Loss of an Adult Child

[Jacqueline3]

Hello Everyone,

Michael, How are you doing?  I have been thinking of you...

I have a question for everyone, something I am really struggling with.   I miss Garrett so damned much it tears at me all the time.  If for some reason I have a day that isn't quite as severe and I don't cry as much, I feel guilty as if I betrayed Garrett.  It isn't that he isn't on my mind every moment but I don't ever want to betray him!   I feel like if I get a handle on the grief and crying and pain then it means that I can go on just fine without him and that isn't true!!  if I don't morn and miss him no one will!  I know its stupid but this is tearing me apart.  Did any of you feel that way?  What did you do?

Breaking apart, missing my boy!

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie, I understand exactly what you mean. I remember the first time I laughed out loud after losing Mason.  It hit me immediately and I felt horrible. I have had to tell myself over and over Mason would want me to be happy.  I know he would be mad if I stop loving and giving my best to everyone. I miss him so much but I keep going and trying to make myself better and honor him. It is hard to stop parenting them.  We take care of them their entire life and when we lose them it is hard to know how to reprogram that need to take care of them. So I take care of his grave and his memory. Find a way to keep his memories alive and going. Talk about him, share his story and keep loving him.

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol, thank you... I have been really falling apart with guilt and fear....  I feel like if the grief gets manageable I will hurt Garrett even though I know he would be so upset to see me struggling and sobbing the way I am. He is my son, my best friend, I don't want anyone to ever think my life is easy or complete without him.... I am not.... I feel frantic and upset tonight....  I like all the ways you are honoring Mason, I went tonight and bought a different type of bird feeder to go with the two smaller ones I have out.  These birds especially the cardinals, chickadees and woodpeckers have become a lifeline to Garrett....  I feel sometimes like I am losing my mind... I miss Garrett so damned much... its has been seven months, how can it be seven months since I have kissed and hugged and seen my precious son?

[Danielle Masata]

Hi all.  Sorry it's been so long since I've been here.  It's been a nightmare to deal with lawyers, accountants, probate court, pensions, life insurance, selling my husband's treasured car (I keep thinking he'll come back and be furious that I'd do such a thing!), credit cards, taking over all the household finances and lawn care (and it's been so windy here that I've had to get lots of services to help to take of issues), banking, closing his small business, and organizing his memorial that I haven't had a chance to express my grief, either for my son a year ago or my husband just a few months ago.  Both were complete shocks.  It's truly overwhelming and my medical needs are now becoming an added problem (was completely horizontal for three solid days earlier this week.  Nauseous. Vertigo, intense migraine!  I'm never, ever sick.  But, my husband would be the steady guy to help me out.  Who could I call?  My youngest son who lives about 90 minutes away was also sick.  Who could even drive me to the doctor's office (as good a reason to use Uber as ever!). 

Here's an amazing sadness that has semi-supported me the past few weeks.  My old best friend, from the time I was 12 years old, recently died.  I didn't even realize she was sick, but luckily, she passed rather quickly.  Her husband contacted me about this.  In his correspondence with me, shared that he too lost his son just a year ago.  My friend didn't even tell me, maybe because it was so new or because she was sick, but I never knew.  So now, we two have each other to share our grief: our spouse and our oldest son.  We live in different time zones, but it's a comfort to know that there is someone else who is going through too.  I have told him about grieving.com.  There is such a comfort here as well.  It really saved me and I'll be back regularly when I can.  Hugs to all of you.

[Michael Rodriguez]

On 4/1/2022 at 9:01 PM, Jacqueline3 said:

Hello Everyone,

Michael, How are you doing?  I have been thinking of you...

I have a question for everyone, something I am really struggling with.   I miss Garrett so damned much it tears at me all the time.  If for some reason I have a day that isn't quite as severe and I don't cry as much, I feel guilty as if I betrayed Garrett.  It isn't that he isn't on my mind every moment but I don't ever want to betray him!   I feel like if I get a handle on the grief and crying and pain then it means that I can go on just fine without him and that isn't true!!  if I don't morn and miss him no one will!  I know its stupid but this is tearing me apart.  Did any of you feel that way?  What did you do?

Breaking apart, missing my boy!

Jackie

jackie , thanks for asking , a lot of work , which keeps me busy, .....i also feel guilty , but slowly im making my "existence" more bearable ....still any sense of well being makes me feel guilty .....

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Michael,  Thank you, I feel guilty if I smile and the smiles never come easy any more.    It was seven months the end of March and it feels like an eternity of hellish agony.

Thinking of everyone,

Love and hugs,

Jackie 

[Michael Rodriguez]

im 12 days away from 1 year.....and its so hard ,i still dont go one day without shedding tears......just to try to keep busy

[Jacqueline3]

I am so sorry Michael, I am already dreading that day....  That is what I am trying to do but I cry every day and the ache to hug Garrett close and sob how much I love and miss him just gets stronger.   It just gets harder....  I am thinking of you...

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Michael as that date approaches it seems impossible that a year has passed. I don't work on Mason's Birthday or the the date of his death,  those days are just so emotional and I need that time to grieve. Knowing the day approaches is hard but you will find a way to move forward. 

Jackie I have given a lot of thought to time since losing my boy.mi have had the same thoughts how can it be so long since I saw his smile,  heard his voice and got hig from him. In the next few minutes the pain makes it feel like the loss is still new and raw. The times that bring me to my knees are less often and there are times I hope it means I am another day closer to seeing my boy again. I pray that happens. 

Danielle,  I have thought about you and wondered if things were getting any better for you. I hope your health is improving and that you can get all the business wrapped up and feel more in control. You have had so much to deal with and when your heart is broken. 

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

this year is easter thursday and it is a holiday so im not coming to work ....i am planning to stay home and just grief, tomorrow it will be a year since we found out about the tumor and the worst nightmare of my life began .....a nightmare that just keep on going and i know will never end 

[Ramona66]

Hi Michael

 

may you find some kind of solace these next few days. I know it's easier said than done. This pain is just so unbearable and like you said a  nightmare that just keeps going on and on. The only say I get a little peace is when I have my daughter's kids on the weekend. It gives me a little connection. If didn't have to work every day I would definitely be spending all my time with them.

 

God bless you all and hopefully one day we will find some type of peace and comfort.  

[Lisa M.]

Don's  1st angel day is next month.   I have already told my manager I will be taking that day off.  I picked up his ashes 6 days after that... on my birthday.   I usually don't take my birthday off but I will this year .  I still feel all the emotions from those days.   If truth be told,  I feel them worse now.   I was so numb when it happened and I was in denial for a long time.   Michael,  I have thought about you so much lately.   I am going to be hugging you from afar.  As for the rest of you... thank you for your words.   I glean little coping skills from you all.   Knowing you are all here is comforting.  My heart goes out to all of you that have added stresses on top of your loss.  I can't imagine how you must feel.  Honestly,  I can't remember everyone's names on here but know I pray for all of you. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks guys, it is , up to a point ( a very humongous point !!!!) a blessing to have all of you to share my grief , as we all do.......thanks a million 

[Jacqueline3]

Hello to all, i am with you Michael and Lisa as a year approaches.  I am glad you are both taking off.  Thank you Carol.  I do agree with you Lisa, it is more intense now and it keeps growing stronger and more painful for me as time goes on.   It is comforting to talk with all of you as others do not understand.  I keep hearing "pull yourself together".   What the hell does that even mean....  I will never again be a whole person.  I am sorry, today is worse than normal, if that is possible.  I can hardly bear being in the house, car anywhere that Garrett is not.  I went outside to my favorite spot to be with the birds and talk to Garrett.  The bugs are so bad, I couldn't breath without sucking one down my throat.  Now I am just worse...  It is a nightmare without end. I don't know how to survive it.  It feels wrong to even say it because I know that all of you have feel the same but I do not know how to survive this... I want my son!  And every time I say that people tell me that I can;t have that... ****, I am sorry... I am so lost and broken today... I miss Garrett so much!.

[Ramona66]

Hi Jackie

I feel the same way. I know it hasn't been as long as most of you since you lost your angels but I miss her sooooo much. I miss her laugh, her caring personality, her wild and quirky ways. Just everything about her. She was my go-to child and now I don't have her to go to anymore. I don't like going to work any more, I don't like being home. There are just so many memories and pictures. I don't like driving. I bought a brand new car in June of last year specifically for her. I had bought her a car 6 months prior which turned out to be a lemon so I purchased and brand new one. She suffered with seizures for the last year and a half but they only happened at night when she was sleeping. They never did freeze her license so she was still able to drive and I figured with a vehicle with all the bells and whistles, if something happened while she was driving the car would take over.  

 

I just don't even know how to go on and live a somewhat normal life anymore but trying to maintain for my grandkids sake. My heart feels like it is breaking more and more everyday and I can't lift this fog.

 

 

[Jacqueline3]

I hear you Ramona, I feel like I die a little more each day.  I need to clean the house and I just look at it.  I got a job thinking it would help but I just sob to and from work and then hate it and myself the whole time I am there.  I sit outside with the birds, even when it was cold (My Garrett loved to listen to the birds in the morning) but today that doesn't even help... I am so lost and I too am lost in this foggy haze of pain.  I miss everything about Garrett and he too always had my back, would hug me if I was worried, would listen if I needed to talk.   I don't know how to live this agony.  I have one grandson but I rarely see him.   My eldest has come home to help but she is struggling after being assaulted and I need to help her heal, instead she has been helping me.  Garrett told her he would be with her to help her through.  God, I miss my boy... I am thinking of you Ramona,

 

[Judith fay]

Jackie, 

I feel the the same way. Icry and feel pretty much miserable without my Christina. I find myself feeling  bad when i am laughing or having any kind  of fun.Her oldest child Brent who started High school join the marching band the first time he played i just lost it  I cry and  feeling like she should be here for this and Her yougest started kindergarden I walked him to class and stood there  then  he  started crrying for his mommy. I am not sure how everybody in this group goes  on day   to day . I am finding it hard.  I live the same nightmare everyday

I was told by my grandkids mom would want you to live and be happy.  I am trying but I miss her so much!  I will put all of you in my prayers

Mom of Christina

[Jacqueline3]

Judith,

I am so sorry about Christina  My Mum, who is 85 keeps telling me the same thing.  Garrett wouldn't want me to be like this and I know he would hate seeing me like this but my life is shattered.  I am right there with you... I "get through" the days.  If I manage not to sob uncontrollably multiple times a day its because I take the pills the doctor prescribed and I hate taking them.  It makes me feel guilty like Im trying to forget my boy.  I don't know... I have been seeing a grief therapist and she keeps telling me that at this point I (all of us)  are in a full body cast... we have been injured and hurt so badly.  That I need to be gentle with myself and think about just getting through the next minute.  but I think of the rest of my life without my precious Garrett and I just crumble and die inside.    Nothing looks or feels familiar...  this life is not mine....

I miss Garrett so very much,

 

[Judith fay]

Jackie,

She is my 2nd daughter to pass.

I am taking medicine my doctor gave me also. I hate taking it.  So sorry about your Garrett. I am here for you if you want to talk about him. My Christina lit up every room she walked in. She was my best friend  and my shopping buddy just my everything . Her things are still here I am letting her boys decide what they would like to do with . Me I want to keep ever little thing my room is full of her pictures   her Urn is right where i can see it .Mothers should never out live their children. 

Mom of Christina  and  Dasha

[Jacqueline3]

Judith honey, I am so sorry.   My Garrett is my best friend as well as my son.  Both of his sisters left home several years ago and he and I did everything together.  I have been lucky.  I have a great relationship with all three of my children.  Garrett was my surprise... I had infertility issues and my husband and I decided to stop taking the treatments after we had the girls... Garrett showed up all on his own.  He could make me laugh like no one else and he had a unique, wonderful sense of humor.  He walked to his own drumbeat.  We could sit and talk for hours.   There is a rack on the wall in his room where he hangs his hooded jackets, I find myself in there hugging the lot of them and for a moment, I can almost feel him.  Garrett passed on my 60th birthday.  I miss him so much, i cannot bear it.  I too want to keep every little thing of Garrett's.  I cannot bear to part with anything. I am here for you as well Judith if you would like to talk.  It does help to talk to someone who understands the unfathomable pain and bottomless hole of sorrow.  Please tell me about your girls when you feel that you are able....

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Judith fay]

Jackie,

I have 3 kids Dasha died at Birth I never really had the chance to mourn  her that was in 1984 a year later I had my son Brent then came my little red head Christina. She was a really compassionate  person always willing to help anybody who needed it. She worked at a place called CBI that helped the homeless and drug addicts. She always told me everything. The night she died i was numb didnt know and still dont know how to process it.. My daughter died of a Fentanyl  overdose her boyfriend got scared and instead of calling for help he left her to die. He called me 2 hours later and said she was unresponsive  I have such hate and anger towards him and his mom. I got the police report from the night she died and i wish i never would have read it .It just made things worse. That night I hD to come home and tell my 13 year old Grandson she had died the 6 year old sings to her URN and kisses it goodnight he still doesn't understand My son Brent is my rock he is the only child I have left he is 36. I hD him move in I have bad anxiety  about something happening  to him.

Your son and my daughter they are watching over us.

Tell me about Garrett

Mom of Christina

[NiquesMom]

Kyle has been using my husbands phone while he is in the hospital so we can talk while I am at the hospital. Today I found a text message he sent to Nique old cell number (dont know who has it now but they didnt respond). He texted her that he hasn't gotten to talk to her and really misses her. Broke my heart. Why does he need to understand death already? Its been 4.5 years and there are moments when it can still feel like yesterday. 

Supposedly they are transferring Christopher to rehab today. I know I should be happy but I am not. I dont feel right about it. All the numbers look right but he has confusion. I have voiced my concerns to everyone but nothing shows on any of the tests as being wrong. He sang a song yesterday to me that I videoed, I know the song he was trying to sing, we sang it to kyle when he was a baby. But he changed the words and kept singing "its a good day to die." At the end of the song he said how much he loved me and kyle. Broke my heart. Just waiting for the call from the hospital that he is gone.

I am sorry for all of you that are approaching the 1 year mark. I found the second year harder because the first year I was numb. Just be as gentle as you can with yourself and try not to let others tell you how to grieve.

 

[Jacqueline3]

Dear Virginia, I am with you...  I Hope and pray all goes well as they transfer Christopher.  I have been in the situation where the doctors, hospitals and nurses do not listen, it is the worst feeling of hopelessness and fear.  Kyle shouldn't have to understand or know about death.  I am sorry that he does...  I am thinking of you.

Dear Judith,  I am so sorry.  I know that drive for answers and then what we find brings more pain, anger and frustration....  All I really know is that Garrett had some form of undiagnosed liver abnormality that caused his blood to turn acidic.  When I asked for more clarification and how this could have slipped by all the doctors, they just look at me and shrug.   I had him to the hospitals and ER half a dozen times in the last month and a half for a elevated heart rate.  They kept assuring me he was fine, ran tests... He was fine.  I am full of rage and anger and guilt, why did I not see something was seriously wrong?!   He was my anchor and my best friend.  He loved rap music (I do not,)  but we would sit in my sewing room late into the night and he would have me listen to song after song and he would talk about the style of rap and the meaning and the words.   He was a deep thinker, always wanting to know why?  he was of average height but he was such a solid, strong young man and he had two different color eyes, one blue, one green.   The only one of my children to have at least one of my green eyes.  He was looking forward to starting a new job, where he would be critiquing and rating video games, movies and the like... He was so excited.  He had such a love of the arts and classic games and movies.   He had been bullied so badly through school, and it made him harder yet he was the first person to stand up for someone else, whether he knew them or not....  I always worried,  but I couldn't ask him to be less than who he is....  god I miss him.  I miss his laugh, it was full bodied and contagious.  I am glad you had Brent move in... I worry about my girls...

thinking of everyone

Love and hugs,

Jackie

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

jackie , i feel as you do, i could see B irregular breathing pattern and instead calling a specialist they just went aroung guessing ,i believe. 

virginia it must be really tough , living in the hopping for the best and expecting the worse ...it must be terrible for you 

and yes, a week from tomor5row it will be a year since B left us and it is a freaking long weekend .....i know itr will be terrible 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Michael, it is horrible remembering...the rage and the guilt, I should have gotten even uglier with the doctors, demanded more, seen more... It beats at me all the time.  Hold on to all of us Michael, we are here for you.  It will feel like a very long and terrible week.  I am with you, we all are.    Virginia, I have been thinking of you, hoping all is going okay.

Thinking of everyone...

jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

jackie, we are all going thru the exact misery .....im sure we all carry the same guilt and the same despair of not being able to do so much more !! losing a child makes it so final and not being able to turn back and fix it..... i have been a fixer all my life and yet i could not fix my son

[Jacqueline3]

Michael, I Have been a fighter my whole like and i could not fight to save my son.   It is heartbreaking and agonizing.   How are you tonight Michael?   I could not get onto the sight all day and I started to panic....  Been thinking of you all.

Jackie  

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia I hope the move goes well. 

I agree the second year was really hard,  I had told myself if I can make it a year it will have to get better. Grief doesn't have time lines. Don't try to force yourself to feel like you should be better,  it happens very slowly and the pain never completely leaves,  we learn to deal with it. 

Judith I can't imagine the pain of reading the report.  Heart breaking. 

Michael and Jackie I have the same thoughts how could I not know about Mason's heart....

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning all.....i guess i am doing ok . just thinking of B , just holding on to faith that he really is in a better place ....missing him like never before , wishing for a hug and tell him how much he is loved 

[Jacqueline3]

Morning Michael, I am thinking of you.  I keep holding to that too, that Garrett is with my Dad.  I am here for you Michael...

Love and hugs

jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Carol, I am sorry it has taken me so long to ask again but she is on my mind... How is your Daughter?

[Jacqueline3]

Evening to all,

Been thinking of everyone, my days are harder and harder, just needed to talk to all of you.

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie,  it has been another rough week.  Morgan is still having health issues.  Last Sunday she went to Mediquick location because she had a migraine that she couldn't shake, they gave her a shot and told her to follow up with her primary Dr. She went in Tuesday and had blood work.  She is severely enemic and a blood transfusion on Thursday.  Her head is better but we don't know how or why she is low on blood and iron. More tests to come. Thanks for asking. 

Carol

[Jacqueline3]

Ive been thinking of you Carol and hoping Morgan is on an upswing.  You and Morgan are in my thoughts and prayers... I hope they find answers soon...

Jackie

[Didi]

I love reading all these posts -- knowing I am not alone.  We're coming up on one year and I've taken that day off, but am wondering if I'll need the whole week!  I'm already getting a little whippy. I attend a Grief Group once in a while and the facilitator who lost her son tells me I'll be able to "pocket" my grief as time goes.  Sometimes I can.  Sometimes.  I haven't seen her children in over one week and now their dad is wanting to talk to me "REALLY" bad.  Of course, my thoughts go to the worst case scenario. Yeesh.  One day, one moment at a time, right? 

[Jacqueline3]

Dear Didi, I am dreading the entire month of August.  I am thinking of you.  That's what people keep telling me, a minute at a time...  I go to a grief counselor and she tells me that I am still in a full body cast... I think we all are.  It has been seven months and I just get through the days.  I know that this pain is something that I will have the rest of my life because of the love I feel so strongly for Garrett.  I am thinking we learn (at least I am hoping) to walk with this pain because it is a direct reflection of our love for our children.  It becomes woven into our lives... yet we learn to function.   Again, I am hoping... I am with you on the posts... I do feel less alone, even though I hate that any of us are here.   I hope every thing is okay with your grandchildren's father.  Garrett did not have any children and I find that is one thing that is hard for me, that he did not have the joy of being a dad.  He was wonderful with children and he would be a wonderful father.  I am rambling... thinking of everyone.

love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning guys.....here i am re-living every moment form last year , what was i doing at this time on monday last year ....and how life changes everything. who could have told me that when we left to the hospital on sunday afternoon april 11 , my son would not be returning alive back home, that would be the last time he would see his bedroom , his clothe , his cars , last time he would pop open the fridge to take out something he liked ....the last time for everything .....it will be rough this next days.

jackie , remember that you are not alone , we all feel the same pain

carol, i hope morgan is feeling better 

didi, i aslo look forward, as gloomy as it may sound, to read the posts here, i miss you guys when i dont hear from you all. 

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all,

Michael, we are walking with you this week and always.   I do look forward to hearing from everyone on this site too and it does make me feel less alone.  I am thinking of all of you and hoping you find some measure of comfort today. 

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Danielle Masata]

Hi all.  Yup, still here, appreciating your comments even though I haven't had much time to actually visit.  Michael, I remember last year, when you and I were first new to this site.  Here we are, a year later and still our loss hurts.  Changes, but it's a forever hurt.  

Today, for some reason, I heard Whitney Houston singing the song several times, "I will always love you".  Remember that song?  I haven't heard Whitney in so long and what a voice (and tragic death)!  But here's my thoughts about it: how can we remember her amazing talents when so many other precious nuggets of life get in the way?  Will she and other supremely creative talents like hers and my son simply get replaced by others, regardless of their actual skills?  How long do people truly remember?  The answer is as much up to us, I suppose.  I won't let others forget my son, but I know life gets in the way and it's inevitable.  I found out today that my same age niece will be having a second child this fall and I'm happy for her, but certainly her life has turned in one direction while we are in the other.  I'll be providing another financial scholarship to the high school in his name this year, but I wish I could think of something really meaningful.

Meanwhile, I'm still crazed about the awful process of probate court.  I live in a State that makes so much money in this system and it's absolutely miserable.  Lawyers and accountants are more than happy to offer their services, but all at a daunting cost.  My husband managed his own accounts and his own taxes, and it saved us a bundle.  Instead, I feel as if all his hard work will be disappearing in a the few months after he passed because I'm so incompetent and overwhelmed.  It's like I'm stuck in a huge ocean current and can't seem to stop myself from banging dramatically into a hard rock cliff.

[Ramona66]

Hi Michael 

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your are in my prayers. 

[Lisa M.]

Hugs to you all.  Michael I think of you so much during the day. I know how I'm feeling  and I have a month to go.  I can only imagine  the pain you are in right now.   While I can't remember everybody's names I just want you all to know that you are such a comfort to me. I find some comfort  everyday in reading all your posts. I sometimes feel so isolated but knowing you guys are all there helps me. I may not post a lot but please know I come on every morning and read your stories. You are all in my heart.

[Michael Rodriguez]

thank you all for being here with me.....danielle, come on dont be so hard on your self .-...and yes i remember the song and i loved whitney !!!! ramona,didi,jackie,carol....all of you guys , honestly , you make all of this ordeal bearable......it will go thru stages ...ill be ok ,and out of nowhere , tears will start flowing .....but in reality it is the same as any other day....it is not that i miss him more than last week or that i will cry more or less than next week ....it is the same routine ive had for , i dont know the last 11 months, as it took me about a month to sink in 

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all,

I am thinking of everyone.  Michael, Lisa I know your 1 year is coming fast... I am thinking of you.  I am dreading August already.  Danielle I am sorry you have so many things to take care of on top of your pain.  Virginia, I have been thinking of you and your husband, I am hoping he is doing well..   I do not remember everyone's names either but i know everyone in my heart.  I know your pain is as great as my own.   My husband, God bless him, put a bench for me outside by the tree where Garrett's birds come.  It is one of the few places that I feel any comfort.  It does not last though, god I miss my boy!   I am thinking of everyone and wishing you some measure of comfort today

Love and hugs to all

Jackie

[Changed]

Jackie, that was such a sweet thing for him to do for you.  How is Jolene doing - has she recovered from her fall?

Carol,  cannot be an easy time with Morgan - I’m thinking of you - it’s amazing how much we can take isn’t it?  

Virginia - I hope that all is going ok with Christopher- so moving about Kyle on his dad’s phone messaging Nique.  Must have torn at your heart.  Bless him.

Lisa,  How did you go on with the trailer retrieval?  Not making it easy are they? 
 

Judith Fay,  so upsetting with your 6 year old grand-kiddie singing to and kissing his mother’s urn - it must help him some.  I’m glad you are there for them 

Ramona,  spending time with your grandchildren is wonderful  - I find it bitter sweet- I love being with my grandson but acutely aware that my son is not there too and that is horrible. 

Danielle,   I thought that you would be getting to a quieter phase of all the paperwork but it still sounds heavy.  Are you getting time to rest? How is your diaB now ?
Didi,  How are you?  Have you found the grief therapy helpful - I haven’t had any experience of it myself but maybe I should have.

Michael,  I have been thinking about you a lot - the build up to that horrendous date is so painful.  The loss is always there, I know, but you and your family will be feeling it so hard right now.  I don’t think that the anniversaries of our children’s deaths can get easier and the build up to them is always achingly sad.  Across the miles I’m sending you and your family my kindest thoughts. 

Shel , I think that you will still be reading here as you told us that you do.  I feel like you are all my clan here and I care about you .  Sometimes it is just too hard to put our feelings in to print - it took me a year to do so!  - but we will see our agony mirrored in other peoples posts and that does , somehow, help. 
 

Robert ,  This terrible reality we all find ourselves in takes a lot of thinking time - I do hope that you are doing ok.

Go easy everyone, Roz x    Sorry that it’s like bullet points - I tried to send individual ones but it shunted them all together x 

 

 

 

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks roz,jackie

[Lisa M.]

Roz,   We picked up the trailer last week. It was awful it was full of kitchen garbage from their home. When my husband tried to take the trash out they called the police on us. My husband and my daughter-in-law's mother came to an agreement that they would split the cost of pulling the trash away. We told them no we'll just pay for it we're just done where we wanted to be done with the whole or deal. My daughter-in-law is still not speaking to me because I would not give her the copy of the death certificate and I won't give her any more money. Honestly I'm OK with all of this I just need to do what's best for me at this point. I still have contact with my granddaughter and her mother which I know my son would want me to do and I have just Started interacting with just the 2 of them. I will get through it but the next month is going to be very rough. Thank you so much Ross you're in my thoughts all the time.

[Changed]

It has been super difficult to get on this site and as I’m going through an emotional back step at the moment it suited me not to post.   Not sure why I’m weeping so readily again -   I am depressed by my situation , naturally, but I’m not suffering from a clinical depression .  I’ll ride it out.   I’m aware most of you are in a constant emotional state that won’t improve any time soon - you will get steadier - still be grieving but steadier.

I was having a phone call yesterday with a girlfriend.  Her sister-in-law has lost her adult son three years ago and my friend said to me that she was surprised how little her S-I-L seemed to be bothered anymore!!   I was telling her that I can assure her that she will be deep in so much sadness and pain over her loss and just because she is not showing you her grief that doesn’t mean the suffering is not there.  I couldn’t believe that my friend had so little insight .   I have spoken with her about my grief but she forgets so easily.  It’s not her pain after all.    When my David died and I told her she was truly upset although she kept relating it to her son - things like ‘ if my son died I’d kill myself’ .  By the time I’d got back from the funeral in Australia she had got over it all telling me that she’d been so upset but her elderly mother ( who has never lost a child and has 7 grown up children) told her not to worry I’ll get over it!  And that was it -  she never asked how I was doing again.    She was the one who thought that being in this grief group would be too depressing and make it worse.  She just couldn’t understand how it helps anyone and I think she’d rather change the conversation - so we do.    When we speak now it isn’t part of our chat because she is not of any help to me concerning David - we stick to other stuff .  I could end the friendship but have decided that I need the other distractions of the association .  We have quite a history meeting as expats in Asia and that gives us common ground.

Take care everyone - comfort in the fact that we all understand what each of us is dealing with and really, genuinely care.  Roz x

[Changed]

Lisa,    Oh my , what an awkward lot.  Must have been awful.  Glad your ok though and looking after yourself. Roz

 

[Judith fay]

Lisa,

So sorry your going through this. I am dealing with my daughter ex husband

Who is trying to keep my 6 year old Grandson from me. I  hate having to be nice to someone who treated my daughter so bad. My grandson is not aloud to talk about his mommy and its so sad. My situation  is complicated  My daughter had 2 boys different dads  The oldest is 14 and yougest 6. I have been asked  by the 6 year olds dad to write him a character  letter for a court case to take his yougest daughter away from her mommy. I said NO and now I'm  the bad guy in all of this. I finally stood up to him and told him why I won't  write the letter. He is feel alone and frankly I don't  give a ****. I just want this to go away. My daughter Angel date is coming up and I am a mess. Its hard on us moms and dads dealing with what our children left behind good or bad. You stick up for what you thinks right..Praying for you.

Mom of Christina

Grandma of Brent and Brodie

[Judith fay]

Changed,

I have been told alot not to cry and to just let go and act like  My Christina never existed. I tell them unless you have experienced  a loss of a  child in my case 2 daughters. DON'T  TELL ME your opinion. 

My loss my Journey.  People deal  with  death differently .  I had a friend who cried everyday for her  dog but got over her daughter death quickly. Unless you can get inside someone head you don't  know what they are even thinking. I am at a loss

Mom of Christina (TinaBug)