Loss of an Adult Child

[Lisa M.]

My two year mark is Friday.   I feel myself getting sadder by the day.  Mother's day too will be a struggle.   Not only do I miss my boy, but Mother's day 2021 was the last day my son was able to communicate with me.  That evening he stopped  talking and never woke up.  I know he could still hear me because he would squeeze my hand.  I would spend the next three days by his side till he passed over on May 12th.  I relive those last hours over and over.  I didn't sleep for 3 days.  I needed to be awake.  I brought him in to this world and I wanted to make sure I  was with him when he left.  I picked up his ashes 6 days later, on my birthday.   My birthday will never be the same for me.  I am thinking of you all.  Please think of me and send thoughts to help me get through this.   I really thought this year would be better, but it turns out it feels a bit worse.  I appreciate you all. Thanks for being here. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

believe me lisa , we all think about each other.....i know how bad mother´s day feels as it has become a taboo at home also ....having all those dates that 3 years ago were so happy dates and now so misserable 

[Mason’s Mom]

On 5/6/2023 at 4:14 PM, NiquesMom said:

I think maybe I need meds to help my depression. When nique died I had Christopher to help me when I got down. Now when I am down there is no way to get out. Maybe I need help.

Virginia, I would not be able to sleep without help for rmedication. Allow yourself to ask the doctor for something to help you rest. 

[Mason’s Mom]

7 hours ago, Lisa M. said:

My two year mark is Friday.   I feel myself getting sadder by the day.  Mother's day too will be a struggle.   Not only do I miss my boy, but Mother's day 2021 was the last day my son was able to communicate with me.  That evening he stopped  talking and never woke up.  I know he could still hear me because he would squeeze my hand.  I would spend the next three days by his side till he passed over on May 12th.  I relive those last hours over and over.  I didn't sleep for 3 days.  I needed to be awake.  I brought him in to this world and I wanted to make sure I  was with him when he left.  I picked up his ashes 6 days later, on my birthday.   My birthday will never be the same for me.  I am thinking of you all.  Please think of me and send thoughts to help me get through this.   I really thought this year would be better, but it turns out it feels a bit worse.  I appreciate you all. Thanks for being here. 

Lisa, I know how those days up to and on the anniversary dates are so painful. Time just takes on new meaning and I find myself measuring time before and after.  It is a form of PTSD,  we have suffered trauma and unless you experience the loss of a child you just can't understand how traumatic is really is. Those memories on an endless loop. I have learned to bring myself back most of the time and I focus on what I can do to keep his memory from fading.

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie and Michael,  I know Mason has been with us and sometimes I recognize the signs. I look for things,  I have a  little box on my nightstand that I put little treasures that could only be my boy. A feather in an unexpected place,  a small rock or heart shaped leaf. Like Jackie the birds seem to show themselves at strange times and places. When we drive Mason's truck sometimes the stereo will turn up the volume,  don't think it did that before. 

I have been printing the scholarship certificates and will soon be able to help another round students get a helping hand from Mason. 

[Changed]

Dear Angie ,   You are in the thoughts of all of us today love as you touch this date.      You have achieved so much and are now offering yourself to others who are grieving - that is so precious.     It must have taken a lot of effort and courage -  Dustin will be so proud of his mother.

Lots of love to you and your family, Roz x 
 

[Changed]

Dear Lisa,   a really painful week for you as you sharply relive your last time along side Don.    That will always be sad no matter how many years go by - it is to be expected.    
I think that Carol is correct with all that she said and the learning how to pull ourselves out of that  distressing loop when we can is very necessary.      This week though will take you where it will but I hope that you can find some comfort in that Don is no longer suffering and that he is now at peace.      
It may be the same dates as you approach Friday but it is not the same - those actual days are settled and gone .

Thinking of you all,  love Roz x 

 

 

 

 

[Changed]

Dear Virginia,   I don’t know anything about medication to help you but some of the others have had that experience themselves so I hope that gives you confidence to reach out to a professional.

It is as if you kept going for as long as you could and now it’s caught up with you .  I know that your  extended family is a small one , as is my own,  so that support is probably limited.   
You will come through this - your grief has been exhausting but there will be easier times  - trust in that.

Love to you and Kyle,    Roz x 

[Changed]

Dear Jackie,    Will you take a new job now the place you are at is closing?     Are there many options around where you live?        I understand why you wanted to channel your energy into something physical  - do you still want that?

I hope that you can find the right solution and don’t over tax yourself with whatever you choose.

cheers, Roz x
 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa,

My two years are in August, on my birthday.   I understand that day never being the same.   I am with you and Don as the week proceeds and on Friday.  My heart bleeds with yours as we walk this heinous, unending road together.  Please keep talking, we are here.

Love and hugs,

Jackie 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz

I havent decided it I want another job in a factory.   It was especially hard on my knees.  I have arthritis in both.    I didn't really like the job but have found I have missed it the last two weeks.  Too much time on my hands to think.   I am looking now but nothing has caught my eye or come through.   I really miss the rides home.  I would always talk to Garrett and I know he was right there beside me.    How are you doing? 

Dearest Lisa,

How are you doing?

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[Changed]

Jackie,   Made myself do some serious gardening today - it takes my mind off everything else.   I imagine that is what working did for you.   I hope that if you do go back to work you can find something that offers you a lot more than just your labour.  Love Roz x

 

Lisa,     how are you?    You’re on my mind.  Love Roz x

 

Virginia,     Are you feeling any better?      Please let us know how you are coping.    Love Roz x 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz, thank you.   I know I need to do something.  I had one of the worst days I have had just this week.  I am in unrelenting pain and  broken.  God I miss my Garrett.  I have been cleaning out flower beds as well.  

Dearest Lisa, I am thinking of you.

Dearest Virginia,  I hope you are feeling better.  Did you see your doctor about some medication.   I am not a meds first person but they have been a big help to me since this tragedy happened.

Dearest Michael     How is your wife doing?   Has she finished chemo?

Thinking of everyone,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

One of Mason's friends had a baby boy they named Mason. The baby's mom reached out and told me she was in town this week and asked if I wanted to meet this little Mason. Tomorrow after work I am going to meet him, such an honor for the parents to name him after my son.  I am sure I will shed a few tears but I am thankful that others honor him. 

Lisa, thinking about you. 

Jackie could you find volunteer work to help others.  Maybe something that Garrett would like, many animal shelters need help as do mny other charity organizations.  Maybe a place you could talk to others and share some stories of Garrett. 

Thinking about Mother's day in the US this weekend. Painful for all us including the dads.  Does anyone have a special memory they want to share? I may said this before forgive me if I repeating myself.  One of favorite memories is from Mason's kindergarten class.  Each child wrote a book and illustrated special things about their Mom. They had a Mother's Day Tea party and each child read their book for the class and their mothers.  One question was My mom is smart because she knows,  Mason wrote "because she knows Jesus died on the cross for me". Maybe I did do a few things right.  I dont want to impose my beliefs and I hope I didn't offend anyone. I would love to hear your stories,  even dads I bet you helped your child make some of those memories. 

Peace and comfort, 

Carol 

[Changed]

Dear Carol,    Your meeting with little Mason will be very emotional for you all but what a beautiful thing  to do - naming  their baby after Mason says so much.

Has life eased off a little for you ? - you were facing a lot of demands at work and home - I hope that everything has been settled, resolved or completed leaving you at ease , at least on those  fronts.

So you have Mother’s Day this weekend - that will be particularly sharp for Lisa and Angie ,   falling as it does.      We held it here in the uk back in March.

I like your little story.    I don’t think any of us here are offended by the beliefs of another member - we can be true to ourselves.           Love Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa,      I am thinking of you. 

Dearest Carol,   Your shared time with Mason is a wonderful retelling....  Good luck meeting with Mason's friends and the baby.  I know it will be very difficult.

I cannot think of anything about Mothers day in particular but Garrett gave me the papers he had gotten back one week in the second grade and one of the questions was  to give a way that we could  save water.....  Garrett's answer was..."Drink milk!"   He had gotten the question wrong of course but he asked me why because you could drink milk and not water.   He so loved his milk.... I remember just hugging him close and telling him he was absolutely right and then explaining the question....   I personally as the teacher would have given him extra credit!   Just my opinion.    God, I miss my Garrett!  Now I will have to sit and cry a while.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

y

Just now, Mason’s Mom said:

y

Didn't mean to post twice.

[Michael Rodriguez]

6 minutes ago, Mason’s Mom said:

y

Didn't mean to post twice.

no worries , seems you are enjoying the new Mason !!!!!!! must make you feel so good that they named him after mason1 ......shows the love he spread !!

[Jacqueline3]

Wonderful picture!  It seems like your meeting went so well!   I am glad it was a good experience for you.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa.... as we close in on Friday, I wanted to let you know that I am with you and thinking of you.

Jackie

[Dianas Mom]

Dear Lisa, I'll be thinking of you and my heart will be with you on the two year mark of the loss of your son. April marked the one year date of the loss of my daughter. Like you, as the days grew closer the grief was greater. My first Mother's day after she passed followed shortly thereafter and I couldn't bear the day to come without her. I thought maybe Mother's day this year would be easier, but I as it approaches I'm feeling the pain even more. Our lives are changed forever as we struggle with the grief of losing our child. We are all doing the best we can. It is always helpful when I'm feeling so down to post here and it's a comfort to let it out. So post your feelings, we understand. 

Hugs,

Yvonne

[Changed]

Dearest Lisa,   We are all thinking about you and Don today and understand .    I hope that you can find some peace.   Love Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa,

My thoughts and heart are  with you and Don today.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Lisa, thinking about you today.

[Lost4words2020]

Lisa, The loss of a child is so profound and not a soul can understand unless you have firsthand experience.  All of us here understand and offer our support.  I know that saying "things will get better as time passes" can actually make thing feel worse.  So, with that I say instead, you are not alone.  Here in this group, you are surrounded by supportive, loving kindness. Take one day at a time at the pace that feels right for you. Stay strong.

[Dustins Mom]

We made it past the one year anniversary of losing my beloved Dustin this past Tuesday but looming ahead is one more first for me … last year he passed the morning after Mother’s Day so this will be my first Mother’s Day without him. I’ve mentioned several times about David Kessler and his Tender Hearts group that has helped me tremendously this past year. Yesterday, in honor of Mother’s Day he offered a free Zoom session for anyone who is grieving the loss of their child. Here’s the link to the recorded version if anyone would like to watch it …..

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/mother-s-day-grief-2023-replay-grieving-a-child
Sending my love out to everyone here, Mothers and Fathers alike. 
Angie 

[NiquesMom]

Lisa and Angie, my heart is with you as you approach this mother's day. Be gentle with yourself.

Carol, Roz and Jackie: thank you for asking after me. I have decided not to look for any meds. I am worried about side effects, weight gain. I am going to just keep talking and trying. I have a friend whose husband died about 6 months before Christopher. We lived next door to them when nique was 8-13. She has been a good ear.

I know I should be grateful for the times I had but today I saw a commercial that made me so angry. It's a mother's day commercial. Husband flies wife's mom in since wife is a new mom. My mom died before my first mother's day with nique. Just made me mad.

Michael, how is your wife? How are you?

Everyone on here: I read and I think about you all even if I don't write anything.

This is not a happy time in my life but I am going to continue to try to find a little bit of happy where I can.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lisa and Angie

My heart and thoughts are with you.

 

[Changed]

Carol , gorgeous picture of you and the baby  x. Roz 

[Jacqueline3]

How are we supposed to live like this?  My heart and soul are so damned broken.   There is no hope, no peace, no happiness... Today, I can find no ground.... no place to stand that I don't want to scream until I cannot breathe.  I want Garrett to come home, to call my name, to be healthy and okay.    I am broken and today I am sinking into that black pit of agony and despair.   I want my son.

[patrickmorrow]

When I lost my son in October to drugs.... my only lasting solace was my faith in Jesus. The peace that passes understanding that he promised along with being close to the broken-hearted, has been my survival tools. Also please look at Greif Share, they are national and I have been helped through them too. Please contact me anytime, my hear is heavy for you. Patrick Morrow

[LostMelissa]

Hi, Jackie. 

So painful!  Certain unexpected things trigger it. They are all over. All of a sudden it hurts so damn bad. It’s actual agony. 

It’s so sad, and frustrating too, that we go through this. It’s not fair, but there really is no “fair.” We just go through what is given us.

You are a resource to others here, and I’m sure in your offline life. It’s something you could recognize and feel good about. When I came here two months ago, you were one of the ones who was understanding. Do you realize how significant that is to someone who just lost theirs?

Mel’s funeral passed 2 weeks ago. It was horrible. It was so much sadder than it even had to be. Mel’s mom put together 30 min of slides and sad music to be played mid-service with everyone quiet and bawling together. I had no idea it would be like that. Then immediately afterwards, Mel’s mom and I gave our eulogies. Brutal. The driver of Mel’s car, who made the fatal mistake, snubbed me because she hates me, even though I have been compassionate and overtly kind. Her dad cornered me to try to guilt trip me for hiring a lawyer to go for their insurance.  She blames Mel, the passenger, for distracting her. Everyone was horrified by their behavior, including those who had been giving them the benefit of the doubt before.  More drama … great.  

I find comfort in knowing that I don’t have to look out for the driver or her family at this time.  My only task is to look after my side.  Their side can worry about and support their side.  My family is complicated enough without having to make everything right for everyone on all sides.  If I try to be responsible for everyone, I will make myself sick.  It simplifies things greatly to remember the few things and people we are legitimately responsible for.

Meanwhile, insurance is doing what insurance does - try to wiggle out of paying what you paid premiums to get as protection. It’s all nasty.  I never give up fighting those fights, so it will just take longer to get what we’re entitled to, and insurers will likely have to pay more for acting in bad faith.  I shed no tears for insurers.

At the same time, I expect myself  to work and return to productivity.  It doesn’t progress sometimes, despite our efforts, and it’s another thing to get down about.  It will eventually improve, but it’s easy to be hard on myself when I should show myself compassion.

Back to relating to you. These speed bumps come out of nowhere and knock us down. We get up and keep moving. It’s all we can do. It hurts, but the alternative - getting stuck and stagnating - feels even worse. 

I hope you can get up, yet again, and do little things. The one thing we know is that, if we keep doing little things one at a time, the picture will change. We don’t know what the picture will become, but it least it won’t be this mess of emotions we sit in at the moment.  It may be a different mess, but there’s always the possibility of improvement too. 

[NiquesMom]

Jackie, I wish I had words to help you. But I am in the pit with you. I see no end in sight. I have trouble finding a reason to keep going. But I also can see the roller coaster that is life. There are times when I am up and time when I am down. Currently down but there has to be rise coming soon. Try to hang in there because you know there are people who need you to be here with them. That's the only thing that keeps me going. Kyle needs me. Your daughter and husband need you. We are here for a reason, even if we can't see it.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Patrick, Lost Melissa and Virginia.... Thank you for your encouraging, precious words yesterday.   I am standing on the ever trembling ground but I am standing, forever looking at the pit of despair but I am not drowning at this moment. 

I am thinking of everyone on this Mothers day and the pain and joy that it brings.... In my heart and soul, even if there were no difference in the chain of events,  I know I would do it all over again to have my precious Garrett for 22 years.   I have both kinds of tears today and my heart aches to hug and hold my Garrett.  I am thinking of all the mothers and fathers I have met here and my heart reaches out to you in compassion, companionship and shared pain and aching need.

Love and hugs to all

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

to all you ladies , i know that yesterday was a terrible day .....watching my wife struggle with her chemo and hurting for B was hard to take . as much as i tried to make her feel better , i could not. 

it was hard watching our neighbors enjoying mothers day and us having the most wretched of a day anybody could have. 

patrick , thanks for coming back ....i have seen fathers come and go...but i remain as i need to hear from all of you guys.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Lost Melissa.,

Although I am still sad and broken, I have found my way once again to some shaky but even ground.   You message to me on Saturday was a warm hug in a cold stark world.    I know how bereft and shattered I feel and I have depended on those who know the pain to pull me back when I am falling too far and cannot help myself.   I am glad to know, I had always hoped that I had returned the favor to others when they themselves are falling into the black pit of despair.

My heart goes out to you and your family as you deal with the fallout and added stress and pain of the car accident.  It has been an eye opener to me to realize how unkind and selfish people in insurance companies and hospitals can be.  My son was airlifted to Hershey Medical center and the hospital who called for the airlift were horrific in demanding their money... Finally I called again and wound up on the phone with a young woman, Sharon, who cried with me and said she too had suffered horrific loss in her life.   Between the two of us we worked out the issue.  And the entire time she would asked me how I was holding up.  Sharon was a light in a very dark tunnel.

I am hoping you can find someone in the insurance agency who will lend you a warm hand as this young lady did me.

I am thinking of you all,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

On 5/13/2023 at 6:50 PM, LostMelissa said:

Hi, Jackie. 

So painful!  Certain unexpected things trigger it. They are all over. All of a sudden it hurts so damn bad. It’s actual agony. 

It’s so sad, and frustrating too, that we go through this. It’s not fair, but there really is no “fair.” We just go through what is given us.

You are a resource to others here, and I’m sure in your offline life. It’s something you could recognize and feel good about. When I came here two months ago, you were one of the ones who was understanding. Do you realize how significant that is to someone who just lost theirs?

Mel’s funeral passed 2 weeks ago. It was horrible. It was so much sadder than it even had to be. Mel’s mom put together 30 min of slides and sad music to be played mid-service with everyone quiet and bawling together. I had no idea it would be like that. Then immediately afterwards, Mel’s mom and I gave our eulogies. Brutal. The driver of Mel’s car, who made the fatal mistake, snubbed me because she hates me, even though I have been compassionate and overtly kind. Her dad cornered me to try to guilt trip me for hiring a lawyer to go for their insurance.  She blames Mel, the passenger, for distracting her. Everyone was horrified by their behavior, including those who had been giving them the benefit of the doubt before.  More drama … great.  

I find comfort in knowing that I don’t have to look out for the driver or her family at this time.  My only task is to look after my side.  Their side can worry about and support their side.  My family is complicated enough without having to make everything right for everyone on all sides.  If I try to be responsible for everyone, I will make myself sick.  It simplifies things greatly to remember the few things and people we are legitimately responsible for.

Meanwhile, insurance is doing what insurance does - try to wiggle out of paying what you paid premiums to get as protection. It’s all nasty.  I never give up fighting those fights, so it will just take longer to get what we’re entitled to, and insurers will likely have to pay more for acting in bad faith.  I shed no tears for insurers.

At the same time, I expect myself  to work and return to productivity.  It doesn’t progress sometimes, despite our efforts, and it’s another thing to get down about.  It will eventually improve, but it’s easy to be hard on myself when I should show myself compassion.

Back to relating to you. These speed bumps come out of nowhere and knock us down. We get up and keep moving. It’s all we can do. It hurts, but the alternative - getting stuck and stagnating - feels even worse. 

I hope you can get up, yet again, and do little things. The one thing we know is that, if we keep doing little things one at a time, the picture will change. We don’t know what the picture will become, but it least it won’t be this mess of emotions we sit in at the moment.  It may be a different mess, but there’s always the possibility of improvement too. 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Everyone is once again very quiet.  I hope that is a good sign.... I am thinking of everyone.  My heart is heavy and my soul broken but I am standing.  Some days I do not know how, nor do I want to.  I do believe that is the thing people who have not lost a beloved child do not understand....  Moving is not a matter of  "can I"... It is a matter of  "I don't want to without my child".

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Hi Jackie. I am not better. Just here.

My in laws came to visit for kyles birthday (he turned 10 yesterday). I had some good conversation with my MIL about my husband. I told her I completely understand the broken feeling and that her other kids just can't understand. They lost their brother but she lost her child and there is no comparison. We talked about grief brain and I hope I was able to comfort her a little. 

Nique would be 24 years old this month. How have I missed 6 birthdays with her?

Made it thru Christopher first birthday not here, kyles first birthday without Christopher. Pretty rough month and I don't know when I will see the sun again.

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia, 

I know how you feel.   I have found a small smidgen of ground but it is always shaking and unstable.   I still cry every day and my heart breaks anew everyday.   The ground will once again vanish and I will be swimming in the dark pain that is always waiting to engulf. 

I think it probably helped your mother-in-law.    It helps to talk to someone who can understand your pain.   Garrett has had two birthdays since this hated nightmare began.  He too would be 24 years old.  His birthday is January 17.   When is Nique's birthday?   I get so tired of people glossing over my son.  Garrett is important to me and just as much a part of my life now as before.   The constant inconsiderate remarks and actions add another hurt, not for me but if Garrett can hear and see them... and I believe he can..  It makes me sick inside.   I don't know Virginia,  it is a constant battle to keep moving because I just don't want to without Garrett.    I am sure Christopher and Kyles birthdays were both very difficult.  I am thinking of you and Kyle both.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Hi Jackie, 

Nique birthday is May 28, memorial day baby.

I had a strange interaction today. At Walmart picking up Kyle's birthday cake, ran into a man who worked with Christopher. He didn't remember his name but recognized his face when I showed him a pic. We chatted, he was having a rough day and I can be a good listener. There were a lot of similarities between his life and mine. 

I am sitting here in my head trying to figure out why we met. It was nice and sad at the same time. Nice to meet someone who knew Christopher, sad because that's not going to happen often, if ever. 

I am hoping once I get thru May I will get back on an upswing.

How is your daughter and husband?

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,

I am so happy you had the interaction.  I do believe these strange encounters are so important.   It has been quite a while ago, about a year.... I was in a terrible emotional state and I ran into a man at the grocery store with a cockatoo on his shoulder .  This man talked to me and the birds name was Precious.   He told me no parent should have to suffer such a cruel thing, all the while this lovely bird was allowing me to pet her and she returned the gesture and stroked the back of my hand.   

My husband is frustrated and tired of work, I am looking again.   My eldest Jolene is doing a little better but eating is still a battle.  Her Hematologist (Is the same doctor who was called in when she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, when her blood counts were so low.)   Has stayed on and helps her.   I really like him.  that is a lot for me to say since I am not fond of doctors at all.  My middle daughter, Gillian, is running around busy.   She is much like my husband and shuts out what has happened and the pain it evokes.   Garrett is my youngest.  He was my great, wonderful surprise when I was just about 40.

I do hope you can soon find a small upswing.   Mine are never large but it helps not to be drowning the in the dank, dark sludge of pain. 

Love and hugs to you and Kyle,

Jackie

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

13 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Hi Jackie, 

Nique birthday is May 28, memorial day baby.

I had a strange interaction today. At Walmart picking up Kyle's birthday cake, ran into a man who worked with Christopher. He didn't remember his name but recognized his face when I showed him a pic. We chatted, he was having a rough day and I can be a good listener. There were a lot of similarities between his life and mine. 

I am sitting here in my head trying to figure out why we met. It was nice and sad at the same time. Nice to meet someone who knew Christopher, sad because that's not going to happen often, if ever. 

I am hoping once I get thru May I will get back on an upswing.

How is your daughter and husband?

good morning, i had a similar encounter on wednesday. bank i work with assigned us a  new credit officer. they gave me his name prior to the meeting and his last name waxs the same as a good friend of mine. asked my7 friend about him, just told me that he was the son of a distant relative of him. never had i been that curious before ...

well, he shows up , and we are walking thru the plant and we get to the treatment plant, there i explain that is was not my idea to make such a large investment , that it was my son who insisted.......so , igive them the story and he looks straight at me and says " you must be Brian´s dad" .....and he tells me that he is 4 years younger than B, but they both wouñld get to school early , they became friends  and he would get bullied and B would defend him.......swo it was nice

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,

I am so happy you had the interaction.  I do believe these strange encounters are so important.   It has been quite a while ago, about a year.... I was in a terrible emotional state and I ran into a man at the grocery store with a cockatoo on his shoulder .  This man talked to me and the birds name was Precious.   He told me no parent should have to suffer such a cruel thing, all the while this lovely bird was allowing me to pet her and she returned the gesture and stroked the back of my hand.   

My husband is frustrated and tired of work, I am looking again.   My eldest Jolene is doing a little better but eating is still a battle.  Her Hematologist (Is the same doctor who was called in when she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, when her blood counts were so low.)   Has stayed on and helps her.   I really like him.  that is a lot for me to say since I am not fond of doctors at all.  My middle daughter, Gillian, is running around busy.   She is much like my husband and shuts out what has happened and the pain it evokes.   Garrett is my youngest.  He was my great, wonderful surprise when I was just about 40.

I do hope you can soon find a small upswing.   Mine are never large but it helps not to be drowning the in the dank, dark sludge of pain. 

Love and hugs to you and Kyle,

Jackie

 

Dearest Michael,

What a wonderful encounter.   I think these encounters are a much needed balm and comfort to our tortured souls.   I am so happy for you.   I sent the previous message to Virginia yesterday or so I thought.... I forgot to hit submit.   Ugh.....

How is your wife doing Michael?

Thinking of you both,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dearest Virginia,

I am so happy you had the interaction.  I do believe these strange encounters are so important.   It has been quite a while ago, about a year.... I was in a terrible emotional state and I ran into a man at the grocery store with a cockatoo on his shoulder .  This man talked to me and the birds name was Precious.   He told me no parent should have to suffer such a cruel thing, all the while this lovely bird was allowing me to pet her and she returned the gesture and stroked the back of my hand.   

My husband is frustrated and tired of work, I am looking again.   My eldest Jolene is doing a little better but eating is still a battle.  Her Hematologist (Is the same doctor who was called in when she was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, when her blood counts were so low.)   Has stayed on and helps her.   I really like him.  that is a lot for me to say since I am not fond of doctors at all.  My middle daughter, Gillian, is running around busy.   She is much like my husband and shuts out what has happened and the pain it evokes.   Garrett is my youngest.  He was my great, wonderful surprise when I was just about 40.

I do hope you can soon find a small upswing.   Mine are never large but it helps not to be drowning the in the dank, dark sludge of pain. 

Love and hugs to you and Kyle,

Jackie

 

Dearest Michael,

What a wonderful encounter.   I think these encounters are a much needed balm and comfort to our tortured souls.   I am so happy for you.   I sent the previous message to Virginia yesterday or so I thought.... I forgot to hit submit.   Ugh.....

How is your wife doing Michael?

Thinking of you both,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

jackie , we all think she is doing real well....except for the after chemo reactions that last past week 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Michael,

I am glad to hear that.  I am sorry she feels so bad after chemo.   I know it can be a brutal treatment.   My family has a very high incident of cancers, all different kinds.  My Mum and Dad's family are riddled with it.    I am thinking of you both.

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Jackie and Virginia,   I’m sorry that you are both suffering so much.    I’m thinking of you .
 

Birthday greetings to Kyle - 10 years old - does he feel very grown up now he is in double digits ?
 

Michael,   So pleased that your wife’s treatment is going well apart from the miserable side effects after her sessions.       That meeting with B’s school friend must have  moved  you - so lovely that he had witnessed B’s kindness in the past and was able to share that. 
 

You would think that losing a child was enough to endure but life can have a habit of chucking more stuff at us.   It doesn’t  seem very fair .    For all of you overloaded - I hope that you can find some mental rest over the weekend .      Love Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Kyle,

Happy Birthday, hon

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all,

Just a hello and how are you to everyone as we begin another week.    If you are like me, the days and weeks roll together in a mess of sadness and pain.    I am thinking of you all.  

Love and hugs,

jackie

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Carol, you were asking for Mother’s Day memories.   I (re)found a card yesterday from my daughter  , it was made at school when she was about five .   It was beautifully drawn with her verse inside saying ‘ To mum,   My mum is so wonderful.    Though she might burn the toast.   She might be so wonderful.    She has got no need to boast.     A Sunday for you. ‘ with her sign off and kisses.

I have keep a lot of personal cards, thank goodness, so the ones from David are treasured.   I bring out all the old birthday cards on our birthdays , same as the Christmas ones at Christmas each year.  Mother’s and fathers Day ones too.      I’d love to still be getting current ones but I’ll do what I can with what I’ve got.     It’s been a long time without him, I love him so much ,  at times it still feels as if it can’t be true .      Love Roz x

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Jackie, our posts crossed at the same time.

Im feeling it hard to get motivated in the main .   I don’t want to be bothered.      I should join some groups for something or other to meet new people and liven up but I just cannot .   I don’t think it’s the grief but maybe that has worn me down and I only do what I have to now.   Lots of jobs to get to but I’m putting them off - I’ll be fine once I propel myself into it but they are biggish jobs so I need a push. ( amongst  other things , I need to decorate four bedrooms and an en-suite plus work on a bathroom ceiling - so quite time and energy consuming)

How are you.   I can hear changes in you as the weeks go by, hang in there .   X   Roz

Lisa,  how did you manage ?      Thinking of you xxRoz