Loss of an Adult Child

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Virginia ,    I’m sorry that your dreams make you so sad.    You have had a lot of really heavy emotion to carry in your life  - no wonder that you feel as you do.    
  I was looking through a Chinese chest I have  the other day and there were lots of items I’d collected when I lived in the far east but forgotten about.     Amongst them were some antique Japanese and Chinese carved figures  - my first thought was that Virginia’s  Nique would like them.      
She is part of all of us now  via this group - just as we all care about Kyle.

I hope you can have a bit of peace and rest  .   Thinking of you, Roz x 

 

[Jacqueline3]

dearest Roz,

My daughter has echoed your theory.  She too thinks it is my mind and body giving me a slight reprieve from the cancerous pain.   I tend to believe you are both right but it is such a horrible feeling, so apathetic and every thing is so dull and muted.  It does last so very long.  too long for me but it has  happened multiple times in the last month.  I think you hit the nail on the head.   I am like you, I see so many things that need done or I used to like to do but I am so unmotivated to do much of anything.  I have been making myself paint, it helps  I have been learning the pouring and blowing  techniques and mixing them with other mediums

it helps for a little then it doesn't.  Virginia, I hope you are feeling a little better this evening....

Roz, thank you always.

Thinking of all of you!

Jackie

[Changed]

Jackie,  I’m loving your pieces - the fish is captured so well - it reminds me of when a drop of petrol and water mix on a floor .    Do you use a blow pipe?   Full marks .  

If your detached feelings are worrying you can you check with your doctor if it is cause for concern?      Don’t ignore anything that is unusual .   

Can you find a medium for art work featuring your birds ?     I had a fascination for oils of farm birds - I accumulated loads of them in China intending to have them framed  when we settled back in the uk.    I had four done but the others are still rolled up waiting and I’ve changed my preferences now anyway.         I enjoyed pottery at one time - have you given it a go?   They have material for modelling now that does not require kilns - you could model birds to sit amongst your outside birds.       The last thing I made was a planter with openings and dishes for plants all over it - I planted it up and with the first rain fall I discovered I’d made a fountain.   All the soil and plants poured out onto the patio - I’d got my angles all wrong  but it made us all laugh.    Those were the days .

I hope work is gentle on you today.   Roz x

 

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Jackie,  I reread your explanation of the technique you used - it answered what I asked.  Roz 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,

Thank you the painting has helped.     I have thought about pottery but never have.  Perhaps I will try it.  How are you doing today?   I am sad as usual but at least standing....

Thinking of you,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Jackie, thank you for asking. I am in a dark place right now. Angry, sad, all the emotions right at the surface. May is a very hard month for me and I guess it is starting early. I am struggling at work and just don't know what to do in my life. Feel like a failure and fraud. 

Roz, I love that you remember nique liked all things japanese. 

I have found myself detaching a lot lately. Normally I love to read, and right now I just can't even handle it. What I found is a coloring app my son installed. It's mindless, clicking little boxes to make a picture, but it's all I can handle.

It is a struggle everyday and I am just so tired. 

Thinking of all here: Jackie, Roz, Carol, Michael and everyone

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,   I have the same rage and pain...   It is a difficult combination.  I tend to scream a lot but to the wind.....  Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. 

Thinking of you,

Jackie

[Dianas Mom]

Dear Jackie,

Like you, I just don't have any interest in activities any more.  I try to have enthusiasm and motivation,  but they escape me.  Nothing has any real meaning.  April 18th marked a year since my daughter Diana passed. I keep trying to adjust to the reality that she is gone.  I feel empty inside, longing for her, wanting her to be here. It's a loneliness like no other and a brutal loss. I'm shattered and broken.  I don't even recognize the person I've become. My heart aches for every parent here as we struggle and mourn for the child we have lost. How can we find peace? I don't have the answer. We are all doing the best we can.

Yvonne

[Michael Rodriguez]

i have been gone for a few days , not really went into my personal email .....i am so sorry that all of us are struggling . 

i have had to different encounters with 2 different situations ....one was a gentleman who was about to pick up his son from the local university , saw him , waved at him  and went forward to make a U turn to pick him up.....took him no more than a few minutes ...when he got there, he son was laying on the ground , shot 3 times and stold his computer. 

the other encounter was somebody that he honestly inquired how it felt, if i could explain, what does losing a child feels like ....told him , but i could tell that there is no way anybody can grasp that feeling........is a feeling so deep in tearing our heart apart that how can it be explained !!!!!

virginia, roz,jackie ,dianne,yvonne ,lisam,patrick ......send all my love and bunch of virtual hugs 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Yvonne everything you have said in you recent

4 hours ago, Dianas Mom said:

Dear Jackie,

Like you, I just don't have any interest in activities any more.  I try to have enthusiasm and motivation,  but they escape me.  Nothing has any real meaning.  April 18th marked a year since my daughter Diana passed. I keep trying to adjust to the reality that she is gone.  I feel empty inside, longing for her, wanting her to be here. It's a loneliness like no other and a brutal loss. I'm shattered and broken.  I don't even recognize the person I've become. My heart aches for every parent here as we struggle and mourn for the child we have lost. How can we find peace? I don't have the answer. We are all doing the best we can.

Yvonne

Dearest Yvonne,

Everything you have said in your text could have come from my own heart.  I do feel the same way.  I was getting by today and suddenly it hit me anew and I could barely form a sentence.  The pain is unimaginable to those who have not lost a child.   I ache to hug Garrett and kiss his cheek and hear him laugh.  It is merciless, brutal, nonstop torture.   I am right there with you Yvonne.

Dearest Michael,  Two incidents and both horrifying.   I hope the young man that was shot survived.  Both had to be very traumatic for you.  I am sorry.

I am thinking of everyone

Jackie

[Maggie C]

I lost my 30 year old son 6 weeks ago. I never had learn to cry, we weren't  allowed to. Well now I am leaking tears off and on all day. 

I started going out to the woods with my hiking hammock next to a calming babbling Brook. I talk to God and my son. I cry for him I cry for me. I will have an assignment to do. Some visualization exercise to then lift it up and away.

I've heard it just takes time and crying releases more of the grief. I just want to be a person again though with a gentle warm grief. I never have experienced anything like this. People have died in my family. I miss them, I cried a little, but nothing like the extreme sadness I am in. It is so painful.

He had bacteremia in almost every organ heart kidneys legs caused by IV drug use. Kidneys shut down.

One of my exercises was to figuratively gather all the empathetic pain I felt for him and because he is now free of pain I can let go of that collection. Once I let go of his pain and his addiction, what I was left with was the beauty and kindness that was him which made my grief even worse. It was good to let go of certain factions of his end times and trauma of seeing him die.

I'm seeing a grief councilor next week though I have a regular therapist I will talk to tomorrow.

I know another thing is I need to get into something to keep me busy.

 

[Lisa M.]

As the 2 year mark approaches I am feeling Very sad. I have had some good memories come But the sadness over powers. I am also reminded that I am truly in this alone. My husband doesn't Seem to notice That I am still so deep in the grieving process. Don was not his son, I know that makes a big difference but  I sometimes just want a hug. I just want a small amount  of comfort in this world of unbearable pain. 😪 I  sometimes feel so alone.  No one speaks of Don anymore and that hurts. I still talk about him and I can tell it makes people uncomfortable.   I will continue to talk about him because it makes me happy for a brief time. 

I am thinking of you  all. Thanks for always being here.

[LostMelissa]

It’s been two months now. The funeral is tomorrow and there will be hundreds there apparently. My ability to concentrate and the mood swings have been increasing over the last couple of weeks. I feel disoriented and like the world isn’t what it was. It literally changed. 

Was the funeral helpful for you all?  And what was recovery like afterwards?  Was the event a milestone of sorts?

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LostMalissa,     That is going to be a very heavy day for you but all those people set to come is such a tribute to your girl and must make you proud that she is so loved .

My son , David , died in Australia (I’m in the uk)  so the onerous trip over there in a state of shock and all the arrangement took on a surreal quality.   For me it was all just part of the nightmare and had to be done         My biggest concern was my grandson , David’s son,  and helping him through so my focus was there.        My experience and circumstances were different than most.

I hope that all the paperwork and formalities are sorted now  and you can navigate the day ahead however it takes you .      How awful that we are in this position and how hard we fight against it.

kindest thoughts ,   Roz 

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Dear Lisa,     As that awful date approaches it builds and builds , I know,  and we go into overdrive.          
Remembering better times is still difficult for me to sustain  - the reality of  Dave’s death is my overpowering  memory - I try to keep on track with happy thoughts of him but his loss is too much , too sad.

I can freely speak of my son to my husband  and also to my daughter but I don’t feel the need to discuss him  with friends .       As I’ve said before I’d have expected my brother to mention David but he doesn’t (can’t)  and now I’m at the point I don’t  want him to .         I’d love to get to a stage when David’s death recedes in my mind and his wonderful  exciting life takes precedence - I will get there eventually.      I am thinking of him all the time and miss him so much as I’m sure you do over Don.       I don’t  cry every day anymore and if I do cry it is brief - I have grappled back control and I try and let a lot of the  tough stuff alone.        
peace and strength , love Roz x 

 

[Diane R]

Lost Melissa, it is completely understandable that your emotions are running high and “wild”! Not too many griefs could surpass or even close close to that of a parent losing their child! I remember the days prior to our son’s memorial. I truly thought I was going to collapse - both physically and emotionally. During the memorial (it was Zoom due to Covid)I experienced being wrapped in the (figurative) arms of so many people that chose to join us. The fact that so many attended meant that my son touched a lot of people and that was important to me. Then, listening to his friends and our family tell stories of Dan; I actually laughed at some and felt that I was surrounded by people that really knew and loved him. It was truly beautiful and comforting! We taped the service (didn’t trust ourselves to be able to stay present in the moment) though I have not had the heart to listen to it again. One day I know I will and I am so thankful that we can chose to do so. The anticipation of these marker events (for me) - birthdays, anniversaries, etc seem to be worse than the actual day. My hope is that you too will experience the loving arms of your family and friends and that their respect and love for your child and your family will in some way provide you with sense of solace. 

Thinking of you!

Diane

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa

I am 20 months in and not far behind you.   I am dreading the reality that it has been 2 years since I kissed my Garrett's cheek and heard his wonderful laugh.   I have had very little support as well, the only solid support I have had, has been my oldest, Jolene.  My husband and middle daughter do not want to deal with the pain losing Garrett evokes, so they do not.   I am in no way criticizing anyone, everyone grieves differently but I cannot live that way....  Garrett matters to me!  What was taken from him still enrages me.    No one talks about him or mentions his name here either.  I have very little contact with my family now and I have none with my husband's.  Everyone wants me to "Be Better" and I am not up to their standards so they just ignore me.   It does break my heart and I know yours as well.   How poorly we as a society honor and cherish those who have had to move on before us.   I cry every day, some days to the point of hysteria and I miss Garrett every second of every miserable damned day.   I live every day in agony with the same need to hug him and the pain of missing him clawing at my insides like a rabid animal.    I talk about Garrett all the time and to hell with making people uncomfortable.   He is my son, will always be my son and I love him so very much.    Talk about Don and do what feels right for you and your beloved son.   Others will have to just get over it.      I know Garrett is with me, there are times I can feel him.   Don is with you Lisa, our love binds us across this unwanted separation.   I do believe that with all my soul....   I wish I could offer some measure of comfort but please know that you are not alone, I am with you and I feel your pain.

Dearest Lost Melissa,

I was anxious and a mess before Garrett's service.  I hated the idea of what I was doing and what was happening.   I wanted my son.    The only thing I was unrelenting about was that I wanted to speak on my son's behalf and I did.     I spoke at his service and I am thankful that I did.   It was important to me to do so and honor Garrett.   However I was glad to have the service over, not that it brought me any peace but it offered me time to myself.  Others forget quickly and I was reminded quite brutally by one of my own family,  "they had lives to get back to."   I was glad not to have to deal with as many people, then I could start to process how I could even begin to proceed in this new hellish life, honoring Garrett and being true to myself.   Do what feels right for you... being true to yourself and your pain and the love you have for Melissa.  Those are  important to finding any way to deal with your unbearable loss.   That is the only way I have been able to make the little progress I have.  Follow your own heart and do right by your child.

I am thinking of you all,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning to all....i have never been able to understand the way mourning is handle in the states....although i have lived in both places (honduras and the states ) . i hade never lost a very close family member in the states. both my parents and my brother also died here ......we usually bury a loved one 72 hours after they pass.....why drag it for so long? 

y0u can start grieving with your close ones or yourself for that matter sooner , with out the burden of having to meet people and be with people and tend to people , when you only want to be alone!!!!

i feel for you lost melissa , ill have you in  my thoughts today , as i always do for all of you guys 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lost Melissa,

I am with you today, thinking of you... offering strength from afar.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[Lisa M.]

Lost Melissa,  my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

[NiquesMom]

Lostmelissa, today will be full of emotions. I found myself comforting others instead of them comforting me. Be easy on yourself and others. None of us know the right things to do.

Lisa, no one speaks of my daughter either. But that does not stop me. I talk about her, tell what she liked, funny stories. Kyle is the only one interested to hear about her. It's hard to know we are able to keep breathing without our children, seems our heart should have stopped when theirs did. 

Hugs to all. I know I am in my dark place. All I can do is keep trying.

[Changed]

LostMelissa,    Thinking about you today.    Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Maggie C

I am so sorry for the loss of your son and I am sorry that I missed your post on Thursday.   I don't know how I did not see it.  I am sorry.    I lost my 22 year old son 20 months ago to an undiagnosed medical ailment.   When it finally reared its head, his organ systems were shutting down.     My husband grew up in a home where they were paid not to show emotion.  He has handled his grief much different from me and outburst of emotions are hard for him.     The pain of losing a child is so unbearable and painful.    I have cried every day since losing my Garrett.  Missing my boy eats at me like a cancer and the pain is alive and writhing every day.   Some days are a little easier but the pain is always with me.   It is unlike any other loss I have suffered and I dearly love my Dad and brother.    I have not had good luck with grief counselors but I wish you good luck.  I have found that I have had to follow my own heart and beliefs in how I grieve.    If you need to cry, scream, rage at the heavens, there is no right or wrong way.   We are all walking this same, heinous, unwanted road but the road is as unique and different as the relationship between parent and child.   Be kind to yourself and follow your heart.  I wish I could be more specific to help but there are no concrete answers.   I will listen anytime you wish to talk and so will the others here.  Again I am so damned sorry I missed your post on Thursday.... 

love and hugs,

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Maggie C.

You are right about keeping busy.  I tend to the wild birds, My Garrett loved to listen to them in the morning.  I have found a great love of these little creatures... and some bigger ones as well.   I have also gone back to my love of painting.  I do not love it like I did before but I have been learning different techniques and trying to expand in what skill I have.   It is very technical for me right now but hopefully I will learn to really enjoy it again one day.   Do something that talks to you... Again I am so sorry for missing your post.   I know how desperate and alone I can feel at times and I need to hear from someone who will listen and understand. 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Changed]

Dear Maggie,    I am so very sorry for the loss of your son .    It is so recent since he passed but I am relieved  that you are receiving help and advice to follow.     Your  visualisation exercises sound like a positive action and I hope they help you some. 
The grief of losing your child is a grief like no other and I believe that unless one has experienced it personally then the depths that  it takes you to will not be fully understood.     
Please feel free to join us here - a place where we all completely understand your pain.   
peace and strength to you,  Roz 

 

[Changed]

Jackie - I didn’t see Maggie ‘s  post until today - it was up as a notice by the bell above - along with your reply to her.      The fact that no one noticed or replied makes me think it wasn’t showing until today.      That is troubling and puzzling.       Roz 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,

I didn't see it either.   What I don't understand is that I had posted right around Maggie's post.   I don't know how I didn't see it.    I am upset too.   I want Maggie to know we are all here for her.  I don't want to leave her stranded.   I can go days without any posts from anyone.   I wonder if something is happening that posts are not going through.   I know how I feel, have felt for the last 20 months.  I am so miserable and broken Roz.   I love and miss my Garrett so much.  How are you holding up?

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Changed]

Jackie - posts do come in waves but I think Maggie’s may have been delayed.

I’m ok thanks  , well  more ok than you are.     Keep trying with the  gentle interests  , I ventured  to repair the seam in some new summer trousers today - gently hand stitched a whole seam - tied it off only to realise I’d followed the wrong  one and still had the faulty seam untouched.     It’s really not for me the sewing lark.       I have drafted a few stories for children and some movie scripts for grown ups  - they won’t be sent anywhere but it was good to get creative again .

Take care,  Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Hello everyone,  I hope everyone is doing okay, as well as these tragic events allow.  I am thinking of everyone and crying my way through this day.

Dearest Maggie,

I hope that you haven't given up on us.   This site has helped me connect to others who can understand my broken self and my pain.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Maggie, I did not see your post so let me say I am so sorry you are here but glad you found us.

I went to a therapist early on, tried everything to get through the pain. For me, it was not as helpful as talking to someone who has actually lost what I lost.

I found Compassionate Friends and that really helped. This group has been a solid spot in the last 5 years of my life. They have seen me through the loss of my husband now, and I feel like I am starting all over again.

My daughter was 18 when she died, and there are days I still feel like I cannot get out of bed, so sad at the loss, the hole in my life.

What I guess I am trying to say is there is no right or wrong, and for me it is never ending.

We grieve because we love.

[Mason’s Mom]

On 4/27/2023 at 9:33 PM, Maggie C said:

I lost my 30 year old son 6 weeks ago. I never had learn to cry, we weren't  allowed to. Well now I am leaking tears off and on all day. 

I started going out to the woods with my hiking hammock next to a calming babbling Brook. I talk to God and my son. I cry for him I cry for me. I will have an assignment to do. Some visualization exercise to then lift it up and away.

I've heard it just takes time and crying releases more of the grief. I just want to be a person again though with a gentle warm grief. I never have experienced anything like this. People have died in my family. I miss them, I cried a little, but nothing like the extreme sadness I am in. It is so painful.

He had bacteremia in almost every organ heart kidneys legs caused by IV drug use. Kidneys shut down.

One of my exercises was to figuratively gather all the empathetic pain I felt for him and because he is now free of pain I can let go of that collection. Once I let go of his pain and his addiction, what I was left with was the beauty and kindness that was him which made my grief even worse. It was good to let go of certain factions of his end times and trauma of seeing him die.

I'm seeing a grief councilor next week though I have a regular therapist I will talk to tomorrow.

I know another thing is I need to get into something to keep me busy.

 

Maggie,  the loss of a child is by far the worst pain I've experienced.  It is traumatic, I went through some counseling for a while it helped however I have found talking with other parents and the others on this site have been the most comforting.  We understand each other and knowing others are further down the path and can offer a listening ear is very helpful. 

[patrickmorrow]

If you can find a Grief Share group in your area it is a Godsend! I am so sorry you lost your precious son, I lost my 18-year-old son last October. The pain is not as raw but I daily grieve for the loss.

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Reading all the posts and it seems we are all trying to find an outlet and something to occupy the empty space in our hearts. 

Jackie,  love the paintings. Roz, sounds like you have a great deal of creativity. I don't have a creative mind or hands. I think it is part of why I feel so lost. I poured my heart into being with my children and family time.  I also took pride in my work. With Mason gone, Morgan married and Maddie gone each at college it is just Tim and I. We are planting a garden so maybe that will keep us busy. My work has changed so much, I feel like Virginia,  just playing a part. I feel fake.

Lost Melissa we had Mason's funeral as soon as we could.  Much of it is a blur, sometimes I get like a flashback and I will remember something I hadn't realized happened. So much of the early days are blank,  still wonder how it has been over 5 years. 

Diane, zoom will we ever think about life the same after Covid? I lost an Aunt and other extended family during those days and no service.  Sometimes it comes as a shock to me that they are gone.

Peace and comfort to all. 

Carol

[Michael Rodriguez]

maggie , i am michael and i lost my 29 year old son 2 years ago. im so sorry for your loss . we all know to well what you are going thru. god bless you 

[NiquesMom]

The month of May used to be such a busy, happy time. Every weekend we had something. Christopher, Kyle and nique all have May birthdays. Plus mother's day. Now the month seems so long and empty. I don't know how to do this anymore.

[Dianas Mom]

Some parents have posted that the 2nd year of the loss of their child was harder than the 1st. I hoped it wouldn't prove true in my case. April 18th marked the date 1 year ago that I lost my daughter, Diana.  I'm just barely starting year 2 and the loss is even deeper. In April a very dear friend of 30 years passed away. My oldest child, a married daughter has a painful progressive disease with no cure. It's a constant worry as I watch her health deteriorate. Last month she lost her precious little dog of 14 years. My son also had to euthanize his beloved cat in April. I can't handle any more death. I'm the executive for Diana's estate and been required to produce the death certificate dozens of times, over and over, in managing her estate. I can't even describe the pain each time. It's the reality, the crushing finality of it. I know she is with me always in my heart but it isn't enough. All the while, I'm wanting her to be here, missing her. I can't say goodbye. How do I, how do any of us here survive? I keep looking for strength and courage, some comfort. I'm told the grief process takes time but never truly ends. That the pain diminishes over time. That we eventually find a way to go forward and carry the pain. I pray that each of us finds that way. 

Love and hugs,

Yvonne

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

2 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

The month of May used to be such a busy, happy time. Every weekend we had something. Christopher, Kyle and nique all have May birthdays. Plus mother's day. Now the month seems so long and empty. I don't know how to do this anymore.

Virginia, you have  a heavy load to carry. If I could I wpuld give you a shoulder to cry on. You have faced so much and you have been encouraged me and others all the way. We sre here so vent if you need. Thinking about Nique, Christopher and Kyle

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Yvonne,

I have found the second year to be harder.   The need to see Garrett, to hear his laugh, to hug him close and never let go has just intensified.  I still cry every day and some days it is to hysterics (I am sorry to say).   I have found some comfort with the birds and when my pain reaches the level where it feels like it is ripping me in two and I cannot breath, that is where I go.  I sit with these small creatures and sob to my Garrett.  I can feel him there, on the bench he and I worked on together.   For all the times I feel like I just cannot do this anymore,  I always make it to the next second, then minute and then time passes... painfully but it passes and then the pressure eases until the next really horrific spell where if feel like I just cannot do this anymore.   It is the love I share with Garrett that gets me through.  Not the memories (Although I cherish them) but the love that still binds the two of us together.  The love that is still alive and warm and relevant between myself and my son.    I believe with all my heart and soul that our love binds us across this unwanted separation.  Our children are close.  I have seen and felt too many things to doubt that.     I wish I could say this was easier but for me it has not been.   Keep talking Yvonne, I will listen.   Each and every word you have said, could have come from my own mouth.  I hear you and I feel your pain.  You are not alone, as much as I wish none of us were here.  We are all together on this torturous path.

love and hugs,

Jackie

[Changed]

It is so sad to hear of everyone suffering so much , I wish there was something I could say or do that would give some comfort or relief.        

I don’t know how we keep standing  , I really don’t,     the agony of our loss is torturous.        When other losses and  family concerns are also in our lives then it can be overwhelmingly brutal and then , of course, there is always  the fear that something else will go wrong at the turn of each day.        
 

Grief will always be there but it will soften and allow us to live closer to the life our children would want  for us .    It will take its  own course and there will be back steps and complications along the way , no doubt.     I wish us all strength and some peace as we negotiate this uncharted, unwanted  individual journey .        Love, Roz x

 

 

[Changed]

Dear Virginia,       you sound very tired and low .     Have you got the energy  to get out somewhere over the weekend?       How is Kyle doing?  
   It takes a lot of emotional and physical energy to keep going  and I suspect you haven’t had chance to recharge your tanks  - I don’t even know where we get the recharge from to be honest.      
  When we have children to care for in the midst of misery we try to be up, up, up  for their sake when we feel the exact opposite.      
After David died and we were with our grandson we tried our best to be upbeat for his sake ( and David’s)   we played games and went to see a Father Christmas - quite bizarre - our hearts were broken but we carried on as if all was well.    It was only for a month or so then we went back to the uk and were able to be true to our grief but our daughter-in-law was left to carry our grandson through the loss of his dad all on her own.     She would have had to put her own shock and grief for Dave aside to give her son support .       I remember her saying that they were at a local market about a year after losing Dave when they met a women that she hadn’t seen throughout that year.   This woman was with her own husband and family plus their new baby - it so upset my D-I-L ,   how unfair it all felt to her.   I understand her reaction, it all does feel so unfair and personally targeted 
Thinking of you ,  love Roz x

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Dear  Yvonne,    Far too much sadness and loss all on top of each other .        I’m sorry about your daughter’s health issues - it is so concerning as a parent to see them suffering.    I think that there are others here who will identify with that worry on top of their grief too - that is where the friendship ,  support and empathy of a group like this is worthwhile.
Please take care,   Love Roz x 

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Dear Jackie,    I’m having a tricky job of getting on this site - or if I do it is for a short time  - I think it is because of my security system - it sees the pages as rouge.

Anyway, if I don’t post it is not because I don’t care or have given up ,   it will be this over eager protection .

I’ll see what it allows me to do.   Love Roz x 

[Michael Rodriguez]

12 hours ago, Dianas Mom said:

Some parents have posted that the 2nd year of the loss of their child was harder than the 1st. I hoped it wouldn't prove true in my case. April 18th marked the date 1 year ago that I lost my daughter, Diana.  I'm just barely starting year 2 and the loss is even deeper. In April a very dear friend of 30 years passed away. My oldest child, a married daughter has a painful progressive disease with no cure. It's a constant worry as I watch her health deteriorate. Last month she lost her precious little dog of 14 years. My son also had to euthanize his beloved cat in April. I can't handle any more death. I'm the executive for Diana's estate and been required to produce the death certificate dozens of times, over and over, in managing her estate. I can't even describe the pain each time. It's the reality, the crushing finality of it. I know she is with me always in my heart but it isn't enough. All the while, I'm wanting her to be here, missing her. I can't say goodbye. How do I, how do any of us here survive? I keep looking for strength and courage, some comfort. I'm told the grief process takes time but never truly ends. That the pain diminishes over time. That we eventually find a way to go forward and carry the pain. I pray that each of us finds that way. 

Love and hugs,

Yvonne

 

 

good morning, i have found that the pain remains the same . again, you learn to exist but the smallest thing will trigger your despair for your loss. at least that is what goes on my everyday existence. 

i guess you learn to survive

[NiquesMom]

I think maybe I need meds to help my depression. When nique died I had Christopher to help me when I got down. Now when I am down there is no way to get out. Maybe I need help.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,

I have taken an antidepressant for 23 years.  it is for a panic disorder.  But when I lost my Garrett I asked for something more.  I was and am still a mess.  I was prescribed another that I can take three times a day as needed.  The most I have taken is two but I have taken at least one every day since losing my boy.  I can still struggle but they do help.   talk to your doctor if you are sinking really low.  You want to catch it early.

thinking of you,

Jackie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Hello everyone,

The board is so quiet.  I hope all is as okay as it can be with everyone.  I think of you all often.   I am about the same, sad and broken with a couple of really bad days thrown in.

Jackie

[Dustins Mom]

Good morning Jackie - life has been crazy busy for me but I came here this morning looking for some support from the ones who get it best. Tomorrow marks the one year mark since Dustin’s unexpected passing but last year it landed on the Monday morning after Mother’s Day so I feel like I’m going to be mourning the anniversary date for an entire week. Even though I’ll have gotten past the 9th it will still be my first Mother’s Day without him. 
As I look back on this year I realize he’s been with me every step of the way. I started and completed training and am now a Certified Grief Educator co-facilitating a weekly Grief Circle. I also just finished training to be a licensed Health&Life Insurance agent so I can help Seniors (like me) figure out how to sign up for Medicare. 
I can only find peace knowing he is safe at his Other Home on the Other Side with his Dad. I miss them both so incredibly much and have lost count of the thousands of tears I’ve cried for both of them. But like I’ve had to convince my older son, he and I are both still here for a reason and we have to figure out what that reason is. 
That doesn’t mean I can’t stay in bed sometimes when it all gets too much to bear (like today). But Dustin always comes to me with the same message ‘Please Mommas don’t cry. I’m still right here. I’m happy and I’m good.’ As sensitive as I know he is, I know it would only break his heart to know he was the reason for my anguish. I know he can’t rest in peace until I’m at peace so I try to show him that I’m okay too. I know I’ve been rambling but I just can’t believe it’s already been a year. My thoughts are still jumbled and my heart is still broken. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. And please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through this next week. - with much love for those on this journey with me, Angie

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Angie,

I can sympathize with the passage of time.   I will be two years in August on my birthday.  It breaks my heart anew to realize how long it has been since I have hugged Garrett close.  You have really done well finding ways to keep busy and help others.  My hat goes off to you.   The job I was working is officially over.  When I took it a year ago, I knew they were closing the plant.  I opted to take the job for the physical labor  that I hoped would help my emotions too.  For the most part it did but now I am looking again and the pain and despair have gone nowhere. They are still with my always waiting and willing to slice a new fissure of pain.   I still cry every day, some days to hysterics (Although I am able to pull back from total loss of control more often now than I could in the beginning of this nightmare) and I am like you...   I can feel Garrett close.  When I would drive home from work at 10:30 at night, I could always feel him with me.   I believe with all my heart and soul our love binds us across this unwanted divide.  I love my Garrett so very much!   I am thinking of you Angie and I am there with you.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

On 5/6/2023 at 3:14 PM, NiquesMom said:

I think maybe I need meds to help my depression. When nique died I had Christopher to help me when I got down. Now when I am down there is no way to get out. Maybe I need help.

since B passed , i have been taking a very mild anti depressant called Melex. it just kind of relaxes you makes it easy to rest....non addictive!! i take it when i think i need it . ill go weeks with out it. something mild, relief the stress

25 minutes ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dearest Angie,

I can sympathize with the passage of time.   I will be two years in August on my birthday.  It breaks my heart anew to realize how long it has been since I have hugged Garrett close.  You have really done well finding ways to keep busy and help others.  My hat goes off to you.   The job I was working is officially over.  When I took it a year ago, I knew they were closing the plant.  I opted to take the job for the physical labor  that I hoped would help my emotions too.  For the most part it did but now I am looking again and the pain and despair have gone nowhere. They are still with my always waiting and willing to slice a new fissure of pain.   I still cry every day, some days to hysterics (Although I am able to pull back from total loss of control more often now than I could in the beginning of this nightmare) and I am like you...   I can feel Garrett close.  When I would drive home from work at 10:30 at night, I could always feel him with me.   I believe with all my heart and soul our love binds us across this unwanted divide.  I love my Garrett so very much!   I am thinking of you Angie and I am there with you.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

you know jackie , i sometimes have the same feeling .....not always , but some of my road trips alone , i will often have the feeling that B is right there with me , and it justb comes out of nowhere , i might not even be thinking about him and then i get this feeling that he is there

[Jacqueline3]

 Dearest Michael,

I am so happy for you.   When I feel Garrett, it is the closest to peace I have found, it also brings tears....   I believe with all my heart and soul, our loved ones are with us.   There is so much we, as humans cannot explain and do not know.   

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie