressed or do we learn that we can grow into something bigger than our grief?
I figured out not long ago after my Dustin died last year that he wasn’t going to be able to rest in peace until he could see that I had been able to make peace with his death. That happened because every time I broke down his face would appear to me, full of concern, and telling me ‘Mommas please don’t cry. I’m right here and I’m doing good. Just please don’t cry.’ The first time it happened I thought it was just me but it literally happens every single time! Why would I ever want to prolong his suffering? I know his heart aches when he sees me cry for him and I know he feels my pain. I can also see how hard it must be for him to know he is the reason for my sobs. I know he, nor my late husband, wanted to leave me behind but it is the circle of life and we don’t get to choose how long we get to keep the ones we love. THAT is what keeps me going, keeps me living, keeps me loving, keeps me smiling. For them. And yet I am the one reaping the rewards. 
 

[Changed]

Jackie ,  I’ve not had notices on this site for months now .    I’m sorry that you have gone through a really bad trot lately.   I don’t really understand your family being nasty to you ,  I would think that it’s bad enough that they don’t gather around to support you , but to make things worse is not on.    I hope that you can recover from this rage and find a balance again.  Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,

Thank you.  It has been a bitter pill to swallow.  Yet I have to cry and smile, I was looking out my living room window talking to Garrett and a Great Creasted Flycatcher landed on the ledge outside and looked at me.  We stayed that way for quite a while and I could hear my boy....   "It's going to be okay Mom.   I'm here."  

[Changed]

Virginia,    25 lbs is a lot to lose - you must feel much healthier - I could do with a dose of that.    Well done.    Your trip will be so enriching and , of course,  you will be taking Nique and Christopher with you .    All this is very positive for you and Kyle both.  Roz x

[NiquesMom]

Jackie, it seems the people that should care the most are the ones who hurt us the most.

I am so sorry they are not more supportive. Try to remember they are walking their path and you walk yours, and if the paths cross that's great but most time paths are in passing or opposite directions. Rarely will people be going to same way you are.

I hope you start to feel a bit better. It is always with us, but some days do seem darker than others. 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,

Thank you, I do not know why all the things my Mum, sister and youngest brother have said and done are really on my mind.  The only one of my siblings who apologized and went out of his way to talk was my brother Rick.   We lost him in December to cancer.   He and I could have a contentious relationship due to our different beliefs in religion.   Rick believed his was the only way and he was very devote.   I did not begrudge him his beliefs but they are not mine.  However he and I would call each week and I would talk of my Garrett and he would talk of the cancer and his treatments.   I will always be glad we were able to do that for one another.  I am thankful for those talks.  

God I love and miss Garrett and I am trying hard to find a place to walk but of late it just seems the ground falls from beneath my feet.   I have tried to keep busy and active.  Working at the factory, while boring, was physically demanding.  I decided to clean all the shrubs and weeds from the edge of my entire yard.   It does not help I contracted poison,  (I have never had it and thought I was not allergic to it.)  It has covered my body  from my face to my ankles.   I had to go to the doctor to get something I could take internally.    Jolene has helped me with the constant washing of linens and clothes and scrubbing of surfaces.   Thankfully, I think I finally have it.  

I know that you all know the heaviness that sits in your chest, that ache to hold your child and tell them how much you love them.... It just eats at me all the time.

Thinking of you all,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Happy fathers day to Michael, Patrick, and all others celebrating a dad in your life. I know it is hard but I send love to all of you.

[Mason’s Mom]

Michael, I hope you find a way to make B's birthday pass with some good memories of him. Sounds like his friends loved him and wanting to share his birthday with you and your wife is something to cherish.

Virginia, good to hear yourvplans for a trip. Something for you and Kyle to look forward to and tine away will be good for both of you.

Jackie, hope uou feel better nd the meds helped. Sometimes in life we have to realize family members can be toxic and remove ourselves from contact. My son-in-law has had to do that in the last few years. His Mom has not seen Magnolia since Christmas 2021. It is sad but she was very toxic and Dennis doesn't want his child to think her behavoir is acceptable. 

Roz and Angie always good to hear from each if you

I agree with Michael we need to check in from time to time. Let us know you are still with us. I think about each of you and all our kids all the time.

[Changed]

Michael, it’s Monday here already and your B is on my mind.    
This is a good date - the day he was born - I hope that your family and B’s friends do him proud today and can celebrate his beautiful life.

None of it is as it should be but I trust that you will all come together with love.    Roz x.  
My love to B x 

[Jacqueline3]

Happy Fathers Day to all our gentlemen.

Happy Birthday B, a few hours early.   Thinking of you both you and Nereida, Michael.

Thinking of everyone and hoping there has been some form of comfort and/or peace.   If you are struggling please don't go this alone.   We are here and we will listen.

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks to all for the good wishes toward B ....we already had a mass for him today. 

i miss him !!!

[NiquesMom]

Happy birthday B!

[Mason’s Mom]

Happy Birthday B.  

[Lisa M.]

Happy birthday  B!

[daveydow1]

So very sorry for your loss.

[shorty16]

Hello my friends.

I am Colleen Jackson.  I visited this site regularly after my son, Brian died on June 19 2008.  15 years have passed.  So much has improved, but the deep missing never stops.  This journey is not something you go through, but learn to live around and with. I have had to make grief my friend.  It is ever present and needs its time.  I do go back to the "How could this happen to my Brian" and "why me" but I cannot and do not stay there. My youngest son got married on May 20th 2023.  I thought about Brian many times before the wedding and " gave grief its time". During the wedding I felt really good and grief did not turn ugly.

We can and do survive this.  The skills I learned from this site help me throughout my life.  You are not alone.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

[Michael Rodriguez]

3 minutes ago, shorty16 said:

Hello my friends.

I am Colleen Jackson.  I visited this site regularly after my son, Brian died on June 19 2008.  15 years have passed.  So much has improved, but the deep missing never stops.  This journey is not something you go through, but learn to live around and with. I have had to make grief my friend.  It is ever present and needs its time.  I do go back to the "How could this happen to my Brian" and "why me" but I cannot and do not stay there. My youngest son got married on May 20th 2023.  I thought about Brian many times before the wedding and " gave grief its time". During the wedding I felt really good and grief did not turn ugly.

We can and do survive this.  The skills I learned from this site help me throughout my life.  You are not alone.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

hi colleen , i am pretty sure you came a long last year and the year before,right? i am michael and i lost my son brian 2 years ago , and today it is his 31st birthday .....and your brian would also be 31 years old, if i did my math right!!

what different sets of emotions this date means for both of us.....i have been remebering this date as the happiest i had ever been 31 years ago and for you it was the worst 15 years ago. like april 14,2021 for me.

 

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Colleen, thanks for visiting again.  It really helps to hear from you and your experiences. 

[Changed]

Sherry ,  Colleen   and Luanne ( if she is reading )     It shows how much strength and comfort you all took  ,  for so many years  ,  from this site  that you should return on your child’s angel date reinforces  that. 
I remember how , after I had lost my David,   I would read your posts  with  their warmth and wisdom  until I was brave enough to start posting.   You all helped me more than you will ever know.  Thank you.    Love Roz x
 

[Dianas Mom]

Happy Birthday B!

[Michael Rodriguez]

[Changed]

Beautiful, happy faces - just as it should be.  Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Wonderful picture Michael.

Jackie

[Changed]

Earlier this evening I found myself on this site’s home page and took a look at the messages there.  It’s ages since I had looked.   There were a lot of grieving parents who had lost their adult child but had not found their way here - to this group.        I have answered as many as I can and pointed them to us .   I hope they  are still reading and will respond - or if they had tried elsewhere that they are getting support.

If possible,  could we look at the ‘loss of a child’ mail now and then and if no one has responded maybe tell them where to find us.    I feel bad that I took my eye off the ball.    Love, Roz x 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, I agree I actively looked on some of the other groups and I would encourage them to join us.  Somewhere along the way I stopped doing that as well.  I will try to help them  as well. 

[Dianas Mom]

April marked the first year of the loss of my daughter, Diana. I knew all the firsts, her birthday, Mother's day, the holidays would be crushing and believed that I would be better in the second year. I see that I'm losing ground, barely surviving the brutal grief that engulfs me. The total finality of her absence has finally hit me. I will never see her again here on earth, nor hold her close in my arms, feel her touch, see her smile, hear her laughter or tell her I love her.  The longing for her, the sorrow and anguish, the emptiness is unbearable. I'm told that the only way through the pain is to feel the pain. I've leaned into the pain, I'm just so weary, not able to find comfort or peace. I've lost my child and a part of me died with her. 

Thinking of you all, knowing that you have lost your precious children as well. My heart aches for each of you.

Love,

Yvonne

[Changed]

Dear Yvonne,   The reality of the loss of a child is bleak.   We grapple with just about every human emotion on a daily basis so when the big dates come around there can be a feeling of simply not being able to see a way through. 

We will all forever  carry our grief throughout our lives.    We are altered .     We will never stop loving our child, nor stop missing them .     What we will do,  however,   is  find a coping mechanism - it will be a different  way for each of us  and it will be unique to each.      It won’t stop the grief, of course,  but it will lessen it’s impact on our functioning - for everyone’s sake. 

For you personally that probably seems like an impossibility right now .    It all takes time but slowly, slowly,  we find a way.      Going by what earlier members here have experienced - there comes a softening of grief and a chink of light peeps through.       It cannot be that you will stay as raw as you are now.

One of the surprising things for me is  that,  from my own experience,   I can feel guilty for trying to control my grief.     I have  now found a way to deal with anniversaries and times like Christmas - I still have my own inner feelings about David but I am able to  be involved in these events in a lighter way.     I am able, in the main,  to keep my  feelings of grief safely stowed when I need to and not have them free flowing everywhere.   I come a cropper at times but that is understandable.      
We have spoken amongst ourselves on here about feeling as if we are living parallel lives - a private one concerning our loss and one for our public endeavours-  that sounds similar to those who speak  of  compartmenting their grief  and giving it it’s place.   None of this is instant.  
 

The trauma that we have all experienced is colossal - PTSD can be crippling and takes a lot of processing.       We share here our pain in grief -  no one is a relevant professional  so what we report is our personal takes but recognising when things are beyond manageable  is important so that we can reach out  for that particular help.

I’m so sorry that you are suffering and that the one thing that we all wish for is impossible - that being that  our child is still with us .     Peace to you, love Roz x 

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

morning yvonne, i was about to comment but after reading what roz had to say ,i had no more words to share .... i am already through my second year , and i have had all the second b'days, second mother and fathers day, second xmas .....and whoever says they become more bearable , does not know what they are saying !!!!

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Yvonne,

In August it will be two years since I last saw my Garrett.  The pain and desperation this second year have been unbearable and crippling, worse in some ways than the first year and I wonder how that is possible.   Please hold on, I know that is a lot to ask..  I still cry every day and the misery engulfs everything that I do.   I have not yet found a softening to this unthinkable loss, it pounds at me mercilessly every miserable moment of every miserable day.  Each day I wake up and just want my precious Garrett to come from his room.   I have also experienced the pain and leaned into it but it makes me weary, sad and empty wondering, at times, why I fight to keep going.   Somehow I make it through the days but I have no answers as to how.   Sitting with the birds has been one constant for me, while it doesn't bring peace, it brings a small, temporary comfort.   I have a set time I go and fill the feeders and talk to them and my Garrett is always there... I can feel him.   They seem to know when I am coming and some are always there to greet me.    I wish I could offer something to ease your pain but know that you are not alone and I share your feelings and your agony, as do we all.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Hello Yvonne, I found the second year worse because all the first were over and i finally realized this is now my life. At 5.5 years in, the grief for nique is my constant companion. It's like an annoying stone in my shoe. Some days I can ignore the pain and function as almost normal. Other days, it seems no matter what I do that stone is hurting me and I can do nothing to remove it.

When I get in the dark places, I try to remember that I have had times where I felt OK and I try to remember these feelings for me come in waves. If I can hold on, the wave will subside.

I was in a very dark place in May and June, I have come over the wave and feel halfway normal again.

I hope you find your way over this wave soon, and remember we are all here cheering you on because we know the dark places too.

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to everyone,

The site is quiet once again.   I hope everyone is okay.

Jackie

[Changed]

Sorry Jackie,  it is quiet.   If you look back , many years ago now ,  before my time,   this group was really busy every day it was because their friendships had developed and they spoke about all sorts of things - not just their grief.   If they were having a bad day they would share that and get support and encouragement - just as we do and  If someone new joined they would rally around them too but their friendship conversations carried on and developed into something special.     We are getting there but it can seem callous to talk  about lightweight things when we are all so sad .  I actually think that we need to though - here where we are safe and everyone knows that we are trying even though we are hurting so much for our kids.

Does any of this make sense ?     The silences are probably because we haven’t anything new to say and hopefully that no one has had an unusually bad day ( and if they have that they haven’t gone to ground to recover).  It’s so hard to even care about anything normal let alone  bother to mention it.           Take care,  Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz

Thanks for answering Roz,  it makes perfect sense.   I just worry about everyone.  I know how badly I feel and the pain that never goes away just eats at me constantly. 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Hi guys. I am still here. Am suffering with vertigo for the last 10 days. Getting better slowly. Feeling ill just makes everything else compound. Positive side: it allowed me to test motion sickness meds so I am ready to start traveling. Have suffered with motion sickness my entire life and it has limited my abilities to travel. I really don't want to feel trapped in FL anymore so this illness is helping me figure out what I can do to make myself feel better.

I tend not to post a lot because it is just saying all the same things over and over.

I agree Roz that sometimes it feels wrong to talk of planning trips but I have found I need something to plan for. Also no one in my family has reached retirement so I don't want to wait longer to start seeing the world. May be going a tad bit overboard (I have 4 trips planned in the next 9 months) but will do what I can as long as I can.

[Changed]

I’ve spoken here before about the trips I have made since Dave died.  Some were family visits to my grandson ( Dave’s son) over in Australia and a few trips we have made were to push ourselves into something different.     
The trips we made that were not strictly necessary , unlike the family ones,  but were healthy for us.   We broke out from our daily routine and experienced something different - something else to think and talk about .     There are mixed emotions but I always felt that I was taking Dave with me and he would be part of it all.

Virginia,  It is such a positive move to travel with Kyle - it will enrich his life.       I too suffer from motion sickness.   I keep topped up with ginger biscuits - I hear that there are some pressure points to press but I have never tried.    If I’m sailing then I take meds but otherwise it’s mints , ginger and where I focus my sight.       I once sailed from uk to Australia via Italy -  I was so seasick I couldn’t come out of my cabin until we reached Italy and went ashore I then regained my equilibrium.    As we continued sailing the crew all spoke to me in Italian thinking I’d just joined the voyage - no one had seen me for the first week!    I was 19 and newly married - my husband had had the time of his life wining and dining solo.      We were very fortunate as he had taken a job with the Australian government and part of his package was first class travel to Australia and being paid whilst we were travelling .     We chose to sail and picked the longest route on an Italian ship calling in at Messina, Genoa and Naples - giving us a Mediterranean cruise en route.   We were no fools!    We went via Cape Town so it was a long trip but once I’d got a grip of the early seasickness I was ok - now I know to be prepared.    
 Where else are you planning to go to , Virginia? ,   the states are huge and offer so many different experiences - I’ve only been a couple of times but my husband did lots of collaboration with a NY architectural company which took him all over America .

Love to everyone.    I feel as if I’m in limbo at the moment and inertia is missing  - I need to press on though - it’s too easy to stay in this state.     Roz x
 

 

[NiquesMom]

Hi Roz, that cruise sounds fantastic! I have never been on a cruise but it's on my list.

Christopher and I have traveled all over the US. Never outside the US.

We have a FL beach vacation in July, a trip at thanksgiving to be determined (thinking Caribbean Cruise or Cartagena Columbia), a week in Tampa at December, a week in Phoenix for family in December, and then 18 days in the UK in March.

I get a lot of vacation time and paid holidays with my work and I want to start taking Kyle different places.

I explained to Kyle that we can do these things but must choose wisely how to spend money, so we don't eat out much, don't shop a lot. I have always been good at budgeting and saving and planning. Experience have always been more valuable than things for me.

Christopher and I always wanted to travel but due to limitations we stayed in the US and drove almost everywhere. 

[Mason’s Mom]

Good Morning,

All this talk of traveling makes me want to go now.  My husband and I have been on a cruise in the Bahamas, such a beautiful part of the world.  We also spent a week in Puerto Vallarta Mexico, another beautiful place.  Loved snorkeling and time on the water. Our travel has been restricted to the US in last 15 years or so.  Last year we spent a week in Colorado, Denver and the Springs, went to the top of Pikes Peak.  My husband loved Colorado and does want to go back.  This year we waited a little to late to plan and we are going eastern Tennessee, my son-in-law has never had a family vacation so they are coming along.  The Blue Ridge Mountains will not be a lot different from the Ozarks Mountains where we live but far enough away to feel like we are getting away if that makes sense.

Like Roz said those get-aways can help us escape our day to day routines and soothe our hearts and minds if only for a little while. 

4th of July is really hard for me as we have close family friends we have spent several years celebrating.  Mason loved the excitement, the fireworks- fun and games and the food.  I continue to remind myself that I know he would want us to continue our traditions.  He would scold me and tell me that I can't stop living.  He would want Magnolia to have the same experiences.  I can only imagine how much he would be involved with her and all the things he would show her.  So for him I will do my best to celebrate and tell Magnolia all Uncle Mason and the way he loved all the traditions.

Virginia, this is going to great for Kyle to see the world.  You really are doing so well and making plans to enrich his life.

Jackie, I hope you know how much I think about you as well.  So many times I see things and think about you and the others.  I see birds and think about you and Garrett, I see jeeps and I think about Michael and B, I see anything Austrialian and think about Roz and Dave.  

Maybe we can do a weekly check in, just to say "hey still here".  Let us know what is happening and even though our hearts will never be the same we have to continue to move forward.  What does that mean for each of us?  I have an interview for a new position within my Company, so I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no idea if I will get the position but giving it a try.

Peace & Comfort to all,

Carol

 

[Changed]

Carol,  I’m nodding along with your message.   Fingers crossed for your interview - if it’s best for you then I hope that you get it.    It’s brave to try something new.

Your holiday destinations sound wonderful.     The Ozarks only came to my awareness with the Netflix show - so beautiful - lovely place to live. 
I like a cruise if it starts and finishes in the uk  - I’m not keen on flying to join one.     I remember one we took over to the Greek Islands when a couple on board had to leave suddenly because their son at home had died - the way they looked as they left  is still with me - I thought I understood how they would be feeling but now I know that I had no idea .   That was yet to come.  

I did live in Australia and New Zealand , in fact both my children were born in NZ, so my ears prick up when I see news from there.    
I think that  even a day out can be useful - I’m a fan of picnics - a drive out for instance can feel like a big change and can be built on?     We are not escaping grief, that’s not possible,   we are putting something else into the mix

love Roz x
 

 

[Changed]

..
 

[Changed]

Jackie how are you?   It must all sound like a million miles away for you to think about travel when you are in so much distress.       I understand and feel for you.       You can only cope with so much and to look too far ahead can freak us out.        
 I know I am not authentic with lots of the effort I make to be the mum and wife I used to be and it’s probably no secret either.     As the years go by ( nearly seven now) I have come to terms with my grief - it won’t be the same as yours - it’s mine to understand and live with .      We all have to  because what else is there ?
Take your time and be kind to yourself , just as Garrett would want you to.     Peace to you,  Roz xx