Loss of an Adult Child

[NiquesMom]

Roz, I missed your message, I am so sorry, I responded just now.

I took wish people would stop saying "blessed" or "by the grace of God.". Does that mean God was uncaring to not save my daughter? I don't think so, but I hate that saying. 

I know what you mean about the lack of contact and worry about creating the thing we fear most so we pretend we are fine when really we are a basket case.

Kyle went away on a school trip for 3 days. No electronics allowed so I could not talk to him. I knew he was fine: teachers, chaperones, tons of people around him. But it is hard to not be able to get that instant response to let you know they are ok 

I am glad your daughter is home and safe

[Jacqueline3]

I agree, or "God had a plan for him." or "Its God's will."   What ####ing kind of plan or will is that!   Hence the stem of my overwhelming rage.    My thought is always, okay then lets change places and let God give me my son back and take yours for his overwhelming plan.    It make me full of rage....  and then the sorrow and emptiness and absolute desolation come and I don't want to live this life anymore.   It isn't mine anyway.   It is some perverted form of the one I once had where I could hug all of my children.   I miss Garrett so damned much.   I have lost contact with all of Joe's family and most of my family. Friends... what is a friend?   Out of two mothers and 8 siblings, my Mum and my sister are the only ones who send messages and those are   "Hello, try to have a good day."   Yeah right, I'll do that....   unless my Mum calls and then there is always some insult about how I should be better and I should be so ashamed of myself...  that upsets me for days.   I don't dare even mention Garrett's name.  The rest act like my family doesn't exist.   Sorry for the message of rage....  I  have been fighting this emotion for 25 miserable months,  I think the anger is a little better, then it erupts out of nowhere....   I really do hate this life....

Sorry for the rage....  my Jolene is the one who listens to me when it erupts,  Joe disappears and I wouldn't say it to anyone else.... who would understand... I hope all of you do... I am not sure who else suffers with the rage I feel.   I know we all handle this tragedy differently yet in some ways the same.

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Good Morning,  so I don't like to post about my work or the company as per the policies. However I will share with you that I work for FedEx, I have worked for the operating company under the umbrella of Services.  Although we supported FedEx Freight I was in the Revenue Services Department.  My new position with FedEx Freight so even though it is technically the same company the different operating companies require all the new hire processes for everyone.  

Michael, if they find something interesting in my background check I would like to be the first to hear, I don't think I have lead a life that would provide any surprises to anyone.  I will you let you know if they uncover any juicy details. 🤭

Roz, sorry your friend makes you feel like you have been cursed.  It does seem like a curse sometimes to realize how other families are still complete when we all feel the deep seated feeling of loss and it isn't just birthdays or holidays it can hit hard any day that our family and heart is missing an important piece or maybe I should say peace.  It just seems some people lead lives without trauma or tragedy while some of us just get over one hurdle and up pops the next one.  Just knocked down time and time again.

Virginia, interesting that you work in HR I can't imagine all the things you see and hear.  It must be stressful.  Do you have to work with the hiring process or do you deal with other employee issues?  

Jackie, have you had any interesting interactions with the birds?  I enjoy hearing the stories and what you have seen and felt.  Keep watching I know some of your encounters have been funny so you know Garrett wanted to make you laugh. I believe our children would want us to find some happiness.  Mason missed my dad and Tim's grandmother, he was close to both of them.  I think Mason was Grandma Joyce's favorite great grandson.  Mason would tear up from time to time missing them so he knew grief but I know we would want me to live, I have to give myself this pep talk all the time.  I do want to honor him and try my best to find little pockets of happiness.

My husband Tim is not healing as quickly as he expected but the Dr had told us he would have it rough because it was really ugly and his kidney and bladder were inflamed.  

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol,

I hope Tim gets an upward swing soon....

I have not had any funny ones lately except I think the squirrels are throwing nuts at me every time I sit with the birds as payback for all the times I have threatened to make squirrel pot pie out of them.

I did have a very touching moment... a little Warbling Vireo flew in to our window... I went outside and it was so stunned.   I picked him up and he sat with his little feet on two of my fingers and leaned against the palm of my other hand.   He would blink and look at me as I talked.  It was about 15 minutes until he felt good enough to fly away.   It was a wonderful few minutes this little bird and I shared... right along side my precious Garrett.

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie, that is a very heart warming story.  This is the kind of thing to focus on when the days are darkest.  You were able to comfort the little guy and give him the strength to fly away.  Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Michael Rodriguez]

well carol , a very close friend of ours is the gm for fedex honduras , is our carrier by trade. andc also i believe that your boss' son is the coach of my atlanta falcons.....and he has been doing my life miserable !!!!!

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol,

I have small windows of relief, like the Warbling Vireo, but as quickly as they come, they go.   I cannot get my feet on solid ground,  I feel as if a rabid animal is ripping at whats left of my heart and soul.   I am barely getting through the days, each one is an uphill climb and I am so emotionally tired.   I fight myself to do anything and I feel like I die a little more each day.    I have tried doctors advice to absolute stupid ideas hoping something will help, nothing does. 

Jackie

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[widower2]

On 9/30/2023 at 11:01 PM, NiquesMom said:

I took wish people would stop saying "blessed" or "by the grace of God.". Does that mean God was uncaring to not save my daughter? I don't think so, but I hate that saying. 

I think most people in mourning would agree. There are many things someone can say to someone in mourning....and most of them are ill-advised, such as the ones you mention. People mean well, they just don't think, or are generally clueless about what to say. 

 

On 10/1/2023 at 10:36 AM, Jacqueline3 said:

I agree, or "God had a plan for him." or "Its God's will."   What ####ing kind of plan or will is that!   Hence the stem of my overwhelming rage.    My thought is always, okay then lets change places and let God give me my son back and take yours for his overwhelming plan.    It make me full of rage.... 

Again more than understandable. It's a good thing someone didn't say something like that to me in those early days. I would only suggest trying to keep their good intentions in mind vs the stupid way they went about it, smile politely while thinking (but not saying) "ohh I so wanna smack you" and get away from them.  

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you widower2,  I do keep my distance and my rage is screamed to the heavens and at the unyielding woods at the back of what used to be my home.   Now it is just a house with a major part of it missing.   More than likely 2 major parts...  I died the day my Garrett was taken.... I have no idea how to rebuild this shell of a person I once was and will never be again.    In truth I have no desire to even try and find what scattered, shattered pieces might be lurking somewhere in the depths.    I do appreciate your kindness in responding.   I for one have found rage to be a close second to the agony that claws at my insides every second of every day..

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Some days I feel very stuck

Sat crying, holding Christopher urn, rocking back and forth.

Some days I don't know how to move forward

Everyday I am so sad

[Changed]

Virginia,    there aren’t really any sufficient words - just know I understand and that every day won’t feel this bad. 
It was David’s birthday last weekend - although I tell myself that it is not a day to dread but to be glad that he lived and he was mine - it’s inevitable that it hurts and there is nothing  I can do about it.     I was deeply  affected by it but, just like you,  I’m dreading the approach of the day he died and all the festivities around that time of year even more.

Everything that you are processing whilst you rock is probably very necessary.      You must have to keep a front on for Kyle and at your work so the time when you can have a good cry and  consider everything  is miserable but important.   Sorry for you love.   You are doing so well - even though it is exhausting  be proud that you are being an amazing mother and that Christopher will be thinking so too.

strength to you, love Roz x 

[Changed]

Jackie,   Not sure if it’s a positive thing that you’re  quiet  - somehow I think not.         I hope that you are finding some peace along the way.   Love.  Roz x 

[NiquesMom]

Roz,

Last night was bad but today I was able to clearly see the steps we have taken. 

Last October I took Kyle to a water park. I was not healthy enough to do the rides (back and knee issues, and there are so many stairs at the park) and he was scared to do the rides by himself (daddy always went with him). So we spent the day in the lazy river and wave pool. Well, today we went back to the same water park. Kyle did all 15 rides and I did 7 of them. 

So I clearly see that both he and I are making steps forward even if somedays I can't see it.

Made me realize that sometimes we can get so caught up in "right now" that we can't see how all those steps forward and back have moved us.

I know you dread the holidays as I do, with the deaths so near. I remember my grandma saying she never wanted to die near a holiday. Not sure that it would change how I feel, but it would at least be nice to spread out the pain. Not have it right next to days where I have to try extra hard to want to be around other people.

As always, thank you for being you

[NiquesMom]

Jackie, I know you are hurting and have a lot going on in your life that adds more stress.

I know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I will say I worry about you. It worries me that you seem to have more downs than ups. I don't know any special words or tricks to help you feel better. But I do worry about you. We all have lost huge parts of our lives and we do understand how unfair life is. 

I am sorry about Jolene, adding worries about her health doesn't help you. Maybe you can try finding 1 good thing each day. Once you can easily find one, maybe try to find two each day. I know it sounds trite but maybe forcing yourself to see the good, even if it's minimal, can help you come out of the darkness and into the light.

Michael, how are you and nerida? How is your daughter?

Carol, have you had updates on your job situation?  How is your husband healing?

[Changed]

My dear Jackie - You are right - you don’t have to do anything that others tell you to do - you will be authentic to yourself, your emotions and the tragedies of your life.     People will try to advise you  - sometimes for your sake , sometimes for their own !
The number of times that I have said more than I intended here and later gone back and edited it - I prefer  to talk rather than write - it is easier to get the tone crystal clear .   What can sound callous in print may be softer and well meaning in person.

I’d be pleased that Gily is getting on with her  life -  I hope that it’s real -  as well as losing her brother she has lost a big chunk of her mother .      My daughter is in the same boat - she carries on with her work and social life but the seismic changes with our family are always there - I’m so different these days - I try to be light ( we both do)  but it’s always there.

Your husband’s early life will have left it’s mark - one would hope that he could have healed some  with you and your little family only to see so much suffering to them and you.     People are complicated and self protection may put up barriers  - the energy to work all this out is probably asking  too much for now.      
The ongoing health issues for Jolene must be causing you all such worry .      She has suffered so much  - are  the doctors sure that it is a genetic issue?    The reason I ask is that just today I was reading about a women with so many medical problems without diagnosis - long story short,   turns out that painted over mould was in the home and that was her body’s  reaction.    Could there be any unknown allergy to ‘something’  ?   I’m pretty sure she has already gone through the trial removal and alterations  of  everyday stuff around her - soap etc. , foods, anything  in fact  to explain her poor  health.        Don’t know what I’m talking about but I don’t let that stop me.  Sorry. 

The grief, the worry and the emptiness  are not going to add up to a place you want to be but I hope that you can find some softer spots to land on now and then.     Love Roz   ( all my best to Jolene x ) 

 

[Jacqueline3]

My dearest Roz and Virginia,

I thank you both for talking with me.    Virginia, I will try picking out one good thing...   I am so lost in the darkness right now.   God, I hate this life.... 

Roz,  You are right on many accounts,  Joe has very much been hurt by all that he has endured  He is a good man but hard to live with at times and when I am not distraught, I know he loves us and is hurting as well.  I am happy for Gily and I love her and my grandson, Daylin to pieces.... The man she is living with is twenty years her senior. I wouldn't care about that except he treats her like a child not his partner and he was married when he pursued her at 19 and he was in his forties and he stayed married until she became pregnant.   She is happy, at least for now and I would not for anything in the world damage that for her.   If she and Daylin need me later, I will be here.   Unfortunately all the tests have been done for Jolene and she has some variant form of Ehlers Danlos syndrome.... they think, their words not mine.   They are not sure at all.   but I watch her suffer with pain dislocations, subluxations and bloody ruptures in her skin for no reason and that is just the start of the list.

The girls had left home, Garrett was the only one still living here.   He and I did everything together.   Even if decisions had to be made, Joe was too "busy"... Garrett helped me and shared in dealing with problems and good times he and I had.   He was a creator... made beautiful things out of nothing.... He and I would spend time going on hunts for raw materials.      I miss him terrible.  The more time passes the harder and more painful the longing is to have my family whole becomes.         

I know I need to find my way out of this hole but honestly but so far I have not found that ground I need.   Even knowing Garrett is close and trying to help.

Thank you again,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Sorry I have been distant.  I did get another job with FedEx so I have been busy with getting transitioned.  

Tim had his stent removed and is feeling much better.  Thank goodness.

I could use prayers or just good thoughts, my daughter is pregnant with her second child and started bleeding last week.  They found a blood clot and gave her a 50/50 chance of carrying the baby last Thursday.  Tomorrow I will go with her for a follow up to see if the pregnancy is progressing.  We really need to hear good news and that Morgan and the baby are both doing well.

Virginia glad the water park was better and you are right sometimes it is hard to see we make any progress. 

Jackie I like how well Roz worded it "try to find a soft sot to land".  We have made this far somehow, Garrett wants you to find those soft landings.  I know you know it your heart just as I know Mason would be upset with me - I give me self pep talks all the time.

We had a family birthday gathering for Mason weekend before last and yesterday we had a gathering of friends that still want to get together to remember him.  These gatherings are emotional but as I reflect on the fact that everyone wants to continue to celebrate him, if feels my heart with gratitude that he was loved by so many.  

Roz, you have mentioned how you would rather talk than write.  I can only imagine what a good conversation we would have, talking about our boys and how we have tried to find ways to just make it day to day.  

Peace and comfort to all.

Carol

 

 

[Changed]

Dear Carol,     I do hope that all goes well with the pregnancy - it’s always such a nervous time.

Good for your husband now feeling  a bit better after getting rid of that stent  - I’m sure that it’s got rid of a worry weight for you too. 
Everyone at your gathering  showing  their continuing love for Mason is a beautiful thing  - I appreciate how  much comfort that will bring .         That and everything else you do in his name.

Congrats on your new job - are you working from home ?    You gave me an early morning smile when you said that you were being  transitioned !    
My thoughts are with you ,  Love Roz x

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning to all !! trying to catch up ? 

[Dianas Mom]

I've been reading your posts here for weeks, though my state has been of such profound despair and deep emotional pain that I haven't been able to post myself.  I didn't think it possible to survive the first year only to find as the second year began I sank into an even darker, more torturous place. I lost all hope and what little strength I had left with no way of ever getting out. The grief was relentless and unforgiving, distractions were so minimal they didn't offer any reprieve. I was just lost, the anguish all encompassing with no escape.

Reading your posts, I think at 85 years of age I may be the oldest parent here. I live alone. I see that many of you still have a significant other (married or not) in your life. I lost my husband of 30 years when I was 49. I lost my father prior to losing my husband, then I lost my mother a few years later, followed with the loss of my brother (we were twins). Over the years I've lost all but 1 of my friends and a number of beloved pets. Then I lost my daughter, Diana, in 2022. I had believed the loss of the person you had chosen to spend the rest of your life with would be the greatest loss----------until Diana passed. We know that when we, or our partner passes,  unless we pass at the same time, one of us will be left alone. We expect that we, as parents, will pass before our children.  Every loss has similarities yet is different in many respects. Many parents feel the loss of their child has been the hardest loss they have experienced. I can attest that for me losing Diana has been the most brutal loss.

During the past week I am seeing some small progress.  I know the journey is not linear, many ups and downs along the way,  preparing for the downs, but am grateful for even temporary movement in the uphill battle. 

To the "old-timers" here: During this first year and a half the only way I made it through some days was because of your words!! You've helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you.

There is no end to grief. Diana will never be undead. I will always want her to be here, will always feel the loneliness, the longing, the sorrow. I'm hanging on to faith that the grief path will soften allowing me to carry it more easily. I wish the same for all or you.

Love and hugs,

Yvonne

 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Yvonne,  I have thought about you and didn't know you still  followed us. I can truly say that the people that find their way here and stay have been so supportive and helpful.  They help me see I am not alone and offer true understanding.  Sometimes it feels as if no one could understand the pain and thoughts that come our way. 

Roz,  I will be working 3 days in the office and  2 at home.  This going back into the office is a big change. My husband thinks it will be good for me.  He thinks being around others will help me and maybe he is right.  

Jackie so sorry to hear about Jolene.  Sometimes health problems are so hard to diagnose. Sure hope she gets answers and relief. 

Virginia keep us posted on the travel plans and how is Kyle doing this school year. 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Yvonne,

I am thinking of you.  I am and have been where you are.  It is truly one minute at a time.   This is not my life anymore but some perverted hellish life that I must walk through, and there are days I do it very poorly, but I somehow manage to get through the day.  I have been keeping a small notebook of the cycle and severity of the moods.   I find I have a really, distraught bad day every three days followed by a somewhat diisconnected day, then a better one... I might have a second semi okay one and then I get hit with the really distraught one again.  Jolene and I have been working on small ways to perhaps shape the days in a better way.     I am thinking of you always.   Your Diana is close and trying to help.   

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning.... last saturday was 30 months since B left us. it is still as painful as it was at the begining , but over this time span , i have noticed that i could not see a picture of him or listen to some of the songs he liked , because i would burst into tears. 

but those were welcome tears because i could let my sorrow come out with them. now, 30 months later , although the tears still there , i see him with a smile , tell him how much i love and miss him with a smile 

yes yvonne , i have also lost my parents and a sibling , and none of it even compares to the pain of losing my son. and it is not that i do not miss my mom and dad or my brother joe .....it is just that B was a part of me just as Diana was a part of you. and regardless of age , our kids are still our babies !!!!

[Changed]

My dear Yvonne,  It is so totally soul destroying and life changing to lose one’s child  - I understand how you are engulfed in the misery of your reality.   We don’t want it to be so but we are incapable of changing what we now have to deal with.

This is a site to find support for our grief - the span of our different ages is of no matter as we all come together wounded by the  the most heartbreaking of losses .       

Take care of  yourself,   write when you feel that you can .    Love Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Hello to all,

I know the posts on this site have helped me and I hope that from time to time, my posts have helped someone else.  I know many have found new stepping ground and ways of moving forward with the pain and sorrow we all carry now.  

I am still very much at the edge of darkness.  It has been twenty-five months for me and I still cannot listen to music Garrett liked or watch a movie he loved, eat food that was his favorite.   My steps forward have been baby steps but they have been steps.   I am still wrangling with guilt I could do nothing more and rage that the heavens are so fucking cruel. 

I am not sure why this was so important for me to write but I needed to say that again we all grieve and struggle in our own way and at our own pace.   And with all my heart I believe our children are close by trying to help us.    For those perhaps like me that are slower movers, do what feels right to you and don't be rushed to make peace with anything you are not ready to.   I do find comfort with the birds, my Garrett showed me these peaceful little creatures.

My thoughts and best wishes are with all of you.   It is such a painful, uphill climb especially when we have no desire to do anything of the kind.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Just wanted to let everyone know that Morgan did miscarry.  So another stab to the heart.

[Changed]

So sorry Carol x.    My love to all of your family,  Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

I am so sorry Carol.   My heart goes out to all of your family.   Please tell Morgan and her family I am so sorry.

Jackie

[Dianas Mom]

Carol,  my heart  is sad for the loss of your daughter's pregnancy. During my childbearing years, I had 2 miscarriages after my second child. I remember wondering if I could ever have another baby? I felt the hurt and heartache with each loss. I was fearful when I became pregnant for the fifth time, but the pregnancy was normal and gave me the gift of my third child. Morgan will need to take good care of herself as she recovers physically and emotionally from the loss. Sometimes life is just unfair.

Sending my love,

Yvonne

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I am so sorry! It always seems so unfair when we want something so badly and we cannot change what happens. I had multiple miscarriages after Kyle, each one sent me into a depressive state. I pray for peace for you and your family with this loss.

[Michael Rodriguez]

so sorry carol for morgan , we just got told that nikki also had a miscarriage. nereida is not up to travel and what good am i going to be , that is a mom's job....i really feel bad for her , and i was looking forward to a grand child .....most of my friends have some i have none.

[NiquesMom]

Michael, I am so sorry. Life just feels like it piles on us sometimes. I pray for peace for you, nerida and Nikki 

[Changed]

Dear Michael,  I’m so sorry for your family - such sad news.     It must be very hard for Nereida  not to be able to reach Nikki right now.  Love Roz 

 

[Changed]

Carol,    How is Morgan and her husband coping ?   How are you ?   Love Roz x

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks for your thoughts, i know i can always count on you guys

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Michael,

I am so sorry to hear about Nikki.    I am thinking of you all in this sad time.

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Stuck in my feelings.

Kyle injured his foot last weekend, and it was reinjured yesterday. While he is crying and I am trying to clean him up, I had a flashback to helping Christopher. Every day, I would wash Christopher face. I was washing kyles face because the tears and sweat had made a mess with all the dirt.

Feel like a failure. I couldnt save nique, could t save Christopher, can't protect Kyle, things will happen out of my control. Why? What am I supposed to do? Just keep muddling along, pretending like everything will be fine when we have no control whatsoever? Saving money for a retirement that may never come? No one in my family has made it to retirement, why should I think I will be different? I think my family tree was meant to come to an end. 

Sorry, just feeling down . 

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[Jamie S.]

I found my son’s body on Friday, October 27.  It is a suspected overdose.  An autopsy is going to be done.  My son was 33,  and my husband and I have lived in fear for many years of something like this happening.  I hope I can find help and comfort in a site like this.

[NiquesMom]

Hi Jamie, my name is Virginia. My 18 year old daughter Dominique died almost 6 years ago. I am sorry you have to be here with us, but I am glad you found us.

I think there are a lot of people that read a long time before they decide to post, and sometimes I just read. It's comforting to know that you are not crazy with how you feel, and that there are people that understand.

The first year is extremely difficult, and I know I was operating on autopilot. I don't remember most of it. Brain fog is common, and the mood swings of emotions. 

There is no right way to grieve, we all do the best we can.

I am sending love and hugs to you and your family.

[Jamie S.]

Thank you, Virginia, for your response.

[KayC]

55 minutes ago, Jamie S. said:

I found my son’s body on Friday, October 27.  It is a suspected overdose.  An autopsy is going to be done.  My son was 33,  and my husband and I have lived in fear for many years of something like this happening.  I hope I can find help and comfort in a site like this.

I hope so too.  It was hard enough losing my husband 18 years ago, and nearly everyone close to me since, I can't imagine losing a child, I am so sorry.

[Changed]

Dear Jamie ,  I’m so sorry that you are in need of a place like this.      The loss of your son will be shattering and I send my most heartfelt condolences to you and your husband.

I’m Roz and my son , David, died at the end of 2016 - this site and the other parents here have offered me comfort and strength - I hope that we can do the same for you. 
peace and strength to you,  Roz x 

[Changed]

Hi Virginia,   You are having a difficult spell.    Unfortunately , once boys get out and about on their own they tend to have mishaps- that’s par for the course.   I hated all the incidents with David as he grew up but my husband took them all in his stride and would relate his own misadventures .   If Christopher was with you it would feel so different - his support and perspective - so it’s understandable that  you feel as you do .  Shouldering the responsibility and missing Chris - no wonder you are low.

 Being fearful is sometimes inevitable but don’t  let it  take root,  you have had too much trauma in your life Virginia but that doesn’t mean that more is inevitable.      You are yet to see Kyle grow up  and have his  own family - there can be better times ahead .

We know that , along with Carol, we are facing the hardest, saddest part of our year soon -  it can leave us particularly vulnerable to the misery of the past and worry for the future.       Stay strong.   Love Roz x

i didn’t ask , how is Kyle’s leg now ?     It’s late here so I’m rambling a bit .

 

[Mason’s Mom]

On 10/23/2023 at 1:27 PM, Michael Rodriguez said:

so sorry carol for morgan , we just got told that nikki also had a miscarriage. nereida is not up to travel and what good am i going to be , that is a mom's job....i really feel bad for her , and i was looking forward to a grand child .....most of my friends have some i have none.

Michael, so sorry. Don't underestimate your support of Nikki. It is hard for everyone. We all get excited to bring a new baby into the family. So hard to question the why. It is hard to know how much Nikki and Morgan are hurting. I understand the feeling of helplessness.

[Mason’s Mom]

4 hours ago, Jamie S. said:

I found my son’s body on Friday, October 27.  It is a suspected overdose.  An autopsy is going to be done.  My son was 33,  and my husband and I have lived in fear for many years of something like this happening.  I hope I can find help and comfort in a site like this.

Jamie, your grief is so raw. We lost our son Mason 12/17/17, he was 21. I always expected a call that he had an accident, but it was a fatal heart defect. Sudden death no warning. We all understand your pain. When I was told they would do an autopsy I didn't want it. He was gone and to me the cause of death didn't matter. It is good that it was done because we had our daughters under go extensive cardio testing and they show no signs.  The things that helped me is taking everythimg is small steps, sometimes minute to minute. Time won't completely heal the pain however we learn coping skills. I give myself pep talks and do everything I can to honor him. Remember to breath sometimes the physical pain makes us tske shallow breathes. Stop and take a deep breathe from time to time.

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, Morgan is struggling with the loss, as expected. Her husband has been very supportive and I have to remember he suffered a loss as well.

Virginia, I think many of us feel that we have failed in many aspects especially with our children.  We can't protect them from everything. Mason was always getting hurt he was always looking for the next big adventure, he did know we were going to be there to help him mend. His SR year of highschool he was in the emergency room twice, he had cut his leg an then he was cutting wood to make some extra money and he had a tree fall in his foot. I remember the nurse kept saying he has big feet. He wore a size 13 or 14 depending on the brand. Kyle knows how much you love him. I worry about my husband his dad was 51 at the time of his death and paternal grandmother was 54. He has already beat the odds so you have hope.

[KayC]

Last night one of my best friends got hit with the news her 29 year old son was dead, no foul play suspected, toxicology report still out.  I can't imagine, I couldn't sleep, my heart is very concerned for her and her family.

[Jacqueline3]

My dearest Jamie

I am so very sorry for your loss and the circumstances in finding your baby boy.    My name is Jackie and I lost my 22 year old son, Garrett, to an undiagnosed medical issue when he was just 22 years old, on my 60th birthday.    Almost 26 months ago.    I have cried every day for 26 months, many times hysterically and screamed at the heavens.   I  have had very little support outside of my  eldest daughter.  Along with endless sorrow and pain, I have had much rage at the heavens for taking my precious boy.    The rampant rollercoaster of  emotions for each person suffering with this most heinous loss is very individual.  Virginia is right, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.   This site has offered me help when I could find precious little anywhere else.  Here the mothers and fathers understand....  and when others move on, we are still here, still dealing with a distortion of the life we once knew... one without our child.     My heart goes out to you and your family... Talk and we will listen and understand.  

Dearest Virginia, I hope Kyle is better soon.

Love and hugs,

Jackie 

Dear Kay C,

My heart goes out to your friend and her family.   It is an endless nightmare no parent should have to endure. 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

jamie s. i am so very sorry for your loss . it is a hard road to travel and one , that i guess, will never end. i lost my son brian 30 months ago and i still yearn for him every day for him. 

i just realized that i no longer will be using the month refereit will now be over 2 and a half years ago. i can not believe it has been as long as it has 

[Changed]

Dear KayC,   How shocking for your friend .      It is beyond belief what she and her family will have to face.    You , yourself will be feeling the same  - my kindest thoughts to you all.    Roz