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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Carol, I find that I am cleaning and organizing more. I have always been tidy but i think this is because I have something I can control (my home) when there are so many things I cannot control.

I have to watch my hoarding. I have hoarding tendencies and I know that its trying to fill a void that cannot be filled.  I have to be very careful, Christopher always kept me in line. 

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This weekend kyle said he wanted to look at the photo albums. I used to take photos and I have all these photo albums from when Nique was growing up. I havent made any photo albums since she died.

The year she died I had made 3 albums just for her, since she was planning to move out and start her grownup life. Those are the 3 kyle picked to look at. It was nice to get to show him his sister growing up but so hard to remember, and wish how I could have done things differently.

I am in a really dark place and I dont know how to pull myself out. I dont have any interest in talking to anyone. I want to just hide in my bed. I was hoping it was just a couple days thing but this is 3 days and no better. Dreading going to work tomorrow because I dont want to see anyone or have to pretend to care about their lives.

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patrickmorrow

I am soooo sorry, I miss my son so much. God will be near the broken hearted, it’s the only reason I get by

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Dearest  Yvon,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My name is Jackie.  I lost my 22 year old son, Garrett 16 months ago on my 60th birthday.    I hate that any of us are here but I am glad that you have found us.  There is no way to explain the devastated, shattered lives we now are trying to navigate.  We share your agonizing pain and your sorrow and misery.  I do not remember what it is like to be happy or laugh.  I cry every day for my Garrett and my heart copiously bleeds in his absence.  Please reach out, talk, scream, rant, rage, or just cry.  there is no wrong or right.  We understand and we will listen.  I am with you Yvon, we all are.

Dearest Virginia,

I share your misery.   I hate going to work or the store or anywhere that I have to talk to others and pretend to be interested or care about the mundane things that are saying.  My life is in pieces and I am still clawing my way through the days then I go to bed, toss and turn.. have nightmares where I am still hunting for Garrett and cannot find him or save him and  then I reluctantly get up only to do the entire ugly, agonizing mess over again. 

Dearest Patrick,

Please hang on, it is good to hear from you.

Despite that depressing litany, I do believe with all my heart and soul our children and spouses are close.  I was in a terrible state the other day driving to work and I saw a black crowned night heron (What?  I looked this one up!) walking across the field close to work, I pulled to the side of the road in shock and just watched, then looked above my head to see the blessed red-tailed hawk sitting in a tree as if she were helping Garrett supervise the entire event.  I could feel my boy and I swear I heard... "I'm here Mom"    It is the love we share that binds us together.  I believe that with all my heart and soul, despite the overwhelming  misery and my pain.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

 

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Yvon, I am so sorry for the death of your son. My name is virginia and my 18 year old daughter dominique died 5 years ago, 12/21/17. 

Most days I can fake my way through life, but right now I am not able to. My brain thinks because its been 5 years I should be  used to this. But right now I am not. I hate the world and am having trouble hiding that.

When you are ready, tell us about your son. As much as I love talking about Nique its also makes me sad. That double edged sword. We understand the constant pain that you now feel. It will dull over time but always be there, and sometimes a sharp edge catches you and the pain is searing again. 

 

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Michael Rodriguez

Yvon , my name is michael and i lost my son brian,also 29, on april 14 2021. 

i am sorry for your loss , we are here to help each other grieve ....please reach out to us as much as you want too and as much as you need too.......honestly, i do not think i would have ever survived with out the help of this group .

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Hi Virginia- just checking in to see how you’re doing today. I hope you don’t find this too far out of line, but are you seeing anyone - counselor, grief therapist, etc.? I only ask because while we are all here to support each other in our journeys, sometimes it’s just not enough and it’s okay to admit that. And for those who want to tell me it’s none of my business and we’re all entitled to handle grief our own way, I don’t disagree with you at all and that’s not what I’m trying to do here. But losing a child and a spouse are both huge losses and it’s perfectly okay to seek professional help to get us through it. I’ve been actively receiving online counseling several times a week since 2 months after my son died last May and I honestly don’t know how I would have done it on my own. Does it stop the pain? Absolutely not!! But it has given me me some life skills to help me cope with both the loss of my husband followed by the loss of my son. 
I don’t want to change the way anyone chooses to do grief, just letting you know there are options out there you may not be aware of. 

Sending you all peace and love on this rough and rocky journey. - Angie 🙏🏼❤️

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Hi angie,

I appreciate the suggestion. However I have found that I do not want to hear anything anyone has to say about how I should be grieving or coping unless they have been there. I went to a grief counselor after Nique died and while she was nice, she had no personal experience with the death of a child. I stopped seeing her after I found Compassionate Friends. I need to be able to relate to the people I am talking with.

I dont want to talk to a stranger about Christopher. I talk to my friends and family. But sometimes I just need to hide away for a few days. Today is 8 months since Christopher died. Our anniversary is at the end of the month, and I am so tired of seeing all the Valentines stuff. It feels as hard as christmas was. None of my friends or family have lost their spouse and I have not found the spouse page on this website very helpful.

I am feeling a bit better but still just so sad and tired of my life. I am just waiting it out. 

I know most of my problems are first world problems and I try to keep everything in perspective, but sometimes I just need to wallow.

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I completely understand. For those very reasons I aligned myself with a group whose founder lost his Mom when he was 13; and his 22 year old son passed just a few years ago. 
I only wanted to try and help with your despair not compound it.

I’m so very sorry. 💔

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Mason’s Mom
On 2/2/2023 at 5:38 AM, Venusmom said:

Carol,  I’m new here, but not new to work reorganization. You arent making these changes, your company is. You are the person who is going to help the employees get through this process, including your daughter. You need to remember that. So many companies are laying off thousands of people that I believe your employees will accept their new roles knowing there is no where to go that is better at the moment. Don’t quit because of this shake up. Do what I’m sure you always do, help those who struggle through this change.

Thanks and I have been through other reorganizations for some reason this is hitting hard. Thanks for reminding me I can be a help to others. 

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Mason’s Mom

Virginia,  I can only imagine how lost you feel.  So many of our holidays have become so commercialized it it hard to escape. I had a miscarriage on Valentines  day 27 years ago,  still hurts. Mason was born a year later in September  so that really helped.  No help anymore.  

Jackie, always good to hear your stories and to know you feel Garrett's presence.

Yvon so sorry,  please feel free to read and post we understand your pain. 

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Michael Rodriguez

virginia, i feel the same way.......i mean how can somebody,anybody that has not lost a child understand what we have to live with ? ive lost both my parents , my brother and absolutely nothing gets close to the grief of losing B. 

at least in my case , i wake up in the morning and brian is the first thing that i think off. i am taking a shower and i will be thinking about brian ...until i finally get to work .....all i think off is brian. 

sometimes , i just need to open my email and see that some one in this group has  posted , read and relate to it....and seeing i am not alone in my grief

 

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Dearest Virginia.   I’m better at speaking to others rather than writing- there is always the tone or inflections of a conversation that can say so much      I understand everything that you are experiencing  ( and here is where - if we were talking in the same space - I wouldn’t need to say anymore as our expressions and soft sigh would confirm that).

I wholeheartedly agree that only someone who has experienced the death of their own child would be able to convince me to open up to them.    Maybe you could fish around for a recommendation on line on those specifics  ? - you have had a huge amount to contend with in the last five years and perhaps someone trained ( and similarly bereaved them self)   would have a greater insight than we here can offer .

The effort you have , rightfully, put in for Kyle will have taken its toll on you .     Your fakery for everyone else’s sake is very familiar to me and there comes a point when you just cannot switch it on - sometimes we ‘go-to-ground’  until we recharge and go again.    It won’t be like this forever - yes, the sadness will continue - there , of course, but not dominating .    

  Chris getting sick and all the dashed hopes of his recovery  was too unfair - I know that you needed him there to help with your grief over Nique and instead you are in this rotten , miserable position .     No wonder you’re feeling as you do - hang on .       Are you fearful of anything in particular?    I ask because I am aware of how my daughter-in-law had to double up on the responsibility  for  their son when David died  .    I’m sure her fears are ongoing to some extent but she knows that she can only control so much.      
 

Where does all this leave you?    Nursing your wounds and trying to find a way through .  Rest up as much as you can .      Care for yourself as much as you do Kyle - hydrate and nourish.      Your brain may just be fully confronting all that has happened and needs space .       I’m a fat lot of good to you all this way away but I care and feel truly connected to you and everyone we share our sorrow with here.    Love Roz x

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Dear Carol,   You are such a kind and caring person I’m not surprised that all the changes at work regarding others are resting so heavily on you.     I’m not sure we have the same resilience to unpleasant things any more - well I certainly don’t.     All the nonsense I see in the news annoys me far too much .

I’m aware that I’m worrying about my daughter more than is usual - she is on an Antarctic expedition and her safety is on my mind -  I think it’s because it would be impossible to get to her . Her dad and I have agreed that if anything bad happened to either of us whilst she is away we wouldn’t tell her until she is home - it would be awful to have her battle her way back so distressed.    When David died we travelled to Australia - it was already booked as a month long Christmas holiday visit but turned into going for our sons’s funeral - how cruel is that?    That journey took us days door to door - I don’t know how we didn’t have heart attacks or something.      That is what time does with this grieving- I can relate that episode without a tear because I’m not allowing deep thought - it’s just on the surface - don’t want to go too deep.    We were still in shock then so maybe I’ll always be protected from that true impact - my brain decided for me - hope it doesn’t change its mind.

I’m of to bed - it nearly 2.30 am .

I hope everyone is ok and Michaels wife is doing well.      Our lives and experiences intersect and hopefully offer something to someone somewhere.   Love Roz x

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Michael Rodriguez

thanks roz, yes she is doing better , but next teusday is her second chemo.....so we shall see how that goes

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Morning to all,

Roz, best wishes and safe travel to your daughter.   Can't imagine the cold...

Michael, I hope your wife does okay on the Chemo and it gets easier for her.  It is a hellish treatment for a hellish disease.  My thoughts are with you both.

Carol, I am sorry you have been put in this awful position but at the same time, I am glad you are there because you care about the people that this will impact.  Too many would not.  I'm thinking of you.

Yvon, hold on to us, we do understand.

Virginia, Patrick, I hope you have found at least a little comfort and peace.   It is so very difficult to come by these days.

Thinking of you all,

Jackie

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Mason’s Mom

Roz andJackie, thanks for the encouragement.  The same could be said of both of you, we all care about what happens to others. Jackie and Michael you have become a part of  this group and now you encourage new members. I appreciate all of you and I know the members do as well.

Virginia, thinking about you as the end of the month approaches.

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Michael Rodriguez

not glad to be part of it.....but thankful for all the help i have received from you guys....all of you!!!

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On 2/5/2023 at 5:36 PM, NiquesMom said:

This weekend kyle said he wanted to look at the photo albums. I used to take photos and I have all these photo albums from when Nique was growing up. I havent made any photo albums since she died.

The year she died I had made 3 albums just for her, since she was planning to move out and start her grownup life. Those are the 3 kyle picked to look at. It was nice to get to show him his sister growing up but so hard to remember, and wish how I could have done things differently.

I am in a really dark place and I dont know how to pull myself out. I dont have any interest in talking to anyone. I want to just hide in my bed. I was hoping it was just a couple days thing but this is 3 days and no better. Dreading going to work tomorrow because I dont want to see anyone or have to pretend to care about their lives.

My condolences to you my daughter died 2 months ago and I understand how you feel.  I don't like going to work and being around people either.  People at work and even family members express their condolences but the pain is so awful. I'm praying for you 🙏🙏

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Roz, it is hard being alone again after so long. I miss my best friend and I worry about kyle being alone in the future. Our families have never been close, I am trying to keep in touch with Christopher's family but it makes me so angry that they choose to not try more with kyle. Their loss because he is awesome, but sometimes it feels like he and I are on an island alone.

Jackie, I find frogs in the oddest places. The week christopher died I opened the car door and a frog was on my arm rest. One day shortly after Christopher died, I opened the bathroom door and a frog was sitting on the counter. Granted i live in FL but no idea how he got there.  And I get a lot of dragonflies just flying around the house or hanging in the patio.

Michael, send love to your wife from us. Has your daughter arrived?

Tammie, I am so sorry for the death of your daughter. My name is virginia and my 18 year old daughter dominique died 12/21/17. I remember the searing pain, trying to breathe without her. It seems impossible to live 5 minutes without her, and yet it has been 5 years. I am slowly pulling myself out of a really dark place the last couple of weeks. My husband died 8 months ago and I am just feeling the losses all over again. This group is wonderful, they let me grieve both my husband and daughter here. We all grieve differently but we also all understand the devastating loss a child is. Please tell me about your daughter when you are ready.

Oh, and we adopted the cat. We are not good as fosters 🤪

20230208_184053~3.jpg

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Dearest Tammie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  My name is Jackie and I lost my 22 year old son, Garrett 17 months ago.   I know your pain, and I am so very sorry any of us are here.    I do not remember a days without crying and the ache to hug and hold my son again.   My heart still bleed tears of pain and it will the rest of my life.   This is a heinous road we have been set upon, one none of us want.   Those here on this site have helped me survive on days where I did not think I could and I hope I have been able to do that for others on their more difficult days, as all days are difficult.      We are with you, hold on to us.   You are not alone.

All of that being said, I do believe with all of my heart and soul our children are close trying to help us.... I am a spiritual, not religious person and I have seen and felt too many things in the past 17 months to doubt my Garrett's presence.    It is not the way any of us want but it offers some comfort to know our children are close to us as well.   It is our great love that binds us across this unwanted divide.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

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Dear Virginia,

I love the frogs.... It is odd things that are not as they always are....  They are things hard to see and hear sometimes when our hearts are breaking and sorrow and unrelenting pain are the only emotions we can connect with.    I love the picture of Kyle and your new addition..... 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

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Michael Rodriguez

tammie so sorry for your loss , i wish i could come up with some encouraging words right now , but i cant and i dont have any .....we all know how much raw suffering you are going thru , its only going to be two months tomorrow , snd as much as i am trying to come up with something , only thing i can say is you came to the right place to share your feelings . we are in the same boat as you are , carrying the same pain as you are ......

virginia, she is flying into houston later on today and she will be here tomorrow morning. Nereida had her blood work yesterday and the doctor seems pleased with the results, i saw them scary but he said that is what to expect when the chemo is working ....so just keep on praying. thanks for asking.

BTW kyle seems to be enjoyin the adopted creature !°!°!°!

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Woke up this morning with the sad realization that today marks 9 months since I lost my son Dustin at age 39. 9 months!!! The same amount of time I carried him inside me all those years ago. 
But those 9 months ended with the pure joy of being able to finally hold him in my arms. While these 9 months have ended in the pure sadness of knowing I’ll never be able to hold him in my arms again. I try really hard to stay positive knowing that is what he would want for me but some days, like today, the weight of it all just crushes my soul. 

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patrickmorrow

I am heartbroken with you, my only solace is to cry out to Jesus and cast all my cares on him. It still hurts REAL BAD but I have a hope that I will see my Alex again. Know that your not alone!

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Dearest Angie,

Know that you are not alone.  17 months seems like an eternity for me yet it seems like just yesterday.   Our love binds us to our beloved children.   I feel your pain and today, I agree... it seems unbearable...

Love and hugs,

Jackie

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Mason’s Mom

Angie, isn't it strange how our minds go to those places. You think about time and how it relates to different times in our lives. It just hits us and we can't control how our mind correlates dates and time frames. I have found myself thinking similar things. I talk to Mason on the hard days. I hope you can find peace.

Robert, it does hurt so much. I get so overwhelmed with doubts and have to work really hard to stay strong in my prayer life.

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Michael Rodriguez

no doubt ....it hurts so much. as i have said , my daughter is coming for 10 days and she is planning to stay in what used to be brian's room. so, we gave it a paint job, bought all new bed dressings ....but my point is that in 22 months; last sunday was the first time i walked into B's room .......i just had not been able too!!! i will walk upstairs when i get home ,look down the hallway and say" i love you brian" staring at his room .

this blog is the island where we all live in....... as nobody knows ,but us , on how we have to carry our lives !!!!

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19 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Roz, it is hard being alone again after so long. I miss my best friend and I worry about kyle being alone in the future. Our families have never been close, I am trying to keep in touch with Christopher's family but it makes me so angry that they choose to not try more with kyle. Their loss because he is awesome, but sometimes it feels like he and I are on an island alone.

Jackie, I find frogs in the oddest places. The week christopher died I opened the car door and a frog was on my arm rest. One day shortly after Christopher died, I opened the bathroom door and a frog was sitting on the counter. Granted i live in FL but no idea how he got there.  And I get a lot of dragonflies just flying around the house or hanging in the patio.

Michael, send love to your wife from us. Has your daughter arrived?

Tammie, I am so sorry for the death of your daughter. My name is virginia and my 18 year old daughter dominique died 12/21/17. I remember the searing pain, trying to breathe without her. It seems impossible to live 5 minutes without her, and yet it has been 5 years. I am slowly pulling myself out of a really dark place the last couple of weeks. My husband died 8 months ago and I am just feeling the losses all over again. This group is wonderful, they let me grieve both my husband and daughter here. We all grieve differently but we also all understand the devastating loss a child is. Please tell me about your daughter when you are ready.

Oh, and we adopted the cat. We are not good as fosters 🤪

20230208_184053~3.jpg

Thank you 💞

18 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said:

Dearest Tammie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.  My name is Jackie and I lost my 22 year old son, Garrett 17 months ago.   I know your pain, and I am so very sorry any of us are here.    I do not remember a days without crying and the ache to hug and hold my son again.   My heart still bleed tears of pain and it will the rest of my life.   This is a heinous road we have been set upon, one none of us want.   Those here on this site have helped me survive on days where I did not think I could and I hope I have been able to do that for others on their more difficult days, as all days are difficult.      We are with you, hold on to us.   You are not alone.

All of that being said, I do believe with all of my heart and soul our children are close trying to help us.... I am a spiritual, not religious person and I have seen and felt too many things in the past 17 months to doubt my Garrett's presence.    It is not the way any of us want but it offers some comfort to know our children are close to us as well.   It is our great love that binds us across this unwanted divide.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

Thanks for the words of hope 💖

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18 hours ago, Michael Rodriguez said:

tammie so sorry for your loss , i wish i could come up with some encouraging words right now , but i cant and i dont have any .....we all know how much raw suffering you are going thru , its only going to be two months tomorrow , snd as much as i am trying to come up with something , only thing i can say is you came to the right place to share your feelings . we are in the same boat as you are , carrying the same pain as you are ......

virginia, she is flying into houston later on today and she will be here tomorrow morning. Nereida had her blood work yesterday and the doctor seems pleased with the results, i saw them scary but he said that is what to expect when the chemo is working ....so just keep on praying. thanks for asking.

BTW kyle seems to be enjoyin the adopted creature !°!°!°!

I appreciate the encouraging words 😊

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It's been 2 months 2day since my daughter Dionna died she was alive that day by that night she was gone. Never did I think I would never see her again and to tell her children that their mom was never coming home was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I've just joined this group because I really didn't want to talk to people face to face about her because it's the same question how you doing and I say taking one day at a time.  Really they could never imagine how I feel I don't wanna hear she's in a better place and all the other cliches people say when someone dies. Communicating on this site is helping me because you all understand the pain and I appreciate the kind words 🙏

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Dear Tammie,   My heartfelt condolences for you and your family -  the nightmare you find yourself in is familiar to everyone here and we will try to be of as much comfort to you that we can.   

My name is Roz  and I lost my wonderful son David six years ago  - he lived in Australia with a wife and son - I live in the uk .   Our unique lives throw up lots of particular agonies surrounding the loss of our children but we all share the pain and sadness that saturates us.

The emotions after losing  your Dionna will be beyond the imagination of anyone who has not shared that specific personal loss - I know that although I am a compassionate person and had experienced bereavement before I would have never believed just how  devastating and forever altering it would be to have one of my children die before me - it’s all wrong and I don’t know how I am still standing after the reality of it all.

It will not always be as raw as you feel right now but that is some way off .      You will always love and remember your child  so it stands to reason that you will always miss them and feel that sadness   - we here all understand that  .

Take care of yourself as much as you can  - grieving  is exhausting of the mind as well as the body. 

Peace and strength,    love Roz 

 

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Dear Virginia,    Loved the photo of Kyle and his cat  they both look handsome - great that the cat decided to adopt you both.    
 

Those frog encounters  !   I’ve not seen a frog in years - we were once staying at an Indonesian resort with some friends and sat having dinner on the restaurant’s patio - we felt something brush our ankles and when we hoisted up the table cloth we were amazed to see huge toads covering the ground - they had come out of the undergrowth all at the same time - harmless but alarming.

When you say that you worry about Kyle being alone - although there is just the two of you at the moment he will grow up and  expand his world  - he has so much to look forward to .     New friendships and a satisfying job  - eventually, maybe, a partner and children of his own .   Although it’s hard for us to look for a happy future for ourselves  that is not the case for the young ones.    It has to be positive and  exciting for all the chapters they will live - not at all easy when we have seen how life can be anything but as expected - but , as hard as it will be,  there has to be the belief that all will be as it should be for them.          You were saying about the album’s that you stopped making - this may be a good moment to start again with the evidence of all the joy you’re bringing to Kyle’s life right now - your visits to the ride parks - him playing with his cat .      I admire you Virginia,  you are being such a good mother  despite your heartache.

love ,  Roz x

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I hope everyone is ok. Yesterday was really hard but tried to remember it was supposed to be a day of love, and I love my husband and kids so much. 

Jackie, michael, roz, carol, angie, tammie, patrick and everyone else (I have a terrible memory), I hope you are all finding little pockets of peace. Its hard, this new version of our lives, but sharing it with you makes it a little easier.

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11 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

I hope everyone is ok. Yesterday was really hard but tried to remember it was supposed to be a day of love, and I love my husband and kids so much. 

Jackie, michael, roz, carol, angie, tammie, patrick and everyone else (I have a terrible memory), I hope you are all finding little pockets of peace. Its hard, this new version of our lives, but sharing it with you makes it a little easier.

I actually slept all day on valentine's day my husband passed away May 2021. I think I was just mentally exhausted thinking about him and my daughter. But I hope you're doing ok thanks for reaching out 💞

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Michael Rodriguez

i also hope that teusday was not to bad of a day ......i spent it with nikki and nereida at the hospital getting her second cycle of chemo...so it was not a fun day . as a matter of fact really exhausting ..... last nite we decided to go out and have dinner , nothing fancy just chili's ......

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I too lost my son in May 2021.  I've been thinking about him a lot lately.   Random thoughts just pop in.  Good and sad.  I checked in yesterday and it was quiet here.  Hope you all are well. 

Michael,  I pray for your wife every day.   We just got the news that my brother  in law has Prostate cancer that has spread to his bones.  He has a PET scan scheduled on Friday to see if it has spread anywhere else and decide what the next steps are.  I just wanted to check in and let you all know I am  thinking of you.

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Michael Rodriguez

thanks lisa, just one day at a time. wish the best for your brother in law. i guess chemo will soon start for him and move to radiation afterwards.....and later surgery. 

she is been doing great so far

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Thanks everybody for being here tonight a fear has engulfed me as I see April approaching. It’s was supposed to be a special month in my family as my daughter, my sister and I were born on this month. I am afraid of it now as it will be my daughter’s first birthday one that she will not be with me. I am afraid. I feel the fear. I wish the calendar can just jump the month. I feel punished by God and death. I feel unlucky in life. I feel vulnerable tonight. I am not at peace 

Why us?why me?why my little Suki?

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Michael Rodriguez

jackline i also would like to jump april !!!!! april 14 will be two years since we lost B and i know it will be hell . besides that , my wife will be having her 5th chemo session on that same day .....so , it is a month we both want to jump !!!!!

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Hello Everyone,

All is very quiet, I am hoping everyone is as okay, at least as good as we can be... Michael, thinking of your wife, Lisa I think of your brother-in-law, best wishes to both.

Jackline, I am so sorry for the loss of your little Suki.  My name is Jackie and I lost my 22 year old son Garrett,  17 months ago... I Understand the feelings of being punished and forgotten.   Of higher powers having no regard for me but especially my precious Garrett.   He deserved so much better than he was given.    I wish I could give you some reasoning for the why but I have found none.   The month of August was always my favorite... I love the time of year... but I lost my boy at the end of August on my birthday... Now it is a dreaded month for me and every time I am asked for my birth date, I want to cry...  We are here for you. 

Thinking of everyone.

Jackie

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Michael Rodriguez

thanks jackie, yesterday was rough on her ....today she is out shopping , and by the notifications of charges im getting  , she is doing a hell of a job at it !!!!!

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Dearest Michael,

I am so glad to hear it.   The Chemo is a rough treatment, that she is out shopping today is wonderful.

I am thinking of you both and your two year coming up.   We talked long before either of us marked a year.  It seems so long ago yet like yesterday... My heart bleeds for us all.

Jackie

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Michael Rodriguez

yes , i remember when you got here ...i was still fresh from B and now im getting close to 2 years.....unbelievable !!!!

God...do i miss my son!! 

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I too am close to the 2 year mark.  While I find I remember more happier times with him lately,  I  still have overwhelming sadness that will come out of nowhere and hit me like a bus.  I miss him so very much.  I just can't believe that I will never be able to see or talk to him.  Somedays I just want to stay in bed.  

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