Loss of an Adult Child

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I can't imagine.  I lost some before birth but to raise them and THEN lose them...that's beyond hard.

Child Loss
Child loss indefinite
Child-adult death
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Sea,

Garrett is my youngest.  I have two girls older.  I love all three of my children the same... but one of mine is missing and my life is  irreparably shattered.  I have not found solace in living for others (Not that I don't love my girls as much as I love Garrett).... I know many have and I think that is wonderful but that has not been a comfort for me because one of mine is missing.   It is an ugly fucking road that none of us wish to be on.   I want a life for my Garrett!   What about the things he will miss and not get to do?    That is one of my biggest agonies and no one talks about it.  The therapists I have tried have pat answers.   Yes I know I can do nothing about that but it still tears me apart!   Garrett deserved better!     I have found little comfort in most things... the methods I mentioned before have helped... they are a few out of the hundreds I have tried... I know many of them are silly and I feel silly mentioning them but I am in a place I begged and prayed I would never be.    I still cry every day and I talk to Garrett all the time but god I miss that laugh and his quirky smile.  He is my surprise baby, I suffered infertility and he came all on his own when I was nearly forty.     I wish I had something specific that would help but I don't.   My belief is we have to find a way to walk with our child across this separation.   Each of us will do that differently so there is no one answer.   I believe my boy is close, too many unexplainable things tell me that,    I am sorry you are walking this road with us and I feel your pain.   It is a rabid dog that tears at our insides 24 hours a day, every day.  Keep talking and searching for a way to walk with your Forrest.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

all of our kids are special , but for some reason the one we lost were a bit more. yesterday i hit the big 60 ....B would make it a point to wake up at least 1/2 an hour before i did on my birthday ....he would wake me up with this huge hug bear and tell me how much he loved and what did i want to do that day......yesterday , (my third bday w/out him) i did not get a happy bday from home until i got a call from my wife on something  unrelated and i finally told her , you do remember it is my b'day , and she felt bad and started telling me how could she had forgot and then nikki called me...............so yes , the ones gone are the special ones ..... i love nikki to death , she is my spitting image but she is not B !!!!!

[Changed]

Dear Michael -  Birthday wishes - it’s odd celebrating our own birthdays these days  - lovely memories of your past celebrations with B  though.

I hope that your wife is doing well  - it’s been a rough chapter .    Roz x

 

 

[Changed]

Dear Sea,    I’m sorry for the loss your lovely son , Forrest.          Horrible, horrible to lose a child - it’s all wrong and out of order - no one should have a grief like this to live with.        
My name is Roz and my own son , David, died at the end of 2016 .      It’s been agony - I can identify with most of the ‘stages’ we are said to experience  but I’m not sure that experts fully recognise how  deep the pain goes.      Is there even a name for a parent losing their child ? 
I think that you asked for advice with your grief and the way you are feeling. - finding a reason to want to keep going isn’t always easy - a job,  volunteering, pets  - I had none of these .
  In the second year I tried to have a change of scene occasionally- near or far - just to have something to force my attention on to something different  if only for a short time .   
The triggers  of uncontrollable crying became obvious and I tried hard to manage them - things like an item in the supermarket that had connections to David used to upset me but now I look for them and smile at the happy association- I talked myself into that change.

I have had guilt in feeling joy - unless it’s an animal or child - music can be a pleasure then it turns to sadness - I think it’s almost as if I’m thinking ‘ how dare you be enjoying this when your child is dead’ .  My son would tell me not to be so daft and would love me to be enjoying all life can offer - I do know this but I’m a different person without him and I’m doing my best.

I’m surprised how quickly people forget that something so catastrophic has happened to us and I’m disappointed that people that I had thought cared about me only had a limited understanding or interest.     I didn’t expect them to grieve with me but a little compassion would go a long way - apparently there is a short time limit .        Maybe I’ve been unlucky with my friends .  
   We are a mixed bag on this site but we do all care and support each other  for as long as it is needed.

strength to you,  Roz 

 

[NiquesMom]

Happy birthday Michael! It will never be the same with our families incomplete. I am sure B was smiling down on you and cheering you on. 

I hope your wife is feeling better 

[ItsSeaAndIslandsNow]

Happy Birthday, Michael. I’m sorry to almost wish that. I’m sure it’ll never be as happy. I wish you the happiest that it can be. ❤️

[Mason’s Mom]

10 hours ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

all of our kids are special , but for some reason the one we lost were a bit more. yesterday i hit the big 60 ....B would make it a point to wake up at least 1/2 an hour before i did on my birthday ....he would wake me up with this huge hug bear and tell me how much he loved and what did i want to do that day......yesterday , (my third bday w/out him) i did not get a happy bday from home until i got a call from my wife on something  unrelated and i finally told her , you do remember it is my b'day , and she felt bad and started telling me how could she had forgot and then nikki called me...............so yes , the ones gone are the special ones ..... i love nikki to death , she is my spitting image but she is not B !!!!!

Happy belated birthday 

[Mason’s Mom]

Sea, Roz reminded me of  a few things.  One of the things my husband and I did in the early days was to just go out for a drive. Escape from our normal routine,  we shopped in different areas like Roz just seeing certain foods or things Mason loved would put me in down fall. I've not cooked many of his favorite dishes since he has been gone.  I still don't listen to music when I am alone and that was always a huge part of my life. 

[NiquesMom]

Sea, after my daughter died, my son wanted another sibling (he was almost 5) and we looked into adoption. It didn't work out for us, but have you thought of volunteering, fostering, kids, animals? Something to pour the love you have into, to give you a purpose?

I volunteered at a hospice after my daughter died, doing paperwork. After sitting by my husband's side as he died, I now see how the volunteers who sat bedside are so crucial. Not sure I am ready to do that but maybe once my son is out of the house I will be strong enough.

[Michael Rodriguez]

thank you guys for all the b'day wishes. 

[Jacqueline3]

Thinking of everyone and hoping everyone is doing okay.   I have been really struggling.  I have been in that very dark place once again...  Happy belated birthday Michael.   

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Do any of you sometimes add our lost ones to memories? 

We were at Universal Studios this weekend and I was remembering some of our earlier visits and placed Christopher in them. We did not go for the first time until 6 months after he died. Weird how my mind wanted to place him in those memories.

Jackie, keep hanging on. For me it is not "easier," it is simply that the dark times are spread out. I know the holidays are coming and that's always hard for me.

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks jackie , i hate the holidays ...i wish i could just fall asleep thru the whole ordeal. 

[Changed]

Dear Jackie,   You don’t sound as if you are raging but more of a deep , deep misery these days .     Is that correct  ? - You poor love .      You  have described very clearly how agonising your grief is and there have been times when you seem to be steadying a little - don’t despair when you sometimes take a back step though.     Right now I am incredibly weepy , very down, but I trust that I won’t stay this way - it usually passes.      I sat outside last night just before dark,  I cried buckets and could not think of any positivity .     The baby bats came out of the belfry  were all about me and I just wasn’t even interested - I came inside and went to bed so I could be with my own thoughts.

We have been away for a few days and it may have been just over-tiredness -  like a child - but I know I was fighting tears throughout a ceremony that we attended so it probably needed to be released at some point.    I’m still teary today so I’m trying to keep busy and be on my own as much as I can.

learning how to live with such a profound loss comes in its own time - that doesn’t mean that we forget or don’t care - it will eventually be put in a safe private space  within us - for us to live with until we are reunited.

please take care , love Roz 

[Changed]

Dear Virginia,  I think that ‘memory inclusion’  is a little like taking lost ones with us when we travel,  or even if I’m watching something on tv , thinking how much they would be enjoying it too.  
  When you do your holidays abroad it will be natural to be thinking how much Christopher and Nique will be enjoying it with you.    So it wouldn’t be odd to remember the experience with them  involved.      
I always think how much David would be embracing a visit or scene that I’m seeing.  It’s not that I have him walking around with me - more that of his connection with me is still strong and powerful.

As I was saying to Jackie, I’m a bit of a drip today but I thought of you whilst I was up in London on Monday.   We had gone to Berkshire last Friday for a ceremony over the weekend so decided to bob into London for the day.    We walked a lot following one of the history trails and finished off the day in China Town for dinner then train back to my daughter’s - we got in about 10 pm  so it was a busy day - probably a bit too much then drove home on Tuesday.
 

So proud of you doing so much with Kyle and planning adventures with him when you feel as you do - it takes a lot .       Love Roz 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz,

Thank you.  I am sorry you are feeling so badly.   i have been in a dark place for quite a while missing Garrett to the point, I do not know how to release the emotions.    The blanket and counting help but it doesn't take away the tragedy of missing my youngest child.    It is a constant uphill, dredging walk on this heinous road, shuffling my feet because it hurts so bad.     Its good to hear from you love,  I was getting worried.

thinking of you all and hoping you are finding at least a tiny patch of comfort this day.   Talk, it helps.  All of you have heard me talk of agony, despair and roiling rage.    No emotion is wrong.  it is finding a way when the emotions and road keeps beating us down and back.    However as miserable as I feel right now, I know my Garrett is with me.    Our children are close, I believe that with everything in me.   We need to hold onto our love for them and theirs for us. 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

learning how to live with such a profound loss comes in its own time - that doesn’t mean that we forget or don’t care - it will eventually be put in a safe private space  within us - for us to live with until we are reunited.

words with so much wisdom ....but that private place pops open at any given time and i could not live with that not happening , i need to know that i miss him and that i love him beyond anything else ....so my alone moments are my Brian moments !!
 

 

 

[Changed]

Dear Michael,   I think that will forever happen .    Until my last breath I will love and miss my son - the loss cuts deep and I cannot imagine  living without that pain .   
Your alone times with B are familiar  to all of us - I think of that as being within my safe and private space with David  - but that ‘place ‘ can choose to visit me ( as it is at the moment)  and be destabilising.  That is the ‘popping open’ you mentioned.    I cannot see that ever changing  for me.    
Keeping your business going without B there with you must be so difficult .    I think of the complexities of each of our lives - what we had and how life has changed.        I found my husband crying  last week - of course it was about Dave  - he’d found an old jotted list which had included something for David - the sadness that overtook us both was immense - how simple and lovely everyday life seemed back then  

Peace to you,  Love Roz 

 

[NiquesMom]

Hi Roz, thanks for giving me your insight. 

I didn't experience this with niques death, so it is confusing that I would be adding Christopher to memories.

I woke up in a horrible mood, couldn't figure out why I was so grumpy. FB memories reminded me that 2 years ago today Christopher coded for the first time. Beginning of the end.

I am very nervous for our travels. But we will go and it will be ok. I will be exhausted but I am hoping it goes well. I know Christopher and Nique will be constantly on my mind. They are never far from my thoughts. I see so many similarities between Kyle and Nique, it's hard. I think they would have gotten along so well, she was just starting to enjoy time with him when she died. I feel like we both got cheated.

[Mason’s Mom]

Good Morning I don't even know where to start.  It is September and Mason's birthday is coming up so it is a struggle.  Yesterday I had a work call and found out my job has been eliminated and as of November 15th I will no longer be employed. As of today my access has been revoked so I am truly in limbo.  Work was always a way for me to focus on something other than my grief.  I am applying for other positions but as of right now I am just waiting to hear what happens next.

[Changed]

Carol, that is awful - after all you have done for your job .    How distressing it must be.   If they have taken away your access already are they going to expect anything of you until November 15 ?    I know how hard it is as we approach the end of the year anyway  - Virginia was saying so herself earlier. 

Do you think that your employer will be able to offer another position to you as you are a proven employee ?    I hope that this will work out for the better for you - as hard as it is right now .    A new chapter  could be interesting but it will be scary and unsettling until it’s all sorted and familiar.

Good luck with your applications.     Thinking of you .  Love Roz x 

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I am so sorry! Change is always hard, especially unexpected change. The access confuses me, I wonder if that was an error on their end? Why take away your access as you are still an employee, makes no sense.

Hopefully you find another position within the company. I hate interviews and I hope to stay in my current position until I retire (25 more years!) because this is the devil I know. But we never know what life holds for us, and I hope if you have to go to another company that it will turn into a grand adventure you never knew was out there

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz and Virginia, I have applied for other positions it is possible I may get an  offer.  This is a large global organization and I had a lot of access and I am sure they think I might retaliate.  I wasn't the only person there are others that had over 30 years with the company.  Bitter pill to swallow but the economy isn't in the best shape right now so not really surprised.  

[Changed]

I had a friend who was an exec for Coke - she handed in her notice and was immediately locked out - they continued to pay her for months though - didn’t trust her to not sabotage.   She got a job as an exec with Levi  suited her much better

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol,

I am so sorry about your job especially at a time of year that is so very difficult to begin with.

Thinking of you,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

 

[NiquesMom]

Morning all. Hope you are all ok. 

Saturday marked 24 years since my mama died. I barely remember her. It makes me terribly sad. I can't remember her voice and my memories are just bits and pieces. I suppose that's why I take so many photos.

As we head into the holiday season, I am bracing myself for the waves of sadness that I know will come. I have planned to be away from home so maybe that will help. Thanksgiving we will be on our first cruise, so maybe being surrounded by thousands of other people I won't feel so alone. Christmas we are supposed to be back in Phoenix with family, think that's still going to be really hard. Spending Christmas with my husband's family and he isn't there will be really weird.

Anyways, I am trying to just keep muddling through. Hope you all are doing better than I am.

[Changed]

Virginia,   You are planning and moving and creating a wealth of experiences for Kyle  - that is a massive  positive.    
I have found that these days when we are away from home or we have family visiting I can be involved but once I’m home I need emotional recovery time.

Btw I’ve  sent you a private message about your foreign holiday.    
 
There is a lot of loss in your life - when you are thinking about your mum  do you think that she is with Nique  and those you love who have gone before you?          I imagine my mum and David hanging out and that is a comfort to me.       
 

Take care, Roz x

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  I  know what you mean.  My dad has been gone 13 years  and I miss him but the memories  are  fading.  I used to dream about him but that doesn't happen anymore.  The upcoming holidays and Mason's Birthday next week are hitting really  hard. 

I  feel like the world's biggest fake,  I put on a big act for everyone.  I am okay I tell everyone  when all I want to do is cry and scream.  I devoted so much to my work.  I could work and take my mind off my grief,  with no work my mind has time to wonder into painful territory.  I had an interview today and another tomorrow and it is so hard to try to sell myself right now.  I need to work a few more years.  It's strange because people are reacting to me in different ways some are avoiding me and others have reached out to offer support and have sent recommendations on my behalf.  It is like the early days after losing Mason.  Strange how people behave when we face loss.  I have told several people that I have survived the Biggest loss possible and survived. Survived being the key,  that is all I feel have done for a great deal of time.  

Sorry for the pity party,  I just had to get this off my chest so I  can breathe. 

[Changed]

Carol,  it’s not a ‘pity party’ - it’s just being honest.       I hope that you get sorted soon and actually get to a point where you are pleased that you were forced to change your work day.    Is there any other direction you’d like to go in ? - I think that I’d be useful in the support/care/those in need sectors  - not corporate .   Not sure what exactly - not as a volunteer but greater involvement and satisfaction.    Not to be dramatic or anything but I feel too broken to put up with the nonsense of anything I don’t admire for more than a short time.     You’re unique qualities need to be utilised- I hope that is what you can find.  Love Roz x

 
 

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I also feel fake. People will say "oh it's good to see you smile and laugh" when all I really want to do is curl in a ball and cry most days.

Jobs are so hard. It's good for me to work because it's gives me something else to occupy my time and mind, but some days I have no patience with coworkers. It can be a double edge sword.

Have you thought maybe a job with animals?  I always thought if I couldn't find a job in higher education (where I have been for the last 20 years) I would like to work at an adoption center or the humane society, somewhere where I felt like I could really help people.

I did volunteer at a hospice the year after nique died, doing paperwork. Even that made me feel good, like I was helping people who were helping people.

[Mason’s Mom]

Good Morning,  I have thought about a new direction and changing careers.  Funny Virginia that you mentioned animals my brother mentioned that last week. My niece worked at a local vet's office and she liked it. I would be okay until an animal had to be put down, then I would be a basket case.  The fact you volunteered at hospice is a reflection of your heart.

Roz, I have also thought about working part time and maybe subbing at the local schools.  I did this years ago and I enjoyed it.  It would be full time but that might be nice for a bit.  Right now I am just trying to see what options are available for me.  I am a planner and when my schedule gets rocked I have to regroup. 

Jackie and Michael, thinking about you both.  Please let us know you are still with us.

 

[Changed]

Too long since Jackie has posted .       Jackie, I know you were going through a particularly difficult, dark time.      Please drop a line if you can - you have no idea what a big part of this family you are - we feel for you.  Love Roz x 

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning, i have been out of town on business so i have just read my emails. i hope everybody is ok.

yep, carol i am still here...working from home today waiting on football to start in a couple of hours......

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie, really want to hear from you.

 

[Jacqueline3]

Hello everyone,

It has been an especially bad time for me.  I don't know how to live this life.   I should be looking diligently for another job but I have been lackadaisical about it.  The idea of having to spend time with other people laughing and having a wonderful time again is horrifying to me even though I know I probably should.   I just don't know or want to live this life without my son.   My daughter is still having issues and I am terrified for her health.  I have been in the hospital with her twice in the last two years.... one of those times she was in critical condition.   My husband and younger daughter, I know care but they have moved on... and that is so fucking hard for me to deal with.   Garrett is your son!  Your Brother!  I still cry every damned day and have breakdowns of either agony or rage on a, if not regular, then consistent basis.    They do not really deal with me either... It is my eldest girl who will sit and listen.   How do others just move on like Garrett didn't exist?!  Like he wasn't a central part of our family?!  Our lives?!    I miss my Garrett damn it and I am tired of having to explain why I am not better or Why is it so bad today?   My life is in pieces and I am tired of trying to hold some of those broken pieces in place, the rest are just shattered and gone forever.   I am lost and so broken....

[Jacqueline3]

I just wanted to clarify..... I know everyone grieves in their own way and there own time but it is hard for me to see my husband and  youngest girl move on happily.     Yet at the same time I do not want to judge anyone, I would just like the same privilege.  I know I will grieve my entire life and there will be a profound sadness even if I happen to someday find a place of neutral middle ground neither happy nor drowning in pain.    We have been hit by the hurrricane Ophelia and it has been dreary and raining for days.  That is most definitely not helping my emotions.

Hope everyone is okay.

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Jackie, I am sorry you are feeling so low. I do understand. What I do is stick a smile on my face and try to pretend I am normal. To most people that don't know me, I look completely fine. However the inside is a different story. Maybe that's how it is for your husband and daughter? I know we are grieve differently, some people I think are better at compartmentalizing their emotions. I am not very good at that, everything is at the surface for me which is why I make an effort to try to be normal. I don't want Kyle to worry about me.

I know our kids don't want to see us suffer, is there anything you can do that you know would make G smile and that way you can start to smile too? He loved the animals, maybe volunteer to walk dogs at the shelter, or socialize with the cats?

[Jacqueline3]

Thanks Carol, Roz and Virginia....

[NiquesMom]

So I took a step this weekend. 

Travelled outside the state of FL for the first time in 2.5 years. Just a short day trip to GA but it was a step.  Also packed up all the face masks Christopher had bought us. I swear, we each had like 20. He just kept buying and buying. They had been hanging on the hooks, just staring at me. I took them all done and it was hard but better. Didn't get rid of them but taken down is the first step.

I still have all niques belongings, Christopher's belongings, not sure I will ever be able to part with them but trying to continue moving forward.

[Michael Rodriguez]

26 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

So I took a step this weekend. 

Travelled outside the state of FL for the first time in 2.5 years. Just a short day trip to GA but it was a step.  Also packed up all the face masks Christopher had bought us. I swear, we each had like 20. He just kept buying and buying. They had been hanging on the hooks, just staring at me. I took them all done and it was hard but better. Didn't get rid of them but taken down is the first step.

I still have all niques belongings, Christopher's belongings, not sure I will ever be able to part with them but trying to continue moving forward.

good on the face masks !!!!!

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all,  I hope everyone is okay.  I am about the same, a little better, I guess.   God, I miss my precious Garrett!

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Today is Mason's birthday. So had my share of tears today. My life has been so crazy lately. My husband had a kidney stone blasted yesterday, it had done some damage so he is hurting and didn't sleep last night. My mom has been sick and is having a hard time recovering, my brother has surgery last week so he can't help with my mom. I did get a new job with the same company however it is a differebt OPCO so I had to go through background check and drug test. As soon as Human Resources get everything processed I can start. I am pulled in so many directions, not sure whuch way is up.

[Changed]

That’s a whole load going on Carol.  
   The day Mason was born  - always a mixed bag - glad he was born but so sad that he is not here to celebrate.      Love to Mason x   It’s David’s birthday in little over a weeks’ time too.

I hope everyone in your family improve soon and there is less demand for your worry. - if we actually ever stop worrying that is.

congrats on your new job - will you be based at home or an external office ?    

Try to take a moment for yourself  to switch off and catch your breath  -  thinking of you,  Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

Happy Birthday Mason.    Birthdays are such bitter sweet days.   Hope things settle down a little and everyone is well soon.

Thinking of you all,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

happy birthday mason !!!! carol, once they do get it, can you give us some of the scoop on your background and drug test? would make our conversations really interesting if we got to know that carol has some  juicy stuff in her background!!!im kidding....

i hope your hubby is feeling better and also mom !!

[NiquesMom]

Carol, such a hard day, good and bad feelings I know. Glad they were born, sad they left too soon.

I am sorry for all the stress in your life, try to take a few moments to remember to take care of yourself as well. I hate the saying but it is very true: you can't pour from an empty cup.

I find it interesting that you had to complete another background check, though I understand it. I work in HR and I have had a few instances where we had to complete another background check because the level needed was different than the one most employees have done.

September 27 was my brothers birthday. He does when he was 6 months old. I have always wondered if we would have been close, if I would have even been born? He was the 2nd, I am the 5th. I only have a relationship with 1 of my siblings, maybe it would be different if he had lived? One thing changes everything .

Love to all

[Changed]

Virginia,  I only have one sibling - my brother - but we are not close.   We are very different types .    I was pleased to see my own two kids develop their love for each other and be so happy  together- I thought that they’d be there for each other after I was gone -  how sad for my daughter to lose that comfort .

My husband had two brothers who died as toddlers before he was born - his mother was 40 or so when my husband arrived but her husband died just two years later.      Life can be cruel and full of heartache for some - it’s random .        I have a friend who is always telling me how blessed she is to have her family in tact ( 3 kids , all married with children )    - does that mean that I am cursed ? - I’ve never asked her but I wish she would stop using the blessed term - I don’t mind her talking about her grandchildren - they sound cute - but don’t rub it in.

Just two weeks ago a man we know died of inoperable brain tumours — he deteriorated throughout this year and died in his sleep - this week his wife got her diagnosis of motor neurone disease - that poor woman.   They had both just taken early retirement to enjoy life .

I cannot make sense of any of it.   I feel like a child saying that it’s just not fair.    Them , us and our children - it’s not fair. 

Are you feeling any better?     I left you a private message a while back with travel info - did you see it ?        My daughter got back today from  a week In Corsica- she loved it but her messages to say that  they had arrived ok on the island didn’t  reach me for a couple of days - I was so worried - a bit of panicking actually.     I try not to hover over her life but it was so unusual not to get a message when she is travelling.       When we got a signal  the relief that swept over me was immense - I had to try and switch off my fearful imagination in case I manifested disaster.     I suppose every parent does that but we, sadly,  know that the worse can happen.

well this is a miserable post.      Roz x 

[Changed]

Jackie,     How are you ?    Are you finding your routines and mind calming folding helping you as they become more familiar.    I have my ‘ go to’s ‘ and they help me. 

Your poor daughter - she is suffering so much.     You must be so anxious for her on top of everything else but I expect that she is your priority .   It must be hard for you both.  
I wish the best for both of you - some peace and  strength.      Love Roz x

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz.

I do find some small comfort in the strange routines I have found.   The endless blanket does help and the climbing helps even more.  The greatest place for comfort though is still the birds, so many lovely creatures and my Garrett brought them to me.   Jolene says thank you very much for your thoughts.  She had an especially hard day today.   We are both hanging by our fingernails but still hanging.  I too am sorry your daughter has lost that comfort.   How are you holding up Roz?

Love and comfort for all

Jackie