Loss of an Adult Child

[Diane R]

Yes Michael, I,too, am sending good thoughts to you and your wife! Life can be so mean sometimes….

Diane

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks to you all....

[Venusmom]

So, I lost my daughter on 12/31. Last night my husband who is very caring, said he’s concerned that I’m still grieving. He pointed out a few things I’ve done lately that prove I’m not myself. What do I say to that? He lost several relatives, but none like losing a child. I tried to explain this to him. He’s worried it will ruin our marriage. I have no intention of pretending I’m not grieving to make him feel comfortable. I can’t. My head, heart and body isn’t capable of that.

[Utterly Bereft]

36 minutes ago, Venusmom said:

So, I lost my daughter on 12/31. Last night my husband who is very caring, said he’s concerned that I’m still grieving. He pointed out a few things I’ve done lately that prove I’m not myself. What do I say to that? He lost several relatives, but none like losing a child. I tried to explain this to him. He’s worried it will ruin our marriage. I have no intention of pretending I’m not grieving to make him feel comfortable. I can’t. My head, heart and body isn’t capable of that.

The 12/31 that was ONLY 3 WEEKS AGO?  It is shocking that he would think you should "be yourself" by now and be finished with the grief process already.

I am offended on your behalf and on your daughter's.

I must say that I have encountered some people who sound like that during my grief, too.

It seems to me an attitude like his is what's damaging to a marriage.  He needs to read some books on the grief process ASAP.  

People grieve how they, as individuals, grieve.  It's not up to someone else to tell us how.  That is so presumptuous.  And hurtful.

 

It's sad that you are having to deal with this on top of the horrible loss of your daughter.  

 

Do you have a sister or close relative you can talk to?  Someone who "gets it" and who has known Venus her whole life and can talk about her with you and cry with you?

 

A mother who has lost her child is never going to be the same.  We are not going to wake up one day and magically be our old selves from then on.  And this most definitely is not going to happen MERE DAYS after our child is taken from us.

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Jacqueline3]

My dearest Venusmon,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this from your husband.  It has only been a few weeks!  Of course you are still grieving!  I am 16 months from the day I lost my Garrett and I am still grieving as painfully and as all consuming as I did on the day it happened.  Different people grieve in different ways.  I have had that "you need to move on" from my mother and siblings. (They believe I am not doing it right and since they cannot "help me be myself" they do not bother).  I am sorry to sound so harsh but I am offended on you and your daughter's behalf,   Your husband needs to speak with someone that can shed some light on this horrific emotional devastation.  I know as surely as I sit here that I will grieve and cry for my son the rest of my broken life and I believe you have to grieve as your heart and mind dictate.  Follow your heart Venusmon and Hopefully you can find some one to help explain grief to your husband..  I am so sorry for your loss and the turmoil that has been added to the devastation of losing your daughter.  I am here and will listen.  We have your hand and your back.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie,  I  thought about you and Garrett this morning as well as my Mason. I was at my kitchen window turning on the coffee maker when movement caught my eye. The most beautiful Eastern Bluebirds were flying around a small tree,  4 or 5 of them.  Just beautiful,  I  saw a few Bluejays,  cardinals and a woodpecker. I  stood and watched for  several minutes. My bird feeder is on the a different side of my house so it was unusual to see so many. 

Michael good that they caught your wife's cancer early. As you and Virginia said how can it be that some go through life with so little grief and pain. My husband and I have been through so many hardships and losses. I know others and if they are experiencing similar problems they must do a really good job of hiding it.

Roz, you have lead such interesting life. I can hear in your words that you an amazing person. Those animals that you rescued were very lucky to land with you. 

Virginia, I hope the cat finds a forever home and it helps you guys to decide if you are ready for a pet. I know I have mentioned our dogs they are a comfort, they are always there to greet us when we come home and while I am home alone working everyday I can can sometimes hear Paisley snoring and I don't feel so alone. 

[Changed]

Hi Venusmom,   I believe you when you say that your husband is very caring and he is probably caring for you, in his own way , with what he said.     It sounds so unreasonable and harsh for anyone to think a mother who has lost her child so very recently will be able to act ‘normally’ - especially if it’s one’s own husband .

i suspect that given the last twenty years of worry and difficulties you have endured then your husband wants his wife’s struggles to be over and to protect you from more hurt.     For you - well you have moved on to something so final, cruel and painful - there is no longer the hope to cling on to that your daughter would recover and all will be well .   I’m sorry.

It’s too soon to have clarity about all these complex emotions and my guess is that you’ve been grieving, in a sense, for many years.    I apologise if I’m overstepping or reading you wrongly .    Talking together about all this will be the key - you’ve been through so much already but I hope that you can both recognise each other’s unique position.       Love to you, Roz x

[Changed]

Dear Carol,  my heart has always been in the right place , as they say , and this is the first time in my life I haven’t been involved in volunteering to help those in the messier end of life , both people and animals,  I’d love to be useful again but my spirit seems broken and I feel I need happier outlets these days.

You’re not wrong in saying I’ve led an interesting life  but it was really all about my husband and I was his support act.    I’ve made the best of everything and some chapters were enjoyable but it was a case of like it or lump it !     I’m not sure that I fully realised that at the time but I’ve had a lot of thinking time since David died.  Love Roz x

[Venusmom]

Roz, thank you for your very kind, healing words. My husband so far has been wonderful. He cooks the meals, does the cleaning, and holds me when I fall apart. But Lisa was not his daughter. He has children that also use drugs. I pray he never feels my heartbreak. 

I know of the 7 stages of grief, but which one kills your brain cells. I starred at the indoor grill last night for 20 minutes waiting for it to say add food. I called my husband out and I hadn’t pushed the start button. I’m doing this kind of thing all the time. And I’m screaming at my dog. The dog I love with all my heart that is getting me through this. I’m afraid to drive the car. 

I can’t begin to tell you all the family has been through, especially my granddaughter. She’s with my sons family. And I feared that phone call for so long. I just can’t imagine life without her. She was my best friend when she was able to be.

My sister lost two sons to cancer. I don’t know how she is still sane. I used to be terrified of getting old and dying. Now I’m glad I’m almost 70 and not 30. I’d never want to go through that many years without her.

My husband will have to try to understand I have no control over my grief. I sure he won’t go to a grief support group with me, but I’m going anyway. I need to take care of myself right now.

Mary

[Mason’s Mom]

Mary, those stages of grief that I have read about are certainly not the path for all grief. I don't think it fits so neatly into compartments. I feel that it has been an overall sense of sadness. It does change as we learn to deal with it. Just a few weeks in and our minds will not be capable of normal thought processes. Most experts will advise to not make any major decisions until you have had time to start healing. Give yourself time. Perhaps you and your husband can find a local counselor to help you work through this together.

[Diane R]

Dear Mary, I support you going to grief groups and doing whatever it is to help you during this horrific time. As others have said, everyone approaches grief in different ways. You mentioned that your husband’s kids also use drugs. Could it possibly be that the loss of your daughter hits too close to the struggles with his own children? Sometimes when we are scared or threatened we push our feelings and reality away. I could be completely off base here so feel free to disregard, but thought I’d throw a different possibility out. Most importantly, I hope you find some support for yourself and that you and your husband find a way to travel this path together. Sending my care!
Diane

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol,

I have had a few Eastern bluebirds fly through here recently.  They don't stay but occassionally I see them.   I have found a love off a little bird , A Carolina Wren, there is only one that I can tell and he is the cutest.  I also have what looks to me like a flying tadpole,  I looked him up and he is called a brown creeper.  The birds tickle me and it is the one place sitting with these flying creatures I can feel a semblance of calm.  there are times I feel like Garrett is sitting with me.   My daughter has named our visiting turkey... Gertie.of Gobbleshire.  

Dearest Mary,

My apologies for sounding so harsh.  There is an angry bitterness I have to deal with for the way things have been handled by my family and the insult I feel they have done to my Garrett.  I do hope you and your husband can find a way to walk this ugly path together

Thinking of you all,

Jackie

[Venusmom]

Dear Jackie, no worries. I don’t take things to heart unless they are directed at me. You were only explaining how poorly you’ve been treated by others. I’m so sorry about that. One needs their family to surround them and protect them at a time like this. My sister lost two sons to cancer with8n four years. So my family is very protective of me and my granddaughter. My husband being a man that lost a brother, parents, grandparents and many friends doesn’t realize that a child doesn’t compare to any of them. I will continue to try to get him to understand, but meantime I will take care of myself and grieve as I need to.

Thanks for your kind words.

Mary

[Changed]

Jackie - I love to hear about your birds- nature is a constant in our lives to hold on to.    I’ve just got in from a walk and stopped to watch three crows who patrol the beach - same patch every day - we call them the Bovver Boys - they look so tough as they strut their stuff .     ( Your daughter’s name for the turkey made me laugh - we have a swear word over here that I thought you were saying for Gertie’s second name - I misread it and saw a ‘t’ in place of the ‘r’   ! !   it’s used for talking nonsense )  poor old Gertie.  Love Roz x

[Changed]

Dear Mary, that sounds like the right thing to do.   None of it is easy but having understanding support , wherever it comes from , makes all the difference.   Love Roz x

 

[Changed]

Michael you are probably too busy with everything to be reading here but I hope that tomorrow goes well .    It will be a relief when your wife has the first session behind her and can cuddle up safe at home .  
It’s a rotten unwanted chapter , I know, and I send my kindest thoughts to you all .  Love Roz x 

[Venusmom]

On 1/16/2023 at 9:02 PM, marks said:

HI everyone.  Well, I have been very busy.  Its been 3.5 weeks since he died, and we are building a house so that has taken my time.  Today I went back to work- I own an air conditioning company.  Usually my customers bring me joy---I like to talk to them and fix their problem and make them happy---its 115 in the summer here- and cold in the winter.  Anyway I just feel like its a chore to do service calls.  One lady wants a new system, and I have zero interest in installing it.  My back, legs, ankles, all hurt and so I'm not sleeping well.  We all express stress and pressure in different ways- apparently I do it with physical pain.  

I noticed something---he died on a regular day- 3 days before chistmas.  While my heart was ripped into shreds, the rest of the world was oblivious.  Even neighbors---who could have said something- were silent.  How can the world be oblivious when we are all struggling just to do simple things and we are going through such a difficult experience?  

Yes, I’ve noticed that I am keeping track of who actually reached out to me. And it is much fewer than I would have expected. I received three cards. I’m 68 years old. I have met many, many people. And of course that’s not counting my daughters friends.

Three days before Christmas! I can’t image how you got through the holidays. Mine died on New Years Eve. I’m so sorry for your pain. I can’t image being able to work, doing anything at all. I can hardly make dinner. My personal advice is to not take on too much. Be gentle with yourself. Take care.

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Mary and Roz..

Michael, I am thinking of you and your wife...Good luck tomorrow...

[Michael Rodriguez]

we had our first visit to the doctor pro-chemo.....she has to be at the hospital at 6: 00 am tomorrow for her first session!!!

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks to everybody , and jackie thanks for having us in your prayers , same as roz and the rest of you guys .....you know i feel the same way.....the first  hurdle should be the first chemo 

[ButterflyFabi]

7 hours ago, Venusmom said:

Yes, I’ve noticed that I am keeping track of who actually reached out to me. And it is much fewer than I would have expected. I received three cards. I’m 68 years old. I have met many, many people. And of course that’s not counting my daughters friends.

Three days before Christmas! I can’t image how you got through the holidays. Mine died on New Years Eve. I’m so sorry for your pain. I can’t image being able to work, doing anything at all. I can hardly make dinner. My personal advice is to not take on too much. Be gentle with yourself. Take care.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter Fabiola pass away on September 29, 2022. For me this has been the worst thing ever happened in my life. We were beat friends and have everything in common. I do have two more kids 21 and 13, who have been keeping me strong. I didn’t go back to work until five weeks after the fact. I am in therapies (one personal with a doctor and another wonderful group with parents who has gone through the same horrible experience) 

my family is very religious and the entire Christmas time came to visit and kept me going. Honesty I’ve learn everyone grieve differently and your husband  has to learn to either give you space and respect you grieving and learn that he is also doing it on different way. 
 

I have read “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye” by Brook Noel and Pamela D Blair 

if both of you read only the instructions how to read this wonderful book. I think you can learn so much. 
 

i am still frágil to many things and have my moments. But that is good! To know that you can cry or laugh about a memory is a great thing to do. 
My beautiful daughter should have turned 24 this January 26th. So a few difficult days ahead. 
 

thank you guys for been here for everyone! 
 

Prayers for you Venus mom 

[NiquesMom]

Hi venusmom, my husband was not my daughters father either. I believe he just wanted to "fix" the problem. Most men are fixers. For me it helped that both of us were not grieving the same. He was able to pull me back to live to spend time with our 4 year old. Everyone grieves differently and I want to believe that what your husband said was meant out of love and concern.

Michael, give your wife a hug from us and sending you strength for today.

Those of you who lost your child near the holidays, for me the second holiday was worse because the first one was so close to her death it just didnt really register. She died 4 days before christmas in 2017. The Christmas for me in 2018 was harder because I was not as numb.

The foster cat is sweet but I explained to kyle that I am not ready to adopt a cat. I dont feel ready to commit to the time/money/feelings. I am not ready to love and lose again. He seemed to understand.

[Venusmom]

Dear Butterflyfabi, your wounds are still so fresh too. I’m sorry for your loss. I have ordered some books on grief, I will pick up the book you mentioned. I never knew that grief would feel like this. It just comes out of nowhere and knocks me off my feet. The pain is so bad I feel like I won’t survive the wave of grief. And I really don’t want too. 
Dear Virginia, I thank God that my husband isn’t sharing grief to the extent that I am. I know he loved Lisa, but it just isn’t the same. But he is capable of holding me up when I don’t have the strength to do it. 
We had already planned to go away for the holidays next year. We love to cruise, so a cruise through Christmas and New Years to get me away from our normal sounds good. As my sister said, the holidays will never be the same.

Mary

[Michael Rodriguez]

butterfly fabi and venus mom, it is still so fresh and raw for you guys .....everytime i read of new members i instantly go back to my first days,weeks and months after B passed .....this morning , i happen to bump with the pictures i took of B's first bday after he had passed ....it had only been 6 weeks and i fixed his site full of balloons, and i just could not stand it ......and yet here i am facing his third bday away ....and it hurts just as much as the first one......i guess time does heel all wounds except that of a parent losing a child.

my wife just had her first chemo session this morning and i know she wanted her son right next to her just as much as i did.....and although , at times , our marriage has been a struggle  B would help keep us together. and i guess he still does.  

so we all understand what you guys are going thru, the pain, the anguish , that desperate feeling of no longer having them next to you ....it is by far the most horrible feeling a human being shoudl have to bare ......i dont think i made anybody feel better about the ordeal with this quote ......but we do know your feelings

[Venusmom]

I’ve been trying to find a word to say when someone asks how I’m doing. I don’t think there is a word in the English language to describe how I feel.

[Michael Rodriguez]

13 minutes ago, Venusmom said:

I’ve been trying to find a word to say when someone asks how I’m doing. I don’t think there is a word in the English language to describe how I feel.

nope.....there is no such word

[NiquesMom]

The closest I have is "heartbroken."

People overuse that phrase, about the dumbest things.

But my heart and my mind and my life will never be right again. It is all broken.

Heartbroken.

[Lisa M.]

Agreed

[Jacqueline3]

Heartbroken, is a good word, probably the closest if people didn't use it so lightly....

Shattered, Broken, Devastated, Destroyed, Crushed, Empty, Gutted, Fragmented.... all are good words to describe part of the overwhelming, ugly, painful feelings.. but for me, nothing comes close to the painful emptiness that losing Garrett has left.... it eats at me like a voracious parasite all its own, destroying more of me each day...

 

[Venusmom]

As mothers, losing a child makes me feel like part of my body was amputated. My daughter was 47, but in my mind she was a part of me. I need a word for that. 
and Michael and other men, I’m not discounting who you are in your children’s lives. I’m sure you feel like a part of you is missing too.

Edited January 25, 2023 by Venusmom

[NiquesMom]

They say having a child is having part of your heart walking around in the world.

I remember the tall consuming pain when Nique first died. After 5 years I dont feel that most days. But the sadness is always here.

Today at work I got chatting with 2 people I see frequently but would not consider friends. But they started talking about grief and covid (2 separate conversations), and I told them about Nique and Christopher. They had no idea, I guess I hide it well enough at work now. 

[Changed]

On 1/24/2023 at 5:22 PM, Michael Rodriguez said:

Micheal,  how is your wife feeling after her first session?    I’ve been thinking about you both a lot .  Love Roz x 

[Michael Rodriguez]

16 hours ago, Changed said:

Micheal,  how is your wife feeling after her first session?    I’ve been thinking about you both a lot .  Love Roz x 

i just spoke with her , said she had some redness in  her face and throat ...yesterday she was doing real well .......the yoga place she goes too seems to have a natures bar and she is ordering smoothies all day long ..... and since we have so many fresh fruits all year long ,,,,she is really enjoying them ......nikki is coming over on feb 9 and leaving on the 19th ...her second chemo is on the 14th , so she can take care of her mom

[NiquesMom]

How wonderful your daughter can come!! How many sessions do they currently say too expect?

[Dustins Mom]

@Venusmom words don’t seem to carry enough emotion for the heartache we’re all living with when we lose a child of any age (mine was 39). And while I was given the label of ‘widow’ after my husband died, there is not even a word in the English language that applies to a parent who’s lost a child. In Sanskrit they use the word ‘Vilomah’ which when literally translated means ‘out of order’, meaning their death was not what we consider to be the natural order of life. They shouldn’t have died before us. 💔

[Michael Rodriguez]

15 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

How wonderful your daughter can come!! How many sessions do they currently say too expect?

8 ....1 every 3 weeks

 

2 minutes ago, Dustins Mom said:

@Venusmom words don’t seem to carry enough emotion for the heartache we’re all living with when we lose a child of any age (mine was 39). And while I was given the label of ‘widow’ after my husband died, there is not even a word in the English language that applies to a parent who’s lost a child. In Sanskrit they use the word ‘Vilomah’ which when literally translated means ‘out of order’, meaning their death was not what we consider to be the natural order of life. They shouldn’t have died before us. 💔

oh.....how much do i agree !!!!

17 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

How wonderful your daughter can come!! How many sessions do they currently say too expect?

just spoke with her and she was working with our landscapers in the garden

[Venusmom]

Michael, I’m new, how old is your daughter? That’s great she has the opportunity to be involved. I’m sure she wants to help her mom.

[Michael Rodriguez]

16 hours ago, Venusmom said:

Michael, I’m new, how old is your daughter? That’s great she has the opportunity to be involved. I’m sure she wants to help her mom.

she is 34 ,married no children workaholic . lives in  portland ....she is my eldest , 4 years older than B ( B is brian , his friends started calling him B since he was a kid , and that is y  i always call him just B

Thanks for caring and asking about them

 

[Utterly Bereft]

On 1/22/2023 at 12:17 PM, Venusmom said:

Roz, thank you for your very kind, healing words. My husband so far has been wonderful. He cooks the meals, does the cleaning, and holds me when I fall apart. But Lisa was not his daughter. He has children that also use drugs. I pray he never feels my heartbreak. 

I know of the 7 stages of grief, but which one kills your brain cells. I starred at the indoor grill last night for 20 minutes waiting for it to say add food. I called my husband out and I hadn’t pushed the start button. I’m doing this kind of thing all the time. And I’m screaming at my dog. The dog I love with all my heart that is getting me through this. I’m afraid to drive the car. 

I can’t begin to tell you all the family has been through, especially my granddaughter. She’s with my sons family. And I feared that phone call for so long. I just can’t imagine life without her. She was my best friend when she was able to be.

My sister lost two sons to cancer. I don’t know how she is still sane. I used to be terrified of getting old and dying. Now I’m glad I’m almost 70 and not 30. I’d never want to go through that many years without her.

My husband will have to try to understand I have no control over my grief. I sure he won’t go to a grief support group with me, but I’m going anyway. I need to take care of myself right now.

Mary

 

Mary,

 

I'm sorry that I called Lisa, "Venus" in my first reply.   (That's what I get for assuming.)

 

I'm glad you found a grief support group,

 

 

[Changed]

Everyone is very quiet - it goes like that sometimes.       
I hope that you are all managing .   Peace and strength .  Love Roz x 

[patrickmorrow]

Just when I think I am having a good streak of days, the pain comes back probably not as raw, but it comes back unexpectedly. I guess that’s how grief works.
Lost my precious Alex in October he was only 18. It was a perfect stor(the culture, social media, easy and cheap drugs, and a sexually confused culture) 

I am glad I know and trust Jesus because without that I could not function. I will pray every day for all of you to be comforted ❤️

[Changed]

Thank you Patrick

 

[Mason’s Mom]

Roz, January is a dark month.  The weather has been terrible.  Snow  storm last week and ice this week.  I have been stuck in my house and I struggle with being cooped up. I have thought my purpose for surviving the loss of my child was to offer encouragement and some hope but I am questioning that.  I can't encourage when I am lost emotionally most of the time. 

Since losing Mason I find I am such a different person.  My home was organized and I tried to keep everything clean.  Don't get me wrong I haven't let everything go but I choose to spend as much time  with my family and not  focus on little things while they are around.

I have also focused on my job I am employed by a worldwide corporation and I rarely mention my work but recently some BIG changes are in the works and I am just one of a handful of people that know and I have been tasked with creating and implementing training programs.  This change will affect so many employees with whom I have developed good working relationships. My daughter is included in one of the employees that will be impacted and I  can't discuss this with her. I have talked to my husband and he doesn't understand why it is weighing so heavily on me. I can't just walk away, we need the income and I want to do my best to protect the jobs of as many as possible. I bet many of you find this hard to believe when you read my ramblings.  I struggle to communicate and express my  emotions when it comes to grief. 

May each of you find peace and comfort, 

Carol 

[NiquesMom]

Carol, I am also wondering about my purpose here. I have little patience with people do how can i possibly be of use?

Roz, I feel like I have nothing to say because it is all the same. I am missing christopher and Nique terribly and having a bit of a pity party.

Patrick, my daughter was also 18 when she died and it seems so unfair. I know i should be grateful that I got that much time with her bit I am selfish and want more. Even now, 5 years later, its just not fair. 

Michael, how is your wife? Has your daughter arrived?

[Venusmom]

8 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said:

Roz, January is a dark month.  The weather has been terrible.  Snow  storm last week and ice this week.  I have been stuck in my house and I struggle with being cooped up. I have thought my purpose for surviving the loss of my child was to offer encouragement and some hope but I am questioning that.  I can't encourage when I am lost emotionally most of the time. 

Since losing Mason I find I am such a different person.  My home was organized and I tried to keep everything clean.  Don't get me wrong I haven't let everything go but I choose to spend as much time  with my family and not  focus on little things while they are around.

I have also focused on my job I am employed by a worldwide corporation and I rarely mention my work but recently some BIG changes are in the works and I am just one of a handful of people that know and I have been tasked with creating and implementing training programs.  This change will affect so many employees with whom I have developed good working relationships. My daughter is included in one of the employees that will be impacted and I  can't discuss this with her. I have talked to my husband and he doesn't understand why it is weighing so heavily on me. I can't just walk away, we need the income and I want to do my best to protect the jobs of as many as possible. I bet many of you find this hard to believe when you read my ramblings.  I struggle to communicate and express my  emotions when it comes to grief. 

May each of you find peace and comfort, 

Carol 

Carol,  I’m new here, but not new to work reorganization. You arent making these changes, your company is. You are the person who is going to help the employees get through this process, including your daughter. You need to remember that. So many companies are laying off thousands of people that I believe your employees will accept their new roles knowing there is no where to go that is better at the moment. Don’t quit because of this shake up. Do what I’m sure you always do, help those who struggle through this change.

[Michael Rodriguez]

i was thinking the same yesterday.....everybody is so quiet!! 

yes patrick, it is almost 2 years since i lost B ( i can not even believe it has been almost 22 months) and yet, when i least expect it , it hits me like a dump truck full speed ahead !!!! 

last friday, i believe, i was driving to work about 6:00 am and for a moment there were only 3 cars on the road ; a black grand wagoneer, a burgundy 023 grand cherokee and my gladiator .....we shared the love for jeeps and it was a perfect time to shoot a picture and send it to him ( something we would always do, find something cool , teke a picture and send it to the other) ....realize, as so many times , he is no longer here to send him the picture.......and you miss those moments

[Jacqueline3]

Hey Everyone,

I am struggling as usual, missing Garrett terrible.   The weather here too has been so grey and sorrowful.   Hope everyone is okay.    Been thinking of everyone....

Jackie

[patrickmorrow]

I can relate Michael, we love so deeply and want to share life with them still❤️

[Dustins Mom]

Oh Michael I can so relate to the missing texts. I lost my husband, Woody, and my boys lost their Dad 11 years ago and we started noticing wherever we went we’d find dimes and somehow just knew it was a message from him. My older son even found one in the gutter next to where my daughter-in-law had parked in front of Dustin’s house the day he was found deceased and we were all waiting for the Coroner to arrive.
But Dustin would always be so delighted when he would find a bright, shiny dime in the dirt at the bottom of a telephone pole he’d be climbing for his fiber optics work. We’d all text pictures of finding them in the most random of places, always knowing he was near us. I don’t find them as much these days and I really miss those texts. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

2 hours ago, Dustins Mom said:

Oh Michael I can so relate to the missing texts. I lost my husband, Woody, and my boys lost their Dad 11 years ago and we started noticing wherever we went we’d find dimes and somehow just knew it was a message from him. My older son even found one in the gutter next to where my daughter-in-law had parked in front of Dustin’s house the day he was found deceased and we were all waiting for the Coroner to arrive.
But Dustin would always be so delighted when he would find a bright, shiny dime in the dirt at the bottom of a telephone pole he’d be climbing for his fiber optics work. We’d all text pictures of finding them in the most random of places, always knowing he was near us. I don’t find them as much these days and I really miss those texts. 

what i do  is write to B !! i have been writing a sort of diary since june 021. and it is talking to brian and telling him what is going on ...i have writen over 20 pages so far ....at the beginning i would write every day .....now ill go a week without writing ....but it has help me